LT. Fedora's Trek Blog

The Top 10 Classic Trek Episodes

2012-09-08T17:03:00.002-04:00

1) City on the Edge of Forever: No one else but Kirk and Spock. The writing is great, the pacing is great, the tension is great.

2) Balance of Terror: Close contender for best episode. An excellent update of destroyer vs submarine.

3) Amok Time: We see Vulcan for the first time, with a brilliant performance from Leonard Nimoy.

4) The Enterprise Incident: Secret orders? Neutral Zone? Kirk as a Romulan? Warp speed!

5) The Trouble With Tribbles: Nice tension mixed with good comedy, an excellent template for the 30th Anniversary.

6) Patterns of Force: Space Nazis! A glimpse at what the Cardassians would become.

7) Journey to Babel: A classic political episode with an intriguing mystery plot behind it. Plus, Bones gets the last word.

8) Let That Be Your Last Battlefield: Racism is bad, segregation is bad, but at a time when they were still holding out hope that segregation would return, this was an excellent episode.

9) Bread and Circuses: Let the 1968 Hunger Games begin! For once, we know that religion exists in the Federation, plus one of the best taunts of the Prime Directive.

10) Arena: Kirk fights a stunt man in a rubber suit. Often mocked for its campiness, but I feel that having Kirk fight an alien for amusement is an interesting concept.

Profile of Liska

2012-08-18T16:52:00.002-04:00

Jennifer Lawrence as Liska

I feel that a gay character has long been overdo on Star Trek. Kirk/Spock slashfics notwithstanding, fan fiction has seen to correct this, with some of the canon characters coming out and a multitude of original gay characters. Allow me to describe my own.

Genesis of the Character

Liska is a female Vorta, one of the most feared servants of the Founders and capable of ordering a Jem'Hadar soldier to kill himself without hesitation.

Like Tarska Hesar, Liska also comes from the Dominion War Sourcebook by Steven S. Long. Unlike Hesar, though, Liska had a character profile with some descriptions and a full range of statistics.

I don't know how, but when I read over her I thought "Yep, I'm making a gay character." At the time, I was just writing scenes regarding the villains of what would be a Star Trek RPG campaign. The campaign fell through, but I wanted to keep writing the Dominion characters.

Reboot for the Dominion

As awesome a civilization as the Dominion is, I felt they were a little underdeveloped. We only saw the Founders, Vorta, and Jem'Hadar during the war. I can understand; television budget calls for a small number of recurring characters. As I started actually writing fanfiction, I decided that I would need to reboot certain aspects and expand on others.

First, I decided to focus on the Vorta, as they are the most like the opposite of humans. Well, more like modern-day humans instead of Trek humans. Vorta are driven by impulse, ambition, desires, and basic needs, whereas the humans of Trek no longer have those essential drives as they are viewed negatively. Of course, this can be tied back to Gene Roddenberry who said "money doesn't exist in the future!"

Anyway, one thing about the Vorta established was that they are cloned. However, honestly, I did not like this concept too much. Wouldn't it take a long time to create a genetic template and educate them, rather than just picking the best of the best of the best to become clones? After all, the Vorta have free will, unlike the Jem'Hadar.

With the help of Charlotte, I developed a new concept for the Vorta. They are a race that reproduces sexually. However, about 0.05% of them are actually clones. The clones mostly serve in the military, but do perform other tasks such as administration, trade, research, etc.

A Gay Vorta, or a Vorta who happens to be gay

One major problem when writing gay characters, especially if you are not gay yourself, is how much of that you wish to incorporate into their character. Sometimes, this fails. According to the Nostalgia Critic, Doug Walker, during the 90s, writers would have gay character announce that they were gay every where they went and to every single person they met. Another analogy is how they wrote Captain Janeway. She was written, depending on whether or not Jeri Taylor was there, as "the woman captain," whereas Captain Sisko was just "the Captain" and not "the black captain".

In my early writing of this character, I struggled to find a good blend for Liska and her lover Eris. How much of the time do they spend announcing to their fellow officers that they are lesbians? Well, after a while, that gets a little stale. Eventually, I focused more on their work trying to conquer the Federation and had their relationship be secondary. After all, fighting a war is a bit more exciting that just having people saying they love each other.

Personality

Liska is driven. She wants to see the Dominion victorious against any power which challenges it. She is also immensely capable, determined to win no matter the cost. Despite this, she is also able to see the big picture and notice when she is unable to go further. As such, she is a bit more conservative at fighting than Hesar, which I intend to explore further. After all, the best way to create drama is to have characters who contrast each other, something Gene Roddenberry did not seem to figure out.

Profile of Arjagul Tarska Hesar

2012-08-07T11:37:00.000-04:00

Nathan Fillion as Tarska Hesar

Hello, again.

It has been close to a year, during which I was able to find employment. However, I am back and am taking this blog in a new direction. I will now be discussing things which I am absolutely certain you wish to know about: my Trek fanfics.

Genesis of the Character

Tarska Hesar is a Cardassian general during the Dominion War. He became famous for his conquest and defense of the Kalandra Sector.

Much of my fanfiction revolves around the Dominion War, and particularly the Dominion itself. As there is very little material out there detailing certain aspects of the 24th Century, I use the Last Unicorn Trek RPG sourcebooks. Sadly, Last Unicorn went under before they could publish a book about the Dominion, and fans who have published their own sourcebooks have yet to write one. The closest I have been able to use is "The Fires of Armageddon: The Dominion War Sourcebook" by Steven S. Long for story ideas and characters.

Of the many characters listed in the DWS, Tarska Hesar and Liska are the ones who rose to prominence in my work. They serve as the opposite of the Damar-Weyoun partnership shown in DS9; these are characters who might not like each other, but are determined to both win the war.

Historical Inspiration

My favorite general of World War II is Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, who became famous for his leadership of the German Afrika Korps. As someone who wants to include more militarization in Trek, I looked to history for inspiration and naturally decided upon World War II to draw it in.

For those who do not know, Rommel was rapidly promoted during the first half of the war, going from a division commander, to a corps commander, then commanding the entirety of the Africa front and then the coastal defenses in France. Historians have determined that he was a great commander up to the corp-level, beyond which he came overconfident and hampered his own campaign. Despite this, he is one of the few, if not the only, German generals remembered positively in the West. Churchill himself even offered his praise for the man who routed British forces in North Africa many times.

The history of Hesar reflects this. He starts out as a gul (colonel) commanding a division attacking an Andorian colony. Just as his staff is killed, he decides to go out in a blaze of glory only for the Andorian defenders to surrender to him. He is then promoted by Gul Dukat, the leader of Cardassia, to arjagul (general) and command of the Sixteenth Order. I intend to expand more on his career between the conquest of Kalandra and his Ramadan Offensive in later works.

Personality

Tarska Hesar is unlike the typical Cardassian officer. He is hard-driving, but he is also fair. His word is final, but he listens to his subordinates and carefully takes in their advice. In addition, unlike many other works, he has a good relationship with his Vorta counterpart. Other fanfic authors treat their Vorta as power-greedy jackals who are willing to throw their Cardassian troops into the meat grinder. My Vorta are different, which I'll expand upon later.

Finally, there is a major aspect about Hesar that I draw in from Rommel. Hesar may not believe in what the Dominion stands for, but the Dominion is the governing body of Cardassia. He believes in his country, whether it is right or wrong. It also helps that the Vorta he was paired with are a bit more fair than you would expect.

Well, that's Tarska Hesar. I'll be discussing my other characters at a future point, and I'll talk to you later. This is Lieutenant Fedora, signing off.

Final Thoughts on Battlestar Galactica

2011-09-29T20:15:00.000-04:00

Well, last night I finished the final voyage of the Battlestar Galactica.

And it was AWESOME!

I know, the ending is a "love it or hate it" thing, but I liked it. It tied back to the original series, which suggested that "life here began out there". In a way, that notion of thinking is fascinating. If we are in fact space travelers, then where were we from?

One thing I liked was the flashbacks. It gave glimpses into the lives of almost all the main characters in the time before the fall of the Twelve Colonies. The one I particularly liked was Baltar and his father. Even though he had previously said he completely turned his back on his family heritage, seeing him having his father on Caprica did in fact give a subtle hint that he isn't a completely selfish jerk. To me, that was a bit of foreshadowing to his decision to stay on Galactica for its final mission.

Once again, I feel this to be what Voyager should have been. The latter had all the elements in place to be an epic series, but it didn't make use of them. BSG had all the elements and made fantastic use of them, such great use that fans of the original series actually decided to tune in for Part 2 of the miniseries. I have seen the first episode of the original, and while it is pretty awesome, I do feel that it is a bit too fantastical for my tastes (like using a new word instead of "year").

"Daybreak" is another example of how Voyager could have ended. As I said in my comments on the episode, if time travel is so easy, why didn't Sisko try to avert the Dominion War? "Daybreak" didn't have some crappy time travel scheme to alter the past so Galactica got to Earth or prevent the destruction of the Colonies. It was a simple final battle for an old ship on its last mission, the ship and its commander due to retire together before the apocalypse happened going for one last spin.

Don't get me wrong. I do love both franchises, but in watching Battlestar, it was refreshing to see a sci-fi show with so much...uh...what's the word...oh right, "common sense". For example: kinetic weapons, the bridge being deep within the ship instead of at the top (though we did kind of get that with Defiant), and no anomalies. If there is a future Trek series, I personally hope it takes a lesson or two from the brave crew of the Battlestar Galactica.

Let That Be Your Final Battlefield

2011-09-22T16:00:00.003-04:00

Season 3 of the Original Series is rather infamous. By Season 2, the network decided they had had enough and wished to pull the plug on it. A fan letter campaign managed to save the show, but those network executives decided on a more devious means to kill the show: by slashing the budget (to the point where Gene had enough money to make a good radio program) and of course, moving it to the Friday Night Death Slot. As a result, the season lagged, as evident from the fact that "Spock's Brain" kicked it off. Of course, a few gems managed to find their way into this mess of a season.

...and...that is just about...
every reason why I am...awesome.

This episode opens with the rarest of occasions: the Captain actually talking in his Captain's Log. I'll say this, I do like the idea of the Captain's Log. It's an efficient way to dump exposition in a reasonable fashion within the confines of a television episode. Still, I am often peeved when I see the captains in highly dangerous situations and taking the time to update their log, especially in "Q Who?" when Picard says "We are unable to outrun the Borg!" Do they just have microchips implanted in their heads? "The Cloud" seems to suggest that, when Janeway seems to just think and the computer deletes the last bit of her log.

Back on topic, the Enterprise is on a mission to decontaminate a planet. One of the species has become infected and if they fail, they'll have to implant another species to avoid eco-collapse or the alliance with the Klaggialliavoa will be threatened in the name of Spode! While on route, they come across a shuttle that a starbase reported stolen. This is back in the days when Starfleet had about a dozen or so bases around, because Gene hadn't yet realized how big the galaxy is.

I will make another diversion to say this: I...LOVE...the remastered episodes. Yes, there are puritans out there who will join the angry Warsians in destroying the blu-ray edition, but personally, I have no problem with the changes to TOS. Unlike the Original Trilogy, these changes are improving effects that were SEVERELY lacking (especially in Season 3). They aren't rewriting history by having the Enterprise firing first against the Romulans. They're adding to the continuity; in "The Enterprise Incident", they added the original Romulan Bird-of-Prey since they had lost the model back in the 60s (although personally I'd have one Klingon design and two Birds-of-Prey for a nice command ship with escorts shot).

Unlike the Ewoks, I am iconic enough to not be
digitally altered!

They bring in the shuttle in a not-reused-from Season-1-stock-footage (thanks to CGI!) and Kirk and Spock discover the pilot: a man who is white on one side and black on the other (no, not the human skin tones, but the actual colors). The Big Three ponder over whether this is a one-of-a-kind entity before waking him. Lokai introduces himself as a political fugitive from the planet Cheron, located in the "southern-most part of the galaxy". To those who don't know, the proper terminology in galactic directions is coreward, rimward, spinward, and trailing.

Then, the Russian whiz-kid reports a ship approaching. They can see it on sensors, but not visually...and for this incredibly idiotic scene, please mail all your blame to the 1968 executives at NBC. The ship disintegrates and deposits its passenger Bele, who is of the same race as Lokai (species-race, not the idea of race used to differentiate outsiders in order to destroy them). We then get the beginnings of buildup to the episode's conclusion. Bele pulls off his best Dukat impression, saying that they were helping Lokai's people while Lokai says that Bele's people were butchers and enslavers.

After this, Kirk learns that Bele has literally taken control of the Enterprise with the power of the mind (his people can do that, you know). Then...ugh, we get the one really bad part of the episode: the self-destruct scene. Kirk, Spock, and Scotty activate the system, and I have to wonder...what the hell was Starfleet thinking when they designed their self-destruct system?! It takes a good two minutes to set it up before the countdown starts, right in the presence of the alien in control of the ship. By having three officers verifying it by slowly giving the command codes, ample time is given to any hostile force to simply kill the officers. By, anyway, the franchise must continue so Bele relents and the self-destruct is deactivated.

Alright, your blessed planet is saved. Now, where
the devil are my Sporebucks?

The Enterprise returns on course to the infected planet. Meanwhile, Bele and Lokai try to appeal their sides to the crew; Lokai trying to convince the junior officers while Bele goes for the senior staff. As they go on, it's shown than neither side is right and neither side is wrong. They're both guilty of atrocities in the name of their sides. Also, it's a tad ridiculous when Sulu says "But all that racism was in the 20th Century. There's no such thing today", again cementing the 20th Century as a horrible time period in history. As we all know, once the year 2000 rolled around, there was never again any racism, or paranoia, or reckless sustained conflict, and I'll just shut up now.

One thing I especially like in this episode is that it shows just how unflappable Kirk is. Ever since Lokai comes aboard, all Kirk wants to do is hold him accountable for his one obvious crime: stealing a Starfleet shuttlecraft. He makes it especially clear in his dealings with Bele; his immediate duties come first before anything else. This helps set the standard against which the other Trek captains will be based on; how great is duty to them. Picard: able to talk down even Godlike beings. Sisko: willing to bend the rules to win a war. Then we get Janeway who dismantles a potential ticket home because it didn't work the first time and the countless atrocities committed by Captain Jonathan Archer which will probably have to wait for a future post.

So, which of us will be the Doctor and who will be
the Master?

After Bele tries to get Kirk and Spock on his side, Scotty has one of his most badass moments: being in command of the Enterprise during a decontamination mission. The remastered version truly improves this scenes. After that, Kirk orders them back to starbase, but Bele once again seizes control, this time knocking out the self-destruct. One can only wonder why he didn't knock it out the first time when Kirk was gloating about how he's in charge, but the episode is almost over. They come across Cheron, once again transcending possibly thousands of lightyears in a matter of hours. They arrive and...yeah, it's a pretty sad sight.

Spock reports that the entire population is dead, killed off by the brutal racial conflicts. It is quite painful to watch, not just the idea of an entire race nearly extinct, but now the two known survivors...still hate each other. They still blame each other for their world's annihilation and proceed to run through the corridors before beaming back, no doubt to continue their cat and mouse game for another 50,000 years on a dead world. Kirk manages to pull off at least some emotion during this, but then, he's Kirk. It would take his best friend dying or something to get him to truly show emotion within his awesomeness.

