Loud Loft

What me worry, round three

2009-11-02T08:13:54-06:00

(NOTE: All of my "notes" on Facebook orginate on my blog www.loudloft.blogs.com and automatically cross post to FB from there. If the formatting looks weird or the pictures don't come across, go to the website and give it a look)

It’s been a long time since I’ve visited the topic of my journey with depression. Maybe it’s because it’s been a very tumultuous time. Maybe because it’s always a bit difficult to be as open as I want to be about this very personal topic. Maybe it’s because things have improved and I’m not in as bad a shape as I once was.

Actually, it’s all three.

Wellbutrin good. Lexapro bad. That’s the extent of my knowledge about these two common anti-depressants. Of course, my assessment applies ONLY to me. There are folks for whom Lexapro was a Godsend. For me, not so much. Irritable and impotent don’t look good on me. Hell, they don’t look good on anybody but that was the result anytime Lexapro was introduced into the mix.

Eventually, on the advice of a good friend who is also my boss I saw a Psychologist that he highly recommended. The difference between a Psychologist and Psychiatrist is that the Psychologist can prescribe medicine and the Psychiatrist can’t. Well that and a whole $$%&@ of money - and mine’s not covered in my medical plan so I get to experience the joy of directly paying for my health care with my own dollars.

My first visit was for almost an hour and cost as much as, well, it just cost a lot. However, he gave me some very good advice, was incredibly encouraging that we could get a handle on this and began jacking around with my medications. Joyfully, the Lexapro was the first to go.

I have been back to see our Counselor once since then and that too has been helpful.

Yeah, there are crackpot counselors and therapists out there that do far more harm than good but I’ve been blessed by this one many times over.

I’ve made progress at work during this time as well. One aspect of the depression that really hit me hard was my memory. More specifically, the lack of memory. There have been times were at the end of a meeting I can no more remember what was said or decided than I could fly.

I bought one of those moleskin notebooks that all the cool, creative kids use and began taking notes every time I spoke with someone. It’s helped a great deal - I have to keep at it and not get lazy though or I suffer horribly from CRS (can’t remember S@%&)

Still, I’m making progress. Many days it’s two steps forward and one step back. Some days it’s three steps forward and one step back. Every now and then it’s one step forward and one step back. Very rarely it’s just one step back . . . and that’s a good thing. What’s weird is that I can’t think of a single day when it’s been just one step forward. I guess that means I’ve still got a ways to go on this journey.

I actually experieced a “one step back day” today. I was planning an overnight trip to a friends’ lake house. I try to give Lisa a “Bill Free day” on regular intervals and she was overdue for at least one 24 hour period of peace and quiet.

The father of the Senior Pastor at my church passed away this week and a bunch of us drove to Shreveport for the funeral. It was a very sweet and touching service that was totally focused on his family and we all felt that it was a privelege to be present.

I hadn’t considered what the impact of attending the funeral of a good friends father might have on me. One of the things that triggered the deepest part of my depression was a dream that I had about my father, who passed away almost nine years ago. While I was moved during the service, it wasn’t till several hours later after we had all eaten lunch when a friend asked me how I had handled the funeral. I realized that it had affected me more than I had acknowledged. Lisa noticed it when I got home and I really began to feel the effects this morning.

Every thing was hard. Everything was discouraging. Everything was irritating. Especially the gathering up of things to take on a brief overnight trip. I’ve been here at the lake house for about four hours know and the sun is going down. The crickets are chirping, the cicadas are droning and I can hear two couples down the lake talking on their porch.

Here’s what it looks like right now - yes that is the moon in the upper right corner of the picture.

The water is as smooth as glass and the sun is reflecting off the yellow wood framed house in the distance. I can hear an owl warbling out it’s “whoo’s” and there is a dog way off in the distance barking. Occasionally the surface of the water is broken as a fish strikes at a bug and the quick splash is followed by the ripples circling out from the spot where the insect became the fish’s dinner.

There is something to be said for the quiet (as much as it can be) of the country. Actually, I think we crave the sounds. We are creatures of community and closeness and these sounds, be they the drone of the evening insects or the hustle and bustle of the city remind us that we are designed for relationship.

For me, it’s the change of venue that helps emphasize that vital element of community and relationship that is woven into our soul.

I’m better now. Not for just today but better in the bigger picture. In a way I’m glad that depression came to me. I can relate to those who experience it in a way that I simply could not before. I certainly don’t wish it on anyone and I’m delighted that where I am in my journey now is better than it once was.

