Love, Relationships and Others

Does he like me? Top 5 signs that a guy likes you

2015-01-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

When you are in the throes of that initial phase of love, there are a number of things that plagues your mind. Top among them is the question of whether the guy you are interested in is interested in you in the same way. This nail-biting tense situation is even more intensified by the fact that he has not told you about his feelings in verbose and it is impossible for you to decipher his secret signs which seems like coded language to you.

In such times there seems to be only one way left and that is to ask the guy directly, but wait, there is another way too. All you need to do is just read on and glean the top 5 signs which will make it clear if the guy likes you or not. After you understand the signs you can decide to take the relationship into the next stage and approach your guy with renewed confidence.

He is always eager to meet you: This is a sure sign that he is into you. When a guy is interested in you he will want to get to know you better and for that he would want to fix the next date as soon as possible. If the guy is not interested, he would not be too eager to meet you and you will feel that you are the only one who is making all the effort.

He appears to see only you:

Guys have wandering eyes and are always checking out other prospects. It's kind of an inbuilt radar they have which seems to beep the moment there appears a member of the opposite sex, in the vicinity. This doesn't alter much even in the company of their dates. But when a guy is really interested in you, he will be maintaining eye contact with only you and paying attention to whatever you are saying. The radar will go off on a vacation, at least till he is in the

He wants to know you: When a guy likes you, he will want to know the details about your life including the personal ones. If he wants to know if you are dating anyone or if you are interested in someone or if he is eager to know the kind of things you like in a guy, then it is a sign of his interest.

He is always in touch:

If your phone and e-mail has a message waiting from your guy, than it might mean that you are in his thoughts. A guy who likes you will always want to be in touch. If a guy calls you or texts you or generally keeps in touch everyday than he is definitely thinking about you. If he is out of town and still has made the effort to get in touch with you, then it is a clear indication that he is into you.

He wants to show you off: If a guy is eager for you to meet his friends and buddies, he is surely trying to show you off or getting their approval. If he asks you out to meet his friends and then treats you special, he is trying to glean their opinion and also trying to show you his life style. Usually, it's the other way around when the only thing in their mind is a short fling. That's when you get the "I want you all to myself, baby" routine.

It might seem tricky to understand your guy’s nuances and hints but his speech and attitude can give you a lot of ideas. He will behave differently with you than he does with his other buddies and the way he seems to hang on to your every word and show that special care for your well-being is a sure shot sign that he is into you.

Are you single? Celebrate your single hood!

2014-12-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

In spite of the fact that women are strong and independent beings; who no longer need a man to fix a night-bulb, they still seem to have a common question to dodge. All the well-wishers, friends and relatives seem to have read the same questionnaire and has only one answer they seem to be interested in, which is, “Are you (finally!!) seeing someone?” If the said question comes from an attractive male, you might still feel flattered. But when you get that question from all the attached, “basking in the glory of their married lives”, category of friends and well-wishers, you almost feel like banging your (or is it theirs?) head. This is the 21st century, folks, gone are the days when women needed men to hunt food for them, now they can hunt their own from the supermarket.

If you fall into the category of being single and loving the feel of it, don’t be afraid to toss your new-found glory on the faces of your gloating ‘attached’ friends. And for the ones who have just come out of a relationship and wondering how to live the rest of your life alone, don’t, because there is more to life than just living it for somebody else. Being in a loving relationship is a very beautiful experience, for those who have it; but since “happily ever afters” are on the verge of becoming extinct just like the Bengal tigers, you should enjoy the next best thing; which is single-hood.

Single-hood has evolved into being a status which people want to opt for, instead of it being an unwanted burden, like earlier days. Women have started realizing the hidden delights of being single and are openly flaunting their new-found happiness. Even the world has a lot more to offer to singles, what with holiday packages, restaurant promos, cruises for the single etc. So if you are still wondering what is so good about being single, than read on and prepare to be pleasantly surprised.

Me, mine and myself: If you have been in a relationship, you will understand that there is nothing called, “me” anymore. Everything revolves around the happiness of your man, “the love of your life” whose only place seems to be on top of his lounger, in front of the TV, with a bottle of beer in his hand. So if you have been one of those unfortunate women, please heave a sigh of relief and start using the remote again. You will be surprised to discover that while you have been busy in the kitchen, cooking his favorite dinner, there has been a hoard of new channels added to your cable network. You will have all the time in the world to reflect upon yourself for a change, a luxury which you could ill-afford previously. It’s time to take out all the “me time” you wanted and indulge yourself with all the spas, beauty treatments, girls night outs, only girls’ vacations etc. You will be surprised to feel happy and carefree again, back to your glorious childhood days.

Happy Independence Day:

If you are missing the loving touch of your partner, maybe it is time to reflect on all those nights when you had to cry yourself to sleep. Try remembering the times when he had stood you up on important dates and forgotten your birthdays and anniversaries and you had to make up some excuse about his absence to your friends and family. Or think of the times when he had hurt you by making insensitive remarks in front of his friends and later made excuses for his behavior? You have to admit that the freedom to live your life the way ‘you’ want to, without waiting doe someone else’s approval will definitely seem like a breath of fresh air. So instead of going by someone else’s choices on what to wear, where to go, where and how much to spend your own money and sometimes what to eat, decide all the things by your-self for a change. Trust me, you will love it. So enjoy your independence and celebrate the joys of single-hood.

The “dating scene”: Just because you are single and not looking for a relationship does not mean that you are not at liberty to enjoy the fares on display. Single-hood gives you the opportunity of “window-shopping” without having to constantly look over your shoulder, with a feeling of guilt. And if you find something that you like, there is no harm in doing trials. Basically, what I am trying to say in my own round-about way is that you have all the rights and all the opportunities of indulging in the dating scene again. And you don’t have the pressure of looking for a relationship, so you can relax and enjoy all the good things about casual dating.

Back to the carefree days:

If you are wondering what to do on a weekend, now that you don’t have your partner to spend the time with, you can start by calling up all your single friends. Yes, the ones who called you so many times for a girl’s night out and the all-night parties and which you regrettably said ‘no’ to. Now is the time to let your hair down and have a wonderful time on a Friday night without having to cut short your fun just because your boy-friend is coming over. Or you can go out and buy the Pashmina shawl you have been lusting over but could not buy because your partner thought it is a waste of money. Single-hood means being happy and carefree, indulging your silly cravings and just being content with life.

Single-hood is a wonderful opportunity of exploring your goals and destinies and gives you all the time in the world to reflect about life. Gone are the days when women were merely there to reproduce, there are women who have opted out of motherhood happily. But glorifying the benefits of single-hood does not mean that I am belittling the joys of a lasting relationship. In fact, a happy relationship gives you a meaning in life by itself, but that does not mean that the ones who have not been lucky in a relationship has to sop living their lives in a fulfilling manner. Relationships and single-hood are in their own places with their own baggage and one should not be ridiculed because of the other.

Divorce: Getting the right advice

2014-12-02T04:45:00.001-08:00

Going for a divorce is probably one of the toughest decisions one makes in life. But when you have tried everything to make your relationship work and there is no other option left, you need to take that hard decision. Sometimes it is better to let go of a relationship which has no future and happiness than to hold on to it. It will only make life miserable for everyone involved and not give you a chance to open yourselves to other prospects.

The process of getting a divorce is a painful experience, and one that you will probably never want to go through in the first place. But when the time comes, you will need to obtain the best legal and other advice to help you get through the process in a fair and simple manner.

Legal advice:

This is probably one of the most important aspects that need to be tackled first and foremost when opting for a divorce. Getting the right legal expert will require some research and help from friends and well-wishers and once you get the right attorney, you will need to discuss the complete financial details, assets, material goods and children with him to get the best advice. It is better to not hide any facts from your attorney and even though some details might be embarrassing, he will need to know everything to get you a fair settlement. If you are not sure about the divorce after speaking about it to your attorney, you might buy some time from him instead of dismissing him altogether, because the first encounter is always intimidating and clients usually tend to change their mind; but they usually decide to come back later. Don't hesitate to consult multiple attorneys till you are satisfied with their counsel.

Counseling and psychological advice:

The task of a divorce can be mentally distressing and terrifying even for the strongest of people. There is no harm or shame in asking for help when you feel that you are not able to cope with the stress and need some professional advice. Counseling can also help you to be absolutely sure that a divorce is what you want, because the repercussions and after effects can be grueling after a divorce is final. Getting an unbiased, rational point of view to your predicament always make things clearer.

Support and advice from friends and family: It is very important to get support and understanding from family and friends during this daunting period but it is equally important not to be swayed by well-meant advice. You will be given a thousand different advises from thousand different people but at the end it is important to remember that it is your life and the only person who is going to be directly affected are you and your children, if any. Take a firm stand on your decision and don’t get influenced by anyone.

