Changing Woman

Another Transformation

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:06:00 +0000

Six months ago, I wrote about losing interest in my passions and life purpose. I wrote the following:

What do you do when you lose interest in your passions and life purpose? Do you force yourself to be involved or do you find a new passion and purpose?

These are thoughts that have been running through my mind since April. In April I lost interest in blogging, tweeting, facebooking, and even my business. I could not understand why I had this sudden loss of interest. My feelings alternated between guilty and indifferent. I found myself pondering if these hobbies of mine were a distraction to my ultimate goal. I even started to wonder what was my ultimate goal; was it to be successful, famous, or rich? I then wondered, would I ever stop wondering and worrying and start living. It was then it hit me, I needed to step away from tweeting, facebooking, and blogging, so I could live a little. I had to learn how to balance working hard and relaxing. I find that I burn myself out by focusing all my energy on many things. I think now that I have stepped back and reevaluated things, I can return to my previous schedule. I have also learned that it is okay to move on; sometimes you just outgrow things and need to assimilate to new beginnings.

When you lose interest in your passions and life purpose, don't feel guilty, don't force yourself to be involved, and don't rush out to find something new; all you have to do is be patient and let the river take you to your destination. Observe your surroundings, take the time to think, and just go with the flow.

Six months later, I am at another crossroad. I have made the decision to combine my personal blog with Closed Lids. The posts over on the other blog are transferable and could easily be written on Closed Lids. This blog started out as an outlet for me, while I was in graduate school. I was bored and never written creatively, I decided to start a blog that would give me a place to share my stories and thoughts. Overtime, L.Marie Dreams has become almost like an online journal. I discussed weight, love, life, my journey, etc. Even though this blog had minimal traffic, it was a place that I called home, but even a home needs change. With the opening of my new business, Lisa Inks, it became difficult to maintain three sites, especially since L.Marie Dreams and Closed Lids were so similar. By combining both blogs I am completing the circle; I will be posting on my life, my challenges, alongside with dreams, wellness, spirituality, and the environment over on Closed Lids. I will share personal stories and more. I hope with this change you will learn more and stick with me as I try new things.

I hope those who read this blog, will come over and join my Closed Lids community.

Over the past three years you have been so encouraging. Thank so much for all your comments, emails, and support. Without you, I would never have continued blogging.

See you!

L.M

Start. Stop. Continue

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 16:39:00 +0000

Forward Through Backwards

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 04:32:00 +0000

Have you ever felt like you were moving forward through a backwards world or backwards through a forwards world? I have. It is a feeling hard to describe, but when I saw this video on Google+(circle me), it just hit me!

Last night was movie night with my siblings. Somehow the discussion turned to water preferences. After sharing our brand preferences, I started to talk about how I used to drink tap water until I learned about fracking. Of course they immediately asked me to explain hydro fracking.

In a nutshell Hydraulic Fracturing (also know as: hydro fracking or fracking) according to the United States EPA is:

Natural gas plays a key role in our nation’s clean energy future and the process known as hydraulic fracturing (HF) is one way of accessing that vital resource. HF is used by gas producers to stimulate wells and recover natural gas from sources such as coalbeds and shale gas formations.

I was in the middle of explaining to my siblings the new dangers of tap water and the pending hydro-fracking legislation/debate and I could see from the corner of my eyes the disinterests/smirks. I stopped mid sentence and told them, I rather them laugh in my face than when I turn my head and I also stated no wonder why sometimes I liked internet people better than my actual comrades(because of shared interests) Of course they tried to deny that was going on, but it is a common occurrence in my family. When I talk about things that are passionate to me or things I feel that a threat to humanity, they get a look on their face or cut me off.

It is pretty hurtful, especially since I take interests in their activities. These responses were one reason why for the longest, I stopped talking about my interests and tried to lean mainstream. It is hard fitting a circle into a square peg. Overtime I began to talk about my interests again and this time I even though I felt hurt, I still kept moving forward in this backwards world or moving backwards in this forward world. Who knows which is the correct direction.

Life can be viewed from many perspectives; forwards, backwards, sideways, upside down. We are all experiencing the same thing. Some of us can adapt to the different perspectives and others cannot. Life isn't about trying to make others see your point of view. Life is about your particular journey and lessons. And if others want to join in along the way; so be it!

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on Facebook, www.facebook.com/ClosedLids and Twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids . Join the conversation and interact.

Start. Stop. Continue

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 17:07:00 +0000

Sometimes in life you need to Start, Stop, or Continue. I decided to mimic this blog post style after blogger The Write Curl. Over on her blog she will be writing a series of posts about what is working for her, what is not working for her, and new things she will be doing. She has called this series: Start. Stop. Continue. I loved this idea and her post! I decided I wanted to give this a go over on this blog. This series falls in line with my new way of thinking and I think it will be beneficial to record goals every month.

