Living The Expectations

Departed

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:39:00 +0000

The other night an Indian patient of mine at the cardiology ICU died. He's on a coma for two weeks now. There's no relative and just an employer who couldn't even decide on what to do with him. He was brain dead though. So the doctor's decided not to resuscitate him.

The next night shift, the nurses called me up and asked for my assistance in resuscitating an old Emirati patient. The doctor pronounced the time of death after a few minutes.

There's no relatives present too. No one knows how to contact his family.

I don't know why, but I'm starting to think that, was it me or what that every night I have patients dying!

urgh!

After preparing some paper works, and headed back to our office, I just thought to myself, I don't wanna die like this. Like my two patients...its just so...sad.

I've been around death all the time...its part of my hospital life, I know that. But a death with no one to grieve your passing is pitiful.

You're on a foreign land, working, or you grew old here, suddenly you get sick, you get into a coma, or you had a cardiac arrest...and then you die...

You die alone.

Life is not supposed to be like this.

Hay buhey.

Asan Ang Padala Ko?

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 04:11:00 +0000

Antok at may halong katamaran ang nagaganap sa loob ng katawan ko nun umagang yun, galing ako ng night shift. Kaya naman imbes na sa Western Union ko i-send yun hinihingi ng sis ko na pera, gaya ng madalas ko gawin. Medyo mahaba haba kasing lakaran yun kaya naman sa mas malapit sa bahay ko na remittance center ako nagpunta instead, sa Cebuana Lhuillier ang ending nun after 3 hours daw.

E di ako naman mega mega tawag na sa sisterette ko na na send ko na yun money at saka ko tinext sa kanya ang transaction pin and everything at saka ko binirahan na ng tulog nun makauwi ng house. At ten hours ako natulog nun. Wagas.

Kinabukasan tawag ng tawag sis ko sa cellphone ko habang naka duty ako that morning. Nagtatalak at wala pa daw yun money sa Cebuana Lhuiller branch sa amin sa Laguna. Andun na daw siya mismo sa branch, singkwenta pesos na lang umano ang kaperahan nya na di ko naman pinaniwalaan! Oa lang! siya 50 lang anda? imposible dream! LOL

E di sabi ko naman sa kanya e: "aba awayin mo yang kahera diyan! Kahapon ko pa sinend yun a!"

"Baka mali tong PIN na binigay mo! Ulitin mo send sa text", sabi ng mahadera kong kapatiran.

Tatlong beses ko pa inulit yun na i-check kung tama yun PIN na tinetext ko sa kapatid ko. Tama naman siya. Kaya sabi ko sila may problema diyan. Baka yun system nila e bulok!

Nun time na yun naasar na ko sa Cebuana! sa isip isip ko naku, hinding hindi na ko dun magpapadala ulit ever!

Pinakulit ko ulit sa kanya yun mga tao sa cebuana na i-check ulit yun transaction pin ko. Wala daw talaga.

No choice na ko kundi tawagan yun remittance center. Effort sila kontakin. Laging busy yun hotline nila. Tinawagan ko yun office number at sinabi kong nagtetelebabad ata mga empleyado nyo dahil kanina pa ko natawag di ako makapasok.

Todo apologize naman siya at ikinonek akong muli sa tamang linya. Mabait naman yun pinay na nag aasikaso sa complain ko. Sabi nya follow up nya at that moment din daw yun branch nila sa Laguna para maayos na yun problema namin. Hiningi din niya yun number ng sister ko para daw ma text nila.

Sabi ko sana maayos nila agad kasi kawawa naman yun kapatid ko nag iintay dun kanina pa. Malumanay akong nakipag usap pero halata nya na imbyernadette sembrano na ko sa kanila.

Pawis na nga daw kili kili ng kapatid ko kaka-pabalik balik sa dalawang branch ng cebuana sa kainitan ng araw! LOL

After a couple of minutes tumawag siya sa akin:

"Naku! Macoy! Masasakal kita! Nagtext na sa akin ang China Bank at sa M. Lhuillier pala sa Kwarta Padala pala mo sinend yun pera, hindi sa Cebuana Lhuillier!!!!Ke tanga mo! kaya naman pala wala silang makita na transaction number na binigay mo! kainis ka talaga kahit kelan! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!"

"Ano???At bakit magkaiba pa ba yun? basta ang alam ko may Lhuillier! yun na yun!"

Choserang mga Lhuiller yan! nanggugulo ng tao!

Hmp!

Un-End

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 06:08:00 +0000

Nothing is permanent in this lifetime. No matter how much effort we've put into it...we could prolong the moment and enjoy it...but sometime soon it will be gone.

Just like a good movie.

It will end.

We all die. No one lives forever.

Just like how a good conversation with someone so special over a cup of coffee would end.

Just like every sunrise and sunset...just like every good things, every happy moments, even every sorrows and sufferings...they all come to an end. Somehow.

Just like how a plant grows and a fruit emerged and you tasted its goodness. It will give you that fruit over and over again till it get tired and weary. Sometime soon that plant will die.

Just like every phone calls. Just like a good chat. Just like a great date or time with someone ends.

Today you're here and tomorrow you'll be gone too. Just like the others. Wish I could have all the powers to prevent all of this from happening...I wish I could re-do everything and eliminate the endings.

How I wish to be stucked in this moment and won't allow you to get out and stay with me till we get tired and weary and old too.

But reality sucks.

Everything ends.

Everybody hurts.

Everybody leaves.

The Worst Kind

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 04:28:00 +0000

You could make me fall for you...do you know that?

I'm terrible. I know. I wanna be cautious. But,

With you calling me most of the time...

With you always around on my BB phone. BBM-ing me.

With you on my facebook, on my twitter, on my YM...

With you sending those cute pictures.

With your sweet and goofy voice on the phone...Urghhh!

You're a tease...a sweet torture.

The time that you've spent for me...damn, I love time!

Give me time and I'm yours!

I'm worried. I know myself. I'm a gullible person.

A Hopeless romantic they say.

But, for heaven's sake, you're there and I'm here!

Please don't do that...

Damn you...You could make me fall for you, you know that?

Really, I'm the the worst kind!

Paamoy

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:40:00 +0000

emote lang sa sahig while on a night shift! LOL

I was talking to my friend Seth, he's a straight pinoy nurse at the ICU, lately the two of us became so close that others are beginning to noticed. We always have a good time. I've discovered that I could make him laugh easily, mababaw lang si tanga, ganyan!LOL

But don't think otherwise, I'm not in love with a straight guy. We're just friends. Showbiz! I just like to hang out with him. Maybe because, he don't mind even if he found out I'm gay. He treats me as if I'm just one of the boys. No awkward moments.

When he asked where I was yesterday. I've told him its my OFF and I was at the mall with my friend.

Oh, shopping ha! he said.

I said yeah, I have some extra bucks to spend due to my medical escort pay! hahaha. Hinaluan ko ng yabang!

What did you two bought?

I bought a belt, a crocs, a pants, and one perfume from armani. Can't you smell it? I asked.

No. He replied.

Really? Kainis naman! kala ko pa naman amoy na amoy yun!

Paamoy nga! he said, and before pa ko makasagot...he's coming towards my face...as if about to kiss me! Ah! wild imagination taena! His nose went straight to my neck to sniff the perfume that I sprayed on that part.

But damn, he's so fucking near!

Mabango nga! What armani is that? Maybe you sprayed too little that's why I coudn't smell it from here.

Its Aqua Di Gio, I sprayed 3 times na kaya! dapat ata 10 times noh? LOL

E ikaw ano gamit mo? Bench?

And he laughed! Gago ka! ang yabang mo! Amuyin mo pa!

Shet! Aamuyin ko daw! lalapit din ako sa leeg nya! Yahooo!

He prepared himself for my kiss este for my nose. Nakatagilid na nga ulo nya e. I moved closer and hold his other shoulder for balance. maka tsansing lang ganyan!

I sniffed his neck and liked his smell...very manly. tsalap! LOL

Then his nurse in charge caught us in that uncomfortable situation!!!!

He might think of something else on that scene! Shitness! Tsismosa pa naman mga Indiana'ng yun. Hmp!

She needs to order some stuff for Seth and I panicked, I immediately told Seth that I need to go and will talk to him later.

Nautal pa nga yata ako nun!

Taena lang! Kakahiya!

Nothing More To Say

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:07:00 +0000

.

In time...yes...maybe in time.

Nang Ako Ay Nasa Germany Bow!

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 23:50:00 +0000

Malamig pa din kahit na naka maximum na yun heater sa loob ng hotel room ko nahihiya naman ako mag request ng extra heater haha! Nagmedyas at todo pajama nalang ako nun matulog. Puno din ng beverages yun fridge ko. May beer pa! at ang nakakaloka ay ang water! Tawag nila dito: water with gas. O di bah! sushal! Ginawa nilang soda yun water! Hongsama lang ng lasa! ewan parang sprite na walang lasa ganyan! Tae! pauso sila! LOL

Pero no choice ako yun ang water nila ayaw ko naman mag tap water at baka sumama ang tiyan ko. So keribels na.

