Low-Fat Kat

Treating myself differently

2012-01-12T18:38:00.001-05:00

I’ve had an somewhat out-of-the-ordinary week where I’ve been semi-stressed at work, and yesterday was particularly trying. A few weeks ago, I could’ve seen myself getting off work and going to buy a DiGiorno pizza and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and “unwinding,” but last night I decided to treat myself in a healthier way. I haven’t had salmon in awhile and was craving it, so I stopped and got one piece:

I had bought this brown sugar & pecan mustard at a local gift shop to include in a Christmas present for someone, but I had forgotten about it and found it last week. So I kept it. I’m a bad person.

But hey, it was fantastic on the salmon!

I’ve always disliked guacamole, but I had an AMAZING batch at a local restaurant a few weeks ago, so I’ve been stuck on it ever since. I grabbed a container last night that is nowhere near as good as the local stuff, but it’s not bad. I thought the little label under the lid was cute:

Do you “treat yourself” by cooking something nice after a crazy day or grab something quick from the store or a restaurant? It’s so easy and tempting to grab something quick and comforting!

Organizational Bug and Pondering about Bingeing

2012-01-09T20:29:00.001-05:00

This cute blue stone crock I just got from World Market makes everything taste better, not that my gumbo needed it, in my humble opinion.

Sunday was spent taking down Christmas decorations and packing them all away. I’ve been bitten by the organizational bug lately, for better or worse, and am committed to getting rid of clutter and finding an appropriate place for everything. It felt good to take 4 giant boxes of stuff to Goodwill and finally get them out from under my nose – I’ve been working on those boxes for weeks!

My eating habits were stellar last week, which makes my actions this past weekend all the more troubling. I pretty much binged on chocolate and ice cream Sunday evening – a rebound effect from eating sensibly during the week? A cry for help due to self-pity and loneliness? I have no idea, but I’ve journaled about it and hope to nip it in the bud next time I see myself headed in that direction. I did have wine Saturday night at a friend’s house and ended up eating dessert there…wondering if eating sweets made me crave them again?

Have you cut out sweets only to find that you no longer crave them? Have you ever successfully pinpointed the reason for wanting to binge and stopped the action in its tracks?

Weekend Ritual

2012-01-07T13:07:00.001-05:00

I might be bummed sometimes about being single and lonely, but when I think about it, I’ve developed some weekend morning rituals and enjoy not having someone get in the way of them. Either on Saturday or Sunday (sometimes both) I’ll wake up and make an omelette or frittata with tons of veggies.

Then I usually sprinkle it with cheese and smother it with Texas Pete and eat while watching Fashion Police. I love my little ritual.

After brunch has settled, Maddy and I usually hit the trails for a nice long hike/walk. Today, however, we made a pitstop by PetSmart for a new leash. She’s got a bad habit of pulling on her leash (yeah, it’s mostly my fault for not keeping up with obedience training), but this new shorter leash really helps, and it’s got padded handles and a loop very close to her harness/collar for when I need to keep her closer (passing people on a trail, keeping her from jumping into icky muddy water, etc.).

Incidentally, does anyone have a favorite tried and true dog training book/method?

Now to bathe and gather some stuff to take to Goodwill before coming home to watch a movie and pack away Christmas stuff. Do you have any weekend rituals you really look forward to?

Dinner and a Movie

2012-01-05T22:54:00.001-05:00

I stayed up late last night watching the Orange Bowl, and no…I don’t want to talk about it.

Point is, I’m about to paaaassssss ouuuutttt but I wanted to share an amazing recipe I just tried. I was prepared to have a few guests over for dinner but sadly plans had to change last-minute. My mom, however, gladly made the trek to the other side of town for an awesome homecooked meal and a movie – Bridesmaids!

I made Anne Burrell’s Roasted Pork Loin with Apple Cider and Chunky Applesauce and it turned out PERFECTLY. I forgot how much I liked cooking and trying out different recipes – definitely want to keep this up!

So a few days into gluten-free, my tummy is already less mad at me. Looking forward to seeing how long it’ll take before a bunch of other troubling symptoms clear up. If you’ve gone gluten-free, how long before you started seeing big differences in various symptoms? And on that note, I’m about to fall asleep.

Well hello there, 2012.

2012-01-03T20:42:00.001-05:00

How was everyone’s Chrismakwanzakkuh? Mine was a little TOO good. I’m so in love with my Christmas tree, I’ve promised it I won’t take it down until this weekend (hey, leaving your tree up til Epiphany is a thing, right?).

Between hosting a cookie swap of my own…

…and baking my annual cookies for the neighbors…

…and enjoying plenty of holiday dinners with many loved ones…

…and attending the wedding festivities of my cousin…

…I’m ready to say goodbye to the 10-15 lbs I’ve picked up since October. An embarrassingly high amount, yes. It’s definitely easy to let one pound creep by at a time until all of a sudden you’re in over your head. I never want to get back to where I was three years ago.

I’m ready to be back where I was two months ago and to keep on going.

And to lighten the mood…here’s a picture of my parents’ cat, Murray, wearing antlers.

So what am I doing to fix my predicament besides bitching on teh interwebs?

