Look What Danny Made!

Change of Seasons

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 20:32:00 +0000

You're just going along, and it's been winter for ages, and then yesterday morning you left the house at the same time you always do, and you realized that the sun is already up in the sky,. and it isn't dark. It's behind clouds, but it's there, and it's been up for a while, and you suddenly are aware of a growing joy in a part of you where you maybe haven't felt that in a long time.

In fact, I haven't felt entirely like myself in a long time. I mentioned this a little while ago, but I've been contending with a very deep lack of motivation. I never did post that wrap-up for this year's Project Valentine once it ended, did I? (Short version: it was a success, and made Courtney feel special, but I realized pretty early into it that it was going to be hard to write about in a way that would make it entertaining and funny if I also wanted her to know that it was something that I was doing in earnest because I love her.) It's reached farther than not blogging very much, though. I wish I could tell you that the reason I haven't written more is because I've been busy with other things, but, honestly, I've been very busy avoiding other things.

I've felt overwhelmed by things that used to be manageable. Of the fifty pounds I lost last year, I've put about twenty back on. I'm noticing patterns in my thoughts and actions that, put simply, are not me. Even things that I know would bring me joy (working out, finding something to do with the blog or with the kids) just seem like insurmountable tasks. I find myself making excuses not to do them. Little events send me into tailspins that take days to recover from.

After fifteen years in IT, I'm especially interested in examining systems and how they work, and one of the most revealing tests is to see what happens when you remove an element from a system. It's been a revealing few months for me, since my dad's death. Although things within my own home are good, I feel like I'm struggling with other relationships in my family.

Two things happened within the last week that finally jarred me into realizing that I need a hand. I was talking with a friend, a really talented, interesting guy, and he asked me what I'd been doing for the last thirty days. When I looked confused, he said, "You know, for your blog? What are you working on right now?" And I had to admit that I hadn't done much of anything in the last thirty days besides alternating between late nights of video games and nights of going to bed as soon as I got the kids in their beds.

The other was on a Wednesday night, when I stayed up watching TV until three in the morning. I wasn't even interested in what I was watching. I couldn't tell you what it was. And I knew that the next day was going to be miserable, because I still had to get the kids ready in the morning and spend the day at work, but I just couldn't find the will to turn off the TV, stand up, and walk to my bed. That was the night when I decided that something was definitely off.

A part of me is embarrassed even to share all of this, because I don't want to seem like I'm just wallowing. I'm always touched, though, when somebody mentions that they've missed seeing blog posts, so I guess I wanted to offer something by way of explanation. And I've been pretty open with other experiences on here in the past, so I wanted my friends to know a little bit about where I am right now.

I saw my doctor yesterday. I asked her about depression. I admitted to her that I'm a little frightened to go on medication, but that I need something to help me back to where I want to be. The sun is up in the sky, and it's been up for a while, it's just behind clouds.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 14: Made My Baby a Steak Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 02:16:00 +0000

Just like the title says: inch-thick ribeyes, cooked medium rare, with baked potatoes and grilled vegetables. Why? Because that's what my girl likes.

Not feeling great tonight, but I'll post a wrap-up tomorrow.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 13: Family Photos

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 03:36:00 +0000

One of the best reactions I ever got from Courtney was with a present I gave her on Mothers Day 2008. Ava was only about 7 months old, and I took her and Blake to have some pictures done of them. Courtney took one look, cried "My babies!" and loved it.

I wanted to get some new pictures of the kids, but I'll be honest - I just flat ran out of time. So instead, I printed up an IOU certificate promising her a photo session, either for the whole family, or just for the kids, her choice. I'll post them in here once we have them done!

Project Valentine 2012, Day 12: Braved the Icy Wilds

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:06:00 +0000

Sunday's thing ended up being kind of a punt. See, when I made my list, I thought that one nice thing to do would be to wash Courtney's car for her. The bonus of that is that I was going to do it in really short shorts, and put pictures of it on here for laughs. Cut to Sunday, when it spent all day snowing. This ruled out not only washing the car myself, but also the sense in taking it to a carwash. Unfortunately, I also hadn't really made a backup plan.

My salvation came when we noticed that the cupboards were pretty much bare, and it was time to feed the family dinner. I know this isn't the most romantic thing in the world, and it's not something that focused specifically on Courtney, but I'm going to give myself at least partial credit for going out on really slick roads and getting dinner for the family. I even took Jack with me.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 11: Recreated Our First Date

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:55:00 +0000

Courtney and I went on our first date on February 11, 2000. We'd already met, and that's a story for another time, but this was our first time out. She came walking out of the elevator of her dorm, all long legs and red hair, and that was pretty much it for me. I was in.

We went to Gardski's Restaurant, one of Lubbock's oldest restaurants. It's nice enough to impress a date, but reasonable enough that it's not intimidating (and you're not out too much money if the date doesn't go well). I wanted her to think I had good taste in places, so I made sure not to choose a chain place. While we ate, we talked about what to do with the rest of the evening, and she told me that she wanted to see The Sixth Sense, since she hadn't seen it yet. Now, in the years since then, she's given me a hard time for taking her to a horror movie on our first date, but it was totally her idea.

I asked her about a week ago if she would go out on a date with me to celebrate a special occasion on the eleventh, and she said that she would, and asked what the occasion was. This was the moment when I realized that I am the girl in our relationship, for knowing when our date-a-versary is, and for using words like date-a-versary.

