Loves of Life

Knock, knock, who's in there? {Gender Reveal!!}

2012-02-23T07:54:00.000-05:00

I finally convinced Declan to let me get an early gender results ultrasound. We have a really awesome place pretty local, that's been in business for a very long time, and the tech has a 7 year record of never being wrong from 15 weeks on. It's pretty awesome.

For some reason, this pregnancy I have been majorly impatient. I just needed to know who was in there. I had my momma gut feeling....and it turned out....that instinct was right.

Because Miss Emeline is going to have a.....

I can't even put words to my joy these past two days. Big, huge, smiles. Lots of chatter to Emeline about her baby sister. Lots of dreaming of being a momma to two girls. A lifelong gift in a sister that my girls(!!!) will have.

Having a sister has been one of the best gifts in my life. I can't really even type about it in detail without a flood of emotions. I know I can't wish the same relationship I have with my sister on my daughters, but I can hope and pray they find the same heart to heart connection that me and my sister have.

So, cheers. And big, huge, smiles from me to you, today.

***

Happy Thursday :)

Moments in the art of juggling.

2012-02-22T08:37:00.000-05:00

Toddlers are....busy. The busiest little creatures I ever did see. For not having anything real important or pressing to do. No checkbooks to balance, or bosses to impress. You know.

They get into everything. They are interested in everything. They ask for approximately 2938298 things before you get the right thing and even then it doesn't always satisfy their deepest little toddler cravings and desires.

It's cute, really. And partially annoying. And so....toddlerhood, as cliche as that is.

It's a little less cute when she's doing these things while I'm trying to wrangle her at my OB appointment yesterday.

Luckily we didn't have to wait for long to be called back. However, for the five minutes we waited I felt like a monkey in a cage. The ladies behind the glass office ooh'ed and ahh'ed over the cuteness of Emeline, literally, staring for the entire.five.minutes at her. I shouldn't have put her hair in piggy tails. Piggy tails make everyone swoon. Even me. Then, Eme saw the anti-bacterial hand pump and bee-lined for it. Repeating over & over & over again, I keen! I keen! until I let her 'wash her hands'. No big deal, at all. Until she escorted herself over there to pump the the stupid thing herself, for the fifth time. Talk about a mess. I juggle.

Thankfully the nurse called my name at the exact right time.

I didn't have any clue how difficult it would be to pee in a cup, in a small bathroom, with my daughter there watching me talking about momma pee-pee, shoving the iPhone in my face because she can't find the app that she deleted minutes before, all while whining as if the world is ending because the!app!is!gone! It took everything in my power not to accidentally spill my hot, fresh, urine on her, while trying to pull up my pants, re-download the app, and shushing her at the same time. I juggle.

And then? It's time to be weighed. For the first time ever they let me pee first. Thank you, I lost a pound. Okay. At least half a pound. But when Eme saw me stand on that scale? SHE WANTED TO STAND ON THE SCALE, TOO! While teetering on the scale I tried to distract her with my phone again, all while probably annoying the nurse because it was hard to get an accurate reading while I'm bent over uploading Elmo videos from YouTube, that the nurse out front had just recommended to me. Your head spinning yet? Mine was. I juggle.

Two coats, purse & hot, fresh pee cup in hand...Emeline trailing behind me, about to run into walls, so distracted from that dang phone. Whatever. I'm done feeling bad about it. I'm coping at this point. The nurse escorts us to a room that she assures me IS NOT GOING TO BE MY ROOM for the appointment today, that she had to prep a real room for me. It's a good thing because that particular bed looked like some kind of torture device used in the olden days and there was no way in hay'ull I was getting on that thing. But, great. Another move once I get all comfortable & situated with my ~~crazy-cakes~~ toddler on my lap.

We finally ended up at our resting place. A normal room. One with the cool fish tiles on the ceilings so women can feel "distracted" while doctors go up their hoo-ha with uncomfortable tools (OB & GYN is all one place :) ) while discussing the latest recipe they found on Pinterest. Anyone else find that really awkward? No? Anyway. I digress.

The nurse then says those words I was hoping to God I wouldn't hear. The Doctor could be an extra few minutes today...so, sit on the chair and not the bed until she gets here. Code for: You're going to be waiting forever. Cue internal freak-out. Noooooooooooooooooooooo.

She sat on my lap. We played game 1 until she was disinterested. We stared up at the fishies on the ceiling tiles and began to count them. We sang fishy songs from swim class. We did hand motions. She asked for a snack. I did the snack/sippy cup dance. She didn't want what I brought along, of course. We went onto game 2. I tried to download a new game. We watched 3948309 random clips of Dora related stuff on YouTube. Let me just say....people upload weird ish. She got off my lap, she pulled down the doctors measuring tape, she wore it as a 'necklace' and danced around the room. I tried downloading new apps. I got error messages galore because I am out of space on my phone. I deleted other important apps to make room for stuff for her. Because momma's do stuff like that. Now I don't have a pregnancy app to keep me straight so if you ask me how far along I am and I don't know? You know why.

Finally. She arrived. I sat Eme on the chair by herself as I sat up on the table/bed/torture device. The second I laid back and pulled my stretchy band down so she could get the doppler out?

EMELINE FREAKED OUT.

I didn't expect this at all from her. I had no idea the poor kid would think the doctor was hurting me by putting that thing on my belly. But, sure enough, big-huge-crocodile-tears and a sheer look of panic overtook my little girl as the doctor said "Oh honey, I'm not hurting your mommy!"

Once that special little swooshing sound of her little baby sibling came up loud and clear on the doppler? She put her little hands over her mouth & did her little gasp/giggle combo with tears still running down her face. As if she knew she was listening to something really cool and special.

I will remember that little sweet moment forever. I hope.

Despite what felt like complete and utter chaos of that appointment. Despite the juggling act of sippie cup/snack/game/sing-your-abc's/let's dance!/don't cry/shhhhh!/and all the redirection in between. It was really special.

I'm glad for that little moment. And so glad for naptime that followed.

***

It's Tuesday, so....confess.

2012-02-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

Every season when the Bachelor or Bachelorette ends, I am disappointed beyond belief in the persons choice or the fact that they don't all just STAY IN LOVE. With the exception of a FEW couples. Then, I huff and puff and whine about how I will never, ever, ever watch one of those stupid, awful shows again. But every season it lures me back in, and I am ashamed. So ashamed. Why do I do this to myself? I have no idea.

95% of the time I don't even think about dinner or what to make for dinner until about 4pm that day. I swear, I am physically incapable of meal planning. I practically twitch in the grocery store, I hate grocery shopping that much. I cannot stick to lists. I hate making lists. Basically, I am not good at such things. I totally fail in this department. Always.

I am so not a morning person. I am very slow and very...quiet...in the morning, for a while, anyway. I have been bringing up to our room a cup of milk (for her) & a cup of coffee (for moi) at the first sign of Emeline waking up these days. It started while I was super sick pregnant and the tradition has continued. We lay in bed sipping our preferred drink of choice watching cartoons. Lazy say what? I like it.

I use apps/games on my iPhone to pacify my toddler while she's fa-reaking out in a store, or on the edge of naptime and bordering on falling asleep in the car, or if I've heard her scream for the "b-b-baaarnnnn" app too many times and I just want her to stop. It is really quite ridiculous that she can navigate a phone so well, cruising between apps and really playing them. (Pssst: have you signed up for AppSmitten yet? You need to!)

I purposely wear the lightest clothes I can when I go to OB appointments. Why? Because they put you on a scale fully clothed and with a full bladder, so of course, I don't want to add any unnecessary poundage. It's stupid, really.

