Boundlessly Curious

2025's Top 10

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 22:59:00 +0000

Top 10 of my 2025

No one asked for it, but I have decided this is a good exercise in gratitude!

10. Grass - I finally spent the money to get good, drought-resistant grass installed in my yard. It was EXPENSIVE and I'm still worried I'm bad at taking care of it but it made my summer SO much better. One because I can actually hang out on my grass and two because my dogs aren't constantly getting weeds stuck in their fur. FYI, it is a Bermuda grass hybrid that was developed by Utah State and had to be legalized before it could be sold and used, so I'm really living on the edge.

9. Gardening - I spent a good amount of time and money and energy on growing a garden this year. This was maybe a weird year to do it because I was gone for so many of the summer months, but it was such a great thing for me. Gardening is something that not only gets me outside but allows me to focus on the process instead of just the product. It has been so therapeutic for me in addition to providing me with tons of kale, peppers, and tomatoes that are so much better than they are in the store.

8. '24-'25 SBOs - Now obviously I love all my students (I mean mostly...) but my SBO's for the year '24-'25 have a special place in my heart. Partially they were kind and fun SBO's after a really hard year for me where I didn't connect very well to my SBO's. But also they were just the graduating class I had the most fun teaching in general and seeing them become leaders and have fun all year (even though they weren't always great at their jobs...) was so wonderful and fun. They carried such a joy and a light to them and their interactions with others that was so influential to me.

7. Gym - I have been going to the gym semi-consistently for probably about 6 years. However this is the year that the groundwork I had been laying for those first 5 years started to actually pay off. I have an incredibly weak core and have had to modify exercises significantly for years because of this - this year that has rarely been the case. In years past I have stolen lots of workouts from influencers and bounced around trying lots of different things. But this year I wrote my own program (again, only because I could after 5 years of groundwork and knowing really smart people that helped inform me) and made so much progress. I have started to see my strength go up, my endurance go WAY up and in general have enjoyed the gym so much more this year than ever before. I even started talking to people at the gym kind of sometimes, which is big for me.

6. Weight loss - I have been lucky enough to have laid the groundwork for not only my consistent gym habit, but a healthy eating habit (which has been in the works since like literally my sophomore of college and boy howdy that has been a journey), and a therapy journey that has made this possible. This year I have been able to fairly consistently eat in a calorie deficit and have lost about 20 pounds. I'm not going for lots of weight loss quickly, just wanted to slowly and sustainably get my body to a place that was more comfortable and where I could move more easily. In fact this has happened slowly enough that I honestly couldn't even really tell the difference until I compared my Christmas dress this year with my Christmas dress last year. I still have more I would like to lose but this is a marathon for me and not a sprint so we'll just see how it goes!

2024

2025

5.5 - The Jazz - I always love the Jazz but this year they did their opening scrimmage at East High and I almost died of joy. They are so tall and so young and so adorable. This was very close to being the best day of my life.

5. Sister trip - Last year we started doing regular family meetings and we did a lot better job of keeping in touch with each other as siblings. This year we really amped it up and did a sister trip! All of the original sisters (no in-laws this time) visited Patti in Michigan and it was absolutely fantastic. The best part was that it was the first time for my sisters to go on a trip where they weren't "mom" and no one was relying on them or asking them to do anything for them. We had an amazing time and are already planning on how we can keep them going. I feel closer to my sisters this year than I have since living with them!

4. Stray Kids - I feel a little bad putting this before the sisters trip but...My 2024 year was one of serious healing and changing. It started out as a terrible year and ended up much better. And one of the things that got me through that time was Stray Kids, a K-Pop group. Listening to their music and watching their content was something that really helped me when I was not emotionally capable of reaching out to other people or God. So when I saw they were going on tour I knew I had to go. I didn't expect to go three times...but I did just that. First I saw them in Seattle with Elaine - who first got me into Kpop. Next I saw them in Orlando with Jessica who I have known since college but was meeting in person for the first time. And finally, the grand finale, I saw them in Chicago, my favorite city. I was in the pit, only about 3-4 feet from the stage, and it was absolutely fantastic. Not only did I get to see them very close but I made some great friends and then got to spend a few days in Chicago which I always love.

3. Amber's birthday surprise - Birthdays are hard, and birthdays as a single person can be especially hard. While I have plenty of wonderful people in my life I don't have anyone that prioritizes me over others in their life (for good reason, they have their own families and spouses and I'm delighted for them). This is why I always make sure my students know when my birthday is and heavily hint about it, which always works in my favor, haha. But this year I had a birthday surprise for perhaps the first time in my life. My best friend in the whole world, Amber, kept telling me to make sure to check my porch when I got home. I assumed she had sent me something and was worried it would get stolen off my porch. But no, she came to my house and decorated my porch and it was genuinely the sweetest thing I think anyone has ever done for me. I have lucked out having a friend as good as her and she has gotten me through some of the worst moments in the last few years. She has seen me ugly cry countless times over Marco Polo and she still talks to me! This moment was so wonderful to me.

2. Dad's 80th - My dad turned 80 years old and I tell you what, that's crazy. We planned a surprise birthday party for him and he was genuinely so surprised! It helped that it was in the summer even though his birthday is in March... My brother Andy put together a program that involved all kinds of fun and impromptu performances, we made it Brazil themed since my dad served his mission there. I got to learn how to make pao de queijo which got added to my favorite recipes pretty quickly. And my mom invited some of this friends from Plain City throughout the years as well. He was surprised and pleased and we were all so happy. And the craziest part to me is that at 80 years old, this man kneeled on the concrete to get a picture with his cake and then stood right back up like it was nothing. His Scandinavian genes are really going strong.

1. Testimony - Without going into many details, I had purposely set aside my testimony for about the last four years. I didn't abandon it or lose it, but I needed to step outside of it for a while to deal with some issues I had. I always knew I would come back to it when I was ready. This was the year I was ready and it has been so comforting and exciting coming back to it and remembering the joy and peace I get from the Gospel. It has been a slow journey and I'm still not back to the depth of testimony I was before, but I'm being patient with myself and I have found so much joy in the rekindling I've found.

The evils of hope

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sat, 16 Jul 2022 18:43:00 +0000

For all of my life, hope has been touted as a positive thing. It's peppered all over religious teachings, scriptures, and quotes that are supposed to make you feel good. No matter how bad things are you can hope for something better.

And hope in the context of my faith, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has an even stronger connotation. Hope isn't about something that could happen someday, it isn't a "wouldn't it be nice?" kind of concept. Hope is believing in something that will happen, having faith in something to come and truly believing it will come to pass.

So it may seem strange that in the last year of my life, hope has felt less and less like something positive and in fact has felt like a strangling and depression concept.

Those of you reading those know that I'm single, and some of you know that I haven't had much experience with relationships (2 boyfriends IF you squint and tilt your head). In addition to that, some of you know that I have been boy-crazy from a very young age. One of my sister's favorite stories about me is from a party I had when I was still in elementary school and she overheard me say to my friends "Okay, what should we talk about, boys or clothes?" If we're being honest one of my first memories is watching my mom teach piano lessons to some cute boys down the street. I would peek out from my bedroom while she taught them in the front room.

My level of desire for dating, relationships, boyfriends, and all that comes with that has been a strong presence in my life from as far back as I can remember. I am, and this may come as a surprise to some of you, a huge daydreamer and I am constantly building scenarios of how I would meet, date, marry, and otherwise just be loved by my current crush/crushes (because for most of my life there were usually somewhere between 3-7 boys I was crushing on). So the fact that in all of that wishing and hoping and dreaming I have only really had 1 relationship (like I said, the 2nd one only counts if you squint) seems a bit like a joke on me by the universe.

In all of that time, not getting kissed until I was 25, not getting asked to dances in high school, being asked on very few dates in college, I still had hope. I still expected (remember, I operate in that level of hope) to definitely get married. Not just because that's the narrative that was fed to me in my cultural landscape but also because I wanted it. I have always genuinely wanted to get married and I still want that.

However, about a year ago, having that hope felt more and more like a heavy chain around my neck. I could no longer listen to the comments of "Just wait until you find him" or "Oh you'll definitely get married" or "You have plenty of time don't worry!" Especially when they were in response to me saying something benign in which I wasn't actually expressing sadness about not being married. I was just mentioning my singleness matter-of-factly and people who aren't in that situation often don't know how to respond and resort to calming phrases that once again rely on that doctinal hope that surely it will happen.

But here's the thing - they don't know that it will happen. I can't expect it to happen. It might not and I needed to stop living my life as if it was just around the corner. The expectation made every bad date worse, made every terrible interaction on a dating app more frustrating, made every man that didn't show interest in me more devastating. The hope highlighted the failures.

Now for the context of this experience I need to make something clear. The argument often used in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that 'single people will be married in the next life' does nothing for me. I'm not worried about being married in the eternities, my loneliness is impacting me NOW. I'm not worried about my eternal life, I'm worried about my current life because that's the one I'm living with right now.

So I made a choice about a year ago to stop hoping for marriage and to begin to assume that it wouldn't happen for me and I cannot begin to tell you how freeing that was. I no longer felt guilty about the bad dates, or devastated about the men that didn't flirt with me, and I deleted the stupid dating apps. The way I phrased it was that I had "given up hope" but I didn't know how to word that to people without them thinking I was in a deep dark hole of depression. How could I help them understand that giving up hope was actually the most freeing thing I'd done in years? So I largely kep it to myself.

It wasn't until recently when I started to hear more about the story of Pandora's box that I started to really understand what I had done to the concept of hope. Pandora's box held all the evils of the world and when the box was opened they were released. The one thing left in the box was hope. It wasn't until recently that I started to read about interpretations of hope also being considered an evil - otherwise why else would it be in the box with all the other evils? And perhaps if hope had been released into the world it would be considered an evil, but as long as it remained contained in the box, separate from and away from the world, it wasn't one. Now I'm far from a scholar on Greek mythology and am in no way qualified to interpret this story critically, but finally I had encountered a narrative that acknowledged that hope was not universally good and peaceful and, for lack of a better word, hopeful.

Hope contains great possibilities, but constantly being faced with possibilities that are not realities can be very difficult. Having hope constantly in front of you can be exhausting and demoralizing. While there have been times in my life where keeping that hope front and center in my life is the only way I could function, there are other times when hope just feels like its mocking me.

So for now I'm keeping hope in the box, tucked away. I can't carry it anymore, I can't let it be a part of my life or my daily existence because it just isn't serving me.

30, LDS, Single, and why ward activities don't work

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 30 Sep 2019 04:52:00 +0000

Alright, I've spent basically my entire adult life as a YSA (Young Single Adult), and I've also spent basically my entire adult life trying/wanting to not be a YSA. And I've got a lot of thoughts y'all, but I'm just going to pontificate on one major thought here.

A question that my single friends and I ponder a lot is this gem "where do I meet people?". Now, this question didn't haunt me until after I'd graduated college because holy cow, meeting new people is the norm there. But once I became an adult and moved into a career (especially the female dominated career of education) I'm at a total loss as to where to meet people.

The obvious answer to these questions would seem to be finding people in these places: singles wards, singles ward/stake activities, institute. I get you, this makes sense. Logically, when you put a bunch of single people in one place they'll find each other and it will all work out. And obviously, this does work for some blessed people. But it seems to be not working for a growing number of people (hello high rate of single members of the Church of Jesus Christ). Let me give you one theory as to why.

But first some backstory.

