Losing My Hind

I Will Not Stress Eat

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 13:36:00 +0000

The last seven days have been a mountain of stress for me. Just when everything was swimming along in my life, it was announced that my shift is being eliminated at work. I'm unsure yet as to what this will mean for my employment overall, but you can imagine how news like this can affect you emotionally. Especially when you just had new living room furniture delivered to your house the weekend before, with a large credit card bill coming due.

The first day I was in shock. When I was given the news that morning, I couldn't sleep. (I work nights, in case you're new here.) Once I did get a few hours of troubled sleep, I woke up and couldn't even face the idea of dinner with my family. It's hard to think I'd ever be too upset to eat, but that was the case for the rest of the night.

I barely ate the next few days as well. The reality slowly sunk in, and while the shock has worn off, the uncertainty at the moment is still very present. It will likely be a few more days before I'll know the future of my current job situation.

Suddenly the five stages of grief makes sense to me. I went through denial and anger already, and while bargaining doesn't really make sense in this situation, I know depression is just around the corner. Here's where I get worried, because depression rarely shows up at my door without a bag of powdered donuts, a pint of ice cream and an extra large spoon. (And as an adult depression also generally brings a box o' wine along as well, making sure to get the most alcohol for the value. Depression is thrifty like that.)

Before this news hit last week, I was celebrating a new milestone. I finally broke through the 166 pound curse and had officially made it to 165. Since then I've dipped down to 164 and even saw 163.8 on Saturday morning. (But won't officially count it since I know it was partially due to lack of eating while I lived in my head for a few days.) Breaking that plateau was such an accomplishment for me and gave me hope that by the end of my Slim-Fast challenge I'll reach that goal I set of 158.

So I now find myself scared that all of this uncertainty will destroy the progress I've made and send me to the bottom of a fried-dough-and-sugar binge. No matter how much I'm told this job situation had nothing to do with our performance, I still feel like a failure. (Not helped by the news that most of the other two shifts were made company employees while I'll remain a contractor if I still have a position.) The negative emotion cycle feeds into itself, with any slip on my part interpreted by my brain as more proof of my inability to succeed at anything, which then leads to more self-destruction.

This week's challenge for myself is to resist the negative self-talk in my head and not give in to stress eating. No matter the outcome of this situation, I can't let it affect all that I've worked for in my personal goals. I'm trying so hard to love myself and reshape myself into a model of good health, and I'm already 80 pounds from where I started.

Failing myself because of the business decisions of men in expensive suits sitting in fancy offices far removed from what I do would be silly. However, that extra large piece of chocolate cake looks like the perfect medication to soothe your soul when your feelings are hurt and depression is holding a chair for you and offering you a fork.

I can be stronger than this situation.

Slim-Fast Women of Wow Update (& Giveaway!)

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 22:56:00 +0000

Alternate title - 166: So We Meet Again

I've been using the Slim-Fast shakes and bars for about three weeks now, so I thought it was time for an update. As you might guess from above, my weight is currently at 166 lbs, which just happens to be the lowest weight I've ever been as an adult. I hit this same number late last year, but never managed to get beneath it.

I started the year at 170 (after my holiday hibernation), so four pounds lost in a month isn't shabby at all! But 166 is a tough number. I was actually at 166 a week ago, then jumped up to 168 out of the blue, and now I'm at 166 again after days of being diligent about my calorie intake.

I'm wishing on a star that this might be the week to officially get past this number on the scale, but I also know that my body seems to have some kind of threshold at 166. Apparently no one gave my body the message that insurance companies and doctors don't consider me at a healthy weight until I weigh 158.

I have to admit that the past few weeks have been very easy when it comes to food. I have a Slim-Fast shake in the morning before I go to bed (I work night shift, remember), I eat a Slim-Fast snack bar or piece of fruit when I wake up, then I eat a normal dinner with my family. When I go to work, I either eat a low-cal frozen meal or Slim-Fast shake for my "lunch" and have one or two snacks of about 100 calories each. Overall, my daily calorie intake is usually between 1400-1600, which I keep track of by using the Lose It app on my iPhone.

On weekends, we tend to eat out more, but even eating out isn't a trap for me - I keep to small portions and take the time to enjoy every bite. I've found my stomach is smaller now, and so it doesn't take as much food for me to feel full. And surprisingly, the shakes really do help me feel full despite being liquid calories. (The vanilla one tastes like melted vanilla ice cream - yum!)

With my food intake under control, I have to turn my attention back to exercise now. I'm averaging about one workout a week at this point. If I want to get this weight off, I know I'll need to move more. I've got eight more pounds to go until my goal, and I'm determined to get there.

Giveaway!

Not only has Slim-Fast given me the tools to help me reach my goals, but they want to help you have your moment of wow, too! I've got one $50 American Express gift card to give to one lucky reader - use it towards new workout gear, an outfit to celebrate a milestone, or whatever you'd like!

To enter: leave a comment below telling me your favorite type of exercise. What type of exercise gets you motivated and keeps you coming back for more? Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you if you're the winner, too.

For additional entries (1 per method - leave a separate comment for each):

- Follow me on Twitter and leave a separate comment with your Twitter username.
- Like Slim-Fast on Facebook
- Leave a comment on one of my Women of Wow posts on the Slim-Fast Facebook page (leave a comment here with your FB name)
- Write on the Slim-Fast Facebook Wall that you entered to win a $50 AMEX Gift Card at Losing My Hind with a link back to this post.

Entries will be accepted until Friday, February 17 at 11:59pm EST. One entry per method, for up to five entries total, US residents only. After that date, one winner will be selected at random to receive the $50 AMEX gift card. Winner will be contacted by email and will have 48 hours to respond or an alternate winner will be selected.

Also, visit these other Slim-Fast Women of WOW for additional chances to win!

Being Alison
Shop With Me Mama
Hollie's Weight Loss Blog
Blessings Abound Mommy
Yellow Tennessee

Good luck!

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast Women of WOW! Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

My Muscle Memory Has Dementia

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 21:51:00 +0000

This week I decided to go back to the boot camp classes I did last year. I had been going fairly regularly until August, and then let my membership lapse. But a great price on a New Year's deal along with a strong desire to make this THE year I get it right led me to sign up again. After all, I had great results last year and I already feel comfortable with the routine of that gym.

I expected to be a little out of practice. I knew that having a few months off would mean I couldn't perform the way I did when I was going to classes regularly. But I also was confident that it couldn't be all that bad - my weight is still as low as when I stopped going, so there's no way it could be as hard as when I started at the beginning of last year and was 14 pounds heavier.

Ha.

Ha ha ha.

I had my first boot camp class last night. The results were embarrassing. I started off fine with the rest of the class, staying in time with everyone as the music shook the room and the trainer barked out instructions. Five minutes in, I felt a little winded, but took a few deep breaths and pushed past it. Ten minutes in and I needed my first sip of Gatorade.

I quickly realized I was having trouble. Twenty minutes in, I felt weak, I could barely catch my breath, and my stomach was queasy. I finally sat down on the step for a moment. The trainer (someone I worked with a lot last year), just smiled and said, "You're fine - you're just getting back into it!" I didn't feel fine, particularly when the others in the class weren't stopping while I was parked on my step.

Finishing one small bottle of Gatorade, I stood up and was determined to still finish the class. I got back into the routine with everyone, but that sick feeling wouldn't go away. I had to take another short break near the end of class. I don't think I took a single break during my first class last year.

When it was over, I remained in the room for a few minutes extra, willing myself not to vomit while making deals with my legs to just get me to the lobby and then I'd let them rest again. In the lobby, I sat for another 15 minutes. Anytime I tried to get up, I felt lightheaded and queasy. I eventually got the strength to get up and go home.

So...yeah. Never expected the first class would be such a failure. I expected my body would be a little rusty with the whole boot camp regimen, but had hoped it might soon remember all it had accomplished just a short time ago. So much for that muscle memory theory.

I'm discouraged, but not defeated. Yes, I expected my first class to go better than that, but I still went to class and did as much as I could. Maybe I'll be able to do a little more the next class. And a little more the next one.