I also always, accidentally, forget to 'hold my pee' so I can do the whole pee in a cup thing and tell them every time how sorry I am that I forgot again. They always tell me to just try to squeeze out a little (it's okay, you can laugh), and somehow I can always manage that, no matter how empty my bladder feels, oddly enough.

Sneezing while pregnant. NOT COOL. That is all.

I hate finances and dealing with them. Thankfully, my husband is obsessed with financial stuff, budgeting, online banking, and all that money related ish that makes me quiver inside. Handing over that area of our life to my him fully was the best decision I ever made. Of course I have access to everything, and check up from time to time, but I'd really rather not. I've never been that great with numbers, and he's the finance director for our Church, so really? It's much more his thing than mine anyway.

I let my dog go out of date with shots and I feel awful when this happens. Every.time. The only way I knew he was out of date on shots? I called the groomer because the poor guy can't see anymore with all that hair in his eyes, and they told me we needed an updated rabies vaccine. He was due for one in....NOVEMBER. Fail. Fail. Fail. So I had to hang up with them and call the vet, to which I was informed he was due for a lot more than that. Poor pup. We will remedy all this on Thursday afternoon, and the groomer will have to wait 'til next week.

I am suddenly back on a bit of a candy kick again this week. Starbursts, mentos fruit chews, gummy, sour chewy candy, oh my. It needs to stop.

Also. My thighs are growing. I can tell. It's gross. I blame the candy.

***

What are you confessing today?

Dressing the Bump, Part Two.

2012-02-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

There are fashion bloggers out there. I am not one of them. I never, ever, ever, ever once have stated that I really even know anything about clothing, at all. But I feel semi-passionate about one thing specifically related to clothing and that is this:

I do not need to look like an oompa loompah just because I'm pregnant.

You also would be surprised how little "maternity" clothes you actually need when it comes down to it. I've talked about this before with my last pregnancy, too.

My beef with maternity clothes is two-fold.

1. It is often very overpriced. Not always, but often.

2. Anything affordable? Is very rarely all that cute.

Granted, I know these two factors can be argued. You could mention Old Navy's maternity section, and say there are some great pieces....there are. Or some of Motherhood's stuff is more...progressive....yes, some of it. Or that H&M now has a maternity section...they do. But it's tiny. You blink and you miss it.

I find that for me? I can get away with shopping regular 'ole clothing sections for most of my pregnancy. I bet you could, too. And I love this. For so many reasons!

1. You can still wear most of the cutest, latest, up-to-date clothing as everyone else. Every one of your tops does not have to be rouched up the sides, or have that stamp of "maternity" on it.

2. You can find stuff that works cha-eap if you are like me and love a good deal.

3. You can use SO MUCH of your regular clothing you already have in your closet and it'll save you boatloads.

I HAVE SOME EXCEPTIONS.

-I wear maternity PANTS. I love maternity jeans when pregnant. I despise the bella band thing. I hate that you can very obviously see buttons undone underneath (if you're wearing a tighter shirt), and I find it uncomfortable. Some people love it. That's amazing. I do not.

So, yes, I buy maternity pants. Currently I own 2 pair of maternity denim skinnies, 1 pair of maternity black skinnies, 1 pair of colored (red) denim, & 2 pair of boot cut denim. Oh yea, and one very important pair of maternity black leggings.

They are enough to really pull me through, at least through this season and springtime.

-Near the end I wear some maternity tank tops if mine are appearing more 'short' :)

***

Okay.

So.

AS FOR TOPS:

1. I swear by long, ribbed tank tops. Target makes great ones. They are so long and so stretchy and they should be able to last you a long time through your pregnancy. Once you start feeling like your tanks aren't fitting as good anymore? Buy a few maternity tanks from Old Navy or something. They lasted me forever with my last pregnancy and some of them turn into nursing tanks too. You'd be surprised by how many other tank tops sold out there nowadays are wayyyy long enough and wayyyyy stretchy enough to last a really long time through baby bump growing days.

Long non-maternity tank. Cardigan. Belt. Simple :)

2. Take advantage of your CARDIGANS. Open sweaters are so in. THANK YOU! Put on a tank top, throw a cute cardi over top, maybe throw in a belt to cinch, and bam. Adorable.

3. You can wear those really baggy, silky, in-style shirts that are out right now. Don't want to look HUGE while wearing it? Great. Accentuate your belly with a belt and go a size up to ensure it lasts :)

not sure how I feel about butterflies...buttttttt...you get the idea.

4. The coat/cardi doesn't/can't button over the bump anymore? WHO CARES. Still wear it. No one ever said your cute cropped leather jacket had to ZIP. At least not while you're growing a human.

Sequins? WHY THE HECK NOT :)

5. If you aren't afraid of tight tops/dresses, then SHOW IT OFF. The baby bump is freaking adorable. I love seeing a momma rocking a slimming top or dress that really shows off that cute tummy. Honestly? I prefer my tops to "hug the bump".

With big thighs & a butt like mine, the tighter dress thing doesn't do a body good. But you get the idea here, anyway. Oh, and once all those cute little maxi dresses are out? Golden.

6. You know all those cropped tops that are out now, too? You can wear those! They look amazingly cute over a simple tank top and bonus: since they are cropped you have ZERO need to worry about it having to grow with you.

This below was a semi-cropped cardigan, not maternity at all (Vera Wang, actually!), but honestly? Looks like the perfect bump-hole to me :) Was so in love with this sweater that I took it home.

7. Lastly. Short dresses. Wear them as dresses if you want to, and can--for as long as you can. But once it starts getting too short/tight on the rear, rock that cute dress as a top. Or wear it over leggings. Just hike it up a little under the ladies and add a belt (if you need/want to).

How much do you love dress #2/3 in these pics? Because I am obsessed with it's simple cuteness.

***

So there you have it. Some of my (not-really) tricks to getting away with as much non-maternity stuff as I possibly can. Or just my attempt at saving money because I can be super cheap. And how I try to avoid looking like an oompa loompah. (Just don't knock on my door from 8-10am in the mornings. No promises there.)

Disclaimers:

*Yes. There is definitely some really cute maternity clothing out there. I didn't say it was all ugly.

**I own a few maternity tops. Yes, even some with rouching up the sides. A few of my favorite maternity tops are the waffle-knit ones from Target.

***All of the clothing above is from a random trip to Kohls. I did not come home with all of it, in fact, only the one sweater came home with me. But I did want about 75% of it. Some is from misses, some from juniors.

****I should have probably done this with pics using clothes from my own closet and using my good camera. Hindsight is 20/20. Oh well. I do like a lot of my own clothes, too. If you cared. :)

*****I realize my tummy isn't huge and you may be all like "oh pfft...wait till you're 8 months pregnant". I can tell you that many of these same tricks worked for me last time all the way up until the end. AND? I was 50lbs heavier.

******I was not endorsed to write this post nor did Kohls pay me to show off their clothing to all of you. Although I kind of wish they did because then maybe I could have bought some of those cute things.

********I think that is enough disclaimers for one day.

Happy Monday!

Hello Baby Deux: 16 weeks

2012-02-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

I look like I'm pushing out/arching my back in this photo, and I guess I kind of am. Accidentally, of course. I feel like I don't look that big in person, but who knows. Anyway--clearly even ONCE A MONTH I couldn't keep up with having my husband take a picture for me to avoid the big camera-in-my-face look. Oh well. We do what we can.

The Babe

According to the pregnancy app that keeps me on track (ha), I will be 16 weeks tomorrow. And baby? Baby is the size of an avocado apparently. Wow. That seems so...big to me. I can't believe we're already at that point already. We'll check on that sweet heartbeat again on Tuesday. Apparently, though--s/he has ears and can hear now. So, lucky little baby has lots of time to get used to the shrills and shrieks of their big sister, yea?

Also, call me crazy but I swore I felt the baby move this week. I can't really confirm that though, but eventually I'll be feeling him or her more consistently.

