LOVE AND DATINGS

WAYS TO BUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP

2015-12-17T12:09:00.001-08:00

The happiest, most satisfying relationships rest on a foundation of implicit trust. If you want your relationship to be all it can be, both of you must learn how to create this kind of trust. Most couples only think of trust in terms of being sexually faithful, though essential, there’s more to it than just that.

Part One of Three:
Committing to Mutual Core Relationship Values.

1. Stay faithful. If a partner is not loyal, a relationship quickly becomes unworkable. People do recover from an affair but usually need professional help to do it. Make a commitment to be faithful and stick to it. If you’re not happy in the relationship, get counseling and not a part-time lover.

* If you’re faithful to someone, it means you’re faithful on all levels. This means physically but also emotionally as well. Some people think it’s okay to establish intimate bonds even though they may just be spending time with another person and nothing else; but it’s really not. It will eventually cause problems in your relationship.

2. Give your partner space and foster kindness. Trust builds in an atmosphere of security and safety. The cycle of hurting each other, either verbally or physically, and then rejecting the other person, creates a lot of fear which undermines trust. Also trying to control your partner’s every move is another type of mistrust, so make sure you’re not possessively clinging on. That will only push him or her away.

* If your significant other wants to spend time with their friends, try to be okay with that. You can always talk about what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not, though. For instance, if your partner says that he or she wants to go to a dance club with friends and you’re not comfortable with it, then it’s something that you need to talk about both in this instance and for the future so that it doesn’t keep happening again and again.

3. Love your partner without any ulterior motives. Both of you need to feel sure you are loved for yourself and not for some other reason. That could be your family, your money, your looks or even fear of being alone. Make sure you’re with your significant other for the right reasons.

4. Make your relationship a top priority. It can be easy to take each other for granted and neglect one another. Try not to give all of your energy and time to other people or activities. Keep your priorities clear. If being in a relationship is important to you, then make sure it stays at the top of your list.

5. Stay to the end. Misunderstandings, conflict and anger are going to occur. However, make if safe for disagreements and the careful expression of anger to happen without raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of walking out.

Part Two of Three:
Establishing Trust on Your End

1. Keep your routine. A lot of people believe that mixing things up all the time makes a great relationship. In other words, he or she is always planning something new to surprise the other. Although surprises are nice from time to time, stability and uniformity are far more important in a relationship. Uniformity sounds boring, but you need to be predictable to make things work in the long run. Predictability builds trust.

2. Be reliable. Trust is just another way of saying you can rely on someone. You trust your partner to do certain things no matter what at all times. This trust builds security in a relationship. Make sure your partner can count on you.

* If you say you’re going to be home by 5 p.m., then make sure you are or at least let the other person know if something else comes up. The most important factor here is consistency. If 4 out of 5 times, you never bother calling and just come home as late as you want, then that’s a strong indicator that your needs matter more to you than your partner. A happy, successful relationship is when both parties make an effort at keeping up their end of the bargain.

3. Mean what you say. Your partner can read your face better than anyone else. If you are lying or trying to hide some true feeling by not quite saying all that is on your mind, he or she will be able to tell. The person might even think you’re cheating. When the person knows he or she can trust whatever comes out of your mouth without hesitation, then you are building an unshakable bond.

4. Tell the truth. Don't keep anything hidden, nothing should be privileged from the other. You have to know that sooner or later all things come to light, and the consequences of not being completely truthful will kill the trust and ruin your relationship.

5. Share how you really feel. Too many people never let their partners know what they need. Don't let your partner wonder, or try to guess what he or she should do for you. It is essential this happens with both partners. If only one partner is being catered to by the other, there is a chance one will feel smothered or the other might feel neglected. Either scenario is not good.

Part Three of Three:
Fostering Trust in Your Significant Other

1. Have faith in your partner's capabilities. In other words, if you believe at all that the person is not competent in some of the things he or she does, your trust will not be solid. If this is the case, you need to be up front with him or her on the issues in an honest and loving manner. This will allow you to work through this and keep the trust with each other.

2. Trust your partner. How can your partner trust you when you don't trust him or her? Having trust takes two people, and without the other person building trust, too, it's like a fish without water.

* This is where you have the opportunity to practice vulnerability. Trusting another person often comes down to how you feel on the inside. In other words, if you tend to be insecure about things, then this could fall over into your relationship in a negative way. You have every reason to trust until the person actually does something that shows you cannot.

3. Give the benefit of the doubt. One indicator of trust issues is the tendency to think of the worst case in every possible situation. Just because someone missed your phone call doesn’t mean the person is cheating on you. When you trust your partner, it means you give him or her the benefit of the doubt. Each person deserves a chance to explain her or himself before coming to a conclusion. Only then can it be looked at objectively.

4. Leave your partner’s phone alone. Do either one of you have passwords on your phone? If so, it could be a sign that you have problems with trust. While privacy is important, it doesn’t mean your phone should be protected like it’s Fort Knox. When there’s real trust, the other person will respect your privacy even if he or she has access to your phone. But the bigger issue, however, is if you feel that the person calling your significant other’s phone is a threat to your relationship, then there are definite trust issues that need to be dealt with.

5. Allow your partner free reign in life. Often, when there are trust issues, you want to monitor everything the other person does and with whom. It’s easy to feel territorial and feel threatened by everyone. However, trust is about having faith and allowing the other person free reign. When you trust someone else, it also means you trust yourself, which fosters healthier relationships in the long run.

NOTE :
1. There will always be trials and tribulations in a relationship, but when you face difficulties with an open mind and actively work through the difficulties, the trust in your relationship will grow stronger.

2. Trust cannot be maintained if you are doing something behind your partner's back (e.g. cheating). Your partner will find out eventually and the trust will be broken. And once trust is gone, it can never be re-established, there will always be a bit of doubt in place of complete trust.

HOW TO FIND OUT IF A PERSON TRULY LOVES YOU

2015-12-16T03:29:00.003-08:00

There's no guaranteed way to know if a person truly loves you, but there are a few signs to read to figure out what is on the mind of your loved one. You'd like to know if the person you love truly loves you back, then you have to pay attention to how the person acts, what they say, and what they do when you're together. Though love may mean something different to every person, there are many ways to tell if a person truly loves you instead of just having a crush on you, liking you a lot, wanting your money, or just being momentarily infatuated with you. If you want to know if that person truly loves you, just follow these steps.

METHOD 1 OF 3: NOTICE HOW THE PERSON ACTS

1. See if the person can truly be himself around you. Part of being love means being completely open to the other person. If you find yourself seeing a whole different side that the person doesn't show the public, then that may be love. If the man you're with is pretty serious or polite in public, but when you're alone, he shows his goofy and silly side completely, then he's really opening up to you and loves you.

If the person shares his deepest emotions with you and is comfortable with it, then that's love.
If the person is comfortable not looking perfect, tripping, or having food stuck in his teeth around you, that means he's okay if you see every side of him.

2. See if the person is happy to be around you -- even during a bad day. If your loved one has had a very bad day but lights up when he sees you, then that's a sign of love. If he's in love with you, then the sight of you or the sound of your voice is guaranteed to make him feel better -- if only a little bit.

The next time he's grumpy or has a bad day, see how he reacts in your presence.

3. See if the person gives you googly eyes. Though this may be silly, check out your loved one's face the next time you see him. Does he look at you in a goofy, watery, silly and adorable way that can only be described as "googly-eyed"? You'll know it when you see it. You won't get this look all the time -- you can spot it in the morning, or randomly across the dinner table.

You may also be able to catch the person staring at you with the same expression.

4. See if the person is giddy around you. Love makes people feel giddy, weightless, and like laughing for no reason at all. If you see the person acting this way in your presence, then this may be love. Does your loved one seem hyper, excited, and on the verge of laughing for almost no reason at all whenever he's around you? If so, then this may be love.

· If you've said something barely funny and the person cracks up, then he may be lovesick.

If you've said something barely funny and the person cracks up, then he may be lovesick.
If the person shows nervous energy or fidgets around a lot around you, then he may just be excited by your presence.

5. See if the person is upset when you're upset. If you're suffering unbelievable emotional pain or are just bummed because you have the flu, then this should rub off on the person who loves you. If he truly loves you, then he'll absorb some of your negative emotions and will be very upset because he'll want you to feel better as soon as you can.

Though he doesn't have to be as upset as you are, the person should clearly be affected by your mood because all he wants is for you to be happy.

METHOD 2 OF 3: NOTICE WHAT THE PERSON SAYS

1. See if the person talks about your future together like it's a given. If the person really loves you, then the idea of you being in his or her future is an absolute given, not something that he or she would ever have anxiety or uncertainty about. If the person routinely talks about what you're going to do in the future, about what your lives will look like one, two, or even ten years in the future together, then he's probably in love with you.

True commitment means seeing a forever with another person. If the person talks about the future and always includes you in it, then there's a good chance he truly loves you.

If the person talks about what your kids will look like, where you'll retire together, or where you'll go for your honeymoon, then he may really love you.

2. See if the person gives you meaningful compliments. There's a difference between saying, "I like your new haircut" and "You have the ability to make me feel better no matter what." If the person gives you compliments that show that he really appreciates the important aspects of your character and personality, then there's a good chance he really loves you.

Your loved one doesn't have to shower you with compliments all the time — it's the quality, not the quantity, that makes a difference.

3. See if the person says "I love you" and means it. Remember that there's a big difference between "Love ya!" and "I love you." If your special someone really loves you and tells you this much while looking into your eyes, sounding earnest, and not wanting anything from you, then it's likely that he really means it.

If the person undeniably loves you, then he'll say it for no reason at all, not just because he needs a favor or because it feels like the right thing to say.

4. See if the person really opens up to you. If your loved one really loves you, then they'll really open up to you and tell you what they are thinking, feeling, fearing, and longing for. If the person really opens up about their childhood, greatest regrets, most painful moments, or most romantic dreams for the future, then it's likely that they like you because the person is so comfortable telling you about almost everything.

If the person tells you, "I've never told anyone this before..." then there's a good chance that he really loves and trusts you.

5. See if your loved one tells you how much they miss you when you're apart. If you and your loved one are apart, but she still texts you, calls you, or emails you to let you know how much she misses you, then it means she can't imagine her life without you. If you go on a three-week vacation and don't hear a word from her, then it may not be love.

She doesn't have to call you constantly to let you know if she misses you.

6. See if the person is comfortable with pointing out your mistakes. If that person truly loves you, then he doesn't have an idealized picture of you in his mind. If it's truly love, then that person will be comfortable with telling you when you've made a mistake, said something illogical, or acted badly. Though the person shouldn't criticize you all the time, giving you a healthy amount of criticism just means that the person really knows you in and out and accepts your mistakes as well as your best qualities.

If the person never argues with you or never criticizes you, then you should be on the look out. Make sure that the person truly loves you instead of an ideal version of who you are.

7. See if the person truly values your opinion. If the person truly loves you, then he'll care about what you think -- whether it's about his new pair of shoes or the political situation in your country. If he really loves you, he'll ask for your advice and opinions, whether it's on big or small matters. He may feel self-conscious about asking for your opinion, but he'll do it because he loves you.

METHOD 3 OF 3: NOTICE WHAT THE PERSON DOES

1. See if the person will listen to anything you say. If the person really loves you, then she'll not only open up to you, but she'll also listen to anything you have to say -- even if she's heard it all before. Though she won't be your lapdog, she will be around to hear your thoughts. She'll nod and respond thoughtfully and not interrupt instead of switching the subject to something she wants to talk about.

Part of being in love is just being able to listen. It's not all about being able to talk.

2. See if the person is always there for you -- even if it's inconvenient. Sure, if you want to grab a drink or a tasty meal, the person is always around, but what about when you need a ride from the airport or you need someone to walk your dog while you're sick? If the person truly loves you, then he'll be there for you during the fun times as well as the not-so-fun times.

If the person is only around when you're happy, lighthearted, or in a good mood, but flees the scene as soon as you're sad or cranky, then that's not love.
Love is about being there for a person -- no matter what. Truly loving a person means accepting all the positive and negative qualities of that person, and being around during the good times and the bad.

3. See if the person does nice things for you. If the person truly loves you, then he'll do thoughtful things like put gas in your car when you're busy, do your food shopping for you, or bring you chicken soup when you're home sick. These favors don't have to be constant or over-the-top, but if the person truly loves you, then he'll want to do things to make you smile and to make your life easier.

True love isn't just about what you can take from the person, but what you can give as well.
If the person really loves you, then he'll do nice things for you without you having to ask. It should be implied that you need a favor or help sometimes. If you have to ask for something nice every time, then that may not be true love.

4. See if the person always wants to be around you. Part of being in love is always wanting to be around the person you love, even if it's impractical. If the person truly loves you, then he or she will want to be around you -- a lot. This doesn't mean the person will want to be attached at the hip, but it does mean that the person will try to take as many opportunities as possible to see you.

This doesn't mean that the person will want to be with you 24/7. But if the person can only make time to see you once or twice a month, it's very likely that it isn't love.

5. See if the person knows when to give you space. If the person truly loves you, then he'll not only want to be around you a lot, but he'll also know when to give you space and do your own thing. If the person wants to be around you all the time, then that's not love -- it's infatuation. As love matures, two people will realize that they still need to do things separate to maintain their own identities.

If the person wants to be around you every waking moment, then that may be more of a sign of that person's insecurities than true love.

6. See if the person truly understands you. True love is true understanding. Though it sounds lame, the person should really "get" you in order to love you. If the person actually understands your moods, knows what you want and what you don't want, and has an idea of what will make you happy before you may know it yourself, then that may be true love.

It's okay if part of you remains mysterious to the person -- you don't have to be understood 100%, but you do have to have the sense that the other person truly understands where you're coming from most of the time.

7. See if the person wants the best for you -- even if it isn't the best for him. If a person truly loves you, then he'll understand that there are some things that you have to do that may not be the best for him, or may mean that you'll be spending some time apart. If he truly loves you, then he'll understand that you have to spend a summer on a remote island to pursue your career in marine biology, or that you have to go home early to get enough sleep for a test instead of spending the night with him.

If the person only wants what's best for both of you at all times, then he's not really seeing you as a unique individual with your own needs and desires.

8. See if he truly supports you. If he really loves you, then he'll not only be there for the fun times, but he'll be there to help you achieve your goals and move forward in your life. If he truly loves you, then he'll be there in the bleachers during your soccer game, he'll be there to see you defend your thesis, and he'll be there to give you a ride to your job interview. And he'll be there whenever you want to talk about something that means a lot to you.

If he really loves you, then he'll support you to achieve your goals or pursue your interests, even if they have nothing to do with him.

YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AFTER BEING HEARTBROKEN

2014-11-04T23:31:00.001-08:00

So your former flame broke your heart. Well, past is past. There's obviously a reason why it ended, so try to get over it.