I’m logging my food (and exercise, if I ever do any!) on loseit.com – does anyone else use it? I got my mom a FitBit for Christmas, so she and I are using LoseIt since it syncs with the FitBit.
I’m making sure to drink enough water during the day – I was pretty slack about it over the holidays.
I’ve gone gluten-free. Now, I’m not doing it to lose weight – I’ve been diagnosed with gluten intolerance but haven’t done much about it. Over Christmas I was pretty much eating whatever I felt like – cookies, pasta, breads – and I am paying dearly for it. GI issues, inflammation and achiness, depression and mood swings, congestion – my major symptoms have gotten so much worse over the past month, and I’m ready to scrap it all if it means not feeling like a slug anymore. And, admittedly, it has the added benefit of me cutting out a lot of carbs and really paying attention to labels for a change.
I got an iPad for Christmas and have actually been reading some health and fitness blogs on it lately – something I haven’t done in awhile! I tend to leave Tweetdeck open but have a hard time jumping into conversations like I used to. Bottom line, I’m trying to surround myself with positive healthy influences.
I still work for the weight loss clinic, and I’m trying to spin my weight gain around in a positive way. I need to get healthy for me, of course, but I also want to set a good example for the patients. Trying out new recipes and keeping in touch on social media sites is not only helping me help the patients, it’s helping me help myself [cue sappy after school special music]. So, yeah…the Twittering and the blogging and the Facebooking…that’s as much as I’ll say, since I tend to say “I’m baaaack” then disappear.

So, as trite as it sounds, I’m developing a list of resolutions for 2012 that I’d like to make public for accountability’s sake. They’re not ready yet – I want to really put some thought into this and make sure I’m setting the right goals.

Did you set any resolutions this year? Did you effectively “reign it in” over the holidays, or are you suffering from overeaters’ remorse like I am?

Two out of three ain’t bad

2011-11-28T23:04:00.001-05:00

Awesome decision #1 of the day: running a mile at lunch – even when it was misty – and really pushing myself when I wanted to stop (I took only a couple walk breaks)

Awesome decision #2 of the day: picking a killer butternut squash/chicken/apple cider vinaigrette salad over pizza for girls’ night.

Poor decision of the day: using girls’ night as an excuse to bitch about dudes and eat Ben & Jerry’s. Hey…2 awesome decisions start to outweigh one bad one, right? And damn, it felt good to stretch my legs and lungs.

External Motivators Be Damned

2011-11-27T21:42:00.001-05:00

I’m pretty much the queen of Leaving Them Hanging, eh? The wedding happened. The dress fit.

And a good time was had by all.

And ever since then, I’ve been eating like crazy - a no-holds-barred sort of free-for-all for the past month. To the tune of at least 5 pounds, to boot. So…I think that’s a huge sign to me – external motivators to lose weight only make me rebound and “rebel.” And now I’m getting sucked into the Holiday/New Year rationale traps: “the holidays come once a year!” and “I’ll get through the holidays and then buckle down.” I KNOW this is bullshit, and I try to convince others of it on a daily basis. Is it so heavily ingrained into society that I’m falling prey to it? Is it just an easy out to be lazy and not watch what I’m eating? I’m also REALLY thinking about going gluten-free, but I know this is the wrong time of year to do it. However, like with weight loss, now is as good a time as any, right? I’ve been better over the past month or two with keeping a food diary, but it’s not consistent. During the work week I’m about 80% on track with writing everything down, but over the weekend it all goes out the window, which is an easier excuse to eat crap.

With the quarter-life crisis I seem to still be falling prey to, in addition to stupid irrational girl emotions that are taking over even when I’m consciously trying to squelch them, I find myself wanting to take up running again. But I’m scared. Scared my endurance won’t come back (I can jog a mile now with a few walk breaks), semi-scared someone driving by will kidnap me or yell something at me…these are IRRATIONAL fears, so I just need to get my ass out there and do it.

I’m also at a weird place where I LOVE being alone. I LOVE my home and doing my own thing every day, but when I have the urge to hang out with people, the handful of good friends I have are rarely available. So I’m at that point where I’m desperate – online dating, meetup.com, anything to meet new people. But with these 5 pounds and recent blaaahhhh feeling, my confidence is shot.

Somebody call the waaahhhhmbulance – this post went to a dark, pitiful place!!

The “Dress Doesn’t Fit” Fit

2011-10-18T21:24:00.001-04:00

So, Lofton’s getting married. Not news. When trying on and ordering my bridesmaid dress, I was so used to being waaaay too big for the sample size that I refused to try it on, especially since it was at a posh little boutique where the staff and clientele usually turn up their noses at big girls. The gals there measured me and found my bust to correspond to a size 12 (yaaaaay Itty Bitty Titty Committee!), my waist was a size 14 (ok, well…that’s…not as awesome), and my hips to a size 16/18 (screw every tape measurer that ever was). I was resigned to ordering the 18 and altering the dress to fit me everywhere else, but after some coaxing, I finally tried on the sample for a laugh.

It fit.

A size 12 fit like a glove.

Holy crap.

I was delighted every day after ordering my size 12 dress and took great pride in knowing that ALLLLL of the bridesmaids were wearing the same size. While they were probably cursing having to wear a bigger size than they’re used to, finally I was roughly the same size as my friends. I haven’t celebrated a milestone like that in a good long while.

So then the dress I ordered came in. I don’t know if the sample had stretched or if I had gotten cocky in the meantime and expanded (“wooo, I’m the same size as my friends, bitchezzz! I’m “normal!” I can eat whatever I want!!”), but I was afraid to even attempt to zip it up for fear I’d bust a seam.

And thus began “The Dress Doesn’t Fit” Fit. For the past 6 weeks I’ve been dieting and bingeing off and on - never a HUGE binge, but remarkably more splurges than I usually have, and always premeditated. And in this Fit, I’ve realized something about myself. When I’m up against a deadline, I’ll procrastinate until the last minute. I’ll find everything BUT that thing to do. I’ll drag my feet and fart around until it’s crunch time, then I’ll put my nose to the grindstone…and then find something that needs reorganizing…and then cram the work in really hard until it’s done, half-assedly and usually the wrong way.

