Looking 4 My Sun

New Hope

2010-01-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

Yay, update! Anyways, there's been so much going on in the last few weeks. Got a hold of a new lawyer and it seems things are really on my side. I don't wanna give all the details, because we have spies among us but let's just say hopefully by the end of the year I'll at the very least have my son on my visitation days. And hopefully Craig will learn that you can't treat people like this. Anyway, I'd just like to thank everyone who has been supporting me. I'll try to keep you as updated as I can, but like I said his wife seems to read this blog and likes to harass me afterwards. I mean who says a kids show makes a 3 year old sick? If a child gets sick every time he watches a children's show you're either failing as a parent, or you should take him to a hospital. That or you're just jealous and are running out of ways to try and hurt me. Anyway, like I was saying, I don't want them knowing all my plans just yet. My New Years resolution is to stay strong in all of this and do every thing in my power to make sure my son is safe in my arms! I hope you all had happy holidays! :-)

Christmas time

2009-12-17T10:19:00.001-08:00

Well, Christmas is kicking my butt. Been working almost non-stop. I work the next 8 days in a row. And I still am short on cash. I was able to buy something for Jeffrey though. I don't know where to ship it to so I have decided to ship it to my ex's parents. Although they aren't talking to me either, I'm hoping they will at the very least send him his present. I of course wasn't able to send it on time though. Every day I've had off since I bought it I have been having to do like 80 million things. I didn't even realize Christmas was next week until yesterday. Whenever I do get a minute to think my son is definitely on my mind. I keep trying to figure out how big he is now. How smart he's getting. I wonder if they still let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba which used to be me and his favorite morning time show. He'd run around doing his baby dance to all the songs. That was the first time he ever seemed to really get into something on the tv. He'd actually stand there and watch and dance to the whole show. Then we'd play games together. I miss my mornings with my son.

Always so busy.

2009-12-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

Once again sorry for the updates. Trying to keep this thing updated and keep my life together is hard work. Haha. So I've been recently messaged by a few of my ex-husband's new wife's friends. In response to this I'd just like to add that everything I say in this blog is true to the best of my knowledge. And although it does not paint a very good picture of my ex-husband or his new wife that is not my intention. My intention is to put my story out there so that I can find some help either with getting my son or some support from other people who have gone through what I've gone through. Some more details about the legal situation, I know what state my son lives in, but no address. I do not have my ex's phone number and every person's number I do have will not answer. The only address I have is of his parent's but they have been no help to me. Our divorce and the child custody papers are all done in one state, I live in another state and he and my son live in a different state. Every lawyer I have talked to has pretty much told me to call a lawyer in the other state. I have a job but am not able to spend the 5,000+ dollars it takes to hire a decent lawyer. I have tried appealing to my ex-husband to at least let me talk to my son but he refuses to even speak to me. And last time I almost did have a lawyer willing to work with me he moved to a new state and cut contact completely. I do not know if my son is ok. All I have to go by is my ex's word, which I don't trust very much.

On the more emotional side to this battle I can say that I am a mother missing her son dearly. Getting through the day is hard sometimes. I work with the public and even seeing a child Jeff's age almost makes me cry. I am a good mother (no matter what my ex has to say about it). I love my baby boy more then anything in the whole world. And I would do anything I had to to get him back. To know that he was safe in my arms. I don't even have many pictures of him anymore because someone (my ex was the only one I know who had my password) had went onto my myspace account and deleted all of my pictures. And shortly after that my hard drive crashed and deleted the few I had seved on my computer. But his face remains vivid in my mind. I see it every night when I close my eyes. He is the love of my life, and I feel sorry for the people who took him from me. Sorry that they don't seem to understand the bond between a mother and her child.

Working hard. X-P

2009-11-19T17:56:00.000-08:00

Well, sorry for the lack of updates, I've been working a lot lately because of the holidays. Sadly this is gonna be a short one. For anyone looking for more information about my story feel free to message me and ask. I'm trying not to just post everything at once on here. For a little more about it, my son will be 3 in February. It's been a little over a year since I last saw him and a little less since I last talked to him on the phone. My ex is keeping any information about him from me at this point. Last I heard the last February was that he was learning to count and doing well, although that doesn't mean much coming from my ex. Although I've been trying to contact everyone that knew my ex for the past year no one will answer me. I don't think my ex is abusing him, but I honestly don't know for sure as he always had a very bad temper in general. Although it was never toward my son, I'm afraid as he gets older he might. :-( As time passes I find it's harder and harder to think about all of this.

A little about my situation

2009-11-12T12:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I keep trying to contact my ex-husband through various means hoping to talk to my son, but so far I have been unsuccessful. It's been about a year since I was able to talk to my son on the phone, and a little over since I held him in my arms and told him I'd see him soon. The day I moved back to Florida I thought for sure my son would be following soon with my ex. Even then I still trusted and loved the man, after all of the shit he had put me through. I never thought for a second that he would run as soon as the Navy let him out. I only wish I had my friends and family there at the time to snap me out of his spell on me. Since I found out he wasn't coming as he had promised I tried calling lawyer after lawyer for some help. But considering the circumstances and the different states not many seemed to know how to even begin. And the few that did were asking for more money then I make in a month up front. My son will be 3 this coming February. That will make two birthdays I wont be able to tell him how much I love him. My ex-husband is under the impression that he is better off thinking his new "step-mom" is his real mom. Last time I talked to him he told me he wished I was dead, and promptly shut off his phone service and blocked me on everything. I tried talking to his family, who had always seemed to really care about me, and they seem to think (with his suggestion, i'm sure) that I was the one who cheated on him. That I just left him and my son. I regret so much of the last 3 years. The first being that I ever trusted that man.

Starting over...

2009-11-11T14:27:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am, 22 years old, divorced, and living with my mom again. Getting wrapped up in a whirl wind romance at 18, dropping out of college and moving across the country with a man you've only known for 6 months is not recommended. I was 19 when I got pregnant with my son, and that is about when my at the time husband started changing from a caring understanding man, to a controlling, manipulative person. I tried making things last, even when I caught him telling another women he wanted to be with her instead while I was 8 months pregnant. I trusted him when he told me it was nothing, that he was sorry, that he loved me. In the end all it got me was a year and a half of verbal and emotional abuse, a load of debt, and him leaving me for another women with my son in his arms. I have spent the last year without my son dreaming about what he may be like now, 2 1/2 years old. Talking to lawyers trying to figure out the best plan to get him back. Having little money and little support is hard though. Mom has helped as much as she can, but she has her own problems. I found out a few weeks ago that my son and ex-husband are in Michigan now and that he has apparently married the women that "meant nothing" to him all those months ago. Now I get to picture this man and women raising my son, telling him that she is his only mother. Things have been hard. But I'm hoping they get better. Soon hopefully. I'm asking for help though, through donation, legal advice, or even just support. Anything that may help me get closer to my sunshine. To my beautiful baby boy.