Baby Talk without the Babble

Positive School Climate, FAIL!

2017-06-01T10:23:00.000-04:00

Over the last eight years, like so many people around the world, I've shared details of my life via social media: the joys and struggles, the victories and frustration, the fear and grief. Today, I post yet again, but begin by saying, "PLEASE!"

PLEASE READ THIS POST, AND SHARE IT!

As many of you know, a lot of my posts center around my children. In particular, my love and worry for Aksel, my seven-year-old son, who is autistic.

So, when a friend shared this photo (with me in private recently, asking for help) of her twelve-year-old son's back - a child who lives with autism in Charleston, SC - a kid, like yours or mine, who attends (an at-this-point unnamed) middle school within the Charleston County School District (CCSD) - I felt compelled to write, to share their story. (With her permission, of course.)

Because BULLYING is unacceptable, and the indifference (shown by school officials), justifying his cruel treatment, needs to end now! Full stop!

The boy pictured, who for the sake of privacy shall remain anonymous, was attacked at school on Friday (May 26, 2017) afternoon by a group of nine peers. They pushed him down, hit him repeatedly, and called him an "autistic retard."

In an effort to defend himself, the child attempted to push the ringleader off of him. He, the child pictured, was then "caught" by a superior and sent to the principal's office.

There, the child pleaded his case to no avail, and was sent back to his classroom. At no point, was his mother notified?! Yet, the child is regularly made to call his mother when he "speaks out of turn," which according to CCSD discipline standards is an infraction. Physical assault and bullying, on the other hand, are considered Level 3 offenses, worthy of expulsion. But still, no contact was made, and sadly the offenders were left unpunished. (Note, the child's mother only discovered the injuries a full day later, when they went to the beach.)

Now might I add, this isn't an isolated incident!

The child's mother has, on three separate occasions, over the course of the last three months, reached out to administrators to report offenses - of which include, similar physical mistreatment and name-calling.

Crickets...

And really, she's not asking for much. Nothing you, or I, wouldn't demand for our children. She just wants her son "to be able to go to school without being bullied." And furthermore, she wants him "to be taken seriously when he brings concerns to administration."

So I implore you, as a community of parents, grandparents, and professionals, to take a long look at this photo, and think.

Then, to take it one step further, I beg you to imagine...

Imagine how YOU would feel if this was YOUR child - a boy, scared to go to school, let down by a system that won't, or at least hasn't yet, protected him from harm and ridicule?

I won't, while I have breath in my body, let my child fall prey to this type of injustice. And she shouldn't have to either!

That said, there needs to be a change in our society, a fundamental re-teaching of kindness. And it starts at home!

With regard to the Charleston County School District, in the handling of this particular matter, your "test" score needs improvement. "Positive school climate," FAIL!

(I will keep you updated as this story develops. As of now, the mother has filed a police report, and has called for an emergency review of his IEP. The child will also not attend school until the issue is positively dealt with.)

Kindness is the Best!

2017-04-20T11:57:00.000-04:00

Nearly six years ago, I wrote:

I'm still coming to terms with all of it.

All of it being autism. And if I'm being honest, I'm afraid. I'm scared of the forever of this disorder.

I get anxious when I let myself worry about Aksel's future. When I ask will he questions. Like:

Will he assimilate?

Will he have friends?

Will he attend normal kindergarten classes?

Now fast forward to present day, and here's my "memory" from a year ago - Aksel in kindergarten with a friend!

Moral of this post, goals are great, hard work is hard, but kindness is the best!

This photo, to me, is everything that anyone's journey should be about... understanding, acceptance, and love!

I wouldn't change a thing...

Support, Love, and Baby Cuddles

2017-04-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Let me preface this post by saying, I couldn't do it without my husband. Any of it! He's patient, hands-on, and always willing to accept a challenge. That said...

