Los Angelista's Guide To The Pursuit Of Happiness

Realizing I'm No Spring Chicken

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:48:00 +0000

Today I was watching the video for "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure on YouTube - and I realized that the song came out in 1987.

My eight year-old commented, "Wow, that's like 22 years ago. Wow, those guys must be old now."

Um yeah. They are. And it made me feel old. Like, really old.

A few hours later I looked at a picture of myself taken a week or so ago and realized there were wrinkles on my face that weren't there last year. Is it stress? The natural effects of aging?

I am vain. Too vain. And I live in the beating heart of vanity. No, I'm not above it and I'm not immune. There is no such thing as aging gracefully in Los Angeles. I'm not even sure what 37 is supposed to look like anymore.

I refuse to be one of those women who's desperately trying to hold on to an era of their lives that has been long gone for years. I'm not trying to pretend I'm 29. I want to be myself, the best of myself, whatever that may be. But how can I truly know what that is when our view of what our best should be is so warped, so skewed?

The Many Faces of Sammy Sosa

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:41:00 +0000

Take a good look at the man on the left... he's pretty hot, isn't he? That's former Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa. Steroid scandal aside, I still have a Sosa magnet on my refrigerator.

The man on the right? I don't know who he is. News reports claim that's also Sammy Sosa, but I don't know how that's even possible because that doesn't look like the beautiful brown-skinned Sammy I used to swoon over.

According to the Chicago Tribune, that color change is the result of some sort of skin rejuvenation process. Wow, really? Anti-aging, anti-wrinkle processes make you look like Al B. Sure!'s light skinned brother? Like a member of the De Barge family?

Because if that's the case, don't let the word get out to any other color-struck black people. Folks are gonna be trying to get Sammy on speed dial. "Where'd you get your insty light-bright done, Sammy? Hook a sista up with the deets!"

In the meantime, I'd like the beautiful brown Sammy Sosa I've loved for years to come back. Get rid of the contacts, the conked hair and the skin lightening treatments, Sammy. Some of us love you ~~just the way you are~~ the way you used to be.

Letters I Wish I Could Write

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:48:00 +0000

The sun has set on this week and I'm in bed curled up under the blankets with my ~~super hot lover~~ laptop.

No, it's not exactly a sizzling Friday night, but I just realized there's a letter I need to write before I go to bed and it's based on the picture to your left. Gorgeous sunset in the background. Horrible traffic in the foreground.

Here goes:

Dear Mayor Villaraigosa,

I'm not sure what real work you do every day, especially since it seems like every time I turn around you're getting your picture taken.

No, I'm not exactly a fan of yours and I don't know anyone who really likes you or thinks you're doing anything good for this city. However, I have an idea for you that will instantly boost your popularity with all Angelenos, especially the one named Los Angelista.

If you install left turn lights at all the major intersections in the city, you will get voted for until the day you die. All the people who're ready to snap because it takes 10 minutes for them to turn left at the corner of Vermont Avenue and Venice Boulevard will instead head home and write op. eds to the Los Angeles Times singing your praises and declaring you're the most awesomest mayor ever.

If you do it, you'll probably get a statue made to honor you. Your minions will use the time they used to sit in horrible traffic to come worship at the statue. They may even perform poetry they've written in homage to your greatness. You know us Angelenos, we're crazy creative, but we need a muse. You could become that muse!

Yes, install left turn signals and Antonio Villaraigosa will no longer be known as a man who happened to become mayor and then got cold busted for cheating on his wife with a reporter.

Left turn signals will instead make Antonio Villaraigosa forever known as the man who transformed the City of Los Angeles into a world class city! (Listen to your ego like you normally do and you'll see the light. I promise.)

Sincerely yours,

Los Angelista

The Secret of Sexual Abuse

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:16:00 +0000

This afternoon I was doing a little eavesdropping at a cafe, and I overheard two hipster women talking about how the movie "Precious" just seems "totally unrealistic".

"Like all that could even happen to one person," one said.

"Nobody normal has two babies by their father," said the other. "Maybe one baby, but not two," she laughed. "You have two babies by your dad, you wanted two babies by your dad."

I hated them as they laughed and laughed over their wittiness. I hated their perception of reality. People go through such insanity and abuse in their personal lives, and sometimes we know it, sometimes we don't. Not everyone puts their business out there for everyone else's consumption, and sometimes the worst stories of abuse are the ones that never get told.

But what really killed me was their insinuation that victims of sexual abuse want it. Those two hipsters thought they were so clever with their comments, I wondered if they really knew what they were saying.

I guess those two clowns have never heard of California's very own Jaycee Lee Dugard, kidnapped by a psychopath at the age of 11, raped by him for 18 years, and then accidentally found and rescued this past summer. Jaycee had not one but two daughters by the man who kidnapped and raped her. But according to these two hipsters, Jaycee must've wanted that.

