Love Ladder

Oh No! My Parents chose a wrong partner for me..

2011-05-21T23:47:00.009+05:30

Hi folks,

April was the month of Child Sexual Abuse Awareness. Loveladder was concerned and therefore played a tiny hand in it. We hope it reaches the masses in a more informed way.

This is another month though. We received a troubled email that instantly put us back into 'trouble in paradise' solving mode. Shahid asked questions that had him stumped and thinking.

Shahid told us the following: (Edited version since the email was lengthy)
Sender's name : Shahid
Sender's Email : [Hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

Hello,
I am 35, male and married since one year. I am highly educated but presently working in a temporary position. My wife is physically less attractive but educated and working. Her job is slightly better than mine at present.

Before marriage I had a few matrimonial offers of girls who were good looking. When the talks of our marriage were being finalized there were two proposals I had liked of good looking/educated girls but my parents said this girl (my present wife) is good for me. I sometimes feel bad that they refused the offers that I had liked. I keep thinking about this and therefore I am not able to give 100% to my relationship.

Adding to this, we live separately and meet only every other 2-3 months.

My in-laws are not very much educated. My in-laws repeatetdly force my wife to quit her job though I'm in favor of her working and progressing in her career. My in-laws keep commenting on my temporary job status. When I say something about this to my wife, she gets angry and we fight.

Now these fights are increasing. Most of the time our fights are due to interference of my in-laws.

My questions are:
* Is physical beauty important in marriage?
* How I can keep away from thoughts that I lost out on my early marriage proposals and are my parents to blamed?
* Should I take divorce from my wife and search for another suitable girl?
* How should I tackle the unnecessary interference of my in-laws?
* Should my wife quit her job and come with me?

Help me. Thanks.

Love Ladder Speak:
Dear Love Ladder visitors, we believe Shahid's questions reflect a common thought among those who have had arranged marriages. The New India progresses ahead in step with the new world with new thoughts and horizons, yet we somehow remain attached with the colors of an era that slowly fades. We still believe in arranged marriages and give it precedence in comparison to Love marriages.

It's finally on each one of us to decide. Let's try and answer Shahid's questions for he asks for our understanding, logic and help. Let's help him ease his mind and help him climb up the ladder of mind-peace.

CSA Awareness Month

2011-04-06T12:11:00.000+05:30

Child Sexual Abuse Exists. CSA happens in almost every household irrespective of their social standing; happens equally to boys and girls. And the abuser is not necessarily a male.

It does not matter if you are not a parent. The knowledge you gain today may save a hapless child tomorrow.

A few bloggers, have joined hands and started the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Blog. Over the month of April 2011, a whole lot of bloggers and non-bloggers will be coming together to post on various aspects of Child Sexual Abuse in a bid to create awareness about an issue which affects over 50 per cent of children of the world. This, the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011, will run across their blogs as well as the CSA blog, In addition to these posts, the CSAAM blog will feature survivor stories, posts by experts and NGOs working in these fields.

Love Ladder inclusive of all who have joined hands hopes that this concerted effort will bring this topic of criminal offence out of the closet and teach parents how to educate their children about predators, preventing their children from being abused and knowing how to deal with your child, should such a situation arise or occur. Our children deserve a safe and happy childhood.

Come join us in the effort and keep our children child safe and make this a better world for them to experience.

Here is how you can participate.

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries
mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR
posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR
posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR
linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR
The list of topics is available here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honored. CSA will probably be hosting at least one guest post and encourage you to do the same for non-blogging friends.Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something. U can also support it simply by adding our the logo of the initiative in your blog’s sidebar.
<a href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” _mce_href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” target=”blank”><img src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” _mce_src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” alt=”" /></a>

Being aware and informed is the key. Learn to recognise the signs and help a child. We, as adults owe it to them.

Are all guys heartless?

2011-03-11T23:03:00.000+05:30

[With help from Keymaker2k10 ]

Who doesn't have a heart? Who is an equivalent to a stone? What makes a person ruthless and why does a person switch the 'ignore' button on for some person?

Questions that have individualistic answers. Questions that are undefined, unanswered by the finest of the scientists of any age combined. A fact that clearly emerged though was that while men have brains that work in the logical way, independent of anything else, women have brains that work with the support of the heart.

Shruti wrote us a brief story of her want for someone that perhaps is a gist of the questions above. Her email was long. We tried making the long story short and yet it was a read. So have patience and read her woe. She wrote...

Sender's name : Shruti
Sender's Email : [Hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

I have waited for a guy for almost 8 yrs now. 5 yrs ago I got an opportunity to tell him about what I feel for him. I started expecting a yes/no answer and one day I proposed to him. He said No and never called me after that.
Just 3 months later I called him up and asked him to forget everything else and at least continue being friends. He told me, “I don’t want to be friends with you-never ever”..n many other things like- “R u a beggar to beg for love n friendship?” He insulted me!! That was the day when I accepted the fact and moved on.

Suddenly, 3 months later, he comes to meet me with a gift asking many questions about my marriage plans to my family. I was perplexed and disgusted about this man. So I told him to get out.
Then I thought maybe he had started developing feelings for me, so I called him up and tried to apologize..but he wasn't interested in talking to me and it’s been countless years that I am just waiting and waiting for him. I have called him 10,000 times. LOVE is just a word. My feelings cannot be defined in words.