When my second son, Alistair, was born (in July of 2013), like any mother transitioning from one child to two, I felt anxiety - to make certain my boys both got the love they needed, to establish a healthy new routine, and in our particular circumstance, to minimize the effects of and safeguard Aksel from the many changes taking place.

Change for most children causes stress, but for a child on the autism spectrum, it can be devastating. And at three-and-a-half years old, on the brink of a language breakthrough (Aksel was just starting to talk), I was so worried he'd regress. I was scared he'd retreat back into his own, quiet little world.

Oh, and did I mention that I probably over-coddled Aksel? In natural response, of course, to both my grief and guilt (because I was still in the phase of thinking I had caused Aksel's autism, or that there was something I could have done differently to prevent his diagnosis). So, to say that Aksel was, at the time of Alistair's birth, a momma's boy, would have been a true understatement!

There's no questioning the fact though, a newborn needs their mother to survive. And I needed to get to know him, too.

So, for two lovely weeks (albeit torn), we were in isolation, Alistair and I, gently getting to know one another. All the while, my husband, Mark, fielded the outbursts of change, making certain to both delicately reassure and comfort, Aksel. But as fate would have it, due to a protein allergy, I was unable to successfully nurse Alistair. And I guess you could say, as bad as it might sound, that it lessened the pressure I felt to be a perfect mother - to two very different boys. I could now divide my time.

Point of it all, during this tricky time of transition (in other words, hormonal imbalance, failed-attempts, and lessons learned), my husband was ever-constant in his support, love, and baby cuddles. And for all my worry about regression, it was minimal, at best. I can never thank him enough!

Decorations, Bright Lights, Balloons.

2015-01-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

Oftentimes, I feel very alone. Autism has changed me. Or really, to be fair, motherhood has changed me.

I think I used to be more social. And fun was something I easily had. Not so much anymore.

Now, I look forward to celebrations like Halloween or Christmas or birthday parties. Situations where there's an aesthetic. Decorations, bright colors, balloons... those things bring me immediate joy.

But it doesn't last. Trees come down, birthdays pass, balloons pop...

In some ways the rigors of autism, by that I mean the daily intensive ABA/therapy sessions in my home, the behaviors that make social outings difficult (ie sensory issues), my fear that lives constantly at the surface of every situation (because of said sensory issues and behaviors I can't control), the anxiety that exists each waking minute... these factors have (I think) permanently affected me.

For instance, Aksel kicks and screams a lot. And usually, his brother is the target of his aggression. So aside from physically having to safeguard Alistair at all times, I worry constantly about his emotional wellbeing and development. Not to mention, I feel a lot of guilt for Alistair. I worry that I'm not giving him enough. At the end of each long day, I feel so depleted, tired, and confused.

I mean, it's great having a dedicated team of therapists (almost ten to be exact) who love Aksel, and our family too, but it's truly overwhelming as a mother (as a TYPE A mother) when each one gives homework. Things for us to continually work on.

The (never-ending) list depresses me...

But these feelings aside, at the start of a new year, I'd really like to work on addressing these issues and feelings.

Because I need a little fun in my life.

Thank you for reading, and Happy New Year!

Even When I've Only Got Brown

2014-12-30T16:06:00.000-05:00

(I originally wrote this post a year or so ago, but never published it. The struggle is still relevant though.)

Do you ever feel like you're losing yourself? That your spirit, or say joie de vivre is starting to slip away? Like maybe you're... seeping, blending, blurring into the foreground of your life's messy painting?

Phew... glad I got that out!

If you answered yes to this question, then let me tell you, you are not alone. I've been there, too.

Unable to smile, laugh, socialize. In my case, think about anything but autism. And how, better yet, I can't control it.

No. Matter. What. I. Do.

I suppose you could say we all lose ourselves a little when motherhood and wifedom come to pass. We sacrifice, because it comes natural. Because there's no other choice we'd rather make. But where does the line of sacrifice become unhealthy?

