Loli on the Shore

What I Read in 2017

2017-12-23T06:52:00.003-06:00

My resolution for 2017 was to read as much nonfiction as fiction, to get more facts in my life and more credible information about how the world works. ...And I did it!

Well, are poems nonfiction? Are graphic novels fiction? I DON'T KNOW.

With a week to go left in the year, I am reading my 64th book. Here's the breakdown:

Favorites of 2017

The Mothers - Brit Bennett
The Hired Man - Aminatta Forna
SPQR: A History of Ancient Rome - Mary Beard
The Underground Railroad - Colson Whitehead
Sword Art Online: Aincrad - Art by Tamao Nakamura, original story by Reki Kawahara
The Long Loneliness - Dorothy Day
Berlin Calling: A Story of Anarchy, Music, the Wall, and the Birth of the New Berlin - Paul Hockenos
Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body - Roxane Gay
Empires of Light: Edison, Tesla, Westinghouse and the Race to Electrify the World - Jill Jonnes
Displacement: Poems - Leslie Harrison

**** Read during the last week of 2017, I am adding: I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika. L. Sanchez.

Fiction
1. The Winter People - Jennifer McMahon
2. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss
3. The Age of Grief - Jane Smiley
4. The Mothers - Brit Bennett
5. The Hired Man - Aminatta Forna
6. The Underground Railroad - Colson Whitehead
7. Strange as this Weather Has Been - Ann Pancake
8. Nemesis Games - James S.A. Correy
9. Merrick - Anne Rice
10. The View from Saturday - E.L. Konigsburg
11. Difficult Women - Roxane Gay
12. Large Animals - Jess Arndt
13. The Dog of the Marriage - Amy Hempel
14. Blood and Gold - Anne Rice
15. The Stories of Muriel Spark
16. Babylon's Ashes - James S.A. Correy
17. A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
18. The Misadventures of Sulliver Pong - Leland Cheuk
19. Her Body and Other Parties - Carmen Maria Machado
20. Village Books - Craig McLay
21. The Walmart Book of the Dead - Lucy Biederman
22. The Bridge - Kay Bratt
23. The Paying Guests - Sarah Waters
24. I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter - Erika L. Sanchez
25. The Three-Body Problem - Cixin Liu

Nonficion
1. The Courtier and the Heretic: Leibniz, Spinoza and the Fate of God in the Modern World - Matthew Stewart
2. M Train - Patti Smith
3. A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Solider - Ismael Beah
4. Lost Profiles: Memoirs of Cubism, Dad and Surrealism - Philippe Soupault (Translated by Alan Bernheimer)
5. The Woman Warrior - Maxine Hong Kingston
6. Abandon Me - Melissa Febos
7. SPQR: A History of Ancient Rome - Mary Beard
8. Flaneuse - Lauren Elkin
9. Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! - Richard P. Feynman
10. Underground America: Narratives from Undocumented Lives - Peter Orner, ed.
11. The Pope of Physics: Enrico Fermi and the Birth of the Atomic Age - Gino Segre and Bettina Hoerlin
12. The Long Loneliness - Dorothy Day
13. Einstein: A Biography - Jurgen Neffe (translated by Shelley Frisch)
14. The Serbian Folk Epic: Its Theology and Anthropology - Dr. Kristovoj Kotur
15. The Radium Girls - Kate Moore
16. Borderlands / La Frontera - Gloria Anzaldua
17. A Chorus of Stones: The Private Life of War - Susan Griffin
18. Berlin Calling: A story of anarchy, music, the Wall, and the birth of the New Berlin - Paul Hockenos
19. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body - Roxane Gay
20. Journey to Portugal - Jose Saramago
21. In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin - Erik Larson
22. Empires of Light: Edison, Tesla, Westinghouse and the Race to Electrify the World - Jill Jonnes
23. The Buddha Said... - Osho
24. Uneasy Street: The Anxieties of Affluence - Rachel Sherman
25. The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
26. Blind Spot - Teju Cole
27. Woodswoman: Living alone in the Adirondack Wilderness - Anne LaBastille

Poetry
1. Poetry Comics - Bianca Stone
2. Deep Lane: Poems - Mark Doty
3. Displacement: Poems - Leslie Harrison
4. Garvey's Choice - Nikki Grimes
5. [lukao] - Craig Santos Perez

Comics / Graphic Novels
1. Swamp Thing Vol. 1: Sow and Ye Shall Reap - Brian K. Vaughan
2. Sword Art Online: Aincrad - Art by Tamao Nakamura, original story by Reki Kawahara
3. Tokyo Ghoul: 1 - Sui Ishida
4. Tokyo Ghoul: 2 - Sui Ishida
5. Tokyo Ghoul: 3 - Sui Ishida
6. Saga: Vol 7 - Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples
7. Tokyo Ghost 1-10 - Remender, Murphy, Hollingsworth

Wedding, WeHo, Wild Things

2017-11-04T11:28:00.001-05:00

A week on the West Coast began with a family wedding. Much to celebrate.

Then, to West Hollywood to see one of my favorite people for the favorite holiday, HALLOWEEN!!

Buddha pumpkin:

Buddha blonde?

Melrose Trading Post:

Often on this trip I thought of "Where the Wild Things Are." I saw monsters in the graffiti but also when I saw the exhibit on Chagall costumes at LACMA.

Chagall: Fantasies for the Stage

Crochet A Baby Blanket in 8 Steps!

2017-08-17T19:08:00.005-05:00

You too can invest in a pattern, put it off for half a decade, and then slowly but surely bring it to life!

Step One: Buy a pattern on Etsy in January 2012. Get wrapped up in other projects and put off learning to crochet. (I learned how to knit first, which I think was my downfall.)

Step Two: Have your (patient) mother attempt to teach you crochet once every six months for the next five years. Get frustrated and throw your yarn in a corner.

Step Three: Your patient mom learns the crochet pattern so she can lead you through it step by step. It only takes two weeks of hands-on demonstrations to get it down.

Step Four: You still can't read patterns so you write out your own interpretation of the pattern.

Step Five: GO YARN SHOPPING!

Step Six: Podcast and stitch. Podcast and stitch.

Step Seven: Put it all together in a way you just invented because you still cannot read that pattern and what YouTube is telling you to do is unintelligible.

Step Eight: OMG THIS BABY.

When life is uncertain

2017-07-23T15:53:00.001-05:00

What do you do when things are changing but most of the details are still uncertain?

And you're getting a year older, I mean you're always getting older but this time there's a milestone marker in your week?

And the parts of your day or identity that you took for granted are shifting, and you're trying to remember who you are at the core of you, without the externalizes, and it's weird and uncomfortable but necessary?

You could panic. You could despair.

Or, you could relish your neighborhood and sip a coffee in a courtyard.

You could walk. Yeah, you should walk.

You could read on the beach.

You could visit friends and family. Maybe get some sun and float in the water.

You could hold a beautiful, perfect, brand-new sleepy baby.

You could read poetry.

You could go to open-to-the-public collaborative poetry events at the library. Yeah, that's a much better option.

You could write. And dream. And hope. And wait.

Spring Awakening

2017-05-07T09:10:00.002-05:00

Creativity is all around me. It feels like the world is waking up after a long winter.

I am making myself a quilt this time, and I love it already:

The release party for a journal that published a dear friend's poem:

The kids are alright: They form rock bands and play at the talent show:

Trying to walk for at least an hour every day brings me to some beautiful sights:

Roosevelt Park, Edison NJ

The Spring Lake boardwalk is one of my favorite places to walk and think:

...but it always comes back.

