Instead of trusting my instincts and using moderation, I find myself wondering what other parents like me are doing about a particular issue.  How are they handling screen time?  Bedtime?  Toys with batteries?  Plastic toys?  Sweets?  The list can go on and on and on and on!

Enjoying their screen time (in moderation!)

About a week and a half ago, I was part of a discussion with a friend where she said, “Letting go of self-imposed constraints is so freeing!” in the context of parenting.  I had never thought of it, but I think that parenting Jonas as an infant is the first time I was really able to let go of many of *my* self-imposed rules.  Kael was born 4 weeks early, so doing everything right seemed even more important to me after he experienced difficulties nursing and jaundice right off the bat.  I remember setting him down for a nap one day because it was “time.”  He laid in his crib and babbled and talked for about an hour without falling asleep.  By the time Jason got home for lunch, I was near tears!  I didn’t know what to do.  He was supposed to nap so he could wake up and eat.  If he didn’t eat, he wouldn’t gain weight.  He was already early and small.  What was I going to do?!?!?  Looking back, I think there were probably two options in this situation.  One, he was perfectly content, so I could have left him.  Two, he was awake and not seeming sleepy at all.  I could have picked him up and brought him back into the other room with me.  It seems so simple now, but it was very stressful at the time.

When Asa was born, I knew what to expect (Ha!).  He was the second child, so I knew that he would be easy going, a good eater, and a good sleeper.  He was going to spend lots of contented time in the swing or playing on the floor.  He would be able to sleep anywhere and through anything.  It turns out that Asa was a wonderfully perfect addition to our family, but he was also none of those things I described.  He had separation anxiety from the time he was born.  He had reflux, was sensitive to dairy, wanted to be held all the time, and did not sleep well or for long ever.  I spent a lot of time in his early months trying to figure out how to change my parenting to get the results I expected I should be getting if I had been doing things right.

When I was pregnant with Jonas, I ran into Jason’s boss and his wife at a restaurant one evening.  They were both really excited for us to be having another baby.  (They are wonderful by the way!)  They both assured me that even though I was going to have 3 children and only two hands, it would be alright.  They also said I would enjoy the infancy of the third baby more than I had with the other two, because I would finally be able to sit back and enjoy.  It sounded good, and it definitely gave me hope.  It turns out they were right.

Having a new baby is wonderful, and it is also stressful.  Even in the midst of the adjustment to a family of 5, I felt as content and relaxed with how things were going as I can remember feeling about a new baby.  When Jonas used to wake up and just hang out for 45 minutes or an hour in the middle of the night, I was able to remind myself that it wouldn’t last forever and soon that time would be a memory.  When he went through the phase of the 40 minute nap, I reassured myself that at some point he would sleep longer than that if he truly needed it.  He did.

Now, as I think about my friend’s wise words and those examples in my life, I wonder what else am I holding on to as an unnecessary self-imposed rule.  This week, my goal is to know my children, see their needs, and respond to them without worrying what other parents “like me” might do in a smilar situation.

So, yesterday and today as I’ve been trying to decide how I feel about not having goals in the traditional way of defining them, a word stuck in my head.  I hadn’t really planned to choose a word of the year.  I really intended to craft my statements of intention and non-goals into goals.  Then, yesterday, while I was cleaning up in the kitchen, a word came to me and has been floating around my head since.

I think I am ready to step up and claim my word for 2012.  It is focus.  For so many reasons, this word resonates with me and appeals to me.  I’m hopeful that in another blog post I’ll be able to get all that out and explain why I am so excited about this word.

Found via Flickr by angietorres

A couple days ago, I wrote about how I wanted to develop some goals for the upcoming year(s).  I don’t have them written yet, but I did get a start.  The first thing that I did was to make two lists.  One is a list of things that I say and believe are important to me and my family.  The other list was a list of things I say are not important or that I don’t want in my life but are in my life.  For example, I always say I don’t need a tv or that we shouldn’t ever worry about getting a bigger/nicer/newer tv.  However, Hulu Plus and Netflix make it really easy to just sit down and flip something on in the evenings.  Shoot.

So, now I’m going to look at those lists for a while and try to figure out what about healthy food I like and want to incorporate into my life and the lives of my family.  How realistic is it to try to start running again later in the summer after Baby is born?  Do I want to stop watching tv completely or just limit it?

