Living with RSD/CRPS

2020 - Corona & Me Coming Back

2020-11-12T23:17:00.001-08:00

Hi 🙋‍♀️ All!!!!

I am so sorry and feel absolutely terrible. I started a blog to help others, to record my journey and to spread awareness of this illness. My pain levels became so much more manageable and, well you know, life.... and I kinda abandoned my blog. I didn’t mean to and I think it’s very therapeutic as well as creating the intended benefits to others mentioned above.

I don’t know that I’ll be on here monthly, but I will write more as I truly feel that more awareness needs to be out there.

I have had this illness for 12 years now rounding on 13 years.I have learned a ton of tricks and hacks and I have learned to appreciate the good, the bad and the downright ugly. I know that a lot of people need encouragement. This is nicknamed the suicide illness after all...... 2020 has been a whole lot of fun for most of us. Pandemic life. But..... ironically, while my family members and friends are melting down and grieving their losses.... I’m just over here like - Hey! I got this! This is nothing. Been doing it for 12 years ;)

So - there’s another benefit. Haha! But seriously! I’m just saying... you have to look at the positives and count the blessings and LAUGH or you’ll lose your marbles or ever loving mind.

I love you all. Count your blessings and know that tomorrow is a new day. I know some days are brutal, some tolerable, some ok. I know you have constant pain, but it doesn’t own you and it doesn’t define you.

I’m here for you and I understand and if I give you a sliver of hope or a laugh. Hallelujah!

Take care of yourself!

Pain free virtual corona free 🤗 hugs ***

Natalie

Amazing Book you NEED to Read!!!!

2014-05-01T00:39:00.001-07:00

Just finishing up my audiobook I bought from Hay House Now.

Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin MD.

One of the most important thing someone who suffers from RSD/CRPS symptoms need to believe RSD is curable. Simply believing that it is INCURABLE..... Will make it so!!!!

Please reconsider your thoughts and READ this book or listen to it!

I promise you it will change your life!!!

Xoxo

Time Magazine Article from 2011

2014-04-20T00:35:00.001-07:00

Please check out this Article!!!

http://rsds.org/4/awareness/pdf/Time%20Article%20on%20Pain.pdf

I am BACK!!!!

2014-04-20T00:15:00.001-07:00

Hi all;

It seems I took a year and a half off!!! I'm sorry!! I have been doing so so well with RSD/CRPS. Pain has been under control and much much lower then it ever was.

A lot of changes have occurred in my life. Very big life changing experiences. I know that I am in the right place and on the right path.....

I just recently started thinking again and realizing that I do need to continue to write this blog and help people. Even if I just help one person..... I have helped someone.

I remember when I was first diagnosed I felt so alone. It was awful. Friends and family didn't "get it." No one had any idea what was happening to my life.

I researched and researched and found some amazing drs and treatment ideas that changed my life for the better.

One thing that saved me was an attitude adjustment. Being positive has made the world of a difference. I was forced to have pain so I could be miserable or enjoy my life and deal with the pain. So I chose to live and live a life as full as possible.

Just like that amazing group RSD/CRPS doesn't own me!

Damn straight it doesn't.

Much love

Natalie

Vertigo

2012-12-26T19:04:00.001-08:00

Ugh!!!!
3rd Bout with Vertigo since 2002....
It's back again. Survived the holidays with it, but would have enjoyed them without.... *** sigh***
10 days in. One time it lasted a week or two I think.
Last time about 6 weeks.
I'm so hoping this is almost gone. Today is the worst day so far:S although everyday it changes.....
Anyone else experienced Vertigo who has RSD/CRPS???
Just curious....

Holidays are almost upon us!

2012-12-09T21:44:00.001-08:00

It is ALMOST that time of year again. Time for holidays, family, warmth, fun, hot chocolate, quality time and gifts! I am excited for Christmas this year! So my pain levels are a lot better and a lot more tolerable this year. I had a few sessions with Michelle Vickers who helped me do a soul connection that has changed my pain levels for the positive. I rescued a dog. He is a Husky/German Shepherd and adorable. Today I took him on a run through the woods near our home. He gets really, really hyper if he doesn't get his exercise. A cross between both being a puppy and his breed. He is bringing a lot of joy to our lives.
We have a "Real" free this year as said puppy was trying to eat all of the mini lightbulbs on the fake tree. The aroma of the real tree is amazing actually. We had snow for awhile, but none recently.... All has melted away. The cold on my lungs was crazy today though. Sharp and painful. The mental benefits awesome!
Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season.
Hang in there
Love Nat

Amazing Things ARE Happening!!!