8 tips on where and how to meet single men

2014-11-12T03:53:00.000-08:00

Recent statistics from surveys conducted in the United States have shown that it is more difficult for women over 30 to meet single men, than for men to meet unattached women of the same age bracket. The men that women of that age meet, are either married, engaged or gay. While it might be true that it is difficult, but it is certainly not impossible, to meet single men, provided you are willing to make some effort. Nobody has the time to wait for Mr. Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet and women are ready to go looking for Mr. Average instead. The only question is where are they looking and how are they getting the right ones when the others are not?

You can hardly expect to find the man of your dreams when travelling in the subway, although that do sometimes happen. But instead of waiting for your dream man to cross your path at some point of time in the future, isn't it better to take some positive action and go to those places where they are likely to be? Or to devise the means which will make it more probable for you to meet someone then sitting in the weekends watching your favorite sitcoms? So, if you are all geared up to meet the man of your dreams, here are the eight best ways and places on how and where to meet the most eligible men, both in your town and outside.

Take up a sport: You are more likely to meet eligible men in the golf rink or tennis courts than in the shopping malls. It makes sense to get yourself enrolled in one of the outdoor sports and check out the crowd in there. Besides giving you an opportunity to meet eligible bachelors, indulging in outdoor sports keep your adrenaline pumping which in turn, keeps you happy and alive. And you have more chances of catching the eye of a handsome guy when you are bubbly and cheerful, rather than sad and morose, right?

Take an adventure trip:

Although men often go on all kind of vacations, but single men are more apt to go on road trips and adventure holidays. So, the next time you are planning an all-women trip, maybe you can check out the options available for adventure holidays. Beaches are fine to meet men, but it is more probable that it will be swarmed with young guys or family men. Single men often go skiing, trekking, paragliding, deep sea diving and other adventure sports, so it doesn't harm to plan your next vacation to be an adrenaline rush. Booking a cruise trip also is a sound idea for having some fun and adventure along with a chance to find the man of your dreams.

Join the gym: You might think you are fit and healthy enough to warrant the excuse of staying away from the gym, but then you are missing the chance of catching up with some nice six abs on some nice single men. Joining the gym gives you the right kind of atmosphere and exposure to meet men and they are more interested in a woman who takes her fitness seriously. So, besides getting a nice display of some muscles and abs you might also get asked out on a date.

Have a swapping party: Although this might sound kinky, it is actually one of the most popular ways to meet single men. All you need are a few girlfriends who are also looking for eligible men and ask them to get one of their unattached male friends with them to a party. It might turn out that what didn't suit their criteria might meet yours perfectly. There are of course, a few rules to these parties and one of which is that the friend should be unattached and not a sex maniac or stalker. This actually works out pretty well for everyone because you get to meet men who are already known to your friend and hence are much safer to date than a stranger.

Check out the sport bars on the big game nights:

We all know where all the men like to hang out during the big game weekends and that is not in the beach. Game nights will see the bars and lounges packed with men and if you are in luck, you will be able to catch the eye of some single hunk. You will need to be careful to avoid the married ones though, because they tend to hang out in these places too.

Get a dog: Although this might sound more like a trick that guys use to attract gushing girls, this can also prove to be help for the women-folk as well. Dog parks are strewn with men who get their pets for their exercise and play and these places are fast becoming popular places to meet and socialize. There is no reason why you might not meet a handsome eligible bachelor right at the playground. Besides, you might get a mate for your dog in the bargain. A buy-one and get-one offer of a life-time.

Go online: Although it has been there for some time, online dating still remains one of the most popular ways to meet men. Even though there is no guarantee that the man you are chatting with is actually single or the father of several kids, it is still a favored method for the busy and working ladies who don’t have the time to try the conventional ways. The internet has become a virtual dating site for millions and there is no other meeting place which is more in demand.

Attend that seminar: If you belong to the category of the highly intellectual ones, then you might consider attending seminars and conventions related to your subjects. You will be surprised at the number of men that you can meet in these places and if they are also busy in their studies and researches like you, then they probably are having an equally hard time meeting single women as well. It is a win-win situation for both the parties.

4 things to remember before having a baby

2014-11-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

To become a parent is one of the best experiences in life, but there are also a lot of complications to face, especially if you are unprepared.You might have heard from the elders and the experienced that having a baby and being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. If you believe them, it is almost like climbing a tree, it comes naturally to you once you start doing it. But the truth is a little more complicated than what they tell you.

If you become pregnant unexpectedly, you and your partner might decide to keep the baby, but to go for the option without talking about it will only make things difficult in the future. It is absolutely okay to decide to go for a baby after you discover being pregnant, but to bring in a child into this world without even thinking if you are ready to have a baby or not, is not a right decision. Here are a few things to help you be prepared for a baby.

Are you emotionally ready?: Physically you might be capable of delivering a baby, but you will also need to consider the emotional aspects. Bringing a child into this world will also bring in a lot of changes to both you and your partner’s life. You will need to be emotionally ready to let a child come into your lives before opting to have a baby.

Are you both ready?: There are times when one of the partners is eager to have a baby while the other one is a reluctant participant. Parenthood is a joint effort, especially if you are married, or in a relationship. So if one of you feels that you are not ready for a baby at this time, then you need to sit down and talk about your reservations.

Are you financially ready?: Let’s face the facts here, having a baby might sound easy enough but it is actually an expensive affair. There are a lot of things to consider before having a baby, starting from diapers to food to education; and none of these come cheap. If you are not very financially sound and are barely getting through your day, it is not prudent to bring a child into it as well. So, before making the decision, you might want to check on your bank balance and keep in mind that your partner might be the only one bringing in the bread for a while.

: Are you financially ready for a child?

Are you physically ready?: Although this part is mostly taken care of by your consultants and doctors, sometimes an expectant parent decides to go ahead with a complicated pregnancy and not give it up. It is understandable that a mother-to-be cannot bear the pain of losing a baby, but it is far better to heed the advice of your doctors than suffer through complications in future. It might not only pose a hazard for you but also for your baby’s health as well.

If you have considered the physical, emotional and financial implications of having a baby and you are still happy about the prospect, it is clear that you are ready for a baby.

How to get rid of shopping addiction

2014-11-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

Let's admit it, if you are a woman and if you love dressing up, the shopping bug has bitten you more than once. If you have watched "Confessions of a shopaholic", you'll appreciate the problems which can arise from too much shopping.

The ecstatic consumer market has profitably cashed in on this madcap shopping trend, and so now you will find that instead of your everyday needs, the front rows of the shopping aisles are loaded with expensive, attractive and absolutely non-essential stuff. Even if you can resist buying these eye-catching items on your first trip, you will ultimately succumb to the lure of the bright packaging, unless you are very strong-willed.

If you fall under the category of a compulsive buyer, by now you are worried with the state of your depleting savings. Compulsive shopping is nothing but an addiction and like all addictions, shopping also is expensive. Fortunately, there are ways to help get rid of this obsession, some of which are listed below.

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Curtail the pity shopping: Episodes of emotional stress and depression are times when many compulsive buyers make excuses to indulge in impulsive buying. The main reason for this is because shopping provides a temporary reprieve from whatever emotional turmoil one is going through. But the unfortunate fact is that shopping will only bring short-term relief and is likely to cause even more misery after the initial euphoria is over. Instead of leaning on crutches like shopping what one can do instead is to start diverting the mind through healthy outlets like meditation, yoga and spirituality instead of looking for short-term happiness.

Resist the “sale” bug: The term sale or discount has a tremendously damaging effect on impulse buyers and that is when they end up buying stuff which they will probably never use in their lives. Once they see the word sale, it's as if an emotional red flag has gone up and they charge ahead. It requires a lot of determination and willpower to resist the lure of "sales". One way to do it is to avoid going to places where there are likely to be bargains and sales. Another way is to keep all your credit cards at home and only keep one card which has a limited amount for your essential shopping items.

: Image:Stylemom

Curb the mall visits: Shopping malls provide all possible kind of temptations for a shopping addict. When one steps out determined to buy only the essentials and no extra shopping, inevitably they get lured into buying things by the colorful, tempting packages. It is like the call of the siren which one cannot resist, no matter what are the consequences. In these situations, one has no other choice but to avoid the huge malls and instead use the general stores for essential shopping. This should be the mantra one follows till we are completely confident we won't give in to the allure of compulsive shopping.

One step at a time: Like any other addiction, depriving oneself completely will give rise to withdrawal symptoms might lead relapse. Instead one should take it slowly and try reducing the impulses in a gradual way instead of completely barring oneself from the craving. Feed yourself crumbs, i.e. indulge in a few impulse purchases instead of the obscene amount you used to do earlier and slowly bring it down. You will have to think of other activities which gives you pleasure and make sure you are busy doing those activities, when the shopping bug bites you.

Get outside help: Compulsive shopping is an addiction and you should be able to admit having a problem before you can get rid of it. After admitting to the problem, the next step is to get all the help you can from family and friends. You will go through a lot of emotional stress and having the help and support of your loved ones will help. The problem however, might need a professional outlook and if that's the case, you'll need to go to a counselor. There are also a number of support groups with people having similar kind of problems and joining one will help you cope better.

