currently listening on repeat to

Remind Me Who I am by Jason Gray  (love this video!)

currently planning to cook

nothing!  have tonight’s dinner in the Crockpot, playing trophy wife & having dinner out with clients tomorrow night, and a girls night Saturday

currently reading

This Thing of Ours: How Faith Saved My Mafia Marriage by Cammy Franzese

its my next book for review.  (which reminds me, I need to update my “library” page.)

currently discovering

how to love and live better

currently catching up on the trend of

Hawaii Five-O     is that a trend?  it is in the LOST circles I run in.  Jay and I are still on season 1.  although i will say that if you’re not into Once Upon A Time I strongly suggest that you catch up!!

currently organizing

the bill basket.  tax paperwork.

currently dreading

see above.  also the Home Owners meeting we’re having tonight.

currently drinking

just finished my afternoon decaf.  should probably refill my water cup.  Gallo family Cabernet is currently open at home.

currently desiring

another adventure.  its been awhile since jay and i have gone out and done something fun and care-free.

currently creating

optimism?  my current quest is to learn to change my attitude into one of being thankful for the blessings in my life rather than concentrate on the negativity.

What about you?  Care to join us?

This week, however, they want us to confess all the awesomeness in our lives over the past week. Those moments include, but are not limited to food or fitness victories. I think we could all stand to celebrate the good in life a bit more, so I wanted to join in!

• This morning I did speed work on the treadmill. Brag #1 is that I got my butt out of bed.  5:30 is early for me.  Jay hadn’t even gone to bed yet!  Brag #2?  I maintained 7.0 on the treadmill for 4 separate quarter-mile intervals.  (The first 2 intervals were at 6.8, but then I found that too easy and bumped it up.)  That’s an 8:34 m/m pace!!  Of course I’m a long way from being able to maintain that over any considerable distance, but I consider it a victory to have not fallen off the back of the treadmill!
• My father had a meeting on Friday regarding his job situation and I tagged along.  I left the meeting feeling very confident about it all.  God’s in control, I just needed a reminder.
• I ran one of the hilly sections of the Covenant Knoxville Marathon on Sunday during my 11 miler, and I didn’t die!  We maintained a 10:45 m/m pace and I felt good the entire time.
• I am currently devouring a lunch of pulled pork BBQ sandwich, roasted potatoes and sugar snap peas.  And am loving it.  Intellectually I’ve always know that packed lunches are more yummy.  It’s just convince myself to skip the drive thru and make a bit of an effort.
• A random dude just came into work to talk to one of my coworkers.  When he saw the picture of the Princess he asked “Is that your daughter?”  Never mind that it’s a picture of her and her brother together, with no mention from RD of the Little Man.  I told him no, that it was my niece.  ”She looks exactly like you!”  This is no accomplishment of mine, but since the Princess is a beautiful girl I very much took it as a compliment.
• I’m finally using a few groupons and gift certificates – and feel rich!  We’ve got a call in to the groupon-gutter-cleaner-people and to the house cleaning services.   I’m also getting a massage, manicure, and pedicure this week!  Happy birthday to me 6+ months after the fact.

All-in-all its been a pretty fantabulous week (with a few minor exceptions that we won’t talk about here.  After all my Sunday school class choosing a “parenting 101″ lesson plan for the next 6 weeks says nothing about me.  Right?  Except that I get to sleep in on Sundays for the next 6 weeks.)

What about your life would you like to celebrate today?

Because I’ve done this task several times, people have come to assume that its part of my job. They drop hints.  They come out and ask when I’m going to take care of it.  (These are not direct orders from my boss, but rather suggestions from coworkers.)

And that annoys the BEEP out of me!

I’m really not sure how to proceed.  I think its a pride thing on my part. How dare they think they are better than me!  How dare they expect such lowly service!  Also?  I’m not a huge fan of taking orders.  Nothing like someone delegating a job to say “This task is beneath me, but since you’re down there already take care of it for me will ya?”  You’d think as an office specialist aka not quite good enough to be an administrative assistant, I’d be use to it by now.    But alas, I am not.

