Lost and Holding Hands

a new beginning

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 01:40:00 +0000

I know I haven't been writing here much lately. Things have been busy lately, but that's not all that's keeping me from writing.

To be honest, this blog was supposed to be a place to journal, to share my experiences as a new mom and record the day to day events of my life. I've mostly been able to do that, but there are some things happening now that I don't feel comfortable sharing on a blog that I've attached our names and images to.

I think it's really important that I keep writing, both as a journal and record of things I'm working on in my life, but also because I truly enjoy it. I've decided to start fresh with a new blog - it will be the same as this one, but with less personal information and more honesty.

I hope you'll consider moving with me to the new site. If you'd like the address so you can follow or subscribe, please email me: caffienatedkitti (at) hotmail (dot) com.

I hope to see you there!

Lynn

Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:59:00 +0000

Just a few pictures from Thanksgiving...

Cuddle time before dinner

My holiday table set-up

Somebody tried to dress himself. Somehow, it actually almost works. Almost.

Getting ready for family pictures

We had a wonderful day, and I am truly blessed!

Friday Favorites #5

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 13:46:00 +0000

Friday Favorites is a weekly piece I started as a way to record the milestones and memories I don’t get a chance to blog about during the rest of the week.

This week my mom was here watching Will, so I'm going to share some of the things they did together.

Will was on a roll most of the week – I swear he was channeling my crazy Uncle Scott. He was growling and giggling nonstop – neither DH nor I have ever taught him to growl, and we don’t know how he learned how to do it. I’m glad I was able to get it on video – it was hilarious! He is definitely my son!

Mom says he learned about gravity by watching his ride-on fire engine roll down the driveway. Apparently he thought it was pretty funny!

On Monday, they didn’t even get out of their PJ’s until after naptime.

Mom says her favorite thing about this week is the afternoons sitting together watching Mickey Mouse. He’s been insistant that she sits down with him to watch it, and he’ll grab her hand and lead her over to DH's chair. He’ll climb into her lap and just lie back and totally relax, and she loves that he’s so trusting and accepting. He reached over and patted her hands, and every now and then he’d tilt his head backwards to make sure she was still there.

Another cute moment was this morning when they went for a walk – they were coming back to the house and he got really excited when he saw my car in the driveway (I switched with Mom for the week since the carseat won’t fit in her carr) – he ran over and tried to peek in the window to see if I was in it.

Every time they passed a house that had the same color garage door as ours, he would run over and try to go in, like he thought we were home.

He’s also been saying “there you go” a lot today, almost like he’s saying “well, maybe!”

This morning, he woke up at 4:30 crying. Sometimes he'll be able to calm himself down and go back to sleep, but after 10 minutes he was still fussing so I went in to check on him. As soon as I walked into his room, I could see Red Bea lying on the floor just out of his line of sight. He jumped up when he saw me and said (clear as day) "where is he?"

It's been a great week, and I'm so thankful I got to spend the holiday with all the people I love most. What are your favorite moments from this week?

Happy Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 02:17:00 +0000

I've been thinking today about all the things I'm thankful for so that I can list them in a post here.

I'm not going to do that though. I don't want to get caught up in the cliche of The List and forget about what Thanksgiving is really about.

Thanksgiving is a day to appreciate all your blessings and to savor the special time you're spending with family you don't often get to see. It's about soaking in the togetherness and making new memories with those people you love most. It's about celebrating relationships and showing your love for each other, and taking the opportunity to express those sentiments that don't get voiced throughout the year.

I'm looking forward to the next several days and the time I'll get to spend with my family. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend too!

God Bless!

working hard or hardly working?

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 11:05:00 +0000

I caught a certain little boy playing with his Daddy's computer the other day...

PINT - Growing Up

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 11:48:00 +0000

wasting time

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:45:00 +0000

Today I'm being featured over at Completely Eclipsed as part of her weekly "Helping the Little Guy" project.

If you're visiting from the first time from Melissa's blog, welcome! Take a look around and get comfortable. I'm glad you're here.

If you're one of my readers and haven't visited Melissa before, please do! Melissa is one of my very favorite bloggers, so make sure you stop over and say hi.

Today it's back to work for me. I'm not real excited about it, but it was really nice to have five whole days off - and it's even nicer that this is a short week! There's a lot of planning and cooking and cleaning to do this week though, so right now I'm probably making shopping lists and menu planning instead of trying to catch up from my time off.

