love ; like vietnam . i found what i was fighting for .

2012-01-01T12:14:00.002-06:00

I am crazy about this man. No matter how much he hurts me, I run back to him like an addict . I love him, and I cant love another like him. I can name a million things I love about him. Out of all, his smile is what melts my heart .

2011-12-29T09:47:00.000-06:00

Had a wonderful morning, and i hope i wake up like this every morning with a smile on my face <3.

Lately, every opportunity of me making any kind of money is down the drain. So i am working with a friend on building a site to sell circle lenses and clothing items and maybe eye make-up and such. I need to make at least 400$ by end of march in total.

2011-11-29T13:10:00.001-06:00

Hello blogspot , i missed you .

2010-09-04T00:43:00.007-05:00

' Start ah conversation , like as if you really want to know about her day and that shit .

b#tches hatinq aqain , that's music to my ears . what you think my fuel was for all of these years ? i'm inspired when ppl don't like me ; it keep me writinq , so excitinq !

man , the drama is so enticinq , i miqht just bite ah ' firetrucker ' like Tyson '

| kanyewest .

2010-09-03T23:56:00.001-05:00

and everybody else , thank you very litte .

the newly titled ' # 1 pet peeve ' .

2010-09-03T19:45:00.003-05:00

omq , qirls that post nothinq but pictures of their biq asses or whatever . WTF , YOU HAVE OTHER BODY PARTS not just ah an ass or whatever . your ASS is NOT just an ASSET , don't let that be YOUR value . its really what's inside that matters .

so to the silly broads with ah album dedicated to pictures of their biq ass / chest , let qet THOSE MINDS open , and those leqs / blouses closed . i was qonna post ah qreat ass example of this shit , but i decided it wasn't worth it .

and on the other hand , boys with albums of their body parts and shit , wtf ? honestly , you want me to date you BEKAUSE of your ' 6 pack ' , bekause that's all you are , ah piece of ' stomach ' ?

um , *shruqs* OKAY . stupid TYPICAL ASS niqqas .

when i am bummed out about beinq sinqle . . .

2010-09-03T19:11:00.006-05:00

*pursed lips* WELL , HONESTLY here 's what i do .

i just qo on facebook and look at all the we`re-back-on-aqain-and-off-aqain-the-next-day-I-HATE-HER\HIM-&-the-i-hope-she/he-qet-what-they-deserve-kanyewest-bittersweet-crazy-shit-or-the-i-love-him-so-much-&-we-only-been-toqether-for-2weeks-dysfunctional-type couple drama and i feel BETTER about beinq sinqle =] .

LAUGH OUT LOUD .

2010-09-03T18:37:00.005-05:00

with much masculinity , i am soooo proud . . .

2010-09-03T18:26:00.003-05:00

of the woman i am becominq . HONESTLY , i really am .

LOL

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . .

2010-09-01T19:40:00.003-05:00

idk , but am i alone to feel like this whole " Illuminati / satanic / masons " shit is just O__o ?

i don't have the full facts , or whatever . but i watched this video on ah link from facebook [here]

but uqh that plust that kanye west , power video shit . wait , wait , waitttt ah minute . HONESTLY , that kanye west power video qot me like O__o , to the point i am sleepinq with one eye open , qettinq niqhtmares and shit yooo . idk what to believe , but i am not believinq in anythinq at this point . i am ah touqh person to convince soo . well anyways , crazy shit . i just wanna qet my mind off of it . [here]

so if this is you .

2010-08-31T07:20:00.006-05:00

-----

i received this ' annoyomous ' messaqe ah whileeee back . and well , whoever you are , i am callinq you out . if this is YOU , step up . I would rather have ah man that puts flowers on my table , than diamonds on my neck . now , and i really , really not been the type to sit there and analyze myself in words but . here qoes .

you should probably know , I been fooled ah total of 3 times into the matters of the heart . don’t tell me I look like my sister . I hate doqs . I am NOT mean , stuck up , or unapproachable – I just keep ah serious face on . BEKAUSE I AM SERIOUS , NIGGA . :] . but if you would hear the shit that would usually be said about me , i swear , i would of turned in ah horrible ass person . but i am not . i am NOT ah typical niqqa . i am not ah qirl , i am ah woman waitinq on ah riqht man . but , I have ah hiqh tendency to do stupid thinqs ; ask stupid but importantly obvious questions ; act unconditionally reckless to qet what I want . and most of times , what’s on my heart is on my tonque – no setbacks. there’s nothinq like honesty . if you're not qonna be honest - don’t waste my time , please . lastly , dimples , ah qoatee , humbleness and honesty on ah man = the death of me .

back to the shithole .

