Lorange Blog

what was the least important part

2014-01-21T23:49:00.000-08:00

As I dropped my son off Sunday afternoon the sunset made itself known through rose colored glasses slipped over clouds of this southern end of Orange County. On the corner property of this IKEA wrench shaped suburban tract 40 plus crows picked the lawn looking for bugs.

I stated the obvious: That's a hella lot of crows.
Oh they're here every night.
On this corner?
They love that lawn and this tree.
The crows looked downed from a large maple beyond the stucco border.
The neighbor cleaned his yard last week. You see how it's all dirt in this corner and the plants look nicer; it makes our yard look a little dumpy.
I could hear his step dad's influenced phrasing.
Another wave of crows came from the West heading over the subdivision. Some landed on the lawn as replacements for others. The eucalyptus grove half mile away swayed under the weight of even more.

Over 10 minutes we watched this repeated progression eastward over his step dad's house. I hugged him tightly goodbye at least twice standing out there, among bird voices accumulated over the faint sounds of the TV drifting through the partially opened garage door. I heard my Ex's laugh on the phone or the TV or from somewhere I couldn't quite pin down.

We stood and listened together.
And all I can tell you: Thousands of crows was my answer.

It has been a good year

2011-12-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes simple things need to be said (blogged) out loud.

Onward to 2012!

Gemma Hayes - Keep Running

2011-08-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

Artist: Gemma Hayes
Song: Keep Running
Why: One my favorite singers for years now. She's a sometime Los Angeles resident though still mostly Irish in all the good ways one can be. The voice, maybe always the words when simply placed in the right order. She is one of my favorite artists.

As to why now. We get older and get wiser and second chances happen and life diverts in way we don't plan and I've stood there, on both sides of the room. This video reminds of that.

Right now I'm in a new place figuratively and literally (and oft said liter-ley because I still jumble the sounds of words); the difference now is that I'm getting it more right more often than not.

vid link

who throws a balloon away?

2010-12-22T09:15:00.000-08:00

Like birds and packets of taco sauce at Del Taco all balloons should be free. Free to drift along ocean breezes and bring joy to little kids. What evil being would do this?

At the Del Taco @ La Cienega and Cadillac on 12.21.10. Sorry for the grainy video.

we are sick

2010-12-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

we are sick.

December in LA means one week of popsicle cold
one week of crazy winds
one week of record heat
one week of rain.

We are overloaded in sweets and family and sickness and work and love.

I haven't felt luckier and blessed any more so than I do right now.

Paul Gross changed my life

2010-11-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

So yesterday Will Campbell wrote about his experience having an old pair of sunglasses fixed in his post The Epic Saga Of How It Took 10 Years To Get My Favorite Sunglasses Fixed In An Hour By The Greatest Eyeglass Repair Shop In The History Of History on Blogging.LA

A simple repair sometimes can be more meaningful when the damaged item is a symbol of your past, your present and in my case, my future. I too had a pair of glasses fixed by the best eye glass repair shop in the metro LA metro region: Paul Gross Eyeglass Repair in Glendale, CA (yelp reviews)

Below is the comment I left on his post summing up how my life changed with that eyeglass repair. Okay maybe Paul Gross the person didn't directly change my life with that one business transaction but I do believe it played a role in my future

I'm so glad you wrote about Paul Gross Eyeglass Repair!!!

There was a point when I was so poor that when my only pair of glasses broke I didn't think I could afford to get them fixed (My prescription is extremely mild, mostly to make night driving easier). So I went without for 2 years until I was looking for a job and knew emotionally that I would feel better (interview better) with glasses whatever the cost. Found Paul Gross and just like you within an hour and only $20 later I had my glasses again.

My jaw dropped in relief at that price. I would've thrown more money at him and honestly cried after I left his shop. Seriously so happy.

Then I meet the girl of my dreams a week later who moved from Michigan to LA for me - She loved how I pushed my glasses up with my finger during our first conversation. Then I landed a great job a few weeks later.

This is all true. Thank you Paul Gross.

