Loving On Purpose News

One of Those Days

2012-05-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

The Silk Family just came out with their third book in the children series about their own family stories. This one is about their oldest son Levi, who is having One of Those Days. Through Mom’s love and encouragement realizes that it’s not how you start your day, but how you end it that really matters. Mom chooses to put relationship over her son’s failure and the end result is connection.
This funny, yet heartwarming story will help you discover what is most important in life.
Enjoy and learn from One of Those Days, which is available online May 2nd.

Previous books in the children series:

The Chicken Coop Kid, the first book in this series, highlights the connection between their daughter Brittney and Danny as they navigate through her poor decision regarding her chore.

Shorts in the Snow, the second book in this series, is about their youngest son Taylor and what happens when you let your child think through their problem and come up with a solution on their own.

Tools for creating a fun and peaceful environment

2012-04-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Brittney Serpell

It was the first day of the Children’s Leaders Transformation School in Anderson, CA. About 40 people from all over the world gathered at the conference. Most of them were children ministry leaders from the U.S., some from Canada and others from South Africa, England and some more countries that were not mentioned. Brittney Serpell, Danny’s daughter, kicked off the conference.

Brittney discussed the tools of creating a heart to heart connection. Since I myself had Bethel Ministry School as my activation last year, I have been watching the Loving Our Kids on Purpose DVDs so I could with ease and peace just lean back and enjoy the repetition on kingdom parenting. Except, I would have to type while doing that.

Brittney mentioned, “One thing, which is so crucial to your team, is that you really need to commit to this way of training; otherwise, it becomes confusing. If this is something you want to do, get some resources.” In a true Danny style, she is powerful and pointing us to visualize the main clues.
“What is your goal?” asked Brittney and answers it herself… “A Heart- to heart connection. In Psalm 32:8, it talks about God not guiding us with an evil eye, but His heart. You lose them otherwise. I cannot stress that enough.” She goes on, sometimes speaking with a soft voice, for about an hour or so.

Grab a pen or copy and paste this, because this is golden information coming right at you:

1.There is a message by Danny called Seven Pillars of a Healthy Relationship:
Love, Respect, Self- Control, Responsibility, Truth, Faith and Vision… a must!

2.There are lies about power. Like thinking that anger, violence, or other people control me or that I control other people is having power.

3. There is The Big Red Button, which can basically be anything that annoys you. I agree with Brittney that whining and lying really gets me. Everybody has a big red button, but what do you do when they press it?

Brittney moved on to the problem solving stage. Which means, how to communicate in a loving self- controlled way.

The first one is called One-liners (Originated by Love and Logic). “You could just pay me right now, because these are so valuable. I know, probably so, that could be, I don’t know, nice try.” She explains that One-liners are created so you never have to argue with a child again, and that this will help you keep your self- control.

“It is so fun to watch people do this, because it works so well, but remember to never bring in the sarcasm. I am a pretty sarcastic person, so I make sure my tone is right. Sarcasm cannot be introduced to any of the stuff I am talking about.”

The next one is called: New language: “Oh no”, “What are you going to do” “ No problem and “Fun to be with.” “With these you are teaching them that there are life consequences, but there is no punishment, only consequences.”

Then comes: Giving choices. Which is about offering two choices in which either choice will make you deliriously happy. The rule is to always stick to the two choices you have offered. “With small kids who do not understand the word fun, you can show motions. One of the problems with choices is that people get stuck with what is a good choice? I tell people to practice giving choices with people around you.”

Last, but not least, comes the importance of empathy while using these communication tools. Having empathy means: consequences delivered with sorrow.
“It is going to help them face the consequences. Without empathy, people might not feel safe to come with their problems.” Brittney ends the whole session highlighting the primary concept for parenting: Set firm limits, take good care of yourself, use few words mixed with meaningful actions, give choices within those limits and let the consequences mixed with empathy do the teaching.

“It is really a language you want to learn. It is not a quick fix; it is a learning process. Only bite off what you can handle. I would work on one- liners first.”

I, Malene, am thinking to myself… that is a good word right there!

Who are you?

2012-02-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

Do you feel like a natural born leader? Are you friends with everyone? Do you love details or would you rather be the center of attention?

Different people have different behaviors and different behaviors will let you know more about who people are. Sadly a lot of people are not aware of their own behavior and thus might struggle with understanding themselves in various situations. So through Danny Silk’s teaching on this subject of different behaviors, allow me to introduce you to the D I S C and take you on a journey to get to know the Dominant, the Influential, the Steadfast and the Conscientious behavior styles. According to Danny Silk these are behaviors that we choose when we feel powerful or powerless. Thankfully, you do not always stay the same because human beings have the amazing phenomena called a choice, which gives you the possibility to grow in different areas.

Let us start with getting to know Mr. or Mrs. Dominant (D). A person with this behavior will want to be in charge in every environment. They are highly motivated by significance, which can make them struggle with insecurity since they need to feel valued, wanted and respected. You will easily notice them by their search for justice, eager to always win and for constantly pushing the limits. Emotionally they might often show anger, but it is not because they are evil or mean. The D`s are quite task oriented and committed to causes. So, don’t be surprised if they ask you why you want to meet with them. This is because everything needs to have a meaning. They like to get things done fast and will therefore fit well together with the Mr. and Mrs. Influential (I).

Give me that microphone - attitude is something you will recognize by running into an I-type person. You draw them to the surface when you give them a chance to express themselves. These ones have a huge need for connection and truly enjoys communication with people, getting them to laugh, cry and so on. They love being creative and the center of attention, which is why rejection can become a problem for them since they might perform for acceptance. While a D would want certainty in cases, the I`s seem to get triggered by uncertainty because they value freedom so much. That is why structure is an enemy to them. Remember that the I`s are fast thinkers, which makes verbal processing the norm among them. If something bad happens, you probably rather want the optimistic I around, than the overwhelmed, unemotional Mr. or Mrs. Steadfast (S).