Is it the thought of an externally-applied deadline that makes me rebel? A deadline at all? I did it in school, I’ve done it at work, and now I’ve done it with this stupid dress. I tried super-hard to lose weight, FINALLY started losing again and even saw the 170s on the scale at work – a scale notorious for weighing me 3-5lbs higher than mine at home – only to bounce back and eat a bunch of crap I don’t need out of arrogance, celebration, or boredom.

So my theory is, the thought of having to do something “not fun” makes me want to do “fun” stuff all that much more (“hurry and have fun while you still can, before you can’t anymore”). Ideally what I should do is weave the “fun” and “not fun” together to create a constant baseline of “…eh,” thus increasing my chances that my habits and activities will be more consistent and less yo-yo-ish. Right? That sounds so boring, but probably more realistically, I just shouldn’t stray too much from that baseline, either in restricting or indulging. I’m not expected to be “…eh” all the time, but I shouldn’t go so far into one extreme versus the other.

Have you seen that concept of “from one extreme to another” or “rebelling against a deadline/goal” in yourself? Have you successfully been able to beat that way of thinking, or do you still struggle with it?

Here’s Your Update.

2011-09-29T20:04:00.001-04:00

Nope.

A not-so-sweet experiment

2011-09-27T22:30:00.001-04:00

Hey, guess what these are:

Well, guess what they’re supposed to be….

Yeeeeah, that’s my first attempt at a Splenda-based meringue. Probably not possible, but I had to see for myself. I’ve never made real meringues before, so I had no idea what I was after to begin with. Now I can say with certainty that this recipe didn’t work. Maybe it was the fact that I used straight Splenda instead of the Baking Blend, or maybe because my vanilla had gone bad, but they turned out flat, brittle, and tasted like salt. Plus, this recipe only required 15-20 minutes in the oven…that’s not typical, right?

Here’s an action shot of my 2nd batch made with this recipe from the Splenda website, though I did add about 2Tbls of real sugar to it, too.

Looking better already, huh? These babies have about 20 more min before I turn off the oven and leave them overnight. Stay tuned…

Viva la Vista and Newish Hobbies

2011-09-25T23:20:00.001-04:00

I’ve got to fit into a bridesmaid dress in about 4 weeks, and as a result I haven’t been doing a whole lot in the kitchen as of late. A lot of meat ‘n’ veggies and not much else…not very blogworthy. Though today was an occasion for bending the rules – Viva la Vista – a food festival in downtown Columbia.

It’s late September, officially autumn, and it was about 90° today. I really wanted to try some nontraditional fare, but I wasn’t in the right mindset to stand in 90° heat and eat shrimp and grits. Instead I went for comfort food (after I got a Shock Top upon arrival while waiting on my friend). First I got a mini salted caramel chocolate cupcake from Cupcake.

Next was a bananas foster pudding dessert from Liberty Taproom and a 2nd beer – a Southern Tier Harvest Ale.

About now was when I started thinking to myself, “hmm…maybe I should have some ‘real’ food instead of just sugar and alcohol…” I wanted to try something I’d never had before, but none of the items sounded good since I was so uncomfortably hot and sweaty. Chicken salad on half a croissant from Nonnah’s it was.

We walked the entire length of the festival again before I decided I wanted a good ol’ fashioned slice of pizza from Mellow Mushroom.

And what better way to wash it down than strawberry cheesecake gelato from Peace, Love, & Rocky Roast?

I’d have been more than fine without that pizza, but it just looked (and tasted) soooo gooooood. I wish I had been in more of a mood to try off-the-wall stuff – there was a veggie sandwich and some blue cheese fries that looked to die for – but the weather today just SUCKED for a food festival in September. Still, I’m looking forward to it again next year – it was a neat concept and a great way to check out some area restaurants I’ve never tried before!

In other news, I’m knitting again thanks to this chick:

She’s modeling the little shrug I made her, but it’ll take awhile until she’s able to fit into the sweater dress:

And I recently went pottery-painting with her and her parents. I like being artsy again!

I’m also into geocaching lately…do any of you do it? Have you ever met up with a geocaching group or do you go on your own? I’ve had some GPS issues on my phone, but when it actually works as it should, it’s fun! What kinds of artistic things do you do to keep your mind busy?

How Katherine got her Groove Back

2011-09-04T22:51:00.001-04:00

Well that’s a pretty presumptuous title…I’m starting to get my groove back. First off, I’ve been walking/hiking a few times in the past couple of weeks – something way out of the ordinary for me given my sluggishness the past few months. Then to really get the ball rolling, I Redboxed Zumba for Wii the other night.

It took me a good 15 minutes to get loosened up (and shrug off the possibility that I could maaaaybe be seen through my blinds by passers-by…), but I did a good 45 minutes of this game, and it was fun! I miss going to Zumba and walking out feeling all sweaty and sexy. I am so self-conscious that my body is perpetually stiff; Zumba helped loosen my hips up a bit. I might just have to buy this one!

I think that game got my momentum going, because I was found myself deliciously sore the next day and craving other forms of exercise. I even got brave enough to join my boss at a pilates/yoga class at our gym Saturday morning (waaaaaay out of my comfort zone). I anticipated something more akin to the yoga classes I miss so much from my old gym, but this was a faster-paced ass-kicker of a class. There were a couple of times I thought I would pass out, but I felt like a million bucks for the rest of the day, and I think I’d like to go back. I need accountability, and I’ve set myself up for it with this class. 1) I talked to the teacher and told her I was new but familiar with yoga, and as a result, she kept her eye on me; 2) I obviously struggled the most out of everyone, 3) I told the teacher I’d like to come back, and 4) my buddy in the class is my bariatric doctor/boss…I’d feel like a turd if I wussed out.

Today I explored some trails in a nearby forest with my dog, and it felt so good to be out early in the morning getting fresh air in my lungs. Then afterward, I was going to get a skinny iced latte at Starbucks but noticed they had PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES again!!!

I thought they weren’t due for a couple more days! So obviously I had to get one…I didn’t, however, have to get the slice of cinnamon loaf I got with it. [sigh]

I’m experimenting in the kitchen again, too. Yesterday I made a fig pizza again like last year (though I’ve switched to gluten-free crust!)

tonight I made my favorite butternut squash soup, but I added some red pepper flakes. Hooooo boy.

I also made a chicken dish – I sliced some chicken breasts and put in some sliced Mini Babybel cheese and sliced ham, and on top I poured a mixture of dry onion soup mix whisked with chicken broth and dijon mustard and let it bake for 45 minutes at 375°.

So now that I’m sore and loving it, I’m motivated to keep it up (I’m tired of telling people “yeah, I’ve still got about 30 pounds to lose, just gotta get my head in the game,” and I’ve got some events coming up that I superficially want to look good for). What’s more, a lot of our patients have asked me for good low-carb veggie recipes lately, and I feel the need to deliver. Also, I’m excited to keep up this blogging accountability; I’ve missed everyone, and I miss being so aware of what I’m doing. Disordered eating is such a secretive thing – perceiving my life in a public way (“how can I blog this?”) really helps me keep myself in check.

Have you had to step away from blogging for awhile only to realize some surprising truths about yourself and/or blogging? I’ve realized a lot of the food/fitness blogging/bloggers I followed months ago were extremely disordered, but I also realize that writing publicly about my efforts causes me to re-evaluate just how (un)healthy my habits are.

Housewife Shower and Distracting Myself

2011-08-28T10:37:00.001-04:00

My friend Lofton got married last year in a nice-but-quickie “let’s sign some papers before he enlists in the Army” ceremony, so they’re doing a big one this year close to their 1-year anniversary. That means we get to have showers for her!

Lofton loves Guinness and stout beers in general, so Kaycee made her some Guinness cupcakes (I made the picks!)…

Guests each got their own martini glasses…

And I made a punch of cranberry juice, pineapple juice, and diet ginger ale to which guests could add vodka and/or rum.

Obviously our colors were teal blue and red!

Lofton’s not much for cooking and baking, so our favors included her favorite cookie and its recipe…

Kaycee made mini-meatloafs with mashed potatoes piped on like frosting. AH. MAH. GAH.

We also had green beans and mac ’n’ cheese – all classic comfort foods!

We dressed in 50s-ish attire (those red paper lanterns make great hats for Kaycee and myself…)

I want to get married for many reasons, but mostly so I can put a KitchenAid mixer on my registry…

I love these gals!

I’ve been having a tough time lately, and I hate that I can never predict when a day will be good or bad (I know, I know – I should be the one to dictate whether I’ll have a good or bad day). I spent some time with my good friend Joy the other night who was visiting from NYC and had a great time with her, but after she and I parted ways, I encountered someone I didn’t want to see, and I let it ruin my night. I’ve gotta learn to let things go, to let it roll off my back, to not hold onto grudges and anger. I’ve found I’m more likely to self-soothe with food when I’m upset like that, and I’ve spent way too much time being upset over the past few months. I can’t backslide and fall into the same patterns I did years ago. I refuse.

I’ve picked up knitting again and have spent some time coloring mandalas, both in an effort to distract me from thinking too much. And of course I’m hanging out with my friends a lot, but it’s tough not to compare myself to them, their relationships, their jobs, their appearances. Not good. I am finding the urge to exercise again, so that’s awesome. Now that I can look forward to the weather getting cooler soon, I’m hoping to take up running again.

Now I’m faced with the dilemma of where to meet people. I don’t hang out in bars and don’t go to church, so I have no idea where to make new friends now that several of mine are moving away, tied up with relationships and marriage, busy with kids, etc., and I definitely don’t know how to meet guys. Meetup groups? Online dating? Just walk up to random strangers on the street? This was so much easier in college…

And in an ultimate “that’s so meta” move…

2011-08-18T23:20:00.001-04:00

I’ll ask you guys what questions to ask…

What kinds of questions would YOU ask weight loss patients in order to engage them on Facebook?
If you were to write a blog post or email digest with an audience of weight loss patients, what kinds of things would you include? I’m thinking recipes, motivational quotes, websites with resources (portion size quizzes, etc.)…?
I’m trying to think outside the box, not be lame, not do cutesy crap that’ll just get overlooked…it’s friggin’ difficult!

Finding and Fostering Motivation

2011-08-18T23:14:00.001-04:00

Stream-of-consciousness post ahoy. Ye be warned.

Obviously I’ve got motivational issues of my own, especially when it comes to weight loss. But what am I supposed to do when that very dilemma is one I’m facing at work, too? For over 20 years I’ve struggled with my weight, and it has negatively impacted so many aspects of my life. So now that I work for a weight loss clinic – the very clinic through which I got help losing weight – struggling to find motivation not only affects me personally but professionally.

I’m really trying lately to engage the clients, get them reaching out for support, sharing ideas, and actively participating in taking ownership of their habits. But I feel like a failure sometimes when I can’t do the same for myself. Through years of various weight loss regimens and degrees of study, I KNOW the right things to do in order to lose weight and change habits, but it’s odd how that knowledge breaks down when I try to apply it to myself. I’ve been in a post-dump funk for a few months and have kinda let my eating habits slide – I’ve sought out the company of others to cheer me up, and inevitably we’ll gather over food and drinks. Thanks to my “coping” skills, I’ve gained 5 pounds in about a month, all the while having patients at the clinic ask me each day, “so how are YOU doing with your weight?” Everyone there knows I still have 20-30lbs I want to lose, and I’m totally fine being open about it, but it makes me feel guilty knowing I’m such a hypocrite – pushing a weight loss regimen I’m not even strong enough to follow myself lately.