Jesus didn’t say to serve others so that we can get the glory for serving them.  Or serve them only when they thank us.  I just struggle with the dying to self part, when there is someone who’s more than willing to kill my self-worth.

Surely with all the moms who read my blog – I’m not alone in this.  Similar moments include when my husband will do anything (including harder tasks) to avoid preparing food is beneath him.  Or when the Princess expects me to drop everything and play with her because that’s the way it’s always been done.

I guess it hurts more because I also got my feelings hurt at church this weekend.  Seems like everywhere I turn I’m being told I’m worthless.  Or a non-person.  When everything within me screams that I want to matter.  I need to matter.  I need to be special.

Do you have a favorite scripture, prayer, or mantra that helps you in moments like this?  How do you cope?  How do you serve a master who considers you a slave rather than a friend who’s willing to help out?

(High drama for cleaning out the office fridge huh?  Guess that just goes to show how petty and prideful I truly am!)

How do you keep track of your races/PRs?  I’m certainly willing to tweak so leave me ideas in the comments!!

5K

29:20 – Law Enforcement Memorial

previous 33:08 – Race Against Racism

8K

51:34 – PigeonForge.com Midnight Road Race

previous 53:20 – Tiger 8K (2009)

10K

59:53 – Run the Hood

previous 1:06:07 – Hot to Trot (2010)

Half Marathon (13.1)

2:22:49 – Haunted Half Marathon

previous 2:26:45 – Secret City Half Marathon

Marathon (26.2)

5:38:15 - Disney Marathon

Triathlon

1:16:06 – Anchor Splash 2010

300 yrd SWIM – 8:55
7 mi BIKE – 33:49
3 mi RUN  - 33:23

No, I haven’t gone completely crazy.  Promise.  But sitting here 2 hours later, I’m hungry again.  I had a ginormo burger + fries + coke combo.  And I’m still hungry. Anyone care to venture a guess why?

Because after 2  3 4days of eating crap (yesterday was a friend’s birthday lunch, Monday was a holiday, & Sunday my Mother fed me), my body is screaming for some nutrition.  No, zucchini sautéed in butter served with fried rice hardly constitutes nutrition.  (It does, however, equal yum!)  As I type this, I’m snacking on a pear and a cheese square.  I can’t be bothered to “start over tomorrow” when my calorie count will be reset.  I’m starting NOW.
To McDonald’s – Thanks but no thanks on the offer to go steady.  I guess I didn’t have much to compare you to before, when I thought you were so amazing.  Now that I know better, I just can’t see our relationship picking up where we left off.
To the Unbelievers - (aka my husband, my father, and that random dude that ran with me Saturday) I get that you don’t support me or my running goals.  You’ve made that loud and clear.  You think that I strive to high/fast/lofty.   I don’t get your logic or reasoning behind it.  Don’t want to really.  I can’t fathom a situation in which someone who has proven him/herself talks to me about a goal and I take the “no way – you can’t do it” perspective.

I don’t get it, and quite frankly I’m to the point that I don’t care either.

I’m a marathoner, triathlete, and goal-getter.  Only once have I set a goal for myself that I haven’t reach.  I get grace on that one, thanks to the anemia diagnosis that came a month later and benched me.  So when I say I want to run a sub 5 hour marathon?  Don’t tell me I can’t, but rather help me research how I can.  When I talk about wanting to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, see my heart.  Get excited that you raised a daughter who has compassion for others in heart breaking situations.  Be honored that your wife wants her life to make a difference.

To my cheering section: I actually remembered to weigh-in this morning and was disappointed that I didn’t see movement.  Honestly now that I evaluate things, I should be surprised that it didn’t go up!  I’ve got my second wind.  I’m not giving up on myself that easily.   My 16 miler this past weekend was okay.  I got it done.  I kept up my 11 m/m pace.  Only once did I want to quit.

My wellness assessment showed that my resting heart rate is over 30 points under that of my nay-saying husband.  My recovery heart rate beats (resting) by 16 bpm!  I might be a little chunky, but my heart is healthy.

I have a post in my head that I really want to get out – about the challenges of life, marriage, and being a “good” Christian. I can’t seem to find a way to get it from my head to the page. I have the title, but that’s about it: How being a ‘biblical wife’ turned me into a cranky bitch.

