The universe has made all too clear to me of late that nothing lasts forever.

It’s human nature to assume that good times will continue indefinitely, and that times of difficulty will never end, but the painful T is that life is short. This means we must appreciate every joy and, likewise, appreciate every hardship. The contrast and balance reminds us just how rare and fleeting the times of perfect happiness really are.

Like when you’re with all your friends under the disco ball, and the DJ plays just the right song at just the right time. Flawless serendipity unifies the collective spirit of the room, and sets an unforgettable theme for every interaction that follows.

In our beautiful bubble of San Francisco, we’re blessed to assume that exceptional parties and exquisite meals and wildly successful fundraisers are par for the rainbow course. This is how we expertly cultivate the versatility and vibrancy of our own version of Neverland.

It’s all good – until an unexpected or unwanted dose of reality calls for a course correction.

Lately, I’m trying hard to embrace the curve balls life inevitably throws. As much as I’d like to flip the script when confronted by trying times, I’m realizing that the best I can do is shift my thinking, regulate my response.

The time and energy it takes to agonize over what has already happened, or what we don’t and can’t know about will happen, is wasteful of precious time. It’s priceless time when we can and ought to be living: dancing, connecting, and even reflecting – something us party people don’t often make time for.

Sometimes just a momentary meditation can completely change your perspective. A few deep breaths and a hint of awareness can be surprisingly enlightening.

Setting an intention to always count our blessings is nothing more than a personal pep talk. It doesn’t cost a thing and it takes no time at all to remember why we keep on pushing and how lucky we are to be alive. It can be as simple as a dancefloor mantra that matches the beat of the music and the beating of my heart: “Right here. Right now. Right here. Right now.”

Or if faced with a situation that takes me out of my comfort zone – like performing or public speaking, times when adrenaline dominates and composure is hard to come by – I have a simple formula for staying focused: “Fluid and present. Fluid and present. That’s all I need to be.”

It’s often easier said than done to take a zen approach to our willfully zany lives. But even the passing thought that every day we wake up healthy and happy is a miracle is gift of bliss. Bring it!

One minute he would read us to filth, speaking words of truth we thought we never wanted to hear. The next minute, he would take the very best care of us, in ways we couldn’t even imagine we needed like we did.

Tod reflected a mirror into our soul. We couldn’t deny his wisdom beyond his years, even when he made us feel anger we didn’t know we were capable of. We couldn’t stand his truth, yet we couldn’t live without it; and now San Francisco has to live without him, forever.

He was only 25 when he gave way to his demons, in his most impulsive decision ever (and those who knew Tod know that’s really saying something!). Now our gayborhood, and the Home for Wayward Castro Boys we named after him, will never be the same.

Tod was a survivor above all. He was blessed with a dizzying number of life skills, which is why it’s impossible to believe that he somehow chose not to survive – one blip of a lonely and confusing moment, in the early hours of New Year’s Day 2013.

So many people in our community have been touched and scarred by the drama and trauma of suicide. The reality is, one person’s struggle – in an instant of fleeting fear and despair – changes everyone’s lives forever.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem (thank you, Race Cooper, for helping us find these words to help explain the inexplicable). Tod was a fan of instant gratification, and unfortunately, he ultimately felt incapable of survival.

For reasons we will never understand, and that will always cause us pain, Tod chose to check out instead instead of hang on. Today, we all mourn a senseless loss.

What now? We can’t ever bring back Tod Epperson. What we can do is continue to make San Francisco a shining example of humanity and compassion for everyone who comes here seeking a better life.

We can continue to be good to one another. And we can tell each other – at every opportunity – how much love and support we are able to exchange every single day, especially today, as we say goodbye – yet vow to always remember – our beloved Todler.

While it is painful to remember how this grassroots organization has weathered the storm of a pandemic, it is also uplifting and inspiring to reflect on the medical advances and sweeping social change that has been enabled. Lives have been changed forever with critical financial assistance to people living with disabling HIV/AIDS, and 30 years of hope have been provided for a future in which a cure will render HIV/AIDS a distant memory.

AEF is a financial lifeline that has helped tens of thousands of San Franciscans disabled by HIV/AIDS avoid eviction or utility shut-off and live stably and independently in our community, and as poetic balance was struck in 1982-era style, between life celebrated and loss remembered, AEF received a holiday gift of a $1 million bequest from the estate of Thomas M. Dross – the largest gift ever to AEF.