1. Make a list of pros and cons of your previous relationship. Write down everything you can remember, good and bad. Think about the reasons that it's over. He/she cheated, treated you poorly, or you just couldn't get along. Whatever the reason, remember that there IS a reason you two aren't together anymore.

2. Create the perfect dream girlfriend/boyfriend. Write the traits that you'd like in your ideal significant other. Sweet, funny, caring, loving, smart. Write it all down. That's just the easy part.

3. Now go looking for him/her. Don't let it consume your life, and all your time. Write a list of people you'd be willing to go out with. It should be realistic, though. Don't put down Britney Spears or Adam Levine. That's probably not going to happen. Whenever you find that trait in one of the people on your list, write it under their name. Narrow it down by hanging out with them more often, or talking to them more than you would normally.

4. Don't interact with your ex. That might stir up old feelings, tricking you into thinking you still have a chance of making it work with them. Delete their number off your phone, get rid of all their emails, texts, voice mails, and if you have to, change your phone number. Don't put too much thought into this, though.

5. Don't make it official before you've considered your top three choices. Have a dinner date with each one of them before you let them call you their girlfriend/boyfriend. If that isn't enough, have up to three dates with each.

6. Gently let down the two you didn't choose. This way, if number one doesn't work, you might still have a chance with number two or three.

7. Take it slow. If you jump into it, you might forget to keep a hand over your heart. Also, it might just be a repeat of your last relationship. What did you do wrong? What was the problem? Whatever it was, try not to let it happen with your new guy/gal.

TIPS FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

2013-07-14T14:50:00.001-07:00

Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work until you sit back and realize just how much you've been given. A thriving, healthy relationship is absolutely within
your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. Here's how to start nurturing your bond.

THINGS YOU MUST DO INDEPENDENTLY

1. Take responsibility for your own
happiness. Save yourself several hours of
arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy.

2. Make good on your words . Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive.

3. Admit your mistakes . If you know you've done something to hurt your partner intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."

★ Commit to changing your behavior. If you
notice yourself apologizing for the same
mistake over and over, step it up a level.
Tell your partner that you recognize this
mistake keeps happening, and you want to
train yourself to stop. Request help and ask
for him or her to gently point it out to you
when you're making this mistake again.

4. Be realistic . Every relationship has
disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.

★ Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning
qualities and flaws, or as someone you
expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.

★Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.

★Always ask yourself whether you're better
off in the relationship than out of it. If you
don't think you're better off in the
relationship, then you probably should have
a serious discussion with your partner. In a
loving relationship, this question almost
always gets a simple "Yes."

5. Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.

★ Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more
deeply; and even help you pick out an
awesome Christmas present. There are no
downsides to listening.

6. Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that you're loved and feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The best relationships use affection to show love.

★ Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most.

★ Don't be afraid to show physical affection
every once in a while. Loving relationships
feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-
rubs that are mainstays of affection.

★ Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss
your partner after you come home from
work; it's another thing to kiss your wife
while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet
from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so
put a little effort into it for huge returns.

7. Be loyal . Make sure he/she knows that you will
always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in
your life as much as you possibly can. Not that
you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk
to anyone else, but he/she should know that
he/she can always count on you if he/she
needs something. Also, expect the same loyalty
from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the
relationship just as much as him/her.

8. Do not ever hide anything from him/her .
Especially your feelings about him/her and your
relationship - whether good or bad! This way
you will be able to overcome all the difficulties
and challenges together. If something bad
happened in your past that still affects you in
the present, he/she needs to know about it.
Note: you should be able to discuss your sexual
history. It is an obligation before you decide to
be sexually involved with your partner. But you
should make them feel safe and not judgmental
and you should expect the same from your
partner.

9. Give him/her some space . Everyone needs their
own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she
does. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and
controlled .

★ Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her
phone, stalking him/her on social networks,
following him/her around). If he/she is
cheating on you, you will find out. These
things cannot be kept secret for very long.
But if you spy on him/her and he/she is
innocent, you will lose his trust and respect
forever.

10. Express your feelings towards him/her . Always
remind him/her of how much he means to you,
and what he/she represents to you. Women are
not the only ones who need expressions of love
and care, men need that too.

★ If you have a problem, you need to let him/
her know - preferably in a clear and calm
manner without any yelling. If he says `Are
you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect
him to understand that you really meant no.
Be honest and open.

★Let him/her know it is safe to open up to
you about what he is feeling. Reward his/
her trust in you by sympathizing with him/
her and, but you don`t need to say
much ,just listen.

★ Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend
every minute fearing the huge pain that that
might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful
moment as it happens, and realize that there
will never be another one just like it.
★ Never be pathetic and needy just to make
him/her pay attention to you and give you
sympathy.

★ A solid relationship should be based on
mutual respect; if you are constantly trying
to pull him/her down with you, this means
you don`t respect him /her enough to want
him/her to be happy. If you are depressed,
see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into
your problems.

11. Encourage him/her . So that he/she can be more
successful at work or study. That will make
him/her realise how much you care about his/
her future and wish that he/she'd become one of
the best. It will also make his/her feeling
towards you grow even stronger, and he/she
will believe that you're ready to support him/her
on anything he/she does.

THINGS YOU MUST DO TOGETHER

1. Revive date-night . Going on dates, even if
you've been in a relationship for years, is still
important. In fact, it's especially important for
couples who have been together long enough to
grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least
once every month. Some couples make it a
priority to go on one date every week.

★ If you're having trouble imagining date
ideas, try recreating a date you had with
your partner early on in your courtship. Do
exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on
the date by reinventing it in a significant
way.
★ Do something new and exciting. Doing
something that gets your blood flowing and
your heart rate up enhances feelings of
togetherness between partners. If you're
feeling brave, go on dates that makes you
feel like a kid all over again: going to a
comedy club, taking a cooking class, or test-
driving a new car, to name only a few.

2. Practice forgiveness . Forgiveness is a decision
of letting go of the past and focusing on the
present. It's about taking control of your current
situation, as you must offer it to your partner as
much as you demand it from them.

★ Remember who forgiveness really benefits.
Forgiving your partner absolves him or her,
but it also frees you from carrying around
anger and resentment. Don't view it as an
entirely altruistic act — it's something you're
doing for both of you.

3. Laugh together . Laugh at one another with the
security of love. Laughter helps the world go
'round, and it may with your relationship, too.
Laughter helps your body burn calories,
increase blood flow, strengthen the immune
system, and lowers blood sugar levels. [1]
Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an
aphrodisiac, and many things in between. Don't
forget to laugh.

4. Support each other . Being supportive means
making your partner's happiness and well-
being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in
mind that part of why you're together in the first
place is that you're each other's biggest fans,
so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating
your support in these ways:

★ Be a good listener. If your partner needs you
to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't
always need to come up with a solution, just
support.

★ Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying
to make a positive change, start a new
hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be
his or her biggest cheerleader.

★ Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to
be vulnerable in front of you without fear of
judgment.

5. Devote time to each other . Make spending time
with your partner a priority, even if it's a little
inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared
experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating
that nurturing yours is important to you.

★ Take up a hobby. Learning something new
together can help you grow closer, as well
as discovering a leisure activity you both
enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball,
learning a new language, cooking, crafting,
or whatever else you've been wanting to try.

★ Find small ways to serve each other. Doing
small acts of service for your partner shows
that you're aware of what he or she needs,
and you're willing to help out. It doesn't
have to be an extravagant gesture: make
dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a
foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it
a big deal, and don't automatically expect
payback.

6. Develop better communication. Most people
aren't born great communicators — it's
something nearly everyone has to work at. The
way you talk to your partner might seem small,
but you do it several times a day and it does
have an effect. Consider these fixes:

★ Don't use directive language. Try to keep
phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out
of your relationship. You and your partner
are equals, and neither one of you should
have the authority to direct the other.

★ Relay your expectations. If you expect your
partner to do something, say it. Don't expect
that he or she should read your mind, and
don't rely on hints. Being clear about what
you want gives your partner a fair shot at
succeeding. (And keep the above point in
mind: instead of "You should take the
garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it
if you took the garbage out every day.")

★ Say "please" and "thank you." You should be
able to let loose around your partner, so
there's no need to worry about having
impeccable manners all the time. The
exception to this is asking nicely and
expressing gratitude when your partner does
something — don't just assume he or she
knows how you meant it.

★ Fight fair. Don't just let all these good
communication skills go out the window
during an argument. Try to get your point
across in a loving, respectful way that
doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or
she insists on yelling or throwing insults,
quietly request a calmer attitude.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

★ Never be anything other than yourself around them. If
you don't show them all of you, they can't love all of
you.

★ Don't assume the worst or doubt him/her. It's all
about trust.

★ Allow your partner to WANT to love you. Don't
pressure them into buying this and that, kissing you
at this time etc Your partner has to want to do these
things. It makes things more real and less of you
feeling like you're forcing them to love you.

★ All good relationships are based upon mutual
respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or
believe your partner is losing respect for you, then
consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect
is the key. If you have true respect for one another,
then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn
respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve
this, but if they love you it will come.

★ Take care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect
and love is as important as respecting and loving
your partner.

★ Never cheat, if you are in a long term relationship
with someone you love, it is never worth it and these
things will always resurface.

★ The first thing you should know is, find what you love
about him/her, what made you fall in love with him/
her. And love him/her with all your heart, treasure
every moment, and treat him/her the way he/she
should be treated.

★ Ask questions, clarify, and don't assume. Do not talk
if your mind is not clear or is full of anger. When you
feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault / you never loved
me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to
break up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell him
or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first, if
you don't work together and just blame, it can only
do harm. Never just withdraw this always causes
more harm than good.

★ Avoid flirting with others, especially previous
partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for
another.

★ Comfort each other when needed.

WARNING

★★ If your partner is scaring you, trying to control you,
or deliberately hurting you (physically or
emotionally), seek help immediately. Abusive
behavior is not your fault. In a healthy relationship,
partners need to work together to make each other
happy; you should never have to work just to keep
your partner from making you miserable.

WAYS TO MAKE UP WITH YOUR PARTNER AFTER A FIGHT

2013-07-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

Every relationship is different, but most couples have fights once in a while. Partners that stay together for the long haul usually figure out a way to make up and move on. If you don't want to pretend the fight never happened and just wait for the tension to blow over, then learn how to make up in an open and healthy way.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

1. Look beneath the argument. There's a saying: "You're never fighting for the reason you think." It may look like you're fighting about money, sex, or something else, but there's usually some feeling underneath that hasn't been fully expressed, maybe even something you hadn't realised you were feeling. Identifying the root feeling can help you calm down and make up with your partner. Common feelings that many fights can be traced to include:

★ Inadequacy. You feel like you're not good enough and you can't quite believe that your partner would want someone like you - at least, not for long.

★ Fear of abandonment. You're worried that your partner will leave you - literally, perhaps by cheating on you or by becoming emotionally distant. A little bit of alone time after a fight is good, though. It lets each partner cool down so that hot-tempered things aren't said.

★ Feeling taken for granted. You feel unappreciated, perhaps used.

2. Communicate what's most true for you in one sentence. Learn how to practice nonviolent communication. Telling your partner something like "I feel scared when I see you talking to other girls," or "I feel angry I don't have the money to pay for this right now" allows you to get to the core issue and often helps him or her to understand your feelings without arguing about it.

3. Take responsibility. Did you snap at your partner? Are you trying to control the outcome of the fight? Is it easier to get what you want by manipulating the situation rather than asking directly? We all do these things to one degree or another. If you can find a way to own up to your part in the argument, without trying to blame or wrong yourself or your partner for it, it may open up a whole new dialogue.

4. Be humble. Sometimes if you can apologize for something you did (even if you didn't "start" it), it can disarm your partner and result in him or her apologizing as well. Something like, "This is not where I wanted this to go, and I'm so sorry it has. Can we take a breather from the disagreement, collect ourselves and try again, only this time less angry?" Always remember: don't apologize for things you didn't do just so the fight will be over. Be sincere.

5. Let go of being right. Wanting to win an argument is the surest way to keep it going. It's a no-win situation and keeps you from truly connecting with your partner. There's an old saying: "Would you rather be right, or be happy?"

6. Let your partner learn in his or her own way. You can only control yourself and your own pace of learning. If your partner isn't getting it, you can't force him or her to see what the issue your way. There's information in any argument for both of you, but it's impossible to make someone see things from your point of view. Either they do, or do not.

★ If you're holding out for an apology, and your partner isn't giving it, consider openly forgiving him or her anyway. This kind of acceptance, if you don't do it in a condescending way, might show that you accept your partner's imperfections, which can help him or her be less defensive. Example: After succinctly expressing how you feel (as described earlier), say "I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings by forgetting about our anniversary. I do still feel hurt, but I'm willing to trust that you didn't do it on purpose, and you'll try to remember next time. OK?"

7. Appreciate your partner. The sooner you two can experience some form of joy and lightheartedness, the better. Successful relationships have a five-to-one ratio of appreciations to criticisms.[1] Actions that create genuine positive feelings will help to replenish the emotional bank account of your relationship by noticing and expressing lots of things that you really like about your partner and yourself, and the way you are together. If you're still feeling down about the whole thing, though, start with yourself.

8. Set boundaries. If your argument has been a nasty one, you may want to make an agreement with your partner about the boundaries and terms of your relationship. For example, "I agree not to call you nasty names." Or, "I'd like for us to agree that we talk about what's going on without yelling at each other."

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

★ Learn from the argument. Is this argument similar to those you've had with others? If you keep repeating the same arguments, it's because there's some way in which you keep these issues going without realizing it. What can you learn from these problems? If you and your partner fight about one issue repeatedly and one or both of you cannot find a compromise (such as: one of you wants children, the other does not), then your relationship may not be a match made in heaven.

★ If you feel like you are always losing, or if an argument often ends with you begging for forgiveness even though you believed you were right, it may be worth learning .Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship or how to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship.

★ Talk calmly and listen to each other so you can try not to let the fight happen again.
★ If they say they would like some space and they do not want to talk right now, give them their space to give you and your partner some time to cool off and think about it.

★ Don't just bribe them sexually or in any way. That won't fix anything, and will likely lead to another argument.

★ Throughout the amending process, remember to keep a level head. Rememeber that your only motive is to make things better and to be happy again.

★ Forgiveness is not a feeling, first and foremost. It is a choice that goes beyond feelings; it is an activity of the will.

★ Always listen to them, if you don't then it will lead into an another fight.

★★★ No one wins if you end the argument but feel disconnected from each other.

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND REGRET BREAKING UP WITH YOU: READ THIS

2013-06-06T14:14:00.003-07:00

After being broken up with, it may seem impossible to pull your life
back together and get back in control of your emotions, but with the
right tactics before you know it you will be back to that confident,
independent, happy girl that your ex first fell in love with.