Maybe I’m still too far on the cranky bitch side to write it with any authority.

The good news? God’s working in my heart. To change my life. It may be slow going and I’ll probably fight him every step of the way. He’s making it clear, however, that I’m worth not giving up on.

He’s sent me people to encourage me: my blog readers, my hookers Shrinking Jeans ladies, the chatty cathy I met at the run group.    My mom, agreeing to sponsor me when I hike Mt. Kilimanjaro. He’s good. That’s a terribly inadequate word, I know.  Faithful.  Loving.  Caring.

Also?  I’m convinced that sometimes (just sometimes) He really does want us to enjoy that Pepsi, Doritos, and Snickers bar.  (I’m thankful for those as well.)  Gah – fair trade chocolate! Okay so He’s probably sad about the non-fair trade chocolate I just consumed.   But not the Doritos.  Who could be sad over Doritos?

We had decided previously that we would meet on Friday the 13th of October at Johnny Carino’s. When I got home from work that day, I started getting ready. I had selected a pink corduroy blazer and a tan camisole.

Unfortunately, my good booty jeans were dirty, so I had to go with a back up pair. I proceeded to straighten my hair and leave my apartment 30 minutes before I was supposed to meet up with him.  I grabbed a book on the way out because I knew that it wouldn’t take me that long to get to the restaurant (which is about 10 minutes away), but I didn’t want to make a bad impression by being late.

Half way to the restaurant, I began to question if I had unplugged my straightening iron. The more I considered it, I was convinced that I hadn’t. With visions of my apartment going up in flames, and thinking I still had plenty of time, I turned around and went back home. Of course when I arrived at my apartment my straighter had already been turned off and unplugged prior to my departure.

As I got into the city, traffic began to back up and I realized that I had need 30 minutes to get to the restaurant, only I wasted about 15 going back home. Thankfully, he was stuck in traffic as well. At a couple of minutes to seven, he called and let me know that he was running late.

Jay: Are you there yet? I’m running a couple minutes late, I can see the Johnny Carino’s sign, but traffic is ridiculous and wont be there for a few minutes.
Brooke: No, I’m running a couple minutes late myself.

A couple of minutes passed and he called me back again.

Jay: I’m here, are you here yet?
Brooke: Nope, still in traffic.
Jay: That’s what I figured, I didn’t see any cute brunettes waiting around the parking lot!

Thankfully, I didn’t have to stress about being rudely late because he was too.

When I finally arrived at the restaurant, I found him waiting on a bench outside. I was pleasantly surprised that he was even cuter than in his pictures. He had already been there for a few minutes and had put our name down for a table. I joined him on the bench and we chatted as we waited to be seated.  The number one rule of first dates is that you never plan to extend the date until you know for sure that you want to spend more time with this person. You never arrange for post dinner festivities until you are comfortable with them.  While we were waiting for our table, he asked if I wanted to go bowling with some friends of his afterward. Then he called them to set it up. In less than 30 minutes we both knew that the other was someone we’d be interested in spending more time with. He’s since confessed that he had his friends on reserve for if the date was going well.

Thankfully I was comfortable with him, because what happened next freaked me out. When meeting guys on the Internet, I’ve always been very careful to not give them too much information. I never told them where I worked, my last name, or any other information that could potentially be used to stalk me in the future.  Out of the blue he asked, “Is your last name…?” I said yes, and then proceeded to ask how he knew. What if he had done the same type of scary research on me that he had done on the Cheezmania cheese balls? Turns out he was talking about this brunette named Brooke that he was going out on a date with and a family member of the couple we were going bowling with suggested it could be this girl that she knew.

Not surprisingly, I dominated the conversation. I began to worry that I wasn’t giving him an opportunity to talk and that he would be very put off by my chatty nature. I kept reassuring myself that he was encouraging me to talk, asking question about something he knew that I love—the television show Lost.  He had just recently started watching and had quite a few questions about the plot and what was happening with some of the characters. Being the geek that I am, I knew the in-depth answers to what was going on with each of them.

