Psysutra.

Resolution 2012

2012-01-27T12:05:00.001-08:00

End of Jan Resolution 2012

Say less, smile more
Think less, do more
Drink less, eat more
Drive less, walk more
Ask less, tell more
Smoke less, breath more.
Curse less, pray more.
Assume less, question more.
Take less, give more.

Sound Of The Beginning.

2012-01-25T18:48:00.001-08:00

It's a beautiful morning. It's quiet. It's warm. There's a seance of calm in the air. The silence is quite loud. But that's the beauty of it. There's a faint sweet smell in the air. It might be the end of winters. Or at least this winter.

I stick my foot out of the blanket to touch the cold wooden floor. But it feels nice. Then I put my other foot out as well. My feet look more pink from the warmth of the blanket they have been in than they actually are.

Its early morning. I change out of the pyjamas and sweatshirt i am in. I brush my teeth. Look at my self in the mirror for a few minutes. My hair is out of place and I don't have a hair band to fix them into a bun with. I feel hungry and tired. I haven't slept too well last night.

There is a change in the air around me. A feeling of loss. A feeling of a fresh start.

As I exit the bathroom a wave of fatigue hits me. But that doesn't seem to bother me today. It's not going to be one of those days I begin by questioning god - how much more further this time?

Our end is always near. Ends are always near. I quickly pack my things and calculate if I have missed something. There's a strange feeling of leaving something behind. But I don't want to stay here any longer.

I have seen enough of this place. It has seen enough of me. I walk out the door I don't turn back to say goodbye to the place.

It's a beautiful morning. It says, you'll have many more of these to see. But you need to wait silently and with patience for them. I believe it.

I would believe anything today. The wind starts to blow. I stop in my path for a few seconds. Close my eyes. I begin to contemplate. But a slap of sunshine hits me. I contemplate not to contemplate about anything and move on towards my car.

Now I stand on my floor and look up at the sky for the first time. There they lay. The first golden grey clouds promising the first sign of change. These aren't winter clouds. They promise spring. There is a warm breeze. And along with it runs the slight sound of rustling of leaves.

I take in a deep breadth. Much work is to be done. Much things lay unsorted. I exhale heavily. And walk towards my home.

I pause for a brief second or two again. I ring the doorbell smiling.

Written with Werdsmith.

Restlessness

2012-01-09T02:50:00.000-08:00

I wanted to argue,
If i just gave you the easy way out.
How you react..
Makes me wonder..
If this is how you planned this all along.
No denial.
No emotions,
Not even a hint of sadness..

How long can we hide a lie?
The words wont stop ringing in my ears..
Every move we make is worth something..

And every ignorance wasn't worth nothing..

I was sleepless last night,
Though i feel i will be for some nights now..
i was wondering if you were too..
Was giving in as easy as giving up?
Should i just dismiss the fact
that i felt something..
Were my instincts right to urge
to destroy what was..
in fact..
a beautiful time period in our current lives?

But when it applies to us..
We so easily assume there wasn't anything.
Spotless, plain and pure.
Like of life we were never more sure..
Character then stands as a matter far more different...?

Heart breaking to know..
There is no possibility of consideration
No possibility of anything...
absence of retaliation.
In fact the glint of Joy.

Hell..., good riddance. Goodbye.

Selling.

2012-01-08T13:20:00.001-08:00

The art of selling is not inbuilt.
It's encouraged.
From parents who want you to recite those poems in front of an audience when you were a child,
To men and woman going out of their way trying to charm one another.
So why ever question the existence of selling?
But with selling exists only one problem,
The problem of overselling and underselling.
In context to humanly behaviour and the 'self'.
Even modesty might be questioned as being a form of overselling disguised as underselling.
More so.
By underselling, and being Dow eyed and being innocent might be your way of overselling.
Common, no ones a fool.
It's about how much you let some one sell them selves to you.
And how much you feel sold to their selling.
Those versatile painters and artists and pseud men and woman looking away and beyond the glass wall that holds them away and apart from the nothing they stare at.. Is sadly their overselling.
If amongst the underselling and overselling I were to choose which selling to which I would be sold.
I would rather say under than over be told.
Leaving room for surprises and a future untold.
Not the same old, same old.
All knowing wit or plain nothing unfold.
Why remember lyrics or name of bands just to say?
When you might not dedicate the time, to hear their music every day?
Why remember all dates of history or formulas of chemistry when you don't inted to be a historian or the far more complex scientist of any sort?
Your marks, your rank your account balance in the bank,
Why should I care, when an equally great human you aren't to compare?
I'd rather a subtle, silent sell with some charm,
With scope for surprises and much less bitter alarm.
For oversell is like a undeliverable promise.
Promising more than there may exist.
While undersell gives you time to show, over time even to grow, gives life better rhythm and flow...?