Ever met a person who is always there for you? They might be the ones who are most like Jesus in this area, because of their servant hood and loyalty. They love to meet other peoples’ need, and unless you hurt them, they are easygoing and will avoid conflict to the end, which makes it their biggest weakness. Nevertheless, the glue would be a nice description of these people who want everyone to be together and in community. This again will explain why the S `s are motivated by connection and, like the I`s, are very relational and do not mind uncertainty. If you mix a D with an S

when it comes to showing emotions, the D will often think they do not care, but the S is just overwhelmed. They are more sensitive to changes and thus would make a good couple with Mr. or Mrs. Conscientious.

For safety reasons, you should want your brain surgeon to be one of these people, because according to them, life is in the details. Anyone who knows a C would not be surprised if they joined a FB group called, “We who love to learn and analyze.” Their value and need for getting things right makes them good researchers, and has most likely made many D and I´s frustrated because of their slow pace in getting things done. Thankfully they can always partner with an S for understanding in this area. Since they also value certainty and structure, they would be the first to feel the fear of failure because they do not want to be out of control or make any mistakes. Like the D`s they are task oriented, committed and less relational. If security would be their home, quick changes would be the fire attacking their safe house.

The journey is over. Thank you for being on board. Hopefully you have learned a little more about yourself and the people around you. You might be a high D, I , S, C or, like most people, a mix of two or three. Anyway, good luck on the continuing journey of getting to know your self better.

What is a leader?

2012-02-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

He starts off with a couple of jokes and asks how many have had to lead. Half of the room raises their hands. Then only a couple hands stay in the air as he continues, “How many have had anyone following you?”

The beauty of interning with Loving On Purpose is that it gives you the great privilege of listening to Danny and Sheri whenever they are teaching somewhere. This time Danny spoke about leadership in the 2nd year Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I got myself a seat in the back since I needed a table to put my white Mac Book. The 2nd year students had just started their semester, so this was their first time hearing Danny speak again. In turning on my journalistic mode, here

we go:

In Danny’s opinion, it is easier to teach leadership to leaders than to people who are not. “Believe me I have taught people who were not leaders,” says Danny and starts off by sharing a couple of personal experiences as a leader. He tells the students about the five to six years when he and his wife were living in a group home with juveniles, and how he, after these years, finally realized that you don’t have a solution for someone who does not have a problem. The former family pastor continues to share about when he came to Bethel in 2001.

“The worship was awesome, but there was very little in the line of children’s ministry and Kris Vallotton was the only counselor.” Danny’s first job at Bethel was to do 40 hours a week of counseling. This was not what Danny wanted, so the first thing he did was to build a counseling team.

“The main thing for a leader to remember is that he/she is powerful. The moment you feel powerless means someone else has power over your life. You have to keep creating time because that is the way you can get to build things.” Danny says that he creates time so that he can think, pray and build. He then warns the students who become good at things, that they have to know that people will want what they have and try to get it.

“As a leader you have to learn how to say no and how to stay responsible for your time.” Danny advises the students to find people who are passionate about what they as leaders need done, so that they can concentrate on their strengths instead. In other words, gather people who want to go where you are going. While walking down that road, Danny says, “Remember not to work harder on another person’s problem than they do.”

“Learn how to build people up and how to invest in the empowering and growth in the people you lead. Learn how to strengthen while you lead, because you have to become a people developer and keep going,” claims Danny. “You have to plan how to do something different than you have experienced. As a leader, you have the power to show who the Father is. Jesus said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” Then Danny says one of my favorite quotes from this day, “There are lots of ways to learn honor, but the most productive way is by showing it.”

“Find out where the point of your anxiety is and deal with it. Look for ways to help your team and it will make you look like a genius.” “Why?” asks Danny before answering his own question. “Because I have a team of free and powerful people.” For the leaders who do not know what to do in a situation, Danny has that answer for that problem too. You just start asking questions. If nothing else, it buys you time.

Danny ends his lesson by summing up the two most important things a leader should remember, “Play to your strengths and deal with your constraints.” I am sitting there in the back and can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed from all his good teaching and advice on leadership. I thought I already knew all this, but obviously there is always more to learn. Thanks Danny!

Introduction to the new LOP interns

2011-10-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is me, Malene.
Told you I love to laugh=)

It is a new school year, a new season, and a new person writing this blog. Who am I?
Well, if I were to tell you everything at once you would for 1. Sit there for the rest of
the day. 2. Be bored before reading through half of it 3. Miss the wonderfulness of
getting to know me as time goes by. So let me just start off by giving you three words
that would describe me in a nutshell, at least one of my nutshells: Viking, creative,
love to laugh.

Round two, we might as well move fast since I am the one in charge right now. I am
a Norwegian who truly loves my country. I grew up on a farm with four other sisters,
which means I could definitely have needed some communication skills from birth.
This reminds me to inform you that my birth date showed I turned 27 this summer,
even though most people think I am 18-22. This is of course before they get to know
me and see all the wisdom I carry (or want to carry). The 15th of May I took a risk
and started dating a handsome Swede, who unfortunately is not attending the 3rd year
School of Ministry with me in Redding, CA, but is continuing his medical studies
back in Norway instead. God bless him. Gotta love skype though! By the way, my
name is Malene, with an E that sounds like an A. ;)

My home sweet home farm in a village of about 60 people in Norway

Which reminds me that while I still have you here, it wouldn’t hurt to mention a
couple of things that I love (not in the right order, though): My country, I scream ,
you scream, we all scream for… - And yes, Cookie dough is among my favorites, my
family, being active – sports, photography, the RADIO, laughing, dreaming, traveling
with people I love, chocolate- after all, I am a normal girl, and JESUS – who is truly
my faithful best friend!