2012-09-28T00:23:00.001-07:00

I have been doing something different since the beginning of July 2012. I was not looking for a spiritual answer. I was looking for some pain relief and honestly at this point, just about ready to try almost anything.
An old acquaintance, Facebook and curiosity all cumulated into an amazing adventure. After one session, I was on about half the meds and living life a little bit fuller and even missed my coveted Lidocaine Infusion. I simply forgot.....
I am in no way, shape or form associated with or benefiting from this recommendation.
Call or Email Michelle. If its anything like my experience, you can thank me later.
www.MichelleVickers.com

Weird Photos

2012-06-08T12:12:00.001-07:00

So I can't feel most of the pain in my legs and feet anymore. Thank god.
After an epidural, in 2008 I lost a lot of feeling.
Clearly there is still a problem.....

"RENT"

2012-05-17T15:45:00.001-07:00

My favourite musical since I was 17 was put on at the Panasonic Theatre by Theatre Sheridan! My almamater!!!
Jonathan Larson's "RENT."
It is an amazing musical about life, love, friendships and living in the present moment and forgetting regret.
It was amazing!
This was the track I was on before getting RSD/CRPS! To be a professional performer. I was even at a prestigious school practically guaranteeing me a career in my chosen field. Then RSD....
I am now inspired yet again to make a run at some kind of performing career. It is and has always been what I should be doing.
Today I make the step forward to lose weight, get pain under control and try to get a talent agent within the year.
I am on my way up, I don't know how, but I WILL be famous an have a career doing what I love!!!!

Sad Update

2012-05-10T04:01:00.001-07:00

Just yesterday I learned that two people with RSD/CRPS decided to end their own life. This illness is something that is very hard to handle and often leaves its victims feeling very, very alone and desperate. Please learn all you can about this illness and please share and make others aware to help people get the understanding and support needed.
I myself am sitting in the waiting room of my Pain Management Centre waiting my turn to get my lidocaine infusion. I got absolutely no sleep at all:((

Muga Scan

2012-01-26T20:02:00.001-08:00

My Cardiologist called me first thing yesterday morning to let me know that my blood values for heart failure have not risen. Nevertheless, this has definitely been a wake up call for me. The meds have caused me to gain weight and I have not been as careful with my diet for heart healthy foods. I also have not been doing enough cardio. Even 5-10 mins each day would help I think.....
I am still going for the Muga scan next week to get a true Ejection Fraction Output. Now we are not expecting as low as 44% thank god. I am curious to find out asap now though.
I started wondering if I might only have 5 or 10 years to live which kind of freaked me straight out! Wow.....

4 Year Anniversary

2012-01-04T13:27:00.001-08:00

Jan 2nd marked my 4 yr anniversary of acquiring RSD/CRPS. I truly have come so far physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. This illness has tested me on all kinds of levels! My New Year's resolution is to place more time and effort on my blog. I cannot believe it has already been 6 mths since my last post.
Update: I moved in with my boyfriend and bought a new house. We started moving much too quickly and so we have scaled it back quite a bit.
I don't know why I didn't mention this last year, but Feb 2010 I was diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy and luckily a mild case. It may prevent me from Ketamine. I don't know as of yet. On friday, I am seeing Dr. Bhatia to consult about Ketamine so that is exciting. This is the Dr doing it in Canada and so I guess if they won't treat me then OHIP will have to pay for treatment in the States.
I read about a product someone else w RSD/CRPS uses to control the pain and so I purchased it to see if it would help me. It is called the Fenix Trigger Point Board. I have had it only for a few days and am amazed at the difference of pain levels that I am experiencing!! I think it is truly a godsend!!! About 5 days ago I was crying in bed from pain and now I am able to function. Amazing! Comes w a money back guarantee so I definitely recommend it. Google "fenix trigger point" to purchase.
The Dr who created it had a Daughter w Fibromyalgia and also himself suffered from Chronic Pain. I accidentally missed my lidocaine infusion just before Christmas and so I was really suffering. I go every 3 weeks. This time it has already been 6 weeks and I do not have an appointment for another week!!!
I also find Neuragen works well. Stinks to high heavens, but helps. It is "homeopathic" liquid or gel you apply topically and I buy at Shoppers Drug Mart in the diabetes section. Smells awful, but worth a try for relief.
I also got a fabulous gift at Christmas. From the maker of Sunbeam, a heating pad specificallu for your neck that you kind of wear like a necklace. Amazing relief for my neck and shoulder pain.
That is it for now! Remember, please never hesitate to email me or to leave me a comment. We are in this together.
Happy New Year!
Natalie

