Loving You Out Loud

Toxic Teenage Relationship and Parenting

2026-10-15T09:51:58.164-05:00

Life has been chaos the last several months. The busy pull of my three kids ranging from 19,15, and 2 is enough to keep anyone busy. The last several months we have celebrated birthdays, engagement parties, school event, sporting events, and on top of all that dealing with a toxic teenage relationship.

Jaxon started dating a girl this summer and right off the bat my mom gut told me to keep a close eye on them because red flags presented from the start. The girl he was dating didn't like me from the start. She didn't like our strict rules and the fact we followed through with discipline when our son didn't follow our rules. She wanted to talk to Jaxon until 3 or 4 in the morning and when we put a stop to it, she made us into the bad guys. Our son was head over hills so of course he hung onto her every word. Jaxon was busy with sports and training this summer and anything that pulled his attention from her became an issue. She threatened him, talked to him with so much disrespect belittling him and our family. The longer they dated the more rebellious he became and the more red flags we saw with her.

We put time limits on how long he could talk. When those rules were broken, he lost his phone. In the weeks of not having access to his phone, we found inappropriate conversations and pictures. I reached out and made her parent aware and deleted the content off his phone. She lashed out at him and through his phone I discovered he was still communicating with her via his computer and then after that was taken via his Xbox where he got onto the internet and social media accounts. It felt like the more boundaries we put into place the more they did everything they could to find a way around us. Their conversations were fine one minute and then would turn toxic quick. Name calling, talking so rude to him and threating his life or her harming herself if she didn't get her way became a pattern we saw.

I spent my whole summer dealing with this and right before summer ended. She started calling all his ex-girlfriends and any girl he talked to before her. She ended up self-harming herself. She told Jaxon via text what she had done and I called her mother immediately. Her mom rushed homed and rushed her to the hospital to get her the help she needed. She was diagnosed with some mental health issues that her mom told me they were getting her the help that she needed. At that time both parents agreed what was best for both kids was that our kids stay away from each other.

I wish I could say that is where it ended but that's far from the truth. Once school started the kids started to communicate back at school and figured out how to once again go around our wishes emailing each other on their school computers and Jaxon even went to the length of finding his sisters old phone and using the internet to create other social media account we didn't know about so they could continue to talk. Jared and I were beyond frustrated. Jaxon told us he had to talk to her because if he didn't, he was afraid she would harm herself. He said her mom was out of town, and she showed him that she had harmed herself. We reached out to the school immediately because I didn't know what else to do or who to contact.

We eventually found out Jaxon and her were still communicating and he was telling us one thing and her another. It was a mess! We took all his electronics away, tv, computer, Xbox and we ended up putting a no contact order into place with the school that would have heavy consequences for him and sports if he talked to her at school. After doing that we were made aware by her dad that Jaxon was sneaking out of our house at night and went over there. Apparently, he found out through her mom who caught her daughter going out the door to talk to him and allowed them to stand outside and talk until the early morning hours. I went off on Jaxon that night.

We bought a security system and put it up and told Jaxon if he communicated with her one more time in any manner we were going to home school him, which meant no sports and he would no longer be allowed to get his drivers license's until we could learn to trust him.

It has been about three weeks since we had that conversation, and he has done what we have asked. She keeps approaching him at school, but he says nothing and his friends tell her to go away. She has made scenes and done everything she can to try to get him to talk with her, but he has not caved. Now that he has had a chance to step back, he has been able to see how toxic this whole situation and relationship has been. He has been able to see the manipulations, emotional verbal abuse and see that everything about their relationship was toxic and harmful.

The last six months have been hell parenting him and dealing with this situation. It has taken a toll on every member of our family. It has brought strain in my marriage. It has caused hurt, and sleepless nights. It has been so emotionally draining. My relationship with my son has been put at a strain due to his actions of lying, sneaking around, telling us one thing and doing another, and it is going to take time to rebuild and regain my trust. I will never stop loving my kids, there is nothing they could do to make me stop, but I will also not be the mom who doesn't hold her kid accountable.

I am hoping that we are rounding a corner, but time will tell. I have thought that over the last several months and just about the time I let my guard down thinking we are past this situation something else pops ups. I am praying for the sake of my family and for the sake of my son this situation can be done.

There is a quote that I love that says,

" This is what I learned all these years on this earth. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you’ve done everything you can do. You sat around and have been the best man or the best woman you can be and they still want to go, let them go. Whatever they’re running after, they’ll see what they had in a minute but by the end, its gonna be too late. Cuz you sit there and you go half this people you’ve been sitting around, crying about them, worrying about them, but two or three years from now you wont even remember their last name. How many times have you seen folks going, What the hell was I thinking? Let folks go, sonny.

Some people come in your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You gotta know which is which. And you’re always going to mess up when you mix them seasonal people with lifetime expectations. They got people who got married with people they were only suppose to be with for a season and they’re wondering why they’re having so much hell in their life. That was suppose to be a person that was suppose to come and teach you one thing and you didn’t know it so you just fell in love and now you wonder why you ain’t got no peace nowhere you go. No no, listen. I put everybody that come in my life in a category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they’re over here, they’re unstable. It blows another way, they’re over here. Seasons change and they wither and die. They’re gone. That’s all right. Most people in the world are like that. They are just there to take from the tree. They are only there to take and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that. That’s who they are, a leaf. Some people are like branch on the tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cuz they will fool you. They’re gonna make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong, but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed.

Those are the kind of people that ain’t going nowhere. They ain’t worried about being seen. Don’t nobody need to know they know you. They ain’t gotta know what they’re doing for you. But if those roots are not there, that tree can’t live. Do you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only have a few roots down there at the bottom to make sure it gets everything that it needs. I’m telling you sonny, when you get you some roots, hold on to them. but the rest of them, let them go. Let it go. Let folks go.This is what I learned all these years on this earth. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you’ve done everything you can do. You sat around and have been the best man or the best woman you can be and they still want to go, let them go. Whatever they’re running after, they’ll see what they had in a minute but by the end, its gonna be too late. Cuz you sit there and you go half this people you’ve been sitting around, crying about them, worrying about them, but two or three years from now you wont even remember their last name. How many times have you seen folks going, What the hell was I thinking? Let folks go, sonny.

Some people come in your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You gotta know which is which. And you’re always going to mess up when you mix them seasonal people with lifetime expectations. They got people who got married with people they were only suppose to be with for a season and they’re wondering why they’re having so much hell in their life. That was suppose to be a person that was suppose to come and teach you one thing and you didn’t know it so you just fell in love and now you wonder why you ain’t got no peace nowhere you go. No no, listen. I put everybody that come in my life in a category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they’re over here, they’re unstable. It blows another way, they’re over here. Seasons change and they wither and die. They’re gone. That’s all right. Most people in the world are like that. They are just there to take from the tree. They are only there to take and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that. That’s who they are, a leaf. Some people are like branch on the tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cuz they will fool you. They’re gonna make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong, but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed.

Those are the kind of people that ain’t going nowhere. They ain’t worried about being seen. Don’t nobody need to know they know you. They ain’t gotta know what they’re doing for you. But if those roots are not there, that tree can’t live. Do you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only have a few roots down there at the bottom to make sure it gets everything that it needs. I’m telling you sonny, when you get you some roots, hold on to them. but the rest of them, let them go. Let it go. Let folks go.

I am hoping that my son sees this relationship is a leaf in his life. He needs to start looking at the people in his life like the quote above and really examine what roll they are to play in his life and be selective of who he lets come into him life and take roots. Not all people are meant to come in and take roots and if those people do they cause harm, hurt and stay for seasons not meant for them. I am hoping this situation has taught him a life lesson one that will make him really think before he jumps into another relationship. I pray God will lead, guide and direct him. I pray Jaxon will learn to be still and listen to God's voice and his direction for his life.