The Momma

I feel better. I FEEL BETTER!!!! Not 100%, but so.much.better. I have figured out that my 'trick' to not getting sick in the morning is getting a few sips of coffee in me prior to being up and at 'em too much. So yes, I drink coffee in bed most mornings. It's a rough life. I also don't feel nauseous 24/7. More like...4/7. Four hours a day is WAY less than 24. I still need my anti-nausea pills maybe 1x a day, it takes the edge off.

As far as foods go? I'm still picky, yes. I can't help that. I also don't have any overwhelming cravings right now. I am OVER the whole Icee thing. One bad experience is all I needed to call that craving quits, apparently.

The Bod

I'm still lingering around the -3lbs mark or so. Pretty normal for me. Just a matter of time before the weight just packs right on. Lovely. I'm disappointed a bit in myself that I've not gotten on the treadmill since, forever ago. The need for naps came back in my life with a vengeance, and so that sort of ruled out running. Pathetic, but true. Momma's sleepy. And growing a human, working from home & taking care of a toddler (among a billion other things) has proven to be a butt-whoopin'.

Oh, and comparison to last pregnancy. First of all, let me just say how annoyed I am that I did bare-belly shots last time. I don't know why I did that. Especially with being so much heavier. And this time? No thank-you. So, I found a clothed 17 week pic from last time to compare it to. Granted, an entire week difference, but-you get the idea generally.

Bottom line: I was so much bigger last time.
See? It SO pays to lose the weight (plus some). So glad I did. Will never, ever regret that.

also, notice how my belly looks smaller in this pic than the one above? I think the hand on the hip makes me look bigger, ha ;)

The Big Sis

Still adorable as ever. She talks about the baby less than she did before. And sometimes? When we ask her where the baby is, instead of pointing to my belly, she points to my boobs. So that's fun. Luckily she doesn't pull up my shirt to 'see' the baby or do anything like that. You know, 'cuz I hear that can happen at awkward times. ;)

We ask her often if she thinks she's having a brother or a sister and she just repeats whatever the last thing we say is. So basically, you can get her to say whichever one you want just by changing the order in which you ask. Sneaky.

***

Keep on growing strong & healthy baby.

I'm so darn appy.

2012-02-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Yep. Appy. I'm freaking happy, y'all. Giddy with excitement actually. I'm going to be working with the wonderful folks over at AppSmitten, and me, little 'ole Katie gets to be one of their monthly contributors! This has been in the works for a while, so I'm super pumped to be finally able to announce it to everyone.

I will be specifically taking on the job of finding some of the best Family-related apps out there (for your iPhone/iPad or droid). Which means I'll be on the search for really fun toddler games, educational apps, great-family related stuff. Awesome, yea?

I would LOVE for you to sign-up with appSmitten, this way you can keep up with my contributor page to see my monthly advice on new apps, and also get new, exciting apps delivered to your inbox daily or weekly (you choose the frequency).

So, wanna see my cute little contributor page and which awesome toddler app I think that you NEED to download, like, NAOW? Then go check 'er out.

You all know me well enough to know I'd never endorse anything or company that I didn't absolutely love. And I think this whole appSmitten thing is GENIUS. So proud to be a part of it :)

***

Thanks for supporting me on this new little venture, my friends.

The little button on my sidebar that looks like the one above is another way to quickly get to my contributor page and check out the newest apps I suggest.

Thanks again for signing up & joining along for the ride. xoxo

Sassy lips, oh my.

2012-02-14T15:41:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning and scrolled through my instagram feed on my phone. Instantly I was seeing post after post of flowers, chocolates, love notes, oh my! It must be Valentines day. Everyone can see now that your husband loves you. Roses! You have a fabulous boyfriend. YAY! You got the chocolate covered strawberries your heart desires. Swoon. Your pancakes are cut in the shape of a heart. Adorable! Not to mention those freaking downright ridiculously cute homemade valentines you made your 1 year old. Creativity overload.

I was most excited for today because I had plans to attend a Mary Kay Brunch party at my sisters house. With a bunch of sweet women I love and adore. I wanted the chance to dress up in my red hot maternity skinnies (not sure how 'skinny' they are these days), and drop my kid off at my parents for the morning. No time for heart shaped pancakes here. Momma's morning out!

In fact? My toddler threw a tantrum because I (god-forbid) sliced her banana instead of giving it to her whole this morning. The horror.

A Valentines outfit for her? Nope. I didn't have one planned. The one cute Valentines-ish outfit she got for Christmas from my sister in law was dirty because she wore it only 3 days ago. Planning is not my strong suit. But we made something else work. And she got out the door with hearts on her shirt. I call that a win.

We managed to even stop for two valentines day balloons on the way. Besides, couldn't walk in empty-handed to my parents, drop my kid off & be all HAPPY DAY OF LOVE, PEACE OUT! without at least sending a balloon. And my kid, of course.

Finally, to the Mary Kay facial party I went. I am a ginormous MK fan, you guys. Like, love. Love love love. Yes, it's a wonder I don't sell the stuff. In fact, I'm sure my friend & amazing consultant wonders the same thing. But honestly? I'd just rather give her my business. She did a RED LIP LOOK on me! A RED HOT LIP!

I swore I could not pull this off, and maybe I still can't--BUT! RED LIPS! HOT RED LIPS! ow ow!

me & my sissy, red-lippin' it yo.

Sassy? Oh boy. You know it. That's how I felt. It was so much fun. And enough to finally get me in the V-day mood. I left there with red hot lips, a bag full of goodies from Aunt Susie to Emeline, and my red pants on. I mean, HELLO. I was a walking valentines day billboard. I should have been glowing with hot-pink lights, too.

I pulled into my parents to pick up The Girl, and she could NOT stop staring at my lips. She kept telling me how pretty it was and she wanted me to kiss her lips transferring some of the lipstick onto her. Don't die of the cuteness, because I already did. I'm writing this from the grave.

You know what else? We left my parents with the same dang balloon we came with. Because? My kid bawled her eyes out when we tried to leave the "boon! boon!!!!" with my mom. Talk about a gift-giving fail. I'll have to teach her all about that thing we call being an indian-giver. (Sidenote: why DO we call it that?)

I walked into my house and on my kitchen counter sat two of the prettiest flower bouquets I ever did see. One with a card for me, and one with a card for Emeline. My heart stopped a little and I let out a sweet sigh. My man. He pulled through. What a good daddy & husband he is.

And you know what? I instagrammed that shizz instantly. LOOK HOW LUCKY WE ARE!!!!!!!! HE LOVES US! HE REALLY LOVES US! And then? I let my toddler tear into the gifts from her Aunt. And now? I look around my house, can smell my roses, and it looks like Valentines Day exploded all over the 2nd floor--but? Totally happy about it.

Yes. I think I do like this "holiday" quite much. Even though I postponed Valentines Day until next week in this household. Don't ask.

***

Happy day of lurrrve. I'm feelin' it.

Loves of Life

2012-02-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

In all job interviews or on applications, when asked about my strengths as a person I've always said that I'm very self aware. That I'm capable of seeing where I messed up and where I need to change. I still find that to be generally true about myself.

I can look back on a situation and see where I've done wrong. I know in my gut when something doesn't feel right, or jive with what I believe or stand for. Does it mean I always make the right choices? Heck no. I fail. All the time. The important part is that eventually? I learn from it. I see my error and can adjust accordingly. Well, that's the goal anyway.

I've recently been very complain'y here. I don't like that. Granted, I like being honest, and sharing my feelings, but I don't want to complain. The truth is, this place has always been one where I want to remember the good things. Heck, even the title of my blog shows where my true intent lies. This is a place I can and have (and do) documented all those little things that make up this fun, crazy, whirlwind of a life. Things that I love. People that I love.