I recently moved into a family ward, and I did it before my "expiration age" of 31. The reason I did that was because I was becoming more and more unhappy when I went to church. I had some promptings to check out the family ward. When I finally went there and sat down I was astounded at the lack of anxiety I felt. I was mostly astounded because I hadn't realized until right then that I'd been feeling constant anxiety at church for so long. This anxiety didn't have anything to do with my testimony, with questions or doubts or any kind of faith crisis. It existed only because I didn't know my purpose for going to church.

You see, when I was going to a singles ward I wasn't sure if the purpose of going to church was for me to partake of the sacrament, learn about the gospel, and buoy up my fellow saints, or if the purpose was for me to meet someone. And if the purpose was all of those things, then I was constantly failing at one of them. So I came home from every meeting exhausted and anxious and angry at myself because I hadn't flirted or asked anyone out or gotten anyone to ask me out (I literally can't remember the last time a human male has asked me on a date in person) or even been interested in anyone (the pickings get slimmer as you get older...). I wasn't able to go to church and just partake of the gospel because I felt like that wasn't the only reason I was there. This feeling was exacerbated by continuous single jokes, elbow jabs and winky eyes, and flat out counsel on dating and marriage, some by my fellow ward members, and some by the married leaders of our ward. My singleness was defining me.

But the problem wasn't me and my social anxiety (which, I mean, is not not part of the problem). The reason I wasn't meeting people, or flirting, or getting dates wasn't because I wasn't trying hard enough.

When you walk into a singles ward or activity, logically you would assume that they are there so they can all meet people to date and then marry. The problem is, that is definitely not why they're all there. Some people in the singles ward are terrified of committment and absolutely not interested in dating. Some people in the singles ward are dating someone seriously or are even engaged. Some people in the singles ward are gay and aren't interested in or don't feel capable of dating someone of the opposite gender. Some people in the singles ward just straight up aren't interested in marriage. However, nearly all of those people are going to activities on a regular basis because in order to feel like an active ward member they go to activities. How many EQP's (Elder Quorum President's) have I seen at ward and stake actitivies even though I know that they are incredibly engaged? Sure, I'm glad they're at the activity, I want them to be part of the ward. But if I'm supposed to meet someone by going to an activity, how do I know who to talk to in order for it to be an actually good use of my time? Especially when it's a stake activity and there are literally over 1,000 people there. So unsurprisingly what do most people do? They talk to the people they already know from their ward (and likely the people they already know they aren't interested in).

So I ask my question again "where do I meet people"? Unfortunately the answer for me and many of my friends just hasn't been in the singles ward. (And do not even get me started on Mutual, that's a whole other blog post. Or seven.)

My proposals:

Dry bars - I 3000% think soda places in Utah need to step up and host singles nights. Why have they not done this yet? I recently walked into my first bar to hang out with some colleagues (don't worry Mom, I just had water) and I got checked out more in that one night than in the last 5-6 years of singles wards.
SINGLES activities - I know this sounds like I'm proposing the same thing as above but hear me out. What if singles wards had activities for people who were actually single and actively wanted to change that status? So all those engaged EQP's? Yeah, you're not invited.
Actually set up your single friends like you totally say you will but never do - yeah you*, I'm talking to you. You say you know someone you'd like to set your friend up with and then you ghost them like a Provo bro on Mutual (all terms that if you haven't been single for the last 5 years you won't understand and be grateful)

You have any proposals?

*the only person this doesn't apply to is my sister-in-law Sarah who is BOMB at actually following through and setting me up and she will receive so many blessings in heaven.

*also Camille Crawley

Obedience School Rivalry

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 04:55:00 +0000

So I got a dog. And he's perfect. His name is Inigo Montoya and he's part border collie and part blue heeler.

Inigo and I the day we met.

I found Inigo at an adoption event about two months before I was scheduled to move out of an apartment that wouldn't let me have a pet. And I didn't yet have a pet friendly apartment to move into. So it was pretty much a miracle that when my roommate, Elaine, found us a pet friendly place Inigo was still available. We were meant to be basically.

Once I got Inigo, I quickly realized something. I know nothing about dogs. I foolishly put a PILLOW in his kennel.

He ripped apart all kinds of toys and I'll be honest I was also slightly scared of him because I didn't even know if he was a biter? Needless to say, I pretty quickly decided that obedience classes were a must because I didn't know what the h-e-double hockey sticks I was doing.

So off we go to obedience school. And once I actually knew what I was doing, it turns out that Inigo is a genius! Since he's a mix of two herding dogs he is, according to one woman my roommate met on a walk "the smartest dog in the world". It's fact people. He caught on to everything really quickly. Except....for leash training.

Leash training is rough guys. Because not only is it a difficult concept for dogs to not drag you around everywhere, but it's also something you have to face EVERY CHINESE DAY (which, fun fact, is what I thought the emperor said in Mulan at the end to Shang about Mulan until I was probably 25 and had been teaching world civilizations for a couple of years, and then I thought, oh dynasty. Yeah that makes more sense). Especially when you have a high energy, intelligent dog and you live in condo with no fenced in backyard.

In order to find a way to muscle through this, I needed to find something to help me push myself. It came in the form of another dog in Inigo's obedience class. In Inigo's class there was a real mix of dogs, some puppies, some rescues (like Inigo), but most owners at least were on the same level. But one owner did not seem to recognize that. This owner was annoyingly smug and practicing all the time that our instructor was talking while the rest of their owners were just desperately trying to get their dogs not to hump or eat each other. Scenario: I am holding Inigo's leash real tight because all he wants to do is sniff the heck out of the puppy next to us. The puppy's owners are in a similar situation while we try to listen to our instructor's directions. There is a short pause in her speech, we quickly check our dogs to make sure we haven't choked them to death and there's Roux's owner, drilling his perfectly behaved dog while Inigo's face turns blue and his barks no longer come out because I'm holding on to his leash so tight. Pretentious little prick of a dog/owner combo.

Now, I took Inigo the first couple of weeks, but one week I had to miss because of a performance, so my roommate Elaine took him (we're co-parenting). After Elaine came back she told me all the lovely things they had learned that night and then she asked me what I thought about a certain dog/owner combo. It was Roux. Elaine asked me if I thought Roux's owner was a little on the full-of-himself-because-of-how-good-his-dog-was side. YES. I vehemently agree and kind of hate that guy! I was validated!

And so began our rivalry. While before it had been a chore to train Inigo at home and I had always felt like a failure, suddenly it was a competition! Beat Roux! And so we trained. And we trained. I mean it wasn't anything like a Rocky montage but we did some good stuff. Every time our trainer gave Inigo a compliment, I victoriously yet silently said "Take that Roux!". Before we went on walks to leash train I hyped myself up by yelling "We're gonna beat Roux"! This always got Inigo very excited. But I'm pretty sure it's just because I was jumping and yelling and pumping my fist when it happened. He loves jumping.

Eventually we came to our graduation day. We had learned so many things, sit, stay, leave it, lay down, come. I mean, my dog is basically amazing. So for our final session our trainer decided to have us teach our dogs a fun trick: shake. 'Oh heavens', I thought, 'Inigo doesn't need to know how to shake that's just silly.' But when our instructor asked if any of the dogs already knew how to shake, I think we all knew whose owner raised his hand. That's right, up goes the hand of Roux's owner as our instructor goes over to show the whole class how shake works. And then that pretentious little dog shook his owner's hand....and I knew I had to get Inigo to shake at all costs. By the end of the session Inigo still couldn't shake. But he still got a certificate! So of course we had to get a graduation picture.

We're still working on his modeling skills.

Also his ability to wear a hat

We'll get there.

There is a happy ending, because Inigo FINALLY learned to shake, a mere two months later...But he's so good at it that it's ridiculous.

Also, he can also jump on command! Take that Roux!

Now let's end on this perfect picture of Inigo and a peanut butter jar. Because we can.

Disclaimer: Roux and his owner are actually lovely. I'm just obscenely competitive sometimes.

The day I became a dinosaur.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 21 Sep 2015 04:18:00 +0000

It was my first year of teaching. Those of you who are teachers don't need the stage to be set at all, those are all the words you need. Anyone who isn't a teacher, let's just give you an idea.

For the first time, people are trusting you with their children's future. Suddenly, you are an adult who is in charge of a classroom and what goes on in there. It is both exhilarating and terrifying. It is empowering and daunting. And that combination of excitement and terror makes for some crazy power struggles in the classroom.

One of the first things you've got to do as a teacher is decide how to practice your authority. If you've only ever been a student, I'm going to tell you something about your teachers that may shock you. They were terrified sometimes. And depending on how much experience they had and what kind of students they had in class, they were possibly terrified more often than not. Now, being terrified can make teachers do crazy things. If I, as a teacher, am terrified that my students will see through what feels like a phony facade of my authority, I might react a little bit crazily. I might be angry when they do any little thing wrong. I might arbitrarily enforce or create rules for my classroom because I feel threatened. And I did all these things my first year of teaching. Because I was terrified.

This story is one of the first examples of how I stopped being quite so terrified and learned to laugh at myself and let my students do that to. It can be terrifying to be laughed at by teenagers unless you've learned to laugh at yourself.

But really, this is actually just a story about me turning into a dinosaur.

Shortly after the school year began came the dreaded day. Picture day. One nice thing about teaching school is if you hate your ID picture, you get a new one the next year. Since this was my first ID picture as a teacher, this felt like a big moment. After I got this card I could get all the cool teacher discounts (that are always at places so expensive that even if I use my teacher discount it still doesn't fit in my budget) and I could feel more legit.

On picture day I shepherded my students into the art room where the photographer was and waited for them, one by one, to get their pictures taken. Once it was my turn I dutifully smiled and hoped they would come out alright.

Now here's the thing, my pictures came out GREAT. In fact, one of the best school pictures of me ever. There was just one small problem. It was my name.

My last name isn't easy. It's fairly uncommon and is always mistaken for Jorgensen. If that was the mistake they'd make, I'd have rolled my eyes and moved on with life. If they'd gotten a step closer and put Yorganson, I'd have let out a small sigh and said "next year". But they didn't just change my name into some more recognizable and common.

They made me a dinosaur. And not only that. They made me a married dinosaur! In the scenario created by this ID card, there is a Mr. Yorgsar somewhere out there that I come home to every night. Maybe even little Yorgsars.

Shortly after getting this mistake of a card, the principal assured me they would make a new one with my correct name. But I decided this was too good. I shared it with my students. And they loved it. It was even crazier than the nickname they had given me...

Yep. You read that right. Miss Yolomcswaggins. Middle schoolers .

Now obviously, getting these great nicknames and letting students laugh at me didn't change everything. They didn't suddenly respect me totally, I didn't stop losing it at them every once in a while. But it was a step. Honestly. Humor is the way I deal with difficulty. It's a gift (and a curse). And when I can bring humor into my classroom and allow my students to see that I can laugh at myself (my current way of doing that is by using hilariously outdated slang and pretending I'm cool) my students see that I know that I'm human. They accept my authority more readily. So there you go, use humor to create authority in your classroom.

Well. Humor and dinosaurs.

Mr. Pilates

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sat, 11 Jul 2015 04:27:00 +0000

This story has two important background points.

1. Due to nostalgia of my folk dance days and a stunning realization that my pants are starting to get real tight, my desires to work out have skyrocketed recently.

2. My hair has been chopped from super regular long 'do that I could have cut myself...

to a fancy, short, asymmetrical cut that makes me feel cool and edgy.

Cool and edgy people pose with Benjamin Franklin's printing press.

Now that you have the background. We can get to the story.

