Living The Expectations

One Fine Night

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 22:34:00 +0000

I was in a hurry to go home after my 2 to 10pm duty tonight, I need to buy some food since I was like a poor homeless guy who have nothing to eat for the next day!haha. So after my service dropped me to my accommodation, I just took off my scrubsuit and run to the elevator, I need to hurry up because I'm not sure if the Filipino grocery on the next street is open till this time.

When I reached the ground floor and the elevator opened I was surprised to see Darkguy coming out from the other elevator beside mine! It obvious he's going somewhere, somewhere near, just like me. He looked surprised too. Its been a week since we last talked and see each other. We had different schedule and I was assigned to other ICU's all week long.

"Where are you going?" I hesitantly asked him while we walked out of the lobby. He's wearing a short and a jacket. Yun parang kapote ang tela!LOL (cheap ha!)

"I'm going to G-mart..." he said. Oh no! that's where exactly am heading! Is this a joke or what??!!

"You're stalking me, I'm going there too" --me

"KAPAL MO...asus, if I know you're meeting someone there" (did I sensed jealousy there?hehe)

"What?of course not!"

"Then why you have to put on perfume?" I laughed. I told him of course I need to put on a little, not so confident without it.

Its a long walk from our accommodation to the grocery store and I'm feeling a little awkward and shy...SHY?! I didn't know I'm shy!LOL

So, while were walking like lovers (except that we are not!) under the cold moonlight on the street of Doha, we're talking casually and taking our time to get to our destination. Technically, this is the longest conversation we had...yeah I know, we had sex, but we didn't talk much then. And if we're on our transportation service, its all nonsense and joking with his friends.

The weather here at Doha is so nice now, I'm loving the coldness and the street lights are amazing...Its such a perfect settings, romantic I must say, too bad he's not my boyfriend and he's married.

"what are you going to buy?" he asked

"cookies and cream ice cream hehe, I don't know, I'm craving for it since yesterday" I replied

"at this hour?! you're so childish" he accused but smiling

"paki mo ba..." I said (pa-chute ang potah!LOL)

When we're inside the grocery, I took my time to look around stuffs to buy, I'm expecting he'll go ahead first.

"I'll be at the vegetable store at the other store wait for me there, I'll be quick". --darkguy

After a while, we're both headin' back to our street. I must say we're having a nice conversation. A different side of him. I didn't know he could be this nice. When we're at the elevator again, I felt like suffocating again...its just me and him inside that small space. I imagined some movies I saw where they kissed and make out!LOL

Till he reached his floor and waved goodbye.

I sighed.

I Survived on Christmas!

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 05:36:00 +0000

Christmas eve went well last night, as you all know I was on duty, and I'm here at Doha, we are in a hurry to start working so that we could finish early before 12am and eat together at the department, but there are many enemies...the nurses!LOL asking so much of us, pls do this, pls help me with this, pls check patient is desaturating, there's new doctor's order blah blah blah and before I know it, ITS ALREADY 1:00 am!fuckkkkkkkkkk!

But anywayz, we still manage to have a great time, yummy foods, some music and some good talks and laughs. I'm glad I'm on duty instead of being off and just stayed home all by myself (teka, kanta yun a LOL).

My sister are killing me when she told me they're having crispy pata, cakes, buko salad, carbonara etc. I miss pork!!!!!!!! (does dick counts as pork?LOL)

Anyway, I need to go to sleep now, still night shift later.Yeah I know, I'm just going to sleep this Christmas, hooo-hooo how exciting!!!

Merry Christmas to all of you guys!

Will I Be Lonely?

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:40:00 +0000

Christmas is just around the corner, and I know everyone must've been busy, excited, doing their own shopping, gift buying, it could be so much fun...except that, I am not there. I am in a foreign land...Qatar.

Although, they said Christmas is just a date, and I am usually at work during the 24th and 25th since I am a practical guy having double pay during the holidays! But now, it would be different, I am not there. I am in a foreign land.

I don't know what to feel, or to expect, will I be lonely? will I cry? parang di bagay sakin ang emo!LOL

I am scheduled to work at night shift tonight till the 25th, we might just bring foods on Christmas eve, we are junior staff so we are the one supposed to be on duty. You know, seniority. I might ask my sister how to do carbonara, or I might buy blueberry cheesecake.

This would be my second Christmas as a single gay guy on the planet. I don't know, till when...I know everyone says its alright to be single, true, but its much better if someone's there to first greet you or would want to celebrate it with you, one who would return the love you give him.

I miss that feeling.

I have so much love to give and I don't know why they don't want it...LOL!

I wanna feel what love is again...can you show it to me?

wait, is that a line from a song? haha

Anyway,

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

A Sweet Torture

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 22:45:00 +0000

Its totally unexpected.

I didn't see it coming. I didn't text or sent any messages for him for a long time.

I was so shocked when my boss assigned me at Darkguy's area! We have 5 ICU here and he is a nurse on one of them... So this is it, I cannot avoid him forever. Its been almost two months since we last had that intimate moment, and I was so successful forgetting him, well, ofcourse I owe some of the credits to Aldwin, who kept me company. Until we had that bitter separation.

My friend told me: goodluck!

She knew about my affair with him. I took a deep breath when I opened the door of the ICU and gather all my self confidence. I spotted him immediately. Wearing his bluish scrubsuit. I pretended I didnt see him or even aware that he's there. I started my rounds, reading charts and signing the medications. One by one, bed after bed, one nurse per patient...

I am uneasy, as I was walking toward his patient. I have to go there. I cannot skip it! I thought I was comfortable with him already. i thought i already broke the awkwardness between us, but what am I feeling right now, did I missed him?

A big fuckin' YES!

I went to his table he was sitting on its chair writing, I took the medication folder from the side and started flipping the pages and signed each meds assigned for me.

"You have been quiet for a while..." he said while still busy writing. I already knew what he was talking about. So he's waiting for my messages?my texts? he noticed I wasnt giving him some attention? hmmm, I was so kilig LOL!

"Been busy with lot of stuffs" I lazily said to him.

"Why did they assigned you here?"

"I dont know with my boss, infact Im not usually assigned here"

"Yeah I've been wondering too...why is that?" he asked, there was a hidden meaning to the question, so he thought I intentionally requested not to be assigned on this area?

"I dont know, Im not the one doing the assignment, you know!" I said. But he looked unconvinced. He made a face.
"Oh, i will talk to your boss and senior staffs to always assign you here!" he laughed.

"Har-har-har" I said and walked away.

The whole shift, our eyes whenever we are on far corner of the room made contact and we're both gonna look away. Damn!

Whenever he needs me, he wont say my name, he'll just say "therapist-therapist, pls put my patient on anothe ventilator mode" its starting to annoy me. He cant say my name! And he kept on asking me where the fridge key for the medications. I already told him I gave it to one nurse!

Even though we're talking, there is this awkwardness between us still, I cannot make it go away, I know he felt it too.

That's why I was so surprised when my colleague told me that Darkguy and 3 others are moving to my transpo!!!! WTF! what happened to their own transpo?!

This is torture!

It was unbelievable when I sat on our van to take us to work and saw him at the back. Its really him. I sighed. I have to see him more often than before. At first I was just quiet and listening to my mp3 songs. Until time after time, he started teasing me with some silly things, he was so talkative when he's with his friends, I'll just laughed with them, they're funny.

But when everyone else was gone and there's only two of us on the van (since we live on the same building) he was sitting at my back and he'll touch my skinhead and said "ang sarap himasin ng ulo mo" then he realized it sounds so awkward, he immediately corrected it and said instead" ang lambot..."

He dont usually sit beside me, his fave place is at the back, thats why when one nurse about to open the door of the van, and I realized (and maybe him too) that she would sit beside me, its like in a flash Darkguy was already sitting beside me, I dont understand why he have to move beside me! Its the first time he did that.

He would usually asked whats my schedule the next day. I dont wanna think of anything else with his actions. I am not going to fall for him...

Before we go to work he usually send messages on my messenger, nothing important, just nonsense...haha. He'll send again after work.

When there are others inside the van, he dont run out of words to say.