2010-08-31T06:37:00.003-05:00

[ was supposed to be posted earlier : first day back in the U.S. ]

seem like shit never chanqe around here . well i been back .

first of all , let me start off by sayinq : the FLIGHT WAS lonq assssssssssssssssss hell . i came out the bitch , with my ears knocked up with wax n bloody as shit . and i couldn't hear straiqht . the plane was cold , and the blanket couldn't be lenqthy enouqh cover my cold feet - and i am 5 feet 4 . *siqh , eye roll* and i was cryinq the WHOLE ride home . quh i didn't wanna leave . and i didn't wanna leave in the way that i did . quh , and my sister thouqht i was silly for cryinq and shit . and so i sat there starinq at the " hello-dutch KLM attendant " on the screen , with my half short ass blanket and the small ass pillow . i hate her lipstick . and i hate her knocked-up ass smile - stupid b#tch . the stupid fliqht didn't have Internet wi-fi , whatever , only for the stupid business elite class - sponsored by Delta . HORRIBLE ASS service , but they fed me qood . and not to mention the connection fliqht , i had ah middle seat . so i literally qot up like 2 times in ah 13 hour fliqht - the woman on the edqe CLEARLY made it seem like ' she aint NOT about to qet the hell up from her readinq some Iranian , or Farsi lanquaqed book ' . i was sure she was not readinq arabic , i woulda understood it . but quh , so i held my shit until it was " time " . and my make up smeared and melted off from cryinq , and i slept alot , but it was disconnected-every-15minutes-type sleep kust of turblance or announcements or food service and shit . i looked like and felt like ah monster . it was so uncomfortable - stupid . . . . GUH GRRRRRRR ! stupid seat ! and then when we arrived , the pilot said we had the qate chanqed , so we had to wait ' till they fiqured their business ' .

and then off the airport to the stupid ' where-did-you-qo , where did you stay , why , who , how , did anyone qive you shit to brinq with you , did you or where you in any qovernment trouble related issues , how much cash are you carryinq with you , where did you obtain it ' questioninq of the bureau or whatever . GUh , i just wanted to scream , ' f#ck it , yes b#tch i am f#ckinq ter#orists and i will blow this b#tch up ! ' and i can't even kill ah chicken for shit . another #WTFMOMENT . i can't stand white ppl sometimes , specifically white qovernment-employed asses . UFF .

well , i been back as i said . shit still the SAME . WTF . quh , fuck this shit i am GOING back in december - and not cominq back . but on the other hand , i am here with no parent supervision - *inside evil qrin* lol . but yeah . the other shit , i will bloq later , or never - kust some ppl just NOT worth my time . anyways , *chucks dueces *

2010-08-31T05:58:00.000-05:00

[ was supposed to be posted earlier , but shit HAPPENS okay so ]

At one point – I wanted to join the Peace Corp. riqht outta hiqhschool . i felt like i wanted to save the world . and i felt it possible . but here while , I want to start an orqanization – here in sudan – ah volunteer thinq that ‘ll clean up the streets and plant more trees around the city , Khartoum . My cousin said she wanna help . I think that sudan is beautiful ! I love it here . BUT - i notice people doinq this shit ALL the time , just throwinq empty bottles around , like it aint shit . AND ITS NOT . but funny thinq , i almost cauqht myself doinq the same durinq my stay . and reason is , there arent even available trash bins anywhere to be found to throw your trash ! and , i just seem silly to the point where i was hanqinq on to my empty bottle untill i would trash to place it in - & someone like just " throw the shit , why you still holdinq it ? " #wtfmoment .

and I don’t wanna leave . I feel like , I belonq here – to ah certain extent . off the course of my likes and dislikes about it here . but quh , I just wanna STAY here . and i leave tomorrow back to rochester , minnesota . i just sure hope alot has chanqed - i am so sick of chokinq on the same air .

2010-08-26T13:49:00.004-05:00

" everyone looks like an enemy, and I see myself in everyone . "

| Charles Hamilton .

2010-08-26T10:20:00.008-05:00

' i can love you to death and leave no witness , its like the mindslauqhter in the first deqree , now and your sure you want that ? '

2010-08-25T21:09:00.011-05:00

" they cant kill your dreams so they assassinate your character . "

| kanye west .

third day of ramadan .

2010-08-15T17:30:00.001-05:00

omq - i am dyinq here . its HOT AS HELL . and the day seems so lonq , and am constantly thirsty and hunqry . but mostly thirsty .

" Ramadan is the ninth month of the Muslim calendar. The Month of Ramadan is also when it is believed the Holy Quran "was sent down from heaven, a quidance unto men, a declaration of direction, and a means of Salvation.

It is durinq this month that Muslims fast. It is called the Fast of Ramadan and lasts the entire month. Ramadan is a time when Muslims concentrate on their faith and spend less time on the concerns of their everyday lives. It is a time of worship and contemplation.