Also, I want to let you know why I chose this internship, because if I didn’t make
that clear, my new friend Katie and I are the new interns for Loving on Purpose. For
my own sake and on behalf of my family, I just want to learn everything I can about
communication and relationship. For years I have been carrying this desire to be able
to communicate well. Like many others, I have been a victim of broken relationships
too many times. So I want to learn even more about how to set boundaries and value
and loving people even if they hurt me. And oh, I almost forgot to mention: I am
truly grateful for being under both Sheri and Danny. I almost could not believe it
when I got accepted- God is good! Ok, your turn Miss Katie:

Hey, my name is Katie. I’m from Canada and I am one of the Loving on Purpose
interns this year at Bethel Church. I went through first and second year in the School
of Supernatural Ministry and this has been my dream all along; To intern under
Danny and Sheri Silk. I’ll be helping to keep you up-to-date on Danny and Sheri’s
newest teachings, and helping with exciting new product and media. It’s going to be
good-so be sure to keep an eye out.

A little about me: I have done YWAM (Youth With a Mission) and went to Bible
college for counseling and theology. I love hearing people’s hearts and working
through relationship issues and life problems. My biggest passion is to see people
become the best them they can be, which is seeing themselves the way God seems
them. I have had quite a journey with the Lord and overcoming my struggle with fear,

so I love to see fear eradicated from people’s lives and see them encounter God’s
perfect love.

I enjoy being outside and being at the beach; swimming is probably my favorite thing
to do, which is why I have dream to swim with dolphins one day. I drink more tea
than any English person I know, but I also have a fond love for coffee. I love having
fun, laughing and being with my friends. As well as living in California, I like to
travel to see new places, new architecture, try new foods and learn the history of
different places I visit. I’m always up for a walk, a road trip or an adventure. This
year feels just like that, an adventure. It’s an exciting season to learn a lot by gaining
new ground and partaking in an amazing journey.

In the end I (Malene) just want to say, hello and welcome to join me on my
adventures as I bring Danny and Sheri’s teachings alive to all y’all. =)

Relationships 101 (Part 3) - Disagreeing Honorably

2011-05-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

How can two people disagree honorably? Is there such a thing? Week 3 of Danny and Sheri’s Relationship class, this question was brought to the surface. Danny explained, “In a culture of honor, both people in the conversation matter; therefore,we don’t have to agree. It’s our job to listen and our goal to understand.” He went onto say that this can be seen between spouses, between parent and child, and even between our spiritual leaders and us. “When you don’t do what I want you to do, and my response is to be punishing or to withhold my love from you, this is dishonoring.” In essence, when we respond like this, we are saying, “I want control - you should only do what I want you to do,” because we don’t trust them to make their own choices.
Dishonor says, “I have the power - you have no power.” Somehow, people can often bring a lie into their marriages, which is one of us gets to have the most power. You can control yourself and yourself alone. You don’t have all the power, but you are also not powerless. So when we disagree, becoming a T-Rex (pretending you have all the power) or a victim (pretending you have no power) is not the answer. To honor each other in disagreement, we must both realize that there are two powerful people in this conversation. Our goal is to UNDERSTAND, not to agree! “Making ‘agreement’ the goal, is when it gets ugly,” Danny said. “Negotiate, keep communication open, and make connection your goal above this issue!” he urged.
When you’re disconnected is NOT the time to solve a problem. “I wouldn’t talk to a drunk person on the street about the fact that they need life skills, would I?” remarked Danny. “In the same way, we don’t want to be trying to solve our problems when we’re EMOTIONALLY intoxicated. Don’t try to work on an issue when someone’s emotions are running rampant.”
In a disagreement or conflict, the way we talk and the motives we assign to the other person will be according to either our connection or our issue. This is why making connection the goal, even in the midst of conflict, is so important. If distance is my goal, I can’t see you doing anything right! But if my goal is love and connection, it doesn’t matter what you do. “The number one tool for changing a lousy marriage is to change your goal back to a good connection,” Danny concluded. Honoring each other in disagreement is a practiced skill, so it will take time and patience. It comes with having the right goal, listening well, and respecting each other’s differences. By remembering that there is more than one way to see everything, you’ll keep honor alive even in the most adverse situations.

For more information on honor or resolving conflict, check out Danny’s leadership series, Honor Among Us or Keys to Confrontation at www.lovingonpurpose.com. Our newest edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP course includes sessions on communication, love languages, and 7 Pillars to Healthy Relationships!

Thanks for following this blog,

Stephanie Foster
Loving On Purpose Intern

Relationships 101 (Part 2) “Expensive Love”

2011-04-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NASB)

Much happens between your glorious wedding day and “till death do you part.” Crying babies, fun relatives, challenging finances, and stressful careers are just a few of the things that test our connection with our spouse. It may start out easy, but once we’re married, how do we stay connected throughout the twists and turns of life? How can we protect that “oneness” which God intended? To the delight of the Supernatural School of Ministry students, Danny and Sheri Silk addressed this question Week 2 of their Relationship class.

“Love is the most expensive thing on earth,” Danny said. “If you’re not willing to pay what it costs, then you don’t get it. Think about your kids. You give them everything and they give you nothing, but you still love them more than anything!” Happy relationships don’t happen just by getting what I want all the time. It involves meeting the needs of my spouse that maybe I don’t have or understand. Danny explained that to maintain connection in our relationships, we have to take the time to give each other good information (because your spouse can’t read your mind) and learn to value each other’s different needs. Maybe your wife loves back scratches, but you don’t like them and don’t like giving them. Part of love is willing to lay down what you want in order to give her what she needs. “Are you willing to do the work to get to the next level?”

As your marriage cruises along the road of life, the bumps and potholes are what’s going to show you how strong your relationship is. “You don’t know that you have love or covenant until there’s a demand put on it!” Danny and Sheri said. When these tests come along, we can choose to strengthen our connection, instead of protecting a fragile one. First, you must have connection before you discuss conflict! Second, remember that protecting your connection is more important than any conflict you may have. Anxiety likes to fill the gap when we’re disconnected. When that is your goal and your love is on, you can talk through things without letting fear have control of the conversation.

In Genesis 2:24, “to be joined” literally means “to be cemented together.” “Similar to the Trinity,” the Silks explained, “we have distinct components but we are one.” What happens if you try to pull two cemented boards apart? Part of this one sticks to that one, and part of that one sticks to this one. When we break covenant with each other, we end up walking away without our whole self. “If you’ve been divorced, you might have to get some stuff back in order to fully devote yourself to your current marriage,” said Sheri. We were created for wholeness and intimacy, and part of that involves becoming vulnerable and letting people see the real us. “It’s like an eyeball- touching contest!” Danny explained as the class laughed. “It’s really scary being vulnerable! It takes courage, but it will strengthen your connection.” Can I be real with you? Can you handle who I am? Will you still value me? Will you still love me as I am? Mature love says, “Yes!”

