Lone journey

52

2014-09-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

and feeling like every bit of that age. Half a decade, 52, elderly, senior citizen or just plain OLD! I am living in a world where if you don't already have a job, you probably won't be able to get one unless you are super talented and have skills that can carry you over and win the confidence of that company or you know someone. I have every intention of holding onto my current job but have had lingering thoughts of driving a bus again. I used to drive for the Durham Transportation company that picks up and drops off school age children to where they need to go and I really enjoyed that type of job at that time. I'm not so sure I would enjoy working with school aged children again. Looking over the Craigslist ads and seeing the Stanford Marguerite Shuttle have openings every now and then AND they are willing to train you to get your class B license is an even greater incentive to apply. Plus, I secretly think they are waiting for me to apply! Not to be overly confident and not sure of who or what they are looking for but I question on Why there is always such a high turn over. Anyway, to get back to feeling old. I just dyed my hair today and it seems that I have to dye it every two to three weeks instead of every other month. The gray around my face makes me look like I have on an Eskimo hooded jacket and my age and tiredness shows there. When I dye my hair, it rejuvenates me and gives me a sense of youth. That's right, I am VAIN as is most women my age. Middle-aged crisis? Call it what you want but no one likes to feel old unless they themselves call it, which i have done on numerous occasions after turning 50. I can feel my body slow down, my skin sags in areas where it used to be tight and strong. My bones make more creaking sounds than my living-room floor. I have to move slowly in the morning upon wakening as to not strain anything. My Rheumatoid arthritis numbs my fingers and after exercising them while lifting my coffee cup to my dry mouth a few times, it takes quite a bit of effort to warm up. I haven't been to my Gym in over six months and yet I am paying $49.00 a month to keep it in the hopes that one day I will go. I keep telling myself, "after work I will go work out at the Gym" but the overtime that I get from work keeps me from going but really it's my procrastination that prevents me from doing just that. All in all, as long as the good lord lets me get up in the morning and I have a job that I can go to and put food on my table, pay what I need to pay and enjoy my family, then it's been a good life for me. I am grateful for what I have even if it's just a few gray hairs.

End of Summer

2014-08-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

and it feels like there are so many things in turmoil. Every time I turn on the radio, Television, open a newspaper or log onto a computer to view the current news of the day. It seems our world is in so much confusion, violence and hurt and no resolution to it's dilemma. The war in Gaza, fighting in Syria, unrest in Africa, rape, mutilation and genocide to women and children. When will it end? Who will help to end this catastrophic worriment. Being a citizen and residing in the safety of the United States of America, i am not without my own concern. I can't help but think of what other people are going through in the localities above and how I would have to prepare for the type of survival skills that they have forcefully acquired due to their situation. I can't imagine myself living day to day about escaping the viciousness of my impending captors, interrupted sleep patterns let alone getting any rest or sleep and where i would be able to get food or water. Where would I hide myself let alone my family, if there any survivors left of my family. Trying to escape to survive the dropped bombs, dodging the whizzing of bullets and sidestepping land minds and hidden gas canisters. Seeing first hand the ferocity and the barbarous acts of violence behind the cover of my hiding place. I am defenseless and unable to help lest I expose myself and be put in the act of endangering myself in their ruthless and sadistic execution of destructiveness of another human being. I can't imagine what is going through their minds or looking into their soulless eyes in their wanton rampage of terrorism. The coldness and harsh reality of becoming less than human when taking someones life is incomprehensible to me. Because I am here in the "somewhat" safety of the United States, I am not without our own violence in the states. But not as enigmatic as to what is going on in the world. I can't imagine but I do, I think and I weep. I worry about my now adult children and what will happen in 50 years. That war can very well happen to the United States if we are not careful and mindful. We are lucky to have what we have and live where we live. But we are not without danger and threat. If these reality shows also focused on what is truly what is going on in the world, homelessness, poverty and wars, our jaded home life would not be as privileged and cushioned by the authenticity of the real world. We need more preparedness programs and classes on how to cope and handle situations. Our children today have no clue as what to expect or handle a predicament. We help to smooth their quandaries by assisting them because we are good parents and want to help them. I hope for them to never know the other side of war and all that it encompasses and it's horribleness. I can only hope good things for our world and our children. And to know that there is good still within our hearts. We shall overcome.

