Love Is Being Stupid Together

Hello 2017!

2017-03-01T19:16:00.001+08:00

I believe as a human being, it is not hard to understand why people who are in a relationship would become insecure about themselves at some point of their relationship?

I am no different, but I guess, we got to find a way to resolve these issues, perhaps, along the way, comes to a realization whether you guys work well as a team? Team work is important, there would bound to be times where the emotion roller coaster kicks in and how your partner work together with you in dealing with these issues are important. Just imagine, life issues as your enemy and sometimes you win, a draw, lose or even struggling and that's when you tag your partner and he/she comes in to support you. Despite the outcome, team work is exhibited and it should be celebrated.

Anyways, heck, i have no idea what i am driving at.

I guess what i want to say is that, I want to remember that I am happy now. Happy to be in this relationship. not to say that all is nice and rosy, but i embrace the fact that, my partner is a honest chap.

And of course, provide him the platform for him to be clean to me on any topics is equally crucial as well. I dare not say that i would not be pissed off hahahah, at least, i get the truth. While it hurts, it is still better than being the last person on Earth to know esp more so, if you are supposed to be his significant other?

A little more faith?

Here I am, thinking about building a future with a guy, let's see how things would turn out along the way :)

What's your stories?

I dont give a single F..... Finger

2015-07-13T20:17:00.001+08:00

Yes, you have heard it and yes you have guessed it

I dont give a single Finger

Some people are weird

I love to surprise people

Though for those people who arent nice to me (intentionally or unintentionally), I would still be nice to them :D
So stop questioning me why i gave less attention to you; because I dont give a single F.
Doesnt mean, being nice to you on the surface means anything to you. i'm sorry, but i seriously mean it.

I still very much like to mingle with people who share similar frequency as me; or else dont blame me for not giving enough attention to you. Cuz hey, the world doesnt stop rotating because of you (winks~)

Full Of Feels

2015-05-31T23:42:00.003+08:00

Hello there! It has been a while since my last entry, while I would not say that thus far, things have been smooth sailing, I would dare say that my life roller coaster has put me through time proven tests again and again.

Same type of problem, presented in a different form.

If I have likened a song 10-15 years back, the chances are, I would still love it. I realised that the impact remains potent despite changes in life circumstances, some songs continue to stay relevant; full of feels.

In particular, Lose Yourself by Eminem and Only the One ( 단 한사람) by Yoo Jin.

They are on my auto repeat music list. hehe

I think I'm someone who is really optimistic. I also dont know where does all the strengths came from but i could feel it. :D

Anyway, just feel like sharing my recent playlist! And BIGBANG's songs (2015) are songs that if you have failed to listen to them, please slapppppp yourself and get yourself exposed to their music now! pali! Ima! Ton ni! xian zai ma shang!

1) Loser

2) Bae Bae

3) Only the One

4) You're so cute Neo Gwiyeop Da

5) Ke Yi Le (Eason Chan)

and Many More, but right now, Top 3 should have bombarded my brain relentlessly! Sometimes, just before I close my eyes, one of them would invade brain quietly but violently. I have nowhere to hide :D

Korean Wave 来势汹汹！魅力无法挡！我的神！

Sometimes, it is tempting to learn Korean you know! So that I could sing them w ease or at the very very least, pronounce them better.

Anyways, 感谢有这些歌陪我。带来的绝对是意想不到的安慰和精神寄托。真的，有些勇气还真的需要另类的东西才能平复我特别的脾气。我感觉，我还是一个很难搞的人。猜不透也不想被人猜透。心思细腻难以捉摸。

是呀，我是水瓶座。

这是个个性独特和脾气古怪的人。头脑灵活、富于广泛的交际才能和独立精神。心胸开阔，思想开放，亦不喜欢受束缚，但有时会显得非常尖锐刻薄。对与一切事物都有想去接触的冲动，喜欢接触新事物，思维敏锐，对金钱方面看待的比较轻。

Peace Out Humans,
P

2015: Make it or Break it. I Choose

2015-01-12T19:11:00.003+08:00

忘了是怎么开始
好像就是对你有一种感觉

是的好像就是一种感觉。3分钟热度已退
My 2015 started out rocky, in fact, due to the poor foundation set, i was caught in the middle of nowhere. But I am glad, I am seriously counting my blessing in the midst of all the disguises.
I must really say, i owe many people in 2014 to my unprecedented thoughts.
More importantly, i let myself down. really down. I have a total lost of control of my emotions.
Despite all of that, I am still happy. It has brought me closer to the people whom I wanted to.
I would proudly declare that 2014 has helped me filtered many people in my life and I'm glad that it has done me a pretty good favor.

As for now, I am looking forward to 2015.
A brand new chapter for me.
This year, I did something different. haha. i could hardly believe that i actually brought in changes to my own habit. And that is, to write down my new year resolution :)

It is quite an amazing process and i urge you to do that too.

I used to thought that making a new year resolution is kind of a waste of time; no one really sticks to it any way. it was created to be bent (?)

hahaha

Mentally strong people tolerate and embrace change; because change is the constant. the earth will not stop rotating for you; however, if you make a plan and start to focus on that goal, the universe will align it for you.

