Lunch Hour Pops

Just So You Know...

2008-10-22T21:37:00.003-04:00

I haven't entirely forgotten about this blog. Believe it or not, I've actually been trying to get another correspondence going with another spammer since ol' Berthern vanished. And it hasn't been easy. A lot of these guys will write back a few times, and then completely vanish. Even when you make it clear that you're all set to give them thousands of dollars. Weird.

I wonder what the deal is.

I just don't have a lot of interest in this blog anymore, though I probably will post from time to time. I've actually been blogging elsewhere under my real name, and some of you who've gotten to know me are now reading it. A few people who don't know me as anybody other than Ha Ha Sound have actually managed to find it, much to my surprise. Although I don't have as many readers there as I once did here.

I guess my fictional self is more interesting to people than my real one.

In a sense.

What else can I tell you?

I'm now living in Brooklyn. I love it. Though I'm vaguely entertaining the idea of leaving New York entirely.

Blue Eyes and I broke up a few months ago, sometime during the summer. Ex and I are kind of back together, though I think I'm going to break up with her. She just keeps getting on my nerves, and has really gotten kind of boring. I hate to say that, but it's true. And E.E. has made it clear that she hates me. She doesn't want to be friends in any sense, not even platonic ones.

The Cat is fine, but he was sick for a little while. Happily, he's totally well now.

And an email to Dutch that I sent a week or two ago has, to date, gone unanswered.

I've also switched my brand of cigarettes. But not my brand of vodka.

Some things will always stay the same.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 25)

2008-09-08T09:22:00.002-04:00

Well, this appears to be the end of the road. I haven't heard from Berthern Bogodougou since his last email. He has refused to reply to either the good Rev. Archie S. Clorox, or his beloved fiance Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather.

Such a shame. Alexandra is crying her eyes out, pining away for him.

Anyway, on to the next thing. If I hear back from Berthie, I'll post it here.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 24)

2008-09-03T10:26:00.002-04:00

from:Archie S. Clorox
to: Berthern Bogodougou
date: Tue, Sep 2, 2008 at 11:28 AM
subject: From the Honorable Reverend Archie S. Clorox

Dear Mr. Bogodougou,

I hope that this letter finds you well. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Reverend Archie S. Clorox, head of the Christian congregation here in the small town of Laramie, VT. I have led my tiny yet devoted parish for over twenty years, and in that time I have come to be known as an honest, God-fearing man.

I am also the loving uncle of Alexandra L. Cocksinrather, and it is in the capacity of concerned relative that I write to you today. You see, she received your latest email to her and was so upset that she immediately became stricken with an extremely high fever. She has taken to bed rest, where she lolls about and speaks in tongues with her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she sweats profusely.

One thing you need to understand about our dear Alexandra is that, ever since she became an adult, she has tried to walk a fine line between being a business owner and a model. And she hasn't always succeeded. Men are always falling in love with her and treating her badly. I'm sure she told you about her mother's husband Reynaldo. He is a wicked, wicked man and will surely burn in Hell.

When Alexandra received your email, she was ecstatic. Here was a man who treated her as an equal. And not only that, as a business partner. She was overjoyed. But unfortunately, the lines became blurred for her. And, as so often happens when men and women work in close proximity to one another, she fell in love with you.

Now, I do not mean to suggest that her feelings aren't genuine. Indeed, they are. She has gone to great lengths for you: she has purchased a house for the two of you to live in at considerable expense to herself. She has also been calling around to find out how to expedite your visa so that you can come here and live legally and marry her. And, in fact, just two days ago she asked me to perform the wedding ceremony for the two of you. I happily accepted. And, indeed, I look forward uniting you, Mr. Bogodougou, with my beautiful niece in holy matrimony under the watchful and benevolent eyes of our Lord in Heaven.

I should also stress to you that Alexandra is, in fact, very serious in partnering with you in whatever business transaction it is that the two of you are working on. I asked her about it, but she wouldn't mention a word of it to me. She told me that you wanted it to remain confidential, and that she trusts you more than anybody else in the world. So, I let it be. She said something about preparing a document for you to review before she sent it to the bank, and that she was going to send it along with some kind of monetary payment. I really don't know the details. Can you fill me in, or must it remain a secret?

I think, however, what upset her the most was the anger directed towards her in your latest message. Alexandra feels as though she has acted in good faith and with utmost urgency, and she seemed unable to understand what she had done that angered you.

She was also upset that you refused to send her the picture that she asked for. It seemed like such a small thing to ask, and she was quite shocked that you refused. I think that this, more than anything else, is what sent her to her bed with a high fever.

I know that you and I don't know each other, but honestly my good friend, my only concern is the well-being and happiness of my niece. Would it be possible to send her the photo she asked for? I think it would mean a lot to her and to help her recover her good health. In the meantime, I will see what I can do about processing her business documents. It may be tricky, however, as I don't know the details.

Yours in good standing,
The Honorable Reverend Archie S. Clorox

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 23)

2008-09-02T10:41:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Fri, Aug 29, 2008 at 11:19 AM
subject: Re: SEND TO ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Hi Berthie,

I haven't heard back from you. Is everything OK? Are you mad at me?

Please let me know when you'll be sending me that picture.

I have the bank application filled out, and I transferred 3,200 Euros from savings to checking so I can transfer it to you. I also want to send you something to prove that I love you. How is 5,000 Euros? Would that be enough?

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Mon, Sep 1, 2008 at 12:55 PM
subject: Re: SEND TO ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Dearest Alexandra L,

Hope you are fine i am in receipt of your mail,sure am fine,see you are not interested in this transaction,you did not send to me your contact number,also you refuse to contact the bank cause you wanted me to send to you my picture,remember you have always complicated issue,see to your application you send to the bank it cost me alot even now,again you want me to send to you my picture so the picture you will also send to the bank.Please let me be on a save side, contact the bank pay the charges rather you have no money to pay the bank charges that is why you decided to delay,let me know cause you are not left alone in this transaction,please be more compose about this,cause i cannot imagine,simply because of the picture you decided not to contact the bank and also how did you imagine when i begin to think about you being the woman i have decided to marry which also cannot heard to my instructions i said no no noooooooooooo it makes me grazy.

If you insist come back to me with enough promise cause i have aways developed so much interest in you send to me your contact number cause i have tried the contact which was writing in your statement of account but to no avail.

MostBerthie

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 22)

2008-08-29T11:15:00.000-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Thu, Aug 28, 2008 at 9:40 AM
subject: Re: SEND TO ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Hi Berthie,

I would love to talk to you on the phone. That would be so much fun. What does your voice sound like? Is it high and nasally, like a ten-year old boy after he's been hit in the balls? Or is it deep and manly, like the leader of a biker gang in bad '80s gangbang porn? I can't wait to hear what you sound like, and talk to you. My voice is like the purring of a cat. And there's lots of fun things we can do on the phone.

It would be great to talk about how we're going to decorate the house as soon as you move in. I have some ideas for interior design, and would like to run them by you. I'd like to make the living room look like a honeycomb, and have all of the furniture be yellow-and-black striped. And I want our bedroom to have a mirror over the bed, and a bunch of Howard Jones posters. Do you remember Howard Jones? He's a pop star from about 20 years ago. He had a big hit called Things Can Only Get Better. It went, "whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah". I really liked that song.

