photo credit: CarbonNYC

“Patience can’t be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.” – Eknath Easwaran

We often become impatient with others when they won’t do the things that we want them to do.  Or, they do things in a way that we wouldn’t do them.  We have the expectation that others should conform to the way that we want things to be.  And when this doesn’t happen, we get impatient with the people around us.

Let’s be honest, most of what we think should happen, doesn’t.  And that involves the way that other people live their lives.  Practicing patience with others really involves two things: compassion and acceptance. These two are difficult enough to master on their own, so putting them together in order to be more patient is not an easy thing, but when we improve these skills life becomes more pleasant and our relationships improve.

Don’t Use My Shampoo

When I was in college I had a roommate that I was also good friends with.  We had fun living together and we were respectful of each other’s living preferences.  It was a good arrangement.

However, there was one thing that she did that drove me crazy.  She had a tendency to use my stuff.  She would use some of my shampoo in the shower and some of my mouthwash at the sink.  She would drink a glass of my orange juice, and then maybe grab a few of my CDs to listen to in her bedroom.

She wasn’t hiding from me that she used my stuff, but she also didn’t ask me for it.  Even if she had I wouldn’t have liked it.

I was a little more territorial about my things.  She wasn’t trying to be rude or disrespectful, or even sneaky.  In fact, she was quite open with her own stuff and would have gladly shared anything.  It was just a style that I wasn’t used to.

As my impatience with this practice grew, it seemed like it would happen more and more, until one day I decided that instead of getting all irritated about this, I could simply use her stuff too.  This way it was more like an even exchange, and I had access to twice as many things.

This was not something that I was used to doing, but in the end, being more open about this made me much more patient, and, I think, actually taught me to be a more open person and a better giver.

When I changed how I thought about the situation I wasn’t irritated anymore and it taught me something valuable.

Acceptance + Compassion = Patience With Others

Patience with another person means that you don’t let your emotions run away with you when they do something that you don’t like.  It also means understanding that they can live their life anyway that they want, and you don’t have any control over it.

Here are some ways you can practice patience with the people in your life:

See Yourself in Other People – We all do things that are probably irritating to someone else, but most of the time we don’t mean to be irritating.  It’s just that everyone has their own quirks and eccentricities and these things can rub others the wrong way.

When you realize you also do things that drive other people crazy, your compassion increases for the person who is driving you crazy, because you see yourself in them.

Flip the Situation Around – What if someone else thought that you should conform yourself to what they want (in fact, someone probably does)?  How would that make you feel?  Probably not very good, so don’t do it to someone else. 

Walk Away For A While – Don’t try to address what is irritating you in the moment.  Walk away for a bit, think about it and then address it with the other person if necessary.  Also, you may want to think to yourself “how am I participating in this situation?” and do something about that first.

You Don’t Control Anyone Else – Which is why getting all worked up about something they do is usually pretty worthless.  If you really need to address something with someone, do that, but don’t dwell all over it.

Not Everything is a Personal Slight – Most likely, whatever this person is doing, is not meant to offend you in any way.  In fact, it probably has nothing to do with you.  So don’t take it too personally.  Give people the benefit of the doubt first. 

The Practice of Patience

Patience is most certainly a practice, so if you don’t feel very patient right now, know that you are not alone and that the more you practice the better you can be.

In particular, patience with other people is a difficult practice because we really have to get good at having compassion for others and being accepting at the same time.  It’s ok if you are not very good at this right now.  You can be.

By changing the way that you think about other people you can change the way that you feel about the things that they do.

What tips do you have for being more patient with others?  Share your ideas in the comments!

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“We’re our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.” – Tom Robbins

We spend a lot of time in life waiting for others to rescue us from situations that we don’t like.  Like a small child, we look around at the people in our life and wait for them to do something for us, to help us out of the circumstances we have found ourselves in.