Jack Ma said it the best. Dont choose to do something that you have no passion for, it will soon burn you out. Choose to do something which you love, and find meaning in it. because during time of adversity, only with passion, enthusiasm and love would you be able to pull through the presented challenges with grace and tenacity.

Anyway, Jack Ma inspires me hell lot. I am gonna, take a few of his teachings and place it close to my heart. Exercise it and excel
No one owes me to succeed. No one would care even; my pride, my story, my life.

I must want it so desperately that i could move heaven and earth to get it.

When friends coined me as an alpha female hahaa, i paused and ponder, i think i can be larger than that.

with that, sky is the limit :)
Time is fair

Each of us has 24 hours to use; it is how we want to put our mind to it and maximize its potential. Because I can, I can.
And I will break down those walls; using my time and youth to not only reach my goal but also to be better than 昨天的我。

不说后悔
昨天已成历史
看向我的目标，FOCUS, 向目标迈进。

Make things Happen :)

Love,
P

And this is how I feel NOW

Why would it matter?

2014-09-21T20:28:00.001+08:00

My biggest fear?

Disappointment(s) from my friends.

Nothing to do!

Yup, you have heard me, I am very scare that I have nothing to do!

Due to my insecurities, I usually ask my best friend google for answer; and without disappointment, I found this particular article addressing my current problem!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201101/the-trouble-bright-girls

Not to say that I am a bright person (I highly doubt so), but I gave it all up so easily! If I could settle for something less, maybe it would be good for me? Maybe, something stable is really what I have been looking out for all along?

Following instructions may be better right?

Slow Down, Take A Step Back and Look Around

2014-07-15T12:33:00.001+08:00

I AM BEYOND CURE I KNOW

SOMETIMES BEING STUBBORN DRAINS ME A LOT

SOMETIMES I FAILED TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE, THINKING THAT I AM WAY CAPABLE THAN THAT BUT I THE ACTUAL FACT IS THAT I AM NOT. SADLY, I AM VERY HONEST TO MYSELF.

I AM NEW

I AM FRESH

I AM RAW AND
FAILURE UP FRONT PUSHES ME TO THE CORNER WHERE I FEAR TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT WITH MY TEARS; MASKING MY VULNERABILITIES AND SHADOWING MY SMILES TO COVER THOSE PROMINENT SCARS THAT I VOWED TO NEVER REVEAL.

DOUBTING MYSELF BECOMES EASIER
TO ESCAPE FROM
THINGS I REFUSE TO CONFRONT

RIGHT NOW, I AM WEAK
IN FRONT OF YOU, I AM NOTHING
YOU SAW MY STRENGTHS AND MY WEAKNESSES
I REVEAL THEM ALL
TRYING TO HIDE WASNT AN OPTION, BECAUSE YOU WILL LOOK THROUGH ME
I AM EXPOSED
I AM SCARED

WHAT IS LIFE? WHAT IS MY LIFE?

TAKING A SLOWER STEP, TAKING A CLOSER LOOK AT MY SURROUNDINGS, ENGAGING AND ACCEPTING CHANGES
MAYBE ONE DAY
YOU WILL BE TOUCHED BY MY SINCERITY
I WANTED TO HELP
I WANTED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
I AM STILL ME
I AM STILL PEARLYN
NOTHING CHANGES
BUT YOUR PERCEPTIONS CHANGED
YOUR ATTITUDE DEVIATES

SOMETIMES LOSING A LITTLE BIT DOESNT EQUATE TO CONSTANT LOSS
BUT EACH THING HAS IT VALUES
I VALUED ALL
HOWEVER, I DONT HAVE THE FINAL SAY
YOU CAN DECIDE TO RUN AWAY
I CAN DECIDE TO RUN AWAY

FOR THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT PEOPLE AHEAD
WHO ARE WILLING
TO TAKE ON MY HAND
PUTTING FAITH IN ME
NOTING MY WORTH AND VALUE

I MAY HAVE LOST YOU
I AM HERE FOR A GREATER CAUSE
I AM HERE TO STAY
I AM HERE TO SERVE

One fine day, I hope you could celebrate the times we had together
Precious memories dont come easily
i cherish those moments a lot
it meant a lot

"It doesnt matter who is coming, but who came?"

我的爱可以和大，可以很广，可以无条件地包容及容忍。
因为爱所以坚持
所以有了呼吸的勇气·
所以有了这美丽的生命

别人不懂，没关系
别人放手，没关系

还好还有自己。
这个世界，你不会孤单。因为我会陪着你。
就算我孤单了，还好我还有爱自己的自己。

:)

You Should Not Go Away

2014-05-22T20:33:00.002+08:00

What does that mean? Who could decipher?

