Bella is a timid girl who has yet to realize her full sexuality. She meets Edward, and it “ignites her inner core..her molten sex creeping from her like a slow volcanic river”. Edward’s “turgid member, pulsing with the blood of hundreds of years” presses tightly to her.

They eventually have Victorian-worded sex, then she with Jacob..then all together…then they go to an opium den and get totally trashed.

When I’m describing basic boffer LARPing, I ask them if they’ve seen the movie Role Models. And if not, I say, “half of us dress up like heroes, half of us dress up like monsters, then we run around in the woods for a weekend and whack each other with padded weapons.”

If I’m at an interview and they want to know about something on my resume, I call it “interactive literature, like improvised stories where the actors are also each other’s audiences.”

And if someone is actually interested, I whip out the coolest looking pictures on online photo albums (usually facebook or google plus), then ones with the most interesting costumes that depict action-heavy moments in LARPs. “See, there’s me dressed as a flapper, pleading with a German not to shoot my James Bond-esque lover…”

“You know how football is a thinly veiled war game, all about winning territory and defeating the other team?”

“Yeah?”

“My kind of larping is a less thinly veiled war game.”