Start

Almost every book I have read on careers and life in general makes mention of writing down specific goals. I don't have this list. I have a list of things I would like to accomplish and do, but nothing is specific. Everything is vague. For example: write two bestsellers. I should be more specific to genre, type of bestseller, etc. Now I will say: I will publish two indie/newcomer bestseller memoirs by 2015. One memoir will be on my journeys to Haiti and the other on my family dynamics. From this point on, I will be specific in category, date, location, etc for all my goals. It is time to attract what I want, need, and desire.

Stop

I think too much. I over- everything: analyze, think, strategize, self-criticize. This form of over thinking is useful when I am making logical and practical decisions, but it also can be detrimental when I am too hard on myself. Not everything needs to be perfect. Not everything needs to micro-analyzed and broken down to the smallest detail. I do this with only certain areas of my life, but those areas are the ones where I need to be relaxed and spontaneous. Risk is okay. In fact taking risks is what leaves room for success. Letting go of worry and what is out of my hands is key.

Continue

Last year and this year, I made the conscious decision to remove certain individuals out of my life. These individuals, while some nice and good people, needed to be kept at bay. These individuals included family and friends; no one was given special treatment. I have an unorthodox way of handling things. I also can be 'reckless' as a family member gossiped about me. Sometimes, I just up and go places. Or up and start a new website. Or up and start a book. That's me. I have loads of ideas and I'm not afraid to try them. Some people don't like to see others taken nontraditional routes. These people I could not have in my ear daily. I had to slowly and for some abruptly cut them off. These people know the bare minimum about my life. I'm not hiding anything, if they ask, I tell. I just don't need judgement, negativity, and eye rolls. I've felt a great weight off my shoulders once I started doing my own thing and not worrying about others. I'm going to continue to keep people at bay until they prove otherwise they can be allowed back in my inner circle.

What things do you need to start, stop, and continue?

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on Facebook, www.facebook.com/ClosedLids and Twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids . Join the conversation and interact.

Nicknames, Pets, and Such

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 23:24:00 +0000

In college I remember a friend said to me "why do you have so many nicknames, your name is so simple!" I just laughed. I can't help that people really want turn Lisa-Marie into something fun.

I never completed the Get To Know Me challenge. I only have nickname/pets left, so below are my responses. Feel free to browse my other responses.

My nicknames:
Lisa- a given, just a shortened version of Lisa-Marie. The majority of people call me Lisa.
Lee(Li)- Only a few people call me Lee, I guess these are the lazy people.
LiLi(LeeLee)- Only a couple of people call me LiLi, I like to keep it to those few.
Lis a Lis- My Uncle calls me Lis a Lis.
Lis- A few people call me Lis, I like to keep it to those few.
L- Again only a few call me L and I like to keep it to those few.
Mom- Several people call me Mom as a joke.
Friend- Only one of my friends calls me friend.
Bestie- Only one of my friends call me bestie.
Elle Marie- I guess I came up with the spelling of this nickname and then a few people started calling me Elle Marie
L.Marie- My Mom used to sometimes call me L.Marie
Waudo/Gya (in my family that means weird and the mean nicknames I have are from my siblings)- I'm not exactly sure how this one started, but my siblings and I use waudo. I think it was because my grandma couldn't pronounce weird, she always said waud. Gya started from my little sister, she would always repeat what we said, so we started to spell things incorrectly, so she wouldn't know the word. Gay=Gya
Weirdo- Again this came from my siblings.
Liser- One of my elementary school teachers could not pronounce Lisa(as easy as that name is), she always called me Liser, so then as a joke people used to mimic her. A few elementary school people called me that and also my family. I hated it! Now, I don't care, I think it's funny.
Loser- This sprung up from Liser, it just turned into Loser. Again my siblings
Inspector General- When I was younger my parents gave me the task of making sure everyone's rooms were cleaned. So I became the Inspector General. I quickly became a dictator and my title was revoked as were my responsibilities. I guess I took the permission to spank my siblings and inspect too far ::eye roll::
Xena- This was more my nickname that I came up for myself. I loved watching Xena as a child. That luxury also was taken away from me when I tried several of her moves, including the 'kill a person with two fingers' move a little too far. Hmm, again, I was a strange one. But, if my siblings weren't so crazy, they would have been on my/Xena's side, not the bad guys side. Again ::eye roll::
Dream Master- This came about because of my dream interpretations over on Closed Lids
Closed Lids- The name for my dream, spirituality, wellness, etc company.
Dream Lady- This came about because of my dream interpretations over on Closed Lids
Marie- For whatever reason a bunch of people started calling me Marie in college. I think they never knew my name or maybe only caught the last part of Lisa-Marie. Or maybe they just liked calling me Marie. I also have an Aunt who calls me Marie
Marie Lisa- One Aunt always calls me Marie Lisa or Marie. I'm not sure she got the memo that my name is Lisa-Marie. But, I never corrected her and I kind of like it.
LM- Shortened version of LisaMarie
LMP- My initials
LP- My initials, a different Aunt calls me this sometimes.

I also at times will answer to my siblings names/nickname. It is a lot easier to just answer than to have a person go through four names before they get to mine.