This episode manages to pull off something that Star Trek has become renowned for: social commentary. We see the pain and suffering created by something so simple as difference in skin tone, while not doing it completely in a preaching way. Aside from writing, the acting is pretty well off, with Bele and Lokai both trying to impress parts of the crew to their side. This and "The Enterprise Incident" are two episodes I would strongly recommend from Season 3. The two beings who have nothing left just continue their fight, with hate being all that they know.

Final Score: 9/10

Announcement and Ramble

2011-09-15T21:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been rather busy this week: campaigning, writing lesbian Vorta stories, taking lessons from The Christian Left, arranging my triumphant return to my friends. Above that, I am still watching Netflix: Voyager, Battlestar, and more recently, The X-Files.

I've reached the halfway point of Voyager Season 2, with the following episode being the infamous "Threshold". Everything inside me is telling my brain to not continue, and in some ways, I want to listen. It's a boring show. They had a funeral for a redshirt...that we didn't even see him before so we cannot even care! However, it might be my German efficiency or my Russian stubbornness, but I will watch every episode of Voyager. Once I do, maybe the Janeway fans who accuse people who don't like it of being misogynistic pigs will take me seriously. Honestly, I know several women who don't like Janeway...

As for Battlestar, I find this to be a masterpiece. I find it to be everything that Voyager could have been: conflict amongst the crew, breaking the rules, a Mexican in command. If it seems that I am constantly comparing shows, I am. I still feel that Voyager wasted so much potential and could have been an epic space opera. For reasons which I posted last week, I am still finding trouble liking it.

Now, The X-Files used to scare the crap out of me. Finally, I have started to watch it. I'm on episode 2, and already I find it to be a pretty interesting show. Still, the acting could do with some tweaking here and there, but I've been told that the show does improve. Mulder and Scully have some pretty good chemistry, even if David Duchovny does tend to overact (remember when I brought up the acting?). The theme song...is still hauntingly beautiful. I would sometimes listen to it younger and cower in fear. It is simple, yet elegant. Creepy, yet fascinating.

Anyway, I will be writing proper reviews in the weeks to come. Next week I'll take on racism with "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" and then I will be giving a positive review for an episode of Voyager. Which episode will that be? Well, stay tuned!

My problem with Voyager

2011-09-08T20:30:00.000-04:00

As I've said before, Enterprise was the only series which I watched as it aired. When watching TNG and TOS, I tend to restrict myself to the best episodes and occasionally the "so bad it's good" ones. DS9 was the first series I watched following the release of Trek XI, and it was amazing. It was one of the most enjoyable programs I saw from start to finish.

That said, I am now watching Voyager. Now, I have friends who like Voyager, and we have friendly discussions over the quality of the program. However, once when I tried to bring up my problems with it, someone accused me of being a misogynistic and shameless conservative idiot who hates the idea of a woman being in command.

To quote Penn Jillette, this accusation...is bullshit.

Now, I like Sisko. I feel he is the best captain in the franchise. I have come into contact with plenty of people who don't like Sisko, or DS9. I have never accused them of being racist towards him, and of course I listen to the reasons why they don't like DS9 (mostly revolving around "it's not Star Trek since they stay in one place"; well, DS9 did do some exploring, but I understand). They have an opinion, I disagree with it, but we still stay on good speaking terms.

Overall, this show is just...bad. It is using plots that have already been seen to death on the other series. They aren't making good use of what they have, which is plenty of material for story arcs and character development. I'm literally struggling to maintain interest in this series, a show that was the first sign Trek was running out of gas. My problem with Janeway isn't that she's a woman; it's that she's not a very good captain.

Again, I want to stress that this is my opinion. I'm looking at both sides and drawing my own conclusion. If you feel that Star Trek: Voyager is the best series and that Janeway is a model for women everywhere, that's fine and that's your right. That being said, the moment you try to plug your ears and ignore any criticism of the show, the characters, or Brannon's writing, accusing objectors of being idiots, you have more or less lost my respect. If you think this is a great show, I'm willing to listen to why you think so, and more importantly, I'm expecting you to know why I see it as a low point.

Now, I feel this is overdo. In watching the first season and a half of Voyager, I will now explain my problem with it.

The best way to improve this scene is to have a Mexican
actor whose face looks like the dark side of the moon.

1) Plot from a plot hole: While it's always fun to point out the plot holes of a movie or show, it doesn't really help when the movie or show is dependent on a plot hole. Take a look at "Caretaker". The episode establishes that Janeway is an excellent scientist. So...why is she being sent on a counterterrorism mission? Sisko, his staff of combat veterans, and the Federation's first true warship are stationed right next to where the Maquis live. Who cares if it was Janeway's security officer? If they wanted it done well, why not just ask Sisko? He hasn't gone anywhere around this time, and he seems to spend most of his time at the door waiting to exit for some new mission.

2) What amazing teleportation tech you have: Upon arriving in the Delta Quadrant, Voyager immediately comes into contact with people who are astonished by their transporter. Talk about this tech seems to spread like wildfire and the whole quadrant is astonished. Okay, I like how the Delta Quadrant is extremely disorganized compared to the orderly Gamma Quadrant and a bit less advanced, but there has to be some logic here. If everyone has warp drive and disruptors, shouldn't they have transporters as well? That would be like if Iran had nuclear reactors and used biplanes and muskets in its military.

It's okay, Aron Eisenberg. You'll grow up to have a
far more interesting character than this bit part.

3) Wait...didn't we hate each other...: One thing I love in drama is character conflict, two people from different sides who try to plot against each other. "Caretaker" tried setting this up, by establishing that Tom and Chakotay hate each other. And then...it all gets resolved at the end. Yeah, way to throw away years of potential plot lines! Also, the fact that the Maquis and Starfleet crews are able to integrate so flawlessly really bugs me. Once again, look at Battlestar Galactica. There is tension between the civilians and the military at the end of the miniseries, tension which I can assure you does not go away by the end of the show.

4) Remember, writers, to tell and not show: Let me stress this again: when writing, it's better to show, not tell. I know it's a TV show and severely limited by time, but the plot of "The 37's" was just bloody embarrassing. How could we feel for the crew and their dilemma when we don't see for ourselves what the cities look like? I should have stopped watching with "The 37's", but sadly I still have five and a half seasons to go, and I cannot help but think it gets worse from here.

Young Chakotay, I survived three days in the Adirondacks
and intend to hike Hadrian's Wall. I think you can suck up
this little nature hike!

5) Consistency? What's that?!: I cannot stand inconsistency. Possibly the biggest offender is Neelix. I like the concept, a scavenger who knows his way around the Delta Quadrant, but he seriously lacks in this. What's more, he is horribly inconsistent. In one episode, he knows everything about the Kazon; in another, he is such a bad cook that he makes the ship itself sick! Look, Neelix should be either the comic relief or the scavenger with a heart of gold. He is not in any way resembling Quark.

In all, I can say I am not enjoying the show. It's a mess of plot holes and inconsistency that would make Tommy Wiseau blush. I will one day finish watching Voyager, even if it takes me years to do so. Even to make it worse, the Kazon are horrible villains! It's hard to take them seriously when their hair looks like a collection of things from the dump. Whenever I see them, I wish they would just take off their ridiculous makeup and start quoting Nietzsche, like the bad guys on a more interesting show (my first Andromeda reference!). Yes, Voyager has its high marks, but they are far too few and in between.

All in all, I would like to wish all Trekkies a Happy Premiere Day (9/8/66), and a reminder that despite this low, Star Trek does have its high points.

The 37's

2011-09-01T15:30:00.008-04:00

In the long 40 year history of Star Trek, there are a few episodes that have become synonymous with awful. The most hated episodes that would not be touched by fans with a ten foot cattle prod: "Spock's Brain", "Shades of Grey", "Profit and Lace", "Threshold", "A Night in Sickbay", and others. Of course, these tend to shift from person to person, but these ones are generally regarded as some of the worse. That said, there is one episode which I fell is not bad enough to be counted with these, but it's bad in another category: season premieres. That being said, this is "The 37's", one of the worst openers of Star Trek.

Interesting tidbit about this episode. It was originally supposed to be the Season 1 closer. But, the executives thought it would work better as the Season 2 opener. It may have slightly worked better as a finale, but that's a pretty big bit of optimism. The episode still falls flat on its face and is what I consider to be a horrible mess. In addition, some bright spark said "let's air the first bit of Season 2 out of order!" Yeah, I always hate it when they do that, raising continuity issues and such. Alright, enough stalling. Let's get this one over with.

It's just a truck! Finding the Ark of the Covenant would
be a bit more surprising!

This episode opens with the crew of Voyager detecting rust in space. They come across a poorly photoshopped truck floating in space, which Tom is able to immediately determine is an ancient Earth vehicle known as an "automobile". Yeah, once again they're doing that stupid "ancient" thing. Okay, some will view "ancient" as being anything before a new era. While First Contact is a truly important event, is it really that important compared to something like the dawn of intelligence? After all, when you begin encompassing World War II and the Gallic Wars within the same time period, it does tend to get a little ridiculous.

They bring the truck on-board, magically turning it from a photoshop to a real thing. Tom takes a look around and immediately begins saying everything about it, explaining how "'36 Ford" was the ancient Earth way of saying the manufacturing year and the company that made the truck. Yeah, the crew of Voyager is so stupid that they have even this explained to them, as I'm sure vehicles are still called this way. Oh, and it gets better. Harry shows his genius and asks if the vehicle is an early hovercar. In a way, it is, the same way a typewriter is an early computer.

Perhaps I'm being a bit too harsh, because it's clear that this is simply a Holmesian situation. Torres is examining the back of the truck with a tricorder, and is unable to identify that the "traces of potassium nitrate, ammonium and methane" is manure, while Janeway is able to immediately determine that this belong to a farmer. How is this Holmesian? Well, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote almost all Sherlock Holmes stories entirely from Watson's POV. Now, Watson is an intelligent man; he's a competent doctor and a decorated war hero. However, he's not as observant as Holmes is (and good thing; if they were written from Holmes' POV, the stories would be done in a few paragraphs) and it mostly served to make Holmes appear awesome. Same here. Jeri Taylor wrote this episode to show how awesome Janeway is, much like every other episode she penned. It's one thing to misinterpret what the initials on a cane mean; it's another to not know what the hell manure is!

Tom gets into the truck and manages to bring it back to life, startling the crew. Tuvok even pulls out his phaser upon hearing the car start up. Once again, it gets better. Tom begins flipping through the old AM/FM radio, picking up what Torres calls "the ancient Earth distress call known as SOS" (might be too soon, but just roll with it). They didn't pick this up because Voyager doesn't normally scan those areas. Going on, they trace the SOS signal to a planet which has a technobabble atmosphere that conveniently prevents shuttles and transporters. Thus, that leaves one solution: landing the entire ship. Voyager's equipped to do that, you know.

Congrats, boys! We made Farpoint look reasonably good!

So, Voyager lands in what actually rivals the slow reconnection of the Enterprise in "Encounter at Farpoint", of a special effect put in simply because they could. Not knowing they are being watched (even when using tricorders, their source of everything), they find an "ancient Earth aircraft". Once again, I rub my head at the idea that airplanes are considered "ancient". In someways, that's one thing Enterprise did right: they used "old", not "ancient" to describe pre-First Contact things. By the way, the most idiotic stuff is yet to come. Still not seeing the humanoid stalking them, they find a cave filled with people in suspended animation that they are able to determine as being from the same time period as the truck. Heh, the officers cannot identify manure from the sight and smell, but they are able to determine decade from clothing. Oh wait, it's Janeway who determines what time period they are from.

We are unable to decode the operating system. It is
an ancient Earth OS known as "Windows Vista".

Then...Janeway has a Shatner-moment. She comes across a woman that is wearing a leather jacket and the name tag "A. Earhart". She observes this by saying "A...period...E-A-R-H-A-R-T". Rather than just sounding out the name, she spells every letter and then has a eureka moment by saying "Amelia Earhart". A potentially good twist...if not that the credits listed Sharon Lawrence as "Amelia Earhart". Yeah, this scene seems to just draw out what we already know. Thus, it'd be better to either have Lawrence's character not listed in the credits, or have Janeway just say "Earhart".

So, they go back to Voyager and Harry asks who Amelia Earhart is. Now, normally, I'd be generous and say that Harry genuinely does not know who Amelia Earhart was; after all, not too many Americans may know who Charles Carroll was (the only Catholic to sign the Declaration of Independence). However, why would Harry wait until they got back to Voyager to ask who she was? That's one problem I often have with cinema and television; a conversation is going on in a normal fashion, but there's a change in location that should have taken several minutes. Anyway, Janeway goes into an almost fangirl craze in describing everything about Amelia Earhart, including her disappearance in 1937. She tells the officers to brush up on "ancient Earth" before reviving them; yeah, Kathy, you'd might want to be a little more specific.

The smile of a psycho.

They bring Kes along, since it's still before the Doctor can make house calls. Tom points out the Japanese soldier is armed "with some kind of weapon"; huh, he can identify a '36 Ford but doesn't know what a Nambu pistol is (or just a handgun in general)? As Amelia Earhart exits her cryochamber...God, I cannot get over that weird smile Janeway has on her face. It's less a sign of "Wow, I'm meeting my hero!" and more of "I want to play a game. Behind your eye is the key..." through a talking puppet. Naturally, Amelia Earhart, her navigator Fred Noonan, a Japanese soldier, a black farmer, and some other people who never get a line are startled and don't believe Janeway's story. Well, at least they're showing they're not as gullible as the people of Grover's Mill, New Jersey. Janeway tries to explain by revealing that Kes is an alien, and okay, there's one funny bit. Amelia Earhart refuses to believe that Martians have invaded Earth, but Harry says "it's the other way around. Earth colonized Mars."

Still, Fred refuses to believe them and takes the group hostage. Janeway manages to convince Amelia Earhart to talk him down, saying that people believed after Pearl Harbor that her flight around the world was an intel mission. To this, she replies "no one was supposed to know about that", almost acknowledging that she was not trying to break new ground for women, but to gather intel on the Japanese! Smart move, Jeri and Brannon! As if the "alien abduction" theory wasn't enough, you had to say the intel mission was true! Meanwhile, Chakotay and Tuvok, two men highly trained and experienced in guerrilla warfare, are ambushed while trying to rescue the officers by the people who were stalking them earlier.

"May I take her for a spin"
...no comment.

Janeway, of course, gets to play action girl and outflanks the attackers, learning that they are human as well. The leader, John Evansville (yes, really), returns with them to Voyager for the almighty task of overacting. He explains the backstory of this planet: in 1937, an alien race abducted 300 humans and brought them here. The human slaves eventually overpowered the aliens and destroyed them. Yeah, this would eventually be reused in Enterprise, in a slightly better way. Now, the plot holes this monologue raises are painfully obvious, like why these aliens would go across the galaxy for humans when they are so many races that would make better slaves in the Delta Quadrant? Also, I have to wonder how these guys never came back. In "Journey's End", Troi talked about a Native American rebellion that the Spanish eventually came back to inflict retribution. Did these humans somehow manage to completely annihilate the alien civilization?

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere...

Then, we get into the biggest misstep of the episode. Evansville says that, while the alien ship is long gone, there are "beautiful cities" and some 100,000 people living on this planet. I'm a bit surprised that 300 people would be able to breed enough to get just 100,000 in 400 years, not to mention that they probably couldn't impart the skills necessary to create such vast cities. The officers head out to see these beautiful cities and...we then go back to Janeway looking at the sky, ready to burst into song once more. Once again, we are told, not shown, that these cities are amazing, and that now they are in a dilemma of whether they should just stay here. Just outright awful. Brannon is not exhibiting the essential skills that screenwriting needs.

