Cake girl - the diary of a woman on a weight loss mission!

Normal service will be resumed shortly...

2008-07-08T12:08:00.002+01:00

Things will be quiet on here for the next couple of weeks. We are moving out of our flat and back to my parents to let some friends visit Edinburgh and then are off on holiday for a couple of weeks. Internet access will be sparse but I'll make sure that we stick to our weight loss journey. I am determined not to be a tubby bride! I'll try to update traineo over the coming weeks.

I'll be back soon....

Oops!

2008-07-07T21:34:00.003+01:00

I honestly don't know how or why I did it, but last night I breathed in a chinese!

Aarrrggghhhh! It had been going so well, I spent most of Sunday by myself studying and tidying the flat in preparation for visitors, I settled down to watch big brother by myself and before my head had been involved in saying no, I had ordered, collected and eaten a chinese meal. It really was that simple, I didn't at any point think that it was a bad idea and the whole process was over remarkably quickly, it was honestly as if I had just inhaled. I was left feeling numb and stupid afterwards - why the hell did I not stop the process, it is nuts! I can't remember making a conscious decision to have chinese and I equally didn't stop myself. I spent a long time today thinking about it and I think that the triggers were boredom and the need to reward myself for working hard. While it was a calorie disaster I hope that I've learnt something from it.

Onwards and downwards.........

The Great Flower Debate

2008-07-06T09:55:00.004+01:00

Wonderful other half and I are getting married next March and short of booking the venue and reception we haven't done any planning or organisation so yesterday we talked flowers. Fortunately we have very similar tastes so we have narrowed it down to tulips or gerberas which are both in season in March, not sure on colours yet! We liked the table decorations shown below and that really swayed the decision from all of the other flowers we looked at.

Fortunately the decision doesn't need to be made for a long time yet, we are planning on having a small understated wedding so most of the organisation will be happening at the tale end of the year. But it was nice to look at options and I suppose when choosing other wedding related things we can keep these in mind. We are going to have a trial run, see if we can manage to create some floral masterpieces, over the coming weeks. I'll post pictures of our efforts.

Violet Trust

2008-07-04T11:30:00.000+01:00

Though I'd post about the Violet Trust, a charity that I'm a trustee of. It has been created by colleagues at work who want to make a real difference to cancer care and research. All of those involved are volunteers and we donate 50% of our funds to cancer research, 25% to cancer care and the final 25% purchase essential equipment for hospitals and hospices. It is a very new charity and we are trying to establish our name and start things off slowly, having said that our colleagues and friends have all be wonderful raising lots of money for the trust. So far this year we have had walkers doing the West Highland Way and a team entering the Great Scottish Walk. We have wristbands and beautiful lampwork bracelets (with a little bead showing the purple ribbon) for sale in our ebay shop. Just type violet trust into ebay and our listings will appear. Our website is http://www.violettrust.org.uk/ it is not up and running yet, but will be soon......

Weigh in - 36 weeks to go

2008-07-03T09:27:00.003+01:00

Just a really quick entry, I'm going to Uni today for a study day. Weighed in this morning and I've lost another pound, that takes my weight loss so far to 18lbs and nearly at my 20 pound second goal.

Things have been really busy this week and wonderful OH has been working away from home this week so I've been a real lazy bones and I've done no walking, just lots of studying. He is home tonight so need to make time for walking this week, I think that it makes a real difference to my weight loss.

Got to go.....

Looking back before going forward

2008-07-01T11:39:00.000+01:00

June has been a very busy month in my little life - firstly I've been blogging like a woman pocessed, sorry about that! I am sure that I'll calm down soon.

In June I started my weight loss journey spurred on by booking our Gretna Green Wedding for March next year. I lost 17lbs and 14.6 inches. Wonderful OH lost 12lbs and started working from home so we no longer have that awful weekend relationship that has been going on for the last 14 months. We have been walking lots and enjoying the fresh air and the chance to chat after busy days at work. I achieved my first target and am well on the way to reaching the next one, just need to keep my focus.