Just a week before I thought that maybe I should apply in the company where he works. But I got to know from one of his colleagues that he said "if she is waiting, let her wait. I DON’T CARE!!" Now this was a REAL SHOCK to me. After all what i gave him all these yrs was just love love n love and care ..care for his mom..worried for his mom..so much unconditional love and care that JUST CANNOT be defined in words..

What exactly should I do???? I want to get into his company. I want to get into a bigger company; to achieve and mark my own niche. I want to be THE NEXT POWERFUL LADY.. and I want to make him realize my worth.

Plzz everyone Its an earnest request..show me the way to my dreams, my aim. Tell me why guys disrespect Love? What is their mentality?? Will that time come when he'll realize my worth? Will he ever be sorry for the things he told to me and for me??

If you guys have ever loved someone plzz reply what exactly should I do?? Your motivation will give me a WAY.."

So you see? She wants to know a lot of things and she wants to know them straight. A clear case of a heartbreak. How do you mend a broken heart? Hmm..

Love Ladder Speak:
When there are a LOT of questions in mind, it's a given that all questions are born from one root cause 'nucleus question'. These questions, are therefore like a chain of balls attached to that one question. Once the root is answered, all others automatically fall into place.

Therefore, we will directly jump to the root cause question. Why did he ignore you?
Well, cause you are ignorant on playing the game of love, approach, proposal and tease when it comes to the opposite sex. You were either too fast, too hasty, too nice or too sticky. It doesn't work that way.

Well, it's been many years and as they say there are many fish in the pond. we understand that it will be difficult but we advice you to let the past be in the past, to forget him and move on. You will certainly find a good guy for yourself..provided you move on.
By your own words - we would like to see you as the next powerful lady. :)
Best of luck.
Love ladder.

People, we know the ladder of 'getting' a guy/gal. At least we think we do, don't we? Show Shruti how to climb the ladder of approach. Let's all help get her started.

Beauty vs Goodness - Take your pick..

2011-03-06T09:35:00.000+05:30

Choosing a life partner. Now that's a job.

Well, here's Parvej. He wrote to us saying he is about to get married to a girl chosen by his parents...(read arranged marriage). Parvej says that the girl chosen by his parents is good but not as beautiful as he would like his 'to be bride' to be.

Well, here's the groom to be in his own words :

Sender's Name : Parvej
Sender's Email : [hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

"I have some confusion while choosing life partner, My parents has found one life partner for me, but i have some confusion to select her. Actually her behaviour is good, she is well educated and everything is good but she is not pretty (not beautifull) that is the reason confusing me to select life partner. My parents like her very much. but my only problem is she is not beautiful. so plz suggest me to take a decsion.
So, I am expecting your suggesion on that.. please reply me.. it is very important for me..."

So that was Parvej. Apparently, he means to say that his bride needs to be good looking over good manners and behaviour. So now the age old million dollar question to answer is this ---> what is better - Good looks + good/bad behaviour OR Decent average looks but good manners/behaviour ?? That really is a toughie.

Love ladder speak:
Dear Parvej,
Thank you for writing in. we appreciate it. Kindly let others know about us.
Ok now, we know your query and we understand the confusion you face.
Here's a fact first:
Nobody is beautiful to everybody. By the same logic, nobody is ugly to everybody either. In other words - everybody is average, in terms of statistics. :)
Beauty is not just one thing but a combination of heart, head, brains, nature, behaviour, words and lastly skin. A wise guy about to get married would choose everything in that list. Why do you want to choose only one (skin)? Be a wise man and choose all. It's your life ka sawaal.
Make a positive approach to the girl chosen by your parents and ask her the questions on how she would deal with things in your and her daily life on daily average things. Make your judgement by the answers she gives and you will know.
Don't forget to send us the wedding invite. ;->
Best of luck.
Love Ladder.

Calling all Love Gurus - what's your say? Parvej is asking for your advices and suggestions. He seems confused on the choice of his life partner. Go ahead, tell him how it should be. Let's help him make this crucial decision on the marriage rung of the ladder of his life. Over to you dear readers. :-)

Q for this Quadrangle story...

2010-03-20T01:25:00.000+05:30

Pic for representational purposes only

"Women and wine, game and deceit, Make wants greater and wealth retreat."

When a teenager has female 'best' friends, he is on the curve of experimentation of various kinds. But what if it's a man of 32 and women of 28? Where does that lead to? The answer to that one maybe a bit tricky. Only circumstantial evidence could lead to the truth. That's exactly the dilemma Tanu here faces.

Tanu wrote to us explaining what's going on between a guy she knows and his 2 friends who are of the female kind. This 'buddiness' of theirs is a bit too close for comfort and quite open to be publicly judged.

Here's what she wrote to Love Ladder asking for advice:
[The original mail has been edited to keep the main points in focus.]

Hi,I am Tanu Yatish, 27 of age. I have been lurking in ur blog for some time. :-)

Here's the situation:
There's a guy, lets call him X [32 yrs old]. He's got 2 best friends [girls]. Let's call them Y & Z [both 28 yrs old].
Now, I don't like 'X' and have no intentions of being with him.

These 3 spend late nights, staying over, traveling together, buying expensive jewelery on birthdays etc. He spends 80% of his time with them, always in a better mood whenever they are around & they enjoy a strange kind of humor- it involves a lot of sexaphors. Apparently their families are comfortable with all this.

What he also does with one of the girls "Y" is constantly and secretly takes pictures of her and them together. He helped her move in to the same building & clean the apartment. He gets her laundry bills..etc. He also has a recording of her some silly sex simulating thing they tried on gym ball.