Optimism about social progress and the shared success of longevity made the anniversary Under the Big TopCan be used as a noun or a verb to describe someone who is dominant in a partnership, in a sexual relationship, or in life in general (See “Bottom”). an unforgettable night, culminating in Martha Wash’s roof-raising rendition of “It’s Raining Men.” Her poignant and touching remarks about the disco days she spent with San Francisco legend Sylvester, the gender-bending trailblazer who put the Castro on the map in the 70s and changed the arc of cultural history, resonated through the rain.

The deserving diva received AEF’s Lifetime Achievement Award for never saying no to HIV/AIDS and LGBT causes, and her perfect pitch wavered only momentarily, as she reminisced with a lump in her throat about losing Sylvester and so many other friends during the darkest days of the AIDS crisis in the early 80s.

Leading up to the gala throughout 2012, more than 30 Parties with Purpose for AEF were hosted by gayborhood luminaries like Donna Sachet and Brian Kent and so many other generous San Francisco spirits. Everyone who attended was deeply moved by the important yet imposing task of keeping the philanthropic pipeline flowing in today’s age of HIV-fatigue and the cold comfort of the LGBT community’s “new normal” status.

The aweing opportunity to sign an AEF panel for the AIDS Memorial Quilt, decorated with happy red hearts created by another heart-breaking AIDS casualty, Keith Haring, reminded us that the battle isn’t over yet.

Personally, I was deeply moved and entertained in equal measure by the magnificent spectacle, an eclectic and excited crowd of leathermen and drag queens who had started AEF 30 years ago, a glorious rainbow melting pot of Bare Chest Calendar Men, corporate donors and younger donors all united in common cause.

As the sun rises on a new year, I’m quivering with excitement about the encore celebration that will take place on January 20 at Beatbox, a “Dancing QueenA gay man. Can be used interchangeably as a term of endearment or as a derogatory term, depending on context. Often used in conjunction with a modifier, which can range from merely descriptive (LeatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. Queen, Draq Queen, Theater Queen) to derisive (bitchy queen, fussy queen, messy queen). Also can be used as an adjective, i.e. “He’s so queeny,” and often refers to a particularly effeminate gay man (See “NellyAn adjective used to describe a girly gay man (see “FemmeRefers to a swishy, fussy queen (See “Flaming Queen”).”).”). ” themed T-dance featuring a heartfelt performance by yours truly, in which I will lip synch for my life in an attempt to inspire San Francisco to keep Bringing It – until there is a cure – to unique charitable giving like only San Francisco can, and to peace on earth for all those whose lives have been and continue to be touched by HIV/AIDS.

Just when I think I can’t be surprised, or that I couldn’t possibly be any more addicted to San Francisco, a new discovery unfolds and my rainbow heart beats faster.

Like when I recently happened upon the Tales of the City miniseries, available on demand, and was transported to the San Francisco of the 70s.

As much as San Francisco led the nation leftward, it’s great to get some perspective on just how radical the city’s values and culture were in the context of the time, before decriminalization of marijuana and mainstream acceptance of homosexuality.

It’s enlightening to remember how so many of us were babes in the woodsAn area in close proximity to bear bars or bear events. of liberalism before we found our way to the promised land of San Francisco, and how the freedom we’ve come to rely on was once way beyond our comfort zones.

It’s interesting to think about how things might have gone differently if it hadn’t been for the painful history that followed the sexual revolution of the 70s, but perhaps it’s better to focus on how common cause and crisis gave birth to a community that, quite simply, kicks ass.

If it weren’t for discrimination and disease, our gayborhood might have no backbone. Instead, we serve as a beacon to those who have been bullied and beaten down. Gay pride is great, but I’m overwhelmed with pride in the San Francisco Model, in which the depraved fruits and nuts rise up to save themselves from the haters.

Not only do we overcome, we survive and thrive. Against all odds, and sometimes on nothing but faith, we solve crises on our own, in our own way. The rest of the world isn’t even close to catching up.

But our most triumphant tale of the city won’t be lost on history, even though a generation was lost to the struggle. The GLBT Historical Society is documenting and disseminating, making San Francisco the proud home to the first museum of its kind in the country. Our “QueerGay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur. Smithsonian” will make sure that the birth and blossoming of the gay civil rights movement is never forgotten…so long as we take it upon ourselves to make sure that the educational nonprofit archive stays alive as our city booms anew.

I’m going to make the museum a mandatory visit for anyone who comes from outside the bubble to see what San Francisco is all about, just as Tales of the City should be mandatory reading and/or viewing for anyone who calls San Francisco home.

