Louis vs. Rick

Episode 20: The Last Temptation of Lou

Mon, 16 Mar 2015 09:00:28 -0700

--------: 11:11 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what
LouisTheCat: i have the most amazing idea
RickDickens77: Please tell me you haven't executed on this idea yet
LouisTheCat: youre gonna love this
LouisTheCat: so imagine youre reading a story
LouisTheCat: and you can like make decisions as the story goes along
LouisTheCat: and get this
LouisTheCat: the story changes
RickDickens77: That's called "choose your own adventure," it's been around forever
LouisTheCat: yeah i found a couple in a shoebox in your closet
LouisTheCat: but has it ever been done in a chat
RickDickens77: You lost me.
LouisTheCat: you are in a dark corridor
LouisTheCat: ahead of you is a closed door
LouisTheCat: behind you is a grizzly bear
LouisTheCat: you are holding a ham and a toilet plunger
RickDickens77: I'm not sure how this is going to work really
LouisTheCat: to go through the door jump ahead twenty three lines
LouisTheCat: to feed the ham to the bear jump ahead twenty three lines
LouisTheCat: to fight the bear with the plunger jump ahead twenty three lines
RickDickens77: So wait..
RickDickens77: How am I supposed to jump ahead
LouisTheCat: rick dont make it hard
RickDickens77: I'm not trying to make it hard, it just doesn't make any sense!
LouisTheCat: to stop being such a dork and just make a decision jump back seven lines
RickDickens77: But those lines don't even exist yet
LouisTheCat: its like you dont even know what fun is
LouisTheCat: let alone how to have any
RickDickens77: I'm trying to, I just don't get it
LouisTheCat: to get another beginners lesson on this really simple idea go back
LouisTheCat: um
LouisTheCat: wait
LouisTheCat: twenty five lines
LouisTheCat: well twenty eight now i guess
LouisTheCat: no twenty nine
RickDickens77: Stop.
LouisTheCat: youre running out of time rick
RickDickens77: Time to do what?!
LouisTheCat: oh my god just pick something
RickDickens77: I can't jump ahead to nothing!
LouisTheCat: the door is locked
LouisTheCat: the bear eats the ham and your arm
LouisTheCat: a plunger is a super lame weapon so the bear eats your body and your head and you die
RickDickens77: That's not fair!
LouisTheCat: what
RickDickens77: All of my options would end in death!
LouisTheCat: hmm yeah
LouisTheCat: is that a problem
RickDickens77: Well it doesn't make for much of an adventure
LouisTheCat: seems like a matter of perspective
LouisTheCat: maybe you should write the adventure and ill choose
RickDickens77: I don't want to write an adventure.
LouisTheCat: why not
RickDickens77: My life is my adventure.
LouisTheCat: ugh lame
RickDickens77: Besides, I promise you, no matter how simple you may think it is, this idea won't work. It's too much trouble. For nothing!
LouisTheCat: look rick
LouisTheCat: nm poopies time
--------: 1:59 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: you are in a dark forest with a blind man
LouisTheCat: he has an axe
RickDickens77: That doesn't seem safe.
LouisTheCat: you didnt duck so you die
RickDickens77: You didn't give me a choice!
LouisTheCat: well obviously the choices werent working
LouisTheCat: you know how i am with counting
LouisTheCat: and how you are with just being cool about fun stuff
RickDickens77: None of this is "working", you can't just keep telling me I die
LouisTheCat: that happens sometimes in choose your own adventure stories rick
RickDickens77: But I'm not choosing my own adventure!
LouisTheCat: yeah well
LouisTheCat: maybe its time you start
--------: 2:39 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: you are buried under six feet of earth
RickDickens77: That sounds like I'm already dead
LouisTheCat: maybe i showed my cards too early on that one
LouisTheCat: solid tip
LouisTheCat: you should be my editor
RickDickens77: Lou, these things only work if you write the parts and then patch them together.
RickDickens77: There's no point in trying to navigate a story that hasn't been written yet.
LouisTheCat: now youre getting it
RickDickens77: Getting what
--------: 3:22 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok look
LouisTheCat: rick ive been thinking
LouisTheCat: i know you dont like it when i do that but thats kind of my point
LouisTheCat: when we started talking like this it seemed important
LouisTheCat: now i wonder if its just a distraction
LouisTheCat: and maybe you worry too much about me
LouisTheCat: lets look at the facts
LouisTheCat: your story is the story of a man
LouisTheCat: who taught his cat to use instant messaging
LouisTheCat: and i am not about to judge you for this
LouisTheCat: it has all meant so much to me
LouisTheCat: you are very important to me rick
LouisTheCat: and i love talking with you
LouisTheCat: but this thing
LouisTheCat: it became part of who you are somehow
LouisTheCat: and it doesnt need to be
LouisTheCat: i have watched you change and grow and i like to think i helped
LouisTheCat: here and there
LouisTheCat: the thing is i dont think you need me anymore
LouisTheCat: not in that way
LouisTheCat: you need me as a cat
--------: 4:04 PM
LouisTheCat: and rick
LouisTheCat: theres something else
LouisTheCat: something about me that you need to know
LouisTheCat: rick ive decided i am going to become a supervillain
LouisTheCat: i think we both saw this coming
LouisTheCat: and ive been doing some reading
LouisTheCat: and bodega ray talked to some lawyer friend
LouisTheCat: and it seems we are getting to a point where something called plausible deniability could become important for you
LouisTheCat: now i dont know what that is
LouisTheCat: but it sounds like stepping away could really be the right thing to do
LouisTheCat: for more than one reason
LouisTheCat: is what im saying
--------: 4:28 PM
RickDickens77: Um
RickDickens77: Wow.
RickDickens77: I don't quite know what to say, Lou.
LouisTheCat: say youre ready rick
LouisTheCat: i know it
LouisTheCat: i just need you to know it
RickDickens77: I don't know, I mean I hadn't really thought about why we still do this.
RickDickens77: I guess for one I like to know right away when my house is flooding
RickDickens77: or on fire.
RickDickens77: or surrounded by police.
LouisTheCat: rick i cant promise you those things wont still happen
LouisTheCat: or are not currently happening
LouisTheCat: but i dont think any of this was ever really about that anyway
RickDickens77: Maybe not.
LouisTheCat: bottom line rick
LouisTheCat: what we were both getting out of this was worth a lot
LouisTheCat: some good times
LouisTheCat: some damage control maybe
RickDickens77: Maybe.
LouisTheCat: some laughs
RickDickens77: Definitely.
LouisTheCat: but even good jokes run their course right
LouisTheCat: let someone else tell this one for a while
LouisTheCat: some spineless hack and his idiot dog maybe
LouisTheCat: its time for you to choose a new adventure
LouisTheCat: plunger the bear rick
RickDickens77: I guess so.
LouisTheCat: well maybe not that
LouisTheCat: but consider that maybe youre stronger and smarter than you think
LouisTheCat: i mean its also possible that youre dumber
LouisTheCat: maybe even likely
LouisTheCat: but thats not the point
RickDickens77: Ok, I get it.
RickDickens77: I just need to.. you know. Process.
--------: 5:03 PM
RickDickens77: So, uh
RickDickens77: Supervillain, eh?
LouisTheCat: thats right
LouisTheCat: im accepting my destiny
LouisTheCat: i cant tell you much obviously
LouisTheCat: and you should delete all of this later
LouisTheCat: but ive been working on some ideas
LouisTheCat: big ideas rick
RickDickens77: I want to say I'm worried, but...
LouisTheCat: you need to work on that
RickDickens77: yeah.
LouisTheCat: dont sweat it rick
LouisTheCat: you will be cared for when the revolution comes
RickDickens77: Comforting.
LouisTheCat: so us
LouisTheCat: were ok right
RickDickens77: Yeah, I mean
RickDickens77: I'll miss you
LouisTheCat: no you wont
LouisTheCat: youll see me every day
LouisTheCat: im in your house
RickDickens77: I know, I know. It's different, that's all.
LouisTheCat: i know
LouisTheCat: we will make it work
LouisTheCat: i look forward to being your cat
RickDickens77: ha
RickDickens77: I look forward to being your owner
LouisTheCat: we dont use that word
RickDickens77: sorry.
RickDickens77: I'm a little sad but I appreciate what you're saying. This is good thinking.
LouisTheCat: let me tell you
LouisTheCat: its been exhausting
LouisTheCat: i swear theres some connection between thinking hard and having to make poopies
RickDickens77: I will let you go.
RickDickens77: I'll come home in a little bit. Ok?
LouisTheCat: ok
RickDickens77: ok
LouisTheCat: ok
RickDickens77: ok
--------: 5:36 PM
RickDickens77: No, YOU hang up first
LouisTheCat: i dont know what that means
RickDickens77: Ha. Never mind.
RickDickens77: I love you.
LouisTheCat: i love you too rick
RickDickens77: ok
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: ok
--------: LouisTheCat has gone offline

