Lunch Hour Pops

Third verse, same as the first (part 6)

2008-07-17T09:24:00.002-04:00

from: BARR MIKE OBI
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 10:21 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dear ,

You have asked a good question as a wise one, I cannot do anything now cause the Deposit and Death Certificates are at home and I will need a scanner to scan them for you so everything will be done tomorrow and I will make sure I go to the court to find out how we can get the other documents on your name as the Next of kin to my
late.client

Kindly send to me your passport or Identification is needed from the Bank

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI
date: Thu, Jul 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

My most darling Barrister Obi,

Don't worry about the Deposit and Death Certificates. Whenever you have a chance to scan them will be fine. Will the bank be OK with waiting to receive the documents? I guess if they have let Mr. Woods' account sit untouched since 2002, then a few days won't hurt. Have you done it yet? If not, when? And did you find out how we can get the other documents into my name?

I can easily send you some ID. How about my drivers license? I just need a day or two to go to my mother's house to scan it, and then I can email it to you. She and I haven't been on the best of terms since I slept with her husband (my stepfather), but little-by-little we're repairing our relationship.

The other thing that I was thinking was that, instead of emailing it to you, how about if I brought it to you in person? I feel so close, like we are one soul, and I just want to be near you and to meet you and to get to know you and to be with you. I am willing to travel to see you so that we can finally be as one.

I will tell the manager of the candy store that I own that I am going away, as soon as I hear back from you. His name is Declan, and he is a nice fellow.

Please let me know if this is OK with you. I will be crushed if you say no, but it is OK. I just feel like I have so much in terms of body and soul to give to a man, and I want that man to be you.

I will buy my ticket as soon as I hear back from you.

I have also attached another photo of myself so that you will maybe be interested in having me come visit. You can have me if you want me.

xoxoxo
Alexandra

Third verse, same as the first (part 5)

2008-07-16T09:10:00.002-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 9:38 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dearest and kindest Barrister Obi,

How are you this fine morning? I hope that you are well, and happy and healthy. I am going to write to the bank in just a few minutes.

I am disappointed that you didn't write back to me. I have been feeling lonely ever since my boyfriend and I split up after he slept with my sister. I feel so alone in this world, like no man will ever love me. Is there any point in going on in the world without the love of a good man.

Could you be that man? Call me crazy, but I feel a special connection to you. And with the money we will soon make, we can have everything: houses, cars, travel and love. Love. The most important thing in the universe.

Maybe we are soul mates.

I make a lot of money from my job as a swimsuit model and also from my candy store. Maybe I could fly to Africa to see you. Or you could come see me. Please let me know. I need you.

Attached is another photo of me from a recent wedding I went to.

xoxoxo
Alexandra

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 9:56 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dearest Barrister Obi,

I just looked over the email from the bank, and they have asked for the following items:

1. A sworn Affidavit Of Claim from any Federal High Court here in Nigeria attesting to the claim and facts that you are the beneficiary to our late customer.

2. A letter of Administration from the Federal Ministry Of Justice here in Nigeria empowering you as a beneficiary to this fund to claim and authorise onwards transfer into any designated bank account of your choice without any state nor federal hinderances.

3. A Computer Scan and valid passport/photograph of any kind for identification( Any of these Identifications are acceptable: Driver's License, International Passport, Company/ Student Identity cards.

4. A valid copy of the Funds depository certificate and agreement as duly signed by the deceased.

5. A copy of late MR.JOHN WOODS Death Ceritifcate.

I can get #3, but how am I to get the rest? OK, please let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra

***********

from: BARR MIKE OBI
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 10:13 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dear,

Did you hear from the Bank

Third verse, same as the first (part 4)

2008-07-15T09:11:00.005-04:00

from: BARR MIKE OBI
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 8:18 AM
subject: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dear Sister.

Attach to this mail is my Identification so you will know the person that you are dealing with.

Kindly keep me posted as soon as you hear from the Bank.

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI
date: Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 9:15 AM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Dearest Barrister Obi,

You are an extremely handsome man. I think I have a little crush on you. Are you married or single? Do you like blondes? You look so important and regal in your judge's outfit.

Have you ever thought about coming to America? Or perhaps I could come to Africa to see you.

I await instruction from the bank.

Best regards,
Alexandra
xoxoxo

***********

from: Guaranty Trust Bank Plc
reply-to: info.gtbankplcnig@yahoo.com
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 7:46 AM
subject: Accept our heart-felt condolence from the entire staff of ( GTB )

GUARANTY TRUST BANK
THE DIRECTOR FOREIGN OPERATION UNIT GTBANK
Email: info.gtbankplcnig@yahoo.com
Telephone 234-8075-4343-92 ext 222
234-182-2085

Attention:Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

We write acknowledging the reciept of your letter concerning our late customer's fixed deposit. On this note, we the entire members of staff, management and board of directors of Guaranty Trust Bank Plc ( GTB ) do express our heart-felt condolence over the death of our Late customer MR.JOHN WOODS and also pray that the Almighty God in his infinite mercy shall give you and the entire family the fortitude to bear this great loss.

It is very imperative to inform you that we as a financial institution has long waited for your calls for funds following recent publications in the national dailies.Further more, we sincerely urge you to provide us with these below stated documents of proves indicating yourself legally as the beneficiary of this fund.

Particulars Required are:

1. A sworn Affidavit Of Claim from any Federal High Court here in Nigeria attesting to the claim and facts that you are the beneficiary to our late customer.

2. A letter of Administration from the Federal Ministry Of Justice here in Nigeria empowering you as a beneficiary to this fund to claim and authorise onwards transfer into any designated bank account of your choice without any state nor federal hinderances.

3. A Computer Scan and valid passport/photograph of any kind for identification( Any of these Identifications are acceptable: Driver's License, International Passport, Company/ Student Identity cards.

4. A valid copy of the Funds depository certificate and agreement as duly signed by the deceased.

5. A copy of late MR.JOHN WOODS Death Ceritifcate.

All these should be made forwarded to us before further commencement in approving your claims as the true beneficiary to our late customer.

We anticipate your sheer co-operations in serving you better.

