How do you prepare for something brand new? It’s a valid question. And even if you’ve given birth before, you’ve never experienced this birth process. Each delivery is unique and there are always unknowns. It may seem challenging to try to prepare yourself when you’re not sure what’s going to come up. Yet, there are some things you can consider doing to feel prepared.

Many people proclaim the power of visualizing what you want. Georgia, for example, prepared for her child’s birth by actively visualizing the experience she wanted to have. I asked her, “How can you visualize something you’ve never done?” For her, part of it was simply anticipating how she wanted to feel throughout the process – the specific kinds of emotions she’d most like to have – and she pictured herself feeling that way. Another thing that helped her was educating herself on anatomy. She looked at pictures of the cervix and understood what different muscle groups would be engaged during different stages of the process. With this knowledge she began to imagine what it would look and feel like as her body experienced different phases of the journey of birth.

Georgia visualized herself feeling confident and secure as she rode the waves of contractions in early labor. She saw herself on her feet moving around and swaying with pressure across her back and belly. She felt herself focusing on her breath. She created a picture in her mind of herself giving birth to her beautifully healthy baby.

She acknowledged that she hadn’t been able to fully visualize precisely what would happen, yet she was confident that preparing her mind and body for delivery was highly valuable for her. Through her visualizations, she created a practice of allowing concerns to appear and then releasing what she didn’t want to focus on. And, she strengthened her ability to focus on what she truly desired.

There are, of course, other ways besides visualization to prepare for something you’ve never done before. How are you – or how did you – prepare for birth?

The obvious lack of control, the hormone fluctuations, and the responsibility for a little being inside of me – none of this seemed good. Women’s ankles swell, their shoe sizes can change, and they can get special diseases while they’re pregnant. I felt I had hard evidence about why pregnancy was a bad deal. Pregnancy seemed like it’d be full of pressure and restrictions. So, as you can clearly see, I had a wholly uninspiring outlook!

With these thoughts and feelings prevalent within me and because my husband and I wanted to have a couple children, I realized I was setting myself up to live years of my life with a “just get through it” mentality. When I saw what I was doing, I realized that I was not committed to living that way! Instead, I wanted to figure out how to love the experience, regardless of what the experience might be. I wanted to give myself a shot at liking myself and what was happening during pregnancy.

At the time, I had been an individual coach with a number of years experience, specializing in working with entrepreneurs. I had been telling my clients they could create anything they wanted for their businesses and their lives. I’d seen people completely shift their perspective from one of resignation to one of inspiration and success. I’d seen areas of my own life transform. So, I knew it was possible to move away from my cynical view about pregnancy. Yet, I had no idea how.

The shift I eventually created started with belief and commitment. I believed it was possible to change my thoughts and thrive during pregnancy. Again, I didn’t know how, yet it was enough to believe it was even in the realm of possibility. And, I made a simple commitment to myself: I was going to enjoy my pregnancy as much as I could.

And…I did. I enjoyed being pregnant and, more importantly, I loved who I was when I was pregnant. This was my own personal miracle. This was something that previously had seemed completely impossible.

How did I do it? In many different ways. Sometimes it seemed like I was experiencing huge, life-altering insights. And, the vast majority of the time, I was creating tiny little changes for myself that eventually added up to something big.

I was on the constant lookout for my automatic, cynical views about pregnancy and about myself as a pregnant person. When I saw one, I looked at how I could improve it – even by just a little bit. I distinctly remember expecting to feel bad physically during my first trimester. I kept waiting for the morning sickness and indigestion. When someone asked me, “How are you feeling?” I heard, “How badly are you feeling?” I caught myself making the automatic negative assumption and reminded myself that I didn’t have to expect to feel bad. I could assume that I was going to feel great.