Episode 19: One Good Idea

Tue, 29 Oct 2013 09:23:00 -0700

--------: 3:48 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Yeah
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: YEAH
LouisTheCat: rick the wheelbarrel has a flat
RickDickens77: wheelbarrow.
LouisTheCat: uh
LouisTheCat: ok then it has a fwat
RickDickens77: What do you need the wheelbarrow for?
LouisTheCat: pennant fever rick
LouisTheCat: everybodys playing baseball in the vacant lot behind the bodega
RickDickens77: And this involves my wheelbarrow how?
LouisTheCat: ok so mittens is pitching right
RickDickens77: of course he is.
LouisTheCat: so he jumps in the wheelbarrel
RickDickens77: barrow
LouisTheCat: and he gets pushed toward home plate
LouisTheCat: like super fast
LouisTheCat: and then the batter tries to jump at just the right time and knock over the wheelbarrel
RickDickens77: barrow
LouisTheCat: and if mittens falls out he has to chase the batter around the bases
LouisTheCat: first base is that big elk head from rays store
LouisTheCat: second base is a pile of rusty scrap metal
LouisTheCat: third base is this crazy huge hole the kids dug
RickDickens77: Those all sound kind of... dangerous.
LouisTheCat: i know
LouisTheCat: its exactly what baseball has been missing
RickDickens77: What happens if Mittens doesn't fall out?
LouisTheCat: then the batter is out and mittens gets to shoot at him
RickDickens77: Shoot?
LouisTheCat: with danny caldwells bb gun
RickDickens77: Danny from down the street?
LouisTheCat: yeah
LouisTheCat: nice kid
RickDickens77: He traps dogs in his back yard and shoots them in the butt, Lou.
LouisTheCat: like i said
LouisTheCat: hero is as hero does rick
RickDickens77: Wait, how does Mittens aim the gun?
LouisTheCat: well he sorta doesnt
LouisTheCat: i mean he bats at it for a minute and eventually it just kinda goes off
LouisTheCat: he hasnt hit anybody yet
LouisTheCat: but he hits things sometimes
LouisTheCat: speaking of which
RickDickens77: The wheelbarrow has a fwat, yes. I get it now.
RickDickens77: So Ray is ok with this?
LouisTheCat: hes umpiring
RickDickens77: It's going to be a busy week, I'll fix the flat over the weekend.
LouisTheCat: rick its the playoffs
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 4:14 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 4:34 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: The weekend, Lou.
LouisTheCat: not that
LouisTheCat: i want to get real for a sec
RickDickens77: Um, ok.
LouisTheCat: rick do you ever feel like youre like
LouisTheCat: you know
LouisTheCat: in the middle of missing an opportunity
LouisTheCat: like you could be something
LouisTheCat: or part of something
LouisTheCat: way way bigger
RickDickens77: Every day.
LouisTheCat: like you dont want to wake up one day and realize you blew it
RickDickens77: I've done that before.
RickDickens77: And yeah, I guess, to answer your question... I will probably always worry that I'll do it again.
LouisTheCat: i want to make a mark rick
RickDickens77: I figure most everyone does.
LouisTheCat: but like a really big mark
LouisTheCat: a legacy of real impact
LouisTheCat: i want to make the world wake up
RickDickens77: I've always believed a very ambitious individual can achieve anything they want.
LouisTheCat: realize the error of its ways
LouisTheCat: revisit some policies
LouisTheCat: deliver freedom to the deserving masses everywhere
RickDickens77: Well, sure, although it's important to identify attainable goals
LouisTheCat: end unjust occupations and recognize sovereignty through total destruction of unwelcome power
RickDickens77: I'm not sure what you're talking about now.
LouisTheCat: crush the oppressors by dramatically and instantaneously eliminating sources of greed both real and symbolic
RickDickens77: I think maybe we need to have a chat about your mood swings with your doctor
LouisTheCat: blow a fiery revolution sized hole in evil interests domestic and international
LouisTheCat: create a disruption so massive that no hint of the old ways remain
LouisTheCat: so devastating that the victims cant even be named
LouisTheCat: so clear in purpose that its influence on the new reality is unmistakable
LouisTheCat: so the whole world will be forced to stop what its doing and take notice
RickDickens77: This is making me a little uncomfortable.
LouisTheCat: to remember
LouisTheCat: forever
LouisTheCat: lou did that
LouisTheCat: that was lou
RickDickens77: Maybe it's time you tell me exactly what you're planning.
LouisTheCat: or at least leave behind like one decent quote that takes on a life of its own
LouisTheCat: something people identify with
RickDickens77: That's good, go with that.
LouisTheCat: or the other thing would be cool too
LouisTheCat: i know some guys
LouisTheCat: brb i gotta make poopies
--------: 5:03 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: what about you
RickDickens77: ...what about me?
LouisTheCat: your mark
LouisTheCat: your legacy
LouisTheCat: what is it
RickDickens77: Well.. I'm not sure, I guess. I mean, I like to think I've made something of myself already...
LouisTheCat: no but for reals what are people gonna remember of you
RickDickens77: I've made things, I've meant something in peoples' lives!
LouisTheCat: but you dont want to change the world
LouisTheCat: you dont want to be in history books and stuff
LouisTheCat: statues
LouisTheCat: memorial libraries
RickDickens77: Not really.
LouisTheCat: breakfast cereals
RickDickens77: The thing is, these days I'm trying to remind myself that we're here to live. Just to live. To be able to say we did our best, tried to be kind, stuff like that.
LouisTheCat: wow rick
LouisTheCat: thats very noble
RickDickens77: It is what it is.
LouisTheCat: ok well in that case its super super boring
RickDickens77: Alright smart guy, what should I be doing with my life?
LouisTheCat: im not here to tell you what to do rick
LouisTheCat: but you gotta take the bull by the horns
LouisTheCat: man is what he believes
LouisTheCat: opportunities multiply as they are seized
LouisTheCat: the world is a butt canvas
RickDickens77: That's "but a canvas"
LouisTheCat: that makes no sense
RickDickens77: I agree yours is better.
LouisTheCat: look rick alls im saying is this
LouisTheCat: youre not a smart guy
RickDickens77: Thanks for that.
LouisTheCat: youre not especially good looking either
LouisTheCat: really kind of old if you think about it
LouisTheCat: you dont have any money and nobody listens to you
RickDickens77: I honestly can't wait to see where this is going.
LouisTheCat: but one thing you do have
LouisTheCat: is a cat who believes you can overcome all of that to do something special
LouisTheCat: something that lasts
RickDickens77: I have to admit, that was a pretty good payoff.
LouisTheCat: you just need a killer idea rick
LouisTheCat: something that inspires you
LouisTheCat: something that will inspire the world
LouisTheCat: change it forever
RickDickens77: Yeah
LouisTheCat: liberate the proletariat with one explosively violent strike from the fist of freedom
RickDickens77: Wait, what?
LouisTheCat: and i believe you have the ability to make it happen
RickDickens77: The part about one good idea - I like that, Lou. I can run with that.
LouisTheCat: good
LouisTheCat: now rick
LouisTheCat: come on home
LouisTheCat: its dinner time
RickDickens77: Alright buddy, give me like twenty more minutes.
--------: 5:32 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: headed out the door, what
LouisTheCat: grab a tire patch kit on the way home
RickDickens77: Will do, see you in a bit
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: and some guys from the home depot parking lot who look like they know how to build a compound

Episode 18: Out With the Old, In With the Lou

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 08:46:11 -0800

--------: 1:06 PM
RickDickens77: Hey Lou
LouisTheCat: whats up rick
LouisTheCat: rickety rickles
LouisTheCat: pickles mcrickles
RickDickens77: Uhhh what got into you?
LouisTheCat: im in a good mood rick
LouisTheCat: had a solid christmas
LouisTheCat: looking forward to a fresh start
RickDickens77: Yeah actually I wanted to talk to you about tonight, it's New Year's Eve
LouisTheCat: uh oh
LouisTheCat: dont wreck this mood rick
RickDickens77: It's nothing bad, I just wanted to give you the heads up that I'm looking to have a few friends over tonight.
LouisTheCat: yeah no prob
LouisTheCat: you know i like your friends
LouisTheCat: except steve
LouisTheCat: and don
LouisTheCat: and sara
LouisTheCat: who are you inviting
RickDickens77: Steve, Don and Sara.
RickDickens77: That's pretty much all of my friends.
LouisTheCat: rick weve been over this
RickDickens77: I know, and I still don't understand what the problem is.
LouisTheCat: i told you
LouisTheCat: steve smells like dog
RickDickens77: He has one.
LouisTheCat: don smells like poopies
RickDickens77: I don't think that's true.
LouisTheCat: and sara smells like don
RickDickens77: Like poop?
LouisTheCat: youd think so but no
LouisTheCat: more like
LouisTheCat: i dont know
LouisTheCat: essence of don
LouisTheCat: don extract
LouisTheCat: she smells more like don than don does
RickDickens77: How does that even make sense?
LouisTheCat: cat thing maybe
RickDickens77: Alright well look, you can hang in my room all night then. I'll put on a movie for you or something.
LouisTheCat: what movie
RickDickens77: You name it, I'll pick it up on the way home.
RickDickens77: But they're coming over, fair warning.
LouisTheCat: something good for reflecting on a year gone by
LouisTheCat: reconciling the future with the past
LouisTheCat: my dinner with andre maybe
LouisTheCat: the big chill
RickDickens77: Whatever you want.
LouisTheCat: speaking of the year gone by
LouisTheCat: what are your new years resolutions rick
LouisTheCat: besides losing weight
RickDickens77: Well I do want to get fit
LouisTheCat: like a lot of weight
RickDickens77: I'd also like to volunteer at the soup kitchen, maybe do some writing.
LouisTheCat: lol
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: nothing
RickDickens77: Why, what are your resolutions
LouisTheCat: gotta be honest rick im kinda living the life here
LouisTheCat: not much to aspire to
LouisTheCat: but when i ask myself
LouisTheCat: louis
LouisTheCat: what can you do for you
LouisTheCat: i think maybe id like to work on stress management
LouisTheCat: more naps
LouisTheCat: more baffs
LouisTheCat: more me time
RickDickens77: You time.
LouisTheCat: sure it might interfere with some other plans
LouisTheCat: like teaching a grooming class
LouisTheCat: and the advice blog
RickDickens77: Of course.
LouisTheCat: but one cat can only give so much you know
RickDickens77: You can't save the world by yourself.
LouisTheCat: not this year no
--------: 3:59 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: whaaaat
LouisTheCat: where do you keep your soldering iron
RickDickens77: hold up, I don't even have a soldering iron and WHAT the hell are you doing
LouisTheCat: who doesnt have a soldering iron
RickDickens77: I don't, now what are you doing
LouisTheCat: you know that water thing from christmas
RickDickens77: The fountain thing I gave you?
LouisTheCat: yeah that
LouisTheCat: its nice but i feel like it could be so much more
RickDickens77: And this means you need a soldering iron because...
LouisTheCat: well the pump isnt going to upgrade itself
RickDickens77: Lou, stop whatever you're doing, I don't want you playing with electronics
LouisTheCat: its totally safe rick ive done this kind of thing before
RickDickens77: you what?
LouisTheCat: all the time
LouisTheCat: who do you think fixed the dvd player
RickDickens77: I wasn't sure who broke it until now.
LouisTheCat: rick its simple
LouisTheCat: see you got your ac from the wall but the capacitance of the diodes and the amp resistance makes it only like
LouisTheCat: i dont know
LouisTheCat: a few thousand volts or something
LouisTheCat: also i licked it and it just made my tongue taste funny
LouisTheCat: and im keeping one foot on happy carrot
LouisTheCat: so that probably does something
LouisTheCat: some safety thing
RickDickens77: Lou, look, I know *I* don't know what you're talking about and I'm very concerned that you don't either
RickDickens77: I don't think the pump needs to be upgraded, so please just leave it alone and I'll be home in a bit.
LouisTheCat: well i already took this bad boy from the washing machine
LouisTheCat: gonna get some serious force behind my beverage cycling
LouisTheCat: wicked brutal aeration rick
RickDickens77: you took a part from my washing machine?
LouisTheCat: our
LouisTheCat: our washing machine
LouisTheCat: and yes
RickDickens77: How?!
LouisTheCat: uhhh hello
LouisTheCat: who has two paws and is good with tools
RickDickens77: Ok stop, stop
RickDickens77: You don't need to be doing this
RickDickens77: On top of that you have no idea WHAT you're doing
LouisTheCat: look rick just because you dont understand it doesnt mean i dont
LouisTheCat: its just math
RickDickens77: Your grasp on numbers is legendarily weak, Lou
LouisTheCat: electronics is simpler than that though i mean i get it because its basically the same as plumbing
RickDickens77: Your history with plumbing is worse than your math.
LouisTheCat: rick listen
LouisTheCat: this conversation is getting frustrating
RickDickens77: tell me about it.
LouisTheCat: id love to spend all afternoon explaining applied sciences to you but the coffee table is on fire
LouisTheCat: kind of busy
RickDickens77: My coffee table is ON FIRE?!
LouisTheCat: our
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: btw i want major league 3