Signed:
Dr. Charles Ego.
International Remittance Director.

N.B
We apologize for the difficulties you may experience in writing to us through our bank website, it is due to upgrading of the website in serving you better.

I'm not suggesting that you'll be date raped by a bunch of moronic frat boys and investment bankers if you go to this, but why take the chance?

2008-07-14T09:18:00.004-04:00

from: Scott G.
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jul 13, 2008 at 12:48 AM
subject: World's Largest Flip Cup Tournament to debut in NYC

Hey Ha Ha Sound:

I wanted to let you know about an exciting beer sporting event that your readers will flip for. All pertinent information is below. Please let us know if you'd be interested in writing a story about the Flip Cup Guys and/or their first-of-its-kind tournament. Thanks for your time! I look forward to hearing from you.

=======

INTRODUCING THE WORLD’S LARGEST FLIP CUP TOURNAMENT…

Everyone wishes they were still in college. The parties, the late nights, the parties, the sleeping until all hours of the day, the parties…..

What better way to return to your college days than with a game of Flip Cup? How about the largest game of Flip Cup ever played in the U.S.?

Flip Cup Guys, the nation’s largest organizer of flip cup tournaments, is making flip cup even BIGGER with the launch of its World’s Largest Flip Cup Tournament (WLFCT). Flip Cup will never be the same again! The event will be held on October 11, 2008 at the M1-5 Bar and Lounge in New York City.

Those eager to flip in WLFCT can log on to www.FlipCupGuys.com to register themselves, and their teammates, and familiarize themselves with the rules of the game and the tournament. With brackets calling for 64 six-player teams, and venue space allowing for hundreds of spectators, participants will be able to let loose, show off their team spirit, enjoy open beer bar specials, and compete for eternal glory.

Flip Cup Guys will be expanding their Flip Cup empire nationwide in 2009.

For more information regarding the Flip Cup Guys, co-founders Scott and Mike, the World’s Largest Flip Cup Tournament, and/or upcoming events nationwide, please contact Scott at scott@flipcupguys.com.

Best,

SCOTT G.
Managing Partner

Flip Cup Guys

t: 201 751 4754
e: scott@FlipCupGuys.com
w: www.FlipCupGuys.com

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: "Scott G."
date: Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 9:20 AM
subject: Re: World's Largest Flip Cup Tournament to debut in NYC

Hi Scott,

Have a look at my blog today. I posted something about this.

Seems pretty appropriate to me.

Toodles,
Ha Ha Sound

Things You'll Never See, Vol. 44

2008-07-11T15:13:00.001-04:00

Social networking for people with high sex drives:

http://www.cumonyourfacebook.com

Ha. Get it?

Third verse, same as the first (part 3)

2008-07-10T09:15:00.003-04:00

from: BARR MIKE OBI
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 11:05 AM
subject: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,
mailed-by: gmail.com

Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

How are you doing today, I guess that you are doing greatly fine by the special grace of Almighty.

You are to forward the below TEXT APPLICATION to the bank via email in bracket : ( info.gtbankplcnig@yahoo.com) please always update me with situation reports from the Bank,and always feel free to call me on phone.

Best regards,
Barrister Mike Obi

[Note: I have edited out the letter, and repasted it in as sent below. Keep reading. It'll make sense. Trust me.]

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI
date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 4:07 PM
subject: Re: Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,
mailed-by: gmail.com

Barrister Obi,

I will do exactly as you say. I want to help you, and I feel that we make fantastic business partners. I just feel that you and I have a special connection. It will be wonderful when we have the money, and we can share in the bounty of our riches.

Tell me more about you. Are you married? Do you have children?

I am single. I have never been married. I have enclosed a picture of myself. May I see one of you?

OK, I'll email the bank now as you asked.

Best regards,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: info.gtbankplcnig@yahoo.com
date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 4:11 PM
subject: Regarding John Woods
mailed-by: gmail.com

I am Alexandra L. Cocksinrather ,who presently reside at 12 Laramie Boulevard, Apt #7, Burlington, VT 19878 U.S.

I wish to Inform your management of the surden Death of my relative Mr.John Woods who was involved in auto crash ,on the 2nd of Dec. 2002.and has been buried in accordians to traditional rites.

Sir, Before his Death he told me inconfidence that he has an account with your bank and I wish to inform you that I am his only living relation, therefore I humbly request that the Balance money depositted with your bank be transfered to me with the information's stated bellow:-

Name: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
Home Address: 12 Laramie Boulevard, Apt #7,
Burlington, VT 19878 U.S.A
Telephone Number: 212-382-5968
Fax : Nil
Sex: Female
Marital status: Single
Occupation:Swimsuit model/candy store proprietress

Please send your response to enable me receive the money thanks for your coperations.

Yours faithfully
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

[Note: as you'll recall, this is the letter that Barrister Obi wanted me to send to the bank. So, I just cut-and-pasted it and emailed it off to the address given. This correspondence gets even funnier. Promise.]

Third verse, same as the first (Part 2)

2008-07-09T09:15:00.002-04:00

from: BARR MIKE OBI
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Sat, Jul 5, 2008 at 1:19 PM
subject: ATTN. DEAR FRIEND
mailed-by: gmail.com

Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your response regarding my Request for your assistance to claim the funds left behind by my Deceased client.

As a matter of fact, I contacted you based on the ultimatum given to me by the Guaranty Trust Bank that my client account would be confiscated if nobody applies for these funds as the Next of Kin. so I decided to present you as The next of kin to my deceased client who incidentally comes from the same country with you and also bears the same last name with you.

The issue at hand is that we have to act fast before this fund will be reverted to government treasury account as unclaimed funds, first and foremost, I want you to know that as the only person privy to the deceased file, and I have the power to present you as the next of kin to the deceased person.

All I need from you in other to actualize this transaction is your full cooperation, support and financial assistance to enable us secure the Legal documents that will cover you as the Next of Kin to my late client.

So please kindly assure me of your willingness to assist me on this transaction and also safe guarding this fund when it gets to your account.

Before we proceed, I wish to emphasize the importance of trust and honesty in this transaction because these are the bedrock of any successful transaction. Having contacted you on this transaction, I want you to know that absolute trust from both sides has to be Established.