Heart Break

2011-12-29T10:13:00.001-08:00

I am happy. Contend.

I am happy, contend tent and alone.

I knew a while back that I made someone happy.
Some one woke up thinking of me, dreaming of me, went to sleep talking to me.
I know that I changed someone's life in ways they might have thought only happen in English literature fictions.
I held somebody so close sometime back.
I have said their name with each breath.
I have loved just holding them or just holding their hands even.
I have enjoyed log gaps of silences with someone.
Spoken more through and in silence than in words.
I travelled with someone. I shared by coke. My toilet, my underwear and my bed.
And now even when this person isn't here anymore.

I feel happy.

I feel happy, contended... Yet alone.

I have learned that sometimes in great love we find happiness in others happiness.
That happiness can also mea their happiness with someone else.
I have learned that love makes us tough.
And how ever weak we may feel we are, love and memory of love always gives us courage.
I have learned its pointless to try to feel the absence of love from our lives.
It always exists, and always will.
We forget to appreciate the smaller things.
Or shall I just say sometimes we forget to appreciate as we start to see things as smaller things later.
And that it's alright to turn around one day just smile and say thank you for them.
That in love all truths are lies, and all lies are truths.
What makes them each is our faith in love and doubt in ourselves.
Amongst all things the thing that matters the most is, the fact that when you really do fall in love.
A heart break is just a break.
Because the heart can't cease to exist.
And therefore can't cease to beat.

But what hurts the most.. it you have to feel everything alone.

Love, just hurts instead.

2011-12-08T10:56:00.001-08:00

Found meaning in some one true
Some one to settle with in this new world
Leaving behind all that was untrue
Believing its your last love, and that its their too.

Don't look away now, this is the best part
Your time for happiness, your time to laugh.
Don't let my shine put you in a haze,
I might still be stuck in the same place
And when you'll look up into my eyes,
You might still see us in our parallel lives
Like reality were our dream, and I was your wife.

I believed he was out there waiting,
A little less than dating
Wanting to know me more
As we would walk along the sea shore.
But beliefs can be my own, a little unknown
I may dream of a life away,
But October might never mix with May.
No.

I woke up in a dream
And it passed me by it seems
We were merry we were alive
We were running on the edge of that knife.
Still un-surprised how it cut up my pride

And if you find me lying awake, not dreaming one day
It would be because I would be absorbing reality
That this world might be sane, and I have no right to hurt or pain
Loves been unreal and its happen only over and over again
Its cut me to my bones, and its been surreal.
And that I missed the point each time
Kept falling yet more deeply for each tune and rhyme.

I'll laugh out one day, when I remember those lines again,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Cause what no one really said, it hurts like the first time each time instead.

" No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"

Cappuccino Sunrise

2011-11-06T00:38:00.001-07:00

Of all things that I hate, I hate most not to wake up next to you.
Not waking up to feel I didn't let you lie in peace,
Crushing your arm in pain while I sleep.

Of all things that I hate, I hate most not to wake up to find you already looking at me when I open my eyes.
Wondering if I let you sleep at all
Hoping against hope I didn't let you have a peaceful night.

For of all things I hate, I hate most knowing you have been in love before.
Held her hand, kissed her lips
Maybe even lay peacefully next to another woman
So I wish, this time, every time, I don't remind you of them.

For if there is something I do love, amongst all the hate and I pretend to demonstrate
Is of the fact, that I know non of us have been here before
Lived so freely and forever more
Been more blank, naïve or sour..
When we have woken up next to each other.

How could I . . .