Bullying

2014-04-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

still exist in the workplace. I was the subject of this awful behavior and it does not feel good. For all of my adult life, this has not happened to me. I hear of it happening to other people or co-workers and I tell them to fight back and write a letter or report them. I hardly ever find out the resolve of their problem. But when this happened to me? I felt the violation, the urging, the pushing, the intimidation and I needed to write my own letter to a superior. This behavior has to stop. My letter writing caused several other co-workers to write similar letters of their own. A Supervisor contacted me two days later and stated that he will remedy this problem. I am not sure of what the plan of action is or will be but I do hope for resolve soon. There should be ZERO TOLERANCE of bullying in the workplace. ** Names have been changed to protect those at work ** Good evening, I am writing to inform you about an incident that occurred this morning before the start of my 7:30 AM shift. As usual, I clocked in and checked to see what my assignment was for the day on the schedule board located outside the Supervisor's office. The board stated that my assignment was to be in MOD 2 Additional Services or the "C" position located in the Lobby behind the Ticket Counter. I had a few minutes before the start of the 7:30 AM briefing and proceeded to the board in the hallway to see if they had posted our new bid shift sheet for May 2014. I was talking with a co-worker, Scooby*, about what shift we picked. As I was talking with Scooby*, Service Director Sheena KweenBee* interrupted our conversation without a "hello" or "Good morning" and TOLD me, rather abruptly, "When your shift starts at 7:30 AM, I need you to go out to the "Ticketing Position" in MOD 1 to relieve an agent out there who hadn't received a break yet, she's been here since 4:00 AM"! I replied, "I want to go to my 7:30 AM briefing". She retorted very tersely, "You don't need to go to your 7:30 briefing, just go and relieve that agent"! She added, "You can go to the 9:00 AM or 9:30 AM briefing, but I need you to go out there when you start at 7:30!" I replied, "I am going to my 7:30 AM briefing, there are a lot of other agents that can go to the Ticket counter to relieve that agent"! She then loudly stated, "I'm going to go talk with DooWright (Supervisor AM) and see what she says!" I replied, "Good, I'd like to hear what she says too!" By then, our briefing had started and I felt like I was being intimidated and bullied by being "targeted" due to the fact that I am "pre-merger", a Continental Airlines agent, being forced to do a job that anyone else can be asked to do. I was angry and upset by this intentional act to leave me out of a briefing (which I always attend) while at least 15 other agents (probably 3-5 of them I have Seniority over) were available for the task. I take pride in myself by always being available to help my co-workers. I frequently sign up to be a mentor and I take this job very seriously. Starting off the morning feeling bullied, harassed and then working for 8 hours is toxic. It is not a good environment for anyone and I don't feel like I performed to the best of my ability today. Thank you for taking the time to read my email.

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

2014-04-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

Every time I hear a story about an airline incident, directly affects me due in part that I work for a major carrier and I interact with all of my passengers on a personal basis. The conversations between myself and the passengers and their families only make me part of their families for a few precious minutes. To be on the ground and then to fly hundreds of miles in a metal container and what happens is beyond anyone's control. Accidents such as this "hits home" for me. My heart goes out to the families and all those affected. It's been a few weeks and speculation is rampant due in part because they can't seem to locate the aircraft or it's passengers. They brought scientists in to map the aircraft's route, they have been "combing" the passenger list to see who might be a terrorist, speculation is on the crew, the cockpit, the passengers, the aircraft and all those involved with Malaysian Airlines. The list goes on and makes it all the more news for the media. The waiting for any little piece of information to be given to the families, the hope and the unknown that they must be going through. I tense at these incidents of airliners. I, too, am hoping for recovery. To put the families mind at ease and the passengers soul to rest as to what cause that might have happened. My deepest condolences and prayers to all. ***************************************************************************************************** (This is the last coordinates according to Wikipedia - 01:34 02:15 18:15 Last primary radar contact by Malaysian military, 200 miles (320 km) NW of Penang, 6° 49′ 38″ N, 97° 43′ 15″ E)

Milestones

2014-04-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

My son, Manny, bought a brand new 2014 car this week.

It came as no surprise because he had been talking about buying one for quite sometime. Not long after passing his drivers licenses, it was about a week later that he had gone with his father and friend to shop for a car. He found one and it looks like he made a good choice. Compact, economical, sporty and he fits it well. He came over for a visit and to pick up a Fed X package he had been tracking containing his brand new laptop! In his short years on this earth, he has completed many "firsts" in his young life as have all my children. Now comes the worries about other crazy drivers, distractions and fear that all mothers go through, which our children will never understand until they have children of their own. We talked about his next step in the Air Force and he stated that he has been "extended" again until August but now he has to move out on his own and find an apartment with a buddy of his. The AF will give him per Diem monies that will cover some of the cost of his rent. He will need it if he to meet the monthly payments on his car. He seemed worried about something but didn't want to talk about it at the time. As he looked through my food pantry at home, he declared that he was hungry. I told him there wasn't much in the house but there is an "Inn-n-Out" down the street from us. Besides, I wanted to ride in his cool looking car. It handled very well and he seemed very comfortable to drive in it. He showed me all its features and was very proud of what he had worked and saved so hard for. He was a little anxious to get back on the road and left after dropping me off at home. We said our goodbyes and wished him well on his drive back to Fairfield. I'm very proud of my son and all his accomplishments.

