lundamanda

joke

2011-03-08T22:49:00.001-08:00

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

"i havnt seen anything like that before" says obama

2011-03-08T00:10:00.000-08:00

America is a very big nation, But there r something that only indians can do........
and the latest is ' 2g spectrum '!!!
cheers indians..

boyfriend and girlfriend

2011-02-26T02:10:00.000-08:00

Girl : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
Boy : What time was it??

Girl : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
Boy : Sure, what’s your phone number??

Girl : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t speak for an hour..
Boy : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life…

Girl : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
Boy : Don’t you ever want to improve??

Girl : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think,?
Boy : I agree with both. You’re pretty ugly.

witty sayings

2011-02-26T01:55:00.000-08:00

A day without sunshine is like, night.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

AMERICAN ECONOMIC POLICY

2010-12-06T01:24:00.000-08:00

HOW TO SURVIVE ECONOMIC CRISES

Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

2010-12-06T01:14:00.001-08:00

The ticket collector comes, and Mulla Nasruddin looks into everything -- his bags, his pockets. The ticket collector is standing there and he says, "You have looked in every pocket, but you don't look in the left-side pocket of your coat."
Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't interfere in my work. Never mention that pocket!"

He said, "You are strange. I am simply helping you because you cannot find the ticket. Perhaps... why are you leaving out that pocket?"
Mulla Nasruddin said, "That is my only hope. If the ticket is not in the left pocket, I am finished. So first I will look into everything else. Only as the last resort may I touch that pocket. That is my last hope, don't destroy it."

Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

2010-12-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

Mulla Nasruddin's wife drags him to a movie house. And in the picture which is shown the hero hugs and kisses the heroine so gracefully, so sweetly, that immediately Mulla Nasruddin's wife turns to him and says, "You never do that to me."

Mulla Nasruddin said, "You don't understand -- he is paid. Am I paid?"

But the wife was also a rare personality. She said, "Paid or not paid, you don't know that in real life also they are husband and wife."

Mulla said, "My god! If in real life also they are husband and wife, then he is a great actor. I can certify that he is a great actor."

osho jokes

2010-12-05T22:48:00.001-08:00

Swami Deva Coconut

Comrade Gorbachev has heard rumors that his policies are being discussed in Poona, India, so he decides to go and check it out. When his plane arrives at Poona airport, the Indian Army is there to welcome him. As Gorbachev steps off the plane, the military guard of honor fires off the traditional twenty-one gun salute.

"What were those shots?" asks Swami Deva Coconut, standing in the crowd.
"Gorbachev has arrived!" says the man next to him.

"Really?" replies Coconut. "You mean they could not get him with just one shot?"

new american one dollar bill

2010-12-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

osho jokes

2010-12-05T22:37:00.001-08:00

Swami Deva Coconut arrives in Bombay airport with his pet parrot on his shoulder. He is intercepted by an Indian customs official who says, "Hey, stop! You have got to pay import duty on that parrot!"

"How much?" asks Coconut.
"Let me see," says the official, paging through his imports book. "Here we are," he continues. "Five hundred rupees for an alive parrot, one hundred rupees for a stuffed one."

"Hey, Coconut" screams the parrot. "Don't get any crazy ideas!"

osho jokes

2010-12-05T22:36:00.000-08:00

Swami Deva Coconut

Bernie Bush, the ace political reporter for the American Righteous News, is having a day off with his family at the zoo. They are walking by the lions' cage, when Bernie notices a young boy reaching his hands through the bars to pet one of the lions. Another huge lion suddenly leaps forward with a tremendous roar, but at the last second, the boy is swept to safety by a man in the crowd.

Spotting a sensational story, Bernie approaches the man and says, "Excuse me, sir, but that was an incredible display of instant courage. I want to write a story about you for my newspaper. Tell me, where do you get such courage?"

"Simple," Swami Deva Coconut said, "I'm a disciple of Osho Rajneesh."

"What?" shouts the right-wing reporter, turning and walking away, "This will make a real story for sure!"

The following day, the headline of the American Righteous News reads: "Rajneesh Disciple Snatches Lunch From Hungry African Immigrant!"

obama.. u mind it!

2010-11-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

Indian president Manmohan singh on Obamas policy of helping pakisthan military.

joke

2010-11-18T04:45:00.000-08:00

Teacher asks the following problem in
his classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go
to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his
brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little joe raises his
hand and says, “A lawyer?”

Woody Allen Jokes

2010-11-18T04:35:00.000-08:00

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.

I was thrown out of NYU. On my metaphysics final, they caught me cheating. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'm so excited—I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.

I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

now with royal circus

2010-11-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

german chancellor adolf hitler in his new post as a clown in royal circus

joke

2010-11-15T07:58:00.003-08:00

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate
her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first
student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy
instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you,
but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts
out, "John F. Kennedy!"

"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know
who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill
Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

joke

2010-11-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

clinton jokes

A little boy wanted $100 very badly, so he prayed every night for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided he would just write the Lord a letter and ask him directly for the $100.
When the post office received the letter addressed to "GOD, U.S.A.," they decided to forward it to President Clinton. The President was so touched and impressed with the boy's nerve that he showed it to Hillary. She said, "This could be good P.R., Bill. Go ahead and send the kid some money." The President told his secretary to send the boy $5.00. He thought this would seem like a lot of money to the little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat right down to write a thank you letter to God. It read as follows:
Dear God,
Thank you for sending me the money I rquested. However, I see you send the money through Washington, D.C. and, as usual, that bastard Clinton took 95% of it.

do you know who i am?

2010-11-13T00:44:00.000-08:00

funny photo of german chancellor adolf hitler without his famous mustache

joke

2010-11-13T00:28:00.000-08:00

Americans always try to do the right thing --
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill

Sir Winston Churchill

2010-11-13T00:23:00.000-08:00

joke

2010-11-11T22:06:00.000-08:00

great "tragedy"

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a schoolbus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Clinton."That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

joke

2010-11-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

Bill Clinton and punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where Bill Clinton was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that Democrat gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

barack the warrior

2010-11-11T08:50:00.000-08:00

joke

2010-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

laws of life

1) Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch
2)Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner
3)Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never obtain a busy signal
4)Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings
5)Law of encounters: The probability of meeting someone you cognize promotes when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with
6)Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

hulkoma _ savior of america ( hei... dnt make him angry)

2010-11-11T08:19:00.000-08:00