Because that's where it lives sometimes for me...

In a dark place of imbalance.

But you know what? I want more light. And brightness. Even when I've only got brown. So, I'm pushing myself to see things different. To be, as corny as it might read, the best person I can.

The best mother to the quietest boy.

And I just want you all to know that your sweet notes and kind words, if I haven't already said it, or responded personally, mean so much to me. They really do! For so long now, I've been holed up. Alone in my head, grieving for my child. For again, what I can't control. But such is life... and I want joy! So, thank you!

A Reintroduction

2014-12-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

Hello, friends!

It's been years since I posted anything. I guess you could say I've been deep in the throws of motherhood. In fact, since my last post, I've actually had another sweet little boy. His name is Alistair. He's 18-months-old, and delightful!

And Aksel, my deep special boy, is now five. (Wow, right?) And guess what, folks, he's talking! In fact, after three years of intense therapy, he's thriving. But it hasn't been without heartache and tears. And lots of sweat, too. Autism is no joke.

Anyhow, I'm back. I need to write. For the moment, however, it's just a "hello." A simple post to reintroduce myself. My forthcoming intentions aren't yet clear, I just need an honest place to get it all out.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you've all had a happy holiday season!

Gillian.xo

For Better, For Worse, Forever.

2012-08-17T00:16:00.000-04:00

I've wanted to write for such a long, long time... but I haven't known what to say, or where to start? There's so much in my life, and self, that's changed in the last year. For better, for worse, forever.

For instance, I started to write last week. Here's what I got:

It's said, on average, that the typical male thinks about sex every seven seconds. Well, like the masses, the male mass that is, I think in seven second increments, too. Only thing, I'm a woman. And, I think about autism. (Which speaking frank, is not a turn-on.)

For instance, every seven seconds or so I wonder if my child will speak? If he'll develop functioning language, and say simple things like:

Hello. Goodbye. Mommy.

To bring you up to speed, dear reader, it's been about a year since my child's autism diagnosis. And I must say, that at any given point, on any given day, his disability is never far from the surface of my thoughts. And it's heartbreaking, autism.

For one, my child doesn't look impaired. You wouldn't know at first, second, or even third glance, that behind his bright eyes, there's a little boy desperate to communicate. Unable to communicate.

But I try to stay positive, to be proactive. Full stop.

Now that's pretty heavy, right?

And that's what's constant churning in my head. Baby talk. And babble. Or frankly, the sad, silent lack thereof.

But my child waved on Tuesday. And there's much to be said about the person I'm becoming. A woman who by all accounts has never, until just recently, ~~enjoyed~~ ~~appreciated~~ revered the simple things.

I mean not really, that is. Not truly.

Because I now proudly revere the things I thought I'd always overlook.

Like my child waving, for instance. Talk about joy!

Bright eyes himself. Aksel, 2 1/2 years.

Tonight was a start, in sharing again. Thank you for reading.

She Whispered, "Write."

2012-03-26T13:43:00.001-04:00

I suppose you could say I follow my instincts. My mother always told me to listen to my inner voice, to trust my intuition. And I have wholeheartedly since childhood. Or since I was perceptive enough to understand my inner self. That I actually had one, that is.

She also told me to "never leave a drink unattended, experiment with ouija boards, or dabble in dungeons and dragons," my mother.

Pretty random, right?

But the point of all this talk leads simply to the fact that my inner voice was telling me I needed to make time for myself, to stop over-analyzing our situation, primarily Aksel's autism, and to take active control of my wellbeing.

Because at Christmas, I was a mess... a sobbing, contemplative mess.

So, I did take control. Or have, rather. And resulting, it's been two plus months since I've written one creative word.

Don't misunderstand though, it's not for want, or love of writing, that I stopped, it's just because my person, my inner voice said, "rest."

But today, she whispered, "write." Out of nowhere.

So, I am.