Anyways, by chance, I read the first few chapters of Singapore Love Story by Mr Low Kay Hwa. To be honest, I have heard about him through facebook and knew that he is a talented novelist but to find time to read his stories never cross my mind.
Today, I truly understand why he deserved the title. In fact, his ability to garner so much readers (or fans) becomes less of a surprise. hahah Not only does the story carries substances, it is original (unique/atypical) with local flavour well retained.
I shall hit the bookstore and get a copy soon!
It was a good read indeed. :)

When I was younger, I love to read Chinese novels and gradually I become aware that subconsciously my mind starts to develop plots of random strangers and events. Subsequently, whether the plots could be controlled or manipulated by my mind varies significantly, however, by linking up all the imaginary events and perhaps polish them a little to make them smooth, could at times be fine tuned into a story which I personally deemed wonderful.
In contrast to my "younger" days, I have slowly (though not entirely) moved away from this tendency, because it requires energy coupled with (undivided) focus (which also means that you may look disinterested or daydreaming to others). Im serious! hahaha sometimes, it can get out of hand if I am too engrossed with the series of stories in my head... it is particularly frustrating when you are trying to sleep but the plots (creativity juice?) in your head keeps generating new elements; luring you to unravel the next episode and the next episode and the next episode and it never ends because you can never find a perfect time to END it. (((O panda eyes O)))

That's ALL (my rantings) for now~ Lovewww

hahahaha.
Love,
Miss P

He Nailed It Again

2014-02-01T23:53:00.001+08:00

Nat <3

Cant believe that he composed this song because .... it is a sad sad song.... cant help but to ponder, did he encountered any special during his composition? Probably, something has triggered him ....oh man

erm.... the melody will somehow (unintentionally) trigger those small lonely moments in (my) life.

And it lingers.... scary....

Not that the idea of being lonely terrifies me, but on a different level, it creates a feeling which cannot be described. Hahahah

Well, spend a few minutes listening to the song ~ Although you may not understand the lyrics, let his voice and his song bring you towards his heart; thereby enable the feel to give a knock at your heart?

There are so many things that could be deciphered from his composition...

Somehow.....

>> The more I share conversation with her the more lonely I get, my heart gets lonelier listening to her .... always talking/revolving about/around him

Hai.... nice guys finish last

Stop Blogging When YOU HAVE SOMETHING MORE URGENT TO ATTEND?!!!!

On a side note, I cant help it....

Love his eyelashes ... how could it be longer than the female lead?!

<3 Miss P

getting rusty here...

2013-09-22T23:45:00.003+08:00

hello there my beautiful world!
hahah, i was distracted by many things and since i couldnt focus on my work (or research work), i might as well use this time to update my (almost forgotten) blog!
despite a happy starting sentence, i would say that i'm pretty emo these days! really! very emo! hahaha
yet at the same time, i cant help but to laugh at my silly stubbornness~ if you dont let go those negative thinkings, you wont receive inner peace even if you think you have let it go, you must genuinely let it go to give your brain, heart and perhaps soul an overdue vacation.
it is hard! very! why is it so hard?! tell me why?!
i think the real reason is, (hahahahah, warning alert! im pushing blame on others) i'm constantly surrounded by high IQ and EQ people which means im soooo soooo inferior as compared to them. heheh MUST BE!
haiz... need to self reflect more, otherwise, such a profound conclusion cannot be reached (*nodding randomly). hahahha
apart from being stupiak and all, i would say, i am pretty proud about myself! ahahah to have survived so many emo days, and probably many to come until graduation, with a smile to brush off all the heavy emotional burdens away from my shoulders. it wasnt all that easy, but i managed to sort them out day by day with little therapeutic steps which ive created. i truly wishes that things could turn out well, in fact, i always have this little wish on my little mind that one day, i could reminisce my decisions made in life, be it big or small. surely, this sounds so silly but to me, it is more like a pinky promise to myself.
anyway, i hope bad things will eventually find their way out, so that i can concentrate all my energy into developing happy memories. hehehe

