Long Distance Lobsters

Where did you come from? Where did you go?

2020-04-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, 4 years since a post. But I have something important to share with you, my long distance lobster! Get ready for an overly wordy and fairly sappy message . . .

Where did you come from?

Where did you go?

Dear Pyg,

How many hundreds of times did we hear these lyrics echo while we line danced with our B3 girls, sophomore year of college in “The Sitting Room”? Round and round those repetitive lines went, as we stepped and turned around, in our dorm room, with a hoard of friends up on stage in front of the whole school at the fall party, and eventually years later at my wedding reverently following the first dance, the father daughter dance, and then that techno beat line dance with my ladies. Just a hint of those beats make me smile and think of you.

College years . . . a time when everyone is uprooted, ready to grow their own legs and find their own place in the world. I think before college, I always assumed I would move back to Houston and settle down there. Westmont was a temporary get away. But when it came down to two offers, to take a job back home or be employed by my alma mater, I was for the first time in my life confronted with the challenge of two good options. Home, a meaningful job, familiarity, comfort OR Westmont (which had become a kind of new home), different meaningful work, independence, unknown, proximity to my sweetheart. I picked the guy and ever since then, my life has been a series of unexpected twists and turns and more moves than I ever would have dreamed of. Up and down the California coast, then across the whole country to Maine into a truly foreign frozen tundra. How many times my mother has reminded me in the past decade about how I swore I’d never live north of the Mason-Dixon line. But here I am, adapting to snow and mud season and parenting and home ownership and small town life and an unending battle against pine needles and ticks.

When I found out I was moving out to Maine, it meant our friendship was going to have to go truly long distance. We’d have to retire our annual New Years Sleepover Party at the Nadlers. Casual hangouts would only come once every few years now. We had to do your baby shower via Skype, a foreshadowing of current social gatherings! But we adapted with the creation of our blog. We moved far apart but we entered the new season of life together, both moving to unfamiliar territories, becoming mothers at the same time, balancing the responsibilities of life with our needs for creativity. And even our long distance connections spread out with the distance and the time.

But recently we got to catch up in person, a rare gift, when I visited California and illness be darned, you drove a good ways to come meet up for a brief hour or so of short distance togetherness, right before the whole world fell into isolation. We made good use of that time, you taking me down memory lane of your childhood, me getting to see a fun new place, both of us filling in the years that had gone by - all that had changed and all that remained constant and true. And as we hugged goodbye in this place that was new to me, I felt in that moment from the depths within as much as from a ray from the furthest beyond, that after all my travels and moves, being there with you felt like home.

And that was the moment I knew. That was the moment I heard the voice of God speak to my heart as if to say,

“Yes, this is where you belong.”

I was there in that town trying to discern if we should make the move to California from Maine, if Manny should take the job offer from University of California at Irvine. My parents and I drove all over that area trying to see what the schools, neighborhoods, parks, local farms, and beaches were all like. And they were beautiful and great, and that was all well and good. But it was all other people’s town, fine for them, but not my home.

Not Brunswick, with its forests and creeks and nearly infinite rocky coastline. Not DownEast, where I’ve made some of the most important friendships in my life. Not Midcoast Maine where I’ve grown into motherhood, developed my photographic skills, become an avocado seed carver of all things. Where friends rushed me to the hospital to deliver my baby boy to life, where I’ve found my voice as a teacher, where I’ve gone through significant healing and transformation and growth. I have been so surprised to find such a rich sense of belonging to these people and this place and I could not imagine ripping myself away from any of it, even to this day, as I took a walk through my neighborhood. I stood on my favorite little bridge, over a dam, listening to the waterfall beneath my feet and gazing at the placid surface of the pond before my eyes. This spot in particular has been my happy place for nearly a decade. I used to walk here with baby Sofia fallen asleep in my ergo, and now she scampers ahead of me there to seek out tadpoles for catching or skunk flowers for admiring, with little brother Daniel trailing behind to find cool sticks and rocks. Or I find solitude in this place, peace, calm, enveloped by the tall trees and surrounded by soothing water. How could I walk away from this place, from the house Sofia called “the favorite house” as soon as we pulled in the driveway while house hunting seven years ago? The house where we’ve grown from three to four, where family and friends have come from afar to stay with us and explore Vacationland with us, where we’ve hosted dinners, desserts, college students, church lunches, birthday parties, groups, and teas and coffees. Where I’ve developed my little garden of strawberries, garlic, basil, tomatoes galore, parsnip and carrots, cilantro and spinach and enough salad greens to supply my lunches through the summers. Where my magnolia and cherry trees grow. Where the neighborhood kids have flocked to us to climb all over our playlet and fly through our backyard on our zip line.

Place matters. Roots matter. Where I come from, where I go, as jumbled as the journey seems, matters, Cotten Eyed Joe. And much of where I’ve come from feels erased, nearly all my past residences torn down and forgotten by most. And here I go leaving again. But I have not forgotten, and I will not forget, and I will not leave unchanged, I will not depart without all the added depth and assets that this place has built in me. Because returning to you after so many years apart can still feel like home. Because home is not a house, it is not a city, it is not even found in a timezone. Thank God, Home is bigger than any of these things. Home is where you can belong. And returning to a place that is closer to my Roommate-for-Life feels like going home. And being here, quarantined in a town I've come to love, feels like being home. And I can hold all these things loosely and open my heart to a new season and a new chapter in this journey. I don't even know how I will belong in this unknown frontier before me, but something about being with you there made me know it would be possible.

Thank you for holding me when I was falling apart freshman year - drawing me close and letting me be your roommate when no one else would have me. Thank you for holding me even as we moved far apart, loving each other over long distance. And it won't be such a long distance anymore, because Emily, I'm moving home. To new town, to a new chapter, to a new place where I think I can belong again. Thanks for helping me get there. Thanks for reminding me that even through long distance, all the things I want to cling to so tightly here and now will still be with me, loved by me, making me who I am, no matter the time or distance that will separate us.

See you soon, my Lobster!

zoe faith

Confessions of a Squealer

2016-08-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Pyg,

Remember back in B309 when we used to joke about the kinds of girls that squealed at every little thing? Because we were not those kinds of girls. We were too level headed for that. But we also secretly admitted to each other that every now and then, we enjoyed a good squealing over something exciting. So we've been that kind of friend for each other, offering the Squeal-On-Demand, when it's needed, but not because we're actual squealers.

Turns out that is not entirely true of me anymore. This week, I realized, I too can be a squealer.

We headed to the beach with friends this week. We set up our blankets and headed into the tide pools to ease into the water. As the kids splashed and played, my friend and I admired the scenery, the cool air after a muggy summer, the life that was teaming at our feet. But even as I was calling the kids' attention to the tons of hermit crabs below the surface, I screeched and jumped as both my feet were suddenly caressed by tiny little crab arms. I was instantly embarrassed that it made me yelp and had a good laugh at myself. Silly squealer.

We continued to explore, enjoy the waves, discover some much bigger crabs (as in there were crowds of people hunting for their dinner among the rocks where we were wading), and eventually the kids got hungry enough to want to head back to our blanket for some lunch. We snuggled together in our towels and settled into our food, still facing the shore and enjoying all the vista had to offer. "Look at the clouds! Watch the seagulls soaring! Is that an airplane contrail in the sky?" The kids were apparently hungry enough to be quiet and even allow my friend and I to enjoy some adult conversation, which never happens.

So there I sat, in this idyllic Maine landscape, with my babies on a gorgeous cool day, pouring out some story to my dear friend, fully engrossed in that moment, when all of the sudden I was shocked with all my senses except sight. Unexplainable rough noises, a rush of horrid stench, and a knock to my body and sharp pain on my hand. I squealed and I screeched and I full our screamed, over and over. I was under sudden attack.

My whole body spasmed in response. I flailed my arms. I jumped to my feet. I shook my head and shoulders. I probably did a little dance with my toes. And I squealed some more.

I had been attacked by not one, but about five seagulls. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts and realize what had happened. First, one came in and bit my hand, compelling me to throw the sandwich I was holding up into the air. A few more came in and started flapping and jumping all around my head to keep me confused, while a last one swooped in to collect the relinquished prize of deli sliced turkey on twelve grain bread slathered with homemade pesto mayo made with homegrown basil. I can not entirely blame this gang of thugs. It was a good sandwich. I was really mad to lose it. Punks!

Once I gathered my wits and got over the shock, I looked around me to see a beach full of people just staring almost blankly at the show I'd just put on for them. It was thoroughly embarrassing.

We went back to our lunch, now hiding our food under a make-shift-hood of towels, only sneaking bites after doing a careful scan of our surroundings, quick to screech at any more seagulls that got anywhere close. But those that did just gave us empty, bored stare-downs, like they knew we were helpless against the strength of their numbers and the know how they had gathered from interacting with unsuspecting beach-go-ers every single day. It was only a matter of time before they'd get their dessert.

And that my friend is my confession. As cool as I'd like to believe I am, as proud as we were of ourselves back in the day, I am a bonafide involuntary squealer, just like a little pig, not the kind with the "Y." I hope you are not too ashamed to maintain our friendship. At least we have a country between us to protect you from the echoing of my squeals.

Sincerely,
Embarressed

I was asked to talk to a stranger at the Dairy Queen

2016-08-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I had some time to gallivant around the countryside, but since it was approximately 12904 degrees outside I decided to gallivant around the Gap and its air conditioning instead. Grandma gave me a gift card last month, so I had motive. Anyway, I found an armful of clothes to try on and headed into the fitting room thinking the choice of which stuff to buy would be a hard decision. I don't want to get too over-dramatic here, but disaster ensued. The armholes of the shirts were too low, one dress highlighted my unwavering adoration for fried potatoes and chocolate chip cookies and snacks before bedtime (shout-out to my fave, chocolate milk and dry Cheerios!), the other dress grabbed me in such a way that it looked like one could serve salsa from my cavernous belly button, and the shorts were...well, they were passable, but I wasn't thrilled about them. I like my clothes to thrill me. Summary of paragraph: I exited the Gap feeling a little bit blue.

I had accidentally parked far from the store, so I started my mope back to the car. I passed by the Dairy Queen and noticed an elderly woman sitting alone with her ice cream sundae. I kept walking, and the Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I reminded the Holy Spirit of the current temperature and that it was getting late and that I felt tired. I generally just whined internally. The Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I told the Holy Spirit that I was already five stores away from her and the people behind me would think I'm weird if I did a sudden about face. The Holy Spirit told me to go back and talk to her. I actually rolled my eyes and sighed because sometimes I act like a third grader, and then I finally turned around.