(More crucial keys for connection can be found in Danny’s NEWEST edition of DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP Course!

DVD set, CD set, and Workbook are available now at www.lovingonpurpose.com. More information can be found at: dtr.lovingonpurpose.com. Lessons include Love Languages, The Communication Dance, 7 Pillars of Healthy Relationships, and Powerful People, Powerful Decisions. Stay tuned for Week 3 of the Silk’s Relationship Class!)

Stephanie Foster Loving On Purpose Intern

Relationships 101

2011-03-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

A relationship class designed to equip School of Supernatural Ministry couples for strong, healthy, happy marriages? Taught by the Silks? You bet! This 5-week class at Bethel Church kicked off with an inspiring teaching by Sheri Silk. The room was filled with couples eager to learn more about what it takes to have a solid marriage. “We want to add strength to married couples and to give you tools,” Sheri told the group. According to a statistic that she shared, 50% of marriages today end in divorce, even in the church! So how can we build a love that lasts, a connection that never severs? “Danny and I spent many years disconnected,” Sheri said. “Connect, disconnect. Connect, disconnect. That’s how we lived. But now, living connected is our goal!” A huge component of staying connected is communication. “You can’t just expect that because you’re a human, you know how to communicate. Communication is an art,” Sheri told the class. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of communication is neither to convince nor to come to an agreement. It is simply to UNDERSTAND. Trying to control or make our spouse be exactly like us, doesn’t work. In order to understand each other, we must be vulnerable and speak the truth. “Everyone comes into a marriage with their ‘normal’,” Sheri said. “With their junk.” What you experienced in your family may have been dysfunctional, without you even knowing it. She went on to explain that when she and Danny got married, their normal was chaos, because that’s what they had learned. How you react to things, how you problem solve, and how you communicate to your loved one may not be “normal,” even though it’s what you assimilated growing up. Sometimes inner healing and/or counseling is what’s necessary for the work through ‘normal’ behaviors, like anger, passivity, manipulation, etc. Next, Sheri outlined the definition of “intimacy,” which is not just about sex. It is about “in-to-me-you-see.” Safety, vulnerability, acceptance, and trust are all key elements to building intimacy. “Danny manages himself towards me; I manage myself towards him,” she said. She then opened a power point about the trust/mistrust cycle, which shows how if someone’s needs are left unmet, mistrust develops. “Danny likes to drive fast,” she smiled. But when Danny drove fast with her in the car, it did not meet her need to feel safe and secure! And him not meeting that need was affecting their relationship. “Why are you scared? There’s no reason. I’m a safe driver!” Danny would say, but that’s kind of like telling someone, “You’re not hungry!” You may know your spouse really well, but their needs are going to be different than your own. Part of love is meeting those needs, even if you don’t really relate to them. “If I have to protect myself from you all day long, then we won’t have intimacy,” Sheri explained to the couples. Intimacy and connection is the goal! So now Danny drives a bit slower when Sheri is in the car, because he loves her and wants to protect her need for security and safety. Only the surface of the marital mountain of wisdom was scratched, but already there was a better sense of understanding of relationship. So how will you handle yourself in your marriage? Is intimacy and connection your goal? Stay tuned for more from the relationship class! Stephanie Foster Intern with Loving On Purpose

Parenting with Danny - Part 3 - Creating Connection

2011-02-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

SELF-CONTROL, FREEDOM, and CONNECTION:

We were all created to experience these in full measure, including our children. Our last two sessions of “Parenting with Danny” discussed the importance of training our children to manage themselves so they can live in freedom successfully. In this final part, we are looking at how to develop the most crucial part of being a parent: connection with your child.
The first step is to make love and connection the goal of your relationship. “Your heart connected to your child’s heart is the goal,” Danny said. “College isn’t the goal. Getting the dishes done isn’t the goal. Keeping spaghetti on the high chair isn’t even the goal!” You have to make a choice; is love and connection your goal or control and distance? “Love has the power to sort through what you would normally not want to deal with,” explained Danny. Keeping your love “turned on,” whether in conflict or in harmony, will help to
sustain your connection.
“Unfortunately, one of the best-kept secrets in families is, ‘I love you very much,’” he said. Many people grow up in environments where love is assumed but not ever expressed, but connection occurs through successful transfers of “I love you very much.” So it is vital that you know how your child hears love best.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, which describes five common ways that people experience love. They include gifts, touch, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Knowing your child’s love languages will enable you to give them love in the way that they best receive it.
They may be different than your languages, but, as Danny stated, “Love says, ‘I am willing to do what you need.’” By using these languages to express love to your child day after day, and keeping connection the goal even in conflict, your child will begin to feel that love. And in the development of your connection, truth
will be exchanged. They will learn to trust you, because they know that your goal is not control, but love.
“When my child won’t do what I’ve asked them to do, I’d better check my connection with them,” Danny disclosed. He gave this example: Think of a tissue. I’m holding onto one end, and you’re holding onto the other. If I start pulling on this connection, it’s going to break! But if we’re each holding onto a rope, that connection will make it through a lot of yanking! Similarly in human connections, we will see the strength of our relationship when it’s tested, so don’t be afraid of testing. Protect your connection with your child above all else. No problem is as big as the disconnect problem. If you have a disconnect with them, the work
starts with you. Take time to build the connection again. Be responsible for any disrespect you have shown and ask for forgiveness if needed. Be sure to listen, take time to understand what they’re feeling, respond, and change. “There isn’t a more powerful voice in a child’s life than a parent who is connected to them,”
Danny said. “Your voice connected to their heart has no competition.”

Thanks so much for following our Parenting blog!