Maybe they haven't yet heard the horrible story of a 29 year-old Queens, NY woman who cut off her father's penis, boiled it, and accidentally killed him because he choked to death on the rag she'd stuffed in his mouth. Why'd she do it? Oh, because he'd been raping her since she was three, she knew he'd had sex with other underage girls, and she was afraid he was going to begin raping her nieces.

Or maybe they've never been told by any of their friends how they were sexually abused by a parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent or neighbor.

But that's hard to believe. Never ever? Really? Because isn't the statistic that one in four girls in this country are victims of sexual abuse?

The sad thing is that it's easy for these young women to say stupid crap about the victims of sexual abuse because victims rarely have a voice and get little or no support from the rest of us.

There's so much sexual abuse of children in our culture, but it's such a "secret". No one wants to talk about it. Families push it under the rug and act like it didn't happen. The victims are told to get over it. Teachers dread the moment they find out about abuse happening to a student because then they have to deal with reporting it and that's more work for them.

When it does come out, too many people act like the victim must've done something to cause it. Must have secretly wanted the abuse to happen.

We miss the point that we are complicit in the continued sexualization of children and their abuse when we fail to ask ourselves WHY there's so much abuse in our culture. What's really behind it and what do we need to collectively change in order to protect the children around us?

I'm still not a fan of the casting decisions made for Precious but if this movie opens people's eyes to the kind and amount of sexual abuse that goes on, and if people can somehow watch it and not just see it as a story that happens to poor black girls in the ghetto, maybe I won't have to sit next to clueless hipsters in a coffee shop anymore.

Skateboard Love

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:57:00 +0000

If I didn't already know that my six year-old son loves to skateboard... I'd have to be the dumbest mother on earth to miss it after this picture.
That's him on the boards, mohawk in full effect, in various stages of skate-trickery. I love it. I love his imagination.

When you love something, you think about it all the time. You even picture yourself doing it when you're not doing it. What do you love this much?

Dreams, Superstition, Moonlight & The 101

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:00:00 +0000

Friday night I had an incredibly vivid dream that I got into a serious car crash on the 101 Freeway.

Strangely enough, I had the same dream on Saturday night and then again on Sunday night. Each time I had the dream I woke up right after the crash happened, and each time I had a sinking feeling that I woke up because I'd died in the dream.

I'm no stranger to recurring dreams. I had the same dream (OK, a nightmare) every couple of weeks for almost 20 years, but at least in those I wasn't wrecking and dying in the right lane of the 101.

Someone suggested I look up the dream meaning online, and essentially it suggests that I believe my life is kinda effed up and I have no control over it. Hmm... maybe? I just know it scared the crap out of me. People drive like fools out here in Los Angeles and every time I get in the car I think about how I might not come back home.

Of course, my dear friend Ruha (who's totally brilliant) just had to invite me and my family to go on a moonlight hike last night in Charmlee Wilderness Park out in Malibu. And that meant I'd have to drive on the 101 for almost 36 miles to get out there. Crap, crap, crap!

I like to believe I'm not particularly superstitious but when you've had three dreams in a row about crashing on the 101, the last thing you want to do is DRIVE on the 101 for 36 miles! So, of course, I got in the car and headed up the 101 to Malibu.

Creeping along in rush hour traffic I thought about how I don't like to be ruled by superstitions but what if those dreams were really some sort of premonition or sixth sense at work? Maybe my subconscious was telling me, "Look, heffa! Stay your behind off the 101!"

I probably sound paranoid but I have had an insane number of dreams come true. What if this was one of them?

As I drove, my palms were sweating. I felt like I was having a panic attack in the car, and no amount of Depeche Mode could get me to calm down. My sons kept asking, "Mommy, are you OK?"

"Sure," I replied, ignoring the fact that I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly I could see my knuckles, saying prayers in my head, counting the miles to the Kanan Road exit.

Somehow, we made it in once piece to the wilderness park. My kids and I were greeted warmly by Ruha and her family, and we all got to hike around for two hours on paths illuminated by the full moon rising in the east. It was perfectly beautiful and I couldn't help but think about how I would've missed out on the experience if I'd been too afraid to get in the car and drive up the 101.

The drive back home I was completely unafraid. Same stretch of road but I no longer had that feeling like I was going to die in a car crash.

I wonder if I could've made myself crash last night because I was so freaked out and believed it was going to happen. Yes, what if I had crashed? Would that have been me causing the crash or would it have been fate foretold by a dream?

And how do I know it won't still happen?

The NaNoWriMo Experience

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:04:00 +0000

It's day two of my participation in the novel writing adventure known as NaNoWriMo.

Yes, I'm once again attempting to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November.

I've attempted it twice before and have landed in either flu or Thanksgiving hell later in the month of November, so I'm trying to write as much as I can in these first couple weeks so I don't get to almost 40K words and not finish. Or get bored with my idea because THAT has definitely happened before.

Yes, I'm setting aside the novel I've been working on (for what feels like forever, but I'm not sweating it since Harry Potter took five years to write) and picking up an idea that's been sitting in my subconscious for a very long time.