Work brings beautiful cultural celebrations into my life. Cinco de Mayo 2017:

And sometimes you gotta go to Medival Times:

What I Read in 2016

2016-12-29T16:46:00.000-06:00

I'm glad I keep track of what I read; by the end of a year, there are things I forget. I leave 2016 concerned about many things, but in particular: my participation in echo-chambers, my use of entertainment as escapism, and my obligation to seek out facts, reliable news sources, and the truth (above all).

My 2017 New Years Resolution, in part, is to read 50/50 fiction/nonfiction for fun, especially books about science. The resolution stands, and yet. I forgot how much nonfiction I read this year! And poetry, I read great poetry. And lush,beautiful graphic novels. Yum.

I also had Ferrante Fever and read all four of the Neapolitan Novels. (I had one dose of Knausgaard and it was ENOUGH.)

A Matthea Harvey image, corresponding to a poem

Top 10 of 2016
The Argonauts — Maggie Nelson
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek — Annie Dillard
If the Tabloids Are True What Are You? — Matthea Harvey
At the Gates of the Animal Kingdom — Amy Hempel
The Vegetarian — Han Kang
The Girls — Emma Cline
Here — Richard McGuire
Bright Dead Things — Ada Limon
Station Eleven — Emily St. John Mandel
The Neapolitan Novels — Elena Ferrante

1. Garments Against Women — Anne Boyer (poetry)
2. Bad Feminist — Roxane Gay (essay collection)
3. Citizen — Claudia Rankine (poetry)
4. Abaddon's Gate (The Expanse) — James S.A. Correy (Sci-Fi)
5. Cibola Burn (The Expanse) — James S.A. Correy (Sci-Fi)
6. Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom — John O'Donohue (Spiritual... Essay? ...By a poet?)
7. Dune — Frank Herbert (Sci-Fi)
8. Boy, Snow, Bird: A Novel — Helen Oyeyemi (fiction)
9. In the American Grain — William Carlos Williams (essay? cultural... something)
10. The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted — Elizabeth Berg (mehhhh short story collection)
11. Junky — William S. Burroughs (fiction)
12. The Argonauts — Maggie Nelson (nonfiction/essay)
13. We Should All Be Feminists — Chimaamanda Ngozi Adiche (a speech transcript / essay)
14. Fire: From "A Journal of Love" The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934-1937 — Anais Nin (diary)
15. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek — Annie Dillard (nonfiction/essay)
16. My Brilliant Friend: Neapolitan Novels, Book One — Elena Ferrante (fiction)
17. My Struggle: Book 1 — Karl Ove Knausgaard (fiction?)
18. The Traitor Baru Cormorant — Seth Dickinson (fantasy)
19. If the Tabloids Are True What Are You?: Poems and Artwork — Matthea Harvey (poetry)
20. Faithful and Virtuous Night: Poems — Louise Gluck (poetry)
21. Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City — Matthew Desmond (nonfiction / investigative journalism)
22. Nanjing Requiem: A Novel — Ha Jin (fiction)
23. The Story of a New Name: Neapolitan Novels, Book Two — Elena Ferrante (fiction)
24. The Red Parts: Autobiography of a Trial — Maggie Nelson (nonfiction/essay)
25. The Rules of Life: A Novella — Faye Weldon (fiction)
26.Reasons to Live — Amy Hempel (short story collection)
27. At The Gates Of The Animal Kingdom: Stories — Amy Hempel (short story collection)
28. The Walls They Left Us — M.J. Gette (poetry chapbook)
29. Autobiography of Red — Anne Carson (poetry)
30. Autobiography of Red — Chinua Achebe (essay collection)
31. Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman — Lindy West (memoir)
32. Underworld — Don DeLillo ("epic" novel, I don't get it)
33. The Girls — Emma Cline (fiction)
34. Lake Wobegon Days — Garrison Keillor (fiction)
35. Kill 'Em and Leave: Searching for James Brown and the American Soul — James McBride (biography)
36. Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay: Neapolitan Novels, Book Three — Elena Ferrante (fiction)
37. Saga Volume 6 — Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
38. Anil's Ghost — Michael Ondaatje (fiction)
39. The Vegetarian — Han Kang (fiction)
40. Heartbreaker: Stories — Maryse Meijer (short story collection)
41. Summer Blonde — Adrian Tomine (graphic novel short story collection)
42. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child — J.K. Rowling, Jack Thorne, John Tiffany (screenplay)
43. The Ugly Side of Beautiful: Rethinking Race and Prison in America — Bryonn Bain (essay/nonfiction)
44. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay — Michael Chabon (fiction)
45. The Story of the Lost Child: Neapolitan Novels, Book Four — Elena Ferrante (fiction)
46. Memnoch the Devil — Anne Rice (horror/fantasy)
47. Land of Enchantment — Leigh Stein
48. Prince Lestat — Anne Rice (horror/fantasy)
49. The Shipping News — Annie Proulx (fiction)
50. The Last Thing He Wanted — Joan Didion (fiction)
51. and then we became — devorah major (poetry)
52. Here — Richard McGuire (graphic novel)
53. The Lonely Hearts Club — Elizabeth Eulberg (YA Fiction)
54. Gorilla, My Love — Toni Cade Bambara (short story collection)
55. Bright Dead Things — Ada Limon (poetry)
56. The Vampire Armand — Anne Rice (horror/fantasy)
57. 19 Varieties of Gazelle: Poems of the Middle East — Naomi Shihab Nye (poetry)
58. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis — Anne Rice (horror/fantasy)
59. Horseshoe Crabs and Velvet Worms: The Story of the Animals and Plants That Time Has Left Behind — Richard Fortey (nonfiction)
60. Station Eleven — Emily St. John Mandel (fiction)
61. Eating the Sun: How Plants Power the Planet — Oliver Morton (nonfiction)
62. Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis - J.D. Vance

Books, the Beats, and the Redwoods

2016-10-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

Personal goal, achieved: City Lights Bookstore

Botanical Garden:

Mission District:

New, Fresh Decade

2016-07-28T08:29:00.000-05:00

I spent the last week of my 20s seeing friends, laughing, and sharing stories (also pizza).

I returned to Jurassic Park:

I celebrated my brother's birthday with the friends we all grew up with and a huge order of Greek takeout and this Legend of Zelda cake:

I caught a sliver of rainbow over New Brunswick, NJ:

My actual birthday was a little chaotic--I'm moving from one apartment to another, but staying in the same city.

Part of me can't help but see the poetic justice in being in-between leases at the end of my 20s.

I spent my 20th birthday volunteering at an AIDS orphanage outside Cape Town. I knew my childhood was over that day. I vowed to make the life ahead of me one of service, at the expense of any and all creature comforts. (This was before the froyo explosion.)

Ten years later I woke up early to help instruct a few classes of kiddies in concepts like harvesting, the life cycle, and composting.

In a literal sense, it was a Dirty 30--I got dirt underneath my fingernails, all right.

I've moved almost yearly throughout my 20s. But I also sought to be a part of communities and care for people. There's always more I can learn. Still, moments like this feel good:

Because I am home, because I am where I came from, I did the most Jersey Girl thing I could think to do: I got a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and went to the beach.

Then out to eat with family during my hometown's Restaurant Week.

Life is good, I'm excited for a fresh decade.

A World of Pure Imagination

2016-07-19T09:00:00.002-05:00

It's probably the best set-up ever, to feel like you've gone far away but stayed within your home state.

I just can't repeat this enough: this is not a theme park. This is my friend's backyard:

First birthday of the King:

A bright month.

2016-06-14T08:15:00.002-05:00

June is a bright month.

Especially when a forager friend makes you a beautiful brunch:

Honeysuckle sorbet

Or when you get to witness kitten naps:

When your porch is in bloom:

On a weekend adventure to Montclair, then farther north.

