They can act as personal courage power strips – plug yourself in. 

Archetypes give you backbone.

And… archetypes can feel removed, remote, fusty. I don’t see myself as Athena or WonderWoman or Rosa Park because they don’t feel attainable (well maybe WonderWoman’s bra…). I know archetypes are not supposed to be attainable but still, I need a bridge between that lofty greatness and day-to-day action.

Enter the custom made Shero.

A chance to outline for yourself the qualities and medium powers (vs. super powers) you desire and need to create a life of wholeness and shimmering sharing goodness.

It’s simple. Ask yourself “To me, a shero is…“  Write a story, a list, a manifesto. Create a Pinterst board, a collage, a sequence of asanas. Throw a Make-Your -Own-Shero party. Ask people in line at the grocery,”What’s a shero?”

All the while, notice: what galvanizes, inspirits, tantalizes you as you explore? Distill that essence to a few words. Live with those.

Do tell what you learn.

Here’s what the Sheros in my class are saying:

• A Shero is a woman who listens to and acts on her inner calling. She is constantly questioning & learning & seeking new ways of seeing things. She believes that love has the power.  Andrea

She has learned from both the losses and the victories. When she stumbles and falls she rises stronger than before. She embraces her role as both a teacher and a learner.  Shirley

• A Shero is utterly devoted to the truth. Jasmine

A *S H E R O* moves in the spaces between the warp and weft of her formerly defining stories, weaving in bright new threads of rich experience and possibility.  Susie

• A woman who lets her dreams pull her forward in the face of fear. Susan

A Shero is a woman who has her shit together, and writes AND lives her own story, not someone else’s.  Maribeth

• I wonder how that looks when she’s tired? Yes, I am tired. Do I have the energy to be a Shero? The energy comes from the connection. In the connection there is no need to push. No need to drive anything. Everything that flowers from here is part of a Shero’s journey.   Sandy

She remains full of hope.  Roberta

There are so many more… but now it is your turn. A Shero is…

Look forward to hearing please post in the comments so everybody can enjoy.

Thanks!Like this post? You might also like:

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Welcome Lissa!

What are you savoring these days?

My husband. Our marriage. I fell in love late at midlife, in the midst of circumstances both wondrous and tragic. We had to dare to let ours

elves trust in love while grieving fresh loss. Many thought we’d lost it, and sometimes so did we. 13 years later, it’s still a daily marvel.

“Our” kids. I’m a stepparent, and given how differently things could’ve turned out, I really savor them and our love for each other.

Our simple, pared down, seasonal life. Summers north in our lake-side cottage. Winters south in a high-desert mountain valley. The steady, sober process we lived to have and enjoy both. The technology that makes it possible to do what I do in both places and most points in between.

The wonder and richness of my work. The brilliance and bravery of the people I’m privileged to work with. The caliber of people I find myself surrounded and supported by.

All of it convinces me there’s good reason to believe in, hope for and work towards a better tomorrow, and that’s something I deeply savor.

What helps you on the days you don’t want to savor?

Quiet. Space. Sunlight. Nature. A hot bath. My husband’s love & wacky sense of humor. Kahlil Gibran’s, “The Prophet.” Remembering serving as well as I want to is impossible when I’m underserving myself to do it.

How are you serving these days?

Last August, a tornado struck my home town. We were at “ground zero” when it happened. Changed me forever. Taught me so much. Including just how reliant we are on the wellbeing of our business community.

It’s why this year’s tithing is devoted to the relief efforts: half to the general recovery fund, half to a family business I adopted and stay in touch with so I keep my heart open to it all and stay awake to ways of giving more than just money.

It’s why The Jupiter Midas Effect 2 Video Conference is an “optional” fundraiser. Everyone’s welcome free of charge, and those who feel called can Pay-It-Forward with me. What I hope to contribute isn’t a lot considering the scale of the damage, but it’s real and tangible and has given my year a really meaningful focus I’m savoring.

If you could serve in any way possible — no restraints, limitations, or boundaries — what would you do? What would it look like?

More of the above: finding creative, soulful & value-driven ways to change business for the better and do more real social good.