Doc Yan

2014-03-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

has been my primary physician for 10 plus years. Her practice resides in the Foggy, cool city of Daly City at Seton Hospital. Seton used to be called Marys Help Hospital back in the day but the powers that be changed it. I did some lab work two weeks ago to measure my cholesterol and she called me today to let me know that my cholesterol is high and that i need to start taking medication to lower it. After conversing about my numbers and where they fall, it was decided that i start my medication today. CVS is very convenient for me to pick up my medication since it is right down the street and a short drive and my go-to store for just about anything. The medication prescribed is Simvastatin at 20 milligrams (1 pill) daily and to be taken at dinner time so that i don't forget because as you know I am 52 and old people need to be reminded how to take their medication. She stated that it will have no other interaction with the other medication that I am taking for Rheumatoid Arthritis but only I can be the judge of that. I will have to cut out all foods that are white. Rice is a MAJOR deletion and will be epically hard for me to do because of my Polynesian heritage and how i was raised on this from a child. All others pasta, white flour products etc will also need to be scrutinized as well. I will need to get on brown rice which I was trying to eat for some time but long ago but lacked enthusiasm for it. And now, it will have to take precedence in my life. It will be a Major game changer for me and how I will feed my body and my life if I am to prevent heart disease. Plus the fact that I get on my weight scale at home tells me that I need to "amp" up my work outs more, just plainly put, more exercise in my life. I will start walking from my Employee bus pickup and drop off to the Air Train starting tomorrow. I will need to start earlier in my day. I have been faithfully eating Cream of wheat with my daily breakfast with lots of fruits and nuts along with it. I have or so I thought declined all white sugar with coffee and teas but it doesn't help when I order those Star-Buck Frappes or Peets Chai masala drinks. Or the craving for Malted Balls, chips and such. That's where I fail myself in the sugar area. I will have to be more diligent in getting myself back to a healthy state. I have felt more tired, sluggish, and more inflammation in my joints. I need to get back what I had and onto the road to good health. I just got my brand new passport yesterday with 52 pages!!! Yeah, I am stoked about that as I plan to do more traveling, even if it's just for a few days! I spirit is listening to the call of 1st Class on a 747 to somewhere, anywhere! I am ready to go!

Scratcher - WINNER!!

2014-03-07T09:49:00.001-08:00

In essence, yes, I am a winner of a few dollars according to the prize on the ticket. Since the inception of the "2nd Chance" draw on these scratchers, I have been collecting them in the garbage cans located conveniently right next to the Lotto machine that dispenses all manner of the lotto tickets and i have seen them thrown out on roadsides, which I have stopped to collect them before the next oncoming car drives my way. So far, I have gotten a few winners, to date $17.00 worth of tickets that people have scratched and thrown away not thinking that they are winners. The tickets that I have found and won on were the crossword puzzle and the poker tickets. Now with literacy and grammar being digital and online and not too many savvy poker players, I have been the recipient and lucky enough to find, scratch and win at these throw-a ways. Also since there is a "2nd chance" at the lottery scratcher for a quarterly draw, I could be a winner! You never know. So collect those tickets, scratch and input the codes located on the tickets for another chance at the Lotto money even if you don't buy a lottery scratcher....the money is out there, somewhere! Good luck and happy seeking!!

We Passed!!!

2014-03-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

I was speaking for my son and I as he drove into the DMV test area in Fairfield, California to finish up his driving test for the 2nd time which resulted in the most grandest smile on my son's face I had ever seen in his lifetime and a heavy sigh of relief from me. It was a successful drive test day. It started yesterday when I traded my "mom hat" and became the "drive instructor" and helped him to train for all the nuances, pitfalls and unknown "what if" scenarios that could befall a new driver. His first drivers test a few weeks ago was fine until he came to what we call the dreaded "yellow box". It is the broken lined oblong box that separates traffic that allows you into the area before safely crossing over to either side before or after on-coming traffic to make your left or right turn. He was automatically disqualified "DQ" as was written on his test when he was asked to make a left hand turn from his lane. He was completely unaware of this "box" area and proceeded to rush through the box before oncoming traffic was approaching him and made it to the area that he was advised to go. By doing that, he failed to safely drive into the box area and wait for oncoming traffic to pass and then proceed safely into making his left hand turn. We went over and over this scenario for quite some time until it was "Pa'a" (Hawaiian) or burned in his mind. He did rather well and I prayed to the Good Lord today to watch over him. It was a big relief to both of us on his accomplishment. After the test was over, we drove to Inn-N-Out burger to celebrate our victory and again the "yellow box" came up and he handled it like a champ! I have no doubt that he will be a good driver as in everything that he does, he does well. I drop him off at base which I'm sure he will nap well. As for me, it was a long drive back home but now happy to know that the sacrifices that I make for my son and my now adult children, I do this out of love.

Ohana (family)

2013-12-22T05:36:00.000-08:00

A celebration of life brought my brother and I on an 8 hour road trip to Las Vegas for my cousin, Pumpkins funeral. Her full name is Melvalyn Yvette "Keala" Kahalehoe Manuma. In Hawaii, many of the children are given "nick names" growing up and her's is Pumpkin. I'll have to ask my cousin how that came about because there always is a story to how we got our names. The drive was long and luckily I was able to rent a car from Enterprise Car Rental at the San Francisco Airport for $9.99 a day, awesomely good deal when you're on a budget and my car that I primarily drive was in the shop and the cost was over $2600.00 to repair so that pretty much wiped out my checking account. The services were moved from Saturday to a Sunday because of some dispute over money and planning arrangements that needed more preparation. I picked up my brother late into Saturday morning and the drive took about 8 hours with his driving 110 miles an hour at the latter end of our trip. I was very relieved when we got to Las Vegas that there were no Highway Patrol that stopped us for speeding. Arriving into Las Vegas and now we had to search for our cousins who were staying at the California Hotel and we were to spend the night with them. Just by chance, they were still at the Main Street Station Buffet finishing dinner. We joined them for dinner and our reunions are always bittersweet. We did not grow up together, per se, but often when we visited either in Hawaii or California, it was due to our parents and relatives. We did what kids do, teased, played, ate, played more and got in trouble when we did not mind our parents or elders. It was good, clean fun. Being together brought back all those memories and reminiscing when we were younger. Now looking and taking pictures of ourselves, I can see our parents where they once were and the age has caught up to us. Gatherings bring some comfort to us and a spirit that is always re-kindled when we gather but it's unfortunate that it happens when a loved one passes. Celebrations are less as I age and funerals or "Celebrations of life" become more common in my life. My cousin's celebration of life was a true testament to her family's love for her and she will truly be missed. Rest in love my dear cousin, Pumpkin. I love you always.