But when its time to go inside our flat's building and we have to walk a few meters towards the elevator, he was silent, we are both silent, both of us dont know what to say and it felt like eternity and wished I could fly to reach it in an instant...

Very awkward.

We entered the lift and I felt like suffocating...most of the time, its just the two of us inside...

Torture.

Whenever I see him, there's always a flashback of his lips and how he hungrily kissed me.

I cannot take it out of my mind! Oh dear Lord!

"Bye"

He said, when he reached his floor.

*************************************

Sleepy and Lazy

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:18:00 +0000

Been very busy these past few days, and besides I hate my schedule at work, am always on the morning shift! need to wake up at 4am for everyday like forever!!! and do you know whats the biggest challenge?! taking a shower! LOLLLLLLLLLLL!

Its freakin' cold here in Doha now, every one's wearing jacket and I cant believe its actually raining a few times this week! Rain in the desert?? Good thing I have my heater fixed right away, or else I'll freeze to death inside the shower! wanking doesn't help much LOL!

I suddenly remember our country... oh-oh-oh, I don't want this to be a sad entry, so anyhoooo, my monito on our x-mass party's exchange gift gave me a queen size comforter, and I'm really loving it. Very much needed. So thank you, sir.

Due to my wonderful working schedule, I'm always sleepy at times, too lazy to make a blog entry, I don't know, i spent most of my time sleeping, here's what am doing, I'll wake up at 4am then go to work at 6am to 2pm, then when reached home, I'll just eat something light, then at 4pm I'll take a nap then wake up at 8:00 o'clock, cook my dinner and my baon for the next morning, then sleep again at 12 or 1am and the cycle goes on again.

So basically I'm not so productive at all!

Anyway, I bought a 350 GB external hard drive yesterday, because I'm running out of space to store all of my daily porn downloads LOL! and did I tell you am a TV shows addict! I think I saw almost half of the TV shows shown in the US. Heroes is one of my all time fave, then recently, Glee, but now I think I'm so much in love with The Vampire Diaries! I'm so into Damon! I just love his bad vampire image! so sexy-whooop-so-sexy-whooop-whooop!hahaha

Pissed And Curious

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:33:00 +0000

Everything was alright a while ago, we were chatting, texting, in fact I almost forgot about what happened that night, until you ruined it.

Pissed off.

That's the right term for what I'm feeling right now.

Why there are people who only sees your fault and not their own?

When in fact you had that fault as a result of what they first did to you? Like butterfly effect. Everything is connected.

Meaning, you did something, as a result... I acted like that.

Getz?

And what troubles me was, you're putting all the blame on me? Have you analyzed what had happened that night? Did you ever tried to remember moment by moment what had happened? I already told you why I acted like that and you kept on insisting its because of me? WTF! Man, you need to look at yourself. tsk !tsk! tsk!

Damn, the term you used on your messages, wow! really pained me.

Now, you need to go. Out of my life.

Shutting the door now.

Anyhow, change topic before i bore you with my anger hehe. Someone left this message on the comment section of my blog. From an anonymous person. Who could you possibly be?

"I miss you. i wish it didn't end the way it did. I hope you're OK there. Sana natuloy yung pagkikita natin (hope we did see each other) before you left."

Please send me an email and identify yourself? Who knows in the end we are the one for each other! echos!!!!

Ginataan And Selfishness

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:16:00 +0000

I was so excited that day to cook ginataang sugpo (prawns with coconut milk, one of my favorite Filipino food), its already planned to have the first half for dinner later and the other half for tomorrow. It smells so good and I cant wait for my rice to cook. I put it aside for a while and decided to cook adobo to bring at work tomorrow morning while waiting.

The doorbell rang, I was wondering who it might be, I'm not expecting anyone and besides, I look like shit! with too much spills from cooking and my face are on the highest level of oil production!LOL

When I opened it, there's no one! I looked at the stairway and there he was...came out from hiding: Egay! My annoying and feeling-close colleague at work! damn! What was he doing here???I asked my self. He was the last person I'm expecting to see or to be my visitor at this point in time!

"why?!' I lazily asked

"I wanna come in!" and he just bumped me and invited himself in. "oh that smells good...what are you cooking? i wanna eat dinner here, can I?"

"huh?!" that's all that I said haha

"Come-on, I'm so hungry, I'm your visitor you should entertain me!" he added. I found out that he just moved to my building! Meaning: he's just a few floors away from me!

I run to the kitchen because I could smell my adobo almost burning. He followed me. Then I realized he might see my prawns!

Oh nooooo!

I want them for myself! Not to share with this moron!hahahaha! I hid the casserole behind bottles of soysause and fish sauce and prayed he wont smell it or notice that separate casserole at the kitchen side!LOL

I tried to relax and let him watch my cooking. "that looks good Mac, I'm so hungry. Is it cooked already?lets eat! I'm starving!" he said. I tried to smile and pretend I'm not annoyed. So makapal-face,kairita!

When he came closer to my casserole of prawns I moved on its direction so that my back will hide them from him! LOL

Grabe, am so selfish!

I prepared the table and we had dinner together, my yummy dinner with ginataan that night was ruined because of him! I had adobo instead!

I have big riped bananas too, but its too big and I sliced it into two! sayang naman if di naman niya maubos di ba?LOL

When we finished I said: "OK, you can leave now, I have a lot of things to do"

"why you're throwing me out, I still wanna hang out and watch TV" he protested and he saw my laptop and he recognized a familiar name on one of the people I'm chatting: darkguy. I immediately pulled him away from the screen!

"you two are close? you didn't tell me that you guys are chatting" he added. I denied it, because apparently he moved to that vacant room where darkguy lives! They are flatmates now! And I'm very discreet about our affair and I don't want anyone to know about him especially this talkative and super-annoying-kapal-face-Egay!

"You need to get out now". I dragged him to the door and said bye and shut the door!LOL

A Quickie-Post!

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:52:00 +0000

Just came home from our VERY early Christmas party, many requested to have it earlier so that those who will be going back to manila to have their holiday vacation be included. We are in charged of the food (5 of us, new staffs) they have this tradition that every time a new comer arrives to the department, they have to do the "pakilala" wherein they have to feed all of the staff! I mean 40 of them!LOL

At least there's five of us, it didn't became that much, each of us contributed to a certain amount and so far they loved the foods!Thanks to my friend who did all the cooking!haha.

The party was awesome, its nice to have this kind of get-together. Had a lot of laugh.

This is just a quick recap of what had happen for the past week:

Darkguy is back, and we talk all the time, I see him all the time. I think I'm beginning to have a big crush on him AGAIN.
Aldwin left for UAE last weekend for 4 days vacation, without a word of goodbye. Our last night together was not so pleasant before he left.
Been short for cash did some shopping (since i thought I'm gonna have much more extra money) and the next day my mom needed money ASAP and have to sent her all of what's left! so now am so poor! waaaaaaa!
I'm gonna be on duty night shift on the 24th and 25th!huhu. But I'll be off on the new year's eve though.

I will tell you all of the details next time, so sleepy.

Ciao!

A Promised Day

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 23:04:00 +0000

Thursday. Its the 26th of November, his birthday. My day off, I remembered this was the date where he invited me to go out for dinner the very first time we ever chat. I waited for him to invite me again or to confirm that we're still going out. When we chat he suddenly logged out, I felt bad. Then a call came, asking me what am I doing, that if I still want to go out that day. I said yeah, I need to send money to my sis, which is partly true and that I wanted to see New Moon too.

He asked, if I will be treating him this time, I said why, its your b-day you should be the one treating me to dinner and the movie. He said no salary yet for him, I gave in, why not, its just 35 riyals per ticket. And besides I really really wanna see that movie (well, if you're a follower of my blog you already knew that am a twilight saga addict) He said a big yessss after.

Before he ended the call he asked me: "What is your duty tomorrow?"( I said 2pm to 10pm.) is it alright if I sleep at your place tonight?"

Well, I was surprised hearing that from him, a little curious of course. But I said yeah, sure.We agreed to meet at my building's lobby after one hour. As I was preparing my colleague called me and asked if we could exchange duty the next day, I said yeah, who would refuse to have a two days off?! not me!haha. But of course I have to pay him on Saturday with a straight 16hours duty too.