No pain, no gain, right?

Edited to add: And then I realized after writing this that I had a sore throat. Turns out I have strep throat and an ear infection. So maybe I'm not quite as weak as I thought, but just fighting off illness.

Stupid Food Habits

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:27:00 +0000

Most people don't usually go to Facebook for intellectual stimulation, but I have such smart friends that I often find myself clicking on stories to learn more. For example, with a title like The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor, I figured there was a good chance this article would either make me laugh or make me examine my own habits carefully. Turns out, it was both.

(Go read the article now. Watch out for some strong language, if you're sensitive to that. And don't forget to come back!)

The very first subject in the article is that when you're poor you develop a taste for poor quality food. Wait...how did I not make that connection? I'm shocked that it never occurred to me that maybe the reason I crave junk so much is because I simply never knew differently as a child. *mind exploding*

I should start by saying that I didn't grow up extremely poor. I was raised by a single mom who worked endlessly to support me. We never used food stamps, but her small salary and smaller child support payments did result in some lean times in the early years.

My mom shopped for groceries every two weeks, and we rarely had anything fresh in the house, other than fresh bread from the bakery across the street, milk and the occasional bunch of grapes when they were in season. Most food we bought was made to last, so if we didn't get to it this week, well, there'd be no chance of it spoiling after a week. Or a year. When my mom had enough energy to make a meal after work, it was often a huge pot of spaghetti with jarred sauce (that would serve as several re-heated meals also), or the ever-so-reliable-and-cheap Kraft Mac 'n Cheese.

It's true: I do not like homemade mac 'n cheese. But give me that neon orange boxed stuff and I'll be back for seconds! Why? It's not like powdered cheese product is superior in taste and quality to real melted cheese, right? But when it's the only thing you had growing up, you do expect that flavor to be the "right" flavor.

Nearly everything we ate was frozen, boxed or canned. As I got older and could stay home more at night, she shifted to working nights more often and I became great friends with the microwave. Frozen personal pizzas were an easy, cheap staple. And that leftover spaghetti was an easy microwave re-heat, too. Seems like the only vegetables I ate were in a jar of Preggo sauce, unless you count the corn in the Doritos tortilla chips.

It's no wonder I got fat - a diet made up of 90% processed junk filled with preservatives, fat and salt is enough to send anyone to the plus-size department! I can't place blame on my mom - she worked over 40 hours each week, always picking up overtime when she could, and just didn't have the money, time, or energy to cook from scratch or teach me to cook.

So we relied on cheap processed foods to get by, and as a result my taste buds learned that this was the way food was supposed to look and taste. The more subtle, complex flavors and textures of real food were foreign to me, and so when presented with them I usually turned my nose up. (Yes, I was that stubborn child who ate just stuffing at Thanksgiving meals - and only because it came from a box!)

Learning to eat right in order to lose weight has been an incredible challenge, and I can't say I've won. I have learned to appreciate and enjoy real food, but the desire for junk is a strong one imprinted on my brain from years of Doritos binges and microwave dinners. It's not something I can rid myself of just by trying new foods and deciding that they do taste good.

Growing up poor did leave me with a stupid habit I want to break, and in some ways I think this habit is even harder than losing weight. Yes, you read that right: even harder. My weight loss is, in many ways, tied to those cravings for salty, fried foods, and if I can't keep control of that hunger I'll be right back where I started. I don't think it's possible to completely eliminate the habits from childhood, so what's the solution?

Well, I'm no expert, but this is what I've done so far:

1. Try new real foods as often as possible, and make sure they're prepared well for your first experience. The idea of hummus sounded disgusting to me for a long time, but then we visited a local Mediterranean restaurant where friends told me how amazing their hummus was. So I tried it. And I liked it. Which made me want to try it again.

I've since found some really good and really bad hummus elsewhere, but that first taste of high-quality hummus kept me coming back for more. If you're not sure what the best preparation of a food is, get recommendations from others before trying it. I've grown to love green peppers, fresh salads, eggs, Indian and Chinese food, and more all because I had a good first experience with them.

2. Prepare old favorites in new ways. This means making macaroni and cheese with real cheese, steaming fresh green beans instead of opening a can, and peeling and eating an orange instead of pre-packaged orange slices soaked in heavy syrup. It means trying out fresh meats instead of processed lunchmeats, and maybe even seeking out foods grown locally to see what fresh really tastes like. Even substituting low sodium, low fat frozen meals in place of the more processed frozen meals is progress. Trust me, your taste buds will rebel, but keep at it and you'll develop an appreciation for the new flavors.

3. Don't go cold turkey on your old favorites. Unless you have superhuman willpower, you will be tempted by your cravings. And for many of us (ahem...me), the longer you deny the craving, the bigger the binge. So incorporate small treats into your week. Grab a fast food hamburger for lunch one day. Eat a frozen pizza now and then. Treat yourself to a bomb pop at the zoo on a hot summer day.

Yes, diet experts will probably tell you this is the wrong approach, but I'm telling you I've lost 80 pounds and still enjoy a Krispy Kreme now and again without any shame. If you're trying to lose weight, you're already learning moderation thru portion sizes. Well, here's another lesson in moderation - small portions of "bad" foods can keep you feeling happy and fulfilled without wrecking your overall goals. And if you keep making an effort to change your tastes, you may find you don't even need those indulgences after awhile.

4. Don't let your kids start this habit if you can help it. For some of us (raising hand) this is too late. But it doesn't have to continue. We make an effort to have our kids try new foods now, and they both love fresh fruit. Mira hasn't had as many bad habits form, and routinely asks for grilled chicken and broccoli. My hope is that we can undo some of the damage and start good habits that will follow them into adulthood.

Even though I grew up with junk, my own mom went right back to healthy eating when our finances improved. She grew up on a farm with fresh, well, everything. (As in, killed the chicken in the afternoon for dinner that night. That's a little too fresh for me.) She is retired now and uses that extra time to regularly cook fresh foods again, just like she enjoyed as a child. It seems some habits can last a lifetime.

I can't change how I was raised, but I can create parallel good habits and remind myself that I am more than the experiences of my youth. Each day I have the ability to make new choices to determine the "me" of tomorrow, and it's up to me whether those choices are based on who I was or who I want to be. I know which one I prefer.

My Day In NYC For the Slim-Fast Studio WOW! Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 15:47:00 +0000

On Tuesday, I had the whirlwind trip of a lifetime: fly to New York, meet with the Slim-Fast team and five amazing experts in nutrition, food, fashion, beauty and photography, and then fly back to Columbus, all in the same day. Sounds crazy, right? It was. But it was a fantastic kind of crazy.

I was a little nervous when leaving that morning. Not because of the event, but because the weather was stormy and windy. Once we were above the clouds, though? Gorgeous.

When I reached NYC, I was taken from the airport to the heart of Manhattan to the Slim-Fast Studio Wow! penthouse. This place was beautiful, decorated with lots of white and red, and stations for each of the team of experts to work and talk.

Who are these "experts" you may wonder? Well, I'm glad you asked. Meet the superheroes I like to call Team Studio Wow!:

(That would be Ali Auerbach, Robin Miller, Joey Maalouf, Nigel Barker, and Jacqui Stafford)

I was the first blogger to arrive, so I relaxed on a couch and chatted with the Slim-Fast team until the others arrived. There are ten Women of Wow bloggers, but only five could make it to the event. Once we were all assembled, we were taken to lunch at Bryant Park Grill.

(Holli, me, Stacey, Agnes, & Tiffany in the damp, cold weather)

Once we returned to Studio Wow!, it was time for the magic to begin. One-by-one we met with each of the experts to ask questions and get advice to make 2012 our year of wow. I first met with Ali, the Registered Dietitian for Slim-Fast. We discussed proper nutrition and how Slim-Fast can make it easy to get the nutrients you need each day, even when you're on-the-go.