I should also tell you the spelling of my name is up for debate. I grew up my entire life writing LisaMarie, then standardized testing/schools turned me into Lisamari or Lisamarie. Then it was Lisa Marie, but finally I took matters into my own hands and looked it up on the birth certificate and my name is spelled Lisa-Marie. So I started to write it that way, though a few of my siblings tell me that is dumb.

When I was younger I was a strange one. My first pet (I can't believe I'm admitting this) was lint. Yes lint. I used to take the lint from the dryer, wet it, and shape it into pets and gave each one a name. I blame that on being an only child for a bit; I guess I needed to satisfy my imagination/boredom. My second pets were parakeets, I got these when I was in third grade, I wanted an owl, but my mom wouldn't let me get it. So I got Bluebell and Green Spots. I was terrified of them, so my aunt took care of them, but we ended up giving them away to a family friend who claimed they 'flew away'. Adult code for they died. My third pet was a couple of years ago. I was given a kitten as a gift. I called her Maya, she was soooo cute, but when I moved to go to graduate school, I had to find a home for her. I actually was a bit sad, she really helped me overcome my fear of animals. My adopted pets- my sister has two dogs, Sugar and Zoe. I see them when I go to her house or I pet sit them when she is out of town. These animals also helped me overcome my fear. I have always like animals(from afar), but had a slight fear.

I think in a few years, I would like to own a dog or a cat. It depends on my mood.

Wow, this post went from brief to short memoir. I hope you are still with me and if you are: What are your nicknames and do you own any pets?

This blog post was inspired by day 20/27 of the Get to Know L.Marie blog challenge.

~ L.

No Holding Back

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 18:58:00 +0000

"You can't afford not to shine." My Google Reader is filled with wonderful blogs with great advice and stories. Some individuals blog several times a day, everyday, or rarely. My friend over at Flying Catterpillar is one of those individuals who blogs rarely, but drops jewels. Imagine my surprise when I saw a post from her after almost two months of silence. Her post was brief and to the point, but resonated within me. She posted about a commercial that stated "you can't afford not to shine." That same day over on the Write One Blog, Stefanie blogged about not sweating the small stuff. I am a big believer in signs and if those two posts aren't a sign, I don't know what is.

A couple of months ago a friend asked me if I was happy. I felt embarrassed that I hesitated before I replied. Why did I hesitate? Wasn't I happy? I had food, shelter, family, friends. Why would I not be happy. Looking back over previous posts on this blog, I noticed a gradual change. I went from positive to defeated back to positive to complaining to optimistic to indifferent. Who was this person? This couldn't be who I've become; an unhappy, defeated person.

What is my problem? After reading Flying Catterpillar's and the Write One's blog post, I realized I'm holding myself back and I'm sweating the small stuff. I have accomplished many things while unemployed, yet never speak about them. On my LinkedIn page I never listed Closed Lids or Lisa Inks as my businesses. On Facebook, I would never post links to my blogs. I been holding myself back and not allowing myself to shine. I just been going through the motions, talking about change, but not being about change or creating change.

Within the last couple of months, I started to post publicly about my businesses, I added Closed Lids and Lisa Inks to my LinkedIn page and resume. Instead of telling people I been job hunting for two years, I candidly tell them about Lisa Inks and Closed Lids. I am 100% putting myself out there. I am networking, finding leads, and really accepting my path for what it is.

Sunday I am scheduled to take the GRE. I had this crazy notion that I would go back to school to obtain a Ph.D, but now my heart isn't into it. I knew my heart wasn't into it because I have not made it past page two of my GRE books. I don't want to go and take the test come Sunday. However, I will take the test, just because I signed up and who knows maybe I will eventually head back to school for something, but I feel like now is not the time.

I feel like a broken record, but this time I really am about change. No more negativity, no more complaining. And if I do feel negative or like complaining, who cares! No more guilt about that either. I'm human, I can be negative or positive or neutral. I am me and I will do what I please!

My Writing Services

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 18:17:00 +0000

Writing does not have to be difficult. With the right resources and knowledge, any individual can succeed. Lisa-Marie provides consultation services for college students, graduate students, professionals, and more. She provides professional services and helpful resources to aid the modern professional.

Please visit the link below for my consultation packages. Please forward the information to friends and family who may need my services.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0BwlANME9gqzHYWY2ZmJkZDgtZTAxMS00YmNkLTg0NWQtODFlZjM2NDFlNjQw&hl=en

Thank you! (my shameless plug for the month)

Ugh No Exercise!

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 18:14:00 +0000

I barely exercised this month. My excuse, I was busy, but really I know it's because I been lazy. August has marked many bad habits. The other day I mentioned I had a confession to make. Well, my confession is for the entire month of August, I been eating animal byproducts (chicken, fish, turkey, even gasp beef). I started to eat these things, because I wanted to and I didn't have the means to go get my usual fruits and veggies. I am happy to say that after a month, I finally made it to the grocery store and I purchased a lot of fruits and veggies and I am back on track. At first I felt guilty I was eating these things, because I do not believe it is the best thing for our bodies. I am still experiencing discomfort in my body and I have made the decision to return back to my previous vegetarian lifestyle. Part of me felt that I was becoming a junk food vegetarian. Because I had no fruits or veggies I would end up eating pizza or pasta. I would rather eat salmon and mashed potatoes, than two slices of pizza everyday. My body for an entire year desired just fruits and veggies, but now it wants more. I usually listen to my body and I will continue to follow its queues.