So, onwards and downwards for July! I hope this month to achieve my second target and be well on the way to achieving my third. I also hope to be in the 16's stone bracket by the end of July, somewhere I haven't been for a long, long time. I hope once I'm there to be joining the gym or starting to swim again, I know that I need to up the exercise to achieve my targets but joining the gym now is too scary a prospect. I've also got 10 days off work in July with no real plans for them yet, but I do want to make sure that it involves relaxation and walking!

At the races

2008-06-30T11:28:00.000+01:00

Tonight we've been at the races. It was one of my best mates Sarah's birthday today and her husband's yesterday so we went racing for a night out. The race night was for MacMillan Cancer Care so we had fun supporting an excellent cause. I wasn't great at picking winners, managed to get one, was really good fun.

Don't want to be a blobby bride!

2008-06-29T11:00:00.009+01:00

I had an awful dream last night - I dreamt that my weight loss mission had not been successful and I had put on more weight than I started with. I went to get a dress for the big day but they had nothing that would fit my huge proportions. The only alternative was a fancy dress shop to see if they had anything suitable and I found myself face to face with a Mr Blobby outfit - aaarrrrrggggghhhh! Fortunately I woke up before I got to the stage of trying it on!

Can I state categorically that I am not going to get married dressed as Mr Blobby, never, no, definitely not!

I am also not going to be going from Miss to Mrs Blobby when I get married, I'm determined!

I took my waist and hip measurements again this morning and they continue to surprise me - I've now lost 6.9 inches from my waist and 7.7 inches from my hips a total of 14.6 inches in total. I do feel my tummy is getting smaller but I don't feel different anywhere else but the tape is telling a different story. My waist measurement is now 39.9 inches and I can't remember the last time that my waist measurements was in the 30's! Granted is is by 0.1 inch but every 10th of an inch counts. I'm hoping my hip measurements drop another 2.1" fairly soon, means that I'll get back into my size 18 gap jeans. I weigh in daily with the wii fit and it hasn't been showing much of a weight decrease this week so it must be true that tape measures and scales go hand in hand.

Wonderful OH is due back tonight, has been away visiting family this weekend and I've got more studying to do today. I'm hoping to get him out walking when he gets back as we'll both have spent a lot of time on our bums today - him on a train and me on the couch. We haven't been as good at walking this week as last week and I'm wondering if that is the reason that the weight loss this week has slowed up a bit.

Flowers - because I'm worth it!

2008-06-28T20:52:00.004+01:00

Today has been a busy day, I'm doing a postgrad uni course part time and I met up with my 'study buddies' today to talk about our dissertations and share ideas, I find the meeting really helpful. Normally it is a junk food nightmare, as I'm working hard I would buy myself with a scone at teabreak, chocolate at lunch and cake in the afternoon to 'reward' myself for all the effort I was putting in. Today things were very different though, I didn't snack, I ate a sensible lunch and I went for a walk afterwards and you know what - I didn't miss pigging out! How strange is that?? One of the ladies in our study group commented that I was 'looking well', this was not directly weight related but I do feel a lot better, I think it has got a lot to do with not shovelling huge amounts of junk food down my throat. And I do feel well, making these changes to my lifestyle is having positive effects all round.

I feel like all of a sudden I've found time for myself and I'm respecting for my body, I'm no longer running round at 100 miles an hour. I've started taking care of myself. I'm taking my asthma inhalers regularly, exfoliating, moisturising and pampering myself including taking regular baths and reading magazines. This might not seem a huge thing but for me it is ground breaking and I believe will help my mission's success. That is why this entry has a picture of gerberas attached (taken by my wonderful OH) - I'm sending myself flowers because I'm worth it!

Weigh in - 37 weeks to go.....

2008-06-26T23:29:00.003+01:00

Another week, another weigh in! This week the scales showed a 3lb loss, bringing my total loss so far to 17lbs. I am really pleased with this and am focused to lose another 3lbs to take my total to 20lbs meeting goal number 2.