Next I met with Robin, who introduced me to some of her incredible 500-calorie or less meals. She discussed how to use simple spices and flavorings to make low-calorie meals anything but boring. Even though we had just come back from lunch, I didn't hesitate to sample every item she had! I plan to share at least a few of the recipes here in the following weeks - yum!

After Robin I met with Jacqui to discuss fashion. When she started the conversation asking me what questions I might have for her regarding fashion, I immediately joked that I wouldn't even know where to start because I'm really a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of women. We then started discussing accessories - a foreign topic to me - and how to use them to accent any outfit. Other than my wedding ring, I'm generally accessory free, so I didn't know where to begin.

Jacqui demonstrated different ways to wear a scarf, which felt completely silly to me but she assured me looked fantastic. I guess it takes some getting used to? I vowed to her that I would make an effort to include more accessories into my wardrobe in the months ahead.(And Jacqui gave me a lovely scarf to get me started!)

Joey was up next, and before my butt even hit the seat he was already running his hands through my hair and making decisions on how to make my hair look glamorous. I confess that I barely remember this part because it was a frenzy of activity - he danced around my chair with a large barrel curling iron while a lovely woman (name I can't remember - sorry!) ducked his hot iron to touch up my makeup and create a smoky eye look that I've never been able to master. I have to admit - I looked really good.

Before the mascara was even dry, I was then escorted to my final stop: a photo session with Nigel Barker. Suddenly I was nervous: I have a lot of trouble looking natural when the camera, and the focus, is on me. Nigel is a famous photographer, and I didn't want to be the one utter failure in his portfolio! We chatted at first about my blog, how much weight I've already lost, and my experience in raising a daughter with autism. He has a niece with autism, and we quickly fell into a discussion about the amazing talents of the two autistic girls we know.

His team put on some music (Pink, of course), and I tried to loosen up. Nigel was very patient in directing me on how to look good for the camera, even though I was stressing myself out about doing it correctly. It was a lot of fun, but I still worry that my photos will have the forced smile I get when I'm worried about looking good. We'll see, right? (And another goal for this year - learn to relax when I'm in front of the camera.)

As if that wasn't enough, they encouraged me to take all of the Slim-Fast bars I could get on the plane! Considering how much I love the bars, I wish I would have brought a bigger bag!

By 4:30pm, I was back in a car on my way to the airport again. The day went by so quickly! Everyone was exceptionally nice, and aside from the pampering I left with a renewed confidence in myself and a commitment to my goals. The Slim-Fast Studio Wow! event showed me that reaching those goals is not only possible, but can be a lot of fun, too.

The Women of Wow tab is now live on the Slim-Fast Facebook page - I'd love it if you'd visit my profile there and give me a little support. Be sure to check out the other Women of Wow, too!

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast Women of WOW! Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

I've Got Exciting News To Share!

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 01:45:00 +0000

I've been sitting on a big secret for weeks, and I'm so excited that I can finally tell everyone about it. As you may know, I did a review for the new Slim-Fast shakes a few months back. I loved the new shakes and the swap from can to plastic bottle, and easily incorporated a Slim-Fast shake or meal bar into my diet when I needed a convenient, on-the-go meal.

So then last month, Slim-Fast contacted me and asked if I'd like to be one of 10 blogger brand ambassadors for Slim-Fast to start the new year. With little hesitation, I said YES!

What does it mean to be a brand ambassador? Well, for the next 3.5 months I get to be one of the Women of WOW! (cool name, no?) sharing my experience with losing weight and getting healthy with the help of Slim-Fast shakes, meal bars and snacks. I'll be posting tips on how to lose weight no matter how hectic your life can be, and providing as much support as I can to anyone else trying to reach their WOW moment.

(and I got some goodies to get me started...yum!)

Slim-Fast is asking everyone to make a Vow to Wow in 2012. What's my vow, you ask? It's simple: all of my adult life, I've been "overweight" and even "obese" by most standards. I've worked very hard to lose most of that weight, and I'm currently about 10 pounds away from being what the medical and insurance industries consider the top of the "normal" weight range. For the first time in my adult life, I'm determined to be at a healthy weight for my next birthday.

I hope you'll all follow along on my journey with me, and join in if you'd like. (Whether you're using Slim-Fast or not - setting and working towards a goal for the year is a fantastic way to improve your health!) I'm starting my journey tomorrow with, well, a real journey to New York City for the Slim-Fast Studio Wow event which will coincide with the launch of the Women of WOW! tab on the Slim-Fast Facebook page. I'll be posting regularly on the Slim-Fast Facebook page, and you'll see some giveaways hosted right here very soon.

I promise this blog won't be all Slim-Fast, all the time - it's still me, and while I love the convenience of the products, there's a lot more that goes into weight loss that I plan to cover as well.

Watch my Twitter and Facebook posts tomorrow for updates of my day in NYC, or follow along on the Slim-Fast Facebook page or the Twitter hashtag #SFStudioWow.

I said at the beginning of January that this was going to be my year to shine, and I feel like I've got all of the tools to make it happen. I hope you'll all support me, and I'd be happy to return the favor in kind.

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast Women of WOW! Program. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.

Let's Do This

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:20:00 +0000

Alright, new year, new goal. This is it, 2012 - I've got big plans for you.

I declare that this will be the year I hit my goal weight.

I've steadily lost weight for the past three years, ending each year smaller than the previous one. Since I started tracking my weight again, I've gone from 212 pounds to a low of 166 pounds earlier this year. As is usual with my holiday season hibernation, a few pounds did sneak back on, but they won't be there for long.

A goal weight I've always had in my head is 158 pounds. That's the number provided by the BMI charts as the absolute highest weight I can be for my height and be considered a "healthy" or "normal" weight. I've never aimed for anything lower than that because I've never been anywhere close to it in my adult life. The closest I've come - other than at the moment - was back in 2003, when I was ~170 pounds for my wedding. Even my wedding wasn't enough to get me to that magic number. (Wait - no negative talk here. 170 was still damn impressive considering that five years prior to that I was nearly 250 pounds.)

But this year, 158 is in sight. I know I can get there with a lot of hard work, sweat and willpower. I've come this far already, so I know I have the strength in me to do it.

In 2012, I'm going to make it to 158 pounds and officially be considered normal by BMI standards and insurance charts.

Which is probably the only time in my life I'll ever be considered normal in anything.

I stepped on the scale today, and the current number is 170, which is a number I'm already pleased with. Holiday indulging for the past three months only resulted in a four pound gain from my lowest weight - that's a win in my book. It tells me that the lessons I've learned from years of doing this are taking hold, and even indulging isn't the same as it used to be. I can have a piece of pie - or even two - and not spiral out of control into a free-for-all binge. All Charlie Sheen jokes aside, I'm winning at this.

New year, new me. I'm ready.

Hibernating & Indulging

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 13:11:00 +0000

This time of year is always hard when it comes to weight loss. It starts with Halloween and all of the trick-or-treat candy, then progresses into the Thanksgiving meal-o-plenty, and ends with a steady slide into decadent holiday baked goods and party foods. It's no wonder so many people start diets on New Year's Day - you need to detox from all of that excess!

My own weight loss has never been a steady line moving downwards. It's more like a series of hills, up and down, with smaller ups and greater downs. It takes longer than a straight line, but I can't argue with the method since despite the small gains each year I'm still 80 pounds lighter than my heaviest weight.

The last three months of the year are what I call my hibernation phase. This is when my workouts and eating habits slack off as I focus on the holidays and the end of the year. I exercise less because I want to spend more time with my family on holiday traditions. I generously partake of Halloween candy, and never miss a chance to fill up on party foods during the Christmas season. And yeah, I gain a few pounds back, too.

Halloween and Christmas are my two favorite holidays - completely restricting myself would only make me miserable. My #1 rule of weight loss is that this is a change for life - if I have to turn down brownies and pastries and cheese balls during the holidays for the rest of my life in order to be at a healthy weight, I can guarantee that I'll be overweight forever or be the most miserable skinny person you've ever met.

So I plan for it. I know I'm going to overeat and I go for the foods I enjoy the most. I try to offset these heavier meals with small, healthy meals or meal replacement shakes/bars (since there aren't holiday parties every day, right?) and I don't get too upset at seeing the scale inch up a little.