After we finished with the meal I broke the number 2 first date rule. I got in his car with him. I have always been super careful to not put myself in the position that a date would cart me off somewhere and hack me to bits. But from the moment I saw him, I was so comfortable with him that I knew there was no need for the caution.  We met up with his friends at the bowling alley. I quickly learned that the three of them were very good at bowling, and very competitive. We bowled 2 games and they smoked me in both of them. My bowling highlight was a frame that I was convinced was a gutter ball. Dejected, I turned around and headed to my seat. Only to miss the ball swerve back to take out several pins. According to Jay, his bowling highlight was watching me bowl in my jeans – guess the backup pair weren’t as bad as I thought!

When the bowling center closed, we figured it was about time to wrap the date up. He took me back to my car and we chatted a little before I got out of his Jeep. I was stalling, talking about random crap waiting for him to kiss me. After about 15 or 20 minutes, I gave up, settled for a hug, and headed home. Little did I know that he would make me wait even more before we had for our first kiss…

When he couldn’t get his salt truck up the mountain, he turned it around and backed up the mountain.  He never gave up. He kept pushing until he got the ambulance to the top and allowing them to get the person to safety.

Yesterday we found out that his employer has officially given up on him.

After a difficult physical therapy test, it was determined that my father was no longer strong enough to stay on in his current position.  We were hopeful that they would find another position for him, but that’s just not the case.

So at age 60, my father is jobless.

Throughout this whole ordeal, I’ve reminded him of the promise of Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Right now its hard to see just what that good is, but that doesn’t make it any less true.  God sees the big picture and will provide daily bread for my parents.

I won’t lie and say there haven’t been tears shed or curse words spoken on my part because of this situation.  BUT…

I’m so thankful to serve a God who is faithful to keep his promises.  Thankful to know He has a plan.  Thankful for wonderful friends who’ve prayed for him and supported me with {cyber} hugs along the way.  Thankful for the prayers you’ll say when you remember his situation.

THANK YOU!

If you have an area in your life that needs prayer, please let me know in the comments.  Feel free to be as specific or general as you’d like – when I pray for you He’ll know what I mean!

Its week 2 for the challenge and once again I’m having to do math to figure out this week’s weight. (Visit last week’s post to see my previous math trouble.)

Starting weight 143.6
Challenge goal: 135

Today’s weight (post breakfast because I forgot to weigh first thing): 143.2
Today’s weight (+breakfast – belt): 142.8
Today’s weight (adjusted for inflation): 142

I mean really, how much would a scrambled egg, clementine, cup of coffee, and glass of orange juice pad my numbers?  I decided to round down to the nearest pound and turned in a weight of 142 – the same as last week.  Or same as I rounded to last week because I couldn’t figure out how to properly calculate my weight.  Whatever.  Mostly no change.

When am I going to shape up and remember to weigh in first thing on Wednesdays?  Or at the very least go buy a scale so I can weigh at home?

Then again maybe its a good sign I’m not compulsive about weighing and knowing to the tenth of a pound what it says?

Putting aside the bloat after a friend’s birthday lunch at the Mexican restaurant (I easily consumed over 1,000 calories in one meal), I feel smaller.  The weights classes I’m taking are waking up stomach and upper body muscles I forgot existed.  I’m feeling more fit over all – even if the scale doesn’t reflect it.  Heck, it’s not the scales fault I can’t remember to weigh properly.

The incessant hunger has returned.  At first it was nice.  Hey, this is what it means to not be bloated/over-eat at every meal. Then it started to kick in full-bore.  Feed me!  Feed me!  I’m trying to do healthy morning/afternoon snacks to take up the slack (and prevent binging).  So far its working, but I’m still hungry a lot.  On my grocery list for tonight I’ve got veggies and salad ingredients.  Hopefully that’ll be an easy way to tame this hunger beast.

As for the marathon training itself, things are going well.  When I took the run distances down to more manageable distances (aka distances I could cover at lunch) I stopped skipping runs and got back into my routine.  The “less is more” plan calls for only 3 runs a week – that’s including the long run, but I’m tossing in an extra 3 miler on Fridays the day before my long run.  I figure this way my legs won’t be completely fresh for the long runs, prepping them to keep going when they are tired.  Plus the extra run will get my mileage back up to the weekly total the plan called for before I made the weekly runs shorter.