I've been using the graphs at skinnr and fridgegraph websites and find them helpful for recording weight loss, skinnr is good for seeing little increases in terms of weight loss over the weeks and fridgegraph is great for seeing the bigger picture - my weight loss in terms of my goals. I'm not sure which graph I prefer, I suppose that only time will tell so in the meantime I am updating both and posting them at the bottom of the blog.

No wedding plans have been made apart from the initial booking. We are not sure when or where to start although I'm sure that our aim of keeping things simple will help. I'll update as plans are available.

L x

I think that I�??m in the Zone!

2008-06-25T11:06:00.003+01:00

I know that it sounds very top gun but I think that I have finally reached that mindset where I am no longer making excuses for my weight and I�??m actually focused on doing something about it. I know that I�??ve waffled on here before about being an OT, but we are very focused on our client's 'doing behaviour' as the profession believes that our 'doing' requires a balance and it can have lots of positive effects on our health and wellbeing (and I haven't related this to my weight before why??) so it is really nice to suddenly be focused on my own 'doing' and I am doing lots of it, including -
Making positive choices about food, the last 2 days I�??ve even left food on my plate I no longer feel like I need to shovel it in
Doing lots of walking with wonderful OH
Getting weighed daily on Wii fit
Completing my blog and reading others (it is amazing the inspirational stories out there)
Using tools like skinnr, my virtual model and traineo to keep me going

My new �??doing�?? is really fixed on making positive changes with the goal of shifting lots of weight before the nuptials next year.

The Zone is currently a good place to be.

The curious incident of the missing 12.9 inches...

2008-06-23T20:48:00.004+01:00

When I started my journey I measured my waist and my hips just to keep track of my mass reduction. Well on measuring again today I have lost a total of 12.9 inches - 6.3 inches from my waist and 6.6 inches from my hips. Where have they all gone??? I posted over the weekend success in getting into a smaller pair of trousers and while this pleased me no end I don't feel smaller and my other clothes don't feel bigger. I am pleased that the inches have gone, I'm going to keep track of the other measurements that run (I'm hoping that they go quickly) off to join them.

On the wedding front, confirmation of our booking at the hotel came through today along with the little receipt that tells you that you have paid your deposit. It is real now, it is actually happening and I need to get a move on with this weight loss.

Off for a walk, done heaps of walking over the weekend and going out again this evening. All going good.

Good day

2008-06-21T17:44:00.002+01:00

This is my wonderful OH beside his photograph on canvus which was displayed at a gallery exhibition, it was a lovely canvus of Loch Lomond. The good news was that it sold in the exhibition - absolutely delighted for him! He takes great photographs and it is excellent that others agree (the gallery feedback was great) and that someone liked the canvus enough to buy it. So he'll get his gallery commission in a couple of months time to be spent on more camera kit.

The gallery is a good bit away from where we live so we spent a bit of time down there and went for a long walk along the river path, determined to burn some extra calories. We got to spend a bit of time thinking about goals and how to keep each other focused throughout our weight loss journey, my focus is pampering things like spa days and manicures (I'm getting good at this non-food reward thing) and his seems to be polarising lenses and tripods. I know that this sounds very materialist which we are not, but we are in this for the long haul needing to make serious alterations to the way in which we live our lives. My focus needs to be taking better care of myself and his is keeping busy by being active with his photography.

My other good news is that today I tried on a pair of trousers I couldn't get into a couple of months ago and they fit! I don't look like I've been poured into them and I can get the zip up without needing to lie on the bed and suck my tummy in. It is brilliant news and the first time in a long time I've worn trousers (felt too fat for them before) it is amazing the difference 15lbs make - roll on the next 15!

I'm feeling positive, the wii fit weighed me this morning at 17 stone 10lbs, I've lost another one since my weigh in on Thursday. I hope that I can keep it off and add to it for my official weigh in on the wii next Thursday.