But first, Veggie Heaven:

And also actual cheesecake NOT from Veggie Heaven!

DONUTS!!!!

New Paltz, NY:

Woodstock Farm Sanctuary:

Rosdendale:

The Rail Trail:

Minnewaska State Park Preserve:

This trip ends with KOMBUCHA ON TAP!!

What I (Re)Read in 2015

2015-12-29T08:48:00.003-06:00

Since 2008 I've vowed to read 52 (for-pleasure) books every 52 weeks. Usually, I keep it.

This year I also promised to re-read some of my favorite books, to remember why I loved them and better learn how they worked.

And I did! ...But I couldn't stick to strictly rereads. There's just too much out there in the world that I need to get my hands on.

All in all I reread fewer books than I first-time read. But I do plan to keep returning to beloved books in 2016.

I put away 65 book this year. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud.

My Top 10 Reads from 2015
1. Euphoria - Lily King
2. The Chronology of Water - Lidia Yuknavitch
3. Twenty Fragments of a Ravenous Youth - Xiaolu Guo
4. The Turner House - Angela Flournoy
5. Bad Girls, Honey: Poems about Lana del Rey - Megan Falley
6. Breathing Machine: A Memoir of Computers - Leigh Alexander
7. Dirt: The Ecstatic Skin of the Earth - William Bryant Logan
8. Mary Oliver forever, just everything, always.
9. The Star Side of Bird Hill - Naomi Jackson
10. Between the World and Me - Ta-Nehisi Coates

2015 Rereads
Eva Luna - Isabel Allende (fiction)
The Tiger's Wife - Tea Obrecht (fiction)
Body Bereft - Antje Krog (poetry)
Room - Emma Donoghue (fiction)
Sabriel - Garth Nix (fantasy)
Before I Forget - Andre Brink (fiction)
White Oleander - Janet Fitch (fiction)
Saga, Vol. 1 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
Saga, Vol. 2 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
Saga, Vol. 3 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
Saga, Vol. 4 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao - Junot Diaz (fiction)

The World Shared - Dariusz Sosnicki (poetry)

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler - E.L. Konigsburg (children's fiction)

The Phantom Tollbooth - Norman Juster (children's fiction)

Sula - Toni Morrison (fiction)

The House on Mango Street - Sandra Cisneros (young adult fiction)

Maniac Magee - Jerry Spinelli (young adult fiction)

Cavedweller - Dorothy Allison (fiction)

The Red Tent - Anita Diamont (fiction)

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (fiction)

One Day - David Nicholls (fiction)

Daytripper - Fabio Moon Gabriel Ba (graphic novel)

The Bonesetter's Daughter - Amy Tan (fiction)

The Vampire Lestat - Anne Rice (fiction/horror)

The Queen of the Damned - Anne Rice (fiction/horror)

Dream Work - Mary Oliver (poetry)

2015 First-Time Reads
Saga, Vol. 4 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
Logicomix - Aposotolos Doxidas (graphic novel)
Euphoria - Lily King (fiction)
Ex-Machina, Book 1 - Brian K. Vaughan (graphic novel)
Clariel - Garth Nix (fantasy)
Woods and Chalices - Tomaž Šalamun (poetry)
A Worldly County - John Ashbery (poetry)
The Chronology of Water - Lidia Yuknavitch (memoir)
Walking - Henry David Thoreau (essay)
Freud - Corinne Maier and Anne Simon (graphic novel)
Scott Pilgrim, Vol 2: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Bryan Lee O'Malley (graphic novel)
The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood (fiction. I put it down after 100 pages. Woof.)
Twenty Fragments of a Ravenous Youth - Xiaolu Guo (fiction)
Leviathan Wakes - James S.A. Corey (science fiction)
Native Guard - Natasha Trethewey (poetry)
Save Twilight - Julio Cortazar (poetry)
The Girl on the Train - Paula Hawkins (mystery)
The Merchant of Venice: A Graphic Novel adapted by Gareth Hinds (graphic novel)
Crazy Rich Asians - Kevin Kwan (pretty trashy fiction SUE ME)
Adulthood Rites - Octavia Butler (science fiction)
Breathing Machine: A Memoir of Computers - Leigh Alexander (essay/memoir)
The Turner House - Angela Flournoy (fiction)
Caliban's War - James S.A. Corey (science fiction)
The Star Side of Bird Hill - Naomi Jackson (fiction)
Scott Pilgrim Vol 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness - Bryan Lee O'Malley (graphic novel)
Scott Pilgrim Vol 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together - Bryan Lee O'Malley (graphic novel)
Reinventing Yourself: Overcome you anxiety and fear when faced with life's problems and challenges - Mario Alonso Puig (self-help)
Saga Vol. 5 - Brian K.Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)
Bad Girls, Honey: Poems about Lana del Rey - Megan Falley (poetry)
The Savage Detectives - Roberto Bolaño (fiction)
All the Light We Cannot See - Anthony Doerr (fiction)
Dirt: The Ecstatic Skin of the Earth - William Bryant Logan (creative nonfiction)
All are Welcome Here - Elizabeth Berg (fiction)
Naming the World: And other exercises for the creative writer, edited by Bret Anthony Johnson (essay collection)
Versed - Rae Armantrout (poetry)
In Light of India - Octavio Paz (nonfiction/essay)
Storyteller: The Authorized Biography of Roald Dahl - Donald Sturrock (biography)
Between the World and Me - Ta-Nehisi Coates (creative nonfiction/essay)

What I Read in 2014

2014-12-28T20:00:00.003-06:00

I read a lot of poetry this year. Possibly this makes me very crazy.

It's that time again: If I finish everything I'm reading right now, I will have read 60 books in 2014. I beat my number for 2013!

For six insane months in 2014, I had three part-time jobs. I still tried to carve out time for reading and writing... I did the best I could. Getting lost in a good graphic novel felt especially welcome this year.

I think I read more poetry than I ever have, most notably because I turned July 2014 into Poetry Month. I only read and wrote this genre. (The first bit of fiction I read after the month ended was Ayiti by Roxanne Gay. I was so happy to be reading anything other than poetry I nearly went into an ecstatic state.)

My list is a weird mix of everything I'm into: mod poets, Beat poets, comics, literary fiction, young adult series, and some nonfiction/diarist work. I'd do it all over again--although, somehow, I'd try to squeeze in more Mary Oliver.

My Top 10 of 2014

Blue Hole Back Home: A Novel – Joy Jordan-Lake

SAGA!!!

Ayiti – Roxanne Gay

Dream Work – Mary Oliver

Batman: The Long Halloween

Curves and Angles – Brad Leithauser

The Madonnas of Echo Park – Brando Skyhorse

Play It As It Lays: A Novel – Joan Didion

Small Victories – Anne Lamott

Yes Please! – Amy Poehler

What I Read in 2014

1. Now Is the Time to Open Your Heart – Alice Walker (fiction)

2. Blue – Pat Grant (graphic novel)

3. Remedies – Kate Ledger (fiction)

4. The Eye of the Heron – Ursula K. le Guin (fantasy/fiction)

5. Blue Hole Back Home: A Novel – Joy Jordan-Lake (fiction)

6. The Patchwork Girl of Oz – L. Frank Baum (children’s fiction)

7. The Godfather – Mario Puzo (fiction)

8. The Lowland – Jumpha Lahiri (fiction)

9. The Rings of Saturn – W. G. Sebald (fiction)

10. The Collected Poems of Theodore Roethke (poetry)

11. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire) – George R.R. Martin (smutty fantasy WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!)

