Love Your Neighbor

kind over matter: The Kindness of Receiving with Brené Brown

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 12:01:00 +0000

kind over matter: The Kindness of Receiving with Brené Brown: "Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.

In our culture we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into 'those who offer help' and 'those who need help.'

The truth is that we are both. In order to experience real connection, we need to experience both giving and receiving."

And, here I am... completely humbled by that concept.

I received a voicemail this week from someone at church. She said that she would like to talk to me about a donation that someone would like to give me. I immediately thought--"hmm, very nice, but I don't need anything" with a little bit of "since when did I become a charity case?!?!?" on the side. I called her back to politely and graciously decline the offer of whatever it might be. On the phone, she told me about the kinds of donations that they receive and how some people have specific types of recipients in mind. In this case, she was looking for a single mother with a daughter between the ages of 3 and 6. Suddenly I became more interested. A family wanted to donate a bedroom set. Guess what? LJ needs a bedroom set. And, just like that, I signed up for the receiving end of some kindness. They delivered it last night, and they were an incredibly beautiful family (plus one incredibly beautiful friend they brought along). After they set everything up, LJ had a little tea party for them. She also delivered about fifty kisses. I think she likes her new bedroom set!

And me? I got a genuine spiritual awakening.

Kind Regards (from a much more open heart),

Your Neighbor

My Apologies

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 01:34:00 +0000

I bribed LJ into going shopping with me. I promised to buy her favorite snack at the mall: pretzel bites and lemonade. There was a long, haphazard line. When the PretzelMaker employee asked me what I wanted, I placed my order. She was filling it when I realized that we had skipped another family in line. Ugh. My first instinct was to act like nothing happened, but then thoughts about this blog crept in and encouraged me to go with Plan B and apologize. They were very gracious in accepting my apology. And, I left with a clean conscience (and a small order of pretzel bites and a fresh-squeezed lemonade).

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Opinions

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 01:48:00 +0000

"The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion."
-Lori Deschene

I have met some pretty eccentric characters since I have been working at the animal hospital. Trust me, I have been forming opinions and sharing stories on a daily basis. And, I have to admit that some of them haven't been very kind. After sharing my latest round of observations at my nephew's birthday party last night and stumbling across an interesting blog entry, I felt the need to make some changes. Time to care more, judge less.

Today's act of kindness was to try to listen without forming an opinion. I tried, but I failed miserably. I still instantly liked some people from the moment they walked in the door. I still found myself rolling my eyes (mentally) at some of the things other people said. Maybe I'm interpreting the quote too literally, but I just don't think it's possible to refrain from forming an opinion about people. Or, is this just one of my character flaws? Hmm... I'm going to have to continue this exercise throughout the week. I'm not sure about it yet. At least, everyone got some stellar customer service today.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Abe Lincoln

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 09:50:00 +0000

I know it's 5:00 am on Sunday, but I'm calling this Saturday's blog. I missed writing about Friday, and I really want to stay in the habit of daily posting.

Thursday's letter really made me stop and think-- what do I LOVE about my life? It was such a fun list to write: the smell of orange blossoms, starry nights, getting the urge to laugh when it would be wildly inappropriate to do so, finding money in a coat pocket, and so many more. I was sooooo happy when I found a five dollar bill in the bottom of an old purse the other day. That's what made me think of today's act of kindness.

I sealed the envelope and took it with us on our afternoon stroll. LJ and I walked up to the shopping center. There are a few shops to choose from, but I thought someone would be most happy about finding $5 at the thrift store. So, we left it on a rack, snapped a quick photo on my cell phone (just to add a little excitement to our secret mission), and walked out of the store.

As we walked home, I wondered if it would be considered a suspicious package. (It reminded me of the time that I left that book at the airport.) Hopefully, Abe found a happy home and someone else got to experience one of my favorite little things about life. Have a delightful day!