Inusyoso ko ang buong room ko pagkatapos maihanger lahat ng susuotin ko. I travelled light kaya naman isang malaking travelling bag lang ang dala ko kumpara dun sa mga bitbit ng dalawa kong indian na kasama. Aba! tig-dalawa silang malalaking maleta! san ang punta? one month sa Germany? LOL

Libre breakfast sa hotel kaya naman lamon to the max lolo nyo! hahaha bundat na bundat ako after hindi naman halata na bumukol tummy ko kasi todo jacket kami.

Arte-arte lang nun dalawa at lagi nalang may reklamo sa food jusko ha! kesyo di sila nakain nito, ayaw nila ng ganyan. Kawawa naman sila. Hay naku bahala silang magutom walang indian resto dito noh! Buti nalang mga pinoy kayang kaya mag adapt kahit asan tayo! Winnur!

At letse lang nun lumabas na kami ng hotel para mamasyal kasi nag stop na ang pag snow! Umuambom kaya yun mga natirang snow kahapon nag melt away naaaaaaaaaaa! Nadisappoint ako ng wagas kasi hindi man lang ako nakapag roll over sa snow at gumawa ng angel kapag nakahiga ako gaya sa movies na napapanood ko! hahaha

Anywayz, wala ako sa mood magkwento masyado kaya daanin ko nalang sa pictures:

Second day in Frankfurt:

Inside my room.

Its not a five star hotel so wag mag hanap ng malaki! Umaga, bago ako bumaba for breakfast, a guy from asia called me up on my hotel room phone. Nabigla ako kasi, its just a challenge when I told him on twitter to call my room! Napatalon ako nun mag ring ang phone sa side table ko!

Galante ang mokong! more than 30 minutes nya ata ako kinausap! Overseas call to ha! Impressed naman lolo nyo!

The subway...bili lang ng ticket for a whole day for 6.20 euro sa machine sa loob. At walang mag check ng ticket mo kung meron ka ba or wala. Talagang konsensiya mo nalang! kaya kung matigas mukha mo, wag ka bumili ng ticket! kaso may random check daw mga pulis na hindi ko naman nakita na nagchecheck.

Dumiretso kami sa christmas market nila. Swerte daw kami kasi inabot namin to!

Bili na kayo ng german sausages!honglalaki!

Nag enjoy talaga ako sa trip naming ito dito! Angsaya lang tignan at usisain ang mga nakadisplay nilang paninda! Andaming souvenir items! Pero ilan lang binili ko! aba ang mahal! Isang keychain e 5.oo euro na! Equivalent to 287 pesos na!

at siyempre nagpa picture ako! hehehe

At dahil explorera ako ay nakarating kami dito sa may river na to...ganda lang ng view!

Dito naman ang kanilang shopping district from high end to cheap products! Hindi ako namili gaya ng ginawa ko nun nasa London ako nun February dahil may pinag iipunan ako bilhin nun time na to!

Ganda lang ng mall na to. At dito ako muntik na mamatay sa dami ng gwapong aleman na nakita ko! Kahit bagger pinagnanasaan ko ata! LOL

Nung magutom sa mall na to din kami nakakita ng isang magandang Thai restaurant na may cute na taga luto sa gitna ng kinakainan namin! enjoy lang manood sa kung pano nila iluto ang bawat dishes. Ang bibilis nila! at winner sa tamang tamang spice at tamis yun inorder kong nakalimutan ko na ang tawag basta may noodles siya! Toink!

Third day in Frankfurt:

Tumawag ulit same time si Caller from Asia...hmmm...

Anywayz,

Napagtrip-an namin nun girl na nurse na kasama ko na mag bus trip kami sa buong city. Double decker yun bus kaya naman sa pinaka unahan sa second floor kami pumuwesto at nagdaldalan na lang kami ng nagdadalan buong trip haha before we know it tapos na pala at kelangan na namin bumaba! Malakas ang ulan nun at zero pa din ang temperature pero gora pa din kami. KJ yun doctor kaya nagpaiwan nalang muna siya sa hotel.

Chaka ng gloves ko nalimutan ko kasi dalhin yun binili ko sa Doha kaya nun makita ko to buy na agad kesohadang chaka itsura nya! Naninigas na kasi mga daliri ko!

Naglate lunch lang kami this time sa Japanese restaurant naman. Nakakatawa lang at nasa Germany kami pero ang kinakainan namin e puro asian! haha. Ayaw kasi kumain nun dalawang egoy na kasama ko ng authentic german sausages! Nakakainis lang sila! hmp! As usual super na enjoy ko tong yakisoba ek ek na to :-)

Nagshopping lang kami ng konti at napadaan sa mga booth ng streetfoods nila. Andaming tao dito grabe!

Nung makauwi nag request ako sa reception na i-activate ang pay-tv sa room ko at nakita ko na may mga erotic silang channel with additional charges opkors! Malamig kaya kelangan ko toh! charot!

Fourth Day in Frankfurt:

Ito na ang sad part...uwian na ito haha! Nagbreakfast lang kami for an hour and headed to the train station kasi nakakita ako ng chocolates dun na may halong alak! kakatuwa! meron with 50% to 80% of whine or rhum or champagne! dami ko nabili at siyang ipinasalubong ko sa friends ko pagbalik!

infairness nag enjoy ako sa pag design nyang santa face na yan hahaha!

At nung 12 noon na nag check out na kami and headed to the airport for our 2:00 pm flight :-) nag enjoy ako sa medical escort naming ito as in! salamat at nagka chance ako makapunta ng germany. Next year ulit sana London ulit or Thailand naman!

P.S

Pasensya na sa mahabang post na ito haha! Kelangan ko na kasi tapusin ang kwnto at baka di ko na mapost pa ulet ever!

Mac Invaded Germany (Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:18:00 +0000

Last December 19 dumating ako ng alas diyes ng gabi sa hospital para ihanda ang aking mga equipments at i-assess na din ang pasyente namin na ililipad namin papuntang Frankfurt, Germany mamayang alas dos ng madaling araw. Busy na ang mga nurse. Nakaligo na at nakakabit na din ang mga monitors namin. Inaantay nalang ang pagdating ng EMS at ako! Toink!

Tatlo kaming miyembro ng medical escort na ito. Kasama ko ang isang doctor at isang nurse. Dumating ang ambulance team ng saktong alas onse. Naisakay namin ng matiwasay ang pasyente sa ambulance hanggang sa makarating sa airport.

May mga pasahero na sa loob ng eroplano. Nakakaloka lang ang hirap na dinanas namin sa pagpasok ng patient namin na nasa stretcher sa eroplano. Alam nyo naman kung gano kakipot ang daanan sa gitna ng mga upuan ng plane di ba.

Sampung tao ata ang hindi magkandaugaga sa pagtulak! Nakaka conscious lang kasi puro German ang mga nakaupo na sa passenger seats...e di ako naman pa demure kunyare! chos!

Ka-stress lang ang mga nagbubuhat from the airport staffs! Hay naku hindi sila organized pansin ko lang habang nasa gilid ako. Hindi makausad-usad! Di malaman pano isasaksak ang mataba namin patient sa loob! Basta ako ang role ko lang e bantayan ang machine for breathing ng patient ko at kung nahinga pa ba siya at stable noh! bahala sila sa diskarte nila! LOL

After one hour saka palang kami naka hinga ng maluwag! Imagine isang oras bago nai-settle ang lahat!!!

Nai-secured na ang patient at naikabit na lahat ng dapat ikabit kaya naman nakaupo na din kami sa wakas. Nagsambit ako ng maigsing prayer na nawa'y makarating kami ng maayos at ligtas sa kulang na anim na oras na flight sa bansang alemanya.

Ito ang patient namin sa eroplano...buhay pa siya don't worry...alam nyo naman arabita yan kaya dapat todo taklob ang lahat hehe.

Delayed lang ang flight ng 30 minutes dahil sa amin! ganyan.

Pinipigilan ko makatulog kasi 2 days din akong puyat sa pag aasikaso ng mga papeles sa biyaheng ito, hay naku kung alam nyo lang gano kadaming ek ek ang dapat ayusin! hmmmp!

Dinaan ko nalang ang antok ko sa pakikipagtitigan kay cutie na German tall guy sa kabilang isle ng upuan! grabe ang gwapo talaga! 6 footer ata siya! Nun gumaganti siya ng tingin ako naman ang nahihiya! binabawi ko ang tingin ko at ipapaling sa ibang direksyon! LOL at saka andun ang malandi niyang girlfriend na di naman kagandahan! chos!

Actually halos lahat ata ng kasabay kong German sa plane e matatangkad! grabe ang mata ko panay ang habol tuwing daan sila sa harap ko para mag toilet! kagigil ang tambok ng mga butt! nyahaha!

