Long Distance Relationship Advice From Long Distance Diva

I’m Confused and Hurt

LD Diva — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:55:06 +0000

Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year ( we’ve known eachother for over 20) and he lives 3.5 hours away now. It was all good until the last few months. He goes periods of time without calling or texting, when I am on the road coming to visit him or even before he I leave he calls and tells me not to come. He is completely pushing me away. He has just completed his graduate work and convenietly forgot to tell me about his graduation but I see pictures of it and a party he had on facebook from other mutual friends that were there.

He was in town for one or twice and didn’t even stop by before leaving town. he called to let me know he was there but I never saw him ( his family still lives in the same city as I do). What is going on? When I asked him he says he loves me but does not love the distance. He assures me that nothing is going on he just hates long distance relationships. This is a stark change from us seeing eachother every weekend the first 9 months (both of us driving). What happenend? I feel like this is another one of my train wreck relationships! I am a basket case lately…..I rarely let anyone in, before him it had been 2 years since I had dated (needed to find myself). Now I am confused and hurt and angry. I love him. Have had a crush on him since we were 10 but I feel like if I continue like this I will be hurt again and end up hating him. Help me! What should I do?

A: I am so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how hurt and confused you feel and you really don’t deserve that. People should be more honest and I really don’t understand why men are being raised as cowards.

Now to get to the nitty gritty, he’s just not interested. Someone doesn’t “forget” to tell you about a big event in their life (like a graduation); and then to put it on Facebook is a slap in the face and completely disrespectful.

Also about not contacting you when he was in town….that speaks really loudly. He didn’t contact you because he didn’t want to see you. If he “hates the distance” he would have loved the chance to see you and you need to think about that.

There are no excuses for his behavior. Maybe he is hoping to keep you around as a backup, or maybe he hopes you’ll get the hint. But I learned a long time ago to never believe what someone says, instead believe what they DO.

What you should do is understand that he is not interested. Don’t look to him for answers because he is just going to give you crap, so just cut off contact until you can wrap your head around the situation; once you do, you won’t want to talk to him anyway. Yes it hurts and you have to deal with that, but it’s better to deal now then to sit and waste years of your life on someone like him.

And though I don’t necessarily like some of the messages in this movie, please consider having a “Me Night” with your favorite food and friends and watching He’s Just Not That Into You.

Good luck to you.

How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

LD Diva — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:59:48 +0000

If you are wondering how to make a long distance relationship work, this entire blog is dedicated to that. From tips for loneliness, to keeping the lines of communication open, to avoiding the post-visit meltdown, to dealing with unsupportive friends and family; this blog has it all so sit down, grab a cup of coffee and read the archives.

If you have already done that, but you are looking for something new, here’s a little write up on How To Have a Successful Long Distance Relationship.

Follow the steps and you’ll have a pretty good chance of having a long lasting relationship…provided that it was meant to be.

But take heed; skeptics, cheaters, and liars might as well skip over reading it.

I Need a Distraction

LD Diva — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:35:00 +0000

Q: I just got back from a visit. I am sad. How do I distract myself from being sad?

A: There are lots of things that you can do. It depends on what your interests are.

Take up a new hobby- crocheting, working out, computer repair.

Start a new project- a scrapbook, a website, running a marathon.

Join a club- there are clubs and organizations for every type of interest. Go to Meetup.com and search your area.

Just keep busy, but not so busy that you don’t have time for talking to your SO.

Good luck!

How Often Should We Talk On the Phone?

LD Diva — Mon, 11 May 2009 12:16:00 +0000

Q: My boyfriend has a stressful job and he is busy. I get it but I since this is long distance I feel like we should talk to each other. He gets days off and he just wants to relax and that’s cool but his relaxing doesn’t include talking to me. We hardly ever talk! Am I crazy for feeling mad? Did you expect to talk to your partner everyday while you were away?

A: Yes, we spoke every day. Through tiredness, sickness, being busy, relaxing, and whatever else life threw at us. Maybe we only had 5 or 10 minutes, but that 5 or 10 minutes each day was very special to us.

Tell him how you feel without being accusatory. Tell him that you’d like to communicate with him more often. His response will indicate whether he’s really into you or not.