He lives alone. God forbid if anyone was to comment on these girls or speak of love between them he reacts very bitterly and becomes resentful without showing it. There's no sex between them. He says other girls are not interested in him because these two girls are gorgeous.

He tends to make fun of me indirectly whenever they are around. He always says he can't commit, get married, surrender blah blah.. doesn't have much interest for a relationship either. Now "Y" is getting engaged and he still wants to hang on. And I am planning to get engaged in a few months too.

My questions to you are:
1) Do u think he's hung up (overly pre-occupied) on this girl "y"?
2) What do u think he's trying with me? (I think he's just honing his craft & not being sincere. He seems to be genuine only with these two girls not with others)
3) He's not a good boy friend material for any girl, is he?
4) why do men prefer marrying/being in relationship with women younger to them?

Plz share what u think. Take care bye. Thanks.

So that was Tanu. You heard her. This is no love triangle..it's a quadr-angle...or quadruple if you like it. We need to clear this one for sure for her since this happens with everybody one time or the other..in various different ways and in different levels.

Love Ladder speak:
Hi Tanu,
Thank you for your mail. We appreciate it.

Quite evidently X, Y and Z, all 3 of them are separate, unattached individuals. All 3 of them are taking secret advantage of each other for their own purposes (read timepass).

If you are looking for answers only generally, we advice you to just walk up to him straight up and ask. If he gets rude, he's not much of a friend, is he? Moreover, since you aren't interested in him romantically and vice-versa, we don't think there should be much of a worry, rite?

Lastly, remember - you can never force love. Be wise and more importantly be mature.
Best of luck. God Bless.
Love ladder.

Love Ladder Visitors.....It's now your turn to help the lady in question. Your advices weigh much in her mind. Take time out and help her. She needs your opinions. Let's all of us think this out and help her move up the ladder of Clarity and Happiness !!

What is Love?

2010-02-19T15:49:00.000+05:30

[Written by Raoul Khan for Love Ladder]

If you love someone because

You think that he or she is really gorgeous...

Then it's not love..

It's - INFATUATION. . .

If you love someone because

You think that you shouldn't leave him because

Others think that you shouldn't ...

Then it's not love..

It's - COMPROMISE. . .

If you love someone because

You think that you cannot live without his touch ....

Then it's not love ..

It's - LUST. . .

If you love someone because

You have been kissed by him ...

Then it's not love..

It's - INFERIORITY COMPLEX. . .

If you love someone because

You cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings ..

Then it's not love ..

It's - CHARITY. . .

If you love someone because

You share everything with him ..

Then it's not love..

It's - FRIENDSHIP.

But if you feel the pain of the other person

More than him/her even when he/she is stable

and you cry for him/her ..

That's - LOVE

LOVE is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly LOVE is to understand this. To be in LOVE is to respect this...

.
.
What is your idea of love?

A tear drop and a scar

2010-01-25T16:55:00.000+05:30

[By Aniruddha Pathak for Love Ladder]
Write for us.

The apple of my eye
My darling sweetheart
I wish you spoke
I wish you told

How I wish I spoke
How I wish I cared
How I wish this was not just a wish
How I wish I had known

You still are my angel
My darling sweetheart
This body so blue
A tear drop and a scar

The lines above have been inspired by the recent suicide cases. It’s a cry from a mother to her child who has committed suicide.

The rise in the number of suicide cases by kids, teenagers, and even adults is a very sad reflection of what kind of pressures people in India are going through. I am not trying to justify the act, for I believe this is the most cowardly act one can do. However, I would rather make that comment for adults than kids. For, according to me, it is the responsibility of parents to ensure their child is not taking too much stress.

If we look at kids, the constant pressure by parents for studying (rote learning, if you will) rather than discovering things is driving them crazy these days. To top it all the increasing competition that their parents have gone through, has hard wired into the brain of parents that, if their child does not go through the same rigor he will fail. That is not true; a parent should only facilitate, and allow the children to explore their own skills and help them with things they like to do, rather than force them to do something they don’t want to. the sad part is that some kids are just aping the act by reading suicide stories in the news, how I wish parents would explain it to them the implications of such an act. At an impressionable age, the kids need to be handled more carefully and parents ought to find some time out from their busy schedule for them. Kids just need a little comfort to tell them that someone cares for them and will be there when they need support the most. The current trend of both parents working has not helped the cause much. The child at home needs to release stress, and I hope parents realize this problem soon. Problem arises when parents are not even ready to accept that there is a problem, that their constant nagging is not helping the child. Being more sensitive and aware to the child’s need is the need of the hour.

The teens are undergoing another set of pressure to deal with. On one hand it’s the constant peer pressure to stay the coolest looking dude/dudette in college, and on the other hand is the constant pressure from parents to study. At times an extra push in terms of a failed relationship or failure in college is enough to drive them to take the final step. I mean how does one explain the college students setting themselves on fire for the cause of Telangana? Sheer wicked politics to push these naive students into something like this. The only option left is to channelize the energy of youth into something which helps the society at large. You might laugh at the idea but I have seen the most degenerated of the teens being very passionate about working for the society; it does “give them a high”. There is immense talent available in these teens, and we, the society, fail every time we are unable to give them an environment to grow.

Adults committing suicide! Well, how cowardly an act can it be to not think about your loved ones, read parents, kids, wife, brothers, sisters and a whole lot of bunch of friends? I am at a loss of words when I read about these suicide cases. There is just one beautiful life to live and they have not done any good to themselves by not fighting hard enough. One should always think about how fortunate they are to be living and having people around them who love them, because out there, there are probably millions who are not that fortunate.