I don’t know if this will be something I deal with for the rest of my life or if it’s just a season. I know I’m not alone . . . and that makes all the difference.

A New Score Card in town . . .

2009-10-11T14:19:12-05:00

(orginally posted on my blog www.loudloft.blogs.com which now cross posts to my Facebook)

I've been approached privately by a few of the folks who I'm "friends" with on Facebook or who follow my twitter account or read my blog about my spiritual life. There has been some curiosity about what I believe and how I manifest those beliefs in my life. There has also been curiosity about the church that I attend. I also work at that church as Storyteller - which is our term for Director of Communications. Here's a stab at answering some of those questions.

I'm fortunate to have friends (both analog and digital) who represent pretty much the entire spectrum of spirituality. I am reassuringly uncomfortable in my own place among my journey. I've lived long enough to have figured some things out and long enough to know that there are things I will never figure out and also long enough to know that my beliefs will change over time. That last statement tends to raise a few eyebrows from some folks . . . so let me elaborate.

In the Christian vernacular there is the statement that many of you have heard, it's "I've been saved" or the question "are you saved?". This refers to the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ to "save" someone from eternal separation from God. Theologians write books on this idea - so I won't go there. However, fundamentally, those statements tend to focus on just the past tense. They refer to a point in time at which something "happened" in a person's life. History is a good thing as it gives context, but context alone is insufficient.

I prefer "I'm being saved". That is not to imply that the actual acceptance of Christ is a temporal event that occurs over time or that it is possible to begin and then reverse or to lose it. I do embrace a theology that is often termed the "once saved always saved" position. What I mean by the use of the word "being" is that "once saved" is just the beginning of my journey and not my destination.

In that context I'm "being saved" every day. I'm forced to live solely in the present. The past is behind me and out of my control. The future is before me and also out of my control. Certainly the choices I made in the past have consequences today and in the future and the choices I make in the future will have consequences then . . . but NOW is the only time that I can make those choices. It's both simple and complex and that the dichotomy is one of the reasons that draw me to my faith.

So, all this is fine and dandy . . . but unless this manifests itself somehow in my life it's all just talk.

The church I attend is parish minded in the sense that it's far less about what happens inside our walls than outside. The inside is good, don't get me wrong - but if it's walled off and hidden behind facades it really does nobody any good.

I could go on but instead I would invite you to download this PDF and give it a whirl. It lays out ten key things that have to happen to make a significant impact on the community you live in. Yeah, it approaches it from a spiritual perspective . . . so I may have lost some of you. If so, humor me and at least read the ten topics that are highlighted in bold.

Those ten topics accurately paint a picture of what we are working toward.

Those ten topics present a much different "score card" than what most folks in the church biz have used in the past. I (and we) think it's a much needed change . . .

BTW If for some reason - the link to the file doesn't' come across when this cross posts to Facebook just wander over to www.loudloft.blogs.com and you will find it in this post

Seriously, I’m kidding . .

2009-09-20T16:28:55-05:00

I was talking with a new neighbor the other day. They had just moved here from Nebraska with a job change and had bought a house down the street. The talk turned to the options available in the area for police, fire, EMT, school services and whatnot.

I told him that I went with the "high deductible, thirty minute response, felony only" police coverage. I’ve got several handguns placed strategically around the house and what with the external security camera system that I installed with my police coverage tax credit last year I just didn’t see the need to get the five minute response, armed home invasion rider. Seriously, I can protect myself - why should I pay for extra coverage? Besides, this is a gated community with armed guards and those cool concrete barriers at the entrances so that no one can bust through and gain access to the neighborhood.

We are careful around the house with open flames though. I decided to only get the "fully engulfed with flames, whenever we get there" coverage. I selected the option that says that the fire department will swing by when they get a chance, connect up the hose to the hydrant and then hand it over to me to put out any flame ups.

However, I shared that the emergency medical response coverage was a little harder to choose. I didn't tell him, but I do have a few health issues which would make it nice to go ahead and get the full ambulance coverage WITH a fully staffed crew. I told him that I was going to just go with the coverage where they call you a cab but my wife had a fit so I decided to pony up and go for the big ticket item.

When it came to the school services I told him that since we don’t have any kids it didn’t apply to me. Like I’m supposed to contribute to paying for education of kids who are not my own! What kind of country do you think I live in? I have heard that if you do opt in for school services that it’s better to go with 20:1 kids to teacher ratio than the much less expensive 40:1 ratio. Evidently there really is something to having a smaller student to teacher ratio that allows the kiddos to learn better. Whatever.