Stephanie Foster, Loving on Purpose Intern
For more information, check out:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Parenting with Danny (Part 2 - Freedom Training)

2011-01-15T19:16:00.000-08:00

Our children were created for freedom. They were designed to use their self-control to manage their lives, but how do we train them without using the world’s methods of power and control? In this continuation of our previous blog on parenting, Danny equips parents with tools for successful freedom training. First, we must change our way of thinking. Remember that self-control is a critical need in every person. “Having no power is a terrible experience for human beings,” Danny said. “It brings out the worst in us because control is one of our deepest needs.” If you demand all the control when in the presence of your child, the only time they will
feel like a human being is when they are resisting your instructions! But once you begin to understand this need for self-control and its integral part in the human design, the myths of power and control will begin to dissipate. Instead of using anger or threats of punishment to bring your child to a decision, simply empower them with the tool of choices.

For example, if your toddler is throwing a tantrum, you can offer them two
choices: “Room or Fun?” (A method from Love and Logic®.) They can decide to go to their room until they are ready to calm down (and you can help them if needed), or they can be “fun.” “When I offer choices, I’m setting limits, but also communicating to them that they are powerful,” Danny explained. Try these: “Would you like to clean your room or would you like to pay me to clean it for you?” “Feel free to join us for dinner after you’ve finished your chore. Take your time.” These choices train your child that it is their job to manage their life. Be sure to have a plan for whatever it is that they choose, and stick to it. Setting firm limits and boundaries will help maintain an environment of responsibility and respect in your home. “We train our children- whether or not we meanwhat we say,” Danny said.

It’s essential that you value yourself throughout the process. The respect that other people give you will not change until your value for yourself changes. You get to decide what kind of conversations you participate in, whether respectful or disrespectful. “The goal is to get control of you back, so that no matter what they do, you can show up w ith the best you,” Danny exhorted. He made it a rule of sanity to: never argue with your child, but to use few words mixed with meaningful actions. If we stop doing the thinking for our kids, we’ll get to see their brains in action. He also relayed the importance of letting consequences mixed with empathy do the teaching. Lecturing to a closed ear won’t help anyone. Yet throughout the session, Danny emphasized the
importance of connection with your child. It will take time and practice to change a way of thinking, so give yourself a break and practice one piece of the teaching at a time. Still wondering how to pursue
connection with your child? More tools are in store for the next blog!

By Stephanie Foster
(Intern for Loving On Purpose)

You can find more parenting information on:
www.lovingonpurpose.com
www.loveandlogic.com

Shorts in the Snow!

2010-12-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

The Silk family has produced their second children's book called "Shorts in the Snow!" This time it's a story about Danny and Sheri's youngest son,Taylor, and a great lesson he learned. Shorts are fun, but not in the snow!

Follow along as young Taylor makes a hard decision between playing in the snow and wearing his favorite shorts. See how his parents struggle to let him learn through his experience without stopping in to rescue. Watching a child think through their problem and come up with a solution on their own is a beautiful sight to behold!

Here is an excerpt from the book:

Parenting with Danny (Part 1 - The Inside and Out of Control)

2010-12-03T13:30:00.000-08:00

Raising kids … it can be quite an adventure! Your three-year-old is throwing
spaghetti on the floor; your ten-year-old doesn’t understand the meaning of “inside
voice”; and your teenager refuses to clean his room. From the time your children
emerge from the womb, you are crazy in love with them, but have you ever felt
completely helpless in having control in your own home? This last month at Shasta
High School in Redding, California, Danny Silk offered great tools to over 100 hungry
parents using Love & Logic methods and revealed what is often a brand new outlook on
having control of your household.

Classically, family environments are managed out of an external control
paradigm, where the parent teaches the child, “I am more powerful than you! You must
obey and comply, or else!” When this happens, the child is raised believing that the
external world is meant to control them. We want to express the Lord’s heart in raising
our kids and for them to be able to handle greatness. “I don’t want to train my child to
obey and comply - I want them to learn how to control themselves. Train them for an
adult life of limitless freedom,” Danny exhorted.

Now before you ask, “Well, then how in the world can I control my child?” Listen
to this truth, “You cannot control human beings, no matter how big a threat you present
to them.” We as humans are designed for freedom. We were given the gift of choice.
Try to tell a three-year-old what to do and I’m sure you’ll know what we’re talking about.
To show an example of this truth, Danny approached a very nice lady in the group
named Shirley. He stood about three feet away from her and asked her how she was
doing with that distance. She said, “Good.” He got a little closer; she replied that she
was fine. Then Danny asked, “What if I put my hands around your neck, held you to the
ground and won’t let go?” Everyone in the room laughed as Shirley replied that she
would bite him! Danny smiled as he said, “Now how did I turn sweet Shirley into a
homicidal biter? I threatened her self-control.” When you threaten self-control, you
trigger a “panic” response in people. They NEED to control themselves; it’s an inside
job. And guess what? Our children are people too! “You were given an impossible
assignment if you think you were supposed to control people,” Danny declared.

In parenting, children aren’t feeling the love when we react out of anger or fear in
order to have control. Using threats and intimidations to get what we want (even with
good intentions) will only destroy the connection with our child. Controlling your child is
not the goal. “Your heart connected to your child’s heart is the goal,” Danny said.

So how do we train our children to control themselves, since we can’t control
them? And how do we pursue connection? That is something you’ll just have to

discover on the next blog. Stay tuned! For more info, visit www.lovingonpurpose.com
and www.loveandlogic.com.

By Stephanie Foster (Intern for Loving On Purpose)

Honor and Confrontation

2010-10-19T23:09:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wondered what a culture of honor really looks like? On Friday morning at
the School of Transformation and Strategy in Anderson, CA, Danny Silk shared a key message
to understanding and maintaining a lifestyle of honor.
“The heart of honor,” Danny said, “is to take the strength of my life and pour it into you.”
We honor our children by giving them powerful choices; we honor our friends and spouses by
helping them maximize their potential; we honor our leaders by supporting and strengthening
them. It is all about empowering the people around us, whether man, woman, young, old, leader,
or follower. And we do all this because of love. When we honor, we’re protecting our
connections with each other, not controlling each other. My relationship with you is more
important than you doing what I want you to do. The result of a culture of honor is powerful
people running together, all bound together by covenant relationships. Sound good?
It is - in fact, it’s heavenly! But like everything in God’s kingdom, there’s a divine tension.