THINGS TO DO
1. Think about what you've learned from the relationship, and
start using that in a daily basis. It may not have worked out
between you, but maybe you learned better listening skills,
to be less possessive or how to set personal boundaries.
2. Don't repress your feelings . This doesn't mean contacting
your ex or making it public how much pain you are in. Take
time to yourself to journal, go for a walk or go for coffee
with a close friend to talk about the relationship and how
you are feeling.
3. Write down a list of seven great qualities you have, and
post it somewhere you will read it every day. Remember that
people break up and start dating for many different
reasons. Often times the break-up is not a reflection of you
personally, rather the other persons issues. Try not to
blame yourself or think that you no longer have anything to
offer the world.
4. Don't rebound . This may temporarily make you feel better,
but even after months of the new relationship when it's all
said and done you will still be left with unresolved feelings
about your ex. Take time to heal, stand on your own two
feet. There is nothing more attractive then a confident,
independent person.
5. Resist the urge to contact your ex . Your brain will be
looking for any way possible to get in contact with them, or
see how they're doing. Resist at all costs! By contacting
them, you are submitting to their emotional manipulation
and showing them that you are still obsessing over the
break-up. If it is meant to be and they are the ones who
broke it off, they will contact you.
6. Breathe. Allow your emotions to take their natural course
and don't push away feelings of rejection or hurt. They are
normal and once fully experienced you will have a renewed
sense of strength.
7. Use the power of music . Find some songs that describe
what you're going through and liberate you to move on.
Music is one of the best sources of healing.
8. Keep yourself busy . When you have memory flashbacks or
miss your ex's company, do anything to take your mind off
it. It could be anything from rearranging your shelves to
trying a new recipe.
9. Make goals for yourself everyday and try to reach them .
Whether it be, going for a walk, meditating, cleaning the
house or doing something you have put off for a long time.
Cross each goal off the list once completed. This will make
you feel more accomplished and will take your mind off
your ex.
10. Stay away from alcohol or other emotion evoking
substances. You may think a night out with friends will be
the perfect remedy, until that night of fun turns into tears in
the bathroom and drunk texting.
11. Be mature about the situation. Don't send him hate mail, or
give him any reason to be upset with you. You want him to
remember you as the one that got away, not the psycho girl
who never left him alone after he broke it off.
12. Do something nice for you. Try a new hair cut, paint your
toes, buy yourself a gym pass. Something to help you have
some quality you-time.
13. Smile. Showing that you can find something to be happy
about will attract positive people and things into your life.
Break-ups can be devastating, but they also make you a
stronger person. Let the warmth of your personality shine
through that wonderful smile, and one day he'll realize what
he lost.

TIPS
* When you feel positive about yourself, there's no telling where
you will go. Let go and see where date takes you. Maybe your ex
actually wants you back.
* Spend some time away and give yourself a break.
* Dont go on thinking it was your fault, its him who has probably
made the mistake. Keep your head held up high and move on,
theres that special someone out there who is waiting for
you. Don't put yourself down because there's more to do in life.
* Don't spend all of your time beating yourself up over what you
may have done wrong. It's not productive and won't help you
heal. Instead, focus on bettering yourself.

WARNING
Don't take the path of revenge. It may seem good at first, but
can hurt others.

How to Cope With the Estrangement of Someone You Really Care About

2013-06-06T13:20:00.003-07:00

I've been through this...still going through the pain of this at times too. I've actually asked this question and would like to know what others think and how they cope when they are estranged from someone they still love very much. I will share with you myexperiences of what to do/what not to do, and how to care for yourself.

STEPS

1. Do not approach an issue with someone who says they want
nothing to do with you, when you do not have enough
distance from the problem and the person .
2. Give the person some space.
3. Stay busy .
4. Seek therapy if the hurt disrupts daily activities .
5. Give yourself some grace. When relationships fall apart it isn't usually ALL one person's fault. Forgive yourself.
6. Focus on making good changes in you life .
7. Leave the door open for the person you love and miss to come back in, but do not try to drag them back in.
8. Write about how you feel.

Accept that sometimes a relationship cannot be fixed
Accept that sometimes estrangement is the only option for a destructive relationship no matter how much it hurts, it can be the only way you can limit the pain.

TIPS
* Sometimes is can be helpful to write the person a letter. However, sometimes it can be harmful and cause more hurt. So assess the situation and think over which is the best choice. An alternative to this can be writing a letter without the intention of sending it and destroying it.
* If they have another relationship and seem to be happy...its best you get over them because most likely they are over you.

WARNING
It can take a while to heal from the losing someone you love.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

2012-09-23T01:00:00.001-07:00

While the idea of "making" anyone do anything against their wishes isn't the intent of this article, it is both possible and realistic to encourage someone subtly to feel a certain way about you, through being positive, reciprocal and caring. If you've fallen for a man you'd like to feel the same way about you, here are some suggestions to help you encourage his feelings along in the right direction, all with subtlety and consideration.
1. Smile well and often. Your best weapon is always available, completely free, and can't be overused––your winning smile! Flash a genuine grin as often as possible, whether it's directed at your guy or not. It makes you look approachable, and it might actually make you happier. Find something to smile about. If you're a bit blue, think of a happy moment or amusing joke to spark a smile. Do you have a favorite pet? A favorite memory? Whatever it is, think of it as often as you need to. Try a slow smile. If you've made eye contact with the man you love, smile at him slowly, letting it spread over your face. If you tend to blush and look down when he's looking at you, let it happen after the smile — you'll be irresistible.
2. Show your man the best version of yourself. Trying to change who you are to win someone over is a recipe for disaster. You can, however, show him the more appealing sides of your personality and looks. It might sound simple, but it can do a lot to boost your confidence and your image. Try some of these options: Make the effort to look good. Keep your hair clean and styled neatly, and pay extra attention to your personal hygiene. Put on a little signature scent in the morning or before you go out, or wear scented body lotion for a subtler scent. If you wear makeup, aim for a look that's flattering but simple; don't try to overdo this aspect. Keep your mouth appealing. Brush your teeth twice daily, floss, and use mouthwash. During the day, you can pull out mints or gum to freshen your breath. If you want to, you can wear gloss or lipstick as well. Do your laundry regularly. Instead of buying a new wardrobe, make the best of what you have. Set up a regular schedule and make sure you always have clean shirts, pants/skirts, undergarments and socks available. Don't let him see stains or unkempt clothing!
3. Be a little mysterious. Let him wonder about you, instead of telling him everything he wants to know (or more). Don't know how to be mysterious? It's easier than it looks. Here's how to start: Don't tell him your life story right away. If he asks you about yourself, offer some details. If an extremely personal or sensitive topic comes up, don't immediately spill the beans or or get flustered and offended; instead, smile a little and say, "Maybe another time." Make him do some work for your contact information. Instead of immediately giving him your number or friending him on Facebook, be patient. If he contacts you first, wait a little bit before you respond. For instance, if he friends you, accept the request after a day or so. If he texts you first, wait 30 to 40 minutes before you text back. While he's waiting for you to respond, he'll be thinking about you and what else you're doing and he'll find it alluring that you have plenty of other things to be getting on with rather than doting on him all day long. Keep up on your own hobbies. If you're interested in something he doesn't do, like amateur drama or a sport, it makes you more interesting. As tempting as it is to spend all your time thinking about this guy, maintaining a busy calendar will both keep you distracted and increase your appeal.
4. Always leave him wanting more. Create demand by limiting supply. If you end the interaction before he's bored, he'll immediately start looking forward to the next time he can talk to you.

Stop texting first before the conversation gets stale. Log off chat first, again before what you're talking about gets old. If you're having a conversation with him, walk away while it's still interesting. If he calls you, end the conversation as soon as you suspect an awkward silence coming on. Don't obsessively text, IM or call him. If you make yourself too available, you'll seem pushy and he might start to get annoyed. Instead, try to seem available and willing, but not desperate.
5. Try some subtle, ongoing flirting. Here are a few ways you can drop hints and boost his confidence:

Get caught looking at him, whether he's across the room or sitting next to you. When you make eye contact, hold his gaze for a second before looking away. Extra points if you can smile or blush a bit. Keep your body language open. Angle your body toward him by pointing your feet (standing) or knees (sitting) in his direction. Instead of folding your arms, try to keep them at your sides or behind your back. These small movements show that you're drawn to his presence and interested in what he's saying. Allow yourself to be nervous around him. If you blush, twirl your hair, or bite your lip when you're nervous, let it happen. Consciously or not, he'll know that those signs mean you're attracted to him. Tease him. If you have an opportunity to gently banter with him, take it! You can use understatement (like saying, "Eh, I guess that was okay" and smiling after he does something impressive), sarcasm (like saying "That wasn't awkward or anything" in a joking tone after a weird moment), or inside jokes. Shared humor will help you two bond.
6. Do something considerate for your man. Show him that you notice what he's doing and you're willing to help without being asked. Try to keep the gesture small enough that he won't be embarrassed at your generosity, but big enough for him to feel valued. Try these suggestions:

Offer to spend time with him if he's doing something boring or tedious. You could offer to walk home with him, help run errands, or keep him company while he waits for an appointment. Help him finish a project. Does he have a lot of work piling up? Or maybe he really needs to get some chores or home improvement projects out of the way? If you can help, offer to do so. Show up with coffee/food, and get to work! Be supportive when he's down. Whether it's a cold, the loss of a loved one, or just too much stress, try to find a way to show your support. Food, flowers, a nice note, or just letting him know you're there for him are all good ideas.
7. Be a positive force in his life. Most people can manage to be negative all by themselves, so they're naturally drawn to optimists and people who try to see the bright side of things. Instead of focusing on what's wrong with your life or talking about the people who annoy you, try to emphasize what's right. Moreover, be pleasant in all that you say toward him and avoid gossiping. Be a positive person in his presence and aim to be positive in general. It's a lot easier to fall in love with someone who always sees the best in others and doesn't gripe all the time.

This isn't to say that you can never complain around him. Everyone complains. But it can be exhausting to listen to someone gripe constantly. Try to keep a rein on it so that he feels warm and fuzzy about his time with you, not tired and down.
8. Above all, don't try to force it. Remember: you can't actually make him fall in love with you. He's free to choose what he wants. Beyond that, though, people can't always control who they love. If it's simply not there on his end, resist the temptation to punish him for it. Accept that if the relationship is meant to be, it will happen; if not, then you're meant for something better. Avoid using the "girlfriend" term until he has said it first. If you say it too prematurely, he may run and never look back. Even more importantly, quell all talk of marriage and babies––that will definitely speed things up too fast.

TIPS: Don't keep hanging on to him when he isn't interested. Men find it annoying when you show up at their house and just won't leave. Moreover, you're simply wasting time you could be spending finding the guy who is actually worthy of you.

Give him enough space. Let him hang out with his friends, and once in a while say that you can't come. This will make you find out if he really wants you to be around him or not.

WARNING: Don't be annoying and obsessive; if he says he wants to be just friends, accept it, but show that you're still interested if he changes his mind.

Don't make him feel worthless by ranting on and on about your exes. If you say what you dislike in your exes, he might be put off.

Don't flirt with his close friends. This will just end up with fights between mates and none of them will care for you.

Don't put him in a compromising position. Men care about how you feel, even if they're not interested in you romantically. Don't force them to answer a question if they look uncomfortable with it.

TIPS TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE IN A PARASITIC RELATIONSHIP

2012-07-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

A parasitic relationship is a relationship in which one partner (the parasite) is helped, at the expense of another partner (the host) being hurt. A parasitic relationship must be distinguished from the other two forms of symbiotic relationship: mutualistic, where both partners benefit, and commensal, where one partner benefits, but the other partner is unaffected. A parasitic relationship is a harmful relationship for the host. Therefore, it is important to identify it early on, so further damage can be forestalled.

In a healthy relationship, one should seek to give more and receive less, loving one another as oneself. It should be mutually loving, caring, respecting, and well-balanced. A parasitic relationship is an imbalance that must be identified and corrected promptly.

Steps:

Identify the relationship. In order to know whether you are in a parasitic relationship, you must first identify the relationship. Identify the person or living thing with whom you have a relationship.
Determine what benefits, if any, you have derived from this relationship. For example:
- Are you receiving love?
- Are you getting/saving more money?
- Are you living more healthily physically?
- Are you finding food more easily?
- Are you finding shelter more easily?
- Are you able to go shopping more easily?
- Are you able to perform daily routines more effectively?
- Is your life more meaningful as a result of the relationship?
Determine what harms, if any, you have derived from this relationship. For example:
- Are you hurting emotionally?
- Are you losing money?
- Are you living more unhealthily physically?
- Are you finding food more difficult to obtain?
- Are you finding shelter more difficult to secure?
- Are you having more difficulty shopping?
- Are you finding your daily routines more difficult to perform?
- Is your life less meaningful as a result of the relationship?
- N.B.: this list is only an example, and may not apply to you. You must make your own list of things that are important to you.
Compare the two lists (benefits and harms you obtained from the relationship) to see whether overall you are benefiting or being harmed from the relationship. For example, you can do this systematically as follows:
- Assign a weight of how important each item is to you. For example, you can use a scale of 0-5, where 0 is not at all important, and 5 is extremely important.
- Assign a score to each item, rating the extent to which you have been affected. For example, you can use a score of 1-10, where 1 is minimally affected, and 10 is maximally affected.
- Multiply the score you assign to each item by the weight you assigned for that item. For example, suppose shelter is more difficult for you as a result of the relationship, shelter should be an item on your list of harms. If shelter is very important to you, but not the most important, you could assign it a weight of 4. And if, because of the relationship, you are experiencing moderate difficulty with affording shelter, you could give it a score of 5, so multiply to get a score of 20 for that item.
- Do this for each item on the list of benefits, then add up all the results. Do the same for the list of harms.
- Now compare the two composite scores, to see which score is bigger. If the list of benefits has a bigger score than the list of harms, you are benefiting from the relationship overall. If the list of harms has a bigger score than the list of benefits, you are being harmed by relationship overall.
Create a list of benefits and a list of harms derived from the relationship by your partner. This is a more difficult step, as you may not be fully aware of all the benefits and harms derived by your partner, and the extent to which each benefit or harm is important. Just try your best to make up the lists, knowing that they are estimations at best.
Do the same analysis you did for yourself to see whether, overall, your partner is benefiting, or is being harmed, by the relationship.
Interpret the results, as follows:
- If you are benefiting and your partner is benefiting, you are not in a parasitic relationship (you are in a mutualistic relationship).
- If you are benefiting and your partner is being harmed, you are in a parasitic relationship (you are the parasite and your partner is the host).
- If you are being harmed and your partner is benefiting, you are in a parasitic relationship (your partner is the parasite and you are the host).
- If you are being harmed and your partner is being harmed, you are not in a parasitic relationship (you are in a mutually destructive, or abusive, relationship).
Have a genuine, heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. One of the most common causes of conflicts in relationships is misunderstanding. Perhaps you have misinterpreted the facts. Perhaps some things have eluded your thinking about the relationship. Perhaps your partner is well-intentioned, but made mistakes unaware.
If you are in a parasitic relationship, take action to correct this.
- After talking with your partner, resolve any misunderstanding, forgive, and discuss ways you can both improve the relationship, so that neither partner is harmed anymore.
- Seek counseling and support from others if needed.
- If the relationship cannot be repaired, look for a way out respectfully and peacefully.
Tips
- Ask yourself every morning before getting out of bed...Am I happy here? what exactly am I doing here? what is that I want out of this relationship that I'm not getting right now? why am I here?
- Be open-minded. We often miss many things that others can pick up 20 feet away. Ask friends you trust that know you well to help you decide whether you are in a parasitic relationship.
- Respect your partner, regardless of whether he/she has hurt you.
- Learn to forgive.
- Understanding that it is better to give than to receive.
- Seek counseling.
- If you are the host in a parasitic relationship, be brave enough to seek a way out; conversely, if you are the parasite, repent and learn to give more and take less from your partner.
Warnings
- Parasitic relationships are harmful by definition. Do not let it continue as is.

