Lyn's Blog

Reporting from Sunshine!

Lyn Blue — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 16:21:30 +0000

You'll never believe this shit... yesterday someone was shot at our motel... this scrappy guy, clearly cracked out, tried to still our 70's bedding. I saw him carry some sheets out, and said I'd call the cops if he didn't stop... well, the cops were actually at the video store next door, so Johnny told 'em what was going on...

I told the guy that he should stop because our cops wouldn't be chasing him. He took that as a sign to run, I suppose. So, he's literally running from the cops when he sees them, with two pillows on both sides of him, and suddenly, there's feathers everyone. Old, brown feathers, I might add. And bloody ones at this point. Anyhow, it was so dramatic and stupid. I kinda felt sorry for him for a moment - cause he reminded me of one of my rescue dogs at home. All mangy and poor lookin'.

So the guy's then rushed to the hospital, which means 20 minutes later rushed to the hospital, 'cause the closest hospital is in the city. Meanwhile, the mangy bastard is mad at me! Me??? I said, "I told you they wouldn't chase you. What'd you expect? They had just eaten, and were going for dessert at the video store. Last thing they wanted to do was run." DUR.

And that's the big news from Sunshine! Aren't you jealous of me?

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Give me a break!

Lyn Blue — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 02:50:22 +0000

I'm so sick of everything and everyone lately!

The only person I can tolerate is Johnny, who's currently practicing his spoon playing routine. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I took an online emotional test today, and it came back inconclusive. Go figure!

In addition, he now thinks he might be funny, so he's trying random jokes out on me during the day to see if he should try out for Last Comic Standing, even though he has no idea when/where they hold auditions. The real comedy routine will be him trying to figure out how he's going to get there in that piddly car of his.

He told about 5 hicks a joke the other day and not of them got it. It would've been so embarrassing if they were half human, and anyone gave a shit.

In addition, addition, he bought a cheap video camera. Now he's making me film clips of him "under cover"... oh lord... giving out marijuana tips to post on youtube.

Dear God, What have I gotten myself into? I assume you're here with me, so why did you forget to put a lid on it?

Stay tuned for his videos.... Trust me, you WILL NOT want to miss this absurdity. Even if it makes you smack yourself in the face for watching.

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Rude people!

Lyn Blue — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 19:27:11 +0000

Bring me a bucket! With all these birthdays around the corner, I'm about to puke! And mine might be next...sigh. I know it's a while away, but it's still lurking like a big stinky ass in my face.

And to top it off, everyone was out sick yesterday, including Rick, so I had to work alone. Someone actually got mad because I didn't "inform" her daughter that there were birthday flowers from her at the front desk. First of all, this isn't a concierge service in France, beyotch. Rick may live here, but he's short, wrinkly, smells like cigar smoke, and his attached dump-hole is about 100 sq ft. You're at a $30/night motel in remote Texas!! Second, the flowers were ugly... insulting... half wilted... I coulda picked better ones in Johnny's backyard.. then she coulda at least smoked something!

Thanks. I feel soooo much better.

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Do you have a case of "Living in Texas"?

Lyn Blue — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 19:04:34 +0000

Look people, I like to bitch and complain like the next person... but that's why I created this blog... so the low-class Blue Top citizens don't have to hear it when they come in here... but it never fails, at least one person likes to come in and gripe about the Texas weather, like everyday!

Do you not live here? Are you not used to it by now? GEEZ!

I just want to write up & hand out a Blue Top brochure that looks something like this:

Are you having a case of "Living in Texas"?

Signs that you may be suffering from living in Texas:
*Sweating one day, cold the next
*Forecast says "thunderstorms" but all you see are dark clouds
*You expected it to be sunny, but instead, it's RAINING! Gottcha!
*In the summer, you nearly die of a heat stroke.
*During the 2 days per year that it's freezing, you wish it were summer.

If you feel like you're a victim of living in Texas please consider the following:

1) Get the fuck out of Texas OR
2) Stop your bitching

If you're unable to do either of these, you may continue to suffer from living in Texas, Stupid.

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Marge's Snow Day

Lyn Blue — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 23:18:56 +0000

Well, hell! We haven't been able to leave the area all day, so at least I live next door to Marge!
Here's a pic I took out back. Just because we're snowed in, doesn't mean we can neglect our animal duties! Well, they're her animals here, but I seem to have taken on the "Marge Assistant" role lately... which I don't mind. If I did, I'd tell her to take a hike.

