Actual wife not pictured

It’s Super Bowl week—which for many men is the most important gambling day of the year. The one question on gamblers’ minds everywhere is not who will win the game, but which team will cover the spread.

Last year, not knowing whom to pick, I consulted with my wife, who knows next to nothing about football, with the hopes she would be my good-luck charm.  Amazingly, not only did she accurately predict that the Packers would cover the spread but she nearly got the score of the game right.

So I decided to consult her once again in hopes that she could pick me another winner. Here’s how our conversation went…

Johnny Sacks: As a Jets fan, I’ve forced you sit through a number of Patriots games over the years, so you probably know slightly more about them than you do about other teams— which would ordinarily be nothing.  Give me your impressions about the Patriots.

Mrs. Sacks: They have a hot quarterback.  They also have nice colors. I like their red throwback jerseys.  I hope they wear them on Sunday.

Johnny Sacks: I actually kind of like those uniforms too.  Too bad I loath the Patriots with every fiber of my being…You’ve recently become a citizen of New York state.  Does this mean you will you be pulling for the Giants?

Mrs. Sacks:  No. I don’t care who wins.  I will be watching the Puppy Bowl with the kitty halftime show

Johnny Sacks: Of course you will… At the beginning of the season, Eli Manning proclaimed he was an elite quarterback and is at the level of a Tom Brady. That being said, which quarterback do you want with the game on the line…Eli Manning or Tom Brady?

Mrs. Sacks: Tom Brady, because he’s hotter.

Johnny Sacks:  Ok…how about the coaches? Who do you think is a better coach, Bill Belichick or Tom Coughlin?

Mrs. Sacks: Belichick… because he wears the cut-off sleeves. He’s always sporting the cut-off sleeve look.  It doesn’t matter what the temperature is. I wonder if he has more than one.

Johnny Sacks: So wearing cut-off sleeves and being attractive somehow correlates to being a better coach or a better quarterback?

Mrs. Sacks: Sure…

Johnny Sacks: Now… If Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is unable to play, how will this alter the Patriots game plan?

Mrs. Sacks: Who’s Rob Gronkowski?

Johnny Sacks: He’s their tight end.

Mrs. Sacks: What’s a tight end?

Johnny Sacks:  It’s kind of like a utility position.  Sometimes they stay back to block and other times they go out for passes.

Mrs. Sacks: I guess it would be bad. Can’t you have someone else fill in for him?

Johnny Sacks: Sure, but he’s the top tight end in football and set a record for touchdown receptions this season.

Mrs. Sacks: Well, I guess that would suck for the Patriots if he didn’t play.

Johnny Sacks: Yes it would. Moving on…The Giants defensive line is one of the strengths of their team.  Do you think they can get to Tom Brady in this game?

Mrs. Sacks: Get to him to do what?

Johnny Sacks: Can they sack him or force him to make to bad throws?

Mrs. Sacks: How would they do that?

Johnny Sacks: By putting pressure on him.

Mrs. Sacks: Sure… I guess.

Johnny Sacks: Ok, this is going nowhere.  Let’s jump to the prediction. Who will cover the spread?  The Patriots are favored by 2 ½ points.

Mrs. Sacks: How does that work again?

Johnny Sacks: The Patriots have to win by more than 2 points to cover the spread, while the Giants have to win the game or lose by 2 or fewer points.

Mrs. Sacks: Hmm…Ok… 27-24, Giants win

There you have it. Take the Giants to cover the spread and beat the Patriots once again.

You get your numbers and hope for the best. Nonetheless, if you know the first thing about football, with a 2-5, you know you’re sort of screwed and are going to be resigned to rooting for safeties, missed extra points and teams going for two in inappropriate situations. So, what if this were a game of skill, and there’s an auction for the numbers. What’s the most valuable box?

There are three factors that matter and can be easily dealt with:

• The historical odds of a team landing on a given score
• The over/under of the current game
• The payout schedule of your bet

For historical scores by quarter, I used the scores provided on some guy’s blog (section Breaking It Down Even More: Quarter by Quarter).