If I finish this, edit it, like it, and somehow manage to get it published, I'm certain some people I know may seriously hate me. I struggle with, "Oh noes, you hate me because you think this story is about you!" because yes, I do take my own life experiences or those of the people I know and love and twist them till they're almost unrecognizable. The operative word there is "almost".

Tools I'm using to write? Mashable has a great list of resources for writing a novel on the web. I'm using the My Writing Nook one and so far I'm liking it. It's day two and I'm at 4727 words. Awesomeness.

Halloween With Gypsy, Neo, Blade & Bat Ninja

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:59:00 +0000

On Halloween my house got taken over by a Gypsy, Neo, Blade and a Bat Ninja. Here's the Gypsy and Bat Ninja:
Wowzer, that was a LOT of makeup for me! I keep thinking how if I was a performer I'd have to wear that much makeup all the time. I was not feeling it!

Bat Ninja was only a ninja at his school's costume carnival on Friday, and also at Saturday's Halloween festival at our local recreation center. But after losing a costume contest on Satuday afternoon, Mr. Ninja declared that being a ninja "sucks" and so he transformed into a Bat Ninja. Thank goodness I kept last year's Batman costume!

As for Blade, he knew he was styling!

Don't mess with him! He might pop his collar on you!

And you know how Jay-Z said he might wear "all black everything" for a year? Clearly, he stole that from my family: Don't they look cute? I'm SO glad Neo decided to be Neo and NOT Darth Vader. Rolling up to people's doorways with your kids while wearing a big azz mask is a no-no.

All dressed up we hit the streets. My sons are serious when it comes to collecting candy:
That's quite a haul, isn't it? We didn't hit up 10 million houses for it, either. We just know what neighborhood to go to, and my sons like to say, "Thank you so much for the candy. I love your decorations. Your house looks amazing. Have a happy Halloween!"

... and then they get another piece of candy put into their bags, accompanied by, "How could I not give such sweet, polite boys another piece of candy?"

To give you an idea just how much candy my sons packed in, they got 71 tootsie rolls, 26 packs of M&M's and 15 packs of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (including two full-sized). You name any chocolate candy you can think of, they got around 20 pieces of it. And stuff like suckers and Jolly Ranchers... dozens of them. Let's hope the "eat one piece a day" rule holds up.

If you didn't get any candy, I'd share with you...but I don't think Blade and Bat Ninja are going to go for that. Sorry! But, uh, hope you had a happy Halloween!

Snow White With My Sons: Eww, the prince is gonna kiss a dead girl!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:08:00 +0000

On Friday I was chatting on Twitter with fellow Depeche Mode fan just1mode and somehow it came up that my whole family still gets scared on the Snow White ride at Disneyland. Uh huh, yes we do!

That's when I remembered that I had a review copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Diamond Edition that I hadn't checked out yet. The Diamond edition is totally restored and also comes with a Blu-Ray version & some Blu-Ray extras (like the original storyboarding, which I've heard is pretty cool), but we're still old school with a regular DVD player. I need a Blu-Ray because I've read those discs are much more scratch resistant. What parent doesn't need more scratch resistant DVDS?

Anyway, yesterday I asked my sons if they wanted to watch it with me -- they remembered how scary the ride is at Disneyland, so they more than willing to rip it open the box and watch the film before heading out for some hard core trick-or-treating.

While watching the boys had some interesting questions and commentary:

1) Is that really a heart in that box? Yes, kids, Snow White does have some gruesome events going on. Attempted murder, a fake human heart in a box, poison apples -- it's sooo soap opera! I love it!

2) So Snow White's just gonna live with all these dwarfs and she's not even married to them? You know, I'd never thought about that before. I mean, look at that picture. There's Snow White in the bed and there's seven ~~guys~~ dwarfs hanging out at the edge of it, staring at her. Mmm hmm, Snow White. We see you, girl!

Just kidding! I told my kids that Snow White's like the dwarf's little sister. But I'm sure some filmmaker over the hill from me out in the Valley has made a version of this tale where Snow White is getting to know the dwarfs she's shacked up with really well. Wink, wink!

3) Eww, the prince is gonna kiss a dead girl! -- Eww! I'd never thought of it like that either! I told my sons that of course she's not really dead, but then I realized, the prince doesn't know that at the time that he's kissing her. Eww, eww, eww!

But I love the movie and you know my sons loved the movie, and how cute was it to see both of them singing along with Snow White and loving the dance numbers with the animals. Of course, I agreed with my eight year-old's observation that, "Prince Charming's got cool clothes!" And I think it's cool that a movie made in 1937 can capture the imagination of my 21st century sons.

If you want to check it out yourself, along with all the Blu Ray extras, it's on SALE on Amazon for 50% off. It's a classic so get it for somebody.

Can I Run The Nike+ Human Race 10K EVERY Friday Night?

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:37:00 +0000

I'm finally home from my second Halloween party of the night -- a real wild kiddie party, mmkay -- and I keep thinking how last Friday night was SO much more exciting than tonight, all because I was running the Nike+ Human Race 10K.