The compression sleeves and the diabetic socks I got for Christmas are heaven on earth.  I tweeted this weekend: You know you’re a marathoner when you work compression sleeves into your Sunday church outfit.  The socks are gawd-awful ugly, but feel wonderful so I’m happy to rock them (under my running pants where they can’t be seen of course)!

I joined the training group this past weekend.  Thankfully there was a woman there who (also a newbie) was looking for someone in the 11 m/m pace to run with her.  We ended up getting lost and adding an extra mile to the run – hitting 15 instead of the scheduled 14 miles for the week.  The hills were tough, but thanks to my newly made friend, we kept a pretty good pace.  Even though towards the end I had to take more frequent walk breaks on the hills than I cared for, we still kept around a high 10/low 11 m/m pace.

How are you doing so far this year with your health and fitness goals?

Honestly 2012 future me was scared of messing up as badly as Future 2011 me, so I just skipped the exercise all together. And I missed the opportunity to share with myself the best training year I’ve had so far: a full marathon, 5K PR, 8K PR, 10K PR, and a half marathon PR (while sick & in costume).

2013 me is going to look past the fear and just put something out there.

Dear 2012 Brooke,

You want Jay to be healthy. I want Jay to be healthy. Stop trying to force it. He’s a grown man – he’ll exercise and eat right if he so chooses. If not, its out of your control. Let it go!

The big deal this year? The Covenant Health Knoxville Marathon. The hills will, as anticipated, make it a more hard-fought victory than Disney, but it will be a victory non-the-less. As for a PR, that’s between you and the Neyland Stadium Jumbotron, but I’ll give you hint – taking away the pictures with Buzz Lightyear, Sleeping Beauty, and stopping in front of Cinderella’s castle makes for a much faster race pace. Enjoy it. Your training runs will be far easier than you imagined. Fear is the big obstacle here, and you tackled that monster when you signed up for the race in 2011.

No matter what happens out there, enjoy your time afterward. After all it’s not just your celebration – the day belongs to Bari and Jaime too!!!

Then it will be time to hit the pool – you’re going to do great this summer working on your triathlete skills. You don’t quite make your sub 60 minute goal for your annual Anchor Splash race, but keep working. You’re getting closer and closer!

Let’s talk mud run. I’ve got 2 words for you: bad ass. Your goal? Beat your first ever 5K time. All that hill work and strength training? Totally paid off. Who would have ever thought that you could finish a 5K at an 11 m/m pace? Much less 5K+ obstacles. Also that rock hard body you’ve acquired along the way? Enjoy and keep up the hard work! Those Super Boo abs are positive reinforcement in regards to the healthy eating habits you’ve acquired.

Also? You’re wearing that leotard this fall at the Haunted Half Marathon. You’re going to rock your 80′s jazzercise look (leg warmers included) to a new HM PR – 2:15. You read that right. Your hard work in combo with proper nutrition is going to help you shave 7 minutes off your time – and you’re going to look awesome in that costume in the process.

Most of all, I’m super proud of you for all the work you’ve done on loving and respecting yourself. You weren’t able to share God’s love for others without first truly accepting it for yourself. You did marvelous and I look forward to everything you have in store for me this next year. Onward and Upward!

Love,
2013 Me

Physical
Run a marathon
Complete a triathlon
Find that happy weight both my body & mind like
Hike the Appalachian Trail

I’ve decided that before I commit to the entire Appalachian trail (which will take retirement or change in vocation as it takes months and months to complete), I’m going to set a mini goal or two for myself.  I’ve never hiked with an overnight camp included in that.  Probably something I should see if I like before setting out on a summer long hike from Georgia to Maine!  After that, we’ll progress to just the part of the AT in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  That’s about a 4 day hiking/camping journey.

Spiritual
Read the entire Bible

I definitely would like another goal in this category, but I struggle setting goals in this area out of fear of falling into the legalism trap.