I will email you my phone number, and we can talk.

And I am serious about all of this. I want to go through with the transaction, and am ready to send everything to the bank. And I want you to come to the U.S. and marry me.

But first you must do as I ask. You must send me a picture of yourself holding a sign that reads, "I love Cocks". As soon as I receive it, I'll email you my phone number.

I love you. I can't wait to hold you in my arms.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 21)

2008-08-28T09:21:00.003-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 10:25 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Hi Berthie,

I love you. I need for you to understand that. And I want us to be business partners, and to live together as man and wife. As soon as this transaction has been completed, I will do everything I can to bring you over here to the U.S. so that we can live together happily and spend our days making love in the dildo-shaped pool that I want to put in our backyard.

But I have been through hell and back for you. I have let my mother's husband Reynaldo and his bowling team gangbang me. I have slept on a bench in the middle of town. I have fought an army of mercenaries hired by my mother and my evil stepsister Candy. And I have never asked anything from you.

But here is what I want. I need you to prove your love to me. I need you to send me a photo of yourself telling me how much you love me. You must hold a sign that says, "I love Cocks". And as soon as I receive this, I'll email you the completed bank application so that I can send it and transfer the 3,200 Euros over to the bank.

I have enclosed a picture of my most recent bank balance, just so you can see that I'm serious about all of this and that I have the necessary funds to complete this transaction and whatever else we need to do to get the money and live together happily forever.

Don't let me down, Berthie. I need you. I love you. I want you.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 12:14 PM
subject: SEND TO ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Dearest Alexandra L.

Hope you are fine,i am in receipt of your mail,i understand what you mean also how you feel about this,please do not complicate the issue cause we have no time to waste any more in this transaction,remember how we started we were talking about set transfer how we are going to transfers set sum sucessfully,after which marriage which i accepted,how dear will you complicate issues, did you ever think about how will i collect my part,that alone will give you believe that we shall be meeting very soon as the fund will be wired into your account or my sweet heart you have decided not to help me anymore rather you wanted to know how the man you wanted to marry looks like, nevermind you have chosing the right guy cause the spirit of God will make intervention with your spirit which will make you to know the right thing so honey do not bother anymore your heart has chosen do not delay anymore.Have giving you my word i promise immediately you inform me that you have contacted the bank and paid the bank charges i told you earlier now i know you are really serious about all you promise me, with that i will be so impress, it will also give me the believe that you are the angel that God has send to help me out of this long awaited dream so i can do anything you ask me with enough pleasure.

My most darling, for i know what you are talking about is good thing,but do not allow this to put a delay to set transfer of this fund rather there is other alternative my dear let have voice contact that also is good send to me your phone number so we have voice contact.

Honey please confirm the receipt this mail immediately also a positive respond.

Best Regards
Most Berthie

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 20)

2008-08-27T09:24:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Aug 26, 2008 at 9:13 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Hi Berthie,

I have the 3,200 Euros that you want me to send to the bank. I am all set to transfer it.

I can also fill out the application correctly, and send it to you.

I just have this nagging women's intuition that there is another female in your life, and that you don't really want to be with me. I long to write that letter of invitation so that you can come here legally, and we can be together. There is nothing I want more than that in this world. It matters more to me than money.

But I have never even seen what you look like. I have gone to great lengths to get this money. Not for me, but for us. For you, too. And now you must do something for me. And once you do, you shall have my 3,200 Euros. And my body. And my soul.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Aug 26, 2008 at 9:15 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

To my most darling Berthie,

Do you want me to show you the application before I send it to the bank with the 3,200 Euros, or should I just send it in?

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Tue, Aug 26, 2008 at 11:36 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Dearest Alexandra L.My dynamic,

Hope you are fine,i am in receipt of your mail,please do forward the recipete to me as it is i want to make sure it is copy right and properly fill in cause as it is any mistake the bank will not be able to transfer the fund ok.

You are my angel,have nothing to worry about i have all my life for you,when i had you say you love me you do not know how i feel over here, just want to be with you,most of all the angel that makes my dreams come true,and many other hope to be realise together.Once again i give you my word i am not married, that, i will do immediately set transfer i also promise to flourish in your court.

Once again thanks for your anticipation i am well please with you Almigthy God give us more grace to finish set transfer.

As for my photo wish dear,you insist never bother about it, also do not think its too bad of me, that i will do, immediately you pay the money to the bank after which you will inform me.

How is grandmothers feelings hope she is doing better by now,wishing g-mum happy recovery,exstend my greetings to the family.Waiting to here from you.

Goodluck
Most Berthie.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 19)

2008-08-26T09:04:00.002-04:00

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Sat, Aug 23, 2008 at 10:10 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Dearest Alexandra,

Hope you are fine,sorry for the delay,firstly how is your g-mother health hope fine by now.Please be a little patience about this,i am working hard over here to make sure set fund we be transfer into your account with ease, actually your bank informations are not correct idid everything possible to push your application further,honey have nothing to worry about the bank we be reaching you as soon as the bank finish thier investication the bank we be ok to acknowledge your application and remember to forward any mail you receive to me before you respond to any.

Honestly believe it or not i will flourish in your court after this i still promise my dynamic.Waiting to here informations from you when the Bank will reach
you.

Best Regards
Berthie

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Sat, Aug 23, 2008 at 6:07 PM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Hi Berthie,

Many thanks for asking about my grandmother. She is doing a little bit better, thanks for asking. I am being patient only for the sake of our love, my sweet. I long for your manly presence in my house. I need you. I am not worried. I have complete and total faith in your ability to carry out this transaction to its logical conclusion: us making sweet love in the champagne glass-shaped jacuzzi in our bedroom.

Is there something wrong with the bank account information I gave to you? Did I copy the number down wrong or something?

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexanda L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Mon, Aug 25, 2008 at 1:43 PM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

My Dearest Alexandra,

I receive your email together with the bank official questionnaire you forwarded to me. Meanwhile I have tried after reading your mail to raise the sum of one thousand Euros to obtain the bank officials questionnaire answers, and by the grace of God I have found all the answers and I have stated them below. I will like you to copy it correctly and send to the bank together with the 3,200euro to the bank immediately.there is no problem with your banking information and if there is any mistake,I'm hear to correct it as soon as the bank approves since I have your information.

My dear, I want you to understand that this transaction has come to the final stage because I�??m sure that as soon as the bank receives these answers they must surely approve you and transfer the fund into your account immediately. please my dear, I will like you to send me a letter of invitation so that I will get my visa easy to your country because as soon as the fund is transferred into your account I will be coming over to meet you in your country for the sharing of the money and to invest in your place with my own share of the total amount.

I will like you to inform me as soon as you send the answers to the bank so that I will be aware and monitor the bank to know the position of things.

I wait for your information.

