Filbert changed my worldview. I did not realize how naive I was towards autism. Filbert is the most hilarious and happiest boy I know. I started off reading books aloud to him the first semester of my freshman year. It was different from any situation I had ever dealt with. He talked, but not always what he wanted to say. Something I had to learn was that when he repeated phrases that was not because he didn’t hear or misunderstand you, he fully understood.

My experience really changed when I watched an RPM lesson for the first time in person. Filbert was capable to answer questions. He would be voicing different phrases from his mouth while his hands paid attention to the lesson. My body was able to listen to my brain and function in a precise way while his had this whole different channel. That was incredible. He is so intelligent, way smarter than I was at his age. He is for sure smarter than I am now.

At that moment I didn’t realize that I would have the privilege of doing RPM with Filbert. My first RPM lesson, during my second semester, went great for a beginner. He was so patient with me and excited. He pointed accurately and just gave me a great show. There have been times where different stims excite him too much and it gets difficult, but the times that he is able to visibly show me what he has learned have been worth it all. The first time I heard him say, “hi Miss Erin,” melted my heart. The times that I get a dance party or hug after a session are extremely entertaining. Our shared poop jokes and laughter are great times well spent with a funny boy. He has the biggest heart for God and the strongest faith of anyone that I know. He has taught me way more than I could ever teach him.

I was aware of Autism, but at the same time I wasn’t. Here is a kid full of energy just like every other kid. Here is a kid who loves to laugh, and have fun just like every other kid . Here is a kid who is just as smart if not smarter than any kid his age. Mrs. Em explained it as “ your mind and your body being on two different pages”. My first thought, well I must be Autistic because my mind and body are never on the right page. I finally met Filbert and just by looking at him, you wouldn’t guess just by looking at him that he is autistic. When you see Filbert, all you see is the 7 year old kid.

Filbert has this way of making your lowest, slowest day fast and upbeat. When I enter the house and he sees me, he darts for the bedroom, and he does it everyday. He has a huge heart, and he wants to actually keep getting better and improving.

When I started working out with him, it was a bit of a struggle, mostly for me because Filbert is practically a freakish athlete. I never actually worked with someone before, where I made the workouts and then trained them, but it was so dope. When we first started, Filbert’s body was so tight, and his core and upper body wasn’t as strong. 　

As weeks go by, our trust and faith in one another grows. When I come Filbert knows I believe in him and want to see him succeed I know Filbert wants to get better and succeed. As I see him progress more and more, I just notice more and more how he’s just like every other person.

Now that I have been working with Filbert for a while and have a more of an understanding about autism. It’s sort of like a decathlon, so many different aspects go into, and can have an effect on it. Filbert has a great team behind him, and the way Filbert’s motivation level is setup, there is no doubt in my mind that we will be breaking that decathlon record.

Who would have thought a 7 year old could do algebra? Who would have thought a 7 year old would help me make a career choice ? Who would have thought Team Filbert would help change my life ?

We decided to join a Classical Conversations Community this school year as the program just makes so much sense.

Here are the reason I feel it works for us:

1. Our community is inclusive, kind, respectful, loving, and ask wonderful questions about my son; treating him with the upmost respect. They see him as God’s amazing creation just like their own kiddos. —so appreciated!
2. Music and movement help any child remember information including mine. Even if he cannot do all the actions or say all the words he is hearing them and learning them. I hear many things I never say aloud that I remember — I imagine you do to. Same for my boy, so there an abundance of info in his brain from cycle 1.
3. Being with other children his age for community day, once a week, is great balance as it requires lots of work for him to keep his body controlled. He gets to practice this, but does not have to stress about that daily.
4. Love using the Classical Conversations memory work to build lesson plans off of for him to spell via RPM (Rapid Prompting Method) his responses.
5. His community class has been patient and respectful as he spells parts of his presentations via letter board for them to see him communicate — like a dream for me!
6. Classical Conversations provides Filbert with a well-rounded education including fine arts – he did well with the tin whistle, loves making art, and has really enjoyed the music. Love that he is learning more that just the core subjects.

Filbert like all children everywhere is capable of learning. We just have to find the best way to teach. For Filbert and all nonverbal or limited verbal autistics I have seen Rapid Prompting Method does work! It requires practice and patience as you both learn it, but getting to know my child and seeing him have the education he deserves makes it all worth it.

Shout out to our CC community. I could not feel more abundantly blessed by you all! 