We bought tickets first, as I was about to pay he immediately gave his own money to the cashier, I'm confused, I thought I'll buy the tickets for us, he said, he can still pay for it.

We ate dinner then went shopping, he was a little annoyed at me for choosing and going to shop to shop and get nothing! I'm choosing very well, you know haha. He said he's tired already. He was nagging me too for being late at the movie, it was already starting I think 15 minutes when we came haha.

I love it. Jacob Black is so hot! And Edward's lean body oh my goodness....I could get wet by just thinking of them!LOL

As we wait for a taxi, I told him I'm extra off tomorrow. He's scheduled to leave Qatar for 4 days to have his little b-day celebration at Abu Dhabi and Dubai with his friends this Saturday. He told me that weeks ago.

I'm still feeling bad for not getting the clothes I want due to lack of time. He said, we will come back tomorrow and have dinner again.

"Really?we will go out again tomorrow?" I confirmed.

As the taxi lead us to the familiar place, he told me: "Mac, I'll stay at my place instead"

"Huh? why? I thought you'll go at my place?"

"Well, I thought this was our last day, turned out we are still going to see each other tomorrow, so no need for me to sleep over now..."

Then he got out of the car as we reached his place and I went home alone.

Better Off As Friends

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:04:00 +0000

After my night duty next day, I was currently sleeping when he ruined it by calling me after 2pm, I only had 6 hours of sleep then, I'm supposed to wake up at 5!!! Damn him! He said he will be at my front door after ten minutes. I said OK, while my eyes still closed. I went back to bed after I hang up.

I heard my loud doorbell, I lazily went to open it for him. "you're very early, you should've come around 5pm!"

"its already 3:00 o'clock, you have enough sleep already" he said while he followed me to my room and he sat on my sofa and felt like a king on it!LOL

I went back on my bed and closed my eyes, my head aches. I had a busy night on work last time. He opened my TV very loud!

"Mac! lets order pizza come on!"

"you go order!" I yell

"you dial the number, this is your house!" he teased. I didn't move, he had no choice, he dialed it himself.

I wasn't able to sleep no more, so I joined him on watching TV and wait for our pizza to arrive. After 30 minutes we are both having fun eating. He was trying to tease me about our text conversation two nights ago, I avoided it and said, lets get it over with, I'm drunk that time LOL!

I could laugh about it already and felt stupid remembering it. I felt fine while we're together, its like we're two friends hanging out and enjoying each other's company. After eating pizza he went to my bed and about to take a nap. "what are you doing?" I asked

"I'm sleepy Mac, I wanna sleep for a while..."

Napakagaling di ba!

"what???! you ruined my sleep and now I'm awake thanks to you, you will sleep on me this time?!I hate you!" I wanna throw a pillow on him

"just for a few minutes, you can join me, if you like" he said. I cant believe this guy!grrrrrrrr! I took a shower instead, took my time. And when I'm about to finish he's joking that there's a ghost on my house. I said "shut up!" haha.

We went to the business street near my area, I have some stuffs that needs repair, like my phone cable extension and he willingly offered to come with me. We went at the supermarket too, since I don't have anything to eat for the next few days. He carried the basket and helped me decide which stuff to take, we decided that we want "tinolang manok" for dinner and he promised he will cook.

We even found this cute guy choosing potatoes and we both admired his cuteness, nagpa-cute pa nga kami e!LOL

The cooking time was fun, we are joking around while I chopped some onions and garlic while he did the ginger, etc. I watched him cook and promised me that it will be good. He even put together the phone cable I bought and fix it for me. He suggested a lot of things to my house and said he will help me.

Well, the tinola was good, I ate 3 cups of rice!LOL. We were laughing so hard at the episode of PBB where Rica was too obsessed smelling Johan's towel with his sweat after a game of basketball!!!

"I told you, we are better off as friends!" he said after a while. I definitely agree.

Yesterday he invited me to see a movie "the box" at the mall and I had him waiting for almost two hours, he was a little pissed ofcourse. What to do, I was so sleepy, that's why I took a nap first before meeting him haha.

The movie was creepy. I didn't like it. We went shopping after. He told me its his birthday this Thursday.

"what?! really? why you didn't tell me sooner so that I have time to buy you a gift" I joke around haha, when in fact I have no plans of giving him one LOL!

"so are you going to treat me on some fancy restaurant on your birthday?"

"I already made my treat, I bought you tickets to the movie, right?" he teased

"What?! just that!No-no-no!" I protested haha.

But I found out he will be busy on his birthday, and he is not sure if I could be squeezed in. Well, that made me sad. But its alright, its his big day, he can choose which ever way he thinks will make him happy. And besides I don't wanna sit around and just be a rebound guy if something went wrong on his plans and be a panakip butas after. I have my pride you know!LOL

If he wants to treat me or not, that's fine by me. I have no more expectations from him.

I still need that great companionship, that great best friend that I wish for. Someone I could talk anything about. Someone who never get tired talking to me. He failed to give me that. I don't know how long this could last, maybe he spend some time with me just because he has no choice whatsoever, or that if ever he eventually made friends here, or meet new crowd, he could hardly remember me, that I don't know.

So, my quest for another guy begins...Toink! ('',)

I'll Say It Anyway

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:47:00 +0000

I see him online most of the time, but he never even say hi knowing that he sees me already. Maybe he's too busy, or just really not interested talking to me, that I don't know, I know its too demanding on my side, but damn I want him to talk to me even for a while, not like this ignoring me...I'm pathetic.

One day, I don't know what came to me and suddenly I missed him, my feelings are uncontrollable anymore, I wanted him to know how I feel about him. That I like him. Its like I woke up and I wanted him to know it.

Yeah, I'm impulsive at times, you might say.

I thought its best that he would know. Bahala na...

I texted him "how are you?"

"am good, you?"

"I saw on your face book status that your friends saying you have someone left behind at UAE...am jealous hehe" I tried to make it sound casual

"yeah, but its nothing, I just pasted a quote from somewhere and many of them reacted, its nothing. And besides why you'll be jealous, we're friends, right?"

"but what if, i tell you I like you?" there, I finally said it. I was inside the Pediatric ICU when I texted that, It took him a while before he replied. I know he's thinking what to say or he might be surprised with the revelation. I was doing something when he replied, I immediately went on on the stock room so that staffs wont see me texting LOL.

"you like me? but we're friends...and besides I'm not yet ready for another commitment. Let's be friends for now, who knows eventually it could lead to something special" he said

I was hurt and my pride was shattered.

Hmp, wag ko lang malalaman na magkaka bf ka soon kundi papatayin kita LOLLLLLLLLLL!!! may murderous intent haha. Joke lang!

The next messages I typed was: "OK, now I need to avoid you, I cant be friends with you knowing that I like you, it will be very painful to me seeing you most of the time..." jusko ang drama ko! haha

"but why...I thought we'll gonna be very close friends and now you want to avoid me?" he texted

"I dont know if I can be with you, it will be very hard for me..."-- me. Wow todo na kaartehan ko!

"OK, if that's what you want, good luck. It was nice knowing you mac..." his last text.

I had this sudden strike of loneliness after I read and erased his messages. It took me a while to concentrate on work, but knowing my personality, I immediately adjusted and my emotions shifted to the jolly person that always in me. I'm really thankful I have great colleague and friends on this side of the world.

I erased all links on him. Its my way of forgetting someone. It worked most of the time. I went to bed and the next day I hardly missed him at all!!!Waaaaa! I thought I will be down and aching cause technically he rejected me haha. And my romantic fantasies gone, but where is my pain????

Realization sinked in...that it was just a product of my desire to have somebody so bad that a simple infatuation I felt on him made me say that. A product of the whole week of fun being with him. And he was right, its better we could be friends, and that's what I want from the start, a gay friend like me...

A friend is much better, a good friend wont be too easy to find. A friend stays at your side.

As soon as I realized these, I texted him, I apologized " Aldwin, am sorry for what I said last night..."

No reply. I called. He cancelled. Is he mad? I asked myself.

He texted me "I'll talk to you later, am in a meeting right now".