I said something about not following through because I hadn’t found the thing that caught my interest, but the truth is he’s probably more right than I would like to admit.  I like new things.  I like things that are fun and interesting.  I don’t like things that are repetitive or things that require effort at the end of a long (cold) day.  So, in the end, making changes or setting goals is not exactly my forte.

I left the “How I Rocked My Goals” post open in my browser, and then today, I came across a “How I Set My Yearly Goals” post by another blogger.  I don’t think this was any sort of sign or anything.  I think it has more to do with reading 50+ blogs during the New Years Resolution time of year.  I’m not thinking that there are any big revelations coming up for me in particular.  I do think, though, that there are benefits in setting goals, making changes, and taking steps to move my life in the direction I would like it to go instead of letting it go however it happens to go.

So, over the course of the next week, I’m going to be thinking about my priorities, my goals, and what I need to do to make some things in my life happen.  I am not sure if I’m going to post my goals on this blog or if I’m going to decide to share them with close friends or what.  No matter what I decide, though, I will have at least one goal this year.  At least one goal will go beyond thinking about it in my head and not doing much else with it.

It seems like we were just at the park playing in the 80 degree sunshine.  All summer, I spent time looking forward to two cousins’ weddings.  Those things came, were great, and passed.  Now, it’s nearly Thanksgiving and nearly Christmas.  Heck, it’s nearly 2012!

On a flight I took this fall, I talked with a woman who was sitting next to me.  She told me that in her family, her relatives often live into their 90’s.  She told me she had always assumed that at some point when people got older, their days slowed down and their time moved slower and slower.  She was surprised to find out from her 80 and 90 year old relatives that they felt it was just the opposite.  Their lives moved faster and faster, and suddenly they were 90.

Luckily, I won’t wake up and be 90 soon, but somehow it seems like someone has pushed the fast forward button on my life.  So, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!  The rest of this year may fly by, so I don’t want to miss my opportunity to say all those things.  :-)

I know that I could post about my kids and my family every day.  The difficulty with that is that as Kael and Asa get older, I feel more protective of their privacy.  Stories that were cute little stories when they were younger now have the power to embarrass them.  I don’t want that.

My previous blog was a (mostly) breastfeeding blog.  It was nice to know I had a general topic around which I could organize my ideas and posts.  Also, if I was feeling a little low on ideas or personal connections, I could always connect my post to a current event or news story related to breastfeeding.  I don’t feel like I have that right now.

I have some themes running through my life right now.  Maybe if I can get my thoughts organized enough I can have a regular post or two about those things.  Until then, expect a stream of consciousness and pictures of the boys.  :)

Jason and the boys (Poor Baby J has an eye infection in this picture!)

He is.  He’s a great husband.  He’s a wonderful dad.  He’s patient.  He’s a hard worker.  Man, do I love that guy.

Last night, we were talking about something, and Jason said, “If you had to choose, would you do it again?  Get married so young, I mean.”  We were 22 and 23 when we got married.  At the time, I remember thinking that wasn’t that young at all.  Now, looking back…  :)

I thought about our marriage and the past 9 1/2 years together.  I thought about our trips together, our moves, our kids.  I really couldn’t think of any reason I would do things any differently.

Some things that make him are awesome are:

• his coffee making ability
• the way he loves our children
• the way he takes care of me
• how he lets me sleep in on the weekends even though he’s tired, too
• how he cleans up the kitchen
• how he works so hard at his job
• and a million more things

I figured it is getting close to the time when we actually have to start deciding what we are going to have though.  So far, I think we have enough food for at least 15 people.  There will be 4 adults and 3 kids at our meal.  :)  When we were making our list of foods to have for our meal, Kael made it very clear that he would really like some corn.  It turns out he wanted corn on the cob which is tough to come by this time of year, but he says frozen corn will be alright.  Jason wants the traditional parts of the meal.  He is in charge of the turkey and gravy.  For some reason, I’m fixated on having sweet potatoes, but I do not want the ones that have marshmallows on the top.  We’ll also be having cranberry sauce and cranberry lemonade.  Now, we just need to figure out how to make sure everything gets cooked at the right temperature for the right time and is ready all at once.

Yum!

During this time of year when I want to think about being thankful and grateful for what I have, I find myself doing the same thing as my kids.  I, too, am making my “I want” list.  So, I suppose my first step in teaching my children about thanksgiving is to model it myself.