Through occupational therapy, fine motor skill development, and physical training Filbert has developed so much body control and muscle memory. Some of the tasks Filbert has learned through exercising his fine motor are:

1. zipping his jacket
2. buttoning a shirt
3. crocheting a scarf
4. folding laundry
5. writing
6. drawing
7. brushing his teeth

Recently Filbert has been working on tying his shoes. He is making progress everyday and getting closer and closer to being able to do it by himself. Persistence and confidence are essential.

My previous entry detailed the community that comes on behalf of Filbert, which is half of the story. The other half of the story is that we have two other beautiful kiddos fortunate to have college friends of their own that come to play.

Having a child with exceptional needs means that the siblings are often afforded less time and attention. This is something I have been keenly aware of and wondering how to accommodate. Fortunately this community is open to loving on my other two kiddos as well.

My five year old eagerly anticipates “her” friends that come and do science projects, art projects, trampolining, reading books, playing games and dolls or anything else they come up with. These wonderful folk pour love into her life and enrich her with their attention, excitement and joy. Her thanksgiving list of what she was grateful for included several of her college friends. Her childhood will not be remember as being all about Filbert, but will be full of so many wonderful memories made with kind, generous ladies that took time to take interest in her life.

My littlest is 18 months and all those that visit dote on him and having lots of helping hands affords me one on one time with him to really enjoy these baby and toddler years that so quickly pass by.

To say we are blessed doesn’t scratch the surface of how I feel. We aim to love like Christ as best we can those we meet and in return receive more love than I will ever be able to quantify. This daily outpouring demonstrates God’s presence in each person we have the privilege of calling family.

Thank you to all those that have blessed us with your time and love. The difference you make is profound.

It’s been forever since I last posted. So much has happened: good, bad, & wonderful. So much growth has transpired as a team, personally, & in Filbert. There are countless soapboxes I have explored, passions I have honed and moments that have overwhelmed me to the point of frustration or happy tears. Life is so full. It’s an unpredictable adventure that I wouldn’t change for the world. I feel as though my life is where the rubber meets the road, being guarded or fake is impossible when the stakes are so high with limited time and entrenched loving investment.

Today I choose to share a glimpse of what I see in my life daily. I wake up to the sweet sound of my youngest babbling, my husband broiling bacon, my daughter choosing her outfit and the perfect key of my oldest, Filbert, singing. Breakfast is a mixture of chaos, connection and nutrition. Then the academic day begins with devotional, copy work, geography, history timeline, math and English. Within the hour the first member of our family arrives ready to enthrall Filbert’s brain with stories of the past; a Roman solider, the spread of Christianity and the like. Next up strolls in family member number two who will exercise with Filbert to get his body focused. He is kind and assured with a twist of challenge encouraging Filbert to grow. The next family member joins the fun with an air of grace, compassion and love as she guides him through fine motor exercises each one designed to increase his independence and inclusiveness within our unit.

Then I get the opportunity to share the world of science, invention and discovery with him teaching him the wonderfully gross composition of stool, vomit, and skunk smells. After an intense line up we have an hour to catch our breath outside or read a book aloud. Then we get to see yet another family member come dancing in full of literary devices ready to share the world in a more abstract form; she gracefully and patiently paints a picture that encourages Filbert to get on board and share his thoughts. Just before lunch the sound of laughter fills the air as our penultimate family member bounds through the door to once again help Filbert connect his brain and body. Lots of giggles, stretching, singing and toning happens in chorus as they work together. The mornings work is done, lunch is ready, and it’s no wonder Filbert feels accomplished his fingers, body and brain all full; his belly just one step behind.

The afternoon is full of outside time, art, and read alouds when our concluding family member comes in ready to calculate their way through math. At the day’s end there is a bucket that just overflows with the privilege of knowing all these wonderful family members daily journey with us in love, persistence and patience.

Community at our little house is not a word, it’s an experience that warms my heart each day. Without our beloved family I know all our hearts would be less full; thankfully God graciously gave us each other.

I have thought and thought about how to thank this amazing family, but words escape me. How can really put into words what it is to daily tangibly change someone’s life, and aid in making the impossible possible for their exceptional child. It’s the kind of thing you feel all the way to your core and I simply pray I can do the same for someone else some day.

And this is only half of our story, there is more to our team of wonderful peeps to be shared in the next post.