A whole day have passed and he didn't call back.

--to be continued...

I'll Sleep On Your Bed

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:04:00 +0000

The next day, he was different, no more messages, no more chats, I was sad. In my mind, so just because he didn't get what he wanted last night, not interested in knowing me anymore?

I was hurt.

I waited the whole day. I was impatient and contacted him first during the night! (i hate my self!) I asked him how he was and why he's not talking to me. He said he's busy and that we're not boyfriends to be constantly communicating...we're just friends, he repeated.

Ouch!

I thought we have something...I thought last night's great moments together will be a start of something...I was wrong...

So what if I gave in to our body's needs? would it make a difference? or should I be thankful that I refused to the lust we're feeling last night?

I told my self "OK fine, he's not the only gay guy in the world.

Two days after, he called asking where am I and whats my schedule, i told him I have duty from 2pm to 10pm.

"I'll see you in your house after ten, lets eat bulalo" he said. In my mind aba demanding ang mokong!haha. Bulalo ko gusto mo kainin? but I only thought of that!LOL. But I agreed. Maybe its better if we're really just friends. Which is what I really need.

I have an extra energy that day, too excited to come home. He texted me that he was on the way and be on my flat after ten minutes. I called the resto's number and ordered bulalo,but not available anymore so we had nilagang baka instead. I was too happy to see him when I opened the door.

We were talking that as if nothing ever happened between us, I suddenly relaxed and enjoyed our dinner. We had fun. He stayed for at least two hours, until he said he have to leave already, I suggested he stayed and leave in the morning instead. But he insisted on going home. I was disappointed I thought he will stay through the night, I wasn't expecting anything sexual... (but i have stolen lubes from work!LOL)

Saturday, it was my off till the next day, I was at home the whole time, I got bored when I suddenly invited him to go out and watch 2012 after seeing a local website that its already showing. I was surprised when he agreed. Agreed too fast. I mean i thought he would refuse and that I need to ask another friend to come.

"where and what time we go?" he asked.

I answered him and told me that he will wait on my building's lobby. 30minutes later he texted me saying he wont be able to come because he was doing something important. I asked him "why" and he explained, I replied

OK :-(

I was surprised when he sent the next message, "alright, I will meet you at 8!"

Haha I think its the sad face that made him changed his mind! We came in very late for the movie time, so we decided to buy the next ticket which was at 10:30pm time. We have 2hours to spare, he was hungry so we dined in at the food court, we're just talking there and appreciating many eye candies hehe. He was laughing at my jokes and stories.

He bought me ice cream and we're like children enjoying our cups of that sweet food! We entered this home store at the mall and we looked around and bought some stuffs and he promised that he will help me with cleaning my house since my house looks like shit! I told you guys I don't clean that much, I'm not use to cleaning the house. I told him I saw his former room at UAE (since he was originally working there before moving here) and that I love what he did on it.

He even said he will decorate my room for it to look nice and relaxing. "But will you really clean my house? and do the vacuuming?" I asked. "alright, alright, I will do it..." he said.

yessss!!! I said while laughing

The movie 2012 was awesome, great special effects. But failed to make me cry unlike those moments from independence day or Armageddon when they have that touching moments.

"Will you come with me when "new moon" opens?" I asked him after.

"definitely" --Aldwin

Its 1am when we reached home. I invited him to stay since its very late and he told me he forgot to bring his keys and I promised him he don't have to share my bed, that there's an extra room for him. He agreed.

"would you like me to prepare your bed at the other room? I asked.

"there's no need, I can sleep at your bed" he said

We slept together for the second time, this time no hugging, no kissing, its just plain sleep over of two gay friends. But damn, i cant sleep!haha I wanted to hug him and him to hug me.

Sigh.

He woke me up next morning and I walked him to my door and he left.

I jerked off again! LOL

Just Friends

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 12:19:00 +0000

"Would you like to have dinner with me sometime? maybe on the 26th, is that OK with you?"

That's what he asked after some time of chatting through messenger, honestly, I like talking to him even though I haven't met him yet, well, I saw his picture already. I was able to know him when he sent me a message telling me how he likes my blog that he almost finished it from the beginning. I was flattered of course. We chat whenever we have a chance.

His name: Aldwin

I agreed on that date, since its my day off and its not bad meeting new friends. I was very vocal about having a new friend. I told him I don't have a bi or gay friend in my life, my friends are straight, male and female. It would make a big difference having someone like me. He agreed since he is new here in Doha, barely a month with no new friends yet, he told me later that he's the only Filipino on their company. Technically he is alone.

I was excited. Even if its 2 weeks to go. I was at work one morning when I decided to text him, we exchanged many messages, when later I told him me and other two friends will dine in at a resto and go to the mall after. Which he will go for late lunch too. He asked if we could meet there, I was hesitant. Its too soon, I thought I still have 2 weeks to meet him!

I'm having butterflies on my stomach! I don't know what to type in on my cellphone keypads. Yes or no? Finally I said: OK, I'll find a way when we're at the mall. My friends are already annoyed at me since I was on my phone almost the whole time while we're eating texting him. But my friends enjoyed the foods and the chats and it took them a long time before deciding to go malling!

Aldwin had to go back at their office! So there, meeting:cancelled! I was sad.

I told him we could catch up later or grab a coffee somewhere since he lives a few blocks from my building. When I came home around 8 in the evening, he invited me to have a dinner instead at a nearby fast food. I changed to casual clothes and hit the street, its a walking distance from my flat.

He came in earlier than me. Then I saw him, wearing his jeans and eyeglasses. Hmmm, pwede!!! He's a jolly person I could tell, and no pretensions, no "arte" whatsoever. I like him...as a friend, LOL! Its too early to think about anything romantic and besides I don't know what's in his mind yet. Our meeting was very nice, I enjoyed it. We're talking about anything for more than an hour.

I thought: I like this guy, he could be a very good boyfriend...

But I immediately erased that thought. I don't want to rush in and hurt in the process. Its better to be friends for the meantime, and if its meant to be, and escalated to something deeper, why not. But now, I got to hold my emotions and enjoy the new friendship with him.

"its still early, can we go to your flat and continue our conversation?" he asked.

Next thing I knew we were walking on the familiar street towards my flat. I was embarrassed because I'm not a neat person when it comes to my house!ahaha. I'm messy and lazy cleaning up! We watched TV and laughing and having a great time. We didn"t notice that its getting very late. Its 12am. He have work at 8am, I asked him: What time you'll go home?

No response. I knew he don't want to end the night so soon. I could sense it. Me too. I don't want him to leave yet. Sexual tensions are building up. I'm fighting it. I made a promise to myself that sex will be the last thing on my mind. I'm sick and tired of having sex first before knowing a guy or him knowing me first.

Hindi ako pakipot ha! LOL

He was sitting on my couch and I decided to sit on its armchair, it surprised me when he lay his arms on my legs for comfort while watching TV, I allowed him, until he put my arms around his shoulders. I kissed his hair. I hugged him tighter this time. I don't want that moment to end. Its magical.

I whispered to his ear, I don't want you to go...

Ok, I'll stay...

But you have work in the morning?

I'll go at 6.

Ok.

Next thing I knew, I was changing the pillow cases on my bed! waaaaa!!! Am I doing the right thing here???? For sure something will happen!

I told him : no sex OK? we'll just sleep together.

"of course" he said. Then he took off his shirt and left his boxer shorts.

I panicked deep inside, if he will sleep shirtless that would be dangerous for me, I will feel his skin next to mine and I will explode with hornyness!LOL. I offered him a shirt, he refused, said he cannot sleep with it. I sighed.

When I came back from the bathroom he's already sleeping. I went to my side of the bed. I don't know what possessed me but I hugged him from his back. He acknowledge it, he came closer.I tried to sleep and keep my hard dick away from his back and butt!LOL prayed that it would stop pulsating!haha

I heard him snoring a little. I felt his bare skin on my arms. It felt good. I stopped myself from biting his earlobes. I slept after a while. I took my arms from him and decided to shift on my side, he followed and this time he was the one hugging me from my back. I missed this. Someone hugging me. Cuddling me...when was the last time someone hugged me this close while sleeping? a year ago? with Brian...