mmwmmm, even on days which i am supposed to dedicate time for work, i chose to idle around.. i must be bichesoyo! hahah so many research articles to read, it makes me wonder a lot. of cuz, it is not to say all these reading materials are unnecessarily, in contrast, they not only enhance my reading ability but also understanding towards the topic; eventually i could integrate all the information and crystallise them into my theory. being able to do that requires a lot of patience (which i am lacking apparently), as well as interest. once you lose that curiosity spark, the path to elucidate knowledge could be severely compromised. not to say that without interest you couldnt produce an A+ work, passion dies, and every min spent on the work leeches you more. somehow, the previous sentence doesnt really coincide with my mind because, if i could produce A+ result with less effort, regardless how much interest invested on it, my mood status would immediately switch to green (healthy and happy). wahahaha blahhh blahhh
wahahha, after typing so many rubbish, i just realised i am such a nerd! omg... could i be humanised?!
in order to do that, i must throw away all my academic stuffs and allow people to be informed about what is occupying in my head 80% of the time. and yes! probably it is obvious but i wanna say ~~~ BIGBANG BIGBANG WOOOHOOOOWOOHOOOO F1 GOT YOU HERE IN SINGAPORE! WHEEEE~~~ I AM SO FORTUNATE TO LIVE IN AN INTERNET ERA! HOW I WISHED I COULD BE THERE LIVE! TO INDULGE IN THE ATMOSPHERE AND GET HIGH WITH EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAD ATTENDED! DESPITE THAT SMALL REGRET, I AM THANKFUL FOR ALL THOSE UPLOADERS OUT THERE WHO POSTED THE VIDS ON YOUTUBE, SO THAT FANS WHO MISSED THEIR ACTIONS COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO WITNESS THEIR INTERNATIONAL INFLUENCE~ TRULY KPOP KINGS~ PRICELESS PERFORMANCES! THEY HAVE WORKED HARD TO COMPLETE SUCH AN IMPACT SHOW YESTERDAY NIGHT!
CANT HELP BUT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM ALL OVER AGAIN! IT IS INSANE AND CRAZY! HAHAHA... BIGBANG IS SPECIAL. <3
THINKING BACK, I HAVE KNOWN THIS BAND FOR SO MANY YEARS BUT I NEVER PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO THEM AND THE FUNNY THING IS, INITIALLY, I THOUGHT TAEYANG WAS THE LEADER HAHHAHA... AT THAT TIME (WHICH I CANT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHICH YEAR WAS IT), EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT TAEYANG'S WEDDING DRESS SONG, THUS I JUST FOLLOWED SUIT AND LISTENED TO SEVERAL SONGS SUNG BY INDIVIDUAL BIGBANG MEMBERS. DONT ASK ME WHY I DIDNT LISTEN TO BIGBANG'S SONGS AS A GROUP BACK THEN, I CANT RMB BUT I WASNT THAT INTO THEM (INDIVIDUALLY BACK THEN). SUBSEQUENTLY, (I THINK IT WAS DURING LAST TERM'S 3 MONTHS BREAK? MMM LIKE JULY? I WAS RANDOMLY WATCHING TV PROG ON MIO TV, I HEARD A SONG FROM BB AND THE REST WAS HISTORY. THE SONG HAS DRAMATICALLY TRANSFORMED ME INTO A BB FAN, WHILE NOT SO HARDCORE YET, IT WAS THE TURNING PT WHERE I COME TO REALIZE THAT I MUST KNOW BB MORE! THE CATCH IS HERE, THE MORE I KNOW ABOUT THEM, THE MORE I BECOME IRRESISTIBLY DRAWN TO THEM AND SINCE THEN I'VE PLEDGE MY LOYALTY. UNBELIEVABLE I KNOW. I AM SHOCKED BY MYSELF TOO. I MEAN IDOLS COME AND GO, NO BIG DEAL. AND YEA, SOME ARE REALLY TALENTED AND SO ON, BUT YOU MOVED ON. SOME ARE REALLY SPECIAL, BUT THEY JUST QUIETLY HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE NOTHING OF ANY SORT COME CLOSE EVER SINCE I COME ACROSS BB. IN MY HEAD, THEY DOMINATE AND TRIUMPH OVER EVERYTHING ELSE. WELL, ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT PUT THEIR PICTURE ON MY PILLOW CASING (HAHAHAH), MY LOVE FOR THEIR MUSIC REMAINS STURDY AND UNDYING.
<3 CREATIVE G-DRAGON, SEXY TOP, ANGELIC DAESUNG, TALENTED TAEYANG AKA YOUNGBAE, AND MISCHIEVOUS SEUNGRI CONSTITUTE MY UNIQUE BIGBANG!
HAHAH AND BEFORE YOU ARE STARTING TO WONDER WHEN WOULD I REVEAL WHICH MAGICAL SONG CHANGED MY ENTIRE PERCEPTION ON BB, OR RATHER KPOP, (MAYBE NO ONE IS INTERESTED TO KNOW BUT I WILL STILL REVEAL ON THE BEHALF OF MY THICK SKIN), THAT REVOLUTIONARY SONG IS ~~ BLUE (I'M SINGING MY BLUES~) HAHAH RINGS A BELL? THAT IS MY WECHAT AND WHATSAPP STATUS LIKE DUD ALL THE TIME... HEHEHEHE... YES, THIS WAS THE SONG WHICH CAUSED ME TO BE TRAPPED INTO THEIR AWESOMENESS AND I WONDERED, HOW DID EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST AND FURIOUS. BECAUSE BY THE TIME I REALISED ... I HAVE BEEN WATCHING EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM ON YOUTUBE SUBCONSCIOUSLY... LIKE A VIRUS WHICH INVADES MY BODY, MY BRAIN, MY HEART WITHOUT ANY EFFORT, IT GRADUALLY PROPAGATES EXPONENTIALLY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION INSIDE MY BODY AND TRAVEL AROUND WITHOUT A PASSPORT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE FOR TREATMENT; NOW IT IS BEYOND ANY CURE. BAM! I'M TRAPPED. > VIP ROCKS <

TO ALL THE VIPs, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS <3

ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF ME BEING SUCH A GIRLY FAN GIRL, SARANG HAE YO BIGBANG.

