low maintenance

Modern Frustrations

2011-02-04T23:46:00.000-05:00

We put a man on the moon, drive electric cars and talk on pocket-sized devices that communicate on the internet but we as a species still can't design a paper towel dispenser that doesn't get fucking jammed all the time.

Escape

2011-01-27T21:04:00.000-05:00

The escape key. Stately and proud, it stands alone at the top left hand corner of the keyboard, always there to stop whatever destructive action you just started by accident. It's the original Back button.

I'm A Marketing Expert!

2011-01-25T13:19:00.000-05:00

I think Always tampons should sponsor NHL games so they can wish everyone a happy period.

Questions That Have No Answer About Metro Passengers

2011-01-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

I don't understand why someone walks up to a metro seat, looks at it, decides that it's too dirty to sit on and then tries to wipe off the crap or whatever's on it with their hand. When it doesn't work, they walk away and pick another seat.

If the seat is so disgusting that you don't want to sit on it, why the hell did you touch it with your hand in the first place?

One Big, Happy Medical Family

2011-01-23T11:23:00.012-05:00

I wonder if you took all the footage of ER, Chicago Hope, St. Elsewhere, Scrubs, House, Grey's Anatomy, and General Hospital, and edited them all together, could you make it seem they're all working together at the same hospital?

I Don't Know What You're Talking About, So Here's A Picture Of Me With A Funny Cushion On My Head

2011-01-20T06:00:00.002-05:00

The Person Who Said

2011-01-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

"It's the journey, not the destination" obviously didn't have a career in project management.

Post D.O.

2011-01-18T06:39:00.000-05:00

Why is that you don't feel as fresh if you put deodorant on after putting on your shirt?

NO NONSENSE, SUREFIRE WAY TO GET A GIRLFRIEND

2011-01-16T22:19:00.000-05:00

Why do those other get-a-girlfriend sites make things so complicated? Complex systems with instruction manuals? Bullshit!

Here's my surefire way of getting a girlfriend in easy-to-follow steps!

1- Go to places where there are women. Hint: most places are frequented by women.
2- Talk to them.
3- Be yourself. No, really.

Repeat steps 1 through 3 until you meet a girl you like who seems to like you too. Maybe you have something in common, like macramé. I don't care. Then:

4- Ask girl to go out

If step 4 fails, go back to step 1. If it's successful then:

5- Go out with the girl
6- Be yourself.

If step 5 or 6 end in failure, go back to step 1. Else, repeat steps 5 and 6 until you both decide to go steady.

TAADAA! You've got a girlfriend!

Actually, I should pad this out into a book or a DVD set and sell it on TV for three EASY payments of 19.95$.

Pet Peeves In TV Shows & Movies

2011-01-16T11:20:00.000-05:00

Things I can't help but notice and be irked by when watching TV:

Nobody ever says goodbye when ending a phone call. Common courtesy must be dead in TV land.

Nobody turns, brakes or really looks at the road when driving. So I guess everyone on TV always gets green traffic lights, there's no traffic to slow them down and their destination is always in a straight line. Lucky fracking bastards.

Nobody has anything in their mugs when they drink out of them. You can tell because here's no weight to the actor's motion and they tilt the mug too far back like they're trying to get the last drop. This is especially obvious when he or she was just given a "full" mug. This can also apply to teacups, non-transparent glasses, goblets, paper cups, beer steins and chalices.

I think I've started a list of some kind.

Reproductive Algorithms

2011-01-14T22:18:00.000-05:00

Unlike sorting algorithms in computer science, the preferred way of baby making seems to be with a brute force method. The inefficiency doesn't appear to be a drawback.

There's a lot of reference material online describing various implementations.

Top 10 Benefits to Working In The Game Industry

2011-01-11T20:03:00.001-05:00

(with ideas from Nicolas Juspin)

10. All that time indoors prevents you from getting skin cancer.

9. You don't need to waste time on useless activities like being with friends and family.

8. Your best friends are all plastic and vibrate.

7. You can predict the future! (Tonight, I'm working. Tomorrow, I'm working. This weekend, I'm working).

6. With the company buying dinner every night, you get all kinds of opportunities to try out every menu item at St-Hubert.

5. Your hot, fiery passion for game development will finally be put the test when the building's heating system fails during winter.

4. The amazing feature you spent four months on before it eventually gets cut will always live as a briefly mentioned anecdote in a "behind the scenes" featurette on the DVD that comes with the limited edition version few people will buy.

3. The free t-shirts make up for your increasing obesity.

2. Your chair finally gets that sweet spot after twelve hours of sitting in it.

1. The whip lashes heal completely after only two weeks!

Losing An Appendage From A Galaxy Far, Far Away

2011-01-09T15:27:00.002-05:00

If someone cut my hand off with a lightsaber like in Star Wars, it would be pretty funny because my first reaction would be to grab it with my other hand but it would just go WHOOSH and totally miss.