I smiled at the woman as I approached, and I asked her if I could join her on the bench. "Can you get me some napkins first?" she asked, gesturing inside the DQ. I grabbed some for her, then sat and briefly considered if the Lord just sent me there to save her from sticky hands. I mean, sticky hands are the worst. But that probably wasn't it.

"How are you this evening?" I asked, my heart racing. Talking to strangers isn't my forte. Luckily that was all she needed. I learned that my stranger turned 83 last month. She had raised five kids and worked the whole time too. She has nine grandkids, and 14 great-grandkids. She had lived in Anza since the 70s but moved to Lake Elsinore last week because she had a heart attack and almost died three weeks ago. She went to sleep feeling fine one night, then woke up from a phone call from a friend and discovered she was unable to get out of bed. He stayed on the phone with her until the ambulance came. She lives with a granddaughter now who is an RN. She believes in God and goes to a Bible study each week and was amused when I told her why I was sitting there. She has a son in Germany who wasn't able to come to her last birthday party, but she didn't sound bitter about that, it was just a fact. She got a call on her flip phone (flip phone!) while we sat, and she talked briefly with her daughter in Colorado and when they ended the conversation she said "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, dear. I love you." She just said that like it was something she says every day, which she probably does.

We shook hands before I left, and she told me her name was Donna. I left our conversation feeling cheerful and energized for the walk back to the car. My attitude had completely flipped. Worrying about my belly and clothes and me-me-me suddenly seemed ridiculous. I had gone into that encounter wondering what God wanted me to do for Donna, but it turned out God wanted to bless me instead. BOOM. Awesome.

In conclusion, listen to the Holy Spirit* - every time I do, neat things happen. But maybe try complying without rolling your eyes and sighing first.

*If you don't know who the heck the Holy Spirit is, or if you think this post makes me sound crazy, let me know and we can talk about it or email about it or carrier pigeon about it if you have one that we can both use.

Magical Creature Land: Part 3

2016-02-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

[continued from part 2, here]

Deep in the bottom of the sea, past coral and seaweed and many strange creatures, she found the Encantado’s cave. Yellow Grass was eager to help. She said the spell was etched into a stone buried with rocks in shallow water. If they could reach it before the tide came in, they might be able to find it.

Green Grass Sweet swam to the shore as fast as she could. Returning to her human form, she ran with Unicorn Purple Sky and dragon BeeBee to the spot Yllow Grass had specified. As the tide crept in, they furiously rummaged through the rocks.

“I found it!” cried Unicorn Purple Sky. “This is it!” The friends held hands and read the spell together with their toes in the rising water. The Unicorn fell into the water, at least returning to her selkie-seal form.

“Huzzah!” cried the friends.

“Farewell Beebee! We’ll see you again soon!” the two selkies cried as they swam out into the sea, towards the setting sun, laughing and splashing as they dove deep into the water.

The End

. . . for now . . .

We hope you enjoyed our story Fazakerley girls! Maybe you could send us a story of your own!

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!

Magical Creature Land: Part 2

2016-02-13T13:06:00.000-08:00

[part one of the story found here]

Green Grass Sweet scrambled to put on the selkie coat Unicorn Purple Sky threw to her, and race towards the sea as rain drops splashed on her head. But before she was close to the waters edge, Star Monsters began to dive to the ground, in between the friends and the water.

Green Grass Sweet ran left. Unicorn Purple Sky ran right and flapped her wings to distract the monsters. Beebee blew great flames as he ran close behind Green Grass Sweet, warding off the monsters coming towards her.

Green Grass Sweet narrowly escaped the monsters with the help of her friends. Scrambling to get her arm into the sleeves of her selkie coat as she ran, she dove into the water, just in the nick of time.

As the waves crashed over Green Grass Sweet, her human form melted away and she began to smoothly glide through the water with her new seal flippers. She twirled and soared through the water, enjoying her new form.

Eventually she remembered her friends and emerged at the surface to show them it had worked, she’d become a seal! “Hooray!” cried the unicorn and dragon. “Now you can help me to turn back into a selkie too! You must find my friend, Yellow Grass. She is an Encantado, a dolphin who turns human on land. She has not come to the surface in a long time, so I have not been able to ask her where the spell that can turn me back into a selkie is hidden. You must find her cave and get the clues! “I will do my best,” cried Green Grass Sweet, as she dove beneath the water again.

to be continued . . .

Magical Creature Land

2016-02-12T13:04:00.001-08:00

Dear Eiley and Margot,

Sofia, Daniel and I have lots of fun imagining and playing together. Recently, we developed this story about Magical Creature Land. We thought you might enjoy reading it or acting it out, so we're sharing it with you hear, in installments, so you can get excited to find out what will happen next. We hope you enjoy playing it as much as we did!

Love,
Sofia, Daniel and Zoe

Magical Creature Land:

Part 1

Once upon a time, there was a purple unicorn named Unicorn Purple Sky. She entered the land of humans, called Earth.

Unicorn Purple Sky had been born as a selkie (a human that becomes a seal in water), but a star monster did not like selkies, so it turned her into a unicorn. She missed her selkie life so much. She at least wanted to see a selkie.

She ran through the forests of earth until she was spotted by a kind young girl who befriended her. The young girl, Green Grass Sweet discovered her new friend was no ordinary horse, she was a unicorn!

Unicorn Purple Sky invited Green Grass Sweet into Magical Creature Land, where she was queen. She explained that in her land, she had the power to transform Green Grass Sweet into a selkie if she wished. Green Grass Sweet had always wanted to live in the sea, so she eagerly agreed.

Waving her wand, Unicorn Purple Sky brought them into Magical Creature Land. The sky was purple. The sea was black. The grass was yellow.

Selkies and unicorns fed on the yellow grass, which tasted like lemon. The grass helped the unicorns produce a healing tea that tasted like peach and was poured out of their horns.

Unicorn Purple Sky warned Green Grass Sweet of the star monsters before she entered the sea and became a selkie. They appeared as creature constellations in the night sky. But when it began to rain, the weight of the water brought the star monsters down, riding on rain drops.

Star monsters do not like selkies who can explore the sea freely while they are confined to the sky. So they try to catch selkies on land and trap them there by transforming them into unicorns, which they believe are more beautiful.

Unicorn Purple Sky suddenly stopped and became silent. Her horn also worked as a radio antennae, and when she heard a beautiful song come through to her head, she would flap her wings, amplifying the music, and begin to dance along. Green Grass Sweet also loved the music coming from her new friend’s wings, so she joined into the dance.

Out from the forest emerged a tiny adorable dragon, attracted by the music. Without a word, but with a great smile, he joined the dance as well. After all their delightful dancing, they took a rest and introduced themselves to each other. The dragon’s name was Beebee.

“I’m hungry after all that dancing!” cried Beebee. Knowing how much dragon’s love gold, Unicorn Purple Sky and Green Grass Sweet gathered together a picnic of yellow grass for themselves, golden cheddar crackers for Beebee, and healing peach tea from the alicorn, sweetened with golden honey for them all.

“Uh oh!” cried Unicorn Purple Sky. Drip. Drop. Drip. It was beginning to rain. In all the fun of their dancing, a picnic and new friend, they had forgotten about the danger of the star monsters.

To be continued . . .

Movie Review Monday: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

2016-01-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

Here's the sixth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 32 year old watching Star Wars for the first time. You can find the other installments here: Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV, Episode V.

This movie hasn't started yet, but I'm prepared for EWOKS!
Why are there four dots on the ellipsis? (A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....)
*
Man, these opening shots must have looked SO cool in the 70s. I mean, they look pretty cool now!**
I'm having trouble transforming Hayden Christenson into someone who has James Earl Jones' voice.
Whoa, someone is above Darth Vader in rank?
I will call this an Oz gatekeeper robot.
I already like this movie WAY more than the others.
Hog man!
Snake tumor-head man!
Is this just a planet of ugly? And that's why Jabba the Hutt is their leader?
Is someone playing the pan pipes?!
I think Jabba could be cute if he had a modicum of kindness in his heart.