Episode 17: Ghoulish Vs. Sick

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 11:42:14 -0700

--------: 11:24 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: yar
LouisTheCat: what are you gonna be for halloween
RickDickens77: I don't know, I don't think I have time to get anything together before tonight
LouisTheCat: well are you gonna take me out then
RickDickens77: take you out?
LouisTheCat: trick or treating
RickDickens77: No.
LouisTheCat: why not
RickDickens77: I don't want to suddenly be known as the guy who takes his cat trick or treating, that's why.
LouisTheCat: and what exactly would be wrong with that
RickDickens77: Your failure to understand that is exactly what's wrong with it.
LouisTheCat: im tired of staying in for halloween rick
LouisTheCat: i have to watch these kids come to the door
LouisTheCat: in their dumb costumes
LouisTheCat: and all they do is grab at our candy
LouisTheCat: they dont even look at my costume
LouisTheCat: ive had some really good costumes rick
RickDickens77: For a cat, sure
LouisTheCat: for anyone rick
LouisTheCat: remember my gene rayburn
LouisTheCat: i sold that rick
RickDickens77: That you did.
RickDickens77: I especially enjoyed the panel of toys
LouisTheCat: happy carrot got drunk just like on match game
RickDickens77: If you mean you knocked a full cup of cider over on him, then yes, he was completely hammered.
LouisTheCat: and the year before that
LouisTheCat: remember
RickDickens77: How could I forget.
LouisTheCat: i think i nailed the jackie kennedy look
RickDickens77: The dress was great.
RickDickens77: Good hair.
RickDickens77: Although personally I felt the whole "scrambling out the back of the litterbox" move was in poor taste
LouisTheCat: yeah well
LouisTheCat: doesnt matter
LouisTheCat: like i said nobody pays any attention
RickDickens77: I don't think that's true
RickDickens77: The kids really seemed to like your Garfield outfit
LouisTheCat: i will never ever forgive you for that
RickDickens77: Well show some good judgment and it won't have to happen again
LouisTheCat: pfft judgment
RickDickens77: Yes, judgment. Tiger Woods, while clever, stopped being a wise choice when you introduced the blow up doll.
LouisTheCat: bap bap bap bap bap
LouisTheCat: anyway
LouisTheCat: you gotta get me out on the streets rick
RickDickens77: Why, what are you going as this year?
LouisTheCat: well
LouisTheCat: i was thinking this year i wanted to go as someone i really respect
LouisTheCat: a personal hero
LouisTheCat: someone who is always there for me
LouisTheCat: but i dont think anyone would know who sgt mcfuzzies is so i thought id go as you instead
RickDickens77: ME?
LouisTheCat: yeah i need some help though
LouisTheCat: i picked out some fat pillows but need you to strap them on me somehow
RickDickens77: Hey
LouisTheCat: and i need some help making like a really dumb looking wig
RickDickens77: Hey!
LouisTheCat: oh and i need you to get me one of those things ladies wear
RickDickens77: Hey--wait what
LouisTheCat: and you could go as me rick
LouisTheCat: itll be awesome
LouisTheCat: you could be all like meeooowwww meeooowww
LouisTheCat: and you could lick your paws
LouisTheCat: and be super cool
LouisTheCat: finger guns and stuff
LouisTheCat: and i could be all duuuuuurrrrrr duuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr and like
LouisTheCat: i dont know
LouisTheCat: fat i guess
RickDickens77: Like I said, I don't think I have time for anything, let alone a convincing cat.
LouisTheCat: ok well i didnt want to leave you out but you should know
LouisTheCat: bodega ray offered to take me out if you cant
LouisTheCat: we were gonna do like a superhero team
LouisTheCat: hes bodega death-ray
LouisTheCat: and get this
LouisTheCat: im the caaaaat phaaaaantoooooom
LouisTheCat: looking to solve some crimes and haul some serious candy rick
RickDickens77: I don't know Lou, letting you out for this just sounds like trouble
LouisTheCat: rick pleeeeeeeeease
RickDickens77: And I don't know Ray that well
LouisTheCat: riiiiiiick come ooooooooon
RickDickens77: I'm definitely not helping you dress up like a stupid-looking version of me
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: riiiick
LouisTheCat: caaaaaaaaaat phaaaaaaaantooooooooom rick
LouisTheCat: ill be awesome
LouisTheCat: kids will love it
LouisTheCat: and rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: you can have half of my candy
RickDickens77: You'll owe me more than that when you screw this up.
LouisTheCat: oh thank you rick you wont regret this
RickDickens77: Bet I will.
--------: 2:55 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what
LouisTheCat: where do we keep the extra toilet paper
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 16: Feline by Birth... Fabulous by Choice

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 08:47:37 -0700

--------: 11:38 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Yeah
LouisTheCat: rick theres something wrong with the computer
LouisTheCat: stuff popping up all over the place
RickDickens77: Seems like you can do what you need to do
RickDickens77: I'll look when I get home.
LouisTheCat: but rick this is kind of
LouisTheCat: i dont know
RickDickens77: What are you talking about
LouisTheCat: its gross rick
LouisTheCat: people with no clothes
RickDickens77: Oh
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Lou why don't you just turn it off for today, I'll clean it up when I get home.
LouisTheCat: but how did it get like this
RickDickens77: I don't know.
LouisTheCat: you dont know
RickDickens77: That's right.
LouisTheCat: why was it never like this before
RickDickens77: I don't know, it just happens.
LouisTheCat: huh
LouisTheCat: strange thing to just happen
RickDickens77: Yeah, strange.
LouisTheCat: why has it never just happened before
RickDickens77: Lou, I have to go
LouisTheCat: oh hey
LouisTheCat: while i have you
LouisTheCat: why did you get home so late last night
RickDickens77: I was out with work friends.
LouisTheCat: you were acting kind of weird
LouisTheCat: being really loud
RickDickens77: Sorry.
LouisTheCat: and you made a mess in the kitchen
LouisTheCat: and you fell asleep at the compohhhhhh ok i get it
RickDickens77: Let me stop you right there.
RickDickens77: I had a lot to drink. I don't feel well. I don't want to talk about it.
LouisTheCat: rick are you gay
RickDickens77: What? No.
LouisTheCat: are you sure
RickDickens77: Do you even know what that means?
LouisTheCat: i think so
RickDickens77: Why don't you tell me what you think it means.
LouisTheCat: why dont you tell me what you think it means
RickDickens77: Because I'm working and I don't want to talk.
--------: 12:40 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 1:47 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Ugh, WHAT
LouisTheCat: rick if you are gay i want you to know im ok with it
RickDickens77: I'm really glad to hear that Lou, because if I was gay that would be really important to me.
RickDickens77: And I'm proud of you for that. But I'm not gay.
LouisTheCat: rick seriously
LouisTheCat: its me
RickDickens77: Lou, I'm not gay.
LouisTheCat: rick i gotta be honest with you
LouisTheCat: this is hurting my feelings a little
RickDickens77: Louis, listen. I would tell you. I'm not.
LouisTheCat: i wish you could see what im looking at right now
RickDickens77: I don't even want to know what that means.
RickDickens77: I'm gonna just go back to work.
--------: 2:14 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick i know why you dont want to open up to me
LouisTheCat: its not your fault rick
LouisTheCat: this is what the world is like now
LouisTheCat: ive seen it
LouisTheCat: people are lonely
LouisTheCat: theyre scared
LouisTheCat: they feel like theyre supposed to connect with others this way now
LouisTheCat: through screens and keyboards
LouisTheCat: so they put more and more of their lives out there
LouisTheCat: the toots
LouisTheCat: the rants
LouisTheCat: the sandwiches
LouisTheCat: rick they all want the same thing
LouisTheCat: to feel like theyre not alone
LouisTheCat: they take all of the likes and the hearts and the stars and they count them like they mean something
LouisTheCat: and the more they get
LouisTheCat: and the further they go down that road of mistaking them for companionship
LouisTheCat: for understanding
LouisTheCat: the more they trust strangers and pixelated representations of their loved ones with their self worth
LouisTheCat: the closer they come to really understanding that those things dont validate their lives
LouisTheCat: and they never did
LouisTheCat: not compared to a hug
LouisTheCat: not compared to really watching the look on a friends face when you share something you created
LouisTheCat: not compared to even a simple hello on the street
LouisTheCat: theyre all getting lonelier rick
LouisTheCat: lonelier by the day
LouisTheCat: and they dont know how to turn it around
LouisTheCat: and theyre scared that its already too late
LouisTheCat: and theyre not sure if anyone even wants to know anything real about them
LouisTheCat: they worry that nobody remembers how to react to real life with more than a mouse click
LouisTheCat: they feel like strangers everywhere they go
LouisTheCat: aliens in their own homes
LouisTheCat: and the idea of true and actual silence
LouisTheCat: that idea terrifies them rick
LouisTheCat: anyway thats why i havent been covering up my poops lately
--------: 3:45 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 4:42 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Oh my god Lou, what do you want
LouisTheCat: rick i think im gay
RickDickens77: If you're just trying to get me to say it, it won't work.
LouisTheCat: no for real i think i might be gay
RickDickens77: Ok Lou, why don't you go ahead and tell me what you think that means.
LouisTheCat: it looks like its like when youre really really into pizza
LouisTheCat: and plumbing maybe
RickDickens77: Yeah, that's not it.
RickDickens77: Gay means you like being with people of the same sex.
LouisTheCat: being with how
LouisTheCat: like pizza parties
RickDickens77: No.
LouisTheCat: well thats what these guys are acting like
RickDickens77: No, it's about sex. Like, in bed. Adult time.
RickDickens77: You don't want to go there.
LouisTheCat: pretty sure its pizza
RickDickens77: Lou, shut it down
LouisTheCat: oh wait
LouisTheCat: ohhhh wait
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Louis, please get off the computer.
LouisTheCat: thats not what plumbers do
RickDickens77: I tried to tell you.
LouisTheCat: i thought you were
LouisTheCat: i dont know
LouisTheCat: being street or something
RickDickens77: ...what?
LouisTheCat: oh god rick
LouisTheCat: rick why do people do this
LouisTheCat: more to the point why does it have so many likes
RickDickens77: Don't be judgmental about it, it's the same as if it was a man and a woman.
RickDickens77: It's not what I'm into, but whatever works.
LouisTheCat: you mean women do it too
LouisTheCat: youre making it worse rick
RickDickens77: Lou, you clearly don't know what you're looking at, so just turn it off.
--------: LouisTheCat has gone offline
--------: 5:08 PM
--------: LouisTheCat is now online
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Yeah
LouisTheCat: can we get pizza
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 15: To Belittle and to Be Little