12. Woman Hollering Creek: And Other Stories – Sandra Cisneros (YA fiction/short story collection)

13. Gerard Manley Hopkins: The Major Works (poetry)

14. The Sociopath Next Door – Martha Stout, PhD. (nonfiction)

15. Catching Life by the Throat: How to Read Poetry and Why – Josephine Hart (nonfiction/lit theory)

16. The Yarn Whisperer: My Unexpected Life in Knitting – Clara Parks (nonfiction/essays)

17. Saga, Vol. 1 – Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)

18. Sixty Odd – Ursula K Le Guin (poetry)

19. Pretty Dead – Francesca Lia Block (YA fiction)

20. Beat the Reaper: A Novel – Josh Bazell (fiction)

21. Kafka on the Shore – Haruki Murakami (fiction)

22. Indigo – Alice Hoffamn (YA fiction)

23. Dream Work – Mary Oliver (poetry)

24. Batman R.I.P. – Grant Morrison and Tony S. Daniel (graphic novel)

25. Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama – Alison Bechdel (graphic novel)

26. The Eternal City: Poems – Kathleen Graber (poetry)

27. The Gift: Poems by Hafiz – Translated by Daniel Ladinsky (poetry)

28. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns – Frank Miller (graphic novel)

29. Batman: The Long Halloween – Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale (graphic novel)

30. Selected Poems of Langston Hughes (poetry)

31. The World Shared – Dariusz Sośniki (poetry)

32. Curves and Angles – Brad Leithauser (poetry)

33. A Thousand Mornings: Poems – Mary Oliver (poetry)

34. Horoscopes for the Dead: Poems – Billy Collins (poetry)

35. Ayiti– Roxanne Gay (fiction)

36. Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life – Bryan Lee O’Malley (graphic novel)

37. Saga, Vol. 2 – Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)

38. Batman: Hush – Jeph Loeb and Jim Lee (graphic novel)

39. The Madonnas of Echo Park: A Novel – Brando Skyhorse (fiction)

40. Clabbered Dirt, Sweet Grass – Gary Paulsen (nonfiction/essay/memoir)

41. Hustle – David Tomas Martinez (poetry)

42. Tik-Tok of Oz – L. Frank Baum (children’s fiction)

43. Bless Me, Ultima – Rudolfo Anaya (YA fiction)

44. Death Comes for the Archbishop – Willa Cather (fiction)

45. Written on the Body – Jeanette Winterson (fiction)

46. Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women – Maya Angelou (poetry)

47. Play It As It Lays: A Novel – Joan Didion (fiction)

48. Not My Father's Son: A Memoir – Alan Cumming (memoir)

49. Saga, Vol. 3 – Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (graphic novel)

50. Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace – Anne Lamott (nonfiction/essay)

51. Looking for Alaska – John Green (YA fiction)

52. Yes Please! – Amy Poehler (nonfiction/memoir)

53. A Little Lumpen Novelita – Roberto Bolaño (fiction)

54. Alistair Cooke: The Essential Letters from America: The 1940s & 1950s – Alistair Cooke (nonfiction/essay)

55. Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins (YA fantasy)

56. The Poem She Didn't Write and Other Poems – Olena Kalytiak Davis (poetry)

57. Learning To Love: Exploring Solitude and Freedom – Thomas Merton (nonfiction/journal)
58. Mockingjay -- Suzanne Collins (YA fantasy)
59. Hallelujah Blackout -- Alex Lemon (poetry)
60. Trickster's Queen -- Tamora Pierce (YA fantasy)

Montauk: The End of the World

2014-11-09T22:53:00.000-06:00

I had never been to Montauk, at the farthest-out tip of Long Island, before.

But it always appealed to me, not for being a summer tourism destination, but for being a lonely, beautiful place for reflection. Two pop culture phenomena influenced me on this:

The film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

and

"Memory Motel" by The Rolling Stones.

You know us, always charging windmills:

This restaurant was once a diner, featured in Eternal Sunshine. It's not open for business right now, but new owners are moving in. We hope they keep these windows!

Making Women Feel Physically Threatened at Work: a Guide

2014-07-17T07:16:00.001-05:00

This is going to be a post that’s less about protecting my pictures from being deleted from facebook, or crafty stuff I’ve attempted, or traveling I’ve done.

This is a message to white, straight, cisgendered men over 50 years old out in the world, particularly those who consider themselves a part of countercultural movements—I know, not my usual demographic. (My only demographic is members of my extended family. Love you guys, thanks for clicking these links!)

She doesn't look like she needs help, does she?!

Particularly, if you’re having conflicts in public spaces; if younger women seem to recoil from you and you don’t know why. If you find yourself getting angry while shopping for organic groceries because young women just aren’t listening to you the way you’d like them to. Perhaps you have not considered that you are making them feel unsafe. Let’s begin:

Hello, sirs! If you know me at all, you know me as a manager at a small, alternative retail establishment. (You do not know that I took, and keep, this job for the paycheck. I finished a college degree, you guys, and regularly get fiction and poetry published. I’m also working part-time in the field I want a career in, but I need the extra cash to pay my student loans. I’m, like, kinda nuanced.)

You regularly tell me to smile more. When I ignore your suggestions, you press harder. You tell me it’s part of my job to be pleasant to you, even when you make me uncomfortable. Even when you make me beyond uncomfortable—when you make me feel like I am in physical danger. (The danger is you. Do you get that?)

Sometimes I can see that you are thinking, Why doesn’t she like that I comment on the pattern of her shirt while she is lifting heaving boxes of merchandise? Why does she scowl when I say to her, “Wow, you actually are strong!” Why, oh, why, does she ask me to leave the establishment when I am telling my anecdotes at register (never buying anything) that begin, “Oh I had many erotic adventures in Europe in the 1970s. They women there—they’re up for anything!”

I am here to demystify and explain, once and for all, why I scowl at you, refuse to engage in conversation with you, and lately, why I tell you to leave the building before I call the cops.

Are you doing one or all of these things? If the answer is yes to even one, to one part of one, even one time, I’ve got to tell you: You are very likely making me feel threatened with physical harm.

Here is a Guide To Making Women Feel Physically Threatened At Work!!!!

Demean other women in her presence

Sometimes, I cashier. Sometimes, you approach me with nothing that you are buying—you just want to talk. That’s OK, I guess. But you need to keep it in the front of your mind that I am still on the clock—there is an expectation that I accomplish goals to justify my hourly wage. I am not your therapist. It is not appropriate for you to talk about your ex-wife, or ex-girlfriend, or any other person you are or have been romantically involved with. I don’t want to know who you’ve slept with; I don’t care about your flings.

It is also not appropriate for you to talk about the outfits or bodies of other women in your life, or women you passed on the street. And it is absolutely not OK for you to talk to me about my woman coworkers, or even shoppers in the store, and graphically describe their bodies or clothes.

Trying to engage me in conversations about any of these topics tells me that you do not respect women, and by extension, me. It makes me fearful, because a lack of respect can lead to physical violence. All of these comments make me aware that I am being viewed as an object, not a person, by the speaker. Objects don’t get treated well, especially when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do (respond; smile back; listen attentively).

When I am talking to a man with a clear disrespect for women, I assume that he may threaten or try to hurt me at any time.

… I’m going to let that sink in …

When men make it clear that they see women (including ME!) as objects, I go into fight or flight mode. I assume I may have to defend myself against an attack.

And I don’t want to hear that just because some men are violent toward women, you are personally not, and I need to just assume this. Because this world is violent and scary, I have to assume the worst to protect myself at all times. I honestly don’t care if this offends you because you’re “One of the good guys.” (I understand that the people this message needs to reach may not be the most tech-savvy, but I really feel like I don’t need to go any deeper into this, I just want to say #YesAllWomen)

This also includes you, a straight cis male, making sweeping statements about all women to me, an actual human woman.