Tonight we are going to do a bit more walking not taking the car when we head out. Although we are likely to have a beer when we are out I'm hoping that all of the walking today will help.

Weigh in result - 38 weeks to go....

2008-06-19T11:38:00.004+01:00

I'm delighted, this week I was expecting a gain after losing 12lbs last week. I am really pleased that I've lost 2lbs! That takes me to my first stone and I'm only 6 lbs away from my next goal. My BMI is now 41.47, 2 weeks ago it was 45.12 (the wii fit is very exact!) so I'm delighted on that account too. Little celebration dance required!

It hasn't been too difficult this week, I've been eating shedloads of fruit and veg (something I've not done for years) and cut out snacking. I'm not following any particular diet plan - been there, done it, got all of the programmes. I know that I overeat. I wonder if that is why programmes like weight watchers don't work for me, a compulsive overeater becoming fixated on pointing food hasn't been the most positive combination. Weight watchers hasn't managed to get me to tackle why I do it, the other things in my life that make food so appealing as a coping strategy. So this time I'm focusing on healthy food, cutting out snacking and being careful not to emotionally eat (the eating I do that I described earlier in the blog that happens when I'm happy, sad, stressed, sociallising, bored, etc, etc).

I'm hiding

2008-06-18T23:06:00.007+01:00

I'm really guilty of avoiding social situations because I'm feeling too big and uncomfortable to participate. The classic example is tomorrow, I've been invited out for lunch with a work colleague that I've not seen in a couple of years and I just can't face it. I know that I've piled the pounds on since I we last met and I'm embarrassed. I really feel like I've let myself go. As a result I've sent her a text with a rubbish excuse and will rearrange to meet her again soon, maybe when the scales are a little kinder.

I know that this is going to sound daft but I didn't really appreciate the impact my weight was having on my interactions with others, I would just avoid situations and not think too much about it. I'm a really sociable soul so this avoidance is a pain in the ass. I hope that over time things wouldn't be like this.

The reason I'm bringing this up is my anxiety at being the centre of attention at our planned wedding in March, I need to keep focus to shift pounds, through planning and motivation I'll be able to meet my ambitious goal.

You do what???? Occupational therapy

2008-06-17T10:49:00.000+01:00

I'm a community occupational therapist and we focus on improving functional ability, independence and quality of life through adapting a client's environment and using purposeful activity, this I can do at work no problem at all - we use conceptual models and assessment tools set realistic goals with our clients and monitor their progress. It dawned on me, yes I am slow, that I could use the skills from my day job to tackle my weight and emotional eating. I'm going to put an OT spin on things, using person, environment, occupation model (humour me please!).

This model says that how we perform in tasks is a complex interplay of us as a person, our environment and the things we do (our occupations). So......as a person I'm a 33 year old busy chick who is morbidly overweight, my environments are dominated by work and home (environments full of food and sitting down lots) and my occupations to cope with this is to eat. I need to find new occupations to cope with my environments and adjust the person that I am - hurray, breakthrough! By examining these elements we improve our occupational performance and participation - ability to perform and participate in daily tasks. So ........ (wait for it)......I've been managing my emotional eating this week by walking, taking baths and reading magazines. I feel a lot more chilled out than I have done in months.

So I'm focusing on healthy eating, my coping strategies and my doing behaviour and I believe through tackling these issues I can make a permanent change to my life. All my previous diets have just focused on diet and exercise so this is new territory but an element I think is essential to the success of my mission.

I'll keep you updated.

Well, we have only gone and done it...

2008-06-16T23:05:00.004+01:00

After months of changing dates, thinking about it, visiting lots of venues, deciding that we couldn't afford it, realising that we can afford it and consulting with anyone who might possibly care, we have finally chosen our date and booked our wedding. Deposits have been paid so we are now financially committed! No changing our minds now.....