By the time I'm packing up the Christmas tree and taking down the last of the garlands, I'm usually sick of all of those rich foods and ready for something different. (Yes, it's true - you really can eat enough cookies to develop a temporary aversion to them!) January is a natural re-commitment to eating healthy and working out, both because I'm burned out on calorie-heavy foods, and it's now so cold I want to move more just to stay warm!

As for those few pounds I added at the end of the year? As long as it wasn't more than five pounds (and it rarely is), I shrug it off and consider the joy I had from the holidays worth the small gain.

So far, this plan has worked for me. I've lost anywhere from 10-20 pounds each year, and gained 5 at the end of the year. (This year it's only been 2 pounds gained so far, partially thanks to a stomach virus that swept thru last week.) I'm still coming out ahead, I'm happier, and by taking my weight loss slowly I'm improving the chances it'll stay off for good.

So if you're curious about what workouts or meal plans I'm following at the moment, you won't find anything here. I'm currently in hibernation, enjoying the holidays. Check back with me in January and you can bet I'll be working towards losing a little more of myself.

Holiday Baking That Won't Add On Pounds

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Hey everyone, be sure to visit Diets In Review this weekend! I'm sharing my best tips for making baked goods a little more healthy for the holidays.

Yes, it's true - you can still eat muffins, cookies and cakes and lose weight! And I promise your kids won't notice the difference.

Slim-Fast - Two Weeks Later (& Giveaway!)

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 08:08:00 +0000

Last time I posted, I mentioned I was giving Slim-Fast a try for two weeks. They had generously sent me some samples of their shakes in the new plastic bottles (yay, no more cans!) and I decided to see how well I could incorporate them into my diet. Considering that I hadn't lost a pound in weeks - and may have gained a couple - trying something new was worth a shot.

I had several struggles during this two week challenge. One of my coworkers ended up in the hospital, and frequent visits to see her and worrying about her left me exhausted and emotionally drained, which weakened my defenses against comfort eating. Exercise was also a low priority during this time. Choosing between exercise and getting five hours of sleep instead of four was an easy choice: sleep.

And let's not forget the other temptation I was facing: Halloween candy. We bought our bags of candy early, and tried to keep them hidden away, but it didn't work and the bag was soon open. It's hard to resist a Reese's Cup.

Results: Despite the circumstances of the past two weeks, I still lost two pounds! I'll admit I'm impressed I lost anything at all since there were days I strayed far from the plan and I rarely had any time to exercise. While using the Slim-Fast shakes and meal bars, I felt full after each meal and not very hungry between meals. My downfalls were emotional eating and the late night snackies, both of which are mental issues I need to overcome, and which no diet can really help me with.

Overall thoughts: The Slim-Fast plan is easy to follow, and perfect for someone who eats poorly due to always being in a rush. The meal bars and shakes are convenient and easy to eat on-the-go, making it easy to stick to your plan when your only other option is a drive-thru. The meal bars are a little sweet for my tastes, but balancing them with a glass of water helps a lot. The shakes are perfect and just what I need when I wake up for the day.

I plan to continue using the Slim-Fast products as a supplement in my weight loss plan. While I don't think I'll use them everyday, I will likely use the shakes for quick breakfasts and will definitely keep meal bars in my purse for my busy days when I don't have time for lunch.

Giveaway!

Slim-Fast is not only helping you lose the weight, but they want to remind you that it's OK to pamper yourself a little, too. To help with that, I've got four $25 Sephora gift cards to give to four lucky readers! These gift cards can be used at any Sephora store (including the ones in JC Penney) or on the Sephora online store.

To enter: I'm asking you for a little bit of advice. Emotional eating is my greatest downfall - what are your tips to avoid falling into a plate of comfort food when you're stressed or down?

Leave me a comment below with an email address to contact you and you'll be entered for the random drawing for these four gift cards. One entry per person, and only entries that answer the question will be eligible to win. Contest is open until Sunday, November 6 at 11:59pm ET.

Four winners will be randomly selected and notified by email. Winners have two days to respond or an alternate winner will be selected. US residents only.

Good luck!

Full disclosure: I received product samples, free product coupons and Sephora gift cards to facilitate my review and provide giveaways. All opinions expressed here are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Slim-Fast.

Trying Something New For Two Weeks

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 12:33:00 +0000

I now understand everyone who says that the last ten pounds are the hardest to lose. Guess what? I'm still at 167, and the last ten pounds show no sign of giving up. It's time to try something different.

I've used a variety of methods to help me lose the weight, with most being some combination of eat less and move more. But if I stay in a certain eating or fitness pattern for too long, my body adapts and I have to do something different to shake things up. I've seen many a plateau, and know that each one forces to me to adapt and alter my routine. Sometimes it means trying a new mix of higher protein, or higher complex carb, or more weights or more cardio, or just different foods than I usually eat.

I recently was asked if I wanted to try the new, improved Slim-Fast shakes, and I decided to give them a try. Slim-Fast has worked to improve the flavor to make their shakes the best tasting ever, and they're now moving away from the cans in favor of re-closable plastic bottles.

Many years ago, I tried Slim-Fast shakes as one of my weight loss methods. If you're one of the few people who have never heard of Slim-Fast, they're a line of vitamin-fortified milkshakes (and now nutritional bars, too) that help provide calorie control to aid in losing weight. The plan is to have a shake or bar for 2 meals a day, along with two healthy snacks and a nutritious dinner. (AKA, the 3-2-1 plan.)

The first time I tried Slim-Fast, it did work. But back then (we're taking over 10 years ago), the shakes were only so-so for flavor, and you had to drink them out of a metal can, which gave them a metallic taste. I never used the Slim-Fast shakes for long back then (even though they did result in weight loss) because I would eventually long for something with more flavor.

Now, I'm well aware of the criticisms of this product, too. It distracts from eating whole foods, it has you drinking your calories and could leave you feeling less full, and it's calorie plan isn't for all sizes. I get it, and I'm aware of how to adapt it. I don't consider this product the magic weight-loss pill - I still have to put in the work, but it's one tool that can help when I have trouble with eating on the run or eating at work.

I don't always have time for a meal of whole foods - sometimes I have to eat in the car, and a shake is far better for me compared to a fast food value meal. If the shake has enough protein in it, I often don't need to worry about getting hungry too soon, either. As for the calorie issue - I'm well aware of how many calories is recommended for weight loss for my body, and adjust the plan accordingly to make sure I'm meeting my minimum required.

Since I've been stuck at yet another plateau, I'm using Slim-Fast for two weeks to see if it can provide me the jump start I need. I'm using one or two shakes or bars a day and then having portion controlled servings of food for the other meals and snacks.

If you're interested in reading my initial review of the product and entering to win some free Slim-Fast for yourself, please visit my review blog, Mommy's Must Haves!

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Full disclosure: I was provided with Slim-Fast products and coupons to facilitate my review. All opinions expressed here are my own and do not necessarily represent the views of Slim-Fast or anyone else.

Also, I'm a nurse, so listen closely: do not begin any weight loss program without first consulting your health care provider. Remember that weight loss is highly individual and what works for one person may not work for another. There's no magic pill for losing weight - you still have to put in the effort. Products such as Slim-Fast are designed to aid you in your efforts through portion and calorie control, but they do not replace the effort itself.

A Success (Sort Of)

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:22:00 +0000

So early last week, my husband reminded me that the March of Dimes Night Moves 5K was approaching at the end of the week. And that he had signed us both up for it.

Wow, September 16 sure arrived quickly.

I had forgotten about it. I knew Aaron was training for the 5K, and I had agreed to sign up for it, too, but then life and work and my need for sleep got in the way and I put it out of my mind. So as Friday approached I realized that I wasn't ready for this at all. I haven't put on my running shoes since before BlogHer. I haven't even done any kind of workout in a few weeks. In short: I was going to suck at this.