Let me not even get into how gender is a performance and that there isn’t a binary. Let me just tell you that this is a bad, bad idea. I don’t care that you are wrapping your message in New Age psychobabble; don’t tell me that you know exactly who I am because All Women Blah Blah Blah.

Some examples, from experience:

All Women Are Nurturing (So I Need You to Stop Doing Your Job and Pay Attention to Me Right Now)

All Women Want to Have Babies (So I am Going to Leer At You and Imagine Making Babies with You, and I Don’t Care if You Know It)

Don’t say things like this to me, or to anyone. There are exceptions to every rule, so don't make silly generalizations about All Women. And also, women can tell when you’re invoking a generalization to sway us in a specific instance. (We have these things called brains, you guys.) Oh, you know, women are sooooo intuitive but not practical, and thus not that good at math, and you’re saying this to me while I’m making your change. I got the message, OK? There’s no actual evidence to back up what you’re saying, but I do understand the point you’re trying to make.

And this all comes back to: When you don’t respect me as a person, I assume that you may at any moment threaten me or attempt to hurt me. You are making me feel unsafe.

Challenge her authority at every opportunity

I understand that the world looked different while you were growing up, and you’ve seen changes in the social order. But no matter who you are, or where you’ve been, NOW it is 2014. Now, I was hired to manage at this location. If this makes you uncomfortable, I encourage you to shop elsewhere.

I never dress like this at work. But this is how I feel on the inside.

If you’re going to keep shopping here, here are some general guidelines:

If you see a woman staff person doing physical labor, and she does not ask you for help, do not shove her aside and immediately start doing her task. She was hired to do this task. It’s her job. You may ask if her if she needs help, I guess. But if the person you’re asking is me, the answer is no, because I can do the job I collect the paycheck for, thank you!

If you are challenging a woman manager at a store (and I need you to really reconsider why you are getting into fights at retail establishments. How often does this stuff happen to you? If it’s happening once a week or even once a month, there may be an issue here that is not related to the store) about the price of something, do not undermine her authority by appealing to other men—any man—around. Why would a dude shopper who is just standing in line behind you know more about the sales this month than a woman on staff? Why do you need an audience of men to back you up on this? I can’t answer these questions for you. All I can do is advise you to stop doing this.

(See above point: You are establishing a clear disdain for me as a woman, and this makes me feel like I could be in physical danger at any time.)

Let her know that you know how to pick locks

I think I know where you’re coming from with this one, actually. You’re thinking, Man, Abbie Hoffman would be so proud of me! Eff the system, I will break and enter if I feel like it! I need to tell young people about this skill, so that I can pass on my radical knowledge to the next generation!

Oddly enough, in the last month I have had two older men tell me they know how to pick locks at the place I work. (Neither of them work there.)

Here is an exercise: Imagine you must close a store, in a city, completely alone, every night after dark. Imagine, if you can, that you’re not who you are. No, you’re, I dunno, a 28-year-old woman who isn’t in bad shape but has physical limitations after all. And for the last few hours, while she is on the clock to collect a paycheck to finance the steps to a career she’ll actually enjoy, older, taller, and (sometimes) physically stronger men have:

- relentless hit on her, even after she asks them to stop

- commented on her body and clothing while she was trying to do manual labor at work

- told her they do not respect her authority as a manager, in outright and subtle ways

- and manifold other B.S.

And now, you are breaking in the front door and trying to hand her money for a chocolate bar, even though she insists that all the money is in the safe upstairs and there is no way to ring a transaction.

You insist, though. Can this chick just mellow out?

No. And if you really tried to put yourself in her shoes, if you were honest about how violent the world is for people with less power, you wouldn’t even ask her to.

Thanks for listening, dear readers! This is my promise to call the cops the next time any one of you makes me feel unsafe!

(wo)men are not alone on the diamond sea

2014-06-08T18:46:00.002-05:00

My first time traveling solo using AirBnB was a weekend of nearly-silent reflection. I needed that quiet winter weekend when it happened.

This was my second AirBnB experience and it was different, but just as refreshing. I headed three hours south instead of three hours north, and arrived in Milton, DE, knowing very little about the place. I planned nothing and learned as I went along.

One thing I learned is: it's tourist season, so things are busy and people are everywhere--even in this smaller, quaint city. It's summertime now, and the world just feels more alive. I feel more alive.

The charming Colonial house I stayed in was alive. Friends, neighbors, and other boarders wandered in and out, with food they made that I needed to try. It was totally cool for me to lounge around reading in the sun for hours, but I took breaks for these brownie bites or blue corn chips or chocolate truffles or grilled veggies or or or... And I just can't complain about that.

Do you know who is awesome? Everyone who lives on PrettyMan Street.

The first thing I did in town was take a walk around the historic, Colonial-era district.

The front of the house I stayed in:

Second order of business: stopping into the espresso bar (and custom framing shop).

When I saw the shutters on the decrepit house, I gasped. Don't know why, really. It just struck me.

There's something whimsical about the water rushing through (behind) this seat...

Stumbled into a farmer's market when I was back downtown. I was only around for two nights but I could NOT resist juicy peaches, ripe strawberries, still-hot-from-the-oven bread, and blueberry jam. Oh, and I got a dozen farm-fresh eggs... for myself? The shells were speckled, OK? And one shell was blue. I had to take them with me.

Woke up very early the next morning to hit Rehoboth Beach. Well, the first stop was a beachy cafe...

A green smoothie and a sticky scone... on a GREEN plate.

The Boardwalk in Rehoboth was impressive, with tons of shopping. But I don't shop (except for produce, apparently.) I just wanted to lay in the sun.

This sun:

Now that I am across NJ state lines I will confess: I think I did some trespassing onto private property for these next few pics, of an old cemetery. It may have been one family's plot? It's just someone's back yard now.

Everything I try to type about these trucks parked next to decaying headstones comes out like Morrissey lyrics:

Yeah, this is definitely featured in a Smiths song somewhere:

To lighten up, I took myself to Dogfish Head Brewery. YAY CRAFT BEER.

I didn't take pictures during my last 16 hours away. I did some deep readings of fiction and poetry, did some writing myself, went to bed and woke up early. I baked a peach cobbler and learned how to make naan from scratch, then put it on the grill. I sipped amaretto on the rocks.

I enjoyed every part of this solo retreat, and I'm grateful to everyone I met along the way. Another crazy three-job workweek is coming for me, but for once, I feel ready.

Experiments with Film

2014-03-16T18:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday a friend had a fingernail painting party, and I'd just stumbled upon a disposable Fujifilm camera. I gave it a whirl.

Unfortunately, about half of these didn't turn out. They look like this:

You can't see the saxophone in this pic, but it's pretty cool!

... ?

But some did and are fun!

Today a group of us took a 2-hour walk in the crisp, sunny morning... and it restored my faith in film.

Zombies emerging from winter.

I thought this shot of our reflection would NEVER turn out. But it did and I love it.

We thought the broken branches in a cemetery were profound.

Broken brick path in a cemetery.

Sprawling tree, so alive, but notice the gravestone in the bottom left corner.

Random natural arrangement.

The Year of the Horse

2014-02-02T15:12:00.001-06:00

I rang in The Year of the Horse on the road, seeking a quieter adventure.

I'd never used AirBNB before, but I had a great experience and cannot recommend it enough. So many opportunities to explore...

I drove three hours north and west to Livingston Manor, NY, nestled peacefully in the Catskills.

The first thing I wanted to do when I arrived was get a winter hike in.

Even the garage was gorgeous to me.

The house I stayed in.

Oh, funny story. There had been coyote sightings around the 20-acre property. But I was assured that if I just rang these bells it would scare any coyote off. No sightings for me, though. Phew!