Maybe it’s the stories we read while growing up, or simply the memory of the reliance we once had on our parents or other adults in our lives.  But whatever it is, it’s tempting to sit around and hope that one day someone else will come and rescue us.

What we don’t realize is that we always have the power to rescue ourselves and, in fact, are put in situations in the hopes that we will come to this understanding.

No One is Coming for You (or for Me)

When I had finished my master’s degree and was finally finished with school I had a lot of choices to make about the direction I wanted my life to take.  Only, the thing is, I wasn’t really making them.

I needed a job, and more importantly to start a career, but I felt ambiguous about the jobs I was applying for and even the field that I had graduated in. I needed money, but without a job I had none, and without money I had no apartment. I was living back at home, with no job and little money, and to top it all off, in the last year, a long-term relationship with a boyfriend had ended.  I didn’t feel very good.

But, the worst part was, I was waiting for a rescuer.  Waiting for someone to swoop in and solve the problems I had.  That would have made my life easier and I wouldn’t have had to figure it all out myself. So I waited and waited, and the situation became more and more uncomfortable.

And then I realized that no one was coming.

In this moment of mild despair, however, was the realization that I could rescue myself.  When I stopped waiting around for the “easy” rescue, in a funny way, my life actually got easier.

I had to figure out how I was going to get around my own problems, and that was certainly harder than sitting around, but things started to happen that I wanted, and that made my life easier.

I got a job that wasn’t perfect, but a good first job.  Then I had money (not that much, but enough to live) and soon after that I had an apartment.  Life was looking up.

How to Be Your Own Hero

Recognize Your Own Power – When you wait around for a rescuer you give away your own power.  Take back your power by recognizing that you are the only one with the solutions to your problems (not that you can’t ask for help – that’s a solution in itself).  You can handle anything that comes your way.

Use Courage - Courage is taking action in the face of fear.  You will (should) have fear as you rescue yourself from whatever dragon has crossed your path.  But remember, dragons serve a purpose too – they test us in ways  that bring the best out of us.  Don’t fear the dragon, fear what will happen if you don’t face the dragon.  You are prepared for the dragon, even if you don’t think so.

Have Faith – Sometimes you will have little else.  When you are standing upon a ledge and it’s a long way down, sometimes the best thing to do is to jump.  You may be surprised at how soft your landing is.

Trust Yourself – You know best how to get to where you want to be.  You just have to figure out where that is.  The rest tends to unfold after that.

The next time that you find yourself hoping to be rescued, remember – You are the hero.

Thoughts?  Ideas?  Share them in the comments!

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photo credit: striatic

“Art is the elimination of the unnecessary” – Pablo Picasso

Just as there is a time to create more of what you want in your life, there is also a time to destroy what you don’t want.  When you think about improving your life you often focus on the things you would like to have but don’t.  You then focus on bringing those things into your life.

But you don’t often think about the things you already have in your life that you need to get rid of.  Many times you carry a lot of stuff with you that has outlived it’s useful life.  When that happens you need to destroy parts of your life before you can create more.

Be like a forest fire

I’m sure there are many things you would like to create in your life, but what would you like to destroy?  Are there skills you use regularly that you don’t enjoy much?  Are there people in your life who you just don’t connect with anymore?  Is your home filled with a bunch of stuff that you no longer use?

When you destroy parts of your life you are making room for new parts.  You are making room for creation.  Just like when a forest fire burns up the dead parts and makes room for new growth, you are destroying what is already dead so that new growth can occur.

Getting rid of physical stuff

My current “destruction” project is to de-clutter my apartment.  I’m surprised that even in a relatively small space, so much stuff can sit around and not be used (or even remembered!).

Already, I’ve recycled/donated/thrown away magazines from 1995, papers from college, clothes I forgot I even had, out of date electronics, and books I had read once and hadn’t looked at in 10 years.  It’s amazing the physical stuff that can pile up in your life.

Getting rid of non-physical stuff

Most of us are carrying around with us an amazing amount of useless physical stuff, but what about less tangible things?