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

A Thankful Girl

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 01:08:00 +0000

I have been blessed with the most amazing friends. I received a package from one of these beautiful friends today. She saves magazine articles, newspaper clippings, or comics that she knows I will find entertaining, and when her file folder is full she sends them to me in the mail. See? I wasn't joking... I have AMAZING friends. :-)

Today's package contained something extra special. It was a copy of a letter that her friend found tucked in a magazine at Barnes and Noble in December. "Dear Reader, I'm leaving this note for no particular reason, except to share with a complete stranger the things I love about my life." It was signed "A Thankful Girl." And, I'm sure you already know how much I enjoyed reading every word. It was sweet and honest and incredibly heartwarming.

I sat down and wrote my own love letter this evening. I guess LJ and I will have to go by Barnes and Noble tomorrow for a top secret special delivery into the magazine of our choice.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Cutting in Line

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 03:01:00 +0000

Today's act of kindness wasn't very inspired, but it will have to do since I don't have anything else and it's already 10:00pm. I let someone get in line in front of me at Target this afternoon. That's it. She had one item, and I had a full cart. It was a no-brainer.

Hopefully I can deliver something a little more impressive tomorrow. Until then...

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

First Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 22:09:00 +0000

A man came into the animal hospital last week with his cat, Blackie. When I asked what was wrong with Blackie, he said, "Oh she just lies around and cries like every other woman." I could feel the smile melt off my face, but I tried to stay pleasant. When I entered the room with the vet tech to take Blackie's temperature, the man gave me a look and said, "Well, what do we have here? A new lady doctor?" There was something about the way he said "lady doctor" that really rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not usually like that. I think I have pretty thick skin. In this situation, I'm not a doctor AT ALL so I really don't know why I was so offended, but I was.

So, when Mr. Really-Gets-On-My-Nerves showed up with Blackie again today, I thought of my renewed interest in this project and I kicked up the kindness a few notches. This led to a lengthy conversation about his life. He was married to a "cat lady" who fed and cared for over 20 strays at the warehouse they owned. Blackie and three others came home with them and became their personal pets. His wife died last year. He doesn't have any family in the area... just the cats who he refers to as "his girls." Every Saturday night, he goes out for a steak dinner by himself, and he brings a piece home for the girls. And, if that doesn't break your heart, what will?

I'm really glad I gave him a second chance to make a first impression.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Beach Clean-up

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 01:04:00 +0000

Another wonderful day. After work, I asked LJ what she wanted to do, and my brilliant daughter said, "BEACH!" Good idea, LJ. I like how this kid thinks! I leave our beach bag in the car (for days like today) so thirty minutes later we were building sandcastles. (Actually, I was doing the building. LJ was in demolition mode.)

Anyway, this was the beach that we went to last summer when I first started this project. We picked up trash back then. Guess what? There was still plenty of trash for us to pick up today. I hope all of the tourists enjoy a slightly cleaner beach tomorrow. :-)

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Fairy Stone

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 20:53:00 +0000

When I lived in Virginia, I loved to go hiking. I think I've been to every state park in the western half of the state. A really fun one was Fairy Stone State Park, home to "fairy stones" (naturally occurring cross-shaped stones). The other day I was cleaning/organizing, and I found some fairy stones in a box under the bed. I had forgotten about them and how incredibly cool they are.

Today, I tucked one into a bag along with a note for the lucky neighbor who finds it. I hung it on a branch while LJ and I were out for our afternoon stroll.

PS It is a gorgeous day in South Florida... 71 degrees and sunny. My kind of day.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Baby Shopping

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 02:36:00 +0000

LJ and I are getting ready to move into our new house. Very exciting stuff! I have a lot of sorting and organizing to do. I've been saving boxes of baby items because I thought that LJ would have a brother or sister soon. I don't think that's going to happen now so I've been thinking about what I should do with all of her stuff. On Saturday, I was talking about it with a friend and said, "I wish I knew someone who was having a baby and really needed this stuff." On Monday, there was a knock on our door. It was a woman who cleans our neighbor's house. She wanted to know if I had a baby swing that she could buy from me or if any of our friends had a used baby swing she could purchase. Really?