Jace Turn's Two!

2026-09-16T10:02:31.289-05:00

Jace turned two last week! Our sweet little surprise is growing up too fast! He loves books, cars, tractors and being outside. He talks all the time and is stubborn. Jace knows most of his letters, shapes, numbers. He loves Cocomelon, Dave and Ava, Mickey Mouse, Anything with Tractors and a cat named Gumbus on Tik Tok.

He spends his day at home with me playing with his daycare friends Watson, George and Stephanie. Jace is learning to use the potty. He still is picky on foods. He loves fruit, snacks and the only dishes he likes for main meals is chicken nuggets, fish sticks and mac and cheese or what he likes to call it "Monkey Cheese." He loves Chocolate Milk or as he refers "Daddy's milk" and apple juice.

Jace loves playing with cars, trains and pushes them all over the house. He loves to draw. He also loves to ride his bikes and cozy coop all over our house. He loves music and to sing song. Running around chasing our cats and dog is a daily activity he enjoys. Jace loves his older sibling and loves playing with then when they are home. Reading books is also one of his favorite things to do!

Jace you are growing and learning something new daily. You keep us on our toes and are defiantly testing these days. Watching you laugh and play with your dad and siblings brings so much joy to my heart. Your cute smiles and "I lub yous" are the best. Snuggling in my bed watching tv with you has become a nightly routine are so precious. Your love for life and exploring this great big world is so much fun to be a part of and witness.

Keep Growing and exploring and know you are such a blessing and joy. We love you so much and we are so thankful God blessed us even if you were a little bit of a surprise. God's timing for you to enter our family was perfect and you have been such a blessing and gift. Happy 2nd birthday Jacers, we love you!

Sharing My Parenting Struggles

2026-09-16T08:53:58.989-05:00

Parenting today teens is a whole different world than when we were growing up and even more different than when our parents grew up. I feel like the constant battle of our youth being exposed to way too much stuff way to fast has become an ongoing battle that parents are struggling with even if we struggle to admit it.

My daughter is nineteen we went through a spell with her the last year of middle school and freshman. Social media and going to places her dad and I felt where toxic became a yearlong battle. She wanted to change her name and was hanging out with friends who were leading her down a path of destruction. The more she surrounded herself with those people and social influences, the more she dug her feet on and the stricter we had to be. Looking for a place to belong she explored the thought of LGBTQ community and the messages she got from that community was you are either with us or you hate us. We tried to explain that even though we didn't agree with the lifestyle of that community, we don't not hate. We can agree to disagree and still be loving. She knew our faith-based beliefs and the battle was on. She knew we were not going to change of our beliefs that God designed marriage to be between one woman and one man. She also knew we weren't going to change our minds on changing your biological sex because we do not believe God makes mistakes.

We spent the next year praying for our daughter and for the Lord to draw her back to him. It was a long year of sleepless nights, tears and it was a season of term oil. We knew she was struggling and we did our best to try to lead her, but she fought us every step of the way. It was a season of hardship in parenting, and we did our best to guide and love her through this tough season. We got her therapy and discovered her battle with depression and anxiety and over time got her in a good mental place. She is now in college, engaged to her boyfriend of two years, and she thanks us for walking beside her. She is thankful that we parented with biblical truth and didn't cave in to the worldly views.

My son is a teenager now and in high school and we are back into a season of tough parenting. He got into a relationship this past summer that turned toxic really quick. His dad and I did our best to put boundaries in place, but it seemed like every time we would put boundaries in place they would find ways to go around us. His girlfriend didn't like us and got in her mind that because we had rules and boundaries that we hated her. When we would hold our son to the rules and guideline we had in place it turned into this big, messy battle. My son would sneak his phone past times we had set for him to get off. They started sending and talking about things inappropriate. My son got his phone taken away and he snuck down to his sister's room found her old phone and created private accounts so he could continue communication with her when he was grounded. After several conversations and several big issue, we spoke with her parents, we both agreed it was best if the two of them ended their relationship because it had become toxic. His girlfriend was diagnosed with mental health issues, and this relationship was triggering her to do self-harm. My son had a hard time setting boundaries and being honest because he was afraid if he did, she would harm herself. This relationship had become unhealthy for them both and the best thing we could do as their parents is to step in and tell them no more. It wasn't an easy decision but for everyone involved it was the best. We took his phone and put things into place to shut down this toxic situation.

If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would not give my kids cell phones at the age of thirteen. I think social media, and internet access has to many exposers to our youth. My youngest is two and I can tell he will not get a phone until way later in life. Both my older kids have struggled with being exposed to fast to worldly thing and I have learned that too much outside influence come on those screens and I want to avoid that exposer with my youngest. Parents today need to be watching what we allow to influence our kids and those little black phones have far more power and influence than they should. Kids today are smart and sneaky because of learning from those outside influences. I share these life experiences and my parenting struggles because this has been a struggle in my home. If by sharing my parenting struggles and failures can help another family avoid the hardship or let them know they aren't alone in this battle, then I will share my story. Parenting is hard and there is no manual. We are in uncharted territory in parenting today's youth, and it is time we parents' team together because if we don't get honest our youth and families with continue to spiral. I know the world tells us to paint the picture-perfect family, but truth is family and parenting is messy and one big roller coaster ride. We can't just share the highs of our lives we also have to share the lows and struggles. So here I am, a mom sharing my heart and struggles.

Saying goodbye to Summer

2026-08-17T13:47:21.600-05:00

Summer is over and today I started back to work. It has been a busy day of caring for four kids under the age of two and a half. Jace started potty training today we introduced it this summer and he would go here and there but now that we are back in action and one of my other daycare kids is working on going potty, we have been running in and out of the potty today. He did well this morning going potty every time except once after he had an accident.

I have a new little one she is five months old but very tiny. Trying to potty train and adapt to her schedule has definitely keep my morning busy and full. This year is going to be constantly learning to adjust because about the time I adapt and get a schedule one of my mom's will be adding her little one to the mix after she gets off maternity leave.

I am thankful for the ten weeks off I had to spend with Jace. It was nice just having it the two of us! We went to the zoo, parks, played in the pool, went to the lake, went to Omaha Zoo and had lots of Jace and mommy snuggles. The summer came and went so fast. My older two kids start school next week Kayla will be a sophomore in college and Jaxon a sophomore in high school.

Jaxon will be playing football this fall. He will also play fall ball guest playing here and there. He will turn sixteen in October and hopefully will be ready to go take his driving test. We need to work on parking and driving on the highway the next few months. He is getting good in town, but parking and highway is our next goals.

Jace is turning two in a few weeks, hard to believe how fast he is growing. He is losing all his baby features and now looks like a little boy. Time is a thief and I wish I could slow it down. We are going to do a small tractor themed party with his family and then we will celebrate with his daycare friends on his actual birthday.

Kayla has her engagement party coming up in October so to say our plates are full is an understatement. The kids are all going in a million directions and we are doing our best to make sure we are there and supporting them all in their stages of life. Soaking in in and trying to not miss out on any of their moments or milestones.

Parenting three kids in all walks of life has been challenging at times and there are moments I feel like I am not balancing it well. I can honestly say I am doing my best and I pray my kids know and see that. It can be overwhelming when they are all running in a million directions, but it is also such a blessing. Watching them love on each other and take pride in each other is amazing to witness. It is such a joy being their mom.

Hey Baby I think I want to marry you

2026-06-16T16:24:12.683-05:00

My daughter is officially engaged! Parker (the boy she has been dating for a year and half) asked her to marry him this past Sunday June 14th.