And I respect her, my inner voice. Because she's comprised of all the women before me. (More on this later.)

All said, and two months later, I'm happy again! Not to mention, 10 pounds lighter. And my mind, most important, is alive.

Oh, and Aksel's beginning to talk, saying simple words like "apple" and "hat." Ten weeks ago, I was afraid he never would!

By the way, we love his team of therapists! They're incredible!

And my marriage, despite the challenges in past months, is stronger than ever... most of the time.

We actually believe that autism is a blessing... now.

I'm just happy to be writing again!

PS - I really appreciate the notes and emails I've received over the last few weeks. And despite my silence, they've helped so much!

Living Life in 3D

2012-01-18T09:48:00.004-05:00

I admit, I've been...[in a rut]...lately.

Really since Aksel's diagnosis, this past summer.

But it's time now for me to move forward and accept the challenge that is autism, to take active control of my health, both my physical and mental wellbeing, because life isn't easy under the best of circumstances. And I want, in particular, to feel clear-minded, not weighted down with negativity or sadness. I need to be confident ~ that much stronger for my child and his developmental differences.

So, I choose to no longer feel:

Depressed. Defeated. Despondent.

I guess you could say I've been living life in 3D. Which, as it turns out, is not all it's cracked up to be. So, don't believe the hype!

(Or pay $16 for a ticket!)

But really, I'm making positive changes.

For my child.

Because I love him more than anything! And, I want always to be his strongest advocate.

Who knows, moving forward, he may need someone to speak for him, if he can not?

About 25% of people with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) could be considered nonverbal...

And I want, unquestionably, to be that person, to be prepared to accept and face the challenges, however they unfold?

For my husband.

Because he's my partner, I love him, and we're going through this journey together. It's not any easier pretending I'm alright.

I want to be strong for him, too. Truly strong.

And lastly, I'm making changes for myself...

Because, it's not selfish to want to be happy in my own skin, to no longer feel anxious or overwhelmed.

But with all this talk of change and resolution, I don't personally want, at this point in the process, to take a pill to solve my problems. And that's not saying I'm against medicinally treating my symptoms of depression or anxiety. In fact, I took Lexapro for nearly a year after giving birth to Aksel. But in some strange way, this circumstance, autism, translates differently in my mind to that of postpartum depression. For instance, it's never going away. My child will always be autistic, and I'll always be, as his parent, striving to cope with the effects. So, I can't, or don't want, rather, to seek out a temporary fix for a lifelong challenge. Instead, I want to delve deep and truly find my inner strength.

Organically.

Naturally.

So I'm choosing, at this stage in the game, exercise as an outlet to alleviate my stress, to help me better understand my emotions.

That, coupled with a healthy dose of writing, and a more concerted effort at communication (with my husband) should help to brighten my outlook. (It has in past weeks.) If though, I observe no real change of mood in say three months time, I will contact my doctor for alternative options.

I realize it's okay to feel weak. I just don't want it, the negativity, to be all-consuming anymore.

I want to embrace the positive. For example, Aksel now hugs!

PS - Many thanks for all of your reassuring, sweet comments. They've really helped in past weeks! Much love to you and yours ~ XO!

The {Momentary} Victor

2012-01-03T18:51:00.001-05:00

Over the last few weeks, blogging's been low on my list of priorities.

And I could blame my absence on the holidays, for having grandparents in town, or ya da ya da ya...

But, it just wouldn't be the truth.

And there's really no point in pretending. At least not here.

I mean, this is my space for truth and expression, for honesty no matter the pain... or humiliation.

So on that note, where do I begin (embarrassing myself)?

For starters, I'm struggling to find my inner strength.

I really am.

It's like autism has me by the collar tight, and I'm fighting to breathe new life, new thoughts and/or ideas. I just feel so one note...

But nothing means more though. There's nothing weighing on my mind more great than autism. (Will there ever be?) And, I feel alone: detached from myself, my family and friends, my husband...