GOODNIGHT, TONIGHT I WILL BE YOUR ALIVE BLUE MONSTER, NO LIES NEEDED CUZ YOU DONT DESERVE A STUPID LIAR, THIS WILL NOT BE OUR LAST FAREWELL, NEVER TELL ME GOODBYE, DEEP WITHIN YOU ARE OUR FANTASTIC BABY AND SO HANDS UP MY NUMBER 1!

LOVE,
P

overwhelmed

2013-07-01T21:10:00.000+08:00

hai.... keep on making bad decisions

what is wrong with me... on the verge of breaking one and no one tries to save you, and you dun know how it's like.... welcome to my life....

Unhappy... somehow, school makes me unhappy... really unhappy... how come and how can? because things changed... at that split second i really thought... it was wise for me to do it... now... i'm doubting myself... more and even more...

oh lord, im so sorry to be greedy...

too serious too soon

2013-06-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

ohmy.... i wasnt expecting it to come so soon! i havent get ready to present yet. mmmm a sudden realization that im really going to do my honours soon.
im not sure how am i feeling right now. a bit confused and terrified. in fact, i'm kinda scared; dunno what should i present in front of so many pros. i know i shouldnt be since i have an awesome mentor guiding me in this peculiar research journey, yet.......
oh well... life goes on.. i was still thinking of having some fun before school reopens... oh well here goes my july... not sure if i'm supposed to be happy or sad...
aigu.... alright, i shouldnt be too greedy!

Humpf,
P

am i taking things for granted?

2013-05-27T00:21:00.002+08:00

true enough, sometimes we unintentionally took things for granted; and sometimes we even secretly or boldly wishing for more. we are humans and so we are bound to make mistakes right? have i been so perfect, i am not human. yet, in the context of social norms, it becomes unethical or inhumane to push boundaries further, just to see how much more benefits i could reap for myself.
these few days got me thinking about a couple of things. unfortunately, all the thoughts i had had no solution. Instead of clearing my thoughts, deep meditation and conversation with myself has surfaced quite a lot of contradictory troubles and fears that just seem to linger around me... bad stain bad stain....
if i had wanted sth so badly, i really needa prove it. the more i see how ppl successes in their lives, it really got me thinking about my future. however, how to define that? what does being successful means to you and to what extent would you considered yourself as successful? there are many ways to look at it ...
and for me
it is more like
....
getting recognized for my work and effort?
idk... a sense of achievement? and perhaps this sense of achievement must get so big like a fireball so as to not understate my definition of being successful? honestly, i am confused by myself too. and putting all this confusion aside, it is important to ask my soul this question... and because of this particular question, it got me deep soul searching for a very long time.... did/have i put enough effort to achieve it? sometimes, i really felt that i had given my best to the situation, (and even if the outcome(s) was/were positive) many times when i looked back at those effort, i cant help but to ask, was that enough? was that all i could do? worse, if the outcome was nowhere near my expectation, i would take a long long long.... long long long time to recuperate my broken "internal" energy. im sure many of us are living with a complicated mind even if we think that we had led a life so boring that even a drama producer would refuse to use it as a potential storyline material.... right? contrary to popular belief, it is not so. uniqueness still beats
anyway.... looking carefully at my life, i have so many regrets... and i could only regret.... and remained regretful... if only if only if only... so many ifs...

that's enuff said and done,
p

No way am I gonna Shining bright like a DIAMOND.... OOPSS...

2013-05-13T00:38:00.001+08:00

Maybe I am a little slow but I do realised that most of my friends have since stopped to blog about themselves.
The reason why I am still writing is not because i am expecting audiences (lol) but rather, it has become my personal healing entity. A place where I have to filter my thoughts before input can be extremely therapeutic to me. Even if the things i wrote contained mainly sad emotion, the will to continue remains unwavered. :)
You see....
Being an Uni student in a competitive school really affects my mood drastically. I noticed it. Times changed, and for me, i think i have changed too; flux according to circumstances. Unfortunately, i cannot seem to get "well" in this rat race, and the more I try to unacknowledged those unpleasant struggles, the more insecure I get. I understand that i should face it like a warrior or embrace with maturity, however it is often easy to say than done.
... Sometimes, whenever i think of those tears shed for my struggles, i felt like a loser, so imcompetent. This is not to say that i am expecting a smooth sailing life but the path which i have chose to walk hurts so much that the thought of giving all up becomes so vulnerable. Perhaps others had an even painful experience compared to mine but this is my honest feelings about myself - no pretence - my truest 心情。
Although it is too late to talk about regrets, i shall not and will not deny that uni has indeed brought another side of me; thus preparing me for the next chapter of my life.