We went back to Gardski's, where I embarrassed her by telling the hostess what was special about the day. Dinner conversation is much different three children later, but all the better, because now we know how hard to come by that time together is, and we have real things to talk about.

Courtney really is not that big on horror movies at all, but she decided (again, HER CHOICE) that we should honor the spirit of the occasion by going to see something scary, so we went to see The Woman in Black. You guys, that movie is creepy as hell!

As I drove the babysitter home at the end of the evening, I took a moment to think of the things that are different now from on that first date. First, there's now a babysitter to drive home. Second, I have no question in my mind about whether or not I'm going to get to spend the night with my date. Third, I have a far deeper appreciation for what an interesting and unique person my date is.

Two things that made us both laugh:

After seeing The Woman in Black, Courtney said that it was like we'd combined Project Valentine and Project Horror. Aw, she does read my blog!
At the restaurant, I told her that blonde twins would be out in a moment to sing "Let's Get Together," and then caught myself and corrected by saying how that had actually happened on the parents' first date in The Parent Trap, not on our first date. That may have been funnier if you were there.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 10: Made Her a Mix CD

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 05:30:00 +0000

"Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing."

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules."

From "High Fidelity"

I used to make mix CDs for Courtney pretty regularly when we were dating. Is this a thing that people still do anymore? In college, we made mix tapes, and then it was possible to burn your own CDs. Do kids still do this, or do they just share iTunes playlists?

Anyway, the appeal of making a mix for somebody you're dating is severalfold. First, it has an automatic appearance of thoughtfulness. Second, it's a chance to make them think that you have good taste, or are at least kind of deep. Third, they'll think of you every time they listen to it, or maybe even when they hear songs from it in a different context.

When we were dating, I'd try to make sure there were some good romantic tunes on there, but we also had some running jokes that I'd add fuel to with some of the selections, like how I'd always put at least one song by Queen, a group I like and she doesn't. I would always end the CD with a version of "Dream a Little Dream of Me," which is kind of our song.

The last time I made her a CD, though, was probably before we were married. I decided just to make this one focused and sweet. Here's the playlist, which I'm sure at least one of my friends will find something in to poke fun at me about.

"I Only Want to Be With You" by Dusty Springfield
"I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos
"Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event
"The Origin of Love" by Rufus Wainwright
"When It's Love" by Van Halen
"Strong Enough (Live)" by Sheryl Crow, with The Dixie Chicks
"Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton
"I Can't Explain" by The Who
"Don't Let Go" by Weezer
"Je T'Aime... Moi Non Plus" by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin (I understand that this one isn't exactly a love song, but it is sexy as hell.)
"Just Really Wanna See You" by Shudder to Think
"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele
"I'm Still in Love with You" by Al Green
"Femme d'Argent" by Air
"Girl Like You" by The Wolfgang Press
"She is Staggering" by Polaris
"I've Got You Under My Skin" by Michael Buble
"(Just Like) Starting Over" by John Lennon

I was thiiis close to ending the CD with "Dream a Little Dream of Me" again, but then I felt like the Lennon song had some special significance to our station in life right now. It's about making time to reconnect and renew your relationship.

Here's the stupid thing I did, though - I didn't make sure we actually had blank CDs, so she didn't get the CD until today. She was excited to get it, though!

Project Valentine 2012, Day 9: Got Her a Treat to Have at Work

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:42:00 +0000

Yesterday was Courtney's first night back at work in several days, since she'd been on the road for her trip. I phoned her as I was leaving my office and asked if she would like me to pick up anything on the way home for her to have last night while she was on duty.

Here's what was great about it - she was really surprised and delighted. She didn't know what to ask for at first, but I could hear the smile in her voice. Finally she asked if I'd stop by the cold case and get her one of the fruit and yogurt parfaits that she likes.

It wasn't a big thing today, but I was still really pleased with the result, just because the sound of her voice on the phone was so pleasantly (and cutely) taken by surprise.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 8: Massage

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:27:00 +0000

Right around New Years, Courtney and I got a new mattress. It is AWESOME. How awesome? So awesome that I just used every text enhancement that Blogger offers when I typed the word awesome, and also made it pink. So awesome. The mattress we'd been sleeping on was one that we got along with our bedroom set, just before we were married, so it had been slept on for nearly 10 years. You know in cartoons how somebody will sit down on an old mattress, and a spring will poke out and go "sproing!"? Our bed was making that sound. Now we're sleeping on a Tempurpedic, and it's like having friendly sleep angels lulling you into unconsciousness every night.

The bad part about being so quickly spoiled by our new mattress is that it becomes very hard to go to sleep anyplace else, as Courtney and I have both discovered while traveling in the past month. When she got home yesterday, four nights in a hotel bed and a crowded return flight had all added up to one really sore back for her. I think she probably could have put her head down on the pillow and instantly been out, but I wanted to make sure she got a really good night's sleep and relaxation, so I gave her a backrub until she was ready to sleep.

I'm pleased to report that she fell asleep smiling.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 7: Made a Welcome Home Banner

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:25:00 +0000

Courtney came home today! That sound you hear is me heaving a deep sigh of relief. I wanted her to have something sweet to come home to, but I was also a little tight on time last night because I had to go to a meeting after work.