Plus, I'm anxious. Not to mention, hypersensitive. Oh, and fun, what's that?

I only know the time we'll wrestle is indefinite. Autism'll always have me pinned, because my weakness is my child. And I hear you all loud and clear, shouting from the stands, "Be strong, Gillian. Don't be afraid. This doesn't define Aksel. You're doing the right thing."

Yet, I can't look you in the eye for fear of breaking down. For being weak, not in control. Can you make my child speak? Please.

It's just that at this stage in the game, autism is the victor.

So that's why I haven't been writing...

PS - I promise tomorrow's Wordless post will be upbeat and positive.

PPS - Despite my worry, which as you know I can't seem to control, Aksel's making lots of progress.

$50 Sephora e-Gift Card Results

2012-01-03T08:14:00.000-05:00

The winner of Baby Talk without the Babble's latest giveaway is daveshir2005. Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!

Entrants click here to verify the results of a Sephora Gift Card.

[PLEASE NOTE] All entries were listed numerically based on the total number of submissions. To be specific, the numeric winner of the contest was (comment) #731.

PS - All drawings conducted at random.org.

WW: Mulch Ado About Nothing

2011-12-27T18:53:00.000-05:00

Like any two-year-old boy, my kid loves to be outside, in the dirt. Or better yet, tasting mulch and hugging trees.

And all I can say, is I'm one lucky momma! Happy Birthday, Aksel!

WW: A 'Big Top' Birthday, Pt 1

2011-12-20T21:29:00.004-05:00

We celebrated our little boy's second birthday this past weekend...

As a side note, it was a circus! No really, it was! Here for your viewing delight, are a few shots from Aksel's 'big top' birthday bash:

Aksel's Personalized Clown Cupcake Toppers

(HANDMADE BY YOURS TRULY)

Cake by Sweetsmith Bakery

The Birthday Boy! (And, Party Ringmaster!)

More photos (and details) to follow shortly. Happy Wednesday!

Jellycat {Cordy Roy} Giveaway Results

2011-12-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

The winner of Baby Talk without the Babble's latest giveaway is Precilla. Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!

Entrants click here to verify the results of a Jellycat Giveaway.

Now, don't miss winning my other great giveaways.

[PLEASE NOTE] All entries were listed numerically based on the total number of submissions. To be specific, the numeric winner of the contest was (comment) #128.

PS - All drawings conducted at random.org.

Setting the Table

2011-12-16T22:40:00.001-05:00

After months of preparation, the circus is finally coming to town!

Really though, we're celebrating Aksel's 2nd birthday tomorrow. And, I couldn't be more excited. I love throwing parties!

But there's still lots to do before the guests arrive. Wish me luck!

By the way, December feels stressful. Anyone else in agreement?

Autism as a Teenager

2011-12-15T13:17:00.008-05:00

So much of my life now is centered around autism. And I'm sorry for it. I don't mean to be negative, sound negative, or read negative...

I really do want to post about fashion.

Or politics.

Or, films. (Because I love these topics!)

But, it's just been a terribly challenging time for me. For my life...

And today, was especially hard. As mother to an autistic child, I can say it was truly sobering. (And, anxiety-evoking!)

I walked out of the hospital, the local medical university, with my husband and child, after a routine appointment this morning, to see a dark-haired teenage boy walking in our direction. He was no more than fourteen, the boy. And his parents, who were struggling to keep up with him, lovingly called him Speedy.

Under normal (parenting) circumstances this might be no big deal, but he was different. He was stimming!

Again, this may seem like no big deal, but to the parent of a stimming autistic toddler... it was heartbreaking!

DON'T KNOW WHAT STIMMING IS? CLICK HERE.

It's like we saw what our child, Aksel, might be like as a 13-year-old with autism? And, it scared us.

Because, for the first time, we saw autism as a teenager.

I mean, our near two-year-old is really cute flapping his hands now.