Here's part of my to-do list:

Finish laundry
Clean the bathrooms
Shop for food
Clean out the fridge
Pick up the mess I created by tryinPublish Postg to clean out the guest room closet the day before guests come (dumb idea, I know...)
Sweep & mop the kitchen floor

And here's what I'll actually be doing:

on a minute-by-minute basis, refresh the tracking information page for the Pottery Barn order I placed last week
stare at my computer screen and pretend that I'm hard at work
start my Christmas shopping list
check out my favorite Etsy shops to see if they've added anything new
think about Will's birthday party, even though it's still three months away
sit around on the computer & wasting time

I hope everyone is having a great Monday so far! I want to know...what are you doing this week to prepare for Thanksgiving?

the book's cover

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 14:48:00 +0000

If you somehow switched places with one of my neighbors on a certain afternoon last week, you may have looked out the window and seen me dancing around like a fool.

Why?

I just got an awesome new dress and a cameo ring I've been drooling over, courtesy of my father.

I've been eying these things for a while, and good old Dad came through and bought them for me.

But....(there's always a but, isn't there?)

It comes with a string (there's always strings attached, aren't there?)

I asked him to buy them for me so I could look nice yesterday for when I met his girlfriend for the first time.

Who he is marrying in 3 weeks.

Who he has known for less than 4 months.

Who he mentioned to me exactly twice before making the big announcement.

Via email.

So...I wasn't exactly thrilled.

I was dreading this brunch date and imagining all the worst parts of his ex-girlfriends.What sort of woman did he find this time? Would she be young and blonde like the first one? Would she be a loud die-hard New Yorker like the last one? The possibilities were endless and terrible, and my anxiety grew greater with every moment leading up to the meeting.

One of my biggest worries was Will. I didn't want to have him be exposed to just another girlfriend in the parade, and I was afraid that this lady and my dad would expect us to let her fall seamlessly into the role of grandma.

But you know what?

Hubs and I LOVED her! She is so different than all those other women, and she seems like a good match for my dad. She was really nice, and made a point to tell us that it was OK to be surprised by the whole situation and that she understood it might take us some time to get used to the idea, and that she didn't expect to fill any kind of grandma shoes yet. She brought some thoughtful little gifts to each of us from NYC. Some Turkish cooking spices for DH because he loves to cook, and cute shirt for me because I love clothes, and a whole bagful of toys for Will. She even pulled me aside to make sure I was feeling OK with everything, and to ask if I would be willing to be part of a mini-bridal party.

The lesson learned here?

Don't judge a book by it's cover. I was so certain that I knew what the outcome of this situation was going to be...but now I'm pretty sure I was wrong.

And folks? That's actually a good feeling.

Friday Favorites #4

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 13:39:00 +0000

Friday Favorites is a weekly piece I started as a way to record the milestones and memories I don’t get a chance to blog about during the rest of the week.

This week has been a really good one, so I've got a lot to write about!

Will's been saying "No" for a while, but he's just learned "uh-huh!" for yes. He knows how to use it in context, but he still likes "no" better.

He loves to dump his building blocks out all over the floor. Thankfully, he likes to help me pick them up too.

He says "Bubba" for both Mickey Mouse and for his Red Bea. I'm not sure if he thinks they're the same thing, or if he just can't pronounce the real names, but whenever he sees either of them he runs, points, and yells "Bubba!!"

I've been home with the kiddo for the past three days. I haven't had time off in a while, so it's been really awesome to 1) get a break from work, and 2) stay home with him and play SAHM.

We've done all sorts of fun things together:

Wednesday we went to the grocery store for a few essentials. Every person that drove by us in the parking lot or walked past us in the aisles was met by a (very loud) "hiiii!" and "bye-byeeee!" from Will. It was pretty funny, but I'm certain you could hear him yelling from clear across the store. Note to self: time to start teaching him about indoor and outdoor voices.

He's been helping me clean the house. He grabbed a paper towel while I was cleaning the windows and started wiping at another window. He's really good at mimicking that kind of thing, and he loves to help!

He also "helped" while I was trying to fold clothes. And by helping, I mean jumping on the bed and making all the clean laundry fall to the floor. I couldn't be mad at him though, he was having so much fun!

Wednesday was also DH's birthday, so I helped Will color an awesome birthday picture for him.

He turned his ball pit upside-down and scattered balls all over the house. I know I mentioned this already this week - but I seriously found them in our bedroom. How they got there, I don't know.

On Thursday, we went to visit my bestie. She lives pretty far away, so we had about an hour drive. I was a little concerned about how Will would do in the car - he gets antsy and bored when he's stuck in the carseat for that long - but he did great:

I hadn't see my friend in a while, so we had a lot of catching up to do. Luckily, I brought some coloring stuff to keep Will busy while we gabbed. He broke his pencil, so I give him a pen from my purse to scribble with. He must have decided that his legs were a better coloring surface than the paper, because he marked his legs all up with the pen. I've scrubbed and washed and scrubbed some more - but it won't come completely off. I don't know how long it will take to totally disappear! Another note to self: No more coloring with pens.