I resolved on Wednesday morning to start going to fitness classes. This is new for me. I was always able to dance my way into shape and then I left college and that's no longer an option. Now I actually have to do work out things, with spandex and gym memberships and running. And I don't know how that world works. I have never understood people with gym memberships who go to Zumba and Pilates and who own workout clothes. But suddenly, due to the aforementioned shrinking of my pants, I decided it was time to enter that world.

I spent the day at my summer job looking for fitness classes that seemed fun, non-threatening, and inexpensive. I quickly became overwhelmed because there are 1800 fitness studios just in my little piece of Salt Lake. I thought to myself 'Well I tried. I'll just figure it out later, like when all my pants split open.'

But fate didn't want my pants to split open, because when I got home that night and mentioned to my roommate that I had been looking for fitness classes, she was literally getting ready to go to a Pilates class. So of course I was trapped. I couldn't say no to a Pilates class after I'd just mentioned my commitment to health. So off we went.

Now, I made some bold decisions when dressing for this Pilates class. But I didn't realize how bold they were until I was holding a plank position while facing the mirror. Let's just say there was more of me visible than I've ever intended to show in public.

My roommate and I arrived about 5 minutes late. #classy. But we weren't as late as Mr. Pilates. Shortly after we came in and found a place to lie our mats, in he came. This man looked to be about in his 40's, black tank top and short black shorts, very tan, curly dark grey hair pulled into a ponytail. Exactly the kind of man you'd expect to be in a Pilates class really (although sidenote, 75% of that class was male so apparently the men of Millcreek are very interested in Pilates, or in the adorable Pilates instructor).

From the moment this man came into the room, he'd locked on to me. Remember in junior high when you totally thought your crush was looking at you, but you actually secretly thought you were just crazy or paranoid (just me?). Well, I've since learned that if it feels like they're looking at you, it's likely true. And this man's gaze was locked. Like uncomfortably locked. So the Pilates class was a mixture of trying to work my core, trying to not look like an idiot (that's just a constant really), and trying to avoid what seems like the lecherous gaze of this man.

Many thoughts ran through my head. I'm way to young for you dude. Wait, am I too young for him? Wait, he is kind of attractive. I mean, what is age really? No! He's old! Stop looking at me, stop looking at me. Why did I wear this shirt, it's showing everything! He's looking down my shirt, he's looking down my shirt....Oh no if we face this way he'll just stare at my butt the whole time. But mostly I just repeated over and over, 'stop looking at me, stop looking at me, stop looking at me.'

Well it didn't work. Homeboy gazed in my direction most of class and I felt thoroughly uncomfortable. Class ends and I roll my mat up and manage to put it away without saying anything to him. I must be in the clear. I've made it. I won't get asked out by middle aged Mr. Pilates. But then he corners me, and do you want to know what he said!?

"Who cut your hair?"

Yeah. Yeah. He's a hair stylist and he had not been lecherously gazing at me the whole class he had been looking at my sweet haircut and wondering who did it. And in fact he had some great tips for how to make it an even better cut next time. And once I knew that's all he wanted to say, I realized I probably seemed like a jerk the whole time. He was just trying to get my attention so I would give him some hair stylist deets and I pointedly avoided his existence during the entire class even though we were right next to each other for like an hour.

Sorry Mr. Pilates Man. Sorry for thinking you're a creep. You actually seem pretty cool.

Will you cut my hair?

The sunburn.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 29 Jun 2015 03:44:00 +0000

The last couple of years have been pretty crazy for me, and it's reflected in my blog. I'm trying to get back to reality and get humor back in my life. Because that's always been a big piece of me and I seem to have lost it in the post-college kerfuffle. And so I'm starting this attempt off, with a story about a sunburn. A story about the sunburn.

This past spring break (aka the second best time to be a teacher) I lucked out. The heavens rained down a blessing in the form of my best friend Amanda and I somehow having the exact same spring break as each other. This despite the fact that we teach on opposite sides of the country (me in Utah, her in Mississippi) and we both had spring breaks that were different than the schools around us. Hallelujah! Once we discovered this, we planned an epic road trip in the south with me coming to visit her.

Painfully unaware of the sunburns to come.

And it was glorious. And I could probably write 15 hilarious blog posts about it, like the tiny bottle of complementary rum we got or the 3 in the morning knock on our hotel room door asking us where the money was. But that's beside the point. The point is, I got a sunburn. Let's backtrack.

Our original plan included a couple of days at the beach in Alabama while we stayed in a precious little cabin in a campground near(ish) the beach.

How precious is this cabin? On a scale of ladybugs to baby animals? And yes that is a swing you see on the porch.

This was a great plan, the only thing we didn't plan for was the fact that we are idiots. We both went to the beach with next to no sunscreen on. I put a minimal amount on my arms, chest, and back and then stopped there because I couldn't ever remember a time where my legs had ever sunburned. Maybe because I've always put sunscreen on them. Hindsight guys. Hindsight.

So Amanda and I lounged at the beach. And we looked adorable. The both of us.

Check out that hottie of a best friend.

I've never looked cuter. But oh man did I pay for it.

After a few hours of lounging/reading poetry aloud/seeing drunk college students and wondering what the heck the appeal of drunken spring break is (another side note, did you know there is such thing as a G-string fanny pack? Because that is definitely a thing we saw), I started to think 'I might be a little sunburned'. I didn't actually look sunburned, but I started noticing when I put my finger on my leg, I could see the white outline of the finger for a few seconds after removing it. I mentioned this to Amanda. She assured me I was fine, I didn't look sunburned. Spoiler alert: she was wrong.

We eventually packed up from the beach and started looking for a good seafood place, still unaware of the burns boiling in our bodies. At some point, my legs started to hurt a bit and I realized I did have a little burn. My legs were also starting to firmly protest to my wearing of jeggings (my staple leg wear) in the form of feeling slightly like they were on fire. So Amanda and I decided to turn back to a Target to get me some shorts.

Now the first step to trying on shorts is taking off your pants. And when I took off my pants, what did I see? My two lovely legs covered in a color somewhat akin to a mid-life crisis sports car.

What a lovely color, I think I'd like my legs to look just like it.

It's funny, as soon as I realized how red my legs were, the pain became exponentially worse. And I quickly realized that even wearing shorts would be painful. Sadly, walking around with no pants wouldn't work for me (although I'd fit right in with those college kids), mostly just because I hadn't shaved in some time. (And I soon realized that I would not be able to shave again for even longer, holy smokes guys.)

I eventually picked out a nice maxi skirt, we picked up some aloe (as Amanda's sunburn was starting to set in as well) and off we went to our seafood dinner.

I had insisted on finding a seafood place because I always thought I didn't like it until I had it fresh on the coast of the Adriatic Sea (did you catch my slight international travel bragging?) and since then when I'm on a coast I like to go for it. Amanda found this lovely place and we had an even lovelier waiter and we got a nice platter to share. This food was so good, but you see, the sun sickness was setting in. NO. So even though I hadn't eaten a meal in quite some time, this was my plate after I finished.

I took at least one bite out of everything, and then sat back and hated my life.

I wasn't necessarily nauseous per se, which was a big fat blessing considering my phobia of vomiting. But I definitely didn't want any food. In fact, after dinner we had gotten s'more supplies for our little campsite, I attempted (and failed) to eat one s'more. I made it through maybe three small bites. (That campfire, by the way, is a pretty hilarious story in and of itself. I blame it on the fact that I only attended one full girls camp that Amanda and I needed serious help from our neighbors to get that sucker going. Even with matches.)

The next fun symptom was shivering, by the time we got back to the cabin I was freezing my buns off but I also didn't like anything to be touching my skin. Slight problem. I solved this by finding a good position in my bed and not. moving. at. all. under the covers.

And the very best part came the next morning, after (very painfully) trying to walk to the bathroom near our cabin I had to quickly come back to the cabin for a few reasons.

Blinding pain
A wave of nausea and a few telltale signs that vomit was forthcoming (NO) (also ps, I didn't throw up, thank the heavens)
You know those black dots you get when you stand up too fast? Well I had a bazillion of them and they wouldn't leave. In fact, they only left after I was sitting for a good five minutes.

After a quick Google search that told me that I should most def seek emergency care Amanda and I drove back to her house where we both laid on the comfort of her cold, cement flooring.

All in all, I learned a lot of things here.

Wear sunscreen
Sun sickness is real
Wear sunscreen
Your legs WILL burn even if you don't remember them ever burning before
Wear sunscreen
Sunburns give you cankles
Wear sunscreen
Bad sunburns turn your legs purple and make you look like a dinosaur in the affected area for months
Wear sunscreen
You can't shave sunburned legs and when your sunburn is really bad, your legs won't look normal for months
And most importantly, when you're a white girl who rarely spends time outside because you're a weirdie and then you spend spring break much closer to the equator than you usually are, and are laying on a beach for a few hours...WEAR SUNSCREEN.

Those opposed to #anyopposed

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sat, 04 Apr 2015 23:25:00 +0000

I don't know much about the group Any Opposed. In fact I had never heard of them until today and just opened their website up about 1 minute ago to make sure I had their name correct. I also wasn't even listening to conference at the time of the vocal opposition to the sustaining of the First Presidency and Quorum of the 12 Apostles. I was teaching munchkins to dance. So I was busy. BUT, after having seen what happened on Twitter and reading some articles, I found myself extremely disheartened.

And it's probably not what you expect.

Shortly after conference I went to Facebook, hoping to see other quotes and thoughts people had on conference from the session I missed. And what I saw were so many who were adamant about their support for the Prophet (fine), right alongside their anger and annoyance with the opposers (not fine). People who said "they should have given their tickets to someone else!" Or calling what they did "antics". Or asking why they are even in a church they are opposed to.

Let me tell you something.

I've been the one opposed. I've been the person who is in severe disagreement with the Church. I've been the one who feels like her voice will never be heard, her concerns never listened to, and her questions never answered. And you want to know why? It's because of you.

It's because it's socially acceptable to call out those who oppose and shame them. If those who have questions, doubts, and concerns aren't listened to, do you think those questions, doubts and concerns will just leave? They just magically disappear?

I have posted a couple of posts about my Mormon feminism. Here, here, and here. And what started as honest questions, doubts, concerns, and misunderstandings became deep, dark, cynical, angry thoughts. Now of course, I recognize my role in that. I will never pretend that I didn't choose to go that way. But let me tell you, I wonder what difference it would have made if I'd felt more comfortable to actually ask these questions in Sunday School or Relief Society. I wonder what could have happened if I wasn't hearing through social media that I should just leave the Church or I didn't truly understand the temple ceremony or I was a prideful sinner? All these from people who didn't know me, didn't know my life experience and why I had arrived at these ideas and concerns and questions.

What if when people mentioned doubts to you as a friend, or when you heard a dissenting voice in Sunday School, you honestly listened? What if you set aside your "preach" mentality and let them just open up and have their concerns? What if you trusted them that they really feel this way and it isn't because they're a sinner or they just don't understand, etc.? What if you were kind on social media and didn't use your tweets and instagrams and sweet little graphics to shame and guilt?

Listen to them.

Trust them.

Our Church should be one where all can feel welcome. Even for those with doubts, questions, concerns, and dissenting opinions. Especially for those with doubts, questions, concerns, and dissenting opinions. You'd be surprised how many people do. I only recently learned of a handful of friends I have who have had deep concerns and questions about the Church that has caused them to severely question the Church. Some have left, some haven't. But the secrecy of those questions and concerns makes me sad. While not all things need to be shared, if we are to be Zion, if we are to be of one heart and one mind, we should probably make more of an effort. Being of one heart and one mind doesn't mean "those people better conform to my views because I'm right". One heart and one mind means we all grow together. It means we have an eye "single to the glory of God". And do you remember what God is? God is love.