For instance, the way that we see ourselves is subject to creation and destruction.  Hopefully the image that we carry of ourselves matches who we really are.  But what if it doesn’t?

A couple of years ago I quit a job that I hated.  But along with the job, I was also quitting a vision that I had of myself, one that involved being what I thought “everyone” wanted me to be but that really didn’t match my best self very well.

When I destroyed that vision of myself I opened my life up for new opportunities that much better suited me.  I was carrying around a vision of who I was, that frankly, was not who I was.  I burned it up in the fire, and something new grew in it’s place.

Identify what you don’t need

So how do you know which things you need to get rid of?  Here are a few ways to tell that something needs to go from your life.

You’ve forgotten it even existed – This is mostly for the physical stuff that we have, but when you don’t even remember that you own something, it’s time to get rid of it.  Someone else can probably make better use of it.

You’re bored with it – This can be in regards to both physical and non-physical stuff.  If you have something in your life that you once enjoyed but now find boring, it’s time for that thing to go.  Maybe you have run 3 miles everyday for the last 10 years.  You enjoyed it at first and liked the challenge, but lately you just do it out of habit and are getting pretty bored with it.  Maybe it’s time to take up biking or swimming.  Even though you want to continue your workouts, it’s time for a new activity.

It feels like a chore – When parts of your life stop being enjoyable and start feeling like an item on your to-do list, it’s probably time for that thing to go.  Maybe you have a friend who you just don’t feel as connected to anymore and hanging out with them is starting to feel like an obligation.  Cutting down the amount of time you spend with them is probably a good idea because it makes room for a new, more fulfilling relationship.

It holds you back – Just like my example above of getting rid of a certain vision of myself, sometimes we hold onto a way of thinking that doesn’t do us any good.  What beliefs do you hold about yourself that limit your fulfillment?  Do you have patterns in your life that seem to sabotage what you want?  Take a look at the things that hold you back and then get rid of them!

Are there things that you could get rid of in your own life?  What tips do you have for getting rid of things you don’t need?  Share your thoughts in the comments!

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“Every event in life can be causing only one of two things. Either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.” – Deepak Chopra

When you feel “stuck,” the first thing you want to do is struggle.  Flailing about, throwing your weight around, trying harder and harder, pushing against the resistance you feel.  Only these things don’t get you unstuck.  In fact, they tend to make you sink deeper into whatever problem you are trying to solve.

From time to time we all have problems that seem to take on a life of their own.  We try to solve them, but the solution doesn’t come easy.  We try harder to solve the problem, but the harder we try, the more we feel like we are getting no where.  This is feeling stuck.

Quicksand

Think of it like quicksand.  (I’ve never actually been in quicksand, but I do watch Man vs. Wild. ) If you step into quicksand you start to sink.  When you start to sink, you begin to panic.  When you begin to panic, you start to struggle against the quicksand, trying to pull yourself out of it, but by doing that, you only sink deeper.

It’s only when you stop, and (according to Bear Grylls) try to increase the amount of body surface that is touching the quicksand (by laying as much of yourself flat as you can) that you can get out of the quicksand.  But, this method is not at all your first instinct.  It requires slowing down, assessing the situation and then using your brain, not your muscles, to get you out.

Getting Un-Stuck

When you feel stuck, follow these steps for optimal problem solving:

Stop – A really simple first step.  When you notice that you are “sinking,” stop struggling immediately.  You don’t want to sink any further.

Define the problem – This may seem unnecessary or a waste of time, but knowing exactly what the problem is helps us take the correct action.  Also, sometimes there is a problem behind the problem.  You need to know which one to work on first, but also which one is the “root” problem.

Focus on the present – Don’t worry about things that have already past, for instance, what you “should have done” to avoid the problem.  It may be true, but at this point, it’s not helpful to dwell on it.  Once you are unstuck, you can go back and reflect on patterns and behavior that lead to the problem, but in the heat of the moment, it’s not something to focus on.  If you are stuck in quicksand don’t worry about the wrong turn you took that lead you there, focus on getting out.