I hope September brings me motivation, so I can exercise and eat properly again.

Day 5/6: Dancing, Biking, and more!

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 23:37:00 +0000

I am so sore from biking this afternoon, I almost forgot to blog about my experience. So three hours after I blogged about jogging 2 miles in 17 minutes, I got dressed and when into the city(Manhattan) and partied all night. I used to be a big party animal (a story I actually wrote, but have yet to post) and took a break during graduate school and never really returned to my old form. On Thursday, when my friend invited me to an after work boat ride, I decided to finally leave my ~~cave~~ house and go out. We ended up going to Dallas Bbq first to drink and eat and then went to the party boat. Between walking around the city and dancing up a storm, I think that counted as my exercise for Friday. I woke up Friday planning to go then run errands, but I ended up running just errands. I figured my dancing/walking from the night before counted as exercise ;).

Today for day 6 of my fitness challenge I ended up biking 10.5 miles. My older sister is pregnant(I'm going to be an Auntie) and was just put on bed rest. So I decided to be a great sister and bike to where she was, which I figured would only take me 25-30 minutes. I was mistaken and it took me 49 minutes (got a little lost and stopped at a lot of lights). When I finally reached the house, she wasn't there!! That's some definition of bed rest, so I rested for about 30 minutes and then turned right back around. The return trip took me 43 minutes. I was disappointed in my overall time, because I usually do 5 miles in 25-26 minutes, but I realized that the route I took was very hilly and I suspect that slowed me down. I'm extremely sore, but I feel great. Next week I plan on biking, but will not start until Wednesday. I will be in the city for a job interview(wish me luck!). However, while in the city, I will get plenty of cardio from all that walking.

Overall, I feel great and despite some downs, I am committed to exercising on a regular. Next blog post... I have a confession to make, dum dum dummmm.

Day 3/4: Cleaning Counts... Right?!?

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 19:17:00 +0000

Does cleaning count as exercise? If so, then day 3 of my fitness challenge was exercise worthy. I didn't get a chance to go jogging because I waited until evening and it started to rain. Instead, I cleaned the entire house, swept, mopped, and washed dishes. I even ordered a steamer and vacuum online. Ordering those appliances counts as exercised because it is the warm up and when I actually get the appliances I will be working out by cleaning the entire house :-/. That is what I tell myself to keep me from feeling guilty.

Today, I made up for the laziness of day 3 and jogged 2 miles in 17 minutes flat! I shaved off 1 minute from the last time I jogged. I walked 4 minutes around the soccer field before I started jogging the second mile and walked a total of 10 minutes for my warm up and cool down. When I returned home, for a brief, very brief second I thought about going for a 5 mile bike ride, but changed my mind. That will have to wait until September or October when I have more endurance. What I ended up doing: 5 minutes of stretching and 100 variations of crunches.

Overall today was a productive day and tomorrow I hope to progress.

Day 2: Jogging

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:14:00 +0000

Today, I jogged 2 miles in 18 minutes, ran 2 minutes of suicides on the soccer field, and walked for 7 minutes. I was very pleased with my pace. That same two mile route would have taken me 30 minutes during the spring. I have my younger sister to thank. This entire summer she pushed me to pick up the pace and this was my first time jogging without her and I am extremely happy that I was able to keep a fast pace without her. The only thing I could not motivate myself to do- the exercise training we did on the soccer field. My sister plays D1 soccer and every season she has to pass a fitness test. Whenever I exercised with my sister, I did that fitness test, obviously not as fast as she, but not that far off in time either. However, I think I need her there to push me to keep sprinting, that fitness test is something you cannot do alone, you need at least one more person to shout out encouragement.

By mid fall I would like to get my mile pace down to 8 minutes and then eventually 7.

I want to keep my body guessing and each week will be dedicated to a different form of exercise. This week, I will be walking/jogging/sprinting.

Day 1: Not much accomplished

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 20:33:00 +0000

August 1 was going to mark a new exercise plan, that would allow me to quickly drop my remaining 25 pounds. My plan today was to jog 2 miles in the morning, but I felt sluggish, so I decided to wait until afternoon to jog. However, because of a thunderstorm, I have been unable to go outside and exercise; the downfall of not having a gym membership.

I didn't accomplish much in terms of exercise and diet today and hopefully tomorrow I can get back on track. If I have the motivation, I might do 400 crunches and 40 minutes of Wii Just Dance 2. As of now I don't see that happening and this lack of desire to exercise is a horrible way to start my new exercise plan.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will get back on track

Exercise: A Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 15:10:00 +0000

Every month I make a list of fitness goals and create a plan of action. Sometimes I follow these plans and other times they get dismissed.