My mom came over to be with the kids, and I got out some butcher paper, crayons, markers, and stickers for them to work with while I was gone. When I got back, here's what they'd made with Grammy's help.

I'm pleased to report that she really liked it.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 6: Sent Roses to Her Hotel Room

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:41:00 +0000

One time when I was a junior in high school, this girl I liked went on a choir trip to Nashville. While she was there, I sent some roses to be delivered to her hotel room. Later, she totally went to the prom with me. I tell this story so that you can see that even twenty years ago, I was kind of a baller.

(Later, she and I were also in each other's weddings, and our families went to Disneyland together! So, yeah, the roses worked.)

But this isn't about her, it's about Courtney. I wanted to send some flowers to her room, but I've had mixed experiences with services like FTD. Sometimes they get it right, but sometimes the florists they work with do kind of a sloppy job. Instead, I called the hotel that she's staying in for her conference, and asked for the concierge. I figured that if there was somebody who would know a good, local place to work with, it would be them.

The concierge's name was Britney, and she was really helpful. After I told her what I'd like, gave her my billing info, and what I'd like on my card, she assured me that the rest would be taken care of. Yesterday evening, when Courtney finished with the conference for the day, and went back to her room, I got a message from her thanking me for the gorgeous flowers, along with a picture.

It sounds like it's been a good conference, but I'm awfully ready for her to be home on Wednesday evening.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 5: Cleaned the House

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:11:00 +0000

It's probably silly, but the time when I'm absolutely the most motivated to clean is right before I leave on a trip, because I love coming back to a clean house. I thought that Courtney would enjoy that, too, so I decided that today's thing would be to clean as much of the house as I could. It's not spotless, but she'll be coming home to something much nicer than what she left.

We skipped church yesterday, because the kids were all really sniffly, and Blake was coughing. Since we had all of that time at home, I enlisted their help. After they'd picked up all of their toys and books from the living room and put them away, I Tom Sawyered them into wanting to Swiffer the kitchen floor by telling them how boring it was, and how they wouldn't like having to do it. Worked like a charm.

With a little more time before she comes home on Wednesday night, I think we can a few more things looking good, too.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 4: Hid Something in Her Suitcase

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 04:17:00 +0000

Courtney left town yesterday morning for a critical care nursing conference in Houston. She won't be back until Wednesday evening, which makes it a little more challenging to do something nice for her each day.

Sometimes when Courtney travels, she gets kind of nauseous. Couple that with pregnancy and, well, you can see how it would be even worse. One thing that's always helped her, though, is sour candy. On Friday night, when I ran out to get ice cream for movie night, I ducked into Walgreens and bought a card and some Sour Patch Kids. After the movie was over, I quickly wrote a note in the card and slipped both items into her suitcase while she was in the next room.

I got this text from her yesterday while I was out with the kids.

Success! And yeah, I put little smoochie smilies in my message. Deal with it.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 3: Movie Night

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:09:00 +0000

First, I have to brag on Blake for a second. There's a monthly event called the First Friday Art Trail, where different galleries and venues around Lubbock open their doors to the public to display work by area artists. Last night, one of the galleries had a display of work from All Saints students, and one of Blake's pieces was selected! It's the Keith Haring-inspired piece right above his head in this picture.

Mrs. Lemon is a really great art teacher. Blake comes home telling me about the stuff they've learned in class, and it's far more in-depth than anything I was doing in first grade. Small world - my mom actually taught one of Mrs. Lemon's daughters over a decade ago.

Courtney left town this morning for a critical care conference in Houston, where she'll be for the next few days, so I wanted some time with her last night. We got the kids to bed after we returned home from the gallery, and I went to get ice cream for the two of us while Courtney chose a movie for us on Netflix. See, that way I'm romancing her on two fronts - giving her the snack that she wants, and showing her that I'm able to relinquish control of the Netflix queue when it counts. To her credit, she chose a Steve Martin movie, something that I can always get behind.

I guess there's not too much to describe about watching a movie together. We sat next to each other, held hands, and enjoyed both each other's company and the ice cream. When I started to doze off, she'd stick an elbow into my ribs and tease me about being an old man who couldn't stay awake through a movie anymore. It was nice. It made me think of when we would watch movies together on my couch back when we were dating, just with lots less making out.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 2: A Day Off Together

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:05:00 +0000

I had something a little different in mind for yesterday, but the way that the day turned out was actually even better. The alarm went off and I started to shower and get ready for work. As I started to lay out clothes for the day, Courtney asked, "I don't feel very well today. Do you think you could stay home with me?" And that's what I did.

We dressed the kids and took them all to school, and then came home and just spent the day together. We went to our room and spent over an hour talking with each other. It is really, really nice to have a conversation where you aren't being constantly interrupted by tiny people.

She napped, and I laid beside her, and although it wasn't what I had planned, it was great. When she'd wake up, I'd check to see if there was anything that she needed. At the end of the school day, when she usually goes to pick up the kids, I was able to go do that for her.

A short entry today, I guess, because there isn't much to describe, but it was still a really nice day.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 1: Love Letter

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:44:00 +0000

First things first: I posted yesterday's blog entry and almost immediately received a pile of messages from friends who were amazed to learn that Courtney is pregnant! This is my fault. It's such a part of our lives right now that I sometimes think I must surely be talking and writing about it far more than I actually am.