They say that those who don’t learn their history are condemned to repeat it. I can think of worse fates than reliving the Summer of Love or the heroism of Harvey Milk, but I’m looking forward to making new and improved history, and to experiencing all the tales of the city still to come.

Here is the story, in Dan’s own words:
“In the fall of 2011, SFGMC was preparing for our spring concert. We in the chorus were already beyond excited knowing that we would be joined on stage by Stephen Schwartz. But it was about to get better…

“Somewhere along the way, the Oscar and Grammy Award-winning composer expressed to our artistic director and conductor Tim Seelig his desire to write something specifically for us. He had been so moved by the It Gets Better Project that he wanted to contribute in his own way. Dan Savage was quick to give Stephen complete access to thousands of testimonials.

“On March 3, 240 of us carpooled to the serene rolling hills of Marin County to record the work of art we’d been given. It’s hard to articulate our feelings that day at Skywalker Ranch, one of the largest full-service post-production facilities in the world. The work generated there has received 18 Academy Awards! At the soundboard was Grammy-winner Leslie Anne Jones, and our video crew was 11 Apple employees who had volunteered to help on their day off. And on the risers…us…the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, singing our stories for the world.

“The following week, soloists gathered on the stage of Beatbox to film the opening close-ups. From there, it was a race to the finish to have artwork completed, as well as audio and video edited, mixed, mastered and produced into a DVD that would be featured in the lobby of Davies Symphony Hall on March 23. The video debuted on YouTube shortly after we sang it.

“We have now performed “Testimony” a half-dozen times in San Francisco, Denver and perhaps most emotionally, Laramie, WY. At a benefit for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, 6 busloads of us sang our hearts out to this small town, forever scarred by bullying and intolerance. People who knew Matthew tearfully told us that our concert was the most healing thing to happen to Laramie since the murder. A volunteer usher later wrote the organizers to say that “Testimony” moved him to pick up the phone and come out to his familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.”…that very night.

“The impact of this song will live on forever, in gratitude for those who loved and supported us at a time when it was acceptable to turn a blind eye to bullying. Things have gotten better, indeed: To date, “Testimony” has been viewed over 74,000 times on YouTube.”

Whether our beautiful bubble is booming or bursting, and whether my personal stock is trading up or down, my love and gratitude for all things San Francisco is a constant, an article of undying faith in a wild life lived at breakneck speed.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful to be spending the holidays with my chosen familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.” — my “logical” familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.”, rather than my “biological” familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.”. Looking back, it’s been full year of nonstop appreciation, for the kikis and parties and gayborhood characters that make San Francisco a place I can barely stand to leave.

Although this past weekend, serendipity struck, and I was able to enjoy perfectly cute girly getaway with none other than cover girl Donna Sachet at Palm Springs Pride. We couldn’t have planned the quality time any better (we are BUSY drag queens!), and we cherished the stolen moments together (poolside in November!). Especially given the happenstance that brought us there without knowing in advance of one another’s schedules.

In the age of Facebook/Twitter/Grindr overstimulation, I’m growing more grateful every day for the serendipitous and spontaneous party within a party. As someone who plays the role of cruiseA term used in verb form to refer to checking out another gay man, perhaps in a sexually predatory way, but primarily characterized by nonverbal signals for sex. Also can be used in noun form to refer to the person being cruised, i.e. “Don’t eyeball my cruise.” Not to be confused with a floating bathhouse of a boat chartered by Atlantis Events (see “gay cruise”). director, I grapple with how to make magical memories happen, and I’m thankful for the realization that there’s no longer anything to make. Instead, just be, and good times will flow.

Fortunately, my beloved gays have even more freedom to just be, following an election that tops the list of things to be thankful for in 2012. What a relief that the small world we are living in can keep moving forward rather than falling backward.

I’m thankful that one of my very favorite parties with purpose, Real Bad, moved forward to a fundraising record in its 24th year. By “being bad and doing good,” the Circle of Friends that makes the magic of Real Bad was able to donate a whopping $200K to six worthy LGBT beneficiaries.

I’m also thankful for all the San Framily that keeps my very own Party With Purpose, Nasty: A Filthy Fun-Raiser for Project Inform at the Powerhouse, going monthly after 3.5 years. While I’m enjoying my first gaycation in Puerto Vallarta, hoping to get a severe case of Latin Fever, Nasty is going quarterly — fifth Fridays instead of first Fridays, which are being taken over by beloved Ky Martinez and his House Party.