Yesterday when DH got home from work, Will ran to the door as soon as he heard the garage door. He stood there shouting "Dada! Dada!" and jumping up and down until DH walked in the door. It was supercute, and it was also the first time that he's really been able to jump. He's tried before, but that was more just bending his knees and not really making it off the ground.

He's been having a great time climbing up and on me like a little monkey as I'm sitting here on the computer.

He's been really testing us and his limits. We'll tell him not to do something and he'll look right at us and say "no" and then do it anyway. I'm not sure if that no is his way of acknowledging he's not supposed to do it or if he's flat out defying us...either way, it's not good! He's definitely becoming very independent and strong-willed, so I have a feeling we'll have many battles like this in the future.

New words this week: shorts

What special things do you want to remember from this week?

I'm only as strong as the coffee I drink

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 20:51:00 +0000

It's Thursday, which means Writer's Workshop over at Mama Kat's! Today I'm writing in response to prompt #3: Ten reasons why I love coffee.

1. Coffee gets me going in the morning. I can't get my day started right without it. Also, it was a huge lifesaver when Will was brand new! I wouldn't have survived all those night feedings and sleep deprivation without a big pot of coffee to get me through the days.

2. I love the smell of fresh coffee, and the smell when you first open a new bag. Nothing like it.

3. Sitting outside on a nice morning with coffee and a good book is one of the best.things.ever.

4. Hot or cold - it's still tasty either way!

5. Coffee is such a social drink...people meet up for coffee all the time, but who gets together to bond over OJ?

6. It follows the change in seasons. I always know it's autumn when I see the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice signs, and nothing says it's Christmas time here in Florida than the red holiday cups.

7. I love my special coffee mug. That one favorite mug that just makes your day when you reach for it in the morning - I know you have one! This is mine:

8. It warms your hands and your insides on cold days.

9. You can add so many yummy things to it. Caramel, peppermint, chocolate, marshmallows...

10. ...and many tasty adult things!

Shutterfly Holiday Cards

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:58:00 +0000

Can you believe that Christmas is just over a month away?

If you're like me, your jaw totally just dropped to the floor. Time is speeding by, and the holiday season is upon us. It's time for Christmas shopping, carols sung by the fire, and ~~scrambling to find a parking spot at the mall~~ celebrating the holidays with family and loved ones.

Another big part of the season is sending and receiving holiday greeting cards. Getting cards from my family and friends seems to add to the spirit of the holiday. It's a great way to keep in touch with people you don't get to see often, and a great way to share your favorite pictures with those you love most. I usually don't send out cards - I'm too scatterbrained and don't think about it until it's too late - but I'm thinking about it now and ahead of the game for 2010! This year, I'm getting my Christmas cards from Shutterfly.

I've spent way too much time browsing through all the different design choices, but these are a few of my favorites:

I can't wait to send out one of these personalized cards to our families and friends (and one may mysteriously disappear into the scrapbook). Don't worry - I'll post a picture of the final card design here once I finally make up my mind!

Here are some more links to check out for your own holiday card shopping!

Christmas Cards

Holiday Cards

And did you know you can create your own wall calendars? I'll definitely be creating a few of these for Christmas gifts!

Are you a blogger? Click here to find out how you can get 50 free cards this holiday season!

Now you see me, now you don't

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 17:23:00 +0000

Life has been real hectic lately, and unfortunately I haven’t had a lot of time for blogging. I’ve been taking time to disconnect myself from technology so I can spend more time with my family, catch up on housework, and give myself a mental break…and while it feels good to step away for a little while I’ve definitely missed writing here.

That said – I’m still not sure when I’ll be back to writing on a regular basis like I was. I’ve got a lot going on right now, and I don’t know how much more I can continue to take on. I’ll definitely keep writing at least a few times a week though! I have the next three days off from work, so I’m planning to use some of that time for catching up here as well.

So without further ado, this is what I’ve been up to lately. (Sorry the pictures are so bad - my camera broke, so I'll be using my crappy iPhone camera until ~~I get a new one for Christmaas~~ further notice.)

We bought some new PJ’s for Will. They’re size 3T! They still are a little large, but they definitely fit…I can’t believe my little boy is so big!

Mom doesn't know I've got the remote...

Caught red-handed!

That's OK - I'll make a silly face and she'll laugh and forget that I'm supposed to be in trouble!