I don't know her well, but I do know what a hard worker she is. In addition to being a special education teacher's aide, she also did babysitting, caring for the elderly, and house cleaning. I've never seen her without a smile on her face. So I told her that I had a swing, but it would take me a day or two to get it out of storage. I spent all day on Wednesday going through LJ's baby things, and picking out the good stuff (stroller, car seat, bassinet, bouncy seat, play mats, activity tables, boppy, diaper genie, jumperoo, swing, crib mattress, bath tub, and bags of clothes).

I set it all up in our living room:

When she came over, I told her that she could have anything she wanted. She was so happy! And, seeing her so happy made ME so happy. It was the best day I've had in a while. I'm sure I could have sold all of this stuff on craigslist or at a yard sale and made some money, but it felt so good to give it to someone who really needs it. Our friends and our family have been so generous to LJ and to me; it just makes sense for us to continue the spirit of giving.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Thinking of You

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 03:42:00 +0000

Back in August, I delivered dinner to one of our neighbors as my daily act of kindness. I wrote about it in Meat and Potatoes. He went to live in a nursing home not long after that. The sad news is that he passed away on Christmas day. I was thinking about his wife today. I'm sure that she could use some extra love. So, today's act of kindness was a knock on her door and a little conversation on her front patio. I just wanted her to know that we are thinking about her.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Lost & Found

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 01:28:00 +0000

Happy New Year, old friends. I am hoping that reviving this project will be a resolution that I can actually keep. My divorce has been final for one month now. LJ and I are adjusting to our new lifestyle. Even though I miss the time that we spent together, I enjoy my new job and she really enjoys time with her grandmother.

I have been working at my brother's vet office. There are a lot of opportunities for acts of kindness for the animals and for their owners, too. Today, someone came in with a photograph of her lost cat. After she left, I started thinking about resources for finding lost animals. I did an internet search and found a database for lost pets at our local shelter. I looked through all 129 cat photographs, and unfortunately I didn't see her missing kitty. I called her to let her know about the resource though. She seemed to appreciate it.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Bella

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 03:06:00 +0000

LJ loves animals. I do, too. We have met a lot of dogs during our neighborhood walks. LJ has to stop and pet each one. Out of all of the dogs in our neighborhood, her favorite is an American Bulldog named Bella. Sometimes we spot Bella passing by through the window, and LJ wants to run outside to say hello. Since Bella is such a superstar at our house, we decided to leave her a little surprise on the sidewalk this afternoon. I hope it made her owner smile.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Raking Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 04:34:00 +0000

Hi, Neighbors. After a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with food, family and fun, I am feeling a little more like myself. Hopefully my "tomorrow" has finally come, and I am back in the kindness business.

Our neighbors have a gorgeous Floss Silk tree in their front yard. It blooms every October/November, and the huge pink flowers that cover it and then fall to the ground are the closest thing that we get to Fall leaves.

On one of our walks, I noticed that the flowers that were covering the sidewalk were really slippery. Since our neighbors were out of town for the weekend, I decided to rake some flowers for them. I swept the sidewalk, too. When the job was finished, I had filled 2 huge bags with flowers. If they hadn't attracted so many bees, I would have let LJ jump into my pile.

The Driveway Before:

The Driveway After:

One more shot of the pink Floss Silk flower:

Sending happy Fall thoughts to our neighbors near and far!

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Support

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 03:18:00 +0000

I had a check-up with my dermatologist. Before the exam, he was asking me about LJ and if I planned to have any more children. I told him about my divorce and how I didn't think there would be any more children in my future (something I am kind of devastated about because I absolutely love being a mom). Anyway, I was really surprised by my doctor's reaction. He seemed to be genuinely outraged by my news. He told me that I was a really wonderful, kind, positive person and my husband must be an idiot for not wanting to stay in our marriage. Dr. D is usually all business and kind of on the dry side, but he really came alive when he was giving me his little pep talk. It really meant a lot to me. I expect to hear encouraging words from my friends and family members; they love me and support me unconditionally. I don't expect to hear those things from someone on the periphery. Dr. D's words really touched me. I have been overwhelmed and humbled by the support of so many people.