Mortality

2013-12-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

I have been to quite a few funerals for my family involving my cousins on both sides of my family. I've traveled to Honolulu, Hawaii, Las Vegas, NV and have been connected with Facebook as family send their condolences to distant relatives and their passing. Facebook keeps us connected in ways that were not possible 20 years ago and I'm very glad that this is possible today. Such a sad time of passing makes me think of my own mortality in this vibrant, beautiful and spirited world. I cannot imagine the possibilities of not living and always seeking the dark as many people often do. There must be a switch within me that prevents me from the darkness. People live through wars, atrocities that I cannot fathom, living on the streets in weather conditions I have never experienced and many more struggles that on one should have to go through but they do and they persevere against all odds. We go on. We shed tears of joy, sorrow, happiness and pain. We sometimes shed tears for no reason, does there have to be? My own sadness stems from the passing of my parents whom I love very much. They loved their children and family. My mother was a very giving individual as was my father. They always took care of family and friends. Where ever we lived family members always find us and a gathering that would be for a night ended up being for the whole weekend. This is where I receive the gift of caring, giving, loyalty, loving and generosity. All of my values, I credit my parents for this and can only hope that my children strive to attain these values and pass them onto whom ever they come in contact with. A paying if forward, if you will. I try to one good deed a day and have probably done too many deeds at work and people take a step back and realize the uniqueness of my gesture. Their guard comes down and they offer hugs, a smile, a word of thanks and realize there is good in this world.

Time for family

2013-11-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

Our "post Thanksgiving" dinner turned out to be an incredible moment in time for me. In attendance was my brother Doug, whom i haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years, my oldest daughter Nani, whom i have recently connected with, my daughter Pua, whom We keep in constant contact with, my partners daughter Camden, who visits regularly, my son Manny who sometimes thinks he knows more than me, my best friend from work, Darrell who's father recently passed away, Steven, Nani's boyfriend and Pua's housemate Judith all came together to celebrate the spirit of giving thanks. It truly was a sprited thanksgiving. There was talk, discussion, laughter, harmony, good heartedness, tender moments, tears of joy, forgivness and the fragile bond of what friendship and family is. All of these qualities and more is what human spirit is about. It has been what I have been missing for quite some time. This is usually a "dark" time for me as my owm parents have passed away many years ago but it stills feels like only yesterday that i was visiting with my parents while they spoil their grand kids. I dont think i will ever lose this feeling but a reunion of this type helps to ease my pain of missing what i need, the spirit and togetherness of family.

A Long ride to Travis, AFB

2013-10-18T02:56:00.000-07:00

My day started out like most of my days, wake up, coffee, play "pet rescue", out to the garden to water my plants, feed the goldfish and enjoy what is left of a warm fall day. Fortunately, I got the day off from work and would be taking my son to his training reserves weekend to Travis, AFB in Fairfield. As the day carried on later and later, i was mostly dreading the commute due to the BART strike that took affect today. We finally decided on leaving at 8:00PM figuring the traffic would be somewhat better, Wrong, traffic was still backed up and we dealt with the chaos. I had called Manny two days ago to make sure that he was still on his reserves weekend. Because of the government shutdown that ended some days ago, I wasn't fully trusting that his information was reliable nor the information that the Air Force was giving my son. Based on his email, his reserves weekend was still a "go". I picked him up and we were on our way. The ride was fairly long but as most rides go with my son, our conversations are lively, direct and for such a young man of 20 years old, he is too smart for his britches but smart! He is soft spoken, most of the times he has good manners, knows a lot but not enough and he is still a little rough around the edges. But like most gems, a good polishing and in time, he will become a reputable man of wisdom. Two hours later, we reach Travis, AFB and he calls the Hilton to reconfirm his reservation, they have no reservation for him. He then calls his Hotel, Air Force Inn and they tell him to come in because there is a lot of room. Now I was really worried, they're usually full. We arrive at the base and we say our goodbyes and good luck in PT. I usually wait there anyway but for some reason, I stayed a bit longer and it was not more than 10 minutes that he came walking back, opened the door to the car, sat down and said, " training is cancelled" I got upset with him and pretty much said, I told you so! His argument was that he hadn't received an updated email. My argument was that I spent all day waiting, took the day off from work and drove up and back when i didn't need to, it was time wasted and a big thank you goes to the good ole United states Air force "paper pushers"! I know I shouldn't have let him take the blame so hard but he needed to know that he needs to double and sometimes triple check himself on these matters. The drive back was short because i drove faster and didn't not want to speak to my son anymore on the way home. It was awkward but i didn't need be more upset than what i already was on the drive back by arguing more with him. I dropped him off with hardly a word or goodbye but to take the rest of his belongings in my car out and into his home where he is staying with his father. He said that he would be by on Monday for the rest of his things. I needed time to cool down and drove home slower to what the speed limit is. I was too hard on him and started feeling remorseful. Lord, give me strength. Amen