Will got a new chair, handmade by one of my uncles. He makes these little chairs for all the new babies in the family, and Will just loves his! He ran over and picked it up from the garage where we opened the box and carried it all the way into the house, all by himself. He set it down right next to DH’s manchair in front of the TV and plopped down in it like he’d had it forever.

My mom came to visit a few weeks ago and bought him a ball pit like the one my cousin has in her house. He absolutely loves it – I, however, do not love picking up all the balls that are now scattered all over the house!

I promise I'll try to catch up with everyone over the next few days. Hope y'all are having a good week!

Friday Favorites #3

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 18:25:00 +0000

Friday Favorites is a weekly piece I started as a way to record the milestones and memories I don’t get a chance to blog about during the rest of the week.

Here are my favorite memories from this week.

My mom and my step-dad came to visit last weekend. She’s here often enough that Will remembers her, but it still takes an hour or so for him to really warm up to her again. He was cautiously friendly when they first arrived, like usual, but within a few hours he was playing like they had been there all along - he even ran up and gave her a hug around the knees.

My step-dad is a totally different story. He doesn’t have any kids (that he knows of!), has no interest in kids, and had never been married before he met my mom. He’s a great guy, but being a dad and having kids was just something that never interested him. He’s been great at putting up with my sister and I over the past few years – probably because he didn’t have to help raise us or deal with the teenage years – and he’s a good sport to put up with Will. Will sees things a little differently, and he loves to hang around Grandpa B. This visit, he couldn’t wait to give him knee hugs and share his half-eaten pretzel sticks. And by share, I mean try to shove them in Grandpa B’s mouth. It was pretty funny – but of course I swooped in to save him from the horrors of mushy pretzels.

He’s started helping more during bathtime. He tries to scrub himself with the washcloth, or wash his hair – yesterday, he even tried to help me get clean by scrubbing my arm.

New words: poop, shirt, cheese (when we’re taking a picture – of anything, not just him)

Lately, he’s been trying to escape before bathtime. As soon as I get his clothes off and set him on the ground, he’s off and running. I know I could just carry him directly to the tub, but it’s pretty funny to let him loose. (The days he actually is cranky and it’s not worth it to play the game, I don’t let him down).

He’s started running to the pantry and opening the doors to point at all the food when he wants to eat. This happens often, and tantrums ensue when we tell him ‘no’…even if he just ate.

The past two days, we’ve let him eat dinner all by himself without any help from us. It’s been a huge mess to clean up, but he’s doing better already.

He says “Hi Mom” and “Hi Dad” when he sees us in the morning and evenings.

What special things do you want to remember from this week?

MomFail

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 15:10:00 +0000

Have you ever done something so completely stupid that teaches you a valuable – but blindingly obvious - lesson?

Yeah, that happened to me last weekend. Here’s the story:

Last Thursday night, I went in to check on Will like I always do before going to bed. His room has a night-light, but I always take my phone with me as a flashlight since the night-light doesn’t shine into the crib. Most of the time this works just fine.

I guess this is the point in the story where I need to specify that my phone is an iPhone. It has the iPod on it, of course, and I have music loaded onto it though I rarely use it (I prefer Pandora radio most of the time).

On this particular night, the planets aligned, the stars crossed, and something went amok.

At 10:30 at night – after the poor child had been sleeping for three hours – I crept stealthily into his room. I made sure his lovey within reach. I re-covered him with his favorite blanket. And then I hit the iPod button on my phone and started blasting Daughtry.

I froze. And then I panicked. I fumbled with the controls, trying to make the music stop, but I was panicking and not thinking clearly, and it didn’t work. He started to stir (because obviously, there’s a rock concert going on in his room) and I totally freaked out, ran out of his room, down the hall, and threw my phone under my bed. Which totally didn’t help, because the music was still playing and now I can’t reach the phone.

Awe-some.

Meanwhile, DH was staring at me, dumbfounded. He had been brushing his teeth, but was now standing frozen in mid-brush.

The panic had subsided by this point, and I was able to fish out the phone from under the bed and turn the music off. The silence rang in my ears as I held my breath, listening for the sound of an angry, awake, toddler over the monitor.

After a few seconds, the silence remained unbroken and I deemed it safe to sneak back in and make sure he’s sleeping – mistake #2. Of course he’s not sleeping, but standing up in his crib and looking around to try to figure out what just happened.

I knew if he saw me the gig would be up, so what did I do?

I ran away.

I learned a valuable lesson from this experience: I will make sure that I never – never – again set my iPod off in my child’s room late at night. Unfortunately, that won’t stop me from doing other stupid things. Now it’s your turn – make me feel better by sharing a lesson you learned the hard way!