So here's what's happening... Courtney is almost twelve weeks pregnant with twins right now. For several years, going back to before Jack was born, she's felt led to become a surrogate, and it's a path that we've been on for a while now. I've mentioned it on here a couple of times, both directly and indirectly. I guess that there are a few reasons I've been a little quiet about it overall, though. First, I've wanted to be respectful of her privacy and of the couple she's carrying for. Second, just like when it's your own pregnancy, we've been holding off on making an announcement until we felt like it was safe to do so. The couple she's carrying for is a really fantastic couple, and they're very excited.

Now you can't say that I didn't tell you!

I thought that a good way to kick off two weeks of romantic gestures would be with a good old fashioned love letter. Like a lot of things in relationships, this is something I used to be much better about back when we were dating, but have sort of fallen out of the habit of doing. I don't think that a day passes when I don't tell Courtney that I love her, but I wanted to give her something she could hold onto, you know?

I sat down once the kids were in bed, and got to work. It was harder than I thought it would be, because once I started, I had to self-edit a lot. I thought of posting the finished letter here, but ultimately decided that it really should just be for her eyes. I tried to follow a piece of advice I'd seen, though, when I was writing: a love letter should express appreciation of your past, happiness with your present, and hope for your future. That's what I tried to go for in this letter.

She wasn't working last night, and after a while she looked over and asked, "What are you working on so intently over there?"
"I'll show you in a minute."

I finished writing just as she went to change into pajamas, and she called to me from our room to ask if I'd pour her a glass of milk. I did, and put the note down beside it. I didn't want to watch over her shoulder as she read, so I stayed in the next room, but I could tell that she was reading it, because I could hear her starting to sniffle. She came into the room smiling from ear to ear, and thanked me for her letter.

I'm going to rate Day 1 as a success.

Project Valentine 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:59:00 +0000

I have got to get my mojo back. I just reread the last post I wrote on here: a few months ago, I would have spun that story into comedy, but instead I took it in a sappier direction. What do I need? What I need is... a Project.

I made one New Years Resolution this year, and actually it was also kind of sappy. My resolution, which I have so far only shared with Courtney, was to make her fall in love with me all over again like when we were dating. This May will mark our tenth anniversary, so I thought it would be a good time to make sure I'm doing my part to keep the homefires burning.

You may not have guessed this from reading my blog, but sometimes it takes a lot of patience to live with me. I mean, I like to think that I'm a pretty good guy, but I also do stuff like hogging control of the Netflix queue for months at a time or bringing international attention into our lives. In spite of all that, though, Courtney encourages me and wants me to do what I love.

Here's just one story about why I love her. With the exception of a few recent additions, my musical tastes are pretty much frozen in the mid to late '90s, when I was in high school and college. I've never outgrown the all-too-brief Britpop boom, when the world had Pulp, Oasis, and Blur to listen to. So, when the line-up for this year's Coachella festival was announced, and I saw that Pulp was reuniting, I really wanted to go. (To say nothing of the many other great acts! Madness, Mazzy Star, Radiohead, Noel Gallagher, The Hives! Many, many others!) At first, this was just idle chatter on Facebook, until my friend Steven hit me right in my vain soft spot with this observation: "You've never been to a music festival? Going to this and writing about it would make excellent material for your blog." He and I decided that we would try to get tickets and travel there together.

But I still had to pitch it to Courtney. I put it in the nicest terms I could, but it still boiled down to, "I would like to ditch you and the kids for a long weekend while I go camp in the desert with my friend, where we will be partying and listening to music. Did I mention that this will take place while you are five months pregnant with twins?" And you know what? She not only told me she was fine with me going, she was enthusiastic about it. She wanted me to have that experience. As it turned out, Steven and I immediately got placed in the standby system when it was time to purchase tickets, where we sat for the rest of the afternoon as we watched Coachella sell out. But still, Courtney was willing to let me go, and that meant a lot to me.

I did a Project Valentine last year, where I watched a different romance movie every day in February. This year, Project Valentine will be something different. Every day between now and Valentines Day, I'm going to do something special for her. Because I don't want to rush these, I'll post each day's project the next day, along with how it was received. This will be a bit of a challenge, because she's going to be out of town for about 5 of those 14 days, but that just means I'll have to be creative.

Don't worry - this is going to be fun, not schmoopy. Maybe a little schmoopy.

Dear Tooth Fairy, We Cool?

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 22:39:00 +0000

Man, I have really been struggling this month with a lack of motivation. Not just motivation to sit down and blog, but motivation to do much of anything except eat chips and play Skyrim. I can't blame it on winter doldrums, since it's pretty consistently been in the 70s, and I can't blame it on a lack of things that need to be done, since there are still three children who live in my house. Gotta shake it off.

One thing that I've kept doing, though, is going to All Saints every Wednesday to volunteer with the chess club there. Sometimes Blake brings his lunch to the library, and we'll eat together. While I was there this week, he suddenly gasped and looked down at his food, and then pointed out to me the tooth that had popped out when he took a bite, and which was sitting right on top. He was excited because he knows, after losing six other teeth, that a visit from the tooth fairy means fifty cents. I was excited because I didn't have to pull it out myself.

The nurse at All Saints keeps a stash of little plastic treasure chests for kids to put their teeth into to make sure that they get home safely, and Blake was really eager to go get one.

We have this little tooth pillow that used to be mine when I was a kid. He put his tooth into it, went to bed, and his unmotivated dad completely forgot about it until the next morning.