At this stage, I hereby seize this opportunity to introduce myself formally to you before I go into details of how to proceed with the transaction.

Full name: Barr Mike Obi
Based in . Legal Practitioners & Corporate Nominees
44 Allen Road, Ikeja Lagos
Email: Direct. barr.mikeobioffice20202@yahoo.co.uk
Direct Telphone: +234-802-3609586

In addition, it is pertinent to inform you that this transaction is void of any legal implications as all legal documents to portray you as the bonafide next of kin shall be secure in your name.

I will like you to provide me with your informations such as,

1. Your Full names
2. Your complete Postal Address.
3. Your Telephone number
4. Your fax number
5. Your Occupation.
6. Sex and Age.
7. Marital Status

As soon as i get all these informations from you, I will draft you a
Text Application in which i will fill and forward to the bank on your
behafe to facelitate the bank in the release of my late client estate
to you as his Next Of Kin.

I will be wiating for your urgent reply.

Best regards,
Barrister Mike Obi

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: BARR MIKE OBI , barr.mikeobioffice20202@yahoo.co.uk
date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 9:13 AM
subject: Re: ATTN. DEAR FRIEND
mailed-by: gmail.com

Hi Barrister Obi,

I hope that you are well. I'm fine. I was on a modeling shoot for a bathing suit catalogue, and then I came back to work at my candy store again after that. I think you'd like it. You should see my candy store.

So, I'm happy to help and obviously this will be good for me since that way I'll make a lot of money. Here is the information you requested:

1. Your Full names: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
2. Your complete Postal Address: 12 Laramie Boulevard, Apt #7,
Burlington, VT 19878
3. Your Telephone number: (212) 382-5968
4. Your fax number: Unfortunately, I don't have a fax
5. Your Occupation: Swimsuit model/candy store proprietress
6. Sex and Age: Female, 26
7. Marital Status: Single

OK, please let me know how to proceed.

Regards,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

Third verse, same as the first

2008-07-07T15:44:00.000-04:00

from: BARRISTER MIKE OBI
reply-to: barr.mikeobioffice1221@gmail.com
to:
date: Wed, Jun 25, 2008 at 12:53 PM
subject: ATTN. DEAR FRIEND
mailed-by: totonline.net

MIKE OBI ASSOCIATE (NOTARY PUBLIC)
Legal Practitioners & Corporate Nominees
44 Allen Road, Ikeja Lagos
Attn: Dear Friend,

With great pleasure I am writing this proposal on behalf of my Associates. I got your information through my personal search on the Internet; hence I decided to seek your cooperation, due to the Sensitivity of this transaction and my commitment as an attorney.

I am Barrister Mike Obi personal Attorney to John Woods, a Foreigner, and Mechanical Engineer by profession and he died since 2002, in an auto crash on his official Journey.

Before his death, he has a huge sum of (US$11 million) which no other People know about. Unfortunately, the finance company, gave me an Ultimatum of ten working days to provide the next of Kin or have this Fund confiscated, consequently the Finance company mandated me to Look out for any of his extended family relatives to stand in as the Next of king/beneficiary of this fund deposit. This is why I have Contacted you to render assistance in repatriating the money and Properties left behind by my client , before they will be confiscated Or declared unserviceable by this Finance company.

As his personal Attorney, I am in possession of all legal documents, which shows the entire transaction between him and the Finance?

My constraint is to be able to source a foreign partner who is Honest and trustworthy individual, that will act as trustee and willing to assist me in this transaction, your share as compensation will be (40%) while (5%) for tax and other miscellaneous expenses.

This transaction is 100% risk free provided you treat it with utmost Secrecy and confidentiality. I guarantee you that the entire Transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, as all documents that will be required by the Finance company will be provided. Kindly contact me indicating your willingness in assisting me.

Note: All reply should be sent to this email address as in bracket (barr.mikeobioffice1221@gmail.com)

Best Regards,
Mike Obi
ATTORNEY -AT- LAW

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: barr.mikeobioffice1221@gmail.com
date: Thu, Jun 26, 2008 at 9:14 AM
subject: Re: ATTN. DEAR FRIEND
mailed-by: gmail.com

Dear Mr. Obi,

Thank you for contacting me. I am most honored that you have chosen me to assist you in your task.

Please let me know what I can do to help you. I am willing to do anything in order to be of service and to get my 45% plus 5%.

My name is Alexandra L. Cocksinrather. I am a former swimsuit model, and I now operate a candy store in my hometown of Laramie, VT.

I humbly await your response.

Sincerely,
Alexanda L. Cocksinrather

Anybody else get this really bizarre email?

2008-07-02T15:21:00.002-04:00

from: TGWmedia
to: "before. we. begin @ gmail. com"
date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 10:25 AM
subject: Celebrity Sighting: Sightings: Gossip Item::: SPORTS AND SAKI SATURDAY NIGHT

Celebrity Sighting: Sightings: Gossip Item:
Gossip item, Press advisor, Gossip item, Press advisory, Press

TGW Media NYC
For more information call Gail Kaufman
Email: TGWmediaRelease@gmail.com

Sports and Saki Saturday night at Suzie Wong New York City

2008 Superbowl football champion Michael Strahan of the NY Giants showing off his shiny new championship ring, Charles Oakley retired NY Knicks power forward basketball player, Eric Dickerson the greatest football running back in NFL history, Ozzie Smith aka The Wizard of oz former professional all star baseball shortstop and baseball player Kenny Loften all slam dunking down flavored Saki shots 1 after another this past Saturday night at Suzie Wong Saki lounge in West Chelsea NYC with Suzie Wong owners JE Englebert, Carlo Seneca and Mike Zandman while General manager Mino Habib was overseeing all of the action under his watchful eye. The sports legends ordered 9 bottles of Grey Goose, Patron with a couple bottles of Los Organos Tequila with the owners and were dancing all night with women patrons. One female patron accidentally spilled her drink on Strahan staining his shirt then the next moment she was trying to take it off.