Financial
Paying off the house
Developing a Million dollar + net worth
Help my niece and nephew with college

I suppose I’m a bit more lofty with my financial goals.  We’ve got a 5 year plan in place to get the house paid off, so I’m comfortable with that.  As for my net worth goal, I suppose that’s something we’re constantly working on, but in very small increments.  Not having a mortgage would go a long way in helping us with our wealth building!

Travel
Europe (Rome – Specifically for me; Ireland – for Jay)
Alaska
Australia

In 2011 we traveled to Hawaii, which makes this year our “off” year.  We’ve decided (barring a changing in our financial situation) we’re going to take a nice vacation odd years and even years we’ll take a more modest vacation.  Case-in-point: 2010 was Myrtle Beach.  We haven’t decide where we’re going, but it’s highly doubtful to be any of these locations!  I’m open to budget (but cool) vacation suggestions for this year!!

Other

Write a book
Celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary

3 years down – only 47 to go!!!

Do you have a bucket list?  Does it lean more toward realistic goals for your life or huge dreams?

I cheated and weighed myself Friday since I wouldn’t have access to my scale Sunday morning. The numbers are in and actually encouraging:

Starting weight 143.6
Challenge goal: 135
Today’s weight (different scale post coffee pre-run): 143
Today’s weight (^ scale post run & rehydration): 142.2
Today’s weight (normal scale post coffee/run/rehydration): 141.2

What do all these numbers mean? I weighed before and after my run to try to get a sample of how much I sweated out during a run balanced with the water I in-took. That’s a -0.8 difference. So I should add that back to the normal scale weight. (I knew in advance that the 2 scales are about a pound different from one another.) Then I was left with the question of the coffee – how much (if any) should be deducted for coffee?

Had I been smart I wouldn’t have skipped the coffee before Friday’s weigh-in. After only 4 hours sleep last night, there was no way I was going to skip it this morning! I made the executive decision to say that the extra fraction that the coffee adds is negligible and will just be absorbed into my weight from here on that. The official weight I reported in today was 142 (normal scale + 0.8 run difference).

Goals for the challenge:

Of course there is the weight I want to lose.  135 would get me out of this fluctuation that I’ve been stuck in for the past little bit.  My main focus is getting a grip on my eating.  I laid out my plan on my Marathon post and I’ve done great about not going through the fast food drive thru alone!  (Wait – Starbucks doesn’t count if my drink has “skinny” in the title right?  Since I’m making the rules I say I’m good.)  Not terribly impressive since I’ve only had 3 working weeks since making this “rule” but next week it’ll be a whole month and the week after I’ll be on my 2nd month!

I haven’t been great about getting in smaller meals & snacks, but its a work in progress.  Today’s was planned out perfectly, as was yesterday’s menu.  So that’s 2 days straight.  :P I’ll take any progress I can get at the moment!!

Goals for the year:

My word for the year is love.  Last night that was tested.  I only had my running tights and tank (forgot my weights bag at home) and had to go into class with my gut hanging out in an unflattering top. It’s hard to go into a class with so many slim/fit women!  I forced myself to notice those in the class that were bigger than me.  Not in judgment of them, but I paused to think how they would want themselves to feel in the class – then told myself that was how *I* needed to feel.

As for fitness goals, I’ve got a couple.  First being Covenant Health Knoxville Marathon.  Why in the world did I sign up for a hilly full marathon?    Instead of worrying about it, I get to look forward to Bari & Jaime coming to visit and running the half on the same day!!  After marathon recovery in April, I’m going to do speed work and 5K training with the plan to run the Law Enforcement Memorial 5K.  Since the course is along the river, its one of the flattest courses around.  I’d love to smash the PR I set at the same race last year!

This summer I plan on heading back into the gym and really focus on weight training.  My husband and I do the Marine Corp Mud Run 5K every year – I want this year to be my strongest yet!  Kirsten recommend the Tough Mudder training plan which will help with the obstacles.  I also want to do a triathlon this year, but I haven’t thought about specifics yet.  I definitely want to run the Haunted Half again – maybe this year I’ll be fit enough for my jazzercise costume!

How are you doing this week?  Any big goals for the year?  Are you the resolution type?