And I just need to clarify that this is still my intent. I feel like I lose a little bit of myself every winter. I hate that. I don't know if I get tidbits of seasonal depression or something, but I know that winter just kills my creative mood. I look back on posts from spring/summer to winter and they are vastly different. They are filled with photos of fun!creative!things! The outdoors! The playground! Laying in the grass! Birds! Swings! The pool! Sunshine! Smiles!

I miss that. A lot. And I need to figure out a way to carry that joy all throughout even the dreaded winter months we get here in Pennsylvania.

Even in the small things. Like her post-nap-need-for-Dora, milk, snacks, and of course, puppy cuddles.

Because what's not to love about electric pink hoodies and jeggings?

We'll get there. I'll get there.

The Monday Real

2012-02-13T09:12:00.000-05:00

I'm linking up with two of my girls today, Jess & Britt (who is moving, so she's a bit MIA understandably) to get real. This linkup is, obviously, about keeping it real. So here it goes. Graphic, grossness head. Not really, but maybe. You never know.

I got the stomach virus again yesterday. I got it when I was about 10 weeks pregnant and again at 15 weeks. It is awful. AWFUL. When I wrote my post yesterday mid-day I wasn't quite sure it was a virus or just pregnancy sick, or maybe even food poisoning-but I've never gotten sick that many times in one day. Nothing could stay down. Nothing. So I'm going to go ahead and self-diagnose that this was indeed the stomach flu, or something like it.

The only upside to all this sickness is that it helps keep my pregnancy weight down. Kidding. Okay, not really. Only a little. But I'd really rather be healthy than be dealing with this, again. And I am kidding, I don't condone puking for weight loss. Really.

So today I feel like garbage. You know the day after the puke-fest and your abs hurt like heck, your house looks like a bomb exploded, and you're still in that "am I sick or not" phase? You're worried about anyone catching the bug, so you want to remain in solitary confinement to make sure no one catches that mysterious little germ that floats in the air (or something), because dealing with 24 hours of puking is hell. So at home we stay.

But I feel so guilty. I have one work meeting a week that I attend on Monday mornings. I didn't think it was appropriate for me to go in this morning for a few reasons. 1) I'm not really sure if I still am sick or not. Did I mention I've not left my bed yet this morning? Thank God for laptops and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. and 2) I don't want my germs spreading. and 3) I just don't find it fair to ask someone to come babysit Eme in my potentially germ-ridden house. That's not fair to anyone.

I hate missing that meeting but I feel like I always get sick on freaking Sunday nights into Monday's. Or so does Emeline. I'm sure that's God's little way of helping me out, so you know, my husband can be home on Sunday to take care of Emeline so I can get better or vice versa. But still. Makes me feel awful in regards to my job.

So that's where I'm at. Feeling kind of crappy that I can't please everyone, that I can't do anything fully 100% when stupid things like the stomach bug come in and swoop away all predictability in life.

That's me keeping it real on this Monday morning. Intense huh?

So, right now my prayer is that Emeline does not catch this virus. She's had it once and I really don't want her having to deal with that again. She's already dealing with a cold, and molars, and was up a few times last night. Momma can't deal with more puking than her own right now.

****

Go link up for The Monday Real, if you feel like being honest about how you're feeling this morning. Or the state of chaos of your house. Or emotions. Or whatever. It feels kinda good.

Sunday Confessions

2012-02-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

Sunday's feel like a really good day to confess stuff. So that's where my brain is going with this. Follow along...or...hmm...don't. That may be a bad idea.

I let my cravings get the best of me last night (stop rolling your eyes). I wanted Subway, we ate Subway. I wanted a Sonic Grape Slush, I got a grape slush. I came home, and promptly got sick. Like, you-don't-wanna-hear-details-sick. Trust me. It was awful. I feel like I lose all sense of sanity when pregnant in regards to food choices when growing a human. Granted, I don't eat 'much' as far as quantity, but bad choices? Yea. It sucks and kinda makes me feel all out of control. I no likey.

I'm not convinced that last night still wasn't affecting me this morning. As there were three-more-episodes bright and early this morning. A sobbing-hysterical-me (I am not happy when sick, mmk?), a toddler throwing honey nut chex all over our bedroom floor, and a husband trying to shower/get ready for Church. It was quite a scene around here. I tried to shower, but had to get out I felt so queasy & nauseous. I never ended up leaving my bed this morning. In fact, I might still be wearing the robe I threw on & donning the most ridiculous head of never-did-yo'-hair you ever did see.

I'm bummed and guilt ridden. My friend Jess & I have been trying to meet face to face (I already 'know' her well, if you ask me;) ) for a few months now. The last time we tried to get together, her whole family got the stomach virus. Today, we were were supposed to meet, and I was sick as a dog, not sure if I had the stomach virus. So we postponed again. I hate postponing plans multiple times because I'm always afraid it sends the wrong message of, I'm just making excuses. Which I'm so not. But you know. That's how it feels and I hate to be that person.

Part of my sadness may be due to the fact that I had the best outfit picked out to wear and was so excited about it. A bit shallow? Perhaps. But it feels good to, uh, feel good when pregnant. And bright red denim may have just done the trick.

I'm kind of hoping that my husband has thought about Valentines day plans for us and praying that I don't have to bug him about it. I mean, that takes away the fun in it, and typically he's really good with these things. But yea, I admit that I'm a little worried he may forget just how close Valentines Day is. TWO DAYS AWAY. If you didn't know.

I secretly like (and envy) that children outgrow their clothes basically every season. I mean, they get to wear the cutest new fashions because they have a LEGIT excuse that their clothes don't fit from last spring. You know? And also? As a mom, I do love the excuse that well, I have to buy her more stuff because nothing fits. It is so fun to shop for her. The other night I did a late night Old Navy trip by myself and seriously, had zero desire to even look for myself, because it was all about her. And I love that I can still pick out all her clothes and she could care less about what I buy. Also? Old Navy's stuff? Freaking cute. The colors. The florals. The colored denim skinnies. I need Spring to hurry up and get here so my kid can prance around in these adorable clothes, mmk?

I am secretly glad that no one came to see my house this weekend. Granted, it snowed, which doesn't make for good house-shopping weather. But, being sick and laying in bed like a lazy blob and then getting that panic phonecall that someone will be there in 2 hours wouldn't exactly make me happy at this moment.

I still haven't updated on Emeline. Taken my camera out. Or taken any decent pictures of her this month at all. Aw heck, now that I'm thinking about it, I forgot to have my husband take 15 week bump pictures too. Seriously, I am just an all around suck lately. My children's lives are already poorly documented. I fail.

Anything to confess?

Friday Bullet Points

2012-02-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

-I think my ICEE-loving phase is over. No promises. But typically, once something makes me...uh, sick, I am so.over.it. It then becomes a mental thing. This is probably all a good thing because all that sugar was probably no good for me. No, I KNOW it was no good. Onto the next thing....whatever that may be.

-Today I am having a particularly blah day in regards to my body. Which I know means one thing. I NEED to get back on the treadmill. It is awful how hard I find it to work out when I'd rather be napping. The urge I used to have to run just isn't there. I really would rather get outside but it's back to be frigid again. Hoping Spring is on the horizon.

-I wish that people would come walk through my house and see it. I know weekends typically are busier than weekdays. But, it's still winter and not exactly everyone's favorite time to 'house shop'. I get that. But come onnnnn people. On the upside, that realtor who came? She left some really nice feedback about my house and labeled it was "excellent" for how it showed. So that was nice.

-GroopDealz has $39 for $80 worth of canvas prints going today! So that's um, over 50% off. Great deal. Just click the pic link below to check it out.