STOP HAVING INAPPROPRAITE CRUSH

2012-07-13T14:53:00.003-07:00

Ever find yourself thinking about that special someone... and then slapping yourself as you realize it's a terrible idea? Maybe she's just too young or maybe he's your subordinate at work. Whatever the reason, having a crush on someone is not the problem. The real issue is your own restraint and self-control

Steps:

Examine why the crush is a bad idea. Ask yourself why you would be so interested in this particular person over all others. Obviously, there is the primal attraction factor - there are just certain people you will find attractive, whether it's appropriate or not. But the key here is to voice your objections in a way that your sense of propriety hears you. If she's a lot younger than you are or he's a lot older than you are, why are you interested in a young woman or older man whose interests and priorities will be very different from your own? If you are into a guy who works for you, are you more into the idea that you can call the shots than the actual person? If you have a crush on your brother's girlfriend, is it more about getting one over on your brother than actual interest in the girl? It might be that for a series of circumstances you are feeling needy and vulnerable, making it a bad time to take any action.
Project the potential fallout. If you were to get involved with this person, how would the fallout affect you? Her/Him? Your friends, family, co-workers? Think as if it were a chess game - visualize the next several moves: "If I do this, then s/he will do that; then my brother will hate me; then the first time we argue I will lose my job; then I will die homeless and penniless and nobody else but my parents will ever love me." Well, it might not really be that dire, but you get the idea. Is the potential relationship with this person worth all the trouble you will endure, and what are the chances the relationship would survive all of the chaos that will ensue?
Consider your reputation. What will other people think - will they think more, or less of you? It's not cool to try to steal your buddy's girl. You might end up with her, but you will lose your friend. If you're older, and the boy is a minor, you will be considered a cradle-robber - and on top of that, if you actually pursue that relationship into a sexual situation, you could be looking at jail. Sex with a minor is worse than inappropriate - it's a crime. You may be feeling warm fuzzies when you look at that middle schooler, Mr. High School Sophomore, but if you think you can take a 12-year-old to the prom, think about how your peers will look at you. They'll think you couldn't get someone your own age - you had to go for someone a lot younger, not as savvy, not as sophisticated, and not as educated. That's not a good way to be looked at by your peers. And it's nothing compared to what the adults (especially her parents) will be thinking. On the flip side, imagine how strange it would look if you were the 12 year old asking out Mr Sophomore.
Think about your future. If you get involved with someone inappropriate, you will not just be dealing with problems now. You will be dealing with the fallout far - maybe years - into the future. Let's say the person you are crazy about is really kind of a ... well... not very nice person. She's nice to you, but she isn't very nice to your friends or relatives. You start ditching your friends and family to spend time with her. She's super flaky, and you become flaky, too - going back on your word because she wasn't willing to do whatever it was you promised you'd do - and won't let you do it, either. Even after you break up with her, everyone you know will still view you with distrust. They will question your judgment for ever getting involved with someone like that in the first place.
Distract yourself. Now that you've analyzed, considered, and really meditated upon how terrible this idea is, you need to stop obsessing on this person. No matter how tempting it is to think about him/her, fantasize, and get yourself all tingly doing it, stop it. Do something else. In loose psychological terms, it's called redirecting behaviors and thought patterns. Train yourself to think about something else every time you start thinking about him/her - think of being at Disneyland. Think of being on a train with your family. Think of being a superhero. Whatever. Just think about something else. Turn on the radio or TV, and get some other thoughts running through your head. If you still feel yourself reverting to thoughts of your forbidden crush, call a friend. Go see that friend - get out of the house and out of your head.
Avoid the person. If you can remove yourself from that person as much as possible, the crush will weaken. In order to sustain our adoration for someone, we generally need to reinforce it by seeing the person. (Absence usually doesn't make the heart grow fonder, actually.) Of course, this isn't always practical, but do what you can to minimize contact with the other person.
Focus on the negative. Almost by definition, a crush involves an idealized picture of someone else. But everyone is human, and even your crush has characteristics that are probably not pleasant. Perhaps he says mean things to people, or maybe she listens to music that you think is dumb. Or perhaps he or she merely ignores you. Try to work up some negative energy about the person that you can focus on in order to weaken the crush.
Wait it out. All crushes fade with time. If you can avoid doing something regrettable and keep your feelings in check, eventually those powerful emotions will run their course.
Ask someone else out. It doesn't matter if that person does not measure up to your "wrong crush." What does matter is that you spend some time in the pleasant company of someone other than that person. Start dating others, and keep an open mind. That person is off limits to you, and you have to start re-wiring your brain to think about being with someone else.
10
Make it right. Let's face it: sometimes, you can't convince yourself that you don't feel the way you feel. If you've tried to fight it, all to no avail, and you still find yourself sighing over him/her, then make it right. There are ways to make an inappropriate crush totally appropriate - the most important thing to remember is to make it right FIRST - and then, and only then - get involved. And then, true love wins the day!
- If she's your brother's girl, then you have to behave as a gallant gentleman, and never hit on her. If your brother breaks up with her, you can ask your brother if he'd mind you asking her out. Maybe he wouldn't mind, and there certainly is precedent for it. If he doesn't break up with her, or if he won't give you permission, you're out of luck unless you are prepared to accept the consequences - your brother may not speak to you.
- If you're interested in someone much younger, wait for him/her. Don't get involved with anyone. Bide your time, remain friendly, but don't get too close. Love him or her from afar until it is appropriate. For example, you are Mr. High School Sophomore and she is Miss 6th Grade Middle School. You will need to graduate from High School, go on to college, and maintain a friendly relationship with little Miss 6GMS until she is close to the end of high school herself. Once you are both finished with High School a 5-year age difference becomes unimportant - but while she is a minor, it could be deadly to your future. And then, what good would you be to her?
- If you are into a subordinate, let him know of your interest, but you must agree that one of you must transfer to another department, or one of you must resign (assuming that the feeling is mutual, of course) before you can act on your feelings and develop a personal relationship.

Tips

Remember that emotions or physical attractions can and must be controlled to match different social situations. Just because you have them does not mean it's okay to act on them all the time. Taking the time to create healthy relationships now gives you a long-term way to explore all your feelings safely.

Warnings

If you date another person to keep your mind off your crush, you're quite likely to have them lash out at you if they find out you were using them.

Nobody deserves to be your rebound guy/gal. If you have strong feelings for someone you don't get to involve yourself with another just to break free of it. You must be honest with this new person, Let him/her know that all you need right now is a good friend and nothing more.

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE NEED TO REKINDLE ROMANCE

2012-07-13T14:43:00.002-07:00

Do you feel like something is missing in your love life? Perhaps it's time to rekindle the romance but how can you be sure? This article provides a number of signs to help you recognize that the romance in your relationship might be in need of a boost.

Steps

1. Think about how much time the two of you spend talking together. Did you used to discuss everything together but now find you're lucky to talk about who is dropping off the kids and who is responsible for the garbage run this week? If your partner hardly talks to you and you're hardly talking to your partner, you've become ships passing in the night and it's the clearest sign of all that you've let the love slip and are simply exchanging practical mundanities. Make a decision to set aside time for conversations and the deeper discussions that the two of you once had. If you don't, it'll be more than romance that's slipping by the by.

2. Check the hug and/or cuddle shrink. When you go to hug your partner or to have a wee cuddle, does your partner back away or shrug you off after just a few seconds and resume whatever they were doing? If yes, then you really need to have a chat. Don't just stand there in a strop and stop talking to them as a passive retaliatory measure, as this will only compound the problem and cause them to think you're moody.

3. Consider how often the two of you set aside time just to be together doing something romantic rather than something practical. You may be together when you're doing household chores, the grocery shopping, child raising and household maintenance but these are hardly romantic pursuits. They're the essentials of life but so is romance and unless you have been purposefully setting aside time to have the occasional candlelit dinner, evening out just for the two of you or going somewhere meaningful together once in a while, then you've let the romance slip. Routine can easily kill romance and spontaneity; reintroduce romance through planning it into your monthly schedule. It may not feel as spontaneous as when you first dated but once you're enjoying each planned romantic occasion, you'll realize it's worth the planning!

4. Consider whether you're giving one another enough space. Romance thrives on adventure, a little mystery and renewal. It's a little hard to feel any of these things when you're on top of one another all the time. Worse still is a sense of clinginess from one partner or even from both, an emotional state which can enmesh you in dependency on each other that results in a loss of the spark that ignited your original love for each other's individuality. As well as work, household chores, child raising and other essentials in life, find time to socialize with your friends as well as with one another. Spending time with your friends will give you different perspectives on life that will refresh and restore your sense of your relationship, allowing you to bring back stories, ideas, information and renewed excitement to your relationship. This works for both spouses, so be sure to encourage your spouse to take out time with friends too.

5. Check for demands or interfering attitudes. When demands enter a relationship, romance suffers. If you feel that your spouse is always doing something that doesn't sit well with you (for example, "always" coming home late, "always" leaving the kids with you, "always" making you do X, Y, Z, etc.), then romance has fled. It is all too easy to end up in a row or giving one another the silent treatment if either of you feels taken advantage of, bossed around or not trusted. If this has started to happen, both of you need to re-examine your interactions and rephrase how you see "always" issues. Instead of accusing your spouse of "always" doing X, Y, Z, change the discussion to how something that is happening makes you feel. For example, replace "you're always late home, I don't matter to you as much as that stinking job of yours" with "I am always looking forward to seeing you and I find it hard to wait for your return home". This reminds your spouse of why you care and about the fact that you still excite one another. However, don't overdo this as it can be seen as manipulative or clingy if you take it too far or use it too often.

6. Talk to your trusted friends about their perceptions. Have they said anything about the two of you that has given you cause for pause? You most certainly don't need to air your dirty laundry with them but if they are saying that they've noticed small changes about the two of you, be alert and see if there is any truth in what they're saying and use this as indicators of where you might need to make changes. You don't have to believe everything they say but people outside of a relationship are often in a clearer position to remark on the more subjective elements of it with a less invested reason for seeing it other than what it is.

7. Be objective and stand back and analyze your relationship with realistic eyes. Is the romance in your relationship teetering on a precipice or is it simply bubbling along unheeded underneath the drudgery of everyday living? Either way, you have a choice to bring it back, to reignite that spark. However, you also have a responsibility to be realistic about your relationship; as with most things in life, relationships mature and many romantic relationships turn into companionship over time, and are driven by a more enduring, reciprocal and less idealistic love that is capable of encompassing the boring patches of life and that accepts the imperfections of both love and of each other. Romance is idealistic and with that, it also causes us to idealize the one we love; when this type of idealization moves into acceptance, love endures and transcends the daily routine, the squabbles, the conflict and the troubles, ultimately enabling us to just accept what is and to love one another for who we are and for who we continue to become. Relax – finding pleasure in simply being together may not be the wow kind of romance you're after but it's a very solid, stable and loving approach to a long-term relationship.

Expect yourself, your spouse, your marriage and your ideas of romance to evolve with time. When seeking to rekindle romance, ask yourself very clearly exactly what it is about romance you want to invite back into your relationship. It may be very different now from five, ten or more years before.

HOW TO APPROACH THAT HOT STRANGER YOU'VE BEEN EYEING

2012-03-06T08:38:00.001-08:00

We all have that stranger we want to talk to but don't know how. This article is for those of you who are ready to talk to them. Who knows, maybe you'll win his heart over.

Steps

1. Find out about their background. You don't want to convince yourself that this person is great, and find that you're sorely mistaken when it's too late.

Ask people you know about this stranger. Do they have a reputation (good or bad)?
Do they have a rep of being a player? Are they shy? Do they do relationships or not?

2. Based on the above questions,determine whether or not this person is worth chasing.
3. Like their status on Facebook if you are friends. Don't comment if you've never talked to them, because you can come off as a creeper.
4. When you see them in the hallway,send them signals.

Look them up and down.
Wink.
Smile suggestively.

5. Talk to them if you get the opportunity, find out their interests.

Use these to strike conversation over social networking sites.
If you have mutual friends, ask them to help you to get to know this person. Have conversations with both of them at the same time. (This will make it a lot less awkward.)

6. Get out of the friend zone.If you want to get sexually or romantically involved with this person, continue to send signals. Compliment them once in a while.

Tips

You can make up a name for that attractive stranger you see all the time but make sure it stays between you and your friends, otherwise he'll think your 'stalking' him if he finds out.
Try and make sure you are with someone when you walk past the stranger so that your friend can say your name so that he hears.
You will need to find out if the person is actually single before you decide to make move.

Warnings

When you send signals, start small at first: You don't want to come on too strong, or this may scare them away!

HOW TO COPE WITH ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOUR ROOMMATE

2012-03-06T08:21:00.001-08:00

You finally found someone you can live with! Everything is going along great, and suddenly, you find yourself thinking of your roommate more and more, talking about him or her every chance you get... uh oh. You never meant to develop those feelings for your roommate - this is going to complicate things in your living arrangement. Or is it? For the purposes of this article, it is assumed you are both of the same gender.

1. Try to fight it. It's possible you are just grateful and happy to have found someone who you can share, not only a refrigerator and living expenses with, but good times, warm feelings, and all that goes with being a good friend - one who becomes like family. Sometimes, feeling you have a crush on this person is just a transference of those good feelings. If you try to shake them off, you may succeed - if it truly is simple transference of emotion. If not...