Hey Mom, I'm getting married

2013-10-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

That's what the early morning text read when I woke up this morning. It was from my oldest daughter Nani who has been estranged from me for many months. She is currently living with her boyfriend in Pacifica, California. The text reads, "Hey mom, I'm getting married next year. I love you and would really like you to be there" That text came in the form of a Facebook message. The message was unclear but it offered a chance to finally, maybe talk to my daughter whom I have been missing for quite some time. So far, no other contact has been received other than calling her phone and speaking with her fiancee and letting him know to give her the message to call me back. I wish she would have called me to give me the message of her joyous news and not by Facebook message. But this is the digital age of social media and a form of communication that will soon be lost. I know that I would have called and given the message personally through phone or in person. I do hope to catch up with her soon and share the details of her event.

Memories of my memories

2013-06-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's true, I have been daydreaming and reminiscing about my children, who are all now, young adults with lives of their own and journeying into their own chapters of life. We just graduated a daughter Bryn from Mills College in Oakland last weekend and our son, Manny, from Air Force Boot Camp at Lackland AFB in San Antonio last month. We had another daughter, Camden, that graduated from Goucher College in Baltimore last year. My oldest daughter, Nani, I have not heard from for almost a year and lives in Pacifica with her boyfriend and another daughter, Pua, who constantly drifts in and out of our lives with a semi abusive boyfriend and lives by her wit and know how but always calls or texts me "Goodnight, mom...it's me Pua" tagged at the end of her message. My memories that have been occasional but only recently have begun to be unremitting. They consist mostly of my children as young toddlers up to 10 years of age. Clearly vivid as if yesterday, I can see them playing, hearing their laughs and giggles, brushing their hair, giving them baths, taking them to the store, watching them in pre-school, hearing their stories of gramma and grampa and all of these memories involve some type of motion, sense of smell, and essence of what was, a bouquet of delicious recollections of my children's past of years ago. I don't know why these reflections are so strong and intense. Maybe it's because this is what they call the "empty next" syndrome. But for what ever reason, my children are constantly on my mind. I'm hoping and wishing that their lives evolve into something good and productive as mine has been to me. I hope the good lord watches over them and gives them peace when they're troubled and I'm very glad that they call when they need direction or to hear our voices and I am glad to hear theirs. God is Good, Amen.

Melvin

2013-03-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

is one of the best people I know! He is my co-worker, friend, confidant, gambling buddy, drinking buddy and an all around nice man. Many years ago, myself and several other co-workers traveled to Palau to stay and visit with his beautiful and friendly family. No matter what type of person you are, his whole family would welcome you into their family! Mel is a great tour guide and historian and his stories captivate you and also has you splitting your sides from laughing too much. We traveled by boat on a two hour sun beating ride across crystal aqua blue waters to Peleliu, his grandmother Wenty's island. All I can say about her and the island...beautiful and majestic! As I think about all these wonderful thoughts of my good friend Melvin, who is in a hospital ICU, it's like an old friend coming to visit. I'm not a stranger to ICU's. My mother was there once while in her 50's. My father at some point in his life but I was too young to visit. It is here that my friend, Melvin is currently. A pneumonia infection had reached into his lungs compiled on top of an alcohol addiction to Vodka has caused him to be here. If is weren't for good friends he may not be here today. This is one battle he is fighting for his young 44 year old life. He has been in ICU for two weeks now overcoming hurdles one by one. Along with the demons of alcoholism and the malignant spirit that it brings along. Luckily for Mel, his sisters are here and many of his friends. While he is on the road to a slow recovery, the real journey will begin when he returns home, behind closed doors and out of reach from any family, friends or doctors. Pray for Melvin, pray for recovery, pray for his spirit in the hopes to realize that he does make a difference in this world.

Words from a loving mom to her son.