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS COPY IT CORRECTLY AND SEND TO THE BANK IMMEDIATELY.
1. MR. LEWIS WOOD.
2. AMERICAN.
3. CONTRACTOR AGRICULTURAL EQUIPMENT.
4. 3 JANUARY 2004 WITH EGYPTIAN CHARTER PLANE BELONGING TO FLASH AIRLINES CRASHES INTO THE RED SEA.
5. 52YRS
6. 31.925 U.S DOLLARS.
7. YES.MRS.JEAN LEWIS, CHILDREN.TWO

Thanks and God bless us

Yours Ever,
Mr. Berthern Bogodougou.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 18)

2008-08-23T18:07:00.003-04:00

from: BANK BURKINA FASO
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Fri, Aug 22, 2008 at 5:58 AM
subject: Re: As per Berthern Bogodougou

(BANK OF AFRICA(B.O.A)

DATE: 022-08-2008
OUR REF: BOA/BF/XIX/VOL/22.2008

FROM THE DEPT. OF FOREIGN REMITTANCE BOA.
C/o DIRECTOR-FOREIGN REMITTANCE �?? (BOA)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO ANNEX

ATTN: ALEXANDRA L. COCKSINRATHER.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE OF THE APPLICATION AS NEXT OF KIN TO ACCOUNT 2627578-2341.

This is to bring to your notice that we are in receipt of your application letter submitted to our bank today being the Aut 22 2008, putting claims as the next of kin to our deceased customer MR.LEWIS WOOD AN AMERICAN. With Account 2627578-234.Routing N°91002211. With his balance with our bank amounting to (US$30.Million U.S Dollars), Thirty Million U.S Dollars.

Therefore, your application have been forwarded to the appropriate bodies concerned for approval and you will be intimated on the model of transfer into your nominated bank account as stated below.

BANK NAME: CHASE.
BANK Adresse:AT Attp://.Chase.com
BANK Tel: 1 (800) 935-9935.
BANK fax: NON.
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 301079741676.
ACCOUNT NAME: MISS ALEXANDRA L. COCKSINRATHER.
SWIFT CODE: 021000021.

Once again, accept our sincere sympathy on the death of our deceased customer. Attached is a copy of questionnaire which you will fill and return back to this bank for onward Verification and approval accordingly as we are preparing for the transfer of your inheritance fund amounting to $30.US DOLLARS into your nominated bank account without delay.

Bellow is the attachment of the questionnaire been attached open and answer the following question send it back to the Bank immediately.

Note, you are given three (3) banking days to comply with these directives and acknowledge the receipt of this message immediately for onward instructions and directives as we will not tolerate any atom of delay from any beneficiary whom it may concern.

Congratulations!
Thanks for your co-operation
Mr.Adama Ouatara.
Director Foreign Remittance Department (BOA)

[Two attachments included: the original bank application and some bogus, bullshit form (see above). Note that they've asked me for 3,200 Euros as a processing fee.]

***********

from: Archie S. Clorox
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Sat, Aug 23, 2008 at 4:30 PM
subject: Fwd: As per Berthern Bogodougou

Hi Berthie,

I received this email from the bank. I have not acknowledged or replied in any way.

Please let me know what to do next.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

[Ooops. Replied without changing the heading. Time for some quick damage control.]

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Sat, Aug 23, 2008 at 4:37 PM
subject: Fwd: As per Berthern Bogodougou

Hi Berthie,

I sent that last email from my uncle's account, but the message is the same: I got this email from the bank.

Please tell me what to do.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Sometimes Things Just Don't Work Out, Vol. 47

2008-08-21T09:22:00.005-04:00

The interesting thing about replying to spam emails and fucking around with the senders is that they don't always reply. Which is weird to me. Why send a bunch of messages out to strangers with the hope of conning them out of their money, and then simply ignore a reply that seems to be from somebody who might not have all of their marbles (either Alexandra L. Cocksinrather or Archie S. Clorox)? At first I thought that maybe they were getting sophisticated and wising up to the fact that somebody was pulling their collective leg, but then I thought... well, they're spammers. Email spammers. I don't think critical thinking skills are part of the job description. Anyway, In addition to our good friend Berthern Bogodougou, I've received tons and tons of email spam for lotteries, and requests of assistance from all kinds of people.

But I've had fun answering the emails. Here, for example, is a piece of spam I received a while ago and the reply I sent back. And that's as far as the correspondence ever went.

From: Alford aggression
Date: Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 5:36 AM
Subject: Physician Database
To: before.we.begin@gmail.com

