Long Distance Relationship Advice From Long Distance Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com Making it Last From Afar Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:03:40 +0000 en hourly 1 LongDistanceDivahttp://feedburner.google.com Facebook Pictures http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/06/01/facebook-pictures/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/06/01/facebook-pictures/#comments Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:03:40 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/?p=180

Q: I am in a LDR and feeling a bit insecure right now. Every time I go to my bf’s page he is tagged in photos with the same girl.I want to say something, but then I don’t know if I should.

A: If you want to know something, the best thing to do is ask. Every relationship requires communication in order to survive. When you are in a long distance one, you really have to take extra care to make sure you are communicating. So ask him who the girl is and be prepared to hear “just a friend”. I haven’t seen the pictures so I don’t know what’s going on, but you do because you have this little power tool called intuition.

Good luck.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/06/01/facebook-pictures/feed/ Facebook Status http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/05/26/facebook-status/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/05/26/facebook-status/#comments Wed, 26 May 2010 15:03:35 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/?p=178

Q: My boyfriend changed his Facebook page so now it says single. Should I be upset or is that dumb?

A: I hate facebook as it has proven to be a relationship/job/marriage/privacy killer. That being said, obviously there is a reason that he wants to be seen as single, so you have every right to be upset. But be careful how you express your feelings because he will most likely try to turn it around on you to make it seem like you are overreacting and that “it’s just Facebook”.

If I were you, I’d ask him why did he change it (in a calm voice) and then proceed from there.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2010/05/26/facebook-status/feed/ Indefinite Long Distance Relationship http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/08/12/indefinite-long-distance-relationship/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/08/12/indefinite-long-distance-relationship/#comments Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:13:15 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/?p=176

Q: We  have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now and I would like to discuss the future about how to end the long distance with my partner.

Somehow due to jobs, kid etc it seams hard finding a solution to the problem. My partner only comes up with dream ideas which are far away from reality and am feeling he is only concerned about his career and doesnt really wanna think about the subject.

He is being very unrealistic and is constantly dreaming up our life in 10 years, but doesnt have any shorter term plans
on how our lifes [sic] could move together. Which in turn makes me wonder if he actually does wanna change anything about it. He is accusing me of argueing [sic] if i wanna talk about it. Also he is saying he thinks its ok how it is
(we are living in different countries!).

Is there any point as i do not wanna have an indefinite long, LDR? Or is he just stringing me along?

A: Assuming you are an adult- I mean a full-fledged adult, not one of these kids who are of age but technically are still kids- 3 years is long enough to know where you want to go in a relationship.

Long distance or not, if after 3 years you are in the same place, you can assume that is where you will stay unless other arrangements have been discussed.

But the distance makes it tough especially if you both have kids and you are in different countries. That’s not really an ideal situation for two people who (presumably) have established lives. It would be one thing if there were no strings attached, but those strings get kind of tricky.

No, waiting 10 years is not practical. And if you both can’t come to some sort of agreement on when and how the distance will end then there’s nothing left to do but go your separate ways. Realistically, what do you expect to happen? Are you going to pack up and move? Or do you expect him to? Those are your choices- either you move, he moves, or shake hands and move on.  And remember, those strings complicate the first two choices greatly.

If he wanted you to move there he would have asked. Likewise, if he was going to move where you are don’t you think he would have mentioned it by now? I’m not saying anyone has to pack up and move tomorrow but usually people who are enthusiastic about the possibilities have some sort of time line.

Don’t let anyone string you along. If he doesn’t want to talk about it then that speaks very loudly- you have your answer and I’m very sorry if that’s not the one you wanted to hear.

Good luck.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/08/12/indefinite-long-distance-relationship/feed/ I’m Confused and Hurt http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/17/im-confused-and-hurt/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/17/im-confused-and-hurt/#comments Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:55:06 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/?p=172

Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year ( we’ve known eachother for over 20) and he lives 3.5 hours away now. It was all good until the last few months. He goes periods of time without calling or texting, when I am on the road coming to visit him or even before he I leave he calls and tells me not to come. He is completely pushing me away. He has just completed his graduate work and convenietly forgot to tell me about his graduation but I see pictures of it and a party he had on facebook from other mutual friends that were there.

He was in town for one or twice and didn’t even stop by before leaving town. he called to let me know he was there but I never saw him ( his family still lives in the same city as I do). What is going on? When I asked him he says he loves me but does not love the distance. He assures me that nothing is going on he just hates long distance relationships. This is a stark change from us seeing eachother every weekend the first 9 months (both of us driving). What happenend? I feel like this is another one of my train wreck relationships! I am a basket case lately…..I rarely let anyone in, before him it had been 2 years since I had dated (needed to find myself). Now I am confused and hurt and angry. I love him. Have had a crush on him since we were 10 but I feel like if I continue like this I will be hurt again and end up hating him. Help me! What should I do?

A: I am so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how hurt and confused you feel and you really don’t deserve that. People should be more honest and I really don’t understand why men are being raised as cowards.

Now to get to the nitty gritty, he’s just not interested. Someone doesn’t “forget” to tell you about a big event in their life (like a graduation); and then to put it on Facebook is a slap in the face and completely disrespectful.

Also about not contacting you when he was in town….that speaks really loudly. He didn’t contact you because he didn’t want to see you. If he “hates the distance” he would have loved the chance to see you and you need to think about that.

There are no excuses for his behavior. Maybe he is hoping to keep you around as a backup, or maybe he hopes you’ll get the hint. But I learned a long time ago to never believe what someone says, instead believe what they DO.