Our expectations and assumptions can be empowering or negative. When we take on an empowering belief, we often find ourselves taking actions that will help the belief become reality. When I started expecting to feel well, I found myself making sure that I got adequate sleep and continuing to eat healthily. When I had expected my physical well-being to be on a downward slide, I wasn’t as motivated to make healthy choices. Because what would’ve been the point? I was just going to get morning sickness anyway. When I shifted my expectations to more positive ones, I then took actions that supported me in achieving the outcomes I wanted.

I have many examples of when I caught myself expecting something less than ideal. And, I’d ask myself, “Why can’t I have exactly what I want? If I assumed I could have exactly what I wanted, what would I do to get it?” It sometimes seemed like a futile inquiry (as my cynical views were still winning out), yet a harmless one. What could go wrong? I was already cynical. So, trying to poke holes in my cynical perspectives could only help. I pretty consistently noticed negative thinking and worked to shift my thoughts.

A huge ah-ha moment occurred for me when I was talking to my life coach (who I purposely hired because she was a mom and an independent business owner) and trying to determine how to work my next tropical-destination vacation around my hopefully soon-to-come pregnancy. I didn’t want to “waste” my vacation time while I was pregnant because I wouldn’t be able to drink margaritas, I might be fat, I might be sluggish, etc. My coach asked me, “Do you want to be pregnant sitting in your house in Chicago in the winter or do you want to be pregnant strolling the beaches of Mexico?” Ah ha! I want the latter. Why had I not seen that? This was a huge insight for me. I wanted to continue to lead the kind of life that I had created for myself, with entrepreneurship and flexibility in my days, and frequent vacations. And, I could continue to do that while I was pregnant. I could be “me” during my pregnancy. I could continue to live life “my” way. I didn’t have to carve out nine months in which I’d downscale or pause my life. It was a huge, empowering mindset shift for me.

At the same time that I was working to shift my thoughts to more positive ones, I didn’t try to pretend that I wasn’t frustrated, disappointed, ashamed, or feeling other negative emotions at times. For example, when I first started to share with people that I was pregnant with my first baby, people were over-the-top excited for us. My husband and I had been married for a while, and others weren’t sure whether we were going to become parents. They were so excited to find out that we were! And, I was ashamed and confused because I wasn’t nearly as excited as they were. My excitement was dimmed by my feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. I noticed my reaction to others’ enthusiasm, and I did my best to let my negative emotions be. I knew that there was always something to be learned from our feelings and that all our feelings are valid. I didn’t try to talk myself out of my shame and confusion. Instead, I saw that my emotions made perfect sense. And so did the emotions of my loved ones. Of course they were excited. And, of course I was anxious and overwhelmed. Deciding to have a baby was a big responsibility. I didn’t want to take it lightly. I viewed my feelings as a good sign – a sign that I was fully cognizant of my actions and the consequences.

I chose not to feel bad about myself because I felt some “negative” emotions. I could feel confused and uncomfortable, yet not have to judge myself as a “bad” person or mom. And, I realized that even though I experienced “negative” thoughts or emotions during my journey, it didn’t mean that I had to declare the whole pregnancy “negative.” I could have both. I could have a range of feelings. I could have unwanted emotions and reactions inside of what I considered to be a wonderful experience! Allowing myself to fully feel and learn from my negative feelings and concerns – without having to write off the whole experience as “bad” – was a highly valuable endeavor.

I tapped into other moms for ideas and inspiration. I asked them about what worked for them and about how they determined what worked best for them. And, I reminded myself that I didn’t have to make the same choices they did. As I listened to other women tell their pregnancy and childbirth stories, I got ideas about possible ways to approach situations, and I realized there was an infinite number of ways to “do” pregnancy. I thought about choices such as how I wanted to memorialize my pregnancy (without pressuring myself to create an elaborate scrapbook) and how open I was to inducing labor past my due date – questions that I wouldn’t have considered so intentionally if I hadn’t been listening to others’ accounts of similar inquiries.