Practicing Physicians in the US

788,519 in total <> 17,424 emails

Physicians in many different specialties

Sort by over a dozen different fields

Now priced at: $393

~~~~~ We will give you the lists below at no extra charge if you order this week ~~~~~

++ Pharmaceutical Companies in America
Personal email addresses (47,000 in total) and names for top level executives

++ List of US Hospitals
Full data for all the major positions in more than 7k facilities

++ Dentists in the USA
Practically every dentist in the US is listed here

++ Contact List of US Chiropractors
100k Chiropractors offices with full contact data including email, postal address, phone and fax

send us an email: diane.mcgrew_md@hotmail.com

exp. mar July 26

By sending an email with 260 in the subject you will have your email revoked

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: diane.mcgrew_md@hotmail.com, MunozNorbert@flat96.fsnet.co.uk
date: Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 3:55 PM
subject: Re: Physician Database

Hi,

I have received your email and am really interested in getting a copy of this book. Does it list the marital status of the doctors? I'd like to get the information for single male doctors in and around Laramie, VT.

My mother would like for me to marry a doctor, and since I haven't had many modeling jobs this summer and my candy store isn't doing too well I think it's a pretty good idea. Also, I think my mother might be suspicious that her husband and I are having an affair.

Please me know.

Thanks.

Best regards,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 17)

2008-08-20T08:54:00.003-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Aug 19, 2008 at 9:15 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Hi Berthie,

I haven't heard anything from the bank. Is everything OK? Will they be contacting me soon?

I'm very sad because last night they had to put my grandmother in a mental institution. She went nuts and started screaming over and over again for Chicken McNuggets. She just wouldn't stop, and I was trying to watch So You Think You Can Dance and it was kind of bothering me, so I told the orderlies at the hospital to just take her away. It was kind of annoying. But also kind of upsetting, because the dancer I was rooting for didn't win. Well, I guess not everything's always
going to go your way.

So, when can I expect to receive the money? This sure is taking a long time.

And do you love me, Berthie? Do you?

OK, let me know about everything.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

And thus, for now, ends the bittersweet tale of the true love between Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather and the elusive yet passionate table-tennis champion Berthern Bogodougou. I'm a bit surprised that he even replied again at all after getting Alexandra's bank account information. And I'd imagine that he'll be in touch again once he tries to empty the account, only to discover that the numbers are wrong. And then he'll have to deal with a scorned, bitter woman. And Alexandra will most likely take her revenge.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 16)

2008-08-19T09:08:00.001-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 9:47 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Oh my darling darling darling Berthie,

Of course I will do exactly as you say. As soon as I receive word from the bank I'll immediately forward anything and everything they send me directly to you without replying to them in the slightest. I won't even acknowledge receipt of their emails unless you tell me it's OK. I will let you lead me in this great, wonderful dance like an MC hopped up on pure-grade speed at a frat party on spring break. You are my master, and I give myself over to you entirely in this matter.

And of course, I won't breathe a word of this to anybody. Nobody knows. I haven't told my mother or evil stepsister Candy, or my mother's husband Reynaldo, or the gas station attendant I was sleeping with in exchange for a place to stay. I didn't tell any of the guys on Reynaldo's bowling team who gangbanged me. Or my grandmother. Or the realtor who showed me the house where you and I will soon live in table tennis ecstasy.

And by the way, thank you for asking about my grandmother. She's doing somewhat better. We have been able to wean her off of ice cream and onto gelatto. While there's not much difference and it's probably a bit too much dairy for a person in their late 80s to be consuming on a daily basis, at least it's fancier. And Italian. And everybody knows that everything Italian is always the best. Like pasta. And coffee. And ruins. Everybody knows that Roman ruins in Italy are better than Roman ruins anywhere else. Right?

One thing has me slightly worried, my most exalted lover Berthie: you seem to be getting more formal with me. Addressing me by my full name and signing off with your own entire name. Is something wrong? Have you fallen out of love with me? Have you met somebody else? I will be crushed, Berthie, but I understand. You're a man and men have needs. I will cry forever and be upset, but I will understand. But know this: I love you. I hope you love me, too.

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 15)

2008-08-18T09:35:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Fri, Aug 15, 2008 at 4:54 PM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

To my most beloved Berthie,

Is there any news from the bank? Was our application received OK?

I can't wait until we have our countless millions, and we can play table tennis together and then make mad, rapturous love afterwards in every room of our six-bedroom house. Oh, how I long to hold you in my arms as we buy tons of stuff we don't need.

You will perhaps be happy to know that my grandmother is doing a little bit better. She seems to have developed some sort of addiction to ice cream, and keeping her away from the stuff has been quite a challenge. She has been bribing orderlies at the hospital to go to the supermarket and bring her quarts of all differerent flavors: Rocky Road, mint chocolate chip, black raspbery and cherry vanilla swirl. What's worse is that she doesn't use a spoon: she just jams her old, wrinkled face into the container and gobbles up the stuff. It's pretty gross. Meanwhile, my mother and evil stepsister Candy have raised an army of about 1,000 men and they've been trying to get into the hospital. But I've used the money I've made from my candy store to fend them off. It's really quite exciting, although the sound of gunfire keeps me up all night. Still, if my mother and evil stepsister Candy think they're going to just waltz off to the Netherlands and grow tulips then they've got another thing coming.

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 7:28 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Dearest Alexandra L. Cocksinrather my Dynamic,

greetings from my side,how are you and the family today,hope you all are fine,thanks for your anticipation co-operation, have nothing to worry about on my part i am doing everything with all influence to onward set transaction over here.

For your information bodies has been set up to monitor your application today in our Bank,(Customer Service Unit), as it is the bank may reach you within the week i am writing you this mail so that you will be arware,please watchout you may receive similar emails as if from the Bank cause the Investication Body will like to know if you are the original beneficial of set amount also if you do respond to similar mail, please i repeat please do not respond to any email rather keep me inform, forward the respite to me immediately,cause i dont want to leave any stone unturn and also remember will are at the peak of set transaction i will advice you keep this strictly secret people dont like to see others progress. Waiting to hear information from you.

wishing your G-MUM happy and quick recovery.

Good luck
Mr Berthern Bogodougou.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 14)

2008-08-15T15:51:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Thu, Aug 14, 2008 at 10:20 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

Oh, Berthie!!!

You have no idea how happy you've made me by giving me another chance, and letting me be not only a part of this deal but also a part of your soul. We are meant to be together forever, I can just feel it. I can't wait to introduce you to Reynaldo, my mother's husband. I think that you guys will totally get along. Maybe you'll even want to give up table tennis, and join his bowling teams? The boys get up to some pretty crazy stuff on weekends, like gangbangs and arson and letting elderly women burn their nipples with World War II-era Zippo lighters. It turns them on. Maybe you should try it.

So, I will email the bank right away. Please let me know the status of the file.

Berthie, you must come to the U.S. right away. I long to hold you in my arms and caress your beautiful head with a table tennis paddle. We will live together forever in happiness and bountiful bounty here in Vermont in our six-bedroom house.