2013-02-24T18:36:00.001-08:00

It has been a week of letting go for me. My son left for Air Force Boot Camp last week and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do besides give birth to him. Long talks, texting, phone calls, shopping for this, mail order that, pay for this, charge for that and leaving messages will all but come to a silent stop. Waiting with him in the boarding area before his flight left, I watched him and his movements. He listened to his Ipod that he bought the night before with his first ever credit card. My thoughts drifted back to when he was three, then seven, I remembered him looking up at me while playing with his firetruck that his grandfather bought him for Christmas and saying to him, "I'm going to miss you when you grow up". Puzzled, his attention turned back towards the firetruck. In recent years, I have whispered that verse over and over to him and now, it is the day and the time has come. At least for the next 8 weeks while he is away. His low manly voice breaks my train of thought, "Mom" he says, "when I call you don't say anything because my CO (Commanding Officer) will be on the other side listening to what I say to you, I only have 15 minutes to talk to you"! His speech will all be written in advance and if he deviate's from that, his CO will be ready to yell at him on the other end of the line. I'm thinking, "WTH", what Commander A** is listening into our conversation while I'm talking to my son??! That's a fricken invasion of our privacy! BUT, this is the Military and it's who my son now belongs to, lock, stock and barrel for the next 6 years. Not mama's son anymore but property of the Good 'ol USA. My son, Manny has been training since October 2012 for this. He has been preparing his young 19 year old body for the rigors of Military life and all that it encompasses. The discipline, preparation, drills, development, cultivation, motivation, sense of self worth and pride that he will soon come to know. I expect the Military to nourish him when he needs support, nurture him in grace, educate him when he does not know, foster his spirit when others won't, instruct his mind to further himself, train him in the manners unknown to him, polish the diamond within him, foster his character with strength and vitality, feed his soul with the word of Heavenly Father. With that you will receive: his loyalty that will command your honesty, his contract is your responsibility, his pledge is your obligation, his burden is your protection, his trust is your liability, his mission is your profession, his life is your accountability. Please, take care of him and his squadron while they help to protect our freedom and the privileges that come at such a high price. I love you always, son and am very proud of you! Thank you for being who you are. Mom

Happy Valentine's Day

2013-02-14T06:23:00.001-08:00

to each and everyone in and around my life. Even if I don't know you, such as the case yesterday. While boarding a flight, a male passenger felt so compelled to give me a hug with arms wide open, I stopped my boarding and gave him a hug. I hope it made his day as it made mine. We affect one another is so many different ways and I totally understand comfort zones that each and everyone of us have. At that moment, he needed a hug and the spirit moved me to have the same. My life has been so busy once I got back to work. Physical Therapy have come to a halt and I am almost done with my insurance claim. My new Chiropractor, Doctor Tintor is a blessing and his receptionist is an angel. No, they haven't caught the youth who hit me from the car accident in December 2012 and yes, I lost alot of work and used alot of my personal sick time to help pay my rent and bills. I am very thankful for good medical insurance but even that needs to get paid! My daughter, Christiana is out of the hospital and into a group home for mentally challenged adults in Redwood City. Her calls have lessened and I hope she is getting the help she needs and has the wisdom to take care of herself. My son, Manny, has been busy with his own life and preparing for his leave to Air Force Boot Camp next week. All of his monthly jaunts to Travis Air Force Base for "drills" have helped him prepare for his next 6 weeks in San Antonio at Lackland Air Force Base. I am hoping that his dedication to running and exercise will get him halfway there and the rest of it will be Psychological. I wish nothing but the best for him as he continues on his journey.

The Power of Massage

2013-01-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, I was gifted a surprise massage by my wife. No, we did not have a couples massage even tho I asked. This was a gift for me. I've never been to a professional massage in all my 50 years and now was a better time than ever. The establishment is called Massage Envy located in Redwood City. As I walked in, the surroundings reminded me of another beautiful and serene facility called Watercourse Way in Palo Alto. Both, very much zen like and peaceful. It's all about relaxation and I am all for that type of healing. My massage therapist was Cody Lam who has a very gentle way and peacefulness about her. I read her bio located on the table in the waiting room which after talking with her, she stated that the book is at least four years old! Definitely needs to be updated as she is no longer in Massage school. Upon entering my room which was low lit and the tranquil sound of Asian inspired music in the background, I was ready for more peacefulness. I undressed down to my undergarment and slipped under the light sheet and blanket and felt the warm massage table which you can choose to have added before your massage. A few minutes later, Cody entered the room and spoke quietly on what I would like to have done today. I asked that my upper back, shoulders, arms, hands, upper neck areas to be targeted. I would have liked the whole body massage but I really wanted to have specific areas to be her focus. My whole being in those areas ached tremendously and to have her work her magic hands on me was delightful and healing. The firmness of her hand strokes were soothing yet powerful. Each stroke rhythmic and balanced like a painter to her blank canvass. My deep breaths seduced by her movements, the distress in my aching muscles commanded her attention and the feeling of contentment eased my discomfort. My grand wish list would have this delicious elixir of movement every week for the rest of my life. Maybe even twice a week! This antidote would cure most ills of the world, one can only hope.

Signed, Sealed and Delivered!

2013-01-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

Finally found a car, not a truck, but a nice little car to call my own since my auto accident Dec. 14, 2012. My insurance paid me out for my 1995 Chevy truck, just a little over $3700. My wife's friend, Judy, wanted to sell her Suburu Outback. After she and I looked up information about the car make and model and researched reviews, we made a decision to look it over last weekend. Driving to Pacifica was beautiful, cool, brisk and a rare sunny day. It was Maverick's weekend where world class surfers from all over the world gather to surf for big waves and big money. Along with that is the hundreds of people that converge on this tiny town for this once a year event. Crespi Beach and Rockaway Beach parking lots were exceeding full capacity and wanting to see the picturesque view and catch sight of the huge waves predicted. It's a beach town and I do miss it sometimes but when the fog rolls in, I am very glad to be living in Redwood City and a much warmer climate. Judy and Michael have a beautiful home with two big loving dogs. They are long time residents of Linda Mar and know all about Montara mountain. Hiking, biking and walking is a good place for that. After test driving the Suburu and getting to know it's idiosyncrasies, drive style, smoothness, cooling and heating elements and of course looking under the hood, our verdict was made. After some friendship banter and parlay, monies paid and bill of sale signed, WE HAVE A NEW CAR!! I am very happy to have it. I do have to thank Enterprise Rental and my insurance, USAA for taking care of me while my truck was at the adjusters, Cooks Collision. I also thank my friend Greg K. for loaning me his car which was a sprightly little 5-speed Blue Toyota Matrix. It's been a busy week of car searching, physical therapists, doctor visits, mounds of paperwork and going back to work. Exhilarating, excited and exhausted all summed it up for me this week. Life is crazy and I'm loving it. I thank the Good Lord for watching over me everyday. Amen