I hadn’t planned on bringing it up but he asked about the Armed Forces coverage. He said that since Kansas was a land locked state without any coastline he had never bought the Navy coverage. He was wondering what most folks do who live up here in North Texas. I told him that it was up to the folks in Houston, Beaumont, Galveston, Corpus Christi and such to pay for the protection of our coast line. For us here . . . we might as well be in Oklahoma. That got a good laugh from him as he’s a huge Cornhusker fan and doesn’t like the Sooners. I told him that I did get the Army and Air Force coverage but opted out of the Coast Guard coverage. I know - they also handle all the “aids to navigation” on our rivers in addition to search and rescue operations on the coast . . . but I don’t go out on the lake or rivers and I would much rather spend my vacations in the mountains than at the beach, but that’s just me.

The last thing we discussed was whether to buy the full access toll road package or go with the cheaper limited access option. For me, the limited access choice was the one for me. I don’t get out of my neighborhood much and only have a few places that I go like the market, church and work. I don’t really care to mingle with folks that are different. Especially the ones who don’t seem to be able to afford much in the way of services. I mean, really, it’s their responsibility to provide for them selves. I’m not my brothers keeper, seriously?

You can imagine my shock when asked me what kind of health care coverage I had bought for me and my family! I told him to go to #$%& and that it was none of his @#$% business what went on between me and my doctor.

He understood and apologized for bringing up such a sensitive and personal decision. I accepted his apology but. . . I don’t know about him now. I’m going to have to keep my eyes on him pretty darn close for awhile. There’s all kinds of weirdos with crazy ideas moving into the neighborhood. It’s not like it used to be . . .

Drugs, healthcare and illegal immigrants . . .

2009-09-14T20:00:00-05:00

There was a lady that used to work for me, she grew up in a pretty tough neighborhood in San Antonio. She told me about a group of guys there that both used and dealt drugs. They were harmless for the most part and actually got on well with everybody . . . but they weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer if you know what I mean.

One day, they are laying around the house enjoying some of the fruits of their labor when another, more aggressive group of guys burst in with guns drawn, stole their money and stole their drugs. Nobody was hurt but the guys were shaken - as you can imagine. So they did what seemed like the natural thing to do when you are robbed . . . they called 911 and reported that a home invasion and armed robbery had just occurred . . . and then sat back down and waited for the police to arrive.

As they heard the sirens approach it finally dawned on them what was going to happen when the police got there and they had to explain what had been stolen. Two guys got out the back window as the cars pulled up but a couple of the other guys were caught.

So here’s the deal, one of the points of contention during all the hoopla about health care reform is the insistence by just about everybody on both sides of the aisle that illegal immigrants must be excluded from any sort of access or coverage.

Personally, I can’t imagine why someone's nationality should have any effect on the health care that they receive but that’s another post for a later date.

Anyway, back to the hoopla.

Let’s pretend that I’m a citizen of another country living illegally in the United States without the proper visa or with no visa all. Do you really think that I would go to a Federal Government agency and try to either purchase coverage or get any sorts of benefits from that agency? Seriously?

Remember those guys up in the beginning of the story? That’s who would try . . . and then they would be arrested by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and sent back to their native country. Isn’t that what so many of the folks who are beating the “no services to illegal immigrants” drum want?

Here’s another thing to consider on the topic of illegal immigrants. My intuition tells me that most folks working here illegally probably work for a legal citizen of the United States. That person is dodging their own tax responsibility. They are taking jobs from legal citizens and giving them to workers who will work for just about anything and under any conditions. That person is making a very loud statement that the only thing that matters is their own gain at the expense of their country, their fellow citizens and the citizens of other countries who will work for wages paid “off the books”.

When a person breaks the law there is usually another crook somewhere up or down the food chain just as culpable . . .

Cash for clunkers . . .

2009-08-27T18:32:18-05:00

I’ve heard some grumbling that the Cash for Clunkers program helped foreign car makers more than domestic car makers. The numbers sure show that Honda, Toyota, Nissan and Kia got proportionally more sales than GM, Ford and Chrysler. Some of that may be due to feelings of uncertainty about the financial viability of the domestic makers. While some of it might be that the buying public just happened to be more in the market for the present offerings of the foreign car makers.

Either way sales for all the car makers was up. A lot. Even the Detroit brands had to call folks back and open up assembly lines that had been closed or or were running at reduced capacity. It wasn’t a total disaster for Detroit.