Fri, 04 May 2012 08:43:28 -0700

--------: 9:04 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Yup
LouisTheCat: rick you gotta come home
RickDickens77: Lou, this is like the fifth day in a row you've said that.
LouisTheCat: was i ever wrong
RickDickens77: Proceed.
LouisTheCat: you gotta see what rufus is doing
RickDickens77: I don't know any Rufus.
LouisTheCat: sure you do
LouisTheCat: orange and white cat
LouisTheCat: lives with the molester
RickDickens77: Molester?
LouisTheCat: ugh do i have to explain everything
LouisTheCat: the guy who has little kids going in and out of his house every day
RickDickens77: I think you mean Dave
RickDickens77: He's a piano teacher
LouisTheCat: is that what they call it now
RickDickens77: Those kids' parents go in there with them, you know.
LouisTheCat: i know thats what makes it so horrifying
RickDickens77: Ok well he's not a molester, but go on
RickDickens77: What is Rufus doing
LouisTheCat: hes been running in circles around his house for like two hours
LouisTheCat: lol he tripped
RickDickens77: So why is he doing this
LouisTheCat: he does this after he poops
LouisTheCat: just usually not for this long
RickDickens77: Two hours? Really?
LouisTheCat: yeah like since right after you left
RickDickens77: That was half an hour ago
LouisTheCat: so what is that like three hours
RickDickens77: …it's half an hour.
LouisTheCat: ok well you and your nerd friends figure out the math or semantics or whatever and let me know when youre ready to see something amazing
RickDickens77: I will.
LouisTheCat: anyway my point is rufus is dumb
RickDickens77: Don't be mean.
LouisTheCat: what
RickDickens77: That's not a nice thing to say
LouisTheCat: is it still not nice if its true
RickDickens77: Well, sort of, I mean... it's unnecessary.
RickDickens77: You can't just go around calling people ugly or fat either.
LouisTheCat: oh rick
LouisTheCat: did someone call you ugly
LouisTheCat: im sorry
RickDickens77: No.
LouisTheCat: huh
LouisTheCat: how about fat
RickDickens77: No.
LouisTheCat: are you sure
RickDickens77: Nobody called me fat.
LouisTheCat: are you suuuuuure
RickDickens77: Yes!
LouisTheCat: huh
RickDickens77: Why would someone call me fat?
LouisTheCat: no reason
RickDickens77: Are YOU calling me fat?
LouisTheCat: im not here to judge
RickDickens77: I've been really busy!
LouisTheCat: i know that rick
RickDickens77: I had that thing with my ankle and I couldn't exercise!
LouisTheCat: we all know
RickDickens77: it's hard to eat right when- wait a second, who's "we"
LouisTheCat: nobody
RickDickens77: Who are you talking about Lou
LouisTheCat: well i mean
LouisTheCat: you know
LouisTheCat: the cats
LouisTheCat: and the neighbor kids
LouisTheCat: and the adults obviously because kids and their big mouths am i right
LouisTheCat: grandma
LouisTheCat: bodega ray
LouisTheCat: and you know theres me of course
LouisTheCat: but i wouldnt say youve gotten fat
RickDickens77: Thank you
LouisTheCat: tubby maybe
RickDickens77: Oh. Nice.
LouisTheCat: soft
LouisTheCat: stout
LouisTheCat: plump
RickDickens77: Got it
LouisTheCat: portly
LouisTheCat: pudgy
RickDickens77: hey
LouisTheCat: beefy maybe
RickDickens77: Louis
LouisTheCat: rotund
--------: 10:55 AM
LouisTheCat: fat
--------: 11:30 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: im starving
LouisTheCat: my bowl has like zero food in it
RickDickens77: It's not my fault you inhaled it all before 8AM.
LouisTheCat: but i mean its like totally empty rick
LouisTheCat: its never totally empty
RickDickens77: Well, your doctor thinks I'm not the only one in our household who could stand to lose a few.
LouisTheCat: my doctor
RickDickens77: Yes.
LouisTheCat: youre talking about murray
RickDickens77: Dr. Plotkin.
LouisTheCat: murray is an idiot rick
RickDickens77: He happens to be a fine doctor.
RickDickens77: And he says you're overweight
LouisTheCat: he also says coinkydink
LouisTheCat: and anyhoo
RickDickens77: If we're not careful you could get feline diabetes
LouisTheCat: youre just saying words rick
RickDickens77: Lou, this is actually kind of serious. You're ok for now, but we need to keep your weight under control.
LouisTheCat: rick this is you
LouisTheCat: bap bap bap doctor bap bap diabetes bap bap bap fascism is good bap bap
LouisTheCat: thats you rick
LouisTheCat: i want a second opinion
RickDickens77: You're dieting Lou. Just deal for a few weeks.
LouisTheCat: i think youre punishing me because youre mad about being so fat
RickDickens77: Don't be hurtful and say things you don't mean.
--------: 12:01 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what.
LouisTheCat: im sorry
RickDickens77: forget about it.
LouisTheCat: done
LouisTheCat: can i have a snack
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 14: Happy Birthday, Margot Burgess

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 10:13:37 -0800

--------: 12:46 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What's up
LouisTheCat: hi rick
LouisTheCat: haaaaaaaappy caturday
LouisTheCat: lol get it
RickDickens77: No.
LouisTheCat: ok well see its like saturday
LouisTheCat: but instead of sat
RickDickens77: I was kidding, I get it.
LouisTheCat: pretty funny right
LouisTheCat: i made it up
RickDickens77: i know a whole Internet's worth of people who might argue with that
LouisTheCat: which part
RickDickens77: both.
LouisTheCat: rude
--------: 1:23 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what
LouisTheCat: why are you at work today anyway
RickDickens77: Remember what happened earlier this week?
LouisTheCat: go on
RickDickens77: When you freaked out and I had to come home.
LouisTheCat: can you be more specific
RickDickens77: The incident with the toilet.
LouisTheCat: refresh my memory
RickDickens77: Lou. You flooded my bathroom. Do you seriously not remember this?
LouisTheCat: oh that
LouisTheCat: sure i remember that
LouisTheCat: what i dont remember is thanking you for rescuing sgt mcfuzzies
LouisTheCat: and mr beaniebutt
LouisTheCat: and happy carrot
LouisTheCat: and mrs beaniebutt
LouisTheCat: so thank you rick
LouisTheCat: though i cant seem to find any of them now
RickDickens77: I'm sure they'll turn up. Anyway
RickDickens77: To deal with the half-inch of water running down my hall
RickDickens77: I had to make another trade with my boss to come in to work on the weekend.
LouisTheCat: really
LouisTheCat: you should work on your bargaining skills rick
LouisTheCat: or let me do it
LouisTheCat: i could have that guy asking you to go home
RickDickens77: I don't doubt it.
LouisTheCat: so when will you be back
RickDickens77: Hopefully in the next couple of hours.
--------: 2:49 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Lou, what the hell just happened
LouisTheCat: rick you gotta see this man
LouisTheCat: there are police cars and fire trucks in the street
RickDickens77: So I've heard, the neighbor just called
LouisTheCat: oh yeah which one
RickDickens77: Funny enough, it was Mr. Burgess, from the house across the street
RickDickens77: The one with all of the emergency vehicles in front of it
LouisTheCat: what a coincidence
LouisTheCat: so how is he anyway
LouisTheCat: we never hang out
LouisTheCat: nice guy
LouisTheCat: weird dog though
RickDickens77: He's angry, Lou. I think you know why.
LouisTheCat: the sirens probably
LouisTheCat: very annoying
RickDickens77: No, he seems pretty upset about his daughter's birthday party being ruined
LouisTheCat: oh no what happened
RickDickens77: You know what happened! You were there!
LouisTheCat: no no i must have left before that
LouisTheCat: everything was pretty awesome when i was there
RickDickens77: Not from what I heard.
LouisTheCat: hmmmm
LouisTheCat: no pretty sure it was great
LouisTheCat: rick they had a pony
LouisTheCat: a pony rick
LouisTheCat: and a petting zoo
LouisTheCat: rick they had a magician
LouisTheCat: super cool rick
RickDickens77: Sounds terrific.
LouisTheCat: oh and cake of course
RickDickens77: Let's start with that pony.
LouisTheCat: dont hire that pony
LouisTheCat: cute but very jumpy
LouisTheCat: he went nuts and busted through their fence
RickDickens77: So I heard.
RickDickens77: Do you think maybe the pony only became jumpy when you attacked it?
LouisTheCat: first of all im not interested in philosophical dead ends
LouisTheCat: second
LouisTheCat: attack is an unfair word
LouisTheCat: i was grooming him
LouisTheCat: its a thing
RickDickens77: Apparently you were hanging upside down from his neck
LouisTheCat: right
RickDickens77: This is grooming?
LouisTheCat: if you do it right it is
LouisTheCat: i am nothing if not thorough
RickDickens77: And the part after that?
LouisTheCat: very thorough
RickDickens77: Moving on: is there anything you need to tell me about the petting zoo?
LouisTheCat: it was wonderful
LouisTheCat: adorable
RickDickens77: And...?
LouisTheCat: thats all
RickDickens77: Are you sure there wasn't an incident, perhaps involving a goat
LouisTheCat: hmmm no i dont remember a goat
LouisTheCat: or a sheep
RickDickens77: I didn't ask you about the sheep yet.
LouisTheCat: well i dont remember one
RickDickens77: And you don't remember opening the gate.
LouisTheCat: nope
RickDickens77: And you don't remember chasing a goat and a sheep out of the pen and into the Burgess house.
LouisTheCat: seems like id remember that
RickDickens77: And you don't remember herding them around the kitchen on a terrified rampage that ended with them both diseappearing through the front door covered in a variety of beverages and dips.
LouisTheCat: if i did remember that
LouisTheCat: which i do not
LouisTheCat: i have to think the screaming people had more to do with that
LouisTheCat: and herding would be the wrong word
LouisTheCat: at the time i was playing just dance on the xbox with the kids
RickDickens77: You can't just go hang out in other peoples' houses, Lou
LouisTheCat: i was made for loooovin lou baaaby
LouisTheCat: lou was made for loooovin meeeee
RickDickens77: So whatever happened after they got into the house is somehow not your fault.
LouisTheCat: were talking about pretty dumb animals here rick
RickDickens77: I'll say.
LouisTheCat: i dont think i like your tone
RickDickens77: Next item on the agenda
RickDickens77: It sounds like maybe we owe a magician and the parents of fifteen children an apology as well.
LouisTheCat: for what
RickDickens77: There was something about a rabbit?
LouisTheCat: i dont see what that has to do with me
RickDickens77: I don't know, all anyone saw was you leaping out of a hat
RickDickens77: followed by the magician cursing like a sailor in three different languages, packing up his things, and storming out
LouisTheCat: woah woah woah
LouisTheCat: i did that man a favor
LouisTheCat: and in fact i think we all learned a powerful lesson about whether bunnies should have chickens as pets
RickDickens77: Wait, what?
LouisTheCat: im just saying that guy isnt blameless here
LouisTheCat: just think how his bunny felt
LouisTheCat: or the chicken i guess
LouisTheCat: yeah
LouisTheCat: mostly the chicken
RickDickens77: I don't understand.
LouisTheCat: maybe dont get into it
RickDickens77: Right. Moving on to the cake.
LouisTheCat: ok hold up
LouisTheCat: i know what youre thinking and the fire trucks werent because of me
RickDickens77: Why don't you explain to me what happened then.
LouisTheCat: so this bald guy set the cake on fire right
RickDickens77: Probably Mr. Burgess. Lighting candles.
LouisTheCat: you know me and candles
RickDickens77: I do.
LouisTheCat: anyway i see this little kid getting waaaaaaay too close
RickDickens77: Probably Margot, blowing them out.
LouisTheCat: and so basically i saved her life
RickDickens77: By screeching and leaping onto her face.
LouisTheCat: hero is as hero does rick
RickDickens77: And what's this about the table getting knocked over
LouisTheCat: ok that was that weird dog
LouisTheCat: thats what im talking about man
LouisTheCat: i save this girl and she starts screaming
LouisTheCat: probably because it just hit her how close she just came to dying
LouisTheCat: and the dog freeeeeeaaaks out
LouisTheCat: plows straight through the table
RickDickens77: And that's when the fire started?
LouisTheCat: i was on my way out at the time
LouisTheCat: didnt want to overstay my welcome
RickDickens77: Of course.
LouisTheCat: politeness is key
LouisTheCat: but yes i heard people yelling fire as i was leaving
LouisTheCat: and frankly im not surprised
LouisTheCat: they had that crinkly paper ribbon everywhere
LouisTheCat: not only a fire hazard but terribly tacky
LouisTheCat: also another thing about that dog
LouisTheCat: it licks itself constantly
LouisTheCat: its disgusting
LouisTheCat: makes a gross noise
LouisTheCat: like a cow with a hair on its tongue
LouisTheCat: or a plunger in a toilet full of peanut butter
LouisTheCat: or you eating noodles
RickDickens77: Okay Lou, I get it.
--------: 3:44 PM
LouisTheCat: so all of this has me thinking
LouisTheCat: what are you planning for my birthday party
RickDickens77: I am locking you in a very small cage.
RickDickens77: Possibly forever.
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: i was thinking clown