Heartfelt words from a fellow momma raising a child with autism:

Getting an autism diagnosis for your child is a heart-wrecking incident in your life. It shakes you up completely and as a parent you hear only negative comments initially from doctors, therapists, friends and family. It seems like your life is ending with this incurable condition. You grieve over it and then you grieve some more. Then you realize that you cannot give up on your child. Your child is still the same child he was before you heard of the diagnosis. You start researching like there is no tomorrow. Soon your life becomes PhD study of diets, supplements, treatments and protocols for improvement. You become possessed by Autism recovery. You feel like there will be light at the end of the tunnel and you put in all your energy and resources into helping your child. You forget the rest of your family and just have laser focus on your child with diagnosis.

Continuously reading on FB, talking to only moms with special needs and therapists becomes your life. You work so hard without any breaks and soon it takes a toll on your health. After DOING so much, the gains don’t compare and then you start losing your optimism. You go through anger, guilt, frustration, not being enough feelings. There comes a point where just leading routine life starts becoming a burden. You realize that no matter how hard you try, things will work out only when your child is ready. You can make the best of efforts and the results will come when the timing is right. It’s not easy to surrender like this since one part of you says you cannot give up on your child, the other part says let it go and just accept life as is.

Finally after huge internal battles, I have chosen to just BE. To be happy with what I have, to be grateful for every small change I have seen, to look back at how much progress is made instead of how much more needs to be made. This LET GO has given me so much peace and relaxation. It reflects on my son and he is making progress even without me stressing about it. He still has a long way to go, but now I have decided to just BE instead of DO all the time like a non-stop robot. I have begun to love myself first and spend time in myself and do things that make me happy. Only when my cup is full, can I give me son my best. I have decided to judge my success as a mother based on how I present to him every day. I have to accept him for what he is instead of expecting him to be what I want him to be. This is hard, but I am making a conscious effort to surrender any thoughts that divert me from this intention.

Why am I sharing all this? It took me 6 years to get here. If sharing this can even help one mom, I feel like my mission is accomplished. There is huge learning curve on this journey. I guess our kids have come into our life to help us dive deep inside us and realize how much power and strength we have inside us that was just dormant. We are not just healing our kids, we are healing ourselves at the same time!! We are ordinary human beings and its normal to go through all these emotions. It’s important to forgive ourselves and continue to LET GO as we move along. I am very fortunate to share this journey with your rocking moms who teach me so much and are always supportive and inspiring!!

Since I am knee deep in RPM I am finding the importance of referencing Soma’s books and really taking time to understand everything more now that I have a grasp on the basics (we sort of, lol). Soma’s green book is a fantastic from the very first page; it brought up so many things that I am thinking through and learning to be better at and supporting my son in his life.

1. Priorities: What are my lifetime goals for Filbert? To tie his shoes? To answer a family member’s question? To get an education? To spell or handwrite to have meaningful relationships? — we often focus on how others are going to perceive our children and skills that would mold them into looking “normal”. The question is, how beneficial is it if he can answer “yes” or “no” to a relative if he cannot share is thoughts or opinion on the topic? How beneficial is it for him to tie his shoes if he cannot participate in the outing we are taking due to his anxiety from my lack of teaching him about the world prior to going to a new location?

What do I want for Filbert? I want him to be the best version of himself. I want to make his life better. I want him to have an education and share his thoughts and opinions with those around him. For him to know his value in Christ. For him to develop self-esteem knowing he is great at math and writing poetry. I want for him to have every opportunity to learn about God and tangibly respond through spelling. I want all those things more than him tying his shoes or looking “normal” in the grocery store. I love him today for exactly who he is while at the same time providing him every opportunity to grow his brain and life through education and setting goals with him for learning through muscle memory all the other things in life his body finds more challenging to accomplish.

2. Empowerment! I want Filbert to feel empowered. Through academic education he will be able to develop reasoning skills to use his learning, spelling skills to spell his opinions, all leading to having the tools for becoming a keen communicator.

3. Education creates new wirings in the brain leading to more flexibility (we often do not fear what we understand), combinatorial skills, and classification skills. Teaching him about every academic field will create for him a world that is more complete so he doesn’t find his surroundings sensory-terrifying. Knowledge changes how we interact and understand our environment.

4. “Every person has the ability to understand IF taught in the RIGHT way” – Soma

5. “Wishing isn’t enough. We must act. We must create the little steps toward achieving any goal that the person with autism wants to achieve. The mind is too precious of a thing to waste.” — Soma

A diagnosis does change that my son deserves an education. He is a beautiful person that God created and he deserves all the love, learning and care in the world as does every child.