Random Acts of Kindness

LD Diva — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:00:00 +0000

Do something sweet for your sweetheart today.

Send them a just because card.

If you are low on cash, send them a thoughtful e-card.

Even better, write them a letter telling them how much you miss them.

If you have a webcam, send them a video of you. Get your mind out of the gutter because I mean a video saying how much you miss them. Please, keep your clothes on.

Little acts of kindness go a long way. They’ll make you feel better too!

Who Is Likely to Cheat on You?

LD Diva — Sun, 03 May 2009 11:40:00 +0000

When people think of long distance relationships, the first thing that pops in their mind is that the person is obviously going to cheat on you.

That’s kind of a flawed logic because if someone is a cheater, then they are going to be a cheater whether they live 5 minutes or 500 miles away.

Still, I do understand that temptations might be stronger when you are bored, lonely, and without accountability, but that is still NO EXCUSE. Self control is an amazing thing.

There are all types of studies profiling the types of people who will cheat on you but I say, if someone doesn’t believe cheating is wrong, and that is supported by the people they are around, then they will cheat on you. That’s how you know who is likely to cheat on you.

That’s a really simple explanation, but if you want something with more depth, Marriage Diva has a few pieces on it.

Why Do Women Cheat?

Why Do Men Cheat?

Still I say, if you want to know if someone will cheat on you, ask how they feel about cheating in general and what do they consider cheating to be defined as.

I Am Afraid to See My Boyfriend

LD Diva — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:04:00 +0000

Q: I am going to visit my boyfriend. The problem is that I haven’t seen him in a year and I am scared. What can I do?

A: It’s normal and I’ve talked about this before. Sometimes people need “warm up” time. Make sure you tell him that you may be a little nervous so that he isn’t expecting you to automatically hop on his lap.

While you are preparing to leave look at pictures and remember the last time you were together. That might help ease some of your stress. When you get there, just try to act as normal as possible. You’ll warm up eventually and as long as you two have communicated about that possibility beforehand then everything should be okay.

LDRs: Tips & Crap

LD Diva — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Long Distance Diva isn’t the only one talking about LDR’s on the web. Here are a few other recent posts:

BlissTree shares 4 tips for long distance relationships. These are pretty basic but it’s nice to read.

FCC Student Blog has tips for suriving a long distance relationship that is geared towards college students. This is timely as graduations will be here soon and then it’s time to start planning how you want to proceed.

Long Distance Relationship is Crap is one woman’s rant about how her relationship didn’t work. Logically because it didn’t work for her then that must mean that long distance relationships don’t work.

Transitioning From a LDR

LD Diva — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:39:00 +0000

Q: How do you get used to transitioning from a LDR to a local relationship?

A: Just relax. It’s normal to feel a little awkward or shy but you just have to relax and be yourself. Take it slowly if you have to. Don’t feel like you immediately have to hug and kiss this person if you haven’t seen them in 6 months. Sometimes it takes time to warm up.

Understand that some people can pick up right where you left off while others do need a bit of time to get used to things again. Don’t be offended if your partner behaves in a way that is opposite to how you are behaving.

Plan on spending a day sitting and talking. Go out on dates. Just get to “know” each other again.

Also sit and talk about expectations. What is expected from this relationship? How serious are you? How much time do you think you will be spending together?

Overall as cliché as it is, communication is key.

Online DatingTips to Maintain Your Privacy

LD Diva — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:14:48 +0000

There’s nothing wrong with finding a date online. True, you have to be careful, but you have to be careful no matter where you meet a person. The person you meet at a bar can be just as crazy as a person you meet on the net.

However there are some extra precautions you should take when dating online.

Be honest but not too specific- Don’t lie but you don’t need to reveal every single detail about yourself. For example, you don’t need to list the name and location of your company on your profile, or tell someone that as soon as you start talking to them. “Oh I work at Foxes on Maple Street”. Instead, you can tell the industry.

Use a cell phone- Don’t give out your home phone number, especially if it’s listed. Use a cell phone or an internet service like Google Talk that lets you redirect calls from one number to another.

Leave your kids out of your photos- We all love kids but keep them out of your profile photos.

Long Distance Relationship Advice From Long Distance Diva

I’m Confused and Hurt

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