For the backstory read the following posts:

My sad post when I decided to get my glasses fixed

My happy post after I got them fixed

The first time I meet B a week after getting my glasses fixed

Paul Gross Eyeglass Repair
805 E. Wilson Ave., Unit B, Glendale, CA 91206
(818) 243-3975 // Mon-Tue, Thu: 10 am – 7 pm // Fri-Sat: 10 am – 5 pm Cash only

17 years ago today

2010-10-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

Going through some boxes looking for something or another I found my stack of concert ticket stubs from back in the day. Back in the day meaning before I moved to SoCal, still aimlessly in the Bay Area catching whatever shows I could afford. I kept to the the small bars and venues so I'm thinking my best friend Corey bought this for my birthday ::cough:: this thursday the 21st:: cough. $15 was a bit too rich for my blood.

This was just as Smashing Pumpkins were exploding nationwide, pre SNL show, and before they went arena rock. (For you LA folks the Warfield is similar to the Wiltern.)

Because the internerds are amazing you can stream/DL that actual concert here if the embed doesn't work below this sentence.

The Joy Formidable - I Don't Want To See You Like This

2010-10-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

Band: The Joy Formidable (myspace, facebook)

Song: I Don't Want To See You Like This

Why: This video doesn't make sense to me.

And that is besides the point - this band is great live. Here are some pictures and words on Joy Formidable's first show in Los Angeles on August 11th 2010 after the jump (click link below the video).

(vid link)

It was held at the Bootleg in which has a lot of good going for it: intimate in room size, excellent height of the stage (think troubadour), the required bar (beer & wine only), a patio I didn't visit since I don't smoke anymore and most importantly it is placed slightly off the beaten path in HiFi so you could have some serious fun, oh and did I mentioned that the music is booked by The Fold?

Yeah this place is golden.

[This is not a review]

So the buzz was out and the placed was filled up nicely for a touring group - pretty impressive for LA actually. I stood up front and mouthed the songs as I always do with my favorite bands. TJF whipped through most of their EP material with a few new songs including the new video below. They played two encores if I remember correctly and showed what a great three piece can do. (This video for Greyhounds in the Slips captures their live show pretty well.)

I snagged the set list of course.

So this song I Don't Want To See You Like This is off the upcoming album and the thing one notices is that they're going for a bigger, more complex structured sound that earlier songs only hinted at. See the video for Austere from my first post about them from 2008 or Whirring from my 2009 post to see what I mean.

Ah whatever. Listen to some songs, watch the videos I posted, read a real concert review and if you like The Joy Formidable I'll see you at their next show; it probably won't be as intimate as this last one and that's not a bad thing.

closer still

2010-09-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

Lovely voice on the other end of the phone.
I took this picture, listening as you spoke of your day. Closer.

From passing thunder clouds the rain never reached the ground.

Pizza

2010-09-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

You probably already know that Google makes nice and cute instructional videos on the products and services they offer.

This one for Google Mobile search is perfectly absurd.

h/t to mashable

ROBOTANISTS - Exiled State of Mind (reworked Jay Z cover)

2010-09-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

Band: ROBOTANISTS (facebook, myspace youtube)

Song: Exiled State of Mind

Why: Let's be honest here. Many of use are transplants in this beautiful city of Los Angeles. Some of us moved here for love or to escape memories or to chase a dreams. At some point you realize that this is a city doesn't care what your past was and yet still loves you for who you are. Some days that lack of caring is too hard not to take personally yet many of us would not live anywhere else.

If you're planning a retreat, trust me it gets better.

Any city is what you make it out to be - this city is just one of better ones to try it in because it doesn't matter why you are here. We all have our reasons and they're all valid. Sometimes it's all about letting go of the Why that brought you here and embracing the What you are going to do about it.

So maybe you'll relate to this slowed down modified cover of Jay Z's "Exiled State of Mind" by one my favorite bands ROBOTANISTS.

It's alright if you don't. Los Angeles still loves you.

(vid link)

1.56 pm

2010-09-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

When I'm having a bad day at work, like I am today,
I think about the smile in your eyes;

It cheers me up.

sometimes I forget to write things

2010-08-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm uploading pictures onto Flickr and the words that coat these moments are not there. Those words never make it here. No reason. Laziness, selfishness, or ?

So I lived more and wrote less; I don't think that was a bad thing.

Here are a few photos from April, May, and June when I was on "break". The words will follow soon.

April:

May:

June:

It's a trap

2010-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Unknown Reader you should know that I love BBQ chips.

I love the traditional flavors, the baked style, the cheap 99 cent store brand with the rubbing alcohol aftertaste. I love them all. If you have a bag of BBQ chip and I have a bag of BBQ chips and I have a hand and my hand reaches across the room and starts to eat your BBQ chips. I eat your BBQ chips! I eat the them up!