But I was surprised when he started giving me light touches on my shoulders, seducing me...he started moving his hips against mine. My eyes wide open! Oh no...this is it! Will I do it with him...but he promised no sex...

He took my hand and put inside his boxers, I felt his manhood...

"please s@ck it..." he whispered. I said no....he begged "please..."

I faced him and his lips gently moved closer to mine, I kissed him, slowly he kissed me back, then hungrily...I moaned with pleasure...

I like kissing, maybe liked it more than the actual sex itself...

We are both on fire, but I'm still undecided if I want to continue this... I promised myself not to be this easy on sex...been very casual about sex with darkguy before...

I promised my self that the next time I'll do it, it have to be with someone I love, someone who loves me...

I gathered all my self control and said : we cant do this, we are friends.

And with those words, as if I threw a cold drum of water on him and he stopped.

"yes we are friends" he said

I kissed his lips gently and hugged him until we slept.

-----------------------------------------------------

Its 6am he rose from my bed, I didn't move a muscle wait for him to wash up and dressed up. He lay his head on my tummy and wait for me to respond. I hugged him. But didn't kiss him I knew I have a killer breath that time LOL!

I walked him to the door and as I was putting the keys he moved very close from my back and started touching me wildly, I was immediately on fire, I put my hand inside his pants and touched his manhood, he pulled down my shorts from my back and touching me...we almost did it.

He stopped and said: we are friends....
damn! i said im my mind

I'll go, thanks. I'll talk to you later. he said.

I waved goodbye and closed my door.

I went back to my bed and jerked off! LOL

Nice To See You

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:46:00 +0000

I woke up early that day, kinda unusual for me. I always rushed to go downstairs (since I live in the 6th floor) whenever my service arrived to bring me to work. But that day was different. After I prepared all my stuffs, I decided to wait for my driver at the lobby of our accommodation, for a change.

I was walking and looking for a spot to stand so that I could easily see my service. Some employees are there too. I saw a familiar figure. The guy I used to kiss and get intimate with...

Darkguy.

I have no choice. He already saw me. It will look stupid to ignore him or hide. I approached him. I said hi and he smiled.

"so, we're both morning shift, who is your driver?" he said. I replied and we had a casual small talk.

"you found a new flat to move in, are you still planning to move out?" he continued. I told him last time he was in my flat that I wanted to move, he offered back then that their flat still have a vacant room, but i refused. It would be very easy for us to play around! I might not be able to refuse if were both so near to each other!!!!

We both felt awkward. There are few seconds of pause before anyone say a word. When its taking too long, we will both say something at the same time! damn!

We continued that small chat until my own service arrived first. Gosh, I was so uncomfortable walking towards the van, thinking that he might be still looking at my back. (feeling!!!)

Whew!that went well!

That was the first conversation we had after many weeks. After many things that had happen to us. Because I wondered how its going to be once we bump into each other. I don't want us avoiding each other since we have a small world here.

I'm not in love with him, but i won't deny that I looked at his lips. I remembered how it felt like on my own lips LOL!

At least, no more tension between us. Which what I wanted to be. We had sex alright. But we could still live on our own lives and work together after that, right?

Related posts entries:
The Lucky One or...Not?
A Painful Start
Do You Wanna Do It Again Tonight?
No More, No More

Flatmates

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:40:00 +0000

Hello, how are you guys? well, nothing much going on with me lately, been busy with work and just sleeping most of the time! haha. I saw these gay short film, at youtube and thought of sharing it with you...watch it.

I feel bad for bjorn,huhu...I thought hampos likes him because of what he usually do to him,that as if he's flirting!

Where Am I?!

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:44:00 +0000

I just got out from my service and waved goodbye to my colleague. I'm walking towards the lobby of my building where my flat is located on the 6th floor. I'm so tired due to so much workload on my duty. I wanna sleep and eat as soon as I reach home, I said to myself. I pressed the number 6 on the elevator and took my keys out of my bag pocket.

I closed my eyes while the lift goes up, then I heard it opened. My flat is located beside the elevator on the left. Like I always do on my everyday life here, I went out and inserted my keys to the keyhole on my door. But this time, its different!

My keys wont work! WTF?!

I tried the other one, maybe I put my room key instead of the main door key, but it still wont open!

I tried it again. Again. I'm starting to get annoyed! I inserted the other key once again with much pressure, maybe it just got stucked or something!

Finally, it opened! whew!

But i got the surprise of my life when I entered the flat, it looks different! in fact, very different!

I closed my eyes and opened it again, I was like in another dimension!

But it really looks like not my...

...flat...

My eyes was so wide in horror on the realization

Waaaaaa!Its not my flat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I checked the number on the door and it said: number 29!

Oh Lord! What have I done?!

I immediately closed the door and prayed that the owner wont catch me forcefully open their door!huhu. When I turned my back to go to the lift again, I saw one Filipino outside waiting at the elevator too. He saw what I did! Embarrassing!

Deadma nalang!hahaha. Potah, na sa 4th floor lang pala ako!

What was I thinking! I'm so stupid not checking the door number first! But why the door opened if its not my flat? Oh shit, maybe I broke their door! LOL whoever lives there I'm sorry haha!

No More,No More

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:41:00 +0000

There was little light coming from the bathroom and the room was still dark, we're both on the bed and still naked. He was hugging me. This is the third time he shared my bed. I tried to kiss him, but he avoided my lips this time. I'm puzzled by his action, a while ago he was kissing me, responded to my kisses.

Why?whats wrong? I asked him.

"I haven't wash my mouth yet...and your mustache is a little painful on my lips..." he said

But I know he's lying. There's something more to it. So I guess he don't want kissing me after the sex, but during the sex its alright? WTF is that!!! Maybe in his mind he allowed a guy like me kissing him because he was delirious and so horny that time that its alright? but now that he is in his right mind he cant be kissed?

So I guess that's my cue. I said "OK, you can go now" he rose from the bed and went at the shower. I didn't move on the bed. I was still on it with my nakedness and wait for him to finish.In my mind, I made a decision that its gonna be the last time. This is my wake up call that I have had my fun, I have had my initiation that I wanted (LOL!) I experienced being a bottom, I felt the pain and the pleasure accompanied in it. So he's done! Out of my life. I can go back to my old conservative self now LOL!

Of course I've been thinking a lot for the past days, I am weighing things up. I know Im the loser on this set up. He is married. He's playing straight. On denial about his sexuality or maybe he's really straight, I don't know. Bottom line, he cant be mine. I'm just a sex machine whenever he needs and feels like using.

Reality check: I'm starting to like him. Signs and symptoms: I'm beginning to demand some more stuffs. Beginning to feel its not enough. Wanting to see him more often. But I don't love him...yet. I need to do something about this. So I came with this decision to avoid him now. I cannot afford to have another heartache this time.

I cannot afford to be used by his sexual desires. Whenever he want. I'm better than that. I'm a person deserving to be loved and to love. I have a lot of love to give. Just waiting for that someone to come by. I know he's looking for me too. Its just a matter of time. And when our paths are crossed I know it will be at the right time and right place.

I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but what can I do? That's me. I don't give up on love, yet. I know and I still believe in it. I have my own story, a happy ending. My book isn't finish yet, I still halfway through it, I still need my ending. My happy ever after. But is there a happy ever after? Or just in fairy tale?

Now I'm serious haha wow I cant believe I poured out my heart on you guys!Just wow!

Four days have passed and I didn't see him, I didn't talk to him. I even avoided sending instant messages or text him. Its a complete avoidance on my part. I know I'm doing the right thing here. I prayed that God give me strength and to move on with my life. I had fun at work with my friends, kept myself busy (with farmville LOL).

A buzz and an instant message appeared on my screen when i woke up one night, its from dark guy.

"hmmm, someone seems to be very busy lately..."

"I haven't felt your presence lately too..."

"it seems you have other company in there instead of me huh"

I don't know what to think when I read them. Was he jealous? Was he missing me?