Nasty on November 30 will be a very special event, and not just because Race Cooper is the sickeningly sexy guest host, but because he’s bringing back Wrestling Night, which features singlets, jockstraps and lots of sweat as sexy “charity workers” roll around on the mat to help raise money for HIV and Hep C research.

I’ll return to San Francisco, where I all ways leave my heart, just in time for the culmination of a year of amazing fun-raising for AIDS Emergency Fund, which is commemorating 30 years – and 30 stunningly successful Parties with Purpose – with a fabulous gala Under the Big TopCan be used as a noun or a verb to describe someone who is dominant in a partnership, in a sexual relationship, or in life in general (See “Bottom”). in the National AIDS Memorial Grove on December 1. It’ll be disco under the stars, with a performance by Martha Wash, and we’ll be dancing like it’s 1982, only with more hope in our hearts and a cornucopia of gratitude for being alive and well in San Francisco.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just when I think I can’t be surprised, or that I couldn’t possibly be any more addicted to San Francisco, a new discovery unfolds and my rainbow heart beats faster.

Like when I recently happened upon the Tales of the City miniseries, available on demand, and was transported to the San Francisco of the 70s.

As much as San Francisco led the nation leftward, it’s great to get some perspective on just how radical the city’s values and culture were in the context of the time, before decriminalization of marijuana and mainstream acceptance of homosexuality.

It’s enlightening to remember how so many of us were babes in the woodsAn area in close proximity to bear bars or bear events. of liberalism before we found our way to the promised land of San Francisco, and how the freedom we’ve come to rely on was once way beyond our comfort zones.

It’s interesting to think about how things might have gone differently if it hadn’t been for the painful history that followed the sexual revolution of the 70s, but perhaps it’s better to focus on how common cause and crisis gave birth to a community that, quite simply, kicks ass.

If it weren’t for discrimination and disease, our gayborhood might have no backbone. Instead, we serve as a beacon to those who have been bullied and beaten down. Gay pride is great, but I’m overwhelmed with pride in the San Francisco Model, in which the depraved fruits and nuts rise up to save themselves from the haters.

Not only do we overcome, we survive and thrive. Against all odds, and sometimes on nothing but faith, we solve crises on our own, in our own way. The rest of the world isn’t even close to catching up.

But our most triumphant tale of the city won’t be lost on history, even though a generation was lost to the struggle. The GLBT Historical Society is documenting and disseminating, making San Francisco the proud home to the first museum of its kind in the country. Our “QueerGay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur. Smithsonian” will make sure that the birth and blossoming of the gay civil rights movement is never forgotten…so long as we take it upon ourselves to make sure that the educational nonprofit archive stays alive as our city booms anew.

I’m going to make the museum a mandatory visit for anyone who comes from outside the bubble to see what San Francisco is all about, just as Tales of the City should be mandatory reading and/or viewing for anyone who calls San Francisco home.

They say that those who don’t learn their history are condemned to repeat it. I can think of worse fates than reliving the Summer of Love or the heroism of Harvey Milk, but I’m looking forward to making new and improved history, and to experiencing all the tales of the city still to come.

It’s a test of my commitment to true equality: On the one hand, it’s a beaming sign of progress when homosexuality is considered “the new normal.” On the other hand, so many of the reasons why I Love My Gays are rooted in the struggle, and in the unique community that grew up around being scorned and marginalized.

So it’s a breath of fresh air to have no ambivalence about a new addition to the gayborhood, one that is proof positive of sweeping change, in both societal acceptance and welcome improvement to our health care system.

At the risk of going advertorial, I’m rather excited about the new One Medical office on Castro Street, and not just because Dr. Jason Kauffman, a new arrival from Arizona, is more than a little bit smart and sexy. (Full disclosure: I am a member and fan of One Medical myself, and I recently met Jason when he attended my filthy fun-raiser, Nasty at the Powerhouse, now on fifth Fridays.)

It’s not for nothing that there are alternatives now to the grassroots clinics we’ve all come to appreciate, places like Magnet (a program of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation), where you can get free health services, or places like UCSF Alliance Health Project, which supports the mental health and wellness of the LGBTQ and HIV-affected communities.

We all owe a debt of gratitude to city programs like Healthy San Francisco, which makes health care services accessible and affordable for uninsured residents, but now there’s a program within the system that’s adding legitimacy and accessibility to the particular health concerns of gay men (things like HPV/anal cancer screening, or specializations in Hepatitis C and HIV).