Anyhow I saw this new (to me) flavor of chips at the grocery store:

Well let me tell you something about Lay’s® Tangy Carolina BBQ Chips:

It's a trap!

They taste like Ketchup to me which is not tangy or BBQ-y. Oddly many online reviews say it has mustard in the recipe plus vinegar too, but my first thought was the cheap Hunts ketchup, not Heinz, Hunts. Regardless it's a weird taste. All sorts of yucky.

Yet I still eat them. I have to because I love BBQ chips and I do what I say I'm going to do.

Dogzilla @ LA Street Food Fest

2010-07-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

I know The LA Street Food Fest has been blogged about everywhere else and as of this morning the event is sold out save for the $70 VIP tickets.

My understanding is that the event planners reorganized the event to address the overcrowding cluster-fudge that occurred last time by moving to a larger area, pre-sale only tickets and limiting the total number of tickets sold. Really with those changes and the original $ 45price for all you can sample/eat/drink this sounds like a winner for attendees this year.

Though I'm not going I thought should post this for my [redacted]'s [redacted] who will be there selling this Japanese hotdog hybrid : The Dogzilla. It's featured in the first minute of this NBC4 clip/demonstration showing off all the types of food at the LA Street Food Fest. If you're not going this weekend, The Dogzilla can be found at most Little Tokyo street festivals.

Dogzilla on facebook, twitter, yelp

View more news videos at: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/video.

Monkey pile

2010-07-19T05:16:00.000-07:00

I love monkeys but I even thought this was odd.
Then I corrected myself and said out loud to no one: No, that's pretty damn awesome.

I love early morning walks in my neighborhood with a fresh cup of tea from Coffee Bean in one hand and a camera in the other.

they sleep in dens, don't they?

2010-07-19T04:14:00.000-07:00

[A very old draft that I was referencing on the previous post]

It wasn’t even 5AM and I’m running down Vermont, down Franklin and stopped only when I stood at Western Blvd's northern most terminal. People have walked down that street from here to the beach. 28 miles. crazy.

It’s only 5:10 AM. I run up to Los Feliz Blvd and start heading back home. I look for coyotes. I know where they lie and I run because 'I don’t run'; I had thought about running but I didn't run.

So now I do.

And the coyotes follow.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/slapayoda/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

throttling

2010-07-18T01:21:00.000-07:00

Ah Hollywood, good morning to you.

6:45 AM I started my run this Saturday morning, breaking sweat in the first few feet of this Los Angeles heat wave. 3 blocks in I eyed the snarky alley cat that paced me down the opposite side of the street.

I didn't see what I thought I would though. I didn't see many joggers, most avoiding a run in 80 degree heat; 85 degrees by the time I made it home a hour later. There were no coyotes that laid in wait, much too early for the wise raccoon, and tables missing from the sidewalk breakfast joints. Animals and furniture take every chance to sleep in on hot summer days I suppose.

8 weeks ago I messed up my knee.

Every 4-5 days I would jog 5 miles through the hills of Los Feliz and the flats of East Hollywood when I had the great idea to try 10k (roughly 7 miles) without a long enough break from my run a day earlier. My right knee had other thoughts, completely giving out 2 miles in. I could place some blame on my old shoes or muscle imbalance, or some other reason I found on the the internet for what was simply a bad case of Runner's Knee (an inflamed patella) but I think my body was simply saying no more.

Treatment = 4-6 weeks of not running = throttling down = wanting to shoot myself.

So it has been all about the slow build up again. Under the impression I was keeping it around 2-3 miles every Saturday I realized that the rest and leg exercises had made a difference when mapping out the distances this morning:

2.55 miles three weeks ago. 3.53 miles two weeks ago. 4.13 miles last weekend. 4.75 miles today. yay!

This morning I decided my turn around point would be the Capitol Records building...Why? Well because I live in amazing city where I can abuse landmark buildings for my own selfish needs.

It was hot and I'm paraphrasing:

Almost home when I spotted someone I knew parking her car at a corner off Franklin. She didn't noticed me until I was right in front of her (in running shorts and a bright blue exercise shirt, so I look, um different).

"Oh hey there. What are you doing over here?"

"I'm just coming back from my run." I pinched the fabric of my shirt to help it breathe. "Well...I'm walking right now. And you Miss AJ?" I knew who she was seeing in this part of the neighborhood but not as to why this early.