“Having a culture of honor is like having a whole stall full of Clydesdales!” Danny laughed. “Big
butts and big shoulders… and it hurts when I step on you! There are messes everywhere!”
When you give the people around you permission to be powerful and control themselves, there’s
the definite possibility that they will use that freedom to excuse selfish behavior. Because of
that, Danny pointed out that the skills of confrontation are indispensable.
For most people, confrontation of sin is very scary, possibly even disastrous in their
experience! But it doesn’t have to be that way. Danny said, “Confrontation is strategically
applied pressure to expose areas that need strength and grace.” When we confront someone,
we’re letting them know, “When you do this, it scares me,” not, “Stop doing that, or else!” When
we confront, the goal is to find the problem (if there is one), not to get a confession. Danny gave
an example from his years of working at an auto shop: when a tire came in with a leak, he would
hold the tire under water until he saw bubbles rising from the tire, showing him where the hole
was. Yelling at the tire, threatening to throw it into the fire, or dashing it into pieces was NOT
going to help Danny find the problem. So what is the problem? Until we know the problem, the
healing can’t start. So rather than using judgment or punishment to gain control of a mess, we
honor each other by “restoring gently” (Gal. 6:1). To dishonor someone is to say or imply, “I
have all the power - you have no power.” Jesus doesn't use his power to control us, nor does
he want to. “If you want to be a control freak, control YOU!” Danny said. When we confront, it
must be motivated by love and a desire for the success of the other person, not a need for
control of the situation.
A culture of honor will be messy at times, but ultimately exquisite in God’s sight, because
we are valuing the power He’s put in each of His creations. Are we all about seeing the success
of the person next to us, no matter who they are or where they’re at? What will honor look like
for you?
If you’d like more information about honor and confrontation, check out Danny’s
messages, “Keys to Confrontation,” “Community of Believers,” and the “Honor Among Us”
series. You can find them at the www.lovingonpurpose.com store.

Stephanie Foster
9-28-2010

Know Thyself, Know Thy Team

2010-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Side-splitting laughter as well as the occasional snort could be heard escaping the walls at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministries’s 2nd Year class on Wednesday. It was none other than the infamous Danny Silk speaking to the new students, teaching about “Knowing Thyself” and “Knowing Thy Team.” Who would have known such a practical message about understanding yourself and and your teammates could be packed with jokes, impersonations, and wisdom all at the same time? Danny spoke to teach the students a little more about themselves and their peers, showing them how to operate in their strengths and identity as leaders, as well as to manage their anxiety in moments of weakness. He emphasized that being a leader is not about making other people try to be like us, but to empower them to be themselves. I Corinthians 12:18-20 was mentioned, reminding us that there are “many members, but one body,” that we cannot all be the same, but we are all in it together.

Danny’s main illustration for the day was the DISC test. It is a personality assessment that describes people’s tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses in four parts: Dominant, Influencer, Steadfast, and Conscientious. Each of these personality types Danny demonstrated to the students with full animation, thus resulting in the endless laughter! For example, he described that the Dominant personality is easy to spy: they will come out of the womb, ready for somebody to salute them! These are all of our natural born leaders: CEOs, presidents, admirals, and world class leaders who will stop at nothing to leave a mark on their generation. The Influencers say, “Give me that microphone!” Their ideas come a mile a minute, and they are verbal processors to the max. “Here comes another thought!” bantered Danny, impersonating the “I”. The Steadfast ones are the faithful, loyal servants who will do anything to keep the peace and are the best of friends. “A high ‘I’ is like a Ferrari - needs a tune up after you go to the gas station,” Danny said, “but the ‘S’ is like the 1950’s military jeep that lasts forever - pretty low maintenance.” Lastly, the Conscientious are the information hounds, the ones who will Google everything on the planet. Their worst nightmare is to be wrong. They are incredibly detail-oriented, analytical folks and usually slow to change. Danny said, “If you ever find yourself in an argument with a high ‘C,’ just shut up and walk away because you’re WRONG!”

He explained that there are always blends and mixes of these personality types, but to know yourself and your teammates enables you to be considerate of each other in any situation. He also highlighted being mature enough as leaders to function even in our weaknesses. Can you bring enthusiasm and passion to the table like the “I”? Can you be sensitive to others like the “S,” driven like the “D,” or even careful and observant like the “C”? Jesus was the ultimate example of mature leadership. He led in freedom and love, drawing out the involvement and acceptance of people that were much different from him. If you can do that as a leader, then your team will be successful. Danny illustrated, “Just because a conductor started out as a drummer doesn’t mean he’s going to have an orchestra of drums!” So what kind of a leader are you going to be?

Stephanie Foster

9-10-2010

Loving On Purpose Champions Testimonies

2010-08-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a testimony from our friend, a Loving On Purpose Champion from the Midwest.

Hello April (Loving On Purpose Champion Director) and Danny Silk,

I’m a Loving on Purpose Champion who has previously conversed with Danny Silk via email for permission to bring Loving our Kids on Purpose to the Midwest. I have also sent you testimonies in the past that were posted on your blog. I have been sharing the Loving our Kids on Purpose DVDs here in the Minneapolis area as a 8-week class in a parent coaching setting along with a 40-Day Challenge that I’ve developed to complement Loving our Kids on Purpose.

This past Spring 2010, I hosted three Loving our Kids on Purpose 40-Day Challenges:

·      One in the community

·      One in an in-home Bible Study Group

·      One at the Healing House of Metro Hope Ministries – a faith-based program for Moms and their kids coming out of poverty, abuse, and addiction.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure how Loving our Kids on Purpose would be received by the women at the Healing House.  I’m pleased to say that the Loving on Purpose 40-Day Challenge was a huge help to all who attended.  It ended up being one of their favorite weekly classes.  Because of the positive response, the Healing House wants to continually offer the 40-Day Challenge of Loving our Kids on Purpose for every new group of residents that come through because lives are being changed – moms and kids alike!