****

Known as the Soul Mapper, Lissa Boles is a professional optimist whose use of astrology helps thought leaders and entrepreneurs identify, clarify, and answer their life’s purpose and callings — in business or on the yoga mat. She’s been called a book nut, a coffee snob, and a chocolate freak, accusations she couldn’t deny even if she wanted to.Like this post? You might also like:

• Savor & Serve with Hiro Boga
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In a large measure, becoming a writer consists of learning to accept yourself, which makes your work personal, and in following your own voice, which makes your work distinctive.”  Art & Fear by Bayles & Orland

I know self-acceptance is the key to getting your creative work out – out of you, out into the world, out damn spot. But it’s so difficult to access that sweet little truth when I’m having a run of crappy writing.

(The irony is not lost on me.)

But this isn’t your run-of-the-mill crappy (I whine). It’s more like moving through concrete fog wearing high heels crappy. More like working for hours on a guest post and ending up with… nothing crappy. More like laboring over a 150 (150!!) word tidbit for a friend for an hour crappy.

You know the worst part? It feels like it did when I first started writing. I feel so inexperienced and clumsy.

Hmmm… I feel.

Flashing lights! Sirens! Red alert! “I feel” is a GIANT CLUE it’s time to pour on the self-kindness and get on my own side. Why? Because I am confusing me with my work.

I am not my writing.

I am not my work.

You aren’t either. (You also aren’t what you ate or didn’t eat today, what you weigh or don’t weigh, who loves you or doesn’t, if you meditated or didn’t… get the drift?)

We are not what we do. We are essential unstainable goodness.

We just forget. A lot.

Next time your work is going in the crapper, here are few reminders to refresh:

1) Review how you are working and the state of your physical self-care. Are you trying to do more than is humanly possible each day and thus feeling like a failure? Are you eating a lot of sugar or drinking Diet Coke because you feel badly about your creative product? Are you distracting yourself while you work to take the pressure off? Cool and today would be a good day to gently notice how this might be making the crapper worse. Just notice my friend. I’ll wait and I won’t check email while I do.

2) Speaking of product, forget it. Focusing on product too easily becomes: I am good if they like it, I am bad if they don’t. That will crap you out faster than comparing yourself to whomever is the hot writer/painter/teacher of the moment. Instead, direct your gorgeous attention to what you can control – one hour focused on your novel, check; making a color chart for your next painting, check; practicing the guitar before breakfast 5 days a week, check.

3) Heal your creative shame. Do a “Hiro” and ask the part of you that is afraid, ashamed, or hurting to teach you about its pain. Write down what you hear. Ask this part of you what he or she needs to feel safe. Offer it what it asks for if you can.  Next make a voodoo doll of everybody who has ever shamed your creative joy, and come over to my house and we’ll have a glorious bonfire on the beach. (Take that Mrs. Moore!)

4) Lower your standards. Everybody knows the poet William Stafford’s wonderful story about lowering your standards. If you don’t, come here, and I will tell it to you before we write and take pictures and bend our bodies. In the meantime, lower your standards. Then lower them some more.

5) Read journals of other creators process.I love Steinbeck’s journals, Paris Review interviews, Mark Salzman’s True Notebooks (about what he did to get out writer’s block). Tell me in the comments your favorites, please.

6) Bonus! Stop reading anybody who makes you feel less than or bad about yourself. Yes, it’s your projections that are causing you anguish but why do it to yourself? Unsubscribe, unfriend, whatever.

Most of all, my dear friend, let’s join hands and pat each other on the back. We are brave! We are strong! We are Shero’s! We are not NOT our work. And we are not I REPEAT NOT, going anywhere.

Be good to you, my creative friend, and I will do the same.Like this post? You might also like:

• Your Creative Joy is Speaking to You
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I also totally fell for her publishing philosophy at the wildly popular Tiny Buddha community she created: “Though I run this site, it is not mine. It’s ours. It’s not about me. It’s about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.” So refreshing!

Please Savor & Serve with the lovely Lori Deschene.

1. What are you savoring these days?

I love this question! In fact, I just savored it.

Aside from that, I’ve been savoring the experiences of being part of the Tiny Buddha community, and also living in a new apartment.

Since I run Tiny Buddha as a community blog, I publish stories from people of all ages, from all over the world. Recently, I published a post by a 16-year-old girl from Madrid, Spain who has had some challenges similar to the ones I had at her age.

She originally emailed me to let me know how I had helped her with my writing. I found her email so inspiring that I suggested she turn it into a blog post so that she could help others—and she did! I know she moved and motivated countless readers to find strength and be good to themselves.

It makes me proud to know that I had a part in facilitating that experience—for her and for them—and also that I get to learn from so many insightful people every day.