: Image:fairfaxcriminallawyer

Shopping addiction is a compulsion which can get dangerous if not cured. Sometimes one gets into such a deep hole that they go to any length, including shoplifting, to satiate their need. So, it’s better to nip the problem in the bud and curb any unwanted problems which can arise at a later stage.

What men want in a woman?

2014-10-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

With the changing times, the idea of what a man wants in a woman has also undergone a drastic change. Modern men want a very different category of women, compared to what is usually depicted in chick flicks and romance novels. Gone are the days when the rich, handsome hero was mesmerized by the helpless, shy fragile girl and enchanted by her shyness. It’s a different story now, so read on to decide for yourself if you prefer the modern times to the past generations. That said, tastes and choices of men might vary and no offence to anyone who disagrees to my views.

No clinging daisy: Modern men want seem to prefer their women to be independent and have a social life of their own, instead of clinging to them all the time. They would rather have you go out on your own or with your friends and give him the same kind of space and understanding.

Straight talk: Women are famous for spinning webs instead of telling what they want. Well, if you want your man to hang on, you need to take a few classes from your men friends on straight talk. The last thing a man wants in his hand is a woman who says something and means something else.

No damsel in distress: There was a time when a damsel in distress was the best thing to be if you wanted a strong, handsome man to win over. But sadly that’s not going to win you anything except raised eyebrows with the modern men. They want their women to their own rescuing and would prefer them to be a support at times of need.

Bold works: If you are shy and blush at the slightest thing, maybe you are born a little too late. Men, these days prefer their women to lead at times on almost all things. If not lead, at least to have a mind and opinion of their own. Some men find the thought of a take-charge woman pretty intriguing, if you know what I mean.

Sense of humor please: You always want your men to make you laugh and not be a bore, well now the time has come to reciprocate. Men like women to have a sense of humor and also be able to hold a witty conversation instead of being a mute spectator. You will need to be capable of understanding his jokes and be able to deliver a few of your own as well.

All these might seem to be a little overboard and a shade too much for one poor female to be capable of doing; and many of you might find the past era much better when all you needed to be was a good cook and be able to keep the house clean.

10 movies of unconditional love which made us cry

2014-09-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

People like to watch movies for relaxation and fun, but weepy romantic movies still manage to make the top lists. It proves that we are always moved by strong emotions. Below are my 10 favorite tear-jerker movie scenes, that won’t fail to make you cry, unless you are really the unemotional, strong types.

#1. Hachiko – A dog’s story

#2. PS: I Love you

#3. King Kong

#4. Notebook

#5. City of Angels

#6. Sweet November

#7. Autumn in New York

#8. Titanic

#9. Marley and Me

#10. Love Story

Office Romance: Is it worth it?

2014-09-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

Romance at the workplace might have a Mills-and-Boon ring to it, but the road to it is often filled with more dangers than you can handle. Although novels and movies are rife with happily ending office romances, reality is a different picture altogether. The temptation of a workplace affair is very intense and the opportunities are also vast, hence most people step into the landmine without thinking about the consequences. Especially, with the current work hours and dedication to one’s career, people tend to spend more time in the workplace than anywhere else; hence the chances of office affairs are fairly high. But the truth is these few days of romantic interlude may end up costing you more than what you bargained for.

Even though one might argue that there are many live examples of happy office romances which have not had any sinister after effects, but unfortunately those are very few and far between. Without belittling those who have found happiness through the workplace, the ratio of failed romances however is much higher compared to the successful ones. In most cases, office romances lead to disastrous results with lasting repercussions. After the entire episode is over, you will probably be left wondering if it was all worth the pain and effort. So, if you are in the verge of falling into the honeyed trap of an office affair, you might consider these facts first.

Is it worth sacrificing your career?: An office romance might make your mundane office routine feel like a visit to the recreation center, but it could also turn your upcoming promotion into a far-fetched pipe dream. The fact that something as harmless as falling in love might lead to a loss of promotion or job might sound sinister at first, but has actually been turned into reality in more cases than one. Romancing a colleague or making eyes at your boss could land you in more trouble than it is worth, especially if your office policies or superiors frown upon fraternizing at the workplace. Many offices also have strict policies about spouses or partners working for the same project, in which case you might lose a lucrative position while romancing your love. But of course, true love knows no such boundaries and in case you feel you have found your true love, you might just want to put yourself to the test first.

The gossip brigade: The office grapevine can range from anything which is slightly malicious to downright cruel when spreading rumors. This kind of gossip, whether true or not, has the capacity to malign your reputation in front of your superiors. And once your good name is sullied it is kind of hard to get it cleaned. The workplace is filled with people who are full of jealousy and strife for their colleagues and who are looking for a chance to get to spread their poison. And when you are indulging in anything that borders even slightly on un-professionalism, it is like handing over the ammunition to them. The only way to keep the office grapevine out of your business is by not giving them anything to gossip about. Keeping things in perspective in the office lets you keep your dignity and reputation intact and also avoids any unnecessary gossip.

The wrong message: The most dangerous thing while indulging in an office romance is the possibility of being slapped with a harassment case. If you are a male and have been working in the corporate circle for sometime; you would, by now, be aware about all the circumstances which can land you into a harassment situation. And you would also be aware that a female colleague can make a complaint against you, even if she so much as FEELS that she is being troubled.

You might offend the sensibilities of a shy female colleague by just looking or smiling at her in a familiar manner. With such a sword dangling on top of your head, it is mighty risky to assume that your feelings will always be taken in a positive manner by the object of your affections. The innocent overtures that you might make in order to pass your message across might be predicted in an entirely negative way. There might be situations when your more than friendly attitude may be gleaned as something close to stalking and which can definitely land you in more trouble than you had bargained for.

Grass is not always green: The probability of starting an extra marital affair or a romance on the sly is quite high in the workplace. You tend to spend a great deal of time in close proximity with your colleagues and your boss and this gives a lot of room for building a relationship which is more than professional. It is easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and a shared coffee or a drink might lead to a whole new chapter in your life. The temptation of the forbidden and the chances of availability is quite a heady combination and it is not unlikely to become a prey of both. But romantic liaisons like this are usually transitory and when you wake up from it, the world within you might have changed. There is a chance of you losing your job for unprofessional conduct during office hours or there might be an equally good chance of your partner finding out about your antics and seeking a separation. The grass which seemed so green might in fact just be a shade lighter than the ones on your side of the fence.

Although office affairs have happy-endings at times, however it is better to be armed and ready than jump into what could be troubled waters. The current times have made it very easy for office romances to bloom; but the question that remains is; whether it is strong enough to sustain all the pitfalls or it just leads you into a minefield of problems.

Top signs that you are dating a married man

2014-07-18T04:25:00.001-07:00

With the advent of social networking sites and the literally virtual online dating communities, the concept of finding the right man has undergone a radical change. Gone are the days when we used to fall in love at first sight and have deliciously long courtships. Those days have now been replaced with blind and online dating where one is virtually dating a stranger. The dangers and risks involved in dating an unknown person are manifold, the least of which could be that he is already married. It is not unknown for women to have been duped by a married man who sweeps them off their feet with their charm and yet manage to lead a completely normal family life at home. We might expect to get an honest answer when we ask a guy if he is married, but some of them are experts at lying without even blinking.

One might feel like a fool to have been taken for a ride by such men but the fact is that these men are experts at maintaining their façade and besides, if one is in love, it is natural to turn a blind eye to a lot of things we would otherwise question. So, rather than calling yourself all kinds of a fool, you can instead rejoice at the fact that you are no longer associated with the person and are now better equipped to identify the signs. Here are some telltale signs that you might be dating a married man and if it is time to do some proper digging.

He doesn't pick your calls at home: If the guy you have started seeing has made this strange request that you don’t call him at home and during holidays, then there is a high chance that he might be married and stays with his family. He might have given some lame excuse to you about having a sick parent at home, but what are the odds that he can ‘never’ take your calls at home? Whatever reasons he has given, if he doesn't call you or take your calls from home, then it is time to do some snooping into his life.

He never invites you home: Guys usually tend to invite their girlfriends home at some point of time. If you have been dating for some time and your guy always avoids taking you anywhere near his home, then it could be that he is married or is homeless. Jokes apart, try telling your boyfriend directly about wanting to see his place and check out his reaction. If he acts reluctant and makes up some excuse for not inviting you, then it could be that you are being taken for a ride.

He avoids meeting you in public places: Married men will not want to be seen in places where he could run into his family or friends. He will instead want to meet somewhere private where there are no chances of being seen. If your dates are usually held at your place or only at secluded places, there might be something else going on. While it could be that he likes to have you to himself but what are the chances that you never go out in public together? You could try asking him to come out shopping with your to some mall close to his house and check his response. If he is unwilling to come out with you then it might be a danger signal.

You never get to meet his friends: A guy who is serious about you will make sure that his friends have seen you as well. They want to show off their toys and you are one of his best. So, if a guy tells you that he hardly has any friends in town and then ditches you for a night with the men in the weekends, there is something going on for sure. A married man who is having an affair might tell his best friend about you but will not go publishing his affair to all of his friends. So if you have only seen one of his friend and not hide or hair of the others so far, then you could ask out directly to meet all his friends and see where it leads.

