You might expect a home with an asking price of $1.35 million to have nice photos.

Ha ha ha. That was a good one.

Not only is there an ominous shadow looming over a large portion of the frame in a number of the pictures of this home, the sellers can’t even be bothered to tidy up.

If that pantry doesn’t say “luxury living,” I don’t know what does.

Sure, there’s something to be said for truth in advertising…

…but at some point it starts to feel like you’re just rubbing it in.

I mean, this set goes on for thirty photos.

I actually rather like the style and era of the home, but holy cow would it take a lot of money to make it livable. Livable to someone who isn’t a complete slob, that is.

Park your butt and get some work done.

I have to say, I don’t really understand the point of photos like these that almost exclusively feature furniture, decor, and other items that won’t be sold with the home.

Cool table! Now I’m totally going to buy this home!

On the other hand, when this is the most exciting shot of the home itself that you can come up with…

I can see why you would prefer to feature the decor instead.

Haven’t you always wanted to own a nine-million-dollar penthouse where you could walk down to the lobby and admire a miniature model of the very building you’re standing in? I know I have.

Also, you like to look at boats, right?

Because apparently $9,000,000 buys a lot of boat-watching in Miami Beach.

Plus, bonus lonely photoshopped kid all by herself in the playroom.

Totally worth nine million bucks, right there.

This one also sold back in December, but since I’ve never seen a whole house built on wheels before, I had to share it.

Seriously, what is going on here? Why is the whole home propped up on wheels on a circular track?

I mean, it’s a groovy design and all…

…but what’s the point?

Okay so this “home” sold way back in December, but this find was just too amazingly weird not to share here.

This is the one and only photo on the listing. Presumably when it was active on the market there were photos of, you know… the actual home. Then when it sold, they replaced them with… this.

The current owners of this home have definitely made some… interesting decor choices. Especially in the bathrooms.

They each seem to have their own “theme.” I guess sometimes you have to be in the right mood to go?

I think my favorite room is probably the basement den though.

So that’s what it would feel like to live inside a pumpkin!

You’re looking at the only two photos for this 1.37 million-dollar waterfront listing in Long Beach, California.

From the listing description:

This is a truly must see to capture all the beauty this house has to offer!

“Must see,” because apparently the listing agent only had a 19th-century camera on hand to take the pictures. Wait, no…

Even photos taken in the 1800s look better than this listing.

Nothing like a living room furnished with radioactive decor to give your home a healthy, pleasing glow.

And a glowing, radioactive bedroom.

And some glowing, radioactive clouds.

Somehow I thought San Jose would be less… glowy.

Nice find by Burbed!

I’m assuming that this photograph features the kids’ room, but you really can’t be sure. Maybe the owners just have some kind of alien fetish?

Also, do you like that gloopy, dripping paint look?

Of course you do. You’re running for your checkbook right now so you can drop $1.2 million on this home ASAP.

Who wants a castle? In remote, rural Washington State.

I mean it is pretty cool. But $1.4 million?

Oh, there’s is a pool table? SOLD.

This listing has over 70 photos. Apparently the Phoenix-area MLS doesn’t limit how many photos an agent can upload, so some listing agents just upload any random thing that happens to be sitting on their computer. Like a kinda creepy close-up shot of a lady working out.

Or an even closer, even creepier shot of a lady getting a massage.

So I guess the message is “buy this house if you like to look at ladies”?

Rubber chickens. On plates (on plates on plates). At the dinner table.

Expert staging for the win.

Stared down by a dead moose in the primary photo. I guess that’s one way to sell a home. Gotta love that giant head over on the side, too.

Moose again.

Giant head again.

Price tag: $1.1 million

BOOM! Surprise swordfish!

Okay so the up-close shot of the light is a bit odd too.

And um… I guess they’re really proud of their soap presentation or something.

But the real highlight of this one is definitely the swordfish.

Nothing says “welcome to your new home” like three pairs of glowing animal eyes staring right at the camera in the primary listing photo.

For when your family room just really needs that “plummeting into the surface of the sun” feeling.

From the outside:

They even took the orb theme into the bathroom.

Seriously though, aside from some questionable color choices in a few rooms and a some mixed styles, this is a pretty cool house. Plus you get 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and over 3,000 square feet for just $150,000.

But… you have to live in Houston.

You like brown, right?

Right?!?

No? How about yellow flowers?

Sheesh, you are impossible to please.

“Hey, maybe if we plaster all the walls with framed posters and photographs, nobody will notice that we’re trying to pass an airplane hangar off as a home!”

“Twelve million dollars isn’t too much to ask for a well-kept hangar, right?”

“Hey, just to really push buyers over the edge, let’s spruce the place up with a heaping dose of creepy sculptures of little girls.”

“Great! Now we just need one in the middle of the entryway, lying face down on a tiny little pedestal, and we’ll be done.”

“Perfect!”

All of the rest of the photos on this listing are perfectly normal, but for some reason they chose this odd closeup of the door knocker flipped up as the primary photo.

Maybe it has some sort of code meaning that’s only evident to San Francisco residents who are in the market for an $800,000 2-bedroom condo?

You’re looking at the full-sized, one and only photo for a 50 million dollar listing.

If this sells, the listing agent stands to “earn” $1.5 million, assuming a 3% commission. I think I might be in the wrong industry.

This is what’s known in the industry as “hyper-targeted staging.”

One question though…

What’s with the creepy rag doll hanging on the wall in the corner of the bedroom?

Unsettling.

It’s Looney Listing’s 100th post!

To celebrate, here’s a lovely home for sale in Phoenix with an asking price of $100K. It features many fine qualities such as the delightfully rustic gate latch shown above.

Also, if you buy this home you get what appears to be the remains of a disassembled heat pump.

A blurry kitchen!

A well-established algae farm!

Some cables I guess!

Here’s to many more hundreds of posts to come!

Sold in January for $367,000.

Seattle Washington, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s like a grisly freeway wreck. I want to look away, but I just can’t.

I’m not sure which is more disturbing… That anyone actually lives like this, or that someone paid over a third of a million dollars for what is basically a small landfill.

I’m sure that the recreation that takes place in this room is limited to the enjoyment of strictly legal substances.

Interesting that the very next photo features Avatar. I wonder if the plot becomes actually interesting after enjoying the room above?

For your $10 million you don’t just get the drug cave and the viewing room… you also get your very own observatory?

Dang.

Keep your windows closed at night unless you want to be kept up by the barking. Not from the neighbor’s dog. From the neighbors.

In case the numerous shots of the water earlier in the listing didn’t convince you, this sign at position 32 of the 34 listing photos should clear things up:

Also: America!

What? Is a seemingly incapacitated child splayed out across the living room floor a deal-breaker for you?

How about a baby-eating lion? Not your cup of tea?

Wow. Just wow.

This is apparently what happens when a listing agent spends 30 seconds reading a Yahoo Answers post about “that new-fangled HDR thing” and rushes out to apply it to their listing.

Seriously. What were they thinking?

I didn’t know it was possible for furniture to be racist, but… well…

You’re looking at the primary photo for this single-family home listing. When a murky green pool is the best image you can present of the home you’re selling… Yikes.