When I heard about significant challenges women faced, I felt inspired by how they stepped up physically and mentally, and I was reminded to appreciate every aspect that was flowing easily for me. I identified what mindsets and actions I thought would work best for me in the face of difficulties. By understanding the kind of pregnant women others were, I discovered more about the pregnant woman I wanted to be.

I saw more and more clearly that I could discover the best ways for me to be pregnant. I didn’t have to make the same choices that my female friends and family members had made. I could, if the choices made sense to me, or I could go in search of what would best suit me. I continued to strengthen my belief that I could create my unique experience, that I could be pregnant in my way.

With a personal commitment and the willingness to tune into and learn from your thoughts and feelings, you can uncover what works best for you and create a pregnancy in which you’ll love the pregnant you.

To hear more from the author, Amy L. Riley, and the over 100 women she interviewed for the “Loving the Pregnant You” book, visit the “Loving the Pregnant You” website and/or order your copy of the book here.

Okay!

We are, too often, focused on what we’re not quite handling exactly the way we want… how we’re not quite measuring up to the Mom next door… how we’re supposed to be taking care of everyone else… and how we’re not supposed to be self-indulgent.

I say we want and NEED to acknowledge ALL the things we’re handling fabulously, to pat ourselves on the back, and toot our own horns… LOUDLY.

Then! Recently, I found myself totally NOT practicing what I preach. The idea of having a celebratory book launch party came up… repeatedly… from the people in my life. I hesitated. I himmed and I hawed. Then, I finally sent out some invitations. Yet… I found myself focused on the wrong things. I wondered who would want to come. I worried that no one would come. I got overly concerned about it looking like a huge blow out party (like I had lots of friends!). I forgot it was about acknowledgement.

I’m reminding myself to simply appreciate everyone who shows up to celebrate, to acknowledge ALL the women that made this book possible, to accept others’ acknowledgement, and to let others know what they mean to me.

And! YOU’RE INVITED! I’d love to have you all join me to celebrate the launch of the “Loving the Pregnant You” book!

Let’s acknowledge that this book is FINALLY published! And, let’s acknowledge what pregnant women (and all parents!) accomplish.

Please join me Saturday, May 4 between 1pm and 4pm. All details below. We’ll eat. We’ll celebrate. And you’ll hear – briefly – about the wonderful women who made this book – and it’s empowering messaging – possible. It’s about each expectant mom doing pregnancy HER way. It’s about making the choices (in all areas of life!) that best work for you.

Date: Saturday, May 4
Time: 1pm to 4pm
Place: 404 Wine Bar, 2856 N. Southport, Chicago, IL
What: Celebration! Heavy appetizers, cash bar
Cost: $25, includes a copy of the book

To RSVP, click on the link below, fill out your name and email address, and submit your payment through paypal.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1-yrSbMcHBTqCvi914tLAdpPr5JFPgQ0GKKExuRmk_0Q/viewform

Also, it doesn’t have to go exactly the way it did in your last pregnancy. Certainly, if you experienced back pain in your first pregnancy, it might mean that it’s more likely to occur again in your second. Yet, I’d encourage you to question the idea that it has to happen again. Sure, you may have received what seems like irrefutable medical information, yet there are also new remedies, approaches, and ideas conceived every day. Also, you will have different experiences in each pregnancy. Many mothers of two or more can attest to this. Instead of defaulting to “I’ll have to endure that again” or “I’ll be really tired throughout my first trimester because that’s what happened before” or “I’m not looking forward to retaining water,” the belief we can hold on to is actually that no two pregnancies are alike.

Heidi, for example, had four different pregnancies and they had been just that… different. With her first child, she felt nauseous a good deal of the time. She had swelling and low energy levels, feeling tired throughout the pregnancy. In her second pregnancy, she felt sick again and experienced spotting, cramping, swollen legs and arms, and pre-term labor. After those experiences, you might think that she was resigned to life being pretty miserable as a pregnant person.