Technically I was running on Saturday morning since the race started at 12:01 a.m., but that's just semantics. Friday night/Saturday morning -- The important thing was that it was crazy dark out there. (I know I have a comic-addicted house when I think it must've been my spider sense that kept me from tripping into any potholes!)

Anyway, if you're asking yourself, "Los Angelista, why in the world would you go running in the street at a time of night when most folks are either home in their beds or still getting their freak on at the club?"

1) I like to run: I like to run so much that I ran the 10K, slept two hours and then got up and put in 16 MORE miles with my running club. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

2) I like being a part of a unifying movement: Hundreds of thousands of people across the globe were participating in the Human Race and I like anything positive that brings us all together in pursuit of a common cause. Really, it was SO cool to have people from such far away places as London and Berlin replying to my Twitter posts wishing me luck and saying they were running the race later in the day!

3) It benefited charity: USC coach Pete Carroll's charity A Better LA received a portion of the proceeds from the race registration. Even though I know the Notre Dame fight song by heart, I'm 100% down for supporting any organization that has promoting peace and unity within Los Angeles as it's mission.

4) Nike asked me if I'd like to run it: Seriously, when Nike emails and asks if you want to tweet/blog about a positive, socially-minded worldwide running event, what's there to say no to?

Little did I know that saying yes meant that Nike would send me gear to race in: running tights, shoes, a jacket, a hat -- heck, they even sent a sports bra! I was not expecting Nike's generosity, and wow, I was STYLING when it came time to run!

They also sent the Nike+ Sport Kit, which probably would've been great to track my run stats on, but I couldn't get it to work on my iPod since the poor thing is on the fritz. I ended up sticking with my trusty Garmin watch for tracking purposes.

The race itself? I was excited about running but I'll admit I was a bit apprehensive. I'd had a fever of well over 100 that Monday and still wasn't feeling 100% healthy in the hours before the start. It was also the first race I've ever run by myself. I've always managed to drag someone else along for whatever race I'm doing, but no one I knew was willing to come out and run with me at midnight.

The race began and ended at the LA Coliseum, right next to USC, so most of the folks running were USC students. As I waited for the race to start, I seriously felt like a granny next to all the students. My self-esteem wasn't helped by the race officials bunching the 11 minute mile and slower people all together in one pack. I started to worry that all the 18 year-old runners in booty shorts were going to leave me behind and I'd be the last one to hobble across the finish line.

The first mile or so it was impossible to run faster than a slow trot, and I ended up walking a bit, because it was just WAY too crowded. There were too many people starting all at once and I half expected someone to get trampled because of all the pushing and jostling. However, after mile one, a lot of people slowed down and started walking so I was able to pass folks and get into a good running rhythm.

We zig-zagged on the cross streets a bit, but the route basically went up Figueroa Street from the Coliseum to the Convention Center and back. There were a few just so-so live bands and some fab DJs along the route. I absolutely loooved hearing the Crookers remix of Kid Cudi's "Day 'N' Nite" vibrating off the concrete as I ran under the 10 FWY.

I wasn't trying to set any race records since I knew I still had my 16 mile run ahead of me a few hours later, but I finished the race in 1:12 - I snapped this picture of myself right after I crossed the finish. Not too bad for an old lady!

It wasn't till I was waiting to catch a cab home that I noticed someone else wearing a medal. I'm not sure how I missed that those were being given out to finishers, but oh well, medal or no, I really enjoy crossing finish lines. I always feel so accomplished!

You know what else Nike generously gave me? Tickets to the USC vs Oregon State football game and the Human Race pre-game tailgate. I took my eldest son and we had a blast. Great food, tons of bags of my favorite potato chip, Popchips, DJ Diplo was there and he was awesome... well, except for all the cuss words and n-words in the music he was mixing. Oh, and I didn't really need to see half-drunk USC students attempting to Crip Walk to one of the old Snoop Dogg records he played. I'd love to see what those students would do if they had to go live in a Crip neighborhood for a week. But it was a good time and there's nothing like a little college football to make it really feel like fall.

Now you see why tonight feels a little unadventurous in comparison to last Friday? I can't wait to do the Nike+ Human Race next year. I need another excuse to run in the streets at night!

I Want To Join The Circus: Cirque du Soleil's "Kooza"

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:07:00 +0000

I want to join the circus. Never mind that I can't ride a unicycle, can't do a back bend, can't swing from a trapeze, can't sing and I can't even do a cartwheel. Who cares! Cirque du Soleil needs to take me on as a performer in their "Kooza" show even if I am decidedly unskilled in all circus-y areas.

I figure, I can be the Kooza character of the Innocent -- "a melancholy loner in search of his place in the world." I didn't see him perform not one single back flip so why can't that be me? Besides, if I weasel my way onto the Kooza staff, maybe I'll get to watch the show every night from backstage. It's so good I don't think I could ever get tired of seeing it.

It's so good I found myself saying, "OMG, that was BANANAS!" And I don't mean "bananas" in that fake Rachel Zoe "everything-is-bananas" way.