The day of the event was even worse. In a pure fit of denial, I only took a 2 hour nap after getting home from working all night and then decided I wanted to stay up for the afternoon so I could get some house cleaning done. Again, I forgot about that 5K we were doing that night.

Finally it was 5pm and Aaron went upstairs to change into his running shorts. Oh yeah, we're supposed to go to a 5K, aren't we? I trudged upstairs, still tired from a lack of sleep, and pulled on some workout gear. It didn't help that it was supposed to be cold that night - do I dress warm, or will I be too warm?

At the race, I still wasn't feeling it. Aaron planned to run the entire way, and I was ready to cheer him on. But I was doubting my own contributions to the run. I decided I would run/walk the race, probably with a strong emphasis on walking. This was the same 5K where I ran the entire thing last year - I was fully prepared to be disappointed with myself this time.

Blurry photo of us - it was already getting dark and cold.

The bell sounded and the pack took off. It was chilly out at this point so I decided running would be the best way to start, if for no other reason than to keep warm. I ran for about a half mile before I needed to slow to a walk. Two minutes later I felt good enough to run again, but my stamina was quickly fading. I passed the one mile mark and was surprised that I had a 14 minute mile.

The second mile was even more walking, with occasional urges to vomit when I did run. My side ached so I tried to take it easy and focus on my breathing. I passed the second mile marker and again had another 14 minute mile. How was that even possible?

I was determined to not just walk the final mile and a bit, but I had practically no energy left. I used a section of road that sloped downward as one stretch of running, allowed the lack of incline to work to my advantage. And then with the end in sight I ran the final block, crossing the finish line with a time just over 44 minutes.

Aaron found me in the crowd, and I had to grab his arm to keep from falling over. One Gatorade later and I felt a little less wobbly, although still very exhausted.

(Aaron ran the entire race in under 28 minutes - go him!)

At the time, I thought I was less than a minute off from my time last year. I looked back through this blog, though, and realized I was actually three minutes slower than my time last year.

But still...only three minutes slower than last year, where I ran the entire race, and when I had prepared for it and got plenty of sleep beforehand and actually remembered the damn race? Not bad.

Of course, this does nothing for my motivation. After all, if I can run/walk a 5K with 2 hours of sleep and no training or preparation ahead of time and STILL only be three minutes off of my running time, why bother training?

Just kidding.

Well, mostly.

I was proud of myself for finishing, even with everything going against me. It's good to know that even without working out for a few weeks, my body hasn't forgotten everything I've been trying to teach it. And maybe I will start pushing myself to run again so I can shave a few minutes off of my next 5K.

Although at the moment I'm dealing with the one downside to taking on a 5K with no training: I can't move my legs. I don't think my legs and hips have ever hurt this much. Lesson learned.

Pause

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 13:42:00 +0000

Wow, looks like it's been awhile since I updated here, eh? Seems like that always happens - I get focused on looking and feeling healthy for a blog conference, and then after it's over I just want to forget about it all for awhile.

Although the back-to-school season had a lot to do with it, too. It's nearly impossible to keep up a workout schedule when your entire life is turned upside down with a new school schedule, bus routes, paperwork to fill out, school supplies to go purchase, and the overall exhaustion that comes with all of that. And my husband started a new job, meaning a new schedule to adjust to for him as well.

I know...excuses, right? Yep, I've been making plenty of excuses while I tried to fit in small amounts of sleep here and there.

But the fury of the school year is beginning to ease, and so my schedule is returning to a more predictable routine. Working out can no longer fall to the bottom of my priority list.

I'm registered for more boot camp classes this week, and I intend to go to them. Aaron also signed us up for a 5K this Friday, too. Unlike last year, I'll probably be walking a majority of the route this time, although Aaron hopes to run the entire 5K. (And I think he can do it, too.)

It's time to hit Play and get my fitness goals back on track again. After all, the holidays are looming ahead, and I refuse to let the lure of baked goods add more weight to the scale this year!

After the Event: Staying Motivated

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:45:00 +0000

It wasn't hard to remain motivated to watch my food intake and exercise in July. Knowing that BlogHer was around the corner kept me in line - I wanted to look my best when presenting myself to so many people.

At the conference, I ate and drank whatever I felt like having - it was a special occasion, and so I felt no need to count calories or worry about gaining weight. I've always had the philosophy that one day (or even a few days) cannot do that much damage, especially if you aren't stuffing yourself to the point of feeling sick. I kept my portions in check at the conference, and for all of that food I didn't gain a single pound while in San Diego.

But now that I'm home? Motivation is harder to find. I arrived home to a stressful situation of having my children home during the day while I needed to sleep, thanks to summer camp ending two weeks before school starts. (Not cool, summer camps. Not cool at all.) Plus I had plenty of work to catch up on. Add to that a slight depression at returning to my "real life" of responsibilities and work, and healthy living has become the last thing on my mind.

It's been two weeks now. While I haven't thrown all of my healthy habits out the window, I haven't exercised in these two weeks, and I've eaten more than I probably should of foods I really don't need. I'm still motivated by a goal of being healthy and feeling my best. But the external motivator of BlogHer is gone and there's no external motivator in my near future.

I've scheduled a boot camp class for this Saturday. Hopefully my trainers still remember who I am after this break. And hopefully they won't think I can do exactly what I could at the end of July - I'm a little frightened that it's going to really hurt to get back into my workouts again.

As for food, well, I've eaten my way through most of my BlogHer samples, so much of the temptation is gone now. I've already gone back to bringing Healthy Choice meals to work again, and as soon as a routine can be established for back-to-school time we'll probably begin cooking at home again, too.

The new, healthier habits are still with me. They just need a little encouragement to beat down the sloth that tries to take over whenever it sees an opening.

BlogHer Recap: The Good, The Bad and The Bob

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:51:00 +0000

So I'm back from BlogHer. It was a crazy whirlwind of five days, and during that time I can admit to a lot of eating and drinking. I never eat a lot at individual meals at BlogHer, but I do snack and drink my way through the entire conference. I mean, who can resist this:

Yum. Hershey's s'mores. I could have spent all day in there.

As for drinking, I scaled it way back this year. I mean, I did have several alcoholic drinks, but at the end of the weekend I'd only used three of my drink tickets, and one of those was for a Diet Coke. San Diego is very fond of the margarita, but tequila is not my alcohol of choice. It wasn't until the CheeseburgHer party that I found someone who could make a good vodka mixed drink.

Yet for all of my "sinful" eating, when I stepped on the scale the morning after arriving home, I was greeted with the same number that I left with: 167.

While I missed out on the workouts at BlogHer, I did get more than enough walking in. The blister band aids on my feet will attest to that. And I tore up the dance floor at the CheeseburgHer party - that had to be enough exercise to counter the McDonald's cheeseburger and small fries that I inhaled.

But the best moment of the weekend for my little fitness heart came from having breakfast with Bob Harper. (If you're drawing a blank, he's one of the trainers from The Biggest Loser.) He had a workout earlier in the morning that filled up before I could claim a spot, but I did get registered for the breakfast Q&A session.

Kari, Laura and I got there early and quickly scoped out the best seats. We claimed the center front table, making sure we had prime position to see Bob and hopefully get noticed when it came time for questions. After a quick intro speech from Bob, he sat down in a chair less than five feet away and was ready to answer some of our questions.

Laura went first and asked about how to time your eating when you have a third shift schedule. (It's like she read my mind!) He discussed making sure you eat regularly with a solid mix of carbs, protein and fat.

As soon as he started to wrap up his answer, my hand shot up again. Normally I'm shy about asking questions in a session, but when I've got an expert like Bob in front of me, I'm not going to miss my chance!

Kari was far smarter than me and recorded the entire thing (you may need to crank your volume way up to hear it):

OK, so he berated me for my choice of words. For the record, YES, I'm happy that I've lost 80 pounds. When I think about how much I used to weigh, and how heavy and weak I felt all the time, I'm thrilled that I will never have to endure that again.

However, my goal weight is so close I can nearly touch it. No longer a vague number way out on the edge of the horizon, it now has shape and substance to it. I can imagine what I'll look like at my goal weight, and I like the idea. So yeah, I'm happy with 80 pounds lost. But I'll be even happier when I reach my goal weight.