We have 40 weeks until our big wee day at Gretna. I think our choice of venue will surprise some, it has already been commented by colleagues (who didn't know we were considering it) that Gretna is tacky, we have decided it is unusual, a talking point, and an unconvential day compared to other weddings we have been at. Getting married at the traditional blacksmith's shop and then having a posh do at a beautiful hotel - we are calling it tacky chic!

So the planning starts and the most important bit of focusing on losing weight so I'm not a chubby bride. Wonderful other half is hoping to shift some lbs too, it is great to have support networks. I'm prepared (12lb loss already) and focused (wedding and goals established), bring the challenge on.....

Positive things happen to positive people

2008-06-14T11:04:00.000+01:00

I found this cartoon on the internet and liked it, it is very much the way I used to view weight loss, it isn't my fault and I'll just stand around and wait for the excess to fall off! Something has clicked and I know that this is wrong.

I've had a bit of time to think about things since posting the pictures below, and I'm feeling positive. Strange I know! I feel that by tackling my weight problem head on I'm making positive changes to my life as I don't want to be that person any more, the one with the wobbly tummy.

My wonderful Mum often tells me that positive things happen to positive people and I believe her. I am so sure that I can do this, I'm in control of my eating and therefore taking control of my life. By taking control and being positive I can do this - this being losing weight, reducing my BMI and taking care of myself!

I wanted to record these thoughts for times when the weight loss isn't going as quick as I hope or less positive times - I CAN DO THIS!

Week one weigh in....39 weeks to go

2008-06-12T10:02:00.005+01:00

Well, I stood on the scales this morning and weighed in at 17st 13lbs, that is a weight loss of 12lbs in a week! That just goes to show how much rubbish I must have been eating to lose that amount of weight in a week!

I know that I've got to be careful, losing weight too quickly is as bad as not losing at all and I wouldn't be surprised at all by a gain next week as things level out a bit. What an excellent start though! I'm so happy to be taking control and making a difference to my weight. Long may it continue..... Great start to my 100lb challenge. I've also done a challenge fridgegraph from http://www.fridgegraph.com/ but unfortunately it is not exporting at present. I'll pop it on here when it is available.

Goal one - lose 10lbs - achieved 12.06.08

Goal two - lose 20lbs - current 12lbs

Every big challenge needs a goal.....

2008-06-11T09:51:00.001+01:00

I've had a lightbulb moment - I think that it will be very difficult to stick to this unless I have a goal in mind. I am getting married and I am chronically overweight. My big goal is to lose 100lbs by next March, that would take my weight down from 18st 11lbs to 11st 9lbs, a weight that I have not been for about 5 years. I know that this goal is massive but I'm determined and know that with some hard work and focus I can achieve it.

This goal needs to be split into little bitesize chunks, I'm going to do it by 10lb chucks

Goal one - lose 10lbs!

My virtual model

2008-06-10T06:30:00.001+01:00

I was chatting on the WW community board earlier this week and got reminded about my virtual model site. I visited it this evening and created some before and after models, I really want to get to be that slim model - if I ever had motivation this is it! I've managed to do a little formatting of my blog and some virtual models with clothes on. I've popped the clothed versions on the side of my blog to act as a constant reminder.

Wii fit has arrived.....

2008-06-09T22:15:00.000+01:00

Today we took delivery of our Wii fit, it will hopefully challenge the competitive sides of us and keep us focused in our weight loss journey, the system weighs you by doing a body analysis, I'm a little concerned that it does it daily but I'm still going to record my weight loss weekly. I'm going to put a lot of effort into using this over the coming weeks - I'm particularly liking the balance exercises, I have really bad balance problems and fall over my feet regularly. Hopefully this will keep us heading towards our goals.

WARNING - It's not pretty

2008-06-08T23:34:00.001+01:00

Well, sometimes the truth hurts and this little bit of truth certainly did. Isn't it funny how you don't see yourself as others do? I finally saw in these photos why everyone has been so worried about my weight - I'm now worried about my weight! these are the start photos which I hope to compare my weight loss achievements to.