I replied: been busy lately, and I'm cooking now

"I was on the night shift and my sex life was down..." he said

"so, what are you cooking now? You really know how to cook?hehe" he added

I knew he's just playing friendly and eventually he'll just say he needs a f@ck! It made me annoyed.

I typed these words instead : you know what, stop the friendly conversation, why don't you just go to the point? I'm not in the mood to have sex now, I'm sorry, you could mast*rb*te instead.

He replied: You're just playing hard to get!

And signed out.

It made me smile.hehe.

Success.

I'm gonna focus on work. Have fun here. If a special someone comes, well, I'm willing to get to know him, who knows he will complete my story.

Bye for now.

"Do You Wanna Do it Again Tonight?"

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:00:00 +0000

Its been 5 days since "that" happened between us, and he never failed to send messages to my messenger or my phone inviting me or flirting with me to do it all again. Which I declined. Part of me wanting to say yes, but I gathered all my strength to say no. We never cross path since then maybe its pure luck, I guess.

But not on one morning...

I went out of the building to wait for my driver to arrive to bring me to work and so as other employees, I saw a few outside too. Until one figure appeared on my left side. Wearing his uniform in full glory.Its him. Dark guy. I don't know what to do. He was a few inches away from me. He was talking to the other guy. I knew he saw me. I just looked away from him and prayed for my service to come right away.

I was relax again when I reached the hospital. Prayed so hard my boss wont assign me to Darkguy's area where he is on duty that day! I was so relieved when he didn't. Until before lunch, one of my senior staff who was assigned to the area where I don't want to go said : Mac, please cover my area for a while I need to go to the personnel department. And I was like "Oh nooooooooooooo!!!!"

I run out of good luck, one nurse called and they need me there. I had no choice but to go. Bahala na si batman.

I spotted him immediately as soon as I entered the room, he was busy. The nurse who called me was next to him good thing there's wall between them. But the nurse need one thing, which I have to get to the door next to Darkguy's .Shit! shit! shit! I walked passing over him. I knew he noticed me. I still didn't looked at him. It feels so awkward!

When I was fixing the machine and I was talking to the nurse who called me, he then appeared. Talking to the nurse I was talking to. Shit! I wanna kill him. He was teasing me by appearing in front of me.He knew I'm avoiding him and that I'm not comfortable. I turned my back instead and pretended busy with the machine.

But goodness, he look so hot and sexy. I suddenly missed the kiss. The feeling of his body towards mine.

Past 2:00 pm I received a text from him " do you wanna do it again tonight?"

Damn!!!

I replied :"I will wait for you later" I don't know what was I thinking!

*****************************

6:00 pm: He texted what time should he come. I said maybe 9pm since I was watching star trek on TV. I wanna finish it. He then said "can we make it at 8:30?" I said OK. Then he asked if I have porn, I said yes but all are man to man hehe. He replied "that will be alright, its my first time to see that thing". In my mind, hmm not for long I can convert him to the other side, I know he is curious and I know deep inside him he wants this, he just wanna be normal and "straight".

"Can we meet at 7pm instead since we're going to watch videos its nice to be early....and besides I have duty early in the morning tomorrow."
Oh my! Its not obvious he was not excited at all!LOL

After a quick shower I was picking my clothes when he sent a message on my messenger saying if I'm ready for him to come. He was so in a hurry to see me! "haba ng hair ko!"

When I opened the door its like deja vu. He was holding red roses and smiling at me...kidding!!! hehe. He was just smiling and wearing a sexy tight fitting sleeveless shirt and that shorts was the killer! it was tight and short-short and his d*ck was so visible on it...bakat na bakat LOL he's really teasing me...and it worked. I was on fire!

Its like our first time, he sat on my bed and we talked for a while and I played the m2m porn on my laptop. We both lay on my bed while he watch, I stroked his lips and his neck and his chest. He put his arms on my shoulders. It felt like I was his. Like we're together, as in together-together!

He look different that moment. I can feel it. Extra caring, extra-sweet, extra-horny...LOL! I kissed him while i was on top. He was hugging me too tight as if he would lose me if he ain't. His fingers are caressing, running lightly on my sides, on my back, on my legs while i was still wearing my clothes on...

I kissed him hungrily, he would kissed me back too as if he's competing with my kisses and my tongue...he just soooo different now...we're like an animal...so intensed...so electrifying...I never been this excited! I don't wanna let go of his mouth as if we don't have tomorrow...

I took off his clothes and he took mine...

------------------------------------------

This is Laguardia of MTRCB and this part is censored!

LOL!!!

------------------------------------------

Anyway, after more than two hours (tagal nun a!) we were both naked and breathless. He was hugging me and giving me light touches and kisses. Hmmm, now he learned his lessons hehe. It was so powerful. I never experienced it before. I like this moment, everything was so good and romantic in the same way. This doesn't feel like just sex, but it was lovemaking.

The bed almost give up. I feel bad for it.haha

I turned on the light when he was picking up his clothes on the floor. He tried to hide and used the sofa to hid his nakedness.

Before me, was his dark colored skin and firm body...

"Oh, why are you shy?"

He was covering his manhood with his undies on his hands. He looked so cute...and childish.

I laughed.

I know I'm not doing the right thing here. I know you're judging me. But how can be something so bad feel so good????

*sigh*

I kissed him goodbye and left.

A Painful Start

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:50:00 +0000

This is a continuation of "The Lucky One..Or Not"

I run to the bathroom and took a quick shower! I only have 20 minutes till he comes. I'm so excited for what about to happen tonight...Its been a while since I did a one night stand like this. The last one was 8 or 9 years ago. After countless casual sex I said then that its enough, its time to get serious. A step which I didn't regret, I got to know and experience the beauty of having serious relationships which left some good and bittersweet memories that I will treasure for a long time.

My phone rang. Its him. Mr.dark guy. I sprayed perfume on my balls and run out to the door LOL! I opened it and asked him to come in, I don't know what to say at first. He was wearing a black sexy sando and shorts. He looked delicious. Ayayay!!!

When we reached my messy room, he sat on my bed and I was lost for words for a few minutes. I still cant believe we are about to do this. We talked about anything at first, casual conversations.

me: I wanna turn off the lights, is that alright with you? (but i opened the lights on the bathroom, so that it will give some shed of lights on the room)

When I came back he was already lying on my bed, waiting. I sat beside him and started stroking his forehead, his hair, his cheek. I lowered my head and put my lips on his. I tasted the sweetness of it. I want more. I tried to open his mouth by my own, but it remained close.

I said "why?whats wrong?"

darkguy: I'm not used to guy's kissing my lips...

me: open a little bit...

Which he did, literally! I kissed his neck, his earlobes...I felt that it tickled him...I tried to do more but he avoided my tongue. I kissed his nipples and his chest...

until I noticed something:

me: wait a second, so you'll gonna be like a statue there?!!!

darkguy: sorry...

He kissed my neck this time and my nipples but his mouth was still hesitant to kiss me full time. I cant blame him, its his first time doing this.

I know I'm doing all the work here, but I said to myself, OK, just now. Only now I will let this happen. Its my first time having sex with a straight (?) married guy. This is sooo against my rule which is to date only gay guys. But, as they say, there's always a first time to everything. But come to think of it, technically, I know he isn't straight although he is not admitting it, but i can feel it in my bones, he is gay,well, maybe around 40% hehe.

I mean he wanna do it with me, with the same guy, if he is so straight he could have chosen a woman instead. And that no matter how horny he was, he wont share my bed.

I did everything to his dark sexy body, he was moaning with pleasure. I went on top of him and rub my manhood to his. It was a great sensation. I was moaning too. His body was perfect for my body. I'm not used to the slapping though haha.I felt like a porn star!

darkguy: can I f@ck you?

me: I'm not sure I can do it...its my first time

darkguy: I will be gentle

I wanna laugh, I remembered that line before from somewhere! So gasgas na!haha But I don't know if he was hypnotizing me or what or in my mind I just like to experience it too, the questions that arises on my mind over and over again: why bottoms likes to be f@ck? was it really that good? does it feel better than topping which I always do?

me: you are so damn lucky that I will let you do me mister!

I was so nervous, I know it will be painful and he is a beginner too!Oh my Gosh! what does he know about doing this thing! he only knows the VA-J-J!!!!