Suicide is not a solution! If after reading this I have touched you, and some how made you think once again about the dreaded step, my job is done.

Twitter helped raise millions for Haiti

2010-01-18T12:08:00.000+05:30

Love Ladder Prays for HAITI and urges it's visitors and followers to donate towards Haitian brothers and sisters.

If you had the chance, how would YOU individually help in such a situation???

How can YOU help Haiti???
Hop on to these sites and take your pic.
1. UNICEF - For non-US citizens
2. UNICEF
3. CNN.COM
4. NOWPUBLIC.COM
5. NP.ORG
(Plz tweet / retweet to let people know about these links.)

The following is a news extract in part from - [http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/Story/79460/LATEST%20HEADLINES/Twitter+helps+raise+millions+for+Haiti.html]

The Haitian earthquake on January 12 may be one of the worst in the last several decades in terms of the number of people killed, but it may also go down in history as a natural calamity where social networking played a vital role in the rescue and relief efforts. In less than 24 hours of the earthquake, Twitter and Facebook helped raise millions for the homeless and the injured people of Haiti.

The earthquake was massive - 7.0 on the Richter scale, with at least three million affected and unofficial estimates placing the number of deaths at close to one lakh.

In no time, Haitians and foreigners in Haiti uploaded thousands of photographs on Twitter using third-party applications such Twitpic.com and Tweetphoto.com to raise awareness of the extent of destruction caused by the earthquake. In fact, messages on Twitter and Facebook asking people to donate to the International Red Cross Society created such a buzz that the nonprofit body raised $5 million (approximately Rs 23 crore) in about 24 hours and at the time of going to press, more money was being generated.

Haitians who survived used Facebook's status updates to tell their families and friends abroad that they were safe.

Since both Facebook and Twitter are available on the cell phone, updating became so easy that Facebook had to block Haitians from repeating their status messages. On Twitter, too, the messages kept pouring in - every minute, close to 1,000 messages were being posted on Friday, three days after the earthquake. Close to 5,000 messages were being posted every minute on January 13.

***********
Love Ladder applauds both Twitter and Facebook. Let us be little Twitter and FB extensions and do our part as well..as much as we can.

God bless those who extend a helping hand in such times of need !!!
May God help HAITI move up the ladder of stability and happiness asap.

Also read:
How India helped HAITI - India chips in for Haiti

To stay or move on - that is the question.

2010-01-06T00:25:00.000+05:30

[By Aniruddha Pathak for Love Ladder]

Sometimes we don’t know as to how far one should forgive someone, and when one needs to move on with life.
Resha is a 26 year old female from Gujarat. She has a flirty boyfriend and now she’s contemplating if she should move on or give him just one more chance.

Here’s what she wrote to us :

Sender's Name : Resha
Sender's Email : [hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

Hi, I'm Resha, 26/f from Guj. First of all, Love Ladder is a wonderful site. I loved it.
Ok, my issue is this - I have a boyfriend and I want to break up with him. The reason is that he is just too flirty and though we had fights over that lots of times, he just doesn't stop. And I have forgiven him twice before on the same issue. So now I avoid him completely but he now pleads and cries for me to be with him. He has even promised to be as I want him to be and says he can't live without me etc.. But I'm not sure. I'm fed up. So I don't really know what to do.
Should I drop him? Or should I give him one last chance? Plz advice. Thank you.
Resha.
ps: Plz fgive, I'm not disclosing my email id. Wish you a happy new year and lots of luck.

So, that's Resha and her voice in words.

The issue appears simple, but only ones who are going through it will realize the pain of letting go of someone they have loved for a long time. Let’s try and see if we can work out a way for Resha to handle this one with minimum of pain.

Love ladder speak:
Dear Resha,
Thank you for writing in and sharing the issue with us.
We assume that you love this guy a lot, because you have already forgiven him twice for his mistakes.
Love is a beautiful feeling, but only till the point where each partner is making equal efforts to work on the relationship. You seem to have made your bit in trying to make this relationship work.
It must be hard for you to break up and move on. However, what you need to look at is whether the change you plan to see in your boyfriend is actually possible to be made? The trait that you mentioned above (flirty) is not so difficult to change. But if you cannot accept him the way he is, make your decision.
However, you might still want to give him just one last chance since we believe in positivity and the maxim - 'third time lucky'. Move on with life though, if he still falters. Be firm and confident of yourself, as that is the thing which will help you overcome this phase.
Best of luck Resha,
Loveladder.

Well, dear Love Ladder visitors, it's now YOUR TURN to let those precious advices of yours to come through and let the rays of hope shine on Resha. Advice her, make suggestions with the intentions of bringing two hearts together. The world is already full of regrets, fights, war and hate. Let this relationship at least step on our words of guidance so it can climb the ladder of LOVE. :-)

Jobless, unsupporting hubby. Should wife go for divorce?

2009-12-18T17:03:00.000+05:30

Imminent are not just professional commitments. Personal ones are just as important. In fact they are priority.

Kitty is married for 6 years and has 2 lovely children. But lately, she's run in to some marital problems and the effect - the dreaded "D=Divorce" thoughts are looming large in her head.

The main problem, according to her, is that her husband does not work. Furthermore, he is reluctant to look for it either.

Here's what she wrote to us...