I love my wallis 3/4 sleeve cardigan and monsoon top, I'm now sure that it doesn't love me though. I am going to get OH to take photos of me as I decrease in size so I see the difference. In these photos I weigh 18 stone and 11lbs.

The idea of posting my worst pictures is to encourage me - things can only get better from here in.

A bit about me..

2008-06-07T12:43:00.000+01:00

Well..... what to tell! This is me, completely sober wearing a tiara at a colleague's leaving do!

I'm 32, live in Edinburgh with my fabulous OH (other half) who is incredibly supportive to my weight loss cause, so supportive that he is joining in! We both need to lose pounds for the sake of our health and have decided to hold each other's hand through this. I'm hoping that it will give us both the encouragement we need to stick to this.

My parents live a couple of streets away so I see them often and my little brother is currently living in Australia so I don't get to see him very much. He was home at Christmas and New Year which was great.

I work as an occupational therapist and am really fortunate to enjoy my job, I've got great work colleagues which makes all the difference. I run my own business, which is very enjoyable and hugely challenging, have recently started a charity raising money for cancer research and care and I'm also doing post grad study at University. Life is very busy but just the way I like it (can't imagine not being busy!). It does however mean that there are often not enough hours in the day and that exercise comes secondary to a business mailing or a uni essay. I spend a huge amount of my time sitting on my bum at work and driving so not much opportunity for exercise. I'm hoping to be creative in my approach to exercise, having walks with my Dad and using lunch times - we'll see how it goes.

Things are going well so far, it has only been a couple of days, L

Starting at the very beginning......

2008-06-06T12:51:00.013+01:00

Hello,

My name is Lorna and welcome to my blog! I am currently a woman on a mission - my mission is to lose weight and lots of it!

I've started this to record my weight loss journey as I aim to make positive changes in my life to reduce my weight. I'm currently 18stone 11lbs and have a lot to lose, my little frame just can't take it anymore, my breathing (I've got asthma) is getting worse and I've had some freaky heart palpitations recently. My body is screaming at me to stop my mission to self destruct and I've decided to listen to it (at long last) I've been ignoring my weight for ages, it is easier to plod along overeating than it is to tackle things. That is why I've called my blog, cake girl, I've just been eating too many of them and wanted it to have a secret agent mission possible feel as opposed to mission impossible! I've also kept my secret mission to myself and other half (it is big brother time of year), I've got a feeling that when I say to folk "I'm losing weight" that I've done it so often I get a 'here we go again' reaction, I quietly determined this time.

On the pride side, I am getting married and I really don't want fat wedding photos, so far we don't have a date booked - we have had several but have had to change it a couple of times to suit others who are travelling. I'm hoping to use this blog to keep up my motivation and focus throughout my mission and hopefully motivate some others, wish me lots of luck!

How did I get into this mess, well I only have myself to blame. I'm an emotional eater and I eat too much and sit around a lot that's it really. If I'm stressed I eat, if I'm happy I eat, if I'm busy I eat takeaway, if I've got lots of time I eat lots, if I'm socialising I eat and drink, I've even done mystery shopping where they paid me to eat! So with all this food creeping into my life and me celebrating everything good, bad and indifferent with food I need to look at my life holistically. I think that is why I've always found dieting difficult, I'm so fixated on food as a coping strategy that when I come across tough times with a diet I think sod it, diets don't work for me I'll comfort myself with a big mac (and the rest). Seeing this in black and white makes my life look ridiculous, but I am a serial binge eater and things need to change. I'm going to need to not only change my eating habits but also tackle the stress, happiness, socialising and everything else in my life - this is one hell of a mission! I look at my bulkiness and realise that it does not make me feel happy or in any way emotionally fulfilled, it makes me feel exhausted (no wonder really, I am carrying round a spare person with me). I look at the size 10's and 12's in the world with envy and I am going to make myself a promise - I will do this for me.

Lorna x