I felt the coldness of the lube on my @$...his finger...I bit my lips...its a bit painful...then I felt much pain whats came in next. I wanna scream. I wanna push him back. I want to back out!LOL

He stopped. He knew I'm in great pain. He said I should relax. But his d*ck is so thick! for heaven's sake! We shifted positions. He was in front of me. He tried it again. Its still the same pain. I ignored the pain and tried to look and feel the pleasure that every bottom guy feels....but I cannot find it!!!

Where the hell is the pleasure????? hello any body there?LOL

But in fairness, maybe he didn't noticed but he was kissing me torridly, hungrily this time. I wanna smile. So my pain made him forget that he is not use to kissing guys huh!

After a couple of attempts, its still painful and he felt bad for me.

darkguy: I will stop now, I don't wanna hurt you anymore...

Wow, nakaramdam din!LOL but honestly I appreciated that. In my mind I need practice so I said I'm gonna buy a couple of banana and shove it to my ass tomorrow LOLLLLLLLLLL!!!

I again went on top of him and applied a huge amount of lube and rubbed my d*ck to his, this is my favorite position, did I tell you guys that?haha I called it "kiskisan".When he was about to shoot he asked me to do the hand job instead.

He finished. He was breathless. I'm dead tired too. Actually I didn't have much erection due to pain. I didn't come. He didn't bother to make me come. In my mind, Savour the moment darkguy, this is your first and last.

me: hey, didn't you know, after the sex you have to hug and kiss your mate?

He laughed and hugged me tighter and longer. We were talking and laughing for a while on that position. He asked me if I have a boyfriend, I said none. He added if I have one back in manila, I said before but not now. He wanna see them, I allowed him to see picture of my ex's. I can sensed that he was curious about my life about my gay life or maybe I'm mistaken. I don't know.

When we cleaned up I walked him to the door and said our goodbyes. I was surprised seeing a message from him after an hour saying "what now?" I don't know what he meant. He didn't elaborate. He was asking, if I was satisfied, I said no. And he was explaining like if I allowed him to do these and that I will have fun eventually, as if he was guilty and wanted to make up for it.

darkguy:so you don't like me? you don't want to do it again?

me: I will think about it. Honestly I didn't enjoy it. You don't know how to do it well.

darkguy: okay if you don't wanna do it again, its alright...

And besides, I don't wanna be a home wrecker if you know what I mean, once is enough, at least natikman ko ang crush ko hehe.

When I went to bed, his smell was still on my pillows and linen...

The Lucky One... Or Not?

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:10:00 +0000

An instant message hit my screen asking how am I doing and if I don't have work. I said none, and the usual stuffs. He is not a constant chat mate of mine. But we have a common online friend. That friend sent to him my YM I.D and added me. So now he is on my list. I see him at work. And I have to admit he is a hottie. Dark and sexy. I love those eyes...

So I was surprised that he is on a chatting mood now, unlike from our previous chat that only lasted for a few exchanges of messages. Let me give him a nickname: darkguy. Jonget a! pero hayaan na!la na ako sa mood mag isip.As the chatting continues he asked:

darkguy: what is your interest?

me: I'm an Internet addict and I love to eat and watch movies.

darkguy: it doesn't show on your body that you love to eat. you go out most of the time?

me: not really.I just love to eat out with my friends.

darkguy: who's with you?

Hmmmm, I'm a little curious why there's a sudden interest from him on what I do. Its not like him. I found it strange but I'm a little excited! What is he up to!

me: friends. sometimes my date. (he didn't know I'm dating an Italian guy recently since he is not a reader of my blog nor a close friend)

darkguy: who are you dating? (kiliggg ako!LOL)

me: secret!what about you, what's your interest?

darkguy: anything....sex!hahaha

me: whaaaat! well, you look like a womanizer to me!
be careful that your wife wont catch you OK!ha ha

darkguy: it depends

me: really?

darkguy: yeah, many. but I refused. many would like to share my bed, both men and women hehe.But honestly most of them are gays.

He told me that a married gay guy even asked him to show his body on cam and he showed a little. Just a tease.

darkguy: asked me to show him my dick. I showed it to him just for a sec.

me: me too!me too! (I joked around)

darkguy: me too? you wanna see it too on cam? why just on cam ,when you can go here at my room and see it live now....

Oh! Oh! now he is really up to something! he is flirting with me!Oh my gosh!!!

darkguy: I'm open to anything as long as you're discreet.

darkguy: yeah, I can give you anything especially if I'm horny...now that my wife is not here...

I knew it! he is bisexual!!!But I don't know what to say to him!I can sense it that he will be topping me. I'm not ready to be a bottom guy on bed!yet!

darkguy: that's why, if you like doing it, I will be a willing guy...

me: so, you gonna do it all the way?everything?

darkguy: yeah, whatever my partner wants me to do...I will satisfy him like I do it on my wife...

I'm a little doubtful, I mean he is straight, although I can feel it that he is bisexual, what if he will be like a king in bed, meaning: the typical straight guy who would just sit and let the gay guy do all the work!I don't want that.

darkguy: This would be my first time doing it with a guy, if you like it, i wanna try it...

So I'm the guinea pig huh...I said to myself. But dear lord I'm shivering in front of my computer! Am I dreaming? The guy I'm lusting is talking to me about having sex with him!!!I asked myself: will I let him do me? I'm a virgin for Pete's sake! (well, my ass is!LOL)

me: Did you ever have sex with anyone here?

darkguy: nope. just all with my left hand! they're asking me, but i refused. I don't know them and they are far from here. So if ever you agree. You will be the first one...

So I'm the lucky one huh!hehe. Shit! I have a hard time deciding! But will I let this opportunity to pass?

me: can I see you on web cam?

darkguy: hmmm, OK wait.

He showed the "package" to me! Now, I don't wanna think anymore, I want him.Tonight!LOL

darkguy: so, you wanna try me? I will go to your flat. You can do anything on my body.

me: okay..

Shit! Shit! Shit!

darkguy: wait for me. I will take a quick shower...

---to be continued

Salami?

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:04:00 +0000

I don't mean to offend anyone on this post.But what can I do, this is a true story!LOL

Working in a different country is hard for me at first, since its my first time working outside our beloved Philippines LOL! Anyway, handling the machines/ventilators are one of them, i studied them and manipulated them until I get familiar with the knobs and controls, next is, I always get lost!haha damn,its a big hospital with lots of hallways and turns and everything!!!

And the biggest challenge for me: the Indians!

Why?

Because I cannot understand them quickly when they speak to me. They have a strange way of speaking in English, they eat the words and they have a unique sound. Its a big issue since most of them are nurses and I have to communicate with them almost all the time!And there are more Indians here than Filipinos!

One time I was inside the isolation room, the Indian nurse came to the door and asked me:

nurse: Why is salami?

Me:huh? (clueless...in my mind:WTF is she talking about!)

nurse: salami!

Me:I don't know what you mean with salami?( is that the food?LOL i thought.) sister,please say it s-l-o-w-l-y...

nurse: why-is-it---a-l-a-r-m-i-n-g....????

Oh my gosh!hahaha I almost laugh so hard after I realized what she meant!

I have to ask them to repeat what they are trying to say 3 times before i could understand. That's why i have to focus my eyes on their lips when i talk to them so that i could read their mouth.

For my third month here, I guess I'm improving, I can get what they mean for asking them to repeat for only 2 times now!LOL

Blessed andThankful

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:29:00 +0000

Finally after two months of working here in the desert, I got my first salary for two months!yahooooo!!!first payments, first money, it felt so good when it came out of the atm machine, a fruit of my labor and hard work(?)!

Since I'm very rich!LOL! I rushed to the mall and bought 6 t-shirts, a pair of pants and shorts, a perfume (Burberry Brit) and these two lovely shoes from Nike and Lacoste!its shopping to the maxxxxx!!!!my sister will kill me once she knew about the total amount I spent!!!(plus my N97 phone!) good thing the mall is closing and if they didn't, i might spend half of my money from clothes!maybe its God's way of saying...ENOUGH!

nike - free everyday 2

Lacoste- tourelle BP

The next day I bought a microwave and a rice cooker. Since I badly need those. I treated my friends at Ponderosa as I promised them before, where in there is a buffet and the best thing about the restaurant, its eat all you can!I wasn't able to breath when we finally decided to go home hahaha.