Parker blind folded Kayla and walked down the Old Red Bridge Love Lock, where hundreds of couples put locks on the bridge to declare their love for one another. Her father and I put our love lock on that bridge in 2020. Parker walked Kayla down the bridge halfway with a purple blind fold that I gave him. He told her he had a surprise for her, so she followed Parkers wishes. He stopped her about halfway on the red bridge where he took off the blind fold. His two friends Jackson and Isaiah met Parker. They handed him flowers; a letter Parker wrote and fixed his hair and face. Parker had to have his sense of humor displayed in the event. His friends then played Kayla and Parkers song on a speaker while her dad and I stood by and took pictures and recorded the event.

Parker began to read her the word he wrote on the paper his friends handed him.

"You are probably wondering why we are here surrounded by friends and family. I have many things written down on this piece of paper that I want to share with you. Every day is an adventure with you. You are the best part of every day the highlight to every week. I can't imagine a day that I don't get to spend with you or at least talk with you. You have been the missing part of me feel complete that I didn't know I was missing. A year ago, this month we came up and put locks on this bridge. Me and your parents came up here yesterday and could not find it. We don't know what happened to it. Locks can be broken, cut off, rusted a way so I want to give you something more permanent. I want to give you something to show that I truly want to spend the rest of my days with you. That there will be storms or sunshine something that will not be broken, that cannot be cut, that will not rust away or fall off. Kayla Pointer, will you marry me?"

Parker got down on one knee and offered her the ring. My daughter had tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face. She uttered the word, "Yes!" Parker then put the finger on her finger, and they hugged and kissed in a long embrace.

It was absolutely beautiful and both of them were beaming from ear to ear. I had tears in my eyes as I watched all of this take place and tried my best to capture this moment via pictures. We then took some pictures of them and her ring so they could remember this moment forever.

Parker asked Jared for his blessing weeks ago when we went to the lake over Memorial Day weekend. He asked Jared on a boat in the middle of the lake. Brave if you ask me, but we adore Parker and how he treats our girl. We were very thankful that Parker let us be a part of their engagement and witness it. I think for a brief moment when Parker asked Jared for his blessing, Jared flashed back to when he stood before my father asking my dad for my hand. Jared uttered the same words that my dad had to him 25 years ago in my parents' kitchen to our daughter's boyfriend. Jared told Parker that marriage is a forever commitment. Jared reminded Parker that he has spent years raising protecting his daughter and if Parker wanted to marry her, he would give him his blessing. He told Parker if you do this it is for life. This is for forever. He told him you are promising me to love, care, honor and cherish her for the rest of your life. Jared told Parker the key to a successful relationship is building it with God as number one and Kayla as his number two.

When Jared shared with me Parker asked him for his blessing and what he told him, I pictured my dad in heaven looking down. I know my dad was proud to see my husband carrying on his words of wisdom that he shared with Jared all those years ago. My father loved honored and cherished my mother until his death. Jared is still loving and honoring me 22 years later. Even though my dad is not here a piece of him was passed down in that moment to Parker. Who knows one day maybe Kayla and Parker will have a daughter, and Parker will pass those words on to the man who falls in love with his little girl when he asks Parker for his blessing to marry his daughter.

The kids aren't planning to get married for three years so they can both finish college. I am excited for this new chapter and life they are going to build together. Celebrating 22 years of marriage with Jared this week and the life we built together has been a beautiful love story. I pray that Kayla and Parker have a beautiful life and love story they will love, honor and cherish forever.

Parker and Kayla are on cloud nine and after Jared and I's anniversary vacation we will start planning the kid's engagement party. We will celebrate this new adventure with Parkers family and our family. We will then start wedding planning over the next few years. Wedding venues, cakes, dresses and all the works. I look forward to planning alongside my daughter before she leaves this family to start her own.

It was a beautiful night one my daughter will never forget.

Jared and I's Love Lock!

Surviving Together

2026-06-13T12:27:50.431-05:00

We sat in blue bleachers with Jace running between our seats as we waited for our middle child to play baseball. I could tell my husband was stressed due to the delay of the game in front of us, so I tried my best to make light of the situation. It didn't matter what I said nothing would get him out of his funk. He finally after several minutes of me trying muttered the words " I am just surviving, that is all I can do."

Those words hit me hard for some reason. Earlier that day I was going through pictures of our wedding and see the joy plastered all over our face. Our wedding anniversary is coming up, and I wanted to post a sweet message to the man I have loved for 22 years of marriage and 27 of being a couple. Those pictures of two twenty-year-olds so in love with so many hopes and dreams were now sitting in blue stadium baseball seats just surviving.

My heart grew sad in that moment as those pictures ran through my head. I miss the two 20 years old who had so much hope. Life had been so kind to them. Once with got married life really hit us hard. About four months after marriage, I got sick with Gillian Barre syndrome and lost my ability to walk, and it took me six months of therapy to gain my ability to walk again. We were hit financial hard and the first year of marriage was tough as I literally had to learn to get back on my feet. I was reminded as I sat there, we have faced good years and hard years the last 22 years. Some years were full of tons laughter and love and some full of hardships and us just surviving.

As I sat there the years played out in my mind. We wanted to start a family three years into our marriage and that next year was a roller coaster of sadness each month being met with negative pregnancy tests. My doctor finally put me on clomid and after a month of raging hormones we finally got a positive pregnancy test. We prepared for parenthood and a new chapter from being a family of two to a family of three. Over the next several years we learned to parent, change jobs, Jared lost his job and we had to learn how to survive yet again.

We loved parenthood so much several years later we tried for another. Again, after months of not getting pregnant, we got put on clomid and conceived our second child. We found out early from an ultrasound that our son had kidney issues so we knew there would be some challenges when he arrived. Little did we know our sweet little Jaxon would try to arrive two months early. Luckily, they were able to stop my labor, but I was put on bed rest for a month. Having a two-year-old and being on bed rest while Daddy was at work had its challenges. As soon as the let me up off of bed rest I went into labor a month early and our sweet little guy made his appearance. That first year of his life was full of doctor visited, medications, hospital stays but we made it through and our sweet Jaxon kidney's healed, and he has had no more issues.

About the time we settled into being a family of four and getting everyone heathy Jared found a knot on his neck. We were drowning in medical debt as it was, but I forced him to go to the doctor and get it looked at. With in a few hours of him going to the doctor we received a call to have him come back in for his results. Something with in my soul told me to find a babysitter and go with him. The doctor told us Jared has cancer and that he had a battle ahead of him. They scrambled around made appointments and within three days Jared had a needle biopsy to find out what kind of cancer and started intensive chemotherapy. We spent the next 6 months fighting cancer to get him healthy. Before his treatment started and we found out about his cancer, I suffered a miscarriage. I was still grieving the loss of our child. My heart was grieving that child and what life could have been. I also was grieving as I watched the man of my life fight for his life knowing that the same cancer its treatment resulted in the death of his father years ago. I cried most nights in that season of life as I tried to put on my brave face for my small children during the day. Jared couldn't work at the time with his treatments. Money was tight. Life felt overwhelming most days. This was a tough season in life.

Jared beat cancer and we spent the next several years watching our children grow. Settling in jobs. Buying a new and bigger home. Traveling with our kids to Disney. Jared's mom remarried and we had to learn to adjust to a blended family. Life was starting to feel calm and like we finally found new rhythm. Jared worked two jobs for a bit, and I ran an in-home daycare and took care of our kids. Jared worked security at the airport and his hours were 2AM until noon which left me single parenting most days, but it also allowed me to stay home to watch our kids which is something my heart desired. Jared made that happen for me.