Baseball Baby Shower

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 11:12:00 +0000

I finally had a chance to upload the photos from the baby shower I threw a few weeks back. Sorry it's taken me so long - I've been up to my eyeballs at work and so busy I can't see straight.

My friend and her husband are huge baseball fans, and they requested a baseball themed shower - specifically the Yankees. I had a blast with that theme, because it's so easy to incorporate the baseball culture to a party. Baseball itself is a huge part of Americana, and there are literally thousands of songs, movies, and sayings that have become part of our everyday lives. I did (unfortunately) have to scale down a lot of my ideas due to the budget, but I think it all turned out great.See for yourselves...

Front Entrance

The food table

Hall of Fame

Gift Table

Handmade "Fan" signs

I also added other baseball touches, including:

A sign at the front door saying "Welcome to (their name) Field"
Personalized pennants for each guest reading "Riley (last name): Estimated Draft Date 12/14/2010"
A big personalized baseball-card style poster with the baby's name
Baseball inspired signs for each area of the room. "Concessions" on the food table, "Locker Rooms" pointing to the restroom, and "Will Call" at the favor and guestbook table
A "Hall of Fame" area (pictured above) with a few of the Yankees greats and then an image of the baby's 3D ultrasound picture.

Some of the items you see here I made myself, but a lot of the banners, signs, and the Cracker Jack favor tags were created by Parties by Hardie. She has a shop with printable party themes for any party theme. If you're thinking about having a party but you're totally stuck on ideas - go check her shop out! Her stuff is just adorable.

The shower was so much fun! We had a great time eating great food (my friends husband owns a restaurant and catered yummy Italian food for us), played silly games (the dirty diaper game is a riot!), and enjoying each other's company. I planned for so long and stressed out so much more than I really needed to, but I'm happy to report that everything went perfectly! I'm so glad that it went well and that I could do something to awesome for my friend...but I'm done with party planning for a while!

Friday Favorites #2

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 14:37:00 +0000

Friday Favorites is a weekly piece I created as a way to record the day to day memories that I don't get to post about during the week.

These are my favorite moments from the last week.

A few days ago after bathtime, I was helping Will put on his PJ’s. Halfway through, he stopped and reached up. He grabbed my hair and pulled on it to make me lean over so he could give me a kiss.
He’s becoming more and more independent, and that includes refusing to allow us to feed him. He’ll only feed himself, and if we try he’ll still open his mouth to take the food – but he won’t eat it. Instead, he’ll keep his mouth open until the food falls out onto his lap. It’s actually pretty funny, and it’s really hard not to laugh and teach him that’s acceptable behavior.

He’s learning the names of body parts. If you name a part – elbow, nose, ears, toes – he’ll point at that part on himself, and then on you. Sometimes he’ll repeat the word, sometimes not. He’s especially fascinated by elbows lately, and he pronounces it ‘belbow’. It sounds a lot like the way he says ‘bottle’ so it can be confusing unless you take the context of the word into consideration.
Yesterday, he was in a really silly mood, and instead of pointing to his elbow when I asked, he ran over and tried to bite mine. Yikes!

The three of us have a funny little game we’ve been playing this week. DH will point to me and ask him “who’s that?” He’ll say ‘mom!’ Then I’ll point to DH and say the same thing, and he’ll respond with “dad!” He does the same thing with the dog if we point to him. The funny thing is, if we point to ourselves and ask the same question, he totally ignores us.

In addition to being independent, he can be really stubborn sometimes. Not in a disobedient way, just…stubborn. He absolutely refuses to say his babysitter’s name when she’s around. If you try to prompt him to say it he just ignores you, and if you ask him where she is he’ll pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. But every morning at home he runs around yelling and singing her name.

Most mornings when we’re getting ready for work, we’ll give Will his bottle while we’re making lunch and getting dressed. He sits in DH’s big man chair with my favorite quilt and watches the news (or Mickey Mouse) and drinks his milk. A few days ago, we were running really late so DH took the bottle in the car with them and skipped the normal ritual. Will got really upset by the break in routine – he must have thought we were leaving without feeding him, so he was pretty freaked out.

Last weekend, we bought him his first pair of Velcro sneakers. They’re the kind that light up on the bottom when you walk. He is SO obsessed with them. He loves to watch the lights when he walks – he’ll stomp to make it flash, then walk until it stops. Rinse. Repeat. When he’s sitting, he’ll tap the shoes to make them light up. And rinse and repeat. It’s absolutely adorable.

He is totally in love with ketchup. He would eat it with everything if we let him. He actually loves to just scoop it up with his fork and eat it plain by itself. Sometimes he likes French fries or chicken nuggets with his ketchup, but not always!