He is secretive about his life: A man who is married will need to lie a lot to keep his life a secret from you but in order to avoid getting caught he would want to lie as less as possible. So, it is likely that you will hear only some vague stories about his life. Most of his talk will be about work and how stressed out or difficult his life is; which is because he wants to avoid any slip-ups about his married life. He will be cagey about certain areas of his life when you ask about them. So, if the guy you are going out with is eager to talk about a certain area of his life and is completely mum about the other, then you might have a reason to worry.

Although the signs discussed above might serve as telltale signs of your guy being married, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he is actually married. There might be some logical explanation to his behavior, but if you have any doubts in your mind and you have already asked the question to him then it might be time to go to some extra lengths and find out if he is actually married. Even though there is a chance that you will not like the answer but at least you get to sleep easy at night.

5 ways to turn your monster-in-law into a loving mother-in-law

2014-07-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

The horror stories which we have heard about mother in laws all around us, seems to have clouded our vision about them. We hate to admit it; but these perceptions that we have built in our minds always seem to hover somewhere in the vicinity of all newly married women. And when a woman enters into a new family she somehow has already made an impression about the mother-in-law and which clouds her own sense of fair judgment. There are very few women who have actually entered into a relationship without forming assumptions about their husbands’ mothers and the few who have done so; are the only ones to have maintained a cordial and successful mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.

Another sad fact is that some mother-in-laws seem to have also heard the same stories and which probably makes them feel that they have an image to live up to. And hence there comes an initial barrier from her side as well. This doesn't help in appeasing the fears which have already taken house in the mind of a new daughter-in-law. However, even though it might seem to be an insurmountable problem at first, there are several ways to break the ice and start on a good footing with your mother-in-law and have a healthy and happy relationship with her; without compromising your own happiness.

Keep an open mind: The first step to having a good relationship with your mother-in-law is to let go of any pre-assumptions that you have built about her. A woman has several facades to her and she might behave in ten different ways with ten different people. So to make assumptions about her on the basis of hearsay is not going to help the relationship at all. It takes time to build and nurture a bond into a healthy relationship and the best way to start is; to keep an open mind about her and get to know her on an impartial footing. This will also help you to notice the positives about her which is otherwise, mostly ignored.

Give her a chance: Everyone is entitled to make mistakes and it is natural for a mother to feel possessive about her child and resent anybody who alienates him from her. If a mother feels insecure and scared about losing her child she wants to keep him close and this brings a rift between the wife and the mother. But if a daughter-in-law actually understands the feelings of the mother, she will be able to make her feel a part of their lives without losing her own importance in the equation. There is no question of fighting over a man because he is not a bone and the only way to keep everyone happy, is by learning to share. The moment a mother-in-law is convinced that the wife is not going to take her son away, she will be secure enough to treat her more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law.

Treat her with respect: It is difficult to show respect to someone whom we feel don’t deserve it, but we don’t put that distinction when it comes to our own parents so why should that distinction come when in laws are involved? If you expect to be treated like a daughter then you will need to show the same treatment towards her as well. A mother-in-law is after all the mother of your husband; so she deserves some respect on that front; if nowhere else. And the best part is that you can kill a person with kindness and if your mother-in-law harbors any bitterness towards you, it will automatically fade with your cordial treatment.

Video Source : You tube

Behave like a daughter: We expect motherly treatment from our mother-in-laws but when it comes to returning the favor, we shy away. We should remember that our mothers used to berate us when we made mistakes and when the same treatment is meted out by a mother-in-law; we say that we have been ill-treated. One can at least give a try to the approach of being a daughter. You mother-in-law is also a woman and there are so many things that you can actually share with her without losing your own privacy. There are numerous ways to bond, it might be by sharing a cup of coffee and talking about her childhood, or it could be crying together while watching an old flick, any kind of sharing helps to bring you both closer and strengthen the bond between both.

Give her some leeway: Although sometimes a mother-in-law can be pesky about the privacy of her son and daughter-in-law, it sometime helps to let her have her say. She might appear to be dictating your lives but instead of protesting it might be a better idea to pretend to go along with her ideas and then let her son do the job of turning down her ideas. It is again the feeling of insecurity which leads to this kind of interference and indulging her whims once in a while helps to keep her happy. It is a kind of assurance that she gets about her importance in your lives and helps her to accept your privacy easily as well.

The above ideas might seem to be compromising at first; but actually they are the stepping stones to forming a happy family without hurting anyone’s feelings in the process. If we come out of our shells for a little while and try seeing the world from the eyes of a mother-in-law, it will help us in adapting these tips more easily.

**Although this article touches on the aspect of being a good daughter-in-law, it does not condone any kind of abuse or harassment meted out by in laws, in any way whatsoever. It is a criminal offense to harass a daughter-in-law by either physically or psychologically; and such kind of treatment should not be encouraged at all. Any sign of abuse should be immediately brought to the notice of the authorities and a woman should not in any way condone such acts.**

Adoption as a single parent: Some do's and dont's

2014-07-11T05:25:00.000-07:00

Adopting a child is a long term process which requires a lot of sensitivity and contemplation on the part of parents who are opting for it. And when the parent involved in the adoption happens to be single, it becomes even more of a delicate matter. Although nowadays, it is quite common for single women to opt for adoption, it still remains a challenging and sensitive task.

Undoubtedly, it is a very rewarding experience, but as a single mother, it requires a lot more dedication and extra effort because of several reasons. There are however, several measures one can take to make the whole experience of adding someone special in your life a very unique and beautiful one.

Be sure of the decision: A single woman also craves for a child the same way that a married woman does. It is a very natural desire and everyone has the right to pursue it. But the decision to adopt is a very critical one which is going to bring in a lot of changes into your life. Especially since you will be managing your family alone and without any kind of help and support from a partner, you have to be absolutely certain about your decision and be completely ready to accept all the changes you need to make in your life. Only after you have made an informed and educated decision, should you be going in for adoption.

Be prepared: After a child comes into your life, naturally your routine and priorities will change. Rather than making hurried alterations and adjustments in your social, personal and professional life, making small and measured changes will assure that you are ready to face any challenge in future. You will also need to adapt your routine according to the habits of the new member in your life and it is always better to be prepared. Keeping your bosses, colleagues and friends aware about the news might help bring in a lot of support and assistance for you.

Be balanced: If you are a single parent, you will need to play the role of the loving mother as well as the strict, disciplinarian father. You will need to maintain a balance between both the extremes and provide a healthy and happy environment for the child. Although it is kind of difficult to imagine being a single mother and taking care of all the needs of a child, it is far better than having a dysfunctional set of parents.

Be open: Being a single parent, there are quite a few challenges in terms of bonding with your child and at the same time juggling your career and personal life. You might feel like you are a wonder woman; who can manage everything at the same time, the truth is you will soon burn out with sheer exertion. You will need to set your priorities and let go of the things which are trivial or doesn’t matter in the long run. If you try multitasking at the initial stages of your new relationship, there are chances that you will do more harm than good. You will need to set aside time for getting to know each other and then set some kind of routine which suits you best.

7 Strong Reasons to get married

2014-07-07T05:42:00.001-07:00

In the current world of female empowerment and gender equality, women are somehow losing interest in the institution of marriage. It might be that in this modern era, they have suddenly realized that there is more to their lives than procreation and furthering of a lineage. The new-found financial and moral independence among these new breed of women has somehow led many of them to venture into the world of single-hood. Somehow the stifling impediments of matrimony and the restricting life of a wife have lost its appeal. In fact many women are opting to be single parents than to be burdened with the woes of a married life.

With the rise in the number of single and divorced women, is it to be believed then that the institution of marriage is going to be extinct? It is unlikely, because there are still many women left who believe in the sanctimony of marriage and swears by its values. But with a look at the alarming number of reluctant brides, it can be safe to assume that there has to be a fresh drive towards reviving the interest of women in marriage and erase the age-old assumptions about matrimonial duties from their minds. There are a lot of advantages to being married and once we look beyond the fear in our minds about the institution, we can start a new life with a positive attitude.

The bond of companionship: We, as humans are social animals and require the company of our fellow human beings in our lives. It might be the care and affection of our parents, the camaraderie between siblings, the shared goodwill between friends or the passion between lovers. In all the various stages of our lives, we are flanked by the company of fellow human beings. Among all these relationships and interactions, we have only one which is the longest and most enduring. That is the relationship between two married people. That is the only relation which has the potential of a life-long commitment, keeping the divorce rates aside. You will not have the company of your parents for your entire life. Friends and siblings will make a life of their own and get busy. The only bond that you can potentially have for a lifetime is that of matrimony.

Shared worries are always halved: We undergo a lot of worries in our lifetime and once we become older we are reluctant to burden our parents with our problems. Even though friends help by their support and encouragement, again we don’t like to bother them too much. But it is a different matter with a spouse; you can share even the minutest of your worries and the biggest of your concerns with them. It is a moot point whether your spouse is able to help you or not, but the fact that you have someone to share your problems with, lessens your burdens by half.