-Every day I keep waking up thinking it's Valentines Day and that I missed it. I know, I'm so weird. It's just that Valentines Day marks our 10th year of being "us". So it's kind of a fun and important date I like to remember. We were punk little teenagers and I swear I knew I would marry that ~~boy~~ man the second I told him I'd be his girlfriend. Some things you just know.

-I need to do a full update on Emeline. She is freaking hysterical. In fact, I just remembered she is 21 months TODAY. Holy cow. Mom fail. I guess I'll be writing something up for her later. In 3 months I'll have a 2 year old? Say it ain't so.

-Everything Deli Style Pretzel Crisps and Hummus? GET THEM. Yum.

Happy Friday!

Big 'Ole House News

2012-02-09T07:00:00.002-05:00

Yea, so-big news, eh? Last week we put our house on the market. And maybe, just maybe this is one of the reasons I've been stressing out like whoa. But all is well now.

I'm kind of just resting in some kind of peace that whatever will happen will happen. If my house is supposed to sell, it will sell. If it isn't the time? We will wait.

You all should know how I feel about this subject by now. When and if we move, we aren't trying to move to something much bigger, or grander, or anything like that. It's kind of more about location and where we feel God leading our family.

One of the first questions everyone asks me when they find out our house is on the market? Oh you bought a new house? Where are you moving? Um, no. Unfortunately it's not that easy when you own one. Well, I guess I'm just not rich enough to afford two mortgages (ha. ha. ha.), but we will get serious about house hunting when things seem more serious on our end. It's this weird balance of not putting the cart before the horse, but also not being clueless about what potentials are out there. Basically? I need to not fall in love with something, because nothing, I repeat, nothing is sure until the fat lady sings. AKA: Someone signs on the dotted line.

So this house stuff is FUN! BUSINESS! (and we're barely even started). Not.

Yesterday I had my first call for a showing. It was in exactly 1 hour and 45 minutes from the time they called and I kind of had a mini panic attack. I mean, of course you want your house to look awesome so someone will wanna buy it. We've already de-cluttered, and made it pretty show-ready. So basically it just requires the whole run-from-room-to-room and clean-ish-up thing. Except that is SO MUCH HARDER when a little toddler is running around and undo'ing everything you're trying to do.

Then, I come to find it out it was just a realtor who went in on an agent preview. Fine. Maybe they will go back and find some amazing client of theirs who will love my house. But maybe not. It would have been nice to know that some potential buyers were actually walking through my house, but nooooo. I guess, if anything? I can say thank you. Thank you for the practice it gave me to do the 1.5 hour quick-clean-dance and prove to me that my pregnant butt can move faster than I EVER IMAGINED. Oh and for exhausting me for the rest of the day.

Anyway. Wanna move to Pennsylvania and buy my house? It's purdy.

We don't have any clue what will happen, obviously. But how do you know if you don't try?

***

Happy Thursday!

ps: I know a lot of local people read here...if for any reason anyone IS serious about taking a look at our house, then by all means, get in touch with me. thanks ;)

Make way, please. These folks are on a date-night.

2012-02-07T07:00:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I have high expectations. Really high ones. Over silly things.

I find that whenever my expectations are set really high, even when I don't 'try' to do it with my brain, it still happens, and often. It can be little things. Big things. But the high expectations wreck me sometimes.

It could be something as little as dreaming up some amazing, elaborate date with my husband, you know, the once every month or two we get to go out alone. Imagining all the little details that will play out and thinking it'll be oh!so!perfect! because all the stars should just magically align on the nights we get to go out alone with our spouses. Right? RIGHT?

The other night we got a very unplanned date night. Emeline had been talking about my parents all day. "I want Mom-Mom!" she'll say. Or she'll go on and on about "Pop Pop". She talks about both sets of grandparents, actually. But this particular day it was mine. So I kind of called them up on a whim and was all haha, Emeline misses you guys, wanna hang out with her? And without even flinching my Dad was all, um yes! bring her the heck over. And before you even knew it, Declan and I were getting the chance at having a nice, peaceful dinner out alone.

But again, me with the expectations. I thought we were out early enough to get into a restaurant I'd been craving. You know how those nasty beast cravings are. We got there. The smell of the food literally was absolutely divine. I was dreaming of their mango iced tea. Salivating, probably. We walked up to the counter to put our name in and then she said it..."It'll be 55 minutes at least".

I wanted to bust out crying right then and there. I wanted to go into hysterical gasping sobs of But!I'm!Pregnant! and I wanted (and was tempted to) start tapping on the shoulders of other people waiting, being all Look, do you know how few and far between date nights are? Would you exchange your buzzer with us, since, you know, you were clearly here MUCH earlier than us?

We sat down and began to wait. But Declan was realistic and was all But babe, you're hungry now. You can't wait this long. And he was right. My stomach was already at the gurgly-almost-nauseous point. I knew I couldn't wait either. So I turned in my buzzer to the hostess and held back tears as I walked back to the car.

It wasn't just about the food. I just had this grand expectation of this beautiful dim-lit setting to have dinner, just the two of us, quiet and sipping our drinks, saying anything or nothing at all--because it was just us. Yes, I wanted to eat their food. Yes, I was dreaming about their appetizers, and their tea. But again. The expectations.

When I got in the car, my husband asked if I was mad at him. I laughed a little and was all of course not, because I wasn't, at all. But I just started spewing to him about how once you become a parent, that time alone, going out, becomes so special, you JUST WANT IT TO BE PERFECT, dang-it. And that it seems like the whole world should just stop to accommodate you. We should get all the best treatment. All the best servers. The best chef. And a quick-seated entry into the doorway, "Excuse me everyone, this couple is on a D.A.T.E., as in, without child. Please make way."

Of course I'm kidding to some degree. But at the time, I was feeling slighted. Majorly.

Again. With the friggin' expectations.

The fact is that we ended up somewhere else. It was totally fine. No, it wasn't exactly what I wanted in that moment (food-wise). But it was good. And I was with my husband, alone, talking, and not wrangling a toddler who now absolutely HATES restaurants with every ounce of her being. It was peaceful. It was nice. It was needed.

Heck, we even went and got frozen yogurt afterwards, and really? Who can complain about that?

I need to keep my expectations in check sometimes. About little things like date-nights, or about big...much bigger things.

I am a work in progress.

This too shall pass. This craving, that is.

2012-02-06T10:58:00.000-05:00

I have a problem.

The first step is admitting it.

This past week? I have been obsessed with ICEE's.

Preferably a half cherry/half coke flavored. I figure it makes it like a....frozen cherry coke, right? Right.

But you guys. It's getting...bad. Now, I know not to take my cravings too seriously. I mean, in the moment THEY ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS. I'll cut-a-ho to get what I need (kidding). But really. They are serious. I mean, I need that icee or I may die type-of-thing. But eventually? After a few days or weeks, my cravings all wear off, and then it's onto the next thing.

I mean, at first? All I wanted was sour patch kids and any gummy/chewy candy I could get my hands on. Then? The thought of those sour sweet tart shockers was all my mind could possibly think about for days on end until my friend Gina mailed me some. Then I moved onto all.things.fresh.fruit related. I bought 6 cartons of strawberries in a 2 week period. And approximately 4 cans of whipped cream to put on top. Let's not even talk about the number of pineapples I bought. Or the fresh veggie slathered in dip phase. Or the eat-a-whole-pack-of-fruit-mentos-in-one-sitting-phase (which I'm currently in). Or the white cheddar popcorn phase (Still in this, too. Pair it with an icee. You'll thank me.)

You see, I'm a craver. I know that not all pregnant women are big cravers, but I most definitely am. When it hits me it hits me and each craving sticks around for about a two week period of time.