I’ve owned two domestic makes in my life. One was a Ford Bronco that I bought from a friend and the other is nicely rebuilt 1963 Chevrolet pickup that I drive on the days when I don’t ride my motorcycle. I’ve owned a Volkswagen, a Honda, an Acura, a Mazda (a Miata which was a blast) and a bunch of Infiniti’s. Well there was a Plymouth Champ back in 1980 but it was really just a rebadged Mitsubishi . . . so I don’t know what to call it - except it was fun to drive :)

So the gripe is that the Cash For Clunker program benefited the foreign makes at the expense of Detroit. To the point that the program should have been limited to “just” Detroit brands since the US has so much invested in GM and Chrysler.

I see the benefit as reaching a lot farther than just Detroit though and let’s take one Nissan car as an example

For instance, the dock worker in Long Beach who offloaded that car benefited from the work. When it was loaded on to a rail car the railroad worker benefited. When it was offloaded from the rail car and put on a truck transporter the guy who drives the truck benefited. The folks who work at the truck stop benefited when he stopped to fill it up with diesel. The truck service shop benefited when it was brought in for maintenance.

When it arrived at the dealership, the lot technician who prepped the car for sale benefited. The salesman who sold the car benefited. The owner of the dealership benefited when the sale was made The technician in the shop benefited when it was brought in for service. Even the folks at the loan company who go in every day and process loans and send out those little envelopes each month benefited.

The folks at the tire shop and the car wash eventually benefited as did the folks at the company that distributes those little air fresheners that hang from the rear view mirror.

All these folks that benefited - they live down the street from you and I. They do their job, contribute to society and go home to their families (that sounds a bit sappy but you know what I mean). Each Cash for Clunker sale . . . even the ones that took place at the Nissan lot contributed to our economy and benefited many folks just like you and I.

Often times there is more to things than just what fits into a headline, a newspaper article or a 3:30 package on the news. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the entire picture.

Health Care . . .

2009-08-25T20:33:05-05:00

I have to be honest. Until the past few months I was pretty ambivalent on the issue of health care reform. It wasn’t until I saw the now famous clips of the town hall meetings that caused me to consider how I felt about it.

To be clear, most of my friends, coworkers and family would be hard pressed to tag me as particularly conservative or liberal, Democrat or Republican . . . and that’s exactly the way I want it. In fact, on several occasions my very liberal friends have tagged my as a wingnut, religious conservative and my very conservative friends have labeled my as a godless liberal. I fancy myself an “equal opportunity” offender to all types and classes, though that might be giving myself more credit than I deserve.

So faced with pondering where I might land on this I considered a couple of different trains of thought.

What does our Declaration of Independence say about such things? What does our Constitution say about such things? What does the Bible say about such things.

The Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

The nearest the Constitution gets to it is in Article 1, Section 8 which lists the powers of the federal government delegated to Congress.

The first one is “The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defense and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;”

The last item in Section 8 says “To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.”

To me, both of these documents indicate that the life of the people and the welfare of the country are an integral concern and responsibility of the government. Some will say that I’m either being too literal or too abstract in my conclusions and to be fair, both of of those arguments have merit. However the opposing arguments also serve to lend credence that either way you look at - this is still a vital part of two of the most important documents of our country.

I do have a right to a life that is healthy (what good is a life that isn’t) and you can not separate the welfare of the United States from the health (which effects the welfare) of it’s citizens.

I can’t begin to understand how this topic has become a political issue. The health and welfare of citizens of the United States should be paramount to all political organizations. We go to great lengths and expense to provide for the defense of our country to protect our Liberty and we establish regulatory bodies to insure our right to pursue happiness.

We would never consider the privatization of our Armed Forces, our Police Departments or our Fire Departments to insure the life, liberty and welfare of our citizens. There is a well established precedent for the government's role in establishing regulatory bodies or programs to insure these for it’s citizens. I do have a right to a life that is healthy. The FAA regulates the aircrafts that fly above our heads, the FDA regulates the foods and drugs we consume and the SEC/FTC/FDIC/etc regulate the financial systems that enable our commerce to move forward and that’s just to name a few. The list goes on . . .

As for the Bible, the Gospels tell us that one of the key issues that Jesus addressed was the life and welfare of people. Many of his miracles were the healing of a disability or illness. The book of Matthew is chock full of healing of all sorts and has that pesky chapter 25 beginning with verse 34.