Often on this blog I discuss my journey towards returning to my basketball days:

Weight Loss Journey
Vegetarian Journey
Detox Journey

Focusing on the past was hindering my progress and I made the conscious decision to start fresh; create a new Lisa. I'm not sure what this new fitness Lisa will be like, but I would like her to be a cross between my gym psycho self(2-3 times a day exercising) and my relaxed enjoy nature self(5 times a week exercising). I want to be relaxed during my wellness journey, but I cannot reach that point unless I drop my remaining 25 pounds. After I drop the 25 pounds, I can take a more relaxed exercise direction.

May 2011

July 2011

Starting August 1, I will be exercising everyday for the month. In order for me to reach my goal, I need to pick up the intensity. I will use August as a test. Everyday, I will post my fitness agenda and what I accomplished.

This idea came to me yesterday while I was shopping. I am now at an awkward stage- my clothes pre-weight gain are too small and my clothes post-weight gain are too big. It is a great place to be because I know I made this change by taking the steady and patient route, but in my opinion steady and patient was so 2010 and for the remainder of 2011 I need to be pick up the tempo.

Three years ago White House, Black Market had a huge sale and I purchased two New Years Eve dress options. I ended up wearing one of the dresses and left the other one for New Years Eve 2009, but by that time I had started to gain weight. My ultimate goal is to fit back into the dress I purchased in December 2008. If I am able to fit back into that dress by then, I will wear that dress on December 31, 2011.

Do you have any fitness goals? Would you like to join me? Share your exercise accomplishments and let's get fit together!

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on Facebook, www.facebook.com/ClosedLids and twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids. Join the conversation and interact.

Differing Cultures

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 19:22:00 +0000

Watching the documentary Daughter from Danang confirmed for me the differences in individualistic and collective societies. I recommend this emotional documentary to those who are interested in cultures, family, or just documentaries in general. I came across this documentary via ITVS website, which for the next month will be showcasing free documentaries as part of an online film festival (list of films).

The description pulled me in as well as my interest in documentaries.

"Daughter from Danang is a riveting emotional drama of longing, identity, and the personal legacy of war. To all outward appearances, Heidi is the proverbial “all-American girl," hailing from small town Pulaski, Tenn. But her birth name was Mai Thi Hiep. Born in Danang, Vietnam in 1968, she’s the mixed-race daughter of an American serviceman and a Vietnamese woman. Fearing for her daughter’s safety at the war’s end, Hiep’s mother sent her to the U.S. on “Operation Babylift,” a Ford administration plan to relocate orphans and mixed-race children to the U.S. for adoption before they fell victim to a frighteningly uncertain future in Vietnam after the Americans pulled out. Mother and daughter would know nothing about each other for 22 years.

Now, as if by a miracle, they are reunited in Danang. But what seems like the cue for a happy ending is anything but. Heidi and her Vietnamese relatives find themselves caught in a confusing clash of cultures and at the mercy of conflicting emotions that will change their lives forever. Through intimate and sometimes excruciating moments, Daughter from Danang profoundly shows how wide the chasms of cultural difference and how deep the wounds of war can run — even within one family."

I don't want to give the entire documentary away, but the film touched me because I have been in similar situations and it was emotional to watch the reunion and interactions from the outside, because it made me think of how individuals reacted to meeting me for the first time. It was almost like I had a chance to watch what happened to me from a birds eye view.

It has always been interesting to me cultural differences when it comes to family responsibility and money. In many foreign countries is common that the family as a whole helps to take care of the elders, whether it is financially or through other methods. Throughout the documentary, you have high hopes that this reunion will fare well, but in my opinion mis-communication and culture differences were the deal breakers.

It reminded me that not all relationships will last and to cherish them while you have the chance. I was reminded of my family, my mother, and my own emotions. This movie for some reason brought up repressed memories/emotions.

Have you ever seen something that seemed on the surface unrelated to a situation in your life, but made you feel connected anyway?

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on Facebook, www.facebook.com/ClosedLids and Twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids . Join the conversation and interact.

Freight Train of Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:36:00 +0000

It is a running joke in my family that I don't sleep. Often times when I am talking to my friends who are leaving for work at 6am, they ask me "are you getting up or going to sleep, actually don't answer that I know the answer." I have diligently been working on relinquishing my night owl title. It is a feat that is somewhat difficult for me to accomplish. Without me sounding too crazy, it is at night as I prepare for bed, that all my words and ideas come rushing out. It is almost like someone turns on the radio and television and I can hear and see all the stories I want to tell. I love that I get these ideas, but I just want them to come at a more convenient time. All these ideas, stories, and words rushing into my mind at 3/4 in the morning just isn't going to cut it anymore.

A family friend once told me, when the muse comes, don't fight it, get up and write, paint, sing, whatever the inspiration. I tried that method and what I got in return- dark circles under my eyes(raccoon as my sisters fondly or not so fondly call it) and a bunch of notebooks with unfinished stories. As of late, I been setting my bedtime at 12am and letting my stories and ideas run like a freight train. I do not write them down at that moment and I wait until morning to write. So far, this method has been working for me in terms of writing them down and not forgetting, but I still am left with the problem that all my ideas come to me at night. This is something I doubt will ever change and I will just have to continue to create different methods to channel those ideas.