In 2015 We planned a beach vacation with my parents and Jared's mom and her husband to the Gulf Shores. Two weeks before our trip I got a phone call that shook our world once again. My dad passed away. I had to call my mom and deliver the news to her that my dad had passed away. We planned his funeral and decided to still take the trip. The next several years I spent checking on my grieving mom. I balanced being a mom, wife, running a daycare and checking on my mom who was broken hearted. I suppressed my own grief of losing my dad in order to fill my other roles in caring for those around me. Eventually I had to face my grief I spent months dealing with tremendous waves of loss.

A few years later my mom remarried a man named Dave. Covid hit. My mom sold her house, moved three hours away. Jared started working at a new company with better pay and better hours. Life felt like it was constantly changing. The kids were growing up fast before our eyes. Their busy schedules filled our calendar. We had kind of gotten used to being ready for constant change because the last several years had shown us you never know what the future will bring to face today and not worry about tomorrow.

Which brings us to about the stage we are today. We found out two years ago we were pregnant with our third child. We were beyond shocked because after Jared's cancer treatment all those years ago, we told more children would not be a possibility. We had a daughter and a son, and Jared was healthy, so we closed the chapter of growing our family years ago. Our Daughter Kayla was graduating high school, and Jaxon was fourteen years old and in the eighth grade, so we had not planned on starting parenthood again. We honestly thought we would be heading into empty nester phase over the next few years and were starting to prepare for it.

Fast ward, we now have a sweet third child, Jace. We are in our forties with a daughter in collage and a son in high school. Balancing a toddler with older children has been a challenge. As Jace ran between Jared and I between the blue seats it was stressful. He wanted down. He wanted to explore. He wanted people's snacks who were sitting around us. Keeping Jace entertained on a normal day while watching his brother play baseball has been challenging but added an extra hour with the delay brought in new stresses. Trying to be present and there for our children who are in vast different stages of life has been a learning curve. Jared was stressed and I understood it. I tried to cheer Jared up and assure him it would workout.

He then mumbled, " I am just surviving, that is all I can do."

I was hurt in that moment because I had spent most of day making an anniversary slide show of our 22 years of married and never once did, I think we survived that, but truth be told we have survived. Our love has been put to the test of time, and we have had a wild ride full of ups and downs. We have faced life and it has been a wild ride. Side by side we have endured. We are stronger because many of those events could have broken us and this beautiful life that we have created, but because we made a commitment all those years ago to love God and love each other, our marriage has held strong. I hope that no matter what comes our way we survive through it together. I know if we look to God and cling to each other our love story will continue to be written until the good Lord calls one of us home.

Our love story is not a Hollywood ride off in the sunset, and they lived happily ever after story. It is messy at times and full of twist, turns, highs and lows. One thing that has never changed since we promised our lives to each other is our commitment to love each other no matter what comes our way. Surviving with Jared for 22 years has been one of the best things in my life. Having someone who loves you unconditional and someone who will walk through fire and hell with you paints the ultimate image of God's perfect love. God loves us and meets us where we are no matter how messy our life can get.

I am so thankful for this beautiful marriage, and the life God has given to me. I am so thankful and beyond blessed. Jared thanks for loving me for all these years and reminding me that we have survived it and are better because of the foundation we built all those years ago.

Summer with Jace

2026-06-06T23:06:06.673-05:00

Jace and I have been home two weeks of our 13-week summer break. We have had lots of fun in the sun. Pool days. Bubble play. Days at the park and Monday we are heading to the zoo. We spent Memorial Day at the lake with the family. It has been a good kick off to our summer. I love my one-on-one time with him. He is growing like a weed. He has started trying to pee in the potty and showing interest. He is growing up way to fast, and he is no longer a baby but my little toddler. He is smart, funny and daily keeps me on my toes. I love our little talks his vocabulary is growing every day. His "I love you Momma's" melt my heart. His laughter can brighten a room and his love for learning and exploring keep me on my toes.

I am excited for the next several weeks and look forward to our summer break of just Jace and Mommy. I know these days are precious and before I know it, he will be busy like his older siblings. These days are limited and so precious so I will savor them and our time together.

Summer Baseball

2026-06-06T22:55:37.035-05:00

Summer baseball kicked off for Jaxon last weekend, He is playing for a new team, the KC Tigers. It has been fun watching him play.

He has been doing morning football camp training. Jaxon has been looking and applying for jobs. He is busy most days and he has a new girlfriend. He just finished up his freshman year, and he is preparing for his sophomore year. He plans on playing football and baseball again next year and this summer he is training for his upcoming seasons. He did great in school making all A's and B's and one C. I am proud of him!

We know how fast the years go by now more than ever with Kayla in college and Jaxon three years away! We have learned to slow down and soak it all in because the old the kids get the faster the years seem to go.

Keep doing what you are doing son! We are extremely proud of you and all your achievements. Keep working hard and putting in the hard work! Dad and I are always going to be your biggest fans! Dream big and work hard! I look forward to watching you set goals and achieve them! Never let the doubts of others to stop you, use it as motivation and fuel to dig deep and work harder. We love you!

Enriched by My Role as Their Mom

2026-06-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

It is hard to get my three children all ranging in age in the same area. When I do finally get us all under one roof, I savor those rare moments. I have a college student, a high school student and a toddler. All three are in very different stages of life and I do my best to meet them all where they are. There are days I feel spread thin, but I do my best to pour into my kids no matter their age or walk of life they are in.

Kayla is nineteen and just finished up her first-year old college. She is living at home. My beautiful daughter is always on the go. She is enjoying adulthood freedom. Kayla met Parker a year and half ago and the two of them are madly in love. High on life and planning their future. Kayla found her person and Jared and I know that the two of them long to get married and start a life of their own in a few years. Parker has become like another member of the family. We love him and we love that he loves our daughter.

It is hard being a mom of an adult who lives in your house. At times it is hard to know when to speak up and step in when you see them making choices like blowing their money or not saving for a rainy day. Most of the unwanted advice from us is met with eye rolls and frustration. One day she will look back over these conversations, and I know she will realize that it they all came from a place of love. It has been an adjustment for all of us as we are learning how to parent an adult child.

Jaxon is my high school kid who is very active in sports. We are teaching him to drive. Trying to get him to find job so he can start being responsible and start learning the value of hard work. He is my kid who gets up before sunrise to work out for football and then plays baseball at the moment with his new tournament team. When he isn't training, he is in his room talking to his girlfriend, playing video games or napping. Jax can eat me out of house and home most days because of the training and my poor pocketbook is struggling to keep up with fueling him. Jaxon and I have deep conversations about life, and he loves picking my brain on how females work. He has learned that mom has insight to the opposite sex that he will probably never fully ever grasp.

Jace is my one and half year old who loves "Daddies' milk" which is chocolate milk for those who don't speak Jace. He loves anything that has wheels and water. He loves to read books and to sing songs. The great outdoors is his giant sand and dirt box. He loves to snack all day long but doesn't like to eat meals. Jace is in the stage of exploring this great big world around him, testing the boundaries and always making us laugh. Every day he talks more and the days of baby babble is gone and now we get to have conversation with him. Some conversation we get more than others because when he is excited it's hard for his mouth to catch up with his brain. Jace is full of life, wonder and he can be so stubborn. When he gets something in his mind, he will dig his heels in and the fight is on.

Parenting is such a blessing, I love my kids so much they all are so different but they each inspire me. I love seeing them grow into the people God designed them to be. Being their mom can be difficult at times, but it is also very rewarding. My biggest accomplishment in this life is being Jared's wife and their mom. I know that role with continue to change but it will always be two titles that I cherish and honor. God truly has blessed with this rich life. Parenting is a wild ride and a journey that is forever changing. As my family continues to change grow and expand, I pray that my kids will never lose sight of how loved, blessed and enriched they have made my life.

Baseball, Toddler and College Student OH My!