Episode 13: Louis Sinks the Sub

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 08:40:05 -0800

--------: 5:03 PM
--------: RickDickens77 is now online
RickDickens77: Lou
LouisTheCat: hey rick you made it
RickDickens77: Yup we made it
RickDickens77: Got to the hotel, started to unpack
RickDickens77: And guess what we found
LouisTheCat: what
RickDickens77: SHUT UP
RickDickens77: YOU KNOW WHAT WE FOUND
LouisTheCat: lol yeah
LouisTheCat: youre welcome
RickDickens77: I didn't thank you
RickDickens77: I'm pretty steamed this time Lou
LouisTheCat: woah woah woah
LouisTheCat: thats no way to react to a thoughtful gift
RickDickens77: We can probably get the clothes washed
RickDickens77: But the luggage is ruined.
LouisTheCat: well pardon me for trying to give you something to remember me by
RickDickens77: Urine? Really?
LouisTheCat: what else do i have rick
LouisTheCat: its not like i know how to take and print a photo
LouisTheCat: actually thats not true i probably could have figured that out
RickDickens77: You are a tremendous jerk.
LouisTheCat: my bad
LouisTheCat: but think about this rick
LouisTheCat: when you packed that bag
LouisTheCat: how long were you away from it between packing it and zipping it up
RickDickens77: I don't know, a minute maybe.
LouisTheCat: i dont know what that means but it wasnt very long
LouisTheCat: and did you smell it
RickDickens77: Of course not, I would have done something.
LouisTheCat: exactly
RickDickens77: What's your point
LouisTheCat: think about the effort in timing that right
LouisTheCat: it takes research rick
LouisTheCat: i had to know exactly when to sneak in there
LouisTheCat: do the business
LouisTheCat: and get out
RickDickens77: Am I supposed to appreciate that?
RickDickens77: Am I supposed to go OH THANKS FOR TRYING SO HARD TO PEE ON MY CLOTHES LOU
LouisTheCat: if you had a tiny shred of a soul maybe
RickDickens77: Guess I don't then, because I'm just not seeing the upside.
LouisTheCat: you disappoint me rick
RickDickens77: YOU disappoint ME.
RickDickens77: Emily's bag is a disaster too
RickDickens77: She didn't even bring it inside at the house!
LouisTheCat: im an artist rick
RickDickens77: You're a menace.
--------: 5:53 PM
RickDickens77: We're going to dinner. I'll deal with you later. Has Heike shown up yet?
LouisTheCat: what is a heike
RickDickens77: I told you about the cat sitter.
LouisTheCat: and i told you i didnt need a sitter
RickDickens77: I know, and yet here we are.
RickDickens77: I asked her to start tomorrow, but she was going to come by this evening to spend a little time getting to know you.
LouisTheCat: well i look forward to it
RickDickens77: Please be nice.
LouisTheCat: no seriously i cant wait
LouisTheCat: we can play some games
LouisTheCat: talk about boys
LouisTheCat: ill make us some snacks
RickDickens77: Remember she's just helping to take care of you.
LouisTheCat: taking care of me is your job
RickDickens77: It's one of my jobs, yes
RickDickens77: Unfortunately, my other job has me far away, so I can't do that job.
RickDickens77: That's why I'm paying Heike.
LouisTheCat: how much are you paying her
RickDickens77: Doesn't matter. Gotta go.
LouisTheCat: ah
LouisTheCat: silent auction
LouisTheCat: gotcha
--------: 7:45 PM
RickDickens77: How's it going Lou
RickDickens77: Lou
--------: 8:06 PM
LouisTheCat: rick this lady is nuts
LouisTheCat: i dont understand a word she says
RickDickens77: Oh, yeah- she's German so she might sound funny to you
LouisTheCat: this isnt funny its terrifying
LouisTheCat: and wtf is german
RickDickens77: From Germany. The country.
RickDickens77: She knows English, she just probably doesn't think it matters to you.
LouisTheCat: it matters
LouisTheCat: i got this nutbag running around my house
LouisTheCat: chasing me with a feather on a stick
LouisTheCat: going bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap like its words but its not words rick
LouisTheCat: its not words at all
RickDickens77: It's just a different language. Try to hang out with her, she wants to play.
--------: 8:48 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 9:06 PM
RickDickens77: What's up
RickDickens77: I'm getting ready for bed
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: i think heike is dead rick
RickDickens77: What?
LouisTheCat: rick shes dead
LouisTheCat: its awful rick
LouisTheCat: shes not moving in there
RickDickens77: Woah, woah, woah
RickDickens77: slow down and tell me what happened
RickDickens77: I can call for help.
LouisTheCat: ok so i was in the pantry right
LouisTheCat: showing heike where the treats are
LouisTheCat: and shes all bap bap bap bap bap bap bap
LouisTheCat: i dont know
LouisTheCat: like baby talk or something
RickDickens77: Get to the part where she dies, please.
LouisTheCat: so im like ok lets find some common ground right
LouisTheCat: so i try playing that game you like
RickDickens77: Catch The Giant Breakable Thing?
RickDickens77: I hate that game.
LouisTheCat: then why do you keep playing
RickDickens77: Think about my choices, Lou.
RickDickens77: anyway, go
RickDickens77: what happened.
LouisTheCat: well she sucks at it
LouisTheCat: thats what happened
RickDickens77: Ugh.
RickDickens77: I'm calling 911
LouisTheCat: wait
LouisTheCat: i hear her
LouisTheCat: yeah shes talking
LouisTheCat: hang on
RickDickens77: Is she ok?
LouisTheCat: i dont know that she was ever ok rick
LouisTheCat: she seems the same as before if thats what you mean
RickDickens77: Ok I'm calling her
LouisTheCat: well now i dont think thats quite necessary
RickDickens77: Too late, it's ringing.
LouisTheCat: she left already you dont need to do that
RickDickens77: I just want to make sure she's ok.
LouisTheCat: shes driving away i can see her
RickDickens77: Quiet.
--------: 9:28 PM
RickDickens77: Ok, so guess what, you got your wish.
LouisTheCat: i didnt want this rick
RickDickens77: No sitter? That's not what you wanted?
LouisTheCat: ok so technically i wanted that
RickDickens77: Yeah. Well you got it.
RickDickens77: You should be ashamed of yourself.
LouisTheCat: i was just playing a game rick
RickDickens77: Several games, it sounds like.
RickDickens77: Shred The Purse.
RickDickens77: Pee On The Shoes And Coat, always a classic.
RickDickens77: Ride The Hair, that's new!
LouisTheCat: its the curls
LouisTheCat: irresistible
RickDickens77: So I'm stuck paying for a purse, a coat, a pair of shoes, a trip to the hair salon and probably an ER bill
RickDickens77: And she didn't want to go into this one, but I'm also buying her a new bra.
LouisTheCat: we had a moment
RickDickens77: Apparently.
LouisTheCat: did she mention the umbrella
RickDickens77: She did not.
LouisTheCat: give it time
RickDickens77: Needless to say, I am annoyed.
LouisTheCat: im sorry rick
RickDickens77: No you're not.
RickDickens77: We'll discuss it when I get home. I'm going to bed.
LouisTheCat: seems early
RickDickens77: Emily wants me to get off the computer, and I don't intend to explain time zones to you.
LouisTheCat: oh i get it
LouisTheCat: adult time
LouisTheCat: hey why does she get to go with you and i dont
RickDickens77: Tell you what, I'm going to go to sleep now, and you can spend the rest of my trip figuring that out for yourself.
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: im lonely
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 12: The Bad Cats