I didn’t want to spend the time pulling the data myself, though would’ve used more than six years had I done so. Addressing the second point, if the average game has an over/under of 45, this six years of data represents an average. With an expected shootout (O/U 55), I tweaked the odds by quarter to make the less likely scores more likely, especially in the later quarters. Here is my new distribution.

This adjustment was sort of crude and next year, I’ll use actual data sorted by expected over under to avoid making these generalizations. Lastly, we need to assume some sort of payout schedule. Let’s say we have $10 boxes and the payouts are $150, $200, $150, $500, rounded to the nearest dollar, here’s what each box is worth:

The unexciting 0 – 0 is the best box! While it’s value from the actual score being 0 – 0 after the first quarter is virtually nil, 10 – 0, 10 – 10, 20 – 10, 20 – 20, and to a lesser degree scores with a 30 in them have decent odds. Enjoy and remember no matter how bad your numbers are, there’s always a chance.

The guest author created The Efficient Drinker. He’d also like to mention that there’s a fourth factor, which adds a level of complexity that makes his brain hurt. Can you guess what it is and why it’s difficult to deal with?

According to a study by the Journal of the American Medical Association, an estimated 7 percent of American teens and adults carry the human papillomavirus (HPV) in their mouths. Infection with the HPV virus heightens the risk of developing cancer of the mouth and throat.

Apparently kids these days are having a lot more oral sex than their parents because mouth and throat cancer has risen dramatically over the past 25 years. Scientists believe this is the reason why it has risen so much.

The study found that among people with more than 20 sexual partners, the prevalence of the HPV virus was 20 percent. But the researches found the HPV virus in fewer than 1 percent of people who said they were virgins and in fewer than 4 percent of people who never had oral sex.

This is pretty crappy news. Every man loves a good blow job and the majority of men like going down on women also. Though married men probably have little to worry about since they probably stopped getting blow jobs the day they got married.

The study also says that the HPV virus is not likely to spread through kissing or casual contact. This may sound like a bit of good news but it just means you’ll be forced to kiss your girlfriend more, while getting fewer blow jobs.

I’m not a big drinker these days but I plan on getting blitzed on Super Bowl Sunday. As a Jets fan, I couldn’t imagine a worse Super Bowl than Patriots vs. Giants. Sure it was great in 2008, when the Giants took down the undefeated Pats. I was right there, rooting for Big Blue. But now I’m just tired of it. I have obnoxious Giants fans gloating to me in one ear and even more obnoxious Patriots fans gloating in the other. I hope to get good and drunk and forget the result of the game.

But enough about me. You came here to find a Super Bowl drinking game. Well, you came to the right place. As always, I must warn you with this disclaimer:

This drinking game is not for the casual drinker. Proceed with caution. Living with Balls is not responsible if you get violently ill from playing this game. Feel free to adjust the rules to your tolerance or just quit playing when you’re good and drunk.

I have set up a game for both beer and shots. You’re welcome to do one or the other, or play both if you’re feeling daring.

BEER

Drink for four seconds every time a team gets a first down

Drink for four seconds every time there is a punt

Every time a team scores, drink two times the amount of points that are scored (i.e for a touchdown drink for 12 seconds, for a field goal drink for 6 seconds)

Drink for five seconds every time there is a turnover

Drink for five seconds every time a penalty is called

Drink for ten seconds every time there is a challenge

Drink an additional ten seconds if a challenge is overturned

Drink for ten seconds if a two-point conversion is attempted

Drink for ten seconds if a two-point conversion is successful

Drink for four seconds every time the camera shows a Manning family member in a suite

Drink for eight seconds if you see Peyton Manning in a commercial

Drink for five seconds if there is a graphic with both Peyton and Eli Manning in it

Drink for two seconds every time Tom Brady completes a pass to a white guy

Drink for four seconds every time there is a Budweiser or Bud Light commercial

Drink for four seconds every time NBC plugs a show

Drink for five seconds for every Godaddy.com commercial

Drink for five seconds anytime BenJarvus Green-Ellis is referred to as “The Law Firm.”