I'm sorry it took me a few days to get back to you. After the big gangbang on Saturday night, Reynaldo threw me out of the house at 4am and told me to get lost. He then locked me out, and I spent a few days wandering in the cold. I was able to check my email at the local library on Monday, which is how I answered you. But then I didn't have any place to stay because the six-bedroom house I bought in anticipation of you and I getting married won't be ready until September 1st. So, I hitchhiked all of the way to Burlington to see my dying grandmother. But when I got there, my mother and evil stepsister Candy had returned from Amsterdam and had made a fake will and were trying to get my grandmother to sign it. When they saw me, they became enraged and my sister Candy and I had a big fistfight. I won, and later at the hotel she and I engaged in a beautiful, wonderful, forbidden act of illicit love. But then immediately afterwards, we started fighting again because I love my grandmother and I don't her to get ripped off. I tore up the will and posted guards outside of my grandmother's hospital room. My mother and Candy vowed to raise an army of their own, and set off to hire mercenaries.

I'm worried that there will be a big battle. But as I write this, sitting in my grandmother's hotel room, all I can think of is making love to you, my gorgeous Berthie.

OK, I'll email the bank now. Keep me posted.

Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bank.bf@gmail.com
date: Thu, Aug 14, 2008 at 10:22 AM
subject: ATTN: DR ALI ABOUBAKA

ATTN: DR ALI ABOUBAKA

THE MANAGER FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT

BANK OF AFRICA.

DEAR DR ALI ABOUBAKA

PLEASE FIND ENCLOSED WITH THIS EMAIL AN APPLICATION FOR THE TERANSFER OF FUND OF THE LATE MR LEWIS WOOD AN AMERICAN WITH ACCOUNT NUMBER :2627578-2341

I HOPE TO HEARD FROM YOU IN DUE COURSE.

YOURS SINCERELY.

[The original faux bank application was attached to this email.]

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Thu, Aug 14, 2008 at 10:29 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

OK Berthie,

I've mailed the bank. Please keep me updated as to the progress of our application.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 13)

2008-08-14T10:04:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Mon, Aug 11, 2008 at 9:24 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY.

To my beloved and most cherished soulmate Berthie,

Please don't me angry at me. Please. I need you. And we are partners in this like husband and wife, just like you said.

When you told me not to tell anybody, I thought you meant here in the U.S. I didn't understand that you meant at the bank. You never mentioned anything about not speaking to the bank about you.

And sometimes it's hard to understand you, my darling Berthie. Please don't be insulted, but it's sometimes hard to understand your English. Most of the time it's fine, but it's not always so easy to figure out what you mean.

If I had known that I wasn't supposed to mention you to the bank, I never would've done so. Please, Berthie, don't cut me out of this deal. We're partners. And more importantly, I love you.

I spent all weekend crying because you're angry at me. I went with the realtor to look at houses for us to live in after we've made our millions together and you've come here and we've gotten married. I found the most darling house with six bedrooms, seven bathrooms and a tennis court in the back. It's not table tennis, but maybe you'll feel confident enough to graduate to the real thing? I put a deposit on the house for us. And then I had to rush to my mother's and Reynaldo's apartment, so that Reynaldo and the rest of his bowling team could gangbang me. And all the while I cried, because I thought you were mad at me. Even during the bukkake portion of the orgy, my tears mixed with... well, never mind. But I have been upset, and unable to sleep.

Add in the fact that my mother and evil stepsister Candy stole all of my grandmother's money and are now on a plane to Utrecht, as my grandmother lies dying... it's just too much for me to handle, Berthie.

Please.

I need you.

I love you.

Don't forsake me.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Tue, Aug 12, 2008 at 9:50 AM
subject: REPLY URGENTLY.

Hope you are fine, I am in receipts of your mail, Allow me to tell you more about this transaction, so you can understand me more. I have been in charge of this particular account at the Bank of Africa (BOA) for over 9years, the owner of this account was a top agricultural equipment supplier in West Africa before his death. I believe that he diverted this funds for his personal use, it is also interesting to know that since the past 8years nobody has come up to ask of this account and this is what made me to plan for this deal. For at the end of this banking year my bank will divert it to it use.

This account in question (BOA 2627578-2341) was opened as a numbered account which means that it was a secrete account, which only I the accounts officer and the client knew about. The account was opened for a gold transaction, with the money routed from Fortis Bank Amsterdam; it was unfortunate that he meet his death before he could start the secret mining business here in my country.

Dearest, you have make me seek for some time now, but is all over I still believe all things work together for good, so honey let concentrate more on this transfer living no stone on turn this time while will are at the peak of this transaction this reason also apply while we do not have voice contact we could be over heard, though is good to have voice contact.Please honey resend the application to the bank in case you are a little bit confuse about the text, you quote as below;

ATTN: DR ALI ABOUBAKA

THE MANAGER FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT

BANK OF AFRICA.

DEAR DR ALI ABOUBAKA

PLEASE FIND ENCLOSED WITH THIS EMAIL AN APPLICATION FOR THE TERANSFER OF FUND OF THE LATE MR LEWIS WOOD AN AMERICAN WITH ACCOUNT NUMBER :2627578-2341

I HOPE TO HEARD FROM YOU IN DUE COURSE.

YOURS SINCERELY.
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

I still love you my dynamite do send the application to the bank immediately then inform me so I will continue to monitor your file. Confirm the receipt of this mail immediately.

Best Regard
Berthie.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 12)

2008-08-11T09:10:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Thu, Aug 7, 2008 at 10:06 AM
subject: Re: NOW SEND THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK.

To my most sexy and alluring lover Berthie,

Did the bank receive the application? Do you know if they'll be processing it soon? How quickly can they transfer the money to me?

I'm waiting anxiously to find out. You see, my mother and my evil stepsister Candy went to Burlington to see my dying grandmother. Remember her? The one who ate too much cherry vanilla ice cream. Well, because they're so wicked and selfish they went to raid her bank accounts so they could buy tulip seeds. You see, they want to move to the Netherlands and grow tulips and become world-champion tulip growers in tulip competitions. But neither of them has any money. So, they basically stole all of my grandmother's money and hopped on a plane to the Netherlands, leaving my stepfather Reynaldo and me behind. And now somebody has to schlep all the way to Burlington to deal with my grandmother. And Reynaldo doesn't care. And he doesn't want me to go because of the big gangbang on Saturday night.

I've asked Ferdinand, the gas station attendant, to drive me. But he's angry because I moved out of his apartment.

So, I don't know what to do. Oh, how I wish you were here, Berthie, so we could make rapturous love and then spend our money together.

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Fri, Aug 8, 2008 at 9:21 AM
subject: REPLY URGENTLY.

How do you do today, hope you are fine,before i commence accept my sincere sympathy about your g-mother.You promise my possition in the bank must always be protected,you must not let anybody to know that you have an insider in the Bank who gives you all the information you may need.I have earlier told you that i am using all influence to onward this transfer but i am not the Bank Director neither governor of the Bank, good enough i saw your application you send to the bank still in the Customers Unit Department which i councel-out immidiately. please this transaction is not such that you will decide to jeopardise therefore stay clear out of this let me look for someone else after which you we be compensated cause you are the only one i told concerning this transaction also having the bank email address can contact the bank with ease informing the bank about the deal.

Best Regard
Berthern Bogodougou

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 11)

2008-08-07T09:10:00.003-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Wed, Aug 6, 2008 at 9:23 AM
subject: Re: NOW SEND THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK.

Most darlingest-ever Berthie,

I will do whatever you say. You know that. Such is my passion for you that I would fend off a thousand enemies with nothing but one of those plastic sporks you get at the local Chinese takeout when you order chow fun if you asked me too (and not that I like chow fun all that much; mei fun is really more my style, but sometimes I like to change it up a bit just to keep things interesting. Once I even had four egg-rolls for dinner!!!).

I will send the application to the bank now because you have told me it is OK. I trust you, Berthie, like I've never trusted anybody else ever before. And now that you tell me that we're going to be husband and wife, I'm even more excited. Can we play table tennis naked once we're married? You can ravish me and bend me over the table and spank me with the paddle if you want to.