Last night in addition to my ideas, I also had emotions. Tears ran down my face as a few ideas turned into memories that I suppressed about my mother. I guess these emotions came to me because July is the anniversary of her death and July always reminds me of some of my character flaws: closing my heart to those that love me and not telling those I love, I love them. Last night as I thought about what I would blog about today, emotions decided to run instead.

I originally wanted to blog today about a documentary I watched yesterday called Daughter From Danang (you can watch it free until tomorrow on this website: http://itvs.org/indies-showcase/films ), but instead I have gone off on a tangent. Well this tangent is related, it is because of this documentary, I started to think of possible blog ideas and then started to think of the past.

It is interesting how certain things can trigger emotions or memories out of nowhere. Next time I blog, I will discuss this documentary and my thoughts. It is a very interesting and emotional documentary about family, culture, and adoption.

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids. Join the conversation and interact.

3 Wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 22:44:00 +0000

If you were granted three wishes, what would you wish for? The other night was throwback movie night with me and my sisters. The movie of choice was Aladdin. After singing along, repeating the dialogue verbatim, and reminiscing on how good movies are hard to find, I thought to myself what would I do if I met the genie?

If I were following the rules of the genie in Aladdin- I would be: 1) unable to make someone fall in love with me 2) unable to bring someone back from the dead 3) unable to kill anyone.

After following these rules, my three wishes would be:

1. Great Health and Fitness

2. Wealth and Success

3. Bring all 'developing' nations to developed status

Hard decision, but if I am wealthy and successful, I could do all that I desire- travel, shop, go to school, write books, buy books, buy a car, donate to charities, and more. If I have great health and fitness, then I have enough stamina to do all that I desire, plus I will be at my ideal weight. Lastly, what are three wishes if you don't do some good deeds. I always hear immigrants(especially my family) talk about the good old days in their countries of birth. I would love to bring the good old days back to all the countries that have been deemed by others as developing.

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

This blog post was inspired by day 29 of the Get to Know L.Marie blog challenge

~ L.

Should I Be Annoyed?

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:27:00 +0000

I have come to realize that I get annoyed when individuals state that I am lucky to not have a job. I came to terms with this last night. My brother came home from work and stated: "You have the life, you get to sit around all day and do what you want and watch movies. It's like you are reliving your childhood." I know he meant that as a compliment, but deep down inside, I am still feeling sensitive about being unemployed.

I think my sensitivity stems from people thinking I sit around all day doing nothing. Granted, there are those days where I just lounge, but most days are jammed packed. I ghostwrite for many people, I work on my own projects, I am studying for the GRE(a story for another day), and because people think I have free time- I end up doing errands for those who are at work.

To me being unemployed has its perks, I make my own schedule, I do what I like, I exercise, I relax, but I think there is such a thing as being too relaxed. Having many side hustles has its downsides. The number one downside is that income is not guaranteed nor is it consistent; I get paid when there is work. If no one needs work, I don't get paid. I don't get paid, I get stressed.

My goal is to turn all my side hustles into something that is guaranteed. Then I think I will agree with all those who think I have the life. To me having the life, is doing what you love, when you want to, how you want to, and getting paid for it (consistently).

Should I be annoyed or grateful?

~ L.

Losing and Gaining Interest

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 19:30:00 +0000

What do you do when you lose interest in your passions and life purpose? Do you force yourself to be involved or do you find a new passion and purpose?

These are thoughts that have been running through my mind since April. In April I lost interest in blogging, tweeting, facebooking, and even my business. I could not understand why I had this sudden loss of interest. My feelings alternated between guilty and indifferent. I found myself pondering if these hobbies of mine were a distraction to my ultimate goal. I even started to wonder what was my ultimate goal. Was it to be successful, famous, or rich? I then wondered, would I ever stop wondering and worrying and start living. It was then it hit me, I needed to step away from tweeting, facebooking, and blogging, so I could live a little. I had to learn how to balance working hard and relaxing. I find that I burn myself out by focusing all my energy on many things. I think now that I have stepped back and reevaluated things, I can return to my previous schedule. I have also learned that it is okay to move on; sometimes you just outgrow things and need to assimilate to new beginnings.

When you lose interest in your passions and life purpose, don't feel guilty, don't force yourself to be involved, and don't rush out to find something new; all you have to do is be patient and let the river take you to your destination. Observe your surroundings, take the time to think, and just go with the flow.

~ L.

Change for the Better

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:07:00 +0000

Memorial Day weekend I stared at pictures in disbelief. 1 year and 55lbs ago, I was in tears because I no longer could fit into any of my clothes. I could not believe that I went from a college basketball player who exercised twice a day, ate a healthy diet, and had a sexy figure to a person who could barely jog a mile, ate late at night, and had a potato shape for a figure.

I still cannot put my finger on how I was able to gain that amount of weight in a short period of time; maybe it was my poor sleeping habits, stress, depression, laziness. Whatever it was, in May 2010, I had enough! I committed myself to exercising again. I started slow and pinpointed certain areas in my life that needed change. I worked on changing my sleep habits; no longer was I going to bed at 8am and waking up late afternoon. I worked on changing my eating habits; no longer was I eating one meal a day at 12am. I worked on changing my activity levels; no longer was I just sitting around all day watching movies, I got up and walked.