Drink ten seconds for every time Victor Cruz does the salsa dance

Drink ten seconds every time Rob Gronkowski spikes the ball

Drink for four seconds every time the camera shows Eli Manning making a dumb face

Drink for four seconds anytime Tom Coughlin is seen yelling at a referee

Drink for five seconds every time you see a Patriots fan in a Wes Welker jersey

Drink for five seconds every time Cris Collinsworth refers to Jason Pierre-Paul as J.P.P

SHOTS

Take a shot if the national anthem is longer than two minutes

Take a shot if the coin flip is heads

Take a shot the first time the camera shows the famous David Tyree Helmet catch

Take a shot the first time the camera shows the Plaxico Burress game-winning touchdown from Super Bowl XLII

Take a shot if Eli Manning flips a pass to a running back with his left hand to avoid a sack

Take a shot if Bill Belichick is wearing a cut-off hoodie

Take a shot if Madonna opens the halftime show with a song that came out in the 1980s

Take a shot if somehow Vince Wilfork gets an interception

Take an additional shot if his fat ass manages to take that interception into the end zone

Take a shot if Chad Ochocinco gets a reception

Take a shot if the game goes into overtime

Take a shot if Eli Manning lifts the Lombardi trophy

Take a shot if Tom Brady lifts the Lombardi trophy

Take a shot if a non-quarterback is named Super Bowl MVP

The winner of each box pool must take a shot

Take a shot if the Patriots cover the spread

Take a shot if the Giants cover the spread

Nelly feat. Paul Wall-Grillz
Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set wit little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I’m changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes [1],
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
Or on South Beach (oh) in my wife b.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it

White Translation
I have a set of gold/ platinum encasings that I cover my teeth with. I have 30 on the bottom and 30 on the top
They have diamonds in them
My diamonds shine when I smile
They are expensive
I have many different types of precious metals on these grills
I put different ones on every day. Which is a lot.
I could be wearing these grills with a plain white t-shirt
Or I could be wearing them in Miami with a tank-top undershirt. I haven’t decided yet.
My grandmother does not approve but the girl I am currently having sexual relations with likes them.

Birdman-Get Your Shine On
Loud pipes and big rims, n-gga that’s my life
Come through the neighborhood with my homeboy price
Lets get it understood, n-gga thats my price
Come through the neck of the woods, you be alright
Cause I’m pimpin, I’m pimpin pimpin, I’m comin thru
And I’m dippin, I’m dippin dippin, them 22s
And they spinnin, they spinnin spinnin, them sprewells [2] n-gga
them sprewells n-gga, we makin mill n-gga

White Translation
My life revolves around loud music and big rims on my car
Don’t mess with my rims and you’ll be fine
Because I’m really, really cool and awesome.
I’m driving through your neighborhood
My car is very low to the ground and my tires have 22-inch rims
These rims are really cool. They keep spinning even when the car comes to a stop.
I love these types of rims. We are making millions of dollars from this rap music, friend.

Nelly, featuring Kyjuan, Ali, and Murphy Lee- Air Force Ones [3]
I like the limited edition, the khaki and army green
Patent leather pin stripe, you should see how I do the strings
Size twelve with the strap, red and white with a Cardinal cap
All flavors, well it just depend on when and where I am at

We up in Footlocker, I’m looking like I need those
Ten and a half and if you got em give me two of those
I can tell she never seen Murphy Lee before
cause she’s just standing there as if I’m shooting free throws
I said excuse me miss I only wanna buy shoes
she said I love you Murph especially in the white and blue
I said the white in blue sound nice make it twice
and I signed an autograph
“thanks for the advice”

White Translation
I like khaki and army green colors on my Nike sneakers
They have leather and pinstripes. You should see how I tie my shoelaces
I wear a size 12. It has a strap on it. The red and whites sneakers go well with my St. Louis Cardinals cap.
I really like them all. It depends on my mood.