Sadly, I didn't take many full-length photos of myself during my time at BlogHer, and I don't remember finding myself in front of many camera lenses, either. I did receive lots of compliments on how good I looked and - being completely honest and vain at the moment - I ate those comments up like fine chocolates. It felt good to receive that outside validation of my hard work.

Fine lookin' group here (photo courtesy of Melisa)

I think Elmo is checking me out...

I'm 80 pounds away from the time I stepped on the scale after graduating college and saw myself at nearly 250 pounds. I like the course I'm on, even if I'm not getting there as quickly as I'd like.

I remarked to a friend that I've been one dress size smaller at each BlogHer since my first in 2006. She joked that the trend can't continue or I'll disappear. True, but I'm hoping that next year will be my triumph, when I declare my weight loss complete at BlogHer 12.

And then will begin what Bob told us was the hardest part of the journey: maintaining the loss.

My 6 Rules For Guilt-Free Fast Food Meals

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 11:52:00 +0000

I can say without hesitation that fast food helped me get fat.

That statement, however, is not me casting blame on the fast food industry for my problem. Although their food is laced with crack to keep you coming back for more (well, if crack = salt, sugar and fat), I can't hold them accountable for my actions. Ronald McDonald and Wendy didn't sit on me and force feed me burgers and Frosties until I was obese - I made that choice for myself.

Now, I will take them to task for creating a mass-appeal product that is simply too much for the average human diet. No one needs a value meal that contains nearly a day's worth of calories in one meal. I mean, "calorie dense" is an understatement when it comes to fast food; laws of physics are bent to jam that many calories into something so small.

But the truth is, fast food is all around us. It's convenient, it's quick, and it's tasty. Even if you're not addicted to the stuff, many of us still have to rely on it for an on-the-go meal now and then. And while I would love to tell everyone to boycott fast food until the restaurant chains vow to make their items less junk and more food, I know that fast food is a hard habit to break.

If you're a slave to the Burger King, it's still possible to enjoy your burger without damaging all the hard work you've put into getting healthier. I believe it's all in moderation.

Want to know how I still eat fast food and keep losing weight? I'll share with you my own personal rules on visiting the drive-thru:

1. Double-anything is too much. (And "super-size" makes more than your meal larger.)
If something starts with the word "double" then chances are it's too much food. Double cheeseburger. Double whopper. (Or TRIPLE whopper!) You get the idea. Twice the burger for just a little more money might sound like a deal, but twice the calories won't do you any favors.

Same goes for super sizing your meal - do you really need a popcorn bucket size serving of fries and a 32 ounce drink? Get the single size sandwich and go with the smallest combo for all the taste with less impact to your waistline.

2. Fries are a side, not a second entree.
If your fry box is as big as or bigger than your sandwich (and that sandwich isn't a double, right?), then it's too big. Think of it this way: if you order a cheeseburger and large fries, you're getting more calories from the fries.

3. A milkshake is not a drink. It's a second meal.
I love milkshakes. Especially when the shamrock shake is in season. But at McDonald's, the smallest shake (without whipped cream) will still add 420 calories to your meal, and a large could be over 1,000 calories! Do you really want to go through a day's worth of calories in one meal?

If you really have to have something sweet, go for a kiddie ice cream cone at the end of the meal for only 45 calories.

4. Fast food restaurants can find a way to make a salad bad for you.
So you vow to eat better and decide you'll stick with the salads when going out to eat. Smart move, right? Well, maybe. You still have to be careful with which salads you choose. For example, Wendy's Baja salad (with dressing and tortilla strips) will cost you 730 calories. Sure, the vegetables are healthy for you, but you could get fewer calories with a junior hamburger and value fries.

My advice? Read nutritional information carefully and go for a large salad if you're really craving a salad. Or split your interests and go for a junior hamburger and side garden salad with low-cal dressing.

5. Kid size portions are often just right for an adult.
I've heard a lot of people complain that kids' meals are too high in calories for a child. Coming in around 550 calories or so, these critics may be right. But a kid meal can be just the right portion size for an adult. A 4-piece box of chicken nuggets and small fries with a water is just enough to feel full without overdoing it. Switch out the fries for apple slices for an even better choice. Bonus: some of the toys can be cute!

6. All rules were made to be broken on occasion.
Look, fast food is sometimes hard to resist. I know this. And breaking that addiction can be hard, too. There will be days when you really want that milkshake. Or when you must have those large fries.

To that, I tell you: it's OK.

Really. As long as that craving isn't hitting you every day, and as long as you adjust your eating for the remainder of the day (or even the next few days) to counteract the caloric damage, I say it's fine to indulge now and then. Holding yourself back from everything you love will only make you miserable and more likely to fail.

If you eat well 90% of the time, what's wrong with a little indulgence for that other 10%? It's how I lost 80 pounds (so far!) and while I still eat fast food, I've been slowly weaning myself away from the addiction by following these rules.

Avoiding Binging By Going Homemade

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 12:48:00 +0000

No matter what, I will always be a food addict. They say alcoholics and drug addicts are never truly cured, and I feel the same way about food addiction. Presented with the chance, I'd gladly fall face first into a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts if I thought no one would notice. Even knowing the queasy stomachache I'd suffer afterward, I'd still dive right in to those doughnuts just for the momentary sugar high and the sweetness lighting up my taste buds.

However, the higher function parts of my brain know better, and so I (generally) resist. The consequences are too high and that burst of endorphins brought on by a sugary glaze will quickly evaporate and leave me feeling worse than before.

But lately I've discovered a little trick to regulating my eating. It came about unexpectedly, but makes perfect sense. A few weeks ago I took out the ice cream maker to make some ice cream for my daughters. My older daughter has a sensitivity to artificial colors and flavors, which makes buying store ice creams difficult at times. The safest ice cream for her is whatever I make at home, knowing exactly which ingredients are going into the bowl.

I bought all of the ingredients (expensive when you're going all organic) and then pulled out everything needed to make the ice cream. A bowl, two measuring cups, a measuring spoon and a spatula later, the mixture was ready for the ice cream maker. Then we had to wait, wait, wait for it to change into ice cream. Thirty minutes later, I removed it from the machine and put it into the freezer to chill for another 15 minutes. THEN it was ready.

That was over an hour's worth of work and half a sink full of dishes to make a little more than one pint of ice cream. But it was absolutely delicious ice cream.

After the kids went to bed, I found myself sneaking to the freezer for more ice cream. I took one small spoonful. Then another. Then another.

And then I stopped.

I stopped after three bites and put it away. Why? Well, first of all because it was very rich and tasty. But also because there wasn't a lot there, and I remember all the effort I put into creating that small tub of ice cream. It had to be treasured, because I certainly wasn't making any more until at least the ice cream maker was cleaned and refrozen!

Overeating isn't a problem with homemade ice cream - I want to keep it as long as possible, so I savor a small amount and then put it away.

Two days ago I baked some zucchini muffins. Once again, I find myself reaching for only one and being content with that.

Is it possible that "homemade" might be one secret to avoiding the binge of tasty foods? I don't want my food to be the cause of the overeater's stomachache. Having made it myself, I respect the food more and don't want to see all of my work gone in an instant. (Because I'm too lazy to make more.)

Maybe it's time to try creating more of my favorite foods from scratch? Now does anyone have a recipe for Krispy Kreme doughnuts?

Diets in Review Guest Post

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 11:57:00 +0000

I'm over at Diets in Review again today, sharing some tips on how to stay active with your kids this summer. Go check it out!

Conference Time Pressure

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 20:07:00 +0000

It's that time again: BlogHer. I originally started a weight loss blog back in 2009 for the sole purpose of motivating myself to get in better shape to look good at that year's BlogHer conference. Hot by BlogHer was simply about losing weight so that I could rock a little black dress at the conference cocktail parties.

Then last year I decided that it wasn't just about looking good at conferences - I really did want to be healthier, too - and so I switched to Losing My Hind, which has more of a year-round, broader focus on weight loss, health and fitness.