So this is why I know I have hope. I won't (hopefully) need 2 icee's a day for the rest of this pregnancy. And if I do? You can rest assured that I'll be sporting an alternate title, aka: BLIMP. And in all seriousness, I did have two ICEE's yesterday. I feel like I need to tell on myself to the world and get a slap on the wrist because that kind of indulgence is unacceptable. But, HA-HA--I am a shameless pregnant woman. So I bear it all.

Anyway. I'm off to pick up my daughter ~~and get another icee~~ from my parents house.

So tell me, pregnant or not--what are YOUR current cravings? Maybe you'll give me some ideas which will help me move on from this sugar-ridden-icee-fest. Until then. Gonna sip on some cherry-coke'y goodness. Don't judge.

This is the stuff...

2012-02-04T10:55:00.000-05:00

This week has been craziness. Insane-nutso-craziness. The kind of crazy that makes your head spin and leaves you dreaming of all the things you need to do, and then has you wake up with a hangover which is not alcohol-induced. So rude.

We're good, though. Things are good. We're just in a season of change and waiting. Seeing what God has for our family and being willing to obey. Lots of unknown. But hey, that's what this whole faith thing is about isn't it? That whole, take a leap and trust someone's there to catch you? That.

Oh, and sometimes I'm so busy I forget I'm pregnant. I hate that though, and feel guilty about it. With Emeline I was one thousand and ten percent consumed with all-things-baby. But I have this little toddler girl who has now entered this phase of not-listening and mini-tantrum-throwing that requires a lot of...umm...effort? attention? focus? Oh, yea, parenting. I already am feeling that whole holy crap I have to split my attention thing and my 2nd baby isn't here yet. Thank God that my uterus is doing a good job taking care of the baby in my tum right now.

I somehow hit the 2nd trimester today (hey 14 weeks!). I mean, wow. I can be all time flies with the second pregnancy but the truth is it felt long getting here. Now that I'm here, I am all oh, wow, 2nd trimester already? But being so sick early on makes the days drag by slow if you ask me.

Good news is that I'm feeling decently better. A significant amount. I'm grateful for that. Still a little nauseous and some puking but a whole ton better. I'll take any improvements.

Oh, and thank you phone. For without you I would not document this pregnancy, apparently. I do want to take an official pic, but here I am at 14 weeks. I think there's a little poppage that's occurred if you ask me.

Compared to last time? Well, I'm more baby-bump'ish and less that weird phase of I-just-look-thick (oh and almost 50 pounds heavier). But yea. So here's that.

So that's...that. Lots of stuff going on. Thoughts, prayers, for guidance and direction are always appreciated and well received.

Happy weekends all around, yea?

Sunshine for the Soul

2012-02-01T08:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we had this amazing 60 degree, warm, sunny day in January. IN JANUARY! It was awesome. And so not normal. And honestly? It probably wasn't until lunchtime when I realized just how nice it actually was out.

As Emeline was napping I started cleaning up the house--opening windows, letting fresh air in, cleaning up the deck a little bit, and opening all the blinds. I kind of got that little bounce in my step back. The dullness of winter gives me the funk, man. I felt like the sunshine and nice weather kind of breathed life back into my bones. Dramatic? Maybe. But a little vitamin d was much needed.

After a few hours I decided to wake Emeline up and take her to the park. I know, I broke The Rule and woke her because I just knew she would LOVE to run around at the park. And giirrrrrrrl was excited. About as excited as her momma.

Let's note: That is my bag on my hip, NOT my big butt. My butt is big but not that big ;) I *love* when she holds my hand.

She decided she wanted to graduate to the big girl swing. Sigh.

---

We had a really great day. It was much needed.

A little sunshine for the soul, indeed.

Seraphine: Maternity Skinnies, a review.

2012-01-31T07:00:00.004-05:00

Getting pregnant this time around, being fifty pounds lighter than when I was with my last pregnancy poses only one real problem for me.

I have ZERO maternity clothes that fit.

So imagine my surprise and excitement when I was asked to review an article of clothing from Seraphine. They make the ca-utest maternity clothes that are so stylish even celebrities like Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba have been seen in their garb.

I chose an adorable pair of black skinny jeans that are low waisted and ridiculously comfortable. But let me back up. When I first had to choose a size using a simple little online size guide I thought, well crap, this sucks. Not trying on jeans? Um. That doesn't work for me.

BUT. Apparently it does. Because their sizing guide was accurate. There's a little conversion chart from Seraphine size to US sizing, but it worked like a charm. Within days my jeans were here, and I was so excited when they.fit.perfectly.

You see, even now, when my bump isn't exactly large & in charge yet, they fit SO good and give me that comfort that regular pants just can't right now. But yet? They'll grow with me because of the waist band and the stretch in the denim.

I felt like a million bucks in them.

Seraphine Maternity is offering you 20% off by using code SMLB20 at checkout. *good for 7 days from today*

How nice is that?

Oh, and here I am sporting my new favorite jeans ever. Seriously, Emeline cried when she saw Declan taking photos of me and she wasn't in them, too. So she just had to jump in. Fine by me :)

see also: blurry photo, thank you husband.

So go get your shop on pregnant momma's. 20% ain't no joke :) Use code SMLB20 at Seraphine.co.

**I was compensated for this honest review with those cute pair of pants in the photo above. Thank you, Seraphine for letting me test them out and tell my readers about your adorable shop.**

Things I learned this weekend...

2012-01-30T10:09:00.000-05:00

...my car will fail me. It was in the shop on Friday, and then? The battery died while in the driveway yesterday afternoon. Could it have died about two days earlier, you know, in the parking lot of the service center? Apparently not.

...my husband is particularly good at detailing a car and there is no excuse for why I ever drive around in a dirty car now that I know his amazing detailin' skillz. Okay, so maybe I should be better about keeping my car clean to begin with. But still. It's hard with a kid, man.

...putting the car seat in and out of multiple cars over and over again due to said car troubles? Will drive my husband crazzzzzzy. I don't know if anyone else has the Britax Roundabout but that thing is a pain in the arse to get in and out.

...also, am I the only mother on the face of the planet that has no earthly idea how to install a car seat? (Not the infant kind...you know, the bigger ones?)

...having two puke-free and relatively nausea-free days does not mean I'm in the clear. In fact, the next day my puking will return so violently just to be all, I told ya so.

...my sister can talk me down from the ledge in pretty much any situation and I'm grateful for her sound advice and wisdom. Also for her encouragement in reminding me who I am when I need to hear it.

....having Declan take photos for a review (that I'll post tomorrow) of me in maternity pants? Torturous, I mean, fun. I should have just set up a tripod and done it myself. But thanks, sweetie :) haha.

...simple worship songs at church can send me to tears when I need it. I love that. I was having a really rough morning yesterday and we were singing "Victory is Mine". The verse Joy is mine...Joy is mine...Joy today is mine... just hit me. I can choose joy. I needed to hear that and let it kind of soak into my heart and mind.

...I am loved. Only God can judge my heart and He knows my desires, my intentions, my heart and passion for His calling on my life and the life of my family. I am free in knowing that despite being a sinner, I am redeemed by grace alone.

...I still hold true to the fact that I cannot watch action'y movies without feeling sick to some degree. I know it sounds weird, but I watched something I wouldn't normally watch last night with my husband and went to bed with an intense headache. As usual, I then woke up with the same headache. I'll stick to my rom-com's or sappy movies from now on.

...even though I thought it was impossible, I stayed up on Friday night hanging out with two of my sisters until nearly MIDNIGHT. I know, HA-HA right? But, dude I am so sleepy when pregnant and end up in bed most nights by 9pm'ish. So, midnight? That's LATE for me. I felt like such a big girl.