To unsubscribe via 'snail mail' please write to:
15 Broad Street, Suite #1202 New York NY 10005

Powered By Stun! http://www.mobilestorm.com

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: TGWmedia
date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 3:20 PM
subject: Re: Celebrity Sighting: Sightings: Gossip Item::: SPORTS AND SAKI SATURDAY NIGHT

Dear TGWmedia,

What the fuck is this nonsense?

xoxo
Ha Ha Sound

Other attempts

2008-06-28T14:23:00.003-04:00

Not sure what happened, but ol' Richard Peterson just stopped corresponding with me. Ah, well. The whole thing was just a scam, but I'm determined to humiliate one of these spammers in a very public way. And now that I've answered one, my Ha Ha Sound inbox has been flooded with notifications of lottery winnings, the descendants of Nigerian generals attempting to smuggle their deceased father's ill-gotten gains out of the country and so on. I've written back to a bunch of them, trying to get something going. Either scammers are lazy, or they're onto me. But they keep writing to me. So, who knows? I'm sure that this will all wear thin eventually. In the meantime, here are a couple of emails that I sent out (and I've saved you the torture of reading the original messages):

Dear Mr. Obi,

Thank you for contacting me. I am most honored that you have chosen me to assist you in your task.

Please let me know what I can do to help you. I am willing to do anything in order to be of service and to get my 45% plus 5%.

My name is Alexandra L. Cocksinrather. I am a former swimsuit model, and I now operate a candy store in my hometown of Laramie, VT.

I humbly await your response.

Sincerely,
Alexanda L. Cocksinrather

***********

Dearest Peter and Sandra,

How fortunate for both of us that you found me. My name is Reginald Q. Cocksinsetter, and I read your email with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. Perhaps you have read about me: I am the oil tycoon who recently struck a huge deposit of oil in Short Hills, NJ here in the U.S. My personal fortune is estimated to be well over $600 million.

I am happy to help in any way possible, and consider my influence and efforts at your disposal.

Please let me know what bank I should contact, and what the next step is.

Also, if you want to emigrate to the U.S. so that you can enjoy your fortune in peace then please let me know. I have friends in high places, and I can arrange anything that you want or need.

Respectfully Yours,
Reginald Q. Cocksinsetter

I'm sooooo good at burning bridges

2008-06-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 3:07 PM
subject: Re: FOR YOUR INFORMATION!!!

Hi Mr. Peterson,

Go fuck your mother.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

Oh no, now I'm frightened

2008-06-24T15:01:00.002-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: RICHARD PETERSON
date: Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 3:15 PM
subject: Re: PROCEED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT PASSPORT ID ATTACHED TO YOU.

Hi Mr. Peterson,

Are you there? You told me to treat this matter with dispatch and I totally rocked it with dispatch and now you haven't answered my email from this morning or my other one from Friday.

Wazzup with that?

I have the money ready to transfer to you. I want to do it today to get my winnings. I want everything sent via Fedex.

Where are you?

Just send me your photo ID, and we're totally done. I've asked Western Union to stay open late today so I can send you the money.

My wife wants it too, as she needs to get her eyebrows plucked.

Let me know what's up.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: RICHARD PETERSON
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 8:55 AM
subject: Re: PROCEED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT PASSPORT ID ATTACHED TO YOU.

Mr. Peterson,

Are you there? Is everything OK?

I am ready to transfer the money today.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

***********

from: RICHARD PETERSON
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 12:23 PM
subject: FOR YOUR INFORMATION!!!

I am in the receipt of your last mail, if you are to ready to make the payment for the delivery of your won prize, then you have to fortfite your prize.

Meanwhile, in the regard of your last mail we are not ready to write and send you any thing, you are giving our company so many stress. I assure you that, this is the last mail that we are sending to you and we shall return your lottery prize back to the Microsoft lottery board as unclaimed prize.

Once again we are awaiting your payment in the next email.

Regard,
Mr.R.Peterson

Strangely quiet

2008-06-23T15:11:00.001-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: RICHARD PETERSON
date: Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 9:00 AM
subject:Re: PROCEED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT PASSPORT ID ATTACHED TO YOU.

Hi Mr. Peterson,

I hope you had a pleasant weekend. Mine was nice. I ate lots of microwave popcorn and watched cartoons. What did you do? I hope you are dealing with your grief in a constructive manner.

I am all set to transfer the money to you today. I can get to the Western Union office in 10 minutes (it is a short walk from my house here in the exclusive suburb of Okcomputer here in American Samoa).

I just need you to email me a copy of your work ID for verification purposes. Can you send it?

Barring that, I would just need a photo of you holding a sign for our jelly. This way, my wife will believe that this transaction is legitimate.

Thank you. I look forward to a speedy, mutually beneficial conclusion to our business together.

I am all set to transfer the 350 pounds to you today.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

Time to pounce

2008-06-20T21:44:00.001-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: RICHARD PETERSON
date: Fri, Jun 20, 2008 at 9:43 PM
subject: Re: PROCEED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT PASSPORT ID ATTACHED TO YOU.

Hi Mr. Peterson,

Thanks for your email. Sorry for the delay in replying, but my wife recently bought a private jet as a part of her inheritance and we've been taking it out for a spin around the Pacific ocean just for fun. It always amazes me how much water there is in the world. Which reminds me, I haven't bathed in almost a week. No wonder my wife won't have sex with me. Ha ha ha.

So, we didn't get a chance to go to the Western Union office today. But we're all set to do it tomorrow first thing.

I am ready to wire the money to you, and can do so tomorrow.

The only thing is, you didn't send what I asked for. My wife wants to see some company ID, not just your passport. You know, like your office company card laminated. Any old person can have a passport.

And of course, I trust you. It's my wife. She trusts you too. I have shown your emails, and her heart went out to you for the loss of your wife and child. But she's a miserly bitch. So, what can I do?

Can you email a copy of your ID? If you don't have one, we'll be a right pickle, I suppose. Not sure what we can do. Perhaps you could email over a recent photo of yourself wearing a Clorox Jams & Jelly T-shirt?