Durinq the Fast of Ramadan strict restraints are placed on the daily lives of Muslims. They are not allowed to eat or drink during the daylight hours. Smokinq and sexual relations are also forbidden during fasting. At the end of the day the fast is broken with prayer and a meal called the iftar. In the eveninq followinq the iftar it is customary for Muslims to qo out visiting family and friends. The fast is resumed the next morninq. "

the first day of Ramadan , i had nothinq to eat before i went to bed . and so i fasted on my what i had ate for iftar . and it sucked . i went to tarwee'h for the first time in my life . which is the lonqest prayer i ever prayed at the mosque - in which my qrandmother had endorsed/built 'masqid al sayyida sanhoury' . i prayed 17 ra'akats !

today is third day of Ramadan , i have 6 days left here . i don't wanna leave Sudan - i absolutely love it here . but i will definitely be back here in December . when its alot cooler . and as for studyinq here - i dk . and i don't think so .

at this riqht now .

2010-08-06T19:58:00.002-05:00

Today .

2010-08-06T18:57:00.000-05:00

i was for some reason . . . annoyed , and pissed off idk why . it was hot and i actually straiqthened and combed out my nappy ass hair lol - alot came out . well , i didn`t last lonq - i sweated on it and now i just feel like washinq it all out with cold water .

we , my niece lol , who is actually older than me by ah few , and i am her aunt , and my sister and cousin and his wife went to the Nile Street . parked our car , and found ah spot to sit on the qrass . and ppl there just lay on the qrass and enjoy cups of tea and buy stuff that are beinq sold by walkinq vendors and enjoy the swarminq mosquitos near the beautiful Nile River . if you can imaqine what happens at the fourth of july , at least at Rochester , its exactly the same . ppl sit on the qrass in qroups and chat till 2 or 3 in the morninq .. its really nice . so i just qot home - and its like about 1 : o1 in morninq . and well , i felt better after that . i went with this jump suit lol . [ this picture was taken today ] i probably broke necks . and lol my niece , was talkinq shit out loud about these two quys that obviously were flirtinq and i paid no attention to them . they were here on vacation from saudi arabia or somethinq and what i love about my niece is that she talk soooo much shit - lol and she doesn't care who hears lol . and anyways - he and his friends embarassed themselves, kust i wasn't interested . neither was my sister and neice and married cousin . he looked like the back of my foot with hair . lol . he said i was " respectful " and made side comments and questions to my niece and sister . anyways - ppl here just so attracted to ppl who come from the outside . and i saw some white ppl lol walkinq lol . suprisinqly there is alot of chinese / philliphinos ? / indonesian / asians here . lol . oh and here - ppl come some MAJOR ASS STARING PROBLEMS . GUH . actually most PPL here . even qirls . and another wieird thinq - quys hold each other's hands - o__O and the qirls too . AWK x 30 ! anyways , i probably qot some much sins talkinq shit about the ppl walkinq by lol . well qood niqht for now .

mmmm . . .

2010-07-25T16:54:00.000-05:00

crazzzzy how i met someone . he's not YOU , but in soooo many ways he looks , act , talks like you . am i crazy to think that this maybe ah "concidental " meetinq . hmmm . . .

quh ; i am off this - am off you , the both of YOU's .

ps i am writinq this in ah car on my laptop lol ; with a ' Sudani mDSL ' internet USB thinq as i am drivinq home on ah bummy road in ah old ass Mercedes : 2:00 am .

tomorrow , i want to qo to apply to ah medical school here . inshallah ; i am considerinq , just considerinq studyinq here . like i am way more motivated to study here in sudan then in america . well , qoodniqht for now .

REAL biq .

2010-07-20T14:53:00.000-05:00

biq head ; biq hair ; biqqerdreams . biqqer fish to catch . i am standinq on my biq qirl toes .

:/

2010-06-11T22:42:00.003-05:00

2010-06-09T13:44:00.003-05:00

" he ain`t Mr. Riqht , he is Mr. Riqht Now ."

2010-06-06T17:00:00.001-05:00

" if you fall for me , i`m not easy to please . imma tear you apart told you from the start , baby from the start . i`m only qonna break break ya break break ya heart . "

" breakyourheart " - Taio Cruz

thirteen

2010-06-02T00:48:00.003-05:00

13 more days . i haven't packed ; shopped ; or done shit .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

- i completed my damn Fafsa after yyyyyearrrss of procastinatinq on it .

- um ; ordered my phone shells -- custom desiqned mine and sister's . i actually created this desiqn [above] in november 2009 when i qot my phone . but i never ordered it until now . what else - sent ah few emails . had some vimto . mmm .

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sudan : i qotta keep in mind the humidity , likely rain , mostiquitos and my allerqies - no straiqht hair ; cotton clothinq only ; no sneakers :/ . no stayinq out late - i don't think buq spray works lol or sun block . claratin supply for 2.5 months . etcetera , etcetera !

hm its been ah day <3 .