"A. is having a yard sale so I'm here to help her out." I gave her my 'oh really, that's interesting' look. It's sincere and expresses my interest in said yard sale but she is watching the light, waiting for the walk sign to turn green.

"It's fucking early and fucking hot," she continued talking as she started walking away and left me with a quick goodbye from across the street. Pointedly I was not invited to check out this yard sale but she was right, it was way too early to be this fucking hot.

Blogger Prom is Back!

2010-07-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

The second invite only Blogger Prom has been announced with a new venue and theme. I couldn't be more excited!

Blogger Prom 2010
Wednesday Sept 22nd
at Yamashiro Restaurant
Theme: Hollywood Confidential
"..old-school glammy, glitzy charm (or classic down-and-dirty grit).."

This event is important to me.

I pre-volunteered months ago at the first mention of Blogger Prom 2010 to correct my biggest mistake, not talking and meeting enough people at last year's prom. I realized that to be part of something I needed to take a part in something in a meaningful way. I want to be considered a blogger, a writer if I'm feeling nasty and those things require me to write not just in my notebooks offline and not without the real interaction of other bloggers. To be surrounded by the writers of words that make me laugh, smile, cry and even to buy and try new things is the true beauty of blogging events like this.

So yeah I'm blogging again. This 3 month break was desperately needed.

My break was due to many reasons: mostly for myself, a little out of respect for others, an attempt to make things better. I'm still aiming for that balance of me the blogger and me the person IRL.

This blog has evolved since I started here in 2004 and it has changed along with me. It will continue to do so even when blogs are not called blogs anymore, when my eyes remain blinded by the sunshine I crave, when thinking about tomorrow won't change how I feel today.

Right now all I can do is thank you, the unknown reader, for continuing to stop by.

Anyways I always knew I'd be back here again - I never hesitated for even a second to renewed my domain name in the middle of that indefinite break.

So last year at Blogger Prom...
The food was great, the view from the rooftop of the Hotel Andaz on the Sunset Strip was sparkly,

The 80s music and prom attire was simply fun (post about where I bought my suit).

And my date was the most beautiful and amazing person to spend every minute with. That will be the one part I will remember the most.

Huell visits Yamashiro intro (vid link)

photo used under creative commons: Los Angeles by cowlemon,

Thrushes - Crystals

2010-07-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Band: Thrushes facebook / myspace / website
Song: Crystals
Why: This is probably my favorite song of their latest album Night Falls in that sweet shoegazery-noisepop sound that I love so much. Really, very few bands do this sound well and Thrushes is one of them. According to the email this morning announcing this video it was mentioned that it was filmed during Baltimore's Snowpocalypse in February (not to be confused with Seattle's Snowpocalypse of course). I still wonder how people live in the snow for months at a time. It was probably 72 degrees in Los Angeles during that same period in February! Anyhow...

Thrushes: facebook / myspace / website
"Crystals" from the album "Night Falls" on Birdnote Records, 2010
Directed by Guy Werner
Shot & produced by Kevin Blackistone, Rob Hatch, Guy Werner
Edited by Guy Werner & Bennii Denrich

People I love more than anything - Mom!

2010-04-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

This is my mom and Sunday was her birthday.

She spoiled me growing up maybe to compensate for being the middle child, maybe I needed it at first, maybe because she still talks about when I was an infant with a crazy high fever and how she panicked not really knowing what to do. With me shivering with fever chills my mom wrapped me up in multiple blankets which of course doesn't help and I would guess my dad seeing me getting worse finally convinced her that despite what little money my family at the time was not to be worried about and a trip to the ER was a must (You have to remember this is before most folks used HMOs, where you paid out of pocket for the dentist, for the optometrist, and especially for ER visits). Well I ended up in the emergency room where I'm told the doctors gave her grief about what she thought was the right thing to do wrapping me up like that. The hospital staff quickly swept away from my mom's arms and placed my infant body into a tub of ice to bring my crazy high temperature down, I was that hot.

Neither of us were they same since that night.

Later as a teenager she told me that I was the only one in the family that she could talk to about what was going on in her life, her problems. She worried a lot about me and my siblings though we all stayed out of trouble; we were basically boring, good suburban kids but she wanted the best for her kids and it broke her heart to see us down or hurt. In return I opened up about my situations, (parts of) relationships and regrets though I knew she would take my wins and losses personally. She meant well but often I would have to push back, tell her not to worry and continue with what I wanted to do and sometimes I did that in crappy teenage outbursts and actions. I was a stupid kid at times.

After my Dad died when I was 17 I did my best to help out but I also did my best to make sure my mom could take care of herself. I really didn't have to worry: she went back to school, got promoted at work, exercised, started yoga and fostered community field trips and continues to do so as she goes from her 60s into her 70s.

She would come to me with questions or clarifications in what to do at times but would also impress me with stories of perfectly executed snap decisions in crucial moments or her ability to put someone in their place regardless of their size or power. This is probably why employees rallied behind her when she attempt to start a union at her old job after that company went too far in their treatment of workers. After 20+ years there she was pissed and was not going to take it anymore.

I had long learned not to underestimate my mom in those moments.

While my sister and brother took after my dad, it's clear that I take after my mom more (save for the red hair that we all got from my dad). I'm thankful for her genes because we both look way younger than we are and as her mom lived to a damn good 78 years in a third world country with so-so medical care, it makes my plan to do the same somewhat realistic especially now that I take my health more seriously these days.

So yeah, my mom is pretty amazing and genetically gifted too.

Anyhow I told her this weekend how thankful I was for her, for everything she has done for me, how she understands far more than I have given her credit for at times. That I love her and miss her.

Happy Birthday Mom though you will never read this or any blog but boy, she does love her cell phone.

(Picture courtesy of my brother who took my mom to Chevy's and got her tipsy for her birthday.)

~~~
I also want to say Happy Birthday to B's mom because she deserves a shout out too for her recent birthday at the end of March. She is an amazing mom who did a great job with her daughter. I already said so on her facebook page but I'll say it again, Happy Birthday Barb!

08.24.07 Vegas Crackhead Encounters

2010-04-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

[My brother turned 40 in 2007 and invited the whole family to Vegas for a weekend of fun. My sister and then husband flew in from Rhode Island, my mom from the Bay Area and I drove through the desert (that post says more - says everything). I did a quick recap of the trip here but never finished writing about the conversations like I said I would. So here they are and a little more]

In Vegas, you only need to stand outside a casino side entrance a few minutes to meet a crackhead.

Encounter#1:
Outside Excalibur chatting with my sister when a lady walks up to us asking where we're from. She looks like a normal middle age mom, not homeless, not selling us anything just a little too friendly - something was odd but I couldn't put my finger on it. My sister answers with Rhode Island but clarifies that we are actually California natives. This excites the lady and she states how she can relate, explaining she lives in Hawaii. My sis and I are not tracking this course of conversation this lady took us on but she noticed our confusion and continued to say that she lives on the main island part time and the other half in California too. We engaged her more because we're bored and a little drunk in Vegas like everyone else and this is lady is still giving off an odd vibe we couldn't just let be. 10 minutes later this lady is inviting us to visit her in Hawaii, giving all her personal information on how to contact her, where to fly in, how we can stay a few weeks with her. All very odd.

Later when I told this story and mentioned the main island part to a friend who used to live out there, she quickly said that people like that from the main island were heavily into meth (she used a different term) and that it was best not to respond if that lady ever made contact. My sister still wanted to go.

Encounter#2
3am-ish a stumbling couple wanders through the swoosh of glass doors of Excalibur, verbally displeased to see they were still in the parking lot and not onto The Strip. We are once again outside as my sister smokes and I'm smoking too.

The female and drunkest one of the two walks up and interrupts my conversation with my mom to ask how to get to the Tropicana. I laugh knowingly at her. "Oh don't feel bad, I've been so drunk here once that I literally spent an hour trying to find a way out."

"Oh thank you!" she says giving me a sloppy hug. "You're the nicest employee here!"

I shoot her an annoyed look while she has her arm around me, her date looking on amused.

"I don't work here." Curt but unnoticed. I'm wearing jeans, a black tshirt and converse, WTF? Ms. Drunky Pants?

Continuing with being helpful I give them directions to escape the casino resort: "Follow the wall, up to the left. Do not take the escalators."

I repeat it five times. Her bobble head could not focus on where I was pointing for a reason. Drunky Pants reaches out for my cigarette still with her arm wrapped around my waist.

"Would you like your own???" said like a British nanny. Gees Silly Canuck.

Encounter #3
Outside Caesars at the end of Forum shops I'm waiting while Ryan finishes smoking.

We notice a dorky rent a cop on a segway down the street. He scoots up, waitis for the automatic doors to open and rides into the mall section. Two minutes later he comes back down the walkway and circles back around to our location. He looks confused and lost. Before he gets to the door his manager is walking in his direction.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I was...just"

"Get back in there!!" The manager points fiercely to the mall entrance before walking off.

Rent a cop pulls in through the doors and mumbles sadly to no one "...but I was just in there."

Oh so pathetically funny. not terrible reassuring safety wise, but damn funny. A minute passes and a guy in a scarf comes up and starts chatting with us. The odd ones always come up to you first and this side entrance is proving to be the winning hand for us in this regard.

Scarf guys just wants to brag about his life apparently. He mentions how he grew up as a son of production booker for Ceasers, how he has met everyone, blah blah blah. It's an interesting life-story and we're game for about five minutes, listening and encouraging his Vegas tale. That is until he changes his tune out of nowhere and mocks us as being tourists: "I'm sorry, but you are tourists!" I look at Ryan. Ryan looks at me."Uh yeah" Ryan responses and with that answer, scarf guy tosses one end of the fabric length over his shoulder and huffs into mall never to be seen again.