According to One Medical, a happier, healthier life starts with doctors who put your needs first. Jason is vowing to do just that, with a unique blend of osteopathic, Chinese and familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.” medicine. He’s also a certified massage therapist and acupuncturist, and he’s excited to be practicing in a place where primary care won’t mean treating ignorance and homophobia first.

Jason was drawn to One Medical’s “integrative” approach to health care, which focuses on prevention and essentially reinventing the concept of a doctor’s office. His personal Hippocratic Oath is borrowed from none other than RuPaul, who he says taught him more about medicine than any doctor, “Don’t fuck it up!”
Introduce yourself to Jason and One Medical for some common-sense comprehensive medicine, with high-touch customer service in a stress-free office setting. With any luck, gayborhood doctors like Jason can become the new normal.
]]> http://lovemygays.com/2012/10/good-gay-medicine/feed/ 0 http://lovemygays.com/2012/10/good-gay-medicine/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LoveMyGays/~3/MVmK0Ggp1aM/ http://lovemygays.com/2012/09/host-with-the-most/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:00:21 +0000 Suzan Revah http://lovemygays.com/?p=2690 Those of us who made it our manifest destiny to live inside the bubble already know that San Francisco is the best city on earth, but after this year’s record-shattering and mind-blowing Folsom Street Fair, the buzz has gone global.

Babylon by the Bay often gets overlooked as NYC and LA get their propers, but the solid sell-outs and seas of smiles at Folsom showed San Francisco at its very best. Just days later, an article in Bloomberg Business Week confirmed our superlative status, declaring Oz “America’s Best City.”

I’m unspeakably proud of what San Francisco served up to the hottest men from all over the globe who came to soak up our frisky freedom. Everyone from every scene rose to the occasion, making visitors feel beyond welcome and leaving no doubt that Folsom is a world-class party.

Pride takes on new meaning by the end of LeatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. Week, as countless community organizations are significantly better funded than before, and in some cases even pulled back from the brink of demise. From whips and chains to beats and boys comes a lifespring of support for the LGBT cause, and the souvenir that sticks in everyone’s mind is “only in San Francisco.”

Where else does a philanthropic familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.” reunion take place in leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. and latex, out in broad daylight with hugs and kisses amid the puppy plugs and pony play? It’s the very best kind of fun-raising, both participatory and celebratory, and the pure joy of it was palpable.

It happened everywhere, all weekend long, with so many visitors expressing heartfelt gratitude for the chance to live out loud by being San Franciscan for a day. And us San Franciscans, in turn, expressed our sincerest gratitude for the sublime privilege and pleasure of calling America’s best city our homo sweet home.

Just by rallying to do what we do every day of the year – partying with purpose, taking care of our own and sharing love at every opportunity – we demonstrated that San Francisco is the host with the most.

And perhaps in the end we also demonstrated that the loss of what was once our proudest party, Halloween in the Castro, isn’t so much of a loss at all. The evolution of our highest holigays has allowed us to focus our energy elsewhere, on people in need and on spreading the gospel of the San Francisco model, SOMA style.

If Folsom is the new Halloween in America’s best city, I say Bring It, with every imaginable trickRefers to a gay man’s hook-up honey or fuck-buddy, and may or may not refer to a one-night stand, or the period between a one-night stand and a first date. The term can be used as a noun and a verb, i.e. “That’s my trick from last night,” or “I was out tricking last night.” and treat. Here in San Francisco, at the end of the rainbow and with leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. flags lining the street, that’s just how we roll.

Billboard recording artist Brian Kent has arrived on our club and cabaret circuit to represent a very real and very rare flair, a male recording artist who has been pumping out dance tracks for decades.

If you’re often found under the disco ball, Kent might be the most famous musician you don’t know, despite a deep history of accolades, albums, and awards. Or maybe you know him from around the gayborhood, and from his most recent performance at Anthem, where he served up a fist-pumping remix of U2’s “With or Without You,” remixed by SF-claim-to-international-DJ-fame Wayne G.

Previously bi-coastal and now embracing San Framily love full-time, Kent is gifting his new homotown a one-man show at the Rrazz Room on October 7, immediately following the Castro Street Fair, the final festival of the holigay season. The event is one of 30 Parties With Purpose that commemorates AIDS Emergency Fund’s 30 years of helping people disabled by HIV/AIDS to cover their basic human needs. Kent’s benefit will deliver soaring vocal performance, along with his live band and surprise celebrity guests.

