Living Successfully With Your Teenager

Is Your Teen Beyond Your Control?

2008-02-11T05:10:00.000+00:00

When you are the parent of a teenager it is all to easy to feel as though your
teenager is beyond your control, if that's the case then you are not alone - most parents feel this way at some time. It is all too easy to forget what it was like to be fourteen or fifteen and sometimes a little help can go a long way - as someone who has brought up six children I am well aware how just a little help goes a long way.

Getting Back in Control

Getting back in control doesn't mean more rules or stricter enforcement of existing ones, it means controlling yourself and your own reactions. If you go over the top every time your teen does something you don't like then you are doomed to failure. It is well worth reading some of the great books out there on
dealing with teens
as they contain valuable advice.

Try to deal calmly with your teenager; then they will be calmer and you will feel a lot more in control of the situation. If your teenager acts as though manners were never invented, don't say too much, just make sure that your manners towards your errant son or daughter are impeccable. It's a lot easier to maintain both your temper and your control if situations are dealt with in a quiet way.

Is Your Teen's Attention Going Up In A Puff of Smoke?

2008-01-04T01:30:00.000+00:00

There is a lot of talk these days, and some scientific evidence to suggest that smoking cigarettes is bad for you - and I have to agree. However, some research evidence suggests to a link between behavior and smoking, especially among teenagers.

Because I am by profession a social researcher I tend to place little trust in research findings as reported by the media. Generally speaking what you get from the media's reporting of research are decontextualized results - that is to say that very often there is little or no information on the size of the sample or the questions asked - this makes the reported figures questionable to someone like me. The claim that nicotine can affect your teenagers concentration may be a valid one but before you decide that your fourteen year old is spending time behind the bike sheds sending their attention up in a puff of smoke; try to get hold of the actual research report rather than the media's presentation of the findings.

Even the Kevins Care

2007-12-05T13:07:00.000+00:00

Kevinitus

For those of you who may not have seen the UK's Harry Enfield Show had a character called Kevin, a typical teenager. Kevinitus involves walking around with headphones and MP3 and being oblivious to the world, especially the world of parents. You might be surprised however at what goes on in that seemingly stultified brain.

Kevins Care

Your Kevin or Kevinetta may not seem like a responsible human being but teenagers sometimes have surprisingly mature views on things like environmental issues. Believe it or not a study of teens in Australia revealed that 78% of fifteen year olds thought that we should use renewable energy as often as possible - even if this pushed up the price of utilities. Somewhere in that practically non-communicative and comatose being known as a teen good things are happening - so remember Kevinitus is just a phase.

Bush Babies

2007-11-27T12:46:00.000+00:00

Many young teens would have been first graders when President Bush came to power. During that time they will have seen and heard their President talking about the war on terror and why it is necessary for America and Britain to have nuclear weapons, but not countries in the Middle East - what Bush terms the 'axis of evil'. The Bush babies have been growing up listening to this kind panic talk and as they get older teenagers have less patience with those in Government. Small wonder that teenagers find it difficult to get along with adults when Government role models are pontificating about peace while they have been bombing babies.

Teenagers may often act dumb when in actual fact they are smarter than you think. Teenagers are acutely aware when they are getting double messages from the outside world - saying one thing and doing another. If you want to have a good relationship with your teenager when they reach adult hood then don't use public figures as your role models. Just like young children teenagers watch what you do rather than what you tell them, don't give out mixed messages. Bush and Blair might have had more respect from the young if they had not tried to cloak their intentions to go to war with false concerns for the human rights of the people of Iraq.

And the Music Gets Louder

2007-11-19T16:58:00.000+00:00

If you are the parent of a teenager then you will know that they are music mad; not only that, they appear to be hard of hearing at a young age. Each time you or another adult complains about the noise the music gets louder - this is not magic, it is your teenager trying to listen to his or her music without the interference of adult voices. There are a number of options here, don't complain then at least it won't get any louder, turn off the main fuses so they can't play their music, resign yourself to wearing earplugs. These are just some of the options, I have been known to switch off the fuses when one of my sons was playing his music and my eldest daughter was also trying to listen to her music, a noise war ensued at which point I pulled the fuse. This might seem pretty drastic but there were no more noise wars.

You could try talking to your teenager but don't do it when they are trying to listen to their music. The best time to do this is to wait until they want something from you and then make your request, this is sneaky but often very effective. You won't get total silence but you might at least be able to talk above the noise.

Communicating With Your Teenager

2007-10-25T17:02:00.000+01:00

Communicating with your teenager is an important part of being a parent and of retaining a good relationship with your child. Unfortunately, during the teenage years communication can often be a one way process; don't lose heart just remain open to the times when your teenager needs you to listen.

Getting on with teenagers is hard work. You might think that the hardest part of child rearing is the baby years, and physically you might be right. Emotionally and psychologically the most wearing time for parents are the teenage years. Paradoxically the same individual who craves to be left alone also needs the reassurance that they are loved no matter what. Loving your teenager is one thing but you won't always like them and you have to distinguish between these two emotions if the relationship is not to become confusing to both of you. There are times when parents should communicate their feelings about certain behaviours but you need to pick the right time and place if communication between you and your teenager is to remain open.

Parents and Teens

2007-10-25T14:46:00.000+01:00

Parents often wonder what has happened to their willing and obedient children when they reach an age with teen on the end. The child who once had a sunny disposition suddenly becomes very moody - girls especially are prone to what I call the Greta Garbo mode where their constant cry is leave me alone.

Bewildered and befuddled parents often wonder what has caused such a dramatic change in their child and many begin to question their own parenting skills. Stop! You are rarely at fault here and your child is probably just as befuddled as you are; the easiest option for most young teenagers is to take the view that it is their parents' fault or that something is wrong with them. Not so. Teenage moods and hormonal changes are a normal part of growing up and parents who recognize this from the outset can save themselves and their teenage child a lot of future heartache.