Yet, this wasn’t the case for Heidi. She attributed her physical struggles to the fear and anxiety she felt during her first two pregnancies. This was empowering to Heidi. She didn’t have a physical condition that was unalterable or insurmountable. Instead, she believed that if she could find the means to reduce the stress and anxiety that she felt, then she could experience something different physically. This allowed Heidi to embark on her next pregnancy with a much different approach.

With her third pregnancy, Heidi was “ready” in all senses of the word. She knew she could create a different journey, and she did. She did everything her midwife told her to do. She exercised, took calcium, vitamin B, prenatal vitamins, and ate really well.

She believed that she’d find remedies that would work for her even though she hadn’t in the past. When she started feeling nauseous, she ordered a tummy-soothing product online, and she felt better immediately. She also found relief from smelling peppermint oil. Her approach and attitude were lighter – more playful and exploratory – and her pregnancy was much more enjoyable.

A couple things are important about Heidi’s story. One, she had vastly different experiences during her pregnancies. And mentally, she did not get locked into thinking that her pregnancy was going to feel a certain way. She didn’t get stuck believing that she was destined to feel bad in all her pregnancies. At the same time, she didn’t feel like she did it “wrong” in her first two pregnancies. Instead, she accepted that her experiences might vary.

What negative assumptions are you making?

What negative assumptions have you had in the past that proved to not be true?

Sound familiar?

The problem with this is not simply that I have some organizing to do. The real problem is how the disorganization affects my energy and mindsets. I start to feel like I’m living in chaos, that I’m out of control, that I’m messy and not on top of things… that I’m “behind” and that there’s not enough time. ever.

Sound familiar? Does this ever happen to you?

What do we do about this? We’re already busy, just barely keeping up. we don’t have the time to do what we feel we need to do, let alone to make time to clean, organize, file, and fold. We think, “I just gotta get to the next thing!”

Yet, if we’re straight with ourselves, we recognize that the caos in our space is creating chaos in our minds and bodies. and that affects our ability to make the most of the time we have, to be and feel effective.

So, again, what do we do?

There are several possibilities, and it depends on what resonates for you. You could…

• take 5 minutes a day to clear up the clutter
• take 2 minutes in the moment to put things away – in the way you know works best for you
• get help
• play a game with your family – for example: have your kids separate your clothes into piles (my daughter would love this, my son not so much) so you can fold them

Here’s what I did last weekend when the chaos finally got “too loud.”

I paid our college-age cousin to come over and help us organize.

• She loved getting a little extra “going out” money.
• We loved getting great help at a great rate.
• My daughter loved following her cousin around and “helping.”
• My space and attitude got a simple, yet powerful, overhaul.

It was – in my estimation – a great win/win/win way to clear up my space and energy… I got a big benefit with a little time investment.

In what ways have you cleared up your space and energy? Why is it so important to do so?

A very special “Thank you!” goes out to all the moms who generously gave of their time and themselves to tell me their pregnancy and childbirth experiences for the book. I am so inspired by each of you who opened up the storybooks of your life and shared authentically about what you thought and felt and experienced during pregnancy. You shared both your successes and your struggles, and I appreciate your graciousness in that.

It was an honor to be a witness to your journeys, to hear a first-hand account of what worked and inspired you and conversely concerned and dismayed you. It was so moving and motivating. You shared the “whole” story, and readers will see what it looks and feels like when a woman does it her way.

You’re amazing. You’ve given the readers of this book the gift of your experience. Thank you so much.

If there’s something telling you that you haven’t found your best care provider yet, then keep searching. Look into options you hadn’t previously considered. Be open to the unorthodox. Ask questions. Challenge what people are telling you. The more you explore, the more opportunity you have to get clearer and clearer about what does and does not work for you.

When Debra became pregnant about 25 years ago, she knew that she didn’t want to experience some of the standard practices at the time like episiotomies and epidurals. She knew from the stories told by her grandmother and mother that natural birth outside a hospital setting was possible. Debra wasn’t against delivering in a hospital, she just wanted her delivery to be as natural as possible. She met with a number of OB-GYNs who seemed surprised and somewhat resistant to Debra’s desire to forego what were accepted and unquestioned practices at the time.