Caught this view as I was waking up Saturday. I didn't even remember taking the picture till it uploaded...

My room for the weekend, the "Light Room."

Breakfast was included in my stay. I lingered over coffee.

I got lost for a long time in the view from the dining room where breakfast was served:

It was a warm and sunny weekend. The only sounds were drips from icicles melting:

Look at those meandering footprints. They must belong to a wanderer. (They belonged to me!):

Saturday afternoon I went to town to walk around. Not a whole lot was open this time of year, and I didn't need food, or souvenirs, or... anything. I didn't want to buy anything because I didn't need or want anything.

I didn't need anything. That's a powerful thought.

I treated myself to a haircut because I never do that kind of thing enough--you know, the kind of thing that stops you from looking like you live in the woods.

My hairdresser was bubbly and kind, but when I described my weekend to her, she was perplexed.

I don't understand. You don't know anybody here? You've never been here before? And you came alone... for the quiet? You're not bored?

No, not bored. Refreshed.

I was lucky enough to stop by Catskills Art Society Art Center for two free photography exhibits. The work of Julie Forrest and Flora Hogman was delightful--whimsical and playful, like a lighter Roger Ballen.

Books. Writing. Photos. All night and all day. I feel so much more happy with myself and my life than I have in a long time.

What I Read in 2013

2013-12-28T08:20:00.003-06:00

"The Game of Thrones books are overwritten, have rather shallow characters, and the map of Westeros isn't nearly as interesting as George R. R. Martin thinks it is. But I can't stop reading them!" -- This Girl

2013 was hard on me. I put in 50+ hour workweeks between the two part-time jobs that I report to the IRS. I also picked up freelance writing work (marketing content, but what the hey). I also did odd jobs for cash.

Usually I was too busy to do things for myself, you know, like tie my shoes or eat a meal sitting down or remember what day it is.

And yet. And yet! I averaged a little more than one book per week for pleasure in 2013.

There have been years I nearly doubled my goal of reading 52 books in 52 weeks. I guess I'm just happy I can still make sense of all these symbols strung together as words.

Reading, though enjoyable, is never purely recreational for me. I take writing seriously, and writers need to read. Reading is work, in a way.

So here it is, if I finish what I'm reading now I will have read 55 books in 2013.

My Top Ten:
Cavedweller by Dorothy Allison (Seriously, this is now one of my favorite books of all time! This book is maybe the best thing that happened to me in 2013! LOVE DIS BOOK.)
The Book of Saladin by Tariq Ali
Zeitoun by Dave Eggers
Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum (I read these as a kid, but I truly enjoyed rereading the Oz series, this one especially, as an adult.)
Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver
The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka
If I Stay by Gayle Forman
We Need New Names by NoViolet Buluwayo
Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward
Sonata Mulattica by Rita Dove

The Whole Shebang:
1. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (Horror/SciFi)
2. Habibi by Craig Thompson (EPIC Graphic Novel)
3. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green (Young Adult Fiction)
4. Goodbye, Columbus by Philip Roth (Fiction/Short Story Collection)
5. NW: A Novel by Zadie Smith (Fiction)
6. The Illuminated Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks (Poetry)
7. A Hologram for the King by Dave Eggers (Fiction)
8. Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver (Fiction)
9. This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz (Fiction)
10. I Don't Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated by Julie Klausner (Humor/Memoir. Sucked.)
11. Cavedweller by Dorothy Allison (Fiction)
12. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
13. The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
14. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen (Fiction)
15. The Book of Saladin by Tariq Ali (Fiction)
16. Zeitoun by Dave Eggers (Creative Nonfiction?)
17. Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
18. Left Neglected by Lisa Genova (Fiction)
19. The Last Runaway by Tracy Chevalier (Historical Fiction)
20. Revolutionary Letters by Diane di Prima (Poetry)
21. Dorothy And The Wizard In Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
22. Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver (Fiction)
23. Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? by Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert (Comic/Graphic Novel)
24. The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka (Fiction)
25. If I Stay by Gayle Forman (Young Adult Fiction)
26. Ladders To Fire by Anaïs Nin (Fiction)
27. Of Mistresses, Tigresses and Other Conquests by Giacomo Casanova (Memoir. Allegedly.)
28. The Road to Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
29. Liliane: Resurrection of the Daughter by Ntozake Shange (Fiction)
30. The Actual by Saul Bellow (Fiction)
31. Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer (Nonfiction)
32. Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho (Fiction)
33. The Emerald City of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Children's Fantasy)
34. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (Young Adult Fiction)
35. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (SciFi)
36. We Need New Names by NoViolet Buluwayo (Fiction)
37. Dawn by Octavia Bulter (Really Disturbing SciFi!)
38. Children of the Albatross Anaïs Nin (Fiction)
39. The Goshawk by T.H. White (Nonfiction)
40. Corona by Bushra Rehman (Fiction)
41. Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson (Fiction)
42. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez (Historical Fiction)
43. Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward (Fiction)
44. Loose Woman by Sandra Cisneros (Poetry)
45. Questions About Angels by Billy Collins (Poetry)
46. Sonata Mulattica by Rita Dove (Poetry)
47. Trickster's Choice by Tamora Pierce (Young Adult Fantasy)
48. Immortality by Milan Kundera (Fiction)
49. A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin (Fantasy)
50. A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin (Fantasy)
51. A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin (Fantasy)
52. The Golden Apples by Eudora Welty (Fiction/Short Story Collection)
53. Three Stories by J.D. Salinger (Fiction/Short Story Collection)
54. Batman: Knightfall, Vol. 1 (Comic Collection)
55. A Feast for Crows by George R. R. Martin (Fantasy)

We Need to Talk About the South.

2013-09-08T11:13:00.002-05:00

Look, I know I just posted about being back in Jersey and dressing up in lingerie and throwing toilet paper at a movie screen, but I do need to backtrack. There are some photos and thoughts I've been sitting on, and would probably like to sit on forever.

My trip South was largely relaxing, and I found the things that attract me... anywhere on earth. All I need in this life are cheap burritos, craft supplies, second-hand books, and a $2 beer now and again. For goodness's sake, I found cafes and book shops and thrift stores and poetry readings in Cape Town, South Africa. That city lends its unique flavor to every happening on its cobblestone streets, and yet, there it was: gritty youth hipster culture, or whatever you want to call it.

During the week I spent in the South, I could have disappeared into the coffee shops and dive bars and second-hand shops. It seemed to me that the folks who live in hip neighborhoods are all transplants--they barely had accents I could detect.

But I got out a little, and took a trip to Stone Mountain Park.

Nature walks, over-priced concessions stands, information about wild life, a preserved grist mill... and trails and halls with monuments to the Confederate states in the American Civil War.

I am from New Jersey, and I have lived in Wisconsin. This was a rude awakening to me: a pro-Confederacy tour of American history that I had never been exposed to before.

Here are some pictures I took last week, with the aim of making fun of them on my blog. Snarky captions came to me instantly as I framed the shots, and man, was I impressed with myself.

STOP Robert E. Lee? I agree, he should be stopped. Oh wait...

And the South will rise again! In the mean time, it can prevent sand from getting in my bumhole.

Hahaha, right? So clever. And now I get to walk away from a sight that makes me uncomfortable, and feel like somehow I dealt with it. I mocked it. And then I go back to my life in the North, where I was raised and educated, and people who disagree with me about what these pictures mean can go back to their own realities...

How unproductive.

I use humor to defuse uncomfortable situations. (As most awkward kids who went through hell in middle school will tell you.) In small social settings, this is a pretty nifty tool.

But it's also a crutch when trying to tackle something larger than a minor case of social awkwardness. Larger than yourself (by which I mean "myself.")