Oh well, suck it up.

ohh and i forgot to mention..... %&%@*&&$(@*#(

Wasted one entire day idling! shit

2013-04-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

and so i really thought it was a good idea to stay at home and try to cook something up for my report... but i realised it was a bad bad decision... i couldnt really start on anything... except reading on some references... what made matter worse was i couldnt even remember the lanes used for my experiment... total WIN. arghhh... and my whatsapp vibrates like crazy, i seriously cannot concentrate! arghhhh keep getting distracted here and there.

hey p, you have to get things str! if you are gg to attend the ceremony as well as gg jb on the same day, you got to get your ass and brain focus on the report! otherwise, you can jolly well kiss goodbye with all the plans and stay at home building your scaffold! arghhhh you HAVE to stick to the schedule you arranged for yourself! WHAT IS THIS?! wasting time idling from one website to another, you are screwed! argghhhh

devil p: there is still time plus she have grasp all the info she needed for the final report, chill chill
kanchiong p: then would the report produce from the sky n drop into your dropbox b4 submission. NO MORE GATHERING SESSIONs for you!

%%$#@6*&*#^*#^$&@(*)(#0- arghhhhh

one more CA on next friday, but i havent really revise a thing... arghhhh arghhhh if im a volcano, it has erupted continuously for the past agrhhhh 8 hours, excluding breakfast time. agrhhhhhhh agrhhhh

since i cannot concentrate, lets watch some youtube vids.... ARGHHHHHH

Finally... a not so upset post :)

2013-03-31T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hello World!
How are ya?!

Let's kick start with something that happened to me just 4 days ago!
Well, i couldnt agree more that the amount of work and revisions required for school is freaking driving me crazy, but oh well, i have to deal with it right? Apart from that, i'm glad that i met up with Gen and Veron on Thurs :) It was definitely a night to remember since the last time the 3 of us gathered was like how many months ago. And every time we met, i really felt a sense of serenity and security :)
Moving on, all i could remember what i did on Good Friday was to chiong my assignments like a crazy woman yet still didnt manage to produce any decent work out... LOLOLx... And here comes Saturday where i get to meetup with moshulu ppl (even though the attendees were mostly made up of the usual ppl, it was nevertheless a nice catchup session filled with so much joy and laughter; thus coloring my boring weekend.) And here comes Sunday ... opened my email and witnessed how my report was critiqued by my mentor. ahahah.. it was like ... an end of the world for me... all i could see was, my report was flooded in a sea of reds.... although i was shocked, i was delighted. hehehe.. at least, now he knows that i am in need of his help urgently! Well, ok lah, i shall not be so demanding since he is busy with his postdoc thesis.

ok, shall get back to working mode soon... arggghhh

Cant seem to do anything right

2013-01-31T01:33:00.002+08:00

oh goddd, please tell me how can i overcome this crisis... nothing is going my way and the more i try to be optimistic about everything, the more exhausted and "crashed" I am. This "crash-y" feeling is well illustrated as a cocaine drug addict undergoing withdrawal symptom... haiz.. before you start wondering elsewhere, i need to clarify that i'm not on drugs haha in fact, it freaks me out to even touch those stuff; and so how would i know anything about the withdrawal symptoms which the addicts are feeling?! Well, i guess... i just know it but milder.
Right now, i'm very dejected. No one actually knows how to read me and so i deserved to die in a corner - emo to death; until the withdrawal symptoms subside. Yet, the funny thing is, you keep going back for more; to get depress over again as though to build up tolerance so that the next wave of depression doesnt seem crashing on you so badly.
ohhh goddddd, please please spend some time with me and hear my cries ....
well i wont resort to wrist cutting or anything extreme but i am really really sick and tired of all this shit. one thing for sure, if i cant overcome it, nothing is going to solve my desire to win and succeed. i want it soooo badly - the recognition and prestige

hais

>''<

Hello 2013!

2013-01-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

could you be my punching bag?! errrrrrrhhhhggghhhh

why cant i get those desired modules? erhhhggghhh

i feel weird... and i thought hey maybe it was a good change. in fact, you cant hide it because when it strikes, there's no way to hide- you're absolutely betrayed by your face expression.

it feels weird... and i thought hey maybe afterall it was a good change. maybe, i mean just maybe, i can push the boundaries further and go ahead with the plans which ive rehearsed so many times in my mind.

give me some hints will yall?

not sure anymore,

i just want to lead a simple life? why must you hinder me?!

2012-12-27T01:08:00.001+08:00

Tại sao tôi buồn?
không ai sẽ hiểu, nhưng tôi thực sự biết lý do

Ive ask this question many times, god, why must you do this to me even though im sure you did it for a reason. However, regardless how this reason may be, it hurts when im caught off-guarded. Should i be punished for defying your wishes? But I dont know your wishes; i just want to feel certain things at my own pace even if it may not be the best or ideal for me, in fact i was merely setting my foot on something which comforts me during situations which tense me up.
God, where are you when i needed you the most, when i thought youve heard my sorrows and when i thought i was one step closer to you... you put me as secondary... have i disgrace anyone?