I keep dishing out hints and tips, all the while thinking in the back of my mind, “I did that a few times when I was super-motivated at first…” But after awhile I’m wondering if I’m subconsciously unwilling to accept these weight management tips as lifelong rules I’ll have to follow. It’s this pitfall that has gotten me into trouble so many times before. I can’t expect to lose weight and suddenly be able to eat whatever I want without repercussions, or else the cycle will start itself all over again.

Along with trying to encourage dialogue and active participation among the patients, I’m trying to use social media and community-building tools in and around the office. There are only so many things you can post on Facebook (like “what’s your favorite exercise routine?” or “got any new low-carb recipes to share?”) before wondering “is anyone really paying attention, or am I just being annoying and turning them off?”

It’s a hard thing to get people talking about something they 1) aren’t used to talking about, and 2) might not even ben comfortable talking about in the first place. My friend (hi, M!) confessed to Lizzie and me a few months back that she’s been more open with talking about her own health and weight since we were so ~~obnoxious~~ vocal about ours. Of course at first I felt good to hear that, but then I got kinda sad realizing that weight management isn’t as huge an elephant in the room for everyone as it is for me. Sad not for them, but for me – it’s literally ALWAYS been at the front of my mind. And now that I seem to be teetering on the edge of success and relapse, I have to worry about motivating others, too.

Having said all that (just to get it off my chest, really), I AM feeling more encouraged lately, like I really turned a corner this past week depression-wise, and I’m excited about a couple of new ventures I’m taking at the office. While it’s sad sometimes to realize weight management will always be a problem for me, I do take pride in the thought that maybe I can help others with their weight, too. And sometimes I even get to use some of my fancy college-learnin’ around the office, so that makes me feel pretty useful! I hope this post hasn’t come across as *too* whiny – maybe because weight management is and will always be at the front of my mind, I’ll be better able to control it should it start to get out of hand again. And since it’s always been a problem for me, I feel it does help me better empathize with the people I encounter every day.

I’ve just gotta keep brainstorming about how to help others keep their heads in the game, keep things interesting, and get people helping others and themselves…easy peasy, right?

Who am I?

2011-08-15T21:22:00.001-04:00

Misery loves company. You know who also loves company? 20-somethings who don’t know where the hell their lives are going. My buddy Jordy recently wrote a blog about trying to figure out who he really is, and it made me realize that I owe it to myself to do the same. Sometimes I find myself changing based on who I’m around, and I realize it’s because I’m so insecure with myself that I try too hard to fit in. Not cool, Kat.

So who am I? What do I like? I think I set a negative tone up there with the word “misery” – I don’t think it’s a burden to be in this position but rather a gift (that’s what I’m telling myself, at least!). I’m not trying to kiss anyone’s ass at the moment (I’m single, living on my own, am happy in my job), so I’m in a place where I can really spend time to find myself and find some internal motivation to lose weight and keep it off.

So one decision at a time, I’m discovering myself. To start exemplifying, here are several cell phone pics I’ve taken over the past couple of months of things that make me happy. (Yes, I realize these are all external/material things…next step is identifying those intangible things that make me tick)

I appreciate the hell out of books. I’ve always thought I was too impatient for novels so I’ve stocked up on coffee table books (see below), but I’m craving words lately. I need to visit the library.

I used to be super-impulsive when it came to making decisions just to hurry up and *have* something. Lately I’ve found it takes me a lot longer to make decisions because I know exactly what I want and don’t want to settle. Case in point: I saw my perfect curtains in my head, and I didn’t give in to “good enough.” I found exactly what I wanted even though it took awhile.

I used to make trendy impulse decisions that I’d soon come to regret, but I’m really pleased with my tastes in décor and clothing, and I don’t go back on a decision once I’ve made it. Illustrated below – my new dresser (Ikea – don’t judge) and my late grandmother’s chair/ottoman I’ve been waiting years to get my hands on. We had/have similar tastes. In contrast, that chandelier picture on the chair – total trend from 3 years ago…not sure I’m keeping it.

While these pictures appear all “hey, look at my stuff,” to me they’re examples of my coming to make decisions for the right reasons. Other decisions I’ve been making lately: saying YES to things I probably would’ve turned down a few years ago, like kayaking a few weeks ago:

And camping/tubing in the mountains this past weekend (no pictures of the actual action, but here’s where the tubing took place):

In both cases I was scared shitless before I went, almost wussed out, but had a great time once I got there (though it DOES suck to camp in the rain, I’m not gonna lie). I can tell that stepping outside my comfort zone is helping me figure myself out a little more (especially by making me realize that I AM enough and can take care of myself), so I’m gonna keep doing it. Have you pinpointed any activities or exercises that have helped you better discover yourself?

Gaining Control

2011-08-07T22:42:00.001-04:00

I’m not going to open with an overly-enthusiastic “I’M BAAAACK!” because every time I proclaim such a thing…I end up falling off the end of the interwebs again. I just know that too many parts of my life lately seem out of whack, and I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging for awhile, so here it goes.

My weight has stayed the same over these many months, which is quite an amazing feat considering my past history with weight maintenance and all the things that have been going on lately.

I moved into my own place almost 2 months ago, and I’m completely in love with it. I’ve almost got everything decorated the way I want it, but my bedroom still has a way to go. Pictures to follow if I can get my act together!