Kooza is here in Los Angeles at the Santa Monica Pier (through November 29th)and I had the good fortune to get some complimentary tickets. If you live here in LA and you don't go, you're missing out on experiencing the beauty of artistic creativity in a circus setting. The music, the sets, the costumes, the clowns and the acrobats -- the sheer physical genius of it all is simply amazing. It's like being transported to the best fantasy world you could ever imagine.

Besides, you really don't want to miss the cool teenage contortionists:

My mouth is still hanging open over what goes down at around the 4:55 mark. Seriously, after seeing that, I'm never saying I'm flexible ever again. (And it's even cooler seeing it going down right in front of you!)

So what say you, Cirque du Soleil managers? Will you hire me on so I can see your show again? Pretty please?

Insomniac Randomness = Not "Ho" Ween

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 06:54:00 +0000

Hi! My name is Los Angelista and I'm exhausted. Seriously, is there a 12 Step program for insomniacs?

I'm tired but I can't sleep. And there is WAY too much going on in my head for me to focus on just writing one thing, so you're going to have to endure some randomness from yours truly.

1) The holiday is Halloweeen, not "Ho"ween: If you're planning on leaving your house wearing a questionably trampy costume such as a French maid, naughty nurse, catwoman or stripper, never come read this blog again. And slap some sense into yourself.

2) The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Yes I watched and yes, their reunion show was boooring. If I had a dollar for every lie that got told on that stage I'd be richer than Big Poppa.

Speaking of TV...

3) Irina on Project Runway is... SO mean! I was going to use another word to describe her but I'll refrain.

4) I really want to eat some chocolate right now. I think there's a package of peanut m&ms in the kitchen. Thank goodness I'm too tired to get up and go get it... and I'm becoming a chocolate snob. I only want the good stuff. Plus I don't want to think about how long it would take me to exercise off those dang peanut m&ms.

5) I'm in love with the Nintendo Wii Fit Plus: I went to a Fab party tonight thrown by Nintendo and House of Prince and I got to try the Wii Fit Plus out and wow, it does everything I wished the old Wii Fit would do. Plus, I got a VERY generous take-home gift. Lucky me! :)

6) I'm doing NaNoWriMo again: Yes, National Novel Writing Month. 50,000 words in the month of November. Why do this? Because I have issues. Haven't you figured that out yet? Anyway, writing is a much cheaper form of therapy. I have a good skeletal plot, some good characters, and lots of drama.

7) My hair rocked today. I don't have a picture. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

8) My parents want to kill my blackberry: When I do sleep, I sleep with my blackberry, and sometimes I roll over on it and it dials them. I try to keep it locked but sometimes I forget! Sorry Mommy for calling you at 3 am!

9) I really should learn Spanish: If I learn Spanish I wouldn't feel bad asking for translation when I'm at my kid's school for meetings. And what I want to know is if jobs here in LA almost all require people to be bilingual in Spanish, how come LAUSD isn't teaching my kids Spanish from kindergarten to 12th grade?

10) Now that I have it all off my chest... I'm gonna try again to go to sleep. But don't forget, it is NOT Ho-Ween. Resist the urge to get your freak on through your Halloween costume!

I "Heart" Boobies

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:41:00 +0000

I got home from the Women's Conference around 9:30 last night and my six year-old son, T, was waiting for me.

"Wanna see what I found today?" he asked as he dug in his pants pocket.

It's been so windy in LA over the past 24 hours that I couldn't begin to imagine what he might have found, but of course I wanted to see. What self-respecting mother wouldn't want to see what their child's dragged home?

He pulled a small black object out of his pocket and held it up in front of my face.

"Look, it's a guitar pick," he said before picking up one of his two guitars and strumming it with the pick. "See, it works on my guitars."

He played me a quick song and then set the guitar down. "But it has writing on it. What does it say?

How could I possibly tell my son that it says, "I love boobies?"

Fortunately I was spared having to tell him by his changing his mind and deciding to sound it out on his own. And so since then I've been subjected to his efforts to phonetically sound out the text on this guitar pick.

Earlier tonight he nailed "keep a breast" perfectly but the boobies? By the time he went to bed, he'd worked up to, "I love bob-i-es."

"Bob-i-es" made me laugh so hard the poor child was staring at me like I was nuts. But he's clearly not giving up till he figures it out. So now that he's sleeping, I'm gonna rifle through his stuff and see if I can find where he's stashed the "I love boobies" guitar pick. Otherwise Mr. Smart Phonics Reading Child is going to figure out that the word is boobies -- and then yours truly is going to have to answer the inevitable question, "Mommy, what are boobies?"

I don't feel like answering that question this week. Maybe next week. Or next year. Or in 10 years. But not this week! I'm taking that guitar pick and letting it blow away in the wind. My son will just have to go through his days believing that someone loves some bob-i-es!

Live Blogging The Women's Conference

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:51:00 +0000

I'm down in the LBC for the 2009 Women's Conference with my Los Angeles Moms Blog posse.