Conference season always brings out the vain side of me, though. And so with less than a month to go until I'm hanging with some of my favorite bloggers in San Diego, I'm suddenly feeling more pressure to step it up and stay the hell on track.

Generally I'm a jeans and t-shirt type of gal. No make-up, no accessories. It's not that I don't like nicer clothing, make-up and jewelry, because I really do like it. Years of being heavy, along with teased for being different, taught me to draw as little attention to myself as possible. So most of the time I keep to my comfortable and plain uniform of jeans and t-shirt, blending into the background and happy for it.

But for conferences I love playing dress up. I have no idea why, but at blog conferences I feel like I can open up more and show off. Maybe because these people have already seen me vulnerable on my blog? Whatever the reason, a blog conference is an excuse for me to show off. I've already purchased one dress for BlogHer, and I've got my eye out for more. I'm prepping my feet to wear heels again, and applying sunscreen dutifully to avoid t-shirt tan lines. I've got plenty of shapewear to go under my outfits, but I would also prefer to not work that shapewear as hard as I have in the past.

Since attending my first BlogHer back in 2006, I've been getting progressively lighter and healthier each year. And each year, a few people will see me and remark on how I look so much smaller than the year before. Yes, I usually make some throw away remark about their foggy memories and then thank them for the compliment, but truthfully? I eat it up. I cherish every single positive comment and wrap myself in those kind words.

I know I am far more than just my outward appearance, but damn it feels nice for people to like the outside as well as the inside. It's a sad truth that for those with self-esteem issues, it takes several positive comments to make someone believe she's pretty, yet only one negative to undo it all.

So with the conference approaching quickly, I'm evaluating myself and feel pretty good about this year. I'm 10-15 pounds lighter than last year (depends on the day and the kindness of the scale) and down one size in clothing. I don't expect to lose more than a few pounds between now and then, so I'm instead focusing on healthy foods and strength training versus dieting.

I can't make drastic changes in 25 days. (OK, I did make drastic changes like that once, but it wouldn't be as easy now.) But I am using BlogHer as a little extra motivation to avoid laziness. Choosing between junk food and a more natural snack is easy when you plan to be on display in less than a month. And feeling good about your appearance makes dress shopping a lot more fun!

The Rogue's Gallery of Foods That Nearly Took Me Down

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 12:31:00 +0000

Whenever I whine about not losing weight fast enough, there's always someone nearby to remind me, "Well, you didn't get fat overnight, so you're not going to lose it overnight." I kinda hate it when people say that, even if they are right.

I'm well aware that I didn't get fat because I ate one cream puff and *poof*...instant fat. It took a lot of effort and a lot of yummy food that found its way to my mouth over the years.

I'm not an indiscriminate eater. My mother would tell you I was incredibly picky about food as a child...it just so happens that most of the foods I liked were high-calorie and filled with sugar and fat. Basically, I loved a few foods a little too much, to the point of abusing them.

If I tried to think of the top foods that I overate when I was younger (which I clearly am trying to do according to the title of this post), I can think of five in particular that were my worst. These were foods that I was simply addicted to - I overate them regularly, sometimes to the point of feeling ill. Yet I kept coming back for more.

And now, presenting the top five foods (in no particular order) that paved the way to obesity for me:

McDonald's french fries - "McDonald's cheeseburger" may have been one of my first phrases as a toddler(it's true), but it's the fries that keep me coming back. As a teen, I was too lazy to walk one block home from school, but if my mom had the car I'd gladly walk the half mile to McDonald's for my fry fix.

Even now I steal them from my children's Happy Meals, rationalizing my theft with the comfort that they're eating fewer calories if I take some away from them. I refuse to give them up, but I now limit myself to a small on most occasions. If ever there was a support group needed for a food addiction, it would be for these fries.

Cookie dough - Long before anyone thought of adding chocolate chip cookie dough to ice cream, I was shoving spoonfuls of it in my mouth when my mom had her back turned putting another cookie sheet into the oven. I'd take my finger and scrape every last possible trace of the dough out of the bowl, too, savoring each sweet bite.

When they recently came out with the tubs of pre-made dough, I had to force myself to stop buying them after eating 1/4 of the tub before it even had a chance to make it to the oven. Salmonella be damned - the dough is so much better than the cookies!

Doritos - Many a night would end with my fingers stained orange from the nacho-cheesy-goodness of Doritos. My mom always bought the value sized bag, which usually equalled 2-3 servings for me. I could easily go through half a bag in one sitting, generally followed by a stomach ache.

It's probably the post-feeding-frenzy stomachache that saved my life. While I will occasionally snack on Doritos now, it's only in small amounts and the artificial cheese flavor quickly brings back those bad feelings. I refuse to end my days on this planet face down in a cloud of nacho cheese dust.

Fla-vor-Ice - Any child of the 80's remembers these artificially colored and flavored treats. Freeze and eat popsicles, right? Or if you're impatient like me, puncture and drink proto-popsicles. Yes, I shot them one tube at a time. We'd buy these in 100-packs and I'd sneak into the kitchen and drink 8-12 of them in under 30 minutes. Nothing like a concentrated sugar rush to keep a kid bouncing off the walls!

Sure, they claimed to have real fruit juice, but I have yet to find the fruit that tasted like any of these brightly-colored ice pops. I confess that I still have a fondness for Flavorice, but I generally avoid them since I'm sure I've reached my lifetime limit on artificial coloring.

SDS Subs - In my small college town, there is a pizza and sub shop that has some of the best subs around, delivers to your door, and runs a sub special every Tuesday night. When I was in college, Tuesday night was sub night. OK, sub and a single order of garlic bread night. And maybe Saturday night, too, if I didn't have any plans. You get the point. I ate A LOT of those greasy, mayo and Italian dressing covered subs.

It became such a bad habit that my roommate and I started saving all of our sub boxes (cleaned out, of course), until we had a tower of floor-to-ceiling boxes in the kitchen. I'm not being figurative here - it was a tower, with boxes stacked from the floor all the way to the last inch of the space of the 8 foot ceiling. We even started a second tower on the other side of the trash can, too. I look back at the photos now and feel queasy at seeing the outrageous number of calories I consumed in such a short time, yet I know if there was an SDS box sitting in front of me, I'd open it and eat every bite of that sub.

So those are my worst offenders. What about you? Which foods did you lovingly walk hand-in-hand down the road to weight gain with, or which ones do you feel could knock you off track if given the chance?

Guest Post At Diets In Review

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 12:55:00 +0000

Not to brag or anything, but I've got a guest post up over at Diets in Review this week discussing the dreaded plateau and how to get past it.

And considering my history with plateaus, you know I've got some real-life, practical advice to share.

(I also love the image they selected to go with my post. They could have also used an image of a scale being thrown through a window. I'd have even volunteered to pose for that one.)

Looking In The Mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 12:21:00 +0000

When I weighed 40+ pounds more than I do now, fashion usually meant disguising my body to hide all of the lumps and bumps. I didn't like how I looked and so I never put a lot of thought into what I wore, other than does this hide as much as possible? Loose clothing, baggy t-shirts, stretch denim - the less skin visible, the better.

Now that I'm within 10 pounds of the "normal" BMI range (wow, does THAT feel weird to say!), I'm trying to re-evaluate what I wear. I know I need to dress better, in both home and work settings.

When I come to work during the day for meetings, I'm expected to wear business wear. I see my peers dressed in beautiful tops and either fitted pants or skirts, and I envy them for looking so good. I have yet to purchase a button-down top because I worry that when I sit down the buttons will bulge from my belly sticking out. And skirts are completely a no-go - I can't imagine letting my coworkers see my bare tree-trunk legs.

Here's the real problem: I still have a disconnect between my eyes and my brain. I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. A lifetime of criticism from those close to me has left me incapable of seeing myself as anything other than a fat girl. I keep telling myself that it's not so bad and I used to be so much heavier, but my brain still interprets it as jiggly upper arms, big belly and thunder thighs.