And I will obey you and not tell anybody about our transaction, and how you have been helping me like a true, altruistic saint and absolute gentleman. Can I tell my stepfather Reynaldo? You see, my mother has gone out of town for the weekend because my grandmother in Burlington is dying from overeating. She had four tubs of cherry vanilla ice cream in one sitting, and her kidneys basically exploded!!! So, now she's going to die soon and so my mother and my evil stepsister Candy are going to say goodbye to her. My mother wanted me to come with her, but my stepfather Reynaldo said I could stay in the apartment while my mother is gone. And I'm getting cold and lonely sleeping on the bench in the bus station. Reynaldo said I could sleep at their apartment from Friday night until Sunday afternoon, as long as I let him and his entire bowling team gangbang me for the whole time. They're making some kind of video called Sluts And Strikes or something like that. Well, I guess if that's what I have to do to be able to take a hot shower, then it's really not so bad, right?

But on Saturday, I'm going to look at houses so that I can buy one as soon as you and I have made our millions. Reynaldo is going to wonder why I'm meeting with a realtor. You'll love the houses, Berthie. They're very expensive and huge. And cheap. People had their homes foreclosed upon so now I'm getting them for a song, but it's OK. You wouldn't let me down. I know that, Berthie. That's why I'm buying a five bedroom house. For all of the children we're going to have together. We will have to get busy having sex so we can make babies. I might still partake in the occasional gangbang here and there, but I still think I'll make a good mother.

I'm going to send the application to the bank now.

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: Bank.bf@gmail.com
date: Wed, Aug 6, 2008 at 9:29 AM
subject: As per Berthern Bogodougou

To Whom It May Concern at the Bank,

The most honorable and wonderful Mr. Berthern Bogodougou has asked me to send you this application. How fast can you process it, and get it back to me?

I want to buy a house and my grandmother is about to die from overeating, so I'll need to pay for a funeral soon. Plus, I want to marry Mr. Bogodougou and weddings aren't cheap.

He seems wonderful. I can't wait to meet him. I want him to spank me with his table tennis paddle.

OK, let me know.

Thank you very much for your assistance in this very important business matter.

Best regards,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

[Document attached]

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 10)

2008-08-06T09:10:00.001-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Aug 5, 2008 at 9:15 AM
subject: Re: HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BANK.....

To my most darling and beloved lover Berthie,

Is everything OK? Did you receive the bank application? Is it alright? I haven't sent it to the bank yet, because I wanted you to see it first to make sure that it was fine. Is it?

I miss you. I miss waking up in the morning and seeing an email from you. I think that your letters are like poetry, like silk, like cold cucumber soup with dill on a hot summer's night. Like that egg-and-caviar paste-on-bread dish that they eat for breakfast in Sweden and Norway. Like listening to Roxy Music after having intense
doggy-style sex. Like walking out of a store when Sting starts playing on the radio over the PA.

Please let me know how everything is. I'm getting tired and cold from sleeping on this bench in the middle of town. As soon as I get the money, I'm going to rent a big apartment so that you and I can live in happiness forever.

I love you.
xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Tue, Aug 5, 2008 at 10:37 AM
subject: NOW SEND THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK.

Dearest Alexandra L. Cocksinrathe,My Dynamic,

Hope you are fine,is nice to hear from you again, thanks for your mail, my dear I have seen the application you fill and it's ok, now all you need to do is to forward it to our Bank here with this Bank email address: Bank.bf@gmail.com but, before you send the application to the Bank.

You must accept that we are going to work on this project like true husband and wife, hence total trust and loyalty to this project must guaranteed.

My position in the Bank must always be protected, therefore you must assure me of maintaining the confidentiality of this transaction. you must not let anybody to know that you have an insider in the Bank who gives you all the information you may need. I would further advice that you try and keep this transaction to yourself until we achieve our aim. This is not what you should make a public issue by telling people at this Early stage and get back to me very urgent ok,

i will be waiting to hear from you.

Best Regard,
Berthie.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 9)

2008-08-05T09:00:00.002-04:00

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Fri, Aug 1, 2008 at 5:56 PM
subject GO AHEAD SEND THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK.

Dearest Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Hope you are fine,the rain over here making network impossible, see cheri money answereth all things,marriage is money cause having a happy home,moreover i have a dream and so much hope to be realize together. let us concentrate on this transfer so as this fund will be burster into your account after that the world will be on our sholwder. please go ahead send the application to de bank so as the bank will acknowlegde you.

Alexandra you do not know how i feel over here, see you are the most wonderfull thing in the world,you are the magic that will make me fell i can do anything to have you by my side, more so your country is my promise land where i wish to live for the rest of the days of my life Amen.

Please you do not have anything to worry about concerning my self foto you we see manymore of me when you most have contacted the Bank and send to me a copie of the Text of Application for record porpose, let me tell you a little about me,

I'm a very simple honest, respectful Caring sincere and so natural. I love garden, entertainment, table tennis game,play football.

I want you to send the Draft Application to the Bank immidiately and get back to me,

Best regard,
Berthern Bogodougou.

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: before.we.begin@gmail.com
date: Sun, Aug 3, 2008 at 4:53 PM
subject: HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BANK.....

Dearest Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Hope you are fine,i want to know what is wrong i have not heard from you,

have you contacted the bank let me be informed.

Best Regard
BERTHIE

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Mon, Aug 4, 2008 at 10:02 AM
subject: Re: HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BANK.....

To my most beautiful and cherished Berthie,

I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. You see, I haven't slept in several days and have been nearly sick with the kind of worry and anxiety that only truly comes when one has found the love of one's life, been brought to ecstasy and then dropped like a hot chick in junior high who suddenly gets a severe case of acne after refusing to blow you behind the bleachers in the gym.

I love you, Berthie. You are everything to me. You are the vanilla fat-free soy milk in my morning double-decaf latte with extra foam. You are the Crockett to my Tubbs. You are the Boston Tea Party to my American Revolution. You make me quiver.

How could I resist a man such as yourself who is so honest, respectful, caring and sincere? Especially when you add in the fact that you're a table tennis enthusiast? I need you, Berthie. I yearn to have you.

I have even left the apartment where I was staying. Remember how I told you that the manager of the local gas station was letting me stay with him in exchange for letting him ravage my body, and doing with it as he pleased? I left because I can't bear the thought of any man other than you touching me. So, now I'm sleeping on a bench at a bus station in the center of town and checking my email at the town library (which sucks, because all of the porn sites are blocked).

I will know that you truly love me back if you send a photo to me with a sign saying, "I love Cocks". It will prove that you feel the same way I do. It is all I ask right now. And after we have riches and money, we can be together and live as one here in Laramie, VT (except when I fly to Paris for modeling assignments). You can even kick the gas station manager's ass if you want. I don't mind.

Anyway, here is the bank application. I will send it to the bank now.

Don't let me down, Berthie. I love you.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 8)

2008-08-04T09:26:00.004-04:00

Note: below is the "bank application" I received from Berthern Bogodougou. I filled it out by just making a bunch of stuff up, other than the most basic info for the bank in question. Though after filling it out, I decide to wait a while to send it to him. Just to, you know, bring him to the brink of pulling off a scam and then not quite getting to taste it.

ATTN: DR ALI ABOUBAKA.
THE MANAGER FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT
BANK OF AFRICA.

Email:Bank.bf@gmail.com

Fax: +226 50 320049

APPLICATION FOR THE TRANSFER OF FUND OF LATE MR. LEWIS WOOD AN AMERICAN WITH ACCOUNT NUMBER: 2627578-2341

I, Address: 12 Wyoming Boulevard, Laramie, VT 34756; humbly wish to apply to Your Bank as the only surviving next of kin to your deceased customer Mr. Lewis wood, an American who died in an Air crash.

I humbly apply and put claim over his fund with your Bank, which is valued at USD$30 million (Thirty million us dollar), left in his account still unclaimed.

Until his sudden death, we have been business associates, jointly in exposition of Agricultural equipments.