Sender's name : Lost and Confused : Kitty
Sender's Email : (hidden)
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

I have been married for almost 6 yrs and have 2 wonderful children. My Problem? I'm not happy anymore. My man doesn't work. He hardly tries to look for work and while I'm out working 40 hrs a week, he is sitting in front of the computer playing. I feel he doesn't take care of the children the way he should and doesn't take care of the house. We fight all the time over money, kids, and the house. I care about him but I don't want to be with him. I don't want to hurt the children and every time I have tried to talk to him about the way I feel he gets mad and blames me. Help because I don't know what to do. Should we get a divorce?

So this is her. Her frustration shows and she clearly is in need of some workable and practical ideas and advices from all of us. Let's help her rid of this problem if it can be helped.

Love Ladder speak:

Hi Kitty,
Thank you for your mail. We appreciate it.

we do not think this issue is unsolvable and therefore discourage you to think of divorce...yet. We advice professional counseling instead. It helps.

Your husband seems to have got used to his non working ways since he gets ready-money from you. A highly dangerous trend. We think it's time YOU stepped in as a true superhero and a dharam-patni and helped him in this. He needs help too.

Do the following:
1 - Don't make your conversations on these topics constantly. Be patient for now.
2 - Don't just make him look for a job....YOU help him too. You shoot off his Resume to professional agencies to get him one and pursue it religiously till he gets one.
3 - Be sure to accompany him to his Interviews (this is important).
4 - Work out a generous time frame and a serious plan by which you both may workout all issues that need to be worked upon.

The 'not taking care of the children and house' are just ugly results of him not working and his hurt pride. In the end - We completely believe once he gets a job..all your worries will be over.

In this case..."In his happiness lies yours."

Best of luck.
Regards,
Love Ladder.

Love Ladder Visitors.....your turn to help the lady in distress. Tell her your thoughts. She needs all the advice, support and love she can get from you. Let's all come together and help her move up the ladder of Marital bliss, happiness and smiles !!!

What if he sides with his family against me??

2009-10-02T11:24:00.000+05:30

Another chosen email, another story.

Isn't it strange how apprehensiveness is a survival trait in hostile land but stomach-churning in friendly??

Riya sent a mail to Love Ladder describing just that - her apprehensiveness.

She is seemingly a bit stressed about her future in the new house. She has made a few observations there that she would like us to know. We think she wants our opinion on it.

Here's her email to us - word for word -

Sender's name : Riya
Sender's Email : [Hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

"I have recently entered into an arranged marriage. I mean I am not engaged, just fixed into one. My to-be fiancee is very close to his family, especially his mother. I used to like that quality, because he respects my family a lot too. But yesterday, something happened where I realized that if he has to chose between something I want and if his mom doesn't like it...he will support his mom.

I know its probably too early for me to react, but i m afraid that I would be left alone in the family since they all are very close. What if i end up becoming a housewife.. (i m a career woman) because his mom wants me to be one..and he cant take a stand for me?"

So, that's her. What do you think?

Love Ladder Speak :
Dear Riya,
Thank you for your mail to us. We appreciate it.

What you have described is famously known as 'pre-marriage anxiety'. There are a lot of 'What Ifs' in your thoughts. They should subside once you get used to your new way of life.

Here's how it is - Unless you jump into the water, u'll never learn to swim. So do that with a positive attitude.
Learn to be sweetly diplomatic (in a good way of course) in such a way that all are satisfied. Some adjustments, some tweaking is always required and that is an on-going process but we are sure you'll be able to handle that. Nothing to fear.

Lastly, think about professional counseling, if need be. It helps. Our sincere wishes for your marriage. Best of luck. Stay happy and remember us. :-)

Well, so everybody - Riya is looking at US (Love ladder visitors) for some help. Let our advices and opinions be a gift for her new married life. Lets get her smiling and back up on the Ladder of faith and trust.

Is Friendship = Love ?

2009-08-24T04:00:00.000+05:30

Love Ladder has received similar emails before. So when Vivian sent an email similar to the subject we had encountered earlier, we decided to publish it.

Vivian faces a problem that is not so uncommon, very real and calls for a tough decision. The decision itself has to be very practical at it's base and upon it hinges the sentiments of not 1 or 2 but 3 individuals at the same time.

Vivian says she has developed a liking to a man she has known for a long time, is her best friend and is currently married. The status of her friend's marriage seems shaky and proceeding to an end. Vivian asks if it's morally right to reveal her true feelings for this friend of hers at this juncture of his troubled marriage.

Here is what she wrote to Love Ladder...

Sender's name : Vivian
Sender's Email : (hidden)
To : http://loveladder.blogspot.com
Hi There,
Well, I am writing since I am in a very very confused State now.......

I have been friends with a GUY from a very long time he is my best buddy and a person with whom I feel I can share any thing in my life ..... I was not sure but I started liking him more then a friend never spoke to him earlier coz we are from different caste... however some years back he got married and now I hear that his married life is in jeopardy and that he has decided to come out of it....

Now I am not sure if I should tell him how I feel about him or should I wait till he is completely separated... also if I tell him about my feelings I am afraid that I would ruin my Friendship with him which I would never want to happen...

GUYS......... PLEASE ADVICE ME ........

So here we have it - her anguish, her confusion.

Love Ladder speak :
"Dear Vivian, first things first - thank you for writing in and giving us this honor of trust. We appreciate it and pray this issue you face be resolved as soon as possible.

Assuming you are single, (if you are not, it's wise to limit yourself to be a friend in need.) know his marital status facts very clearly before you walk up to him to say your heart. Catching a man on a rebound is an uphill task. You may get the candy but no flavor.