At the end of day, i think and will know this absolutely without a doubt - i love you dad :')
He was the one who stood by me when i thought my world has go against me
there are so many things i want to share or want to be heard of but i know it wouldnt be fair for the listener because why burden them when certain things would never cross their lives? Yet, carrying so many secrets on my frail shoulders over the past few years had slowly betrayed my trust; i could no longer trust myself. At best, i comfort myself - its ok, things happened for a purpose and god has his arrangement but would this comforting words sustain me? I dunno.. ive lost control, and the only thing i could do was hiding behind the computer; panicking about the next step about myself. I dont want to be pessimistic, i hate it. i seriously hate it when i cant get over things... too much price for me to pay ...
Friends come and go,and if im lucky, those who can tolerate me stay while even so, why is there this un-explainable sadness engulfing me, creeping into every empty corner of my heart, leeching away all my happiness and tingling my calm mind?

Is there a way to eliminate all err and restart myself?
eerrr... can i be saved? or could my happy soul be resurrected?

Santa, where's my presentttt? ive been good for .... awhile... x.x

2012-12-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

oh man, im so so depressed right now to realise the impossibility of continuing thai 3 next sem~

Well, my friends have been telling me to start with timetable planning since last 2 weeks (i think) but i thought, how difficult would it be.... which is why, after much delays i took my time, browsing through potential modules... and tada! im screwed big time! THE ONLY CORE MODULE CRASHES WITH THAI 3.... OH NO~~~~ (big bang effect at the back please)

After so much anxiety and anticipation for my thai language comeback, i'm officially stuck at the stage where my homeless language-thirsty soul refused to accept what reality has specially prepared for me ... it was totally unexpected.

So ... is this like a hint to me to take viet 2? i dunno.. im no longer able to judge accurately anymore... i could only do two more lvl 1000 modules, perhaps that's y im panicking. Haiyo, haiya... i'm stress...

Dear Santa, please dont punish me for slacking by depriving me of my lang craze. Why am I (~~always~~) landing myself in such a awkward situation again... haiyoeyo... lol

who knows?

2012-12-27T01:07:00.003+08:00

to be honest ...
i had fun today
to be honest
i was sad however i'll never give up! that's the attitude :) i've chosen a special path, and i know i need to persevere and work doubly hard so as to stay faithful to my decision. It has been a wonderful week.
thank you

because i know i can depend on myself, so i have to be strong, stay strong and remain absolutely courageous

love ya all

forever p,
p

Not another ranting post?

2012-12-07T20:05:00.000+08:00

yea! finally its december :) and do you know what it means? hehhe anyway, speaking of holiday, i believe there wouldnt be much celebration for me because... i took up urops tada~ yup, you didnt read it wrongly - i took up urops. but how is this gonna affect my holiday? well, the fact is, it would affect much LOLOL and that is because ive an awesome mentor! im kinda glad that the proj which im doing seems to me that i'll be working with a bunch of highly intelligent, yet at the same time, kind-hearted people. while it may be difficult to adapt to unfamiliar places or situations, as of now, so far so good. and yup, i shouldnt be complaining anymore, in fact if i complain more, i'll go hell. may december be with me :) Peace out, P

This November ~ gonna be magical

2012-11-04T22:34:00.001+08:00

Maybe Ive lose it, but maybe I've gained something more....

To my total surprise, I do enjoy some of the Vietnamese songs albeit not being able to fully understand them!

Hahah..

Anyways, cant believe that october just past me so nonchalantly .. like it didnt give me time to acknowledge it.... it came into my life and left silently... kinda mixed feelings... dk should i be happy or not... and so last month, I've indeed accomplished certain goals yet on the other hand, ive screwed up several things too... I wouldnt say everything is smooth sailing but at the very least, ive survived much of it with dignity. hahahaha.. whoa, i made myself sounds like a warrior... mmm, but i guess everyone is a warrior :)

Ok confession, i do get quite (very) jealous when i see my friends go out and have fun while im stuck at home or at school completing the never-ending revisions... hahaha.. (because i also want to play~~~), it seems like i just need to get over it... since I know, i wont go out unless im confident to stay on my schedule... and since i know all too well that, im quite suck at time management, it would be wise to resist outing temptations.... yet i still get upset about myself.... hahhahaha... midlife crisis yo!

hahaha

alright enough of self pity... hahahaha... i would say, isnt it great to stayed at home and enjoy the companion of your family... hehehe

Always love you guys, once the exams are over i wanna take do meaningful stuff... instead of holidaying... because i kinda like realised that, travelling has become very easy already... so for me, i would no longer tell myself to travel while im young... As for now, i want to do something worth my time and well-being... lets see... what should i dooooo...

Xin loi em ~~~ (that is the only thing i understood from the MV despite my viet 1 background.. haha.. nevertheless, i really love the melody... totally so my cup of tea... hahahah...)

^^b

Soar high,
Pearlyn

Courage

2012-10-10T22:56:00.001+08:00

Please come true :)

had been feeling quite down recently, but nevertheless i can overcome everything in no time!

if time permits, what would i do?

ahahaha

khit thung khray?

2012-10-01T21:28:00.001+08:00

When i think about it, i really think that it was very funny.

When i know that i have an influence to control the situation, i know ive nailed it.