Focus on solutions – Focusing on solutions will lead you toward a solution.  Focusing on the problem will lead you back to the problem.  Solutions energize you.

What can I do next? – Every huge problem or task is simply a series of small steps.  Figure out which small step you need to take next.  Size honestly doesn’t matter here.  Even the smallest step forward will count.  Keep asking yourself “What can I do next?” until you are done.  Moving forward steadily (not necessarily quickly) will eventually get you to your solution.

Getting Myself Un-Stuck

When I had finished school several years ago and was looking for a job, after a few months I really began to feel stuck.  I wasn’t finding any jobs that really appealed to me, and the jobs I interviewed for felt all wrong.  I felt that I was looking in all the wrong places and the more I looked and applied, the farther away I felt from where I wanted to be.

When I finally took a moment to stop and assess where I was, I could see that I really had two problems that were getting in each others way. One was that I simply needed to be employed and earn money, so I could get an apartment and pay my bills.  That was the immediate problem.  But the other problem was that I was struggling with what I really wanted to do with my life.  What kind of career did I want to go into?  What was I passionate about?  What kind of life did I want to live?  This was the “root problem,” and it was getting in the way of my immediate one.

After I had teased those two problems out from one another, I could focus on present solutions to my immediate problem.  When I thought about what I needed most, I realized that I needed some sort of temporary job while I was still looking for something more permanent.  After I had done that I focused myself on looking for a job that would allow me to practice or develop some skill that I wanted, but that wasn’t perfect.

With my temporary job in place, I didn’t feel so pressured to find a job, and could be a bit more methodical in my search.  Also, I put my question of what made me really passionate off to the side, and worked on that separately from my immediate job search.

I was making this problem bigger than it was by struggling too much.  When I stepped back and looked at the problem as a series of steps, it seemed manageable, all of the sudden.  And, in the end, it turned out fine.

When you feel stuck, your problems tend to feel huge and unmanageable.  Taking some time to assess the situation and look at what small steps you need to take helps you feel capable of taking on the challenge.

Now, the next time you step in quicksand, you will know what to do. 

What steps do you take to get yourself un-stuck?  Share your thoughts in the comments!

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“I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight…I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with nonviolence.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

There is something about acceptance that seems a little “weak” to many of us.  Why accept a certain situation as it is, when what we want is to change the situation into something that we like better?  Because acceptance is the foundation for any powerful and lasting change that we want to make.  When making a change you have to start from where you actually are.  That may be good, bad or just plain ugly.

Acceptance, in a lot of ways, goes against the grain of Western culture.  We’re not taught to accept.  We are taught to act upon and change our situation and circumstances when we don’t like them.  This is a good thing, but standing alone it can be the source of intense frustration.  When practiced with acceptance it becomes really powerful.

Commuting in Traffic:  A Lesson in Acceptance

I have a fairly long commute to work.  And, the area I live in is known for its heavy traffic.  This can make driving home from work in the afternoon extremely unpleasant.  When I’m sitting in the car, tired from work and all I can see around me is bumper to bumper traffic, it’s easy to get angry and frustrated.  Also, maybe I’m not going home, but to some other appointment, or to run an errand or to meet someone and it seems as if I’m hitting every obstacle possible on my way.  I just want the traffic to move, but all I am is completely stuck.

When I resist sitting in traffic by getting angry and frustrated, I simply make the whole trip even worse for myself.  By the time I get home, I’m exhausted and dreading the car the next day.  But, if I accept where I am and that I have no control over the traffic around me, I have a few options.