Rewatching this episode is just painful for me to do, so I'll sum up. Amelia Earhart is shoved into the background, Harry and Torres debate staying, and in the end, no one decides to stay behind. Yep, no one, and also, Amelia Earhart and the other 37's stay behind as well. The crew of Voyager departs into the unknown, into episodes which are only getting worse from here.

Sorry to be repeatedly saying this, but I feel I must say it. I just started the final season of Battlestar Galactica. The first two seasons of BSG went by much more quickly than the first third of VOY Season 2. This just threw out so many potential plot points! What if the aliens finally come back? How would Amelia Earhart adjust to life in the 24th Century, which has vehicles capable of going faster than she ever dreamed? Yeah, Amelia Earhart just shows up, does one thing, and is almost instantly forgotten! Way to treat this American hero! Why not bring her along and be the second pilot on board? I'm actually questioning whether I should continue to watch Voyager on Netflix after the awfulness of "Tattoo".

Let me close by saying this: if you want a better depiction of Amelia Earhart, watch Night at the Museum 2. That's right. A horrible movie is actually better in depicting this famous person than Star Trek! That's a new low for Trek to sink!

Final Score: 3/10

Jetrel

2011-08-25T20:30:00.002-04:00

The first season of Voyager, to me, was not bad...per se. Often times, it came across as just boring. Here is this crew stranded thousands of lightyears from home...and they're doing the same stuff the other shows have already done: temporal anomalies, murder investigations, etc. It had a couple good moments, like "Eye of the Needle" (which actually has a good reason for why they can't use the MacGuffin to get home). Mostly, this season came across as wasted potential. However, of all the episodes, there's one that I found to be the most wasted: "Jetrel".

"Jetrel" is seen by some as an equal to DS9's "Duet". Both episodes deal with a particularly dark element of WWII. "Duet" dealt with the nature of Nazi occupation and the concentration camps. This episode deals with what ended the war: the atomic bomb. Does this explore all sides of a highly complex issue with multiple shades of grey? Let's find out!

The episode opens with Neelix playing pool with Tom and Tuvok on the holodeck. Yes. A ship that is stranded thousands of lightyears from the years base has enough power to run the holodeck of all things. Look, I can buy that the holodecks draw so much energy that they need their own generators, but who would design a starship where one part of the ship is incompatible with another part? Over on DS9, they have Federation, Cardassian, and Bajoran tech working perfectly (mostly). Later on, Voyager gets Borg tech and who knows what else working just fine. Now, some might say "it's a TV show! You're supposed to enjoy it!" However, if you don't think when you watch it, you don't know why you like the show or why you think it's horrible.

Anyway, Neelix is called to the bridge. Voyager's getting hailed by a Haakonian ship, a race which Neelix exposits was involved in a war with the Talaxians that ended in the latter's surrender. The pilot messages Voyager and asks for Neelix. He says he's Dr. Jetrel, and upon hearing the name, Neelix storms off the bridge. Hmm. Interesting character moment...about something that hasn't been established.

I'M ACTING AS MUCH AS I CAN!!!

After the opening credits (dear God, every time the credits play, I just put on the BSG theme), Neelix exposits more. He says that Jetrel is a scientist who developed a superweapon which detonated on his home colony. This triggered the Talaxians' surrender and some things which aren't explained. Already, we have a problem. We're not told anything about this war, only that the Talaxians lost. I have several questions: did the Talaxians start this war? What were the reasons for fighting? And why was Neelix a part of the defense forces?

Jetrel comes aboard to meet with Janeway, marveling at the transporter (that also gets me; why are the Borg and a couple other races the only ones with teleportation in the Delta Quadrant?) and explains why he's there. He says that people who went to the Talaxian colony right after the attack were exposed to space radiation and have developed deadly diseases. He wants to verify if Neelix has this. Well, Neelix does have something of a reason for refusing treatment. After all, a superweapon wipes out your home and who wouldn't get mad? Of course, the episode demands it and he agrees to be examined.

I'm going to skip a bit to discuss my thoughts on Neelix himself. My dislike for him is not as extreme as some other fans; it takes a lot for me to outright completely hate a character. Rather, I just find him annoying, like that desk mate you have at work who talks constantly about all the places he's been to. Now, don't get me wrong, the concept for Neelix was pretty good: someone who's from the Delta Quadrant would be incredibly useful on a starship stranded there. However, I gotta say, the writing is incredibly inconsistent. In the next episode, he proves to be so bad a cook that he makes the ship itself sick! Then, a few episodes later, he is someone who knows every little trait about the Kazon (oh God, I had to mention the Kazon...).

Laundry day...see you there...under things...tumbling...

In a TV Guide article released just prior to the premiere of the show, it was said that Neelix was to be like Quark, a "meddling scavenger predicted to be Voyager's breakout character". Besides the fact that those plans fell through (the only talking would be about how much people hated him), it's completely ill-advised to compare Neelix to be like Quark. Quark was at least written consistently, the slimy bartender who did have a conscience that was capable of shining through (like when he helped his Cardassian lover and Major Kira). He had layers to him, whereas Neelix has layer after layer of lies and anecdotes (and unlike Garak, he has no charm).

So, after finding that Neelix has science cancer, Janeway decides to make a detour to the Talaxian system. Interesting how they are able to make this detour. Must be lucky they were heading in the direction of the Talaxian system. For all we know, it's on the other side of the Ocampa home world. Jetrel and Neelix get to talking while Jetrel looks for the isotope of the space radiation. This scene mostly serves to show Jetrel as a mad scientist, the most eeeeeeeevil man the galaxy has known. All because he invented a deadly weapon that killed 300,000 people!

Unless you've yet to take fourth grade history, it is clear that this is an allusion to the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Let's be clear that it was a very tragic event if you were in either city on the day of the attacks. Hell, the survivors are so revered in Japan that they have a new word for them: hibakusha (explosion-affected people). It really is sad to think about those thousands of people who were vaporized in an instant, then the tens of thousands more who would die a slow and painful death thanks to radiation sickness. Upon seeing the first blast, Robert Oppenheimer said that he had become the destroyer of worlds.

You know, I'd like to describe the socio-political causes...
Sorry, you're a guest star. You don't get backstory.

BUT...let's also point out that some good came from the bombs, which actually killed (depending on which estimates you use) fewer people combined than the firebombing of Dresden. If the bombs had failed in their shock value, the alternative would have been to land troops in Japan. Allied strategists predicted that some 500,000 troops would be killed or wounded during the initial assault. I'm not sure if they even bothered estimating Japanese casualties, as they would have been so horrifically high. The atomic bombings helped save millions of lives, whereas Dresden is remembered as a war crime committed by the Allies. So, in the long-run, which is better: launching an invasion with millions killed as the war drags on, or wipe out 150,000 people instantly and end the war through shock and awe?

That's one reason this episode fails. We only get snippets from Jetrel's side, how his wife saw him as a monster and how the military determined the target. We get the bombing almost entirely from Neelix's POV, the survivor who saw thousands of his people die. It would have been much better if Jetrel had said that if his people didn't use the cascade, the war would have dragged on with the invasion of Talax. All history has dozens, often hundreds of sides to it; this is partly why I read things from the German side of things, but that's another discussion.

So, they arrive at Talax, Neelix goes on to describe the night of the bombing, and the episode goes from mediocre to just bad. It turns out Jetrel was lying and was actually trying to restore the victims. Yeah, I have no idea what the writers (who were not Brannon Braga and Jeri Taylor) were smoking when they came up with this. Newsflash: the point of a weapon is to kill as many people as possible! They aren't supposed to be reversible! Anyway, they fail, Jetrel dies because he had the science cancer, and Neelix forgives him. It would be a heartfelt moment, but sadly we only got him admitting he was a monster without hearing anything about what his side thought.

I often enjoy it when Trek takes an historical event and puts a sci-fi spin on it. This episode just fails to do that. As I said, the atomic bombings performed good in the long term; an invasion became unnecessary and the Japanese could begin climbing out of their suicide weapons (seriously, you have no idea the kinds of suicide machines they were developing). This episode could have been a good send-up for DS9's duet, but it falls short by providing nothing of the other side. In the end, it's less than average and a pretty sloppy attempt to get us to like Neelix.

Final Score: 4/10

Benjamin Sisko

2011-08-04T08:30:00.006-04:00

I've decided to take a break from episodes to go into characters. To start this series off, I'm going into my favorite captain. The Captain of the USS Black Sheep of Star Trek: Benjamin Lafayette Sisko.

Voyager's gone?! Damn! If only Starfleet sent me instead!

Ever since the first black woman on Star Trek merely pushed buttons and said one line over and over, the franchise has had at least one black person in the main cast. Sometimes they were okay, like Geordi. Sometimes they were bloody annoying, like Travis. Sometimes you just forgot they even existed, like Jake. That being said, I knew from the moment I watched "Emissary" in its entirety that Sisko was going to be the best one.

The show opened with quite possibly the strongest characterization of any captain, far better than Picard saying "Keep me the hell away from children!" We see Sisko standing as first officer of a ship at the Battle of Wolf 359. It does not go well after one minute, and he's forced to evacuate his family. Though he finds his son alive, his wife, Jennifer, is dead. As Jake is carried away, Sisko literally has to be dragged off the ship, from the arms of his dead wife. Right then, I realized how underrated an actor Avery Brooks is.

Here are some more reason why I find him to be the best captain. Some more will be posted later, but for now:

1) He's not the "black" captain: Unlike Voyager, which took its first moments to tell us that Janeway is a woman, and the best, Sisko never was the "black captain" to me. Having seen every episode of DS9, I can come up with at most two instances in which his race was brought up. The first was in "The Search, Part I", where Sisko unpacks some African artifacts he had in storage on Earth. The second was in "Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom". Sisko said that his problem with Vic's holoprogram is that he believes it misrepresents the 1960s, a time in which black people would not be customers in a Las Vegas nightclub. Wow, you know it does say a bit that a black man in the 24th Century is still peeved by silly 20th Century racism (the Benny Russell episodes don't count, since it wasn't really Sisko). Still, in "Caretaker", Janeway said she didn't like being called "sir". Never in "Emissary" did Sisko say something about how he was "black" or something.

Had the Jem'Hadar seen this, they'd been running
back to the Gamma Quadrant.

2) Best suited for the job at hand: To me, the best captains were the ones who felt like they truly belonged there. Kirk was the swashbuckler, riding around the galaxy on his mast. Picard was the officer and a gentleman, the man who stands by his principles. The other two captains peeved me in this way: Janeway was a scientist selected for a counter-terrorism mission with no established combat training and Archer was an arrogant prick who got the center seat just because his dad's name was on the engine. In "Emissary", Picard established that Sisko spent three years at Utopia Planitia Shipyards. Thus, we learned he's a construction foreman, the man who builds. What better choice for the reconstruction of an entire world, and especially the space station in orbit?

3) A father to his men: This is best exemplified in "Rocks and Shoals". The crew gets stranded on a remote planet, where a Jem'Hadar patrol has also crashed. Sisko doesn't just have Dr. ~~Baltar~~ Bashir examine Jadzia when she gets injured. He takes part in a display of loyalty to his own soldiers, mostly by behaving like a busboy in a hotel. Nevertheless, it is a highly touching scene, showing just how much he cares for them. It also shows that, unlike Picard, who's the colonel that stays at his tent and looks at maps, Sisko is the line officer that gets down and dirty with his men. He leads the charge in all major battles of the Dominion War that we see and immensely despises his tenure at a desk for the first few episodes of Season Six.

Allow me to thank the Cardassian architect. They know
how to respect the commander.

4) A flawed leader: When I rewatched "Caretaker", I soon came to realize why I cannot stand Janeway: she's a perfect character. She is the best science officer in Starfleet and has a handsome fiance back home. In one of her first scenes, she stops a warp core breach (something that we've seen Scotty and Geordi stop a hundred times). In one of his first scenes, Sisko is barely able to control himself when he receives his briefing from Picard, as he indirectly killed his wife. We quickly see just how flawed he is. He lost his wife, he has to raise his son on his own now, he wants nothing more than to sit behind a desk and wait for his career to end, and suddenly the Bajorans proclaim that he's their Messiah. By the end of the pilot, he's managed to overcome a couple problems (mainly his dislike for Picard). Still, the death of his wife would come up a few more times in the series and more importantly, we see him gradually warm up to his role as the Emissary.

5) Dukat...you magnificent bastard, I read your BOOK!: The best protagonists are ones who have an equal, someone who is like them on almost every level. Unlike Q was to Picard, Dukat was a mortal man, just like Sisko (until of course he went insane and turned into the Anti-Christ, but that's something for later). Sisko had his opposite in Dukat. The moment he walked into his old office, I was aware that Dukat was someone who was on the level with Sisko; the way he just strolled around and gave the obvious hint that he wanted it back. In Season 2, we saw the two working together; Sisko was never able to tell if Dukat was being truthful. By the end of Season 5, they had reached a point in their status as adversaries that they could read each other's intentions. Dukat walked into the office and found Sisko's baseball still sitting there, a message that he would return. Yes, Dukat explained the motif, but, as my screenwriting professors said, viewers are idiots. Plus, it's television. What can you do? Back to Dukat, he was in many ways what Sisko could be: the Supreme Ruler of a galactic empire, a man who is feared. I read once that the Cardassians represent what humanity could become, rather than the idealized version.

Well, that's all I have for now. If I wrote any more reasons on how Sisko is possibly the best of the captains, I could publish my own book. Naturally, if you think Sisko was a piece of crap, that's your opinion. I disagree, but I shall read why you think so.

I'll go into the other captains later. This is Lieutenant Fedora, wishing you all a good day.

Balance of Terror

2011-07-28T20:00:00.001-04:00

So, yeah. It's been a few weeks. How about we just jump right in then with another of my TOS favorites?

"Balance of Terror" is a remake of the WWII film The Enemy Below, starring Robert Mitchum and future-Bond villain Curt Jurgens. The basic plot is that an American destroyer is engaged in a deadly battle of wits with a German U-boat, something that happened all too often during the war. As Star Trek is something that uses real life events in its storytelling, a submarine story is not all that out of possibility. After all, space is an ocean (3D, not 2D) and the show does have a fairly strong naval emphasis (well, depends on whether or not Gene was writing that week).

As neither of you are wearing red uniforms,
may I wish you a long and happy life together.

The episode opens with Kirk and company in the ship's chapel. It's long before Gene decided that humanity becomes a race of atheists. Personally, I think all the major religions of today survive, but as a way of instilling a form of moral conduct. After all, the existence of aliens would more or less disprove the notion of the Judeo-Christian God, but why not keep those parts of the Torah, the Bible, and the Qur'an that teach tolerance and love, especially when you're trying to have humanity not be complete pricks anymore? Back from my ramblings, Kirk, as the ship's master and commander, is officiating a wedding between two of his crewmen. One of them is hinted to be Catholic, as she genuflected before the altar. This goes back to Gene's vision of an idealized future where black women, Asian, and now even Catholics (minorities who were not that popular with 1960s America) would work together on Earth's flagship.

Just before the wedding, Kirk gets a message from Spock that two Starfleet outposts on the Neutral Zone have gone silent. In the middle of the ceremony, red alert is sounded and all hands go to battlestations. Another outpost is under attack. Time for all crew to actually run to their stations and not jog lightly!