"My tooth is still here!"

"Ooohhh... You know what? Um... I forgot to let the Tooth Fairy know."

"She doesn't just know?"

"Well, um, they give you her email address once you become a parent, and you're supposed to let her know. I'll be sure she gets the message today."

I say these things, and then think that surely, SURELY, he must be on to the game, and is only playing along because he knows he gets money out of it. But last night convinced me that Blake is still a true believer.

It was time for bed, and I was trying to get him to follow me into his room, knowing that Jack wouldn't get into bed until he saw Blake do the same thing. Blake kept hanging back by the chair where his coat and school bag were, digging around his coat pocket.

"What are you doing?"

"I just need to check my coat pocket real quick!"

He walked into his room with a slip of paper hidden in his hands, held close to his body where he thought I wouldn't see it. I asked him what it was, and he told me it was nothing.

"Well, what's written on it?"

And then he just dissolved into sobs and tears.

"I took the tooth back to school to show my friends, and I lost it there, but I knew that you were going to send a note to the Tooth Fairy today, and I didn't want her to think that I was lying about losing a tooth!"

Here's what the paper said:

I disguised my handwriting the best I could, wrote "I Love You" on it, and tucked it back into the tooth pillow along with two quarters after he was asleep.

Looking Forward, Looking Back

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 05:36:00 +0000

Some trivia to start out your 2012 with: the month of January is actually named after actress January Jones, who plays Betty Draper on AMC's hit series Mad Men. For real!

I can't believe you went and double-checked me on Wikipedia! OK, it's actually named for Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and transitions. He has two faces, one to look forward, and one to look back. Because it gives me an easy, lazy post to start the year with, I'm going to take a look back at Look What Danny Made! in 2011, and a look forward at some of what I've got in mind for 2012.

So, things that happened in 2011:

I'm looking back at that list right now, and I'm going to have to go ahead and pat my own back a little bit. 2011 was neither my very best nor my very worst year, but it was the year when I decided to do things and I did them. Sure, some of them were silly things like watching a whole bunch of movies, but I feel like I also managed to accomplish some really positive things, like the weight loss and the service.

I'm still firming up ideas for things to do this year. There's going to be another Project Valentine, but it's going to be something entirely different this year. I'm planning two movie projects, the conclusion of Project Horror and one TBA. Project Gastronome is coming back in April, to see what other nations I can anger. I'm also going to be doing the Marine Corps Fitness Test once a month between now and December, and reporting the results (and hopeful improvements) here.

But I'm also planning something that is going to be my biggest project EVER, not just on the blog, but in my life. How big? This one won't take a month, it's going to unfold over the next several years. I've shared the details of it with a very few people already, but I need to get a few more details in place before I'm ready to unveil it here. I'll give you the name: Project Summit.

Happy New Year, friends. What are you going to do this year?

Merry Christmas: A Look Back at Project Advent

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:31:00 +0000

There are two stories I would like to tell you.

The first one is actually my mom's story. Her grandmother moved to America as a young woman, a Russian Jew who emigrated after the pogroms. She met a nice young man, a tailor, another Russian immigrant who had fled the violence of the pogroms. That was my great-grandfather. My mom tells me that her grandmother would never talk about her life in Russia, but there was one story that she shared, when my mom asked her what the best gift she'd ever had was.

The best gift my great-grandmother said she'd ever received was the year that she got an entire orange to herself on her birthday, and didn't have to share it with her brothers or sisters. Every time I throw away spoiled fruit, I think of this story.

The second story is from Christmas 1983. It was four o'clock in the morning, later than even the most excited 8 year-old boy could stay awake, and at least two hours earlier than he would wake up on his own. My dad came into my room, woke me up, and said, "Get dressed and meet me in the living room. I've laid out some warm clothes for you. Try not to wake your brother." I worried that I may be in trouble, because the situation was so odd, but I hadn't heard any anger in his voice, and so I did as he asked.

My mom had made us a Thermos full of hot chocolate, and when we were in the car with that and some muffins, I asked, "Where are we going, Papa?"
"We're going to help some people out for Christmas."

He drove us to a downtown parking lot, where many other people had gathered. This was the distribution point for the Goodfellows program, a charitable effort to give gifts to impoverished families with children, so that they would have something under the tree on Christmas morning. They loaded the trunk of our car with sacks of toys, clothes, and groceries, gave us an address to visit, and then sent us on our way.

Papa followed the directions we'd been given, and pulled up 20 minutes later in front of a house in the worst part of East Lubbock. Together, we unloaded bags from the car, and he quietly tapped on the door, so he wouldn't wake the children sleeping inside. The single mother who lived there with her children had been told when to expect the drop-off, so she met us at the door with a smile as we carried the sacks inside. She hugged my dad, and cried, and thanked him for his help. We drove back home, drinking hot chocolate on the way, and my brother and sister were just starting to wake up when we walked in the door. Every Christmas morning, I think of this story.

These are the two experiences that shaped my thinking this month, and that made me want to try and do this hour of service each day of Advent, and to keep a grateful heart. You, my friends, and my readers, have probably been able to tell that my heart has been in a much more somber place these last few months. I can't lie - there are some days when I am working very hard to hold it together. I miss my dad very much. Every day. I carried these heightened emotions along with me into some of these projects.