Unconditional love. True support. Unending patience. Eternal mercy.

If God wasn't those things, I wouldn't be where I am today. And neither would you. Please remember that next time you hear someone say something you disagree with.

*Please recognize that I'm not necessarily trying to chastise you, I just want you to be aware. This only sounds angry because I feel so very strongly about it.

A hellhole.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 01:56:00 +0000

That's about the best way I can describe depression. At least for me.

I realize everyone's depression is different. Everyone experiences it differently, processes it differently, deals with it differently, describes it differently. But for me, it's a hole chuck full of hell.

Because when depression roars its ugly head it consists of demons, fears, insecurities, the stuff of nightmares. My depression isn't a vague gloom. It isn't a cloud over my head or a dimmed light in my life. My depression is a ferocious dragon, and it takes everything good from my sight replacing them with horrors.

But that makes sense. My depression fits my personality. I am fiery. I am aggressive and intense and decisive and deep and fast. So my depression follows suit. I remember when I first decided to acknowledge that it might be depression. I was sitting on the couch with a sister of mine and I mentioned that I think maybe it was time to call what I was in, depression.

Sidenote. All of my sisters have experienced depression on and off in their lives. For a long time I considered myself *lucky* because I didn't have depression. I thought I was the one who was strong enough to not get it. First of all, presumptuous. Second of all, nice try. Third of all, rude.

Back to the narrative. My sister told me that perhaps it was the lot of Yorgason women to deal with depression for whatever reason. "But", she said, "I think yours will be like you. Quick and deep."

And oh that's what it is. While my bouts of depression rarely lost long (the longest being a few months, the shortest being a few days) they. Are. Deep.

When I am in these places, there is seemingly no way to get out of them. There is no ladder in the hole of hell. There are no guiding lights. There is no hope. Everything is terrible and overwhelming and incomprehensible. It's at these points that you simply don't want to exist anymore. Dying sounds a relief. Because the emotions are too big for your little body. The pain is too deep to fathom and assuredly too deep to heal. The trials loom so large that your eyes can't see the tops or bottoms, the heads or tails.

But.

There are heads and tails. There are tops and bottoms. There are lights and ladders and hope and life. Sometimes you just don't to see them. Sometimes you don't want to see them. Isn't that remarkable?

When I am in the depths of despair and someone throws me a helpline, first I just sneer at it and think "it can't be that simple". And if I don't think it can be, then I'm right. Because if you think that helpline won't get you out, it probably won't. You won't touch it. You may consider it with a smirk or an outright frown. You might give it a tug. But if you don't trust it, you'll never put your full weight on it so you'll never get out. And sometimes, I think, that's okay.

Because I've realized that it is important to experience those emotions. As terrible as they are, feeling those deeply painful emotions must happen in order for the healing to begin. Acknowledging them, validating them, and knowing them must happen before they can be resolved. You've got to be in that hellhole and understand it before you can fathom escaping it. In fact, for whatever reason, before you even want to escape it. Because in the hellhole, cynicism reigns. And all of those silly, optimistic solutions are watery and convoluted. So before you believe those solutions could even possibly be real, you have to take a good long hard look at the hellhole to realize its faults. You have to see how hard the hellhole is lying. And oh man, it's lying big time.

Once you see the lies of the hellhole, you know there must be something else. But going down would only reveal more lies, deeper and darker lies that are so profoundly twisted from the truth they should never be faced. Lies that would not only be rejected outright in a normal frame of mind, but would likely be met with confusion, surprise, and horrific shock. And once you recognize the lies around you, you don't want more lies you want something else. So there's nowhere to go but up. To see what else there is. And that helpline is the only thing leading up. So logically, the sneer becomes a contemplative glance. A tug becomes prolonged. And little by little, you put your full weight on that helpline.

Of course once you get out of the hellhole, it doesn't always mean you're out to stay. But maybe you won't sneer at the helpline so long this time. Maybe the trust will come quicker.

Because living in a hellhole is a hell of a way to live.

Let it go and defy gravity.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 03:40:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot about a couple of intensely popular Idina Menzel songs in the last few years. Frozen's "Let it Go" and Wicked's "Defying Gravity". Both songs are really inspirational and exciting and are written to say you can do anything if you just let your true nature out and go for it.

Both songs are about letting go of something and doing what you really feel, regardless of what people think.

"Elphaba, why couldn't you have just stayed calm for once instead of flying off the handle?"

"Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried...I don't care what they're going to say. Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway."

Now, if that was the whole lesson, these songs would be just what most people think of them as, inspirational. Because it is important to be true to yourself, it is important to be true to your feelings. These are really important lessons and I really hope they are ones I can transmit to my current children (my students) and my future children (biological, one day, maybe, we'll see...).

But something has stuck out to me about these two songs, and that something is perhaps even more important than being true to yourself. Now, coming from me that's kind of a big deal because I find it extremely important to be true to yourself. Like, it's one of my things. But perhaps the deeper meaning of these songs is coming to me now as I mature and see the next step in being true to yourself: taming yourself.

In Wicked, Elphaba decides she must go against the grain and be "wicked" in order to achieve her just cause. And once she decides that is what she is going to do, she sings this song and begins to then "defy gravity" both literally and symbolically. She is defying the norms and rules that would normally keep her down. She lets her powers out and uses them for this purpose.

"It's time to try defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't bring me down!"

In Frozen, Elsa decides (after losing control of a situation) to just let her freezing powers out and stop following the rules that have been put on her by her parents. She "lets go" of the rules and constraints that keep her power from being shown.

"Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door."

Both of these characters have extraordinary powers that are powerful and are unique to them. These powers are special strengths which they have chosen to hide from the world for whatever reason, and keeping them hidden for so long eventually caused them to snap. So they let them go, so that they could defy gravity. So they could finally be themselves.

But the thing about letting something out that has been kept in and hidden for so long is that it can be dangerous and hurt other people. Elphaba has to turn away from her friend Galinda and other friends and family in order to defy gravity. Elsa has to run away from her sister and the kingdom she is supposed to rule over in order to let it go.

Now, I'm not bashing on these shows, because both shows do highlight the problems this brings. We just forget about it because the songs are catchy.

In Wicked, Elphaba realizes that her choices to defy gravity have actually limited her. Her resources aren't what they used to be because she has turned back from the system that she disagreed with and tried to change it from the outside instead of the inside. Being on the outside had its benefits, but ultimately it didn't allow her to achieve her goal.

"I'm limited, just look at me, I'm limited. And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do Galinda. So now it's up to you, for both of us. Now it's up to you."

Elphaba is so far gone she has to pass the torch to her friend Galinda. She sees her mistakes is unable to rectify them. While she was true to herself, by letting her true feelings and powers out untamed she unintentionally boxed herself out and hurt those around her.

Thankfully, Elsa makes the realization before it's too late. She is snapped into reality by her sister, the reality being that letting her full self out hurt many people other than her. While she was being true to herself and intensely using the powers given to her, letting out that untamed version ended up terrible. When she accepts that reality, she is able to go back, fix the damages, and responsibly use her power. She is able to eventually be true to herself, be true to her unique powers, but able to use them to the benefit of those around her.

Maybe this being news to me is embarrassing and you've all known this for ages. But as someone with a strong and unique personality, someone who has at times "let it go" so I could be myself because that's what you're supposed to do, it was a a good reminder. Being yourself is important. Being your best self is more important.

Be who you are, but make sure the person you are is a good one. Use your unique powers, your God-given gifts to help and care and lift and bring joy, to educate and inspire and love. If you're not hitting at least one of those perhaps you're letting it go untamed.

Because the thing is, our true selves are imperfect. They aren't always motivated by the best of intentions. They are often scared and selfish and inconsiderate. But they are powerful. Letting them out without restraint will often end up in negative results. However, harnessing that power you have and giving it a little training will lead you to a place of much greater power than you had before. Because you'll have not only your power, but the power of those you helped, lifted, inspired, etc.

So by all means, let it go and defy gravity. But let's be responsible about it alright?

The Symptoms of a First-Year Teacher

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:31:00 +0000

The symptoms of a first-year teacher include (but are not limited to):

Increased consumption of comfort food.
Weight gain and/or loss
Mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion
Dangerously high stress levels
Headaches and/or migraines
Weakened immune system/catching everything that is "going around"
An inability to practice critical thinking skills outside of the classroom
Severely decreased mental capacity outside of school hours (this may include: an inability to speak in coherent sentences; losing basic vocabulary skills, etc.)
Loss of patience
An irrational fear of seeing students outside of school
Increased vulnerability
Crying (at any time and for any reason)
Upset stomach
Loss of sleep
Nightmares
An abnormal fear of Mondays
Anxiety
Depression
General hopelessness
Increased need for adult conversation
Decreased ability to be creative
Loss of decision-making skills
An increase in time spent watching mind-numbing television
Irritability
Anger

Two known cures: quit; become a second-year teacher

...

So I don't want to make it sound like being a first-year teacher is ONLY the pits. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't nearly only the pits. Never in my life have I been more exhausted, more down-hearted for long periods of time, more vulnerable, more irritable, more sensitive than I have been in the last nine months since beginning my first year of teaching. And I went into my first year of teaching with student teaching and long-term sub experience. Let me just say, it doesn't matter how much experience you have, nothing prepares you for the mental, physical, and emotional roller coaster that is your first year of teaching.

But there are days and small pieces that make it worth it. The group of students that wants to hang out in your classroom during lunch and thinks you're cool. That one student who never fails to make you laugh no matter how bad of a mood you are in. When students surprise you with how hard they are willing to work. Those students that show actual interest in your subject. Unexpected compliments from students. Students who trust you enough to talk to you about their lives and troubles. Sometimes things like this happen daily. Sometimes they'll only happen once a week. You've got to stock up on them when you can.

Here's to looking forward to the second year. :)

The summer of my bookshelf.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Tue, 13 May 2014 01:23:00 +0000

It's coming.

Summer.

This is the beautiful thing about being a teacher. The magic of summer never dies! And as I finish out my first year of teaching I am looking forward to a summer of an extremely laid back part-time job, an on-the-side transcription job, time to plan my curriculum, and time to read.

Originally I planned on visiting the library all the time, getting book lists from people, actually reading all those books on my Pinterest book board. And then I remembered something, I own a ridiculous amount of books. And even better, I have read maybe half of them.

I have a book buying thing. I admitted to my habit of buying bargain books with my textbook sell-back money. I also do this thing where I feel like every time I go shopping I need to get a treat, so when I go to Wal-Mart my treat is usually books. Not because of the low prices, just because their book section is right next to the school supplies. Which is the only reason I ever go to Wal-Mart.

And maybe I have never actually read [almost] any of those books.

So this is the summer that I find out if I've been spending my money on lame books or not. I've got quite a task ahead of me that's for sure.

As you can see, the most recent purchases haven't even been put into the regular layout.

These are mostly purchases from the heavenly book sale at the library. I soon realized however, this library is ALWAYS having a book sale. This is a dangerous thing.

I am unsure of whether I will include my entire set of the Church History books to the goal. This seems perhaps too lofty.

Bookcase part 1.

Bookcase part 2. I actually still haven't even played that Geogrofacts game that I got for my first year of teaching. I seriously lose.

I mean...I've read some of those books. Possibly half-ish. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this.