Damn, the viewscreen is in window mode!

The next scene mostly serves as exposition, and I'd like to say it's handled well, but Spock's line "As you know from your history books..." kind of ruins it. Anyway, he recounts the history of the Romulan hostilities with Earth (it's still before TOS established the existence of the Federation). The way he paints the Earth-Romulan War is...fairly graphic. He says that the ships of those days were "primitive space vessels with primitive atomic weapons" and had "no ship-to-ship visual communications" that allowed no quarter. Considering "no quarter" is outlawed by the Hague conventions, this war must have been brutal. Of course, Enterprise more or less ruined all of this by having the NX-01 appear more advanced that the NCC-1701, armed with photon torpedoes and not nuclear missiles, and equipped with a viewscreen that the Romulans "clearly" did not yet invent. Seriously, the Romulans on Enterprise had warp drive, but couldn't come up with two-way visual communications?

Kirk declares that, for the sake of preserving the treaty and the Neutral Zone, the ship and crew are expendable. Not just the redshirts, mind you. All of them. Even Kirk himself, one of Starfleet's best. Anyway, the navigator, Lieutenant Stiles, tells Kirk that because the Romulans have clearly violated the Neutral Zone and should be destroyed while they're still on the Federation side. Kirk follows-up and learns Stiles' family history, particularly that he had nearly a dozen ancestors who fought and died during the Romulan War. He concludes with a sign of his awesomeness, by reminding Stiles that it was their war. Meanwhile, Spock scans the outpost asteroids that went silent, finding them to have been pulverized. They catch up to the nearest intact outpost, which is quickly attacked again by the Romulan ship and destroyed.

Remember what I said about the introduction of the Cardassians? Well, I must say that the Romulans also get a grand introduction. Sure, they use modern Earth ranks (and even a Roman one), but still we do get a sense that they are a force to be reckoned with. The Earth outposts are described as being so heavily defended, yet a single burst can obliterate them. After destroying it, the Romulans leisurely head back to their space and after some Red Scare-paranoia from Stiles, we get our first look at them, with a shocking twist: the Romulans are nearly identical to Vulcans!

Fun fact: the Romulans were initially slated to be the primary foe of the Federation, Gene's equivalent to the Soviet Union. Oddly, it turned out their make-up was too much, so they went with the easier Klingons later. Who would have thought that twenty years later, the Klingons would have the most extensive make-up job? Back to the episode.

It's a long way to Tipperary...

Naturally, Stiles becomes paranoid of Spock, giving the non-subtle hint that Spock might be a Romulan spy. You know, if Earth had no idea what Romulans look like, then Spock would have no idea they were an off-shoot of Vulcans. The look of surprise on his face is quite priceless. Anyway, following a beautiful underbelly shot of the ship, we get our first look at the new villains. The Commander, played by Mark Leonard (who will play Spock's father), is cynical about the mission and wishes destruction upon the ship before they return home, as he knows returning with proof of Earth's weaknesses will just bring about a new war. Yes, it's nearly twenty years before it was made, but he is very much like Jurgen Prochnow's captain in Das Boot.

On the Enterprise, Spock inspects the "hardest substance known to science" (I wish I had a nickel for every time they say it's the hardest substance...). Kirk discusses the matter with his officers, asking if they can engage with a reasonable shot at victory. Scotty says that it's probable, as the Romulans are at impulse. I must applaud this line, as it goes back to the U-boat story. For those who don't know, a U-boat's top speed while surfaced was about 20 knots. When submerged, their top speed was a mere fraction of that. Of course, the Romulans would have warp drive in order to cross the vast interstellar distances. But while cloaked, it won't work.

They come across a comet, and of course, in deep space far from any stars, a comet has a stunning tail. The Romulans head into it with the intent of turning back on the Enterprise while Kirk goes to the far side of its tail to trap the intruder. However, neither plan truly works and Kirk is forced to blindly shoot at the Romulans, killing the ship's Centurion. Then...possibly the only flaw of the episode. The Romulans get a plasma shot off at the Enterprise and Kirk orders full reverse...at warp speed. Even though we never again see them reversing at warp (except maybe in some more TOS), Kirk does not alter course to dodge the plasma! When a destroyer captain saw a torpedo coming towards him, his first impulse was to turn away from it, not go full reverse and hope it would run out of power to its motor! Though, even WWII torpedoes weren't as reliable at times...

So, the Romulan commander tries to jettison debris, including the dead body of the Centurion, in an attempt to fool the Enterprise into thinking they're destroyed. Of course, because of his levels of awesomeness, Kirk is not fooled. For several hours, the Enterprise plays dead to lure the Romulans in for attack. The Romulans do the same. In his quarters, Kirk and McCoy play out a scene almost identical to one from the original pilot "The Cage", where Kirk goes on about doubting himself. McCoy seems to have had all his whiskey, but still provides Kirk with advice: in all the universe, there is still only one of each of us. Pretty nice words.

Yeah, don't ask why Uhura's at the nav-console.

Naturally, the episode has to end. We get a pretty intense showdown between Enterprise and the Romulans. Even with all his trickery, the Romulan commander is still out-gunned. He opens visual contact briefly, and there's a nice bit where he and Kirk respect each other. I always love it when enemy commanders are able to salute each other. The Romulan even says that "in a different reality, I may have called you...friend". With that, he blows up his ship. In spite of the attacks, there is only one fatality. No, it's not the bigot. It's the guy who was going to get married! Tell me you didn't see that coming!

Overall, I love this episode. It has a good steady pace, the action is very engaging, and we get some good character moments from Kirk, particularly when he doubts himself. I also loved the bit between him and the Romulan commander, like what would have happened if Montgomery and Rommel ever directly contacted each other (but not Patton, because Patton never commanded directly opposite Rommel). It's one of those few times in which the "recycled plot IN SPACE!!!" works extremely well. I say that having watched "The Enemy Below", and found this episode to be an improvement.

Final Score: 10/10

Update

2011-07-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

To those of you who have been wondering, I am currently on vacation with limited internet access. I get back on the 18th and will start up my blog again, with reviews of Judgement, Journey's End, and others.

Endgame, Part II

2011-06-16T12:30:00.001-04:00

This episode is difficult to sit through again. Immediately upon seeing her future self, Captain KATHRYN Janeway beams her onboard. While Voyager was lost well before the infiltration abilities of the Founders became a significant threat, this scene shows how naive Janeway is. She beams over what appears to be a future version of herself and instantly accepts it, instead of isolating her and submitting her to rigorous screening to determine who she is. When Sela appeared in "Redemption, Part 2", Picard was stunned and did not invite her aboard until he learned all he could about the daughter of Tasha.

I feeeeeeeeeeeeel you, Chakooooootay...

So, the two Janeways begin talking, with Future-Kate revealing how Voyager's a museum in San Francisco. Current-Kate doesn't want to hear about it: the Temporal Prime Directive. Kate has no problem spreading Starfleet's ideals with the power of a phaser, but altering the timeline is where she stops. Wow. She destroyed the Caretaker array without a moment's hesitation, and that was a way for them to come home at once. Years later, she has another opportunity, and doesn't want to take it.

Allow me to diverge a moment to Battlestar Galactica, the show which I consider to be "Voyager, but with Ron Moore". At the end of Season 1, the fleet finds the legendary world of Kobol, the homeworld of humanity. Commander Adama, the military head, orders Starbuck to lead a mission to destroy the Cylon basestar in orbit. However, President Roslin, the political head, convinces Starbuck to jump all the way back to Caprica to retrieve an artifact that could potentially lead them to Earth. Outraged at this insubordination, Adama launches a military coup to remove Roslin from power.

Point is, there comes a time in which you need to start questioning your commander's orders. At any given moment during the seven years of Voyager's run, Chakotay and Tuvok should have come to realize that Janeway was hampering their journey and removed her from command. Not using the transwarp drive to get back? Not further examining the slipstream and trying to use it for shorter jumps? Not kissing Q's shoes and begging to be sent home? Anyone of these occurrences should have made the two most competent people on board realize that Janeway's leadership was compromised.

So, after finally verifying her older self (during which the Admiral had plenty of time to sabotage stuff), Admiral Janeway helps Voyager install her future anti-Borg tech, which includes armor and new super-torpedoes. Pay excellent attention to this technology, because even though it is astonishing, it is never seen, mentioned, or used in Nemesis. Seven goes to regenerate and has a vision of the Borg Queen, who tells her that Voyager must avoid the nebula or be destroyed. You know, I must question the tactics of the Borg. I know they are machines and value efficiency, but Voyager has been a thorn in their side for the last three years and now they're heading for a high-security area. Shouldn't the Borg send upwards of fifty cubes to deal with Janeway once and for all? Oh, and there is more stupidity coming up.

We get two filler scenes. I kinda like these two, because it shows the anticipation they have of getting home. However, at the same time, they're praying "Oh God, please don't make Janeway turn this ship around! I told my kid I'd be there for his fifth birthday...seven years ago!" The Chakotay and Seven romance...continues to be out of nowhere. Weren't fans always bettering on Janeway getting with Chakotay? Tom and B'Elanna also get a scene, where she worries she'll deliver in Starfleet Medical instead of sickbay. Eh, moving on.

All Borg to stations. T-minus ten years to
invasion of Earth.

Voyager arrives in the nebula and begins pounding the crap out of the Borg. I mean...wow. A single torpedo is enough to destroy a cube and the armour is impenetrable. You know, these weapons would have been extremely useful a year later when the Enterprise-E was getting its arse kicked by Shinzon. But nope. I guess Starfleet decided to hide these terrible weapons, out of fear for Janeway keeping her hands on them. Another way to help was to give her a desk.

So, they make it to the center of the nebula and find...the most baffling plot hole in Star Trek. Specifically, a transwarp hub that can send the Borg to anywhere in the galaxy within minutes. There are evidently six in the galaxy, with none in the Alpha Quadrant but exit points. Future-Janeway just wants them to use it, but Captain Janeway orders them to leave.

1) Why didn't the Borg use this when they tried to invade Earth, with maybe a hundred ships?
2) Why did Seven tell Janeway there were six and yet later we see four?
3) Why does one of the hubs appear to be the Alpha Quadrant?
4) Why is Future-Janeway so adamantly against destroying a strategic advantage?

Most of these are not answered. The Janeways begin debating whether or not they should destroy the hub. Captain J wants to destroy it and stay in the Delta Quadrant, but the Admiral says that Seven will die in three years. In addition, her death will devastate her husband, Chakotay, who will be devoted to getting Voyager home and then commit suicide after they get there. I have to ask Admiral Janeway why she is so upset that she trying to change the future deaths of 22 additional crewmen before getting home. Losing someone under your command is the biggest nightmare of any command officer in a military. However, aren't you supposed to learn so you don't lose people in the future? Also, Picard, Kirk, and Sisko lost hundreds of people under their command. You never saw them trying to change the past to save them. Especially Sisko! He lost thousands of people and his own bloody ship during the Dominion War! Why didn't he try to change the past? BECAUSE YOU BLOODY WELL SHOULD NOT CHANGE THE PAST!!! GAH!!!

We will scan every star system until we find Earth.
So say we all.

Anyway, the crew works out a plan to destroy the hub, but Voyager will be stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Harry proceeds to make a speech that it's the journey that matters. I don't know, I think the destination has extraordinary significance. Again, in Battlestar Galactica, Adama made a big speech about how they were going to find Earth and it was going to be their new home. The next four seasons had them dodging Cylon attacks and love triangles, but none of that fully mattered since they knew they were going to find Earth. The destination was a symbol of hope and they were willing to back-stab each other to get there.

Back to "BSG sans Ron Moore", the Janeways finally get the idea to use the conduit to get to Earth and destroy it at the same time. Even I came up with that while first watching the episode! After Admiral Janeway flies off to ~~atone for her sins~~ initiate stage one, we get a scene with Seven and Chakotay. Still no idea where this romance comes from! Honestly?! Where?! Meanwhile, B'elanna is going into labor. Interesting how Tom even took part in the betting pool on when his child was going to be born. Maybe I'm nitpicking, but this episode is so stupid I just want it to be over.

Admiral Janeway confronts the Borg Queen and offers to help them in exchange for the Borg dragging Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant. Hmm. Interesting thought that none of the officers have gotten. If they destroy the transwarp network...could that make the Borg so angry that they will throw every single cube they have at Earth?! Amazing. The Federation is still recovering from the Dominion War; I don't think they could survive a massive retaliatory strike against the Alpha Quadrant. But oh well. Admiral Janeway is assimilated (following a one-liner) and infects the Borg with a pathogen that disrupts the Hive Mind. Okay, maybe this will keep the Borg off-balance long enough for the Federation to get ready...wait, whatever happened to the Rebel Borg from Unimatrix Zero...

Tight formation, boys, until we can beam a security team
to capture Janeway.

So, Voyager fires torpedoes and the transwarp network begins to collapse. They hide inside a Borg sphere and emerge in front of a Starfleet armada less than a lightyear from Earth. Remember what I said about why the Borg didn't use this network to send a hundred cubes to Earth instead of one cube and giving Starfleet time to ready its defenses? The Borg: they have all the cold logic of a machine...and yet no logic at all! And so, Voyager gets back, the Paris' daughter is born, and the show ends with the ship arriving at Earth. Yep, it just ends. We never see the crew react to seeing Earth once again. We never see them beam down and be welcomed by Starfleet and their families. It just ends.

This...

Was...

CRAP!

Not as bad as the finale of Enterprise, but still it was crap! There were enough plotholes to sink a ship and once again the Borg are reduced to techno-zombies that can be destroyed if you fire enough lead into them. They are finally and totally destroyed forever. Gone are the days when they instilled fear into the fans. Not so much villains as much as a plot device. Honestly, this show could have ended better, with a true final battle between Voyager and the Borg, aided by the guys from Unimatrix Zero, instead of this idiotic plot about changing the future.

To the fans of Voyager who will decry this and claim that Janeway was being noble, consider this: Voyager got back sixteen years early. That's sixteen years of discoveries made, wars averted, pandemics stopped, children born, lives lived...erased. I would say Janeway was the biggest mistake to be in the Captain's Chair...but after this we got the oh-so horrendous field performance...of Jonathan Archer.

Final Score: 3/10

The crew of Voyager. Where are they now (thanks to Admiral Janeway)?

Janeway became an Admiral, and was later arrested
for supplying Reman rebels.

Upon returning, Seven and Chakotay broke up.
They never spoke again.

Tom wrote a tell-all book about Janeway.
B'elanna was sent to a prison for serving in the Maquis.

The Doctor sued the BBC over the use of his name.
The case was quickly dismissed.

Tuvok was instantly promoted to Captain
for being the most competent person on board.

Harry spent the next thirty years in Starfleet
and never made it past Ensign.

Endgame, Part I

2011-06-09T00:30:00.002-04:00

I'll be honest: I caught the tail end of Voyager. We didn't get UPN until its final season. However, in my time I've watched episodes and carefully analyzed what others (professional reviewers like sfdebris and several of my friends) have said about it. I can say one thing: Voyager endlessly flipfloped.

One week, Janeway would uphold the Prime Directive even if it meant the deaths of millions and later would break it to save a handful. It had its moments, like "Author Author" and "Year of Hell", but those were times where they actually made good use of what they had. On paper, Voyager should have been great: a ship stranded lightyears from home with a Starfleet crew and its numbers filled by the clashing ideals of the Maquis. In theory, that should have been a brilliant premise for a show. However, the clashing of ideals would come up a handful of times over the course of the show. Once Voyager gets on Netflix, I intend to sit down and watch it all so I can make my own opinions of it. But for now, I just have the facts of what others have said to me and from exhaustive research on the show.