New Beginnings & New Blessings

2011-06-20T18:43:00.001-07:00

I have met someone! I have met someone very, very special. I cannot stop smiling and it is awesome. I tried internet dating yet again, but this time on a much more reputable site and found such a wonderful man. Eek! I am so happy. His name is John and we have been seeing each other for a couple months and it is wonderful. He has two amazing children, a son and a daughter and they are so sweet and well behaved. He is exactly the kind of guy I was looking for. I have continued to focus on positive thinking to draw positive things into my life and it is working. Work is going extremely well and so is the love life. I also just got back from Florida which was beautiful and oh so warm. I am really missing those beaches already......:(
I will be back to visit soon I hope!!!
I have had a fever for 2 weeks now and on antibiotics so I hope that it clears this week. I also, unfortunately, rolled my ankle and so I am now back on crutches etc. I started to get down the first day, but decided to try to stay as positive about the whole thing as I can. It obviously sucks, but am trying not to dwell on that. It could actually be worse. My really close family friend had a windshield blow up in her face and she may end up losing her eyesight. That has really helped me to put this in perspective as that would be ridiculously hard to deal with. It's just sooo frustrating to be running around one day and incapacitated the next with the pain growing increasingly worse and worse and worse......Oiy.....
That's all for now. John is at work and my dinner is beeping so gots to go....lol

More Good News!!!

2011-03-31T22:44:00.001-07:00

I saw my MS Specialist today and he said he sees evidence of old optic neuritis, but not new. He said in terms of MS, I am looking good. Phewf!
Thing is I still have, for 2&1/2 yrs now unrelenting dizziness. They say it is due to a bout of Vertigo that I had back in 2008, but the Neuro-Otologist said that he wasn't sure why my body hadn't adjusted to the deficit yet. He said it actually isn't even that much damage. I know! What else is new right???
My body overreacting!!! As in all other Rsd ways, I wonder if this is due to that or my Dr's are missing something. I cannot survive a few hours if I do not take my gravol. I end up feeling super sick....
I called my Neuro-Otologist. I guess it is back to him for a follow up so that we can get to the bottom of this.

Already Having a Fantastic Year

2011-02-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

This year has been going amazingly well so far. I decided to take a hiatus from dating and it has been the best thing for me. I got back to being me and my hobbies and my friends. It has been great. I also have been working really hard and have already sold 6 condos, 2 houses and 2 leases. I am on track to do 40 deals this year. Or maybe even more....Excellent. Best real estate year so far:)
My ankle got better realtively quickly. My neck is another story....6 months post last car accident. If you can even call it an accident. So minor it is truly unbelievable I am still in so much pain ugh!!!
I know this will sound a bit insane, but I learnt to harness the power of attraction. My new automatic thought is "I am a Real Estate magnet. Real estate comes easily to me and in abundance." I tried it from the begining of the year. I kinda thought all this positive talk was not really able to attract things that easily. Seems I was wrong. The mind is strong and the Law of Attraction real. Like really real. I have been excited, astonished and shocked by recent events.... but am totally happy. I will continue on with my Law of Attraction experiment.
Bit of bad news... I just got diagnosed with Optic Neuritis again. 3rd time in my left eye. Once in 93, them 09, now 11. Oh boy! I have to see a whack of specialists. The only Dr I have found that understands RSD is a Neurologist in the States who also specializes in MS. He says and has done studies indicating that RSD is much more common in someone who has MS. Why no one else puts this together is beyond me. I hope that I do not have it. I am staying positive, but my Visual Evoked Potentials (VEP) came back in 2002 borderline normal and in 09 abnormal. No plagues on the MRI, but the VEP is considered proof of a plague in my optic nerve.
Scary!!!
Anyways....no matter what happens, I will be fine and I will deal with it.