See this as an opportunity to show your true friendship. Let some time pass by. If you think things are a bit steady with him then, let him know your true feelings. Once you have said it all in clear words, let it go at that. Let the ball remain in his court.
Lastly, Love ladder does not believe in caste-ism. Best of luck."

So...Love Ladder visitors - yes YOU, Once again, as you have helped others earlier, help Vivian get over her confusion and troubles.

Let us all join our hands and heads together and carve a way out for her. Let us all help Vivian move up the LADDER OF FRIENDSHIP & LOVE.

What if there's ANOTHER man ??

2009-07-28T15:59:00.000+05:30

Sender's name : Jane doe
Sender's Email : (Hidden)
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

Jane sent a distress signal to Love Ladder. She pointed out a problem of mid wives that has become increasingly common lately. Interestingly though, this problem persists mainly in the metros or maybe women are openly talking about it.

Jane has been married for 8 years, has a 4 years old kid and unfortunately thinks she has lost love with her husband. Moreover, she has found potential love in a man 5 years younger to her.

Here is her email and the issue she faces in her own words.

"I have been married for 8 yrs. Am 30 wit a 4 yr old kid. Jus' a few months back I fell in love with a guy who is 5 yrs younger to me. I'm very confused. Dunno what I should make of this situation. I don't think I love my husband anymore. And I can't marry this guy. Since I can't deprive my kid of a father's love. What do I do?"

There. You heard her. She seems to be in distress. And it's time for Ladder visitors to jump to the rescue.

My word to Jane, " Thank you Jane, for letting Love Ladder know of your troubles. We believe sharing helps and we shall definitely try and help. I, the LL creator, am by no means an expert but I can suggest a few things...which I will - in the comment section.
But first - some good news for you. According to a research, an individual has capacity enough to love more than 1 person at a time. Take this positively and it's meaning will dawn on you. Meaning - The fact that you THINK you don't love your husband can be safely eliminated. You do have interest in your husband, only, the ball has rolled down from 'love' to 'like'. Quite alright. It's a ball - can be rolled back up. Smile.
I wish you luck. :-)"

Ok everybody, Jane's looking to us for help. Let's do our good deed with a smile and help her MOVE UP the Ladder of Love and out of confusion land.

How important is Physical beauty in Marriage ??

2009-06-19T12:15:00.003+05:30

[By Imp's Mom]
Marriage is a commitment of sorts and like any relationship, comes with it's own insecurities and fears. This case is no different. How important is it to look desirable for your better half? That is the question.

Love Ladder received an email from Rajeev, asking for advice. He described in his own words the problem he currently faces.

Here's what he had to say: (the mail has been edited so it show-cases only the problem)

Hi,
Rajeev Gharewal here. I am from Mumbai. 35 years and married.
Let me tell you my problem.

I don't think anyone will be able to help me. Only I can do that to self. Still, I would like to know if I can get some advice.

I'm a good and a loving husband to my wife but the problem is that I am a little bulky and heavy and my wife is proportionate in shape. I have tried to slim down as she has told this to me many times. But I am not able to. And lately, even sexually, because of my bulkiness I am not able to 'perform', although I am very good in it.
On other fronts we are very good. I go to the Gym also regularly. At least I try. Now I don't know what to do.

My REAL problem is that I think my wife will finally get attracted to some other man soon as she is good looking too. Please advice me.

Thank you Love Ladder.
Regards,
RG.

Love Ladder speak:
Thanks for writing in Rajeev. We hope you get what you are looking for here. Hold your chin up. You're now getting help from unknown but caring angels. :-)

So....Love Ladder visitors, you all heard him.

Let's get involved and create some magic for Rajeev. Let's all join our hands together. Let him stand on our hands as we lift him slowly higher towards THE Ladder of CONFIDENCE.

Twitter add us

2009-06-10T14:59:00.000+05:30

It's FREE
Hi,

If you just arrived from TWITTER - welcome to Love Ladder.
If you blipped yourself from some place else - you're still welcome.

Are you an emotional person or a logical thinker?
Do you think you are good with advices?
Are you a thinker / writer / Poet at heart?
Would you like the world to see your work?

Well, tell you what?
Why don't you add yourself to Loveladder Twitter or/and Blogger and allow us to give you space to write TEN super duper posts (we won't really be counting. wink*) on any of the following topics?
#Love
#Sex
#Relationships
#Or any other topic that will basically be a great read as well as generally help people in some way.

Our Twitter Id - http://twitter.com/loveladder
Our Blogger link - http://loveladder.blogspot.com

What you get if you write on Love Ladder:
1. Free publicity. You get noticed in the Twitter and blogger world.
2. Each of your posts will contain, on the very top, direct links to your personal Twitter and Blogger ids. So people can congratulate you directly for a great writeup.
3. You make friends and fans.
4. You earn credibility. You get to advice people on their real issues that can help them in their need.
5. You take the lead in the comments section and talk to any and everybody who comments. That's unlimited.

What LoveLadder gets:
1. Opportunity to help people who need advice/help by having more people listening to and helping them. Please read "What is Loveladder all about?"
2. Opportunity to make friends.
3. Opportunity to know collective feelings of people.
4. Opportunity to show you off (as a kool content writer) to the world. Really. :-)
5. Pride in knowing that you write for us sometimes.

What can your posts contain ?
Your thoughts, your Poems.
your experiences / inspirations.
Your love life / sexual life.
How you helped somebody in need.
How you saw God and how you now preach.
How you were kidnapped by aliens and how they taught you to stop drinking.
Your bank account details (kidding. hehe) etc..etc.

you get the point, rite? Anything you like. Just make sure it's not too big. We want a post, not a sleeping pill. :-) There is NO PRESSURE to write the best or overdo anybody here. The idea is to write your heart.