I’m in Foot Locker and I really want some Nike Air Force One sneakers
I wear a ten and a half. I’ll take two please!
I can tell the woman working there has never heard of an obscure rapper before whose only claim to fame is a song about sneakers
She’s standing there and not rushing to help me
I told her I want shoes
She said, you look good in the white and blues
So I said, Thanks. I’ll take two please!
Then I gave her an autograph to show her my appreciation

Lil’ Wayne-Police Officer
Doing a buck in my latest drop
I got stopped by a lady cop
Ha Ha… she got me thinking I can date a cop
Ha Ha… cause her uniform pants are so tight
She read me my rights
She put me in the car, she cut off all the lights
She said I had the right to remain silent
Now I got her hollering sounding like a siren
And I know she the law, and she know I’m the boss
And she know I get high!! a-bove the law
And she know I’m raw, she know it from the street
And all she want me to do is fuck the police [4]

White Translation
I was driving 100 mph in my new car
When I got pulled over by a female police officer for speeding
Her pants are very tight. I like a nice ass and she has me wondering what it would be like to fuck her
She read me my rights
She put me in the car and shut the lights off
She said I should shut up while we have sex in her police car
Now I have her screaming with pleasure
She’s the law but I’m in charge here
She knows because I’m famous that I am above the law. I smoke weed and that doesn’t bother her.
She also knows that I’m a tough guy because I come from a rough area
She wants me to have sex with her

Soulja Boy-Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that soulja boy
Then super man that hoe

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man that hoe
Then watch me crank that Robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haters man
When I do that soulja boy
I lean to the left and crank that thang
I’m jocking on your bitch ass
And if we get the fighting
Then I’m cocking on your bitch ass
You catch me at your local party
Yes I crank it everyday
Haters getting mad cause
I got me some bathing apes

White Translation [5]
Soulja Boy is having sex with a woman
Right before he orgasms, he will pull out and ejaculate all over this woman’s backside
Then he will put a bed sheet over her so it sticks to her back and she has a cape like Superman

Some more lines about having sex with promiscuous women and then ejaculating all over them
Sometimes he leans to the left before he does it.
If he gets into a fight with someone he will kill said individual
You can find Soulja Boy at any local party
He has sex every day
And jealous people get mad because he has nice sneakers and they don’t.

1. Nelly is making a reference to the Jay-Z song “Change Clothes,” which was on the 2003 album titled The Black Album. Nelly is using clever wordplay to describe how often he changes his grills.
2. Sprewells are a type of rim that continues to spin once the car is stopped. It was popularized by former NBA player Latrell Spreewell; hence the constant reference to Sprewells.
3. A brand of Nike sneakers that Nelly loved so much he devoted an entire song to them.
4. A pun, referencing the iconic N.W.A song “Fuck the Police,” while also describing having sex with a police officer.
5. I’m sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don’t know what this song means. I’ll be honest, I don’t think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

1. Is it Gay: Owning a Cat?
2. A Flowchart for Removing Facebook Friends
3. The Hotness Scale Defined
4. Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face: Winter Edition
5. The Mermaid Theory: Is it True?

But what if you could only choose one? Would you prefer to be extremely handsome with a dick so small that you could never truly pleasure a woman OR would your rather be ugly with a dick so big you could make even the loosest women squeal with delight?

It’s time for another edition of “The Great Debate.”

So we are all clear on the debate, I’m not just talking about having a small penis that is slightly below average. I’m talking about a penis that is so small it doesn’t fall within three standard deviations of the average male penis. However, you would be considered a near 10 on the LWB hotness scale (assuming the standards are the same for a man). You’d have all the characteristics of someone who is considered universally attractive (e.g Brad Pitt or George Clooney).

On the flip side, if you chose Ugly/ Big Dick, you will look like ESPN’s John Clayton with a porn star-sized dick.

Obviously there are plenty of benefits to being attractive. Aside from the obvious notion that a good-looking man will be able to attract more women, an attractive male will also make more money over his lifetime than his ugly counterpart.

According to the linked story from the Wall Street Journal, attractive people are likely to earn 3%-4% more than a person with below-average looks. That adds up to $230,000 more over the lifetime of a good-looking person. In addition, good-looking people are generally happier, more popular and marry partners who are equally as good-looking.

Based on the study and just my everyday observations, good-looking people are blessed with an extreme advantage in the game of life. This may certainly be more than enough of a trade-off for having a small penis.