I will say one thing I have noticed in watching a handful of episodes: the crew doesn't seem to give a damn about preserving history. In "Timeless", the ship is destroyed and only Chakotay and Harry survive. After years of moping, they decide to send a message to save the ship. Guys, if changing history was this simple, I'd go back and improve some courses I took, maintain relationships I let slip away, save a friend who never got a chance to do the things I've done. Why don't I do this? Well, for one, I don't have a TARDIS and two, I cannot let myself be consumed by my mistakes. Our mistakes define us and guide us to the future. However, the crew of Voyager doesn't care about letting the past stay the past. We didn't see Sisko try to avert some battles of the Dominion War, but then that was war and changing history would make it more of a headache.

Anyway, in 2001, Voyager was wrapping up. After killing off a guy who hadn't been on the show in years, everyone knew what "Endgame" would bring: the crew returning home. The only question was: how much padding would there be, and what ethics would the crew break to do it? However, to be fair, a finale should sum up how a show was, symbolizing it at its best.

If the finale is anything to go by, then Voyager was a horrible show.

By the way, I wanted to ask why you never promoted me...
Not now, Harry.

Part 1 opens with a party, where we see most of the senior staff celebrating the tenth anniversary of Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant. Dialogue indicates that the crew was in the Delta Quadrant for a total of 23 years. Light jazz is playing as we see what's become of the officers. Captain KATHRYN Janeway is now an Admiral. Harry Kim is now a captain (took them long enough). Tom and B'elanna are still married, with him being a novelist and her being a Klingon liaison. The Doctor has...gotten married. Okay, this show is off to a bad start if I can complain about a marriage. Why would an immortal machine want to get married? Unless he has a death program, he'll have to spend decades watching his wife wither away before dying. THE Doctor has the decency to switch up his companions every couple of years!

So, it becomes clear that Janeway is the only one not happy. The other officers seem to have gotten on with their lives, but she has not. She has to remind everyone during a toast by Commander Reginald Barclay that there are those who did not make it. Hmm. Well, at least she feels a little guilty about causing the deaths of nearly a quarter of her crew which were completely avoidable by taking the Caretaker array back. Anyway, she's teaching at Starfleet Academy about the Borg, having "written the book on the Borg". After hesitating on a question about Seven of ~~Boobs~~ Nine, Janeway is called away. The Paris' daughter, Miral, tells her "it" works. Uh-oh! What craaaaaaazy scheme will the Admiral try this week? She says good-bye to Tuvok, who is suffering from Vulcan Alzheimer's, and then visits Chakotay's grave. Okay...Tuvok may be bye-bye and Chakotay is dead...Seven of Nine did nothing...so, what's all that wrong with this future?

Wow. It only took you two days to clean all
my flaked-off skin cells?

Back in the present, B'elanna goes into false labor. The crew has become so routine that they are willing to take bets on when she finally pops. Chakotay gives Janeway the menu of their new cook, now that Neelix is gone and as far from Voyager as possible. He declines an offer of lunch to meet with...Seven of Nine on the holodeck for a picnic. When did they start dating? I mean, I know she showed interest in one episode, but where does this come from? After this, we see that Tuvok is suffering from a mental disorder. Again, where is this coming from? Rick and Brannon, why are you introducing these plot points in the final episode? With DS9, they had built up to the finale! What the hell?!

On your orders, I have also smuggled weapons to
Dominion rebels and assassinated five Romulan generals.
Your time machine is almost ready.

We get a scene with Seven and...Neelix...playing some game. Of course, it's the finale so the character must be in it! Seven starts picking up a signal in a nebula which means...a wormhole cluster! Neelix then opts to finish their game tomorrow, so we neeeeeeeeeever see Neelix again! She reports this to Janeway and they decide to investigate. Back to the future (dodges angry mob), the Doctor comes to realize that the Admiral is up to something. He confronts Reg about this, causing him to stammer and thus expose what Janeway is doing. Meanwhile, Janeway is visiting a Klingon scientist. You know, there are some professions I never expected a Klingon to take, unless of course he was Oppenheimer, and from the way he boasts about modifying a Cardassian disruptor, he might be. Janeway goes into exposition mode as he once again exposes her lack of ethics by mentioning how she got the scientist onto the High Council. Wow. Sisko may have inadvertently killed a Romulan senator, but he was doing that to help save billions of lives! Plus, in the end, he wrestled with the guilt. Janeway manipulated a galactic government to further her own selfish plans! Doesn't that go against every guideline in the Prime Directive!?!

Voyager heads into the nebula to investigate the potential wormholes. However, a Borg cube appears and they are forced to turn back. After we see the return of Alice Krige as the Borg Queen, Janeway drops the discussion of a potential way home, just as she has over the course of the series. She later says the nebula was "crawling with Borg". Uh...how did she know that? They picked up one signature and saw one confirmed cube. For all they know, those were the only two cubes in there on a routine patrol! But, while that's best reserved for Part 2, I want to get that tidbit out of the way now. She tells Harry to stop thinking about using this as a way to get home.

Afterwards, Harry tries to convince Tom to modify the Delta Flyer (the super-shuttle that Voyager built with spare parts away from any shipbuilding facility) to investigate the wormhole. Tom shades away from this, talking about the baby on its way. Look, I'm not a father, so I've yet to experience the emotional connection with my offspring. However, isn't part of the thing of parenthood trying to ensure the best possible future for your kid? Even if Tom died for a small chance they could get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I think that's better than raising a kid in the middle of a chaotic and anarchic quadrant. Again, not a father, just my opinion.

Wait...I'm still not sure about this...
Jeri, it's just one episode more.

In the future, Janeway steals the time machine the scientist was building and gets away. However, she is found by CAPTAIN Harry Kim. For the first time ever, Janeway begins to admit she was wrong about everything. She should have listened to her officers instead of thinking she was always right, like a good dictator. Harry agrees to help her, even though if it's discovered, he'll be bumped back to ensign, and I don't think he will survive another thirty years for a promotion. Janeway activates the time machine, evading Klingons who were pursuing her and arrives in the present. She tells her younger self that she's come to bring Voyager home, with the Borg Queen listening in.

Coming up in Part 2, who will Janeway kill to achieve her goals? How will she wipe her floor with the Borg this time? Where did Tuvok's Vulcan Alzheimer's come from? What does Seven see in Chakotay? Why must the crew of Voyager rape the space-time continuum again? And most importantly, will I be able to convey anger in written form?

All this and more coming up next week!

The Wounded

2011-06-02T10:00:00.009-04:00

September 29, 1987. Barely 15 minutes into "Encounter at Farpoint", Picard prepares to surrender to Q. In the battle bridge, there's a curly haired guy with an Irish accent in a red uniform. As with most background characters, he'll just appear once and never again. He'll be the conn officer who gets one or two lines in an episode and has no bearing on the plot whatsoever. Right? Right?

No, that was Colm Meany playing Chief O'Brien. He would have one more appearance in Season 1 before getting more speaking time in Season 2, where he would become known as "Transporter Chief". By the end of this shaky season, Meany would get his name and become a full-fledged recurring character, having...well, some bearing on the plot. By Season 4, it was decided to give him some true character, which was done in stages. First, he was given a first and middle name in "Family", then he was married in "Data's Day". After that, we got to go deep into the character's history.

"The Wounded" was written by Jeri Taylor, long before she was given control over the first female captain of a series. The episode opens with the Enterprise-D on the Cardassian border. Peh, Cardassians. Must be some alien race with a cheap rubber forehead, like the Talarians. Picard mentions in his log how the Federation has concluded a peace agreement with Cardassia (proving that once again, the Federation does engage in military conflict) and recalls a story about how he fled from a Cardassian patrol ship last time he was here with the Stargazer. Wow, Picard running? Since there's only one omnipotent race in the universe and the Borg are pretty far, these guys must be tough if they can get Picard to run! Troi does her job of being annoying pretty well by telling Worf (who says the Cardassians have no honour; does anyone have honour other than Klingons?) that they are the Federation's allies now. Uh, Deanna, a peace agreement or an armistice does not equal an alliance!

Anyway, we are introduced to the star of the episode: Miles O'Brien, who is having dinner with his wife Keiko. Keiko introduces him to some Japanese cuisine. I have to agree with Miles, who's not that much of a fan of seaweed (more into shellfish). He begins talking about some Irish food he can make for her, like scalloped potatoes (one of my favorites). Miles also brings in a shocking revelation that his mother cooked real food and touched it with her hands...

You mean, there was a time before replicators?!

Okay, I have to address this. I know that this is the future. They have warp drive and are part of a galactic government. Why, why, WHY, and I'm talking to you three (Rick, Jeri, and Brannon), must they always present 20th Century terms and practices as being foreign or something people have done away with? Why must the 24th Century be so dramatically different than today? Besides, in DS9, we see that people still cook! Ben Sisko cooks all the time! His father runs a restaurant! Why is the idea of people handling meat to Keiko so foreign? Sure, pushing a button saves hours of preparation, but cooking brings a flair to the taste. Besides, some material say that replicated food tastes slightly different than real food.

Anyway, after some sex talk, the ship is attacked and red alert is sounded. Miles runs to his station while we cut to the bridge. They are under attack by a Cardassian warship. Wow, their ships are pretty impressive and not some cheap model. They actually put time and effort into these new bad guys. We then get our first look at them and...wow! Full make-up! Not a single bit of regular skin shown! And...some really ridiculous hats. Oh well, they can ditch them quickly.

I sense hostility and distrust, Captain.
*psst* Deanna, you're not helping.

So, within the first third, the situation is quickly assessed. The USS Phoenix, under the command of Ben Maxwell, appears to have gone rogue and attacked a Cardassian station. With Starfleet still reeling from their battle with the Borg, Picard is ordered to find Maxwell and maintain the peace by any means necessary. The Cardassians come aboard and we quickly get a sense of how different they are. For one thing, they don't use Royal or US naval ranks. They have their own ranking system with "Gul" and "Glinn". After they remove their ridiculous helmets (okay, they're alien, but I'd prefer a spray-painted helmet or something), we get a briefing of the situation. Miles is there because...out of a thousand people, he's the only guy to serve under Maxwell before. Well...Starfleet does probably have millions of officers and crewmen...nevermind. He goes to the turbolift followed by the two Cardassian Glinns, who try to chat him up. Miles quickly reveals himself to be something of a speciesist, with non-subtle hatred to the them.

On the bridge, Picard debates the best course of action with the Cardassian commander, Gul Macet, played by Marc Alaimo (whom you may remember had one line in Total Recall). Macet tries to coax Picard into revealing classified transponder signals that will help the closer Cardassian (wow, I do love that name. "Cardassian") ships find the Phoenix. Of course, Picard is a seasoned veteran, not a science officer put in charge of a counterterrorism mission or an elitist snob put in command simply because his dad's name is on the engine. He knows how to handle a dangerous opponent. Hell, he even restricted their access to sensitive parts of the ship.

Back in their quarters, Miles makes Keiko some potato casserole. He then begins singing "The Minstrel Boy", an old Irish patriotic song, which they used to sing on the Rutledge (named for Edward Rutledge, the youngest signer of the Declaration of Independence). He begins to talk about how others in the conference room felt uncomfortable about the Cardassians, attributing this to fighting the war. It truly amazes me how some people will try to pass off their own prejudices to others. After all, Miles did try to defend his captain who was breaking a treaty of the Federation and raised his voice when the Cardassian officers made a friendly overture. But then, I'm sure some Jews may still feel uncomfortable sitting at lunch with a German, even years after the war has ended.

Meanwhile, Picard reluctantly hands over the codes to Gul Macet, thus rendering Phoenix defenseless. However, being a Nebula-class starship (an updated version of the Miranda-class), it's able to evade the enemy warship and destroy it, along with the supply ship it was chasing. Picard and Macet take a collective "oh...crap" when the latter reveals that 650 crewmen were just killed. The former goes to see Miles for some insight in Captain Maxwell, asking how he took losing his family to the Cardassians. Miles claims Maxwell took it fine, but starts to rethink when Picard gives some words of wisdom:

"I think, when one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable like...like old leather. And finally... it becomes so familiar that one can't remember feeling any other way"

So, eleven hundred colonists go in the water, 300 come
out, sharks took the rest...

Hearing this, Miles heads to Ten Forward, where I shall avoid a cheap drunk Irishman joke. One of the Glinns arrives and joins Miles in drinks. One thing this episode does extremely well is how much information about the Cardassians is organically introduced: their appearance, their ranks, their ships, their history with the Federation, and now their drinks. Curious that the Enterprise bar staff has Cardassian alcohol on board (like US subs have vodka during the Cold War), but nevermind. Here, we get some of the first backstory for Miles, where he recounts his experiences from the earliest days of the Cardassian Wars. During the attack on Setlik III, where Maxwell's family died, Miles killed a Cardassian with full vaporize when he intended to stun him (the first time he ever killed something). The way he recounts it is very much how any veteran will recall a particularly trying battle or skirmish.

Following this, Worf brings in the other Glinn, whom he claims was trying to access information on the ship's weapons systems. This scene is partially padding, but also serves to show how Cardassians try to talk their way out of a situation. Macet also speaks grandly about a lasting peace with Picard. Wow, Marc Alaimo is quite a thespian. He should come back as a Cardassian. Not this one, of course. The make-up is still in beta, but then, great things come in stages.

So, the Enterprise finally catches up with the Phoenix. Maxwell beams over and has a reunion with Miles, saying that he was his tactical officer on the Rutledge. Odd, a senior NCO being a department head...anyway, Maxwell goes to see Picard (after giving a wink to Miles; nice moment). He proceeds to give his side of the story: the Cardassians are rearming. The "science station" he destroyed was a military depot. He goes into an argument with Picard, who appears to neither agree nor disagree with his claim. Finally, Picard says they will return to Federation space. However, while heading back, Maxwell changes course and pursues another Cardassian starship (which conveniently has jamming equipment). With some treknobabble, Miles has a way to beam over.

What follows in Maxwell's ready room is truly some impressive acting. Maxwell is a soldier who thinks the war is still going on; he's one of many veterans who lives to fight, who will never adjust back into civilian life. He starts to talk about how the Federation does not start wars, before breaking into tears over the death of his family on Setlik III. Followed by...this:

Truly one of the most heartwarming moments I've ever seen of Star Trek.

Cross me again, Gul Macet, and so help me
I shall pit you against a black man.

Afterwards, Maxwell surrenders himself and is held aboard the Enterprise. Macet congratulates Picard on his accomplishment, but the latter responds with pity for Maxwell. He was twice awarded the highest medals for courage and valor during the war, so he will have a highly difficult time readjusting to peace. Finally, Picard reveals that Maxwell was absolutely correct. The science station was an arms depot. However, by not boarding the supply ship, he managed to maintain the peace. This is what I like about Picard: on his best days, he carefully plays his cards before fully revealing his hand. He has Gul Macet leave his ship with a warning: "We'll be watching." FORESHADOWING!

I need to dock the score for some future stupidity in the teaser, but the rest of the episode is solid. We finally get a main enemy of the Federation after the failed Ferengi, the reclusive Romulans, and the distant Borg. Besides focusing on a secondary recurring character, here we see the all-too-real consequences of war. The best decorated officer who defies orders because he cannot stand the thought of peace. The subordinate who tries to hide his prejudice to a former enemy. And of course, the man who is willing to do anything to uphold the new peace. All of this leads back to one fundamental truth, known since the dawn of human history:

War is hell.