So what do we do about this, as Americans? (I'm going to spoil this whole post right now and say: I don't know what the answer is. I am writing this post last, because I am truly stuck, intellectually and morally.)

Thus far, we continue to live in our own individual echo chambers, where everyone around us agrees with us, and amplifies the pitch at which we affirm our own ideals.

And we stay separate. Maybe for the rest of our lifetimes--or until something really explosive or unavoidable happens.

Here is what I mean: While I've been in the Northern US (or out of the country entirely), Stone Mountain Park in Georgia continued to welcome tourists and locals through its gates. You can guide yourself through a tour of monuments--one to each state of the Confederacy, with fun facts about its heroes and contributions to the Civil War. Visitors learn about discerning statesmen and passionate advocates for states' rights and property. We don't see mentions of the Ku Klux Klan, or even, oddly enough, "slavery." "Property" is a big theme, and there's even an Antebellum Plantation section you can walk through/shop at.

But what keeps the plantation running? Why are there goods for purchase? Where's that engine of the South, the laborers?

Conspicuously, nauseatingly absent.

Check out these landmarks:

President Jefferson Davis and Generals Robert E. Lee and Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson. This carving is bigger than Mount Rushmore, you guys!

The people of Mississippi viewed Republican victories in the 1860 election a threat to their rights and property.

Here's a notable/quotable about standing up for what you believe in:

This explanation of Civil war history could not be more alien to me. Though I see it now as problematic and reductive, I was taught that the Civil War was fought over human slavery. From the get-go, there were editorial and moralizing undertones to how the facts about battles and generals were presented: Clearly slavery is wrong. The North was destined to win. Lincoln was a hero. And so on.

Safe to say, I did not get a nuanced introduction to the American Civil War. It's still shocking that a less-than-nuanced view is taught south of Mason-Dixon... it's just the mirror image of the tainted history I was given.

I am now going to use my Philosophy minor and say that: largely due to technological advances, we live in a fragmented society. I can get and share information on platforms specifically geared to me and people who think like me. I can have my beliefs reaffirmed on a never-ending cycle.

I'll use myself as an example: Even if I live physically next door to someone who doesn't agree with me (oh, let's say, about how appropriate it is to hang a Confederate flag on one's house or car), I can wake up in the morning and check my Facebook updates from friends I made in college, at a 4-year liberal arts school in Wisconsin. For argument's sake, let's say they all agree with me. (Because with Facebook, I can hide updates from people I don't want to see, yet still be "friends" with them. I do in fact do this sometimes. Guilty!) I get in my car and stream a podcast by a young, hip, white, middle class artsy professional. Yeah, they agree with me, too. I go to my nonprofit job. All do-gooders and social justice advocates there! I shop for groceries at a crunchy granola health food store. I stream a documentary on Netflix, that was suggested to me because of other films I watched and liked. I go to bed. I start the whole day all over again.

I'm taking this to an extreme here, because for me, personally, I take a lot of pride in avoiding this scenario. I was raised in a household with political ideals I did not adopt and do not believe in now. I grew up, and now live in, one of the most ethnically diverse areas in the U.S. My hometown is unusually economically diverse, according to the most recent US Census. I made friends in college with views I didn't hold myself. And on and on.

It could so easily go down another way.

And this is where I have thought myself into a corner. I don't want to live in a bubble. Bubble bad. So I walked through a memorial park to the Sons of the South, or whatever that was. (UGH LAURA STOP BEING SARCASTIC!) And it felt uncomfortable, and I fought myself the entire way just to keep going, and not to dismiss things with my bad NJ punk rock attitude.

Now what?

As it stands, like-minded lefties like me could stay in our hip hoods. It's easy enough to do.

We're a segregated nation--intellectually, morally, and economically, ON OUR BEST DAYS. (We're still racially segregated too, by the way. Ask me about going to university in downtown Milwaukee.)

Now I'm back North. I've seen another world. And... I don't know where I go from here.

If you feel that you can post suggestions, respectfully, in the Comments section, please do so.

The thing about nomads

2013-09-07T06:56:00.000-05:00

The thing about nomads is: They can be hard to track down.

You go on the road, find them, reconnect, and it's like no time has passed when you're together again. All it took was a little daring, a little adventure, to become a nomad once more.

Questions have kept you moving throughout this life, and it's nice to have someone to ask: Do your feet ache when you grow restless? Do you view a new city as a challenge--a place to conquer and suck the marrow out of? Do complacent people perplex you? Does your own curiosity keep you awake at night?

It's nice to hear their answer: YES.

You live and so does poetry

2013-07-29T08:33:00.003-05:00

Hi, I'm Laura, and I'm the brattiest birthday brat who ever lived.

I've written before about a friend who creates DIY art by putting poetry on postcards. I recently mailed her a contributor's copy of a journal I'd been published in. For my birthday, she sent me this message:

You live and so does poetry!! I didn't know what to do with your poems after you sent me the (collection). I was so honored. So for your birthday I put about 20 around town--and I plan to hit at least 27 (in your birthday honor.) They are on bulletin boards and in parks and on bathroom stalls.

"Kiss" is a trick when your lips only purse to form la palabra mas doloroso, when the earth dons its winter crust." -- Laura

Let poetry kiss you today Ms. Epp.

A guerilla poetry project? Featuring something I wrote?! That is probably the coolest present EVER. So if you're in New Orleans, look on community boards and in parks and public spaces for something by me!!

I truly do want to make this next year of my life a creative one. I spent my first day of this new year with the Central NJ Writers Group, eating delicious food, exchanging crits, and walking along the shore.

We saw our first monarch butterfly of the year. They're symbols of rebirth. It could not have been more appropriate that day.

I feel so, so lucky to have had this group in my life for the past year and a half. To many more years of writing!

And, generally, I've been spoiled by my family and friends over the past few days.

I woke up on my birthday and my parents told me they wanted to make a feast for my friends that night. And feast we did. I told folks not to do gifts, but people brought small, meaningful treasures that night. I ended the night with a small stash of things that showed what I love most--books, tea, delicious and organic foods.

Oh, and... Thanks to my family, I am now the proud owner of a Kindle Fire HD!

I will load it with SO MANY BOOKS!!!

Raised beds. Sore muscles.

2013-04-19T21:56:00.002-05:00

You know that certain kind of tired you get after spending four and a half hours outside, using power tools? Riiiiiight?

If not, let's just say that there was absolutely no way I was leaving the house again after my workday was done. I have been in pajamas since 5 p.m. and I feel great about that fact.

It's community garden season! HOORAY!!

Today a team of community and Rutgers volunteers built eight raised beds for garden plots. It took all day and quite a bit of dirt and sweat, but it was worth it!

The church now has space for edible garden plots; it has some very lovely flower beds, but I don't think they ever yielded local produce before.

I can't believe I'd never been to Christ Church in New Brunswick before. The grounds are beautiful, and the buildings are filled with history.

The building has been standing since 1745!

Apparently the third (EVER) public reading of the Declaration of Independence happened here.

Today was my last day of AmeriCorps! The past year of my life flew by too quickly, but when I really think about it, I squeezed a lot of life into 12 months.

I feel so lucky that I make my living doing work I care deeply about, and I get to interact with smart and passionate people on a daily basis. My work situation is changing a bit, but I still get to do community work in New Brunswick, NJ. More details soon!

Saturday Exploring

2013-04-07T08:52:00.001-05:00

Some of my most vivid memories come from the time before I could drive. Life seemed at a slower pace then, and in the lack of a hurry I could really pay attention to little details.

Here's something an adult might miss--do you see the beginning of a trail in the next picture below? There's one behind the basketball court, though I was never allowed to walk it (because it would have me leave the park) as a kid. Sometimes I sneaked away with friends, though.