The romance of a life-time: Although one might loath to be tied with one particular person for their entire lives, there is another perspective to it as well. A person might talk about enjoying their single status with a multitude of lovers and partners instead of being ties to one, but this is the talk of youth and beauty. But it is another matter when you are in your middle ages without your beauty or grace and find yourself longing for a warm body next to you, to share the cold nights of winter. Whoever has experienced the bliss of being in love realizes the feeling of having that person beside them forever. There is nothing to take away the romance of a life-time that a marriage promises, if we are wise enough to see them.

Marriage will make you happier and healthier: Now, this is a fact which has been proven after a lot of research and surveys. It has been found after many studies that married people are on an average happier and as a result healthier, than their single counterparts. Before, you start laughing at the joke, it is in fact true that while there might be insurmountable amount of problems in a marriage, when you are happily married, it is one of the best experiences.

The practicalities of life: One might argue that companionship and a life-time of romance can also be found without marriage and in a live-in relationship. Although that is true, but in many countries, live-in relationship is not legally recognized and even if it is, you don’t get the benefits that you get as a married couple. There are a lot of legal and official benefits to be had as a married person and it is a practical reason to be tied to the institution. It saves you a lot of official and legal hassles, you can get a loan for your house or your car more easily. Sometimes, it is even easier to rent a place if you are married. It might seem unfair, but unfortunately, these are the rules. So, it might be a practical reason for you to get married, which becomes easier if you are already in a live-in relationship. After all it is just a matter of signing some papers.

A sense of security: Although a live-in relationship is great, there are some places where a marriage takes away the cake. You will always have a sense of the relationship being temporary in case of a live-in together whereas marriage gives you a sense of permanence. Although, it might seem ludicrous to some, marriage does help a person stay faithful because of the sanctimony of the vows. Even though there are no guarantees of a marriage staying forever, most people enter a live-in relationship with the feeling that it is temporary. A marriage can provide a lot of security to a woman, especially if she is not financially independent. Just because the divorce rates are high, doesn't mean that you should enter a married life with a fatalistic attitude.

Marriage makes you a responsible person: You might already be a reliable and consistent person, but if you are not, being married has a high chance of making you become a responsible person. You will learn age-old values of compromise and selflessness and though it might sound like a horrible idea, in reality it also helps you know what kind of a person you really are. The more you get inside the realms of matrimony, the closer you come to understand yourself and your spouse.

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Little things about love....

2014-06-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

The other day I was having lunch with my friend and as women generally do, we soon arrived at the topic of love. She is currently in a relationship which was of a few months old but she had already started experiencing the uncertainties and qualms which usually plagues us in the later stages of a relationship. The thought about the future was giving her Goosebumps and the fact that she gets easily bored within a few months into a relationship was giving her nightmares about the security of their future.

Like a good friend, I tried getting into the crux of the problem with the thought of providing some helpful insight and advice. When I asked her the ever so important question about why she thought the relationship would not work, what I expected to hear were some major issues and problems that she had deciphered in the course of their few months old relationship. But what I heard from her lips that day made me laugh at the idiosyncrasies of what we call; love.

My friend was unsure about the future of their relationship because of a few differences in their nature. Their varying choice of food and music seemed to be the greatest bones of contention between them. They were poles apart in their lyrical and musical preference and the thought about spending her life with a person whose choice of music was so bizarre, was a thought she was not able to cope with. There were a few other things which do not merit a mention so I would like to rest the case with citing only these examples.

But the interesting part for me was the fact that they were very good in bed, both had a lot of other things in common. She liked being with him, they liked doing things together, going to the same places, had a common outlook about most things etc. These would sound to be the qualities which would actually make any relationship work, but then human beings are such mysterious creatures that when there are hardly any hurdles; we like to create them just for the heck of it. If the same couple would have met under different circumstances with a lot of opposition from society and other factors, they would have fought tooth and nail to be together.

Does compatibility mean that you should have the same kind of habits or can a relationship work with differences between the partners? Both cannot be each other’s mirror images of course, but where is the line to be drawn?

Maybe all of us have come across this dilemma once in our life wherein we were overwhelmed by the thought of spending our lives with someone who likes to listen to hard metal or someone who snores. But I guess what each of us need to ask ourselves at the end of the day is, “Is this relationship worth making the effort?”

6 graceful ways to reject a guy

2014-06-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

All of us get a couple or two (there's no end limit) proposals during our lifetime and most often these will be from guys we don’t want to date. The best way is to gently and politely state that you like the person but you are not romantically interested in him. Some of us are fortunate enough to know the trick of saying “no” easily and without the feeling of guilt arising in us, but some of us are not so lucky.

Some women really find it difficult to say “no” to anyone and if that person happens to be a good friend, then it becomes even more difficult. We might be fearful to hurt the person, afraid to lose their friendship, scared to appear like an arrogant princess or some other inane or not so inane reasons. Some of us even agree to go out with them just because we don’t know how to say “no” and which leads to disastrous results.

Whatever the reason might be, if you belong to the group of people who can’t reject a guy then it is time for you to read this and get some fun and easy ideas to turn them down. And don’t worry, not all of them are painful, you can choose the one you like best. Just be careful that you don’t get caught. Guys: if you are reading this, don’t get offended, most of it is just for fun and what the heck...you are welcome to try some of them on your unwanted admirers!!

The “engaged” excuse: This is a over-tried and over-tested ruse; but still well-known for its high success rate. You might feel reluctant to use an out right lie but its still better than giving hopes to your ardent admirer who might later turn into a creepy stalker. Even otherwise it is always better to tell a white-lie than leading someone on with vague excuses. For this ruse to work you might need to enlist someone’s help or at the least buy yourself a ring.

The “gay” excuse: This might seem to be a desperate move but is a surefire way to put out the blazing adulation of your pursuer. You will also get a chance to have some fun with your girlfriends by pretending to be romantically involved with one of them. The guy can hardly blame you or himself for nature’s tricks, right? A word of warning though, this excuse comes with its own side effects. You might alienate the chances of attracting the attention of the one that you actually want.

The avoiding technique: Some of us who are really not good at facing people, have no other way but to avoid the person in question. If you stop taking their messages and calls, chances are that they will get the hint and stop bothering you in future. But most of the guys won’t take these subtle messages and you might have to think of something me your ore than a cold shoulder. So, you might have to un-friend them and sometimes change your phone number as well. Again, this might seem extreme but so are stalkers!.

The “back with ex” excuse: Another sure fire way to get a guy to not feel rejected or sorry for him-self is to let him know that you still have feelings for your ex and that you have decided to get back to him. This will work if you don’t move in the same circles and there are no chances of him finding out the truth. If you are caught later, you can always say it didn't work out. This is only a “white lie” because if you really have an ex, chances are you have thought about getting back at some point in your life.

The “not interested in love” excuse: If you are working and a colleague is pestering you to go out and you being you, cannot say no to him directly; then you can try telling him that you are only interested in your career right now. If you tell a person that you are not interested in any kind of serious relationship or a fling with anyone other than your laptop, chances are that he will stop trying. If not, you can always look for another job.

Start wearing a wedding ring: If your admirer is the determined kind, who doesn't take 'no' for an answer; then you might need to come up with some desperate measures. There is nothing which brings down a guy’s enthusiasm then a ring flashing in front of his eyes.

To reiterate, the best and gentlest way to turn down a guy is to tell him honestly that you are not romantically interested in him, but also that he is a wonderful person. The above means are strictly for the men who really don’t understand the meaning of “no” or for the women who can’t say “no”.

5 downsides of avoiding conflict

2014-06-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

It is quite inevitable to have conflicts and clashes in a relationship. Although at such moments of conflict we might feel that we are the only ones to have so many issues; but in reality it is fairly usual to have disagreements and arguments in all kind of relationships. After all, we are two different set of minds and there are bound to be differences of opinion. And it doesn't mean that there is something wrong in our relationship, in fact it is quite healthy and can prove as an opportunity for growth for both the partners.

But it is understandably difficult to sometimes handle such situations and one might feel that avoidance is the best course of action. At times, we feel that the best way to handle a conflict is to avoid or ignore it altogether. Although we might feel that avoiding the situation will resolve it on its own, but on the contrary it has the tendency of developing into a much bigger problem. And when that happens, we might find that it is even more difficult to handle the problem. There are many downsides to avoiding conflict and a myriad of problems might occur as a result of such avoidance. Here are a few things we should consider before we decide evading is the best way to resolve relationship issues.

It builds resentments: If we don’t face the issues cropping up in our relationship in a calm and steady manner, they have a way of building into bigger problems. Avoiding the issues might provide us with temporary relief but at the same time it is developing into a much bigger predicament. Not handling conflicts then and there will help the resentment to build up inside us and our partner and what could have been resolved might now become a more irksome disparagement.