Will it be cute when he's in high school though?

I, for one, don't want my child to be picked on for his differences.

I don't know if I'll have the fortitude of character to withhold expressing my emotions?

Because he'll always be my baby! And because, I was picked on as a kid for being just a little different.

READ ANOTHER MOTHER'S STORY WITH AUTISM.

On a last closing note, Aksel's been excelling in therapy. And despite today's encounter, my spirits are (and have been) relatively high.

I mean, the progress my boy's made in three-and-a-half months is incredible! And I believe, early intervention is key!

Happy Holidays!

Wordless Wednesday: Pout-Pout Face

2011-12-14T08:10:00.002-05:00

My kid's darling pout-pout face could move mountains. It makes this mommy mush. (i.e. He owns me!) What about you and yours?

Happy Hump Day!

Peaceful Deer Holiday Giveaway Results

2011-12-13T07:53:00.000-05:00

The winner of Baby Talk without the Babble's latest giveaway is Renee. Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!

Entrants click here to verify the results of this holiday giveaway.

Now, don't miss winning my other great giveaways.

[PLEASE NOTE] All entries were listed numerically based on the total number of submissions. To be specific, the numeric winner of the contest was (comment) #10.

PS - All drawings conducted at random.org.

Nostalgic Graphic 'Holiday' Tee Giveaway Results

2011-12-13T07:46:00.000-05:00

The winner of Baby Talk without the Babble's latest giveaway is 'Flowerchild.' Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!

Entrants click here to verify the results of a NGT Holiday Giveaway.

Now, don't miss winning my other great giveaways.

[PLEASE NOTE] All entries were listed numerically based on the total number of submissions. To be specific, the numeric winner of the contest was (comment) #45.

PS - All drawings conducted at random.org.

The Sundae Hop! v30

2011-12-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

Benvenuti Goddag Wilkommen Здравствуйте Bem-vindo

您好 G'day Halló Namasté Mabuhay Welcome...

Wordless Wednesday: A Year Ago

2011-12-06T19:26:00.005-05:00

Nearly a year ago, my little boy celebrated his first birthday. It feels like yesterday! It's just hard to believe he'll be two in three weeks?

Could you please pinch me? Happy {nearly} Wednesday!

$50 {Choice} Gift Card Giveaway Results

2011-12-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

The winner of Baby Talk without the Babble's latest giveaway is 'Roswell.' Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!

Entrants click here to verify the results of a $50 {Choice} Gift Card.

Now, don't miss winning my other great giveaways.

[PLEASE NOTE] All entries were listed numerically based on the total number of submissions. To be specific, the numeric winner of the contest was (comment) #652.

PS - All drawings conducted at random.org.

The Sundae Hop! v29

2011-12-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

Benvenuti Goddag Wilkommen Здравствуйте Bem-vindo

您好 G'day Halló Namasté Mabuhay Welcome...

The Boy with the Yellow Hat

2011-12-02T14:42:00.001-05:00

Aksel's 'Vintage Circus' 2nd Birthday Party is just around the corner, and I'm up to my eyeballs in party crafts. And, Etsy purchases!

That said, I can hardly wait to share the details of his big day. In the meantime, check out last year's 'Yo Gabba Gabba' party.

And, have a great weekend!

PS: We're getting our Christmas tree on Monday. So excited!

A Mother's Christmas Story

2011-12-01T17:34:00.003-05:00

Much like my mother, I love to write.

And for a few years now, she's been sending me her stories in the mail. The one below is the first I ever received.

If you have a few minutes, read my mother's holiday story, "My Favorite Day of the Year." It made me cry!

Oh, and did I tell you she's not sick, my mother? She was thankfully diagnosed last week with a treatable condition called Diverticulitis.

Can you say, joy to the world? What a relief!