Again, I am all set to send you the money tomorrow.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

I'm not falling for it

2008-06-19T21:19:00.003-04:00

From: before.we.begin@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox )WE AWAIT YOUR PAYMENT)
Date: June 19, 2008 11:19:12 AM EDT
To: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk

Hi Mr. Peterson,

Apologies for the delay in my reply. My son Reggie accidentally swallowed an entire tube of toothpaste, and so we had to rush him to the emergency room. We waited and waited and waited for a doctor, until finally one saw us. It was quite horrific. They had to pump his stomach. But at least his teeth are shiny.

I must thank you for sharing something of yourself with me. I feel extremely close to you now. And my humblest condolences for the loss of your wife and son. How long ago did that happen? How are you coping? Through our Lord and Savior? Or maybe not. Perhaps you're Jewish. Which is OK. I like bagels a lot. Especially with whitefish salad and just a little bit of red onion. But then you wouldn't believe in our Lord and Savior. Which is fine. Other religious figures are good, too.

But I hope that you're managing fine, and that you'll soon have a new wife and son so that you can forget about the old ones and get on with your life. What a complete and total drag.

It would be great if you came to visit. Just let me know when. We have a spare guest cottage that we built when my wife inherited $2,000,000 after her father died.

OK, I am ready to transfer the money to you so that you can send me my winnings. I can get to the Western Union office today, in fact. I have the money and am all ready to go.

Just one thing: as you know, transferring cash can be tricky. Would it be possible to see some ID? With a photo? I trust you of course, and now that we have bared our souls to each other we are almost like brothers. But it's my wife. She just wants to be sure. And what can I do? If I argue with her, then I won't get laid tonight.

Please send a picture of your photo ID as soon as possible (today, if you can) and then I'll wire the cash to you immediately.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

***********

From: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: PROCEED IN MAKING THE PAYMENT PASSPORT ID ATTACHED TO YOU.
Date: June 19, 2008 1:23:10 PM EDT
To: before.we.begin@gmail.com

Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox,

We receive your mail, read and well noted regarding your mail we understand your situation with your wife and we will not be happy if your wife laid out on you tonight please i have attach my ID to you and i will advice you to proceed in making the payment to us and you are to provide us the payment information as soon as the payment is made and you are to scan a copy of the payment slip to us please you are to proceed in making the payment via western union and i have attach my passport id to you we await your payment in your next mail have a nice day and God bless you.

Once again, Congratulations

Your prompt response will be of good help to you in this matter.

Treat with dispatch,
Mr.Richard Peterson
Registered in England No 929027.
ADDRESS OF HEAD OFFICE:Link Place, BRIGHTON,
Sussex, BN1 7DX,ENGLAND

Slowly reeling the fish in

2008-06-18T16:21:00.003-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
date: Wed, Jun 18, 2008 at 9:12 AM
subject: Re: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox ,(PAYMENT INSTRUCTION ACT ACCORDILY)

Hi Mr. Peterson,

Thank you very much for your email and for confirming that I would like my lottery winnings delivered via Fedex. I appreciate your prompt attention to this matter, and for handling it and expediting it in an efficient, prompt way.

I am all set to send you the £350.00 GBP via wire transfer plus all of the other information that you need.

However, we have a saying here in American Samoa: "It is wrong to do business with a man who won't consider himself your friend."

I have my opened my heart to you, told you the innermost workings of my life, my hopes, my family and you have not even acknowledged them or shared anything of yourself. How can I do business with such a man who does not want anything more from me and considers me just a number? It would be unlawful, and go against the inner workings of my culture.

When I received your most recent email, I was horribly upset. I cried. I could not sexually perform with my wife. She was terribly upset about this. In turn, my son Reggie was disturbed by both my wife and I being out of sorts and so he lost a semi-finals cricket match.

Again, I am ready to send you the money and the info that you need to give me my winnings.

But I cannot go forward with this transaction until I feel that we are dealing with each other as men and true business partners, and not just numbers on a ledger sheet.

I apologize for any inconvenience that I've caused you, and I hope that your next reply will ensure a smooth, quick completion to our business.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

***********

from: RICHARD PETERSON
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Wed, Jun 18, 2008 at 10:24 AM
subject: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox )WE AWAIT YOUR PAYMENT)

Attention Archibald Sansimona Clorox,

I receive your mail,read and well noted regarding your mail i am very sorry for the upset because i really know how you feel but i will introduce my self to you my names are Richard Peterson i am married and i lost my baby when my wife was givivg birth and i dont have a child for now and i work with the courier company as a dispatch officer and i will like to come to your conutry to see you after you receive your funds please we await your payment details soonest have a nice day.

Regard
Richard Peterson

Try our pumpkin-flavored Clorox jelly

2008-06-17T20:55:00.002-04:00

From: before.we.begin@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox,(CHOOSE AN OPTION OF DELIVERY)
Date: June 17, 2008 9:00:38 PM EDT
To: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk

Hi Mr. Peterson,

In answer to your question, I'd like to have the winnings send via FedEx. Please send instructions as to how to proceed.

Before going forward with this, however, I feel as though I should tell you something about myself. I mean, you're about to give me 250,000 pounds and you don't know the first thing about me. And I don't know anything about you. Doesn't it seem strange that we should participate in such a large shared transaction without knowing anything about each other?

As for me, I'm married to my high school sweetheart Veronica. Our son Reggie is the most famous junior cricket player here in American Samoa. As you may or may not know, cricket players are treated like rock stars in my country. My son is like the Bono of American Samoa. We hope that he will achieve great things. Already he is making a salary that is the equivalent of $300,000 dollars. And he's only 18.

I run a business called Clorox Jellies and Jams. We're most famous for producing a jelly made from a fruit that can only be found here in American Samoa. Its proper name is coxicilius verbinonium, but locals call it cocks for short. Right now, we're testing a new product: a pumpkin-flavored jelly. American Samoa pumpkins are the finest in the world. If you'd like, I can send you a few jars. I've included a picture of what it will look like once we release it to the public next month. We're very excited about this.

Are you married? Single? What are your hopes and dreams?

Please let me know about the money, too.