Rules to be followed:
1. No posts on religion or politics allowed.
2. No racist posts allowed.
3. No posts already published elsewhere allowed, although a post you may have written in your own blog can be seen through.(Only 'help others in some way' kinda posts.)
4. No posts that point against any particular person, caste, creed, religion or behaviour allowed.
5. Loveladder reserves the right to edit a given post in case the post is not in proper English (grammatical errors) or un-understandable (sentence forming errors) or for any other reason whatsoever.
6. Loveladder reserves the right to deny publishing a post if it breaches any of the points above (except point 5).

How to send your posts to LoveLadder:
Through the box below:
1. Write your correct email address. This is how we will communicate back to you. We don't do the email selling crap. Isn't that already passe'?
2. The Subject space must have this line - "(your name)- New Post for LoveLadder"
3. In the content space, the first line must be...
"My Twitter id is - (Your twitter id) / My Blogger/Wordpress link - (Your BL/WP link)"
Post Title
and then your post....... !!
Simple !!

Lastly, Remember:
*There are no monetary benefits here. This is not a commercial blog.
*All posts submitted will take a period of 5 days to be online.
*All posts submitted will go under our scanner first to make sure the rules are followed.
*Loveladder reserves the right to edit or not publish any post without explanation or communication. (You may ask the reason privately though.)

Having said all that, if you think the way we see it...you stand to gain a long lasting friendship and credibility with a lot of people from around the world and that is way beyond anything money can ever buy.

Our Twitter Id - http://twitter.com/loveladder
Our Blogger link - http://loveladder.blogspot.com

Looking forward for your posts. Write on Cowboy and...uh..Cowgirl. ;-)
yours lovingly,
Love Ladder.

Contact Love Ladder:

How to deal with a breakup ??

2009-05-23T12:32:00.000+05:30

Love Ladder received a mail that sounded desperate for answers and advice, though it contained no such words, cleverly concealing all emotions. This was a case of the lonely at heart after a break up.

Geeta sent a mail to Love Ladder asking for help describing the one problem that she has been going through for sometime now.

After editing this description a bit (read - removing some nice words regarding Love Ladder and it's concept).... here is what she wanted to ask.

Hi,
I am Geeta Mishra, 25, from Mumbai, South. I'm going through a rough patch lately.

I had been going around with a guy since 5 years but had a break-up in March his year. It had been from both sides. But now the thing is I'm unable to cope up with the break up. I realize this is since my relationship had been for a long time.

He has now flown out of India. I'm a strong person but for some reason this has been disturbing me. My job keeps me busy yet I'm not able to concentrate on things. He is still in my mind always though I really do want to forget him.

I just want to know how I can deal with this. Is there anything I can do? Plz advice.

Thank you.
Geeta.

So this is it. You heard her.

My word to Geeta, "Hi Geeta, thank you for writing in. Have patience. I am by no means an expert on this and I would have only a little idea on how to deal with it......BUT, I'M CONFIDENT - Love Ladder visitors will have some great advices for you for sure. You got invisible angels all around to help. Smile." ;-)

Arright....so everybody, Geeta's asking for our sincere help. Let's help her out of her mysery and help her MOVE UP the LADDER OF INNER-FREEDOM.

Boyfriend apprehension - first call for help

2009-05-10T19:28:00.000+05:30

OK, so we have our first 'call for help and advice' at hand and there's a needy lady behind it.

This comes from a friend of mine who happend to visit "Love Ladder" and appreciated the idea behind it.

The "love Ladder" idea is simple :
It's not about me. It's all about YOU. "Love Ladder" encourages you to ask a question to the free world (Blog Readers) and expect answers in the form of advices and help.

A question regarding a problem that u face currently,
About something that is troubling you rite now,
Or something that is just too large for you to fathom or understand.
A question straight from your heart.

You have a choice to remain anonymous or reveal your identity. And EVERYONE who visits this blog is invited to advice / suggest and help.
This would be the love they share for ...and shower on... you.

"Love Ladder" revolves around the idea and the fact that "It's always great to have more heads than one trying to solve a problem." The chances of solving it increases according to the number of heads tackling it.
SImple ! I hope the idea seems clear.
.
.
.
So, this female friend of mine wanted me to put an issue she faces here...on her behalf. so here it is.

"Hi, My name is Protima, 26/F from Mumbai. Other than that, I choose to be anonymous. I'm not really troubled. I just have a simple question. And I would appreciate it if anyone can tell me how to go about it.
I'm having an affair with a guy and carrying on with him. We work in the same office.

I'm not the jealous kind but he has recently started taking interest in one of our colleagues, who is actually close to me and we are usually always together like freinds. His interest is like too much lately. And when I ask him about it, he says that my friend is quite funny and great to talk with and that I should relax, he is just friends with her and nothing else.
They laugh and joke a lot and to be honest, I really have not seen any hanky panky between them.

The problem is...I'm afraid, if this goes on...I might get side tracked. And I don't seem to have any idea on how to deal with it. Can anybody advice plz ? Haven't told this to anybody personally. Thank you."

So this is it. You heard her.

My word to my troubled friend, "I am by no means an expert on this and I would have only a little idea on how to deal with this......BUT, I'M CONFIDENT - the people who read this blog would have some advices for you for sure. You got invisible angels all around to help. Smile." ;-)

Arright....so everybody, Protima's asking for our help. Let's help her MOVE UP the LADDER OF LOVE.