Kent has warmed up the stage for stars like Taylor Dayne, Kristine W., CrystalMethamphetamine in its crystalline form, a highly addictive stimulant also known as Tina. Waters, and Martha Wash, and has scored several of his own hits, including “Su-Su-Su-Superstar.” The song’s fun and fabulous video was co-conceived and directed by celebrity fashion photographer Mike Ruiz, and features several NYC nightlife personalities joining Kent’s celebration of being an inspiration to one’s self.

Best of all, Kent is a superstar who “gays it forward,” giving selflessly of his time and talent to help make our community better,

“I remember a time back in the 80’s when mainstream care for people with HIV/AIDS was very hard to come by, and people needed assistance… it was organizations like AEF that were created and helped those in need, and continue to do so to this day,” Kent says. “We can’t forget those who need help facing challenges and obstacles of this disease every day, which is why I will be donating 100% of the proceeds of what I expect to be an amazing night to benefit AEF and its clients.”

A love story lies behind Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..”, the trailblazing lifestyle and culture brand that produces “innovative clothing and edgy products for the masculine, sexually self-assured man who wears his confidence on his sleeve.” Frederick Kearney and David Lauterstein met over $1 margaritas in 1993 and eventually created a cult fashion following named after their Jack Russell terrier, Piggy.

Nearly two decades later, the Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” collection ranges from streetwear to fetishwear and has bragging rights on customers who become models, as well as fans who get tattoos of the Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” logo.

Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” history goes back to Lauterstein as a young man discovering a Tom of FinlandA fetish artist notable for his stylized homoerotic art and his influence on the aesthetics of modern gay culture. Over the course of four decades he produced some 3,500 illustrations, mostly featuring men with exaggerated sexual traits such as heavily muscled asses or improbably large penises. He is best known for works featuring hypermasculine archetypes such as lumberjacks, motorcycle police, sailors, bikers, and leathermen. photo book upon going home with an older gentleman. “After coming out of the closetRefers to a life-shaping pattern of concealing one’s sexual identity from friends, familyCode used to describe one’s own gay kind, i.e. “Do you think he’s family?” or “Don’t worry, he’s family.”, or coworkers. A Closet QueenA gay man. Can be used interchangeably as a term of endearment or as a derogatory term, depending on context. Often used in conjunction with a modifier, which can range from merely descriptive (LeatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. Queen, Draq Queen, Theater Queen) to derisive (bitchy queen, fussy queen, messy queen). Also can be used as an adjective, i.e. “He’s so queeny,” and often refers to a particularly effeminate gay man (See “NellyAn adjective used to describe a girly gay man (see “FemmeRefers to a swishy, fussy queen (See “Flaming Queen”).”).”). can refer to any homosexual who is still not “out” or openly identified as gay., I didn’t quite understand how I fit in with gay culture,” he says. “When I saw those images, I thought, this is what I’m looking for.”

But it wasn’t the butchIntentionally masculine looking and acting. The flip side of “FemmeRefers to a swishy, fussy queen (See “Flaming Queen”)..” archetypes and the exaggerated hard-ons that struck a nerve, it was the smiling eye contact that influenced Lauterstein most.

“A big part of our brand identity is that you can be a pigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” and gentleman,” he says. “It’s about the passion and connection that goes with the scene.”

The Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” scene goes well beyond leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community., incorporating street style, hip hop, sports gear and club clothes into a defiant gay mashup. There’s constant reinvention, which has earned Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” a reputation for representing the future of the gay community.

“When we started, there was a feeling of supporting gay owned and operated brands,” Lauterstein says. “But we don’t rely on that. We rely on constantly creating. My partner Fred, who is the creative director, gets relentlessly bored very easily, and we’re always making new things.”

Those new things have included fireman pants, rubber superhero tanks, leg harnesses, shredder T-shirts, work-appropriate ties and plastic playsheets (a topCan be used as a noun or a verb to describe someone who is dominant in a partnership, in a sexual relationship, or in life in general (See “Bottom”). -selling gay wedding gift). Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” has been critiqued by some for pushing the boundaries of leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. tradition, but Lauterstein isn’t bothered.

“Culture must keep percolating,” he says. “Once you start worrying about the old guard or trying to attract the new guard, you’ve already lost it, because you’re on the defensive and you need to be creative.”