It fosters anger and hurt: By avoiding conflict we are giving way for anger and hurt to build up inside our partner’s heart. We will be increasing their feelings of anger to even greater degree and the fact that we are not even bothered to tackle the issues will hurt our partner more. We might be justified in thinking that it is better to avoid the issue at hand when we are in a foul temper, but not coming back to it as soon as possible will show that we are not bothered about our relationship. It is much better to handle the conflict responsibly and maturely instead of waiting for a miracle to happen.

It might snowball into a fight: If we avoid facing the issue at hand, then what could have been resolved without any argument might later develop into a full-blown fight. Avoiding conflicts gives the other person more time and ammunition to think negative thoughts and build their bitterness to boiling levels. They will start resenting us more than before and when the time comes, their attitude is no longer calm or understanding. At this juncture, when we go to handle the conflict, we might find that the situation has blown out of proportion and we now have a full-blown fight in our hands. So, it is much better to address the problems in a healthy way.

It will harm our personality:

Running away from issues and arguments will not only harm our relationship but at the same time will bring negative effects to our personality as well. We will soon become an expert at avoiding conflicts and this will not help us when we are forced to face the issues at hand. We will also start building a lot of pent up emotions inside us; as a result of not letting them out when we had the opportunity and this will alter our temperament drastically. An emotionally unstable mind could prove to be extremely harmful in all spheres of our life.

It embitters the relationship: Avoiding issues and conflicts when our partner wants to discuss them will make them feel bitter towards us and our attitude. This will in turn harm the relationship and what we have built so laboriously could be jeopardized because of one mistake. There could be a time when it has become so damaging to the relationship that there are no chances of re-building it. So, it is better to tackle the conflict right away, instead of taking a chance which ruins our relationship in the long run.

Living Together: Working it out

2014-05-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

"Bliss is when we are together...
So why not have the bliss forever" by Bhaswati

Living together has become an ideal and preferred arrangement for most couples in a long term relationship, in fact even more so than marriage. Couples find it an economical and practical decision and also take is as a trial run to check their compatibility with each other. Although it might sound a win-win situation for both the parties, but there are also certain downsides associated with this kind of an arrangement, especially if you are used to your space and independence. Some men find living together to be too domesticated and others might find it too constricting and claustrophobic. Men might foresee living together as a situation where their valued independence flies out of the window.

It is however not too difficult to overcome the downsides and make it an enriching experience for both the partners. Moving in together could be a fun experience, provided you are open to certain changes and also if you have discussed the nitty-gritty of the arrangement. The idea is not to rush into anything hasty but make an educated and calculated decision.

Take off the rose colored glasses: Moving in together is a big decision and requires a lot of maturity and understanding from both the sides. If you are getting into this arrangement with blinders on; hoping to find happily ever after without any glitches, than you need to think again. Living together has less romanticism attached to it than the practicalities of life. It means sharing the hurdles of life together and to get to know how you both fit in with each other through all the stages of life. Although there is a certain kind of romance attached to the fact that you get to be with each other all the time, but that same fact can become a thorn at your side after a certain period. So, you will need to think about this decision practically, instead of romantically.

Decide your boundaries: If you want to live with your girlfriend and at the same time have a little male space of your own, it is better to make it clear in the beginning. A house is usually dominated by the women in the family and you will see traces of their presence everywhere. So, if you are used to only seeing your electronic paraphernalia lying around your living room, then it might come as a shock to see girlie magazines and a potted plant lying there instead. You will need a personal space to brood alone and do whatever men are used to doing in their own space, and which will become a little difficult after you move in. So, set the ground rules beforehand and you will have much peace later.

Keep the romance alive:

It is difficult to have the same kind of intensity and eagerness in a live-in relationship that what you usually have when you are dating the person you are really smitten with. You will not have the same kind of anticipation that you earlier had; when looking forward to your dates, which is quite natural. It is therefore more important to make an effort to keep the romance alive when you are living together. You should think of ways to surprise your girlfriend by planning something nice, once in a while. You should also take advantage of the fact that you are staying together and get to know each other even better. The fact that you have the time and opportunity to make love should not make you feel less passionate. You should explore each opportunity to get more close to each other.

Be independent but act responsibly: Living together does not have to mean that you are staying in a prison but at the same time it means your carefree and irresponsible days are over. If you are used to staying out late at night without informing a soul then you will need to change that habit because you are staying with your girlfriend. Living together makes you both responsible for each other and because you have taken the step of moving in, it means that you are mature enough to take life on a more serious note. It doesn't mean that you have to curtail all your activities, that are something that you will need to discuss with your girlfriend, but it certainly means that you have to keep her informed about your whereabouts. It is not about losing your independence but about being accountable to the person you love so that she does worry unnecessarily.

Define your space: It is easy for your life to become too reliant on each other when you are living together and this becomes detrimental for both you and your partner. You should be close to each other but at the same time have your own life to live. You should not be living out of each others pockets or have a dependent relationship with each other. It is important to meet and socialize separately and have that personal time without your significant other being present all the time. This does not mean that you don’t love each other anymore, in fact staying apart and having your own time and space will ensure that you have stronger feelings for each other.

Talk it out:

Image courtesy: gettyimages

If you have made the decision of staying together, you will need to sit together and come to a mutual agreement about the arrangement. It is easy for the girlfriend to get carried away with her plans; which usually happens, leaving the boyfriend struggling to find his bearings. If you are feeling the same way about the decision, then maybe you should postpone it for sometime till you get your feelings sorted and arrive at a mutual consensus. It is important to discuss even the smallest of things and get any unpleasant disagreements out of the way. This way, you can also avoid the small bickering and blaming game which comes later in the relationship.

Like any other relationship live-in has its own pros and cons but with a little care and effort it can prove to be a rewarding and enriching experience.

Poetry.....some more poignant thoughts....

2014-04-29T22:01:00.000-07:00

Broken dreams...

Yesterday, I picked up a shining metal,
While walking down the shore;
Happily thinking it to be a precious jewel
And clutched it to my core
I kept it close to my bosom and traveled,
Towards my destiny;
But when I thought I had reached,
The end of my journey;
I opened my palm with a smile, which died,
When I discovered;
The jewel was but an ordinary stone,
And all my dreams shattered!

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Departure...In memory of my dad

You were like a tree, shading me from the sun,
Or a rainbow, splitting the colors of life in my bosom;
When I felt your warmth in the cold of the dawn;
For a moment I forgot that you were gone.
Last night you came to my dreams
And rubbed my tear stained cheek.
You murmured a few words of comfort
I went back to sleep with a smile on my lips.
But when I woke up in the morn,
There was no one beside me, except
The cold emptiness of the dawn

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Wistful ramblings....

I feel that I have lost you; when I see;
the way you turn your back on me;
Holding out your hand to her for a dance,
you walk away without a second glance.
My heart breaks into a thousand pieces;
I look at them and see your broken promises,
Today, you might be happy without me,
But I know you cannot bear the agony.
A day will come when you need me the most
You will search for me in vain, and realize what you lost.

Poetry - the tuneless songs from deep inside the heart...

2014-04-29T10:52:00.001-07:00

To find myself…..

One morning when the sun shone the brightest,

I got up from a deep slumber and felt bereft..

Wondered what was missing in life…who is absent.

The appendage called heart remained silent.

I lumbered off on a quest to discern the purpose of life

Or on a voyage of self-discovery as the wise would say.

Sat for a few hours beneath the banyan tree in my backyard,

Only truth I discovered ..mosquito bites in the day..are also hard.

Mind said -Why not sail across the oceans and beyond?

Or seek divinity from a guru, all enlightened and saffron-clad?

Set off again for the distant shores with images of a new self;

Glorified in tranquillity and basking with new found serenity.

Spent a divine summer chanting mantras and singing hymns

Lost in the pleasant aroma of incense and also ganja at times,

Found a lot of virtues hitherto unknown – patience, tolerance and

Reigning supreme was the feeling of profound peace and freedom.

But mystery of self remained unsolved, hence made a last effort;

To seek the truth from my guru- the one who has discovered All.

Saffron clad and sitting in the midst of his ardent followers,

He was amused at the question which I barely whispered.

He gazed at my curious eye for ages and then beckoned me near

Laying his hand on my head he said “Love, child, love is why you are here.”

The fog lifted and the light shone through, I smiled and bade him adieu;

And set out to spread the message of love to all, starting on a life anew.

A heart’s folly....

Oh, this foolish little heart of mine,

Hungry for the love of a deserter;

Craves the touch of the cold one;

Who has nothing in him to spare!

I try to tempt this errant traitor,

And lure it to other pleasures;

But all it can hear deep within,

Are his treacherous whispers!

At times it makes merry and smiles,

I will sigh with relief that it is past;

But alas! The clouds come down again,

And brings the rain of tears at last!

Lovely will be the dawn when I can;

Leave all his memories behind.

Lovely will be the morn when I will;

Wake up without his thoughts in my mind.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Tonight I will cry....

I will shed copious tears, it will be a funeral tonight;

A blazing pyre of the accident called life;

I will wet my pillow; carefully recollecting past strifes.

But it will be the last time.... for I am bidding goodbye.