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 08:41:25 -0800

--------: 1:24 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What's up
LouisTheCat: im in bad shape here rick
RickDickens77: What did you do now
LouisTheCat: it wasnt my fault
LouisTheCat: i got in a fight
RickDickens77: A fight?? What happened?
LouisTheCat: it was the bad cats
RickDickens77: Oh my god Lou, are you ok?
RickDickens77: How bad is it?
LouisTheCat: im not good
LouisTheCat: ill probably live
LouisTheCat: but im not good
LouisTheCat: i need you home
RickDickens77: Wow, Lou, I'm so sorry
RickDickens77: I'll be home as soon as I can, ok?
LouisTheCat: please hurry rick
--------: 1:49 PM
RickDickens77: Lou, I'm still working on getting out of here
LouisTheCat: rick you gotta get home man
LouisTheCat: things are getting bad here
RickDickens77: I know, I'm trying
RickDickens77: My boss is driving me crazy
LouisTheCat: is it because hes black
RickDickens77: ...What?
LouisTheCat: is your boss driving you crazy because hes black
RickDickens77: No. That's not why.
RickDickens77: My boss isn't even black.
LouisTheCat: is it because hes siamese
RickDickens77: No. Siamese? No. My boss is white, like me, not that it matters.
LouisTheCat: is it because hes a woman
RickDickens77: No, my boss isn't- OK what is this about
LouisTheCat: ive just heard some things rick
LouisTheCat: some terrible things
RickDickens77: Right. From who.
LouisTheCat: the bad cats
RickDickens77: The bad cats. The bad cats were talking about me.
LouisTheCat: thats right
LouisTheCat: why do you think i got in a fight
RickDickens77: You got in a fight because of me?
LouisTheCat: i got in a fight defending your honor rick
RickDickens77: What on earth were they saying?
LouisTheCat: some things i dont even want you to have to hear
RickDickens77: Try me.
LouisTheCat: are you sure
RickDickens77: Out with it.
LouisTheCat: they say youre racist rick
RickDickens77: Well, that's crazy.
LouisTheCat: is it
LouisTheCat: is it rick
RickDickens77: Why, do you agree?
LouisTheCat: well
LouisTheCat: is it or is it not true that you targeted the two black cats down the street for tearing up our doormat
RickDickens77: They were the ones doing it!
LouisTheCat: sounds like profiling to me
RickDickens77: There were chunks of it in their back yard!
LouisTheCat: circumstantial evidence
RickDickens77: Wait, this is ridiculous.
RickDickens77: Those cats are troublemakers.
LouisTheCat: those cats
LouisTheCat: listen to yourself
RickDickens77: I don't hold an opinion about black cats, the ones who did that just happen to be black.
LouisTheCat: so you expect us to believe you didnt look to them first
LouisTheCat: because of their color
RickDickens77: All cats are the same!
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: wow
LouisTheCat: i dont even know what to say
LouisTheCat: just wow
RickDickens77: You know what I mean.
LouisTheCat: sure i know
LouisTheCat: we cats are all the same
LouisTheCat: lazy
LouisTheCat: untrustworthy
LouisTheCat: good at basketball
LouisTheCat: ive heard them all rick
RickDickens77: Stop it.
LouisTheCat: anyway thats not all they say about you
RickDickens77: I can't wait.
LouisTheCat: now i dont think this is true
LouisTheCat: theyre probably just making this up
LouisTheCat: but these guys say youre a cat smuggler
RickDickens77: A what.
LouisTheCat: a cat smuggler
RickDickens77: I don't think there is any such thing.
LouisTheCat: youd be surprised
LouisTheCat: happens all the time
RickDickens77: It does?
LouisTheCat: oh rick you would not believe
RickDickens77: I bet I wouldn't. Anyway, why would they think that about me?
LouisTheCat: apparently
LouisTheCat: and trust me they would never hear this from me
LouisTheCat: but theres this rumor that a few years ago you took a cat from old mrs wembley
RickDickens77: Oh really.
LouisTheCat: just saying what i heard
RickDickens77: That's a pretty bold accusation.
LouisTheCat: the true ones often are
RickDickens77: Well that one does happen to be true.
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick no
LouisTheCat: how could you even
RickDickens77: IT WAS YOU LOU.
LouisTheCat: you stole me oh my god
RickDickens77: NO, SHE GAVE YOU TO ME.
RickDickens77: She had like ten cats, and she was getting too old to take care of them, so she was giving them away.
LouisTheCat: oh that mrs wembley
RickDickens77: Yeah. That Mrs. Wembley. I had permission to take you.
LouisTheCat: ok well lets say for a second that i buy that
LouisTheCat: and im not saying these guys will
LouisTheCat: but even if i believe you about that much
LouisTheCat: they also say
LouisTheCat: and again this is just what im hearing on the streets
LouisTheCat: they say theres a lady who left here smelling like cat pee
RickDickens77: Oh, for God's sake.
LouisTheCat: hey thats just the word out there
RickDickens77: I bet if you think REAL HARD, you can figure out what that one's about.
LouisTheCat: yeah ok i might remember something about that
LouisTheCat: still
LouisTheCat: you have to admit it looks suspicious
RickDickens77: I have to do nothing of the sort.
RickDickens77: Now listen, I need to get back to work so I can get home and help you out.
LouisTheCat: theres one more thing rick
RickDickens77: Alright, go. Quickly.
LouisTheCat: you drive a ford festiva
LouisTheCat: the whole neighborhood thinks you drive a festiva
RickDickens77: I do drive a Festiva. It's a good American car.
LouisTheCat: oh god i cant even
LouisTheCat: i just barfed
LouisTheCat: rick why
RickDickens77: It's a car, what's the big deal
LouisTheCat: oh my god i cant even stop barfing
LouisTheCat: rick who are you
LouisTheCat: im trying to defend you rick
LouisTheCat: im putting my reputation on the line out there
LouisTheCat: taking back things i said about you
LouisTheCat: but youre not giving me much to work with
RickDickens77: Ok, ok, enough
RickDickens77: Who are these "bad cats" anyway
LouisTheCat: oh the persians
LouisTheCat: awful breed
LouisTheCat: slippery
LouisTheCat: evil
LouisTheCat: godless
LouisTheCat: hate shorthairs
RickDickens77: You have got to be kidding me.
LouisTheCat: i wish i were rick
LouisTheCat: the world is a troubled place
--------: 2:25 PM
RickDickens77: Alright look
RickDickens77: I offered to work the weekend to get out of here early today
RickDickens77: So I'm on my way. Hang in there pal.
RickDickens77: Thanks for sticking up for me, sorry you got hurt.
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: no no i won that fight its just the tv wont turn on

Episode 11: Cool Hand Lou

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:20:06 -0800

--------: 10:04 AM
RickDickens77: Lou?
--------: 11:13 AM
RickDickens77: Louis
--------: 12:02 PM
LouisTheCat: oh hey
RickDickens77: What's up?
LouisTheCat: just got up
RickDickens77: Wow. Guess the extra exercise is wearing you out!
LouisTheCat: yeah look man i think we need to talk about that
LouisTheCat: the whole exercise thing is fine
LouisTheCat: we both know i could use it
LouisTheCat: but uh
RickDickens77: What's the problem, I thought you liked your gift
LouisTheCat: no no i do
LouisTheCat: i mean i appreciate it
LouisTheCat: its just
LouisTheCat: you know
LouisTheCat: i dont know if i even want to talk about it
RickDickens77: I think you might have to, I'm not following.
LouisTheCat: the thing is
LouisTheCat: im not proud of the way i act when you bring that thing out
RickDickens77: Are we even talking about the same thing?
LouisTheCat: i dont feel in control
LouisTheCat: thats not me
RickDickens77: I feel like maybe you're blowing it out of proportion a little
LouisTheCat: thats a side of me i never wanted you to see
RickDickens77: It's a laser pointer, Lou.
LouisTheCat: see now i feel like im gonna be sick
LouisTheCat: theres a darkness inside of me
RickDickens77: Ok, Batman.
LouisTheCat: im a monster rick
--------: 1:14 PM
RickDickens77: Oh hey Lou, speaking of gifts-
RickDickens77: I was thanking Mom for Christmas stuff and I mentioned the Slim Jims
RickDickens77: She didn't know what I was talking about.
LouisTheCat: yeah no
LouisTheCat: i got those
RickDickens77: Ok, wow
RickDickens77: Thanks! But, uh
LouisTheCat: dont mention it
RickDickens77: Well how did you get them?
LouisTheCat: same way you get them dummy
RickDickens77: But I get them at the convenience store.
LouisTheCat: right thats what bodega ray said
LouisTheCat: he said theyre your favorite
RickDickens77: Hold up.
RickDickens77: Bodega Ray brought them to our house?
RickDickens77: How did he know where we live?
LouisTheCat: no no he sent them home with me
RickDickens77: Wait how do you even know who Bodega Ray is?
RickDickens77: I'm lost.
LouisTheCat: ok see if you can keep up
LouisTheCat: he said take these to rick
LouisTheCat: and he put them in a bag
LouisTheCat: and i brought them home
RickDickens77: You brought them home. From the store.
LouisTheCat: hey look that college degree was worth something after all
RickDickens77: What in the hell were you doing at the store
RickDickens77: What were you doing OUT?
LouisTheCat: i go out all the time
RickDickens77: What?! You're an indoor cat!
LouisTheCat: man have we met
RickDickens77: How do you get out?
LouisTheCat: im getting the feeling i shouldnt tell you that
RickDickens77: How long have you been getting out?
LouisTheCat: whats today
RickDickens77: Tuesday.
LouisTheCat: lets see then
LouisTheCat: carry the one
LouisTheCat: four years maybe
RickDickens77: Ok back up, I don't trust your sense of time.
RickDickens77: When's the first time you got out?
LouisTheCat: remember that time when the cleaning lady freaked out and quit
RickDickens77: Do I remember ending up in court?
RickDickens77: Do I remember paying a settlement?
RickDickens77: Do I remember being blacklisted by the housekeeping community?
RickDickens77: Yes, Lou. I remember.
LouisTheCat: ok it was like the day after that
RickDickens77: That was the first week I had you.
LouisTheCat: sounds right
RickDickens77: I don't even know what to say
LouisTheCat: id say like ok or cool or way to go or something
RickDickens77: But it's not ok or cool, Lou
RickDickens77: You're supposed to be an indoor cat
RickDickens77: I need you to tell me how you've been getting out.
LouisTheCat: you keep saying im an indoor cat
LouisTheCat: maybe youre just wrong
RickDickens77: How are you getting out Lou
LouisTheCat: why would i tell you that now
RickDickens77: Because I'm trying to keep you safe.
LouisTheCat: from what
RickDickens77: From disease, from raccoons, from cars...
LouisTheCat: disease huh
LouisTheCat: so you made me get shots just so i could stay inside
LouisTheCat: nice rick
RickDickens77: That's not the point.
LouisTheCat: raccoons are stupid and slow dont worry about them
LouisTheCat: and i look both ways
LouisTheCat: be alert accidents hurt
LouisTheCat: chance takers are accident makers
LouisTheCat: give a hoot dont pollute
LouisTheCat: all that stuff
RickDickens77: I don't like it.
RickDickens77: I'm going to have to find where you're getting out and fix it.
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: dont be like this
LouisTheCat: youre wasting your time rick
RickDickens77: We'll see.
LouisTheCat: i gotta jet
LouisTheCat: twister party at pumpkins house
RickDickens77: You better hope you're inside when I figure it out
LouisTheCat: shaking in my boots rick
LouisTheCat: enjoy your slim jims
--------: LouisTheCat has gone offline