Debra searched unsuccessfully for the right kind of healthcare provider who was ready and willing to support her choices. Eventually, she found a way to create a situation that worked for her. She met a young resident who was willing to hear her perspectives and wishes and work with her to create the experience she wanted. The resident’s supervisor agreed, and the resident and Debra learned together. She shared what she knew to be true from the experiences of the women in her family. He shared what he was learning as a medical resident. Together, they brought past approaches and the latest medical philosophies together in a way that worked for both of them.

Debra was delighted to experience an intact delivery (no episiotomy and no tearing) of her 8 lb. 3 oz. baby in a semi-squat position at the end of her bed. She was proud of herself for trusting that her ideal support partner existed, even when it looked like one didn’t. She stayed true to her vision and continued to search until the option revealed itself.

And…there may be times that you act in ways that frustrate you when you look back at them in hindsight. You are going to mess things up because you are doing something you’ve never done before. You’re not going to expect your child to walk without wobbling or failing the first time he tries. Similarly, you’re going to have wobbles and falls and you don’t want to view them as failures. Just like you’re going to nurture your child when she falls and bumps her head as she’s learning to walk, be gentle with yourself.

This is one that sounds so good in theory, then we forget in day-to-day reality.

So, give yourself permission to be less than perfect. We women can put such high expectations on ourselves…especially during pregnancy. It’s this finite period of time, when we’re doing something that really important: physically housing and nurturing our unborn baby. It’s easy to think that we’ve got to pull it together and do it “just right” for these 9 months. We don’t want to fall into that perfection trap. We want to be gentle and understanding with ourselves.

So, even if you’ve been wanting and waiting for this pregnancy for years, it’s okay to be grumpy some days. There are a lot of things to learn during a pregnancy: how to deal with physical changes to your body, how to embrace your new role of mother to this unborn child, how to plan for the care needed for a newborn, how to deal with circumstances that are outside your control, how to create this new life in a way that works for you. There are many considerations and circumstances that you have never encountered before!

Take a moment now and Identify for yourself:  How can you be more gentle with yourself? Where do you need to give yourself a break?

What is a crowdfunding publishing campaign?

It’s a fancy term which means…

…readers can buy advance copies of the Loving the Pregnant You book for a fee that’s less than retail cost + taxes + shipping (i.e., can get a good deal!) while financially supporting the book to successfully come to market.

• Get the Loving the Pregnant You book and eBook for $20, by clicking here.

• Campaign levels start as low as $5. To support the Loving the Pregnant You message, click here.

• Support an expectant mom in your life by purchasing one of the Loving the Pregnant You packages. Click here.

…writers – like me – can have a place to point people before the book is available for sale on Amazon.com. And, this campaign enables me to raise $$ to augment my book marketing efforts.

To participate in the campaign at one of the levels outlined below, click here.

$5 – Loving the Pregnant You bookmark; Personalized thank you letter
$15 – Loving the Pregnant You eBook; Personalized thank you email
$20 – Loving the Pregnant You paperback book; Loving the Pregnant You eBook; Personalized thank you email
$35 – Loving the Pregnant You paperback book; Loving the Pregnant You eBook;6 Keys to Loving the Pregnant You 6-week email program (sent to you or the expectant mom of your choice); Subscription to the Loving the Pregnant You weekly eNewsletter (sent to you or the expectant mom of your choice); Personalized thank you email
$55 – Loving the Pregnant You paperback book; Loving the Pregnant You eBook; Loving the Pregnant You companion-to-the-book pregnancy journal; 6 Keys to Loving the Pregnant You 6-week email program (sent to you or the expectant mom of your choice); Subscription to the Loving the Pregnant You weekly eNewsletter (sent to you or the expectant mom of your choice); Personalized thank you email
$450 – Customized workshop for your organization/group; 10 copies of the Loving the Pregnant You paperback book; 10 subscriptions to 6 Keys to Loving the Pregnant You 6-week email program; 10 subscriptions to the Loving the Pregnant You weekly eNewsletter
$750 – Customized workshop for your organization/group; 25 copies of the Loving the Pregnant You paperback book; 25 subscriptions to 6 Keys to Loving the Pregnant You 6-week email program; 25 subscriptions to the Loving the Pregnant You weekly eNewsletter