So far we've covered a fabulous opening session called "Tough Leadership Decisions in Tough Times" that featured moderator Robin Roberts interviewing the Terminator himself, our Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Virgin Group founder & president, Sir Richard Branson (who I kept hoping would toss cash into the crowd but he didn't!) and Sheila C. Blair, the chairman of the FDIC -- she assures us our cash really is safe.

Next up was Cheryl Saban, founder of The Women's Self Worth Foundation. She spoke a bit and then introduced performer and V-Day Founder & Vagina Monologues writer, Eve Ensler.

You can also check out our gallery of celeb photos (Dr. Oz, Olympian Dara Torres, and Desperate Housewives actress Brenda Strong to name a few) who've come through the media tent. We're updating and adding throughout the day so check back at the Los Angeles Moms Blog!

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Winner!!!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Congratulations to the winner of the Los Angelista Disneyland Holiday VIP Day giveaway!

Thanks again to everyone who entered and voted!

Dear President Obama:Your Daughters Can Marry My Sons

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:09:00 +0000

Dear President Obama,

This is the first letter I've ever written you, and although I suppose I should be writing you about more serious issues, like how there needs to be a REAL public option in whatever health care reform legislation passes, instead, I'm writing you about a more personal matter: I've decided your daughters can marry my sons.

I was looking at your official family picture today and I said to myself, wow, those Obama girls sure are smart, creative, kind-hearted, civic-minded, and beautiful. My sons are all those things, too. In fact, like your daughters, I have a really good feeling my sons are going to be considered good catches when they get older.

I have a lot on my plate these days, and so do you and Michelle. So, how about we mutually take "finding the kids good spouses" off our lists? Instead of putting our kids through years of kissing frogs, how about we just go ahead and come to an understanding that they'd be perfect for each other? Besides, if you announce now that your girls are marrying the Los Angelista boys, you save your daughters any future,"Is this boyfriend THE ONE?" media speculation.

If this sounds like a great policy decision to you, just leave me a comment letting me know you all are on board. I'm sure your people will then get in touch with me to figure out our next steps!

Best wishes,

Los Angelista

P.S.: Don't worry, I'll be a great mother-in-law.

Vote For Our Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semi-Finalists!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:18:00 +0000

Don't forget to vote this week for our seven semi-finalists in the Los Angelista Disneyland Holiday VIP Day contest!

Please vote for who you think I should take to Disneyland by leaving a comment on that entry. Anonymous comments (those without a name) will not be counted in the final vote tallies and only one vote per IP Address/household, please. Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST.

Final Round: The three entries with the most Los Angelista reader votes will then be shared with my two sons and THEY will pick the final winner! -- or if they can't decide, we'll put names in a hat and that'll be that!

The Winner: The winner will be announced on Monday, October 26, 2009 at 8:00 a.m. PST!

Click here to vote for Emanuel!

Click here to vote for Hawiza!

Click here to vote for Elise!

Click here to vote for Liz!

Click here to vote for Ileana!

Click here to vote for Lisa!

Click here to vote for Kristen!

Happy Voting!

I Got Chocolate Milk For Halloween!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:08:00 +0000

Last Tuesday night -- the day before my entire family descended into I-don't-know-if-this-is-swine-flu-or-normal-I-feel-like-dying-flu hell -- we attended the very fun and fabulous Got Chocolate Milk? Halloween event at Paramount Studios.

It was the first event I've been to this Fall that really put me in the Halloween spirit. Even the weather cooperated because it was raining, cool and windy. With all the decorations - pumpkins, trees with red and gold maple leaves, bales of hay and an old fashioned cemetery, I felt like my family had been transported back in the Midwest on a drizzly October afternoon!

The event was to celebrating chocolate milk being the healthy drink of Halloween, and actress and model Angie Harmon unveiled her own Got Milk? milk moustache ad campaign. I was totally in love with her when she was on Law & Order and I just don't think the show has ever found anybody who really fills her shoes.

My husband's in love with Angie Harmon too. He almost never wants to go to any blogger events with me but the minute I told him Angie Harmon was going to be there, he was all, "Can I come?" He was hovering around staring at her until I pointed out to him, "Hey, there's Angie's husband!"

Yes, Jason Sehorn was there setting bales of hay on fire with his smokin' hot looks. I sooo wanted to sneak a picture of him but just could not gather the courage to do it! But those two are a seriously good looking and NICE couple if ever there was one. I took a picture with Angie but I can't share it with you because the photographer didn't hold down the button long enough to focus the lens. Oh well, if I ever need it, I have blurry proof that I did really meet Angie Harmon!

Anyway, while I was marveling over Angie's amazingly beautiful skin, my youngest son spent most of his time hovering around a witches cauldron full of bottles of chocolate milk. He was trying to convince me to stuff all the bottles in my bag so we could take it home for him to drink because he doesn't believe in drinking plain milk. He won't even put plain milk on his cereal. But he loves chocolate so chocolate milk is his drink of choice.