One of his favorite words right now it “no.” I know it’s an age thing, but he says it all.the.time.

We’ve been working on teaching him to say ‘grandma.’ Yesterday, I got him to say it about 15 times – then he got tired of that game so he started yelling “Noooo!!!” Pure comedy.

We bought him some new warm winter clothes this week. He wore them for the first time today since we’re having a cold snap, and I can’t believe how big he looks! They’re still a little too big, but the sweatshirt, jeans, big-kid sneakers and striped socks make him look like a little boy…which I guess he is now!

What are your favorite memories from this week?

Pour your heart out

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 15:23:00 +0000

Today I'm participating in Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

I've been a working mom for close to two years now. It hasn't been easy, but it's not a situation I'm able to change right now. Unfortunately.

I've tried really hard to find (and keep up with) a good work-life balance. To be able to put in a full day at work then come home and be Suzy Homemaker. And after all this time I still don't have a clue how to do it.

The days I take off to stay home with my son (one or two days a month) I feel like SuperMom. I can clean up the house, spend time with him, and still have time to do fun things for myself when he naps. Everything gets done, and it is lovely.

On the other hand, on normal working days it's all I can do to take care of myself. After putting in a long day at work and taking care of the boychild I don't even want to go in the kitchen, much less cook dinner.

I'm not sure how long I can go on with this balancing act, but what I hate most is that I'm missing this special time with my son. Every day has the potential to become a special memory, and my heart aches to think of the memories I'm missing.

The guilt kills me. I feel guilty, so guilty, that I only see my son for 2 too-short hours each day. I feel guilty that my son is being raised by another woman more so than I, and that he is starting to call her 'Ma-ma'. That hurts more than anything I've ever experienced before motherhood.

I don't want to do this anymore. Time is slipping away too fast. I want so badly to be able to have this precious time with my son. DH is approaching 6 months at his job and I'm praying that he gets a nice fat raise soon so I can live my dreams.

Because that's all I really want.

Friday Favorites #1

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 12:25:00 +0000

One of the reasons I started this blog was to record memories of my son as he grows and to capture a snapshot of my life in hopes that he’ll want to know more about who I am as a person as he gets older. I’m not sure that I’ve done a very good job with this, so this week I’m starting a new weekly piece. It will be called Friday Favorites, and each Friday I’ll list my favorite moments from the week.

Every evening before Will goes to bed, we watch Jeopardy! while he has his last bottle. He loves it too, and he’s recently started copying the people in the audience when they clap when a Daily Double comes up on the board.

We use old Taco Bell cups for play and for rinsing. A few days ago, he figured out he could put them on his feet as funny looking shoes.

He’s becoming quite a little daredevil. He loves to jump off of things, especially high things, and see if we’ll be able to catch him.

Last weekend we all slept in until about 7:30. Then he decided it was time to get up and he started shouting at me over the monitor. Ever seen Family Guy? If you’ve seen the episodes where Stewie is trying to get Lois’s attention – this was just like that.

Like I said in my last post, we’ve had Will with the same sitter for almost 2 years now, but just recently he’s started to get excited about seeing me when I pick him up in the afternoons. Each day when I knock on her door, I hear him come running and shouting “Mama! Mama!”

He’s been learning his colors this week. I don’t know that he can correctly point out colors when asked, but he can say them all now when prompted. Other words he’s learned this week: Sit (he tells the dog to sit) and poop (when he has a dirty diaper).

His babysitter is also starting to introduce potty training. Obviously he’s still too young to really get it, but she’s letting him get used to the potty and play with it as he wants. She’s having him sit on it after she changes his diapers and getting him used to the idea. Both of her sons were totally potty trained by the time they were 2 so we’ll see how it goes!

What special things do you want to remember from this week?

Learning to loosen the ropes

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 19:15:00 +0000

For the past year and a half, Will has had only one babysitter. She watches him all day every day, and although I’m sure she would be willing we’ve never asked her to watch him at night or on the weekends. She needs her personal time with her own family, and having her give up that time to watch him even more just wouldn’t be right. So we stay home most of the time and only go out for a date night when one of his Grandmas is in town.

Recently, we’ve realized we need a back-up babysitter. We need to have someone, or a group of people, available to watch him. We need to be able to do things together, to enjoy each other’s company as a married couple instead of sitting at home staring at each other and at the television all the time. We need to be able to do things with our friends, and maintain a healthy social life so we don’t kill each other. At the very least, we need to have somebody that can be our emergency back-up.

So earlier this week, we ventured out to meet a woman recommended to us by Will’s regular sitter. Everything went fine, we really liked her and her husband, and the opinion of our current sitter weighed heavily in their favor. We’re going to have her watch him for a few days next month.