The funds were for contracts we executed in West Africa/agricultural equipment that we supplied.

With this, I request that the fund in his account number mentioned above will be transferred to my account as follows:

Bank name: Chase
Bank address: [Not sure, somewhere in New York, I opened it up when I was there modeling; it�??s this big, important U.S. bank that you can find at http://www.chase.com]
Bank Tel: 1 (800) 935-9935
Bank Fax: [I don�??t know; can you look this up for me?]
Account number: 301079741676
Account name: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
Swift code: 021000021

Wishing my application will be given an urgent attention as I wish the balance will be released and re-transferred into my account as I stated above.

Accept my apology for the late application it was due to some logistic problems which have been just settled.

Hoping to hearing from you and thanks in anticipation.

Sincerely Yours,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: Berthern Bogodougou
date: Wed, Jul 30, 2008 at 9:05 AM
subject: Re: THIS IS THE TEXT OF APPLICATION

To my dearest "Berthie",

How are you this fine morning? How is your life treating you? What did you dream about last night? Was it taking a shower with me? I would like to wash your hair for you with my gentle, long fingers.

I will look over the application now, and fill it out. I will return it either later today or tomorrow.

What do you look like? Are you sexy? Repugnant? Deformed? Like a fat, little potato with arms and legs? I wonder.

OK, let me know.

xoxoxo
"Cocks"

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: Berthern Bogodougou
date: Thu, Jul 31, 2008 at 9:15 AM
subject: Re: THIS IS THE TEXT OF APPLICATION

To my most darling, wonderful "Berthie",

Many thanks for trusting in me and placing your confidence in me as a business partner, friend and future lover. It means more than you could ever know, and has become my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I look forward to a long, mutually beneficial and prosperous business relationship involving lots of lubricant and anal sex.

I looked over the application you sent and I have it all filled out and ready to give back to you.

I just have one small worry: you see, the thing is that you've asked for a lot of personal information, and I don't know much about you. I've even sent pictures of myself to you. Including a sexy one of me at the beach in a bikini.

Would it be possible for you to send me one of yourself? Maybe holding a little sign with a personal message for me? That would show me that you care about me and love and want to do business with me and want to shoot your jism all over my face. Could you send me a picture of yourself holding a photo that reads, "I love Cocks"? It would mean the world to me.

I humbly await your response.

And again, I have the bank application ready to send back to you.

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. "Cocks" Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 7)

2008-07-31T09:02:00.002-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Jul 29, 2008 at 9:23 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Hi Mr. Bogodougou,

I'm ready to move forward ASAP. Let's do business together and make a lot of money.

You have a very mysterious, sexy way about you. I'm intrigued.

xoxoxo
Alexandra

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Tue, Jul 29, 2008 at 10:57 AM
subject: THIS IS THE TEXT OF APPLICATION

Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

Greetings and thanks for your confident mail ,as i am very impress.You have nothing to worried about as everything will went as plan.Just follow my instruction always.

Meanwhile,attach below is the application letter/form for the inheritance fund which you will fill and send to below contact person

ATTN: DR ALI ABOUBAKAR.
THE MANAGER FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT
BANK OF AFRICA.
Email:Bank.bf@gmail.com

Fax: +226 50 320049

Please make sure you send me copy of the application letter for my record propose

Yours Truly,
Berthern Bogodougou.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 6)

2008-07-30T08:55:00.003-04:00

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Thu, Jul 24, 2008 at 9:56 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Hi Mr. Bogodougou,

I must apologize to you. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Alexandra L. Cocksinrather, a model and candy store owner in Laramie, VT. My step-sister Candy broke into my email, and has been receiving and sending messages on my behalf. She is a filthy little whore.

Therefore, the money you are offering is mine, not Candy's. I will split it with you 50/50. And I am willing to do anything to make it happen. I am very sexy, and very good in bed. And very beautiful. Here is a picture of me taken last week at the beach.

Can you and I do business together?

Best regards,
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: "Alexandra L. Cocksinrather"
date: Sun, Jul 27, 2008 at 9:54 AM
subject: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Alexandra L. Cocksinrather,

How are you today hope you are fine,so much to do in the office though i am in receipt of your mail,i have three magnificient fotos in my possition which of the fotos belong to alex rather step-sister Candy,please help me to be a little bit just, though i appreciate both cause i bellieve everything will work together for good.

Now that you have accepted 50/50 though i need so much your assistance to make this transfer possible lets be more realistic,what about the expenses incurs by both parties during the execution of this transaction no persentage map out? also i am prepare to arrange for a DIPLOMATIC LIFTING COMPANY to deliver this consignment to you at your doorstep there in your country if that will please you. All this expenses gives me consign let me hear from you what you think about this.

Hope to hear from you positive respond analysing more about the persentage so will can continue on the next step then i will send to you the draft of application which you will send to the bank to alert the bank about the claims of set fund.

thanks for the anticipated co-operation i, hope to flourish in your court after this tranfer all the rest of my life and invest my shear in your contry as you will help like woman of substance which i strongly believe you are.Want you to apply to the bank immidiately cause there is no time wasting anymore let have a deal.extend my greetings to the familly.

Best Regard,
Berthern Bogodougou.

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Mon, Jul 28, 2008 at 10:44 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Hi Mr. Bogodougou,

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm fine. How are you? Do people call you "Berthie" for short? Would it be OK if I called you that, instead of the more formal "Mr. Bogodougou". My nickname, because of my last name being "Cocksinrather", is "Cocks".

In answer to your question about the photos, the most recent one of a stunning blonde is me, Alexandra. I work as a model and candy store proprietress. The fat, stupid-looking brunette is my evil step-sister Candy. She's greedy, self-centered and snorts when she laughs.

Do you think I'm pretty? I am quite sexy in person. Maybe you would like to touch me?

Regarding expenses, I am amenable to whatever you think is fair. What do you propose? What expenses are involved?

A diplomatic lifting company sounds great. I'm all for it.

One question: seeing as we will be business partners and hopefully lovers after this transaction is complete, I would just like to know a little bit more about you.

I've enclosed a photo of myself. I'm hot, aren't it? Wouldn't you like to take a shower with me?

xoxoxo
Alexandra L. Cocksinrather

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 5)

2008-07-29T09:25:00.002-04:00

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 8:27 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Candy,

Hope you are fine,sorry for the delay cause i got some blown off as we are in the rain over here,though i am in receipt of your mail am still contenplating if really you can help me like you said earlier, when you talk about the persentage, what about the incurs charges to excecute the transfer are you going to take care of those charges all alone,if so lets make the share fifty-fifty.As it is i have been doing every thing over here to onward this transfer with aese for morethan two years now before i contacted you to help me out, now that i have exspanded my trust in you candy it looks as if you are conplicating isues,please candy do not act too intelligent cause some-times been intelligent leads you to wickedness,cause immediately after set transfer you know iam coming over to your contry to invest with my share HOW am i sure my part is secure in your hands also you are giving me your fulsurpport without no complications.Please if my preposition is accerpted please come back to me immediately to confirm the receipt of my mail also reassuring me that the transaction is save in your hands also asking me to send to you the form which you will use to apply to the Bank.

Greetings from my side waiting to here from you so soon.

Best Regards
Berthern.

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 9:26 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Mr. Bogodougou,

It's 60/40 or nothing. It's up to you. I have money, and I'm ready to send you whatever you need to complete this transaction.

I have been saving up money for years to buy a house, and have managed to put away $15,000. Once we do this transaction together, I'll have enough to buy several houses!!!