Below are some of the Loving on Purpose Testimonies I want to pass on along to you and those at Loving on Purpose:

Through the 40-Day Challenge of Loving our Kids on Purpose I came to realize that I parented as the big yellow truck most of the time. I didn’t realize how fearful I was and how I was reacting when my kids came to me with something I didn’t want to hear which made them share less and less each time. I never even thought about working on our heart to heart connections with my kids before. I also learned how to disconnect my “big red buttons” and that I shouldn’t label my kids anymore.

Now I approach my kids differently, more as their “guide” not their “controller”.  There’s less arguing because I don’t react like I used to.  I’m getting to know my kids as people and getting to know their hearts.  I’m also empowering them to take action in their lives and their friendships!  Asking them, “What are you going to do?” is so effective in giving them the opportunity to think about a solution vs. me jumping in and fixing everything.  We have so much more peace in our home.

This has been such a paradigm shift for us! We were controlling parents wanting our children to comply and fit into our rules. We spent most of our time being the police of their behaviors. I now see the need to spend time nurturing our heart to heart relationships and let them know that their feelings and ideas are valued.  We have not treated them as the smart children that they really are! I have done too much of the thinking and fixing for them.

After Loving our Kids on Purpose, I feel like I have a plan now and need to review it often and put it in place. Just this weekend, I used “Hassle Time” with my 12-year old when she was giving me attitude and talking back.  She even came up to me and asked what she needed to do for her “Hassle Time” before I even mentioned it! She did it while a friend was over playing with her and her twin sister!

I feel so much more calm as a parent. Loving on Purpose gave me the tools I needed! Thank you!

Through Loving our Kids on Purpose I have learned that I can’t control my kids.  It’s a myth and is ineffective. Now I’m trying to let them solve problems more with my help if they ask. I’ve stopped taking charge and telling them what to do.  I don’t feel the need to speak so quickly anymore and have learned to give their problems back to them.

On no! Maybe so. Nice try. How that’s working for you? Fun or room and giving choices really works!! Loving on Purpose is so practical and powerful!  Every parent needs to know this and do it!

Loving our Kids on Purpose taught me the importance and effectiveness of listening, speaking less, and asking more questions. I’ve learned how to give my kids logical consequences and let them be responsible for themselves and their own things. It’s amazing, we’re treating each other with greater respect and now my kids are doing chores and following through on their own! It beautiful!!

The other day I had my daughter pay me $ because I had to make her bed for her.  At first she was upset, but now she makes her bed everyday without my asking!

Loving on Purpose should be a parenting “must” for all preschool kids and above!! Everything we learned has been so helpful to us and our kids.  My son got himself into a not so great situation with his cousin.  In the old days I would have yelled at him and punished him for his actions.  This time I asked him questions and he, all on his own, went to his cousin and cleaned up his own mess.  A great life long lesson learned!

Loving on Purpose really opened my eyes to see that God has a plan for parenting. And it is way different then the way I was raised, and what I have seen around me so far. Loving on Purpose has changed the way I view my relationship with my son. I realize now that I cannot control him, but I can offer him choices, which will teach him how to manage his freedom.

Loving on Purpose has given us great parenting tools, but most importantly it’s helped my wife and I to be unified in our parenting and given me a better picture of how God loves us and teaches us.

Blessings and thanks for the opportunity so I can continue bring the 40-Day Challenge of Loving our Kids on Purpose to families in here in Minnesota! I hope to offer a few more 40-Day Challenges of Loving our Kids on Purpose in the Fall as well!

The Process of Love Released

2010-07-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

Loving On Purpose is pleased to announce the release of 'The Process of Love' by Danny Silk.
Much of what we experience today is actually an inheritance from the faithful and sacrificial saints of past generations. We must identify and pass on the process of love that allows us to keep what we've inherited. The process of love is a wake-up call for both young and old. Those faithful servants of the past must learn to be part of a royal family, and the new generation of princes and princesses must learn what it takes to protect their great wealth. This message will take us on the journey that leads to the place of becoming lovers, which is our highest call as the Bride of Christ.

Number of CD's : 1
Number of DVD's : 1

A Courageous Spirit now available.

2010-07-28T16:25:00.000-07:00

Loving On Purpose is glad to announce the arrival of 'A Courageous Spirit' by Danny Silk.
We are exhorted throughout scripture to watch over the issues of our heart. One key component to successfully employing our deepest core values is our use of courage. Momentum grows daily as we tend to this powerful force in our lives. In A Courageous Spirit, Danny tells two stories that he likens to King David's stories (the lion and the bear). One story is about killing the fear of man in his life and the other is about killing a rattlesnake that threatened the safety of a family. Courage is sometimes spawned in dramatic ways, but we never forget when God jumps on our courage and brings us the victory.

Number of CD's : 1
Number of DVD's : 1

Week In Review

2010-05-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

May 17th

"This is productive self-talk!!!
Psalm 103: 1-4
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies." - Sheri Silk

May 14th

"This is such a great message. I know I'm biased but.... It explains the awesomeness of God's love toward anyone who has ever made a mistake. Papa God is in love with you!!!" - Sheri Silk
Watch Now!

May 11th

"Living it up in Mechanicsburg, PA with GSSM and Christ Community Church! There was about 150 people at a night of parent training! Yahtzee!" - Danny Silk

"I had such a great time in PA with Randy Clark's students and the folks at Christ Comminty Church with Dave And Sheri Hess!" - Danny Silk

May 10th

"Riding out my 3 hr layover at Washington Dulles airport on my way to Global Awakening's School of Ministry. I've never seen and entire section of a store committed to the sitting president before. I wonder if there is a bunch of George Bush cups, shirts and hats in storage somewhere?" - Danny Silk

The Chicken Coop Kid - Released!

2010-04-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

laurie.freeman@lovingonpurpose.com

We are proud to announce the release of our first children’s book, The Chicken Coop Kid. This story was illustrated by Matt Thayer and adapted by Karen Renee Johnson.