"I Have a Dream"

2013-01-21T04:40:00.001-08:00

"He was against all policies based on race. The basis of his attack on segregation was to judge us by the content of our character, not by the color of our skin". Peter Schramm, a conservative historian and former Reagan Administration official This video was taken in 2009 on the "Martin Luther King Freedom Train". Mama Diane Evans and I traveled this historic ride with hundreds of other passengers aboard the Cal-Train into the City of San Francisco to attend peaceful demonstrations and a video account of who Martin Luther King was and what he had accomplished in his very short life. Mama Diane Evans is the colorful turban wrapped woman singing in this video. She is the mother of my co-worker and good friend, Carmen. I dearly love this lady and the whole of her body exudes warmth and spirit akin to mine. Her stories of struggles, life and love keep me entranced and am glad to know that she is in my life.

"Mental Ward"

2013-01-19T11:45:00.002-08:00

     That statement resonates in the back of my mind and brings me back to when I was a young girl of 10 years old. My family was vacationing in Oahu, Hawaii visiting with my mother and fathers huge extended family. My mother has 5 brothers, all but one brother, is deceased. My father has 19 brothers and sisters, all but two remain living. One beautiful bright warm Saturday morning in Laie, we were going to visit with Aunty Pua at the Hospital. I remembered hearing in hushed whispers, "Mento Ward" in Hawaiian pidgen language amongst my aunts and uncles. "You going Mento Wahd go see Aunty?" They knew who she was without saying her name outright.
     The drive was not long, sitting in the back seat with my brother Doug, sister Laurie and a few cousins along with my mom and dad in the front seat. I can still relive that day as if it were yesterday. We were so glad to finally be out of the car as we ran around the parking lot of the Hospital. Our sound of laughter broke the silence of the trade-winds as the sun beat down on us. Mom and dad "shushed" us as we walked towards what looked like a Grand Mansion with beautiful white columns and the ocean blue as it's background. How can this be a Hospital? I thought it to be of someones home, it was my Aunty Pua's home. After weaving our way through a myriad of doors, I remembered coming out of a door onto an open Lanai (patio) looking out towards the ocean and great massive trees spreading branch to branch as if shaking hands and breathing the warm scent of gardenia and plumerias into my body. That moment of serenity was broken with shrieking and screaming and then laughter but not of children, they were people like my mom and dad's age. I turned to see old people, young people, people rocking back and forth facing a wall or a window, people chattering on and laughing at the toy rocking horse. Nurses in white uniforms, cleaning and speaking with their energetic charges. Frightened, I quickly searched for my mom and dad who were not too far and was sitting and talking with an elderly woman. I remembered her face and eyes hanging so low and sad but she was happy to see my parents and us children. I saw my dad petting her hand and she had her head on my dads shoulder. This was the Aunty Pua we came to visit. Fearful, I stayed close to mom and dad. I could hear my mom speaking with Aunty Pua in Hawaiian, crying and heartbroken.
     Today these "Mental Wards" have politically correct names now. Psychiatric is the word most commonly used. Hospital and facilities to also mark the place or residence of a "Patient" and not Koo-Koo, idiot or Crazy man/woman. My daughter Pua, has been a resident on the 3rd floor of the Psychiatric Unit at the San Mateo General Hospital for several weeks now. Her pregnancy was terminated on Thursday Jan 17th in the afternoon. When I received her conservatorship paperwork from the County of San Mateo to let me know of their procedure known as "Therapeutic Abortion", my memories overwhelmed me with thoughts on how we used to view the mentally ill and how we used to shut them away, "out of sight, out of mind". I'm very glad for our progress and cures and how far we have become as an American Nation. We have moved forward from this stigma that many countries still discriminate against it, ridicule, lock people away and even put to death. God Bless America!