(Bear with me on the following section - I thought about excerpting key passages but I didn’t want to appear to be taking anything out of context. If you’re familiar with the passage you will get the point right away. If not it - you might want to read it over a time or two. I also put in bold the key words that differentiate between the two scenarios that Jesus presents) 

“Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

So, I have the Declaration of Independence declaring that we all have a right to Life, the Constitution gives the government the power to “provide for . .. the common welfare” and the Bible (well, actually it’s the words of Jesus) telling me that if I want to make the sheep/goat cut and claim my inheritance I’m supposed to look after the sick - along with the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger (which opens up an whole 'nuther can of worms) and to be generous with my possessions and my time.

Which leads me to conclude that the three most important documents in the history of mankind make a pretty big deal out of life, welfare and health. Given that, I really don’t have a choice in this matter.

Will we eventually get to the place where someone’s medical condition doesn’t dictate their financial state or their financial state doesn’t dictate the amount of care they receive for their medical condition? I think we will and I look forward to that day. I might not live to see it but who knows, maybe I will be surprised.

We can argue till the cows come home and I’m certain that in the end of this round of debate, legislation and voting nobody will be completely happy with the way things turn out. But, that’s the way politics go. On this topic I heard John McCain say, “you don’t go into legislation with a list of demands. you enter with a list of things you will concede”. That’s a pretty apt assessment from some one who has been around the block a few times and I respect his opinion.One significant “find” for me during this time has been stumbling across www.politifact.com and www.factcheck.org These are to political posturing and BS what www.snopes.com is to urban legends. They are non-partisan which is just a fancy way of saying that they are equally eager to call out the proponents AND opponents of health care reform when they stray from the facts. It has been interesting to see the great number of “half true” or “partly true” items that have shown up. The best lies are ones that have a mixture of truth in them :)

The United States is capable of showing it’s citizens the greatest of compassion, mercy and grace. There are models in other countries that we can learn from. We can improve on what others have put into place and not repeat their mistakes. We don’t have to settle for the pitfalls that others have experienced. Let’s use our wisdom and ingenuity to create a uniquely American system that provides for all.

I close with this quote from Winston Churchill which I interpret as both a gentle criticism and a rousing endorsement.

“ You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else.”

Update: Sometimes it takes a cartoon to explain things :)

You can’t spell Democracy without M-O-B . . . or can you?

2009-08-08T20:11:27-05:00

As elected officials have been returning to their constituents and hosting town hall meeting, a funny thing has been happening, school board meetings have been breaking out.

I’m reminded of the quote from Mark Twain “God made the idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board”. In this instance he was referring to the members of the school board but let’s go ahead and broaden the circle to also include the outraged parents.

If you every want to see angry adults act like children, go to a school board meeting when there’s some point of contention on the agenda. Sometimes it’s when attendance zones are changed, sometimes it’s when dirty books show up in the Library and sometimes it’s because the child of a parent was horribly wronged by being deprived of the chance to be on the cheerlead/drill team/sporting team/whatever. Funny how it’s rarely over cutbacks in school supplies, science labs, art classes or drama clubs. Yeah, funny, that’s the word.

So, the Democrats are mad at the Republicans for a “vast right-wing conspiracy” to disrupt the town hall meetings regarding the various health care reform legislation that is working it’s way through the Capital. The Republicans claim that it’s no conspiracy but a grass roots movement of indignant citizens exercising their right to free speech.

It doesn’t matter either way because they are both full of #$%&. If the RNC and groups allied with the RNC aren’t marshaling the troops to pack the halls they are idiots. The DNC would do the same and certainly has done the same when the shoe was on the other foot. There is no shame in groups organizing together, banding together to present a unified front and agreeing on a common point of view.

Likewise, when an elected official comes back to the place that they represent and holds a public meeting to allow his or her constituents a place to voice their opinion - they must do so with an expectation that not every body is going to be in agreement. That’s part of what makes the process work.

What doesn’t make the process work is the infantile behavior on display. These folks give the mob in the Frankenstein movies a bad name. They are behaving like children. No, they are behaving worse than children because they are old enough to know better. They are not interested in debate. Their goal is intimidation. It is an embarrassment to the Democracy and Liberty that they claim. Their behavior proves the old saying “never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups”. When children behave this way, we make them stop and go sit in a corner till they've calmed down and can act their age. What a fine example these adults are setting.

Belligerence is always the currency of the intellectually bankrupt. That statement holds true in the school yard, the prison yard and the front yard. It holds true for the most conservative and holds true for the most liberal. It transcends political party lines. It transcends ideological lines. It transcends theological lines. It has no place in our school board rooms or our town hall rooms. It has no place in the halls of our Capitol. It has no place in our moral fabric. It has no place in this discussion, period. Stop it.

