Love, Life and Logic

Getting the Love You Want

2009-10-20T10:32:00.005-04:00

My parents had a really rocky few where I wasn't at all sure they were going to stay married. It wasn't really fun for any of us. However, like most hard things we go through, there are usually some silver linings. One silver lining for me was that I didn't have any crazy romantic notions that married life would be happily ever after romantic bliss all of the time. I knew marriage could be difficult. I also knew it was possible to work through difficulties. I often wonder what I would have been like married without their example because by nature I like to run away from problems. Things get too hard, I quit and try something new. That's a consistent pattern in my life. Scary.

Anyway, it seems like about once a year, I start to notice we're getting into too much of a routine or forgetting to take enough time for each other or (mostly me) getting preoccupied with other things and I start looking for something to reignite the spark. I just read a really good book called, "Getting the Love You Want." I highly recommend it. I will warn you if you are sensitive about your parenting skills, or you're a perfectionist, the first third will make you want to throw the book out the window. But stick with it, it's life changing.

What I like most about this book, as opposed to other relationship books, is it doesn't try to fit everyone into predetermined categories. You fit here and your spouse fits here, do these five things and life will be good. Instead, it takes you both on a journey through a series of exercises to help you better understand each other and yourself so that you can figure out how to love each other most effectively. It also refuses to let you focus on yourself and what your spouse should be doing for you which is the fastest way to relationship death, in my opinion.

The other thing I like is the author is Christian. He goes off for a chapter bragging about himself as a preacher which is annoying, but ignore that. Doctrinally it fits with my beliefs and my personal experiences and that gives it even more validity. I have a hard time imagining a good relationship void of God.

Anyway, there you go. Fall in love all over again only better.

Puppy Love: My Story

2009-09-11T08:54:00.009-04:00

Did you ever wonder how your early life experiences affect your later life experiences? I've been thinking a lot about how the people I love are affected by the experiences I had earlier in life.

To say I was boy crazy is putting it mildly. I never went through that phase where boys were gross. In fact, even though I come from a family of all girls (except, of course, my dad), my life has more or less been defined by the boys in it.

Preschool and Kindergarten were all about my best friend Matt. Our moms were best friends, we lived two doors away from each other and we have a picture of us kissing when we were three. When I came home from the store with a "Snoopy Snow Cone" machine, the first thing I did was call Matt and he came RUNNING over. Many of favorite childhood memories include Matt. I hope he's happy.

In first grade it was my noble goal to win a fight with every boy in my grade. And I almost did too. I was prevented from reaching my goal by one boy. His name was Brett Colter. I still remember him. I did not have a crush on him. He beat the snot out of me every recess. I did like a boy named Bryson though. I went to his birthday party and gave him a light saber. My mom and I didn't have a clue what to buy a little boy, but now that I have three little boys of my own who collectively possess 12 light sabers, I'd have to say we did pretty well.

I stopped fighting at my new school in second grade and learned to admire from afar. My first real crush was a boy named Aaron who was completely oblivious to the existence of girls.

In third grade I was madly in love with a boy named Chet who was madly in love with my friend Jill who was scared to death of him. Had I known what a theme this was to become in my life, I might have sworn off boys altogether at the ripe old age of 8. I guess it's a good thing we can't tell the future.

In fourth grade, I switched schools and found Tyler. Oh how I loved Tyler. We talked on the phone a few times. I rode my bike to his house with my friends and while we were there I got the only bloody nose I've ever had in my entire life. For no apparent reason, blood spontaneously started spewing from my nose in torrents. I wanted to melt into the pavement. After that, he decided he liked my friend Allison.

Then a boy named Brandon moved in not too far away. He was funny and cocky and while I wasn't in love with him, his bad boy attitude certainly made me look twice. He was the first one to start wearing his fold down converse high tops, rolled up half way up his leg. Soooo cool.

We walked to the Sports Complex together and played tennis. He loved the Vuarnet sunglasses my grandpa got me for Christmas. I think he wanted me to give them to him. I didn't. I wondered if he might ask me to "go with him." He didn't. Instead he asked me what I would say if he asked me to "go with him" and then he told me I had a big nose. That was a devastating moment for me and I never felt quite the same about myself afterward.

I guess the silver lining was I swore off bad boys forever. Aside from a good natured flirt here and there, I was done. And I'm sure that saved me a lot more heart ache in the long run.

Another new school in fifth grade introduced me to Jess. Dark hair, freckled, adorable little Jess. Fun, charming little Jess. He liked my friend Shannon. I settled for Nate who was shorter than I was (which is saying a lot since I was usually in the bottom two) and kissed the back of my neck during a video in class and gave me the creeps.

In sixth grade I went back to my old school and remembered why I loved Tyler. He was blond with blue eyes and freckles. Funny, athletic, and nice. Always so nice to me. All my day dreams had Tyler in the starring role. Unfortunately for me, he still loved Allison. So I settled for a boy named Matt who was cute enough and nice enough. We talked on the phone all summer, but he wasn't starring in any day dreams, so I broke up with him a few days before we started Junior High School.

And that's when the boy drama really started.

Buying My Loved One a One Way Ticket Somewhere Else

2009-08-12T13:45:00.005-04:00

I know I'm not the only one who has moments when I fantasize about dropping one of my family members off at a train station with a one way ticket somewhere else.

I'm not am I?

I'll tell you, there is a certain age that TRIES my patience more than almost anything I've ever experienced. Yesterday, I tried something new. I didn't reason, I didn't threaten, I didn't do anything except hug this little person and say, "Do you know I love you, even when you're grouchy?"

He proceeded to contradict me, because that's what this one does best, "No you don't!"

I persisted, "Yes I do."

"No you don't"

"I love you all the time, even when you're crying and yelling at me."

He had to have the last word, because he also does that like a champion, "No you don't," but then you know what? He stopped crying, and yelling and hitting and kicking and he snuggled right up to me and didn't leave my side for the rest of the day.

Sometimes when we're hardest to love is when we really want it the most.