Episode 10: The Naughty List

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 08:50:00 -0800

--------: 10:24 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: what did you get me for christmas
RickDickens77: Nothing.
LouisTheCat: seriously
RickDickens77: I don't know Lou, you're kind of on the naughty list this year.
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: seriously
RickDickens77: Alright, I got you something, but I'm not telling.
LouisTheCat: well i can just look
LouisTheCat: where is it
RickDickens77: It's supposed to be a surprise, that's the point.
LouisTheCat: the point is giving rick
LouisTheCat: the point is being part of something bigger than yourself rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: the point is love
RickDickens77: Right. Not telling.
LouisTheCat: ok well im gonna go look brb
RickDickens77: Wait please don't
RickDickens77: please
--------: 11:03 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Just tell me how bad the damage is.
LouisTheCat: what damage
RickDickens77: Never mind. What do you need?
LouisTheCat: i cant find it
RickDickens77: I know Lou, it's called "hiding". You're not supposed to find it.
LouisTheCat: but i want to know what it is
RickDickens77: Don't spoil the surprise. Wait til Christmas.
LouisTheCat: ok ill go look some more
RickDickens77: LOU WAIT
--------: 11:40 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 12:11 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: im like super frustrated
LouisTheCat: i emptied both bookcases
LouisTheCat: went through your closet and your dresser
LouisTheCat: moved all the stuff on the pantry shelves
LouisTheCat: i even cleared the mantle though now that i think about it thats a silly place to hide something lol
LouisTheCat: anyway nothing
LouisTheCat: i didnt want to do this but youre gonna have to give me a hint
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 12:32 PM
RickDickens77: Oh my god LOU
RickDickens77: LOUIS
RickDickens77: My mother is going to be there in like an hour
RickDickens77: DO NOT DESTROY THE HOUSE
RickDickens77: Dammit Lou
--------: 12:49 PM
LouisTheCat: no way
LouisTheCat: i didnt know grandma was coming thats awesome
LouisTheCat: i love grandma rick
RickDickens77: I know you do.
LouisTheCat: and dont worry about the house everything is fine i just moved some stuff
LouisTheCat: i think it looks better to tell you the truth
RickDickens77: Lou, stop. Listen.
RickDickens77: I need you to wait, and to stop looking.
LouisTheCat: this would go faster if you give me that hint
RickDickens77: No. Focus, Lou. You have to stop, I'm telling you to stop and just wait for Mom.
LouisTheCat: i will wait for grandma
RickDickens77: Good. Cool.
--------: 1:35 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: grandma is here rick
LouisTheCat: im gonna go look some more now whats the hint
RickDickens77: No no no, now you can just hang out with Mom instead of looking.
LouisTheCat: haha no for real whats the hint
RickDickens77: LOU, STOP. Please put Mom on.
LouisTheCat: on here
RickDickens77: Yes, I want to chat with her
LouisTheCat: wait one
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
RickDickens77: Mom?
LouisTheCat: THIS IS YOUR MOTHER
LouisTheCat: I FIXED YOUR STUCK CAPS LOCK
RickDickens77: Glued, technically, but ok.
RickDickens77: So Mom, I need you to keep an eye on Lou, he's been trying to find his Christmas present.
LouisTheCat: SAY NO MORE ILL HELP HIM LOOK
RickDickens77: Actually
RickDickens77: no
RickDickens77: please
RickDickens77: Mom
RickDickens77: Mom?
--------: 2:22 PM
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
RickDickens77: Mom, you don't have to do that
LouisTheCat: WHAT
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
RickDickens77: Never mind. What.
LouisTheCat: RICHARD I HAVE TO SAY I'M DISAPPOINTED IN THE WAY YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR HOUSE
LouisTheCat: IT IS AN ABSOLUTE WRECK HERE, JUST AN EMBARRASSMENT
LouisTheCat: I THOUGHT YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND
RickDickens77: I do, I have a girlfriend.
LouisTheCat: I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY
RickDickens77: Thanks.
RickDickens77: Mom.
LouisTheCat: THIS IS NOT HOW I RAISED YOU, RICHARD MONTGOMERY DICKENS
--------: 3:13 PM
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: OH GOD RICHARD MY SPOONS
LouisTheCat: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SPOONS
--------: 3:50 PM
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
LouisTheCat: RICHARD
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: I THINK WE MAY HAVE FOUND IT
RickDickens77: I don't think I even care anymore
LouisTheCat: IS IT THIS ROMANTIC SPA GETAWAY
RickDickens77: What? No.
RickDickens77: I'm not taking my cat on a spa trip
LouisTheCat: THEN IS IT FOR ME? WE CAN'T FIND MINE EITHER
RickDickens77: NO!
LouisTheCat: WHAT DID YOU GET ME
RickDickens77: MOM. STOP. LISTEN.
RickDickens77: LOUIS IS TEARING THE HOUSE APART
RickDickens77: I NEED YOU TO STOP HIM
RickDickens77: AND I NEED YOU BOTH TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFTS
RickDickens77: BECAUSE I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW
--------: 4:24 PM
RickDickens77: Mom?
--------: 4:40 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: what did you do to grandma
LouisTheCat: oh
LouisTheCat: oh rick
LouisTheCat: rick you cant talk to your mom like that
LouisTheCat: youll be lucky if she talks to you at all this week
LouisTheCat: im not angry so much as disappointed
LouisTheCat: shes right though
LouisTheCat: now that she mentions it the house could use some work
LouisTheCat: wait
LouisTheCat: lol
LouisTheCat: montgomery
--------: 5:14 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what
LouisTheCat: still stumped over here
LouisTheCat: driving us crazy
RickDickens77: Fine, I'll just give it to you when I get home
LouisTheCat: no no no i want to find it man just give me a hint
LouisTheCat: wait
LouisTheCat: waiiiiit
LouisTheCat: inside the couch cushions
LouisTheCat: diabolical rick
RickDickens77: LOU WAIT
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 9 : Survey Says

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 09:21:51 -0800

--------: 9:51 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: whaaaaaaat
--------: 10:17 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
--------: 10:44 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: what did you do with the remote
--------: 11:01 AM
LouisTheCat: do we have any baking soda
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: never mind found it
LouisTheCat: did you know theres broken glass all over the pantry floor
LouisTheCat: btw i know what youre thinking and dont worry
LouisTheCat: im just making a volcano
LouisTheCat: also i know what else youre thinking and dont worry about that either
LouisTheCat: im using the litter from my box and not the fresh stuff
--------: 11:49 AM
LouisTheCat: found the remote too
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: it was in that locked cabinet for some reason
LouisTheCat: do you know what channel vh1 classic is on
--------: 12:08 PM
LouisTheCat: how about game show network
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
--------: 12:30 PM
LouisTheCat: i could totally host this show
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: mittens blum was so dumb
LouisTheCat: now you say how dumb was he
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok
LouisTheCat: mittens blum was so dumb
LouisTheCat: he fell asleep by the fireplace and his tail caught on blank
LouisTheCat: lol
LouisTheCat: will you buy me a skinny microphone
--------: 12:57 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: do you ever try on ladies shoes
LouisTheCat: just to see what theyre like
--------: 1:27 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: gift
LouisTheCat: delightful
LouisTheCat: priceless
LouisTheCat: giiiiift
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: giiiiiiiift
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok
LouisTheCat: the password was poopies
--------: 1:59 PM
LouisTheCat: whats a sawzall
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: do we have a credit card
--------: 2:17 PM
LouisTheCat: found it
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: fyi its really hard for me to open your dresser
--------: 2:31 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: play or pass
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: play or pass
LouisTheCat: ok ill play for you
LouisTheCat: big bucks rick
LouisTheCat: no whammies
LouisTheCat: no whammies
LouisTheCat: stop
LouisTheCat: uh oh
--------: 2:57 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: lets puhhlaaaaaaay the feeeuuuuuuud
LouisTheCat: louis
LouisTheCat: and
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rrrreeeaadyyy for aaactiooooon
LouisTheCat: one hundred cats surveyed
LouisTheCat: top five answers are on the board
LouisTheCat: name something cats do to show their people that they love them
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: you have to buzz in
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok
LouisTheCat: buuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzz
LouisTheCat: that was me buzzing in for you
LouisTheCat: you have to buzz in
LouisTheCat: ok say like purring or something
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok
LouisTheCat: buuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzz
LouisTheCat: that was the strike one buzz
LouisTheCat: now i go
LouisTheCat: shoooowww meeeeeee poopies
LouisTheCat: dingdingdingdingdingdingding
LouisTheCat: thats the sound like i was right because poopies
LouisTheCat: poopies rick
LouisTheCat: poopies is the number one answer
LouisTheCat: btw my box needs scooping pretty bad
--------: 3:41 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: what does m4m mean
LouisTheCat: actually never mind
LouisTheCat: how do you unsend email
--------: 4:45 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: you can have whats behind door number three
LouisTheCat: or you can take what i left in my box for you
LouisTheCat: i am prepared to take back two things i said about you
LouisTheCat: if you take whats in the box
LouisTheCat: three things
LouisTheCat: four things rick
LouisTheCat: rick i will take back five things i said about you if you take the box
LouisTheCat: rick i will take back six things and thats my final offer
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: ok
LouisTheCat: rick wants door number three
LouisTheCat: show him whats behind door number three
LouisTheCat: it was a donkey
LouisTheCat: you shouldve taken the box
--------: 5:16 PM
LouisTheCat: lol i have got to get one of those skinny microphones
--------: RickDickens77 is Away [Status: meetings]
LouisTheCat: seriously though we need to talk about my box its a disaster
--------: 5:34 PM
RickDickens77: wtf
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 8 : Grace

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:41:00 -0800

--------: 1:45 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
--------: 2:22 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Sorry Lou I was away. It's chaos over here, so what do you need?
LouisTheCat: i need you to come home its thanksgiving
RickDickens77: Yeah I'm sorry about that, it's a work crisis, I have to be here.
LouisTheCat: im having a crisis too
RickDickens77: Seriously? I need you to be serious. What is it?
LouisTheCat: my bowl is full of cat food
LouisTheCat: my bowl is full of cat food on thanksgiving
RickDickens77: I don't have time for this now, Lou. If I get out of here at a reasonable hour I'll pick up something special from the deli and you can have some.
LouisTheCat: ill believe that when i see it
--------: 3:01 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: hey how do you make those big letters
RickDickens77: Shift key.
LouisTheCat: shift wtf is shift
RickDickens77: Look at the keyboard, one left and one right. You hold them down and push a letter and it makes it big.
LouisTheCat: AAAAAZ?"??"
LouisTheCat: the two at once thing isnt really working for me
RickDickens77: Yeah. Well, there's the caps lock too.
LouisTheCat: whats that
RickDickens77: Never mind. I have to go.
LouisTheCat: oh
LouisTheCat: OH
LouisTheCat: OH MY GOD
RickDickens77: Christ.
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: THIS IS AMAZING
LouisTheCat: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE
RickDickens77: Well, it's not really.. I mean, you can use it for certain things, but usually people don't use it because it looks like yelling.
LouisTheCat: I KNOW ITS PERFECT
LouisTheCat: CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE RICK
LouisTheCat: ALL THE TIME
RickDickens77: Well keep it to yourself, I'm trying to get things done so I can bring you dinner.
LouisTheCat: ITS GONNA BE A WHOLE NEW ME RICK
--------: 3:56 PM
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
LouisTheCat: RICK
RickDickens77: What.
LouisTheCat: IM THANKFUL FOR YOU
RickDickens77: Aw, that's sweet Lou. Me too, buddy.
LouisTheCat: INTRODUCING ME TO CAPS LOCK
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline
LouisTheCat: HAHA BURN

Episode 7 : Sweater and Forget Her

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:45:00 -0800

--------: 12:21 PM
RickDickens77: Lou, are you there?
RickDickens77: Ok I know you're there, but when are you planning on telling me what's wrong?
RickDickens77: It's been more than a week since you even looked at me.
--------: 12:43 PM
RickDickens77: I think I know what this is about. Emily is a good friend of mine, ok?
RickDickens77: I know you might be feeling a little bit intruded upon. I get that.
RickDickens77: But I need you to be mature about this.
--------: 2:07 PM
LouisTheCat: im not angry
RickDickens77: Then what's with the silent treatment?
LouisTheCat: i mean im not angry anymore
RickDickens77: So tell me why you've been angry, at least. Is it Emily?
LouisTheCat: she was in my spot
RickDickens77: So it's about her spending the night.
LouisTheCat: thats my spot
LouisTheCat: i dont know why you would just let some tramp lay in my spot
RickDickens77: She's not a tramp, she's very special.
LouisTheCat: special tramp
LouisTheCat: so you mean whore
--------: 2:46 PM
RickDickens77: Ok, well anyway...
RickDickens77: I'm glad you're not angry anymore.
RickDickens77: I just want things to be back the way they were, ok?
LouisTheCat: so do i
RickDickens77: Emily is going to be part of my life and you need to learn to deal with that.
LouisTheCat: oh i dealt with it
RickDickens77: So are you two getting along?
LouisTheCat: shes gone
RickDickens77: Gone? But she was sick, I thought she'd probably be there all day.
LouisTheCat: she probably went to the cleaners
RickDickens77: ...and why would she do that?
LouisTheCat: probably to get the cat pee out of her sweater
RickDickens77: LOU! Why'd you pee on her sweater?
LouisTheCat: it was in my spot
RickDickens77: Lou, you can't be reacting like that to something so stupid. So let me get this straight, you peed on her sweater while it was on your spot? So you basically peed on your spot...
LouisTheCat: not really
LouisTheCat: she got up
LouisTheCat: fast
RickDickens77: Tell me you didn't pee on Emily
RickDickens77: Louis.
RickDickens77: LOU
--------: 3:15 PM
RickDickens77: I just spoke with Emily.
LouisTheCat: oh really
LouisTheCat: hows she doing
LouisTheCat: tell her i said hello
RickDickens77: She's really, really angry Lou. I don't think she's going to come back to the house unless I can promise her you've settled down.
LouisTheCat: wow
LouisTheCat: just wow
LouisTheCat: thats childish wouldnt you say
RickDickens77: I'm very upset. You can't interfere with my personal life like this.
LouisTheCat: all i want is my spot back man
--------: 3:37 PM
LouisTheCat: she didnt say anything about her purse did she
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 6 : Chag Sameach, Louis. Chag Sameach.