2. Hit on him or her all the time. Hide in plain sight. Once you realize you have feelings for him or her, start flirting, big time. Make it a point to make your roommate always aware that s/he is your idea of cute, sexy, and adorable - but when others of your roommate's gender are around, hit on them as well. If you're flirting with everyone, you're hiding your feelings for that one person.

3. Stuff the feelings. That's right. Fight the urge to confess your love, unless you get a clear signal that s/he feels the same way about you. Keep those feelings to yourself. At least for now.

4. Figure out if there's any chance s/he feels the same way. You won't be able to hide your feelings forever. Start probing, very gently - keep things very light, and use humor to prevent things from taking a serious turn, but when you hear a clue, pursue that clue. For example, she says, "I am just not satisfied with my relationships with men." You say, "So does that mean I have a chance, then?" Then wink and grin. But watch for her reaction. Her body language may give you a real indication of whether or not she is considering that very possibility.

5. Have very frank talks, but continue to hide your feelings. Try to draw your roommate out as you have private, intimate chats. Telling deep truths about yourselves to one another can give you clues. Pairing dead honesty with these warm, sensitive chats can help draw out the truth of his or her feelings.

6. Make a move. Not literally, perhaps. If you cross the line and kiss your roommate, it's pretty hard to pull yourself back across that line to platonic friendship - there would be a lot of awkward silences and sideways looks for a long time. But if you were to be fairly sure that s/he returns your feelings, at least a little, then making a confession might help at this stage.

Example scenario: A late night "slumber party" has morphed into a low-light, low music, romantic, sensitive chat. You're both sitting there in your jammies feeling very close. Your roommate has just lamented again that she feels she should break up with her boyfriend. In previous late-night chats, when you have joked about whether or not she might give it a shot with you after he's history, she's hinted there is a possibility she'd consider it. Tonight, don't wait. When she says, "I just don't think he respects me, and I don't feel the same way about him as I used to. Should I break up with him?" You respond with, "Yes. And then you should go out with me." She laughs. And you say, "I'm serious." Now she gets kind of quiet and starts looking at you. "Are you serious?" You nod and say, "Meredith, I'm crazy about you, and I'd treat you a lot better than that guy does." Look straight into her eyes and stay steady. Don't get weird. At this point, it goes one of three ways:

She laughs, thinking you're kidding. When you assure her again that you aren't, she says, "I'm straight" (if you're of the same gender) or "I'm not attracted to you" (or something along those lines).
She continues to look at you and says, "Wow. I had no idea." When you assure her you're serious and have felt this way for a long time, she says, "I'm not sure how to feel about that. Can you give me some time?"
She throws her arms around your neck and kisses you on the mouth. You say, "Whoa. Awesome." And she says, "Whoa. Awesome."

7. Learn to accept your platonic relationship. If your roommate responds to your confession with rejection, you have no choice but to accept it. Be gracious and understanding, and assure your friend that you have had these feelings for some time and it hasn't affected your friendship yet. However, you may need to allow some distance to develop in order to put some space between what you hoped might happen, and what you now realize is the reality of your situation. Don't let so much distance develop that you allow it to strain your relationship, though - no matter how awkward you might feel, just go through the motions, and act like everything is normal. Putting one foot in front of the other is hard sometimes, but just the appearance of everything being okay is often enough to take hold, and soon everything really is okay.

8. Allow some time. If your roommate is taken by surprise when you confess your heart, and asks you for some time to consider what you've said, give him or her some time to think about it. It's a step s/he may have trouble taking, especially if you would be the first same-sex partner. Be kind, gallant, and compassionate as your roommate considers having a relationship with you, and hope for the best, but be patient, and know that if you are the "coming out" partner, this may be a process that takes awhile. Prepare for setbacks.

9. Celebrate! If scenario number 3 happens, you just hit the jackpot, kiddo! A great friend and roommate that you know you can live and get along with day to day has just confessed his or her feelings for you - invitations to the wedding will be sent eventually!

Tips

Taking some time to let the situation develop is essential. There is often a "honeymoon" period when we meet someone new, and we just "fall in love." It's not always romantic love, even though that's what it feels like at first. Sometimes, it's just a crush we develop because we love everything about this person so much, and it will pass.
Keep things light. A confession like this can either devastate your relationship, or it can actually make it a little sweeter, because even if your roommate ends up not returning your feelings, knowing you were sweet on him or her can make your friend feel a special closeness or fondness for you as the years go on.

Warnings

Life is not a sitcom or a romantic comedy. Don't expect it to play out like one, or you will end up disappointed sooner or later.
Don't wait too long. If your friend is one who jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend (or girl to girl, whatever), catch him or her when s/he is between relationships (or at the end of one).
Don't sit on your feelings if you are getting confusing signals. Many times, your roommate may be trying to give you a clue, because s/he doesn't know how to make the first move. If s/he says things that make you go, "huh???" or do a double-take ("Did she just say she has feelings for me she doesn't know what to do with? What does that mean?") make a move. If she says, "You and I should take off and move to Ireland and have a pig farm," don't wait for another invitation. Say, "Did you just ask me to run away with you?" and reach out for her hand. If he says he has feelings for you he doesn't understand, kiss him. Ask him if he understands them better now. Get the idea?

YOU NEED A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT SEX? This is how to do it.

2011-07-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is a guide to show you how to be more intimate with your special someone and NOT have sex! And some on a good relationship.

Steps

One of many things you can do to be more intimate is to play games with each other that you and just a friend would never play. For example, you want to make a kiss more interesting.
For girls: steal his wallet while you two are kissing. (This is recommended only if you two have been together for a while.) This will usually cause him to kiss you again so you are more caught up in the kiss while he is busy stealing his wallet back.
For guys: girls don't need a wallet to steal. They have back pockets. If they stole your wallet that opens up the option for you to "explore" their back pocket(s). But if they are not ready for or you are not ready for "pocket action", say so!
When making out, if you have made out before, make the make-out session more interesting by swirling your tongue around on the tip of their tongue before pulling away from the kiss. Make sure to be slow in doing this. This is sure to send shivers down their spine, and make them want more. (Beware: making them wild with your kisses could lead to more, and if that's not what you want, make sure to lay it out and say no!)
Another fun "game" to play when making out is to steal each other’s gum, tic tacks, or whatever you may have. Just make sure, when you are trading off, not to trade a bunch of spit too unless they like that.
Teasing the other person with your kisses can be fun. But for some it makes them frustrated and angry. Make sure you know how they react to things before you try playing "hard to get." Some things to do to tease with a kiss are to: go in for a kiss then stop as your lips brush, and then pull back and smile. This will cause them most of the time, to come in more aggressively for a kiss (but not too aggressively).
Also, go in for a kiss and kiss your partner gently on the lips, then to the jawline and kiss along there, linger just for a few seconds around their ear, this allows your partner to hear your breathing and often gives the person 'tingles' or 'goosebumps', and in general is rather nice for them. then from the ear move down onto the neck and kiss them therefor a short while, then eventually, return to the lips and find out just how much they enjoyed this little detour by seeing how desperate they are to kiss you.
Another teasing kiss to try would be you go in for a kiss and kiss them, but before you pull away to touch their bottom lip with your tongue as if you were going in to make out, you pull away. This will also make them pull you back most of the time, for another kiss, this kind of kiss does usually lead to making out.
Try other new things and see what drives your partner wild! But remember if you or your partner is not ready for something; know it is ok to say no!
Another fun thing to try is wrestling. Not necessarily on the floor or on a bed (this could lead to other things) but if you guys are "pretend fighting" over things like tickling each other. If the guy is trying to stop you girls from tickling his sides, he will most likely pin you in his arms while he tries to get back at you. This is fun and it helps with bonding.
Overall, remember to have fun with each other. Being in a relationship means more than just the physical aspect of it. It means you really want to know the person and be with them because the way they are! Remember to accept flaws. We're all human. Love them for them, and have fun with each other. Remember to talk, and get to know them. Don't be in a relationship just to "get some action." But to know and love the person you're with for who they are.
Tips
- Before making out or playing any of the games that go along with making out, make sure to brush your teeth! No one likes bad breath!
- Respect each other's boundaries.
- If you are not comfortable with something, say so! If you're with the right person. they will respect you.
- Make sure not only to rely on the physical aspect of your relationship but also to connect and talk with the person you're with. This makes a relationship a great and rewarding one.
- Accept each other's flaws.
- Compliment each other. especially when it comes to kissing. Tell them how good a kisser they are, and if they're not, tell them you'll have to practice, because as you know practice makes perfect.
- It’s fun to have top secret code names for each other (if that's what you want to call it).
- Tell your partner what you like, and what you don't prefer.
- Listen to each other
- All in all love each other!
Warnings
- Some of tips could lead to more. If that's not what you want, say so! Don't be afraid to speak up! If you're with the right person, they will respect you, and if they leave you for saying no, you’re not with the right person.
Things You'll Need
- A special someone that you really and truly care about.
- The right atmosphere to make sure the person you are with can truly get into the mood of things.

THERE IS A GOOD LIFE AFTER BREAKUP: Tips to get back into a good new relationship

2011-07-13T14:50:00.000-07:00

So, you've been through a bad break-up, huh? Well, consider yourself one of many. And now, you want to get back into the dating game without all of the post break-up drama? Well, sit back, read this article, and take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

1. Go into this new relationship cautiously and smartly. Take things very slowly, and don't let this new guy toy with you. Learn about all of guys' tricks. Don't be so gullible and believe him if he tells you he loves you- especially if it's very soon in the relationship that he tells you that he does. Do not, not, NOT let him take advantage of you. You're smarter than that, girl, and you know what signs to look for when it comes to being used and taken advantage of. Protect yourself, and don't be too trusting.

2. Don't go too fast. This is pretty much like number one. Don't make out with this boy the first time you guys hang out with each other. Wait until the time feels right; you will know. What's the fun of a relationship if you do everything right away? Then, there's nothing left to look forward too and get butterflies over, you know? Don't rush into things, and wait a while before sucking face-even if it kills you.

3. Do not believe the "I love you". That is the biggest tactic a boy uses on us girls that makes us feel weak in the knees and vulnerable. In some cases, that isn't true. Sometimes, you will actually find a good guy out there, who really means it when he says he loves you. But on most accounts, it's all part of the boys game. You can ask around if you don't believe me. And whatever happens, don't tell him you love him back UNLESS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT YOU DO! You've probably been there and done that before with the ex, remember? We don't want to have to go through that again.

4. Don't fall to hard again. Don't let this guy make you fall for him like you did for your ex-boyfriend. Know better and have some strength and self respect. Learn from the past. You can always take some good out of the bad.

5. Don't take compliments too personally. Boys love to offer girls compliments. It automatically gives them a one-way ticket to her heart. Girls love compliments, and they aren't a bad thing, but they can be annoying and they can be bad if they are over-used. Don't take them all to heart.

6. Don't let nerves take over you. Don't let this boy make you nervous! But if he does, try not to let it show that he makes you weak in the knees. I know that boys do that to us because we're only human, but they don't need to have the satisfaction of knowing that. If you can, try to make HIM sweat. Make that boy whipped. Whip him like Whipped Cream!

Tips

Stay strong and stay true to yourself at all times.
Don't let yourself get taken advantage of.
Try not to turn all mushy and soft if you can help it, unless that's really what you want.
Don't let your new relationship turn into a text message or an online relationship. Make sure this boy calls you and that you guys hang out! You deserve at least that much.

Warnings

Don't be to dominant and push him away. That could end up in bad results, especially if you really like this boy.

HOW TO HANDLE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

2011-07-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes mistakes can be made during a long distance relationship. This article shows how to avoid some of them.

1. Be sure there is trust in the relationship. The main fruit of keeping a long distance relationship is trust, you have to be able to trust your partner. It's difficult to do that because you don't really know what goes on on the other side.

2. Have patience. You signed up for this you need to wait.

3. Communicate. Another important key, where possible communicate daily by email text or chat. Discuss interesting topics. Keep the discussion healthy. Forget the world and the problems. Show it to each other that the long distance is working for you. Tell your girl or guy you love him every time you communicate. It won't hurt. Remember somehow to make up for the time you had apart.

4. Be understanding especially in writing. It's easy to misinterpret things during a course of a conversation. Take time to understand what your partner is saying. As wrong as it may sound you may just conclude something, that you will lose out on. Keep calm.

5. Keep things fresh. Don't always call at the same time on the same day. Predictability can make any relationship dull.

6. Make sacrifices. Love is kind. You sacrifice many things for love. What ever may come up during you stay alone when you are lonely waitng for your love. There some things. Good things will come up. That is what you need to sacrifice.

7. Make sure you don't take up too much time. He or she could be at school or work. Don't go over the top. You both have your lives to lead. You both need your space.

8. Show that you mean it when you say that you love your girl or guy.

Tips

What you don't know won't hurt you. Don't dig for information unless you are told it.
If your doubts build up don't push him or her away.

Warnings

Do not break up just yet. Ask yourself "why are you in the relationship in the first place?"
Do not let him or her find out you have been messing around. Trust wears out.
Be prepared for any response.
Do not take it too personally.
Don't listen to rumours, trust in your own judgement.

WHEN YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR EX: FOLLOW THESE RULES IF YOU WANT TO BE STRONG.

2011-07-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

When everything is wrong and you just want to cry all night, that's when you know you need to get over that ex. Everyone experiences heartbreaks, but being strong about it is another thing. Don't let your ex see you weak.

Steps

Never ever run back to them or call them all the time. You can just never let go of that special guy/girl that taught you how to love. When you guys break up, then it happens for a reason. Don't keep calling him/her and talking to them like nothing happened or try to make them love you again. It's not going to work out. It'll just make you seem weak and clingy.
Forgive and forget. Let things go and remain cool. Don't let your ex see you miserable without them, it'll just give them the satisfaction and an ego boost.
It's okay to cry at night. For the first few weeks, it's going to be a long and lonely journey. So it's OK to cry. Cry your heart out for the matter of fact. You are going to stop crying in the end because you'll get sick of it and realize that it's a temporary phase. Listen to sad love songs. It'll make you feel better and you'll realize that you can relate to them even more after a breakup. Get it all out and then deal with it.
Remain positive. Just because he/she broke up with you or doesn't want you back doesn't mean that you're "worthless". There are plenty of other people who want you and would be willing to treat you even better than your ex. Smile and laugh. Surround yourself with friends and people who care. Not only will you feel better, your ex will notice how happy you are and maybe regret rejecting you.
Lift your head up high and move on. Don't let one relationship drag you down even though it was the best one you ever had. There will be plenty more and it's his/her loss. You are too good for them anyway. Tell yourself that. Tell yourself that you need someone who will treat you right. Just be strong and forget about your boyfriend.
Don't try to fling or have special relationships with your ex. It never ends up right when you just go back into that cycle. Yes, "that" cycle. Where you guys break up then make up then act all cute and happy but in the end, you'll just be heartbroken and cry. Yes ... that cycle. Relationships end for many reasons, so just forget about trying to "work things out", it'll never ever work out.
Consult a friend if you feel lame or played. When your ex plays around with your heart when he/she knows that you still want them, that's when you definitely know that he/she is not for you. It's OK to feel this way, completely normal. Don't hold your feelings in, talk to a friend and cry. Let them comfort you and let yourself vent your feelings. You'll definitely feel better.
Shop, exercise and socialize. It'll make you feel better to buy new outfits so you can look even more attractive. Not only will it boost your confidence, it will also boost your self-esteem. Looking good will make you feel good. Exercise is also a good way to vent your frustration and pain. Socializing with others would keep you distracted from your ex, bolster your self-esteem, and help you get over your ex. When you are occupied with other people, you'll think, "Hey! Being single isn't bad. I get to make new friends and have more time to myself". Flirt and mingle!