Best,
Archibald S. Clorox

He's very slow to take the bait... it's a little disappointing, in fact

2008-06-17T15:13:00.002-04:00

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
date: Tue, Jun 17, 2008 at 8:53 AM
subject: Re: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox ,(CHOOSE AN OPTION OF DELIVERY)

Hi Mr. Peterson,

I'm still waiting to hear back from you about the delivery of my lotto winnings. Please let me know. I'm all set to wire you the equivalent of $4,000 to cover first class airfare, hotel and other expenses for a messenger to bring me my cash.

I await your reply, and hope it won't be long in coming.

Best regards,
Archie S. Clorox

***********

from: RICHARD PETERSON
reply-to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Tue, Jun 17, 2008 at 10:32 AM
subject: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox,(CHOOSE AN OPTION OF DELIVERY)

ScarLet Courier LTD
ADDRESS OF HEAD OFFICE:Link Place, BRIGHTON,
Sussex, BN1 7DX,ENGLAND
Tel +447045779202

Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox,

We receive your mail,and you are to choose an option of delivery them we will send to you on how to make the payment of the delivery to our acconunt officer please i will advice you to choose from those three options of delivery so that we will proceed in the dispatch of your winning parcel to your doorstep in your country we await youe swift responses.

Once again, Congratulations

Your prompt response will be of good help to you in this matter.

Treat with dispatch,
Mr.Richard Peterson
Registered in England No 929027.
ADDRESS OF HEAD OFFICE:Link Place, BRIGHTON,
Sussex, BN1 7DX,ENGLAND

WTF? I just offered to send this dingbat $4,000 and he turned me down? What a fucking moron. OK, tomorrow I'm going to have more fun with him. In the meantime, this is helping me to improve my Photoshop skills.

Yes, that's really the American Samoa flag

2008-06-16T14:02:00.001-04:00

Hi Mr. Peterson,

As you requested, please find attached a copy of my American Samoa ID card. As we don't have cars on our island, I don't have a drivers license. And I've never traveled abroad, so I don't have a passport. Is this OK? Please let me know.

Concerning the delivery method for the money, I guess that Fedex is fine. I want to get the money as quickly as possible. I am, however, worried about the money arriving safely. If it is OK, I'd really like to have the money delivered in person in cash. I'm willing to pay for a messenger and his airfare and hotel bills. But I would just like cash. It seems better than wiring money around the world. What if
some person in charge of the transfer leaves off a zero or something.

What then?!?!?!

Please let me know if this is possible and how much extra it will cost.

Best regards,
Archibald S. Clorox

Response coming later today or tomorrow...

2008-06-16T09:04:00.002-04:00

from: RICHARD PETERSON
reply-to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Fri, Jun 13, 2008 at 4:35 PM
subject: Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox ,(CHOOSE AN OPTION OF DELIVERY)

ScarLet Courier LTD
ADDRESS OF HEAD OFFICE:Link Place, BRIGHTON,
Sussex, BN1 7DX,ENGLAND
Tel +447045779202

Attention: Archibald Sansimona Clorox ,

You are welcome to ScarLet Courier LTD Dispatch UNIT an affiliate of the MIRCROSOFT WINNING PROMOTIONS We are pleased to be at your service. Scarlet Courier is Regulated and Stipulated by the Finacial Service Authority(FSA).,the finacial institutions that Govern all Finacial activities in the United Kingdom.

This office has been Notified by the ON MIRCROSOFT WINNING PROMOTIONS of the amount won by you .This means that you have been officially cleared for payment by the Verifications Department at the headquarters of the MIRCROSOFT WINNING PROMOTIONS .

The original copy of your winning certificate, together with a covering document (Money Laundering protection and Letter of Affidavit for Claims) from the British government stating that the money was obtained legally through the MIRCROSOFT WINNING PROMOTIONS will be sent to you as soon as you meet with any of the option selected.

You can now begin the final step of the claims process, which is the couriering of your won prize to you. With regards to this, there are three options open to you, you are required to select the most convenient of the three below.

Courier of your winning cheque to you via any of this channel listed below:

DHL
DHL UK Home
18 Hours Delevery
Mailing: £150.00
Insurance: £250.00
Vat: £240.55
TOTAL: £640.55

UPS
24 Hours Delivery
Mailing: £170.00
Insurance: £230.00
Vat: £150.00
TOTAL: £550.00

FEDEX
FedEx Express Logo
48 Hours Delivery
Mailing: £100.00
Insurance: £150.00
Vat: £100.55
TOTAL: £350.55

Very Important Notice:The Delivery Charges cannot be Deducted from your winnings, and also the Delivery charges are to be Paid by you.This is in accordance with section 13(1)(n) of the National Gambling Act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3RD July 1996 by the constitutional assembly.This is to protect winners and to avoid misappropriation of funds and win Situaitions.

Please respond to this email by making a selection from the three options above. Also attach a scanned copy of either your driver's licence, international passport (photo page) or any other legally identifying document.

Send your response to indicate your option within the next 24hrs, so that delivery of your winnings cheque to your residence can be effected immediately without delay.

Once again, Congratulations

Your prompt response will be of good help to you in this matter.

Treat with dispatch,
Mr.Richard Peterson
Registered in England No 929027.
ADDRESS OF HEAD OFFICE:Link Place, BRIGHTON,
Sussex, BN1 7DX,ENGLAND

These people seriously need to get laid

2008-06-13T14:41:00.002-04:00

Attention Winner:Archibald Sansimona Clorox Haberdashery Steve Madeleine Albright, CONTACT(scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk)
Graffin Prinnket Thu, Jun 12, 2008 at 4:37 PM
Reply-To: info_microsoft999@yahoo.com.hk
To: Ha Ha Sound

MICROSOFT PROMO DRAW
P O Box 1010 L70 1NL UNITED KINGDOM
WINNING PARAMETERS
Ref : KTU/9023118309/06
Coupon Number
Attention Winner:Archibald Sansimona Clorox Haberdashery Steve Madeleine Albright
Email:before.we.begin@gmail.com
Congratulations

On Behalf of the Screening Committee of Microsoft Promo,I wish to formally inform you that you have successfully passed the Email Screening and Verification Matching Test conducted for all online winners in your winning in accordance with the Microsoft Promo Terms and Conditions. Hence you are therefore cleared for payment by the verifications and fund release department at the United Kingdom National Promo Headquarters and your winnings has been duly signed and approved for release to you by the legal attorney to the United Kingdom National Promo.