What you should do is understand that he is not interested. Don’t look to him for answers because he is just going to give you crap, so just cut off contact until you can wrap your head around the situation; once you do, you won’t want to talk to him anyway. Yes it hurts and you have to deal with that, but it’s better to deal now then to sit and waste years of your life on someone like him.

And though I don’t necessarily like some of the messages in this movie, please consider having a “Me Night” with your favorite food and friends and watching He’s Just Not That Into You.

Good luck to you.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/17/im-confused-and-hurt/feed/ How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/03/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/03/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work/#comments Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:59:48 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/?p=169

If you are wondering how to make a long distance relationship work, this entire blog is dedicated to that.  From tips for loneliness, to keeping the lines of communication open, to avoiding the post-visit meltdown, to dealing with unsupportive friends and family; this blog has it all so sit down, grab a cup of coffee and read the archives.

If you have already done that, but you are looking for something new, here’s a little write up on How To Have a Successful Long Distance Relationship.

Follow the steps and you’ll have a pretty good chance of having a long lasting relationship…provided that it was meant to be.

But take heed; skeptics, cheaters, and liars might as well skip over reading it.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/06/03/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work/feed/ I Need a Distraction http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/15/i-need-a-distraction/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/15/i-need-a-distraction/#comments Fri, 15 May 2009 14:35:00 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/15/i-need-a-distraction/

Q: I just got back from a visit. I am sad. How do I distract myself from being sad?

A: There are lots of things that you can do. It depends on what your interests are.

Take up a new hobby- crocheting, working out, computer repair.

Start a new project- a scrapbook, a website, running a marathon.

Join a club- there are clubs and organizations for every type of interest. Go to Meetup.com and search your area.

Just keep busy, but not so busy that you don’t have time for talking to your SO.

Good luck!

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/15/i-need-a-distraction/feed/ How Often Should We Talk On the Phone? http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/11/how-often-should-we-talk-on-the-phone/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/11/how-often-should-we-talk-on-the-phone/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 12:16:00 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/11/how-often-should-we-talk-on-the-phone/

Q: My boyfriend has a stressful job and he is busy. I get it but I since this is long distance I feel like we should talk to each other. He gets days off and he just wants to relax and that’s cool but his relaxing doesn’t include talking to me. We hardly ever talk! Am I crazy for feeling mad? Did you expect to talk to your partner everyday while you were away?

A: Yes, we spoke every day. Through tiredness, sickness, being busy, relaxing, and whatever else life threw at us. Maybe we only had 5 or 10 minutes, but that 5 or 10 minutes each day was very special to us.

Tell him how you feel without being accusatory. Tell him that you’d like to communicate with him more often. His response will indicate whether he’s really into you or not.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/11/how-often-should-we-talk-on-the-phone/feed/ Random Acts of Kindness http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/07/random-acts-of-kindness/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/07/random-acts-of-kindness/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 14:00:00 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/07/random-acts-of-kindness/

Do something sweet for your sweetheart today.

Send them a just because card.

If you are low on cash, send them a thoughtful e-card.

Even better, write them a letter telling them how much you miss them.

If you have a webcam, send them a video of you. Get your mind out of the gutter because I mean a video saying how much you miss them. Please, keep your clothes on.

Little acts of kindness go a long way. They’ll make you feel better too!

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/07/random-acts-of-kindness/feed/ Who Is Likely to Cheat on You? http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/03/who-is-likely-to-cheat-on-you/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/03/who-is-likely-to-cheat-on-you/#comments Sun, 03 May 2009 11:40:00 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/03/who-is-likely-to-cheat-on-you/

When people think of long distance relationships, the first thing that pops in their mind is that the person is obviously going to cheat on you.

That’s kind of a flawed logic because if someone is a cheater, then they are going to be a cheater whether they live 5 minutes or 500 miles away.

Still, I do understand that temptations might be stronger when you are bored, lonely, and without accountability, but that is still NO EXCUSE. Self control is an amazing thing.

There are all types of studies profiling the types of people who will cheat on you but I say, if someone doesn’t believe cheating is wrong, and that is supported by the people they are around, then they will cheat on you. That’s how you know who is likely to cheat on you.

That’s a really simple explanation, but if you want something with more depth, Marriage Diva has a few pieces on it.

Why Do Women Cheat?

Why Do Men Cheat?

Still I say, if you want to know if someone will cheat on you, ask how they feel about cheating in general and what do they consider cheating to be defined as.

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]]> http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/05/03/who-is-likely-to-cheat-on-you/feed/ I Am Afraid to See My Boyfriend http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/04/27/i-am-afraid-to-see-my-boyfriend/ http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/04/27/i-am-afraid-to-see-my-boyfriend/#comments Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:04:00 +0000 LD Diva http://www.longdistancediva.com/2009/04/27/i-am-afraid-to-see-my-boyfriend/

Q: I am going to visit my boyfriend. The problem is that I haven’t seen him in a year and I am scared. What can I do?

A: It’s normal and I’ve talked about this before. Sometimes people need “warm up” time. Make sure you tell him that you may be a little nervous so that he isn’t expecting you to automatically hop on his lap.

While you are preparing to leave look at pictures and remember the last time you were together. That might help ease some of your stress. When you get there, just try to act as normal as possible. You’ll warm up eventually and as long as you two have communicated about that possibility beforehand then everything should be okay.

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