These are all great advantages to being attractive but most men would say they desire to be good-looking so they can have sex with more, better-looking women. Women will be willing to overlook flaws that that would leave other less-attractive men single. An attractive man can say and do stupid things, treat a woman like shit and generally be a loser at life and still would have no trouble getting laid in most cases.

The problem Good-looking/ Small Penis Guy will have is actually keeping a woman. Once he gets a woman to bed and that woman sees his two-inch piece of manhood, its unlikely he will ever go out with her again (unless he is adept with his tongue).

Is a woman willing to be in a relationship where she will never be satisfied sexually just to be with a handsome man who she can show off to all her friends? What woman would want to knowingly marry a guy with a tiny penis? She’ll be entering into a lifetime of sexual frustration.

Looks will fade over time but his dick size will always stay the same. A guy in this situation is better off saving himself until marriage if he finds a girl he really likes. That way, she’s stuck with him and his little penis for life.

I have a tendency to reference How I Met Your Mother episodes in the past and I am going to do it again. There is an episode where Ted is getting over a break-up with his ex-girlfriend Robin. Shortly after the split, Robin has a fling with a character played by Enrique Iglesias. Ted is distraught because Robin appears to have rebounded so quickly and is having sex with a man much better-looking than he is. He believes Robin is over him already and has “won the break-up.”

At the end of the episode Ted discovers that Iglesias’ character has a small penis. The episode ends with Ted rejoicing with his friends over a beer as he proclaims that he is in fact the winner of the break-up. In this situation, a big penis trumps attractiveness.

Ron Jeremy can certainly attest to that. Jeremy, a famous porn star, has achieved quite a lot in his life because he has a big dick. He is a hideous, fat looking man but he became one of the biggest porn stars of all-time because of his huge package.

Now on the other hand, Jeremy is probably the exception to the rule. He had the benefit of being a porn star, so millions of people were able to see the size of his penis. He also slept with thousands of beautiful women because of his occupation. Had he just been a regular dude, I doubt he would have been nearly as successful.

A ugly guy with a big penis may have trouble landing a girl, but once he does he has a much better chance of keeping that girl than the Good-looking/ Small Penis Guy. Cleary this woman overlooked Ugly/ Big Dick Guy’s appearance to have sex with him in the first place, so she must have liked his personality A LOT. And now that she is likely getting good sex on top of that, there’s no reason for her to ever leave.

If I had to choose, it would certainly be a difficult decision. I would not want to live my life with a tiny penis but I think the perks of being insanely good-looking would offset the issues that would arise from having a small dick.

On the other hand, I’m already married, so having women throw themselves at me would just end up bothering me because I wouldn’t be able to act on it. Perhaps in my situation, since I know where my next thousand lays will be, I’d choose being ugly with a big dick. I’m having sex with the same woman whether I’m ugly or hot, so I might as well make sex more fun for the both of us.

I’m sure there are plenty of attractive men out there that appear to have it all, but are living with the burden of having a tiny pecker. I’d like to interview these people and see if they’d be willing to trade some of their looks for a few more inches. The problem is I would never find a guy who’d be willing to admit he has a small dick.

I suppose the real question to ask is not whether we prefer one or the other but what do women prefer? Whatever they want is our answer.

As if you needed more reason to dislike LeBron and all that he stands for, here is an excerpt from a recent Sports Illustrated article. SI caught up with Walter Iooss Jr., who is perhaps the most accomplished sports photographer of all-time. Iooss dished out some interesting anecdotes about his run-ins with some of sport’s most iconic athletes. Of course, he had great stories about both MJ and LeBron.

The stories below give will further proof that Jordan is awesome and that LeBron is a giant douchebag.

Jordan was my muse. I was lucky, really lucky to have him. I shot him for SI, and we did two books together, Rare Air and Athlete. He was like Elvis Presley: The camera never changed him.
An example: Michael during the 1988 All-Star Game dunk contest. We’re at Chicago Stadium, and Michael’s sitting there 2½ hours before the event. I explain that I shot the contest the year before and learned that if you can’t see a player’s face, the picture is meaningless. So I say, “Is there any way you could tell me where you’re going to take off to dunk?”

I can’t even believe I’ve asked him this question. I’m sure he’s thinking, “Is this guy f—— for real?”