Now, here's her story:

“My Favorite Day of the Year”

Another long and humid summer is now lost into the faded background of time, and what was once an exquisite blue shaded canopy is now occupied with an assortment of puffy licorice clouds that adorn the sky above. The colorful leaves of autumn have fallen from their mother branches, icing the ground with a kaleidoscope of brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow, and leaving behind the darkened shadows of stick trees, and the death of yet another season. The echoes of neighborhood children roll triumphantly down the street, playing melody to my ears, while the circular piles of leaves await burial in big black bags. The determined November wind blows swiftly, howling a tune of death, and bringing with her the chill of December. My bones are now cold and shivering uncontrollably, I must rely on the warmth of my wool sweater to aid me, and with each exhale of breath, white clouds of froth come billowing forth, leaving crystals of ice upon my lips. “Oh the excitement that stirs within me,” bringing me closer to Christmas, my favorite day of the year.

College finals are lingering, the stress is mounting, my patience is dramatically shortened, and my nerves are shot, but in spite of all this overwhelming pressure, the spirit of Christmas is blooming gloriously within me, spawning the birth of excitement. The inviting scents of Christmas time surround my widened nostrils. “Yummy!” The aroma of warm apple cinnamon strudels and hot peppermint cocoa dances and swirls around gently in the air, leaving a tease of delight upon my tongue. Cling-Clang goes the bell, as the Salvation Army Santa Claus stands guardian to the doors, my hand reaches out with kindness as I hurry into the warm air inside. There are sales galore, and gifts to be carefully chosen. My mind is hit with consecutive waves of thoughts and ideas of how to make this Christmas more special than the year before. With so many things to do and prepare for, I can hardly wait to get started. “Yippee-Yahoo, I am counting down to Christmas day, my favorite day of the year.”

Most days of the year are ordinary and uneventful. Days tick away with the hand of a wall clock. School, studying, routine, and schedule play monotonous host to my time. Life passes quickly by, and the memories fall neatly into an organized stack where they lay motionless and gather dust until a time of recollection. However, “Christmas is a special day.” This is the one day a year when all four of my beautiful children scurry from all directions to gather around me to share the love of the newborn season. My halls are decked with Christmas cheer, my financial ship has sunk, the tree stands tall in liberty and all its glory, and the star above twinkles. The presents are wrapped with special care, shining colorful curly ribbons and perfect little bows, who are awaiting the hands of my children, who will have no mercy for their beauty.

At long last my favorite day is here. One by one my children greet me with a tender hug and joyful smile, my tears of love roll softly and quietly down my face, menopause has bitten. Nostalgia fills the air, leaving no room for intruders. They are eager to reminisce and tell their stories of the year past. “My children are so beautiful to me,” each one different and yet they are all the same, “angels,” little pieces of heaven fallen perfectly from above. Their innocence and eagerness for life intoxicates me. I stand amidst them, gazing into their chestnut eyes. There is a bond of love between us that will forever be unbroken. “My Darlings,” I say as my tone gains altitude. “Today we are blessed. We have all made it safely to another Christmas, and have been given this time to be together again. I confess to you all, I am guilty of loving each one of you. I cannot explain the size of my love, not in cups, quarts or liters, but each night when I lay my head upon my pillow, my prayers and love for you is exactly the same. A wish for happiness, love, and prosperity is guided toward you. Life is short, and at its best, is very difficult, and if for reasons unknown I should not make it safely to our next gathering, look back to this Christmas, and there you will see the size of your mother’s love, and how special you are to me.”

Two weeks have passed since Christmas. My house is haunted with the songs of my children’s voices and laughter. Happiness, comfort, and peace embrace me, as I hold closely my new Christmas memory. I walk briskly across the frozen brown grass, ever so steady, onward to my mail box. Tucked neatly inside is a small gray envelope with the words “I love you mom,” written boldly across the bottom. I saw not another step, and it was as if a string had lifted both ends of my lips, I was swept away in thought and smile, back to Christmas, my favorite day of the year.”