To distract him from suggesting such hoodrattish, "That blogger came and stuffed all the chocolate milk in her bag!" behavior, I took him and his older brother trick-or-treating along part of a street in the "New York" part of the Paramount lot. The houses were decorated with lots of bats, skeletons and cobwebs. Put one of these skeletons on your front porch and your house will be the talk of the neighborhood!
Everybody might be too scared to come up on your porch, especially at night, but at least it'll look good!

After the trick-or-treating, a magician did tricks for the kids, there were arcade games, a photo booth and there was face painting -- it only took the makeup artist five minutes to do up son's entire face like Spiderman!It would probably take me 50 minutes to replicate this same Spiderman look, and I'm convinced my version would still come out looking totally jacked up.

Once my son was all painted up, he spent a lot of time trying to scare me by popping out from behind the gravestones in the "cemetery". Why do kids think it's fun to try to scare their parents? And is there more of this, "Let's give mommy a heart attack!" behavior in my future?

Just writing about this event totally puts me in the Halloween spirit! I sooo can't wait for next Saturday!

*If you want a chance to win Angie Harmon's very cute designer bag full of lots of cute accessories and chocolate-milk inspired products, enter the Makeover for Mummy sweepstakes!

I Think I'm a Snob

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:28:00 +0000

Sometimes I have interactions with people that make me feel like I'm a total snob.

Yesterday when went to I pick my sons up from school, I found my 3rd grader on the playground right away. He was totally excited because there's a new boy in his class.

"And he looks like me, kinda!" my son shared.

"You mean he's black?" I asked. He answered yes... and I thought FINALLY!! My son has never had another black boy in any of his classes so this was huge news.

"And he's really nice!" my son continued.

This made me really happy because I was beginning to think his entire elementary school experience would pass without him having a black male friend who 1) attends his school, or 2) is in his class!

As my son continued to gush about this new kid, we walked to the classroom of his first grade brother, picked him up and then chatted with some people for a few minutes. Then, as we were walking back across the playground to leave the school, my son yelled out, "Hey! There he is!"

Indeed, there was the new boy, all smiles as he saw my son. They immediately struck up a conversation and my son introduced his little brother to his new classmate.

As we walked into the school, I observed a black woman at the end of the hallway with two other children. I'd never seen her before so I figured this must be the new boy's mom. And my heart sank.

The mom was wearing a doo-rag, a pair of ratty sweat pants, flip flops and what looked like a tank top with no bra underneath. Now, I don't like using the word "ghetto" because I feel like it has all sorts of connotations I don't like, but if ever there was a time I might have used it, that was it.

I felt like a 100% bonafide snob because I was thinking all sorts of judgemental, stereotypical things like, "If her son comes over to play and she comes too, is she gonna be casing the joint?" and, "If she goes out of the house looking like that, her son probably has no proper home training and might be a bad influence on my son."

We were quickly approaching her so I decided to say hello, introduce myself and my boys to her, and welcome her to the school. I did so and she told me her name in return.

And then I just had to ask, "Are you all new to the neighborhood?"

She paused before answering and then her response made me feel like more than a snob. It made me feel like a complete jerk.

"Yes, we're staying at the women's shelter."

A whole bunch of thoughts were running through my head. First of all, I had no idea we even had a women's shelter in the neighborhood. Second of all, and this really made me feel like a snobby, judgemental jerk, maybe her appearance has something to do with living in a shelter. Third, folks don't end up in shelters without something pretty bad going down in their lives so I should be more sympathetic.

I replied as warmly as I could, "Well, welcome to the neighborhood. I hope we see you around."

I told my sons, who were in full "let's make plans with this new kid" mode to say goodbye because we had to go to the store. And that was that.

The thing is, a day later I still don't know if I want my sons playing with someone whose mom comes out of the house looking like that. It's so horribly small-minded of me but there's a part of me that can't help it, and I don't know what to do about it. I know my son is going to want to play with this new kid sooner rather than later.

And, am I not going to let my son be friends with the first black boy he's had in his class since Pre-K because of this?

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Emanuel!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Welcome to the Semi-Final round for Los Angelista's Disneyland VIP Holiday Celebration Day! I just couldn't choose only seven finalists from so many awesome entries -- so I let a randomizer do it for me. Now I, and the finalists, need your help!

Reader Voting: Please vote for who you think I should take to Disneyland by leaving a comment on that entry. Anonymous comments (those without a name) will not be counted in the final vote tallies and only one vote per IP Address/household, please. Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST.

Final Round: The three entries with the most Los Angelista reader votes will then be shared with my two sons and THEY will pick the final winner! -- or if they can't decide, we'll put names in a hat and that'll be that!

The Winner: The winner will be announced on Monday, October 26, 2009 at 8:00 a.m. PST!

Emanuel's Family

The girls and I would thoroughly enjoy a day at Disneyland. As much as they love to talk about how much they've grown and changed in the last few years, they are still little kids. They love the Disney Channel and most things Disney. I would love to have an opportunity for my kids to just get a good shot of "kiddie stuff" before they really begin their periled plunge through the tweens into their teenage years.