Made Up Band Names

2011-01-08T22:28:00.002-05:00

Greid (pronounced "greed")
Train eX Phoner
Davey Boy And The Groceries
Duckbill Headphones
Mon Pussy Picket ("Mon pouce y piquait")
Electric Mistake
Falling Falling
Ichinitosan Hi

Cake Bomb
Completely Salad
Squire Umpire Choir
Enemy Stronghold
Purple Jelly Nipple Gun
After Killing
The Cops
Northern Saskatchewan
Vomitbeam
Afternono
Only Lambert
Neko Blue
Other Than Corn
Nemu Nezumi
Sects Sue Wall In New Window
Sadness Ensues
Zit Mental

Teleketchup
Caca People Out!
Hello River
Christdot

I Need To Quit The Junk Food.

2011-01-08T00:44:00.001-05:00

I really need to.

Right after I finish our stock of two-bite brownies, macaroons, chocolate chip squares and fudge granola bars.

And after I'm rid of my cravings for McDonald's, poutine, pizza, Pringles, Doritos, Pop Tarts, snack cakes, Pizza Pockets, Pepsi, donuts and Kit Kat bars.

So, that'll happen right around never.

Annoyances

2011-01-01T02:44:00.000-05:00

I am annoyed of the ancient television and movie cliché of the absent, childish, incompetent father.

I am annoyed that there's no lack of products with names or blurbs that are like:

"Mom's Own"
"Mother Approved"
"Tested by Mom"
"Mom to Mom"
"Mother's Choice"

As if fathers don't factor into childcare.

I am annoyed of that awkward feeling of being the only dad in a room of moms and hearing the patronizing "Oh, he's alone. So admirable!"

I am annoyed that there will be more.

Crotechy Old Power Users

2010-12-31T03:43:00.000-05:00

http://releasecandidateone.com/236:crotchety_old_power_users

"...the Pro users of yesteryear’s products, the people with the biggest investment in old technologies, are not the people who should be calling the shots in the design of their successors."

Miracles

2010-12-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

Man, I hate the whole overused "This baby is a miracle!" hokey bullshit used on every god damn baby TV show.

No, the baby is not a miracle. It's the result of a biological process that's been going on for thousands and thousands of years. There are 130 million babies born each year in the world. I don't know about you, but a miracle doesn't usually happen every quarter of a second.

Miracles are "a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a device agency"

A baby being born is:
- NOT surprising. Unless you haven't been paying attention for nine months
- Explicable by natural or scientific laws in incredible detail
- The result of a man and woman having sex. Not exactly of divine origin even though there must've been a few proclamations to God during the process.

Man I wish I could make those people choke on a bib or something.

Yes, I'm taking the fun out of babies.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

2008-01-24T12:21:00.001-05:00

Wouldn't it be nice to have savegames stored online instead of your local machine/console? Then you'd be able to play a game at home and at work (during "downtime"... yeaaaaaah).

Happy New Year. And Stuff

2008-01-11T19:38:00.000-05:00

So. 2008. Whee. Finally here!

So what's new? hmmm.

Had Second Christmas last weekend. Got an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head! A mountain of chocolate! Other swag!

Worked on Saturday :(

This week? Working on Sunday :(

It's not toooo bad.

Finally finished Heroes Season 1. Looking forward to Season 2. The ending to Season 1 was good, but not super great. For all his powers, Sylar was a chump when confronted with multiple opponents. He had more than enough time to stop Hiro from doing with the stabby stabby. And strangely he didn't use his freeze or power of persuasion. The might've been handy.

Sylar: "You will NOT do with the stabby stabby"
Hira: "Oh, okay"

Or, even when Nikki beat the crap out of him with the parking meter, he could've turned it into liquid mush.

Yes, this is the nerd part of me speaking, but still. There were issues. But I still like the show. Hiro is my favorite. He's just so enthusiastic about being a super hero, while everyone else is confused or just broods.

But shooting Officer Parkman with his own bullets was pretty cool.

Anyway... where was I?

Oh, Ben and I wrote a new houMORT song during the holidays. That was fun. I'm now working on another one. We're gonna try to work on it together through the awesome power of the interweb.

In other news, I'll have a house in April! Less than three months from now! OMFG.

And besides all that, it's been pretty quiet. :)

I Want This Too

2007-12-20T12:26:00.001-05:00

Oh yah.

I Want One

2007-12-20T12:19:00.001-05:00

The Edge Brownie Pan

No, really.

My Childhood As Defined By My Favorite Candy

2007-12-19T16:49:00.001-05:00

Reese's Pieces

PEP, a peppermint filled chocolate "pattie"

Crispy Crunch

Zesty Cheese Doritos

and wash it all down with a bottle of Orange Crush

My First Time.

2007-12-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

This year, we'll be spending New Year's in Montreal. This is due to the way the calendar falls this year and how Via Rail schedules its trains. Jan 2nd is the first day of work and there's no train leaving on Dec 31st, so we had no choice but to leave on the 30th. Oh well.

As far as I can tell, it'll be the first time I won't be in NB for NYE. Being "stuck" in Montreal, maybe it's time to make plans? I'm not a party goer, so I have no idea what's going on. I don't even know what my Montreal friends will be up to.

I know! I'll bug them to find out! :)

Bears in ill-fitting hats

2007-12-04T07:55:00.000-05:00

right here!