In a year I dropped 55lbs and cut a bunch of inches off my body. I probably could have dropped more in a year, but I wanted to make this a slow transition, so that I was changing bad habits and creating a new lifestyle. I still have at least 30 more pounds to go before I reach my basketball days weight, but I am optimistic that I will reach that goal by fall. Overall, my mindset is positive with a few minor set backs, but I continue to encourage myself and push myself to my limits. I still get annoyed when people ask me why and how I let myself go so far, I wish I had an answer, but all I can do, is say that was then and this is now. It is tough to explain such situations to people without getting sad, but I have learned to make a joke and a lesson out of my situation. I have experienced what it feels like to be extremely overweight and I am never going back there again. Even if it takes me two years to reach my previous size, I will do it!

Have you ever struggled with weight or maintaining a healthy exercise regimen?

~ L.

Music: The Universal Language

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Thu, 05 May 2011 03:03:00 +0000

I have often heard individuals state music is the universal language. I know many people who refuse to listen to other genres, yet they are self-proclaimed music fans. For today's Get to Know L.Marie blog post, I was supposed to post the first ten songs on my iPod, but mine is dead, so I posted the first ten songs(and one more for good luck) to come up on my Pandora- which is a great representative of my musical tastes.

Enjoy!

1. Jumper: 3rd Eye Blind

2. I Like to Move it: Reel 2 Real

3. No Hands: Waka Flocka Flame

4. Lady: The Commodores

5. Absolutely(Story of a Girl): Nine Days

6. Salsumba: Tito Puente

7. Viva La Vida: Coldplay

8. I'm Yours/Somewhere over the Rainbow: Straight No Chaser

9. When Love Takes Over: David Guetta

10. Turn Love Around: George Benson

11. d'Haiti Perle des Antilles: Tropicana

These are all songs that I would play on my iPod. What are your music tastes? What do you think makes a music fan?

This blog post was inspired by day 25 of the Get to Know L.Marie blog challenge

~ L.

Sadness: A Temporary Feeling

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 21:50:00 +0000

I stared out the window, unable to bring myself to look at him. I was told he was sick, but I never thought it would be disturbing and shocking. I was not prepared for the look on his face; almost like a living skeleton with smooth, regal, brown skin. I was not prepared for the pajamas to hang loose like he was the hanger. Before I entered the room, I was told, he was sick, but I was not told that he would look so helpless. Just two weeks ago, I was told he enjoyed the letter I wrote to him. I was excited that I would finally have the chance to read the letter in person. But, when I entered the room, I could barely bring myself to look at him; what a joke it would be to read a letter to a person who barely could hold on to life. Naively, I turned and faced him and decided to read my letter in hopes that my light words would somehow bring him out of his slumber. Instead of the miraculous awaken like the films that I so enjoyed, it appeared that I lulled him deeper into his sleep.

My reverie is briefly interrupted with the sudden jerk of the car. I look up and see a gorgeous hue in the sky; the rain softly dissipating and the sun rays dominating.

Photo Credit: L.Marie

Rain cleanses the earth of all impurities. When the rain ceases, the sun rays share a reminder that cleanses are only temporary.

I begin to reflect on the past two weeks. Papi François, my grandfather passed away with all his family surrounding him and everyone had tears streaming down their face, overwhelmed with grief; each coping in their own way. Just like the raindrops gently falling on the car.

The moments surrounding his bed were bitter sweet. Sadness because of a lost, but happiness that he moved on to the next plane. Sadness because of a loss, but happiness that his pain and suffering ceased. Sadness because of a loss, but happiness that family reunited once more.

When I stood watching each family member overwhelmed with sadness, I couldn’t help but think they weren’t crying over Papi’s death, but they were crying over their recollection of their fond memories of him.

Just like same way I selfishly wished for the rain to suspend, knowing very well that rain is nourishment for the earth; my family wept selfishly in the same many, but instead, recalling beautiful memories.

Just like with the passing of Papi, the grief, sadness, and pain is only a temporary feeling in preparation for happiness to find room within our heart.

Though that week was heavy somehow, someway, laughter found its way into the home. With family coming in from all over the country, it proved to be a reminder that after the sadness, just like rain, comes the joy of seeing family, just like seeing the sun rays.

I am driving through a rainstorm, yet I feel no sadness or despair. My little cousin Tina just asked me if I am annoyed by the rain, I turn to look at her and at the corner of my eye, I see light. I tell her no, I like the smell of rain; it smells fresh, light, and clean. My answer satisfies her curiosity because she smiles at me and turns back to look out the window, lost in deep in thought, I find myself doing the same.

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids. Join the conversation and interact.

What is Friendship?

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:31:00 +0000

How do you define friendship? I find myself struggling to find a concrete definition, because I find my own friendships to be very complex. I have friends of all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, and genders; each friend has their own personality.