2011-10-23T13:51:00.001-07:00

This love was not mine.
This love was not for me.
How could have I kept it?
How could I have let it be?
Those words weren't mine.
Those words weren't for me.
Then how could have I have heard them?
How could have I let it be?
This story isn't mine,
This story wasn't meant to be.
Then how could I dream of a future?
How could I have let one be?
This pain isn't mine.
This hurting wasn't meant for me.
Then why should I keep on suffering?
Why should I let it be?
The eyes weren't even mine,
The face didn't belong to me,
Then how could you have said I love u?
When you were looking at me?
This fate wasn't mine,
This ending i wasn't meant to see.
So what's wrong if I am pushing you away.
Why should I have let you be?
This concern was just mine,
My words of wisdom weren't for me.
So when you can't end what you have started.
How could i start something and just be?

Reminds me of that song...:
'Why did you break my heart?
Why did you fall in love?
Why did you go away?
Away?
Away?
Dil mera, churaya kyu,
Jab dil mera,
Tod na hi tha...'

It might be cause of me

2011-10-23T09:32:00.001-07:00

Global warming,
Allies forming,
Hearts breaking,
Marriages aching,
Children crying,
Lovers dying,
Rainy sky's,
Fresh pile of lies,
UFO's landing,
Motorcycle branding,
New script and story line,
Man getting mugged from behind.
Meaningless photos,
Release of mylo xyloto,
Peacocks crying,
People crossing the line,
Fires breaking,
Broken hearts aching,
Smugglers taking,
Morning bird waking,
Butterflies flying,
Or I must be just lying
Seems some how,
Might be my making.

Sorry dear world.
Its really not my fault.
If I do one thing in one part of the world,
And causes an reaction at another part.
But karma's a bitch,
And we all know that.

Never.

2011-10-22T13:34:00.001-07:00

I didn't ask to be accepted
Like I never asked for it to pain
I never looked for sustenance
Like I never looked at people to remain.

Doped Betting Horse

2011-10-19T12:10:00.001-07:00

I bet on the wrong horse., haha
And they called me a mad man to doubt her.
That prettier one, that didn't kick with every neigh.
Little did I know, I put my money into trouble.
Made plans to burst my own bubble.
Built my own trap for debt not double.
But if another horse is doped.
I can still for others leave hope
I will not let their money too fall
Unlike regularly enjoy those tiffs and brawls
To be at least a gambler today, if it be my last in some ways..
To be a honest one if a gambler at all.
For doped horses never win.
They just run a few good runs,
And mostly in their short span of lives,
Fall head first one fine sunny expected day
Salvaging at the mouth, pity a sight to watch..
On that race track on someone's big betting day.

For P&B and Incense Sticks

2011-10-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

of what i remember, i thought you to be quite arrogant the first week. i wanted never to look at you. it was a bit more than irritation and a bit less than hate. and yet, i knew nothing about you.

and now, each time i close my eyes and say your name... a black and white flash back starts in fast forward... ending with you standing in that brick-way to class looking at me with disappointment and turning to walk away.

life came calling, for us. questions run through my mind. who were we? what did we want? why us? why then?

i know all you ever wanted was what was best for me. each time i let you down, each time i made the wrong choices, you eyes gave away the words you would wiper to your self... "what a waste"..

you weren't the first to have felt that, and at the speed i am going, am sure you wont be the last.. but maybe you would remain among the few who ever really cared to have wanted to change that for me, or to have really cared at all.

the week or so went by, i stumbled upon your facebook profile.. i seem to have been wishing for my "wishlist" but life seemed to have different plans for me... and you know that feeling of sometimes being the only one out there.. for the first time, something on your profile took that away from me. might just have been the strangest days and nights to have passed for a while... the feeling of not being alone..

i saw clouds amongst your pictures, and what i was thinking of in that exact point of time was, no - i don't like this person at all. he's competition. he's too talkative and too stupid, too animated and too arrogant all at the same time... then how come we're thinking of the same kind of things? obsessing about the same kind of songs? smiling at the same kind of puns we.. or at least i hadn't seen too many people observe...?

and then i inquired and he didn't read..or said he didn't have the time to.. and i concluded it was all fake.. or maybe i was always looking for reasons to justify that we weren't anything like each other.. and anything.. literally anything would pass off as differences.. even the fact that i used the woman's and he the men's washroom!

going back to the time when we quite embarrassed others with our stupid charcoal fight.. flash-backing to the time when we were texting and you were at work.. you simply abused a lot!...or so i seem to recollect..
and yet again...fast forwarding form there to that day we were on our way back from NGMA.. in the auto.. when i was visualizing my future house to you.. that it would be a clutter.. of books and antique furniture.. a fanfare.. a funhouse.. i'll go tiptoeing around the entire house.. on a rainy day when at 1am i would suddenly urge to finish that month old painting i began.. which lay against the entire wall of the only room of my house. rain would get the best out of me.. i would travel in autos and rickshaws and NGMA would be my favorite place amongst places..