It would further be a blessing to just let us forget about how difficult this year has been financially for us a family. Just to kick back and leave the world at the gates of Disney would be great.

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Hawiza!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Hawiza's Family
(Hawiza blogs at Makeup In San Diego)

The last time my husband and I took our girls, Malaya (7 years old) and Rihana (3 years old) to Disneyland was 1 1/2 years ago. We had so much fun! We stayed for 2 days at the Disneyland Resort and spent all day for 2 days at the park.

Time is hard now and our financial situation has changed and Disneyland is now a luxury. The girls and I recently went back to Disneyland. Our tickets were a gift from the girls Godmother and although we had a great time, the girls were upset that they didn't get to share the moment with their Daddy. This contest is a chance for us to go to Disneyland and enjoy the park as a family. Thank you for sharing your tickets with your readers! I am sure that it will be difficult for you to choose but rewarding at the same time.

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Liz!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Liz's Family
(Liz blogs at Thoughts of a Mommy of Three)

I have three kids. Ages 11, 4, and 2. We had Disneyland annual passes for about 2 years. Whenever I had the chance, I’d go to Disneyland. I would drop off the eldest in school and the little ones and I would head off to Disneyland for the morning. Just the thought of going there, is such a mood changer. I love Disneyland. We recently moved so close to Disneyland, I can hear the BOOMS of the Firework shows at night.

The last time we went to Disneyland, was in April (that’s when the passes expired )O:)). I miss my passes. My youngest was a little over a year old. Since then, she has been obsessed with Disney Princesses. Until now, she has yet to meet a Disney Princesses. Just last week, she saw Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The look on her face was classic! Heck, she’s even Snow White for Halloween this year. I would really love for her to meet the princesses.

Plus! What a great way to spend time with Los Angelista. I’ve had the privilege of meeting her for about 10 seconds! (Got Milk Milkshake event). I honestly don’t know a better way to get to know her, but at the happiest place on earth!

By winning this contest, Los Angelista will be able to give us kids (yes, me included) a memorable day at a little ol’ magical place called Disneyland.

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Kristen

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Kristen's Family
(Kristen blogs at Rage Against The Minivan)

Dear Los Angelista,

My name is India and I am three years old. Going to Disneyland is my favorite thing to do. I love the rides, but I especially love the princesses and the parade. This year I’ve had the chance to go to Disney a few times with my mom and dad, but that all changed when I turned three. You see, my admission is no longer free. My parents didn’t think through the timing of their passes very well and don’t have the moolah to get me a pass right now, too. My Disney days have been cut short at this tender age. I know – a tragedy. I am very sad about this, and would love to go on a special VIP trip with you and my family. If you let me come, I will wear a princess dress and sing a song from High School Musical for you. Plus, my mommy likes your blog a whole lot, and my brother thinks your son has really cool hair.

Love, India

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Elise!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Elise's Family
(Elise blogs at Elise's Ramblings)

Los Angelista should pick my family, because we love Disneyland. My daughter can not get enough of the rides and fortunately my husband isn't as big a chicken as I am so he can go on them with her. We promise to be very well behaved, and I further promise that my missing foot and leprosy will not effect the tour adversely. Also my daughter has never been kissed, and I hear there are a lot of handsome princes available at the magic kingdom. Which would make that college tuition much more manageable.

So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, pick us.

P.S. If we make the final three, we have no problem buying large quantities of candy for Los Angelista's little boys. I'm just saying...

Thanks for your consideration.

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST

Disneyland Holiday VIP Day Semifinals: Vote For Ileana!

los.angelista@gmail.com (Los Angelista) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Ileana's Family

1. We deserve to go because I have the most loving and patient children anyone can ask for. Even though things are harder to come by with 7 kids, they all understand the economic situation and are really patient with waiting for the things they ask for, even simple things, like a new backpack.

2. We totally rock as a family!! We understand the needs of others as well, and we volunteer year round!! Whether it's through school involvement or community events, we are there!!! This year we participated in Big Sunday and Relay for Life, through the American Cancer Society!!! And we even raised over $1500!!! Now my oldest son is registered to do the Aids Walk next week on Sunday!! Talk about independent decision making!!

3. I learned to take advantage of all the beautiful places that Los Angeles has to offer, and that are low cost or no cost at all!!! Before the economy got so bad, I didn't really visit the local library's or museums. Now we go to all of them!! The kids favorites are LACMA and NHM and the Science Center!! Aside from saving money they are learning so much!

4. We just took in a liter of 5 kittens under our wings and though it was hard at first to care for them, we do not regret having done so. The kids have showed me that love is for everyone and it doesn't matter who it is, even animals!

5. I just returned to school, and I am so proud of myself!!! That alone is such a great accomplishment for me!!

6. Last and not least- You would have so much fun with us, because we are the happiest bunch around!!!!

*****

Don't forget! Voting will close on Friday, October 23, 2009 at 11:59 PST