Pati si cutie male cabin crew e todo asikaso sa akin! panay monitor nya kung may laman pa ba ang oxygen cylinder ko at mega tulong siya sa akin everytime mag palit kami...siya pa nag bubuhat mula sa lalagyanan sa taas! gurl na gurl pakiramdam ko nun mga time na yun! charot!

Nagpasalamat ako nun makarating kami sa Germany ng maayos at stable ang pasyente namin...hindi ko maimagine kung gaanong stress ang idudulot nito sa amin kung mag cardiac arrest siya sa ere! ang sikip kaya sa plane di ko alam pano ko isi-CPR siya sa kapiranggot na area na to! Idagdag pa dito na super exposed kami sa madlang pipol baka may himatayin pa sa takot!

Mapipilitan din ang piloto na mag emergency landing sa kung saan bansa kami abutin! jusko pano kung sa Africa or sa afghanista kami ibaba? naku! naku! di ko typeeee! LOL

Ang masaklap pa nito, nakarating nga kami ng Germany pero hindi pala kami sa Frankfurt ilalapag, kundi sa Stuttgart! Dahil sa sobrang snow daw! Hala! Inabot kami ng 4 hours sa airport na to bago napagdesisyunang ilipad muli sa Frankfurt airport! waaaaa!

Buti nalang nagkasya ang 8 oxygen cylinders namin kundi yari kami! baka bugahan namin isa isa ang tracheostomy tube ng patient! LOL

Pagdating sa Frankfurt, jusko nag snow-snow nga! ahahay! Na excite talaga ako! nararamdaman ko ang pagbagsak sa mukha ko ng maninipis na snow...unang beses ko makakita ng snow as in!!! at take note zero degree ang temp! kamusta naman yun!

Gustuhin ko mang mag pichur-pichur e pinigilan ko kasi bitbit namin ang pasyente! haha! baka pagtinginan ako ng EMS team ng Germany!

Habang sakay ng ambulance, mega chika sakin si Doctor Thomas! buti nalang magaling siya mag english! kasi my friends endorsed to me na super hirap ng communication dito, iilan lang ang nag i-english, isa siyang hunky doctor! Kilig na naman ako ng slight!

Nun makarating kami sa hospital sa Langen at maipasa ang care sa staff dun after 30 minutes, badtrip lang ang embassy namin kasi hindi kami sinundo para ihatid sa hotel namin sa Frankfurt! Mega taxi tuloy kami, it costs us around 25 Euro! hmmp!

Nausok na bibig namin sa lamig! nangangatal ako as in!

Kaya naman nun makapag check in na kaming lahat sa kanya kanyang room e nakahinga ako ng maluwag! hayyy! tapos na ang kalbaryo namin! Success sa group namin to kasi nadala at naitransfer namin ng maayos at ligtas ang patient! Kudos for our team! yeah!

May three days left kami to enjoy, relax and see Frankfurt! hongsaya lang! may bayad na ang apat na araw naming absense sa duty, kasi considered duty kami sa Doha e, tapos bukod ang bayad sa apat na araw namin dito sa Germany, libre lahat pati pocket money namin! nasa iyo na kung pano mo tipirin ang pera para may matira sayo! at may natira sa akin! di ba! todo budget na ko ever! kaya naman nakabili agad ako ng galaxy tab pag uwi! toink!

Makakapasyal pa kami sa ibang bansa!!!reklamo ka pa?! I love my job talaga!

5 pm na kami nakarating sa hotel nun kaya naman nag early dinner lang kami at saka natulog na! pagoda wave lotion lang kami kaya borlogs lang sa unang araw!

Sa susunod na araw na yun ibang mga detalye at masyado na mahaba ang post na ito :-)

Babala

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:53:00 +0000

"Bagong taon na....kaya kapag di pa ko nagka-boyfriend this year....

Mambababae na lang ako! chos!

by-Anonymous

a.k.a

MAC.

Toinks!

Happy New Year!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:08:00 +0000

.

Last day na ng 2011 yahoooooo!

Kaso duty naman ako mamaya ng 12hrs! so sa hospital ako mag celebrate ng new year! Kamusta naman yun! loser much! hmmp!

Pero okay lang nakagora na naman ako ng todo nun christmas kaya keribels na. Moving on, may bago akong pinagkakaabalahan ngayon: si Joie.

Hindi ko kaya mawalay sa kanya, buong maghapon, kahit nakahiga na sa kama siya pa din kapiling ko!! nakakaadik lang siya, ganyan!

Wag mag react ng oa, ito yun binili kong galaxy tab 10.1!

Anywayz, this year andaming magagandang series ang napanood ko, lam nyo namang OFW ako kaya wala akong ibang mapag kakaabalahan bukod sa porn kundi mga series sa tv hahaha!

Here's my Top Ten:

The Walking Dead
American Horror Story
Game of Thrones
Grimm
Suits
Fringe
Teen Wolf
Once Upon A Time
The Good Wife
Merlin

Nagpapakapuyat ako sa mga yan at kahit naka duty isinisingit ko mapanood! I'm looking forward for more episodes! nakaka-excite!

So yun!

Me at Frankfurt, Germany with 0 degree temperature! Tigas na lahat ng dapat tumigas! LOL

Happy New Year sa lahat! Sana maging masagana ang ating bagong taon!

Happy Holiday!

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 10:33:00 +0000

Fresh from bringing a patient in Frankfurt, Germany for 4 days, I am definitely back here in the middle east and currently on my 12hrs day shift! Kamusta naman yun!

I only had 3 hours of sleep from the time I arrived here. Bangag lang, ganyan!

Anywayz, I'll tell you all the details of my travel to Germany in the coming days.

We'll be spending our christmas eve later at my friend's house. Naawa siya sa aming mga singgol! LOL. I'm looking forward to a nice intimate dinner with friends tonight :-)

I would like to greet my family, and welcoming my new niece to the world, nadagdagan na kami! yes!!! my friends, my colleagues, and readers of my blog...

I wish everyone to have a very Merry Christmas!

German Sausage

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:00:00 +0000

Last thursday morning around 7:00 am my supervisor called me up on my cellphone and told me to bring all necessary documents to the supreme council of health and apply for a visa going to Germany urgently. With no sleep at all, I submitted everything they've asked of me and finished at 12:00 noon!

Gosh! Its exhausting!

Nakakahulas lang ng ganda! char

Then I've checked the patient I'm about to escort to Frankfurt at the ICU and found out how sick she is. She is an old local lady, suffered a cardiac arrest and revived after 40 minutes of CPR at the emergency room before transferring here at our intensive care. She's is breathing through our machine (ventilator) that's why they need me, by the way! I'm the one responsible for that machine and her airway to make sure she's breathing even up-up in the air!

She's even vomiting thick productive blood orally that my sister got so afraid when she read my colleague's comment on my facebook's status!

FB Status:

"Tired! I hope this time its for real!"

Friend's comment:

"hey german boy mac! Yun pasyente mo! bulwak ang dugo sa bibig at sa tubo!

Kung maka bulwak naman kasi siya, WAGAS!

My sister was: OMG! can you handle that patient on the plane? do you know what to do?

I was like! huwwaaaaat! Don't mind my colleague! we can take care of her.

This is what I love about my job, we get to travel abroad to places I'm only dreaming of! all expense paid pa! Sana next time US naman!

This would be my second escort abroad. My first was back in February in London. I was actually hoping to escort a patient back there because there's so much I wanted do there again. Nabitin kasi ako last time! I wanna see a broadway show!

When they've told me I'll be going to Germany this time, I felt a little sad, but excited soon after! Its not that bad, right? Germany! 4 days! pwde na!

Its 5 degrees there now! sayang wala pa daw snow...di pa ko nakakakita ng snow-snowww! So goodluck sa rayuma ko! Charot!

So, later today at 10:00 in the morning, I'll go back to the embassy and get my visa na. Tapos di pala na process noh? yari kang bata ka! baka magtatadyak ako dun pag nagkataon! LOL

Wag naman sana! Andami ko na na invest na pagod at puyat dito noh! Gaya now, night shift pa ko while typing this entry! hindi na ko makakatulog pa nito... hayz lang!

Then at 10 in the evening, I'll go back again to the ICU and prepare my patient for the 5 hours travel in the air for our flight at 2:00 am. And I'm hoping our patient could make it alive and hassle free! Ayoko ma stress sa plane please lang!

Wala pa ko maayos na coat or jacket na pang harabas ko sa lamig dun! I hope I could find time to take a short trip to the mall later!

Goodluck na lang sa amin! Bahala na si Batman!

Party-Party:OFW Style!

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 02:00:00 +0000

Last friday night, we held our much awaited department's Christmas party at our senior staff's house Kuya Ricky. My friends and I are the one who made it happen. Ofcourse with help of those willing.

We should wear something with a touch of red and I wore black and white! LOL

Pasaway lang!

Anghirap kaya mamili ng masusuot! Every girl's nightmare! charot!