I find that my friends can be categorized in to the 'needy' and the not 'needy'. When I say needy, I do not mean it in a negative way, but it is the only word I can think of to use. The friends that fall into the 'needy' category desire constant contact, updates, visits, and more or they feel like there is no friendship. The non 'needy' friends might not talk to me for months, maybe even a year and they still feel that there is a friendship; it is if we spoke yesterday.

Photo Credit: L.Marie

Lately, I been struggling with the definition of friend, because I know I am a great friend. Anyone can call me at 4am and tell me that they are stranded in the middle of the road on a dark highway and I will be there in a heart beat. I like to listen to my friends problems or issues and I enjoy providing constructive criticism and advice to all my friends. Even though I know I am a great friend, I feel that I may not appear to be one. I am that non needy friend. I can go months without seeing someone and not see anything wrong. The problem arises when a 'needy' friend wants to hang out or talk and I decline. To that friend, it appears that I am avoiding them, but to me, it is just life.

For those who have been reading this blog for some time, you would know that my life has been a roller coaster. I started blogging towards the beginning of the roller coaster, so you never really got insight into my party life(the life before I got on the roller coaster). I used to be a big partier and traveler, but because of life circumstances (and change of interests), I no longer partake in many activities. This I feel has caused some friendships to shift.

I read about a book called The 5 Love Languages. In this book the author discusses how everyone has a love language and some couples love languages do not match up. The author states that if partners understand each others love language than harmony can be reached.

Photo Credit: L.Marie

I wonder if friendship falls under the same category?

I really hope I do not lose some friends because I can not live up to their lifestyles. Even though I have tried to explain my life situation to no avail.

When I think of the word friendship, I am reminded of a picture frame that I own: "Friendship is a garden whose growing season never ends."

How do you define friendship? Have you ever been in a situation where your friendship communication styles did not match up?

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids. Join the conversation and interact.

Book Review: Max on Life- Max Lucado

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 23:43:00 +0000

Max on Life by Max Lucado is a book that provides answers and insights into important life questions. This book would be categorized as an inspirational Christan life book. This book is appropriate for Christians, non-Christians, and those who are looking guidance.

I have heard of Max Lucado before, but never read his books because I am not in his target market. I decided to review this book because the title was interesting and I was curious to read what an accomplished self-help author would have to say about such a vast and complex topic such as life.

After reading the book I felt indifferent, I enjoyed the questions that individuals posed, but the answers in some cases fell short. However, for majority of the book, I enjoyed Lucado's responses to individual's questions. There is no way one person can describe life and answer such complex questions in such a small space, but he found a unique way to bring tough questions into concise and simple responses. There were a few responses, I felt like he was reaching by using bible verses for a few questions, but for a Christian reader that may be comforting.

I would recommend this book for individuals who would like to gain a little advice or insight into hope, hurt, help, him/her, home, haves/have-nots, and hereafter. If you are Christian you will enjoy this book, if you are not you may be turned off by all the bible references, but I am not religious and I thought the book had nice insight. I am not sure if I would read another Max Lucado book, but I am open.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising

Glimpse into My Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 20:33:00 +0000

In my last post I stated that regrets become regrets because they evoke negative emotions. When you miss something, is that also a regret? Describing the things I miss would fill books and bring out emotions that I do not like to touch. I decided to use pictures and brief haiku's to give a glimpse into my often closed heart.

Harsh, cold, long winter
Spring a distant memory

Return: sun, warmth, breeze


Smaller waist, large smile Stopped exercising, gained weight Losing weight, now glad

Family vacations
Clear oceans, great food
Is Panama next?

Haiti's rich culture
Left me with great life lessons
Pride, strength, courage, love

Friends are like family

Met life long friends in college

After school, we moved


No love like mothers Some memories fade, not love Heaven unites us

Photo Credits: L.Marie exception friendship circle.

This blog post was inspired by day 19 of the Get to Know L.Marie blog challenge

~ L.

On any given day, you can find L.Marie on her website, www.closedlids.com, her personal blog, www.lmariedreams.blogspot.com, or on twitter, www.twitter.com/closedlids. Join the conversation and interact.

The American Patriot's Almanac by William Bennett and John Cribb

noreply@blogger.com (Changing Woman) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:42:00 +0000

The American Patriot's Almanac by William Bennett and John Cribb is a book that provides daily historical anecdotes on American history. This book would be categorized as historical book. This book is appropriate for patriots, history buffs and collectors, students, and educators.

The American Patriot’s Almanac is the perfect book for individuals who wish to gain more historical knowledge about the United States. The book is set in chronological order; from January 1^st to December 31^st. Each day has a quote as its title, a brief background of a historical event that occurred on that date, and a breakdown of a few other noteworthy events that occurred on that same date. At the end of every month there is a section dedicated to American culture. The section topics range from flag etiquette to the history behind the flag to American quotes to the Declaration of Independence and Constitution. At the conclusion of the book there is a comprehensive resource of state flags, facts, and symbols.

I enjoyed that this book provided a source of daily information about the achievements of individuals and the communities that make up the United States. I would recommend this book to any individual who wishes to catch a glimpse into the history of the United States and read interesting anecdotes.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising