Lori's Rambling

9th Annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life Scholarship

2022-06-05T13:43:00.003-04:00

This year's scholarship winner is Kyla Ebersole! Congratulations Kyla!!

This morning was the 9th Annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life Scholarship presentation. It is really hard to believe that I have been presenting this scholarship for 9 years and that it will soon be 10 years since Scott's death. I hate speaking in front of large groups of people, but every year it is special to be able to take a moment to remember Scott's life and speak into the current high school graduates from our church. I was particularly anxious this morning since I haven't presented the scholarship since 2019 due to COVID in 2020 and another commitment in 2021 on Youth Sunday. God always settles my nerves once I am up front for the most part, but today God's calmness took over completely once I was up front. I am thankful for the various people who were praying for calmness for me.

Below is what I shared with this year's graduates.

From the time that I met Scott, he had a love of God, adventure, family and friends, and food. Anything that he did, he threw all of himself into it. His first knee surgery came as a result of playing “Hunter” with the middle school youth group. He loved working with kids, partly because I don’t think he ever completely grew up and it was a good excuse to be silly.

Scott always had a love for God and this was evident in his life as well. He was very deliberate in setting goals and dreaming big. He would write these down on random pieces of paper and in books he was reading. These weren’t just random meaningless words on paper to him, they became the core of who he was and the principles that he lived by. I want to share a few of these with you.

Have and experience adventure every day

Sing - worship and silly songs

Remember that each day is a gift from God

Dream a lot

Share Christ with others

Praise God

Spend Time in Prayer

Have a meaningful time with God

Dream about Heaven and being with God

Be playful, silly, and imaginative

Be afraid of nothing

Believe that God works in every second of life.

My challenge for you is to be deliberate in how you live your life for God and always look for adventure.

Well done good and faithful servant!

2022-02-02T19:14:00.002-05:00

This evening as I process the news of the sudden death of one of my college professors, my mind is swirling with memories. I first met Dr. Fairman in a new student orientation class in January 1994 when I transferred into Lancaster Bible College. There were only about 8-10 students in that class and he made that class fun. Dr. Fairman had such a terrific sense of humor and a great laugh, one that I still hear in my mind whenever I think of him. Later on I had him for Bible classes as well. Dr. Fairman was more than “just” one of my professors. Because my job in college was in the Registrar’s office, which was in the same area as the Academic Dean and all the professors’ offices, I had an opportunity to know Dr. Fairman other than as a student in his classes. I spent a lot of time hanging out in his office before or after work just talking. Dr. Fairman was interested in really knowing people. He didn’t settle for just the superficial, he wanted to know how you thought, what your spiritual life was like, what you were struggling with, or what was going well. He quickly became like a father to me while I was in college and we maintained sporadic contact after college. Dr. Fairman underwent major open-heart surgery while I was a student at Lancaster Bible College. He had major complications and I remember many prayer requests going out when it wasn’t clear if he would pull through. But God had unfinished plans for him and he was back teaching in what seemed like a very short time. Those complications affected his health the rest of his life, but he never complained and maintained a very positive humorous outlook on life, as well as a close relationship with God.

I was able to introduce Scott and Dr. Fairman at my college graduation (I finished my last class by correspondence course and returned to campus a year later for graduation) which was important to me as Dr. Fairman had such a big impact on my life during college. He was invited to our wedding two years later and he and his wife, Judy, were able to come and celebrate with us. I will never forget when we tried to open our sparkling grape juice at the reception to realize that it had a bottle cap, not a screw on/off cap. It got a big laugh when Dr. Fairman, a Bible professor, stepped forward with a bottle opener to open it for us — and he found it just as humorous as everyone else.

We lost contact for a few years until after Scott’s death. Dr. Fairman reached out 6 months to a year after Scott’s death when we reconnected on Facebook. We maintained fairly regular contact for a few years before life intervened again. He told me many times to call him Rick, not Dr. Fairman as we were no longer in a student/professor role, but I never felt comfortable making that switch. He will always remain Dr. Fairman in my memory. I remember in every one of those phone conversations, emails, and face to face contacts with him and his wife, he made it a point to ask how he could pray for me and my family — and to check in and see how things were going on those specific things. Dr. Fairman was always interested in really knowing me, how I was doing spiritually, and how he and his wife could pray for me. Our last phone conversation was 5-7 years ago. My biggest regret is that he reached out about six months ago via Facebook messenger and things were so busy with work, health issues, and Jaelyn’s sports that I didn’t have time/energy to talk on the phone. He promised to check back in a few months and asked how he could specifically pray for me and Jaelyn in the meantime. That was our last contact.

Dr. Fairman was a godly man, who continually strived for a closer relationship with God and to improve his intercessory prayer life. He was an amazing role model as a professor, father-figure, husband, and Christian. His commitment to his wife, children, and their families, as well as to his church and friends to really be present in their lives and invested in their spiritual lives as well will serve as an example for me for the rest of my life. I know that I am not the only one that he has impacted in this way. I am sure that there are many people that I will see in heaven one day as a direct result of Dr. Fairman’s impact on their lives. I am confident that he heard, “Well done my good and faithful servant” when he crossed from our earthly realm into the heavenly realm on Monday.

Nine years

2021-08-10T16:06:00.004-04:00

August 10, 2012 — A date that will forever be etched in my memory. A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far. In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle. I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle. I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle. It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived. That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength.

This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be more rough ones to come. This past year has been full of monumental life experiences for Jaelyn (driver’s permit, driver’s license, first car, first job, and first passport) and it brings me to tears every time I experience one — that Scott is not here to share in those experiences and that Jaelyn doesn’t have her dad here to celebrate those experiences with her and to cheer her on. Her dad would be busting at the seams he would be so proud of her! Trust me when I say that it makes me savor each moment even more, just blessed and thankful that I am able to experience each one with her.

Today we didn’t do anything special to remember Scott, we remember him everyday and don’t need a certain day to remember him. What meant the most to me today is that Jaelyn and I spent the day together — getting her passport application completed, getting her yearly physical, shopping, lunch with my parents, stopping at a farmer's stand, and just being together. All special moments that I don’t take for granted.

8th annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship presentation.

2021-06-06T17:49:00.000-04:00

Today was the 8th annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship presentation. Last year I was not able to be there for the presentation due to changes as a result of COVID. Unfortunately I was not able to be there for the presentation this year due to another commitment. I'm grateful for the opportunity to write some thoughts that were shared during the presentation. I am including those thoughts below, but the above lifestream from our church has the scholarship presentation starting around the 40:28 mark.

Congratulations to Emma Hasting!

“Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not imagine that you in the king’s palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?’” Esther 4:13-14 (NASB)

Every year as the time approaches for the presentation of this scholarship, I start thinking and praying about what God would want me to share. The phrase that kept coming to mind this year is from Esther 4:13-14 when Mordecai is telling Esther that God had placed her as Queen in the King’s house “for such a time as this.” Mordecai was reminding Esther that there were more important things at stake than herself. This had to be hard to hear, but Esther chose to listen to Mordecai and step out in faith and boldness, laying her very life at stake for God’s glory and plan.

The pandemic and other circumstances in our world over the last year may have brought about or forced changes to your plans for the future. Take courage in the fact that God has placed each of you where you are for a reason, with unique opportunities to bring glory to Him. It is very easy to get caught up in ourselves and our own plans. Watch and listen for your “Mordecai” moments. Always search out God and how you can serve Him wherever you are. We are all called, in our various ways, for such a time as this!

2020 Rearview Mirror

2020-12-31T21:13:00.001-05:00

As I sit here thinking back on 2020 during the last few hours of the year, there are lots of things that come to mind. Clearly this has been an unusual year to say the least with lots of uncertainties and huge national and world changes. A lot of things seem to be a holding pattern pending control of COVID and a return to normalcy. Yet when I look back I see a lot of growth and positives things coming out of this year. Challenges have a way of forcing us to grow and change our way of thinking.

We added Piper to our family in May. I had been telling Jaelyn for a couple of years that we weren’t getting another dog and if/when we did, I wanted one that didn’t shed as much as Trip and was a fairly quiet low-key dog. But in the midst of quarantine and seeing the effects of this on Jaelyn and myself, those thoughts began to change. When I saw Piper’s picture and information on a rescue site, I scrolled past and kept coming back to her picture. Jaelyn likes to remind me that Piper is everything that I said I didn’t want, but yet she is exactly what we needed. Piper has spiced up our lives, drawn Jaelyn out with something positive to focus on, and brought more laughter to our home with her goofiness and naughtiness. Jaelyn has taught Piper lots of tricks and even helped Trip to learn a few more in her “old age.” Piper became Jaelyn’s exercise and running partner.

During the summer Jaelyn decided that she wanted to try out her dad’s kayak. A number of people tried his kayak and couldn’t manage it do its unique style and handling. Jaelyn jumped in it and was quickly comfortable in maneuvering around in it. This was an emotional moment for me and it felt as if things had come full circle. Her dad would be so proud of her and especially for her love for some of his favorite hobbies.

We headed into mid-summer not knowing if the fall high school soccer season would happen at all due to COVID. Jaelyn and her teammates met for practice multiple times each week working hard to prepare for a season that was not certain to happen or could be cut short. The season was delayed, but ultimately was allowed to move forward. This started the best season for girl’s soccer in NL school history — an undefeated season, the first sectional title, the first district championship runner-up medal, among a ton of other individual and team records broken and set by the Lady Vikings. They were able to finish their season successfully without COVID stopping it unfinished.

A lot of family time happened with Jaelyn and my parents - hikes locally, at the cabin, and at Rickett’s Glen State Park; trips to the cabin; cookouts; and just time together. There have been a few health concerns for family throughout the year which added some challenges. I have finally been able to achieve a significant reduction in my migraines with some new medications. We faced COVID head-on with multiple aunts, uncles, and cousins testing positive and a few fighting life/death battles. Through God’s mercy and a Christmas miracle none have lost that battle. It has pulled the extended family closer together even though we couldn’t physically be together to support each other through it.

Jaelyn was able to get her driver’s permit at Thanksgiving time. This has led to lots of time together in the car just driving around to give her practice and new experiences. We have had some really great conversations in 2020 during driving practice, playing with Piper and training her, while cooking/baking together, going for walks together, and just general time together. Ultimately when I think about this year and what has come out of all of the mess — probably the best thing for me is a much closer relationship with Jaelyn — and that alone makes this year worth it for me.

Always a Journey

2020-08-10T17:45:00.004-04:00

8 years. There are days that it seems like we have lived a lifetime since Scott died. . . .and there are days that it feels like just yesterday and I find myself reliving the moment I found out and reliving the phone calls to tell family and friends. Reliving the planning of his funeral and figuring out how life was going to work without him in it. All of it a blur and yet so crystal clear at the same time - parts I will never forget the details and other parts that I don’t remember the details but others do. Days where I remember feeling split in two over grieving the loss and trying to help Jaelyn in her grief as well.

Anniversaries take me back to those moments and raw emotions. I remember faces that stand out and words that stand out from those first days and months — a hug from someone who had walked the same path a few years before and no words were necessary, a friend simply handing me a tissue box and telling me it was okay to cry when I told her that I couldn’t stop crying and her husband telling me in another moment that they were in it for the marathon with us - recognizing that this wasn’t a sprint (and they were there daily propping us up), cards from faces at church that became dear friends in this journey, co-workers who had never walked that path but did little things to let me know that they cared. Losing friends along the way that maybe simply didn’t know how to be there in the grief or possibly felt awkward in the dynamic shift from couple to widow — I’m guessing and trying to give grace as I truly don’t know in each case why the relationship changed.

It truly has been a learning journey — and one that I know will never end. There is always something to learn at each step along the way. Every year on the anniversary, I find myself evaluating whether I have learned or grown more from this journey. I hope that I am more compassionate, able to give grace more even when undeserved, slower to react, quicker to live each moment as if it is the last, to cherish relationships, and to reach out when God prompts - especially when it is outside my comfortable little circle. In this way I hope that I bring honor to God - - - and to Scott’s memory.

7th Annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life Scholarship

2020-06-24T19:00:00.001-04:00

This is the 7th annual presentation of the Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship. Normally this would be presented during our youth Sunday honoring our graduates. As this year has been anything but normal, things have been done differently this year and the scholarship was presented at the Senior picnic on June 17th, 2020. There were two winners this year: Juliette Forry and Kyle Myer. Congratulations to both of you!

This is what I shared with the winners of this year's scholarship.

Normally I would have the chance to share with you and your fellow graduates face to face some of the thoughts laid on my heart by God. But as you have already realized this year is anything but normal. There are many memes, cartoons, and shirts floating out there declaring this class the Quarantine class. And certainly the way this year has gone will affect the way you see and think about things for years to come.

But my hope for you is that you do not take that as your identity or how you define yourself. One of the things that I determined early on after Scott’s death was that I would not be forever defined by Scott’s death and known as his widow. I was determined that I would be refined by it. My prayer was to come out of this a stronger person with more faith in God — and that this is what people would see when they looked at me.

The purest of gold must go through the fire to burn out all the impurities. It is not an easy road, but seek for what you can learn both about yourself and about God on your journey. Do not be discouraged by the roadblocks and challenges that come in your way. Look for the opportunities that come out of challenges that may not have arisen otherwise. My prayer for you as you move forward into your next adventure is that through this quarantine and any other challenges that you go through, that you will allow God to use it to refine you to the purest of gold.

Congratulations!

Passing the Torch

2020-06-06T16:20:00.001-04:00

Anyone who knew Scott, knew that he was passionate about kayaking. One of his favorite experiences kayaking was at the beach when he was in the ocean and had dolphins jumping around him. Scott was most at home in his kayak and always said that he felt closest to God when he was kayaking.

I have held onto Scott’s kayak since his death almost 8 years ago as it was his most treasured possession. A few years ago I had decided to sell it, but was unable to find anyone interested and able to handle it comfortably as Scott’s kayak is a hybrid kayak not designed for a beginner.

Getting back to kayaking has been a journey for me that started a few years ago with getting Jaelyn her first adult kayak. When we bought Jaelyn’s kayak, Scott’s kayak was moved under our back porch. This week when we were relocating all our kayaks to hang under our porch together, Jaelyn asked if she could use her dad’s kayak so her best friend, Cheyenne, could use Jaelyn’s kayak. I told her that I would be thrilled and that it would mean a lot if she could use his kayak, but that if it wasn’t comfortable it was okay. So today, we took Scott’s kayak to the family farm to try it out in the pond. I told her to stay along the edge in the beginning where it was shallow in case she flipped it so it would be easier to get the kayak out of the water. After a few minutes of getting used to how the kayak handled (very differently from a typical recreation kayak), Jaelyn looked very relaxed and comfortable in it. I was feeling ALL the emotions in that moment. It was bittersweet to see her in Scott’s kayak —but at the same time my heart was so full seeing Jaelyn using and enjoying something that her dad was passionate about. He would have been bursting at the seams with pride today.

Seasons of Soccer

2019-10-20T17:48:00.003-04:00

This picture always reminds me of how much Scott loved Jaelyn and was willing to do whatever it took for her to do something she wanted to do.

See, soccer was pretty much the only sport that Scott didn’t play when he was growing up. He began learning the rules watching our nephew and niece play before Jaelyn began playing. When the YMCA needed a coach for Jaelyn’s team, despite not feeling capable or confident, Scott stepped up and volunteered to coach her team. The YMCA provided a packet of the soccer rules for their age as well as suggested drills to do in practice. I just found that packet today when I was going through and clearing out clutter. The packet brought to mind the conversation that Jaelyn and I had last weekend.

We were talking about this season, her freshman year, and the challenges that she faced coming into the season - knee pain and not feeling 100% and feeling intimidated playing at the high school level. Jaelyn has been blessed to have the opportunity to not only play Varsity as a freshman, but be on the starting line-up and play the whole game, especially in the toughest games. I was telling her how proud I was of her and how proud her dad would have been of her. I told her that I didn’t care if she played JV or Varsity, all that I cared about was playing her best and having a good attitude, but what I was most proud of was that when given the opportunity to play Varsity, that she took that opportunity and responsibility and rose to the occasion. I could see her confidence and maturity grow throughout the season both on and off the field. I could see her carrying the weight of the responsibility of being a freshman playing Varsity when many other teammates (freshman and upper classmen) did not get the same opportunity and remaining humble about it.

I shared the story with her about her dad stepping up to coach her at the Y, even though she probably knew as much about soccer at that point as he did. He was teaching her how to play soccer, tennis, basketball, and baseball before he died. We talked about how different her life might look sports-wise if he hadn’t died when she was so young. Jaelyn insisted that she wouldn’t have played basketball. I reminded her that this might not be true, but regardless of what sport(s) she played, he would have been exceedingly proud of her. If he was here to watch her play, he would not be the quiet parent on the sideline and I seriously doubt that he would be able to sit and watch the games. I think that while that would have been embarrassing to her, at the same time it brought a smile to her face to think about.

It has been bittersweet over the years watching her play and knowing how much Scott would have loved it, but this season has been especially bittersweet in watching how much she has grown and matured as a person and a player — and how he would be bursting at the seams with pride!

6th Annual Scott Bradley Scholarship presentation

2019-06-02T12:30:00.000-04:00

When this scholarship was established back in 2014, it was with the purpose of recognizing an adventurous spirit who takes many steps of faith throughout their youth career, including steps of faith in living out their walk with God, steps of faith in stepping up in leadership, and steps of faith in trying new things.

This year as I thought and prayed about the presentation and what to share, God kept bringing Molli Colver to mind. In the world’s eyes both Scott and Molli were taken way too young. Yet the impact of both their lives will be felt for eternity because of who they lived for. In the celebration of life service for Molli and the stories and writing prompts that were shared, it was quickly evident who Molli was, who she lived for, and how to accept the gift of salvation. I can’t think of a better way to describe a life well-lived - one that points others to Christ. Molli understood that as Christians we are called to be the light in this world, even with the simple things that can brighten someone’s day such as a compliment, holding the door for someone, or a simple smile. When Molli wrote a letter to herself as an adult, the three most important things that she wanted adult Molli to still have was an imagination, a sense of humor, and a love for God. I’m sure if Molli could share some advice with you right now, it would be how important it is to keep your love for God and to shine His light in the world, even and especially in the little things.

Each year I am excited to find out who has been chosen for the scholarship and a little bit about who they are, where they are going after graduation, and what career they are pursuing. This year's winner is Gracey Lombardo. She is planning on attending Lancaster Bible College (where I graduated) and majoring in counseling (my major there as well). Congratuations Gracey!!!!

47 years

2019-02-18T05:55:00.000-05:00

47. Today you would have been 47 years old. You left us 6 1/2 years ago without warning. While I take comfort in the fact that there is no sadness in heaven, I am sad for the moments and memories we “lost” with you and that you “lost” with us. There is not a soccer game or significant event or accomplishment in Jaelyn’s life that I don’t think of you with sadness that you are “missing out.” This is a time in her life that you would would have loved — watching her play soccer, winning awards at school, and growing into a beautiful young lady inside and out. You would be busting out with pride of who Jaelyn is and her journey to get here, especially despite the trauma of losing you. She has not allowed your loss to define who she is. As much as I grieve the fact that Jaelyn doesn’t have you, I grieve the fact that you aren’t here to enjoy her growing up and maturing. I remind her often of how much you loved her, protected her, and planned on “protecting” her from young men -- by moving where there were no boys and not allowing her to date until she was 30 years old😂. I remind her that you would have been her most vocal fan and most likely would have embarrassed her in the process, especially at soccer games and with boys. Jaelyn will always know who you were and how much you loved her. Our family and friends also make sure that she hears stories about you and stories about you and her, so that she knows and remembers you — and knows and embraces the parts of her that come from you. We will always celebrate your birthdays and your memories because you will always be a part of us. Happy 47th birthday! Hope you are having a wonderful birthday party in heaven! We love you and miss you -- and will have some ice cream to celebrate your birthday!

Family Photos

2019-02-02T18:35:00.002-05:00

In June of 2012, we organized family pictures with Scott’s family, knowing that once our nephew, Nando, left for college in August it might be difficult to get everyone together at the same time, but not knowing that in a short six weeks Scott would be gone. Those family pictures have been a tremendous treasure for all of us, as well as a reminder of the uncertainty of life.

I have regretted that we never did family pictures with my family before Scott’s death. I think that one of the reasons we never did it was because of my brother, Jason, no longer being with us and any family picture would be incomplete. After Scott’s death, this was even more the case, with both Scott and Jason gone.

About a year and a half ago, it really began to hit home that the longer we waited, the more likelihood that more loved ones could be missing from the pictures. So for Christmas of 2017 Jaelyn and I gave my parents a gift certificate to have family pictures taken. But life has a way of getting in the way of best laid plans. Today we were finally able to have our family pictures taken. It was bittersweet, knowing that we were missing two very special people from those pictures. Although I believe that they would have complained about getting pictures taken as much as my dad (who said he would have rather gone shopping than have pictures taken) and Jaelyn!

There was a lot of watching the weather forecast this week, but God blessed us with a beautiful day and probably the warmest day of the week so far, so we were able to do the photos outside. Lots of laughter, cold, and snow, but at least the polar vortex was gone by the time we had our pictures taken. It was interesting to be on the opposite end of the camera, but I am very excited and cannot wait to see the end results.

Breast Cancer

2018-10-13T10:18:00.002-04:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Because my mom had breast cancer 23 years ago, I have been having mammograms done since 2007, at the age of 34. This year I am 44, the same age as when my mom was diagnosed. I have mostly been consistent with getting the mammograms done, with two gaps of a couple years and a few gaps of a year and a half in those 11 years.

I had my yearly mammogram done last Friday, 13 months after my last one. I remember thinking when I went that I was the same age as when my mom received her diagnosis and having a feeling that this year I would get a call back for additional scans. When I checked the online portal on Monday evening for the results (first time that I had setup the portal for PennState Health), not expecting the results to be there yet, I found that unfortunately my feeling was correct. The report indicated a change in one of the scans of the right breast as compared to the last three mammograms and a request to have the patient come back for additional scans and an ultrasound if needed for clarification.

Imagine my frustration when I didn’t get the call on Tuesday and when I called about it, to be told that my doctor had to authorize or sign off on the recall before it could be scheduled, so I needed to wait. Fortunately I got that call on Wednesday morning. However, more waiting ensued. Due to the office replacing one of their mammogram machines, their schedule was backed up and the earliest I could go in for the additional scans and possible ultrasound was Saturday morning. It has been a challenging week, with my mind instantly preparing myself for worst-case scenario if this would turn out to be cancer and not a false alarm.

I scheduled the appointment for 8:00 this morning to get it over with, even though it meant getting up early on the one day of the week that I can sleep in. Two 3D scans, a single scan, and twenty minutes later and I was thrilled to hear the all-clear and that I was good for another year. The possible explanation is that the breast tissue was folded on itself or scrunched up, creating the illusion of a change in the breast tissue.

I can certainly tell you that I will be more vigilant in making sure that I am in there yearly as I couldn’t even see on the scan the area that they were concerned about, so I certainly wouldn’t have been able to feel it on a self exam.

Early detection is very important. Because my mom’s breast cancer was caught early and was not the most aggressive type of breast cancer, it was treatable with surgery and radiation and she has been cancer-free for 23 years.

A GMC Pickup Truck

2018-08-24T20:04:00.001-04:00

My brother, Jason, was an extremely talented young man when it came to mechanics and vehicles. He had his first car and had rebuilt the engine the first time by his 13th birthday. He knew from a young age what he wanted to do with his life. By the time he was 18, he was working full-time as a machinist and had completely redone his car - both engine and body. He had bought a truck and rebuilt the engine and had started working on redoing the body. His car and truck were his pride and joy.

And then the unexpected happened — he was severely injured in a work accident which left him in a coma and in the hospital and rehab for a year before my parents were able to bring him home with round the clock nursing care. Because his car and truck were his pride and joy and so much of his blood, sweat, and tears were poured into them, our family couldn’t think of parting with them. He never recovered from his injuries and was left significantly disabled for the next 12 years until he died from complications of injuries from the accident.

After Jason’s death, the place that his truck was stored was no longer going to be available and with no place left to store it and a lot of work needed on it yet, my parents made the difficult decision to sell it. They kept his car in a garage up until a few years ago. Since it was too hard to think of getting his car back on the road, they made the difficult decision to give the car to his best friend who had worked on the car with him, with the hopes that he would cherish the car as they had. It was a difficult decision to let go of the car.

This past week, the gentleman that had bought Jason’s truck and over the past 13 years had made changes and alterations to the truck, but never finished it, approached my dad and asked him if he was interested in buying it back. Interestingly enough, it was now being stored on the same dirt road that my parents live on, so even though it was not drivable it would be reasonably easy to move it to my parents house. After a few days of consideration and research (it is even more of a project truck than when my brother was injured), my dad decided to buy it back.

Now it is my dad’s project to finish the truck that my brother was working on at the time of his accident. It was so good to walk behind the garage with my dad tonight and see Jason’s old truck sitting, looking a little worse for wear for sitting for the last 26-27 years, yet still with a solid frame and engine. It was good to see the light in my dad’s eyes as he talked about his plans to bring the truck back to life, as Jason had planned, with some of my dad’s alterations and adjustments.

A piece of Jason has returned home.

Slushies = Reminder of a father's love

2018-08-05T19:13:00.002-04:00

As we come up on 6 years this Friday since Scott died, I find that I am more aware of and grieving more for what Jaelyn has lost. I find myself being more observant of father/daughter or father/child moments that remind me of Scott’s relationship with Jaelyn and what she has lost. This morning in church, a young family came in with their two year old little boy (who we have enjoyed spending time with him in the nursery once a month for the past year). His father was carrying a Turkey Hill slushy and for all of those who knew Scott well, you know that he was “addicted” to Turkey Hill slushies. It was touching to watch him kneel down and share spoonfuls of the slushy with his little boy. Jaelyn was a little bit older when Scott developed his slushy addiction, but it was exactly what I could picture Scott doing with Jaelyn if she had been that age. I leaned over and told Jaelyn what I was thinking as I love those moments when it is a visual picture in front of her of the relationship she had with her dad and how much he loved her. It was just a special reminder of how much Scott loved and cared for Jaelyn and a blessing to see that special relationship between another father and child.

Fifth Annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life Scholarship

2018-06-03T19:24:00.001-04:00

Today was the presentation of the fifth annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship. The scholarship winner is chosen each year through vote of the youth and youth leaders based on criteria of living a life of faith and adventure. Each year I find out who the winner or winners (there was a tie one year) are just before the presentation. Coming from a rather large church, some years I am familiar with the name and face of the winner and some years I am not. It is always interesting to hear from Pastor Marc a little bit about each winner and what makes them special.

This morning when Pastor Marc told me that the winner this year is Alex Almer and that he had shared his testimony in the Easter program, I immediately understood what made Alex special. I am glad that I had the honor of hearing Alex's story and testimony during the Easter program. It was not a surprise to me having heard his testimony when Pastor Marc told me that Alex had won the scholarship in a landslide vote. Please if you have a few minutes, I have attached the link to the Easter program. It is an amazing program, but if you don't have time to watch the whole thing, Alex's testimony starts around the 34 minute mark. It is well worth listening to and shows what God can do when we love and accept each other and when we step outside of our comfort zone for God.

http://www.lebefree.org/media-center/media-item/199/what-mercy-did-for-me

Importance of Preventative Medicine

2018-04-25T18:23:00.001-04:00

For those of you who have followed our journey over the five and a half years since Scott’s death, you will remember that our concern was to make sure that Jaelyn’s heart was healthy and that she was receiving preventative screenings since we weren’t 100% sure of what caused the severe blockages in Scott’s arteries. We decided, in consultation with Jaelyn’s pediatrician, to wait a little over a year after Scott’s death to complete the first screening for Jaelyn, in an effort to be more removed emotionally from the trauma of his death. So, four years ago when Jaelyn went through her first Cardiology screening, both Jaelyn and I were anxious about it. She was anxious because of new doctors, unusual (to her) tests, and bloodwork. Although I think the bloodwork was the biggest fear due to her very strong aversion to needles. I was anxious that something would show up on the tests or bloodwork. Jaelyn made it through the bloodwork with the support of Grandpa’s arm around her and great laboratory staff. We walked away the day of the screening with peace of mind that everything looked good and a plan to come back for another screening in a year.

The second screening a year later was less stressful and with only an EKG completed. Jaelyn was so thrilled about not having to have bloodwork done this year that I don’t think she was anxious about the cardiology appointment at all! Again Jaelyn received all positive news. Now the plan was for a third screening in three years as puberty through age 18 are when the biggest changes occur in the body.

We had completely forgotten time until I received the phone call two months ago from the cardiologist’s office that the three years were up and it was time for her screening again. I wasn’t anxious this time, with the exception over Jaelyn needing to have her cholesterol checked again, which requires bloodwork. While she is much better at managing shots, it was pretty clear that the thought of a needle going into her vein still had the ability to stress her out really badly. I think the actual cardiology screening, with the EKG and Echocardiogram, was somewhat anticlimactic for her after getting through the bloodwork almost two weeks ago. Praise God that yet again, her results are normal, with exceptionally good cholesterol. It is good when our biggest frustration from the appointment was that it went longer than we expected and she missed the first half of her soccer practice. Another screening is planned for 2-3 years from now. I am hopeful that once her body is finished growing and changing she will no longer need the preventative screenings and can simply do routine cholesterol tests as preventative care.

Each screening is a reminder to me to make sure that I am taking care of my own preventative care. I also had bloodwork done at the same time as Jaelyn to check my cholesterol which I have had checked only once since Scott’s death. And I know that I have a family history of high cholesterol. I have to admit I was dreading the bloodwork almost as much as Jaelyn — not because I’m afraid of needles (I’m not), but because my veins are notoriously difficult to find. But it was a reminder that no matter how difficult the tests might be — whether from fear of needles or difficulty finding veins — they are still a simple and cheap preventative medicine. If Scott had his cholesterol checked, it might have detected high cholesterol which we believe was the cause of his blocked arteries, and prevented his death. Please remember to take regular preventative measures to ensure good health.

Easter in the Cemetery

2018-04-01T11:49:00.005-04:00

This morning I felt drawn to go to the cemetery. I have never been to the cemetery on Easter day, although I come to the cemetery regularly in the 5 1/2+ years since Scott died. Seeing all the palm leaf and floral crosses and fresh spring flowers against the starkness of the bare trees, brown grass, stone grave stones, and grey skies is a vivid reminder of the joy to come when I see Christ and my loved ones face to face. I think of Scott and Jason, with hope for the day that there will no longer be sadness when I think of them. Rather we will be celebrating with Christ together. Seeing the sheer volume of spring flowers and crosses on scattered graves (as compared to an ordinary day), as well as the number of people still coming to place flowers and crosses on the graves is amazing to me. I truly was not expecting to see what I saw this morning. Today is one of the busiest days I have ever seen (other than Christmas) at the cemetery. It is impossible to drive or walk past more than a couple of graves without seeing fresh spring flowers, palm leave crosses, and floral crosses. Where better to see the hope of eternity than at the cemetery?! Coming to the cemetery on Easter is a needed reminder for me that this earth is temporary and eternal life is possible because of Christ’s sacrifice for me.

"Just get over it already"

2017-12-15T18:23:00.002-05:00

Even though this is our sixth Christmas without Scott, there is still a part of me that dreads Christmas. — Shouldn’t I “just be over it already?” — I have heard this comment made a few times to or about others this Christmas season. Honestly, it breaks my heart. It doesn’t matter how many years it has been, I will always miss Scott at Christmas and there are parts of the Christmas season that will always be difficult. Yes, I will laugh and enjoy time with family, but I will also grieve the fact that Scott is not there to enjoy it. Scott loved family get-togethers - eating, laughing, and playing games together with those he loved — and those get-togethers highlight the fact that he is missing. Are my emotions as raw as the first year or two? No, but that is not necessarily the case for everyone. I will say that year five was almost as difficult as year one for me personally. I try to take each day as it comes and work hard to find the spirit of the season, but some days and some years are harder than others.

Please be gentle and understanding with those who are grieving, no matter how many years, as celebrating Christmas without our loved ones is a reminder of our loved ones, a reminder of a very huge loss/life change, and a reminder that life is not how we hoped and dreamed it would be — and that never goes away.

Soccer Effect

2017-10-21T16:40:00.003-04:00

In the last two years especially of Jaelyn playing soccer, I grieve the fact that Scott isn’t here to enjoy this season of Jaelyn’s life. He would have loved seeing her play and taken great pride in her ability and sportsmanship. He would have been that loud parent on the side-line! Although soccer was the one sport that Scott didn’t play growing up and despite his doubts in his ability to coach a sport he hadn’t played, Scott coached the last soccer team (indoor at the YMCA) Jaelyn played on before his death. At that point we had no idea whether Jaelyn would stick with soccer and how much she would excel and come to love the sport.

When Scott died I worried that she would give up the sport because it reminded her of her dad — and in the beginning that wasn’t a good thing. She did want to give up the first season (practices for that season actually began the week of Scott’s death) after he died, but I wouldn’t allow her to quit. That first fall and winter I pushed her to continue with soccer and to try basketball (we had always encouraged her to try different sports). Basketball was not something she wanted to continue and hasn’t played since (other than shooting baskets). After the beginning of that first soccer season, Jaelyn never asked again to stop playing soccer. She has tried some other sports, but always stayed with soccer.

About three years later, an opportunity came up to take a step up from rec soccer and play more competitively on a private team. Jaelyn didn’t want to take that step and wanted to stay with rec. At that time I pushed her to try out and give it one season. If she didn’t like it at that point, she could return to rec soccer. Please understand that this pushing on my part was because I saw the lack of confidence and willingness to step out of her comfort zone after Scott’s death, as well as the fact that if she wanted to play competitively in middle/high school, she needed to be challenged. After the first practice with the Twelv2 team, Jaelyn told me that she loved it and wanted to stay with Twelv2 - and she has never changed her mind on that decision. She was thriving on being challenged physically in practices and games and her skills and understanding of the game improved substantially in a short amount of time.

Last winter, the U14 Twelv2 team was short players for the second winter session. Jaelyn was one of four players asked to play for both the U14 and the U13 Twelv2 teams. This was a big commitment in terms of time for practices and games. Again Jaelyn didn’t want to do it — change is scary! All four of the players from the U13 team asked to play for the U14 team were nervous and scared (new coach, new teammates, older players). Again — after the first games (doubleheader) with the U14 team, Jaelyn told me that she was glad that she had done it (as were the other three girls). She was nervous about playing positions that she wasn’t used to playing and not having much confidence in her ability to play different positions. After a while, she began enjoying playing wing instead of defense.

This fall, Twelv2 did not have anything organized, so Jaelyn returned to playing rec soccer for the fall season. Because of the number of girls vs the number of boys for the teams, the girls that she had played soccer with for five years were split up on different teams. Initially she struggled mentally with playing with different people and not having her “regular” defensive teammates with her. Yet, as I have always told her, you need to step outside of your comfort zone to grow and improve. This proved to be true again, as she has grown comfortable playing with other girls and enjoys playing offensive positions that she would not have enjoyed playing in the past.

It broke my heart to see the loss of self-confidence in Jaelyn after Scott’s death. Yet, soccer has been one constant over the past five plus years that has stretched her, given her confidence, and helped her to step outside of her comfort zone (with less pushing and encouraging on my part). It has built an ability to work as a team, shake off defeat, learn from losses, and increase her work ethic to improve her abilities. Jaelyn has been blessed with positive coaches, who have high standards, ethics, and sportsmanship. She is surrounded by teammates who play “cleanly,” unselfishly, and with good sportsmanship. Soccer will always have a special place in my heart for what I have seen Jaelyn gain through playing the sport, the influence of her coaches, and the great friendships she has developed with her teammates.

Kayaking Again

2017-06-19T11:15:00.001-04:00

Today I took a major step in my grief journey. As most of you know, either from reading my blog or knowing Scott personally, Scott was passionate about kayaking and always wanted to share his passion for kayaking with his family. The last time I was in a kayak was a little over five years ago when we took our last kayak trip as a family. Six years ago we bought Jaelyn her first kayak - a youth kayak. It was six years ago today that she tried it out, kayaking independently for the first time - at six years old. The last time she used that kayak was our last kayak trip as a family.

So today, a couple of firsts happened. Today was the first time I was back in a kayak since before Scott’s death, five years ago. Today was the first time that Jaelyn tried out her first adult kayak, exactly six years from the time she tried out her very first kayak. We chose to kayak the Swatara Creek, which was also the same creek we took our last kayak trip on as a family. I did choose a different section of the Swatara, a section that I had never kayaked before.

We put in at Jonestown at 8:00 this morning (we were hoping to get the trip in before the bad storms forecasted for this afternoon). Scott was very present in my thoughts and perspectives on this trip. He would have been so proud of Jaelyn! The trip was estimated to take about two hours, but actually took us about an hour and a half. I was reluctant to take a longer trip due to pending weather as well as being our first trip in over five years. Jaelyn definitely got her dad’s love for the water - whether swimming, kayaking, floating, etc.

I was hoping to see wildlife on this trip, especially an Eagle. We saw lots of birds, a pair of Canadian Geese, a pair of Mallard ducks, about five or six Blue Herons, and a Common Merganser. Then about two hundred yards before our take-out point, I spied a bald eagle sitting on the rocks by the water. It flew up into the tree above where it had been sitting. The eagle stayed there until we paddled closer, then it flew off across the creek. Seeing the eagle was the highlight of the trip.

It truly was a wonderful way to spend some time on my 43rd birthday - spending time with Jaelyn, doing something she loves to do and something her dad loved to do, and just spending time in nature. We didn’t see another person throughout the trip, just the occasional sound of cars in the distance or over the bridges we went under. We were surrounded by water, sun, birds singing, and a wonderful breeze. Definitely good for the soul!

Divine Encounter

2017-06-06T19:58:00.001-04:00

Driving home from work today, seeing the gorgeous and dramatic clouds gave me a craving to get out tonight with my camera. After dropping Jaelyn off at youth group, I began driving toward Indiantown Gap, not really knowing where I wanted to go. I began feeling this pull to go to the Indiantown Gap National Cemetery. I haven’t been there for a while, but felt a pull to be there with Scott heavy in my thoughts.

When driving into the cemetery, the clouds behind the Veteran’s Memorial and the sun shining on the front caught my attention. Knowing how quickly clouds and light can change, I quickly pulled around so that I could get pictures. I wasn’t out of the car but a few seconds when I heard the stirring sounds of a bagpipe echoing through the cemetery with the notes of a medley of hymns. It was deep and clear echoing over the graves. The beauty and peace of it sent chills down my arms. It seemed as if time stood still while the song resonated across the cemetery.

Not sure where the sound was coming from, but knowing that it was too late in the day for any burial ceremonies and drawn to be closer to the music, I began driving through the cemetery. I really felt drawn to thank whoever was playing for the comfort it brought to me. I had an experience a few years ago with a gentleman singing by the grave that brought significant comfort to me in that moment and a sense of God’s presence and I didn’t take the opportunity to thank him. I have regretted that ever since.

No other cars or people were around until I pulled into the Veteran’s Memorial. When I walked up to the entrance to the Memorial I noticed man in military fatigues talking on his cell phone in the Memorial. Rather than disturb him, I went down the steps toward the front of the Memorial to get some more pictures of the Memorial with the dramatic dark clouds.

After a few minutes I went back up the stairs and entered the Veteran’s Memorial. The soldier was no longer in the Memorial so I walked slowly toward the front of the Memorial to take some more pictures. I heard a voice calling “Miss.” I turned and the man in fatigues was walking toward me. He asked if I had heard his playing. I told him that I had and that it was beautiful. We talked for a few moments and I shared that my husband was buried in the cemetery. We talked for a few minutes about Scott and his military experiences. I explained the experience I had a few years earlier with the gentleman singing by the grave and explained that his playing had brought a similar comfort. He was touched by this. We talked for a few minutes longer. He shared that he was at the Gap for his two weeks National Guard training and that every time he came to the Gap, he came to the cemetery to play his bagpipes. He too described a sense of peace that comes over him every time he comes to this particular National cemetery.

Thank you again, National Guardsman Grant, for taking the time to come to the cemetery and play your bagpipes. Even though you didn’t know anyone was listening at the time, it brought comfort to me and a chance to talk about Scott and honor his memory. God knew what I needed to tonight and guided me to the right spot to hear your playing. Thank you!

The Presentation of the Fourth Annual Scott Bradley Scholarship

2017-06-04T14:09:00.001-04:00

The winner: Patrick Finley

This is the fourth year for the scholarship. The winner is selected by the youth leaders and so it is awe-inspiring to see God’s hand in the selection when I hear the winner’s name and hear why they were selected.

This year has a little bit of a story to go along with it. See, this year, about 6-8 weeks ago I finally felt ready to let go of Scott’s most prized possession — his kayak — and had posted on Facebook about it being for sale. A few weeks ago Patrick’s mom had messaged me about Patrick possibly being interested in the kayak. I suggested that he try it out first as it is more of a specialty kayak and not for everyone. Patrick came a few days later with a friend to try it out. When he returned a little later with the kayak, he was quick to say that it wasn’t for him, that he had “taken a bit of a spill.” Having flipped a kayak myself a few years ago, as well as having seen and heard Scott’s experiences, this made me smile knowing it was a bit of an understatement of the situation! I’m sure that Patrick has a story to tell about that experience!

That evening I mentioned to my mom that it would be really special if Patrick won the scholarship this year, with his love for kayaking being a shared passion with Scott. By now I shouldn’t be surprised by how God works, but when I got the email from Pastor Marc on Thursday to talk about the service today and to tell me that Patrick had won the scholarship, all I could do was laugh. Pastor Marc shared in his email that Patrick really has a love for outdoor adventure just like Scott and that he loves hiking, climbing and even cliff diving.

The one thing that was important in Scott’s life was that it was filled with adventure. He enjoyed dreaming big, having fun, and taking risks. He understood that life with God is intended to be a great adventure and that God doesn't intend for us to stay in our comfort zone. Being outside of our comfort zone is necessary to stretch and grow and to learn to rely on God more. My prayer for you as you graduate, is that you would continue to hold onto God, be willing to step outside your comfort zone, have fun, and grow in faith.

God at Work

2017-06-02T21:50:00.004-04:00

This is the fourth year of Scott's scholarship through our church. I am honored each year to be a part of the presentation and have an opportunity to share a few words. Each year as I try to figure out what to share with the graduates at the presentation of Scott's scholarship, it amazes me how and when God pulls my thoughts together. The first year it all came together just a few hours before the presentation - nothing like cutting it down to the wire! Another year it was a week ahead and one year it was a month ahead. Tonight I think that God pulled my thoughts together for this year's presentation - only two days ahead this time.

The other neat thing is seeing God's hand in who was selected as the winner -- and this year is no exception!

You will have to come to the scholarship presentation on Sunday or check back here afterward to hear about this year's winner and hear about God's hand in the selection!

But here is a bit of history of the first three years and God's hand in everything:

The first year Emily Long was the winner and she was going on to Lancaster Bible College, which happens to be where I went to college and graduated. Emily also lives in the same small community of Greenpoint where I grew up and where my parents still live.

The second year Mikayla Ragsdale was the winner and she was going on to Summit International School of Ministry. Jaelyn plays soccer three seasons out of the year through Summit's Twelv2 sports program, so I think we spend as much time on that campus as Mikayla!

Year three was the year that an investment of Scott’s, set up just a few months before his death, came to fruition, allowing me to contribute double what I normally contribute to the scholarship. This also happened to be the year that there was a tie between Nora Long and Nate Lyons. God provided the money for the double winners, before anyone knew that there would be two winners.

Life vs Death -- according to Jaelyn

2017-05-23T19:43:00.002-04:00

Last week Jaelyn came home from school with a postcard From Creative Communication stating: Congratulations Jaelyn! Your poem “Life vs Death” has been accepted to be published in the book A Celebration of Poets.

The postcard stated that her poem is in the final competition and may be a Top Ten Winner. They needed us to give permission for the poem to be published and to order a copy of the book if we wanted. Jaelyn told me that her Reading teacher had entered her poem in a contest through Creative Communication.

I am so proud of not only her ability to express herself in writing, but taking the risk to write something that shared a deep part of herself. The part that struck me the most was not that her poem was selected to be published and in the final competition. Rather, after asking a few questions, I found out that only the style of the poem was given by the teacher for that particular assignment and she chose the topic herself.

Life vs Death

Life

Energy, giving

Everlasting, laughing, busy

Birthdays, balloons, flowers, grave

Miserable, crying, struggle

Apathy, inactivity

Death

I have read and reread the poem over the last week or so and finally tonight asked her permission to share it on my blog. Every time I read it, I am struck by how powerful it is and a window inside her thoughts about life and death.