Eh, maybe not.
If robots could faint, C3P0 would be flat on the ground by now.
Oh. Ugly planet burlesque dancing. Shudder.
This scene is SO WEIRD. I half expect emo-Toby-Spiderman to join in on this train wreck.
Bye, green girl.
Chewbacca! His hair looks terrible.
I like that blue elephant Muppet.
Lando! Thanks for tugging your disguise down just enough for us to see it's you. Subtle.
I wonder how many actors have had to emerge from cryogenic hibernation. Now I feel like watching Demolition Man.
Caught! You just HAD to make out a little before getting away.
Aww! Chewie and Han are having a snuggle.
Woo! Luke used the Force big time.
I would not want my brother to see me in that outfit. Give Leia your glorified bath robe, Luke!
Eeesh! That is one nasty monster.
I wonder if that Hog man tasted like ham or human.
Ah, the old "prop his mouth open with a bone" trick.
Aw, that obese human is sad about losing his pet abomination.
Are those nerfs? As in, nerf herder?
Is R2D2 a waiter now?
Wait, why did we have to wait until the last minute to make this move?
Wilhelm scream!
Take him down, Leia!
This monster is like Tremors + Beetlejuice sand monster + Audrey 2. (If you understand all those references, then 20 points to your house!)
Magnetic droid pick-up!
Wow. The shape of the starfighter pasta in my Star Wars mac and cheese is really accurate.
Oh, right. Emperor Palpatine is Darth Vader's master.
Yoda!
Holy cow, almost halfway through and no Ewoks.
Someone should recreate these Yoda scenes with Miss Piggy.
Oh, no. Don't die, Yoda.
Yes, Luke. Darth Vader is your father. Keep up.
Speak up, Yode. Can I call you Yode?
Buster is snoring, which is appropriate for this particular scene.
John Williams is really working his oboist. Or bassoonist?
Yoda way overacted that death scene.
Yoda disappeared like a Buffy vampire when he died!
Obi Wan. You basically lied, don't try to justify that. "From a certain point of view." Psh.
OH. He still doesn't know Leia's his sister? That's going to be awkward.
Who's this Julie Andrews wannabe?
Ackbar has REALLY big eyes.
Aw, the gang is back together again. War is fun!
Lando is going to blow up the Millennium Falcon, isn't he?
How did Han learn to speak Wookie? And why doesn't he ever respond to Chewie in his native tongue?
Palpatine's robe looks particularly cozy.
"I will deal with them myself." The twins are SO busted.
Jeff is not amused by me chanting "Ewoks! Ewoks!" at the screen.
No Ewoks yet. Just Storm Troopers. Cool hover jet skis!
Realistically, they should have run into 357 trees by now. Aside from that, this is AWESOME.
EWOK.
Why does she think she's stuck? Because of the teddy bear with the blunt spear?
Woo! Ewok with the assist!
Darth Vader said penetrated, and I didn't like it.
Yo, Palpatine. I foresee that you're WRONG.
Trap triggered!
Whoa. Chief Ewok is NOT adorable. Also, now I have the Wizard of Oz Munchkin song in my head. "Come out, come out wherever you are..."
Are they worshiping C3P0?
I like Ewok music. And their treehouse land. And I hope someone yells Rufio.
Holy cow. Baby Ewok is cute.
The Ewoks did Leia's hair?
This movie has a lot of Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie joyfully reuniting.
Story time with C3P0.
"She died when I was very young." Uh. You were JUST born. Oh, she means her adoptive mom.
"Somehow...I've always known." No, you have not! Puh-LEASE, Leia! Did you know when you were kissing?! Because ew.
Han's jealous of Luke's relationship with Leia. Boy, he's going to feel sheepish.
"Hold me." Gag ME.
Vader's ship looks like the hand of an evil scientist as he strokes his goatee when it's landing.
Hey, dad.
I definitely see why it was recommended to watch the prequels before this. This scene is much richer in meaning with the back story. No sarcasm, serious comment.
This distraction Ewok is having SO MUCH FUN.
I've always thought Vader was this big, ultimate bad guy, but Palpatine's WAY worse than him! Why isn't he more famous? Is it that he's pure evil and has no layers? Or is it because it's not as easy to dress like him?
How can anyone not love the Ewoks? Little dudes completes save the day.
There have been no solid light saber fights in this film.
I like when R2 screams like a girl.
Did that Ewok die?! I feel genuinely sad about this!
I wish Luke would chop off Palpatine's head. Is that not an option?
Mark Hamill has the body of a preteen female gymnast.
YOU will meet your destiny.
Harrison Ford: Master of the cocky shrug.
Aw, Lukey is playing hide-and-seek with Daddy.
This light saber fight is satisfying.
Force lightning! Or something! That's cheating, fight like a Jedi!
Oh, snap. Daddy saved you.
Lando just got a scratch on the Millennium Falcon!
Holy cow. This scene with Luke and Vader is touching. Imperial Death March plucked gently on a stringed instrument reinforces my feelings!
No, Han, you don't understand.
Do they get to keep that Ewok as a pet? Sorry, is that an offensive question?
Burning plastic is really bad for the environment, Luke.
Celebrate! The whole galaxy!
What happens with the remaining Storm Troopers?
OH MY, they added Hayden's ghost to this. LAME.

In conclusion, I liked this one the best out of Episodes I-VI. Probably because of the Ewoks.

*I'm going to be mature and not mention the terrible scrolly exposition this time. Very mature.

**I'm realizing that we watched the digitally altered version, so the opening shot might possibly have been tampered with. I have no idea though.

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

2015-11-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

Here's the fifth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 32 year old watching Star Wars for the first time:

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" wasn't scrolling, and I got SO excited for about three seconds, but NOOOOO...scrolly exposition is still here.
Dooku continues to be a ridiculous name.
Boom! Right into battle!
I feel like I'm watching someone play a video game.
If Amazon ends up using droids for deliveries, a rival service should use buzz droids to mess them up.
If R2D2's head gets lopped off by that buzz droid, I'm going on Star Wars strike.
Who's this skeleton robot? I've literally never seen this creature before, and he seems like a main character.

Photo from disqus.com
Whoa! The light saber's a walkie talkie to R2D2?! NEAT. It's a shame it's going to blow his cover.
These robots' voices are the opposite of intimidating.
R2D2 FIRE.
Dooku starts the fight with a triple forward flip and sticks the landing. 10!
"Twice the pride, double the fall." That sounds like a bad advertising slogan.
Ewan appears to be squished.
Anakin should have said "Dooku, don't lose your head" before he did that.
This is a mean Chancellor.
Wilhelm scream!
If the ship is split open, wouldn't there be a distinct lack of gravity? How is all this falling happening? Scratch that. They'd all, like, implode and suffocate all the time if real space rules applied.
Ruh-roh.
General Grievous? Really phoned that name in, didn't we?
It'd be useful for wizards to learn the Force. Obi Wan and Anakin essentially just performed "Accio Lightsaber" without wands.
Why does Grievous have a cough and a cape? He's a robot.
Ewan never falters in his positive spirit. He'd make a great Christmas elf.
I hope they're going to visit some Ewoks or Yoda or something cute.
R2D2 screams like a pansy girl.
That ship looks like the monorail!
Anakin's hair. Yeesh.
President Santos! In a blue pimp coat!
Padme still wants Anakin to be her super secret special friend.
"I'm pregnant." "That's...................." way too long pause "..........wonderful."
Oh, please. You cannot brush curls like that. They'd frizz into a mane.
No, I'M so in love. No, I am! No, I AM. Gag.
It'd be so great if this whole movie was just like, getting ready to be a dad...in space. Baby shower...in space. Going into labor...in space! And they just give up the battles and everything.
Yoda!
Now all I can think is that Frank Oz was on Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me and he came across a bit haughty. Haughty Yoda.
Ooo Anakin's going to spy on the Chancellor. (I think of Chancellor Arnold from Beverly Hills 90210 every time I hear the word Chancellor.)
Yoda's speech pattern is officially NOT endearing.
I don't believe Samuel L. Jackson is part of this fictional world. He's just himself in a robe.
Oh, Natalie. This is not your best work.
Ominous music. What the heck are they watching? Looks like Cirque performed by giant goldfish (or sperm?) in large floating drops of water.
How'd Chancellor know they wanted Annie to spy on him? This guy's a total creeper. Is he the Sith Lord in Grievous's hologram?!
Wookies! Finally!
Did that Wookie just do a Tarzan yell?
I can't remember if Obi Wan is alive in the older movies. That last scene between Anakin and Obi Wan felt rather final.
"I want more!" - Anakin so often sounds like a petulant child.
Obi Wan is now riding a giant lizard that looks plucked directly from a mediocre show on SyFy.
Oh, snap. That was a rad move, Obi Wan. Crashing that giant thing from the ceiling then casually lopping that robot's head off. A-.
Wow! Grievous has a lot of arms!
Extreme eye close-ups!
Oh, no! Quick - Accio Lightsaber again!
I think the Chancellor would be good friends with President Snow.
Confirmed Sith Lord Chancellor!
Grievous has a heart! Or something organic and squishy. That explains the cough.
And now...an entire scene of Anakin and Padme staring out their windows.
I'll bet those snakes on the plane aren't looking so bad now, Samuel L.
Ew.
Super poor choice, Anakin.
Darth Vader! Imperial march! Get that boy a costume change!
Man. Anakin decided to go to the dark side and now he's just all in.
Mugatu, noooooo!
Character from Avatar, nooooo!
I usually like montages, but this one's depressing.
Yoda with the double head chop!
Yoda riding piggyback on Chewie. Adorbs.
Is Anakin going to kill all these baby Jedis?!
Phew, President Santos got away.
Wookie communication is similar to Margot communication: Lots of adorable, meaningful head tilting.
"Are you all right?" - Padme. Anakin's response should be "Oh, I'm fine. I'm just on a killing spree. NBD."
Can't R2 tell Padme that Anakin has LOST IT?
I wonder how many people Yoda has killed.
I realize that Anakin's motivation is to keep his wife alive, but I have to say...dude is evil. He must have always had it in him. *I'm realizing that this is probably a great nerd debate and maybe not that simple, but it seems pretty clear to me.
That alien looked like the witch's guards in Wizard of Oz.
Did Obi Wan really not know who the father of Padme's kid was yet?
At least Anakin is crying. That's a point for the "he's not all evil" side of the nerdebate.
Padme's ability to run while pregnant is wildly unrealistic.
Anakin's really hung up on comparing Padme to his mother.
"You turned her against me!" He should stomp his feet when he says such things.
Every time Yoda destroys guards with ease I giggle. Adorable violence.
Poke him in the face so he has to wear a mask and breathe funny, Obi Wan!
What's this electricity magic power? I'm guessing he doesn't use it more often because it makes him look...like that.

Darth Sidious? More like Darth Sidiyuck.
Photo from starwars.com
The prominent choral portion of the score makes me feel that we're reaching the end of this interminable fight scene.
"It's over, Anakin. I have the higher ground." - Lorelai Gilmore's anger at this is not unreasonable.
Anakin clearly never played hot lava as a child. So much burning!
"Is Anakin all right?" NO.
Lying flat on her back while pregnant. Was there not one mother on set to correct these little things?
Hey, Anakin, silver lining: Your terrible, terrible hair is gone.
So Luke and Leia must be twins. (A robot confirmed that three seconds after I wrote it. Neat.)
That putting on the Darth Vader mask shot was COOL.
Padme totally would have lived if Anakin hadn't gone all dark side in an effort to save her.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Hehe.
Padme's mortician has skillz.

I've never looked that good. And I'm alive.
Photo from www.rebelshaven.com
Surely this film will end soon. Ah, we're establishing the twins' lives.
It's over!

In conclusion, this was the best of the newer films and I very nearly enjoyed it. Only one more, and then I'll have earned my right to see JJ's film!

A Free 30 Minute Fall Adventure

2015-10-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday evenings, Jeff helps teach a theater class and the girls and I are on our own. I usually try to get out of the house, so this week I found a local farm that has a few free activities. It was 30 minutes away, so there was the added bonus of the girls being strapped into car seats for an hour of our evening.

We arrived at Peltzer Farms at 4:55 and rushed over to find a good place to watch the pig races. The competitors that evening were Bacon Shelton, Miranda Hambert, Kim Kardasha-ham, and Swine-ye West. I have no idea which one won, but that's not really the point here, is it?

We headed over to the corn maze next. I let Eiley lead, and for once in her life she walked at the rate of a human instead of a confused tortoise. Margot and I struggled to keep up, which added to the intensity of the journey since at any moment Eiley could feel lost and start panic-screaming. Unfortunately we mostly stayed together and made it out without any such drama. We went through twice because Eiley loved it so much.

Next we visited the petting zoo. I was not going to pay $4 for my girls to pet some chickens, goats, and a sad sheep, so we stood just outside the gate and looked at them. We waved to them. We shouted greetings at them. They ignored us. It felt shockingly similar to being right next to them, but with less risk of contracting a weird farm animal disease.

Then we looked at some pumpkins. We had already purchased pumpkins elsewhere a couple weeks ago, so we just looked at these. They were unimpressive, but I've never been particularly impressed by gourds.