The week in stupidity: Gates, Crowley, Obama and Rush.

2009-07-25T11:02:12-05:00

You know I was thinking of starting a blog that picked out a few of the most egregious moments of stupidity and sharing my thoughts . . . and then considered that it would be a full time job with no reasonable source of revenue. So, I’ll just keep on with www.loudloft.blogs.com. That my blog entries get posted on Facebook as notes is just a plus.

Several years ago on his show, Chris Rock showed a clip that became known as the NYPD Training video. For the actual title . . . well, you’re on your own to find it but it’s out there floating around some of the more popular online video site . It definitely falls into the NSFW category (hey, it was a cable show, what do you expect) and it is as profane as it is profound.

I think of this video every time I hear of an instance of DWB (Driving While Black) or see an example of DWB.

Before you continue reading the rest of this post, find the video and watch it all the way through. The content and wise advice offered by Mr. Rock will play an important role in the rest of the post.

NOTE: I'm not responsible if you're ears are offended by the coarse and foul language of Mr Chris Rock. You've been warned. Of course now, if it was me, I would HAVE to watch it. I'm tricky that way, aren't I?

(Insert Jeopardy music here while waiting for you dear readers to find the video, watch it and make your way back)

Welcome back.

Let’s be clear on one thing. The arrest of the black guy in Cambridge was stupid. You can call it what ever you want. It might not have seemed stupid at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 and his arrest was stupid. In my previous employ, I edited hundreds of hours of training videos for the Law Enforcement community that was used to train LEO how to do everything from staying safe on a traffic stop to investigating meth labs. I’ve sat with training officers as they debated the finer points of crowd control, dealing with domestic disturbances and defusing hostile/volatile situations.

The right thing to do for the officer was to set aside whatever slurs and insults that was hurled his way (and I’m guessing a Harvard Professor should be able to conjugate the phrase “#$%& @#*” in various and creative ways) and once established that it was his house, wish him a good day and make himself available for other calls.

If you’ve read the arrest report, which is easy to find online, you will read that the officer and Gates (a not happy guy who clearly doesn’t know when to shut it) were inside the house and after providing his name to Gates said to him “that if he had any other questions regarding the matter, I would speak with him outside of the residence”.

Did you know “disorderly conduct” is a misdemeanor charge that typically is only applicable for actions, words, etc that occur in a public place? No? I didn’t think so. I would wager that Gates didn’t know this either. Would Officer Crowley? If he didn’t know, he’s got no business on the police force.

So Gates, follows the officer outside and the officer writes in his report “As I descended the stairs to the sidewalk, Gates continued to yell at me, accusing me of racial bias and continued to tell me that I had not heard the last of him. Due to the tumultuous manner Gates had exhibited in his residence as well as his continued tumultuous behavior outside the residence, in view of the public, I warned Gates that he was becoming disorderly. Gates ignored my warning and continued to yell, which drew the attention of both the police officers and citizens, who appeared surprised and alarmed by Gate’s outburst. For a second time I warned Gates to calm down while I withdrew my department issued handcuffs from their carrying case. Gates ignored my warning and continued to yell at me. It was at this time that I informed Gates that he was under arrest”.

You can read the entire report online if you want . . .

So, Gates was arrested for yelling at an officer from his porch and not shutting up when told to . . . seriously. There is no criminal action described by Crowley in his report. He was yelled at. That’s it.

Let’s recap. Officer responds to a possible break in, in progress. Finds an angry black man inside who clearly has never seen the Chris Rock NYPD training video. He goes inside, gets yelled at, is told that a complaint will be filed. Officer tells him that if he wants to continue his tirade to do so outside and then arrests him for continuing his tirade outside.

It’s no wonder the charges were dropped like a hot potato. It was an uncalled for arrest that wouldn’t hold water in court much less under the white hot scrutiny of adversarial parties.

So on to Obama. I was watching the press conference and was surprised at his comment that the department handled it “stupidly”. Even though that is what happened, that’s not a wise choice of words nor is it even an event that really warrants much commentary at all from a sitting President.

He made his “mea culpa” the next day and took his bully pulpit in the other direction and seems to have brokered a meeting between Crowley, Gates and himself.

Here’s the bottom line, this week there was enough stupidity to go around. Gates should have kept his mouth shut. Crowley should have done his job, then walked away. Obama should have dodged this hot potato question with a “don’t have all the facts and don’t care to comment” response.