That said, doing this project has brought me more joy than anything has in months. Just the feeling that with only an hour a day, I can put something positive out into the world is really uplifting. There are still so many who are hungry, or homeless, or hurt and in need of help, but I can do something about it. You can, too.

Last night, I sat in Christmas Eve service with my family. I will tell you that the way I used to look forward to Christmas Morning as a child is how I now look forward to Christmas Eve service as an adult. Seeing my children by candlelight, watching them take in the procession of the wise men and the shepherds, makes my heart swell with love, and makes me feel like I am tying them into the line of something very ancient and powerful. There was this moment last night, as we held our candles, and Pastor Craig read from the first chapter of the Gospel of John, where this last month clicked into perspective for me.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Only when we stop caring about each other and taking care of each other will the darkness overcome us. Light a candle against the darkness.

I said this yesterday, but again, I am so thankful to each of you who read, commented, emailed, or spoke with me. Thank you to anybody who encouraged me or who helped me to arrange service opportunities. Thank you again to everybody who helped make dinner at the Ronald McDonald house possible with your contributions. Merry Christmas and much love to you all.

I'm going to take this next week off from the blog, but I promise that 2012 will have some fun things in store. Anybody interested in another round of Project Gastronome?

Project Advent, Day 24: Ronald McDonald Family Room at UMC

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:30:00 +0000

Have you ever heard of Ronald McDonald Family Rooms before? This time last week, I never had. You're probably familiar with Ronald McDonald Houses, which give an affordable place to stay to families who must travel to be with children who are receiving medical treatment. Sometimes, though, your child's condition is serious enough that you can't be that far from them. Ronald McDonald Family Rooms are meant to fill the need in those situations. They are a comfortable, welcoming space for families to come spend some time during the day.

I arrived at UMC this morning a few moments before 9 o'clock. A beautiful snow was falling, and I had to stop at the front door of the hospital for a minute. Today is December 24th. Today is exactly four months since my dad's death. Today is the first time I've walked through the doors of the hospital since that day. I called Courtney from the front door and she spoke a word of strength and encouragement to me.

UMC's family room is on the second floor, with the pediatric units. One of the conditions of its being available is that there must always be a volunteer present while it is open. A UMC nurse named Joyce was already in there today, and I got there in time to help her with the final few items on the morning checklist. The room is a really nice space. There's a relaxing sitting area with a television, a quiet room with an internet-connected computer, and a well-stocked kitchen with plenty of snacks, coffee, and instant meals. There's even a washer and dryer (and clean extra clothes), and a bathroom with a shower and toiletries, all there for families who may have had to come in straight from an emergency.

Joyce told me about the room and the volunteer program, and then told me what our special assignment today would be. It could not have been better - today we visited the children in the pediatric ICU to take them toys. There were only four patients in that unit today, all of them infants. I gathered a handful of Beanie Babies, and we made our way to the PICU, stopping to disinfect our hands on the way.

Four rooms, four precious babies. The first one was sleeping peacefully, and his parents were dozing in a chair beside his bed. We gave the stuffed animal to his mother, and then left. In the next room, a beautiful girl was just waking. I waved and smiled to her, but I think the sight of a stranger may have frightened her, because she started to cry. We gave a stuffed bear to her mother, while her father picked her up to comfort her. The third baby's grandmother was sitting with him, and had been there all night. She wept and hugged us, and thanked us for coming to see her. My own emotions were starting to rise.

And then we stepped into the final room, where a young boy slept by himself. For privacy, I've tried to say very little about these children or their conditions, so I will only say that the reason his parents were not there is because they are not currently allowed to be with him. I'm not going to type this well, because I'm starting to get emotional even now, but after I set down a toy on a cabinet in his room, I looked down at him in his crib, and my heart just clenched inside of me. Here was this strong, fantastic boy, a person, another of God's children, with a life still ahead of him, and he was lying there hurt and alone and it was more than I could take.

I've been pretty open with my feelings during this project, and I've told you all about the times when things have been difficult. Today was the first time I've actually had to stop in the middle of a project, bow my head, and pray. I prayed for his healing, and that he would be surrounded with love, and that he would know that he is loved. I prayed for a better 2012 for him. I hope that's what happens. I hope that next Christmas is the happiest day of his life.

Joyce and I left the PICU, talked a while more in the family room, and then it was time for me to go. I had to get back home to spend Christmas Eve with my family, and to be thankful for that opportunity.

Gratitude Project: I'm going to try my best to post a wrap-up for this project tomorrow, but since Christmas will probably be pretty busy, we'll just have to see when I actually get around to it. What I'm grateful for today is each of you who have joined me on this project. Everybody who read this, or who gave me ideas for service projects, and each of you who said kind things to me along the way. Thank you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Project Advent, Day 23: Letters for Amnesty International

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:41:00 +0000

Phew, busy day today. Courtney worked last night, and Jack's daycare was closed today, so I had all three kids to keep occupied so she could sleep. We went for donuts for breakfast, made a trip to the grocery store to get some things before Courtney's family came to town, and cleaned house a little to get ready for them. Then we headed to my mom's house for a little while. She needed her turbine covers put on, but didn't want to climb to the roof herself, so I was happy to help. The kids and I went to lunch with her after that, and then I took them bowling.

As a dad, you always hope your kids will see you being awesome at everything, especially sports. Please take a look at the scoreboard of today's game, and notice that only the two year-old scored fewer points than I did.