My relationship ended a few months ago and I still have no idea why. Obviously I’m still upset about it and am trying to recover, which reeeeally sucks because I want to move on but just can’t seem to. I don’t want to stew and suffer anymore, I just want to be happy. So…c’mon, soul. Heal faster. I’m ready.

I’ve got quite a few friends who live near my new place, so I’m trying to keep busy hanging out with them. It really helps to be able to call on people when you need them most. Case in point – I’m having a pretty emo day, and one of my closest friends around here just met me at the grocery store for a shopping date. Whatta gal. And two of my dearest friends just had their first baby, so I imagine/hope I’ll be visiting them a whole lot in the near future (this happens to be the most recent picture I’ve got of myself):

I need to get back to exercising, both for my body and psyche. There are a couple of parks near me that have walking trails, and my gym membership grants me access to a branch on this side of town, but it’s mustering up the energy to actually GO and the courage to face the crowds that will inevitably be there. Plus it’s hot as balls outside, and once I’m in my nice air-conditioned apartment, I don’t want to leave. Just gotta suck it up.

While I’ve been considering my blog, I’ve realized I don’t want to fall into the same patterns I did with it before. I’ll log on to TweetDeck every now and then and be amazed at some of the banal and even disordered messages being broadcast in an attempt to get readers. I’m not trying to fit in or be any big-name-blogger anymore, I just need an outlet. Sometimes that might mean sharing a product or recipe, but it’ll also mean branching out of the box (I hope) and talking about some non-food and non-exercise topics. I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to post what I eat like I did when I started (since that IS one of the things I’ve been struggling with lately), but I just need some accountability and a place to vent. But also a place to share pretty pictures, like this gluten-free Greek pizza I made Friday night:

So…here I am. Again.

Meh

2011-03-19T11:34:00.001-04:00

I know this sporadic posting thing isn’t really doing it for me or anyone else. Sorry, y’all. Life keeps getting in the way, but at the same time it doesn’t necessarily seem blog-worthy. My meals lately have been poorly planned and either far too low or too high in calories…probably the reason why I’ve gained about two pounds in the past month or so. Meh. Here’s what’s new, though:

Stephen and I have joined a kickball league with a bunch of friends, but at our first practice I ran waaaay too hard on cold muscles and felt like my quads got ripped in half. Ouchies. I had to sit out the first game, and have been rocking the heating pad under my desk at work this week, but I’m looking forward to playing at our 2nd one. Even though I’m scared shitless. Oh and with the weather getting nicer, I’ve got the urge to start running again, but this pulled muscle thing is really putting a damper on those plans.
I’ve started going to yoga again. I’m aiming for once a week to start with, and hopefully Mom will start joining me, too. Currently my arms, pecs, and lats are screaming at me from the 80 planks we did the other night. Yay!
I’m finally getting tested for gluten intolerance. My doctor/boss has a passion for diagnosing it and has tried to get me to get tested for over a year. Lately all my symptoms are really starting to bug me, so I’ll finally know once and for all if I need to give it up.

And because I used to do these silly things on MySpace all the time and keep seeing people do them on blogs (yes, I still read even though I’m not diligent enough to comment or write myself!), I’m giving it a go here.

Age: 27
Bed size: Queen
Chore you hate: by the looks of my room, putting clothes away
Dogs: Miss Maddypants
Essential start to your day: snoozing the 8 alarms I set the night before, then rolling over and checking facebook on my phone
Favorite color: Tiffany blue
Gold or silver: silver, but I’m incorporating more gold lately
Height: 5’6”
Instruments that you can play: I used to play piano and wish I had stuck with it
Job title: Office manager
Kids: none yet
Live: SC
Mom’s name: Susan
Nicknames: Kat, KK
Overnight hospital stays: don’t know if I’ve ever been held overnight…maybe when I had surgery at 2?
Pet peeve: bad grammar, rude people
Quote from a movie: “Skis, huh? They yours? [yes] …Both of ‘em?” – Dumb and Dumber
Righty or lefty: Righty.
Sibling: none
Time you wake up: between 5 and 6 depending on the day
Underwear: usually cheapy hipsters from Target do the trick
Vegetables you dislike: still can’t bring myself to love brussels sprouts. And while they might not be considered vegetables, water chestnuts can suck it.
What makes you run late: not having clothes laid out in advance
X-rays: just teeth and sinus CT scan
Yummy food you make: everything I make is yummy ;)
Zoo favorite animal: PENGUINS. I’m going to the zoo today!!!

Hopefully y’all will hear from me again soon, and maybe I’ll have pictures next time!

Life Goes On

2011-02-21T21:42:00.001-05:00

Between the few lean-protein-and-nonstarchy-veggies meals I’ve TRIED eating lately, I’ve also had…

Jessica’s cake batter pancakes…

…Valentine’s Day Asian-inspired chicken, green beans, and rice (cooked by The Dude! Not unhealthy, actually…I just wanted to brag on him)…

…loaded baked potato alongside bacon-wrapped scallops and peas, leftovers from the parents…

…and DiGiorno pizza, beer, and King Cake this weekend at the lakehouse. Unpictured due to shame.

I’ve actually done pretty well at working out; I made it to the gym a couple of times last week to do cardio, and I FINALLY made it back to yoga only to realize how much I NEED it. I had a religious experience during savasana, and I’m not a religious person. I walked out of there high as a kite and was sore for days…I can’t wait to go back.

I think I’m getting to the point in my new job and new relationship where I’m realizing I MUST put my needs before anything else. As much as I want to prove myself by being the employee who puts in a 60 hour week to make sure everything runs smoothly, I can’t. As much as I want to be the Best Girlfriend in the World who makes amazingly lavish meals and lazes around watching movies all day, I can’t. Trying to be either will compromise my health and who I am as an individual, and I’ve got to make sure I’m being the best person I can be for myself first. Already I feel myself using food to cope with stress, and I’m trying to stop that in its tracks before it gets out of hand again.