...getting a manicure (thanks to my Living Social deal, and also? For FREE b/c I had 3 friends buy from me...thanks y'all) and then spending the entire next day scrubbing your brother-in-law & sister-in-law's new house will result in said manicure being no longer. Good thing it was free, yea?

...along with that, scraping paint off of and then cleaning both the inside and outside of 12+ windows brings an unusual but fulfilling satisfaction. Now, to find the motivation to clean the insides and outsides of MY windows. Ha...right. I'm putting this on my nesting-urge list. You know, when that phase hits and all.

...pretty feet make me oddly happy, so thank God that free pedicure is still in tact ;)

Happy Monday!

Heyyyy Friday. Snarky much?

2012-01-27T11:33:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of exploding with post ideas in my head. One of those days where I could post on about 29308293 different things but they'd still come out all snarky. I like to reign in my snark on the blog (no, really, stop laughing), and so until I can figure out a way to be nice about these things, they are not postable.

But just for kickers. Some of the things that have been swirling in this pregnant brain of mine are:

1. Weight loss ish. I realize I'm pregnant, but I still think about this area a lot, and get inundated with emails and questions about it. I don't mind that. What I do mind is when people are their own worst enemies. You wonder why you aren't losing weight? Maybe it's all that candy, or pizza, or carb-loaded dinners you're posting pictures of? Either make the choice to lose weight and really try your damndest to do it, or stop talking about it. (See? Too.much.snarkkkkk. Also? I'm jaded.)

So I leave posts like that for my super sweet, much nicer than myself, and very-good-with-words sister, Susan. She wrote an amazeballs post this week called "No More Excuses" and you NEED TO READ IT (if you haven't), like, now.

2. Pregnancy grossness. One time I referred to motherhood as unglamorous (re: baby puke on your clothes, poop-up-the-back diaper explosions, etc) on a blog post and got a comment basically insinuating that I was ungrateful and ladies are dying to be pregnant everyday. I was floored by the comment because a.) While I've not struggled with infertility, I have lost a baby and I can relate to those feelings so strongly, and I connect with woman on the daily re: loss. I totally get that longing to be a momma, and b.) Talking about the realities of motherhood is just what I do. I've always been honest. But it sucks when that can be misconstrued into one not being grateful. I am so far from ungrateful it's not even funny.

So back to the pregnancy grossness thing. Someone tweeted me saying I should write a post all about those awful things no one tells you about being pregnant/pushing a baby out/recovery. I giggled and was all "yeaaaa" because, yes, I could talk about those things. As most pregnant women/women with child(ren) could I presume. You know, like how your first poop after giving birth will likely be the death of you (see also: nightmare inducing). But I don't want those things being turned into, "oh she's not grateful".

But I could talk for days about how effing uncomfortable it is to be constipated during pregnancy, or to piss your pants while violently puking (don't say I didn't warn you), or how you might waddle worse after pushing a baby out of your vag than you did at 9.5 months(abillionyears) pregnant. And then I would pad it with, "but it's all worth it" and "you will fall so deeply in love with baby none of that will matter". Because you HAVE TO DO THAT SOMETIMES. Or else someone will call you ungrateful. Even though you are anything but.

And yes, that bothers me, sometimes. Okay, a lot.

I LOVE MY BABIES AND I ALWAYS WILL. Despite talking about how tiring/gruesome/gross pregnancy and momming can be. OKAY INTERNET?

Oh shizznit.

I went and did it. I got all snarky on the internet.

It has to come out every once in a while, right? I blame pregnancy. ~~HA! that was JUST for you. I can't stop.~~

Good thing I have a mani & pedi scheduled tonight. Momma needs to kick her feet up and clearly relax some.

Happy Friday, friends.

I'll be the memory keeping dork.

2012-01-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

This week my friend Corey wrote a post about her grandfather, it's over at The Poop Whisperer, and you should definitely check it out. It really struck a cord with me, for lots of reasons.

It really got me thinking about the documenting I do for my family. The photos I take. The video I shoot. Am I doing enough to remember the people I love? I often forget that all my family is not promised tomorrow. I am not promised tomorrow. Life happens and scary ish goes down.

But if anything happens to my family....will I be able to go back through endless photos and videos, remembering the legacy of love they left? Seeing photos and videos of them in their candid state? The person accurately depicted, the way they should be remembered? Being themselves. Silly, goofy, fun, serious, in a candid moment?

I don't wanna be morbid, but I am being very serious about this. I want to be better at this. I NEED to be better at this. For my children. For my children's children. It is a responsibility that I literally feel rides on my shoulders.

And in Corey's post she mentions that her dad was always willing to walk around with the big, hunkin' video camera out to shoot video of his family. Despite risking his 'coolness card', he did it anyway. And despite it becoming a little joke among the family at the time, having video of her and the other grandkids with their grandfather are now a treasure. A moment in time they can now get back thanks to her dad for being the documenter.

I want to be this for my family. It's sad, and scary and worrisome that my life can change in an instant due to circumstances, illnesses, and freak accidents. But it happens all the time, and I'll be damned if I sit back and do nothing about memory keeping now.

I don't care if I look like a big old dork videoing my daughter at the aquarium. I don't care if I look like a loser who carries her big camera into Ikea for no reason other than to document a normal, everyday trip. I don't care if I'm the mom at the park lying on the ground getting a mulchy back to capture an angle of pure joy & exhilaration my baby is having on the swings. I don't care if videoing an impromptu 'interview' with my dad and little brother seems weird.

One day I will be so glad I did it.

And I'm gonna stop caring about what I think other people are thinking. Because it doesn't even matter one bit. I want to remember everything I can. I want to have ample video of my children with their grandparents. I don't want to have to regret in this one area that I have full control over.

So I'll sacrifice my coolness card. I'll lug around my big camera. I'll shoot video. I'll make video montages of special trips. I'll take pictures of every day ordinary things.

Because I feel it's my job. And I don't care if I look like a dork doing it.

That sound.

2012-01-24T15:39:00.000-05:00

I had an OB appointment this morning. I don't know why but I went into it very nervous. I think so much of early pregnancy is just so unknown. You don't feel the baby yet. You aren't really showing much. You just know you feel awful and that's just about all the reassurance you have.

Which honestly? Should be some decent reassurance you know? I mean, I literally had two violent puking episodes this morning (sorry, I'm all TMI, you know that), just before heading out the door, and still was nervous she wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat.

I mean, what if this was just a violent stomach flu? You know? One that has lasted the last 6 weeks and that mysteriously causes my monthly cycle to stop? I know. I'm weird.

But there are some things that still haunt me a little when it comes to the potential of miscarrying a baby. I'm sorry if that's too brutally honest, but it's true. I never, ever expected to lose our first baby. After all, I was in "we're having our first baby" bliss. I had no idea what to look for. No idea what my body should be doing. Heck, I didn't even let a negative thought about the potential of losing our baby cross my mind. Honestly.

But I'm jaded a bit. I hate that I am, but it's just the nature of the beast.

So I just like to finally hear the heartbeat. It's reassuring and it makes me feel better.

And this morning after hearing the words "you lost weight this month lady, you must be sick!", and me responding with "no sh*t sherlock" (kidding, I'm more respectful than that), they finally put that doppler on my belly and found that cute little swooshing sound.

Oh how sweet it was.

I felt myself holding my breath for the few minutes it took to find the heartbeat, though. Nervous a little. Praying that please oh please let there would be a heartbeat. But it was there. And a strong 160 bpm at that.

I'll always be a little worried. It's just how it is. But? In the end I was reassured today. And it was sweet.

Misery. Poof. Gone.

2012-01-23T16:52:00.000-05:00

I think a bloggers worst nightmare is when a post that had their heart, soul and wit poured into it gets deleted. No, I KNOW IT IS. It's my worst nightmare and for the love, IT HAPPENS TOO OFTEN.