More about the Loving the Pregnant You book …

Pregnancy is an incredibly important time of a woman’s life. It’s easy to feel like you’ve got to be perfect and do everything exactly right during those nine months. As an expectant mom, you can feel significant pressure from others, from the resources you consult, and even from yourself.

The Loving the Pregnant You book teaches you how to release that pressure and create the best experience for you. It is your guide to creating YOUR pregnancy YOUR way. So, no matter what happens on a given day, you love the pregnant you.

This book will help you answer the questions
How can I enjoy my pregnancy as much as possible?
How can I deal with any issues that come up in an empowering way?
How can I discover and stay true to the choices I want to make during my pregnancy?
How can I be the person I most want to be while expecting?
How can I stay present to the miracle?

“Presents an empowering way to approach your pregnancy a great resource for new moms or moms with children who want to rethink how they see themselves and intentionally consider how to have an enjoyable pregnancy.”
– ROBBYE D. MCNAIR, MD, Obstetrics Gynecology, Northwestern Memorial Hospital

“Great, easy read… incredibly informative and well-written. Amy Riley quickly gets at the heart of what a pregnant woman experiences.”
– JILL SALZMAN, Founder of The Founding Moms and Author of Found It: A Field Guide for Mom Entrepreneurs

Weight gain and body shape changes are something every expectant mom deals with. The physical shifts can be uncomfortable, dismaying… and even panic producing.

How does a woman deal with this in an empowering way?

She wants to find and focus on what works for her. She wants to take on an exploratory mindset. That’s what Tina did.

Tina was someone who always really enjoyed her sexual side and her sex life with her husband. When her body started changing during pregnancy, she began to feel less desirable. Her boobs were bigger than she wanted and she didn’t think the new curves on her belly and hips were very attractive. She was feeling flabby and floppy and decidedly not like her normal sensual self. She resigned herself to the idea that her body was not her own for a while and that she had to step back from what she wanted in order to allow her body to do what it needed to do. Yet, as she was telling herself this, it didn’t feel good, it didn’t ring true. She’d found ways to maintain a strong, healthy body image at other times in her life, why couldn’t she now? She shifted her thinking into this inquiry: “How can I be a baby-making machine and feel sexually desirable?” Tina began to answer this one body part at a time.

First, she got herself a couple of racy bras that would hold the girls in place during bedroom playtime. It was different. She was used to nakedness being the most desirable. Yet, she got into seeing herself literally and enticingly pouring out of the bras she’d bought. Her husband was excited to see what she’d purchased. Things were changing in ways she hadn’t expected or originally wanted, but they were interesting changes. She began to understand that these shifts were good for their overall sex life and relationship. Both of their bodies were going to change in shape over time. And when this happened or they incurred new physical restrictions, she didn’t want to stop exploring how they could keep their chemistry strong.

Tina also experimented with body lotions and oils to promote skin firmness and reduce the chance of stretch marks. She’s not sure how much these worked, yet she enjoyed paying attention to her body and playing with different scents. She was getting acquainted with her body and her sexiness in a whole new way. This helped Tina during her pregnancy, certainly, and she was actually most excited about what her new-found insights meant for her future. She knew it would serve her and her husband throughout the rest of their lives to know that they could continue – regardless of circumstances – to find new and creative ways to embrace their bodies and turn each other on.

How are you exploring to continue to find what works for you?