what ever happen to me.. where ever did i stop believing my self and living for others.. i flash back again at this thought.. to a out stretched hand that happen to be yours.. and me turning away from it for a option or a life much more trivial..

to have found you and lost you both at the exact same point in time. or did i find you to loose you in the first place?... this concludes nothing. cause we both still exist. i might mean one thing about you right now and want quite the opposite of it at the same time. but what i can say i am certain about is that you're an enigma.. and you always will be to me.

I am Brave.

2011-10-10T05:14:00.001-07:00

Bravery is not in acceptance on ones own self but acceptance of that fact that sometimes people won't and cant accept you for being yourself.

A note form earlier this evening..

2011-10-09T07:39:00.001-07:00

Things aren't like they used to be.
We don't talk anymore
Your passing your time, like you do with your cigarettes now.
Things are going according to you still, but I can already see where its all headed.
Fortunately, am prepared I think. Won't shed a tear I feel.
Cause if its meant over, its best over.
Best we don't keep it hanging in mid air, unaware weather we'll let it rise, only blow at a time, or fall but cutting all strings loose.
I have no opinion here, its all as you say, or will say.
But I can hear the clock ticking, the end coming near, or is it just you pushing..
I wouldn't have approved, if you asked me to leave but you were never mine, so I won't ever order you to stay..
Let's see where this goes. Now that this is out of my system, am sure I'll act much calmer!

As long as there's no end to hope. Amen.

2011-10-09T07:26:00.001-07:00

So what if it hurts, am used to this hurting. But what am not used to is, people not being ok with who I am in my present based on half knowledge bout my past.

So maybe am too hurt to admit it, or what am going to say as I type while I think next is only a manifestation of me trying to cover up pain. One way or the other, am sure what I am doing while typing this is saving some ones life. Someone dears. Someone who wasn't meant to see any of this to be walking away from me in the first place.. But back to the point.

Sure its easy to judge. Its hard to listen and its tough to accept. But what good is it to make friends who can't stop judging you, lovers who don't want to have to listen to you and enemies who won't accept your good points along with your bad ones?

It all looses value doesn't it? What's in it, the perspective of companionship, or of feeling love or hate? If why you do certain things, or why you act in a certain way isn't given its due consideration?

Like Kurt said, I'd rather have more enemies who hate me for who I am than friends who love me for who I am not. And well, clearly, the 'not' bit can only be taken into consideration once they know me or my entire story like a work book they want to read and add to every day?

Enigma is a word now I have heard one too many times in association with my self. And well, so far all I can say is its cause people don't know what to do with better things in life when they come there way.

If love hurts, sometimes its the good hurt, cause it feels like your alive. Hurting it the only way to know we're still human. Not flawless, not static, not always true and not always too broad minded to accept things or people. But who is to blame?

I feel like a cold.. No, stone hearted bitch, who sees everything, good, bad and ugly in the same light and only worries about what perspective I could take from it, what learning. Stopped hurting a long time ago, happiness I feel is still much deep rooted. Cause when I do feel happy, i only calculate about how to make this temporary happiness last a bit longer.

Good part is, thank god for my vast diverse past, I see things in a much more broader light than I could have. And from what ever I have learned I have made sure, specially off lately that I apply my learning completely to where ever new place life has taken me.

Still, how ever fucked up everything might be, what makes me "me" is the ability to get back up and still be positive and optimistic about life and people who'll come into my life tomorrow.

Alternate life, pre-thought & reflection.

2011-10-06T20:14:00.001-07:00

Do you realize you were in love once?
You saw those dreams,
Planned a life,
Said those things,
Sang those songs,
To someone else before?

You even went ahead and brought that person a home.
Comforted them.
Spoke for days and nights.
Traveled with them.
Slept with them.

Rightly put - that 'Beauty/sadness/irony about parallels is that they never meet....'

Guilt can take us to quite far off places.
Guilt has been proven to be both negative and positive.
Its made lives, and its destroyed them..
AND then again its made lives, AND destroyed them.