The Chicken Coop Kid -A SILK Family Story-" title="The Chicken Coop Kid is a true story which highlights the connection between young Brittney and her Dad as they navigate through her poor decision regarding her chore. You will enjoy this humorous tale as you read how Britt learned to value and take hold of her daily tasks.

Book excerpt:
“Britt headed outside
to the damp chicken coop
to shovel the stinky
and wet chicken poop.

It was SMELLY and AWFUL!
Chickens got in her way,
and feathers were FLYING
as she shoveled the hay.”

Story adapted by: Karen Renee Johnson
Karen Renee Johnson is a freelance writer and poet who has been writing rhymes and stories since she was ten years old. Her passion for parenting with Freedom and Joy inspired her to begin a series of children’s books based on Danny’s humorous stories from Loving Our Kids On Purpose. Karen lives in Redding, California, with her husband and their two little geniuses.
karenreneejohnson.com

Illustrations by: Matthew Thayer

Matthew Thayer and his wife, Joy, live in Redding, California with their children. He has been drawing cartoons since he was two years old and has a profound love for creativity and the arts. In addition to illustrating, Matthew is a writer who is working on several screenplays as well as co-authoring a series of children’s novels with Joy. He also draws and co-writes The LOP-Side, a comic strip for lovingonpurpose.com.

For more information contact: laurie.freeman@lovingonpurpose.com

Book Signing this Sunday AM at Bethel Church.

Women's conference 16-17th April TX

2010-04-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the start of the Women's conference in Texas with Sheri Silk and Kim Walker. Here are some details:

Starts Friday 16th at 7pm
Location:
Church of the Hills3502 HATCH ROAD
CEDAR PARK,
TEXAS 78613
Phone: 512.331.9559
Free Admission
No Childcare Provided
No Registration Required
Doors Open One Hour Before Event

For more Details: http://www.churchofthehills.org/Sherri_Silk.html

Danny Silk around the world.

2010-04-06T16:39:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent photographs of Danny's books in Africa and in Nicaragua.

The Posture of Honor

2010-03-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

A while back Danny spoke on the Posture of Honor.
Danny talks about becoming a vessel of honor and how to give and receive honor. What honor and dishonor looks like in a relationship. Are you able to direct your honor? What you practice at home, in your marriage that is what you practice without thinking. This is the test of your honor. Jesus said, "I need you to remember this one, Love on another!" My function is to stir up your love when I am around you, to bring out the best in you. Having a posture of honor, means "I intend to to direct my love toward you!" This can be really difficult when you are mad at someone.
Here is the free message from the podcast:

In this message Danny makes reference to "Culture of Honor" book found at thecultureofhonor.com

Q&A with Danny Silk

2010-03-12T12:21:00.000-08:00

Danny recently answered all sorts of questions related to the recent book, "The Culture of Honor" in BSSM and it was recorded for ibethel.tv. Questions about the book, how the 5-fold ministry relates to the other mountains besides the church and spanking children. Danny spend a great deal of time talking about apostles and their role in the church, the role of spanking within parenting, the role of confrontation in leadership as it pertains to creating a safe place for vulnerability and empowering the victims so that they can take responsibility for their problem.
Funny, deep and insightful a must listen. - Graeme

To watch this episode: http://www.ibethel.tv/watch/626:4:10

The role of an Apostle

2010-03-12T11:53:00.000-08:00

What is an apostle anyway?

Recently Danny has been answering questions in BSSM, the marketplace and the church about apostles and their role. We must have a apostle in the church before we have them in the marketplace. The apostles role is an unclear phenomenon.

"The problem is the church doesn't have apostles, so I have no idea how the other mountains are going to get one!" - Danny

The church has to rise up and validate apostles, and the other offices of heaven's government, before the rest of the mountains begin to see these offices function in their environment.
Most people think apostles are fathers of pastors and leaders, church planters that are over 55 years old.
Apostles are 100% recognizable. 100% of them have supernatural ministry flowing through their life. Jesus sent the apostles out and all of them did miracles, they were all supernatural ministers, bringing heaven into their world. The apostles, whether in church or the marketplace, are bringing heaven into the environment. So until the church has this, we won't see it in the market place. Are they bringing the supernatural into their world? The way we usually validate an apostle, is by how successful they are at building church.

"Just because you started churches doesn't make you an apostle anymore than, the person who started Starbucks... ...The apostles are validated through signs and wonders. " - Danny

To learn more watch this ibethel.tv episode.
http://www.ibethel.tv/watch/483:3:8

A Lifestyle of Honor

2010-02-22T08:24:00.000-08:00

What do we do with just a little bit of power?

We exercise freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. A Culture of Honor is developed by the choices we make living our everyday life. Choices to keep our promises, our word, our agreements. Who are we when no one else is watching?

1 Peter 2:17 states, 'Honor all people.' All is inclusive, it means ALL: the lady at Starbucks who gets the drink order wrong, or the person driving a bit too slowly on the freeway. Who are we when we have just a little bit of power? In Jeremiah 31:31 the Lord declares, "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." This is a declaration of the new covenant, an internal governing system. No longer will God's people be governed by external law but by an internal knowing of God himself. Control over other people is just an illusion; so how do we honor when we are scared, hurt, or humiliated? Do we devalue others so we can justify how we feel about them? Do we feel justified when someone fails? Or do we humble ourselves with Honor?

We raise a standard in the lives of other people through Honor, people become better people through Honor. True honor is humility for both the giver and the receiver: it builds character, integrity and relationship. The choice is up to us. We get to choose if we live a life of “Frighteousness” - righting injustice through fear, anger and false power, enforcing order through fake authority - or a life of Righteousness - righting through God's order. Proverbs 21:21 states, “He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.” By pursuing a lifestyle of God's internal order for our thoughts, words and actions, we create a Culture of Honor both internally and externally. Honor becomes more than just words and recognition, it becomes our every day life.

This is a synopsis of the message Sheri Silk preached at Bethel Church February 19^th 2010, during the Friday night Revival Service.