First, I can use the time that I have wisely.  I can relax and enjoy some music, I can listen to an audio book or a podcast, or I can simply take some time for my thoughts.  Second, I can think about my commute more critically.  If I dislike it so much, I can do something to change it.  I could move closer to work, or try to get a more flexible schedule so I’m not commuting in peak times.  Third, just by being conscious that I don’t have control over the traffic, I can choose not to be angry or frustrated.  I can manage my emotions more effectively.  Getting angry does not get you home any faster.

Acceptance Spurs Creativity

One effect of practicing acceptance is that it leads to greater creative problem solving.  When you accept your situation exactly as it is, you can problem solve on a foundation of truth.  You have a greater ability to critically examine what it is you don’t like about your situation and how you got there (you have to be honest in order to do that), and then think of creative ways to change what you don’t like.

The 3 Questions of Acceptance

In order to get the most out of practicing acceptance there are three questions you should ask yourself:

How can I get the most out of my current situation? -  When we don’t like where we are, it’s tempting to “just get through it.”  Instead of killing time, however, see what you can get out of it.  What lessons are there to learn?  What experiences are there to be had?  We often grow the most in situations we don’t like.  See what you can take away from it.

How did I get here in the first place? – What were the events and circumstances that lead up to the situation that you are currently in?  Look closely – you can often find life patterns when you reflect like this.  Understanding how you got to where you are now gives you important information about yourself.  For one, if you don’t like the situation you are in, you won’t want to repeat what you originally did! 

How can I change? – The first step is figuring out what changes you want to see.  If you don’t like where you are, what don’t you like about it?  And what would you like in it’s place?  Then you can figure out the first steps you need to take towards that change.  Hint:  you may not be able to see the steps you need to take down the road, but the first steps you can take with things that you have around you right now.  Make that change!

Accepting your current situation isn’t lazy or stupid, it’s just the foundation for the change that you want to make.  And frankly, it just makes your life more pleasant.

Accept where you are and then decide to change it.  Good luck!

How are you at practicing acceptance?  Any tips to share?  Share your ideas in the comments!

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“Every guilty person is his own hangman.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Guilt is a heavy feeling.  It’s like lugging around a large, unwieldy trunk full of stuff you don’t need or want, but can’t seem to put down.

The worst thing about guilt is that even though the circumstance has passed, you keep carrying it around with you.  And that trunk just seems to get heavier.  Discover how to put the trunk down and forgive yourself.

Guilt’s Message

All of your emotions carry a message with them; telling you to do something that needs to be done.  So what does guilt tell you?

It’s telling you to address your past wrongs – maybe to “fix” a situation that you left broken, return something you took, or simply apologize.  Guilt lets you know that there is redress to whatever you have done.

Even if you can’t address it directly with the people or person you wronged, you can take what you learned and create something that will help yourself or other people.  In effect, turning a negative into a positive.

Guilt = A Lesson in Forgiveness

Dealing with guilt is really about forgiving yourself.  Eternal punishment is not necessary.   Address what happened, take the necessary action and move on.  There is no need to carry guilt with you forever.

Don’t Re-Act

Guilt puts you in a reactive state.  When you feel guilty about something, often you try to “make up” for it in other situations in your life.  But this is neither addressing what you did nor learning from it, it’s just a reaction to what happened.  And when you are reacting, all of your actions are based on another person, and not on your own motivations.  You get stuck in the re-action.

I was in a relationship once where I was the one who ended it.  I felt guilty about that because it was fairly serious and we cared a lot for each other.  My life circumstances changed, however, and I made the decision that it was best to end it.  When I entered into a new relationship some time after that, my guilt came with me.  A lot of how I acted in the new relationship was actually based on the previous one.

This did me no good and certainly did the relationship no good.  I was still in the past, but acting in the present.  Instead of addressing the previous situation, I was trying to “make-up” for it.  But you can’t really “make-up” for something you did with one person, with another.  I needed to address the actual situation, if not with my previous boyfriend, then at least with myself.