That's all the free we could find and by this point keeping it free was like a weird little game at which I was winning. I could see a dangerous glimmer of desire in Eiley's eye as she watched the mini railroad train load up, so it was time to head out. We paused at a rusty old truck to take one last picture and headed home.

We will definitely be returning next year. Maybe we'll even spend some money and stay for 45 minutes.

An Odd Getaway

2015-10-27T09:38:00.001-07:00

I saw on social media that some girls I used to work with went on a trip together to Belize. They are both married with children, and I was inspired by their idea to go on a vacation without their kids. So I immediately informed Mikkele, one of my best friends, that we should obviously plan a trip specifically to Belize. She agreed, but we decided to start smaller with a trip to a local Temecula Airbnb.

Highlights from the weekend:

1. We ate at Public House on Friday night and I had the one of the best hamburgers of my life there. I didn't take a picture of it because I don't want you drooling on your computer and pictures of food generally bore.

2. We stayed in an RV next to a petting zoo filled with miniature animals.

A pygmy goat that was my favorite until we caught him
picking fights with the other, smaller goats.

Pegasus, the albino mini horse.

A mini goat that reminded Mikkele of her cat.

A mini toucan - a creature we didn't previously know existed.

3. Our hostess was a chocolatier who gave us incredible chocolate. We learned that she taught herself her craft and initially made a batch of 14 chocolates which she dropped off at a five-star hotel in Los Angeles to sell as an amenity. About a week later, they called her back with an order for 2,000. Now she regularly supplies three five-star hotels, and she's working on getting a fourth. Inspiring and delicious. We talked to her for an hour and would have continued the conversation except it was nearly dinnertime and we got hungry.

4. We went for a long walk on Saturday morning around the hills of Temecula. The sun fell beautifully on the hills and vineyards, and we even stumbled upon a rare wild chair. We feared it at first, but it did us no harm.

The horror.

5. We watched a terrible early 00s teen film called How to Deal. It was the worst and I loved it. I think Mikkele just thought it was the worst.

6. We assembled a puzzle I'd purchased at a thrift store just for the occasion. The bad news is that it was missing a piece. The good news is that it was a picture of a giant sandwich and had an epic poem about midnight snacks on the back.

I knew I was hungry for dinner on Saturday evening when this disgusting thing started to look appetizing.

7. On Sunday morning, I heard the distinct sound of hot air balloon burners. At first I saw just one balloon and was mesmerized. Soon there were seven in sight, and we felt like we'd hopped into a postcard for Southern California wine country.

8. I read Harry Potter in bed for an hour on Sunday morning. This is something I don't get to do often and it was glorious (even though I'm currently in Order of the Phoenix which is mildly depressing).

9. We went wine tasting at Lorimar Winery because we were in Temecula and that's what you do there. It was only okay.

In conclusion, I highly recommend finding a weird place to stay via Airbnb. It was relaxing, memorable, and there were miniature animals.

Conversations with Eiley: Worry

2015-10-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

"Take a picture, Mama! Booyaaaaaah!"

Eiley and I walked home from the park in our neighborhood one evening last week. The sun dipped just below the horizon, and a light breeze finally cut through the intense heat of the day. We had run around, played tag, slid down slides, raced horses on giant springs that I'm much too heavy to ride. There had been no issue with leaving when the time came to depart. Spirits were high, and life was beautiful.

We passed a boy on the street. He looked like a young Wilmer Valderrama, and he smelled like an entire bottle of Axe Body Spray. Eiley glanced up at him, and he gave us a little smile of greeting as he passed.

We continued toward home, and Eiley's walk transitioned from a bouncy gait to your basic trudge. She looked down and started crossing her arms, a foreboding gesture in our world. I prepared myself for her to whine about leaving the park even though she'd been fine with it minutes earlier. I braced myself for her complaints about what we were having for dinner even though I hadn't even decided what that would be yet. I paused, then asked what was wrong.

"I'm just worried, Mama," she said, with the most matter-of-fact tone a four-year-old can muster.

"About what, Goose?"

"I'm worried I won't find a husband."

I want to tell you about the eloquent speech I gave that instantly stopped her concerns. I won't pretend that happened though. I've recently read a lot of blogs written by apparently super human moms who consistently dispense astoundingly articulate and thoughtful wisdom to their children. I, on the other hand, tend toward the bumbling. My genuine response went approximately thus:

"You'll find a husband, sweetheart!" Long pause. "Or maybe you won't, but you don't need to have a husband. Some people are single, and that's cool too! I mean, look at Paul, he...wait, too complicated, never mind. But if you want to be married, God will probably lead you to a nice man at the right time. Or maybe He won't, if that's not what's best for you."

Her inquisitive eyes bore into me, so I gave up and said, "You don't need to worry about that for a long time, baby. I love you! Ooh, look at the Halloween decorations over there!" I really should have started with the distraction technique.

I give myself three points for not laughing at her serious face. I give myself no points for delivery of comfort. What would you have said?

Church Hunting Commiseration

2015-10-20T15:15:00.002-07:00

Dear Pyg,

I don't know why you gotta be so racist against Oompa Loompas.

But in all seriousness, I feel your pain in the church hunt. This is one of the most trying aspects of a move - cuts deepest in the heart. I feel like our most recent church hunt worked out better than ever for us.

There are plenty of criteria one can use to choose a church: the preaching, the programs, the population size, the praise music, the other things that start with "P." (hmmm . . . you could also include permissiveness, predestined status, political agendas . . . what else you got?) Once upon a time, I was a big bad high schooler and I was pretty much the world's leading expert on judging churches by all of these rubrics. I was so good at judging them, that in fact, not a single church in my hometown could earn my allegiance. I grew up in a city that holds 4 of the 10 largest churches in the country, all in one city folks. The yellow pages has over 3,100 churches listed. Pretty superior, was I not? ;) Since no one church could earn my loyalty, I went to 15 christian events each week across different faith communities to piece together a spiritual experience that could satisfy my grand spiritual appetite.

Please tell me my sarcasm is coming through clearly enough here. I was ridiculous. God convicted me hardcore of my ridiculosity [word? word!] in college, and it still took me years to repent, heal, course correct.

When we moved to Berkeley, my conviction was put under pressure as there was a lot of nonsense calling itself church that I could judge. But God put Bart and Katie Garrett in our path and we got swept up in the Christ Church East Bay church plant and kind of didn't have a choice but to dig in whole hog. When we moved to Maine, we found ourselves in one of the nation's [I feel like depending on the stats you use, different pastors boast this claim] most un-churched regions. There just were not many options to choose from. After church hunting for awhile, I was feeling discouraged and starting to give up hope, until Manny did one more search online and suggested we visit North Harbor.

After our first visit, I was underwhelmed. I was underwhelmed by the preaching, the praise music, and welcome we received was about as warm as I was warned to expect in the frigid north (an extra hard hit for a Texan). BUT, something in my gut, I call Him the Holy Spirit, told me, "these are people you could do life and grow with." And so after a few more attempts, we decided we could stand to settle on the preaching/music/hospitality fronts and commit ourselves to the people. And it instantly paid off.

Except it didn't. It took months, maybe a year, before I started to feel like I was connecting with the people of the church. The church had organized dinners for 6, random mix ups of dinner parties that allowed people to get to know each other better. And over the dinner tables of John Schanck, and Ray and Hannah Whitney, while there wasn't anything profound or dramatic that transpired, there was that subtle, simple sense that we were welcome and there was something special about these people. And that simple sense has continued to grow in truth the more I get to know those folks and the rest of the crew at our church. I believe Church is about humans growing together towards Christ. That growth requires commitment on the front end, which is super hard when you've got your critical thinking hat on trying to decide where to commit. But instead of anything you see upfront, my advice is to look around you. Embrace the Awkward, as I always tell folks at our church. Find out if the people who attend are growing in Christ, bearing fruit.

May you find a great place for your family to grow!

Love Your Roommate for Life,
zoe faith

Pangs of Nostalgia: Camp Cherith

2015-10-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

I just found most of this in my drafts. I wrote it almost five years ago, but since it's a collection of memories it holds up. Woo!

I went to Camp Cherith for at least one week every summer from age 7 to 19. I calculated it once, and I lived in that place for about three months total. You may have noticed that Zoe calls me Pyg once in a while - that's because at camp I had to pick a bird name to go by, so I picked Pygmy Owl and shortened it to Pyg. Sometimes I can't think too much about my time at Camp Cherith because the camp I knew and loved is gone now. Sometimes it hurts to remember all the joyful memories I had in that place, but here are a few, all jumbled together:

the quiet of the archery range and the dull thump of a bulls-eye (I'll try to forget the flies and mosquitoes that tried their best to distract me)

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Thelin

the squeals of little girls calling me "Pyg! Pyg! Pyg!"

the giggles of little boys calling me by clever variations of Pyg

the excitement of my first trip to Big Bear on a weekend with a boy I liked

the raucous laughter during a vicious late night game of rat slap - and by vicious I mean I still have a tiny scar on one of my fingers

the thrill of a good soap bubble fight in the kitchen

the chill of the morning

the heat of an afternoon hike

the silliness of skits and camp songs

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Thelin

the beauty of a wooden cross behind a camp fire with the mountains looming in the background

the irresponsibility of engaging in a squirt gun war when we were supposed to be working

the deliciousness of trying my first cheese raviolis

the delight of telling campers about a fake smiley face constellation named Bob

the relaxation of watching Newsies or Princess Bride for the hundredth time

the amusement from startling the entire camp during meals by shouting a CILT cheer

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Thelin

the adrenaline from seeing the occasional bear or raccoon

the mindless satisfaction of weaving a colorful lanyard

the stickiness of a good marshmallow fight

the savoring of dough baked on a stick over an open fire and smothered in butter, cinnamon and sugar

the sweetness of a hundred voices and one guitar singing for Jesus

the cheesiness of holding hands with new friends and hearing our director say "Y'all come back now, hear?"

I learned so much from that place - how to get along with people who were very different from me, how to lead, how to put Jesus first by centering my day around Him. I first heard about Westmont College from one of my camp counselors and from my camp director - I may not have attended without knowing they'd gone there. Which means I might not have met Zoe. Which means this blog is here because of my camp experience. Mind. blown.

I hope Eiley and Margot get a similar experience some day.