I need to stop making excuses and explanations and start pushing myself to make the right choices, even if they’re not the easiest paths to take. I don’t have to eat every meal out or try a new baked good recipe every day. The opportunity will still be there tomorrow or even next week, and I’ve got to make decisions based on the long-term impact it will have as opposed to the short-term gratification it brings.

Furthermore, I’ve gotta say all that to myself 20 times every damn day, or I might never remember.

Do you have a mantra that helps you through the hard times? Mine’s a little too verbose to get too attached to…

Lunchercize

2011-02-05T19:51:00.001-05:00

What’s the best way to unwind on a Friday after a difficult week at work?

Dirty vodka martini.

Lofton and her husband had a gig at a jazz bar in downtown Columbia last night…

…so the fella and I went to enjoy some music and quality time on the squashy leather couches.

I look as tired as I feel.

I was really proud of myself this week – we had an INSANE week at work, but I still managed to go to the gym during my long lunch break on Wednesday (we have a 2-hour break on Wednesdays instead of the regular 1-hour break). I was only able to do 20 minutes on the elliptical, but I wanted to prove to myself that I COULD make it to the gym, and a new one at that! I tried out the branch of the Y closer to my office, and I felt so much better afterward that I’m going to try it again this week. Maybe when it gets warmer, I’ll be able to go running on the roads around the office on my shorter lunch breaks, too.

I don’t remember if I mentioned it, but I lost 3.5lbs at my first weigh-in after starting my new job two weeks ago, and this week, I lost 1.5. I can tell that I’m slipping a little in my eating habits, but I’m still doing ok, so I’m not gonna complain yet!

I’m really ready to lose these last 30 pounds, especially thinking about warmer weather coming up. I think as I develop more of a rhythm and routine at work, I’ll be more comfortable going outside of my comfort zone to exercise. I’m already doing well eating-wise when I bring lunch to the office; it helps that I work for my weight loss physician and don’t want to stray too far from my plan!

Do you have enough time to exercise on your lunch break? If you do, what routine do you use, and do you have an plans to help fit it in?

Boozy Techy Foodie Sunday

2011-01-31T21:21:00.001-05:00

After a long day of car-washing and babysitting on Saturday, Stephen and I decided to kick back on Sunday and take it easy. We made a fruity cocktail with a liquor I’ve never had before!

Cachaça is a Brazilian liquor made with fermented sugar cane, and it’s most often used in the caipirinha, a drink made with sugar and mascerated limes. I’ve wanted to try one for awhile, so I was totally stoked when he suggested it! I might be a total turd and try making my next one with Splenda instead of sugar. Every little bit helps, right?

I think my computer is finally in complete working order…my fan sounded like death, but The Dude fixed it for me. Now I can take my computer out in public without being completely mortified! And I’ve been catching up on blog-reading without fear of it bursting into flames! Wahoo!

For dinner last night, I made a variation of Kaycee’s chicken recipe, along with oven-roasted potatoes and frozen veggies.

I haven’t done as well this week with eating as I did last week, and I have to weigh in on Wednesday…not looking forward to that one. I’ve got to remember that just because my life has changed, my eating habits don’t have to. There’s no excuse for falling off the wagon! I took my running clothes to work today and actually drove to the park when I got off. However, it was already dusk and the park was closing by the time I got there. FAIL. Along with budgeting calories, I’ve got to budget my time better. I think Wednesday night, I’m just going to suck it up and try out the gym, though going at night with all the other crazies who just got off work is one of my worst fears.

What’s your favorite fruity or “special” cocktail? Do you get wigged out like me when the gym is crowded? I hate working out in close proximity to other people!

Attempting balance

2011-01-29T10:03:00.001-05:00

Stephen made me dinner on Thursday, and it was a big, fat WIN. Not something I should eat every day, but it tasted amazing, and that’s all I cared about after a long day of work (a statement that could get me in trouble if said too often).

I made the green beans.

It had garlic and chicken and cream and pasta and pecans and holy crap it was good.

So last night, I tried to make something simple and healthy for Mom and myself to create some balance in my weekly eats.

Boy did it suck. Yeah, we’re still using Christmas dishes. Hush. I marinated some salmon by putting down slices of orange, some minced garlic, and then bourbon and letting it sit in the fridge for a couple of hours. Normally when I do bourbon-based marinades, I mix it with something like honey or maple or something sweet to round out the flavors and balance out the alcohol. I don’t know what I was thinking last night. Strong bourbon + acidic oranges = sharp-tasting salmon with no depth of flavor. It’s been far too long since I experimented with a recipe.

On the exercise front, I’m looking into working out at another branch of the Y closer to my office, maybe even on my lunch hour if I get crazy enough. My all-or-nothing thinking gets in the way and I think, “I only have an hour to drive there, change, work out, (shower?), change, and drive back…it’s not worth it.” I brought my running clothes on Friday but didn’t have enough time to go to the park with the errands I had to run. Le sigh. One of these days I’ll get it all figured out!

I’m not dead!

2011-01-24T23:39:00.001-05:00

So…having a new full-time job and a new full-time boyfriend weigh heavily on a girl’s schedule. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not complaining, but I’m sorry that blogging has taken such a backseat lately. Tonight is the first night that I’ve spent more than like 3 hours at home in the past two weeks, so I thought I’d try to play a little catchup.