My sister keeps on telling me wear something different naman daw, kasi I'm a casual jeans and shirt guy. I'm not really the poloshirts and the slacks type. But I will try just to satisfy her sometime!

The food was courtesy of our new staffs who were the new victims of our long time traditions: PAGPAPAKILALA. Meaning, they would take care of the foods this year!hahaha. Two years ago was our turn and its too damn stressful preparing the party food for almost 5o people! Buti nalang tapos na kami!

Kudos to those new staffs because the foods were all great! Dami namin nakain!

My friends collected 300 riyals (about 3,500 pesos) each person and bought 2 dell tablet pc's, 2 ipod touch, 2 blackberry curve phones, 2 digital cameras, 7 colorful timex wristwatches, 2 mp3 players, and other consolation prizes (alarm clock! chaka!LOL) for the grand raffle!

It was a crazy raffle when people get to win the major prices! everyone was screaming and excited!

I was the one in-charged of the games after the dinner and f*ck! the first game was lame! LOL hindi bumenta! kakainis kasi mali execution nun 2 hosts! I prepared 5 games but decided to only put up 3, they said its too naught and kids were present that night. KJ lang di ba! haha saya pa naman sana nun mga pinerepare ko! Hmp!

The second game was a success! Yun hawakan ng talong kapag the music stops. Everyone enjoyed it together with its naughty-ness!

Everyone was dancing in the center while a singing champion sang a disco piece! We dimmed the lights and there was even a rotating party ball lights inside! This is how we party in the middle east!hahaha!

It was a night to remember for all of us! a night of get together with colleagues on different branches. A night full of laughters and how are you's.

Especially me, because we used to be on one same hospital till 10 of us transferred to the newly open Cardiac Hospital under the same company of course. I have missed everyone. Kulitan. Kantiyawan. Lalo na yun bastusan! LOL. But don't get me wrong I love our new hospital its just that sometimes you can't seem to avoid missing your colleagues, right?

We also had our exchange gifts, syemps, mawawala ba naman sa x-mass party yun di ba! My monito gave me a Givenchy perfume :-) I love it!

The most fun of all was the picture taking at the vanity wall on one corner that I've made. We pinoys love being photographed! grabe! Parang sakit na toh a! Toink! Its fun posing for those friends who brought their DSLR cam with them, feeling paparazzi lang hehe strike a pose! click here and click there and everywhere! chos!

After four hours the party was over. But not for me and my friends, we headed to a popular club here in the city and dance the night away for another 3 hours! Nagwawala ako grabe! lalo na to the beat of SUPERBASS! taas lang ng energy! LOL

Thanks to the tall glasses of liquors I ordered! I love bullfrog ever! lakas tama! libre pa because it was my friends birthday the other day o davah! hehehe. Sarap gumimik!

Anywayz, thats all for now. I'm looking forward for my 3rd Christmas celebration here in the middle east. Malapit na! yey!

Cute Gay Couple Video

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 04:03:00 +0000

I don't know these guys but damn, they made me smile and giggle just by watching them fool around and kiss each other every time!

Seriously! every time! LOL

I love them!

Made me wanna wish that someday I could be as happy too...hayyy! yan na naman ako! hmp!

And that song just keep on playing on and on my head since! waaah!

Sa Padalahan

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 05:09:00 +0000

Nakapila ako sa padalahan ng pera sa isang mall at medyo nakakaramdam na ng inip sa katawan dahil panalo sa haba ang pila. Suwelduhan kasi. Mas mahaba ang pila ngayon. Ang dami'ng nagpapadala ng pera sa Pilipinas. Sabagay, magpapasko nga pala.

Kagabi lang kausap ko ang kapatid ko, nagpapadagdag ng ipapadala ko kasi daw ay pasko na nga. Maraming gastos, maraming kelangan ihanda para sa okasyon. At kelangan ko din daw bigyan ng papasko ang nag iisa kong pamangkin at inaanak sa binyag na si Carl. Aba, mamahalin pang toy ang gusto!

Samantalang ako nun araw masaya na sa mga laruan lata na lalagyan namin ng gulong para gawin kotse-kotsehan. Ibang iba na ang panahon ngayon.

Regular ang padala ko sa amin tuwing buwan. At minsan dahil sa mga special occasion na gaya ng pasko ay inaasahan ko na ang mas malaking ipapadala sa amin.

Manganganak din ang nag iisa kong kapatid ngayong Disyembre.

Sige titignan ko. Yan ang isinagot ko sa knya.

Napangiwi na lang ako nun bina-budget ko ang sinuweldo ko nitong buwan na ito. Binukod ko na ang lahat ng kelangan kong bills na bayadan at due this month. Masakit din sa ulo. Kala ko nga noon sobrang ginhawa na ng buhay kapag nasa abroad ka. Pero di pa din pala.

Kasabay ng paglaki ng sahod ko ng ilang doble mula sa karampot na sahod ko dati sa pinas ay ang siya namang pagdoble doble din ng gastusin namin ngayon. Mas marami na rin ang obligasyon.

Nag iba na din kasi ang lifestyle namin. Tumaas na din kumbaga. Yabang! Pero totoo yan. Minsan kasi iniisip ko bakit parang kulang pa din! E dati kasya naman ang sampung libong piso na sahod a!

Nakaka-stress din minsan. Pero keri lang.

Dati pa nga ay masaya ka na sa bench lang na mga damit, ngayon e may konting angas at kayabangang dala-dala na sa katawan! kaya dapat sa Topman/RiverIsland/Zara/ ka na madalas mamili. Maski sa pagkain ay mapili na din masyado.

Kasalanan ko din naman! Toink!

Kasi naman, pagod ka na nga sa pag work at madalas ay nag o-ovetime ka pa, kaya naiisip mo nalang at sasabihin sa sarili na: Reward ko to sa sarili ko. I've been a good boy at ang sipag ko kaya! kaya i deserved this! chos!

Ngayon ay hindi kami financially stable dahil may kinakaharap na problema ang aking ina sa Dubai. Matipid na din ako. Hindi na din ako madalas bumili ng bagong damit at sapatos. Pero ganun talaga. Pana-panahon lang yan sabi nga.

Pinag sisikapan kong ma-promote na sa trabaho ng sa gayon ay mapauwi ko na si Nanay at padalhan nalang siya ng limpak limpak na salapi soon! charot!

Pero mailap ang pagkakataon...konting intay pa daw sabi ng Chief therapist ko. Todo dasal ako gabi gabi...andami kong pinangako kay God...sabi ko kahit wala na lang munang lovelife okay na sa kin basta matupad lang yun goal ko na ma-promote. At maiuwi ko si Nanay soon.

Money could change a lot of things.

Money really matters...

Money dictates everything.

It could change lives.

Hindi din pala madali maging OFW naisip ko. Hindi din pala lahat ay ginhawa. Darating ang pagsubok. Darating ang oras na mahihirapan ka. Matututo ka magtiis at magsakripisyo para sa pamilya. Pamilya lang naman ang mahalaga e di ba?

Kaya naman habang nagba-budget ako ng aking sahod ngayong buwan sa ibabaw ng kama ko at maitabi ang matitira para sa sarili kong pangangailan ngayong buwan ay napailing na lamang ako. Napangiti.

Isang buwang pagpapakahirap...isang buwang pagpupuyat...ito na yun.

Mabuti na lamang at masaya ako dito sa parteng ito ng mundo. Sa piling ng mga kaibigan at kasamahan sa trabaho ay gumagaan ang pakiramdam sa mundong malayo sa mga mahal sa buhay.

Nung matapos ako mag fill up sa western union at mapirmahan ang form ay nagsimula na ko maglakad palabas ng magarang mall...

Naisip ko...Ito ang bunga...dito nagsisimula ang lahat....ang makatulong ka at mag-paginhawa ng mga mahal sa buhay na naiwan sa Pinas. Walang pag-aalala dahil alam mo na nasa maayos sila.

At isa ito sa mga nagpapangiti sa akin tuwing gabi bago matulog at mag umpisa muli ng panibagong araw dito sa gitnang silangan.

Winter in The Desert

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000

We've been waiting for this season to come since October. Sawang-sawa na kami sa kainitan dito! And now that its here we're all very happy and... sick! Toink!

I have a terrible allergic rhinitis attacks frequently and a stubborn sore throat. Isa isa na ata kami nag kakaubo! Hayz. But I'm good, I have all the medicines I need naman.

Winter is here! We don't have snow but its definitely cold! I took out all of my jackets from the closet and geared up!

Stores and shops are all full of jackets to choose from. Nakakainis lang, kasi I only have a budget for one jacket this payday and I bought a maroon colored hoodie jacket from Topman and then when we arrived at Pull and Bear, I died! I fell in love with one of their items!

I regret buying at Topman! I should've gone to Pull and Bear first! LOL

Di bale next suweldo na lang ulet! Wish ko lang andun pa yun next month!

Our christmas party is on the 9th and wala pa ko outfit! our theme is red, so I have to come up with something red, a red stiletto maybe? or a red ribbon on my bald head? LOL

Nami-miss ko tuloy kumain nun Ham kapag christmas...hayyy ulet! This would be my third holiday in the middle east...next year, I'll try to come home on the month of December para naman maranasan ko ulet ang paskong pinas :-)

Henywayz,

Since its cold season na, let me share some photos of celebrities with visible dicks on their pants *hihihi*

Pampainit!chos!!!

Presenting:

"The Bakats"

Chris Brown

Gerard Butler

Collin Farell

And the hot and cutie Alex Pettyfer

Goodmorning and have a great weekend!

Platlayns

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 05:20:00 +0000

Bata palang ako, madalas na ko ma-amaze sa mga doktor at narses noon...parang naiimagine ko ang sarili ko na naka-puti din kapag napapadaan at napapadalaw kami ng nanay ko sa loob ng ospital.

Pangarap lang yun, kasi alam ko naman na wala kami pera at mahal ang gastusin mag aral ng mga ganung kurso sa kolehiyo.

Pero tinupad ng Nanay ko ang pangarap kong yon. Nakipag sapalaran siya noon sa gitnang silangan at pinatapos ako ng pag aaral sa kursong napili ko. Isa na akong Therapist. Isa nang kasama sa team ng mga propesyunal na may misyon na tumulong manggamot ng mga may karamdaman...

Halos kalahati ng buhay ko ata ay nagugol ko na sa loob ng ospital. Mula nun mag aaral pa lang ako, nun mag internship, nung mag training. At ngayong nagta-trabaho na. Hindi ko naiimagine ang buhay ko sa ibang karera.

Ito ang ginusto ko noon, ito ang pinaghirapan ng Nanay kong ipatapos sa akin, kaya naman pinilit ko itong tapusin.

At kaya ko sabihin ng diretsahan kahit kanino na mahal ko ang trabaho ko. Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. Alam ko maraming iba sa atin ang hindi ganito. Maituturing ko na masuwerte ako. Hindi ko alam kung darating din ako sa puntong mabubuwisit at maiirita na ko sa trabahong araw araw kong ginagawa.

Wag naman sana muna.

Pero hindi din naman lahat e masaya, siyempre meron din mga pagkakataon na mabigat sa kalooban ko ang ibang parte ng trabaho ko.

Madalas kasi sa loob ng ICU ako kailangan. Kritekal ang mga pasyente na mina-manage ko. Of course katulong at may direktiba ng doctor.

Mga comotose, mga 50/50 na halos ang chance mabuhay, mga pasyenteng nakaasa nalang sa mga makinang pang-hinga (ventilators/life support) at gamot na pampatibok ng puso.

People die here all the time sabi nga ng ibang kaibigan ko. Kaya naman siguro madaming tao ang ayaw sa ospital. They could smell death.

May mga pagkakataon na pinapayuhan nalang ang mga kamag anak na iuwi nalang nila or ipa-stop na ang life support ng pasyente.

Alam ko mahirap na desisyon ang kailangan nilang gawin. Kung ako man ang nasa kanilang kalagayan ay mag aagam-agam din ako. Pero minsan kasi, kahit nagawa na at naibigay na natin ang lahat, pero kapag wala pa rin, wala na talaga tayo magagawa kundi ang ipasa-diyos na lang ang lahat.

Isinasaalang-alang din dito ang lumulobong gastusin. Hindi biro ang gastusin sa mga ganitong kondisyon lalo't balewala na rin naman ang lahat...

Nakakalungkot din ito sa parte ko na somehow naging familiar na ako sa pasyenteng hinahandle ko...yun iba pa nga sa kanila inaabot ng ilang buwan sa care namin...

Naiintindihan ko na wala halos may gusto na mag volunteer sa pamilya ng patient. Sino nga naman ba ang may gusto na ikaw ang pipindot ng makina na eventually e papatay sa mahal nila sa buhay di ba?

Ako ang kailangan magturo sa isang miyembro ng pamilya kung paano at saan ang dapat niya pindutin sa ventilator...

Hindi ko gusto ang sitwasyon na ganito...mahirap...nakaka-guilty...

"Mam, oras na po...lapit kayo dito...ito po ang pipindutin nyo..."

"Alin dito?" saka siya muling titingin sa akin at sasabihin:

"Hindi ko kaya...hindi ko pala kaya (titingin sa mga kasama niya parang sumasaklolo)...please ikaw nalang ang mag turn off for me" sabay hikbi at akap sa iba pa niyang kapamilya.

Nalalagay ako sa ganyang alanganing sitwasyon. May nagba-back out. Hindi na ito bago sa akin...Titingin ako sa doktor na katabi ko at tatango lang siya akin.

Wala ako choice kundi gawin ang inaatas sa akin. Hihinga lang ako ng malalim at saka i-press ang power off ng makina. Pagkatapos ay maririnig ang biglaang pagtigil ng kanina lamang ay tumutunog at umiilaw na ventilator.

Katahimikan. Parang nakakabingi...

Lahat ay nakatingin sa taong nasa kama sa gitna naming lahat...unti-unting tumitigil ang kanyang paghinga...parang nauupos na kandila...

hanggang sa tuluyan ng pumanatag ang kanyang dibdib...

hanggang sa wala na kaming maaninag na buhay mula sa knya...

Ang tangi mo lamang maririnig ay nag natutunugan na monitors sa paligid...mag flatline na rin ang tracing ng heart rate...

Saka mo maririnig ang malalakas na hikbi na nagli-lead sa histerikal na iyak ng mga kamag anak...

Wala na siya...sambit ng ilan.

May mga nagdadasal...may mga humihingi ng tawad na dumating sila sa ganun sitwasyon na itigil na ang life support...

Sa mga oras na ito ako lumalayo...dito sa mga oras na ito ako nagdadasal...hindi ko gusto ang ganitong klase ng iyakan...nakakadala...nakakaantig ng puso.

Halos kalahati ng buhay ko ay nagugol sa loob ng ospital...

Pero hanggang ngayon, nakikipag laban pa din ako sa kalooban ko na wag maantig sa mga nagdadalamhating puso ng mga mauulila mula sa mga pasyenteng inalagaan ko at sinubukang muling mabuhay ngunit nabigo pa rin sa huli...

May Masabi Lang!

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 04:16:00 +0000

Buhay OFW sa gitnang silangan:

Magduduty...

Mag-o-OT for extra income...

Uuwi, kakain sandali.

Mag open ng laptop...

FB-FB, tweet-tweet ng slight.

Manonood ng TV Patrol.

Manonood ng Survivor Philippines.

Manonood ng PBB.

Manonood ng Porn.

Magbabate.

Tutulog.

End.

Parang Kelan Lang

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 21:30:00 +0000

Parang kelan lang ako ang laman ng puso nya. Ako ang lahat lahat...

Parang kelan lang hindi lumilipas ang araw na di niya ako nasasabihan ng aylabyu. Hindi kumpleto ang araw nya kapag hindi nya naibahagi sa akin kung pano lumipas ang maghapon nya sa trabaho, kung ano ang nakakatawa at nakakainis na nangyari sa knya sa nagdaang araw.

Parang kelan lang halos maubos ang load ko kakareply sa mga text nya. Halos mapuyat ako makausap at maka chat man lang siya kahit sandaling oras. Halos maubos ang natitira kong allowance pang date, pang panood ng sine, at kain sa labas.

Nakakamiss yun mga sandaling nayayaya ko siya kahit ayaw nya sa sineng palabas tuwing huwebes...pero wala siyang choice kundi samahan ako kasi di nya kayang tiisin na manood ako mag isa at mukhang loser :-)

Halos maubusan na ng alibi sa kapatid or nanay ko makasama lang siya sa malayong lugar sa buong maghapon o kaya naman ay 12hrs na mag check in sa SOGO kapag kapos sa budget hehe.

Halos tiiisin na wag sumabay sa mga napapanood na porno sa internet kahit hirap na hirap na para makapag-save ng sperm at ng sa gayun ay madaming maiulan sa mga dibdib mo... LOL

Nami-miss ko yun mga araw na halos hilahin ko ang araw makauwi lang at makasama agad siya. Parang kelan lang ako ang laman ng puso nya. Parang kelan lang ako ang lahat-lahat sa kanya.

Nakakalungkot lang na ngayon....lampas-lampasan na siya tumingin. Di na nya ko nakikita. Di na mahalaga. Isa na lamang alaala.

Dahil ang katotohanan:

Di na nya ko kailangan :-(

Wala lang. Idagdag nalang ito sa listahan ng pag iinarte ko haha.

Dito kasi sa apat na sulok ng kwarto ko sa gitnang silangan, ngayong araw ng pahinga, parang kay sarap mag inarte lang, ganyan...

Parang kay sarap lang kasing alalahanin na may halaga ka sa isang tao bukod sa pamilya mo. Gusto ko ulit mabuhay para sa isang tao. Gusto ko ulit madama na kung pano maging masaya at excited araw araw kada gising na iniisip na malapit na kong umuwi at andun SIYA at nag iintay sa muli kong pagbabalik...

come over and have coffee with me haha. Panawagan ba itetch?

Pero ganun talaga, the right person will come at the right time. Sabi ng gasgas na kasabihan na ewan kung sinong hinayupak ang nagpauso! chos

Ampalaya!

Life Changing Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:17:00 +0000

I have the same routine everyday.

I go to work. I go home.

Sometimes we go out.

Then same routine again.

Yesterday night, I was out from work at 10pm. Our driver drove me home and I went to the elevator. I opened the lights of my big empty flat. I'm living alone on this 3 bedroom flat since September when my housemate had his ten days vacation to the Philippines and didn't come back.

So literally, this is my house LOL!

I already have a simple plan that night, I will eat something light, open my mails then hit the bed early! But after eating, my brain signals my rectum to run to the comfort room and hurry LOL!

What a relief! I said when I'm done. Then I rotate my doorknob to get out. It didn't open. I pulled it...still not opening... What the fuck is wrong? Why it won't open...I was thinking... maybe I pushed the door too hard when I came in?

I tried it again, still not happening! I used the keys, but it was not lock at all. I tried it again, I know it will open... I'm telling to my self...be positive, right?!

I'm starting to panic...

Door...please open....I whispered.

Still not opening....

Then, I gave up! That's it!

I have to admit it:

I'm trapped inside!

Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I'm alone in the house! No housemate! I was on the top floor! on the 6th by the way! My next neighbour is on the fifth floor! My phone is on my bed! I have nothing useful to open the freakin' door!

What shall I do?????

So I started breaking the doorknob thinking if I break it, the door will open. But it gotten much worst! LOL. Turned out I made it much more impossible to open without the doorknob! Toinks!

I used the door keys to cut the wood and reach for the metal that's holding the door to close. But it doesn't help in any way. It will only take me many hours to finish it if I continue that. And besides its silly!!!

I'm perspiring all over. I searched the bathroom for any thing that will aide me in destroying whats remaining of the doorknob. But there's nothing huhu.

Shall I shout for help?

But I don't hear my neighbor from below me. Usually I hear them talking on their bathroom windows below mine. But I'm thinking, if I shout for help, and if they heard me, they wont be able to help me right away!

They need keys to the main door! and another set of keys to my room! (because I locked my room door too!) The only people who has copies are the personnel department! which is located at the hospital!

Waaaaaa!

They need to break in and destroy my door to get to me! I don't want that to happen! I know if they break my door, it will take them many days to rebuild it! I won't have a door for the next days!!! That would be terrible!

I looked outside from my window, the rooftop is too high if I climbed it.( Ano ko, si spidergay?) But what will happen if I'm able to get to the rooftop from the window? but the doors on the stairs are closed there! I will shout from the rooftop?

But that's nuts!

Unglamorous!

Di ko bet!!!Imagine, baklang nagsisigaw sa rooftop?! hindi kaya ng pride ko!

But just thinking I will shout: Help! Help! from my window or up there is giving me chills!

Its so Ka-Ka!

KAKAHIYA!

LOL

Erase that thought!!!Eraseeeee!!!

I wanna cry...I'm so helpless...I don't know what to do....

I tried to put back the doorknob that I just pulled on the door. Useless. I was promising a lot of good things to do as soon as I get out of here! Some good deeds!

This event is life changing, you know! Mag iisip ka talagang magpakabait na! LOL

I finally used the floor mop handle and pushed hard on the place of the broken doorknob!

To my surprised...

It opened!!!!!
That's so unexpected!!

I was so happy! I thanked God!

I checked the time, and I was trapped inside for more than 3o minutes!

Hudas na pinto! hayop ka! Makakaganti din ako sayo!LOL

This is a re-post from January 2010.

Broken

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:39:00 +0000

I made a mistake and we broke up. I asked for his forgiveness. I literally begged for him to take me back...I was like crazy piece of shit. No pride. Nothing.

Looking back, I realized how silly and how pathetic he might think of me then.

He said that its my fault and that I should suffer the consequences. I was so heart broken and all I did was blaming myself.

I didn't realize that it would come to this point. A break up.

Another break up, I said to myself. But no matter how many times I've been in this position, why does it always have to be so fucking painful?

I've been with too many guys before and yet the pain was all the same when we're breaking up! Fucking heart! fucking emotions! Fucking love!

Andali ko kasi ma-inlove! Something is wrong with me. I guess.

We were just doing fine before. We're happy. Everything's going smoothly. Why can't it be back to the way they were?

Nothing lasts forever, they say.

True.

Two weeks later, I received a message from him telling he'd come over to our house. I was so glad when I realized whats goin on...Maybe, just maybe...he forgave me afterall! That he still loves me after all!

When he arrived, he's as cold as ice. He hardly talked to me. As if nothing changes. Was he still mad at me? But why is he here?

I wanted to talk. I wanted to explain. I wanted us to be "us" again.

Instead, He pulled me up from the couch and took me to my room. He undressed himself and lay down on my bed. He's like a God looking straight at me. I was just staring at him.

Damn, how i missed you. I whispered to myself.

Come. Take your clothes off. He said.

I did and joined him in the bed. His lips are tight. Not saying anything. He pushed my head down on his chest...on his abdomen...on his manhood.

He moaned with pleasures...I did everything...I wanted to make up for everything....He's my God and I am his slave.

I love this guy and I want him to forgive me. I want him to take me back. He's here and it made me real happy.

But am I really happy?

I was on top of him and I'm about to kiss him when he moved away his lips. Pushing my face away...

No, no kissing. He said.

Pain rushed through my face down to my chest and ended inside my heart. Slicing my heart. I felt it bleed.

We could have sex, but no kissing. Is that it? I said.

Let's just get over this ok? he answered.

And in seconds he shifted our positions and he was on top of me. Sliding himself inside of me. Pushing. Rushing. In ravage. A dance that we used to dance. A kind of dance that I don't know how anymore.

A dance to inflict pain. A dance to punish.

In minutes later, he was gasping, heavily breathing. He was finished.

And all this time all I did was just stared at him. His lovely face. His tightly sealed lips. His burning eyes.

I wanna touched them. I wanna remove all the anger, all those mixed emotions I've seen in his eyes. Did I turned him into something so evil?

But, I love him so much...I asked for his forgiveness...am I not worth forgiving? Did he stop loving me already?

I was still on the bed looking blankly at him when he started wearing his clothes again on the floor.

Tears fell down on my eyes when I've heard the door closes. He left. He's done with my punishment. He's done with breaking my heart once again.

Two days later and the same thing happened. He texted me. He arrived. He took me to my room. He undressed himself. He fucked. He came. He left.

He didn't even look at me. He didn't even bother talking to me. He avoided my lips again.

I was just an outlet. I was just a fucking shit to him. A fucking machine. When he felt like fucking, he's turned on and off. I felt like a whore.

But why do I still love him? Why do I still wish he'd come back to me and all of this shall pass.

But that's the last time I've seen him. He never called. Never texted me. Never came back. Maybe he got tired of punishing me.

I never thought a loving guy that I love is capable of this. He was so gentle and caring...

And I looked at the mirror and seen my reflection...I never thought I would look like this. Empty.

I was literally thrown into the floor in pieces. I've never seen or knew pain this much. Pain became my boarder. He became my companion. He lives inside me for a long time.

And this is me in the mirror.

Broken.

To Mark. Thank you for introducing me to Mr. Pain hehehe. For the greatest pain I've received 6 years ago, Thank you for making me stronger. You made me realized, how much I could love a person so deeply that it hurts. I didn't know I'm capable of that. Wow. And I forgave you since. That's how I moved on. I forgave you.

How are you by the way? Hope you're alright. If not, good for you! chos! Ampalaya pa din pala?LOL

Pwde Bang Mamatay Na Lang?! Now Na! LOL

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 21:54:00 +0000

Dumating na ba kayo sa puntong gusto nyong saktan ang isang kaibigan?

Yung iduldol ang pagmumukha niya sa maligasgas na pader at saka balatan gamit ang mapurol at kinakalawang na kutsilyo at saka tadtadin ng pinong pino? o kaya naman e tapyasin ang mga labi niya at iprito sa asido at saka tahiin ang bibig niya gamit ang barbed wire?

O kaya patayin na lang para may katarungan?!

Ako, Oong-Oo!!!

Nag umpisa ang lahat sa isang party. Birthday ni Rod. Kasamahan namin sa work. Imbitado ang lahat sa department namin at sa department ng asawa niya which is Nursing service. Kabilang sa Nursing Service ang mga cutie na sina Vanz at Hardy.

Sa kanilang dalawa super crush ko si Hardy. Moreno. Lalaking lalaki ang dating. Mahiyain. Parang torpe. Parang nerd. Parang malibog! LOL

Ganun ang mga trip ko! Yun nga lang di ako sure kung bading ba siya or straight. Failed ang gaydar ko sa knya.