Anyway, all of that is just to highlight that I had to plan my time carefully today if I was going to get my hour of service in. When the kids laid down for a nap after bowling, I sprung into action. I sprung into action by sitting down with my laptop.

Along with much of the rest of the world, I've watched the events of this year's Arab Spring with great hope and interest. I'm impressed by the resolve and courage that so many of these people have shown. I've also been saddened to hear of the number of abuses that have been visited upon them by their governments. It has made me wish that there was something, anything, that I could do.

For today's project, I visited Amnesty International's website, read about the names and cases of four people identified as "Prisoners of Conscience," and wrote letters on their behalf. A prisoner of conscience is defined by AI as a person who has been imprisoned and/or persecuted for the non-violent expression of their conscientiously-held beliefs. One of Amnesty International's campaigns is to make information about these prisoners available, along with people to write to and request clemency. The idea is to let those in authority know that the world is watching their actions.

I chose the names of several individuals who have been detained in the Middle East, and hand-wrote letters to their countries' justice systems. When the kids woke up, I took them with me to the post office, put international postage on the envelopes, and dropped them in the mail. Now to hope for the best.

You know, it's hard to take a compelling picture of somebody writing letters. Instead, here's a picture of me with a six-foot inflatable replica of the leg lamp from A Christmas Story.

Gratitude Project: I feel like I'm shirking a little bit, because I've mentioned my kids in quite a few of these, but I really had a good day with them today. It can be kind of a challenge bowling with three kids, but you should have seen how much fun they had, and how proud they were when they bowled a good frame. When my in-laws arrived, they were so excited and full of joy.

Sometimes you are blessed to look at a moment while you are still in the middle of it, and to know that it's a memory you will carry with you. I had one of those with Ava today. I wanted to sit down and type this a little earlier in the evening, but she came to me and asked if I would help her make a house for her stuffed Eeyore. We found a cardboard box and used her crayons and markers to draw Christmas pictures all over it. Then she put him inside, put a blanket over the top, and told him to sleep tight. Sitting there on her bedroom floor, drawing candy canes and a little Nativity scene with her, was the type of moment I'd always imagined having when I became the father of a daughter.

Project Advent, Day 22: Saint Benedict's Chapel

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 04:44:00 +0000

Last month, when I asked for suggestions of places to perform service, my friend Courtney got in touch with me to tell me about Saint Benedict's Chapel. It is located in downtown Lubbock, in a building that used to be a Subway franchise. They serve dinner to the hungry every night of the week. Each night, the cooking, serving, and cleanup is done by a different church or community group. Courtney goes to Second Baptist church, and comes down to serve with them on Thursdays.

I've previously shared a little about my sentimental fondness for downtown Lubbock, so I was glad for another opportunity to do some service in that part of town. I arrived at St. Ben's at around 4:30, when most of the cooking was done, and just before the serving started at 5. Courtney's mom was already there, and greeted me, and then Courtney arrived a few minutes later, and introduced me to some of the other volunteers. I haven't seen Courtney in a while, so we caught up a little bit as we prepared drinks. We tried to figure out how long we've known each other, and couldn't really remember, but it's been at least 20 years.

Then it was time to let people in from the cold, and to serve dinner! The menu tonight was fried chicken, potato salad, green beans, bread, and cake for dessert. Serving works a little differently here than it does at Second Helpings. There, the people line up and come through a serving line. At St. Ben's, they find a seat and food is brought to them on a plate. I joined the group taking plates out to the guests, while another group made plates behind the counter.

There's a piano in one corner that's used for Sunday morning services, but tonight one of the other volunteers played Christmas songs on it while he sang. It really added a lot of fun to the evening! As people finished their plates, we took away their trash and took seconds to anybody who was still hungry. The hour passed quickly, and before I knew it, I had to leave so that I could get home with the kids before Courtney went to work. As I prepared to leave, an old friend of the family caught me, and wanted to make sure I told my mom hello.

Serving for a day at St. Ben's was really a lot of fun. I have to say, as much as I enjoy working at Second Helpings, I really liked the act of bringing food to people at their tables at Saint Benedict's. It felt like I was serving individual people.

Just two more days left in Project Advent! I just finalized the arrangements for Saturday's project today, and I'm looking forward to it. I think it'll be good.

Gratitude Project: The family friend I mentioned above asked me very kindly about how we were all doing since Papa's death in August. We've had good days and bad, and some especially hard ones still happen sometimes. One thing constant through it all has been love and support from our friends. I'm thankful for that today.

Project Advent, Day 21: Cookies for Carillon

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:30:00 +0000

I stayed up last night until far too late, playing Skyrim. Today has been pretty non-stop action, too. We actually completed today's service pretty early in the day, but I'm sitting here now, struggling to keep my eyes open long enough to tell you about it! If this isn't quite as interesting an entry as usual, chalk it up to sleepiness.

Blake and Ava are out of school now, and I wanted to do something that I could include them in. I called one of the directors at Carillon, a retirement community in Lubbock, to see if we could come pay a visit. They were pleased to put us on their calendar, and to let us come. After we had breakfast with Courtney and dropped Jack at daycare, we came back home to get started.

Blake and Ava put on aprons and started putting cookies on cookie sheets. This was one spot where I did go ahead and opt for the easier choice by purchasing those cookies that are already mixed and cut into pieces, so that we wouldn't be in the kitchen all morning.