I might howl at the moon and cry out to the sky,

I might beat my chest and raise a big hue and cry.

Anything seems possible, its such a maddening night

Thoughts of soul-wrenching sobs brings out a strange delight.

I will lie eagerly in my bed; awaiting the lights to be go out,

When shrouded by darkness, i will gather all my wounds;

I will bring forth the memories which are most painful;

And the tears will rush out and pour down, tearing my soul.

_____________________________________________

Surviving an affair...

2014-04-13T11:26:00.000-07:00

When one indulges in an affair and thus breaks the trust and faith built laboriously over the years, is there really a chance that a marriage or relationship can work out?

The answer depends on how far a couple is willing to go to forgive and forget and also how important the relationship was, in the first place. Infidelity is a very sensitive topic but unfortunately a very common one, if surveys conducted across various part of the world are to be believed. According to these surveys, 65% married/committed men cheat and 55 % women go astray. So the question of whether a relationship is going to work out after an affair remains a very relative question.

In cases where the couple wants to work things out, they need to be levelheaded about all the consequences and resulting actions. Things will obviously not run smooth in the beginning but with time and effort, it can be worked out.

For the person who has been cheated, the first feeling is of pain and then anger. But when the pain and the anger wears off and the person can start thinking rationally again, the things that are needed to be reflected upon are the importance of the relationship in one's life. What are the factors or circumstances which led to the affair? Is it a one-time occurrence or has this happened before? If kids are involved, it becomes even more complicated and things need to be looked at from their perspective as well. Also one needs to keep in mind that a human being is after all not perfect, but a new start should not be taken as a license to digress gain. Only after analyzing all these facts should the decision of either ending or salvaging the relationship should be taken.

For the person who enters into an illicit relationship, all that one is interested in, is the feeling of excitement and the adrenaline rush one feels when one lies and cheats. But once the feeling fades away, the only emotions left are shame and guilt. Even if the person is repentant and wants a second chance, one should be prepared to walk on a tight rope. The entire relationship needs to be re-built on trust and love and one should be ready for the fact that even though he might be forgiven but the incident has hardly been forgotten. The relationship has passed a delicate test and needs nurturing and care and the other person in the equation will always be wondering if you have gone astray again. But then, that is very natural, trust is something which needs to be owned and cannot be demanded.

It requires a lot of time, patience and understanding from both the parties but before making any concrete decisions about the future all the pros and cons need to be weighed and after everything the question you need to ask yourself is, "Is it worth it?"

You can stop your divorce...if you want to!!

2014-04-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

In the recent times, the divorce rate in a year goes much higher than the marriage rates and this ratio is definitely nothing to be proud of. Relationship experts and marriage therapists provide different reasons for this rapidly increasing demise of the institution of marriage and it gives rise to doubts in one’s mind about the sanctity of the relationship in the first place. The vows that one takes during the ceremony become so trivial that they are forgotten in a moment’s time. Is it time that we completely give up hopes on the durability of the union called marriage; or is there still something to hope for, in the future?

These days, people are getting married and getting separated on the same day and sometimes within a few hours. Psychologists are attributing these sudden whims of the human race to low feelings of security, more independence among women and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life. No matter what the reason, the process of getting married just to get divorced seems to be an utter waste of our time, money as well as morality. Isn't it time that we give some thought to the idea of avoiding the divorce word instead of uttering it every time we have an issue in our marriages? Maybe it is time to give a hard, long look at the amalgamation of two people and why it is important to rethink our values about marriage.

Divorce can probably be avoided to a large extent if people examine their readiness about marriage first. Marriage does not only mean eternal love and happily ever after. It has a lot to do with understanding and compromises. Before giving a lifetime commitment, we should first examine if we are ready for it. Before we go ahead and take the plunge into the world of matrimony, maybe we need to ask ourselves this question, “Are we ready yet?” Because matrimony is not only an exchange of vows or two signatures in a few sheet of papers but a union of two souls, two set of ideas and two different entities. Till the time we consider ourselves ready to understand the concept of taking responsibility to uphold the sacredness of the relationship called marriage, we do not have the right to tie ourselves to the institution just for the heck of it.

Divorces happen for numerous reasons; ranging from incompatibility, infidelity, marital abuse, ego issues etc., among others. Whatever the reason might be, have you really, with an open heart considered the idea of making it work, even once, before uttering the divorce word? Is the idea of living with the person whom you chose to be your partner out of your free will, so incomprehensible that you cannot put aside the idea of living with him/her anymore? Maybe, you could give some thought to the fact that both of you are humans, with feet of clay and everyone tends to make mistakes. Instead of letting your ego make your decisions, maybe you could think about other options rather than taking the path of separation?

Many experts attribute the fact that women have become financially and morally independent to a lot of ego issues which ultimately lead to divorce. We hate men for acting superior and bossy and yet we tend to portray the same qualities in a relationship. Instead of letting our pride dictate the terms in our relationship and fighting over petty issues of finances and superiority, maybe we can learn to just let go and enjoy the glory of being with someone we love and can share our life with? No one is asking the women to be doormats, just malleable and open to understanding. After all, it is not fair to expect the men to be caring and at the next breath demand equality.

When love dies only indifference remains; and that is definitely no basis for a relationship. But if you have any feelings remaining in your heart for your spouse, even if it is hatred; that means that there is a vestige of love still present. Try keeping yourself in the same situation before putting the final nail of judgment into the coffin. The decision which you both are going to make is going to affect a lot of other people as well, especially if children are present.

And try to remember the things which made you fall in love in the first place, are they all gone now? So it is prudent to weigh all the pros and cons once. It is easy to label a person as a sinner and equally difficult to forgive a person but we should remember that, we are, after all humans, with the tendency to make mistakes.

Taking a rash decision in anger is easy and equally hurtful. And after acting upon your words, it is difficult for your ego to let you retract them and a relationship which had a chance of being salvaged will no longer be. Even if you want to go back at a later point of time, your pride will not let you do so. But everything is not lost even if you have hurled abuses at each other, as long as you are willing to forgive and forget and make things work again. Counseling can work wonders for your relationship and might give you a lot of insight into your marriage, which you otherwise did not have. You will also need a support network from friends and relatives and someone who is not judgmental of your failures. Getting a third party perspective on the relationship will give you a lot of leverage when you are making your decision.

As they say, “prevention is better than cure”, likewise, for marriage a little preparation and thought goes a long way in saving the relationship at a later stage. We might consider it pessimistic to go with such kind of a negative assumption of the worst, but it is actually a realistic point of view and can save a lot of pain and heartache in future.

Men and Cheating...Why men cheat?

2011-06-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

This is an age-old question which has led to the publications of many books, production of a lot of movies and earned millions for counselors and divorce lawyers. Now before men raise their voices in protests stating that women cheat too, let me assure them that this is not a contest of man vs. woman. It is simply an attempt to better understand the chemical and psychological make-up of men which will give the answer as to why cheating and deceiving is so easy for them. Because even though women cheat, statistics have proved that this is one field where they are happily far inferior and far behind the male gender.

A woman is devastated when she realizes that she has been cheated upon, but more than the question about “what next” what haunts her more is, “why”. Women are intent on finding that answer, which is quite natural, after all, you feel inadequate and lacking when someone else has been “chosen” over you. But strangely, more often than not, you will not find the answer within yourself; you should be looking at the man for the answers. Because if their partners were the only reasons men cheat, then there would never be a broken marriage where the wife was beautiful, loving and caring and still the man was led astray.Time and again men have relegated various reasons for their behavior and more often than not they have just been petty excuses.

The biological excuse:

If you fall back on the biological explanation given by various sex specialists and experts, men still have some genes left from their stone age, club swinging days, when the only business they had was to provide food and shelter to their mates and sow as much seed as possible. By sowing seeds, we are not referring vaguely to farming but a much baser need of the male species to distribute their sperm as widely and vastly as possible, to ensure the growth and continuance of the species, of course. And now, in the modern times, even though the need of the growth and survival of the species is far beyond the point of expansion, unfortunately men seem to be still harboring a few delusions from the Stone Age.

Well, as explanation goes, this is as good as anything else, and who are we to argue with scientists and experts? But there is only one bone of contention with this theory, if men have outgrown the need to eat raw meat and hunt with their hands easily enough, why is it so difficult to outgrow the need to “do it” with multiple partners?

The chemical argument: There is another school of thought of the experts(?) which is that men are made of a much different chemical composition than women (as if we were not aware about that). For men, things like physical intimacy or sex with a different person outside their marriage does not have the same meaning as what might be for a woman. Basically, it is a roundabout way of stating that women consider sex and love in the same bracket (most of the times) whereas for men, sex is just a way to satisfy their baser needs and has got nothing to do with love. Well, to me it smacks a little too much of “having the cake and eating it too” type of theory, but again, who are we to argue with the experts?