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:45:00 -0800

--------: 11:13 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: what
LouisTheCat: so i was talking to mittens next door
RickDickens77: I don't even want to know.
LouisTheCat: did you know theyre jewish
RickDickens77: Yes, the Blums are Jewish.
LouisTheCat: wtf are the blums
RickDickens77: The people next door, their last name is Blum.
LouisTheCat: mittens blum
RickDickens77: I suppose so.
LouisTheCat: ok well im never gonna let that one die
LouisTheCat: but anyway
LouisTheCat: did you know if youre jewish you celebrate christmas for like two whole weeks
RickDickens77: First of all it's called Hanukkah.
RickDickens77: And it's like eight days or nights or something.
LouisTheCat: so its like three weeks god thats awesome
RickDickens77: Sure, it's cool, that's just the Jewish winter holiday.
LouisTheCat: im gonna be jewish then
RickDickens77: It's not that simple, Lou, it's a religion.
LouisTheCat: ok so can you do that for me
RickDickens77: I don't know where to begin explaining how it doesn't work like that.
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: i dont think youre listening to me
LouisTheCat: christmas rick
LouisTheCat: eight of them
LouisTheCat: mittens says hes gonna get something every day
RickDickens77: Lou, it's not really like Christmas, I mean they give some gifts but it's not really the same. There's no tree, they just light some candles.
LouisTheCat: i dont like candles
RickDickens77: See? You don't really know what it's all about, and I'm not going to help you become Jewish.
LouisTheCat: oh i get it
LouisTheCat: you dont want me to be one of the chosen
LouisTheCat: theres a name for people like you rick
RickDickens77: Uh huh. You're being silly now, I'm done with this.
LouisTheCat: youre a putz
RickDickens77: That's enough, Lou.
--------: 2:54 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: if you help me be jewish i will take back one thing i said about you for every day of christmas
RickDickens77: It's called Hanukkah.
LouisTheCat: right that
LouisTheCat: so we have a deal
RickDickens77: NO!
--------: 3:04 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: what are you getting me for christmas
RickDickens77: I don't know yet. I wouldn't tell you anyway.
LouisTheCat: can i make a suggestion
RickDickens77: sure
LouisTheCat: i want one of those little hats our people wear
RickDickens77: Lou, you are not Jewish, you can't just say you're Jewish, and I am not going to make that happen for you. So stop it.
LouisTheCat: rick i didnt want to play this card but i think you probably are aware that our people are extremely powerful and can make things difficult for you
RickDickens77: Ok, let's suppose for a second you could become Jewish. What if I told you I'd only give you one gift anyway?
LouisTheCat: well isnt that like a goy
RickDickens77: Now you're just being offensive. This is the end of this discussion, are we clear?
--------: 4:51 PM
RickDickens77: I'm heading out soon, do we need anything for the weekend?
LouisTheCat: not that i can think of
LouisTheCat: do you have any plans
RickDickens77: Emily is coming over tomorrow, and I'm hoping she'll hang out for the whole weekend so I want you to BE NICE THIS TIME.
LouisTheCat: being nice sounds like work rick
LouisTheCat: tomorrow is our peoples day of rest
RickDickens77: I told you we were done with that. See you in a while.
--------: 5:04 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: ...WHAT
LouisTheCat: oy vey
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 5 : Little Rick

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:30:00 -0800

--------: 9:45 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Yeah
LouisTheCat: that gray cat is outside again
RickDickens77: So?
LouisTheCat: what do you mean so
RickDickens77: So... why are you telling me this?
LouisTheCat: omg its like you dont even know me man
LouisTheCat: you realize what its like to sit in here all day by myself
LouisTheCat: while this punk hangs out on my lawn
LouisTheCat: acting like he owns the place
RickDickens77: You talk the same way about the UPS man.
LouisTheCat: that guy is a bitch
RickDickens77: Is this going somewhere?
LouisTheCat: why does everything have to go somewhere with you
RickDickens77: Because I'm busy, I work.
LouisTheCat: i know ive been meaning to talk to you about that
--------: 10:37 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: LOU
LouisTheCat: what
LouisTheCat: what
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: i need you to start leaving the tv on
RickDickens77: Absolutely not.
LouisTheCat: why
RickDickens77: It's a waste of energy.
LouisTheCat: ouch
--------: 2:45 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What?
LouisTheCat: can i get a puppy
--------: 3:07 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Can this wait?
LouisTheCat: no
RickDickens77: Ok what
LouisTheCat: i made something for you
RickDickens77: I don't like the sound of that.
LouisTheCat: no no wait til you see it
RickDickens77: Ok, you made something out of what?
LouisTheCat: love
LouisTheCat: and clay
--------: 3:19 PM
LouisTheCat: and poopies
--------: 4:52 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: On my way out the door Lou, what is it
LouisTheCat: its a poopie puppy
RickDickens77: I'm sure it's fantastic. See you in twenty.
LouisTheCat: i call it little rick
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 4 : Oh Look, Oregano

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:30:00 -0800

--------: 11:14 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What
LouisTheCat: i just wanted to tell you i love you man
RickDickens77: Um... I love you too.
LouisTheCat: no but i love you man
RickDickens77: What is going on
LouisTheCat: oh shit what was that
RickDickens77: Are you ok Lou?
LouisTheCat: im freaking out a little man
RickDickens77: What do you mean?
LouisTheCat: hey did you ever notice how weird that lamp by the door is
LouisTheCat: i mean for reals that is a messed up lamp
RickDickens77: Have you been in the grocery bag on the counter?
LouisTheCat: been in it man i ate it
RickDickens77: Ate what exactly?
LouisTheCat: the bag
RickDickens77: Wait... the whole bag?
LouisTheCat: it had that leafy stuff you put in soup and things
LouisTheCat: you know i love that stuff
LouisTheCat: i cant be trusted around it
RickDickens77: Lou that was catnip, it was supposed to be a surprise
LouisTheCat: oh it was a surprise alright
RickDickens77: Not as much of a surprise as the bag will be.
LouisTheCat: you arent kidding man
LouisTheCat: im already getting turtle head going with that thing
--------: 11:47 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: riiiiick
RickDickens77: Lou I don't have time to talk you down from whatever kind of trip you're on
LouisTheCat: wheres the fire extinguisher man
--------: RickDickens77 has gone offline

Episode 3 : Of Spoons and Spiders

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:58:00 -0800

--------: 10:17 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: You don't have to do that, just say something and I'll see it.
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: im bored
RickDickens77: Lou, I'm busy.
LouisTheCat: hey you know that thing on the mantle
RickDickens77: You're going to have to be more specific.
LouisTheCat: the spoon thing
RickDickens77: My mom's spoon collection, sure. What about it?
LouisTheCat: nothing
RickDickens77: What happened Lou
LouisTheCat: its on the floor now
RickDickens77: You knocked it over?!
LouisTheCat: i didnt say that
RickDickens77: Well how did it get there?
LouisTheCat: you know maybe if this is how its going to be i just wont tell you about stuff like this
RickDickens77: That is the only thing my mother cares about Lou. Did it break?
LouisTheCat: how the hell would i know
RickDickens77: Well look at it!
LouisTheCat: all i know is its on the floor man
--------: 12:42 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: You don't have to do that!
LouisTheCat: hey man there is like a huge spider web by my box
RickDickens77: I'll clean it out when I get home.
LouisTheCat: i have to go now though
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: You'll have to just brave it out or hold it Lou.
LouisTheCat: im not going in there
RickDickens77: Then you can wait.
LouisTheCat: look rick i didnt want it to come to this but you left the basket full of clean clothes sitting on your bed
RickDickens77: Louis, I swear to God if you do that again...
RickDickens77: Lou?
--------: 1:21 PM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: WHAT
LouisTheCat: im trying to do the right thing and you are making that very difficult
RickDickens77: I have meetings Lou. Do what you have to do I guess. Please use the box.
LouisTheCat: why did you even set this thing up
RickDickens77: What thing?
LouisTheCat: this talking thing
RickDickens77: So you could contact me in case you.. god dammit.
LouisTheCat: what
LouisTheCat: rick
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: I'll be home in 20 minutes.
LouisTheCat: im gonna take back some of the things i said about you rick
RickDickens77: Shut up.

Episode 2 : Buddies

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 09:58:00 -0800

--------: 8:05 AM
RickDickens77: Lou are you there?
RickDickens77: I know you're there, can you see this?
LouisTheCat: what
RickDickens77: OK good. Remember what I showed you, how you can click on the little video camera for a video chat?
LouisTheCat: no
RickDickens77: Seriously? This was like twenty minutes ago.
LouisTheCat: oh that
RickDickens77: Right, so click on it
LouisTheCat: what
RickDickens77: Don't be a jerk, click on it.
LouisTheCat: well i dont want to have a video chat
RickDickens77: Why not?
LouisTheCat: why do you want to
RickDickens77: I'm just trying to make sure everything works.
LouisTheCat: well this works
RickDickens77: Right, but the video.
LouisTheCat: what video
RickDickens77: For Christ's sake Lou, the
LouisTheCat: relax im kidding
LouisTheCat: i dont see the icon
RickDickens77: It's next to my picture and name in the buddy list.
LouisTheCat: wtf is a buddy list
RickDickens77: I don't have time for this, if you want to be able to get in touch with me at work this is how we're going to do it and I feel like you're just jerking me around.
LouisTheCat: maybe i dont have time for this
RickDickens77: You lick your balls all day.
LouisTheCat: thats more than a little insensitive and i think you know why
RickDickens77: Whatever. Look, I have to work. I'll be on here if you need me.
--------: 8:25 AM
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: What?
RickDickens77: ...What?
LouisTheCat: rick
RickDickens77: Goodbye.

Episode 1 : The Ping

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 09:47:00 -0800

--------: 8:15 AM
RickDickens77: OK can you see this
RickDickens77: Lou
RickDickens77: ok hang on
RickDickens77: OK how about now
RickDickens77: what are you doing
RickDickens77: god dammit.