Help Thou my Unbelief

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sun, 27 Apr 2014 18:39:00 +0000

There is a phrase in the scriptures that I always had the hardest time understanding. In the New Testament, a father brings his son to Christ to be healed of an evil spirit. Christ tells him that all things are possible to those that believe. And then the father says (actually cries out) an interesting thing. Mark 9:24

Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief.

I have faced many trials in my life, as all people do. But it wasn't until a recent trial caught me unawares that I fully comprehended this scripture.

As I was faced with this trial, I went first through shock, and then I quickly turned to the Gospel. Because I had to. Because there was no other choice. I knew the only balm I could find was in God and my Savior. That much I knew. But what I didn't know (and what I'm still working on knowing because I am terrifically imperfect) was that God's will for me far exceeds what I will for myself.

I mean, I know this in that I read it, I comprehend it, I tell other people this. I believe it. I truly do. But I don't yet believe it. It doesn't resonate in all of my soul. It doesn't give me that continual peace. It doesn't allow me consistent hope.

Yet, I believe I will believe it one day. I believe that after I have worked through this trial, after I have come to the other end with Christ and God and find myself the victor (in whatever fashion that takes) I will truly believe it, and will come to know it.

This reminds me of an experience in my American Christianity class at BYU. This was one of the best classes I ever took. It opened my eyes more than nearly any other class in my whole life. And one day we had a panel of Protestant Christian ministers and members come to our class to answer questions. Now, those of you who are Mormon and have ever been in a "faith versus works" discussion will likely not be surprised that this came up. Often, as Mormons, we emphasize that faith without works is dead (James 2:26, as well as verse 20). Sometimes we preach this to the point that we can over-emphasize works and devalue faith. I don't think I've ever been in one of these discussions without it coming up that "other" Christian religions believe all they have to do is say they have faith in Christ and they are good to go. Now, this isn't without precedent. Matthew 7:21

Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

But one thing I learned from this discussion was something a very wise girl said. When she was asked about the question, and when it was insinuated that we felt that she felt all she had to do was proclaim faith in Christ she said something along these lines. She said it wasn't that she just said she had faith in Christ. It was that it was the only thing. All she could really do was have faith in Christ. It was almost a desperate act. She was grasping for him and proclaiming faith in him because it was truly all she could do when all was said and done.

I understand that desperation as I haven't ever before. As I faced this trial, it could have been easy for me to turn away and live in my depression and anger and frustration. But I turned to God and Christ, because it was the only thing. Oh Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Alma 32:27

...even if ye can do no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Valentines - The 14 Days

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 16:37:00 +0000

It is already the second day of Valentines Day and I am just getting to this. In fact I forgot about this holiday (even though I created it) until a friend reminded me about it via Instagram. So that's kind of embarrassing. My life is totes crazy this year and one day I will blog about that perhaps. But without further ado. For those of you new to the Fourteen Days of Valentines, here is a quick rundown of the ways of celebrating.

Wear something pink or red everyday (or purple if you're desperate)
Eat some chocolate every day (and I have a game for this to make it even more fun!)
Find a new quote about love every day Listen to love songs everyday. Which leads to the other rule of...
NO BREAKUP SONGS. What the heck would we want to listen to that for?
Show love by doing at least one act of kindness every day. It doesn't have to be random. It doesn't have to be only one in number. It just has to be driven by love.
Pick a love song of the day, just for fun.

Something new I have decided this year is to use Valentines Day as a real day of service, more so than I have done in the past. Partly this is because I have less time than ever to celebrate all 14 days as I have in the past. But I have been planning these acts of service and that gets me really excited. Maybe one day the desire for service will pervade throughout my entire year.

So really. Let's spread the love of Valentines Day. I challenge you to convert one Valentine believer this year. And if you become converted yourself, that totally counts. :)

Love Game Instructions:

-First get some chocolate (I have found m&ms work best)

-Next, writing utensils and paper and/or notecards

-Place the paper/notecards next to the chocolate

-Whenever you want to eat that chocolate, you have to write down something you love.

-Repeats are only allowed when you truly feel a burst of joy and love for something, and at least 24 hours have passed since its last appearance in the game.

To get you in the mood (and waste time!), here are previous Valentines Day posts

2012

Get Ready

Our Ministry is One of Love

By This Shall Men Know

And Now Behold My Joy is Full

Teenage Dream

This Speaks for Itself

Yes, Please

Puppy Love

Let's Just be Juvenile Again Shall We?

Friendship

Love It

Love YOU

It All Comes Back to You

2 Secrets and a Truth

V-Day Wrap Up

My 2013 year in review: Facebook got it wrong.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 01:04:00 +0000

So near the end of the year I clicked on the option Facebook has at the end of each year to see what my "biggest" moments were. Now, in the past this has actually been pretty accurate for me. But something about not being in college has made me use social media quite differently than in the past. So this year it was way off. I decided to make my own list. Hopefully this post will off-set my inability to write a journal.

Here they are, my top 15 moments/experiences from 2013.

DISCLAIMER. This was a one-take blog post. I.e. not format checking, no spell checking, no grammar checking, no checking whatsoever. It took forever to write in the first place, and I knew if I checked it, then it would never go live. So you'll just have to deal with the mistakes.

Subbing for Weber School District
For the 2012-13 school year, I was a substitute in Weber School District. Let's be real, I was very popular. Amongst teachers and students. Evidence

Who can argue with that?
No but really, even though subbing got REAL old after a while, I made it through the whole school year as a substitute. It always helped when I got fun kids, or easy kids, or movie days. I watched lots of movies!
I think it will be best to tell the story of my subbing through tweets and instagrams. Just because I was bad at the Facebook social media doesn't mean I was bad at the others. (I'm including the whole 2012-2013 year because I do what I want.)

Handmade creations from 5th graders are sweet. But I sure don't get along with a classroom full of them.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol15 Oct 12

Best sub quote so far. "Why can't she just be a normal teacher and get a sub that knows nothing!?" I won't apologize for my intelligence.

I finally got Speak from the library! I started it at a sub job and never finished... (*Addendum to this. I read this at a sub job for an English class which I'm convinced was people by the spawn of Satan. Teenage boys are sometimes horrific.)

Three cheers for Smart Boards! How else do you keep 8th graders occupied?

Substitute movie for the day: Sting's Brand New Day concert. Saweet! #substories #sting

Team names today. High school kids crack me up.

Half the team wanted to be Satan. Half wanted to be Jesus. I compromised.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol7 Jan

New best way to sub: Reward 10 minutes of quiet work with @BYUDivineComedy Studio C videos from @byutv

Best part about subbing responsible 11th graders. You have time to finish your book as well as the one you grab from the teacher's desk.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol27 Feb

Dear public school teachers who are no longer getting sick, well now I have no income. So thanks.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol4 Mar

Eighth graders might be soulless.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol4 Mar

Sub experience of the day: an eighth grader leans up against a wall, looks at me and asks "Do you like cheese?" #winner #substories

I guess the boys at Rocky Mountain liked me today...

Living with an infant
In late January, my sister Michelle had a baby boy. Caleb Iosepa Sonognini. Since I am the youngest of 8 children, I have never actually lived with an infant. I must be honest with you, I was pretty nervous about it. I thought it would be nothing but crying all the time. But guess what? Infants sleep a LOT. Like I rarely saw the kid awake for the first few months of his existence.
A lovely side effect of this is that I got to see Caleb every day for the first half year of his life which was very fun! So I got to see his transformation from this

To this

Being a long-term substitute at Fremont High School
So one of the only reasons I really survived the school year as a substitute is actually because for the last couple of months of the school year, I got to be a long term substitute for a history teacher at Fremont High. Thank the heavens! I even got to plan all my own materials. It was just what I needed. I put some serious prep work into it.

And now I am planning for my long term sub job. These are just books covering WWI to now...

That doesn't mean it was always easy...

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol22 Apr

If I don't swear by the end of the school year, might be a miracle...

But in all honesty, it was pretty awesome.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol24 Apr

Um yeah, I just realized a Doctor Who episode is perfect for my class objectives. So yes. We're watching it. #doctorwho #nerdlikethat

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol2 May

Why is 1st period awesome? Well I googled narwhals and pink floyd for their questions today. Just for starters.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol7 May

Team names in class today. Blind Germans and The Wave of Tropical Sloths. #loveteenagers

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol9 May

"This desk is gonna sparkle and shine"-said by a 16-yr old boy. #thingsteenssay

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol10 May

When your students want to listen to the Rocky soundtrack while they take a test. #winning

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol10 May

Apparently Benito Tortellini was the dictator of Italy and inflammation paved the way for fascism in Germany. #correctingtests

I got to finish the school year feeling like a real teacher and in an awesome school. Seriously, Fremont has such great kids, teachers, and administrators.

Another perk to subbing at Fremont so much was that I got to sub a bit for my old choir teacher. And then when I started long-term I got to help out with Legacy auditions, which is the chamber choir. I was in Legacy for two years so obvs I am boss. ;) Honestly I was pretty surprised and humbled when Mr. Anderson asked me to help (and let's be honest, I was probably at least a second choice. At least.) It was super fun to be in the auditions on the other side of the desk and to see some of the students I knew because I had been their substitute (or was currently their substitute) and others who I knew because of their siblings who had gone to school with me. It was also a little fun to be hit on constantly by one of the boys in the sight reading room with me. Oh teenage boys. No inhibitions.
Experiencing the competition/convention season as a dance teacher for the first time.
One of my favorite things as a dancer had been conventions and competitions. Between February and April, most of my Saturdays were taken up with conventions, competitions, or rehearsals for them. It was exhausting but I loved it. The smell of spandex, hairspray, and gel in the morning was seriously invigorating to me. This was something I truly missed while I was at BYU and was just doing modern and then folk dance. Performing is great! Competing is a rush. :)
So I was very excited when competition season geared up for my dancers. I got to go to a convention with them in Salt Lake where one of the teachers was none other than Ade from SYTYCD season 5. One of my favorites. Let's just say he was a party animal.
I also loved continuing a tradition from when I was in competition teams at my studio and having a little picnic after each competition while we read through the judges comments and discussed how to improve for next time. But mental note for next year. Less sugary items. Woa those girls were crazy.
Competing with the Fab 5 Studio
In addition to teaching I also got to be a competitor in dance again! Last year I got to clog at the Fab 5 Studio in Utah. It was SO hard, and SO tiring, and SO fun.
One super fun thing about this was at my very first competition, I did my all-around solos with Justin Kelly. I was Justin's first clogging TA, and his success in folk dance inspired me to try out again (I didn't make it the first time). Then a year later he and I were both on PAC and when we went to Europe we were clogging partners. So clogging with Justin was very familiar and comfortable, making my first competition do-able. We then decided to keep dancing together whenever possible at the competitions and it helped me calm my nerves a lot.
I don't think I have ever worn that much pleather, and I don't know if I ever will again (fingers crossed I can go back to clogging next year), but it sure was fun while it lasted!
Being happy with where I am
This was actually one of my New Year's resolutions from last year (which btw I totally did all three, yeah man). It took me a long time, but I slowly learned to really love and appreciate the time of life I was in. Even though it wasn't ideal and it wasn't what I expected or wanted when I graduated from college, it was great. I learned a LOT during my year at home, and I'm really grateful for it.
My Europe adventure
During my entire college existence I was tempted by a Europe tour planned by one of my favorite professors Lauri Haddock. By the time I had enough desire and comfort to go I was on the folk dance team with my summers taken up by tours of my own (dancing for Utah's children, a summer of Europe in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 parts; and a final tour in the southern states). But now that I was out of folk dance, I had my own summer decisions to make! And I desperately wanted to visit Europe with Lauri. So I did.
There were eleven of us total in the trip. All girls. SO fun. Lauri was there with her mom and her niece, and then she had a former student who brought a friend. Other than that they were all directly or indirectly there because of me. A couple of girls from my current singles ward, and one of them brought a friend, then two girls from my freshman year.
It was a party in Europe and I can't believe I didn't blog about it. But here are some highlights.