"Terminate"

2013-01-14T04:18:00.000-08:00

my pregnancy" states my daughter, Pua, as those words ring over and over in my mind. I am restless at this hour when I should be fast asleep in REM stage dreaming about images that I never remember. After this weekend of listening and singing about the River Jordan in church and wondering why parishioners construct a light kneel as they pass in front of Jesus who hangs up high in the church on a cross. Gazing upon this figure that is repeated millions of times in countless Churches of all religions, I can feel the comfort of his spirit letting me know that all will be well. I've come to believe in miracles no matter how small they are. I've come to believe that Heavenly Father hears us all and that our prayers do count. I believe that talking with my soon to be 28 year old mentally ill daughter has some effect on her to the point of thinking about the harsh reality of continuing with her pregnancy and carrying a baby to term in the hopes of caring and loving a child with the fierceness of a lioness as she cares for her cub. Something so powerful that only a female can only know. Or to painfully make the decision to abort her child while in her first trimester because she realizes that her body is demanding the potent medication needed to keep her depression, schizophrenia, paranoia and the once subdued voices who are all rallying around her as if reuniting with an old friend to entertain, at bay. She phoned me to tell me of her agonizing decision to terminate her pregnancy because of our talks of her possibly going on welfare, section 8 and relying on the Federal social system for help and no help from the father. She tells me that she is young and she can have children anytime as I verbally agree with her. I know in my heart that this can never be and am deeply saddened by how she feels as a young woman. Her birthday is Jan 16th and it is time for a visit. To comfort her, to hold her and to tell her that I love her very much. I am very proud of her strength and the woman who she is today.

Susceptible

2013-01-12T16:12:00.002-08:00

sus·cep·ti·ble

[suh-sep-tuh-buh l]

accessible or especially liable or subject to some influence, mood, agency, etc.: susceptible to colds; susceptible to flattery.

A visit to my Primary Doctors this week proved uneventful. It was mainly to see how I was coming along on my Physical Therapy treatments on my soft tissue injuries due to my car accident. Doc Yan stated that since I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, I am susceptible to any injuries lasting normal than what a healthy body would be. Meaning that my healing time would take much longer, well, DUH! These doctor and Physical Therapy visits including only being able to work 1 day since the accident, compiled on top of my dealing with insurance company has been leaving me in a depressed mood all week. Stress, anxiety and low energy has been giving me low grade headaches that I normally don't get. I'm off for one more week until Jan. 21st.

My daughter Christiana is at San Mateo General Hospital and has been there for a few weeks to help get her own medication for her mental illness up to speed which she has forgone because of her pregnancy. She has been calling me almost everyday to come and see her or bring her something. I thought to just take a time-out from her life and get mine in order. Seems that I never get a chance to deal with my life but I deal with everyone's first. Since all of my children have moved out of my home, I would think that would be the ideal time for myself, WRONG! No matter what age my children/young adults, they will always need something, guidance, wisdom, small talk, money, material things and most of all, love and support. I helped her social worker, Kelsey move all her belongings from the Sequoia Hotel in Redwood City to my home and house her items until she is well enough on her own. In the meantime, her boyfriend, who is the "baby daddy" is in his own world and one of whom I don't want to associate with because of his own addiction to Crystal Meth and a bad host of crap that I don't want to be a part of.

Total Loss

2013-01-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

is what USAA insurance told me yesterday. I can't get anything more for my truck than what my insurance offered me, $3744 and some change. $1000.00 of it they will withhold until I mail the salvage company my title which I keep in a folder full of receipts I used for it's upkeep. I was expecting the worse and I almost had a tiny little bit of hope that Cooks Collision would repair my truck.
I stopped by to pick up the rest of my belongings in my 1995 Chevy Pickup and saw the extent of the damage for the last time from my hit and run auto accident that happened almost one month ago. My poor old truck was littered with numbers and "cant open hood" written on it and other foreign objects thrown in the truck bed. I saw the front end extent of the damage in better lighting today than I did on that cloudy day of the accident. I felt sad. Upon opening my driver door and looking inside, there was definite evidence of someone hastily looking through what ever was left in the truck and not finding anything of value to take. Luckily I tried to pack up everything I valued at the time of the accident. I felt violated on my trucks behalf and said my last goodbye's as if saying goodbye to an old friend which this truck has been to me. I've been through approximately 4 moves and a host of other moves helping friends and family in need of a truck, long trips up the California coast for camp-outs and everyday commutes to work. I depended on "Betty". I originally bought my truck off of Craigslist for $5000.00 from a man who needed a bigger vehicle for his growing family. The truck gave me very few problems compared to my other cars. So to say goodbye to an object such as this truck is significant to me. Now, the process begins for me to look for a new "used" vehicle. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year

2013-01-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

Just a few more hours until I am fully on my way into the New Year, 2013. I am still off from work due to my pinched nerve in my left shoulder preventing me from lifting heavy bags. There are a few jobs that my company can put me in the "light duty" department aspect of what I do. I see my primary doctor tomorrow and will follow up on the out come of when i go back to work with another physical therapy appointment on Thursday.
My daughter Pua called and left a message on my phone from San Mateo General Hospital where she had to self-admit herself last week due to her not taking her medications for her Mental Illness causing her "voices" to come back with a vengeance. Her reason for not taking her medication is that she is three months pregnant and did not want to harm the baby with these strong drugs. Throw in her somewhat mentally ill boyfriend. Adolpho, who takes her medication and Crystal meth and whatever else he needs to self-medicate himself with, she is going to have a long, hard road ahead of her. I've always suggested to her to write her own memoirs and thoughts into a blog, she prefers journals. Her young life has been disturbing and harrowing. I, and only I, am the reluctant involuntary passenger into her wild ride of the fearful and dark unknown. There is no happy ending, only switchbacks to where we first started this perilous journey which repeats itself like a phonographs skipping needle on a warped record, over and over and over and over again.