October and Here Comes Fall

2010-10-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

I really don't like any other season then Fall anymore. The cold and the rain and the snow make life more difficult for me. I keep trying to think of the positive, but it becomes increasingly more difficult as my pain levels rise and I become more and more trapped indoors. Not that I hate being inside at all, I just don't like feeling stuck indoors. **Sigh** Such is life I guess. What can you do?
I find that the cloudy, cold and grey days are kinda depressing. I'm trying hard to stay positive, but the pain in my feet gets worse and I have to start layering up like crazy. Even right now I am freezing, but I guarantee everyone else around me feels completely comfortable.
Another grey, rainy cold day.

Over yet another hurdle

2010-09-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have won against another hurdle. I had a lot of great insight last week and was able to pull together and face the challenge at hand. How did I do it? Great question. I started taking the vitamins I had been forgetting to take, using heat, meditating, self-hypnosis, breathing, improving my diet and getting more sleep.
Today is my 2 month anniversary and I couldn't be happier. I am also relieved that we were able to get over this. It brings me more hope for the future. Now don't get me wrong. I am still in a ton of pain and have been going to physio and massage almost everyday. Progress has been made and I no longer feel as panicky or overwhelmed as I have been. I can handle this. I am strong. Some days it is easier to be strong then others..... and that is ok. The bad days are when I can lean if I need to and the good days are just better then the bad ones. I have a lidocaine infusion on Thursday am, thank god. I had one Sept. 1st and was due again Sept. 21st, but I just cannot wait that long. Oh and also I got a new prescription of DMSO, but this one is 20 percent which seems to help a lot more though I do get itchy from it.

Emotional Stress & Exhaustion

2010-09-08T00:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a bad day. In fact, this whole week has been bad. They are bound to come along and as a good friend once quoted to me, "This too shall pass. It is like a wave, we face it and it washes over us." I have a wonderful new boyfriend with whom I am so in love with. Since our minor collision, that did major damage to my body, I have felt overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted and panicked. I have had such a wonderful summer and whirlwind romance that I am agitated that I am hurt again, I am annoyed that my wonderful streak is over again, I am angry that I am yet again in this situation and I am feeling vulnerable, desperate, needy and clingy. I want this to be a figment of imagination, and yet again it is not. This is reality. My reality for the present moment. This illness provides so many opportunities for ups and downs and it leaves me feeling quite helpless and out of control and I hate that. I have been pushing the man I love away and probably because I am in such a frazzled state as well as this nagging fear I have that he won't be able to handle all this. I haven't felt as happy as I have felt in probably almost a decade and I am scared to lose it all. I am terrified and that is not a good emotional place to be coming from when trying to be rational and be heard etc etc. I am so attached to my boyfriend and I know for sure that if I wasn't sick, we would totally work out. I'm just not sure about the sick version of me. I am finally with a man who I feel so incredibly lucky to have found as I feel he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He also has beautiful daughters whom I already love and feel a sort of belonging in the family. I am content as I never imagined. Now I know what I must do. We had bad conversations tonight and I believe that the only way to keep this on track is for me to try to calm myself down and try to keep myself rational instead of operating from a place of hurt. I am going to try reactive listening and ask him to rephrase everything I tell him to see if he does understand what I am saying because I feel as if he is listening, but I am just not sure he understands and until I feel as if he heard me, I will only continue to feel more and more stressed out about this.
I also believe that as much as I have tried to educate him about my illness; I decided to have fun and be carefree and pretend I was normal again therefore giving him the impression that I can do much more then I can safely do in reality. I also did not prepare him well enough for what happens when an "accident" occurs and how my life changes in a series of ups and downs and what I will require from him should that occur.