Moving Past Guilt

• “Fix” it with the person you wronged – What action can you take to redress what you did?  Figure this out and then do it.  However, this action may not always be accessible or appropriate.  Some situations are too far in the past or the person is simply not available.
• Assess what you learned – How can you take what you learned and create something positive with that?  If you can’t address the situation with the person themselves, you can still learn something from it.  Find the good in what happened. Create with that.
• Forgive yourself - Lastly, after you’ve taken one or both of the above actions, forgive yourself.  Forgiving yourself does not make what you did right, nor does it excuse you, it simply allows you to move on.  Once you’ve taken action towards your guilt, forgiveness is easier.  We all do things that hurt other people sometimes, but this does not make you a “bad” person beyond forgiveness.  Put that trunk down and don’t look behind you. 

How do you deal with guilt in your life?  Have you found that you’ve been able to move on?  Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments.

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photo credit: erin MC hammer

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. – Carl Jung

For many of us, love is an elusive thing.  Oddly enough, as there is no shortage of it in the universe.  We enter into relationships – with a romantic companion, with friends, with our family members, and, yet, maybe we have love and maybe we don’t.  Or maybe we are not even sure.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what love is, what love isn’t and how you fill your life with it.  Assuming that the love is directed at another person (although you can also direct love towards other things, for instance, the work that you do) here are my ideas:

• Love has no expectations – Sometimes we look to other people, and see what they can do for us, how they might be of value to us, but when we love we don’t need something from the other person.  We simply want to love them because of who they are.
• Love is whole – When we love someone, we love all of them, not just certain parts.  We actually appreciate and have affection for the whole person, good and bad, because that makes them who they are.
• Love is not a competition – We don’t have to pit our needs against the needs of our loved one.  Your own desires are no different than the desires you have for them.  This is not an either/or situation, it’s an and/both.
• Love is not a distraction or an amusement – Love isn’t about your own amusement and it’s not a distraction from situations in your life.  Love is its own end.  You love for love’s sake, not to create a favorable circumstance for yourself.  Then you are using love towards another end.
• Love is not about you…or the other person – It is simply about Love itself.  When you enter into a relationship with another, remember to create a space for Love.  That bonds you to the other person and puts the relationship on the right track.  Love first.
• Love does not need to control – Love allows things to be as they are.  Love does not need to control people or situations.  Love has no conditions.
• Love grows - The nature of love is to grow over time.  Time and Love are very good friends.  Sometimes it can seem that love diminishes over time, but really Love is simply shedding it’s external wrapper of intense attraction.  What is left when these things leave is a substance that bonds people together with all the strength of concrete and the flexibility of rubber.
• Love is open – To both giving and receiving.  Love can not circulate through closed doors!

I would love (no pun intended!) to say that I have been practicing these things faithfully all along, but in reality I have been able to pick them out, because these were the things that I had trouble grasping.  There are many false imitations of love, and the real thing can actually be difficult to spot.  But when I think about the relationships that are truly filled with love in my life, the basics of what love is stand out to me boldly.

As far as bringing love into your life goes, first you have to recognize what it is and what it is not.  (You probably have a few examples from your own life as to what it is not!)  This has been the place where I often stumble in my own life.

Once you know how to recognize it, how do you invite it into your life?  I will leave that to you.  Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments!

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photo credit: jasonb42882

“Sleep is the best meditation.” – Dalai Lama

A lot has been written about meditation – how to do it, it’s benefits, it’s history.  Today I wanted to share with you a quick guide to mediation based on my own simple practice.

I first learned to meditate in college from one of my professors.  He had set up a meditation room in one of the dorms and every week a small group would meet to practice.  This was about 8-9 years ago now, and I have been practicing off and on (I’d like to make it more “on”) for that amount of time.