Crush ko din nun una si Vanz, pero hindi as in. Slight-slight lang. Yun tipong di ako ganun kikiligin sa knya. Pampalipas ko lang siya ng oras kapag wala ng ibang cute na nurse sa paligid, ganun lang! haha

Alam ng mga kaibigan ko yun sa department namin. Pero hindi ng ibang area.

Duty ako kaya naman sa kasamaang palad e hindi ako nakasama. Ganda! Pero ang mga kaibigan ko ay available. Nagbiro pa ako kay Aimee na bantayan si Hardy. Kapag may aali-aligid e singitan niya agad para di makaporma ang mga gurlalu at boylalu!

Updated ako sa Blackberry Messenger. Nagsesend ng pictures ang friend ko. Sasaya nila. May pictures pa nga siyang sinend kasama si Vanz at si Hardy! At kayakap niya ng mahigpit si Hardy! Inaasar niya ko. Na sinasakyan ko naman kunyari selos ako ek ek.

Hanggang sa mag stop na ang mga updates. Lasing na ata ang mga hitad, sa isip isip ko.

Kinabukasan, nakarating sa akin ang masaklap na balita!

Lasing na ang lahat. Lalo na ang friend kong si Aimee at nakadaldalan at nakalandian niya si Vanz na lasing na din. Inilalakad pala niya ko kay Vanz nun mga oras na yun at sinabi na gustong gusto ko siya. Na kung maari ay bigyan ako ng chance at kung ano ano pang mga bagay na out of my hands na!

Gulat na gulat si Vanz sa nalaman niya. Hindi siya makapaniwala. "Ganun?! Si kuya Mac? isang beses palang kami nag usap a...crush agad niya ko!"

Dahil pareho nang lasing at maingay na nagtatawanan, nakakatawag na sila ng atensyon ng ibang mga bisita.

Narinig ng halos lahat ang mga sinabi ni Vanz. Tinatakpan ni Aimee ang bibig ni Vanz at sinasabing wag siya maingay!

Pero ayaw magpaawat ni Vanz dahil lasing, maharot na siya. Akala nya ayos lang ang lahat! Saka niya sinabi ang linyang naging imortal na sa pandinig ng lahat ng bisita:

"Hindi ko siya TYPEEEEEEEEE!"

Juice ko po!

Yan ang reaksyon ko with matching nganga sabay takip ng bibig nun magkita-kita kami ng mga tao sa department namin at makarating sa akin ang saksakan nang pleasant na balita at ang buong pangyayari nun party na halos mamatay ako sa hiya at gusto ko na lamunin ako ng lupa ng mga oras na yun.

This can't be happening!

Doble doble ang kahihiyang inabot ko!

Una, ay ang idaldal ni Aimee kay Vanz mismo na crush ko siya, na supposed to be ay lihim lang sa amin! at ang funny part pa e dapat kay Hardy niya ginawa ang paglalakad sakin in the first place na mali pa din dahil hindi naman ako nagpapalakad!!!!

At ang pangalawa, ay ang ipagdukdukan sa mukha ko at malaman ng buong bayan ang isang masaklap na katotohan na crush ko si Vanz ...at hindi pala niya ko type! Toink!

Durog!

Warat!

Jusko ate charo!

Naging tampulan ako ng tukso ng mga lalakeng colleague ko na puro sira ulo pa naman!

"wala, laos ka Mac, hindi ka type! wala ka!"

Ang jukit-jukit sa Pride-Chicken ko! shet lang! taena!

Damang dama ko! wagas na wagas...rejected ako kahit wala naman ako ganun feelings kay Vanz!

Sira ulo kasi tong si Aimee! san ba niya nakuha yun idea na si Vanz ang gustong gusto ko? Tutulong din lang siya sa maling tao pa!

Sa maling tao pa!!! repeat 10x!

LOL!

Ang sarap sarap niya tirisin nung mga sandaling yun! Todo apologized naman siya sa akin. As in super sorry siya. Sinumpa pa niya na hinding hindi na daw siya iinom.

Neknek niya!

Echosera siya!

Kesyo usapang lasing daw yun at malamang wala din daw naalala si Vanz.

E siya nga naalala nya e! e di naalala din ni Vanz!!!

Letse!

Nun magkasabay kami ni Vanz ng duty one day, jusko halatang halatang naiilang siya! Hindi makatingin sa akin!

Obviously, naalala niya ang masaklap na katotohanan!

Please kill me now!!!

Tapos mumultuhin ko ang talipandas na kaibigan kong si Aimee hanggang sa bangungutin ang hitad! LOL

Krimen Kay Tony

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 04:58:00 +0000

"Uy Mac nasa ER yun friend mo na si Tony a, may umatake daw na ibang lahi!" napa-ha lang ako at napanganga ata nun sinabi sa akin yun nun isa kong kasamahan.

Friend ko si Tony pero hindi sobrang close na magkukuwento siya sa akin ng lovelife nya or mga bagay bagay na masyadong personal. Masaya siya kasama at nag eenjoy kami sa company ng isa't isa. Isa siyang kaibigan para sa akin. Pareho kaming nag wowork sa iisang hospital. Nurse siya.

Mababakas sa mukha niya ang exhaustion nun makita ko siya. Nakabenda na ang mga sugat na tinamo nya.

Sabi niya, may nag doorbell daw sa flat nila at nagkataon naman na siya lang ang tao nun gabing yun, nang binuksan daw niya ang pintuan ay tumambad sa knya ang isang estranghero na tingin niya ay pakistani ang lahi.

Nagpupumilit umano ito na bigyan niya ng pera. Sinabi daw nya na wala at lumabas na lang. Pero matigas daw ang estranghero at naglabas ng kutsilyo.

Isasaksak daw sa knya yun patalim kaya naman sinalag niya ng mga braso niya. Takot na takot na daw siya nun mga oras na yun kaya nag sisigaw siya ng nag sisigaw! Pero wala dumarating...

Dahil na rin siguro sa adrenaline rush kaya naman kahit bading ay nagawa niyang manlaban sa malaking lalaki na umaatake sa knya.

Nagpambuno umano sila sa living room...Duguan na mga braso at kamay niya nun sa wakas ay may dumating para sumaklolo...

Sa takot daw nun pakistani ay nagmamadali itong tumakbo palabas at tumakas. Hindi na nahuli pa hanggang ngayon.

Nakakatakot ang pangyayaring ito kay Tony. To think na nasa loob siya ng accommodation ng hospital. To think na nasa bansang zero ang crime rate kami. Sa bansang takot ang mga tao na gumawa ng masama.

Isa itong realization sa aming lahat. Hindi pala kami ligtas afterall. Akala namin sobrang ganda ng security na tinatamasa namin lahat lalo't mayaman ang bansang ito, at higit sa lahat mayaman ang hospital employer namin. Sikat at may reputasyon. Sabihin lang namin ang pangalan ng ospital, mapapa bilib na agad sila.

Pero bakit nangyari pa din ito? nakaka disappoint. Lesson learned din ito sa amin. Wag basta basta mag bubukas ng puntuan lalo't wala naman ini-expect na bisita. Mag mimiskol or tatawag naman yun kung sinuman ang nasa pintuan a sabi namin.

Pinauwi na din si Tony pagkatapos gamutin ang mga sugat niya at makuha ng mga pulis ang statement niya.

Isang taon na ang nakalipas at naka move on na ang lahat...

Pero kagabi lang...naka received ako ng tawag sa isa na naman na kasamahan sa ER na andun na naman daw si Tony... duguan ang ulo dahil may pumalo daw... may bone fracture din siya at bugbog ang katawan.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko. Kasama ko lang siya last time sa mall at masaya nya ko sinamahan bumili ng ref at pabango. Nag papalitan sa isip ko ang itsura ng masayahing Tony at ang duguan niyang katawan...

Grabe ang nangyaring ito this time. Wala pa ako idea kung sino at bakit may gumawa sa knya nito. Naka-admit na daw siya sa high defendency unit sa kabilang ospital at nagpapahinga.

Nagwo-worry kaming mga kaibigan niya kung bakit malimit siya masangkot sa mga ganitong insidente. Mga tanung na gusto namin masagot. Booking ba niya ang may gawa nun? kasi sa bahay daw nangyari muli ang pag atake kay Tony, yun unang insidente sa knya na nasugatan ang mga braso nya, dati kaya niyang booking din yun at binalikan lang siya for extra cash? O biktima ba siya ng hate crime?

Nag uuwi ba siya ng ibang lahi sa bahay niya? dahil kung totoo ang mga tanung na ito, kelangan na niya mag take ng extra ingat kasi delikado talaga ang ibang lahi...this have to stop....Pero hindi ko kayang itanung sa knya ang mga yun. Basta ang tangi lang namin magagawa ay ang pagpayuhan siya na mag ingat.

As of now I'm praying for his speedy recovery. At sana mahuli ang gumawa ng kahayupang ito sa knya.