2 Steps Forward & 1 Back.............

2010-09-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the unfortunate luck of having someone back into me in a parking lot. My vehicle is an 08 so that sucks obviously, but the worst part is my body of course. If you are reading this, you most likely either have RSD yourself or a loved one. That means you know what I am talking about..... I already have full body RSD, but I have been doing extremely well recently. This is definitely a set back. I am really concerned though that my boyfriend, who I am completely in love with now, still does not understand the seriousness of my pain or what I live with. He says he's here forever, but I also know that if I believe him on that and he can't handle this I will be devastated once again. I am already so attached to Jay and his family that I want to believe him, however, I think until I know for sure for sure that he truly understands my illness; I'm always going to worry about it. ***SIGH***
I feel like I'm going to cry. I hate dealing with this. I have been doing so good that this step backwards is a bit depressing. The thing is I know it won't be a tiny little setback, but a large one.

One Hot Summer Day

2010-08-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

Jay and I went to the cottage yesterday with his youngest daughter with my family. My siblings took Jay out in our boat. I know it's not the worst thing in the world, but I really wish that I could swim in the lake, go in the boat and go tubing/wakeboarding. It is hard to watch and sit on the dock as they pull away and wish soooo badly I could go too! They went for an hour, had a blast and came back. My cousin Matt also brought his 13 month old son and the kids played together all day. So adorable!
We had a really wonderful day and got back at like 10:30 last night. I have been doing a lot more than I am capable of and with that comes more pain flares of course. Thank god I have my lidocaine infusion in 2 days. I was told not to carry more than 5 lbs as I keep irritating the nerves, but I have to say that I am certainly getting more toned the more I am around this baby. Just chasing a crawler & moving her around. Just a bit of toning ya think........and she is a big baby. Adorable, but big. I just put her down for her nap and she is freaking out. Poor thing is super tired. Ahhhh Peace. There she goes off to dreamland.
Jay is at work and hopefully I can now get some work done.

The Rainbow After the Storm

2010-08-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of changes in my life since June. I signed up for internet dating and met a bunch of nice guys. I had said all along that should I find a great guy then I wouldn't not get serious, but being serious just wasn't my intention. I met a wonderful guy named Jay. My life has taken such a positive twist since we met. I am so happy now. I never even realized that it was possible to be this happy! He is a couple years older than me and has 2 beautiful daughters. I am still undecided as to whether or not I will have biological children of my own. It's obviously a hard decision. I know that it can be done, but it is scary as no one can guarantee that I wouldn't get a lot worse......... For now I am totally content to be a part of his children's lives.
They are adorable and I now feel like I have the meaning in my life that I was searching for. It has been a great summer and as my Bday gets closer, I know that my fall will be just as wonderful. Those sayings are really true that "The best things in life are free" and "Money doesn't buy happiness." My life is so much richer then it was before. Now, as for Ketamine....things are on hold as there is a Canadian Dr who does Ketamine and he basically has to reject me before OHIP will even consider my application. More red tape oh joy.... I have had a lot of flares this summer from a car accident to a few bumps that have caused me a ton of grief this summer. Such is life I guess.
I just wanted to give an update. I am staying happy and positive and I am in love:)
Carpe Diem

Update on Ketamine

2010-06-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

I saw my heart specialist last week and it appears that I will be able to do the ketamine infusion sooner rather than later.....Yay!!! So I am seeing my amazing pain management doctor, Dr Shulman, on Monday to apply to OHIP to see if they can pay for the one available in Florida as they have payed for it before. I am just hoping for the best at this point, because this is so going to cost me an arm and a leg. I am in a new positive mindset and I am not allowing "incurable" to run my life anymore.
I just finished reading a book called, "You Can Heal Your Life," by Louise Hay. It has inspired me to use my brain and positivity to overcome the limitations of this illness. Now I do hope that I can do it. I'm not sure if I buy into the you created this for yourself stuff because really, blaming myself for creating a dysfunctional body is not going to make me feel better whatsoever and if I can't control this with my mind, I don't really want another frigging reason to be mad at myself....!!!! Seriously though, think about that one....
It's your fault that you got it......Now it's your fault you can't get rid of it.....How is that going to be healthy or help me with that.......?????
And, of course, it doesn't help me with the friends or family members that already say that positive thinking will make it go away. Well, honestly if it was that simple I would have been healed a million times over already.
This is a really tough illness to live with. Occassionally I fall apart. Like the other day talking to my sister.
I am better the last couple of days though thank god. Just hard to know what to look forward to. Hard to feel like there is even much there to be excited about....
Hmmmmm...... Working on positive mindset. Making reasons to be happy and things to look forward to. I am really thinking of volunteering. I do think that will help me to feel better. At least I won't feel so useless and/or bored.
Anyways, I am certainly happy that I may be getting Ketamine done in about 2 months time. So maybe this time in August I will be on my way to feeling a million times better!!! I am picturing this, I am hoping for this, I am praying for this.........