So, you switch between being a polished, perfect, jargon using, egoistic -yet- friendly - prick with a pseudo lifestyle.(Also assuming friendless)

And a funny! Witty, singing, laughing, light hearted loving! Submissive punjabi boy with non veg humor and very naive thinking.

I like them both. But how I pray for you, that some day you manage to bring both these people acquainted to one another and eventually marry them.

How I wish you start being happy again and remain so for the rest of your life.

I wish, life doesn't just remain a series of parallels for you and you manage to find that peace in one place alone.

If You Forget Me

2011-10-06T12:22:00.001-07:00

This one is a beautiful and sad ode to a lover;

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

- Pablo Neruda

A to I of Apple for Steve Jobs.

2011-10-06T11:54:00.003-07:00

A for Aesthetically
B for Beautiful
C for Creative
D for Designs
E for Engaging
F for Futuristic
G for Gadgets
H for Happiness

i for Apple.

iMourn. But I am not sad. For i-Imbibe his philosophy, if not just to business, to life.

'Since feeling is first'

2011-10-06T11:54:00.001-07:00

since feeling is first
who plays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady I swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death I think is no parenthesis

- by e.e. cummings

Emo.

2011-08-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

I can have no heart.
What could have been, has been.
What could have become, already became.
What could have belonged to me, already belongs to someone else.
I feel nothing.
I am amazed yet inside to feel so aware of not feeling at all.

I have realized I like to take unnecessary risks.
I have a problem.
If I realize I am making a mistake,
I make it entirely.
I never back off like a normal person would.
I make sure I fall entirely into the trap.
Or fall full face first into the ditch.
Or take a nose dive off that cliff of I found my self planning to jump anyways.

I do that, so there is never doubt, never a next time at all.
But doing that too often makes one like me.
Its better than being unable to take a stand.
Or unable to distinguish between what's right and wrong.
But its not that troubles or dangers excite me in anyway.
But the best lessons are the ones you learn your self.

And in the learning, I leave no stone upturned.
That it hurts so much and so badly the first time,
I'll instantly look or move away before there is a second.
Its made me emotion-less.
I can only tell that by mere judgment when I know not how to react or show reaction or the right emotions when they are required.

Someday, either I'll kill my self if I keep doing this.
Keep pushing to extremes.
Or maybe I'll finally find the sunlight through the thundering clouds.
That I'll begin to fly rather than falling down one day, when I jump off the building.

Live Forever

2011-08-02T12:20:00.001-07:00

Says so much this song. <3

Cold play ft. Oasis - Live Forever

Maybe,
I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows
Cause I just wanna fly...

Lately,
Did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

And maybe I just wanna fly
Wanna live , I don't wanna die
Maybe I just wanna breathe
Maybe I just don't believe

Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

I said maybe,
I don't really wanna know
how your garden grows
Cause I just wanna fly

Lately,
Did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

And maybe I will never be
All the things that I'd like to be
Now is not the time to cry
Now is the time to find out why

I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe,
I don't really wanna know
How your garden grows
Cause I just wanna fly

Lately,
Did you ever feel the pain
in the morning rain
as it soaks it to the bone

And maybe I
Just wanna fly
wanna live ,
I don't wanna die
maybe I
Just wanna breathe
maybe I
Just don't believe

Maybe you're the same as me
we see things
they'll never see
you and I are gonna live forever

You and I are gonna live forever..x3
gonna live forever x4

Talking to my self. (Sometimes before Pondicherry in Dec 2010)

2011-08-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

Imitation is being deceptive.
Its much like and much worse than lying.
Its like an insecure personal identity.
We need to accept.
We're not superman.
Who knew maybe even he wasn't so talented?
Then why pretend to add extra qualities.

Speaking much in reverse.
Sometimes too many qualities and no heart.
They tend to be like that.
Admittance is ok, pride is also ok.
But being angry bout being superior is an emotion only few fully come to terms with.
Forget a few papers, forget a few passed judgments.
It takes more than a working mind and un-blinded eyes to look beyond at someone.

But back to the point.
Sometimes, your best thoughts rise from randomness
Sometimes the best perish with your dreams.
Sometimes they never see the light of day.
Sometimes you let the remain in your head, those screams.

I feel now, no thought is funny.
Am not a serious person to be precise.
Just a intense one.
I fear not saying things out loud to myself.
For is that not how you gauge realism?
Anything you can't get your self to put down on paper, or say out even just to your self..
Haven't you already judged them to be silly?