As for my apartment, I’m savoring it because it feels more like a home than my previous spaces—in fact, it’s a long way from the 7’ x 7’ cockroach-infested room I rented in NYC eight years ago, when I was struggling in every way possible.

My boyfriend and I moved into this apartment community (where he works) a few months back; it’s a sprawling gated neighborhood with a suburban feel, right in the heart of Los Angeles. Every day I see mothers pushing strollers and neighbors walking their dogs, and I’ve met some wonderful people who live right nearby.

It’s no coincidence that the two things I’m savoring revolve around community. I spent a lot my life feeling isolated and unworthy of connection. Now that’s the very thing I value above all else.

2. Do you have a favorite passage in your book that might help us savor?

I don’t actually have a favorite, but after I read your question, I immediately looked for this one:

One of the most common misconceptions in life is that what we did yesterday has to somehow dictate what we can do or be today. It doesn’t. We never have to be limited by who we’ve been. At any time, we can decide to be or do something different and totally redirect the trajectory of our lives. In order to do this, we need to know that we are the only one keeping score, and we truly can wipe the slate clean not only on any morning but also at any time. The “day” when we decide to live out loud can start at any moment.

3. How are you serving these days?

That’s an interesting question. I don’t really think of myself as serving because I get something from everything I give. Everything I do that serves others also serves me. The primary way I help others and myself is through Tiny Buddha, where I share my stories and insights, and publish other people’s.

Aside from that, I try to be heroic, based on Dr. Phil Zombardo’s definition. He defines a hero as someone who doesn’t wait and watch when she believes something is wrong but instead steps up to do something. I make it a priority to recognize when someone is hurting, in need, or being mistreated so that I can offer my love, support, and assistance.

4. If you could serve in any way possible—no restraints, limitations, or boundaries—what would you do?

I can! I give back in the way I do because it aligns with my values, needs, skills, and interests. It’s exactly what I want to do and enjoy doing.

One thing that I have learned in recent years is that I don’t need to be everything to everyone. I am grateful that there are people out there who travel abroad to help starving children, start life-changing non-profit organizations, and generally use their time and resources to do big things for the world.

At this point in my life, I am perfectly content to do my tiny part every day through the written word. When I decide to do something different, it won’t be because I feel less restrained or limited. It will be because it feels right for me at that point in time.

5. What would it look like?

I have no idea, and that’s part of the fun. I’ll let you know when I get there! (Be sure you do!)

Lori Deschene is the creator of tinybuddha.com, a community blog that shares stories and tips about applying wisdom to everyday life from people all over the world. She just launched her first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions, a collaborative project that presents varied perspectives and possibilities for meaning, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and connection.

Pick up a copy, you’ll love it!Like this post? You might also like:

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Right at the end of my sabbatical, Kripalu contacted me about my yearly teaching gig. Martha asked me if I would consider doing two retreats with them, my usual Luscious Self-Care Retreat and… what else?

The words “Shero’s Journey” plopped out of my mouth. I raised an eyebrow to myself thinking, “And what would that mean Jenny Bee?” But I trusted what was moving in me, and so did Martha, and I taught a wondrous 3 day retreat.

As has been true for all my creative life, the best ideas plop out and then I spend years or decades living in/up/through them.

Today I offer you a video about one aspect of the Shero’s Journey – staying awake in which I share my writing chaise, my dog Stuart, and my new faux hawk.

To watch directly on Vimeo, go here http://vimeo.com/35654128

I would love love love to hear how you stay awake as a shero in the comments. Thanks!

Oh and here is the link for the online Shero’s Journey adventure. It starts February 1st!!Like this post? You might also like:

• A Custom Made Shero For You
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• Learning What You Are “Meant” To Do

Again. Is the 3rd time charm? I shout “Yes! Yes! Yes!” and throw my arms open wide…

and then I fold my hands to my heart with a quiet, “May it be so.”

You see, in a long ago life, I was a screenwriter trying to “make it” in Hollywood. My entire identity depended upon making it. (The very words “make it” are so funny to me now.) I left that world to follow a title I heard in a moment of deep surrender, a moment of “God, I have no idea how to do this anymore,” a moment of surrender that honestly felt like dying.

That title was “The Woman’s Comfort Book” which became my first, and most successful, book.

I’ve often said that title was my grail. And my trail.

Writing this makes me shake my head in wonderment. We are given the guidance we need so clearly!  Something, someone, keeps showing us, in very practical ways, exactly what we need to learn to be whole and free. We keep not seeing, we keep making it far more complicated than it needs to be, but never the less, that someone, that something, keeps trying.