Living Newly Separated & Everything that goes with it

2010-05-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

It has been almost 4 months now since my husband and I separated. A lot is different now. We sold our house, which was my dream home, and I am now living in a Condo for the first time in my life. It is weird to start over. Really weird. I bought my first home 6 years ago with my husband and that was about 1200 square feet with a basement, my last home was 2700 square feet with a walkout basement and now I am literally squished into about 600 square feet condo! It's actually quite funny to me and I have actually never been so organized in my entire life as everything needs a spot in here or this out of control-ness will continue on until I decide to move again. For now it is nice to have a place to call home again instead of mooching off of my parents. I worry a lot because I am nervous about how I will be able to support myself, what does my future hold etc etc. Life is too short though and I was so unhappy and so despite all the terrible and stressful events around me, I actually am a happier, outgoing and optimistic person. I am really very glad I have gotten to this point that I can look up again. It was because of that Michael J. Fox's novel entitled "Always Looking Up." It was truly amazing to me that this man wasn't miserable, unhappy or angry at what has been taken away from him. The truth of the matter is that the Parkinson's took enough and truly being miserable all the time would only make his life worse. This is what I have learnt for myself and it is funny that my friends and family have commented that I am handling this all very well and they are impressed and that I am ridiculously strong. It's nice to hear. I never even realized that they felt that way. However, I myself am proud of the way I am handling my life right now and it has given me a better sense of self and of course self esteem. I have learnt so much even just by living alone as I went from my parents home to my home with Carlo. I am glad to have a fresh start and despite all the disappointments and heartache I will be ok. I look forward to meeting my soul mate who is still yet to come and building a truly unbreakable relationship with him.

Coping & Loss

2010-03-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of writing on here each and everyday. Sometimes life throws you a curveball though......And that it has! So my husband that I spoke of in my last post decided that this was all too much for him and that has left me in a tailspin. My world turned completely upside down and I tried to get him to reconsider. We have been together a total of 8 & 1/2 years afterall. It seems that he never understood RSD or decided he couldn't believe me and trust me...... Unimaginable that this could happen.....The worst pain that I have felt has never been from the RSD itself...(Of course that is excrucitaing), however it is the family members/friends/loved ones who do not understand or question you or don't believe you or tell you that you shouldn't take medications to manage that hurts the most. It is our support system pulling away that seriously does the MOST damage. The people that are supposed to love you NO MATTER WHAT, or the ones that promise "in sickness & in health." I think it is better that I found out now, but I am totally shocked that this is occuring. I know this sucks. I know it is hard, but I will live anyways and plans can be adjusted.... As my father said, "If he truly loved you he would have been there for you when you got diagnosed and he would still be there for you...." My life will go on. This happened 2 months ago and I am just now beginning to regain my footing. I am starting to look at the positive things that this has taught me and that's the only way I will keep my sanity.

Back from Philadelphia

2010-01-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

I went to Philadelphia last week to continue doing the prescreening for the Low Dose Ketamine Infusion that I am planning to do to help me achieve much lower pain, at the least, and remission at best. The highly coveted remission! Flying was hard as we had to be at the airport there and back soooo early and I cannot sit for long periods of time without making my pain so much worse. One of the Doctors at Drexel College of Medicine told me that he so far saw no reason that I wouldn't be able to do it. Thank god!!! I am hoping and praying I am able to do this as it is scary to think of the future without it. In my last post I said that nothing good had come of RSD. On retrospect, I realize that that is an extremely negative position to take as I have learnt valuable life lessons from my experience. I would not like to continue with this illness and I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I have and will continue to try to make Lemonade out of the lemons that I have gotten. Unfortunately, my husband and I are in the process of seperating. It is a hard time for me right now, but I am very, very sure that I will be the strongest possible version of myself when I come out on the other side.