Today, I started saying "thank you" for that support. It might take me a while, but I want to thank everyone who has made this ordeal a little bit easier. I have a lot of emails to write.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Kindness by Proxy

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 03:01:00 +0000

I received this message from my sweet cousin today.

"I was in line at McD's to get my giant sweet tea, a necessity for making it through the day. It was super crowded. I was one car away from the pay window when I heard and felt a thud. The guy behind me had rear ended my car. He jumped out to apologize and check for damage. Of course nothing had happened. It was just a bump. I assured him it was fine and no big deal. He kept saying he was sorry and that he was so embarrassed. I knew he was upset and it might have started his day off wrong. So when I pulled to the window to pay I picked up the tab for his as well. I hope that put a smile on his face. I think you can totally claim this as your act of kindness for today."

I'll take it. That's much better than anything I had planned for the day. And, I can only hope that my reaction would have been as kind. Thanks, Kitty.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Directions

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 03:10:00 +0000

I met LJ's dad at a shopping center today. He was going to take her to the park. I was moving her car seat from one car to the other when a man pulled up in a minivan and asked for directions. He was looking for Broward Health Clinic. I didn't know where it was, but I asked him if he had an address. Fort Lauderdale is such an easy city to navigate. It is based on grid system-- all streets & boulevards run east/west and all avenues run north/south. There are two main axis roads that meet downtown, and all of the street numbers begin at that point. So, 200 NW 7th Avenue would be around 2nd Street & NW 7th Ave. I told the man in the minivan how to get there... three times. I should have drawn a map. Of course, I think of that now. Next time, I'll be prepared. I hope he made it to his appointment on time.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Bird's Nest

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 03:04:00 +0000

Every six weeks, I volunteer for the children's program at our church. I have been working in the Pre-K 3 room. Even though I have 13 years of teaching experience, that means almost nothing when it comes to capturing the attention of nine rowdy 3-year olds and maintaining it long enough to actually get through a story and a craft. I try, and sometimes I succeed. I just have to be really flexible when it comes to defining success. ;-)

Today's craft was to make a bird's nest, complete with a little pom-pom bird with googly eyes and paper wings and beak. It was labor-intensive, and all nine of them decided to melt down at the same time. I'm really glad I'm doing this blog because I was able to pull out some patience that I had hidden in storage. Somehow we made nine nests with pom-poms that kind of resemble birds or maybe aliens. I'm counting it as a success. I told you I have to be flexible when it comes to defining that in the Pre-K 3 room. The kids were proud of them, and that's what counts... right?

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Bank Account

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 07:48:00 +0000

I opened a new bank account yesterday. A lovely woman named Carol assisted me. While we were completing the paperwork, another person came in and said, "Hey, Carole. You're with someone? We're waiting for YOU." Then, another person came in and caught her attention just so she could wave. I commented to Carol about her popularity, and then she smiled and told me about her work there. She drives 45 minutes to work every day, and she passes a lot of other branches on the way. She loves her customers, she has worked there for six years, and she doesn't see herself leaving anytime soon. By the time we were finished, I knew why her customers love her so much. Carol had managed to do everything quickly and efficiently while still throwing in some encouraging advice about my divorce and compliments for LJ. And then there's the smile. Kind of makes me wish I didn't use the ATM so much.

On my way out, the security guard asked if I had any canned items for their food drive. He was another happy, shiny person. His enthusiasm made me wish I had a few cans of tuna in my purse so I could drop something in the box immediately. Instead, I had to drive home and clean out the pantry... an act of kindness for the food drive and myself.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

6:00 a.m.

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 03:46:00 +0000

Yesterday I gave my brother and sister-in-law a ride to the airport. Under normal circumstances, this would be no big deal. But, this ride was at 6:00 in the morning! It was still dark out... moon and stars kind of dark. The early wake-up made it an official act of kindness. I haven't seen 6:00 a.m. in a long time. Thankfully, LJ enjoys sleeping in as much as I do. :-)

We went to the beach today, and we participated in our most frequent act of kindness: picking up trash! I don't really enjoy picking up trash. It's just an easy thing to do, and there always seems to be an abundance of it at the beach and at local parks.