2026-04-20T14:04:00.002-05:00

Life seems to be fast past most days! Jaxon is very active in both baseball and football this year which fills up our calendar fast. Jace is 19 months old and always on the go and learning something new every day. Kayla is working full time, going to college and when she isn't there, she is normally with her boyfriend Parker. They have been dating a year and a half. Three kids keep us busy most days along with our jobs. Jared and I are in a season of busy.

Jaxon is almost through his first-year old high school. He is finding his rhythm and loving sports. Watching him take on a new sport this past year on top of making the high school team for baseball has been fun to watch. Jaxon has been pitching a lot this season and he has been on fire. His confidence has grown so much this year, but he is still humble. He has been putting in a ton of work, and it has started to pay off, and you can see all his hard work on the field.

Jace is talking so much these days. You can have full blown conversations with him now. He knows all his letters, colors and shapes. He loves being outside and dirt besides his dad is his best friend. The loves to explore and play in the outdoors. He is stubborn and full of sass most days. He is smart and his little grin can light up a room. He loves to read, sing and every car is a bus. Jace is one smart cookie and I love watching him grow each and every day.

Kayla is busy most days and although she lives at home for the most part just sleeps here. She is busy finishing up her first year of college. When she isn't at school, she is working or with her boyfriend Parker. Jace sees Kayla and Parker as a pair because they have been together since he was little. Kayla is learning adulthood is full of lots of fun, but it can be stressful as well. Her and Parker are planning for the future together. This summer they will travel to Chicago to see a concert and celebrate Parkers Senior Trip. My guess is Parker will purpose in the next year or two. My hopes for both of them is that they finish school and enjoy this time now because adulthood is forever, so enjoy this limbo phase. The phase of being an adult but not having all the adult responsibilities.

The last several years have been hectic as we have had to balance kids ranging in several ages. Jared and I booked a getaway so the two of us can slip away together this summer. We have been so busy with having a Jace, Kayla graduation, Jaxon's sports that we kind of put our little get aways off, but not this year. We will head to Eureka Springs in June to celebrate our 23rd Wedding Anniversary and enjoy a weekend just the two of us in a beautiful cabin in the woods. I am looking forward to having Jared all to myself and not having to share him. I love the life we have built and our beautiful family. I look forward to us time to stay connected. Date nights with a little one and no one to watch him are very hard to come by. I know this is just a season but planning little weekend get aways are a must to keep us connected.

Summer is just a few weeks away and I am looking forward to Jace and I spending the summer together. The daycare kids will all be home with their parents who are teachers which will allow me time to refresh and spend the whole summer with Jace. I see lots of parks, lake visits, pool play and fun summer activities in our future. Jared is going to take days so we can take him to the zoo and do little stay cations all summer. I am looking forward to all the summer will bring.

This has been a busy season of life, but it is full of tons of love, memories and joy. I may not write as much in this season, but I am soaking it all up.

Busy Season

2026-03-26T13:05:00.002-05:00

It has been a busy few months since I wrote. Life has definitely kept us on our toes. The kids keep us busy especially the boys these days. I haven't had a chance to sit down and write.

Jaxon has been doing work outs for baseball since January. He also has been lifting weights for football before school. He tried out for high school baseball a few weeks ago. That was an intense week for not only him but his dad and I because we know how badly he wanted to make the team. After a long hard tryout week Jaxon made cut after cut. He got the news; he made High School baseball team. Jaxon had his first game this week and has another game tonight. It is fun watching him play and watching his dreams come true.

Jace is growing like a weed. He is talking and picking up new words every day. He is funny and loves the great outdoors. He is stubborn and when he digs his feet in you are in for a battle. He has crawled out of his bed, and he finally is sleeping and napping again after a long season of fighting naps and sleep. He loves greeting his dad and sissy each night when they get home.

Kayla is still dating Parker. She is going to college and working a full-time job at Walgreens. She is busy and we see her most days in passing. She and Parker have been dating over a year and are head over hills for each other. Kay is thriving in college and her first year has been very successful.

I am thankful for the ability to see my kids thriving in all the things they are involved with. They are growing thriving and I am super proud of them all. This work year has been long and lots of sickness has been in and out of our house. Spring bank is late this year, and I am thankful the year is coming to an end. I am looking forward to summer and getting one on one with my kids. This year we are planning on zoo trips, parks, swimming and lots of one on one with my little guy.

I am also looking forward to hopefully being able to get away for a weekend with Jared because the last few years of raising a little one has consumed us and now that Jace is getting older we can finally step away for a little romantic getaway. I am excited to plan it and see it through.

Plans to Prosper

2026-01-17T15:44:00.003-06:00

January is flying by so fast. School started back up and I have been busy with my daycare kids. I am thankful for a three-day weekend and getting an extra day off. Jace has been only napping for short periods again at times I am beyond exhausted. This week he slept 30 minutes and started fussing I rocked him back down but the second I laid he down in his crib he woke back up. After spending the entire week doing this with him, I just left him in his bed. He cried for a bit and then gave up and played quietly in his bed.

I worked on the many household chores I had not be able to get too due to him refusing to nap. It wasn't long before I heard a loud thump on the floor. Jace started yelling a few seconds later "Momma! Momma!" I rushed up to his room and there he stood in the middle of his green rug with a smile on his face. He was proud of himself somehow; he managed to scale the crib and free himself. He is 16 months old and too smart for his own good. I told my husband time to lower the crib again.

Being a mom in my forties is exhausting. I have felt the weight of this sleep regression more than I did with my other two kids. I love my little miracle baby but there are some hard days I question on why God decided me parenting in my forties was a good idea. I would not trade my little guy for the world, but I sometimes wonder if he is getting the best version of me.

It is definitely hard to hold it all together when you are exhausted and running on fumes. With the other two kids I had a village. My parents and Jared's mom were around a ton more which gave me breaks and time to reset refresh and refill my cup. That just isn't my reality.

My older kids help out here and there, but they are so absorbed in their own lives, and I don't want to burden them. I know Kayla is in college and dating a guy she is head of heals in love with. I want her to enjoy these moments of freedom and not having responsibilities because adulthood is fast approaching. Jaxon is so busy with sports and a high school student. When he isn't at school he is at sports. When he is home he eats, showers and goes to bed.

Jared and I are parenting together which was way harder with the other two kids because he worked nights, so I felt like a single parent. He worked long hard hours so I could stay at home and be a mom and ran the daycare on the side to make extra money. I miss our date nights and weekend adventures. Date nights are hard to come by, and we both miss the freedom we once had once Kayla and Jaxon got to the age of being able to leave them at home.

Today Jace is sleeping and the house is quiet. Kayla is at her boyfriend Parkers house since he has to work tonight, and she worked early this morning. Jaxon is in his room playing video games. I crawled up into our bed watching a movie on Netflix's while Jared played video games to enjoy down time. The house is cleaned and laundry is almost finished up.

This season of life is challenging at times and exhausting but even on the hard days Lord knows I am so blessed. In my exhaustion and completely empty cup most days, I thank God for my husband, three kids and this home we have built. In days of stress God reminds me he has it and his plans for me will prosper me and not harm me. I have to let go of control and lean into him. Stepping out in faith is easy when life is going well but in those moments of havoc and stress really are the true test of our faith. This week has been a week of tons of prayers and leaning in on him.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Goodbye 2025

2025-12-28T23:23:00.000-06:00

This past year has definitely been a year of firsts. Kayla graduated high school and started college. She has been dating her boyfriend Parker a year now. Jaxon is in high school. He tried out football this year for the first time and will be going out for the high school baseball team. He is learning to drive and is now taller than his dad. Jace has hit a ton of milestones this past year from crawling, to walking, to talking and eating solid food.

This year has been so busy and full of so many memories. We have had to find a rhythm this past year as we have had to learn to manage being parents of kids in all walks of life from adulthood, teenage years and infant to now toddler. It has been challenging at times as we have tried to find balance, but we have done the best we can do.