Just because 我疼你 doesn't give you the american express card to override me. Just because, i didnt scold you doesnt mean my silence represents a green light for your rude nonsense. And just because you think you have good terms with me doesnt signify that you will always nail me in every argument. Well, just because i dun refute your silliness doesnt show that you're always winning. Just because i want you to feel good about yourself doesnt always equal to me watching you magnifying your pathetic ego; so fragile, i want to crush it instantly but (fortunately) was stopped by my maturity.

And if you really think you are some big shot IN FRONT of me... i think seriously, you are too green.

Who do you want to impress? Me? Grow up please.

Sometimes, when i look at you, i'll feel disgusted by the things i have allowed you to disregard. Manners. You were special to me, even if you are such an incorrigible, uncouth and proud person, i cannot deny that i cannot cut that loose strings between us.

Because i owe it to you

With that mindset, i told myself to put up will all your nonsense. but hey, i'm a human. i have a limit to what i can allow a person to treat me like a pushover.

And when you told me that you were remorse about it.... you know that i'll forgive you. you always use that tactic... no one can empathize me, because i deeply know that i owe it to you.

有谁没有年轻过？就因为，太年轻才会以为我可以一直很女王下去。

我的霸道，我的野蛮我的一切，或许在莫个程度上展现的很愚昧、很self-centered 但是，我错了。我也不知不觉长大了。

Thinking back, i'm such a fool. this mid-Autumn festival, let us bury everything and start afresh.

Fortunately, you know how to apologize... or rather thankfully, u also have high regards for me otherwise you wouldnt care right? and for this, let just say, i need so time to cool down and rethink about my own actions. Although i clearly knows that, even if the clock turns back to Z, i will not hesitate to shoot your ridiculous ego down and step a few more times to appease that *volcano* which had erupted.

On the other hand, i do regret and hope that the time can rewind to 2X.... but how differently would i do given my knowledge and intelligence back then?

With so many what ifs..

I conclude, dont expect that the world will revolve for you and around you. Stay happy ba... x)

No more no more... move on move on.

yuan yuan xiang bao he shi liao...

peace,

ps: im surprised to have found out that ive drafts which i hv no idea when did i typed those things... and under what type of circumstances...

crap... wasted another day on youtube

-------------------------------------------------------

I'm a little bit sad, a little bit discouraged and a little be startled... I hope it is normal.

Feeling wasted and deserted ever since ever since ... one good thing would probably be, recess week is ending, i have less time to dwell on things which are poorly perceived.

Whether it will eventually turns out okay, i have no clue, 0 confidence although statistically they are socially significant.

--------------------------------------------------------

当朋友远离，梦想也不知去了什么地方，而一些最美好的回忆也成了现实的最大对比，郁闷之情立马涌上心头，哭都没有了力气，好累，真的好累，只想散散心。

After all, i'm just a mere human, with heart, with blood + emotion. Cross fingers, i hope i'm not suffering from a panic attack, because it i do, it would be too great for me to handle.
And even.. if i my energy has been drained, i do pray to let go these emotion gracefully just like how apoptosis works. No inflammation - present itself as a considerate neighbours by not making a wooha about its departure and ultimately, degrade quietly in a corner without anyone noticing. how beautiful right? however, the process is programmed, hence to even getting close to such a prefect degradation, it must undergo several strict regulated events. Now, we are talking about human... and human are not programmed to handle all grief well...ใช่ไหม? or are we?
Referring back to apoptosis, even apoptosis is given 2 options - whether the degradation should proceed intrinsically (via mitochondria dependent pathway where cyto c are released into the cytoplasm, attached to apaf1, formation of apoptosome, activiation casp 9, sunsequently casp 3 to death) or extrinsically (recognized by death receptor, mainly dancing with the activation of casp 8 and die). and so, what can you infer from this?

Below is one song which i want to recommend :) but no eng sub... ;p cring sia cay! and the song reminds me of fang da tong, chan may ruu thammay. Close your eyes and listen to it, and you probably could feel the turbulence within~ pit eyes l3 fang chachaa x)

เธอกอดฉันไว้ เธอเก็บฉันไว้ รึฉันเองที่ไม่ยอมไป
คิดเองทั้งนั้น ว่าเธอยังไม่ปล่อยให้ฉันไป
มันจบไปแล้ว มันเจ็บไปแล้ว แต่ที่ทุกข์เพลงใหม่ล่าสุดทุกวันนี้เพราะใคร
อาจเป็นเพราะฉัน ยังอยากให้เรารักกันตลอดไป

This problem ballooned...... let it burst it with my own hands

2012-09-27T19:29:00.000+08:00

Never did it affects me so much

yes

writing reports!

4 pages only... but im desperate with words! i dunno what can i crap already! after vomiting 3 pages of texts, im like.. seriously... NO MORE NO MORE!

Never in my life did i expect myself to succumb into such a situation - lack of words... Quite the opposite, i always need to chop away many info just to compact everything into whatever given number of pages...

and now... im desperate to find words
to fill up those gaps...
to justify my own incompetency ....
to.... errrrrr....

im in deadmeat.

Miss P

on the other hand... if this is retribution for being greedy... although it is quite worth it, just that... could i complain a little... ?