Suggestion Box: The Bachelor*

2015-10-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

The Bachelor should be considered my guilty pleasure, but when I discover other fans of the show I unabashedly discuss it like the people on the show are chimpanzees and I am Jane Goodall. Not because I've lived among them - I would certainly die of alcohol poisoning if I did that - but because I become an expert on the matter. I could write a dissertation on the damaging effect of a woman bringing a single rose into a room full of grown men on an otherwise pleasant evening. I could write a truly terrible love poem comprised entirely of hyperbolic statements overused on the show. But I won't.

Have you ever noticed Chris Harrison's tiny, tiny hands? My friend Patty pointed it out to me, and now I can't unsee how comically small they are.

Each season of The Bachelor promises it's the most. dramatic. season. ever. Usually that's accurate. Of course, the drama is manipulated through sleep deprivation, editing, flowing alcohol, a select few inherently ridiculous people, and interviews and ADR that are done well after the season is complete (Sean Lowe verified this in his book For the Right Reasons, which I am properly embarrassed to admit that I read). Because of all that manipulation, I think of the people on the show more as characters and less as humans, but I still love the drama. I love yelling "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?!" at the TV when the first person of the season finally breaks and says they didn't think it would be this hard. I enjoy sighing in disgusted exasperation when the villain gets a rose. I even secretly like peeking through my fingers at painfully awkward moments when signals are missed or break-ups are more intense than the short half-relationship should warrant.

So my suggestion is not to remove the drama, but to add more of the lighter moments. By my (completely made up on the spot but probably close to accurate) calculations, they spend 5% of each episode showing the same handful of clips all season that include people crying, fighting, or generally making poor decisions. 23% of each episode is spent previewing what will happen after the next commercial break. I suggest removing these repeated scenes and adding in the more genuine moments. They currently pin these at the end of a handful of episodes and call them "bloopers" or something, but the franchise would improve vastly if there was more focus on this.

They could show more of the large group of men or women doing very little while waiting for their dates. I'd guess some pretty entertaining stuff goes down, though it might end up feeling like Big Brother mixed with Bachelor if they did too much with the house life. They could show scenes from their travels. I would love to watch those big guys crammed into airplane seats, leaning on each other to nap or drooling on their tray tables. Or the girls without all their makeup, lugging their bags through the airport. Genuine interaction on the dates would be interesting too. They currently air mostly canned conversations with topics that have clearly been fed to them.

As I write this, I wonder if it wouldn't work. If we humanize these people too much, will it take away from the guilt-free entertainment aspect of the show? Are they better left as overly serious, gossipy characters who act more like jealous schoolchildren than like functioning adults? Let me know what you think (or mercilessly mock me for writing this) in the comments!

*I'm referring to both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I just didn't want to type both out every time. Give me a break.

A Church Hunting Lament

2015-10-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

We moved to Murrieta in September and have enjoyed it so far, but to find more community - and, you know, because the Bible recommends it to grow in knowledge of Christ and spur each other on and all that good stuff - we need to find a church here. I loathe this process*. It makes me hypercritical, and that makes me feel like a judgmental jerk. We've visited four churches and countless church websites, and my complaints have spanned from mere preferences (too big or too small or too far from home or too dark inside) to valid concerns (the songs are more about me and how God makes me feel than they are about God and worshiping who He is). We didn't visit one church because the pastor was too spray tanned in his website picture, and I didn't see how I could trust an Oompa Loompa's Biblical teaching.

It hasn't been all bad though. We've found churches that excel at welcoming visitors, churches with beautiful music that glorifies God, churches with sound Biblical teaching from pastors who are not orange. We have several solid options, and we're leaning strongly toward one, but it's not as easy a decision as it was in Orange County. The first time Jeff and I attended there, we looked at each other afterward and one of us said this is it and the other said yup with zero hesitation.

Our church in Orange County has a sweet mix of professional musicians who consistently choose songs that point to God, a pastor who speaks to us in a regular voice and goes the exegetical route with his teaching so we always are in the Bible, a nice community, and a sanctuary with tons of natural light. And it's called Grace Fellowship Church, not something like Cemented in Hiz Luv (I should note that I made up two additional ridiculous, trendy-sounding names, but then I Googled it and discovered they were in fact real church names so I omitted them).

They say you don't get to choose your family, but that's not totally true. You get to choose your church family. I think that's the pressure here. What do you look for in a church? How did you choose your church?

*Yo. I understand and appreciate that we live in a country where we are free to worship God and some people do not have that luxury and I should just be grateful and not overthink this decision. But I live here and I'm an imperfect human, so deal.

A Tale of Intense Coincidence

2015-10-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

On a Wednesday afternoon earlier this year, the sunshine and light breeze begged me and the girls to eat outside. I didn't usually like to do that on a weekday because of the extra time it took to pack the picnic which would keep me away from work, but I could not refuse that weather. Off we went to our park in Irvine, but it didn't have any shade so we continued on to the next park. There's one every few hundred yards in Woodbridge; it's both excessive and magical. We had never been to park number two before, but it had a lovely covered picnic area so it worked out.

We had the picnic area to ourselves for a minute, but then a woman came along with her two kids who seemed to each be just a smidge younger than Margot and Eiley. I asked about her kids, even though I rarely talk to strangers in depth, and the conversation continued for over half an hour. She told me she lived nearby right now, but she was in the middle of a separation and might either move up to Davis where she had a job opportunity or down the street where they owned a townhome - but they'd need to kick out the current renters for that option. She told me about her marriage ending and about her baby boy's upcoming cleft palate operation and about her sister who lives in Texas and about the dog that her husband gave her as a gift that she never wanted and loathed. We spoke easily and I started to hope that she'd end up with the townhome option because maybe we could be friends.

I needed to get back to work, so I told her it was so nice to meet her and we started to leave.
"Bye, Jess!" I said.
"Ah, remind me of your name," she replied.
Eiley quickly responded, "My name is Eiley. This is my sister Margot; my mama's name is Emily, my dog is Buster, and my daddy's name is Jeff."
Because Eiley said all that, Jess came back with "I'm Jess, this is Jo-Jo and baby James, our dog's name is Fido*, and their daddy's name is Jimmie."

My mind sped over to the piles of mail we'd delivered to our landlords via our property manager over the past year, addressed to Jess and Jimmie. I considered that she had gestured in the general direction of our place when she mentioned the townhome she might move to if she stayed in the area. I blurted out "I LIVE IN YOUR TOWNHOME." If I had paused to think more before I spoke, I'd have kept that revelation to myself.

Her face transitioned from casual ease into mortification. Her thought was nearly legible: I just told her I might kick her out of her home soon.

I quickly decided that this woman clearly had enough going on in her life, and she didn't need worrying about my family to enter her decision about her next step. I told her that Jeff and I were thinking about moving anyway (lie), we were even considering out of state (lie), and she should of course do whatever was best for her family (truth). She kept saying "awww," like she was looking at a particularly adorable puppy. I think she meant "I feel exceedingly awkward, but I don't know what to say." I tend to make terribly obvious jokes when I feel that way, but nothing was coming to me.

We said goodbye one last time, and I left feeling like there must be some reason we met this way. I believe that some things are coincidences, but this was too intense. I saw God in all of it. I wish I could tell you specifically how He used the situation, but I still don't know why it happened. Jeff and I ended up moving anyway, even though we really weren't thinking about it until much later. Jess didn't end up moving in. I saw them at Baskin Robbins a few weeks later. I asked about baby's cleft palate surgery, and she said "awww" a lot. And I've never seen them again.

*Dog name changed because I can't remember it.

don't read this if birth stories give you the jeebies (part two)

2015-10-06T09:38:00.001-07:00

On the morning of May 9 last year, I talked to a student about the wonders of online learning and paused mid-sentence because of a contraction. I didn't acknowledge to myself that it was a contraction at the time. I thought it was just you kicking me extra hard or your giant body snuggling up to your favorite pillow (my bladder) or maybe a little gas. It was your due date, and I never imagined having you on your due date because we are not that punctual in our family.

By about 3 pm, it was clear that these were contractions, but my water hadn't broken so I couldn't be sure if this was the real thing.

By 4 pm, I asked Daddy to come home because your sister was almost up from her nap, and someone was going to need to take care of her. And also someone needed to take care of me.

By 6:30 pm, we called Baba and Roby to come pick Eiley up. This was happening.

After Eiley left, we timed contractions. This was not very interesting. By 10:30 pm, the contractions were not consistent in strength, and they were generally six or seven minutes apart so we decided to go lay down in bed to rest. I felt terrified of going to the hospital, having a stranger stick his or her hand in me, and getting told to go home, so we were going to waitwaitwait to leave.

By 11:30, the contractions were five minutes apart and it was time to leave. Really a wasted walk up the stairs.

In the ten minute drive to the hospital I had three contractions, and I had two on the walk into the hospital. I then had two at the admitting desk and they let me skip the intake room and go straight to the labor room. This is probably how it feels to skip a grade. It was a relief.

I immediately asked for an epidural. The anesthesiologist came quickly, but he sounded nervous as soon as he saw my awesomely-shaped back. "You have scoliosis!" he declared. I think I nodded at him. I won't tell you what I thought in response because there's a cuss in it.

He numbed the area with a couple of shots, but the memory of the anesthesiologist missing once when I had Eiley filled me with such terror that I sat there shaking and whimpering, Chihuahua-style. He was freaking me out, I was freaking him out. Pretty soon the fear overcame me and I felt like I might faint. Thoughts that quickly passed through my brain: If I pass out, will something horrible happen here? Should I lie down? Or should I risk it for the sake of trying to hold still for the epidural? My vision began to tunnel, so I squeaked, "Is it okay for me to pass out?" and the nurse quickly began to help me onto my side on the bed. Daddy likes to tell everyone that I had you without any drugs. I like to tell everyone that it was not by choice.

Once on my side, I immediately felt certain I was peeing my pants. Somehow mortified (even though there are about a hundred equally embarrassing things that had already happened by that point that hadn't fazed me a bit), I announced my leakiness to the room. And then I made an elegant follow up speech about how I needed to poop. A more together person might have recognized that her water had broken and she needed to push the baby out.

In came the midwife, and about 20 minutes later at around 1 am, out came you! Before the midwife left the delivery room, she asked if she could pray with us. She prayed for you and your little life and I cried like a baby, pardon the analogy.

For a long while after you were born, I looked at you, wondering how on earth such a huge thing had fit inside me. I fretted about your super weird toes that looked like lobster claws. I marveled at the distinct dimple in your chin. And I've basically been staring at you ever since. You continue to surprise me with how easily you smile, your passion for shoes and Buster, and your ability to make Daddy and me laugh. I love you, Margot Mikkele!

Easter People Devotionals Day 24

2015-05-21T08:04:00.002-07:00

Easter People Devotionals Day 24

For an explanation of this series, click here. To see a collection of all the Devotionals in the series so far, click here.