I’m thankful that this opportunity came to us, but at the same time I’m already feeling anxious about leaving Will with somebody new. I’m sure everything will go just fine, but I experience a pretty high degree of anxiety when it comes to my child. I worry that something bad will happen, that the person won’t know how to care for him the “right” way. I feel guilty that I’m not there. I beat myself up over all of that. I know some of those feelings are normal, but I do think that a big part of it is exaggerated by my anxiety issues. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s also one of those situations that will be harder on the parents than on the child.

I’m trying to put this in perspective and remind myself that this is not a terrible thing. I was anxious when we first left him with L, and things turned out just fine. There’s no reason to believe this will be any different.

Right?

Scene from another life

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 17:26:00 +0000

We have a pretty regular routine that we follow each afternoon. I pick up Will from his babysitter’s house, come home, get changed, and take out the dog before my husband gets home. Once he gets home, we’ll have some family time before we feed Will and do his bath, bottle, and bedtime. We’ve been doing things this way for a long time, and we’re used to things being done this way every evening.

One afternoon a few weeks ago, Will’s babysitter took her boys to a sporting event that one of their friends was competing in. She took Will along as she always does, and since they were still there during the time I would normally pick him up she called to let me know she would just drop him off at our house.

DH and I both arrived home at about the normal time, and we both expected that the babysitter would be right behind us. We went about our usual routine, taking the dog out, changing out of our work clothes, and starting dinner. After a few minutes, the babysitter called to let us know she’d be another 20-30 minutes. Fine with us – no problem!

After another few minutes went by, DH and I stopped and looked at each other. We realized we both were wandering aimlessly around the house with the same thought – this was the first time we had been at home alone together since Will was born.

Now, I know where your gutter minds are headed, and you can stop those thoughts right in their tracks. That’s not where this story is headed!

Instead, we took a minute to comprehend the situation. It was the first time in a really long time that we didn’t have to keep track of the child’s whereabouts, make sure he wasn’t doing anything dangerous, or try to keep him from torturing the poor dog. We were sitting without being jumped on. We were getting things done without being pestered for a snack or Mickey Mouse. And while it was a nice break, it was strangely quiet. Too quiet. And very, very weird.

I didn’t like it.

Of course, everything went back to normal as soon as the babysitter arrived with Will. He immediately ran down the hall, shrieking for the sheer joy of it and yelling for the dog. He demanded dinner, scattered his toys throughout the house, and threw a tantrum when Mickey Mouse didn’t appear on the television.

But you know what? It was all okay with me. This is my life, and though it’s not perfect it’s perfect for me. As much as I get overwhelmed sometimes by all the things going on in my life – work, friends, housekeeping, and being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend – I truly love it, and I wouldn’t trade it for anyone’s.

Alive and (mostly) well

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 19:56:00 +0000

The baby shower has finally passed us, and somehow I made it through alive.

It went really well, and although my checkbook is crying the blues the party was a hit. I'll post some pictures and a full update later.

I haven't heard anything back about the job I interviewed for last week. That's not a bad thing though; I know in my heart that wasn't the right move.

I'm still trying to mentally unwind after being so stressed last week, but I'll be back on a more regular posting schedule in a day or two!

How were your weekends?

Mush

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 00:39:00 +0000

I've been MIA for the past several days. I'm still alive, but barely! Things have been pretty busy in our house this week, and I've barely had time to think about blogging. But stay with me, OK?

First of all, I'm hosting a baby shower for my bestie this weekend. I'm getting down to the wire, and I still have so much to do. I have so many great ideas, but having to balance them with what my wallet can actually handle has been tough. I'm actually a tad bit disappointed that it's not going to be as fantastic as I envisioned, but I know it's a smarter decision to not spend a lot of money on a disposable event. Still, my mind has been constantly racing with things I need to do and things I want to do and things I could do. I can't seem to turn it off, and that's a big part of my stress level this week. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I also had a job interview today! You might have seen this on my Twitter stream, and thank you so much to everyone that wished me good luck! It went pretty well, I thought, but I'm hesitant to say that because I don't judge things like that well. It could go either way. I may get called back next week to meet with somebody else - we'll see what happens! The good thing is that I do have a job, so I'm not under pressure to find one.

That's about all that I've been up to. It doesn't sound like much now that I've written it out, but unfortunately my brain doesn't care how simple it really is. I've been on the computer so much doing design work for shower (I designed the invitations and a lot of decorations myself) that the last thing I want to do when I get home is log on to the computer. I'm really looking forward to next week, if only so the shower is over! Then I can get back to my normal routine and catch up with my Oink ladies again. I think I'm supposed to do a guest post for somebody, but I don't even remember who.