Stuck in North Carolina, gaining an appreciation for Cracker Barrel.

Beauty in the Louvre. Even though we were severely jet-lagged.

The unreal gardens of Versailles.

The best pizza ever. Flipping Italy. It spoiled me.

Ancient ruins! Oh my history nerd.

Twinner statue in the Roman Forum.

Meh. :)

Eating my weight in Kinder.

Anything I could see by Michelangelo.
If you want more (which, who doesn't?) here is my FB album. Enjoy.
Attending the FAIR Conference
In August, one of my favorite people ever, Talmage, asked if I wanted to go to the FAIR Conference. (For info on FAIR, here is their website. I won't even try to explain it to you, I'll fail) For free! Um. Yes. I had listened to some FAIR podcasts and knew that Valerie Hudson, also one of my favorite professors (as well as one of my favorite humans) would be speaking there.
So not only did I get to spend some quality time with Talmage, but I got to listen to some fascinating talks about many different aspects of Mormonism. Some of my favorite discussions had to do with those leaving the Church, there were some talks there by people who had left the Church and have since come back, and I loved that. I am usually mindful (perhaps overly so) of the outliers, of the contradictions, of those who are outside of the mainstream in Mormonism, and these talks helped me see where they were coming from and what they were experiencing. It was eye-opening, faith strengthening, and extremely uplifting for me.
My favorite panel was a panel of feminists. What I loved most about it was that all of these feminists were very different feminists. They all had different approaches and ideas, but they could come together and discuss what they had in common and discuss the importance of feminism and what it can achieve. I kind of maybe man-cried a few times.
Here is the page they have on the conference I attended.
Deepening my feminism
Obvs this one is quite tied to the last experience. I have felt myself to be a feminist for quite some years, but haven't ever really done anything about it. But after this conference, questions were much more incessant, and they seemed much more urgent to me than they had been in the past. With the lead up to General Conference and the hullabaloo about wearing pants to church and Ordain Women, I became more invested in these questions, ideas, and in the community. This became even more pronounced after posting a blog in defense of my feminism. That blog post by no means went viral, but it is my most read blog post and things got pretty crazy the week after posting it.
But what that blog most importantly did, was introduce me into an online group of Mormon Feminists where I finally saw people asking (and answering!) questions I had been pondering over for years. This is just the beginning of my journey and my study on many feminist subjects. And isn't that exciting!?
Getting a real life teaching job
After a year of applying, interviewing, and wanting to pull out my hair, I finally got a real life teaching job! From the moment I walked into Mount Vernon Academy, I knew it was where I was going to be teaching. Like I'm not joking. I know that sounds like a line from a book or a movie or something but for realsies. I walked in and it smelled like my grandparents house, and it felt comfortable, and it was perfect!
Now, this doesn't mean every day is perfect. Quite on the contrary, hasn't been a perfect day yet. And this has probably been about the hardest year of my life to date. But each day gets a little easier, with a few backwards step days crammed in there every once in a while.
As a general info to everyone, here is how it goes down. I teach at a private school which is K-12. I teach 6-12 graders. I am the only social studies teacher, so I do it all. I teach World History, US History, Geography, a mixed 6-8 Social Studies class, and a dance class. I only have one of each class so I only get one go at each of my lesson plans (consequently man of them are flops...). I also have mostly foreign students who are here to either learn English or get into American university. It's crazy town. And pretty awesome. Usually. :)
Some highlights

Yes my middle schoolers (and some of my high schoolers) really call me Ms. Yolomcswaggins.

Seriously, difficulties with my last name.

The first lesson plan I was intensely please with. Only took me until December to get one of those.

High schoolers like to sleep in class. I do not appreciate that.

Receiving my endowment
This really deserves its own post (as do all of these things really).
The short story of this is that after wanting to go through the temple for some time, I finally felt like it was the time for me to go through and receive my endowment. I made the decision on July 4, by August I had my recommend, and I went through on August 31st, the first weekend of the school year.
All of my siblings that live in Utah were able to come, we were only missing on brother-in-law and we filled that spot up with my good friend (and fake spouse) Megan. I went through the Brigham City Temple, which has been my favorite temple ever since about halfway through its construction. The only bad part to the day was the fact that I felt severely ill for much of it. But somehow it was still a great experience and one I am very grateful for!

The boyfriend.
I could literally talk about this for hours. And I could get super annoying and sappy. But I will try to be calm.
This year brought my first boyfriend. Yes I'm 25. Turns out we've known each other our whole lives and never knew we were kind of awesome together. Oops. We bonded this past summer over organ playing, my Europe pictures, and What's up Doc?, the best movie of all time. Since then we basically have a fantastic time with each other in general doing all sorts of things. We're both kind of YouTube junkies (our favorites being WheezyWaiter, Miranda Sings, and the Vlogbrothers), and we both love movies, talking, learning, music, and ourselves... And each other. But I told you I wouldn't get sappy.
I have learned a lot from this fellow. But mostly importantly, I have learned to appreciate facial hair. :)

Teaching the boyfriend to French braid.

It's all fun and games until the stripper crashes your picture. Man Joel Ackerman and his family know how to put on a party.

Lynette Yorgason ‏@yorgasol19 Dec

No power, no heat, no Internet. @RextonCook is coming to save me even though he's sick. How did I get so lucky?

Kiely's wedding
THE day I made the decision to go through the temple for myself, I got a call from my best friend from college, Kiely. Kiely and I were roommates for almost three years and we were kind of inseparable from day 1. So just hours after deciding to go through the temple, I got this call from Kiely telling me she was engaged and she would be getting married in October. Not only did she want me to come but she wanted me to be a bridesmaid! I've never been a bridesmaid for a non-family wedding so I was really excited! And then I got to tell her that I would not only be able to come to Arizona for the wedding, but should be able to come to the sealing ceremony in the temple! What luck!
I loved seeing how happy she was (and is) and sharing this important moment in her life with her. I also loved being able to see friends and wearing an awesome dress. I got to spend time with Kiely and her family, as well as another friend Jess and her family. They mostly heard me ramble on about Rexton (um, getting in a relationship right before a wedding can be dangerous) but they sure were nice about it. :)

Wedding weekend in Arizona.
Moving to Salt Lake
For the first two and a half months of teaching, I commuted every day for about two hours to and from work. I decided to take the train because pollution, and that made the commute pretty hefty. Somehow, for those two and a half months, I successfully woke up at 5 AM and got on the train by 6. I'm quite sure it was a miracle.

But after two months of that and being perpetually exhausted, and once I started dating Rexton who lives in Salt Lake, I was done. I resolved to find a place to live, and within a week I had not only found an apartment but had moved in. Yeah. I'm not kidding. The power of positive thinking. Or coincidence. Who knows.
Living with my family was great and I learned a lot. But living on my own has been amazingly wonderful and reminded me of some of the strengths I forgot about while living at home.
My whole family being together

To finish off this year, I got a fantastic Christmas present. Right after Christmas around New Year's, ALL of my siblings were in the same state, even in the same city sometimes! We didn't have all of the nieces and nephews but we were pretty close. The reason we all converged was because my amazingly talented brother Brent has been undertaking a project you can find at this website Singanewsong.org. He matches the words of Mormon hymns (well, hymns in the Mormon hymnbook that are also probably in other Christian hymnbooks as well) with other tunes than we are used to in our hymnbook. He finally decided to open these songs up to the public and thought it would probably be best if people could hear samples on his site. What better way to have samples than to have his family sing them? Yes. We're kind of the singing Von Traps sometimes. But really, families that can sing have such a good blend because it turns out they have the same genetics.
Anyway, for two days we recorded probably close to a hundred songs. Most of them we sight-read and did in one take because we're awesome like that. The singing samples of us aren't quite up on the website yet (pretty sure Brent and family are either still travelling back home or have only been back home a short while), but they will be eventually. So I'll probably be famous.
It was a wonderful experience to spend so much time with just my siblings. I love family get-togethers but now that they include so many grandchildren, they can get kind of overwhelming. But for two days, it was just me, my siblings, my parents, and one nephew spotting us on tenor. It was an amazing experience. Especially because so many of those songs are absolutely beautiful and there was such a strong, wonderful spirit there.

So there you have, my top 15 moments from 2013. Take that Facebook.

Soft Sunday Sounds: Lot was not a jerky dad.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 00:25:00 +0000

So for the past couple of months I have been reading the Old Testament. Now I have read the Old Testament before at least twice, but I have never actually enjoyed it. And to be honest, I didn't think I was going to enjoy it this time either, but I had a goal.

I do this scripture study thing these days where I read a verse, then read all the footnotes associated with it. Yes, it's time-consuming and sometimes fairly exhausting. However, for all those lame footnotes that are just referencing every time they reference a specific location or person, there are some really great ones and some that will completely open my eyes or change my perspective. Suffice it to say, even before beginning this project a few years ago I was passionate about footnotes (history nerd) but now I have gotten so into them I have begun making my own.

Back to the story. Some of these footnotes will reference the JST or Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible. There are two kinds of these, there is the JST where just a few words are changed and are then inserted into the footnotes, and then there are changes which are very long and are put as endnotes in the back of the Bible. The difficulty with the endnote versions are that they are a little annoying to look up. And I must admit that sometimes I don't want to go to the trouble of doing it. See I really do have passionate opinions on footnotes versus endnotes. However, those endnotes can often totally change the narrative. Today I want to write about a narrative changing JST in Genesis.

In Genesis 19, we read of Lot entertaining and housing 3 holy men. A group of men from Sodom come to Lot's house. They then ask for the holy men to come out so that they may know them, a euphemism for sex. Obviously, Lot refuses.

Now here is where things change drastically if you read the JST. In the King James Translation version, Lot offers his daughters to the men as an alternative to the holy men. Now, I am a historian and think it is important to read things in context, and the Old Testament is very different from our times as regards to views on many things, one of them being women. However, not as different as this story suggests.

In the JST we see two important changes in this story that I would like to point out.

In verse 11, the crowd, after being denied the holy men, asks for both the men and the daughters of Lot
In verse 13, Lot expressly pleads that his daughters are not released to the crowd, being more fervent in that plea than he was about the holy men. And rightly so, they are his daughters!

There are two important ramifications of this major narrative shift. The first is simple: Lot was not a jerky dad. He cared deeply about his daughters and their safety. He did not hand them over as prizes to this sex-craved group of Sodomites.

The second ramification is a little more complex, and I think, much more important. It is so often cited that the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was homosexuality. And this story is cited as an example of that. And in the footnotes that is reflected, as when the crowd asks for the holy men, the footnote takes you to the topical guide entry on homosexuality. And I don't want to talk about the doctrinal ideas of the Gospel and homosexuality because I am intensely undecided and extremely cautious when it comes to that. In addition I don't want to talk about that because it is the very fact that we focus on that in this story that we fail to realize something.

This story is about rape.

Think about, a crowd (by the way, though it says men in the beginning of the verse, the ending of it "all the people from every quarter" suggests to me that this crowd is in fact men and women) of people come to this house, demanding for people to have sex with. This is a story of a failed attempt of gang rape, in every sense of the word. There is no way around that. A group of people who want to have sex with individuals who do not want it. And when we make this story about homosexuality, not only is that argument tenuous, but it completely diverts from a matter that is far more important. A matter that concerns that spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and other types of safety of everyone involved. A matter that is still incredibly problematic today, hurting so many people in so many different situations.