Tips

Do not regret any decisions, move on, it's for the better
Hang out with your friends or just find comfort in your bed. It'll help you cope.
If your ex tells you how they miss you and want to be with you, don't give in. It's all lies. They'll just end up hurting you.
Act happy and smile (even if you are not), people will approach you and socialize with you. Nobody wants to talk to someone that looks miserable.
Try to DELETE every memory of your ex in your head.
Go ahead and cry! Crying is good for your health, so make sure you get it all out in one night, you'll be letting out all that pent-up stress, anger, and sadness. After you get it all out, tell yourself that you're done crying, and ready to move on with life, then DO IT!
If you miss the friendship from before the romance, a year or more of separation helps. So does waiting until both you and your past love have found new relationships. At the point you feel happy for your ex that she or he is involved with someone new, that's a point that real friendship can be taken up again. You have to get over all your anger at the ex during the separation and no longer blame him/her for anything and no longer miss the relationship as such. If what you miss is the discussions of favorite books or activities, then that friendship may have been strong enough to survive the romance and its breakup.
Indulge every personal taste and pleasure that you set aside for the relationship, anything that wasn't shared. Now is the best time to do all the little things Your Way. Have anchovies on your pizza if you like them. Sleep in on weekends if your ex was an early riser who always had plans. Wear favorite clothing your ex didn't like. Hang the art or posters your ex didn't like. Listen to the music your ex didn't like. All these are ways of regaining yourself, rebuilding your sense of self as a separate individual rather than half of the couple.

Warnings

After a Break Up: Remaining 'Just Friends'. BIG NO-NO! Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step after a break up, and without this realization you'll be hard pressed to move on. Now is the time for renewal, not hopes for reconciliation. Sure, there may be a slight chance the two of you will get back together, but even the most astute 'get your ex back' manuals start with this first simple step: take a break. It should be a long break, a year or two. It's not emotionally safe to resume the friendship until you've stopped feeling romantic about your former partner completely - till you feel happy about it if they're dating someone else.
Avoid keeping remnants of the relationship lying around. Keeping things lying around your house/bedroom that remind you of him/her is not going to help the problem. You need to get rid of them. Throw them away, or put them in a box and put that away in the attic, or under that loose floor board in your spare bedroom. Either way, get them OUT OF THE WAY and OUT OF SIGHT.

HOW TO STOP THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE YOU WILL NOT MEET

2011-07-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

In our increasingly inter-connected world, people are finding love everywhere. Relationships forming over the Internet, in chat rooms, via emails, and even through online gaming are not uncommon anymore.

But the reality with online love is that you're no closer together than what your new found relationship might suggest. And if you're pining after someone whom you'll never meet, let alone ever express your feelings fully (or at all), sometimes you need to accept that things are just not going to work out and that it's time to move on. However, it's difficult to just stop loving someone, no matter how you fell in love. Here are a few pointers on how to end a long-distance relationship with someone you'll never meet and how to move on with your life.

Steps

Examine whether you really love this person. Internet relationships can often be a surrogate for a real life lack of love or certainty in your existing relationships, and may in fact only be infatuation. If you have fallen into a habit of thinking that no one will be attracted to you or that no one in your town or city is available, an Internet relationship can be an easy substitute for dealing with personal issues; online love interests are low-maintenance, sometimes glorified by omitting to reveal the real self, and can be fairly safe with respect to avoiding being heartbroken (some online relationships can carry on for years and years without facing the realities). Indeed, online love can often assume a large role in meeting your need for feeling accepted, especially if you're unhappy, feeling alone or alienated, or hoping for better things beyond where you are now. As a result, it's important to test your feelings thoroughly to find out whether you really love this person or you're just afraid you won't find love elsewhere in your life and are using this online love relationship to fill a gap in your life. Some things to ask yourself:

Do I prefer online time over real life time? This can be a dead giveaway as to how you feel about your life in general.
Do I feel that this person is the only person who is genuine and real in my life, despite there being people around me in my real life that I could be interacting with more?
Does this feel thrilling because it's secret, it's easy to control (switching off the computer screen is easier than switching off from a person in front of you), and I can share really deep thoughts with this person that I cannot do in real life? The thrill and seeming depth of an online relationship can cause you to elevate it above real life relationships.

2. Analyze whether you're actually ever going to meet the online person you feel you love. Although internet and long-distance relationships may seem impossible at first, even to the people in the relationship themselves, this alone cannot stop people from meeting. Internet relationships being unfeasible is a thing of the past and some people do connect successfully in real life after having an online relationship. In other words, if you have reasons stacked up against the two of you ever meeting, then one or both of you is probably not taking it seriously enough to ever follow it through to the natural consequence of meeting. Things to examine that could impact whether you ever meet or not include:

Location - If you are in the same country, there is still a high chance it will work out, barring other circumstances. However, if you are on opposite ends of the world, then your chances will probably be very low of ever seeing this person. And if you are in the same country but haven't yet made arrangements to meet up, perhaps it's never going to happen.
Income and means - If you both have a low income or still live at home with relatives or cannot leave your job, then this can all impact negatively on your chances of ever meeting and forming a life together.
False emotions - Again, relationships such as these can confuse the lines of infatuation and love all too easily. If someone truly loves you, they will make the effort to find and meet you, but all too often the people involved do not actually feel this strongly for each other. Do not kid yourself any longer.
Emotional affair - this is an unfortunate situation to be in, when one or both of you are married or in a dating relationship but you're carrying on an online "emotional affair". Even if you're never found out, this is a damaging relationship for both of you and will often not result in meeting up but can cause harm all the same through being disloyal to real life partners and preventing you from mending the things that aren't right in your real life relationship.
Current situations - Jobs, personal demands, and even being on the front line or in prison can all be situations which are difficult to extract yourself from, for obvious reasons. If you or the one you love is in a constraining situation, then it will surely hinder your chances or efforts to meet.

3. Consider all of these aspects of your relationship, emotions and lives. If you think that it is still feasible, then by all means you should at least form a plan to meet. However if, like you originally suspected, you're never going to meet the other person, then you need to accept the inevitable, take actions to end the relationship, and move on.

4. End the relationship. You need to talk or communicate to the person that you know you are never going to meet and explain that you want to end the relationship. Chances are, they will have been feeling the same way about not meeting. End it exactly the same way as you would a normal, in-person relationship, and expect similar heartache to arise, too. Ending the relationship means ceasing all romantic and emotional interactions (and possibly all contact) with the person and making it a clean break without getting into a heated argument. It really is important to take all the same steps as you would with a real-life relationship - block all contact and don't assume you can be friends!

5. Get closure. The key is to make sure that both of you know that there is no chance ever again, no matter how hard it will be for a while, and that things are not going to work out. If you still feel like you love the person, try to gain closure from within and tell yourself a few things which will ease your fears:

You will find love again! Internet relationships are hard because of all the "What ifs...?". What if you don't find anyone else? What if they really are 'the one'? What if it could have worked out? What if they lied about everything they said? What if you had met them—would it have been different? Just remember that if someone who never met you could feel so strongly about you and you could feel so strongly about them, then someone else you can meet with face-to-face will be able to do this too.
If meeting the person really isn't a possibility, then it's nobody's fault. Internet and long-distance relationships are difficult, and engaging in one is commendable in itself. However, the odds are against you, and you both have to be in a similar place of mind to make one work successfully.
Relationships are hard, even in real life. If you were having doubts or struggling with a relationship over the Internet, be thankful that you've saved yourself the trouble of having those problems doubled in real life. Situations change when you meet someone, and quite often not for the better. You can never know what would've happened if you had met in real life, so leave your fears, doubts and "What ifs...?" behind. It's time to move on with your life and love and start healing yourself.
Just be thankful you didn't even have to meet the person. If things had gone wrong, as implied by the difficulty of meeting, then knowing the person in real life would make it harder to get over them. You really need to just forget all about them. Even if it sounds cruel, you need to forget they ever existed.
If you really both loved each other, then you'll want each other to be happy. If you can't satisfy the relationship's needs by meeting, then you know it's for the best that you go your separate ways. "If you love someone set them free" is a good saying to remember at this point. You will soon feel much better about ending the relationship if you know it will be making the other person happy and you'll feel more invigorated knowing that the other person would want you to be happy also.

6. Take it down as experience. If you let the situation consume you then you will never get over the person. Take it down as experience and it'll let you know that, not only was everything not lost and that it was actually a worthy venture, but also that there is a life after this person. Whether you've learned that you can be loved, that your personality is relationship-worthy or that long-distance relationships are just plain hard sometimes, the important thing is to not let the whole situation be a wasted experience.

7. Talk all your fears and thoughts out with someone you can trust to give you good, sound advice. Discuss your feelings with someone who can tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Whatever you do, do not send or communicate your fears and thoughts to the person you broke up with, since this will only prolong the process of healing from the breakup. It may lead to you resenting them, loving them again, or feeling hopeless.

Refrain from falling into a similar situation again. Do not fool yourself into starting another relationship with someone else on the Internet. Lingering feelings from the last relationship will likely skew your perspective of the new one, hurting your chances of the new relationship succeeding. Initiating a new Internet or long-distance relationship will only hurt you more in the long-run. Avoid flirting or even thinking romantically about people online. If necessary, stop using the Internet for a while to prevent opportunities for falling into a similarly difficult relationship; you deserve better than that.

8. Get back out into the real world with physical, real-life relationships. In cases like this, there is no better saying than "There are plenty of fish in the sea". You already know someone could love you; aren't you excited that someone similar could be in your country, city, or even suburb? There are so many experiences and relationships to have that you shouldn't feel a need to focus all of your energy and attention on someone whom you probably won't ever meet in person. Think of the good times you can have together without the added pressures of first finding a way to meet each other. So go out with your friends, pick up a hobby and work on yourself. Remember, a confident, happy person doing what they enjoy is someone desirable, so when that special person comes along, you'll have forgotten all about the problems from your previous relationship.

Tips

Consider seeking counseling to help you get through this period in your life. Getting over someone you loved is no easy feat; internet and long-distance relationships hurt just as much as real-life ones. No matter what people say, they are still real to you and it may take a professional's help for you to get through this tough time.
Remember to keep busy. Nothing will prevent you from feeling down and depressed more than keeping your mind occupied. Whether it's going for a walk, doing some art, or talking with friends, make sure you're thinking about something else if you're having a particularly hard day.

HOW TO APPROACH A LADY AND BECOME IRRESISTABLE TO THEM.

2011-07-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

Instead of trying to be the pickup artist, turn out to be more social and friendly person. So, on the art of being the natural it's your invisible weapon, but along the process you’ll have to learn to be attractive to women.

The key for success with women is to keep persisting on improving your social skills and making yourself attractive person.

Dating Women And Attraction Insights

1. Adopting the behavior that make you attractive to women is an ongoing process. I can not emphasize enough how important it is to make easy steps and keep going UNTIL you reach your ULIMATE GOAL, become attractive to women…

Your Path To Overcome Fear Of Women

2. Girls like cocky and outgoing men. If you can make them laugh that would be your first advantage over most of the competition. If she chooses you then it would have been a culmination of things that she will have found attractive about you.

The key to being successful with women is to be confident and to have good interpersonal skills. In order for you to develop speaking confidently to girls you will need to practice.

To this extent speak to as many girls or women that you can. The more you are exposed to talking to different women of all age groups the better you will become at it. I know that it will be difficult since you are shy but you have to push that barrier.

Also remember that to give is better than to receive. Learn to give your time, attention, love etc without expecting anything in return and you should notice a significant difference with the way that people especially girls will see you.

The things that you can do for yourself is to continue gain self respect and make your character strong. In regards to your mental well being you will need to train your brain to shut out negative thoughts and emotions. The best way to do that is to fill it up with positive thoughts and emotions. A great way to do that is to learn and experience new things.

Technique 1. Women Like Self-confident Men - Make it Your Habit

There is a common denominator when men have to decide how to start relationship with woman, after the initial friend phase. Usually one would say: "I have been great mates with a girl for over a year and we decided to start dating. But it's just like we're still just mates with the "physical intimacy" aspect.
So ho do you start relationship with girl after being friends for a time?
When you go out you should hold yourself up with confidence and dignity. You have the right to be anywhere that any other person is so never feel like that you don't belong.
You should not be too preoccupied with what other people think of you. You have to stop thinking negatively and start thinking positively about yourself. I don't have to tell you that doing so, you are your worst enemy. I know that it sounds corny but you have to learn to love yourself.

Once you do this then it will be easier for you to love others and for them to love you. Women love confident guys. These types of men are those that are confident on the inside, happy within themselves. They radiate with joy and assertiveness, they got their life together and are assertive, fun, positive men.

Being friends with a girl can be one of the toughest situations that you can find yourself in, particularly when you spend a lot of time together and you build a really close relationship.

If you haven't got a lot of experience in the dating game and if you're not sure whether a girl likes you, the key is this - ASSUME she likes you and act accordingly.

Technique 2. Learn To Interact With Women In A Relaxed Way? .

Don't over-analyze what to say when you pass her by, just say 'hey, how's it going' but make sure you are in an upbeat fun sort of mood, and you will convey your positive energy to her.
Girls are generally attracted to fun, confident, positive, upbeat people.
You, need to understand some basic principles of male - female attraction. The "nice guy" is the shy, unconfident, approval seeking, sexually inhibited man who women only ever like as a friend and NEVER a lover.

Take steps to make romance alive.

- Make her feel DESIRED, wanted!
- Tell her how sexy she looks.
- She wants to feel the thrill, excitement and passion of a new relationship.
- She will measure how much passion you have for her and are able to bring out of her.
- If you don't measure up then the likely chance that she seeks another man is quite likely.