I still feel my 5th grade teacher poking my belly and saying I'd better have a growth spurt soon with a belly that big. I still remember kids teasing me for my large thighs at the 8th grade pool party. I remember a family member telling me I should focus on losing weight rather than going to grad school, as losing weight was more likely to help me find a spouse someday.

I'm haunted by even darker moments from earlier in childhood, moments that remain buried deep in my memory, but I now realize were likely contributors to my desire to hide myself from the world with a layer of fat.

I'm working against a lifetime of psychological abuse. I've distanced myself from the worst offenders, but it was too late - my subconscious adopted the worst of their weapons and wages war on my psyche daily. I didn't get fat because I lost track of how many doughnuts I was eating - I mean, I DO love food, but food addiction alone can't explain why I'm unable to visualize myself at a healthy weight.

But progress comes in small doses, and I've already shown a lot of progress to lose nearly 50 pounds in a few years. The internal sabotage clearly isn't as strong as it used to be, and while I may never be able to completely silence the negative self-talk, I can work on tuning it out.

Last weekend we attended ComFest, and while there I suddenly felt the urge to buy one of the dresses I saw so many others wearing. Aaron encouraged me, and so I did buy it and wear it around the festival all day. (Although with denim capris - I didn't have any shorts with me, and it was too short to wear without something underneath.)

I still don't like what I see, but I'm willing to concede that it's getting better. After all, I spent an entire day wearing a dress with my full arms and shoulders bared, no support garments underneath, and didn't feel all that awkward.

Birthday Introspection

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 12:27:00 +0000

I'm now 35 years old.

Sure, that may not be a big deal to some of you, but it's going to take some getting used to for me. I can now no longer claim to be in my "early 30's." Should I ever consider having another baby, I'd be given the label "advanced maternal age." And I'm even in a new consumer demographic for all of those marketing surveys: just call me a member of the 35-44 radio button.

Age is just a number - that's true. Well, sort of true. Each half decade I hit is just another reminder that I need to take better care of myself. We feel invincible in our teens and early twenties because we partially are. While no one is immune to cancer, heart disease or other health problems, they're less likely when we're young. As we get older, our chances of being affected by chronic health problems only increase.

So with each birthday, I'm reminded that I can't be as carefree with my health as I used to be. I worry more about my future. I want to be a healthy old woman someday. I want to see my kids grow up and have children of their own. I don't want to die.

The good news is I'm probably in the best shape of my life. I'm still hovering at my lowest adult weight, I have muscle tone that I've never had before, and I'm making efforts to eat healthier foods. Compared to bad habits from my past, I'm in fantastic shape and my risks for common health issues are shrinking with my waistline.

But I still have plenty of work to do. Losing weight is still a priority, both for vanity and for health reasons. I've got at least another 10 pounds to go to even make the upper limits of a "healthy" BMI. Eating more nutritious, less processed foods and trying to work more exercise into my life are neverending goals that I have to keep focused on as well. Taking more time to relax, rest, and reduce my stress level couldn't hurt, either.

I hope that when I turn 36 I can look back over this past year and again proclaim to be in the best shape of my life. If I continue getting healthier with each year, then maybe birthdays will still be something to get excited about!

When Workouts Attack

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 12:07:00 +0000

Now that my daughters are in summer camp, I have a little more flexibility in my schedule each day. As a result, I decided to try going to my strength training bootcamp class in the late afternoon rather than the evening yesterday. I know so many people who say that working out in the morning is the best for them, and well, late afternoon is the third-shift worker's "morning" so it sounded like a good plan.

It wasn't a good plan. OK, that's not quite fair - it's possible that working out at that time of the day is fine, but for whatever reason, yesterday did not work at all.

I ate a small meal with a glass of water an hour before my workout, just like I always do, and when I arrived at the gym I didn't feel any different than normal. I signed in and began stretching, realizing I was a little tired but ready to get moving.

Class started and I made the decision to not push myself too hard. It's been a busy week, so I used the 9lb hand weights instead of the 12lb ones. The first circuit was mostly lower body moves - I've got strong legs, so I had no reason to expect any difficulty. Jump squats, followed by twisting lunges, and then a wall sit (holding a 10lb weight for all of this) made up this circuit.

When we repeated the circuit, I found my balance was really off for the lunges: each time I lunged and twisted my upper body, it took a lot of effort to not fall over. I tried to slightly widen my stance, but still occasionally tipped over to the side and had to grab the wall for support. Balance has never been my strength, so I didn't think anything of it.

During the second wall sit, though, I started to realize this was not going to be a good day. A wall sit usually doesn't bother me. Sure, it burns, but nothing out of the ordinary. This time, my legs were practically vibrating with shaking as I tried to look at the TV on the wall and distract myself.

I took a few large sips from my Gatorade and tried to shake it off. I made it through the next circuit of moves (sumo squats, hip flexors, and dead lifts with bicep curls) twice, and while I was sweating hard, I didn't feel that bad.

It was the next two circuits where something went wrong. At the end of the third circuit, I started to feel fuzzy-headed and a little sick to my stomach. I kept drinking my Gatorade, thinking I just needed a little burst of sugar to replenish my glycogen. Still, I kept going.

At this point my memory is very fuzzy. I remember sometime during the fourth circuit a weak sensation came over me. And then the next thing I remember is sitting on the floor with my back against the wall. Did I pass out? I don't think so. But I definitely have a gap in my memory at that point.

I don't remember how I got there. Apparently I quietly sat down, because the class would have stopped had I collapsed. After a minute or so, my trainer realized I wasn't getting up and asked if I was OK. I mumbled something about being underslept and she instructed me to finish my Gatorade. I continued to sit there for a few more minutes, still wondering how I got to the floor and trying to piece together what had happened.

After I finished my Gatorade, I (foolishly) tried to get right back into the class. They were on abs, and I didn't want to miss my ab work. I did one set of crunches before the dizzy/sick feeling came over me again. My heart was beating faster than the techno music from the classroom speakers. Having finished my first Gatorade, I was given a second one and told to rest.

The workout was an epic fail. The remainder of the night I continued to be weak and foggy-headed, despite eating dinner and drinking plenty of water. I don't appear to be coming down with any illness, so I can only guess that I somehow worked myself too hard, even though I wasn't working as hard as I've done in the past.

Can the time of day really affect performance that dramatically? Or was I just having an off day? I'm not sure, but I've never had to quit in the middle of one of my classes, so something clearly wasn't right.

I'm planning to take a few days of rest before attempting any further exercise. Maybe some extra sleep would be more useful than more workout time at the moment?

The World is Upside Down

noreply@blogger.com (Christina) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 12:21:00 +0000

Ya know, sometimes you do everything right and get nothing for your hard work. And then sometimes you let things slide and find yourself rewarded for slacking off.

Consider last week one of the latter situations.

Despite trying to see the positive side of a plateau, I was still feeling irritated about being unable to make the scale move. That irritation translated into sloppy habits: grabbing not one but two cookies at work, eating fast food more often than I should, and choosing to not log my calories for a couple of days because it was just too tiring to think about.

I did go to my bootcamp class on Tuesday night, where I was completely whipped by my trainer. Not sure if that night's routine was harder or if my lazy self was getting weaker, but I really struggled through it.

And then, on Saturday morning I stepped on the scale, fully ready to take the beating I deserved for a week of indulgence.

The number displayed was 166.8.

Not only did I finally break the 169 plateau, but I slid down over two pounds. I'm officially at my lowest adult weight ever.

I felt good, too. Looking in the mirror, I could see the two images of myself switching back and forth - still seeing the "fat me" that my poor, troubled brain perceives, but also seeing the muscle definition, the smaller waist and hips, and the healthier version that the mirror is really reflecting. I'm becoming healthy. I'm witnessing my risks for several diseases drop with each inch that disappears from my waist.

(And then I celebrated by eating too much that night and having cake for my husband's birthday the next day. Eh, you win some, you lose some. No way I'm stepping on the scale again until I've had some time to detox from food overload. I seriously doubt I could get that lucky with the scale ever again.)