Yesterday, just being here brought back memories so vividly: of looking for different public benches and bleachers to sit an read The Bell Jar one summer. (ANGST!) Of hot days between high school grades where we came home smelling like hose water from so many water fights.

So I took the trail, for old time's sake.

It leads to a cemetery. I don't know why we were always to desperate to get here as kids. We'd just walk through, then leave.

This was such an uncanny sight:

New graves. New residents of the cemetery all the time. Life is short and it will definitely end. Hm.

(I blotted out the headstone names out of respect to the families.)

I did lighten up this weekend, too! Moved on from solitude and reflection and got social.

Got a sorta-work, but mostly social lunch at the Hummingbird Restaurant in Trenton. Delicious Jamaican food at a reasonable price? Count me in.

(It may be worth noting that there were no options for strict vegetarians--I got fish and chips, like I sometimes do. But if you really, truly don't eat animals... I hope you are happy with a huge order of plaintains.)

We are finally getting spring weather and it's done wonder for my mood. Time to whip up a huge bowl of guacamole for a co-op event!

BINGO!

2013-04-06T08:41:00.002-05:00

My friend's cousin's 7th grade class (you got that?) hosted a BINGO fund raiser, so I was happy to contribute some dolares and play some games. Hey, I'll try anything once.

Ahh, the world of Catholic elementary school BINGO.

I know the small parochial school I went to largely kept afloat by this fund raiser, but it's still so strange to be on this side of things.

I remember getting to lunch and smelling cigarette smoke hanging in the air. The tables and chairs were sprinkled with clear BINGO chips of every color of the rainbow. I'm sure our teachers told us not to, but we'd scavenge high and low, collecting those forgotten BINGO chips as if we were on an Easter Egg hunt. We'd spread them across our lunch tables like jewels, then trade them like Pogs. (The '90s were such a special time.)

Back to last night: Instead of cash prizes, winners got their choice of candy. When I won (and oh yes, I did win once!) I asked if I could have coffee for my prize. The answer was YES! And that choice reminds me that I really have grown up, after all.

What I Read in 2012

2012-12-29T11:09:00.003-06:00

My Top Ten of 2012
The Tiger's Wife: A Novel -- Tea Obreht
In the Skin of a Lion -- Michael Ondaatjie
Blue Iris: Poems and Essays -- Mary Oliver
High Tide in Tucson: Essays from Now or Never -- Barbara Kingsolver
The Sandman: Endless Nights -- Neil Gaiman
If This Be Treason: Translation and Its Dyscontents -- Gregory Rabassa
Batman: Arkham Asylum - A Serious House on Serious Earth -- Grant Morrison, illustrated by Dave McKean
Room -- Emma Donaghue
Poet in New York -- Federico Garcia Lorca
Daytripper -- Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba

1. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius -- Dave Eggers (memoir... kinda)
2. I Married a Communist -- Philip Roth (fiction)
3. Slouching Towards Bethlehem: Essays (FSG Classics)-- Joan Didion (nonfiction/essay)
4. The White Album: Essays (FSG Classics) -- Joan Didion (nonfiction/essay)
5. Books: A Memoir -- Larry McMurtry (memoir)
6. Capt. Hook: The Adventures of a Notorious Youth -- J.V. Hart (YA Fic/Fantasy)
7. The Tiger's Wife: A Novel -- Tea Obreht (fiction)
8. O Pioneers! -- Willa Cather (fiction)
9. Machine of Death: A Collection of Stories About People Who Know How They Will Die -- Ryan North, Matthew Bernardo and David Malki, editors (fiction)
10. Where I Was From -- Joan Didion (nonfiction/essay)
11. The World Without Us -- Alan Weisman (nonfiction)
12. In the Skin of a Lion
-- Michael Ondaatje (fiction)
13. Blue Iris: Poems and Essays -- Mary Oliver (poetry)
14. The Woman I Kept to Myself -- Julia Alvarez (poetry)
15. The School Among the Ruins: Poems 2000-2004-- Adrienne Rich (poetry)
16. Wounded in the House of a Friend (Bluestreak) -- Sonia Sanchez (poetry)
17. Our Dead Behind Us: Poems -- Audre Lorde (poetry)
18. The Syringa Tree: A Novel -- Pamela Gien (fiction)
19. Round Mountain -- Castle Freeman, Jr. (short fiction collection)
20. The Club Dumas -- Arturo Perez-Reverte (mystery)
21. The Best of Ogden Nash (poetry)
22. High Tide in Tucson: Essays from Now or Never -- Barbara Kingsolver (essays)
23. On the Blue Shore of Silence: Poems of the Sea -- Pablo Neruda (poetry)
24. Rilke on Love and Other Difficulties: Translations and Considerations -- John L.C. Mood, editor (poetry)
25. The English Patient -- Michael Ondaajte (fiction)
26. New Selected Poems of Stevie Smith (poetry)
27. Nausea -- J.P. Sartre (fiction/philosophy)
28. All the Names -- Jose Saramago (fiction)
29. In Praise of the Stepmother -- Mario Vargas Llosa (fiction/erotica)
30. When We Were Orphans -- Kazuo Ishiguro
31. Black Orchid Deluxe Edition -- Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Dave McKean (graphic novel)
32. The Sandman: Endless Nights -- Neil Gaiman (graphic novel)
33. Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder -- Richard Louv (nonfiction)
34. Friends with Boys -- Faith Erin Hicks (graphic novel)
35. Lucky -- Gabrielle Bell (graphic novel)
36. Black Hole -- Charles Burns (graphic novel)
37. Saga of the Swamp Thing -- Alan Moore (graphic novel)
38. If This Be Treason: Translation and Its Dyscontents -- Gregory Rabassa (memoir)
39. It -- Stephen King (horror)
40. Batman: Arkham Asylum - A Serious House on Serious Earth, 15th Anniversary Edition -- Grant Morrison, illustrated by Dave McKean (graphic novel)
41. Pablo Neruda: A Passion for Life -- Adam Feinstein (biography)
42. Zorro -- Isabel Allende (fiction)
43. Room -- Emma Donaghue (fiction)
44. Light on Snow -- Anita Shreve
45. Batman: The Killing Joke -- Alan Moore, illustrated by Brian Bollard (graphic novel)
46. The Deep End of the Ocean -- Jacqueline Mitchard (fiction)
47. Joker -- Brian Azzarello, illustrated by Lee Bermejo (graphic novel)
48. Blankets -- Craig Thompson (graphic novel)
49. The Night Circus -- Erin Morgenstern (fiction)
50. Poet in New York -- Federico Garcia Lorca (poetry)
51. Harley Quinn: Our Worlds at War #1 (comic)
52. A Season in Hell and The Drunken Boat -- Arthur Rimbaud (poetry)
53. The Simple Truth: Poems -- Philip Levine (poetry)
54. Women in Their Beds: New and Selected Stories -- Gina Berriault (short story collection)
55. Daytripper -- Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba (graphic novel)
56. Bone, Vol. 1: Out From Boneville -- Tom Sniegoski and Jeff Smith (graphic novel)
57. Bossypants -- Tina Fey (memoir)
58. Thirteen Reasons Why -- Jay Asher (YA Fiction)
59. The Danish Girl -- David Eberhoff (fiction)
60. The Round House -- Louise Erdrich (fiction)
61. Transmetropolitan, Vol. 1: Back on the Street -- Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson (graphic novel)
62. In My Father's Country: An Afghan Woman Defies Her Fate -- Saima Wahab (memoir)
63. The Beats: A Graphic History -- Harvey Pekar and Ed Piskor (graphic novel)
64. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake -- Aimee Bender (fiction)
65. The Paris Wife: A Novel -- Paul McLain (fiction)