How To Meditate

For a basic mindfulness meditation here’s what to do:

1. Find a place that is quiet and still - It would be wonderful to have a “meditation room,” but, hell, I live in a 2 bedroom apartment.  Frankly, quiet and still is sometimes a little difficult.  If that’s the same for you, find a place that is mostly quiet and still.  But you do need to be alone.
2. Sit in a comfortable, but upright, position – When I first learned how to practice, I would sit in a formal posture, and we had different props to help us do this.  But now I simply sit in a chair in my bedroom.  I think this is fine.
3. Set an alarm for the amount of time you want to sit – This way you don’t have to worry about when you are done.
4. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths – When you first sit down, you will probably feel harried and your breath may feel shallow.  Take a few breaths where you exhale all the air you have and inhale a large breath.  That will make you feel more centered.
5. Focus your attention on your breath – Just breathe normally and pay attention to your breath.  Don’t worry about “clearing” your mind.  You will have thoughts (and feelings) come up.  Notice your thoughts and then gently bring your attention back to your breath.  No judging allowed!  Don’t get angry or upset with yourself for having thoughts.  Just expect you will have them, but be committed to focusing your attention back on your breath when you notice them.
6. When you hear your alarm, stop – That’s it!  Enjoy the peaceful feeling.

The Benefits

In my own life, I find several benefits to meditation:

• Increased intuition – I find it easier to follow intuitive hunches.  I don’t feel quite so foggy.
• Increased ability to limit distractions in my daily life - Practicing bringing my attention back to my breath carries over to my life where I can bring my attention back to a “focal point” when there are numerous distractions.
• Increased awareness of thoughts and feelings - Noticing the thoughts and feelings that come up during meditation makes me aware of patterns in my life.
• Relaxation – The pleasure of silence and stillness is one that is unusual for most people.  I love the feeling of simply sitting still and not doing anything.

Make it Simple for Yourself

We all have many things in our lives that compete for our attention.  It can be difficult setting aside a time and place to meditate.  Just make it simple on yourself.

• Practice for a short amount of time - You don’t need an hour.  I’m trying to be consistent with 10 minutes daily.
• Just be consistent – Being consistent is very important (otherwise you’ll find yourself drifting from your practice).  Pick a time limit – 5 min, 10min, maybe 20min that you can be consistent with.
• Find a peaceful place – You may have to be a little creative.  You need quiet and solitude, but little else.  A chair may be helpful, although you could sit on the floor too.

What are your experiences with meditation?  Any other tips for a simple practice you can be consistent with?  Share in the comments!  Thanks!

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“The spider’s touch, how exquisitely fine! Feels at each thread, and lives along the line” – Alexander Pope

When I was in college I studied abroad my junior year.  At the University I was attending, grades for your courses were determined by one oral exam at the end of the semester.  There were no other assignments and, therefore, no other grades.  Your success or failure on the exam was your success or failure in the course.

During exams, I found myself in a situation where I had a couple of exams on back to back days which made studying for both a little difficult.  Like many other students, I had studied a little before the exam period, but really needed to catch up in the day or two before.

I had taken an exam earlier in the day, and was already exhausted from that.  Apart from the course grade resting on this one exam, it was an oral exam, which I wasn’t used to.  Not knowing something is one thing, but not knowing it when you are face to face with your professor trying to pass a course is another!

In the evening, I walked into the common kitchen of my building to take a short break and get a snack, dreading the upcoming night of studying and the exam I had to take first thing in the morning.  It felt like my problem was engulfing me and that the Universe itself had decided to sit on my shoulders.  My stress levels rose as I couldn’t seem to see anything but my problem ahead of me.

Then, as I stood by the window ruminating on my misery, I saw a spider.  A tiny one.  Just walking along the ledge of the window.  For a moment, I became preoccupied with the spider, and it felt good.

I watched it move its tiny legs along the sill, just moving along, doing what spiders do.  And, in that moment my “problem” seemed to regain its proper perspective and the Universe had retreated from the warm spot it found on my back.

That tiny spider helped me to see that the world existed outside of me and my problem.  And that everything has a proper place in the Universe.  Frankly, I had let my problems consume my life for a couple of days, and that’s why my stress levels were rising.