Join us at Love Ladder

2009-05-10T13:22:00.000+05:30

Hi,
Love Ladder is now OPEN to add Authors unto itself.
We wish to widen our helping hands and see more smiling faces. If we become a small reason for someone's smiles, we would be the proudest of all.

So come, join us and be an Author.
Invite and encourage others to share the problems / issues they face.
Invite and encourage others to share their Joy and happiness with us.
Encourage others to advice and suggest in the form of comments.

Criteria to be added on :
1. You must be above age 25 (below 100 plz).
2. You must be Non judgmental and fair thinking by nature.
3. You must have a mature and practical outlook to life.
4. You have to have command over the English language.
5. If you are associated with NGOs and such organizations that can help in a more personal way if need be, you are welcome to join in.

The idea is noble, the cause non profitable.

If you would like to join in, send us a mail through the box given below.
1 Make sure you mention your real full name and email id.
2 Mention "To join as Author" in the subject box.
3 In the Msg box, write why you want to be an Author, in brief. We would like to have an idea. Also if you own a blog / website and it's address (link).

If you are approved, you will be intimated by mail.

What you do as an Author:
* You write on the issue that has come across you or you get assigned.
* You are the Author for that post completely, with the exception of Love Ladder.
* You spread the word about Love Ladder and it's concepts.

What you get:
* Every post you draft that is published will have your name on top with a link to your personal website/blog.
* You interact and take lead in the replies, comments etc.
* You get the credit for the smiles and happiness that was caused because of your initiation. This is a big thing according to us.
* You make more friends.

Remember - this is a non profitable, non commercial blog. Our intentions of having more Authors is only to have a wider reach in helping others and being a reason for more smiles in the world. There are no monetary benefits with this blog.

Let's give our bit in making the world a better place to live in. COME, LET'S BE THE REASON FOR THEIR SMILES.

Warm Regards,
Love Ladder.

What the heck is Love, dude???

2009-05-08T16:06:00.000+05:30

The mystery of mysteries,
The history of histories,
The history of mysteries and
the mystery of history.

What is Love ? Wot the hell is it ?
Ya, a lot of people have written a lot of things about it but.....

Not a single explanation that satisfies the soul,
Not a single word that would make me - make love promote,
No reason that would make me sighhhh with a smile on my face..
and no sign to make me want to find it in haste.

What is love?? I don't want to be left untouched.

Is there anyone who can explain ??
Is this even real or merely a word to make people feel insane?

What is 'Love Ladder' all about ??

2009-05-07T17:01:00.000+05:30

Love Ladder is all about YOU. As simple as that.

YOU seek advice / help by asking a personal question on the blog. The friendly readers and visitors to this blog answer your query and advice you on how to go about getting rid of the problem you face. Everybody single-mindedly tries to help you MOVE UP the ladder of happiness and love.

Anybody can ask and everybody can answer. No bars held.

In simple terms - You get practical answers, advices and support from the people of this world.

The question should predominantly be about 'love, sex and relationship'. But this is not a hard n' a fast rule. It could be about any thing in general and if the issue you face is causing you troubled days and sleepless nights....go ahead and ask. Make sure though that it is non-technical and general in nature.

# It could be regarding your girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, neighbor..etc.
# It could be about a secret affair...
# Maybe some issue you face currently...
# Or something that is just too large for you to comprehend and you need someone else - complete strangers, to give you some idea on it.

A question straight from your heart.

While you pose your question (with a small GIST of an explanation) to the world, you have a choice to remain anonymous or reveal your identity in part or in whole. The extent of identity revelation would entirely be your choice. Love Ladder will neither ask nor reveal anyone's identity on the blog from it's end.

EVERYONE who visits this blog is invited to ASK their question (one question at one time only) or advice / suggest and help.

EVERYONE who visits this blog is invited to answer / advice / suggest / help the one who asks for it.

The communication between the individual asking the question and those answering would primarily be through COMMENTS. There is no limit to communication comments.

"Love Ladder" revolves around the idea and the fact that "It helps a great deal to have more heads than one trying to resolve a problem."
The chances of solving it increases according to the number of heads tackling it. Simple statistics !!

We hope the idea seems clear.

So, either CLICK HERE here to send your gist and the question to Love Ladder.... or write it out in the the FORM provided below for publishing it online.

As for me - the author of this blog - I'm quite excited and thrilled to know that I shall have a tiny little hand in bringing about smiles on people's faces. I believe being genuine and helping others in their time of need and knowing that it can help is the best possible salvation in our busy lives. :-)
Enjoy !!

Control Features :
'Love Ladder' reserves the right to deny access to participation or to the blog itself without any notice or communication - prior or otherwise if found engaging in any mis-conduct or activities that are inappropriate or against the law .
This is not a commercial blog !

Contact Love Ladder:

Tell us your Issue. Send your e-mail..

2009-05-02T11:22:00.000+05:30

Hi,

A) Fill in the form provided below with the required details.
B) Write out the issue you face as a gist in the message box. This is what will be published online for everyone to read.
C) It helps if you provide your real email id. We, then, have a way of responding back in case there is delay in publishing your email. We do not enjoy having anyone wait.
D) 'Captcha' feature is case-sensitive.
E) Speak your heart. The clearer you are...the better your chances of getting sensible answers from the world at large.
F) Speak the truth and you 'up' your chances of making friends as well.

Best of luck.
- Love Ladder.