This is especially clear when you read the JST verses 11 and 12. My emphasis is added.

11. Wherefore they said unto the man, We will have the men, and thy

daughters also; and we will do with them as seemeth us good.

12. Now this was after the wickedness of Sodom.

This, doing whatever they wanted sexually with unwilling people, this is the sin of Gomorrah.

Realizing this has made me even more grateful for the Joseph Smith Translation than I ever have been. I read this a couple of weeks ago, and have recently been reading a lot of things of the rape culture in our society (one of them this great one by Shannon Hale), both in the Mormon society and in the society at large. And with this narrative shift I greatly appreciate the vision that Joseph Smith must have had of the Gospel. An issue that was not a public issue at his time is addressed in this change, and I find that to have such foresight, to show such a broad vision of what eternity should look like.

So today I am grateful for JST, for Joseph Smith's insights, for narrative changing moments.

A defense of my Mormon feminism.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 30 Sep 2013 03:36:00 +0000

I've been writing this blog post in my mind for a few weeks now. Much like during the great pants debate, there have been lots of blogs and articles shared on Facebook for the last few weeks. Also much like the great pants debate, it has caused me to feel frustrated by what seem to be generalized statements thrust upon the motivations of those darned "feminists".

Because let's be clear, when you speak of "feminists" you are talking about me. A temple-recommend holder, temple garment wearer, three-hour block attender who reads her scriptures daily and prays fervently to find answers to her questions. You are also talking about other women who fit this description as well. You are also speaking of women who may not fit this description in one way or another. Basically, you are talking about a variety of people, and generalizations just ain't gonna work.

So here are some assumptions that have been directed at me through this transitive property of feminism. (That is likely the first and last mathematical principle ever to be found on this blog.)

I clearly don't understand the Gospel
I am unrighteous and being led astray by Satan as shown by my lack of testimony
The agitation I am creating in the Church is too political and not following the guidance of the Prophets and Apostles
I think men and women should be the same
I am not proud of being a woman or am somehow ashamed of womanhood
I am prideful and think women are better than men

I will now go on to talk about how these assumptions have made me feel personally. I want it clear that I am discussing my personal understandings, reactions, and feelings about these assumptions. I cannot speak for the whole of feminists any more than you can speak for the whole of your city, country, gender, etc. This point is important to remember when discussing anything. Seriously. Don't forget it.

I clearly don't understand the Gospel

While I am not going to claim by any means to be in complete understanding of the Gospel, neither, I would argue, are you. We are all searching for answers to our questions. It just so happens that my questions might make you uncomfortable. But the truth is, the lack of adequate answers to my questions is making me uncomfortable. Which is why I still have those questions! I find it extremely important that we don't equate questions people have with a simple lack of Gospel understanding on their part. Just because you don't have questions about women and the Priesthood, doesn't mean others shouldn't. Allow them to have questions. You have questions about other things. Why is this any different?

I am unrighteous and being led astray by Satan as shown by my lack of testimony

I will admit that I only saw once the inference that a woman who was talking about women and the Priesthood was being led astray by Satan. And I realize that this is definitely not a mainstream argument. That being said, I have felt the insinuation of unrighteousness couched in many comments. It is never, never, never appropriate to question someone's righteousness unless you have direct stewardship over them. It turns out, that isn't your job.

The agitation I am creating in the Church is too political and not following the guidance of the Prophets and Apostles

One reason I find this to be problematic is a specific argument I simply can't leave unattended from the highly Facebook popular blog post "The Mormon Feminist Protest: And Why I Won't Be There". The author mentions that God's opinion doesn't change just because the world's opinion does. While this is completely true in some ways, I would argue that it is untrue in other ways. The world's way isn't God's way, and I find that to be very true. However there are many ways in which God has directed His church in such a way that it is palatable to the surrounding culture, allowing the Church to be accepted, spread, and enjoyed by more people. The Church changes culturally as the world changes culturally. While there are things that will never change (our beliefs in morality, our assertion of a Savior, etc.) there are many things that have changed, are changing, and will change. Isn't it possible that this is one of them?
Finally, historically, the way change happens in the Church is by questions asked. This is a pattern of revelation shown to us in the scriptures. Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you. In an organization as large as the Church currently is (which is wonderful and problematic all at the same time), asking questions such as this will either need to be asked exactly to the right people (which people are not necessarily accessible to the public for meetings) or asking questions a bit loudly. \
Oh also let me just introduce you to this quote by the late Gordon B. Hinckley. (for the full interview go here)

David Ransom: At present women are not allowed to be priests in your Church...Is it possible that the rules could change in the future..?

Gordon B. Hinckley: He could change them yes...But there's no agitation for that. We don't find it.

I think men and women should be the same

I don't think men and women are the same, I don't think they should be the same, and I never think they will be the same. I think gender is eternal, specific, different and sacred. Though I will admit that I don't quite know what the differences between gender are eternally (this is another question of mine that will likely be a lifelong quest), I know that there are differences and that they are important.

I am not proud of being a woman or am somehow ashamed of womanhood

I very much like my gender though I may not subscribe to the cultural gender norms many in the Church accept. I know that womanhood is important and divine. One thing I heard from one of my favorite humans Valerie Hudson Cassler about womanhood reminded me that we don't know what the feminine divine is. We have a clear idea of what men are and should be since the scriptures are largely, as she said, "Priesthood manuals", written by men and for men. Just because I don't yet fully understand what womanhood means doesn't mean I don't accept it.
This is linked to another difficulty I have had in that I, personally, struggle with a desire for children and I always have. Sometimes I want to have that desire, sometimes I want to want to have that desire, and very rarely and only in small snippets have I had that desire. May I suggest that the desire to have children can be a great gift, and those who do not immediately possess it are not unrighteous or ashamed of their womanhood, they are simply not given that gift by default? Perhaps it is a gift they must work for, I know it is something I am doing. So please, please, don't judge a woman as unrighteous even if she doesn't have that desire. Like having questions, I'm sure there are righteous things you do not have a desire to do, why must this be different?

I apologize this was a small tangent. It doesn't necessarily fit right into the topic at hand it is just something I've been struggling with for some time and wanted to write about it. Because that's how I do.

I am prideful and think women are better than men

NO. In fact, I find that most of the arguments behind my feminism actually elevate the status of men. Many of my beliefs as a feminist stem from a place where both men and women lose something by the way things culturally are currently. The way we teach about sexuality hurts both men and women but is often considered something on the "feminist" agenda. The pedestal women are put on hurts both men and women in its implications. And a more specific understanding of women's role in the Priesthood (whether that is ordination or something else) will be of great help to both women and men.
I, for one, am often annoyed that I am not chastised as often as the men of the Church and worry that they aren't praised as much as they should be because of the cultural norms to which we often ascribe. So there is no way my feminism declares me to be better than men.
Another clear problem with this argument is the fact that I have encountered multiple men who call themselves feminists and who even are in the group who are "agitating" for female ordination. In fact, the first person I ever talked to and knew in real life that suggested their belief in female ordination was a man. A man that I was on a date with no less (it was clearly a good date). And to be quite honest I was a little uncomfortable with his assertions at the time.
I won't pretend I'm not prideful. And I won't pretend that perhaps my initial gravitation toward feminism in jr. high and high school stemmed from that pride. (Come on though, pretend your pride levels weren't through the roof at that age, I dare you.) But as I now contemplate my feminism, I do so in much prayer, asking near constantly for humility so that pride doesn't mar my way. And after all that asking, I'm still here.

Let me conclude by saying, if you don't agree with me, that's fine, absolutely and completely. But I would prefer you talk to me about in a manner that doesn't presuppose something about me because of my ideas. I will be attempting in my very human way to do the same for you.

If you are looking for more information on this, here's a wonderful article against female ordination from my favorite human. "The Two Trees". Also, from what I have seen of the blog "A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman", she doesn't seem to unfairly represent feminists.

As for pro-articles, I would especially link you to the Ordain Women FAQ, and the All Are Alike Unto God FAQ.

In the undecided category I would refer you to posts by Ask Mormon Girl on the Priesthood as well as this interesting debate/blog post on the motherhood/Priesthood parallel.

Soft Sunday Sounds: Because you never know.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sun, 12 May 2013 17:22:00 +0000

Today I am visiting a friend's ward in Provo. While sitting in the hall waiting for Sunday School to start a man who was clearly a stake leader came over and introduced himself. He asked if I was in the stake, yadda yadda small talk. I figured he just came to talk to me because I was sitting by myself and stake leaders can't let that happen right? But whatever his personal reasoning was, the the reason the Lord prompted him to talk to me was what is important.

We had finished our little conversation and as he was leaving he just stopped and told me how beautiful my eyes were. He asked if I was married or single, when I said I am single he said "whoever you marry will be lucky to be able to stare into those eyes. You are a beautiful girl."

Now that could have been a really awkward and potentially dangerous thing for a man to to say a single young girl. But it was exactly what I needed at that moment. And he didn't know that. How could he have known? To be honest I didn't even realize I needed that boost at that point. But I did, and it proved helpful for in multiple ways.

"We don't know what God is preparing us for. He knows what He needs us for but often we don't. So why complain when we are so humanly short sighted?"

I found this in some of my church notes today. It was written about a trial that I am still working through but I am much closer to overcoming it. And now as I am on the crest of that trial I have found another one that has been festering below the surface for years and it is time to face the big bad wolf that apparently I have feeding. And I don't know why I have it, or how I will overcome it. But God does, and so I have gotta trust Him and just allow what comes to be what it is supposed to be.

Oops. This kind of became a diary entry.

How is everyone not talking about Elder Ballard?

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:30:00 +0000

I know that everyone comes away from General Conference with different thoughts, different favorite speakers. And clearly, I tend to not favor those talks that everyone leaves Conference talking about. Example: Elaine S. Dalton. She is a lovely woman who has a 'missionary-style' of speaking that I automatically tune out. Plus, she keeps trying to tell me all women are meek and...I'm not. (I have some serious ideas and feelings about gender.) But it's really a prideful thing for me. Like I'm the one with the pride (always) In fact, I was so unaffected by her talk that I didn't even realize that she mentioned her tour with the BYU Folk Dancers. So you know, that's embarrassing.

So I know my taste is a bit different than others, but I am seriously blown away right now that the only talk that actually brought me to tears hasn't been mentioned by anyone. M Russell Ballard's talk "This is My Work and My Glory" was absolutely wonderful to me. I think the reason I am so surprised there is no chatter about it (other than some memes about tomato plants) is that there was so much hype about women praying for the first time in General Conference but no one noticed his talk on the Priesthood that mentioned men and women the same number of times?

Now, don't get me wrong, I was very excited about women praying in General Conference. Remember how I'm a feminist? I haven't clarified my feminist ideas on the interwebs mostly because they are still forming and changing and all that. And the interwebs has a permanency about it. However, suffice it to say that my ideas of feminism definitely include women and the Priesthood. It's a topic I've wondered about a lot, especially since my host family experience in New Orleans, Louisiana with the folk dance team last summer. My host mom and I discovered that we are like long-lost friends who must have known each other in the pre-existence. I remember that we were driving home from church and I was definitely planning on a beautiful nap (it was our first and only free Sunday all tour) but we couldn't stop talking! And this topic was what really brought us together.

Here are the two quotes that meant the most to me from this talk.