The silver lining to this dark cloud is that some people are actually discussing what happened and it seems that Gates and Crowley might actually discuss it. I would hope that Gates leaves with a greater understanding of the pressures that LEO’s face every day going in to situations where they have to be on “high alert” and that Crowley leaves with a real world experience that people of color in this country start the game with a handicap. You, dear reader, should do the same . . .

For anyone to deny that either one of those situations exist tells me that there is yet one more hole in the sand plugged with someone’s head.

As for Rush. He stated that “the press has met it’s Waterloo and it’s Obama”. He’s referring to the media tossing their journalistic integrity out the window by not holding him to a critical standard . . . more or less.

Rush missed the mark by a couple of decades and it happened way before the current crop of most of the folks in the media were even interns. Many media outlets (hard to even call them news outlets these days) threw their integrity under the bus when their corporate fathers decided that revenue trumped the traditional role of the free press. The Waterloo was when it became apparent to the corporation that more soap could be sold by speaking to the political leanings of the viewers as opposed to presenting an unbiased account.

I learned very early in my brief time in “the media” that when there are two sides to a story (and there almost always are) the true test that you’ve meet your journalistic obligation is that after the story has aired or been printed - you get an equal number of complaints from both sides. In other words, if you’ve pissed off everybody - you’ve done your job.

I submit that MSNBC and Fox (the poster children for taking a political side) would flip positions in a heart beat if they thought they could attract a bigger audience.

It seems that the folks who watch MSNBC agree with the stance taken by that network. It appears that the folks who watch Fox concur with the positions taken by that organization. I’m dumbfounded by this. I read a variety of newspapers that I often wholeheartedly disagree with. I read blogs that make me hang my head in wonder as to how the writer to came to their conclusion.

I do draw the line at watching either of the TV news outlets that I mentioned above. I would rather have a colonoscopy than sit through an hour of Paula Maddow, Glen Beck, Keith Olberman, Bill O’Reilly, Chris Mathews or Sean Hannity. At least with a colonoscopy you get great drugs and you can play “pull my finger” with the nurses for about an hour after you wake up.

A single voice as your “source” of news is, ummm, what’s the word? Oh yeah, stupid.

Great, now I will have to post an entry tomorrow apologizing for using the word “stupid”.

Hey everybody, hold your breath :)

Fridge door art . . .

2009-07-17T01:25:30-05:00

Okay, here's the deal. As most of you dear readers know, Lisa and I don't have kids. It never came up so we never went that route. It's never really been a big deal to either one of us . . . so there.

Still, I have recently faced the reality that being a Father or Grandfather is a door that has essentially closed and facts are facts. I will never experience the joys of being a parent (or the not so joyfull . . . ummmm, non-joys of being a parent). So I had to face that emotion, experience that emotion and ether kick that emotion's ass or get mine kicked. Actually, it was touch and go on who's ass was getting kicked for awhile there - but I eventually prevailed.

But (and there's always a big but isn't there), Lisa and I sponsor a child, Angillo Joseph. I first met Angillo in June of 2006 in Yei Sudan at the Harvester's Orphanage. I didn't pick him so much as he picked me. He was only a couple of years old at the time (if that) and he came up to me, reached out his little arms, wrapped them around my leg and marked me with his little snotty nose. Touching, yes? I wrote about it HERE

When I got back to Texas, Lisa and I talked about "sponsoring" him and decided that somehow we would be able to make do with $1 a day less so that we could send $30 a month to the orphanage to help provide for Angillo and the others. A real a big sacrifice on our part, right?

Over the next few years we would get a little card from Harvesters updating us about Angillo. There was always something specific about his attitude and what kind of little boy he was becoming. A year later I was back in the neighborhood one day (?) and was able to drop by for about ten minutes to see him as I was on my way to the airstrip to fly back to Nairobi. He was taking a nap but Mama Lilly woke him up and she took a picture of me and him. Of course, he had no idea who I was other than a strange white man holding him on his lap . . . and he's was still not quite awake. Here's that picture.

So a few weeks ago a large envelope arrives from Harvesters. I figure it's either a promotional flyer or some other sort of informational material.

When I opened it up there was a blue colored sheet of construction paper covered in crayon scribblings. It was from Angillo . . .

Here's a picture of it hanging on our fridge door.

I had put to rest the idea of not having a child and not being a father. That was a very selfish act on my part. Making a difference in a child's life isn't limited to being linked by biology or sometimes even by proximity. I may never see Angillo. If civil war returns to Sudan, as many think it will in the next few years, pretty much all bets are off. If not, Yei Sudan is still a long way from Texas.