Once the cookies were made and cooled, it was to the car, and to Carillon. There was a really great Christmas display there that they wanted their pictures taken with. Then Tiffany, who works at Carillon, met with us and spent the next hour escorting us through some of the areas where residents were gathered, and letting us visit with them.

The kids were so wonderful. They were polite and respectful, friendly and loving, and open to the experience of visiting with new people. They each sang Christmas songs for some of the residents, and Ava showed off some of her ballet moves. Blake talked with a man who retired from the Navy a long time ago, telling him all that he knows about ships. One kind grandfather shook Blake's hand, and then kissed Ava's, which she just about swooned over. On our way home, they both told me what a fun time they had this morning. That part was the most unexpected. I had hoped that they would enjoy themselves, and see the joy that their visit might bring to others, but they really, genuinely had fun. I was full of pride over these two.

This is nothing to do with the service project, but I got the chance to end the day feeling proud of them, too, as they performed in our church's childrens' Christmas pageant. Ava was a star, and Blake was a wise man. Here's some pictures.

Gratitude Project: I'm just feeling a general feeling of gratitude tonight. For the warm bed I'm about to climb into, for my wife who I will sleep beside, for the friend who I am having breakfast with in the morning, and for the extended family who I will be seeing tomorrow night.

Project Advent, Day 20: Second Helpings

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 05:08:00 +0000

I'm still on a real emotional high from last night's successful dinner at Ronald McDonald House. That's why today was a great day to go back to Second Helpings at the church and tell my friends there that I'd been able to put some of the lessons that I've learned about mass food prep to work.

It was a very cold day in Lubbock again, and the menu at Second Helpings had some good cold weather foods - a big pan of macaroni and cheese, meaty lasagna, fried chicken, and several kinds of vegetables. It was also the first time that I noticed moms there with their children, now that school is out.

Not much new or exciting from today's visit, but I've decided that Second Helpings isn't just going to be an Advent thing for me. I'm going to try and make it there every Tuesday from now on.

My kids are out of school, so they'll be joining me for tomorrow's service!

Gratitude Project: I'm very grateful for the time that I'll have with the kids these next few days!

Thank You from the Bottom of my Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Danny) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:38:00 +0000

One of my absolute favorite passages in all of scripture is Matthew 25:31-40.

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

About two weeks ago, I asked your help in covering the cost of food for a meal at Ronald McDonald House. I had no idea that my readers would come through so incredibly generously. Because you were a part of this special night, I'd like to recognize you by name.

A big thanks to:

Eddie & Paula Petmecky
Kitty Petmecky
Kristen Horton
Anonymous
Roy Bassett
The Rieckhoff Family
Katie Kim
Matt Musselman
Steve Miles
Meredith Bray
"AJ"
The Koller Family
Steve Moss
Matt Bumstead and United Supermarkets
Chad and Heather Henthorn
Clay and Marcy Erwin

All of you made this possible. Eddie texted me less than 20 minutes after I posted my appeal, and brought me a check that same night. His brother Erik, who was a friend to all, passed away earlier this year, and Eddie shared with me that he was doing this to honor Erik's legacy. That meant a lot to me. God bless you, Petmecky family.

United Supermarkets already donates a great deal to food ministries, especially this time of year, but when I asked Matt if he could help me, he gave me a very generous gift card to use in their stores.

I know that for each of you, there was something else you could have spent this money on, or one more present you could have put under the tree with it, so thank you for choosing to help me. All of you fed a stranger today; all of you looked after "the least of these my brethren." God bless you, and thank you so much.

Thank you, too, to Rudy's BBQ. As I mentioned in the post where I talk about the meal, Rudy's not only smoked our briskets, they did it for free when I told them it was for Ronald McDonald House. If you are going out to eat sometime over the holidays, perhaps you'd consider giving some support back to Rudy's? And if you happen to see a manager named Mr. Anthony Davis, would you please shake his hand, tell him that you heard about how he helped, and let him know that it was noticed?

Thank you to my mom. She not only made the single largest batch of macaroni salad she's ever made, she was also responsible for donating dessert. Each year, Meals on Wheels has a fundraiser where they give you a coupon for a free frozen pie from United with a $5 donation. Each year, she gets like 40 and puts them in Christmas cards. This year, she gave me enough of them to make sure that everybody at Ronald McDonald House got to have a piece of pie after dinner tonight.

Now, as promised, here is a summary of the donations and expenses. I'll scan in the receipts tomorrow so that I can post them here. For items where there was extra leftover (spices, foil, Ziploc bags, etc.) the extra portion was given to the House to put in their pantry.

DONATIONS THROUGH CASH, CHECK, & PAYPAL $420.00

DONATION OF UNITED SUPERMARKETS GIFT CARD $100.00

TOTAL DONATIONS $520.00

MARKET STREET $19.16

MARKET STREET $153.11

SAM'S CLUB $97.91

RUDY'S BBQ (sauce) $34.00

PAYPAL TRANSFER FEES $5.00

TOTAL EXPENSES $304.18

That left me with a difference of $215.82, which I added a few dollars of my own to, and donated a check for $220 to Ronald McDonald House tonight. We not only fed them a great meal, but had enough left over to donate $220!

Thank you, everybody, for your support, even if it was through kind words and prayer. This was a proud night for me and for you.