I needed to learn to care for myself. I needed to learn to make a home for myself. I needed to learn that “making it” is so not the point. I needed to learn that at 26 and now, at 49, it’s time for another turn around the spiral of my life lesson (s). (That something or someone is very persistent.)

This turn around the spiral is about a childhood desire.

Since I was little, I wanted to create stories that change the world.

I know, who wouldn’t want to do that!

Declaring this to you, however, makes my heart race. I’m scared, not because I don’t think I can do it, but because I don’t want writing fiction to get tied to “making it.”

All grails and all trails bring us home when we stay devoted to them. My grail-trail is bringing me back to a childhood dream and asking me to untangle making it from desiring it.

This is how the s.hero’s journey works. Our deepest desires are linked to our perennial life lessons. Our s.hero’s work is to keep showing up and working the intersection of the two. 

I write for an hour every morning because I have a desire to create a novel that will serve.

I write for an hour every morning because I have a desire to be whole and to love myself just as I am.

In the crucible created by the two, I stand firm yet supple.

What intersection is working you? What guidance are you ready to listen to? Why not be witnessed in the comments? Might feel good!

P.S. I never thought my experiment of Savor & Serve would bring me here. I’m learning that savoring feeds your creative desire and then service can bloom from there. Who knew?Like this post? You might also like:

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That is so not what happened when I finally meet Tara Sophia Mohr. Instead I felt like so lucky, as in “Oh my, really? A heart friend!” Jump up and down!

Then she came to my Taos writing retreat and bam! Cement friends.

She’s the real deal – inner and outer smart. Gifted. Truthful. Super insightful. LOVE love love the coaching I receive from her.

I highly recommend her signature program for women who are ready to get out of their own way. It’s called Playing Big.

And Tara highly recommends TeachNow – she took it twice!  But don’t take my word for it – watch us here, cracking each other up,  sharing a couple of epiphanies, and don’t miss when I become an abstract painting. (Not easy to do, let me tell you.)

Click the play button and share a couple of fun minutes with us!

P.S. Registration for TeachNow closes this Wednesday and Playing Big closes January 24th.

I finally said the words “…I’ve trained long enough. I can help people now, without another workshop, another class, or another certification. People are waiting for me to bring this to them. I start today’. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Playing Big has brought me the peace and wisdom I needed to live from my native bliss and beauty. It has changed my life forever. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Tara!  ~ Marjie Like this post? You might also like:

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Enjoy Ms. Amazing Marti.

What are you savoring these days?

The warmth of the holidays are still with me. I love everything Christmas! My husband humored me and trimmed a 15-foot white pine to fit our foyer. Heading into mid-January, it’s still beautiful. White lights, red string tinsel, special ornaments. I’m continuously struck by how much joy it gives me and what good company it is.

What helps you when you lose sight of savoring or don’t want to?

I have a long list of reconnectors – a hot bath, snuggling in with family, walking our labs through the orchard, playing the piano, going out with girlfriends. Water, love, nature, music, and laughter are some of the things that ground me.

My default is simply stopping. Breathing. Smiling with my heart. Reconnecting to the goodness that I know is always there for me to tap. When I am not enjoying something, I recognize that it is me that has disconnected from the joy, not the joy that has left me.

How are you serving these days?

This past year brought an unexpected call to serve my community when our small town lost 3 teen boys to suicide within 6 months. As this was happening, I was writing Walking with Justice, a book about my greatest mentor, a wise federal judge I clerked for as a young lawyer.

Judge taught me that true leaders don’t lead because they want to be the leader. They step forth when they see a need and know they have the education, experience, skills, or connections to bring relief. A true leader answers not to the trumpet calls of self-promotion, but to the whispers of necessity.

The way my heart engaged with these tragic losses (these boys were near my son’s age) as I was writing about my book prompted me to step forward. I could see that my psychological training, experience as a resiliency researcher, and connections with other mental health experts could bring desperately needed healing. The call to serve pulled me forward in a way I have never before experienced.

This work has led me toward founding a charity, the Community Resiliency Project, with profits from my book helping support this work. We’ve done a tremendous amount of work in the past six months to support healing and recovery. We’re still very tender.

We’ve also created a long-term resiliency blueprint with a clear vision, solid infrastructure, and strong collaboration between our government, schools, businesses, media, and citizens. The work we’re doing to grow healthy kids, strong families, and a vibrant community will be available to help other communities that suffer losses and need help finding their way forward.