~~~~~

Looking back at this draft I barley remembered any of this random stuff until I read my words again. What I do remember is escaping my family to "take a nap" but instead calling B and telling her about these same encounters. I remember looking for cool Vegas souvenirs I could mail and loving the poker chip magnet I found for her refrigerator. I remember still being nervous to call because up until then we were mostly doing emails having just met a couple weeks earlier. I remember thinking I could talk forever to her and not because weekends were free on our calling plans...way before we realized that we both had the same carrier so it had always been free.

I would paid thousands just so could I wish her a good night and sweet dreams.

.

placement

2010-04-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

03.07.10

It was a long day. The Ex requested that I return my kids a few hours later than normal which meant I had time to be flexible with scheduling meals and planning out our day.

coordination

This Sunday I was up early before the kids so I made an assortment of breakfasts to greet each one as they stumbled out of the bedroom: leftovers for myself from last night's dinner and for them scrambled eggs and toast served with cut pineapples and grapes.

We got ready and went to the store for I don't remember what but there was still the typical diffused glow of a LA morning that said nothing of the previous day's rain. Mother Nature can be so Hollywood sometimes, quick to change scenes and always looking camera ready. Then it was Laundry Time! (I mention doing laundry a lot - I sort of love doing laundry) as the kids did their homework and when that was done we watched bootleg Invader Zim episodes online, a show I now totally love but loved even more so this downtime with my kids.

orientation

With the Dad stuff out of the way we all got a little antsy so I decided to drive as far as we could from my place, straight down Wilshire Blvd while pointing out the various streets my daughter was to run for the LA Marathon. We drove until the road ended at the cliffs of Santa Monica then with a right turn, a left turn and we veered down California to PCH. Windows down, music up, we all sang along:

Telephone yapping
foot gas tapping, singing to the radio
Song it’s blasting
chorus lasting, and she doesn’t even know….

Wreckage - The Dollyrots

It felt like a weekday, traffic light for a Sunday. We parked on the north side of the Topanga River and walked down a path to where the hill jutted out closest to the shore. Watching my children make their way to the ocean I realized that I've been here on these same rocks before as a kid myself, one long ago vacation away from the Bay Area.

Looking over the river outlet on the left was the lifeguard building, para-sailers ahead, and below me was this rock outlined heart:

And below me on the right was this heart:

I stood in the middle.

with the wind sculpting my hair into a large, frothy q-tip,
the rocks that break up the beach,
the pockets of sand, the brittle top layer still there, much like hardened chocolate syrup.
Between a whole heart and a broken one

placement.

I live here

2010-04-09T23:14:00.000-07:00

...and love it more everyday.

The East Side of Los Angeles on a Sunny Day from clark vogeler on Vimeo.

The Eastern end of Los Angeles as seen through some Tilt Shift video. The song is "gymnopedie #1" by Eric Satie according to one commenter on Curbed LA, so there's that too.

h/t Curbed LA

from the beginning

2010-03-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

[All this was said over long distance phone calls and I'm posting this now because it is on my list of things to do - my list of incomplete drafts, intentions, and desires. This is simply for me.