Ah, this is enough for one evening..,night, one high.

Lies

2011-08-02T12:03:00.001-07:00

Locked away in cages,

Entrapped between pages,

There's a lie that I hide,

That you were always here by my side.

If only you saw the lips beyond that smile,

If only you saw the eyes beyond those tears,

Of only you saw the courage beyond all fears,

Looked hard enough past the body, right at the soul.

You would have discovered this hole.

But it all gets washed away with the tides,

Each time it hides those heart tearing lies.

Unaware, yet Conscious

2011-08-02T04:31:00.001-07:00

Stoning gets to everyone.

Some people are like bad highs
They'll take u on the dark trip
When all you had planned was to enjoy the ride.

Sometimes your second mind is sharper than your extincts.
Let's hope, you my dear readers knows I call them separate.

Its like having conscience.
I can only laugh and put down these words as they were said out of old stunning habits and repetitive lessons that if one doesn't remember - u gotta make something to remember.

It goes as follows: (excluding a lot of names n stuff) in no particular order..

He called me stupid - 'duffer hai tu'

He told me he'll say - he'll never talk to them again to me n not mean it at all. Cz hz a total liar.

On the book - Di aapne hai per leni toh maine hai! If u get what I mean! Haan haan meri book hai.

Aacha? Apna gmat Score batao..
G pe hi atak gaya mai to.. I know what u mean brother

Haan haan correct my grammar now! Ab nai bole gi?.

Ye toh sahi mai stupid nikli.

Aacha ye log na apne aap ko bohot shaane samajhte hain - Poora din kut kut kut bb pe. Raaste mai baat nai kar sakte kya? Nai bhav khana zaroori hai.

S tried to portray bout them n sex. The geometry n degree angles

He said in frnt of them ki if u think this was unplanned, this was ALL planned. Per apke samaj mai toh ye aaye hi nai.

Kab se try kar raha hun yaar tu hin hi nai leti

That joke bout 'Bahar wali' between the two of them.

Agar kuch karna hai toh bolo ki m n s ander challe jayenge!

Matlab hum thori na ja sakte hain?

I had to keep glancing ki - he's driving on 10

All the Ac's were turned to me.

Waiting for you to give him 'thee' word..!

Came sat next to me on the floor and asked : Acha bata de ki iss baar kitne din ke lie baat nai karregi mujhe se. Abhi se hi clear kar de. Matlab ki iss baar kitni der drama karre gi?

Kitne deewane hain inke..!

Tujhe or points banane ki koi zaroorat nai hai. Tu set hai ek dam. Poori pati hui hai. I mean poore points milenge..

Fir mujhe baar baar mai stud hun batana padta hai!!!

= in all, another lesson down in my history. Such too is life diaries =

For some one used to being very expressive and happy when stoned, this turned out to be one of those rare occasions when you are reminded of what is means to be on or by 'bad trip'.
I realized that something inside me said - don't talk too much. Words might get you to be accountable for things you might not want to be.

Remembering the time i got stoned to watch Avatar in 3D! lol.. a dear friend didn't inform us he was mixing O as well with the hash. Manala and O.. well its like a marriage..made in heaven.

But when you can live through that for 10-12hrs straight, and drive home after the last show in good bloody chew-able fog!!
Covering a distance of over 45km in just 3 hrs. You know, next time, if there will be a next time, you'll know not to set this house on fire.... (breaking into my song) ...
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
that's all right because i like the way it hurts..
Just gonna stand there and watch me cry..
But that's all right because i love the way you lie,
love the way you lie.

Adaigio for the better half.

2011-07-26T12:10:00.001-07:00

"Understand my love,

For I seek not, just your hand to hold.
I seek not just in yous heart to stay.
I seek not just your courage to be bold.

I seek more than meets the eyes.
I seek more than beats the heart.
I seek more than never being apart.

We shall unite as one, love.
Let our souls be one.
Let our mind and body unite.
Leave no space for humanly fight.

Let be your temper mine.
Let be your ecstasy fill me.
Let be our auras fill empty spaces in the night.

Fill me, be mine love.
And let me till eternity be yours.
Never separate,
As one heart and soul.

For if its not your heart beat that fills my heart.
For if its not your warmth that caresses my skin.
For it its not your love that fills my fragile body.

How else will I justify this purpose of living."