I'm glad to be focused on this project again. I'm feeling better.

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Self-control

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 03:08:00 +0000

Yesterday my husband and I filed for divorce. This was the reason that I have been missing for most of the month of October. I don't really feel like it's appropriate for me to share the details here, but I would like to express how difficult this experience has been. I was completely blindsided by his decision to leave and devastated by his refusal to try and work things out through counseling. I never saw this coming. It's like he just woke up one day and decided that it was over. Of course, there is a lot more to the story, but you get the picture. I am angry, disappointed, and confused.

My act of kindness for the day was for my soon-to-be-ex-husband. We spent almost two hours alone in a room together while the attorney completed our paperwork. As much as I wanted to scream, curse, throw things, leap across the table and choke him, I kept all of those negative emotions in check, and I tried not to say anything hurtful. We need to have a cooperative relationship for LJ's sake. If he is not going to be a good husband for me, he can still be a good father for her.

Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

First Day of School

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 03:29:00 +0000

I worked as a substitute teacher yesterday. The assignment was for a preschool class-- adorable 3 and 4 year old children with speech and language delays. I have subbed in that class before, and I really enjoyed it.

While I was waiting for the children to arrive, I learned that we would have a new student. It was Jonathan's first day of school. I had originally planned to find something positive to say about each student as my act of kindness for the day. When I saw 3-year old Jonathan with his Thomas the Tank Engine backpack and brand new shoes and tear-filled eyes, I had a new mission: make Jonathan's day.

It was an easy assignment, and I was happy that I could tell his mom that he had a wonderful day when she picked him up. I managed to squeeze in those compliments with the other children in the class, too.... plenty of good artwork, nice manners, smiles, sharing and singing!

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Trick-or-Treat

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 20:24:00 +0000

I love Halloween. I got to stay home last night and hand out candy while LJ's dad took her trick-or-treating. It was rainy here so we had less children than usual, but it was still fun to see all of the costumes and offer up the big basket of candy.

Before LJ went out, we did a little reverse trick-or-treating at 3 of our neighbor's houses. When they opened the door, LJ a.k.a. Butterfly Princess gave them a small bouquet of flowers. It seemed like a nice surprise. I had big plans to reverse trick-or-treat through the entire neighborhood. Maybe next year. Or-- who says we have to wait that long? Maybe next week!

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Party People

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:12:00 +0000

LJ and I went to a birthday party yesterday for one of her friends. It was a Halloween theme, and the parents went all out. I remembered how hectic LJ's party had been in August so I decided that I would help out as much as I could. We were the first guests to arrive, and I quickly found my first task. The birthday boy was running around in his diaper saying "no, no, no" to his batman costume. I coaxed him into it. The rest of the afternoon was spent locating the tops for the markers at the mask table, keeping the "slime" in it's 5-gallon container, helping little fingers with stickers and play-doh cookie cutters, and taking tons of pictures. We stayed late to help clean up. LJ was thrilled (even though she was exhausted-- she almost fell asleep on the floor of the bounce house). We both took really good naps when we got home. :-)

Kind Regards,

Your Neighbor

Back in Business

noreply@blogger.com (I'm Your Neighbor.) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 02:04:00 +0000

LJ loves going to the park so I have been taking her almost every day. All she wants to do is swing. So, I push and do some people-watching (one of my favorite activities). I was scanning the playground the other day when I noticed a little girl walking in. She was barefoot, and she looked incredibly sad. Really... there was just a cloud over her head. So what do I do? Take a picture.

I was thinking about this blog and how I haven't been following through on my commitment, and I thought if I took a picture that I might actually do something for this project again. She came over by the swings, and LJ said hi. She started swinging next to her. LJ copied everything the girl did. When she leaned back, LJ leaned back. When she shook her hair, LJ shook her hair. We actually got a smile out of her.

We have seen her twice since then, and we've talked with her each time. She still seems pretty sad, but we're working on it. :-)