Day 24: He is Alive ~Third Day

LYRICS

Angels are watching over us

With the saints that have gone on before us

And they join in a heavenly chorus

Singing “He is alive, He is alive”

He is alive

Death is defeated

Sin has retreated

From the power of the Son

And He is alive

The enemy is faded

The battle still rages

But the war has been won

The stars in the heavens rejoice

With the sun and the moon

And with all of the earth

Let all of creation now lift up their voice

Singing “He is alive, He is alive”

Jesus is alive

He is alive

Death is defeated

Sin has retreated

From the power of the Son

He is alive, He is alive

Jesus is alive

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode II: The Clone Wars

2015-01-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

Here's the fourth installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching the Star Wars films for the first time ever:

Well, hello scrolly exposition. I knew I'd see you again.
Dooku is a funny name.
Senator. Count. Queen. I feel like we're mixing governments here.
I like that shiny spaceship.
Well, maybe there's SOME danger.
Whoa that chick just had the most abrupt death scene ever.
I'm so confused already. Wasn't Natalie a Queen before? Did she get demoted?
Aw geez. Jar Jar.
What the Rose Byrne?
Why hasn't Yoda learned proper English syntax? And what was his first language?
What happened to Hayden Christenson?
"I haven't seen Amidala in years, Master...and I'm totally crushing."
Why hasn't Amidala aged?
Annie is a prideful little Jedi.
She didn't forget you completely. She knew your name, Annie. Did you want her to swoon or something?
That strapless eye patch is stylin'.
Can you sense that Amidala is eavesdropping, hotshot?
Whoa, Annie isn't tiptoeing around his crush. "She's intoxicating." Calm down, dude.
Ew. Millipede wormy things.
Locate them, R2D2!
Safe!
Ewan diving out the window! What's the plan here, Ewan?!
Ugh. It's Jedis like him who cause rush hour traffic.
Shot down! Somehow I'm not at all worried for him.
Yep, Annie caught him.
Annie is NUTS.
Electrocution? No big deal.
"What's the point of this?" - Erik. Amen, Erik. Amen.
Man, Jedis LOVE jumping out of things.
I'm really growing to love the "pyew! pyew! pyew!" blaster sound effect.
Is a Jedi's light saber like a wizard's wand in that it's specific to its owner?
Now they're just running. That seems beneath them somehow.
Are Ewan's eyes really that green?
Ooo Jedi therapist - "go home and rethink your life."
Did he just cut off her arm?!
Does the light saber cauterize the wound automatically?
Diagonal fade!
That's a cute hover chair, Yoda.
Annie has too much pressure and too much power.
Ha. Amidala: "Jar Jar - I don't wish to hold you up." That was a diplomatic way of telling him to shut up.
Whoa, Annie went from "He's a good master, don't get me wrong" to pouting and ranting like a petulant child.
More like "Please don't LEER at me like that," am I right?
Jedi poncho!
I like this amiable diner alien.
Robot waitress looks exactly like Rosie from the Jetsons.

Fun fact: My eighth grade Algebra teacher was Mr. Parsek.
Coolest. Library. Ever.
Oh, Yoda. Making jokes about losing a planet. You're hilarious.
OH. Explanation of not being Queen anymore. Thanks, guys.
Are they bickering in front of the current Queen? Awkward.
I briefly just wondered where Captain Eo fits in with all this.

Super long neck Camino alien is lovely!
Oh, come on, Amidala. You are totally crushing back.
What if he's using his Jedi mind powers to make her kiss him?! That cad!
Clones!
When did she costume change? I liked her Xanadu dress; now she's all hippie.
The hills are aliiiiive with the sound of...no chemistry!
Oh no, he fell off the giant potato cow!
They are literally rolling around in the grass.
Kid, that's not your dad...he's your...your...what do you call the relationship between you and your young clone?
This scene is tense and I have NO idea what's happening.
Uh-oh. Firelight and a heaving bosom. Just get this over with.
Homeboy is SO CLINGY. He just keeps talking! No, you're tormenting US, Annie.
"I wish that I could wish away..." Well, that seems like lazy writing.
Are Jedi robes waterproof?
If Amidala really wanted to stop this relationship, she wouldn't wear that.
That's some awesome jumpkicking, Ewan!
Why is he always falling?
Those blue charges are AWESOME.
I would love to know how they created all these sound effects.
Just shoot out some spare parts and that will solve it. How anticlimactic.
30 men went looking for your mom already, but sure - you have a go at it too.
The Count looks like the "He chose...poorly" knight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
Poor Mama! Now that was a proper death scene.
Oh, he's raging.
Ooo...Imperial Death March subtly playing as Yoda talks about Anakin.
Anakin's not available right now, Ewan.
Where does Amidala store all these giant clothes that she wears?
Single-handed genocide of the Tuskans. Tsk, tsk.
Amidala is so sassy.
I am SO sleepy.
Darth Sidious. The Sith. Why does everything sound vaguely like an STD?
Holy cow. Will we have to sit through an actual clone war still?! Interminable film!
Alien robowasp attack!
Padme would win everything on that show Wipeout!
R2 is so much smarter than C3P0.
Decapitated C3P0!
How is her outfit still so white?!
"I truly...deeply..." - Amidala "...madly?" - Erik
Uf. That is an ugly language.
Ah, another unnecessary alien monster parade. George Lucas is just showing off.
Can't they just Jedi fly away from this arena?
I think Amidala just got scratched so we could see some midriff.
Oh, please. We did not have time for that smooch.
I'm fairly impressed by the lack of chemistry between Annie and Amidala. It's like watching two marionettes pretend to be in love.
GET IT, Samuel L!
Decapitated Fett!
They are flirting on the battlefield. Flirting.
"This is such a drag." GROAN.
Yoda and a clone army! Just in the nick of time!
War. Fighting. Explosions. Etc, etc.
Death Star schematics!
That is the least manly vehicle ever, Count. It looks like a hover Vespa.
I wish Natalie would put a whole shirt on. I'm trying to enjoy ice cream and she's making me want to do sit-ups instead.
I'm expecting a big fight from the Count. OH, SNAP. He did not disappoint.
Double light saber!
Back down to one!
Arm cut off!
YODA FIGHT?!
That is one angry Muppet.
How does everyone keep saying Dooku without giggling?!
Bahahahaha this is the most adorable light saber fight ever.

I knew that dude was bad.
"Begun the Clone War has." Dear Lord, I hope it's actually the end of this film though. I need to go to bed.
Mawwiage. Pretty dress! Pretty lame kiss!

He's smiling and she looks like "what have I done?"

In conclusion, this movie was long, tedious, confusing, and lacked the endearing qualities of the original two that I've seen. Oh, hey, that was my conclusion from Episode I as well. I did thoroughly enjoy the fight between Dooku and Yoda though - it almost made it worth watching. Almost. Also, I now understand why we haven't seen much of Hayden Christenson, bless his heart. Perfect teeth will only get you so far in Hollywood.

Easter People Devotionals Day 23

2015-01-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

For an explanation of this series, click here. To see a collection of all the Devotionals in the series so far, click here.

Day 23: An Easter People Devotional for Epiphany

Surely God is With us | Rich Mullins 1865

Well, who's that man who thinks He's a prophet?
Well, I wonder if He's got something up His sleeve
Where's He from?
Who is His daddy?
There's rumors He even thinks Himself a king
Of a kingdom of paupers
Simpletons and rogues
The whores all seem to love Him
And the drunks propose a toast
And they say, "Surely God is with us.
Well, surely God is with us."
They say, "Surely God is with us today!"
Who's that man who says He's a preacher?
Well, He must be, He's disturbing all our peace
Where's He get off, and what is He hiding
And every word He says those fools believe
Who could move a mountain
Who would love their enemy
Who could rejoice in pain
And turn the other cheek
And still say, "Surely God is with us, Well, surely God is with us, "
Who'll say, "Surely God is with us today, today!"
They say, "Surely God is with us Well, surely God is with us"
They say, "Surely God is with us"
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Heaven belongs to them Blessed are those who make peace
They are God's children I Am the Bread of Life, and the Way"
You hear that Man, believe what He says!
Tell me, who's that Man, they made Him a prisoner
They tortured Him and nailed Him to a tree
Well if He's so bad, who did He threaten?
Did He deserve to die between two thieves?
See the scars and touch His wounds
He's risen flesh and bone
Now the sinners have become the saints
And the lost have all come home
And they say, "Surely God is with us (Surely God is with us)
Well, surely God is with us,

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

2014-11-03T16:41:00.000-08:00

Here's the third installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching the Star Wars films for the first time ever:

We're still using scrolly exposition?! Come on, this is 1999!
Full disclosure: I didn't read the scrolly exposition. Hope I won't be lost.
The special effects are improved, but they should have kept it consistent with the original films.
How can a movie with Liam and Ewan be as terrible as everyone says?!
Is Ewan sporting a mullet pulled into a ponytail?!
Did the term droid come from Star Wars initially?
Ooo hologram bad guy.
Why would you ask someone who is clearly a bad guy if something is legal?
CGI robots are way less cool than people in robot costumes.
Ewan wields his light saber like a baseball bat.
Whoa, Natalie. What are you doing with your voice?
I have literally no idea of what's going on.
Is that supposed to be Natalie Portman's hair? It's like a loaf of bread arcing majestically over her skull.
"Where's the lion? I want to see the lion." - Eiley, whining in reference to Chewbacca.
Jar Jar is WAY taller than I thought. I thought he'd be Dobby-sized.
Is he...Jamaican?