He looks at me and says, “Yeah, I can do that. Before each dunk, I’ll put my finger on my knee.” He puts it on his leg, pointing in one direction.

I ask, “You’re going to remember that?”

He says, “Yeah, you watch.”

First dunk, he points left, so I move to the other side of the basket, from where I can see his face. It’s great. And every dunk is like this. Then we get to the final two, starting with the famous one in which he takes off from the free throw line. For that, I’m right up against the stanchion with a wide-angle lens. Michael comes down and slams it and runs right into my lap. A perfect picture.

The next dunk, I decide I’m staying in the same place. I look down at the other end of the court, and Michael takes his thumb and jabs it: Move a little to your right, Walter. And the resulting picture is the one you see in all the books.

Pretty cool right? Here’s the story about LeBron…

I’ve seen a lot of entourages, but none like his. In July 2010 I got an assignment from Nike to shoot LeBron right after his TV special announcing his move to the Heat. We rented the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, where the Lakers and the Clippers used to play, and there were 53 people on my crew—including hair and makeup artists, production people, a stylist. I had $10,000 in Hollywood lighting. It was huge. When LeBron arrived, it was as if Nelson Mandela had come in. Six or seven blacked-out Escalades pulled up, a convoy. LeBron had bodyguards and his masseuse. His deejay was already there, blasting. This for a photo shoot that was going to last an hour, tops.

This is how crazy it was: I wasn’t even allowed to talk directly to LeBron. There was a liaison, someone from Amar’e Stoudemire’s family. I would say to him, “O.K., have LeBron drive right,” and then he’d turn to LeBron and say, “LeBron, go right.”

LeBron had guards in the portals on the mezzanine level, talking into their hands. Really, what was going to happen? And then at the end of the shoot they all got in the Escalades. My God, I’ve been around Michael Jordan, but with him nothing even came close to this. Unimaginable.

So, Jordan treats Iooss like a human being and hooks him up with some amazing photographs, while LeBron rolls in with a fleet of Escalades like he’s fucking Barack Obama, and won’t even allow Iooss to speak to him. What a giant asshole. I know these athletes have big egos but even this is a bit much.

Many have wondered why Pujols decided to leave St. Louis, a city where he was adored by baseball-crazy fans.

Well, Pujols’ wife, Diedre Pujols, gave a little insight into Albert’s decision during a recent interview with a St. Louis-area Christian radio station.

“When it all came down, I was mad. I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been being played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close,” Diedre Pujols told the station. “I mean, we had no reason, not one reason, to want to leave. People were deceived by the numbers.”

She indicated the key moment was the Cardinals’ initial offer of five years and $130 million.

“When you have somebody say ‘We want you to be a Cardinal for life’ and only offer you a five-year deal, it kind of confused us,” Diedre Pujols said. “Well, we got over that insult and felt like Albert had given so much of himself to baseball and into the community … we didn’t want to go through this again.”

Apparently the Cardinals “insulting” offer had the poor Mrs. Pujols questioning her faith. How could the Pujols family ever survive this hardship? Only 130 million? How will she feed her family? Why does God do BAD things to GOOD people?? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN DIEDRE PUJOLS, LORD?

And there’s no way she could EVER imagine going through difficult ordeal of having several professional baseball organizations throw millions and millions of dollars at her husband in an effort to convince him to play a game for a living. People with cancer must think they have it made when they hear of the struggles that Mr. and Mrs. Pujols have had to endure through this difficult free agency process.

Please…someone insult me with a $130 million dollar offer to play a game. Shit…for that amount of money, I’ll do a lot less enjoyable jobs than play baseball. I will do unspeakable things for that amount of money.

Diedre Pujols later went on to say this…

“It’s just like God,” she said at the end of the interview, “to put us on a team called the Angels.”

OHHH PLEEEEASE!!!…Even Tim Tebow thinks this statement is ridiculous. I find it highly unlikely that God used his divine intervention to put the Angels in a better position to win the pennant. Those types of stories only happen in the movies (and Denver Broncos games)…and they already made that film. Perhaps this will be the sequel to Angels in the Outfield. We’ll call it Angels at the Bargaining Table.