Final Score: 9/10

Phantasms

2011-05-26T14:00:00.003-04:00

Season 7 of TNG is one that I've noticed a lot of people seem to put down. It's a common occurrence that a TV show will probably run out of steam in its last season, like nearly any college student in their last semester. There were a couple good episodes of Season 7: "The Pegasus" is one of my favorites (loooong before "These Are The Voyages" ruined it), along with "Force of Nature", "Parallels", and "All Good Things". "Lower Decks" brought us to a part of the Enterprise that wasn't seen every week while "Journey's End" brought the final episode with Wesley. But, there were some lesser episodes, like "Emergence" where once again the holodeck broke down (I'm hoping they ditched the holodeck and went back to TV and movies). As for "Phantasms"...let me put it like this: the movie Phantasm made more sense than the episode "Phantasms".

You're next!
YOU'RE NEXT!!!

The episode opens with a tracking shot of Data strolling through the corridor. The music and odd camera effects immediately tell us that this is an off-putting scene. The only way to make it more off-putting is to feature a wide-angled close-up. After a brief chat with Geordi, Data notices three workmen wearing old clothing ripping a piece of the wall apart. He tries to talk to them, but for some reasons emits a high-pitched shriek. The scene ends with the workmen tearing him apaaaaaaaaaart, Lisa! (literally) And then, Data wakes up in his quarters.

The Enterprise has just installed a new warp core and is heading off to some planet. Picard is upset because he's been forced into attending the annual Admiral's Banquet. With no Borg cube inbound, Cylon attack underway, or Dalek using pig slaves, it seems that he has no more excuse to miss out an incredibly dull dinner. In engineering, Data and Geordi have a talk about dreams. They then have a chat with a young ensign...in a scene that obviously serves for padding and has no bearing on the rest of the episode. Anyway, they try to go to warp but...it's not working. Well, Picard, you might have a chance to skip out this year.

Data talks to Troi about his dream, followed by the latter suggesting he try it again. Interesting advice to do something that was disturbing. But anyway, Data decides to continue his dreaming. The following scene is chalk full of symbolism, very surreal symbolism: Worf eats a "cellular peptide cake" (with mint frosting), Dr. Crusher is sucking something out through Riker's ear, there is ringing, and the workmen are eating Troi as a cake. Then, Data wakes up to find Troi, Geordi, and Worf standing over him: Data has overslept. Naturally, realizing something seems to be very wrong, his first impulse is to go back to work.

Ja, ja. Tell me more about zes sexual encounter mit
Tasha Yar.

After that, Data decides to get some advice from Sigmund Freud in a scene which, let's be fair, is pretty ridiculous. Freud is one of the fathers of modern psychology, but this scene fails because he's from the 20th Century. Just about every disease on Earth has been eradicated. Freud's ideas and methodologies of the time should be obsolete from new ideas and methodologies. I mean, it's like trying to ask the Founding Fathers for help on American domestic policy in the 21st Century. They were geniuses for their time, and in some ways are inspirational, but with changing times they're hardly the first people I'd go to for advice. Data eventually realizes this and leaves the holodeck.

Hello. How would you like to lose weight within one hour
by doing absolutely nothing?

Picard gets a message from Admiral Nakamura (whom you may remember all the way back from Season 2), on why they aren't at the banquet yet. Data then works on a phase coil and has a waking dream. Riker (still with the straw in his ear) tells Data to "answer it" before he comes back to reality. After that, Data goes to see a true therapist about his dreams. Troi suggests he is developing neurosis, which Data is excited about. Interesting...

Later, after a pointless scene where Picard tries to micromanage Main Engineering (where he seems anxious to get to the banquet; why isn't he ordering them to take their time?), Data has another waking dream and tries to stab Troi. He takes revenge for all the "Counselor Obvious" moments she's done in the last six years. Riker and Worf manage to be in the right place because the Klingon was complaining about his son listening to jazz; hey, Worf, jazz is a little easier to listen to than the screeching Klingon opera you pipe through the ship's audio! They manage to overpower Data...odd, as he lifted Wesley with one hand in the pilot episode, but anyway he is subdued.

In the conference room, Data tries to explain his actions, but with no explanation available, Picard is forced to relieve him of duty. We then get a scene where Data gives his demon cat Spot to Worf. Did Data consider himself to be a danger to Spot? He didn't see him/her in his dreams or see him as being in danger! But, then, Dr. Crusher realizes that the crew is actually infected by interphasic organisms, which are consuming their cellular peptides and will soon reduce the crew to piles of goo. I must admire the crew of the Enterprise. After six years in space, they are completely nonchalant that they are being killed in a highly grotesque manner.

Geordi, I think I need my spinning top.

In the end, Picard and Geordi hook Data up to the holodeck to observe his dreams. After all, when a positronic brain cannot solve a problem, send in a human one! They go down layer after layer to implant the idea to break up Fischer's company...oh, wrong dream media. Eventually, they realize that a high-pitched scream Data emitted is harmful to the creatures, so Data emits the same pulse and all the creatures are killed. Then, we get the explanation for how this happened: turns out the creatures were laying dormant in the new plasma coil. Wow, the Federation needs to stop outsourcing to planets with lax safety regulations! Luckily, it will take so long to build a new plasma conduit that Picard will miss the banquet.

So, how did this episode old up? Stupid premise, mediocre acting, and bizarre conclusion. But, to be fair, it's a pretty harmless show. The dream sequences are pretty neat and I did get a laugh out of Sigmund Freud helping an android. Brannon Braga wrote this episode, but if anyone other than Patrick Stewart directed, it would probably have been as dull as "Schisms".

Final Score: 6/10

Heart of Glory

2011-05-19T09:30:00.007-04:00

Well, it's been a few weeks. But, I had work to finish for this semester before I graduated (I'm now a college graduate), so here's something to break the mood. Today, we're looking at Next Generation.

Let's take a detour to 1979. For the first time in a decade, a new live-action Star Trek production was released (partially thanks to the release of Star Wars). Gene Roddenberry was given control of this film, and BOY, did it suck balls! The film was so incredibly boring and was stated to be "2001 for the 80s". Nevertheless, the Motionless Picture did well enough to warrant a sequel. First thing to do, besides change the uniforms, was to get Gene as far from the creative table as possible, and with that, we had the best film in the series: Wrath of Khan.

In 1986, Voyage Home made enough money to convince Paramount that a new Star Trek series was feasible. Sadly, Paramount decided in their wisdom to give creative control back to Gene. Like God's creation of the universe, this has come to be seen as a bad move.

I said a few weeks ago that first seasons are often excusable as they're trying to find their footing, but Season 1 of TNG was just...bad. I mean...really bad. For his part, Gene tried to put in more of his Utopian ideals, many of which were horrendously silly. He made sure the phasers were as un-gunlike as possible (and I think he said they only had a stun setting), he made the ship look like a hotel and a mall, he brought children on board (exposing them to deadly danger every week), and had to introduce his silly "no money exists!" idea. I like having currency, but still I have the theory that a society with machines that can produce food from thing air will have an economic model beyond anything we can understand. In addition, he tried to make capitalism the new bad guy, resulting in the laughable first appearance of the Ferengi. But, we'll get to that later.

"Heart of Glory" was written well before Ron Moore came on the show and single handedly created the Klingons as we know them today. There are some things that show up which will never appear again, like calling the homeworld "Kling" and referring to non-Klingons as "infidels". But still, with the Klingons being friends of the Federation, they had to come in sooner or later. Maybe, it should have been "later".

The episode opens with the Enterprise arriving in the Neutral Zone to investigate a battle. Interesting how the Neutral Zone shows up well before the Romulans do (thanks to the failure of the Ferengi). In addition, they have to mention that the weapon signatures are not of Ferengi origin. Real blatant in showing how eeeeeeeeeevil capitalism is! Anyway, a Talarian ship is found severely damaged with all systems failing (the Talarians will show up years later). Picard orders the first officer, second officer, and Geordi to beam over. Geordi has a red shirt, but is just one step up from an ensign, so I'm guessing he'll be fine.

This new HD monitor is awful!

Before heading over, Geordi equips his VISOR with an uplink to the bridge, so they can see what he sees. Interesting how after this episode, it is neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever utilized again! Moreover, why are they getting what Geordi is himself seeing? The bridge crew does not know how to interpret what he's seeing. Wait, maybe that's why this is never used again (well, except by the Klingons who will use it to destroy the Enterprise in Generations). This scene serves mostly as padding, as well as showcasing the advantages of the VISOR, so let's move on.

After moving through a cloud of toxic gas, they find the passengers of this ship: Klingons. As this is some eighty years after the Original Series, Gene envisioned the Klingons being at peace with the Federation. Not too bad an idea, but that does not go over well in this episode. It looks less like the Russians and Americans working together and more like America having a puppet regime in a Middle East country. So, the ship begins to blow and Tasha is put in the transporter controls to beam them out. Of course, because she isn't a curly-haired Irishman, she fails the first time, but manages to bring them back.

The Klingons introduce themselves: Vaughn Armstrong and...some guy who was on The A-Team. Here we get one of the few elements of Klingon culture that will survive into other episodes: the Klingon death ritual. I'll admit: it is a very good scene. We also get some backstory on Worf. His parents were killed at Camp Khitomer (from Star Trek VI, which is four years away) and he was raised by humans. Nice to see how Gene, in his daze to create the perfect utopia, came up with a pretty nice backstory for Worf.

The Klingon died? You should bury him in
the pet cemetery.

Another Klingon ship arrives. On its bridge behind the captain is both a Klingon and Federation flag. Enjoy that image, because it will never be used in Star Trek again. This Klingon captain says that the ones the Enterprise picked up are fugitives, members of the Klingon Taliban. Well, maybe not, but they are wanted for stealing the ship and destroying a cruiser. Picard orders Tasha to bring the fugitives to the brig. As Tasha brings a security team, a little girl comes into the hallway and is picked up by Vaughn Armstrong. Tasha shows her usefulness by...not doing much in trying to save her.

Alright, I want to address the commonly mocked aspect of TNG with having children on board. I'm friends with multiple military families, so I've come to understand the hardships the spouses face when their loved one is shipped overseas. As such, I can kind of understand why Gene would have the families of the crew be on-board. After all, why should you go four or more years into deep space without seeing them. However, Starfleet is on various levels a military organization: one of its missions is to defend the Federation from threats. With all the anomalies and Romulan warbirds out there, you're putting dozens of kids in danger every week. Even in "Emissary", Sisko's family was on-board while he was fighting and losing to the Borg. Leave the kids at the nearest starbase! If you go up in smoke, don't bring your kids with you!

So, the hostage situation resolves nicely and the Klingons are brought to a brig which we'll never see again. It's more of a room with a force field next to a hallway than a brig (like in the Original Series). Thanks to Gene, Starfleet has decided to forgo any kind of search to make sure the prisoners aren't carrying weapons or things that could be used as weapons, as Vaughn Armstrong and the other guy are able to assemble a disruptor from equipment hidden in their clothing. Starfleet Security, one of the first things you should do when securing a prisoner is to make sure they're not carrying anything!

They get out, the other guy is killed, and Vaughn Armstrong makes it to engineering. Wow, Starfleet Security must be more like those guys who guard office buildings, "growing fat on a pension", than the elite Marine forces of the Navy if they allow an armed Klingon to get into one of the most vital areas of the ship. Once again, Tasha does not do anything and merely reports that he has his disruptor aimed at the dilithium chamber. Some have commented how the warp core is designed to withstand a constant matter/antimatter annihilation and yet a phaser blast can destroy the ship. Matter/antimatter need to be contained with magnetic shielding, not a physical barrier. Although...wouldn't it make more sense to have to have the physical barrier be built to withstand a phaser blast to prevent disruption of the magnetic...I'm rambling off-topic.

No, Worf! I'm telling you: it was a one-armed
man who killed my wife!

Worf comes in and manages to subdue Vaughn Armstrong. Once again, we see that occupational safety does not exist in the Star Trek universe, as the glass floorboards on the upper level shatter. The episode ends with Worf rejecting an offer to leave the Enterprise and join the Klingons. You know, as we later learn, Worf has been to the Klingon homeworld before. While meditating there, he was inspired to join Starfleet. Why would they still be trying to grab him? Oh right, we needed a sugary ending for this episode. So, the Enterprise flies off and fans can rejoice that there are only two more episodes before Tasha dies!

If you're a casual fan and not on a mission to watch every episode of Star Trek ever produced, I recommend you skip this episode. It's one of the lesser episodes of the lesser season of TNG. However, if you're really into the Klingons, I'll recommend it if only for the fact that it reintroduced the Klingons to the new era. Why was I constantly mentioning Vaughn Armstrong? Well, he would go from this episode to be along the likes of Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertzler for playing seven or more characters in the Star Trek franchise. So, if you're a fan of him, it may be worth seeing his first performance.

Final Score: 6/10

Goodbye, my Sarah Jane

2011-04-21T23:33:00.000-04:00

Elisabeth Clara Heath Sladen

1946-2011

Some of my Favorite DS9 moments

2011-04-14T19:30:00.001-04:00

Random collection of scenes that I found funny or provided important characterization.

Cogenitor

2011-04-07T00:30:00.001-04:00

Take a look at this trailer and tell me what you think.

IF I told you this was a trailer for what would be a very dark episode, would you believe me? Probably not.

Season 1 of Enterprise started off strong. I mean, really strong. 12 million people tuned in for "Broken Bow". For a little reference, that's slightly less than how many people tuned in for the finale of LOST, and greater than the number of people in the UK who witnessed the return of Doctor Who. This is Star Trek, a show that aired on a network not everyone had access to! Its ratings are usually lower as it appeals to a more specific audience.

Anyway, despite its strong start, the rating rapidly fell. By the end of Season 1, only five million people were still watching Archer go around the quadrant and be judgmental of other cultures. Season 2 leveled out with 3-4 million people loyal to the show (I was one of them; don't judge). Towards the end, the writers began their plans to reinvent the show. To do that, they needed to draw in people and pray they would stay drawn in. One way was to hastily bring in the Borg, another was to have T'Pol go through Pon'Farr, and another was...this, an episode that lied to potential viewers and stayed a morally confused story. Oh, and this story was written the masterful duo of dramedy: Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, so you know this episode is going to suck.

The episode opens with the crew of the NX-01 observing a hypergiant about a hundred or so lightyears from Earth. Archer has the need to remind the crew of how they are the first Earth ship within ten lightyears of a hypergiant. John, you're the first crew to be a hundred lightyears from Earth. You don't have to remind them at every turn about how far you are! Even Tucker got annoyed with you saying "We're making history with every lightyear!" Anyway, they discover a ship that is close to the star (much closer than they can get). Fortunately, the aliens of the week are a cheerful bunch, so Archer has no reason to be an arse this week.

One line consisting of one word of three letters.
Bye!

In the mess hall, Trip and Reed prove how heterosexual they are by introducing two of the Vissians to ice cream sundaes. Reed instantly has a takes an interest in the tactical officer and hopes to learn new ways to blow stuff up. There's another Vissian here, but she only has one line and never appears again, so they could have just cut her all together (even the actress herself never acted again). Trip goes over to meet the engineer and his wife. Sitting with them is someone who is very quiet. They say that this person is a cogenitor, and they're hoping to have a baby. It turns out this race has three genders.