Shudder.
Liam isn't even looking at Jar Jar. Neither is Ewan. Was CGI super new?
Ooo pretty underwater city!
"I want to annihilate all Jar Jars." - Jeff "That's genocide, Jeff." - Erik
"How rude." - Jar Jar "Hey, he just quoted Full House!" - Jeff
Ewan has a wrapped hair thing. I totally wanted one of those in seventh grade.
Whoa, dino shrimp fish with a lizard tongue!
Whoa, BIGGER dino fish!
This movie appears to just be an outlet for George Lucas to show us the monsters and aliens he made up.
They're going full Three Musketeers.
Wait, is that Amidala? Oh, it's a servant disguised as Amidala and Natalie is next to her.
R2D2!
I wonder if I'd know what's going on here if I wasn't writing notes...
These samurai alien guys can barely move their mouths. They look like guppies.
Did George Lucas intend for Jar Jar to be lovable or endearing? With the way Padme looks at him, I feel like I'm supposed to care about him. I DON'T, GEORGE.
Disturbance in the Force!
Cool poncho, Liam.
Even the poop squish sound effect was terrible.
Is this the cantina where we first met Han and Chewie?
Nice pickup line, kid. "Are you an angel?" You nailed the faux naivete.
I like this giant mosquito elephant dude better than Jar Jar.
Oh, Ewan's long hair is a braid, not an embroidered wrap thing. Last comment on his coif, promise.
How long before the original trilogy is this taking place? Maybe 30, 40 years? Why haven't the fashions changed and why do the vehicles appear to be more advanced?
Hey, C3P0.
Aw, C3P0 and R2D2 meet.
C3P0's parts are showing. Hilarious.
I'm starting to think George Lucas Googled some Star Wars fan fic and made a super expensive movie out of it.
Darth Maul is legit creepy.
Anakin, it's called a light saber. Laser sword. Pfft.
Man, Anakin is too pretentious.
Liam's going to feel bad going behind the queen's back when he finds out Natalie is the queen.
My people inform me that they just said Anakin was immaculately conceived. I missed that due to a three year-old trying to convince me that I'm capable of building Legos, watching the movie, and writing simultaneously. I'm flattered.
Is Jar Jar broken?
Anakin fixed the pod! The swelling music tells me I should be inspired.
No wonder this kid goes Darth (at least I think so)...everyone keeps calling him Annie.
There's a Jedi blood test?! Neat.
Oh, Anakin and his mom are slaves?! How am I missing these plot points?!
I thought pod racing was going to be like shady street racing Grease style, but there's a whole official stadium and everything.
Must be hard to walk on your hands with your feet in front of you.
I don't think the kid with the freakishly high midochlorian count needs a Jedi lesson.
Jabba cameo!
COME ON, ANNIE. (Crap. I wrote that and then Jar Jar said it. I am ashamed.)
I'd like to stay completely negative on this movie, but this pod race is pretty fun.
NASCAR should consider adding people shooting at the cars to their races.
How does Annie even see out of those goggles?!
This kid is too calm. "My pod is falling apart and I could die at any instant. Meh."
This pod race was cool, but now I'm just wondering how many laps we're looking at here.
I have cycled between disinterest and excitement no less than three times during this race. It's like my relationship with "Let It Go."
Ha, awkward kid/alien interaction. Do we high five? Do we hug? Let's just jump around!
So are they taking Annie and leaving his mom behind?
Where has Ewan been this whole time?
THIS FILM IS INTERMINABLE.
Is "With great power comes great responsibility" from Star Wars or Harry Potter? I think they should tell all child prodigy mystical power characters that at some point. [UPDATE: That's from Spiderman and I'm dumb.]
This kid's acting is getting progressively worse.
Darth Maul light saber fight!
Does the Force give Liam some mad jumping skillz?
What is this throne that walks like a spider? Yeesh.
He made her jewelry. Pick up tactic #2. This kid is smooth.
I keep waiting for fake Queen to get kidnapped or killed or something to justify real Queen remaining in hiding.
Holy cow, fake Queen really looks like Natalie Portman.
SAMUEL L! YODA!
Oh geez, that WAS Natalie in that last scene. I think. I don't know.
Why does Queen Amidala's accent change so severely when she's in regalia?
This might be blasphemous, but new Yoda is cuter than original Yoda.
Whoa, Yoda wisdom foreshadowing.
Oh, padawan learner means apprentice.
One of the council guys so reminds me of Mugatu, but with a GIANT forehead.

Yoda, Samuel L., and Mugatu
Why would the council think a little boy named Annie is dangerous?
I'll be honest - I'm not sure how much of this explanation of midichlorians is science and how much is fiction.
"We's going hoooooome!" Shut up, Jar Jar.
"Jar Jar, I need your help." I think she's going to ask him to literally annoy an entire planet to death.
Ugh. Is Natalie Portman playing herself and the fake Queen? I'm so confused.
Uh-oh. Frog king man thinks her request for help is hilarious.
Oh, he did a boobless motorboating sound. I think that means they'll help.
Where did this teenage Queen get all her military strategy training?
Is this film three hours long?
Didgeridoos of war!
Wilhelm scream!
Ruh-roh. Giant robot army just popped right through that shield.
Annie's totally going to stay in the cockpit...while he's flying the pod.
Woo! Choral "AH" for double light saber!
Oh, Annie. You and your piloting hijinks.
DARTH MAUL IS AWESOME.
"This is tense!" Holy cow, this kid is such a bad actor that they had to have him overtly say his emotions.
What just happened? Did Liam create a force field to take a break? Or did D.Maul get Liam to kneel before him using his Jedi mind power?
Even Jar Jar's bellbottoms are getting on my nerves.
Star Tours parking job!
I'm still confused by these red force field doors.
I saw that coming. What's the term for getting impaled by a light saber? Impaled and stabbed aren't entirely accurate since there is no object going through.
Oh, SNAP. Literally. Obi Wan snapped Darth's light saber in twain.
Why don't they use the Force more often in these duels?
Sad! He halved Darth Maul. No more awesome fighting.
Did Liam just...stroke...Ewan's face?
Well, this scene is not helping the case against Jedis being a cult.
Annie got a haircut.
What's with the glowy orb? It's always about a glowing orb.

In conclusion, this movie was long, tedious, confusing, and lacked the endearing qualities of the original two that I've seen. I am, however, pleased that we are watching in this order because now I will know to call Darth Vader "Annie" when I eventually get to see Return of the Jedi. That'll show him.

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

2014-09-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the second installment of my six part series on the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching the Star Wars films for the first time ever:

This opens with scrolly exposition too. I keep briefly thinking "What, did they make this in iMovie?"
Hoth, I have heard of you.
Kangaroo dinosaur ram, you don't look like you should live in cold climates.
Abominable snowman from Matterhorn?! Disneylaaaaand.
Han has already said "Chewie" more times in this film than in the entirety of the last one.
One...two...three...FOUR looks from Leia to Han fraught with meaning.
These braids are much more becoming than those ear muff buns, Princess.
Ha, I thought that stalactite guy was using the Force to get a soda. It was a light saber.
What is with people using light sabers to cut off arms?! At least this time it's for survival.
Dude, you are screwed. FOG.
Why can C3P0 feel cold but he doesn't feel pain when his limbs get torn off? Sub-question: why doesn't C3P0 just put on a coat?
Aw, Chewie's sad.
Oh, circle fade. Classy.
What?! That was Luke the whole time?! Seriously thought he was a disposable extra.
Mark Hamill's acting abilities have remained consistent from the last film to this one.
Holy cow, that's a gross way to stay warm.
Mark Hamill's hair has remained consistent from the last film to this one.
"Laser brain." Classic.
"Laugh it up, fuzz ball." These insults are so witty. Wow.
"Nerf herder." What does that mean? That's the name of the band that does the Buffy theme music.
Wow, Leia blatantly kissing Luke to just to make Han jealous. She has the emotional maturity of a lamp.
IMPERIAL MARCH.
I'd like to think that there's an imperial soldier with the title "Lead Darth Vader helmet shiner" and he's darn good at his job.
I want to hug Chewie too! Did Luke just scratch his neck like he's a puppy?
How long after the first movie does this take place?
Ooo Darth's pod thingy is neat.
Darth can The Force those guys via Skype?!
My informants here tell me the best battle of the movie is about to happen.
I'm sorry, does C3P0 keep changing colors?
Are the oompa loompa soldiers cheering about going into battle? That seems unhealthy. "WOOO! We might die right now!"
Oh, guy in Luke's vehicle. You are doomed.
Imperial walkers look cool, but those long legs seem impractical.
Ohhhh...they have legs so Luke could provide an easy solution to destroy them.
Oh, guy in Luke's vehicle. Predictably, you have died.
They're just going to trip those giant, impenetrable machines? Yeah, okay.
Don't yell at Chewie, Han!
K, Luke. Just fight the imperial walker with your bare hands. No big deal.
Oh my gosh, I was kidding, Luke.
Sometimes Darth is intimidating, but sometimes I picture that underneath that costume is a sweaty comic book nerd with a mullet "bum-bum-bumming" the imperial march to himself.
Leia has clearly never been on Star Tours. Of course Han's going through the asteroids.
Now Han is just showing off. You're a good pilot. We get it.
I think Luke just landed in a scene from The Neverending Story.
I'm betting that R2D2 can't swim.
I was wrong.
Swamp creature'd!
Did R2D2 just get thrown up and then throw up?
Darth Vader's skin!
I love "this building/vehicle is shaking...whoOAa" acting.
Yesss...find Yoda, Luke!
"Did he say to find yogurt?" - Eiley
What! Is Yoda voiced by Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear?!
I'm super disappointed. Yoda isn't as cute as I thought he'd be.
Can one use the Force on a robot?
Jeff just got defensive when I told him Yoda wasn't as cute as I'd anticipated: "I think he's frickin' adorable."
Ooo. Loooove music. Or just Leia music? No, love music. Whoa, she's trembling. Keep it PG, Harrison.
KISS.
C3P0 is a master moment killer.
Wait! Who's this creeper that Darth bows to?
Is Darth Vader also Annikin Skywalker?
I hope R2D2 doesn't rust.
Yoda has a cozy little Hobbit hole.
Is Ben's...aura...floating around haunting people?
I wish Yoda would wiggle his ears like Sloth from Goonies.
Sucky cave monster!
Oh, dear. They were in a sand worm from Beetlejuice.
Yoda backpack!
Is Luke supposed to be listening to Yoda monologuing?
There should be a Jedi training montage.
Now I have "Eye of the Tiger" in my head.
DARTH VADER.
LIGHT SABERS.
BEHEADING.
LUKE BEHEADING...himself? Wait, what? And why is Yoda so smug about that?
Lizard imperial soldier out of nowhere.
Yes. I am so ready for light speed.
Thanks for telling C3P0 to shut up, Leia.
Bless that guy's heart. "I'll apologize to Vader." Pro tip, dude: Defect.
Didn't Luke move a blaster with the Force on Hoth earlier? Oh, Yoda's trying to get him to Force his vehicle. That's heavier.
So Luke begs Yoda to teach him then gives up after like two lessons? "You want the impossible." Whine, sulk, pout.
Yoda's showing how it's done. Oh, snap.
Does using the Force require energy?
"I don't believe it." "That...is why you fail."
Told you to defect, dummy.
What's C3P0 even there for?
Lando Calrissian is an awesome name.
Does Luke have to do a handstand to use the Force? Because that's going to make using it to fight really awkward.
Yes, eventually Han and Leia will die, Luke. I can't see the future, but their mortality seems fairly obvious.
Something terrible happens every time they say everything's going to be okay.
Oh, phew. Exception! Lando friendship!
Whoa. Down, boy.
Is it okay that I don't really care that C3P0 just got blasted?
I'm confused - is Luke going to fight Vader with the Force? Or a light saber? Or both?
Why does Leia hate everyone?
Lando is a super creeper.
TWIST! Vader in the dining room.
Oh, shoot. Judging by the music, I am supposed to care about C3P0.
Han Solo torture!
Lando, don't talk back to Vader.
"I feel terrible." - first line I genuinely laughed at.
I keep thinking about Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls complaining that this all comes down to who has higher ground, and I'm curious about how that'll come into play.
"I love you." "I know." Ohhh...that explains my cousin's tattoo. Ha!
Do people actually expect Vader to keep his word?
That shot of Luke meeting Darth Vader for the first time is legit chilling.
Light saber fight!
Why are we strangling the guy who just released us, Chewie?
I like legless C3P0 more.
Why doesn't Luke blaster Vader?
What just happened? Does Luke think a little fall killed Vader?
Luke is phoning this fight in.
It bugs me that I have no idea what the plan is here other than "run around the building shooting blasters and pressing any buttons on the walls that we find."
Is Vader trying to kill Luke or turn him evil?
Luke. Your hand fell off.
"I'm your father."
"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE." I found Hamill's delivery of this line brilliant...ly hilarious.
Cutting off someone's hand is probably not the best tactic to persuade them to join your team.
Luke Skywalker: Really brave or really dumb?
Crying out to one's hallucination for help has to be rock bottom. Oh, we switched to crying out for Leia. Much better.
Please let Luke just plop down into the Falcon's moonroof.
Hahaha...YESSSS.
Where is Han? Still cryogenically frozen somewhere with Vader?
My desire to see light speed is pretty intense, and I keep getting disappointed. They make it look so easy at Disney.
What! Is Vader brainwashing Luke?
I love the way James Earl Jones says "DEStinyyy."
LIGHT SPEED. FINALLY.
Is there a maximum distance Vader can reach with the Force? Why doesn't he just relax in a hammock and strangle all his enemies?
Cyber hand looks real.
Wait, do we know Luke and Leia are bro/sis now?
Seriously, where did Han go?
This movie has zero resolution!
Hey, cool, John Ratzenberger was in this.