But, I've been there twice. I have friends who would put me up for a couple of nights and I have a reason to care about what happens in Yei, Sudan beyond the abstract. There's a little boy sleeping in a dorm, eating in a kitchen, going to school and playing with his friends. I know his name. It's Angillo and he's put his mark on me . . .

Thoughts on Michael Jackson . . .

2009-07-07T18:39:57-05:00

Yeah, like the world/blogosphere needs any more written about Michael Jackson. I had decided that everything I wanted to say had been said . . . and that there was plenty of things said that I would never say myself, but it’s my blog and my mind and I can change both if I want to.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Michael Jackson. He’s not really my style of musician and artist but I’ve a great deal of respect for his talent and for the role he’s played over the last 30 years in music.

One of the first 45’s I bought was a Jackson Five single. I don’t recall which song it was but it was probably either “ABC” or “I’ll Be There” so that tells you how far back I go. A few years later I was there when MTV came onto the scene and spent far too much time watching music videos and what not. I appreciated his music videos then as much for their production value as for the songs. He clearly paid homage to the Jets versus the Sharks from West Side Story in "Bad", to Fred Astaire in "Smooth Criminal" and simply broke new ground with "Black or White".

My beautiful bride is a a fan of Janet Jackson and has several of her CD’s so that’s been the lion’s share of my exposure to the Jackson’s recently but we did sit down the other day and run the Michael Jackson catalog on iTunes and downloaded thirty or so songs. I loaded them on her iPod and on mine so that we could give them a listen.

The other day, on my daily walk, what struck me was the recurring theme of gentleness, grace and love that ran through the songs. I’m sure that there are songs in the catalog that are more harsh. With the vast number of songs he delivered there would have to be. Still, I was a bit taken aback by the tone and vibe that he consciously and deliberated displayed in his music.

The love songs were not gratuitous and the social commentary songs were generally characterized by reconciliation and generosity. There are exceptions to be sure . . . but given the strident nature of most contemporary music I was surprised by the gentle tone and grace put forth by this artist. It was also easy to see how his style and tone could appeal to both male and female fans. His asexual persona enabled him to not be a threat to either sex and it clearly expanded his appeal

I’ve always appreciated many different styles of music that are not necessarily in the direction of my default taste. His music is lush with layers of sounds and incredibly well produced. Still, you can track his growth as an artist from his early “Off the Wall” release on through “Thriller”, “Bad” and “Dangerous”.

As the years went on his dancing set the standard for modern popular dance and he continued to break ground with his extraordinary talent. I was never a fan of all the crotch grabbing. I don’t know why that’s so disturbing but I was much more disturbed by the incessant junk adjustment by the president of a company that I worked for back in the 90's. I’m serious folks, when this guy stood up to address the company, he couldn’t keep his hands off his twigs and berries. If you made a drinking game where you had to slam a shot every time he played pocket pool you would be hammered in less than ten minutes and suffering from alcohol poisoning if you stayed in the game for thirty minutes. This was an upper class, middle age white guy who had no dance skills what so ever . . . ewwww.

Anyway,

Best I can tell, amongst the six billion or so folks walking upright on this rock, there are a large number of folks who could be tagged as “regular guys”. Given that six billion number I just tossed out, there are likely to also be a good number (though much less than the regular guy crowd) of “off the chart genius guys”. However the overlap of those two groups of “Regular Guy/Off The Chart Genius Guys” is practically nil.

Michael Jackson WAS NOT a regular guy. He WAS an off the chart genius guy. I don’t know if he was guilty of the charges made against him. He didn’t appear to have matured past the little boy stage in his private life. He barely made it much farther in his public life.

I don’t know what personal demons he struggled with. I didn’t have a father like Joe Jackson who seems to be wrestling with dementia these days and who, by most accounts, was a tough task master who never displayed love or affection to his children. Everybody has to account for their own choices but shackling a child with the chains of dysfunction that was said to exist in the Jackson family seems to have impaired Michael Jackson’s view of what is appropriate.

Personally, I don’t think he ever progressed past the “sleep over” phase in regards to his approach to friendships with children. Still, he will be judged by his actions and by his intentions by the most fair of judges and with that . . . I will be content.

His life is over now. I hope that his family will make honorable choices and appreciate Michael Jackson for the good things of his life, his rich legacy of art and for his gentle demeanor.

I grieve for his family and for his children. His young daughter’s brief address to the audience of her love for her father and her broken heart is what stays with me . . . how could it not with you?