I'm kind of raw right now. Yes, I realize I'm being a bit dramatic but I was trying (for the second time) to write the story of the day we found out about this new little baby (the Target story, even!) and then all about how I told Declan. It was FINALLY coming out well. The perfect blend of humor and sentimental. Exactly how that day was.

I finally had the desire to write about it (after trying and failing a few weeks prior), and I was literally A SENTENCE AWAY from it being finished. Ready to post. For the baby books, you know. FOR HISTORY RECORDS OF THIS BABY. Because God knows this is the only place I write anything down.

I walked away from my laptop FOR A SECOND to go get a bag of popcorn out of the microwave and within that second, Emeline managed to click a button and DELETE the entire post, and then it promptly AUTO-SAVED.

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAILLLLLL.

I knew better. I shouldn't have left the laptop within any type of reachable distance of el-destructo toddler child. But I didn't listen to my inner voice and it's all my fault.

So now you're left with this sad, pathetic, woe-is-me blog post. I'll get over it. And let's just hope that one day I'll get my mojo back to write about that day. You know, prior to actually meeting this kid face to face. But I have a feeling it'll be a while.

SIGH.

PS: There was an excessive amount of CAPS in this post, and for that I apologize. Sense my severe disappointment? GOOD. YOU SHOULD. (Added for dramatic effect.)

Rosy Cheeks

2012-01-21T14:16:00.000-05:00

We woke up to a few inches of snow this morning. It was admittedly really fun to bring Emeline up to the window and show her all the snow. She kept saying "I see snow!!" with excitement.

I admit it. I hate the white stuff. It's pretty to look at it, but it ruins plans, is dangerous, and makes me miserable most of the time. However, having kid(s) kind of helps me be a bit more excited about it. Because it is SO!FUN! for them.

I remember that excitement as a kid.

Anyway. After breakfast, we got bundled up and got outside with our girlie. She's not 100% in love with it yet, but definitely enjoyed her time in the white stuff.

Then we came inside to warm banana bread fresh out of the oven. Today? It's been a pretty good day. :)

Hello Baby Deux: 12 Weeks

2012-01-20T08:46:00.001-05:00

What people say is true. Something I thought for sure, there was no way on earth I would ever, ever do. Me? The Documenter? Yea. Even me. Poor, poor baby #2....gets so much more neglected when it comes to photos. Already. Even in utero. Say it ain't so.

But here I am. I ~~forced~~ asked my husband to take photos of me so I could finally do some sort of update on this very much loved baby. I'll spare you the outtakes on that little photoshoot. Let's just say, I'm considering going back to the 'ole camera in the mirror pics. Although it doesn't fit with my vision for documenting said pregnancy (you can thank Pinterest for that).

Ahem. But back to the whole point of this post. Baby #2. This pregnancy. The bump that's finally starting to grow.

The Babe

From what I can assume, everything's going a-ok in there. I'll get to hear the heartbeat on Tuesday morning, and yep, I'm looking forward to it, and of course speculating gender and all that bee-ess based solely on a number that means nothing. You know how it is. It's fun anyway. The other day I saw in a quick glance on my pregnancy app that this kiddo is the size of a lemon already. WHAT? How did that happen? I swore it was just the size of a gummy bear last week. Yes I just called my baby 'it'.

The Momma

You know, other then puking and feeling awful 24/7, I'm surviving. I'm sleeping great for the most part, and even napping some days. I go to bed pretty early most nights, and luckily sleep through most the night without getting up to pee. I was like that with Eme, too. Able to sleep all night through (even up till delivery) without getting up to pee. I must have a massive bladder or something. Either way I'm not complaining.

I am all about fresh fruit like strawberries, kiwi's, and pineapples right now. I make smoothies daily. Also, fresh veggies slathered in dip (of course). But don't worry, I like bad things too--like, I am also equally in love with carbs like bagels, soft pretzels & english muffins. Oh, and the occasional bowl of Cap'n Crunch. Yea, apparently I'm 5.

The Bod

I feel like I started really kind of "showing" this week. Maybe not to others, but to me. I'm still somewhere on the negative 4lb loss arena, which is no.big.deal and totally normal with sick 1st trimesters like myself. GOOD NEWS ALERT: I got my butt back on the treadmill this week! It was THE BEST feeling ever after taking a much needed 6 weeks off. But I finally felt like I just HAD to run. I only did 1.5 miles, but I'll ease my way back into it. Of course, now I need to keep it up.

Oh, and comparison to last pregnancy. Here are my thoughts: I was overall more 'fat' last pregnancy and none of which can easily be seen from this photo. But, as far as the belly goes--I think I look relatively the same in comparison. You think?

The Big Sis

Having a toddler and being pregnant is exhausting. This could be an entire post on it's own. But it's equally fun to get to have another family member to share this whole thing with. She knows something is going on, and mentions the baby in my belly often. She'll point to my belly & say "baby!" and then lean in and go "Mmmmahhh!" (kiss sound), and hug my belly. She is insanely sweet. But does she have any real idea what's going on? Probably not. But it's cute nonetheless.

She loves babies. Loves them. She's very, very interested in the other babies at church or her baby cousin, Paxton. She's really gentle but doesn't quite understand why they can't play yet. It's cute. We have time to work on all this, but let's hope this lends itself to her being The Best Big Sister Everrr.

Overall? It has NOT sunken in yet that I'm pregnant. I mean, duh, I'm sick a lot. I feel terrible most of the time. I get that. But that there is a real baby in my belly and that I'll be a mom of two this summer? Nope. None of that has sunk in. And you know what? I don't REALLY think it will sink in until it did last time. You know, when they said, "you're ready to push!"

Just keepin' it real.

We love you, baby deux. Lots. Keep growing.

Few things...

2012-01-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

1. This whole SOPA and PIPA thing has my stomach in KNOTS. KNOTS. If you don't know what I'm even talking about, please read about it here. Educate yourself and speak up. Censorship of the internet can affect little 'ole bloggers like you and me. It can also do much worse. I'm not one to get super passionate about these things, but THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Consider signing a petition, please. Here is one by Google.

A lot of bloggers are blacking out today for this. I think that's great and fully support them. I also think that there are a lot of people who may not know much about this and so maybe there's a benefit to me posting a few links and getting a few more people on board with the damage this could cause.

Okay. Moving on. (But please. Do something about this.)

2. I've said this before, and I'll say it again, yo. If you don't shop GroopDealz you are missing out like whoa. Today there is THE CUTEST bakers twine for 43% off.

See? Adorable.

And look at this Valentines day heart bunting. I die.

Custom Hand Stamped Necklaces, on sale for THIRTEEN BUCKS. OMG. Go get one, now.

Just click on this pretty little button below to shop these deals and more:

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3. I've been ordering from Zulily again lately. They have the most ridiculously cute deals going for kids, momma's, babies, etc--and multiple deals a day. Last week? I got a gorgeous leather purse for like $17 that will be double as my diaper bag as soon as it arrives at my doorstep.

Today they have REPORT footwear for like 50% off and I'm kind of lusting over this pair of boots right now.

If you need an invite to Zulily, I got you covered right here.

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4. Remember when I blogged about JustFab.com a few months ago? Well, I still love that website. It's a membership based site, and all the products on there are 39.95 flat rate, free shipping, etc. I own a few pairs of boots, a few handbags, and even some accessories from there & gave away a bunch of it for Christmas, too. THE STUFF IS LEGIT. Like, gorgeous, boutique-finds, high-quality stuff. I was and continue to be pleasantly surprised with their site. So far I'm way, way pleased with it. Here's an invite if you wanna join Just Fab.

That's pretty much all I got today. Random stuff.

Please don't forget to go check out the SOPA and PIPA info and get educated.

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