I realized that just as the spider was doing nothing other than being what it was, that all I also had to do what simply be what I was.  The spider neither knew nor cared about university exams, it knew only making webs, eating insects and walking along this window ledge.

In my world, being what I was, I had to take exams, but I didn’t have to let that consume me any more than the spider was allowing walking along the window sill to consume him.  It was simply a part of what he did.

I watched the spider for about 30 seconds, letting myself relax momentarily.  And I remembered that tomorrow the exam would be over and soon after that mostly forgotten.  I walked back to my room and opened my books again.  But the image of that spider walking the ledge stayed with me.

What do you think?  Share in the comments!

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“This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.” – Charlie Brown

You know those days when you just feel depressed?  I’m not talking about diagnosed Major Depression, I’m simply talking about that blue feeling we all get from time to time.

Or, maybe it’s not just from time to time, maybe there has been a period of a few weeks or a few months where things just haven’t felt right to you.  Your life isn’t horrible, but it isn’t great either, and you’re not sure exactly what’s making you feel down.

What do you do with yourself during these times?  When you feel down, it can be hard to make a plan and take action to make yourself feel better, you probably want to just lay around and stare at the wall or something.    Here are some things you can do to make yourself feel better when you are depressed.

1.  Engage in physical activity – When I am feeling depressed, this would be the first thing I would do to make myself feel better.  Getting your heart rate up, sweating and working your muscles really helps to shift your focus from your mind to your body, so you can take your mind off of feeling down.  Don’t forget lighter forms of physical activity either.  Taking a walk, stretching or playing with your pets can also do the trick.

2. Watch what you put in your body – When I feel down, I tend to want to eat fast food burgers and fries, but really, this won’t help me feel better.  I tend to just feel more lethargic.  Better fuel for my body means I generally feel better.  Poor fuel means I’m just adding to my depression.

3. Go Outside – Spending time in nature is rejuvenating for our souls.  The sounds, the smells and the sights all help to remind us that we are connected to the natural world.  We gain a sense of well-being and a fresh perspective when we are outside.(link to rejuvenate yourself with nature)

4. Get in touch with a friend – When we spend time with people we enjoy, we can’t help but feel better.  Not only are we connecting with a fellow human being, but hopefully we are doing a lot of laughing.  I have friends where everything is funny when we are together.  Laughter is healing.

5. Find the humor in the situation – Sometimes when we are really feeling down, we can start to take everything way too seriously.  Pull back from your situation and find something funny about it.  When I was depressed because I was in a job that I hated, one day I realized that I was in the exact opposite environment that I needed to be in to really thrive.  Even though I was hating life, this made me giggle.  Humor helps us to gain perspective.

6. Break your routine – Whatever it is that you usually do, don’t do that.  Get out of town and visit a friend, go on a day trip to the world’s biggest rubber band ball (I don’t know that there actually is one, but it might be cool if there was), or simply take an afternoon off from work and go to the park.  Just break your routine.

7. Daydream and Imagine – For me, this is one way I gain tremendous amounts of energy when I don’t feel great – I simply imagine where I would like to be.  Think about the dreams you have for your life.  What do want to be?  What could you be?  Don’t limit yourself here – take off and enjoy the ride.

8. Do something creative – Paint, draw, knit, build something with your hands – it doesn’t matter what it is or if it’s any good.  This is simply creativity for creativity’s sake.

9. Take up an activity that you’ve always wanted to try -  Want to learn a new language, try skateboarding, or create a blog?  Start something that you’ve been thinking about trying.  Who knows? – this could become a new passion.

10. Change something – Finally, realize that your depression may mean that you need to make a change in your life.  Figure out why you feel the way that you do.  Where does it come from?  Make plans for change.

Do you have anything to add? What do you do that helps when you feel depressed? Feel free to add to the list in the comments!

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