The powers by which the heavens and the earth were created is the Priesthood.

Men have the unique responsibility to administer the Priesthood, but they are not the Priesthood. Men and women have different but equally valued roles. Just as a woman cannot conceive a child without a man, so a man cannot fully exercise the power of the Priesthood to establish an eternal family without a woman. In other words, in the eternal perspective, both the procreative power and the priesthood power are shared by husband and wife.

Now, these quotes are important to me for the following reasons.

For the first time in my memory, a talk about the Priesthood in a general session didn't say "Men have the Priesthood and women have babies". Because women don't have babies, men and women have babies. Which brings me to my next point
He very clearly linked the Priesthood with the power of creation, and the power of creation is very clearly a power contingent upon both a man and a woman. Even the creation of the universe, being a creation, must have involved female. See Michelangelo's Creation of the Man for details. Clearly this isn't doctrine that anyone has said. So I'm totally allowing for the possibility that I'm wrong.

The artistic line of God's power comes from Christ (the baby whose God's hand is on) through Eve (the woman who his arm is draped around) to Adam.

3. They also allude to the fact that marriage, being the highest order of the Priesthood, is already shared by men and women. (Again, my interpretation, I will allow the idea of my wrongness.)

There are probably plenty of other feminists who don't feel like this talk was enough. And I will say that I don't think this is the end. But to me it was a clear step (albeit one of more steps that I hope we will take) to a more full understanding of the Priesthood, and that's all I want. I am not demanding anything, I just want a more full understanding. And for the first time in the years since I've been pondering this issue, I received some confirmation from Elder Ballard that I'm not a crazy person. Which confirmation, apparently, brought me to tears.

I just hope I'm not the only one who saw the importance of this moment.

Soft Sunday Sounds: Good question.

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 04:44:00 +0000

If there is something I have learned in my education/life, it is the value of a good question. It is only in finding the right question, that we can find the right answer. This is true academically as well as spiritually. In fact, spiritually, I sometimes have found that it is in finding the right question, that the answer almost immediately comes. Because once you understand enough to perfectly word the question, your understanding is often complete enough to have already found the answer.

I have always been a questioning type of person, which is why I love learning so much and so obviously. It is why I'm constantly learning and why, perhaps, some of my religious ideas could seem apostate to some people. ;) I just don't like to stop asking why until I can fully understand the answer.

Lately, however, I have been at a lack for questions in certain areas of my life, which in turn, generally means I have nothing to say. I seem to be at a standstill for discovery. I desperately want to move forward and to do so by asking questions. But, I can't even figure out what questions to ask.

Which I guess is a question.

What questions should I ask?

Everybody

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:11:00 +0000

I have intimated in past posts that this 14 Days of Valentines has been less than ideal. I have found it is more difficult to celebrate when you're not living in the midst of all your best friends/other young adults. I have also been having a real stressful week in regards to a lot of different things. But I will tell you what kept me going.

The spirit of Valentines Day!

But really.

Even when I was in a terrible mood and just wanted to stay home all day and watch Netflix, I was bombarded by many of my friends and acquaintances who are fulfilling the 14 Days of Valentines. I have seen daily posts on what people love, why they love, love poems, love songs, etc. And even though I wasn't up to posting and finding any myself (I am one of those annoying people who lives so completely in their emotions that I wouldn't have been able to pretend on the internet that I was full of love, or even had any) I was so touched by those of you who did. Especially because many of those people I know have come to celebrate/appreciate Valentines Day because I initially forced it upon them. ;)

So THANK YOU to those of you who have been practicing Valentines Day, and who have made me feel the love a little bit. Which brings me to the point of this post today.

I think that everybody wants to love. I think there's a reason that I've been able to spread the love of Valentines Day to my friends and acquaintances throughout the years. It's because we naturally want to love, So why don't we just do it?

Ps this fantastic man is coming to Salt Lake on March 2 with Secondhand Serenade.

You should go.

Now yes, loving means you'll get hurt. But hey. Being hurt actually makes you stronger. I mean, that's not just an awesome Kelly Clarkson song, it's like a physiological fact. Your muscles build by being torn and then rebuilding. Like. Real life.

So just let yourself love. Choose joy. It may seem harder in the moment but let me tell you, it's much less exhausting in the long run. Because while being mad, angry, sad, etc., drain you of energy, being full of love and joy actually increases that energy. I am a testament to that, last week I was constantly tired, and this week even though I feel a cold coming on, I have much more energy.

Now get ready. Because it's tomorrow. And it's going to be awesome. If you want it to be. Because...

Forgiveness

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 05:38:00 +0000

Sorry about skipping yesterday. It was my first 5.5 hours of teaching dance straight day, and I didn't leave the studio until 10. So...I was un poco dead.

And I've gotta be honest, this Valentines Day has been harder on me than it has been since that recurring junior high experience when I didn't get a carnation in my 7th period class year after year. (One of the reasons, by the way, I decided to buck up and like Valentines Day because it was a million times better than dreading it every year.) I'm not sure what it is, but I've found myself being haunted by the past. I have been feeling anger toward old flames and feeling anger toward myself for being the person they didn't want. Feeling frustration for where I am and where I'm not. Wishing for the simplicity it seems my life had in other times. And overall, not having the energy or desire to feel the Valentines spirit. I feel I must confess that I have broken the following Valentines rules.

Eating my bowl of candy without writing down things I love, or even intending to.
Not finding love songs/quotes everyday
Not even trying to serve those around and thinking almost entirely of myself. And most embarrassingly
Listening to breakup songs. Like T-Swift breakup songs. Hardcore. Like blasting them.

I knew I needed to write something tonight but I just didn't want to, so I started watching my new favorite show Numb3rs. And a line struck me, "forgiveness is necessary for the optimal result". I knew I needed to write about it, but I wasn't sure why until I opened this page, and this song came to mind.

Forgiveness. An extremely important form of love. For others, for yourself. When you go into the adventure that should be filled with the most full love of all in this life, marriage, you must be quick to forgive, to understand. And when you want to love and accept yourself, you must be quick to forgive, to understand that making mistakes is part of the territory.

Forgive yourself for not being the person you expected when you were 8, 18, or even last week.

Forgive people for not living up to your ideals. To be fair, they don't know what your ideals are, they have their own that they are busy trying to live up to.

Forgive people who have wronged you, especially if they've already apologized.

Forgive people who have wronged you, especially if they haven't apologized.

Forgiveness is such a full love; showing that you see and accept the beauty of a person that they may have obscured by their actions or choices. But you know it's there, and you refuse to stop seeing it. You must never stop seeing it. In others. In yourself. The moment you do, that's when the joy and love leak out of your heart, leaving it open to emptiness. Emptiness, the absence of love.

No wonder God and Christ are so full of love.

I do apologize for the emo-ness and self-indulgence of this post.

A Heart Full of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 05:17:00 +0000

Day 4

Today I will do things a little different for various reasons. 1. I am not loving the layout I have done so far this year, it's a bit too scattered for me. 2. I forgot to take a picture of my outfit today. It was great, I just got so excited about teaching dance (we did a rockin' hip-hop combo) that I forgot.

However, the song of the day is...

So obviously in this context I would say, kind of disregard the Eponine conflict. For our purposes. And instead of including a quote of the day as well, I will just allow the words of the song to serve as the quote of the day.

In a religion class I took recently, we examined the idea that if your heart was full of love, there was no room for anything else. And I thought, if you tried to argue 'well your heart could be full of hate' I would say that your heart, in reality, is empty. Just like darkness if the absence of light, hate is the absence of love. So why not fill your heart with love, that way negative emotions won't be draining your life energy from you.

Another interesting thing about love and hate is that generally, when you feel love, it is directed outside of yourself. You see the world as a brighter place, and importantly you see other people. When your heart is empty with hate, you look inward, you worry about yourself and how the world is so unfair to you. Let me show you with this top-notch, super high quality diagram.

So of course your heart is full when it has love in it, because there is so much more to put in there. When it is focused on hate, it has to empty because there is nothing to put in it.

So fill your heart with love.

Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 05:26:00 +0000

Day 3

Song of the Day

Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd

About a month ago we had a fireside about our Stake goals for the year. Our theme is "Feed My Lambs", so of course this we sang this as the opening song. My favorite line in this song, and the one that I think captures the essence of the love of our Savior, that pure love is at the end of the third verse.

Bringing them in with rejoicing

Saved at such infinite cost

Through our Savior we were saved at the infinite cost of his life, which means that is how much we are worth to him. It's important to love our Savior, to love others as He loves them, and to love ourselves as He loves us. Love that equals an infinite cost so you know, I've got serious miles to go.

Quote of the Day

"The final phrase in my declarative statement is "I love it." Gaining a knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and diligently living gospel principles in our everyday lives leads many members of the Church to exclaim enthusiastically, "I love the gospel!"

-Anne M. Dibb, "I Know It. I Live It. I Love It."

Some of my friends have been using the 14 days of valentines to talk about the things, events, experiences, etc., that they love in their lives. So I thought I would take some time with this quote to tell you perhaps the biggest thing I love in my life, and that is the Gospel. I know it. I live it (or at least try to). I love it.

Today's Outfit

The Love Game

Finding the Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube (only click on this if you are ready to tumble down a rabbit hole...)
Playing the organ
Long talks with friends
Croatia (the memories of being there)
The fact that I'm going to Europe

Love, Save the Empty

noreply@blogger.com (Lynette Yorgason) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 03:13:00 +0000

Day 2

Song of the Day

This song was especially good for me today because it was kind of a rough day for various reasons. It's not necessarily an upper song, more like a plea to use love to fill the emptiness we create in our lives.

Quote of the Day

Kathleen Kelly: Why did you stop by again? I forget.
Joe Fox: I wanted to be your friend.
Kathleen Kelly: Oh.
Joe Fox. I knew it wasn't...possible. What can I say, sometimes a guy just wants the impossible.

Of course, this is from one of the best romantic comedies of all time, You've Got Mail. And I think what is wonderful about it is captured in this quote. Joe, knowing Kathleen is ShopGirl, pretends he doesn't so he can get to know her as a person before the romantic love complicates things. Because, like I talked about yesterday, romantic love can be pretty shallow (though most reading this blog will know my personal experience with romantic is limited aka none). So why would you want to base what could possibly be the most important relationship of your life on that? No. Joe Fox knew it should be based on friendship. Getting to know on another without the pressure and expectations of faulty romance. Getting to know people as people, and caring about who that person is.

Today's outfit

You can never go wrong with a psychadelic grandma shirt. Literal grandma shirt. Most of you know grandma clothes constitute at least half of my closet.

The Love Game
I finally purchased M&M's for this game. Though they didn't have Valentines ones, and that was a little disappointing, but I made up for it by getting dark chocolate! And I put them in a very special bowl, made for me by a dear friend, with love. Thus it is perfect for the love game.

Today some of the things that got me candy were.

My sweet dance team, they had their first performance on a gym floor and did great.
Supportive teachers who help me be a better teacher
Working somewhere that choreographing is in the job description
My family knowing when to leave me be
Getting two books from the library that were on hold for me when I thought there would only be one there! (The Fault in Our Stars and Looking for Alaska, both by John Green)
vlogbrothers videos. DFTBA
These M&M's

How Others are Celebrating

Today I just saw Kelsey's celebration, and she did it by being grateful.

Day 2 of Valentines: I love the simple things in life. Bean burrito: check. Manual car: check. Having a job: check.

Another friend, Alan, talked about his love for his family. But I will refrain from putting the awesome picture of his family on here since I didn't ask permission. But it was lovely.