Meanwhile, Archer agrees to accompany the Vissian captain on an expedition into the hypergiant. He talks about organizing a list of books and movies to give them. T'Pol has a moment of competence, in that it is out-of-the-ordinary to be alone with someone you just met for two days. Of course, Archer doesn't want to hear about it and leaves. I'm going to skip his scenes with the Vissian captain because it is too easy for jokes.

Don't worry. I'll pray that your next leap
will be the leap home.

Anyway, Trip gets a treatment for radiation (Trek continues to portray radiation as something you can easily immunize yourself against), and has the extent of humour for this episode. Phlox offers to show pictures of aliens having sex, with that, the trailer footage is used up. From here, Trip is completely disinterested in the marvels of an alien warp drive system that could potentially revolutionize Starfleet. Hell, in Reed's subplot, he gets the specs for photon torpedoes! But no, Trip spends these scenes as a guest on an It's Pat! sketch, wondering whether the cogenitor has a woo-hoo, or ha-ha. Well, maybe not, but he's a college dropout Southerner; it's probably all he thinks about.

Trip decides to take it upon himself to determine whether the cogenitor has the same level of intelligence as the other two genders. He learns that cogenitors comprise 3% of Vissia's population. He uses human standards of equality to decide that he needs to teach it how to read. Yes, really. He decides he will defy a thousand-year old culture with a critical element to reproduction, on his own. And before you go on about how the Ferengi changed their misogynistic culture on DS9, that was over many years, with the Ferengi opening trade relations with their neighbors, the Federation. Trade is often a good means to bring about good relations and spread ideas. You cannot take it upon yourself to force them to change overnight!

C:DOS
C:DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN

After teaching it how to read, Trip takes the cogenitor, who names itself "Charles", on a tour of Enterprise. He shows it the transporter, the warp drive, The Day The Earth Stood Still (the original, thank God), and the game Go. He is astonished that Charles, who until recently was essentially an uneducated sex worker, manages to beat him on its first game (saying no one's beaten him in two years). Well, considering two years is how long they've been in space, Organian-Reed boasted he's a champion at chess, and that Trip doesn't know basic algebra, or chemistry, dropped out of college and learned engineering from working on motorboats, I think we can reach a conclusion: the crew let Trip win. He's so stupid, they all decided to let him have his moments.

Sometime later, Trip is no longer welcomed aboard the Vissian ship. You know, Day The Earth Stood Still is 92 minutes long, Trip was teaching it how to read over a few hours, and it would take a couple more hours to show Charles all around the ship. How is it that it took that long for the Vissians to locate Tucker? Why didn't they come aboard and forcibly take the cogentior? And how did no one see them leave the ship? Did they really walk through the Jeffries tubes to avoid detection? After that, Charles says the Vissians don't approve of its education and it wants to stay.

Archer returns and proceeds to give a dressing down to Trip. Trip tries to say he did what Archer would do, and...from what we've seen...hmm. Archer condemned an entire race to extinction, betrayed Earth's only ally to a race that took him hostage, refused to apologize for his dog urinating on sacred trees, actually helped space pirates who were preying on Earth's defenseless cargo ships...yeah. Teaching an oppressed creature how to read is exactly what Archer would have done. And acknowledgements to sfdebris for pointing these things out to us all! He later goes to consider granting asylum to Charles. Again, Starfleet needs to draft that Prime Directive and tell its people to stop futzing around with aliens they just met.

Thanks to you, I didn't have a chance to get beaten up
this week!

After a brief legal scene, in which the Vissians make it very clear they are from a different culture and are not on Earth, Archer makes possibly the most boneheaded thing this season: he refuses to grant Charles asylum. And so, the Vissians fly off to memorize Shakespeare and Socrates (even giving books can change a culture), and later the Vissian captain says that Charles killed itself. So yes, once again, this episode is left with a morally confused lesson: sexual oppression is good when aliens do it! Thank you, Rick and Brannon, for taking a step back from the series long Ferengi arc on DS9!

The Vissian captain was played by the late Andreas Katsulas, who played the recurring Romulan Tomalak on TNG. As for the Vissians, with their highly advanced ability to fly close to stars, that strained even the hull of the Enterprise-D, they are neeeeeeeeeever seen again. I have a theory for how: the death of Charles sparked world-wide outrage. They retreated into isolation to combat increasing demand for cogenitors. Eventually, the demand became so great that they began to fight each other over the rare sex slaves. By the 24th Century, they had fought themselves into extinction.

Rating: 4/10

Resting Today

2011-03-31T07:59:00.002-04:00

With going to a con last weekend and having a take-home test due on Friday, I'm taking this week off. And so, allow me to give you some humour in the form of demotivational posters.

Upcoming Reviews:

The Wounded

Cogenitor
Barge of the Dead

Endgame

The City on the Edge of Forever

2011-03-24T00:30:00.011-04:00

Of all the episodes of the original series I've seen, City on the Edge of Forever is the one I've probably seen the most times. I have absolutely no idea how. Is it that Kirk and Spock are the only ones we see for the majority of the episode? Is it that this episode deals with the question of "should you change the past for your own reasons" (to which Voyager sadly said, "Yes! To hell with the consequences")? Let's take a look back at one of TOS' most remembered episodes.

We open with the Enterprise heading towards the planet of the week. Red alert is sounded. As it turns out, they are passing through ripples in time to investigate a disturbance they found in a sensor scan. At this moment, Sulu's console explodes and he is knocked out. I'll take a moment to address this. Some people believe that the consoles exploding adds to the cheesiness factor of Trek. Taking on inspiration from Linkara in his Power Rangers videos, I think there is a reasonable explanation: because the ship's systems are powered by plasma, they overload when they are struck in the wrong place. In combat, wouldn't most shots be taken at the bridge of the enemy?

I accidentally inject myself, and I
jiiiiizzed in my pants.

Bones arrives on the bridge and injects Sulu with some red medicine. However, another time bump hits and Bones accidentally injects himself with a full dosage. He becomes paranoid, believing everyone is going to kill him. As security searches for him, Bones storms a transporter room, knocks out the British transporter chief, and beams off.

Heading down with Spock, Scotty, Uhura, and two security guys whose names do not matter, Kirk commences a search for Bones. They discover a large Stargate-like device in the middle of ancient ruins. Without even looking at his tricorder, Spock is able to identify the gate as the source of all the time displacement, which makes him 150 times more competent than the entire crew of the USS Voyager.

I'm frightened! I think I'm revealing
characterization!

The gate introduces itself as the Guardian of Forever, which has stood around for four billion years waiting for a question. Spock determines (once again without needing the tricorder) that it is a gateway to other times and dimensions. Obviously, Spock is too primitive to understand the concept of wibbly-wobbly...timey...wimey...stuff. They soon find Bones and Spock knocks him out with the Vulcan nerve pinch. Rather than doing something sensible, like beaming away a crazy maniac who happens to be right next to a portal through space-time, they leave Bones right where he is, unrestrained and he jumps through the gateway as it replays Earth history. Seconds later, all contact with the Enterprise is lost and Scotty determines (again, WITHOUT using the tricorder) that there's nothing wrong with it. The Guardian reveals that history has been altered. Duh-duh-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!

Luckily, Spock happened to be recording his tricorder when Bones jumped through and might be able to get himself and Kirk back to the point in history Bones changed. Before leaving, Kirk orders Scotty, Uhura, and the No-Name Brothers that if they fail, to jump through the portal and at least be alive somewhere else. Damn. Where's a Weeping Angel when you need...oh crap, WEEPING ANGELS?!! RUN!!!

Kirk and Spock jump through the portal and land in 1930 New York City. Spock calls the Great Depression a rather "barbaric period" of history. I do not believe the Great Depression counts as a barbaric period. Granted, it DID contribute to the rise of Hitler, but the Depression itself was people being unemployed and starving. Still, with World War III and rise of the Federation, it should be no surprise that they view pre-21st Century as barbaric. Maybe that's why they call it "ancient"...

Quickly realizing their uniforms are out-of-place in this time period, Kirk and Spock go to steal some clothes in order to blend in. This is followed with, quite frankly, one of Star Trek's funniest scenes:

Kirk and Spock flee, ending up in a soup kitchen. Spock proposes the idea that time is like a river and the currents have delivered them to the same location McCoy will arrive at; they really need to start teaching Wibbly-Wobbly Temporal Physics at the University of Shi'kahr. There...they meet Edith Keeler, played by Joan Collins. You can see Kirk's bed-o-meter going off as she walks down the stairway like an angel...

Ahem, sorry.

The two are able to secure payment and lodging, as Spock determines he might be able to figure out what Bones did if he can access the library on his tricorder. Of course, with 1930s tech, he will need to work diligently to make use of the materials at hand. This demonstrates that the cast of TOS is what happens when you clone MacGyver and assign those clones to the command staff of a starship.

Damn, I'm...never this slow when...courting a woman.

Kirk and Spock go upstairs for dinner. Edith proceeds to give a speech about how life is worth living. She also reveals she's a fan of science fiction, and postulates the ideas of mankind harnessing atomic energy and travelling to other planets where they will get all the food they need and live in a universe of peace. Sadly, her optimism is not to last. Even in the 23rd Century, while hunger and sickness have been solved, there are people out there who despise the idea of peace. Like, Klingons! So, Edith is pleased with their work in cleaning the basement and gives the two a place to sleep.

A few days later, Spock has started work on his device that will harvest the energy of lightning to reanimate the body he made from a hosh-posh of corpses dug up from grave...oops, wrong thing. Spock is able to explain away what his device is to Edith in his usual alien monotone. Following this, we get the blooming of romance between Kirk and Edith. You know, for a woman who predicts atomic power, she seems a bit slow to realize that Kirk is from space when he says that a hundred years from now, there will be a great novelist from Orion who will reinvigorate the words "I love you". Even Gillian from Star Trek IV worked it out over pizza.

And...over there is where...an augment and his followers
will be left to form a new society. His name will be...Khan.

Back to work, Spock repairs enough of the tricorder to see an obituary for Edith. However, when he shows the display to Kirk, it shows a headline of Edith and FDR having a meeting (no, not that kind of meeting; Edith doesn't seem to be FDR's type). At that moment, the circuitry explodes. They realize that Edith has two possible futures, and Kirk must know whether she is supposed to live or die. After all, he is at Step 5 of Kirk's Long Term Romantic Plan.

Meanwhile, Bones finally shows and startles one of the bums from the soup kitchen. He's still crazy and begins to break down upon thinking about 20th Century medicine, when people were "cut and sewn like garments" (which he'll later see in Star Trek IV). Hey, Bones, no offense, but while it wasn't the best medicine possible, it was still all we had! After he passes out, the bum takes his phaser and accidentally kills himself. Just goes to show how stupid American bums are. Around this time, German bums were hired by the mob to track the child killer Peter Lorre on the streets of Berlin!

In what you'd expect, Bones heads over to the same soup kitchen Kirk and Spock are at. He's taken away by Edith just as Spock enters the room. After that, Spock reveals the true extent of what happens if Edith lives. Her peace movement will influence President Roosevelt and thus delay America's entrance into World War II. Without American involvement, Germany will have enough time to complete the atomic bomb and with the V2 rockets, the Nazis will conquer the world. Before I continue, I'd like to point out that there is a novel out there about McCoy's life after he gets trapped and realizes his mistake when America doesn't enter the war; he ends up getting killed by Japanese occupation forces.

I'd like to say that this scenario is fairly far fetched. One, America did not cause Germany's defeat; it only accelerated it. Hitler lost the war the moment he decided that invading Russia would be a good idea. Two, even if Hitler completed his nukes, the resolve of Churchill and Stalin was so great that (assuming they were at some conference when London and Moscow were destroyed) they would only bide their time while they completed their own nuclear weapons and nuked Berlin in response. Three, the V2 rockets carried a warhead that weighed 2200 pounds. Little Boy, the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, weighed 9000 pounds. As they were first used in 1944, it would have taken a year or two to adapt the rockets to carry a heavier payload (even longer to complete the V3 intercontinental rocket), and with no landing at Normandy, more resources would be sent out to hold the Eastern Front. Unless, of course, Hitler was getting help from aliens and they gave him advanced weapons like plasma rifles...

Some might argue that because the US had "peace negotiations", Nazi Germany did not start the war until they were technologically advanced, but the line "enter the war" means it was going on without US intervention.

So, Kirk reveals to Spock that he is in love with Edith. It must be love, as he has yet to have sex with her. So, there you have it. Does Kirk let her live, and allow the Nazis to potentially win (unlikely) World War II, or does he let her die?

Wait...aren't movies solely for porn?

Meanwhile, Bones starts to get better and decides that while he might still be hallucinating, he's decided that Edith isn't part of it. She says she'll be pleased to help him out later, but her "young man" (oh, 30s talk) is taking her to see a Clark Gable movie. Bones surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is. Fun fact: Clark Gable was not an A-List actor in 1930. The shooting script originally said "a Richard Dix movie", but at the last minute they decided that no one would probably remember who he was.

Kirk and Edith head out to the movie theater. He surprises her by not knowing who Clark Gable is either. I'll need to nitpick this scene. When I watch it, I assume he says "what?" because it was noisy outside. Besides, when they made plans for their date, wouldn't Edith have said she wanted to see the "Clark Gable movie"? But still, it's the 60s; most animated shows are based on one or two jokes and over on some British show, they built the most evil creature with a salt shaker and a toilet plunger.

Upon hearing McCoy's name, Kirk runs back across the street and calls out for Spock. At that moment, Bones comes downstairs. Bro-hugs all around! However, Edith seems lost in a trance as she walks across and gets hit by a truck. With history restored, Kirk, Spock, and Bones are returned to their original time (a few seconds after they left). The Guardian offers more adventures across time...and SPACE!!! But, the Guardian should learn that you never cheat Kirk out of sex. He orders them to leave and the Guardian is neeeeeeever brought up again (probably a good reason).

So, how does City on the Edge of Forever hold up? Well, the dialogue can be a bit cheesy at times and if you have the original version, there's the 60s era production feel to it. But still, I feel this episode is part of the original series at its best. It tackles a fairly deep issue: do you alter history to save someone you love, even if it will mean the deaths of millions? Bill and Leonard turn in solid performances (so much YOU forget...about Kirk's...pauses when SPEAK...ing), and provide some wonderful humour in the policeman scene. I strongly recommend this episode if you're looking for a quiet night of classic Trek in its prime.

Score for the episode: 9/10

Move Along Home

2011-03-17T00:30:00.001-04:00

The year was 1993. While my parents and I were living at my grandmother's, Star Trek: The Next Generation was in its sixth season. During that time, Rick Berman launched a spin-off which would overlap with the series' continuity, giving birth to what would end up proving to be Star Trek's finest series: Deep Space 9. Already, Emissary introduced complex characters, story arcs, and inter-character adversarial relations (although sfdebris already covered Emissary, I might take a look at it later). By its end, while fans would consider it the "black sheep" of the franchise (although it is far superior to the first two seasons of Enterprise), DS9 would prove to be the strongest series in terms of character, plot, writing, and acting.