The psychological excuse:

Again keeping in tune with the chemical theory, this also is somewhat similar. Men are supposedly very vulnerable about their age and grow very insecure when they feel that they are growing old. So, like women turn to Botox and liposuction to enhance their looks and feel youthful, men turn to affairs to assure themselves that they are still capable of attracting the opposite sex. It is somewhat like the mid-life crisis but does not have to always strike in mid-life. Sex Experts warn that men might be struck with this lightning bolt at any age and stage of their lives, where they need to have an affair to convince themselves of their virility. Well, if that is not called an excuse, I don’t know what else is.

The denial game: Last but not the least; you should be aware about this factor if you have been cheated by your partner. In the midst of asking him the reason, be aware that he might suddenly point his fingers and yell “I did it because of you”. Now, there might have been situations where you have somehow made him feel insecure, unwanted, unloved or just plain unmanly. You should do some soul searching in regards to that, but if your partner feels he can get away with that accusatory finger pointing all the blame at your doorstep, you can ask him to take a hike. Because, no matter how you provoked or aided his transgression, the responsibility of the action lies in his shoulders. You might have made his married life hell, but that does not excuse cheating and infidelity, there are plenty of divorce lawyers and family courts for him to turn to instead of a different woman’s arms.

Now, before sounding like a member of the woman’s lib, I would like to balance this out by saying that women also cheat in marriages and relationship; and sometimes for very selfish reasons. There are no excuses for infidelity and adultery, if your marriage is troubled and you have found someone else to share your life with, it is better to end the marriage and save the other person a lot of hurt and trauma. Whenever you decide to commit adultery or any other kind of infidelity, you should remember that your act might involve only two people, but the cycle involves other people too. A momentary lapse of judgment might lead you to a lifetime of regret.

Heart break

2011-02-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

"Heart, We'll forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I'll forget the light."
by Emily Dickinson

You never dream that it can happen to you, that your heart can also break into a thousand little pieces. You would think these dramatics are reserved for the movies and for the insides of a romance novel. But then it happens to you; and all you can feel is the intense pain ripping your insides out. You want to hide in the darkest corner and just weep till you feel that the pain has gone. Till you feel that you are free from the clutches of the demon which keeps tearing you apart.

But pain is a big deceiver, it will lie in wait for you and the moment you think that you are finally out of it, there will be a sudden memory which will bring a fresh bout of pain, one that will be worse than the first. It will feel like a conspiracy against you, carefully planned by the universe. There will be your favorite music playing when you switch on the radio, the movie channels won’t have anything except soppy romantic flicks, one which always ends with happily ever after. A sudden laughter or a subtle scent can be powerful enough to bring the memories crashing down upon you and the only refuge you seem to find is in tears. The pain comes in waves and you shiver at the intensity of it, never having faced such heart wrenching anguish before.

When you separate from the person you have been in love with for ages, you feel that a limb has been torn out of your body and there is no way that you can function again. Everything loses its meaning; the only thing that matters is your pain. It’s like staying inside a cocoon, jealously guarding your misery so that nobody can take it away from you. Yes, there seems to be a bittersweet pleasure in the pain of suffering as well. Maybe it is the fact that we have become the center of our own universe for some temporary period and we revel in the glory of it.

The pain will seem so profound and permanent that you will feel like there is no way to recover from your pathos. It will feel like the end has come, in fact it will feel like the end is much better. The contemplation of a future without your loved one would feel impossible, after all what meaning is left in your life without your lover?

But no matter what we feel at the moment, there is a dawn which comes after each black night and there will be a day when the memories of the pain will recede to some unknown corners of our mind from where it will only transmit some dim rays. It might seem like the end of the world today but tomorrow will be a different story, maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse, no one knows. But the fact that there is hope; is enough. Pain and pleasure, after all; are both transient. Neither remains forever and life goes on for everyone.

Dating Disasters – Things not to do on a first date

2011-01-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

The dating process brings in mixed feelings among many of us. For some, it means a feeling of anticipation and butterflies in the stomach sensation, while for others it might be just another waste of a free evening. Whichever category we belong too, we have a personal list of behaviors which we feel are unacceptable on a first date.

The other day I was sitting with my friends and this topic came up in the course of our conversation and all the ladies present brought out their disaster date scenarios out on the table and that is when I decided to take the top five in their list and write an article out of it.

Honey, the check is all yours: Women are two-faced this way, they want their independence and equality, but when it comes to chivalry you cannot do enough. Well, I don’t know who made the rules but an woman would like the man to pay the check on the first date. And if the man is new-age who respects women power and feels that he has done a great job of making her feel like an equal by asking her to pay the bill, well unfortunately that is not how it works. This seems to be a cardinal rule of dating with only a few exceptions.

The whistling and “hey you’s”:

Whistling out for a waiter might seem dashing to some, but only in the movies. This seems to be a common opinion, women finds out a lot about a man’s personality by the way he behaves with the wait staff. If a guy has the habit of whistling or shouting out to a waiter to get his attention, this might come out as rude or arrogant. A definite “No” on a first date, i.e. if the guy wants a second date after all.

What is that smell?: This is definitely not limited to the first date alone but then with a problem like this one’s chances of a second date are slim. My friend had to invent someone’s sudden death to actually escape a bad case of mouth-odor. She tried to lean back and avoid it as much as possible but it got to a point where it was either a quick escape or the table napkin over her nose. So if the guy wants to actually make it to the second date sometime in the future, better invest in some breath mints and mouthwash.

All about me:

When you go on a first date, usually it is a chance to get to know about each other and when the guy (or vice versa) spends the entire time speaking only about himself, he can see those invisible yawns on his date’s face. Being full of himself, not giving his date the chance to even complete a sentence will only bring him down on the scale of manners and will not help to get him anywhere with the lady in question.

One kiss please: This is again a very sensitive area and opinions seemed to differ among my friends too. Some do not like the fact that you kiss on the first date, some thought it rude not to give a good night kiss and others felt a chaste kiss on the cheek is enough. Well, one friend gave a very strong view about necking and groping being completely out of the question and everyone seemed to agree to that. Well, I would say it depends on the chemistry between the two and you should try to read the body language too. But if he is coming on too strong or being forceful then he can kiss the second date goodbye.

These were among the top 5 in the list of unacceptable behaviors but I remember there being quite a few more. Being late on a date, not being dressed properly, talking about the ex on the first date, asking questions about sex-life were some of the other close contenders.

The woes and blues of singlehood

2010-12-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Single hood might sound as a fun place to be in, especially if you are married or committed and all your single friends flaunt their frequently changing fares right under your disapproving nose. No matter how steadfast or stable one’s relationship is, at some point of time we all have caught ourselves asking the question “What if...?"

Being single beats being entangled in a bad relationship any day but just like marriage and a committed relationship, single-hood comes with its own share of issues and problems. Here are top 5 blues I can come up with from top of my head, I am sure there are a lot more.

The dating game: Dating after being in a relationship is like going to work after a gap of a few years. At work you will find the complete modus operandi and technology has changed, well it is the same with dating too. The game and the rules keep changing and if you have not kept yourself updated, you might feel like you have come out of a cave and the world around you has changed beyond recognition. The charms of dating wear off after a few bad dates and celibacy doesn't seem to be a bad option when your weekend gets ruined for the sixth time in a row.

The holiday seasons: This is one of the worst pains of single-hood. You can run, you can hide but you can’t escape your family and relatives during holidays. And no matter what the hot topic of the season is, inevitably the topic in the dining table veers towards the observation that a few years down the line you will be the only single unwed lady of your age in the family and probably the neighborhood as well. And it doesn't matter that you are the youngest director of a company or you have a successful thriving business. Relatives are experts in ignoring these moot points and know the art of dredging on the dreaded matter of marriage and children. All we can do is grin and bear it and hope that the next holiday season we catch something and stay in bed.

The illness-factor: Being single and staying alone really pricks when we fall sick. We are lucky if we have a friend or family who will dump everything and come running for us but then we feel guilty for needing them. And if we are forced to make our own soups and blow our own noses, that is when the need of a supporting hand becomes most urgent. There is also the fact that when we are ill we are more emotionally vulnerable and feel the need of some touch therapy.

My best friend’s wedding:

Single-hood is best when you have single friends with whom you can bitch about the married ones and pity their cumbersome lives. But when the same friends decide to desert you for the dreaded institution of marriage you feel like you have been stabbed in the back. You might make promises to each other that you will remain the same forever, but the fact remains that things will change. And that is when you feel the need of making new single friends till the pattern gets repeated again.

The romance factor: This is probably one of the most deeply felt factor in single-hood even though we bury it deep within our hearts. There are a lot of times when we feel the need of that one special person to share all our secrets with, just hold us when we are feeling low. The joys of walking aimlessly hand-in-hand, talking nonsensical talks are even deeply missed if already experienced before. Not to mention the fact that today’s modern society still remains old-fashioned in terms of promoting marriage and romance. Endorsements, offer and packages always seem to be made keeping couples in mind and rarely for the happily unmarried single.

PS: No offence intended for single women/men. All views are personal and is not meant to insult or hurt any individual. I will shortly be publishing another article on the joys of being single, so till then, please hold the hammer! Having said that, all feedback is welcome and appreciated J