As mentioned, writing Walking with Justice called me to this work. The book was just released on January 11^th so I’ve been doing a lot of teaching around its uncommon lessons of stewardship, service, and living a life of integrity.

Is it satisfying?

Deeply. Beyond motherhood, it is the most satisfying service I have done in my life. It’s also been the most challenging. That’s probably not a coincidence…

If you could serve in any way possible — no restraints, limitations, or boundaries — what would you do? What would it look like?

I would do the work I am doing, but grow my team more quickly because the needs are urgent. Extremely urgent.

I would create a massive toolbox for communities to turn to when they experience crises and need help rebuilding. When we were reeling, I looked to other communities that had experienced crises (suicide clusters and also places like Columbine and the Hurricane Katrina area). There were surprisingly few resources for us.

It’s part of my vision to create this resource to help other recover from crises and proactively build long-term resilience. The storms of life blow. The best time to prepare to weather these storms is before they come.

The research is there. We know the developmental building blocks that create healthy, engaged kids. We know what communities need to thrive. Yet, we often undermine these factors.

If I had a magic wand, I would immediately build a team to help the Community Resiliency Project get all of this information out to the people who want to help heal and strengthen their own communities. This work would literally save lives – fully engaging youth and affirming them as valued members of their community.

***

Mollie Marti is a psychologist, lawyer, and adjunct professor at the University of Iowa Department of Psychology who speaks internationally on leadership resilience, servant mentorship, and business ethics. She brings years of experience in coaching a prestigious list of clients, including Olympians and business elites, to her mission of mentoring leaders to thrive and serve.

Her newest book, Walking with Justice: Uncommon Lessons from One of Life’s Greatest Mentors. Please visit Mollie here.

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You would have died without teachers. A bit humbling, isn’t it?

And after the literal aspects of staying alive are taken care of, where would your business be, your relationships, your art, your family, without all the teachers who offer you diamond insights, sizzling info, healing stories, energy uplift transmissions?

Dad:: “Never step on someone else to get where you want to go.”

Pema:: “Place your attention gently on the out breath.”

Lilly:: “Yes, mom, you can to and stop saying you can’t.”

For the space of one inhale and exhale, think about all the people who have taught you something, offered you some tidbit of knowing… even just this week.

Ready for the kicker? All those teachers who taught you? They did it out love.

Love for you, love for the right way to boil pasta, love for the act of teaching: doesn’t matter.

It was given to you. Not because you earned it or deserved it.

The world is really that generous.

Wait, there’s more:

If you find yourself god-smacked to your knees with gratitude for all the knowledge streaming to you, do so in front of a mirror.

Because you are one of those teachers that someone, reading this, would thank.

Breathe that in.

Stand in the truth that you are a teacher and a student. If it makes your legs tremble, if you shake your head in wonderment, that is just fine.

P.S. Why not send a quick thank you (email will do) to someone who taught you something useful this week? Or 20 years ago. Doesn’t matter. Share the gratitude.

P.P.S. If reading this, you felt a burning to take a bigger role as a teacher – whatever the subject – you might enjoy the TeachNow loveletter. It’s a very short actionable email that arrives twice a month with ideas and resources for the teacher in you – whatever you teach or want to teach. Clickhere to get it.
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“Cool! Here’s a chance to learn how she does this peaceful thing.”

Boy did I learn a lot! In this conversation, Pace and I ponder:

* What effect the message “crush it” and “kick your own ass” has on would-be entrepreneurs – is it good, bad or does it depend on your personality?

* Being an empowering teacher without being an annoying authority or The middle ground between “You must do it my way” and “You could do it whatever way you want” (sure took me awhile to learn that one).

* The difference between true comfort and shadow comfort (a favorite subject of mine applied to self-employment).

* Why Jen is no longer the Comfort Queen

* Is there ever a time when it’s appropriate to force yourself to do something?

* Pace and Kyeli’s vow of peacefulness (I have taken one, too!)

* The importance of choosing a path wholeheartedly (wholeness rocks)

* Accepting the consequences of your choices. If I choose the peaceful path, others may rocket past me to their version of success, but I will not burn out. (or need excessive shadow comforts)

The audio lives here

Enjoy!

P.S. Thank you to Pace and Kelly for giving one spot in The Way of the Peaceful Entrepreneur to one lucky TeachNow 2012 student. It’s an early bird lottery which includes a chance to win coaching with me and other goodies, and it’s only open to the first 48 people who register.

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