That being said, Season 1 is most certainly the weakest of the series. I've noticed this with quite a few shows, and to be fair, it is pretty excusable. After all, a show is just starting out, trying to establish characters, settings, direction, etc. However, unlike TNG, VOY, or ENT, DS9 had a significant amount of strong episodes in its first season. These include the pilot, Duet (one of my favorites), Captive Pursuit, Progress, and In The Hands of the Prophets. The "bad" episodes were mostly the result of the writing staff attempting to draw in the TNG audience, resulting in the Duras sisters and Q making guest appearances. While this worked well to establish the continuity (the Enterprise-D made two trips to DS9 during its last two seasons), these episodes...somewhat failed to deliver. For the most part Season 1 of DS9 fell prey to the Alien-of-the-Week Syndrome that mostly plagued TNG, damaged Voyager, and paralyzed Enterprise. With that, let's get to Move Along Home.

The episode opens with Ben putting on his dress uniform. Jake comes in and begins talking about his friendship with Nog, especially how they're starting to watch the Bajoran girls come to the station. Ben and Jake begin "the talk" (which my father and I never had, because I mostly taught myself thanks to TV and the internet). I don't know, Ben seems to be taking the first hint that Jake might grow up to be a stalker a little too leniently. Anyway, they're interrupted by the com-system. As it turns out, DS9 is receiving the first official delegation from the Gamma Quadrant. No, it's not a platoon of Jem'Hadar. They won't come in until next year, when the show manages to emerge from the shadow of TNG.

Ben heads down to the airlock with Kira, Jadzia, and Bashir. Bashir is fretting that he forgot to pack his dress uniform. Odd, considering they've been on the station for a few months at least and he hasn't even replicated a new uniform. The Aliens-of-the-Week arrive. They're called the Wadi, but as they love games, I'm just going to call them gamers. Gaming is my way of life, and hopefully I will be able to find work within the gaming community after I graduate. So many worlds to create, campaigns to build, Allied ships to sink, stone to collect...

The Wadi. They have +5 to diplomacy, +6 to intelligence,
and -5 to fashion and makeup.

Where was I? Oh yes. The gamers head off in search of Quark's, as it's the only place on the station for games. You kind of would think things like DnD and World of Darkness would survive well into the 24th Century. Ben feels a sense of shame, as this is again the first diplomatic meeting from the Gamma Quadrant and it's nothing like how it should go in the book. You know what you do when you face a planet of gamers, Ben? You challenge them to a game! When in Rome, do as the Romans do (a phrase which no alien has yet to understand)! But, he decides he's had enough sulking and heads to bed so he can have "the talk" with Jake in the morning.

Meanwhile, Quark is getting worried because the gamers are winning at dabo (which is essentially Ferengi roulette). News flash, Quark: there is no game that a group of students who spend Friday nights fighting orcs and collecting gold cannot master. He tries to do what a Ferengi always does: cheat. Of course, it's noticed and the gamers threaten Quark. The cheating bastard! They restrain him, but he is able to talk his way out of being thrown out the nearest airlock. They challenge him to a new game. The name of it doesn't really matter. I'm just going to call it a family friendly version of Cube.

You awaken in a dungeon! Confronting you is...
a dragon!

Ben wakes up in what is not a giant Rubik's cube of death and does the exact opposite of the Voyager crew when confronted with something bizarre: he exercises all possibilities like calling Ops before opening his tricorder. He tries the doors and sees the gamemaster who cryptically says "move along home!" Ben hurries down the hallway to find early show Bashir screaming (it's what early show Bashir is best at). They also find Kira and Jadzia in the hallway, realizing this is not normal at all. They decide to split up and see what they can discover. Alright, guys: first rule of gaming is you never split up the party!

In the morning, Jake heads down to see Odo. It seems that Ben disappeared. Odo tells Jake he'll find his dad, after which the glorified guest star of DS9 heads off to watch girls come aboard the station. Ben, when you're done RPing, you better have a chat with your son about how stalking is wrong. Anyway, Odo begins to investigate as any detective would. He goes up to Ops, where Lieutenant Primmin is not the least bit concerned that four members of the senior staff failed to show up for duty. Wow, what incompetence. We all know what happens to incompetent members of Sisko's crew: they get shipped off to ~~Siberia~~ the USS Voyager!

No, Commissar! I wasn't saying unflattering things
about Comrade Sisko!

Remember how I compared this episode to Cube earlier? Well, fun fact: the math girl in the first movie ended up playing Ezri in Season 7. Here's another tidbit: they had only one cube set for the entire shoot. All scenes in cubes with a specific color had to be filmed altogether, as it was incredibly time-consuming to remove the gel sheets from the walls of the cube. The first film was one of the most terrifying things I saw. I know the sequels were released after 2000, but I hope the Nostalgia Critic reviews them. What ruined those two was revealing the outside world to the people inside the Cube, and showing how the thing worked. What made it terrifying was that it was so unknown.

Why am I talking about Cube? Because anyone of the trap scenes was better than the scene I need to discuss now. It is one of the scenes that may qualify as the worst moment in Star Trek, and probably when the actors had doubts on whether they made the right choice to be on DS9.

Was that painful? I hope it was. Take solace in the fact that DS9 got much better after this.

Odo goes down to the bar to check on Quark, who is...winning? I think? Anyway, Odo reveals that four senior officers are missing, and then Quark eyes the four pieces on the game board. Thus, they realize that this is more than a game.

I want to go back to the Blue Room! I don't like the
red ones.

Meanwhile, Sisko and the others head into the room that is filled with sound-activated spikes, oh wait, sorry, a room full of partying gamers. The room begins filled with some kind of gas and the gamers are just laughing about. Bashir takes a wild guess and discovers that the drinks the gamers have are actually the antidote. After this, Odo heads aboard the Wadi ship to try to find the crewmembers. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the last we'll ever see of Lieutenant Primmin before he was shipped off to die on the USS Voyager.

Odo finds a bizarre chamber, but it's a subspace...flux...portal...thing...and it just sends him back to Quark's. He arrives just in time to see Quark roll a natural one on his die. Back in the Rubik's Cube of Death, they activate the light room and Bashir is whisked away somewhere. Back in his bar, Quark realizes the stakes here. He decides to take the shorter path (which will double the peril, but double his winnings and get them "home" in one turn). He gets Odo to blow on his dice (which you should never do in game). Unfortunately, our Lord and Savior, Gary Gygax, is not with him tonight and he rolls another natural one. Meaning...someone's going to die!

No! I'll never be a pain in Makeup again!

What follows is a bit of Quark kneeling before the gamemaster, saying he'll never cheat again. I'll admit, this is a nice bit of characterization, showing that Quark does have something resembling a conscious within that four-lobed brain of his. Sadly, this nice little moment cannot save an episode this stupid. The gamemaster programs the game to select a player to be killed. Back in the Cube, Ben, Kira, and Jadzia here Bashir...somewhere. They run towards him but find a massive cave instead. What kind of game is this, with caves built into Rubik's Cubes of Death?

Anyway, they all fall down into a cavern and the four materialize in Quark's. Quark assumes he's won, but this actually means he lost. Damn, don't you hate it when you failed the quest? The girl dies, you don't get as much experience or gold. I hate it when that happens...

I'll tell YOU how much gold I'll be getting for this adventure!

So, the gamers pack up and leave. Because of Quark being on his knees, saying that he cheated, Odo reveals to Ben who started this all. Ben ends the episode with a look that he's about to bitchslap the hell out of Quark, before throwing him into the nearest airlock. But, as is with all aliens-of-the-week episodes, the gamers head off on their ship and are neeeeeeeeever seen or heard from again. I have a theory that they might work as strategists in the Dominion military, but that is a matter for the writers of fanfics, like me.

This episode is a classic example of how boring and stupid early DS9 was. But, I can't really blame them. Despite its flaws, TNG was still the better watched show and it was difficult to bring in audience members. The episodes with the Duras sisters and Q were a bit more painful to sit through, as anyone could have filled their roles in the respective episodes (though, the Duras episode did have the first appearance of Garak...). Still, I can forgive the writers and producers who greenlit this piece. After all, by the end of next season, we would have an explosive intro to what would be Star Trek's finest story arc: the Dominion conflict.

Score for this episode: 3/10

Profit and Lace

2011-03-10T00:30:00.005-05:00

For a franchise that has been known for bringing attention to social issues such as segregation and the effects of war, there is one field Star Trek has somewhat failed to deliver in: homosexuality.

Since TNG, there had been plans for gay characters on the shows, such as Geordi and Malcolm from Enterprise, but these plans never came to light. Personally, I think it would have been better if they had a lesbian character; after all, lesbians are a bit more mainstream in media and far more appealing to sexually-deprived teenage males.

Of course, as it is the 24^th Century, I have the theory that by then, homosexuality has become so commonplace in human and Federation society that it is a non-issue. But then, I realized that there have been homosexual characters on Star Trek: the Ferengi! According to one of the Rules of Acquisition, you should always have sex with the boss. As only men could make profit, and all the bosses were men…uh, you can draw your own conclusions.

Now then, I am going to be upfront and say that I enjoyed the Ferengi episodes of DS9, which is my favorite Trek series. In a series that explored the darker elements of the Alpha Quadrant, the Ferengi episodes provided some much needed levity during the Dominion infiltration and Klingon war arcs. That being said, I’ve noticed that there is one Ferengi episode that is nearly as universally hated as Threshold, quite possibly the worst episode of DS9 (I’ve seen all of DS9, and I felt it had much fewer bad episodes; most episodes that would qualify as “bad” were just boring). Is “Profit and Lace” as bad as people make it out to be? Well, let’s find out!

Just don't read the fine-r print.

The episode opens with Quark doing what he does best: soliciting sex from his Dabo girls. However, he is cockblocked by his brother, Rom. I will go on record saying that Rom is one of my favorite DS9 characters, alongside Damar, Garak, Dukat, Weyoun, Martok…

Rom says that he tried to contact their mother on Ferenginar, but all communications were down. He could not contact anyone on their homeworld. They immediately suspect the worst: the Dominion attacked Ferenginar! Oh no! Think of all the atrocities they can commit with the damp vegetation, the ketracel-white produced by beetle snuff, the impressive slave labor at the backs of the Ferengi!

And at the conclusion of this scene which is the only time we'll really see any other of the main cast (it is a Ferengi episode, after all), we learn that Zek and Quark's mother, Ishka, have arrived at the station. Well Ben, Worf, Jadzia, and Nerys, thanks for at the very least reminding us that there is a war going on.

As it turns out, a few days ago, Zek instituted an amendment to the Ferengi Bill of Opportunities. It permitted women to wear clothing. However, for 10,000 years, Ferengi society has been incredibly male-oriented and women were not even allowed to leave the house. Pretty much think turn-of-the-century America, but with far more oppression of women. So, Zek's sudden addition to the Bill of ~~Rights~~ Opportunities has caused such an uproar that the entire planetary social network to shut down.

Grand Nagus Brunt? Inconceivable!

For the most part, I enjoyed the Ferengi Social Legislation Arc of DS9. It helped represent things like women's suffrage and the progressive movement. Still, I am deeply surprised the idea did not come to any of the male Ferengi sooner, that if women can earn profit, the economy will be far stronger. But, for all we know, a bunch of old sticks-in-the-mud assassinated those Ferengi. Anyway, it turns out that the Ferengi Commerce Authority has overthrown Zek and is set to install Brunt as the new Grand Nagus. Brunt has been described by his actor, the amazing Jeffrey Combs, as the "IRS guy from Hell".

Zek's plan is to contact every member of the FCA to discuss his new amendment. Then, Ishka will run the meeting. If they can get one of the board members to listen to Ishka's vast instinct for profit, he might be able to halt the installation of Brunt. We then get a montage of Quark, Rom, and Nog (Rom's son, the first Ferengi in Starfleet) contacting all the board members and not hearing the people on the screens. This scene is good; the conversations go from optimistic to "oh crap" in the span of seconds.

Grr! Two alien roles on one show. What's next? Blue skin
and a set of antennae?

After what we assume to be hours, Quark, Rom, and Nog are only able to get one board member to come to the station. It's the owner of Ferengi Coca-Cola. Then, Brunt enters the bar. We keep the running joke of Acting Grand Nagus Brunt before he begins breaking Rule of Evil #47: NEVER taunt your opposition. It only serves to strengthen their resolve. With that, Quark has an argument with Ishka. Being the least progressive character in Star Trek history, Quark tries to show authority over his own mother (how does that work?) to the point she has a heart attack. No, literally, she has a heart attack.

Brunt proceeds to rub it in, only further strengthening their resolve to make this work. Quark is guilt ridden about this, which leads him to agree that the plan must succeed. But, with the female gone, how will they find another one who is just as business savvy as Ishka? Sadly, they call on the talents of Doctor Bashir (who also directed this episode). Bashir uses his never-before mentioned skills at sex-change operations (no, I don't mean a simple cosmetic surgery; I mean complete male-to-female holy-crap-he-went-all-the-way) to produce within a few hours (what usually takes months of preparation)...this.

Hail, hail Robonia, a land I didn't make up!

I'm sorry, but it is just nauseating to see Quark in drag like this. Dressing in drag is one of those things that should be either funny or serious, not both. If it's completely funny, you have Some Like It Hot. If it's completely serious, you have someone exploring the gender gap. The problem here is seeing a character who has been a staple of the program for six years wearing something so...unbelievably hideous...trying to do a comedic bit while tackling an enormous issue for Ferengi society. If this episode went all the way with comedy, it might have been good. If it went all the way with seriousness, it would have been better. Rules of Acquisition pulled off the drag bit by having it be completely serious. This is trying to be both, and fails.

What follows is some attempts at comedy of having Zek, Leeta, and Rom teach Quark in the art of being a woman. Rom shows off his effeminate side (remember how I said the Ferengi are the first gay race?), but he lacks the knowledge for profit to pull off being the female that is needed. Then, oh no! The board member has arrived a day early!

Nog tries to stall for time with the board member, but he wants to see the female. We then get what sends this episode into the ground. Quark speaks with the board member about how women wearing clothes will improve Ferengi society. After a while, he only wants to get into Quark's panties. However, Brunt has realized that Quark is cross-dressing and tries to tell the board member. Quark responds by...opening his dress. I guess he went all the way for what would be at most a day.

Oh, Rene! I asked for a raise and this was their response?!

After a night that is best left out of our imagination, Quark is right back to normal, with some hormonal imbalances that will ease up soon and a life-changing experience that will neeeeeeeeever be brought up again. Odo enters. I like Odo and Quark's rivalry that spanned the entire series. We get Quark still being a little femmy and this look of discomfort on Odo's face. And just like the hormones, this will neeeeeeeeeever be spoken of ever again. This marks one of the few times on DS9 when they will follow Voyager's example of not bringing up defining character moments (the other one that comes to mind is O'Brien's 20 years in prison).

Zek and Ishka enter, revealing that the board has decided to keep Zek as Grand Nagus. The plan worked. Ishka tells Quark he made a wonderful daughter (from not even witnessing Quark's action). He has some character traits which will disappear through the wormhole, up until the penultimate episode when Ferengi society changes forever and he essentially stays a stick-in-the-mud.

Well, that was a bit painful. This episode could have been good. Ferengi society is changing for the better, and they try to be serious and comedic with it. Neither can be used at the same time when you involve cross-dressing. It needs to be either comedic or serious. One last thing: this was the last thing Alexander Siddig directed not just on Deep Space 9, but ever. He never directed again afterwards. I wonder why...

Score as a GPA: 1.5

Announcement

2011-03-03T11:14:00.003-05:00

The review this week will be postponed while ScarletFaerie and I experiment with a video review.

Next week:
Profit and Lace

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