The words I put down over 2.5 years ago could never do justice to those two nights, so I never posted this...and honestly I was fearful that if posted on my blog, it would somehow jinx everything. I can say with absolute certainty that my life forever changed for the better in those few hours. I am not afraid to say this and will never be.]

Maybe it was seeing the Wombats or Maybe it was my decision to fix my glasses that made it happen. Regardless, this was written on Aug 14th, 2007

[There was video here at one time / it is no longer on youtube]

It started with an internal debate: Should I go or do I stay at home and do nothing again.

I was ready to leave, on the couch debating the worth of money spent to see the Wombats at Spaceland. I wasn't employed at the time and frankly a bit flustered with my stupid responsible side that said don't go, you're not allowed to be happy. Save your money.

My hands would wring my own self hating neck if I could, but I told myself to fuck off and just go. Be happy, Jump Willy, Jump. So I did.

You know that glow after great sex? Yeah the Wombats played a show like that.

Sang most of the words to their songs, mumbled the rest and left after the show jumping from curb to curb, past 7-Eleven to my parked car to find my way to Kiss or Kill that night. I landed giddy with smiles.

~

She came in with a friend straight off the plane from Michigan, paused at the landing that looked over the patio of El Cid before braving the uneven final four steps down. I knew I was going to talk to her in those first few seconds.

I said hi to our mutual friend as we chatted as a group and fought the shyness and kept thinking how cute she was as she spoke. She was wearing a Snoopy shirt and I was honesty surprised to hear that she just got off a 4+ hour flight and did not look at bit traveled. She was nothing but adorable in my eyes as we talked.

Our conversation was as short as she was and before I knew it she was leaving for the night. Our spoken goodbyes lacked an ending I was happy with and it showed in my face. I wanted to believe her expression reflected mine as we said goodbye and she relaxed into the pull off her group, heading towards the stairs up to Sunset Blvd.

At home, up until 5 AM, I debated writing the mutual friend to mention what I thought of this most beautiful girl, the girl that finally made me swoon at first sight. This would be call making an effort; It had been so long I didn't know how to do it anymore. I've been waiting and waiting and how many false starts did I backed away from these years past? I did nothing that night but think of her.

There was a morning email from the mutual friend who relayed nice thoughts from her. I respond immediately.

"OMG. You have no idea how cute she was!!!"

Saturday would be the next time I could see her during a party down the street, said our friend. That night I showered twice, brushed my teeth twice (yes really) and walked around the lake of Echo Park to the Lavetta House and waited, and waited.

Word was that they were running late which made me a little panicky. I was hella nervous, enough so that my friends notice and insist I have a drink, like right now. They arrived just before I came back outside after finding one of the last beers in the refrigerator. I pushed through the party to the front porch and I see her below. She is beautiful and here to see me - I still can't believe this but I have been reassured that this is indeed true. She's standing within a group of my friends chatting as I'm coming down the stairs, and when I reached the bottom I casually stand opposite of her and wait patiently for an organic moment to make my way over.

Standing next to me, JP kicks me in the shin.

"What the fuck?" I whispered and she stares me into the right direction.

"I know." said with a glare, "I'm going. Happy?"

So I walk around the circle and say hi and this is all perfect. Her smile is perfect. Her eyes search mine and I'm right there in a moment I can't even describe right now.

We talk and observe the funky chicken at the stroke at midnight (a Lavetta House tradition).

We talk as we sat on the concrete step off to the side of the house.

We snuggled and kissed and at one point laying back on the concrete driveway she rest her head on my chest looking about the non-existent starscape of Los Angeles. You have to travel an hour out to see better stars I tell her, then realize, oh wait you'll still be in suburbs. Michigan is nothing like that she informs me.

I talked about California and somehow bring up redwoods trees so large you can drive through them. She doesn't believe they exist. Trust me, they do I say.

I told her how incredibly cute she is. 50 times.
I'm actually holding back as I could say it for 50 more.

~

She left for Michigan the next day.

This sucks this rare thing.
oh this is going to hit me in a couple days. I mean in a bad way.

[It was late, maybe 4 AM so I went to bed to dream of her. When I finally opened my laptop the next afternoon, I wrote out every thought and feeling.]

And it does today.
I'm moping, forcing my memory to rewind, to see her face repeatedly,
to make me smile again.

I Can't Fall In Love - Irving