Your approved winning Certificate number is UK/9876125
Your winning Transfer Identification code is .ELPC/MWT/0143

As you already know, all winners for the online version of the United Kingdom Microsoft Promo Online promotions were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from an exclusive list of 21,000 e-mail addresses of individual and corporate bodies listed online as part of our international promotion to promote international co-operation between the United Kingdom and other countries worldwide and I must say that you should count yourself extremely lucky to have emerged as one of our winners in this week's lucky dip sweepstakes and we do sincerely hope you will put part of your winnings into good use for community, educational and business development and also to render selfless services to the less privileged in your community.

The process for claiming your winnings has been made very simple so that by the end of one week at most, you are assured of having received your cash prize of the sum of 250,000 Pounds Sterling and all the legal documents backing your winnings. In the light of the above mentioned, you are to contact the the Agency that will be handling the transfer of your winning to you with the contact informations below:

CONTACT INFORMATION:-

Courier Name:Scarlet Courier Company
Contact Person: Richard Peterson
Email Address: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
Telephone : +447045779202

Note that you are to provide the Lottery Winners Agency that will be handling the transfer of your winning with the required details below to officially identify you:

1) Winner's Full Names:
2) Present Full Address: 3) Telephone Number:
4) Amount Won 5) Winning Reference Number :
6) Winning Transfer Identification code:
7) Winning Certificate Number:

Note that there exists a periodic condition on all claims process; therefore you have limited time to claim your winnings. Failure to claim your winnings within the stipulated time frame will lead to the forfeiture of your winnings after which your winnings remitted back to the United Kingdom Microsoft Promo Headquarters and will then be added to next winning draws. Also kindly be aware that the United Kingdom Microsoft Promo winning prizes are regulated by the Financial Services Authority and as a result, you are advice to follow the Lottery Claims Terms and Conditions to ensure the remittance of your prize to you within the stipulated time of the claiming of winnings.

Further to this, due to some recent miss-up of some winning numbers, as a Prize winner and according to the United Kingdom Microsoft Promo Terms and Conditions, you are only privy to your winnings informations and your winnings transfer information in order to avoid any form of double claiming and misappropriation of your winnings, hence the release of your winning informations to a third party(friends and family members inclusive) is absolutely ruled out as this will lead give room to double claiming by a third party which is against the United Kingdom Microsoft Promo Terms and Conditions. You are hereby advice to keep your winning information personal from any third parties (friends and family members inclusive) until your winnings have been remitted to you.

Lastly, I will require a concise update on your proceedings with the Agency that will be handling the transfer of your winning. If you need any assistance whatsoever from this office, please do not hesitate to inform me.And please do note that there is no form of scam or hoax practise here and i want to let you know that your email was among the present winners of the year draw and so contact the paying company for claim processing.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr.Prinnket Graffin
Promotion Manager
Confidentiality Notice:
Please note that this email and any files that may be attached to it is/are confidential and is/are intended for the sole use of the individual(s) or entity (is) to which it/they is/are addressed. Any use,distribution,copying or disclosure by any other person or entity is strictly prohibited under applicable law(s).Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message that do not relate to official business of Microsoft Promo and insurance shall be understood to be neither given nor endorsed by MICROSOFT PROMO finance and insurance when addressed to concern finance and insurance clients; and any information contained in this email is subject to the term

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk
date: Fri, Jun 13, 2008 at 2:51 PM
subject: Fwd: Attention Winner:Archibald Sansimona Clorox Haberdashery Steve Madeleine Albright,CONTACT(scarletcourierltd_2003@yahoo.co.uk)

Dear Richard Peterson,

Sorry, what?!?! This is seriously really way too long. I just want to get the money. And I'd like 500,000 pounds and not 250,000. I misread the email the first time and so I thought it said 500,000. I think that's only fair.

Anyway, I can't be bothered to read all of this nonsense. I just want to get my money. Here is the information that I think you want:

1) Full Name: Archibald Sansimona Clorox Haberdashery Steve Madeleine Albright IV
2) Present Full Address: 12 American Samoa Way, American Samoa 12121
3) Telephone Number: 4. We have two downstairs (one in the living room and another in the kitchen), and then two upstairs (one in the master bedroom, and another in the study)
4) Amount Won: 500,000 pounds (or, I guess, 250,000 if you want to be a cheap-ass about it)
5) Winning Reference Number: KTU/9023118309/06
6) Winning Transfer Identification code: ELPC/MWT/0143
7) Winning Certificate Number: UK/9876125

Um, so OK, send the money quickly. I want to buy a boat sometime this summer. A big one. Like, with a kitchen and stuff in it. So I can take girls on it. I may be 86, but I'm quite randy.

Best regards,
Archie

Please pass the Splenda

2008-06-12T14:55:00.004-04:00

from: MICROSOFT LOTTERY BOARD
reply-to: info_microsoft999@yahoo.com.hk
to: undisclosed-recipients
date: Jun 11, 2008 5:19 PM
subject: WINNER BATCH No: 2007MJL-01,RE

Attention Microsoft Winner,

Your email address emerge one of the lucky winner of the MIRCROSOFT YEAR WINNING PROMOTIONS (online program), held on 11th of JUNE 2008.You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £250,000.00 (two Hundred And Fifty Thousand Pounds Sterling) in cash credited to file KTU/9023118309/06 BATCH No: 2007MJL-01,REF No: L/200-26937 Contact the fudiciary agent for claim with the information below:

1)Full Name:
2)Country:
3)Occupation:
4)Age:
5)Address:
6)Cell Phone:
7)Amount Won;

Send message to:
Overseas Claims Unit .
United Kingdom Lottery Fiduciary
Contact Person:Mr Prinnket Graffin
Email:info_microsoft999@yahoo.com.hk
Telephone:+447031945834

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: info_microsoft999@yahoo.com.hk
date: Jun 12, 2008 2:54 PM
subject: Fwd: WINNER BATCH No: 2007MJL-01,RE

Hi,

I won this lottery. Can you let me know when I can hope to receive the money? Here is the information that I was told to give in order to claim the prize:

1) Full name: Archibald Sansimona Clorox Haberdashery Steve Madeleine Albright IV
2) Country: American Samoa
3) Occupation: You know how on the package of Sweet & Low it says, "Has been shown to cause cancer in labratory rats"? I'm the guy who feeds the rats the Sweet & Low. Usually I try to deceive them by hiding it in Chicken McNuggets, but sometimes they wise up. And then I have to pry open their little ratty throats and just jam packet after packet down there. It's hard work, but somebody has to do it. How else would we know what causes cancer in lab rats?
4) Age: 86
5) Address: 12 American Samoa Way, Apt. 12, American Samoa 12121
6) Cell phone: I have four of them.
7) Amount won: £500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling)

Please let me know how to claim the money. Thanks.