Can you remember the excitement of that first date? How you thought about the person almost every day afterwards? Try to give it your best shot. I think depending on how much effort you are willing to put into this will determine how much of a future you both have together.

Low Self-Esteem Stops You From Approaching Girls

Typical shy guy would say: "There are lots of girls that I do know and see every-so-often. But I procrastinate to ask them out because I really don't know them that well. And the opportunity for approaching and having a chat with them would rarely ever present itself. The nicest girls who I'd like to go out with are in relationship or simply not interested."

First, I think that you should not be hard to yourself. Happiness will surely shine in your life u need to be a bit patient it may that you have not up to now got the correct one but she will surely come.

Don't be so disappointed.

You probably already have an outgoing personality, so that is not the problem. Your self-esteem might be the problem. First, work on what makes you unhappy.

Even as you do this, you can widen your social circle by simply meeting more friends. If you are easy to get along with and have no problem talking to girls, are polite and funny, you should be able to at least start meeting new people, which leads to dating.

Remember that if you are interested in someone, it doesn't have to start with something as heavy as a date. Start by simply getting to know the person first, to determine if you like her enough to ask for a date.

The next step you need to learn is UNDERSTANDING THE WAY FEMALE ATTRACTION WORKS.

If you DON’T TAKE ACTION UPON WHAT YOU’VE ABOUT TO LEARN no dating knowledge will help by itself!
YES, I’m going to make some encouragement remarks along the road so you won’t be on you own.

Technique 3: Take the Funny Guy Approach And Play It Casual

Have you already tried to approach woman and initiate conversation with her, but she acts shy and disinterested?

If you want to make initial contact with women, your best move is to be sociable and talkative with as many of them as you can. It will depend on how confident you are as a person, but if you can talk to everyone, then you will be seen as a guy of value and it won't be surprising if a girl likes you.

Also, when being talkative and sociable, remember to display a sense of fun, lightheartedness and humor about yourself. Women will then want to be around you and you will give off a positive vibe. Avoid being really quiet and complaining all the time like many people do. I mean, do you honestly like being round someone who is negative?

How To Arrange Your First Meeting With A Woman?

Next big issue when approaching women is how can you let her know your feelings?

It all really depends on your personality type on whether you want to go for the direct approach or indirect. It doesn't really matter what method you adopt as long as you go ahead with your plans and hopefully get the girl in the end.

A good way to invite a woman is to start with some help of your friends, maybe a party at your place or some restaurant and you can pop the invitation into her mailbox and /or get someone else to organize it? It doesn't have to be everyone.

Another option would be to get a female friend to bump into her, perhaps walking in front of her house, and say "hey didn't you used to work at < your workplace >?

You should have designated person can even go to her workplace whilst you are away during the week and try to get her contact details/give her yours?
I'm sure that you can come up with many ideas to meet a woman.

Figuring a way to meet her or bump into her is to let her know that you exist, and are interested and for you to find a way to become part of her life if possible. It's what makes a smart or proactive approach.

Smart because it is basically taking control of your emotions and doing something about them instead of just feeling sorry for oneself and never going for what you want. A proactive approach gets your mind thinking positively instead of negatively.

Technique 4: Asking A Woman For Friendship From a Man's Perspective

Don't be Mr. Shy - a woman will never know you like her and nothing will happen. Some other guy will walk in and do what you wanted to all along. The reason most relationships fail is because they don't know how to speak the other persons love language so, after that obsessive in love feeling is gone what is there.

How to know if you have a connection with a woman?

In order to see whether you have a connection with her or not you should (if you can) plan for more meetings with her face to face. The more frequent you see her, more of a bond and connection you will form. If you can make her laugh that would be even better. In summary there isn't necessarily anything particular that you can say or do that will sweep her off her feet.

If she chooses you then it would have been a culmination of things that she will have found attractive about you. All you can really do is be yourself and try to put your best foot forward. Show her how much you like her by being attentive to her needs. I do not mean doing things for her continuously but also give her emotional support etc.

Listen carefully to what she is saying because more often or not valuable clues can be found on how to woo/impress her. Women like guys with passion and a plan.

One of the biggest challenges is getting to notice the signals from the opposite sex. If I lined up the men and the women, and told them to signal attraction, very few would notice the signals! If you have something that you are particularly passionate about or like tell her.

Otherwise just relax and enjoy her company.

Approaching Women By Inviting Her To A Coffee Break

Girls are very hard to read no matter how skillful in dating you are! Figuring out whether women like you can be difficult no matter what the situation.

Coffee break offer is a perfect alternative to lunch, since you may not know so soon if she is interested. You could just say "hey, I'm going on a cappuccino break...have you had a break yet?"

That way, it is not a "date" since it is not lunch and cappuccino is only a dollar or two. If she says no to a "break", then you pretty much have your answer as to what she might say to a "date".

If she says no, then of course don't ask for a date.

It's not the end of the world if she says no. Instead, continue to be polite, but do move on to someone else who returns your feelings of interest.

On the more casual side if you do want to invite her to lunch, make sure that you do it in a manner which makes her the primary objective and not as a secondary casual tag along. Make her aware that you want to have lunch with her because you like her as a person and want to get to know her better.

Technique 5: Signs That A Woman Has A Crush On You

So called nice guys consider themselves polite and easy to get along with, yet they hardly ever attract women. So you figure that it's about time to get a girlfriend. But you might come to conclusion that you are shy and your self-esteem is probably a bit lower than normal.

SO what's your best path to attract and date a woman you've spotted?

My first advice to men with lack of dating experience is: Go and find someone, even if it's not perfect. When it comes to woman, try to be a bit more practical and calculating. Save your true passion for later, because most women don't know what true passion is.

Girls are very hard to read! Figuring out whether women like you can be difficult even for the experienced men.

Finding girls is one of the most difficult things in man's life. But at the same time can be one of the easiest. What I mean is usually when I was concentrating on meeting women, or trying to meet girls or find a date, it has never been easy, and usually never worked out well.

But every time, which is most often, I have sat back and just had a good time doing whatever else I was doing and was myself, is when it happened.

If you are expecting someone perfect to come along and make your life exponentially better, its probably not going to happen. Girls are just like every other group of people on the face of the planet in the sense that they have flaws too.

How To Get Date In A Laid-Back Way?

Share something about yourself and perhaps ask her the odd personal question here and there if you can mange it.

For instance what she did on the weekend? Show some general interests in her as a person.

If she responds to those "personal" questions then it's good for you, you might even find out if she has a boyfriend or not. If she does not answer them then it's probably a good indicator that she is not interested.

Technique 6: What Questions To Ask A Girl To Get A Conversation Going?

You might also want to try to firstly ask woman casually whether guys ask her out a lot and how she handles it. Then when you are about to exit, leave her a letter along with a tip saying something along the lines of:

Dear
I understand that you get propositioned a lot from guys and because this happens I just want to pledge to you that I will never ask you out no matter how much I think that you are a wonderful, sincere, kind and beautiful.
I will never ever tell you how much that I like you and that I wish that you would go out with me because I know that it would be wrong and that I do not want to be thrown in with the other guys that have asked you out previously.
Yours sincerely

Introducing yourself…

There is no way for a woman not to misinterpret a request for a date, no matter how sincere it is. Unless you know how deep her feeling were from the onset, you might like to play it by ear.

Then you could try to approach her but still take things slowly.

Depending on how much you know her what she likes and dislikes you could try to send her a gift or something later on or just go up and talk to her.

Technique 7: Create Connection With a Woman

Listen carefully to what girl is saying because more often or not valuable clues can be found on how to impress her. Women like guys with passion and a plan. If you have something that you are particularly passionate about or like tell her. Otherwise just relax and enjoy her company.

Be yourself and try to put your best foot forward. Show her how much you like her by being attentive to her interests. The more time that you spend with a woman, the more closer a bond that you will form.

This will only be possible if you do this on a one on one basis.

Then when you do get an opportunity make the most of it and show her a good time.

Dealing With Rejection From Women

When a woman says you "Let Just Be Friends" she is actually saying "You don't turn me on and will NEVER have sex with me" in a nice way. Rejection is an odd thing. It's good because it means you're actually doing something in the right direction instead of feeling powerless and hopeless.

But it may cause you several undesirable feelings ranging from a slight embarrassment to a crushed self-esteem. The only way to get over those feelings is to experience it over and over again.

Another thing was being shy about your looks. That's something you could change. Perhaps you could try working out, dieting, changing eating habits, but not with the intention of getting girls.

If you were to do that, I would hope you do it to help your own self esteem, and make you feel better about yourself. There is almost nothing women love more than a man with confidence, goals, and dreams.

If you set a goal and attain it not only will you impress women more often, but you might even amaze yourself, and raise that self esteem - confidence level! Do it only for yourself. You would rather be happy with yourself and alone than unhappy with who you are.

And you are likely to get stuck in an awkward silence. THERE IS A DEFINITIVE CURE FOR THIS MENTAL BLOCK.

Technique 8: What Are Shy Men Options To Approaching Women?

Quite frankly, rejection never got easier to absorb. If anything, for the most part, what ever self esteem I had worked hard to build up, was chipped away by all the rejections.

The best thing for shy guys here to do is to try and establish a good deal amount of friendships with as many people as possible, of both sexes, and try to network your way into a relationship.

Ask them to set you up with single girls you know, attend parties, etc. Just approaching random women is not a good idea for most people here.

Expect to get rejected by at least 3 women before getting the first positive results. Most of them will also accept a drink or coffee date with you but end up in a friend zone.

MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

2011-07-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

With so much love relationship advice out there today, it gets completely confusing to know what you should and should not do to make it work. While each romantic partnership is delightfully unique, there is some basic love relationship advice that applies to people of all ages and circumstances who want successful relationships.

Do Unto Others...

The most basic relationship advice goes back to our childhood – do unto others as you would like them to do to you. Although the golden rule is simple, it is also the essence of successful relationships. With all the complex love relationship advice in magazines, on television and in books, the bottom line is we all want to be treated equally and nicely.

Be Honest

Lying is never a solid foundation to build a relationship and being honest is one of the most important pieces of love relationship advice. From small fibs to major lies, they all get in the way of having a positive, rewarding relationship. Always be honest about your likes, dislikes, opinions and desires from the very beginning. How can you find the right person if you are misrepresenting yourself?

For example, if your romantic interest loves to go dancing and you hate it, be honest from the start. It doesn't have to mean you won't go dancing once in awhile to please your partner. However, when you don't want to go every weekend your partner will understand why and you will be better able to work out a compromise.

Big lies, such as your financial circumstances or marital status, are certain to catch up with you and should never be held back to share later. Be upfront on all your relationships from the start so you can attract people who understand and appreciate your unique circumstances.

Demand honesty from your partner by allowing them to speak their mind and express their opinions. If you argue with everything your partner says, it discourages open communication. You can communicate whether you agree or disagree with their opinion but you still need to respect it.

Respect Each Other

One of the best pieces of love relationship advice is to respect each other. Nothing breaks up a relationship more quickly than disrespect. Publicly criticizing your partner or privately picking apart all the little things they do will not endear you to your significant other.

On the other hand, never tolerate disrespect from your partner. If your partner publicly humiliates you or seems displeased by everything you do, let them know it .

Know Each Other

Often people in relationships give their partner what they think they want and not what they actually need. The best way to find out what your partner desires in a relationship is to talk openly about their needs and your own.

Observe your partner to pick up on unspoken nuances. Does your partner like to go to bed early? If so, planning romantic dates at 10 in the evening may not be the best idea. Is your partner the quiet type? If that is the case, they might not appreciate going to parties every weekend. Let each other know what you like and don't like to develop a lifestyle that works for both of you and that doesn't cater to the preferences of one partner over the other.

Communication Over Arguments

While emotions can run high in any relationship, arguing will never solve your problems. Angry words and accusations tear apart everything you have built up together. Although it is love relationship advice that is frequently stated, it is true that talking about your issues is the only way you can attempt to resolve them.

If you are too angry to talk rationally, step away from the situation for awhile and return when you are ready to have a meaningful conversation and exchange ideas. Remember, a monologue doesn't allow your partner any input to improve the situation. Communicate your own feelings clearly and quietly and be open to listening to suggestions from your partner. If your partner is too angry to hold a conversation, encourage them to talk about the issues during a calmer time.

Love Each Other Every Day

The easiest tidbit of love relationship advice you will ever get is to simply love each other. Kiss each other good morning when you wake up and kiss each other good night before bed. Embrace one another throughout the day and make sure you say you love each other every day. As simple as this sounds, the reassurance of touch and a few kind words can keep a relationship going indefinitely. Amidst all the other responsibilities we have in life, a few minutes in each other's arms is like a mini-vacation from the world. Always share a peaceful oasis together and your relationship will thrive.

Although relationships can be tough, the rewards are bountiful. By following this common sense love relationship advice, you can improve your relationship with your partner. After all, when you eliminate the little nightmares along the way, sharing your love with that special someone can be a dream come true.

TIPS FOR ONLINE DATING

2011-01-24T17:50:00.001-08:00

Online dating has earned a dubious reputation, having been spoofed in dozens of sitcoms and glamorized in half a dozen movies. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t work quite as smoothly as in You’ve Got Mail, but thankfully it’s not usually quite as dramatic as Ugly Betty (where, once again, two life-long enemies are set up) either. We were fortunate enough to have found each other through online dating, and trust us: if we can do it, anyone can.

You probably already know someone who has a dating horror story that started off with “I met this guy/girl online…” or “I was bored and went to check out…”. If you believe the local evening news, every kidnapping or rape stems from meeting someone online; and if you believe Stone Phillips, everyone on the Internet is looking to hook up with a 13-year-old.

If you have the fortitude to brave the Online Dating waters, we have some tips for you:

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #1: Be Sincere

Guys: Listen to the words of a certain fictitious doctor, Dr. Gregory House: “Everybody lies.” When it comes to online dating, you usually don’t find “morbidly obese woman with bad acne and a laugh that resembles a choking weasel”. Instead, you find women with “more to love” who “place importance on skin care” and “prefer drama to comedy”. It really pays to assume the worst, and leave it to her to prove otherwise.

Gals: The guys will lie too, but if there is less lying, that will leave less to explain, or apologize for, when you actually MIRL. Don’t use a picture from graduation when you have one from your recent reunion. If you have recently dyed, cut, or grown-out your hair, be sure to mention it. If you lost weight recently (or found the weight someone else lost), mention it. You don’t have to go into your whole weight or hair history, but if you no longer look exactly like your photo, it would be wise to mention it.

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #2: Be Smart

Guys: A little tact goes a long way. It’s probably a bad idea to start off with something like, “I like your profile. How long did it take you to paste your head on that model’s body?” Don’t let your cynicism come out in your e-mail. It’s just counterproductive.