Conclusion: This was a fun movie. It bothers me that people pronounce Han and Falcon differently. That's all.

Movie Review Monday: Star Wars IV (from an adult seeing it for the first time)

2014-09-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's not Monday, but that used to be the day we'd review movies and I was so excited to actually have blog fodder that I couldn't wait to post this. Check out more concise Movie Reviews here.

I caved and watched Star Wars IV: A New Hope for the first time in my life last night. Jeff was nearly giddy with excitement. He met up with our friend Will at a coffee shop to get the DVDs, which is how I imagine upscale drug deals probably happen too. I thought all of you Star Wars fans might be interested to know the inner monologue of a 31 year-old watching it for the first time, so I wrote notes. Nine pages of scribbled notes. Eiley asked me what I was drawing at one point. I'm giving you my unedited stream of consciousness, so you might have no idea what I'm talking about some of the time, and I will look like an idiot some of the time* (I refuse to take time to Google how to spell some of these names, for example), but I'm fine with that. Laugh at me freely, nerd bombs.

The amount of exposition in the scrolly intro thing seems like lazy screenwriting. Show don't tell, right?
Stormtroopers look awesome.
Why is C3P0 British? If one robot is British, why can't the other even speak English?
Alderon? Rebel who what? What is James Earl Jones talking about?
The mice from Cinderella seem to have mutated and are wearing cloaks. Those are definitely their voices.
Hey, there's Wall-E (or maybe Number 5?), the scary trash can from The Wiz, and one of the guys from Daft Punk.
Those lizard dinosaurs are disgusting.
Desert igloo?
Is Luke Skywalker a teenager?! I always thought he was a strong, heroic MAN, not a whiny manchild.
I miss Disneyland.
"He looks like the Wizard of Oz [Tin Man]. Maybe that's his problem." - Eiley about C3P0
R2D2 is adorbs.
"I think that princess is in trouble." - Eiley
Is Obi Wan Kenobi Luke's father? (*Sidenote: It's astounding how long it took me to realize what a dumb thought that was.)
Sweet fanny pack, Luke!
Who are all the "sad people"? Luke just said that it's dangerous to leave in the dark with all the sad people around.
These people speak in belches! Neat. Or...gross.
Oh, sand people. Not sad people.
Wait, it's not belching. It's seal barking.
"I hope he doesn't kill him, and I hope he doesn't die." - Eiley, referring to a sand person and Luke
That guy is totally Obi Wan K. Why did uncle and aunt lie and say he was dead?
Is Ben Kenobi the same as Obi Wan? Oh, nope. Ben's clearly unsettled by the name Obi Wan. OH. THE SAME. Emotional Obi Wan roller coaster!
Obi Wan really enunciates Light. Saber. the first time, like he's giving a vocabulary lesson.
Oh, hey. More exposition.
Whoa, I just remembered that Vader is Luke's father. Spoiler'd!
I can't remember if Luke and Leia are bro/sis or Han and Leia.
Oh, please. Luke's resistance to go on this adventure is really half-hearted. He clearly is all in.
Are these actors doing voices on purpose or is it just the 70s acting style?
Oh, crap. The Force is no joke. Don't cross Darth.
Well, that's what Luke's aunt and uncle get for lying about Obi Wan being dead.
Torture robot?
I'm actually pretty impressed with the special effects so far. I was prepared to fully mock. Better than most Syfy channel shows. (Sidenote: Jeff later informed me that this was not a fully original edition - some things were improved.)
Ben totally just Jedi-ed those Stormtroopers.
Chewbacca! I hope he's a good guy. He's cute.
Calm down, Obi Wan. Cutting an arm off in a bar fight seems a bit extreme. Geez.
Harrison Ford comes in at 47.53 minutes. Almost halfway through the movie. Interesting!
I've even heard of the Millennium Falcon, Obi Wan.
Should I call him Obi Wan or Ben?
Have they even introduced Chewie yet?
I think Groot and Chewbacca would be such sweet friends.
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force." Some of these lines are so iconic that they are strange to hear.
I wonder if Mr. Miyagi was inspired in part by Obi Wan.
"That small moon" is the Death Star, guys. Even I know that.
John Williams is brilliant.
That soldier just said "jettisoned" twice in a row. It's a nice word.
Did Han just pet Chewbacca? I still don't think we've heard his name, just that he's a Wookie.
I want to see some Ewoks. What's the deal?
Guys. Mark Hamill is a terrible actor. But he has nice hair.
Chewie is TALL. Is that a full suit? Or part suit, part makeup?
I can't put my finger on why, but some of these actors, including Harrison, seem like they've never held a gun before.
Are Obi Wan and Darth brothers?
What's Darth's motive? Why is he all evil?
Those storm trooper uniforms seem hard to run in.
Princess, you can't look badass while holding your blaster like a sissy.
I think I've seen a parody or homage to every scene so far except this trash room one. This is the first truly fresh scene for me.
Way to throw the troopers off the trail, C3P0!
"One thing's for sure - we're all gonna be a lot thinner." - Han. "GROAN." - me.
Did they really think pushing against the trash compactor walls would be effective?
Pretty sure Liam Neeson is way taller than this Obi Wan.
Whoa. Leia's totally into Han.
Farmer Luke is pretty good with a gun.
Wilhelm scream!
Rope swing for the win!
The footsteps foley is getting hilarious.
Light saber fight time. YES.
I see why people like to pretend they have light sabers. This is awesome.
That's not actually James Earl Jones, right? He was never that skinny, right?
Ben Kenobi, NOOOOO! He's not really dead. That was way too anticlimactic.
How long is Leia's hair?! Those buns.
Is that old Nazi dude Darth Vader's boss?
"Princess" sounds like a curse word coming out of Han.
I legit just thought the rebels were Oompa Loompas. Same outfits.
If R2D2 gets destroyed I will be LIVID.
I haven't had a coherent thought in 5 minutes, which must mean this little space battle is awesome.
Wait...when did Darth get in his aircraft?
Wooooooo STAR TOURS! I continue to miss Disneyland!
Oh, no. Luke's Goose got blown up.
Death Star explosion!
R2D2 NOOOOOO! Aw, C3P0 has feelings.
Oh, hey. That answers my Leia hair length question.
R2D2 is so shiny.
Boom. Heroes.

Conclusion: I was expecting cheesier than this. I enjoyed it (I mean, it was no GotG, but that movie wouldn't have happened without Star Wars), and it was also surreal to have more context for countless parodies and homages I've seen over the years. My only complaints are the terrible acting and lack of Ewoks and Yoda. But I suppose I have those to look forward to in subsequent films.

Easter People Devotionals: 22

2014-08-21T17:19:00.004-07:00

For an explanation of this series, click here. To see a collection of all the Devotionals in the series so far, click here.

Day 22:

Jesus Paid It All | Elvina M. Hall

1865

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain:
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Oh praise the one who paid my debt
and raised my life up from the dead.
Oh praise the one who paid my debt
and raised my life up from the dead.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Easter People Devotionals: 21

2014-08-21T17:13:00.001-07:00

For an explanation of this series, click here. To see a collection of all the Devotionals in the series so far, click here.

Day 21:
Man Of Sorrows, Writers: Matt Crocker , Brooke Ligertwood

Verse 1
F Bb F
Man of sorrows, Lamb of God
Bb F C
By His own betrayed
Dm Bb Dm
The sin of man and wrath of God
Bb C F
Has been on Jesus laid

Verse 2
Silent as He stood accused
Beaten, mocked, and scorned
Bowing to the Father's will
he took a crown of thorns

Chorus
Dm Bb F C
Oh, that rugged cross, my salvation
Dm Bb C
Where Your love poured out over me
Bb F C Dm
Now my soul cries out hallelujah
Bb C F
Praise and honor unto Thee

Verse 3
Sent of heaven, God's own Son
To purchase and redeem
And reconcile the very ones
Who nailed Him to that tree

Bridge
Dm Bb
Now my debt is paid
F C
It is paid in full
Dm Bb
By the precious blood
F C
That my Jesus spilled
Dm Bb
Now the curse of sin
F C
Has no hold on me
D Bb
Whom the Son sets free
F C
Oh is free indeed

Verse 4
See the stone is rolled away
Behold the empty tomb
Hallelujah, God be praised
He's risen from the grave