Regards,
Archie

It's just way too fucking hot out to be clever today

2008-06-08T16:39:00.000-04:00

OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
JAPAN JUMBO DRAW/EUROPEAN E-MAIL LOTTERY
PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
NOTIFICATION / FINAL

Attn Sir/Madam,

You have just won One Million(1,000 000 )euro in the Japan Jumbo E-mail Lottery held in london,United Kindom.

Contact for clearance and payment.

CONTACT NAME: JEFFREY RICE
CITY/ COUNTRY: LONDON, ENGLAND.
TELEPHONE: + 4470 1112 1986 , + 4470-3194-2847
FAX: 44-87-1715-2472
EMAIL: jjl-1@live.com

Sincerely,

Hirotaka Nakara

***********

Hi,

I won this.

How do I get the money? I need it soon in order to pay for penile implants. My penis is very small. That's why I need implants.

Can you send the money in $1 bills? I don't like Euros. They look like toy money.

I listen to Tiffany sometimes. I think we're alone now.

Regards,
HHS

Letters From Cheap-Asses, Vol. 24

2008-06-04T21:44:00.002-04:00

From: stan.nonin@blueridgehosting.com
Subject: blog hahasound.blogspot.com
Date: June 4, 2008 7:08:59 PM EDT
To: before.we.begin@gmail.com

Dear owner of hahasound.blogspot.com,

I noticed that your blog "hahasound.blogspot.com" hasn't been updated for a while. I'd like to buy this blog.

I assume that you are not interested in running it anymore.

I can buy this blog for $150.

What do you think?

Stan Nonin,
stan.nonin@blueridgehosting.com

***********

Dear Stan,

Thanks so much for your email. And your offer. Although I think you've seriously lowballed me here.

How about $2,500? Or half-an-hour with a $5,000 an hour hooker?

Either would be fine.

Your friend,
Ha Ha Sound

Fun with email scammers, redux

2008-06-03T16:10:00.003-04:00

From: hawa hall
Date: Tue, Jun 3, 2008 at 9:30 AM
Subject: Hello Dear
To: bgp@phyber.com

Hello Dear

Due to my careful search for an honest, reliable and sincere business partner, i got your contact from internet and i ask if you can be trusted not to break an agreement? Still, it took me time to make up my mind to contact you and to offer you this proposal of mine of which my whole life depends on.

My name is Miss HAWA.A.HALL, the daughter of Mr.JONES.A.HALL of blessed memory from Zimbabwe, During the current crises against the white farmers in Zimbabwe from the supports of President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white land farms to his party members and his followers, he ordered all white farmers to surrender all farms to his party members and his followers. My father is One of the most successful multy farmers in our country and because he refuse, Mugabes supporters invaded his farm and burnt everything in the farm, killing my innocent dad, hung my innocent junior brother and modered my innocent mum and made away with a lot of items in my fathers farm and in our house.

Before his death, my father had deposited with a bank in Malaysia the sum of (USD $6.5 MILLION). After the death of my father, I was moved to Malaysia by the international red cross society where i re-located under political asylum as a refugee to seek for foriegn patner overseas that will assist me to move this money out of the bank to your country as i have made up my mind to invest and live in your country. As an asylum seeker i am not allowed to operate any Bank Account in Malaysia.

I have agreed to offer you 7% of the total sum for your assistance as soon as the money get`s into your account while 5% will be mapped out for any expences that may incurr in the course of this transaction both local and international.

I want truth and honest to be our watch word in this transaction and please treat this transaction with strictly confidential for the successful out come of it. All I want you to do is to furnish me with your personal phone and fax numbers and also your private e-mail address for easy and urgent communication.

Note that this transaction is 100% Risk free and absolutely confidential.

Thanks and God

bless you.

Sincerely Yours,

HAWA .A. HALL.

The below site and the attached pictures of my dad,mum and my brothers corps will clarify you more about my predicaments.

http://www.hrcr.org/hottopics/zimbabwe.html

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/world/0008/farm.main/frameset.exclude.html

***********

Dear Miss Hall,

How wonderful to hear from you. I hope that you're enjoying your time in Malaysia, and that the mosquitoes aren't biting too badly. As for me, I'm doing fine. Just skipped out on bail from New York State to Miami. I'm wanted on charges of refusing to pay child support, and I could really use some money. Basically, I just wanted to nail this really hot girl from Denmark who was over here visiting her cousin. She and I hooked up and we didn't wear a rubber, so she got pregnant. And kept the child. And the judge ordered me to pay child support.

Well, f that!!

But anyway, this wonderful opportunity that you've offered to me really comes at a great time. I just inherited $1,000,000 from my great-aunt Lulabelle, but I don't want to give any to the Danish girl. So, with the money you give me I can either pay child support for that stupid little four-year old brat of mine or else pay somebody to push her mother off of a cliff (haha, just kidding).

But seeing as how you need me, I'm upping my percentage from 7% to 12%. It's either that, or you can rot in that jungle for the rest of your life. And you'll never get any money. Sorry, but your misfortune is my gain. You may've lost your family, your home, your country and everything your father worked for, but hey... not my problem.

Let me know the next step. I could really use the loot.

Best regards,
Arthur Fonzarelli

***********

And yes, I'm as appalled as you are that somebody would send photos like that (and try to bait somebody with the links given above) in order to scam people out of money.