Don’t pass final judgment until you’ve had at least one real conversation, preferably in person but by telephone is okay, too. Sometimes personality just doesn’t come through in e-mails or instant messages. This goes both ways! If you tend to use a lot of dry humor or sarcasm, this advice goes double.

Gals: Everyone has their own unique writing and emoticon style. Write as you would speak, and let the chips fall where they may. You can try to be someone else, try to sound more (or less) intelligent than you actually are, but it is hard to keep up the act forever—especially if you are chatting to more than one person at a time. Your best bet is to be yourself. If he doesn’t like it, he will stop emailing—leaving you to find the real man of your dreams.

But don’t forget to take some things on faith. If it sounds like it should be sarcasm, it probably is, even if there is no smiley attached to it.

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #3: Be Safe

Guys: Keep your dates in public, and try to avoid allowing her to find out where you live. The last thing you want is a psycho hose beast following you everywhere you go. So scrub your Facebook profile, edit your MySpace, and keep track of your wallet when you’re out on a date. Clean out your car so she can’t stash your power bill in her purse. Your phone number is usually okay, since you can always block harassing phone calls.

Gals: Absolutely never give out your address to anyone you meet over the Internet. The most specific you should be is your home city (or, for large cities, the general area: the Bronx, North Dallas, East LA, etc.). Even “I live across the street from a Starbucks” might be too specific. Your new friend would only have to scour all the Starbucks in the area and find you—and yes, some people have that kind of time on their hands.

A good friend was set up by eHarmony. He wasn’t her type, so she decided to let him down easy. But she had made the mistake of inviting him over to her house at the end of the first date to meet her roommate (and get her roommate’s opinion). When he emailed for a second date, she told him that she was sick. He showed up that afternoon at her doorstep with a bowl of soup and some books to read during her convalescence. Sweet? Yes. A little creepy? Absolutely! You may not attract a psycho stalker, but you may still find you’re in for more than you bargained for.

By now you might be wondering why people bother with online dating, but the truth is that the games people play in online dating happen in other dating venues, too. Using online dating services isn’t really any less safe than any other method, and you are now armed with the tips for online dating from those who “won” at it to make sure you don’t take any unnecessary risks. May you find everything you are looking for!

HOW TO BE ROMANTIC - 10 Easy Love Romance Tips

2011-01-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

If you’re like most readers of this article, you’re a little embarrassed to admit that you need to read this article. But the truth is no one is born a romantic. Romance is an art. It’s passed down from the generations, and it’s learned through study and practice. Although some of the rules of romanticism change with the times, there are some basic time-tested love romance tips that can help anyone become more romantic – almost instantly.

Smile. Nothing works better in beginning a communication or setting a mood than a nice smile. It’s silent, it’s painless. It’s an instant communication tool. Women, especially, love communication of any kind. A smile is easy, and it can say a lot.
Eye contact. Like a smile, eye contact is critical body language that aids in romanticism. A friend once told me, “I knew Paul was the man for me because when we talked, he really looked at me.”
Attentiveness. This is a broader category of which eye contact is a part, but being attentive means more. Attentiveness is about focusing on being with the one you’re with. This category includes everything from listening when she speaks to opening doors. Attentiveness means you anticipate her needs and make sure she’s comfortable. Statements like, “Are you warm enough?” or “How’s your salad?” show you care about her. Attentiveness takes practice. It is the opposite of self-centeredness. Practice it.
Touch. Touching can say more than words, and it can emphasize attentiveness, interest, and communication. A light touch on the hand when asking a question, or a brush of her arm before pointing out something of interest is easy, and yes, kind of romantic, as is your hand on the small of a woman’s back as you guide her through a door or a crowd of people. Touch is one thing. Gropes, squeezes, pushing, pinching may be playful, but they are not romantic.
Conversation. A romantic wants to know about the person he is with. Did she have a nice day? How was work? Were the kids good for you today? A subset of conversation is “romantic conversation.” Romantic conversations typically include compliments, or personal topics that you would only share with someone you really care about. Of course you should preface those conversations with the words, “This is something I feel comfortable enough with you to share…”
Simple Gifts or Acts of Caring. A romantic takes time to plan for random acts of kindness. It can be as simple as buying flowers or bringing candy for no special reason, little hugs, kisses on the check, hand-holding, a glance, a wink. Women love to be shown that you care. It’s not enough for them to KNOW you love them. Women need to be shown through simple gifts and acts of caring.
Cleanliness. It is impossible to be romantic if you are physically unclean or your apartment or home is a mess. If you truly want to be romantic, make sure you choose a time when you are not unshaven, smelly, or dirty. Although there is a certain sexiness to “sweaty,” there is no romanticism in stench.
That leads to the eighth tip: don’t confuse being sexy with being romantic. Although romance and sex are intimately entwined, you can be romantic without it leading up to sex. In fact, romance is an ongoing activity that will build a stock pile of good will for you that will probably lead to more sex. But you can’t expect to be romantic ONLY when you want to have sex. Women see through that quickly, and they are not fooled.
Do something unexpected. In our busy society it can be difficult to be spontaneous, but spontaneity is romantic. Take a chance and introduce yourself to that pretty lady on the elevator. “Excuse me, but I think you’re very pretty, and I apologize for being so forward, but I really wanted to meet you. My name is John.” Sure, she might call security, but if not, you’ve had a romantic moment. It’s a little riskier than the,”Hey,” with a head nod, but far more romantic. If you’re married, do something spontaneous like make dinner reservations and surprise your spouse, or arrange for a relative to take the kids out so you can enjoy a Saturday afternoon at home alone.
The last rule of romanticism: sincerity. You have to be sincere. It’s hard to become a die-hard romantic overnight. You also can’t be romantic with everyone. The key to a good relationship is finding someone you WANT to be romantic with. When you keep in mind the basics, you just might find that it’s easy. And if it’s not, take the cue that she’s just not the one for you.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS SET FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THESE NEW YEAR?

2011-01-16T16:27:00.000-08:00

Every New Year, we have

resolutions (both new and old

ones we could not stick to the

year before)- a bunch of goals

we wish to accomplish so we

can better ourselves and our

lives. We want to lose weight and

shape up, quit smoking, create

more open windows for

ourselves career wise, make new

friends and so on. We set New

Year goals for everything else,

why not our relationship? Your

relationship is such a big part of

your life and has a lot of

influence on you and your

partner, so it is important that

you set goals to make

improvements and positive

changes so that both you and

your partner cannot continue to

get the best and most out of it.

Even what you feel may be the

best relationship can use some

work, because we all know-

there is always room for

improvement. Besides, no

relationship can stay passionate

and healthy without real work.

Here are some Relationship

Resolutions for 2011 that you

and your partner can work on

accomplishing, to result in an

even more loving and healthy

relationship:

Talk more. This is not about the

daily routine chit chat that you

and your partner do either. All

relationships eventually end up

following some kind of routine

and with our busy lives; we often

forget the importance of keeping

things alive and fresh by talking

about different things other than

our usual daily happenings. Make

an effort (and of course the time)

to talk to each other about other

things- the things you used to

talk about when you first met

and were very excited about

getting to know each other.

Share your dreams, fantasies and

goals, as well as your opinion

about topics or events that are

taking place in the world. Get

conversations and debates

started (in a friendly manner), to

spice things up and add some

new excitement into your

relationship. Not only will you

break your routine and add

excitement, but you will also

learn more about each other,

which is always a plus and

need. ....

TOP 10 DATING TIPS

2011-01-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

Whether you are new to the dating scene, are reentering the dating scene, or are a serial dater, you can use dating tips and advice. No one is a dating expert – even the most beautiful and wealthy people all struggle with matters of the heart. Everyone can learn something about how to date more, how to attract the types of people we want to attract, and how to make sure initial chemistry blooms into an enduring relationship.

The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no fail-proof tricks, no cunning ways of trapping Mr. or Miss Right. There are however some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that -- tips, not one-size-fits-all guarantees. Different tacks will work for different people. It depends on the situation, who we are, where we are in our lives, etc. However, there are some threads of advice that are fairly universal and can benefit anyone who practices them:

Top 10 Dating Tips

Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won't work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date, put some effort into it. Do some research and think about what you want out of dating. Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point in dating and commit not to give up.
Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that.
Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives. Throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. Your date will appreciate that you demonstrated some effort.
Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones). Start attending social functions frequented by singles. Sitting alongside couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same.
Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups -- anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach.
Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary.
Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away.

IS IT RIGHT TO BE JEALOUS

2011-01-13T18:08:00.000-08:00

The Merriam-Webster’s Online

Dictionary defines jealousy as,

“intolerant of rivalry or

unfaithfulness, disposed to

suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness.”

It sounds simple but jealousy is a

very complex emotion.

Understanding Jealousy

Jealousy is a reactionary emotion

so by its very nature it has a

reason. Jealousy is a very natural

and normal emotional response

to a perceived threat. Getting

jealous is not necessarily bad.

Problems arise when your

jealousy gets unmanageable and

your behaviors get out of control.

Irrational Jealousy

This is a type of jealousy brought

on by imagined or misperceived

events. Irrational jealousy is

never healthy. It is based on

paranoia and insecurity not in

reality. People suffering from an

irrational jealousy rely heavily on

their feelings that something is

wrong even though there are no

real signs that these feelings

have merit.

Without reliable external

validation of their jealousy

irrationally jealous individuals

often sink in to a depression

based on paranoia. They are

convinced that they are right to

be jealous even when the

evidence does not support their

beliefs. It is very difficult to show

them the truth.

Irrational jealousy is best treated

by therapy. If you find yourself

feeling jealous often and can ’t

calm yourself with rationalization

consider seeking professional

help.

Destructive Jealousy

Destructive jealousy is based in

reality. The emotional threat that

is provoking the jealousy is real

and can be backed up with

external evidence. The reasons

for the jealousy are valid. The

way this jealousy plays out is the

problem.

When feeling a destructive

jealousy people usually lash out

at the person or people who

have caused them harm. It is an

angry jealousy that is based in

revenge. It is not an effective

protection mechanism because

the focus is on hurting back not

reaching a solution.

The best way to manage a

destructive jealousy is by getting

counseling. In counseling you

will be able to talk through the

situation with an impartial third

party. You will get to vent in a

safe environment. In counseling

you will likely learn anger

management techniques to help

you control your need for

revenge.

Proactive Jealousy

Proactive jealousy is a jealousy

that is based on a real threat to

ones emotional security. The

purpose of any jealousy is to

avoid being hurt or to lessen

hurt that has already happened

but sometimes jealousy makes

people do crazy things. A

proactive jealousy rarely

manifests as violence or self

harm. While anger is a part of

this type of jealousy it never

takes control of actions.

This type of jealousy works as a

protection mechanism. The

jealous feelings lead to

productive actions, like ending a

bad relationship or getting out of

an unhealthy friendship. The

primary concern of this type of

jealousy is self preservation not

revenge or retribution.

Controlling Jealousy

Jealousy is a form of anger

brought on by a fear of loss.

Controlling jealousy is very much

like controlling anger. When you

feel yourself growing jealous the

first thing you must do is calm

down. Take some deep breaths,

try to relax and then take an

honest look at the situation.

Never allow yourself to go off in

a jealous rage, it takes away from

any validity to your feelings and

makes it very easy for others to

dismiss you. Approach the

situation in a calm but stern

fashion. State your point of view

without throwing around

accusations and keep the

emphasis on how what is

happening makes you feel.

Avoid pointing the finger or

calling out others on their

behaviors. Own the jealousy for

what it is, your reaction, and try

to reach a real solution rather

than just vent your hurt feelings.

A little venting is healthy but try

to keep the focus on the real

problem.

Learn From Jealousy

Listen to what the other people

have to say about the situation

that has provoked a jealous

response from you. Their

perspective may be very different

from yours and it is possible that

you don’t have the full story

about what is going on. There

are many innocent situations

that can be misinterpreted as

something sinister. Make sure

you know as much as possible

before getting jealous.

Jealousy exists to protect you

from harm, not to control the

behavior of others. It is an

emotion that can get out of

control if you let it. Your can

never control another person but

you can help yourself when that

person is hurting you. Healthy

jealousy can help you identify

and deal with some of life ’s more

unpleasant lessons.

LOVE AND DATINGS

WAYS TO BUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO FIND OUT IF A PERSON TRULY LOVES YOU

METHOD 1 OF 3: NOTICE HOW THE PERSON ACTS

METHOD 2 OF 3: NOTICE WHAT THE PERSON SAYS

YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AFTER BEING HEARTBROKEN

TIPS FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

WAYS TO MAKE UP WITH YOUR PARTNER AFTER A FIGHT

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND REGRET BREAKING UP WITH YOU: READ THIS

How to Cope With the Estrangement of Someone You Really Care About

HOW TO MAKE A MAN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

TIPS TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE IN A PARASITIC RELATIONSHIP

Steps:

Tips

Warnings

STOP HAVING INAPPROPRAITE CRUSH

Steps:

Tips

Warnings

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE NEED TO REKINDLE ROMANCE

Steps

HOW TO APPROACH THAT HOT STRANGER YOU'VE BEEN EYEING

HOW TO COPE WITH ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOUR ROOMMATE

Warnings

YOU NEED A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT SEX? This is how to do it.

Steps

Tips

Warnings

Things You'll Need

THERE IS A GOOD LIFE AFTER BREAKUP: Tips to get back into a good new relationship

Tips

Warnings

HOW TO HANDLE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Tips

Warnings

WHEN YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR EX: FOLLOW THESE RULES IF YOU WANT TO BE STRONG.

Steps

Tips

Warnings

HOW TO STOP THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE YOU WILL NOT MEET

Steps

Tips

HOW TO APPROACH A LADY AND BECOME IRRESISTABLE TO THEM.

Technique 1. Women Like Self-confident Men - Make it Your Habit

Technique 2. Learn To Interact With Women In A Relaxed Way? .

Take steps to make romance alive.

Low Self-Esteem Stops You From Approaching Girls

Technique 3: Take the Funny Guy Approach And Play It Casual

How To Arrange Your First Meeting With A Woman?

Technique 4: Asking A Woman For Friendship From a Man's Perspective

Approaching Women By Inviting Her To A Coffee Break

Technique 5: Signs That A Woman Has A Crush On You

How To Get Date In A Laid-Back Way?

Technique 6: What Questions To Ask A Girl To Get A Conversation Going?

Technique 7: Create Connection With a Woman

Dealing With Rejection From Women

Technique 8: What Are Shy Men Options To Approaching Women?

MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

TIPS FOR ONLINE DATING

HOW TO BE ROMANTIC - 10 Easy Love Romance Tips

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS SET FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THESE NEW YEAR?

TOP 10 DATING TIPS

IS IT RIGHT TO BE JEALOUS