I'm not on drugs, but this is my brain this week.

one moment in the Twilight Zone

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 18:23:00 +0000

Today I want to tell you about something odd that happened to me last week, and I also have a question for you. But first, jump on over to Live Ever After where I’m guest posting this afternoon. She is one of my new SITS friends, and she has such a cute blog. I don’t know many of her readers though, so please go leave me some comment love - they might be the only comments I get over there!

On to the story.

A few days ago, as I was picking Will up from his babysitter after work, something strange happened. He ran to greet me as I walked in the door, and I picked him up as I chatted with her about his day. One of her sons came over and said, “Put Will down so I can show you his new trick” (her boys love teaching Will new things). Before I could do or say anything, their father scolded him, saying it was very rude to speak to a grown up that way.

And I thought…I’m a grown up.

It was a weird moment.

Why? I still feel like I’m one of the kids. Yes, I’m out in the world on my own. I’m married, have my own house, a child, and a dog. We own our cars, have full time jobs, and pay all our bills on our own. There’s no denying that I live a grown up life.

A lot of times, though, I feel like I’m playing house. And I didn’t realize that I felt that way until the dad made that remark.

I’m not even sure I can explain exactly that feeling. I just know that it’s hard to believe sometimes how old I am (not that I’m old, by any stretch of the imagination). Life goes by so fast, and sometimes I still can’t believe I have a kid. And I almost don’t recognize certain parts of myself.

Have anyone else ever felt this way? When did you finally feel like you were grown up?

I can't believe it's already here

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 00:57:00 +0000

My 100th blog post!

I started this blog just six short months ago. I've tried online journals and blogs before, but never stuck with them for very long, so I kind of didn't expect to still be writing in this one, but here I am - still going strong!

I've been looking back at a few of my early posts today, and some of them are pretty awful! My writing is all over the place, and I'm not sure I was really able to communicate my thoughts clearly. I still didn't have a good idea of my niche.

Now, I've narrowed my focus, found a niche, and I'm starting to develop some really good relationships with other bloggers and find my tribe. A big part of this - a big, BIG part - is due to my participation over at The Secret is in the Sauce. The girls over there are so sweet, and I've learned so much from them about blogging. It's probably the single best thing that's helped me been successful so far in blogging.

I still have a long way to go though. I'm still learning my voice, learning about social media, giveaways - the list is endless. There will always be something more to learn, especially as the blogosphere grows and new technology is developed.

These are a few of my very favorite posts. They represent my heart, and I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did living and writing about them.

In Fifty Years
Happy Father's Day
Fun in the Sun
Maybe It Was a Sign
Things That Might Have Been
Sweet Baby Feet
Home is Where the Heart Is
Inspired

Most of all, thank you to all my readers and my new bloggy friends - especially the SITS Oink tribe! I wouldn't have gotten this far without you, your encouragement, and support!

Ode to a friendless mom

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 10:17:00 +0000

I don't have many friends.

No, really. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. It’s the honest truth.

Sure, I have acquaintances and people I spend time with. But I don’t have anyone around that really knows me. Me, who laughs at stupid jokes, sucks at cleaning house, and doesn't exercise enough.

The women I consider close enough to be my sisters all live far away. My sister in law lives four hours away in South Florida. My best college girlfriend moved to California to make it big. My real sister lives a thousand miles away in Maryland. The closest one still lives an hour away, and while we’re both technically in the Central Florida area, our schedules differ so drastically it’s nearly impossible to get together.

That’s something I really miss. I’m mostly happy with my life. I love being a mom, and I love my husband dearly, but I feel like there’s a part of my life that’s missing. The part with female friends, close friends, who you can share secrets with, snicker at your inside jokes together, and stay up late into the night talking about everything and nothing at all. The kind that knows what you’re thinking with a single glance or knows that the twitch in your brow is the only sign of the tears you’re holding back.

I hope every day that my sister will come home, that my Hollywood wannabe friend will move back, that my sister in law will decide to buy the house down the street like she’s been talking about.

They know me. They know that I’m afraid of trains, but drive me past the tracks just to tease me. They know I love my Chick-Fil-A lemonade without ice, because it waters the lemonade down. They know that I live in my flip-flops, that I hate birds, and that I would do absolutely anything for them if they needed it.

This is the part where I could say something like “distance doesn’t matter as long as we hold each other in our hearts” but I’m not feeling that optimistic today. Instead, I’ll continue on as I have been – one day at a time, trying not to think about it and pretending that it doesn’t matter. Except that it does.