It's just frustrating that some brands are not available here like in Manila, only UK brands can be found here. Honestly I dont know some of them hahaha! Jologs kasi!

Im thankful for all of these. My work is good, my boss and co-employee are nice and approachable, I have a good housemate, I have many new friends and I can buy things that I like now, I am blessed. I must say. I promised my self this is the last time I will be spending this much. Next month I will start saving up money and avoid going to the mall.

P.S
Mr.Italian is asking for a dinner, ofcourse, my treat this time since he knew I got my first paycheck.I will hide!LOL

Another Goodbye

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:14:00 +0000

For all those times you were with me
For all the good laughs and fun moments
For all the foods especially the pizzas!hehe
For the times you brought me to the supermarket

For all the great pleasures!LOL!!!
For all the great chats we had
For making my boring days a little exciting
For all of this,Thank you.

As we come to the part where we realized
That its not working out...
That its not possible for us...
That everything will be better if we remain...
Just friends.

I remembered the song with lyrics like:
"When i tell you goodbye,it doesn't mean forever..."
Ewwwwwww,so cheesy!

I will surely miss you
I will surely be sad...and depressed
Well, for an hour maybe!LOL
Take care Mr.Italian Guy.

Anyway!To raise my spirit high
I bought a new phone! The Nokia N97
Now, I'm so much into it! my new toy!hehe
kinakarir ko talaga ang manual!

The Sleep Over

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 20:09:00 +0000

this is the actual beach where we went

I heard the familiar sound of our doorbell, but unlike before, I didn't rush out to open it, I knew who it was...I took my time and I opened the door and there he was again standing on my front door for the 6th time?was it 7?10?crap I lost count!haha.

"pizza delivery sir!" he was wearing his cutest smile while holding the box of pizza he promised me to make.

"wow you really made me a pizza!!!" I'm so excited, finally i will be able to taste the works of this crazy guy that I adore.Its was so good I ate 8 slices and kept the other two for my friends to try it the next day hehe. (mang iinggit lang ako na iginawa ako ni Eros ng pizza hehe)

He took me for a ride and we went to the night market because I told him I needed to buy the longganisa haha, I don't know what has gotten into me that I'm craving for that Pinoy food for the past week! I know what you all thinkin', I'm not pregnant morons!

But to no avail, I cant find it. And for the 8th or nth time travelling together in the street of Doha, he said the famous words "OK, we are officially lost" haha and I will reply it with "what else is new?!just drive and we will find the right way soon,hopefully. LOL" and we will just both laugh about it.

Its my day off that day and its our plan that I will be spending it at his place. Its 1:00 in the morning, he parked at his spot and he guided me to his condo, its my second time here. I checked my pocket to see if I brought my pepper spray in case he do something. Kidding!!! of course I will be a willing victim LOL!!!

He offered me vodka but I refused, I don't want to drink "gasoline" I told him. I went to his bed and lie there and wait for him to join me. Oh wag muna kayo mag isip ng advance di pa kami magsesex!LOL.

We talked and have some nice laughs through the night, we watched some stuffs over the net.Its 4am when we finally decided to go to sleep. Its cold in the room and I was already inside the comforter hugging the big pillow on my side."so you going to hug that freaking pillow over me?" he said teasing.

"i cant sleep without hugging a pillow"

"you can hug me." he said protesting

"no, you're too big to hug!" I continued teasing

He hugged me from the back while I was hugging the pillow at my front! that looks like a threesome to me!

He started kissing me from my nape and towards the side of my lips and I willingly respond, his hands are traveling everywhere, on my arms, on my chest, on my belly and finally down to the land down under and to my tree of life LOLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

I cannot control the urge to moan and I faced him and this time I responded to his every kiss and every touch. He undressed me and...

--OK, THIS PART IS CENSORED !--

(he will kill me if he find out that I'm sharing every details of it.)

Anyway moving along, haha. The next morning we went to the beach and we stroll and have some pictures together. It was a lovely day and we came back at the city past 4 in the afternoon, he bought some food at the groceries and I cooked rice and we shared a simple and heavy dinner hehe. Did I mentioned that he is too lazy to cook at home?!I mean WTF!

He slept on my side while I was watching "trueblood" on my laptop, I let him take that time to rest I know he is tired and not having enough sleep this past few weeks. I was struggling to understand what I'm watching because the crazy bastard was snoring like a dinosaur!LOL

I woke him up at ten and drove me back home. I have work the next morning.

Ciao!
(see i learned one Italian word already!)

Desert Gay Stories

ltebc30@hotmail.com (Mac Callister) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:51:00 +0000

It's my second month in this foreign country, a land of dessert and too much heat, a country served by different nationalities, more of Indians then Filipinos and other neighboring countries. I must say this state is not a tourism destinations, its more of a work-force country, people are here to work. I said that because there's not much to go here, I mean its just malls!LOL

There are no amusement parks, not much of a night life, unlike Dubai I guess, they said, but you can really save money here unlike in Dubai where its like Manila that you have lots of stuff available for a lonely Pinoy.Good thing I'm a home buddy haha!and besides I have Mr.Italian to keep me company.He is my constant companion and my driver!LOL

I am able to gain new friends, which is the great part of being here.I can honestly say I'm enjoying my life here.I am having fun. Work is a thing that I need to get use to but I'm relaxed and confident that in time I will learn everything.

Being here for two months now, I heard many stories and rumors about gay Filipinos and couples being deported back in the Philippines. As we all know, homosexuality are forbidden and considered a sin here. Let me tell you their stories:

The Policeman

Filipino gay was in a relationship with this Arab police and only few Filipino knew about it, when the gay Filipino caught Mr.policeman cheating on him, he immediately broke up with him, but policeman don't want to lose the gay pinoy, he want to win him back, but after many failed attempts, since he cant have him back the policeman have the gay pinoy arrested and within 24 hours he was deported back home.

The Mall Gays

There are two discreet Filipino gay inside the mall and they decided to go inside this shop and noticed great female dresses on the display and maybe they forgot that they are in the Muslim country that they started goofing around and started putting the dress on top of their clothes, but not really trying the dress on OK, as if telling his friend that it looks good on him. An Arab saw them and reported them to the management and have them deported.

The Blackmailer

A Filipino gay adored the middle Eastern guys (like me!LOL) and when someone approached him he immediately grabbed the chance! He dated him and had him as his fling, but when the gay pinoy started losing interest and don't want to see the Arab guy anymore, the Arab started blackmailing the pinoy of homosexual activity and threatened him to be reported if he still avoid him. So the pinoy had no choice but to still see him until he finished his contract and went home.

The Gay Party

One night many pinoy gays have an all out party when everybody was wearing drag clothes!complete with make ups and high heels. But its a private party after all, its all Filipino. They took videos and pictures on their cellphone as remembrance. Unfortunately one member of that group was caught by authorities after a few months with a complaint or a crime he committed that was not made clear to me by my story teller hehe. So this gay was arrested and the authorities comfiscated his cellphone and there...they found the videos of the group's party!All in the videos are deported as well...

The Happy Gay Couple

This one is different from the other stories, this is somehow good, and I feel envy with the Filipino gay hehe. Why?because he and his Arab boyfriend are going on their 15th years together! oh wow!!! It was said that they met when the pinoy was still working at Saudi and when he finished his contract and decided to work here in Qatar, the Arab came with him and moved here too! and he is using a great car given by his rich Arab lover!and the pinoy is living inside a big house and all expenses are provided by his foreign lover!take that!

-end-

Hmm, me and Eros (lets call my Mr.Italian by that name) I don't know whats our future, one thing we need to do now, is to be careful, and they said as long as its inside your walls nobody cares what you're doing and you will be safe. We go out,we hang out, spend some good time together. And he said he will cook for me. I hope that day will come!

Greetings to my friends namely: Paolo from the Philippines and bleeding angel from Dubai.Ciao!!!