First off, thanks to the Boyfriend, my laptop lives again. No longer will I be tethered to the shackles of the immobile desktop, and I’ve already promised to bake him like 80 batches of thank-you cookies. Let’s hope they all make it out of here uneaten.

Second of all, I saw a new low on the scale last week. Followed by a much bigger number. Le sigh. I’m oscillating between eating whole, simple foods like this:

and more “social” foods like this:

The good thing is, I’m making sure to add in more foods like these:

…even when eating crap like this:

I’m not going to sit here and say “it’s all about balance,” because I’ve been far from balanced lately. However, I’m at least cognizant of what I’m doing wrong and am trying a little to retain some iota of sensibility about it.

On Friday, I went to the Upstate with some girlfriends to celebrate the birthday of one of our own.

Wine and pizza and the Pioneer Woman’s cinnamon rolls were consumed.

Saturday brought a beer festival to Columbia…and with it came more alcohol and more late-night pizza. At least I got to spend some time with Carla and Mark, though the quality and quantity were severely lacking.

I’m sad that I was more preoccupied with the beer than my camera, but at least I got a picture of the Boyfriend with a handful-o’-hops.

It is my mission in the coming week to get a good picture of the two of us. Mark my words, it will happen.

So I’m plugging along at work and in life, trying to find balance between commuting at least an hour and a half each day, working 9-hour days, and spending as much time as possible with Stephen. I could eat better if I really tried, but tne thing that is really weighing heavily on me now is my apparent inability to exercise. I leave when it’s dark and get home when it’s dark. I don’t think there’s any way I can wake up any earlier in order to go to the gym before work, and once I’m in out of the office and in my car, I either want to hightail it home or go grab a beer with Stephen. It will probably get better once the days get longer, but right now, I’m a slug. A slug who needs to make herself go to a night yoga class this week…

Does anyone have any secrets about how to fit in exercise when the day just doesn’t have enough hours?? I should probably clear a spot in the clutter in my room and bust out some fitness DVDs…

Butternut, booze, and bridezillas

2011-01-10T22:49:00.001-05:00

I wasn't home very much this weekend, but I had a whole lot of fun being gone! I did spend Saturday morning in the kitchen getting ready for ~~what should've been~~ an epic Pizza and Movie Night at my fella's place with his friends and roommates.... I baked Irish Car Bomb cookies in addition to caramelizing onions and roasting butternut squash...

...for an awesome squash/onion/goat cheese/sage/maple syrup pizza that I assembled at his house.

However, as food-centered as my Saturday was, I didn't eat enough of it. This fact became significant later in the night when I drank mead on an almost-empty stomach...not a good idea, kids. Heed my advice: If thou shalt drink copious amounts of mead, thou shalt EAT beforehand. Oh, and especially don't follow it with beer. Ugggghhhh.

At least I had someone taking care of me.

Yeah, he cooks, too.

I think people had a good time...there was some awesome pizza-crafting going on! Hi, Lizzie!

We're doing it again soon but without the crazy booze. Whew. Have no fear - I'll blog the crap out of it when we do it again.

On Sunday, I went to a bridal expo with Lofton and some other bridesmaids; she's already married on paper, but they're having a big wedding later this year. Before hitting up the expo, we stopped at Cupcake, for better or worse, because bridal expo = cake samples.

Sugar overload + knee-high boots + too many bridezillas = grumpy tired Kat. By the way, I made her hat using this pattern, and I'm quite proud of it!

I was supposed to start my first day of work today, but this happened:

I almost made it to the interstate this morning before I got the call to stay home. I'm glad, too - it actually was pretty treacherous out there and my anti-lock breaks kicked in a couple of times. I won't lie, I was thankful for the snow day! I'll have to wake up ~~bright~~ dark and early tomorrow before I find out if I have to go in; it was pretty crazy out there tonight, so I don't imagine I'll be able to get out of here in the morning!

Hopefully in the next day or two, I'm going to write a post about my job and how it's going to force me (in a good way!) to get back on track.

Did you get hit by this epic snowstorm where you live? Did you find that starting a new job helped or hurt your healthy living habits?

Celebratory Tapas

2011-01-08T08:56:00.001-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, I found myself in a situation I haven't encountered in awhile - SHEER PEE-YOUR-PANTS EXCITEMENT.

I got a job.

When it rains, it pours, right? It still hasn't sunk in, ~~though it will when I have to wake up at 6am on Monday,~~ and I haven't decided yet how much I'll share here on the blog (though social media + weight loss is a huge part of it!), but I'm thrilled to finally start my life!

On the way home from my interview, I stopped at Lofton's place of work to share the good news, and Kaycee was there visiting at the same time. Lofton was tied up at work and with other plans, so Kaycee and I decided to go to Gervais & Vine to celebrate!

I had two half-pours: a zinfandel and a shiraz. Something about winter makes me shy away from white wines. Since Gervais & Vine is a tapas place, Kaycee and I got a few dishes:

My favorite, the fingerling potatoes with white truffle aioli. Seriously y'all, when I die, I want to be buried with a plate of these next to my face. Someone write that down.

Eggplant fries with romesco sauce and honey yogurt sauce. Aaaa-mazing, as usual.

The pizza du jour last night was to die for! It had chicken, bacon, red onions, ranch, and I'm pretty sure some kind of bottled cocaine-based additive. Mama's jonesin' for another fix already.

We celebrated thoroughly...

Chocolate toffee mousse cake. Better than...well...I'll just say it was probably the best chocolate cake I've ever had.

Gervais & Vine is definitely my favorite celebratory place, one that makes you feel fancy schmancy just walking in the door. I'm so glad Kaycee was able to come out and live it up with me, and I'm so excited for this next chapter in my life!

Do you have a favorite go-to place to celebrate, restaurant or otherwise?