Jared and I celebrated 21 years of marriage. We traveled Oklahoma and Florida this summer with a baby and a boyfriend, and it was successful. We faced surgery for Jace in March. Jaxon's broken nose. I got legionaries and ended up hospitalized in August. Jared has sinus surgery in November. It has been a wild year.

I look back over this year and seeing it all flash before me in a photo collage I made, and it reminds me of where we have been what we have faced. We have endured a ton this year and how we are all stronger because of it. At times this year felt overwhelming and my cup felt completely drained. God never gives us more than we can handle but there were times this past year I told him I am not sure I can handle anything more.

I am thankful for 2025 as hectic and chaotic as it got, I was surrounded by family, friends and a ton of love. I am thankful for the lessons learned and the many new milestones and journeys we went on as a family. It wasn't always pretty at times or picture perfect to be honest most of the year was challenging and a mess, but we are better because of all we went through this 2025 year. I am thankful for all this year had to offer and I am thankful as the year comes to a close and a new year and new journey waits for us. I look forward to the year ahead and all it has to offer. I pray for each one in our family as we enter this new season that God will go before us and protect, guide and lead us all in ways to honor him. As we say goodbye to 2025, I reflect on all the year had to offer and taught me as we head into a new year.

My goal for 2026!

2025-12-28T22:36:00.007-06:00

2026 will be here before I know it and every year, I pick a word that I try to achieve for myself that year. The word I am choosing this year is playful. The stresses that life had added over the last several years have taken some of my playful side and stored it away. I want 2026 to be playful and full of laughter and joy.

The day to day sometimes becomes such a routine that it is easy to get into the grind, and I forget to see the day with wonder and like a child. I watch Jace who daily soaks in the world and all the new things around him and I desire to have that playful joy. I watch my daughter and her boyfriend find joy in the newness of their relationship, and it makes me want to date and go on new playful adventures with my husband of 22 years of marriage this year. I see my teenage son leaning to drive and stepping out of his comfort zone as he goes out for sports and try's new things and I want to have that playful drive to push myself even if it means letting go of the control I often desire.

This year as we step into a new year my heart's desire is to be more playful and lighthearted even when life hits full force. To find joy, love, and appreciation in this forever changing world around me. Embrace finding a lighthearted and playful year ahead. To look to God and his direction and to really embrace a year that is full of peace, rest, joy and laughter.

Here is a look back over our 2025 year it has been a year of lots of firsts, challenges and finding a rhythm. At times it was overwhelming and hard as there are with new beginnings. I am thankful for this past year and everything that came with it! I am beyond blessed and grateful.

Life in the fast lane

2025-11-07T14:21:00.001-06:00

The last several weeks have been so busy. Jace was on a month long no sleeping or napping bender. Jared had to have sinus surgery to remove a ton of polyps and fix his deviated septum. I have been running around caring for a crabby sleep deprived toddler, cranky husband all while trying to manage a busy teenage son and adult daughter. Someone please pour me a strong drink!

I am glad we are on the other side of it, but there for a minute I felt like I was drowning in the chaos that surrounded me. I was over touched, over needed and exhausted. Jace is now sleeping again. Jared is still healing but much better now that he is a week out from his surgery. Jaxon's sports have all come to an end, so I am no longer running to get him from practices.

We celebrated Jace's first trick or treat because last year he was getting over a UTI and hospitalization. He dressed up as a dinosaur and his brother dressed up and gladly went with us since Jared was still recovering. Kayla and Parker handed out candy this year in the driveway. Jace was so cute with his Thank you's and getting one piece of candy. Everyone thought he was adorable. It was fun to have a little to take around again, it has been a minute since my older two have trick or treated.

Thanksgiving is a few weeks away and I am looking forward to good food and family time. Last night we put the tree up. Jace's little face lit up with magic and wonder. Jaxon helped his dad string the lights as I decorated the fireplace. Kayla was here but didn't really join the fun as she cleaned her room and headed off to see Parker.

Jaxon turned 15 this past month in the chaos and got his permit first try. Now that his baseball and football seasons are over, we need to take him out and teach him to drive. I am not sure I am ready to teach another kid how to drive but hopefully will not be as hard as his sister who tried to kill me and her father multiple times in the process of teacher her to drive.

Busy season of life but doing my best to soak it all in and not burn out on the hard days. The good lord is defiantly teaching me to be patients, and I think this time around I am not in a rush to rush through this stage of life. I know I will blink and Jace will be gone running around with his friends and girlfriends and our time will be limited to sharing him with everyone else, so I treasure the time and lots of snuggles I get from him now.

Last of the breastmilk

2025-10-14T08:34:00.003-05:00

Last of my breast milk, we made it one year. I exclusively pumped for 11 months. I am proud of making it over a year. Breastfeeding is hard work. Every three hours hooked up to a machine. Cleaning parts after 15 minutes of pumping then bagging and adding milk to bottles. Pumping and breastfeeding is not for the weak. I feel so accomplished as I look back over my breastfeeding journey. I fed all three of my kids via breastfeeding.

Jace is my last after my tubal removal a year ago. I close this chapter proud of my body. It held 4 babies (one we lost in a miscarriage), fed three of them, and was cut open three times via c-section to bring all three of them into this world. My body has rose to the occasion three times and been the heck in back to make sure my little ones came into this world and had nutrition.

Being a mom is hard work but worth it. It comes with wounds and battle scars, but I wear those with pride. I love my children with all of my heart and I am so blessed to be their mother.

Today marks a close of a chapter and I celebrate a year of work and sleepless nights providing nutrients for my little guy. God created our bodies to do amazing things. As I close this chapter of carrying babies and breastfeeding them I stand in amazement of how God designed me as a woman. Motherhood is a blessing from start to finish and such a beautiful blessing from God.

Parenting an Adult, Teenage and Small Child

2025-10-05T11:19:00.006-05:00

I am in a stage of life where I am parenting kids at several different levels. I have an adult college child, a 15-year-old high school child and a child who just turned one. Learning to balance and parent my kids where they are at times can be challenging.

My college adult daughter is living at home so finding a balance of letting her be an adult while living in our home comes with it challenges. Trying to figure out if she will be home for dinner and weather her boyfriend will be joining us leaves us on our toes most nights. We never know if she will be here, at work, at school or hanging out with her boyfriend. Communcation and trying to work with her forever hectic schedule can be challenging. She has big dreams and future goals but sometimes when her dad and I try to prepare her for her big dreams and goals she gets frustrated with us. We try to prepare her for roadblocks she may face or life experiences that she isn't prepared for, and we end up the bad guys.

Our daughter wants to plan a trip to Maine with her boyfriend and friends which we are fine with, but when we start asking questions like whose car are you going to drive, or how are you good to book a place or hotel all she hears is us discouraging her from taking the trip. In reality we are trying to prepare her for the unknown. Her car is old and has 188,000 miles on the likelihood of it making the trip without issues is something we feel like she should know ahead of jumping in the car. We also know from our own experience that yes, she is 18 and will be 19 when this trip will take place but a lot of places wont rent to someone who is under 25. We also prepare her that if they do and she books it in her name that she is reliable if anything is damage. She takes our knowledge as us discouraging her when really, we just want to prepare her for travel things she has never experienced.

We also have a teenage son who just started high school and is ever active in sports. We are trying to teach him the importance of balancing his time. We encourage him to play sports, but he also needs to learn to maintain good grades and his responsibilities of chores and family time as well. He also is dating a girl and teaching him how to be a good boyfriend and not follow the world can be a challenge at times as well. Teaching him how to balance a very full sports schedule, school life on top of everything else is definitely something we have to handle with care. School and grades now will affect his future and college if he so chooses that path.

Parenting a small child also comes with its challenges. Teaching our little one to walk, talk, eat, and to daily not try to do something dangerous is a full-time job. I always tell my husband having a small child is like caring for your drunk best friend who makes constant poor decisions. The only difference is they know better our cute little brown eyed boy doesn't. He is exploring and learning this world and is clueless on the dangers and it's our job to teach him and keep him safe. Jace very much is a mom and Dad's boy and has massive separation issues which we have been working on. Just about the time I feel like we find a normal he starts teething or goes through a sleep regression. Survival mode is what we have been in the last year and doing our best to find order and routine.

Parenting all three of these stages can be overwhelming at times. As a mom I wonder if I am able to balance it all and if I am meeting each of my children in the stage that they are in. I know I mess up, and I know exhaustion some days plays apart in my responses, but I daily try to meet my kids where they are. They all three are in very different life stages which requires me to be a mom who has to balance wearing three parenting caps on top of being a wife and a working mom. All I can do is do my every best and hope my kids offer grace on the days I fall short. I am human and flawed so hopefully on the days when I drop the ball and confess my failure to them, they will offer me grace. I know God place each of them in my life and has called me to be their mom. It is a calling I don't take lightly and something I pray for wisdom daily in. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I need to give myself grace as well. I am not designed to be super mom, but I am designed to love them like Christ loves us.

Happy 42nd Birthday Jared!

2025-09-20T14:50:00.002-05:00

To My Husband Jared,

Thank you for loving me for 26 years. Today you turn 42 years old, and I look at you with so much joy and pride. I see the young man I fell head over hills in love with all the years ago who asked me out in high school with a beautiful red rose. I see the man who loved me unconditionally despite my flaws and promised to love me the rest of my days. I see the past 26 years and all we have been through side by side and hand in hand, and I feel so honored and blessed to be loved by you.

I daily get to witness and grow more in love with you as we walk through life's twists and turns. I wake up to a man who works hard and loves even harder. Your compassion and love grow with each passing year. Watching and getting to parent with you over the last 18 years has been such a joy. You are an amazing father and watching you love and pour into our kids melts my heart. You are my best friend and my rock. I am so thankful that God created you and choose you to be my husband.

Today as we celebrate your birthday, I celebrate the husband, father, friend and the man that you are. You mean everything to me, and I love our life. It may be messy and chaotic at times but knowing that you are there walking beside me loving and doing life with me is one of my favorite blessings from God. I hope you have an amazing birthday and never forget how loved you are. Happy 42nd birthday Baby, you deserve to be celebrated! Jared, we love you more than words could describe!

Love,

Your Blessed Wife!

Beautiful Chaos

2025-09-20T14:27:00.001-05:00

Homecoming was last weekend for both kids! Kayla accompanied Parker to homecoming and Jaxon went with his friends due to not being able to take his girlfriend Lily because of the rules in place. He met up with her the next day. They had lunch, dressed up, took pictures and spent the afternoon hanging out. I had the honor and privilege to take both kids pictures and capture memories of them.

Time is flying by. Kayla is in college and loving it! Jaxon is in High school playing football and baseball. Jace just turned a year old and is testing boundaries at all costs. Life is precious but most days packed full of trying to balance being there for all my kids and their needs.

Jared and I are back in the phase of parenting a small child with both sets of grandparents who live far away. Moments of just him and I together are hard to come by and to be honest by the time we get everyone tucked into bed we are exhausted most nights. On top of health issues Jared has been struggling with, those quiet moments of just him and I alone together are special.

In a few weeks Jared will return to the doctor to see if surgery to remove polyps in his nasal and sinuses will be the next step in getting him healthy. He has been battling these issues since May, and they have only grown worse with his lack of being able to smell and constant sinus drainage or stuffiness.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Jared birthday and Monday Jared, and I will spend the day off of work hanging out together. Jace of course will tag along since really, we are on our own. I miss the days of when we had a village that surrounded us, but things are different now. My dad has been gone 10 years now. My mom remarried and lives three hours away. Jared's mom remarried and they are an hour away. Life looks a lot different than it did when Kayla and Jaxon were little. Jared isn't working two jobs like he did when the other two were little.

I love our life and even in the hectic schedules and constant changes, our family of five is precious. I know change will continue to come as our kids grow and venture into new life phases. I know before I know it, we will grow from five to six then from to seven and eventually from seven to eight when as our kids get married. I know we will grow even more when our kids start having kids. I know we will probably still be parenting Jace when our older two have kids and Jace will be a younger uncle. More than anything I hope and pray my kids stay close even with the age gap between my older two and my youngest. For now, I will treasure these moments because I know in the blink of an eye how quickly life can and does change. The days may be long, but the years are short. Our beautiful chaos is such a blessing and I am thankful for it all, even the days that are long and hard.

Happy 1st Birthday Jace!

2025-09-09T12:31:00.005-05:00

A year ago, today they placed my little surprise baby in my arms, and our family became complete. I was scared being in my 40's starting all over raising another baby, but the second they placed you in my arms all my fears of parenting again were gone. Watching the baby, I felt for months move inside me and being able to put a face to the baby I carried for months was such a special moment. Watching your dad, Sister, Brother and Grandparents getting to meet you also was such a joy and blessing.

We may not have planned for you, but God sent you to us at just the perfect time. You are getting a different version of mom and dad than your older siblings got but that is because they taught us so much on how to be parents. We will still mess up and I am sure along the way we will butt heads, but you are deeply loved. You definitely have brought so much joy love and laughter to our lives.

It is bittersweet to watch your kids grow up, but I think because you are our last at times it is heartbreaking knowing that with each passing day you slip through our fingers a little more and are moving towards independence. Time is a thief and dad, and I don't want to miss any milestones, and we do our best to savor the right now moments because we know too well how fast time goes.

I love you so much and I am so thankful that God choose me to be your mommy! your sweet smile and bright brown eyes melt my heart. holding your tiny hand and getting your wet slobbery kisses are something I savor. Watching you walk around like a drunk best friend, trying to keep you safe and teach you about the big world around you is the phase of life we are in. Jace you are silly, stubborn, and absolutely amazing. I look forward to watching you grow and discover the person God designed you to be! It is such a privilege being your mom! I wear that title with pride and joy!

Happy 1st Birthday Jace!

2025-08-30T17:23:00.003-05:00

My sweet little surprise baby, it is hard to believe that a year has almost gone by with you. Life with you has been so much fun. You definitely keep us on our toes and bring a ton of laughter and love to our home. We were beyond shocked when we found out we were expecting you, but God knew you were just what we needed!

You are a busy bee these days! Learning to walk and into to everything. You love books, stacking and unstacking cups, testing boundaries, and looking at us with your cute cheesy grin and making us smile. You love going for walks and being outside. You are a water baby and love to play in the water. Keeping you out of the dog's water bowl is a constant fight! Jace, you love to climb and have no fear of anything. At times you can be stubborn, and your red head Irish genes show.

Next week we will gather with family and celebrate your first year of life. As I look back over this past year my heart is full of so much joy and love. The memories of so many firsts flood my mind, and I am so thankful to get to daily get to be a part of watching you learn grow and discover new things. Your birthday is football themed, and I am looking forward to celebrating you! Don't mind the tears in my eyes as we sing happy birthday to you, it is just me seeing flashes of the past year and my heart overflowing with joy, laughter and so much love.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Jace! I love you with all my heart! Don't grow up to fast and remember you are so incredibly loved!

Love Always,

Mom

Trenches

2025-08-27T14:10:00.002-05:00

I was talking with a friend the other day who has a little one and they shared how much becoming a parent has affected their role and marriage relationship. I thought back to when Kayla and Jaxon were young and I said yes you are in the trenches of parenting and balancing it all. I said I call it the "trenches" stage of parenting. I shared I am in the trench stage as well again since we added little Jace to our world a year ago. I told her it because having a small child requires a lot of energy, time and let's face you have very little left over at the end of the day.