Marge's place

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Dreams Suck.

Lyn Blue — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 16:42:40 +0000

What's dreaming even mean if it can never be anything other than just that?

I mean, I sit around this stupid town all day and DREAM... I dream
when I'm in the bathtub, before I go to sleep, while I'm asleep, when I walk up...

and you see where it's gotten me - at the Blue Top Motor Inn Motel waiting on stinky old men.

I'm like a pair of old busted up book ends... I feel like I need a dream just to hold me together... But
it's discusting, really. 'Cause even book ends have a purpose.

Dear Dreams,

Fuck You.

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What are your best bitchy comebacks?

Lyn Blue — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 16:04:30 +0000

The problem with all of my bitchy comebacks is nothing, except that I need more!! Usually, I am Queen, but I know there has to be more out there... and Johnny and I are having a contest - who can come up with the BEST bitchiest comeback ever!

So of course I'm cheating.

Let me hear it, beyotches. If I like yours best I will use it against him. And if I WIN, you will be rewarded. I don't know how, yet, but I'll think of something.

Now let me see what ya got... and don't be a lame ass!

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Where are all the healthy relationships, anyhow?

Lyn Blue — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 22:58:28 +0000

As I approach 30, I feel like more and more things I see and read are complete crap. Everyone talks about how love

or sex should be this or that way... and that's how we'll have a healthy relationship... but I'm here to say BULLSHIT.

I bet Ms. Sexlady from Oprah doesn't even have sex... it's so much easier to tell someone else how to have a perfect

life than to actually do it! Trust me, I'm an expert. I can look at any asswad and say what he or she NEEDS to be doing.

But what am I doing at home on a Friday night? Cuddling with my dogs while the log's at Kenny's bar... or helping

Marge find a holistic approach to living her best life, so she doesn't die. Yes. Very exciting.

So, where are the stupid so-called healthy relationships at anyhow? Who's got one? Anyone? Let me know so I can

call YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!

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marital problems suck

Lyn Blue — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 19:38:33 +0000

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of all this bullshit. New Years sucked an asswad. The log's still in a funk, not even washing his hands after he takes a dump, and it's really driving me crazy! It's enough that Mr. Clean is leaving his dirty ass dishes for me to clean (he knows I hate cleaning!!!) and leaving the cabinets OPEN, but now he's taking it too far...

this year, we drank bud light (yes, it gets worse) and sat on the back of Jim's ride at Kenny's store for our new years celebration. WOW. so FUN, let me tell you. The highlight of my evening was when Cassie and Damien came out of the bar and Cassie fell down the stairs drunk - sorry, Cass! Damien tried to save the fall but ended up falling on top of her...poor thing!

Log got so wasted that he puked, and I laughed....

YES, I found it better to lose myself in complete insanity, by laughing at everything that night, instead of crying.

Dear God, when will you stop teaching me lessons I don't want to learn about my marriage?

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I'm weird, you're an asshole.

Lyn Blue — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 18:28:23 +0000

My grandpa and I used to go camping out at the lake when I was real little. They're some of the fondest memories of childhood I have, actually. I'd play in the lake... dig in the sand for the sake of diggin' I suppose...

He was the first one that taught me how to catch a fish! When I'd look at their little eyes lookin' back at me, I'd ask if they (the fish) were hurting. His response? "Fish don't feel pain." And I believed him.

UNTIL....

My dad informed me that fish DO feel pain. I don't even think he thought it'd matter to me that they did. But I was devastated - crushed. I suppose there are arguments over it, (whether they DO feel pain or not) but I don't care. It's MY choice.

But somehow, that always comes up when I'm at family affairs, which is one reason I hate them... no respect, I tell ya.

Over Christmas, Tom's dad, Thomas, was telling me I looked thin. Duh. I've always been thin. Then my log started in... before I knew it, the whole table was giving me shit - even my girl Cassie!

I asked them if they'd seen I Am An Animal? Or Food, Inc.? Or Food Matters? Of course not... it's all about the food chain in Texas.

The usual response is, "you're weird, Lyn."

Yeah, well.... maybe so.

But you're an ASSHOLE!

and FAT! [insert middle finger here]

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