The art, music and culture of New York City fuels Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..”’s creative energy, along with love and respect for being true to one’s self. “Love is an important energy that you have to put out there to get back. I love seeing guys of all ages putting on freaky looks,” he says. “Getting all butched up in a hard-core look and going out is easy. But putting on a freak show is what takes real courage.”

By day or for play, Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” is ultimately about enjoying life. “The fully evolved Nasty PigRefers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanillaBoring, conventional. Typically used to describe sex without any element of BDSMBondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. Sexual activities and relationships characterized by complimentary but unequal roles among participants. Typically, participants who exercise control over others are known as dominants, and participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by others, are known as submissives. Individuals who move between those roles are known as switches. BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse, despite practices that may appear to be violent or coercive. Mutual consent is key, and widely takes practice of either “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk-aware consensual kink.” or fetish, or sex that never goes beyond the missionary position, but also can be used to described a person with generic sensibilities..” mindset is confident, sexual, and fun-loving, with a mischievous grin,” Lauterstein says. “It’s OK to be happy, to have your moment, to do a show. Don’t worry, you’ll still get laid later!”

The way our community takes care of its own is innovative and creative. Big personalities bring style to the table in a manner that is often imitated but never duplicated.

That’s a fancy way of saying that gayer is better, on every front. With flawlessness and flair, we turn conventions inside out, reinventing them until we are bigger and better.

Louis CK jokes about how gays obviously have more fun (“They have parades to celebrate anal sex!”). His point is hilariously oversimplified, but still, he has a point.

Whether it’s Parties With Purpose that transform fundraising into fun-raising, or political organizing that swiftly advances toward equality, exploiting oppression to our advantage is a finely honed gay skill. Survival of the fiercest.

Our community’s identity and endurance are born of tragedy. The epidemic that nearly killed us has made us stronger, and there’s nothing to be done now but own it and embrace it.

Here in Oz, we subvert the dominant paradigm expertly. We take care of our own better than anyone. The way we do it in the HIV community is admired worldwide as “The San Francisco Model”: Leave us for dead and we’ll do better than survive, we’ll thrive.

The Sisters of Perpetual IndulgenceAn order of queerGay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur. nuns to community service, ministry and outreach to those on the edges, as well as to promoting human rights, respect for diversity and spiritual enlightenment. The sisters believe that all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty, and they use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit. They vow to promulgate universal joy and expiate stigmatic guilt while serving their respective communities. Although the San Francisco House, founded in 1979, is often referred to as the "Mother House," the Sisters have no central seat of power and no single ruling body. Houses now exist around the world, and each is an autonomous, unique group with its own Habits, culture and rules. are a shining example of how we reclaim straight and narrow social institutions, repurposing them for the greater good — gay and beyond.

One sister whom I proudly consider among my daddies is Guard Theo Pressed. A life insurance agent by day, he actively works the system from within, arming his gayborhood with potentially life-saving information. His sales pitch is a sincere, a legit and timely lesson about how to build safety nets where there are none — in gay marriages with questionable legal status, or with HIV+ status that makes even the youngest and healthiest of us vulnerable, both physically and financially.

While many of us sell our souls at jobs that allow us to stay in San Francisco, Guard Theo, (AKA Aaron Baldwin), has found a way stay true and gay it forward, even while wearing a suit and pounding the pavement. In keeping with the Sisters’ mission of outreach to those on the edges, Guard Theo taught me that LGBT life insurance is a potent form of harm-reduction (another of my fave fetishes).

If you heed his sage advice, locking in rates and rights that can’t be stripped by getting laid off or by the politics of a sicko health care system, you just might find a way to buy a piece of the best city on earth, which to me is like winning the life lottery.

I’m going to bone up and take action, because that’s SO gay!

My cultural immersion is so complete, I get lost in translation whenever people “give it to me straight,” so to speak. Situations that require me to use “proper” parlance make me trip over my tongue and twitch uncomfortably. My San Francisco accent gives me away every time.

By contrast, having a proper kiki engages us in an exciting verbal volley, a dramatic display of flair and flawless timing.

Common language is a defining cultural characteristic. Since there isn’t a gay nation, (San Francisco notwithstanding), ours is a dialect in diaspora. Our patois expresses pride, legitimizing our unique identity.

Swishy words were once considered synonymous with gay, and were hurled in a derogatory way (“fabulous” used to be a nice way of implying that someone was a “flaming faggot”). Winning words that seep into the mainstream today come to define gayness, in a way that’s fierce if you don’t get it twisted.

