Love Despot: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Love Triangle

2011-04-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Maybe “Love Triangle” has too strong of an implication. But what do you call it when your husband and your dog are at odds with each other? Before you come to the wrong conclusion, let me give you a little background on the situation.

First there is my dog. He is nearly seven years old, and I have had him for six and a half of those years. Somewhere along the way, he became completely and utterly attached to me.

Then, there is me. Many years back I was coming out of a not so great relationship (actually, make that a horrible relationship) and I was kinda damaged, for lack of a better word. The only good thing that came from the relationship, other than the many life lessons that I wish I had learned on TV instead, was my dog. Sometimes I have trouble reaching out for support from others, and I’ve lost touch with many friends. So somewhere along the way, in spite of my dog having no clue what’s going in my head, I became equally attached to him.

There is one more thing about my dog that I believe is relevant to how much attention he actually requires. He is what I consider a “special needs” dog. He is one of the strangest dogs I have ever encountered and has an intense fear of inanimate objects. For instance, when he was in a puppy, he refused even to stay in a room with a plastic bag. Now, he is occasionally brave enough to investigate the things that scare him. If he decides they are too scary, he will leave. But he is easily spooked. The other day he knocked over an empty soda can off the coffee table, which fell on the floor and made a noise. After fleeing the scene, he spent ten or so minutes shaking uncontrollably in the bedroom before he calmed down.

Last, but certainly not least, there is the man that became my husband. We met four and a half years ago online. We lived in different countries and were both in college, so we only saw each other on spring, summer, and winter breaks, however long or short they happened to be.

When we first met, my dog was not the least bit pleased, and he openly expressed that. No, he’s not aggressive. He doesn’t bite, he doesn’t growl, and most of the time he is actually very friendly. And if you watched him throughout the course of the day, you probably wouldn’t notice any jealousy or resentment. But if you happen to catch him the moment he notices that I am cuddling with someone other than him, you can’t miss his reaction. At first, he would forcefully wedge himself between us.

Over the years, the two of them have done quite a bit of bonding, not all of it voluntary. Sometimes they get along quite well and have fun playing with each other or cuddling. But there are still many jealous looks, and my dog isn’t even necessarily the source of all of them.

Some of you may have heard of the dog training show called “It’s Me or The Dog,” which is an ultimatum that I am almost surprised my husband hasn’t given to me. My husband jokes that he knows better than to ask me to choose between them.

Currently, I am undecided on the issue of having kids. Sometimes I see a baby and they become all I can think about, and sometimes other things suppress the urge altogether. The rivalry between my dog and my husband, even though it is becoming more of a joke than a problem, makes me wonder if either of them can handle sharing attention with yet another living being.

He that is not jealous is not in love. ~St. Augustine

Nobody's Fault But Mine

2011-04-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of my last entry, I thought I would go ahead and try my hand at making the healthiest muffins our cupboard would allow...with no butter, eggs, or oil. I found a banana bran oatmeal muffin recipe that suited our ingredients and modified it to include fruit puree in place of the other ingredients.

I have made banana bread a handful of times, and in spite of occasional straying from recipes (see: running out of bananas), it always seemed to turn out well. The problem with banana bread is that it's too darn tasty for how healthy it isn't.

An experienced baker might have been able to foresee the problems we encountered today (a *banana* muffin with fruit puree as oil/egg substitutes?!). I am by no means experienced, and this was my first time with muffins. I won't be too detailed, but although the taste was good, the texture and aesthetics left a lot to be desired, not to mention it didn't really rise at all.

My husband didn't complain (and it seemed as though he actually liked them), but I would have been embarrassed to share them with anyone else.

The Things That Go Unsaid

2011-04-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

According to the book Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi, we eat, therefore we poop. You know it, I know it, he knows it. But sometimes we pretend that we don’t.

When my husband and I first started dating, we avoided the subject completely. If one of us had to do the doo, we fabricated some reason to excuse ourselves and snuck away. We got to the point where we could subtly hint that we needed to do our business, but still we’d go as far away as possible to do it.

Eventually, we didn’t need to go so far away, and we weren’t so subtle about the hinting. If the bathroom was next to the room we were occupying together, we’d ask the other to play The Song – a predetermined song that would create sufficient cover noise so that the one baring their bottom in the adjacent room could feel sufficiently comfortable doing so.

Four years later, we just say we need to do it and tell the other to get lost.

I realize that some people strongly believe that *some* things should just remain unmentioned, but there are a few reasons I believe it’s a healthy thing to talk about.

First of all, it’s humorous. Yes, it’s immature, but we’ve all been kids once and many of us still have that inner child. We are grown ups now, which means we shouldn’t be amused by something so basic and natural. But the fact that we shouldn’t be amused makes it all the more enticing. The fact that you’re even reading this proves that.

Is humor a good reason to talk about things below our maturity level? Duh! Anything that boosts your mood is good by my book.

Another reason to talk about it is our health. Mood boost aside, pooping isn’t just natural, it’s a crucial part of maintaining good health. We have all heard of the importance of fiber, and know the remaining regular is an important aspect of good health. But what if you aren’t regular? What if your particular diet isn’t working for you? If it’s working for your partner, but not working for you, isn’t that something worth talking about?

My husband and I usually eat together, which means we generally eat the same things. I wouldn’t want modesty or embarrassment on any subject to perpetuate a problem with something as important as bowel health. I would gladly make changes to my diet if it helped someone important to me to remain healthy.

I am sure there are more reasons, and I encourage you to come up with your own (and even share them), but the last reason to be open about it is to avoid anxiety. Perhaps you are feeling under the weather (caused by perhaps the worst form of poop – diarrhea), the last thing you want is to feel embarrassment or anxiety about it – i.e. trying to keep it a secret at the expense of your own physical or mental discomfort.

Long story short, it’s not a subject that people necessarily like to hear about. There are even reasons not to talk about it. You definitely want to exercise discretion should you choose to bring it up. For instance, though my nephew may disagree, the dinner table is neither the time nor the place.

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. ~Miles Franklin