So... I leave it up to you. Either I get 60% of the money and you get 40%, or you can find another business partner. I know I drive a hard bargain, but it's tough to be a woman in a man's world. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and move forward.

But I'll make it up to you. Once the millions have been deposited into my account, we can celebrate by making mad, joyous love together.

What do you think?

Tell me about yourself. Are you attractive or fat?

Best regards,
Candy

***********

from: Alexandra L. Cocksinrather
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Wed, Jul 23, 2008 at 10:36 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Hi Mr. Bogodougou,

Please get back to me at your earliest convenience and let me know if the 60/40 arrangement is good for you. I have this $15,000 that I need to use to either put a down payment on a house or to use to facilitate the business transaction that you and I are entering into together.

I would suggest that, if everything is amenable, that we move forward. There is a ceremony that we do here between business partners to commemorate our working together: it is called Tonysoprano. It involves choking oneself until one nearly passes out while engaged in intercourse with four different people. Upon hearing back from you, I will do this with some random people that I'll round up from my local 7-11.

Many thanks, and I hope to hear back from you soon.

Best regards,
Candy

And then I realized that I'd forgotten to change the name on the ID portion of my emails. Would Mr. Bogodougou notice? Would he even care? Stay tuned to find out tomorrow...

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 4)

2008-07-28T11:04:00.003-04:00

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 6:17 PM
subject: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Candy,

Hope you are fine i am in receit of your mail,the fund which is to be burster in to your account is huge amount, worth thirty thounsand U.S DOLLARS,you shall have thirty percent of the amount or what did you think about your share? As it is i am to make available all the neccesary Documents and also keep you inform about what is going on in my Bank,however the processing startting is for you to send an Application letter to the Bank as the next of kin to our desaeses customer to lay claim on set amount.This also i told you i will send to you the mail which you will inturn send to the bank to lay the claim.

Immediately you have contacted the bank i will start to monitor your file,cause the bank will have to change the documents of the late customer so as all documents will carry your names to enable the bank be able to wire set amount into your account.Dear nothing to worry about everything we work together for good, I have finish every underground work concerning this transfer,also you as a foreigner can come farward for the claim,

Waiting to here from you, please forward me the bellow information's;

Your Real name: ............................
Your country: .........................
Your phone Number: ......................
Your Tel/fax: ...........................
Your age: ...............................
Your occupation: .......................
A copy of your other photo...............

Thanks for anticipated co-operation also, case you have more questions i am ready to give to you more details so as you understand o.k.

Best Regard
Berthern.

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Jul 15, 2008 at 9:38 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Mr. Bogodougou,

I'll help you, but let's be clear: you need me just as much as I need you, and so I'm changing the rules of the game. If you want to get any money whatsoever, we'll do things my way.

From here on out, I'll take 60% of the $30 million and you can have 40%. Like it or lump it. Otherwise, you can find yourself a new partner.

If you're in agreement on this, let me know and we'll move forward.

Here are the answers to your questions:
Your Real name: Candy Montgomery
Your country: USA
Your phone Number: (212) 467-0987 [Note: I made this number up off the top of my head, and have no idea if it's an actual working phone line or not.]
Your Tel/fax: No fax
Your age: 26
Your occupation: Porn actress and part-time sommelier
A copy of your other photo: Attached

BTW, have you ever done any work in porn? It pays really well, and we need another guy for new video we're making. It pays $20,000 per day.

Send me a copy of your photo, stud.

Hit me back,
Candy

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Tue, Jul 15, 2008 at 9:39 AM
subject: Re: REPLY THIS IMMEDIATELY.

Sorry, and here's my photo.

Candy Montgomery drives a hard bargain (part 3)

2008-07-25T15:47:00.002-04:00

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Mon, Jul 14, 2008 at 5:02 PM
subject: REPLY URGENTLY

My Dear, Candy Montgomery,

Thank you for your mail and sorry for the delay, I will like to start assuring you of the risk free of this transaction by introducing myself to you, I am a man of 34 years old and am single hoping to get married after the transfer of this amount. I have been working in this Bank for the past 9 years now, Before I got into this transcation, I have done all underground arrangements regarding to this transaction. All Banking rules and regulation guiding this Bank are emobodied within me, I can not and will not involve myself in any businesss that I deem unhealthy to me.

Regards to this transaction, I have worked hard for two years now trying to gather all the required information about this deceased customer after I found out that all his supposed next of kin are all dead leaving nobody behind to put claim over his left balance with our Bank.

I also got into his security file jacket in this Bank and got all the needed information about his account and all information his next of kin should know. Because he was a foreigner and a foreigner also is needed to stand as the next of kin to the decease person, then I started looking for a foreign partner who will help me put claim over this fund. I will forward to you all the needed information and documents that will guide you adequately in this transaction.

Good underground work has been done within the bank, I have been working hard towards the success of this transaction. Everything has been put into place and the transaction is 100% risk free and will be finished in less than 21 bank working days after the application is tendered to the Bank as next of kin to the deceased customer putting claim over his balance with the bank.

I will be glad to hear from you for more details. You have to also re-assure me that my own share of the funds will be safe in your hands after the succesful inheritance and transfer of this fund had been burster into to your account.If ok with this explanations please come back to me that i may send to you the Email which you will inturn send to the my Bank. That is the processing startting of set transaction,this email to my bank will make you to come forward for the claim as the deases next of skin.I exspect your immediate respond.

Best regard
Berthern bogodougou

***********

from: Berthern Bogodougou
to: Ha Ha Sound
date: Tues, Jul 15, 2008 at 12:41 PM
subject: REPLY URGENTLY

Dear Candy

Hope you are fine. want to know what is happenning cause you did not confirm the receit of my last mail.I will first of all express my sincere thanks for taking out your time to go through my mail. i am writting you this mail to inform you about the present situation over here ,

They are now threatening to invoke a certain section of the inheritance law of west Africa Banks if we do not present a next of kin at the end of the notice to which the money will be paid. Invoking this section will entails sending the said money to the Government, as unclaimed.that is if the money will ever get there.i am making you to understand this,cause there is a mandate set, there is no so much time to waste in set transaction.please what i want you to do is to contact the Bank SO THE Bank will be notified concerning the claim, after set notification the file will be left out for us to proceed for the claims.All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transfer through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law.In other for me to commence with the documentation process,I will want you to confirm the receit of this mail, that i may send to you the email which you we inturn send to the Bank so as the bank we be aware of your claim as the next of kin to our late client.Now that i am impress and also exspanded my trust in you as a woman whom i fill it will be a woman of substance which after set tranfer of this fund i will flourish the rest of my life in your court i will appreciate immidiate respond.

Best Regard
Berthern Bogodougou.

***********

from: Ha Ha Sound
to: bberthern@yahoo.com
date: Wed, Jul 16, 2008 at 9:29 AM
subject: Re: REPLY URGENTLY

Hi Mr. Bogodougou,

I'm sorry that I took some time to get back to you. I'm very interested in executing this transaction, and you seem like an honorable man. I just had some personal problems this past weekend. I let my boyfriend and his friends gangbang me, and somewhere along the way I lost the keys to my house. So, I couldn't get in to use my computer to answer any emails. But my boyfriend finally found them, and so I'm now able to contact you.

Seeing as it has been some time, can you refresh my memory: what is your role in all of this? How much money will I get? What do I have to do?

Looking forward to your reply. I'm going to take a shower now. I'm feeling a little bit sticky.

Best regards,
Candy