Gay slang is ultimately insider jargon, an intentionally frivolously idiom rich with innuendo. The way we gab when we’re among our own (serving T in a way that leaves others gagging) allows us to speak in code and confidently stand out, simultaneously. Werk!

In the choice words of the witty and wise RuPaul, our colorful communication style requires Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. Yes hunty, it’s cunty, okrrrr?

I love how gay slang evolves, yet stays true to its defiant roots. We play fast and loose with pronouns (“Miss Thing”) and dance along the lines of decency, but we do it by being creative rather than aggressive. (In context, “Hot Tranny Mess” can be a backhanded compliment.)

Our quick and cutting catch phrases keep us twirling on our toes. We stay current while paying homage to our past, and our verbal cues set us apart. Instead of throwing punches, we throw shade. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but fearless lisps unite us. (Because they’re “totes adorbs.”)

In our gayborhood, the library is always open and reading is fundamental. Our “amazeballs” ability to articulate trends takes the sting out of stereotypes. The way we reclaim nellyAn adjective used to describe a girly gay man (see “FemmeRefers to a swishy, fussy queen (See “Flaming Queen”).”). insults (bitch, please) and make them our own takes the teeth out of taboos, elevating our daily discourse to poetry in motion.

And what?

Outside our bubble by the Bay, these values might seem contradictory, things like “Be Bad, Do Good” (tagline for Real Bad, the leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. dance party that has raised over a $1 million for charity in 25 years) and my personal bible, “The Ethical Slut” (a guide to consensual non-monogamy). But here in Oz, where life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are presumed rather than persecuted, we know better.

Such self-actualization tends to arise from struggle and survival, and I worry that as gay equality moves toward full realization, historical lessons and the values they teach will be forgotten.

Borrowing the language of AIDS activism, I say silence equals death. Which is why, after decades as a professional fag hagA female, typically straight, who prefers the company of gay men. Also, Fruit Fly, QueerGay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur. Dear, HomosocialiteA fag hag who particularly enjoys the company of A-Gays, and who travels comfortably in their highly exclusive scene., HomosociologistA fag hag who appreciates and actively participates in a wide range of gay subcultures, and who takes particular pride in being accepted as one of the gays in settings that typically include no women or straight persons., GoldilocksA fag hag who enjoys the company of bears., I cling to cultural signifiers that some view as tired cliches or oversimplified stereotypes. Because of the civilization they represent, I still get excited about drag queens and leathermen and circult parties, even if the gay generations growing up now aren’t as enamored. And even though I personally think marriage is an outdated and misguided institution, I’ve been on the front lines of the fight for marriage equality for as long as I can remember.

I pick up causes like my gays pick up tricks because it’s just so fun to get involved. And, in the gayborhood, it’s so easy to make a difference in the gayborhood. Fun-raisers and Parties with Purpose are readily available, but awareness and consciousness-raising are harder to come by as gay generations pass and our collective memory as a community starts to fade.

I’m so grateful for organizations like the GLBT Historical Society, San Francisco’s “queerGay. Can be used interchangeably as a term of pride or as a derogatory term, depending on context. A term intentionally and politically reclaimed by some, in protest of the term’s historical use as a slur. Smithsonian” and the only museum of its kind in the United States. I’ve learned so much watching movies like “We Were Here,” a documentary about the early years of AIDS in San Francisco, or KQED’s documentary about the Castro coming of age. Even the Hollywood version of Harvey Milk‘s life story serves inspiration to never forget all that we’ve overcome.

The upcoming Dore Alley festivities rekindle my sentimental spirit, the source of the voluntitis that drives me to serve. Saturday’s Flagging in the Park in the National AIDS Memorial Grove with DJ Julian Marsh celebrates the legendary days of San Francisco’s dance circuit and and commemorates gay lives cut short. And Sunday’s Play T Dance presents history under the disco ball, with incredible images from the early days of leatherLeather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink"). One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform. Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community. and kink in SOMA, provided by and raising money for the GLBT Historical Society.

Our community has changed a lot since we started emerging from our closets, but the principles and aesthetics born from our history are still relevant and progressive. There’s nothing to hate about a code of conduct based on freedom, harm-reduction, giving back and reclaiming personal expressions that “normal” society finds deviant.

Mainstream acceptance and integrity are noble goals that keep our community moving forward to full equality and actualization. But our cultural touchstones are still important historical reminders and points of pride. Ain’t it grand that we live in a day and age, not to mention a city, that allows us to have it all and even enjoy the hell out of it?