I shared with her the importance of setting time a side to spend one on one time without the distraction of the beautiful little creation. I told her make an effort to spend quality time together at least once every other week. Set time aside to catch up share your heart with one another because it's hard to work, be a mom and balance being a wife. I always feel like I am coming up short. Connecting and having dessert or sitting outside drinking a glass of wine after Jace has gone to bed is what helps keep us connected.

When we skip over setting that time a side that is when I tend to see us becoming frustrated and we both feel that lack of connection. We have to really focus on making it a priority. We have to be creative because both our parents live several hours away so us going out on the town is not really every other week option. We have to set time a side to connect and get quality quiet time where we can really talk and catch up.

Balancing life if hard and it will get easier. As Kayla and Jaxon become teens Jared and I felt comfortable to leave them home and go out more, but when you have littles, it isn't that easy. It is important because let's face it these kids who we love and pour our heart and souls into will grow up and one day leave and then it will just be the two of us. Connections and growth are important in a marriage just as important as caring for your little one. It is all about finding balance and a grove.

I told her to hang in there we have all been in the trenches. I told her take a deep breath and share with her spouse her struggle of feeling like they aren't connecting. Many times, when I have been there and feeling that I come to find out Jared is also feeling the lack of connection. We both then make an effort to set time aside and we find our rhythm of spending more quality time together.

Life is hard and a constant balancing act. When out of sync it can feel overwhelming. Balance is the key. Communicating is also the key especially in marriage and in parenting. I told her she wasn't alone; we have all been there at some point. Balancing marriage, parenting, careers, friendship and family can feel like a juggling act. One we feel like we aren't very good at. Don't give up just keep doing your best and this season you will get through. Before you know it, you will be in a different season of life juggling teens, work, and marriage and you will wish they were little, and you were chasing them to keep them out of the cat food bowl instead of getting onto them for getting suspended for sticking a pencil in an outlet because a friend dared them too. This stage of life although hard is just gearing you for what's to come. The good thing is as the stages change you do grow wiser. Jared and I have got really good at finding a balance and being able to recognize when our quality time is off. When we get out of rhythm, we find a way to talk and get back in the grove. We are much better as parents we when we are united front and connected.

A beautiful Summer!

2025-08-20T20:44:00.006-05:00

We had a blast on our vacations to Oklahoma and Panama City beach. I somehow picked up an illness after returning home which landed me in the hospital called legionaries disease. I thought I was dying and became so weak. It has taken me four weeks to recover and at times I am still exhausted at the end of the day. School started back this week and we are all adjusting to being back to school and me being back to work.

Jaxon starts high school this year. Kayla starts college next week and Jace will soon turn one! As I reflect back over this past year it has been a wild ride. I had a baby. My daughter graduated high school. We learned to become a family of five. Jaxon stepped into teenage push mom and dad's buttons. This past year was full of firsts, trials, tears, laughter and a ton of love.

I enjoyed getting ten weeks off this summer to spend with just my family. I got lots of snuggles with Jace. We had fun traveling and made tons of memories. We even took Kayla's boyfriend Parker with us on vacation. The two of them have grown close and talks of marriage have recently come up. I am not sure Jared is ready to face the fact that his little girl is growing up. He stills sees her as his little girl with pig tails in her hair.

Jaxon is playing football this year along with baseball! I am excited to see him play and compete at high school level. He also has a girlfriend, Lily. He is working on homecoming proposal to invite her to the dance. He has put a ton of thought and love into it, and I can't to see what she says. He has a ton of first this year with it being his first year of high school.

Jace is my busy little bee! It won't be long before he is walking. He is my explore into everything and my kid that like to test me. He is growing like a weed! He is stubborn and there are days he gives us a run for our money. We love his cute little smile and his bright brown eyes. We laugh at how he talks with his eyebrows and his sweet little giggle.

Overall summer was amazing, and we enter a busy season of school starting, holidays, and lots of firsts I look forward to the year and all that is going to come. I am thankful for my health, my family and for all the love the surrounds me. I am one blessed wife and mom!

Four Weeks of Summer

2025-06-19T14:22:00.002-05:00

It has been a busy four weeks of summer. Kayla was gone for her senior trip with her Nana's to the Bahamas. She got a tattoo on her ankle of a jelly fish. Kayla has been working a ton and hanging out with her boyfriend Parker. She is gearing up for college and I think she is excited about her new adventure.

Jaxon is playing football at high school and training for his upcoming season. He is also playing on two baseball teams. He is busy but it is a good kind of busy keeping him out of trouble and getting him trained and geared for High School Sports. My Jaxon is going to high school, and my Kayla is going to college this fall, still trying to figure out how that happened.

Jace is loving having me to himself and having a ton of one on one. We play, got on walks, swim in his pool and watch big brother play ball. Jace is growing so fast and doing new things daily. It won't be long before my little guy is turning one. He will be walking before we know it too! He got two bottom teeth, and they are razor Sharpe. We think his top teeth aren't too far behind his bottom two that have come in. He is saying Dadda and Momma. He tries to say Jaxon, but it comes out "AAAXX!" He is funny and stubborn! He loves water, car rides, books, walks and fidget poppers. He loves throwing things down the cat door to the basement and climbing our stairs. He is always on the go and loves snacks.

The next several weeks of summer will be packed with fun and travel. Lake Trips to see Nana and Dave. Oklahoma to reunite with family and watch up in a big cabin by the lake for several days. Then my family will leave from there and head to the beach. Kayla is also bringing Parker so it will be our first vacation traveling with someone one of our kids is in a relationship with. I will then head to the lake for girl's weekend. It won't be long until summer is over, and the kids are back in school and I am back to work with my daycare kids. I will enjoy the next several months soaking up the sun and spending it with my family. I love summer!

Happy 21st Wedding Anniversary

2025-06-19T13:58:00.000-05:00

Today is Jared and I's 21st wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe 23 years ago on a stormy tropical storm night Jared got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. He proposed to me after writing in the sand "Will you marry me?" It was so sweet and romantic. We knew then what we know now that if we looked to God and clung to each other that no matter what came our way we would survive.

Twenty-one years later, that still rings true. I love Jared more today than the day he proposed to me on that beach. I didn't think it was possible to love him more, but I love him more now after facing life together the last 21 years. We have built a life and family together that I truly honor and cherish. We have faced hardships of job loss, Jared's battle with cancer, miscarriage, the death of my father, and the list goes on, but we faced it all together side by side looking to God for guidance. It hasn't always been pretty, but what marriage is other than in Hollywood movies. We have had our share of fights disagreements and hard seasons of life, but we promised to love each other until death does us part. I wouldn't want to parent or do life with anyone but Jared. He is my person. He is my constant over the years, and I am so thankful to God for blessing me with all these years.

I love the life we have built together. It may not be perfect and at time it may be messy, but it is in the mess when he holds me and tells me it will all be okay that I fall a little more in love with him. It is the long night of walking the floor together and praying with one another that my heart and love grows more and more. We are two imperfect people that God brought together, and I will always be forever grateful and honored to be his wife. I pray that we get to grow old together and watch our children experience their own special love. I pray we get to wake up old together sitting on a porch together soaking in the sun until the good Lord calls us home. I cherish our time and life together because we both know our days are numbered and we both never want to look back and have any regrets.

Happy 21st Wedding anniversary my love! Thank you for being my best friend, lover, sound board, my other half, the father of our children, a hard worker, compassionate and for always having my back even when I didn't deserve your unconditional love. You mean the absolute world to me, and I would be lost without you! I will love you always and forever.