At sana lang maging ligtas ang mundo para sa ating mga bading...everyone deserves a peace and loving environment.

Personal Arte

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 21:28:00 +0000

At the Villaggio Mall, one of the nicest mall here

Our fridge turned me down again, one minute its working and the next its not! I reported it already to our building owner, but he's not responding! I'll file a complaint at the office soon! imbyerna siya! Napapanis mga food ko hmp!

Hindi humihinga para di bumukol tummy ko! hehe. Kelangan na magdiet talaga ng seryosohan.

So I've decided, I'll buy a new personal ref nalang. Something small lang. I asked my friend Tony to tag along. We went to The Villaggio Mall.

Nangunguripot ako kaya Daewoo lang binili ko!hahaha ok na yun for me, as long as it can preserve foods inside that's fine with me na!

I fell inline at the remittance center and sent money to my sis and my mom at Dubai. Hay, poor na ulit ako! Sometimes, I felt that, parang hindi din ako work sa abroad...kapos pa din lagi :-( pero hayaan na. Atleast nakakatulong tayo sa pamilya.

Henywayz, ubos na yun Hugo Boss Orange ko na pabango so, with my friend Tony, we hit the perfume shop. Before coming I've searched online and read some blogs about perfumes to get. Creed is too expensive!kalaka! 285 US dollars! Di ko keri!haha.

Sa cheapipay lang ako na brand! Amoy amoy dito and doon...majirap kaya pumili ng pabango when you are there! Been confused with Terre d' Hermes or Bvlgari Aqua Marine or Azzaro Chrome Sport or Armani's Aqua di Gio or D&G Light Blue or if I'll go back to using One Million or Hugo Boss nalang ulit!

Since Tony was in a hurry and pressuring me to get anything nalang daw, nadampot ko tuloy itong si Azzaro's Chrome Sport! (with top notes citron, bergamot, grapefruit and bitter orange. A heart intoxicates with freshly cut grass, aquatic notes, ginger and pure oxygen, while a base closes the composition with cedar, amber and white musk). and that new CK One Shock for HIM dahil may promo at mura! haha! ( it is built around aromatic, spicy and deep oriental nuances. It opens with citrusy clementine, fresh cucumber and energy drink accord. The heart of black pepper, black basil and cardamom is placed on the base of masculine tobacco, musk, patchouli and ambrene wood) .

Grrrr! i hate it kapag minamadali ako. sarap sabunutan ng bruhang Tony! Pero infairness, type ko naman amoy nila. Will be using it alternately. Gusto ko kasi naiiwan yun amoy ng pabango ko kapag dumadaan ako! Di na nga ko pogi, kaya daanin nalang sa amoy! char!

Kapag hindi type ng mga nakakaamoy, papalitan ko nalang, kaya maliit lang na bottles binili ko :-)

We had baked potato and a fresh orange juice for dinner since ayaw namin kumain ng heavy pareho.

Sinadya ko pa sa Marks & Spencer itong lotion na itetch pala, kahit tinatamad na si Tony maglakad kasi medyo malayo. 6 months ko na ata tong ginagamit sa buong katawan ko. As in whole body ako mag lotion. Ewan ko ba gustong gusto ko amoy nito e hehe. Pag uwi ko, ito papasalubong ko sa mga tita-titas ko sa pinas.

I also bought Olay's day and night cream...para pumuti naman ako ng bahagya hehe. They've told me even at night time dapat daw may sunblock pa rin tayo na gamit. Sun is very harmful to our skin. Yan ang sabi.

The shops are starting to close up na kaya tumatakbo na ko sa supermarket to get my favorite chocolates...yung Lindt white chocolates. Sarap sarap nito juice ko.

Past ten o'clock na kaya naman nag abang na kami ng taxi pauwi. It was fun afterall. Gastos nga lang! hay buhey!

Itchy-nest

noreply@blogger.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:15:00 +0000

Long time ago, lets say about hmmm, year 2005...there was a slutty-all-the-time-horny-gay-guy around the province of Laguna who pick up guys over the internet. He get to hook up with different guys every week and take them to a nearest motel room. Its like a sexual revolution. A hunger.

That quest for the ultimate pleasure last for more than a year before he actually realized...he needs a good man to love him.

And that guy was ME.

That's the time when I was just discovering who I am. Fresh from admitting to myself, that the charade, and the pretending I'm a straight-guy drama have to stop. It was liberating indeed. Finally admitting and accepting who you are. Believe me. Denying who you are...very stressful.

Going back to what I'm saying. Back in 2005, I was like insatiable. Sex was driving me crazy that I need to get laid all the time! Kahit sino na lang. SEB dito- SEB doon.

I am a changed man now. Pagka-tino-tino ko ngayon. Pagka-hinhin ko na now. Charot!

Henywayz, I met this guy named Vincent. He's also from Laguna. He's tall and moreno looking. Medyo nabaduyan ako sa get up niya. Parang poorita sabi ko. Bad!!!

Pero keribels na. Mas mahalaga e he knows how to suck my dick. And he's as horny as I am. That's what matters then.

I like tall and lean guys...I always imagine them to have big dicks. Ewan ko ba! and I was right about him. When he stripped down his pants, leaving his body with just his white briefs...I almost gasps as soon as the outline of his manhood became visible. I swear, its big. Like 8 inches long!

The biggest so far from all the guys that I bed with. Balbon din siya. Hairs from his chest goes down to his sexy navel and ends inside his underwear. Para akong dinidemonyo sa libog nun sa pag iimagine kung ano itsura nun loob ng brief. I love hairy guys...Mas mab*lb0l mas trip ko! Haroooot! LOL

The kiss was a turn off...his breath was awful. It was really bad. I wanna back out but its too late. Whenever he tried to kiss me, I swear, I was like dying. I don't wanna offend him that's why I just pretend that I'm a bad kisser so that he could stop kissing me na!

His lips went down to my throat, to my neck and I almost screamed with pleasures when he sucked my earlobes...In my mind, di bale, I'll just get a very good shower after this and get rid of his saliva!

Oh, wag kayo maduwal! LOL

He sucked my d*ck pretty good. I moaned and was arching my body with every sucked he did through my balls...

His hard and long d*ck feels really good on my hands...warm. Thick. I was amazed actually. I don't know how to put it all inside my mouth! chos!

I tried though.

After two hours we're both running out of breath and rest for a bit and I immediately took a shower and get dressed. Just said a short thank you and headed out of the door. I didn't make any effort to contact him again.

Its just sex anyway. I'm gonna get a new guy next time I thought.

Days passed by and I was goin on with my usual routine when I noticed something. I was feverish. Irritable. And the itching started.

Inside my genitals...

At first, I ignored it. Thought its nothing. Guys scratch their balls right?LOL. But as days goes on it became worst. The itchiness inside my genitals wont stop. It felt like something was there.

I also noticed some brownish dots and stains on my underwear. Lots and lots of them. Kala ko libag! Nandiri pa nga ko sa sarili ko sabi ko ang tubal ko naman! LOL

When I was scratching down there again...my fingers came across and touched something...something rough. Like a dead cells. I pulled it out...

I checked it out...examined what am holding...and to my surprised!

It has legs and looked like a small crab! and Its jumping too!

Until I realized what it was!!!

I have crabs!!!

OMG!

Pubic lice! Its STD!!!

and those small dots are their eggs! kadiri! my pubes are their breeding ground!

Taena! Napamura talaga ako nun ma-realized ko kung ano yun at pano ako nagkaroon nun! I felt shame. I felt bad. Didn't know what to do. I was scared. I don't have any idea how to get rid of those things inside my pubic hairs! Lago-lago pa naman dun! LOL

Good thing about working at the hospital is you have access to its services. I have friends on every department. Specially resident doctors. I discreetly approached doctor Mike at the ER back then.

Minura nya ko nun matapos ko sabihin sa knya problema ko. He advised and referred me to a specialist. I refused. Nahihiya ako e. I asked him to give me anything.

He prescribed me a medicated shampoo that I could buy at any mercury branches. Its for head lice he said. He said that I should try it first and if it fails I have no other choice but to go to a specialist to have it treated. It costs me 500 pesos at the time.

Natawa pa nga ako nun binibili ko yun, kasi nakatingin sakin ng weird yun attendant sa mercury kasi skinhead ang buhok ko and yet nabili ako ng shampoo for kuto! haha.

As soon as I got the shampoo. I locked myself inside the bathroom and sat on the bowl and poured water on my pubic hairs and wore a condom on my penis and plastered it with a micropore to protect its head from getting irritations from the strong chemicals that I'm about to use. #takot!

I poured the shampoo on it and prayed it'll work. The instructions said let it stick there for about 15 minutes before I rinse it water.

And thank GOD!!! After 3 days of treating it, the irritations, the itching...and the eggs goes away. Minura ko si Vincent thru text for giving me STD! Fuck him.

After that...I slowed down on having sex every week. Ginawa ko nalang twice a month! LOL