Lynne and Gerry's California Adventure

"I’ve Got Your Back"

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 00:05:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

Lynne has been on jury duty for the past couple of weeks. While she is quite proud of herself for doing her civic duty, the commute and the courtroom environment take their toll. On Wednesday, she was on her way home, dreaming of homemade egg salad. “The problem,” she thought to herself, “is that I’m too tired and too hungry to wait the 15 minutes for the eggs to boil.” Inspiration! She called the house phone number, and David answered. Lynne asked him if he would put three eggs on to boil, then turn off the burner and cover them. This he did and, when Lynne got home, all she had to do was peel the eggs and make egg salad. By this time, Nicole and several others were in the kitchen and heard Lynne thanking David profusely (between bites, of course) for helping her out like that. It had made a big difference in the comfort of her day.

The next evening, around 7:30, Nicole sent an email to the house list. She had been doing a FoodMore, followed by helping Marilyn with some stuff, followed by hiking in the hills with the dogs that live in the house. An extremely gratifying and nonetheless long day. Possibly inspired by Lynne’s experience from the day before, she asked in her email if anyone in the house could put on some rice for her and cook her some stir-fry so she could simply sit down to dinner when she got home. David enthusiastically volunteered to make the rice, but said he would need instructions regarding how to do it. This attitude galvanized others. Rebecca asked Rocco if he, being an old hand it, would make the rice. Lynne, who had just arrived in the kitchen, heard what was going on and starting pulling veggies out of the fridge to make the stir-fry. Rebecca volunteered to wash and cut the kale. Lynne made a delicious stir-fry, and Nicole was very, very happy when she got home.

I was just so delighted by these tales of teamwork that I had to let y’all know about them.

Thanks for reading!

Best Regards,
Gerry

“If there is an absolute truth of any kind, it is that all of life is love. And you're either happy or unhappy depending on how well you can handle loving and being loved. That's the only absolute that we know.”
-- Vic Baranco

Working for the Man... Not

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

What I didn't tell you about last summer was that, the day after Lynne’s surgery, our car died as I was pulling up to the toll both on the Benicia Bridge. I had been working for almost two years as a real estate courier, driving legal documents between title companies, banks, law offices, realtors, homeowners, etc. I enjoyed the job at first. I like to drive, and I was sent all over the Bay Area and far beyond. It was an opportunity to see some of the beautiful countryside of Northern California, and become way more familiar with how to get around the area. But it’s hard to stay enthusiastic about driving when you’re logging upwards of 1,100 miles a week, and the pay is getting lower and gas prices are getting higher. I started to long for freedom.

Quitting was tough, however. It seemed prudent to find other work before leaving what I had. At the same time, the job was so physically, and more importantly, mentally, draining, that all I wanted to do evenings and weekends was veg out, not look for work. The car made the decision for me. It said, “I quit.” So, I was liberated! No more unpleasant job! Of course, this meant no more income and no more car, too. All this while Lynne’s was undergoing her unexpectedly long and difficult rehab. It turned out to be a pretty dark time in our lives.

This was just about the time we started taking the five-session course I mentioned in an earlier post, Saying Yes to Pleasure - with Lab. Ask me sometime to tell you how extraordinary this course is. Several weeks into it, a couple in the course, Patricia and Pepijn, approached us to say that they had a second vehicle, an old covered pickup truck they weren't using, and would we like to borrow it for a while? What a generous offer!

In the meantime, I had been looking for many different types of work: Food service, copy writing, office assistant, proofreading, whatever. Marilyn suggested that, while waiting to get a job, I put signs up in the neighborhood and post on craigslist to walk people’s dogs. I resisted this plan for a variety of reasons, but I started looking into it anyway. I immediately felt vindicated when I discovered I would be required to get insurance coverage in order to walk other people’s dogs. Cost of the premium: $200. “You see?” I concluded. “This is clearly not for me.”

Then Lynne, bless her heart, had an idea: “Why don’t you write to all the dog-walking companies in the area, and see if they’re hiring? That way you’ll be covered by their insurance.” So I did. Most didn't reply, and the ones that did said they weren't hiring. Then I got an email from an outfit called Woofwalks that said they had actually just been talking the day before about how they needed another walker, and that I sounded like I might be the perfect fit.

When I arrived at the regional park staging area to go on an interview/dog hike with Stacey, the owner of the company, she and I seemed to like each other instantly. We had a great hike, talked about dogs and our lives, and the deal was sealed. I started going on training hikes the following week. Ironically, it turns out that I could not even have applied for this job if it hadn't been for the pickup truck. Not only was a vehicle mandatory, but it had to be one that could carry six dogs at a time. Our old car, the one that died, wouldn't have been suitable.
So, the happy outcome is that I get paid to take a one-hour trail hike in the Oakland hills with up to six off-leash dogs, twice a day. I drive to the owners’ houses, pick up the dogs, drive up to one of the East Bay Regional Parks, go hiking with the dogs for an hour, drive them home, pick up the next pack of dogs, and do the same thing again.

Lynne loves my job. She knows the names and personalities of each of the dogs on my schedule. As soon as I walk through the door after each day’s work, she immediately starts grilling me about what each dog did that day that was entertaining, and what I wrote on the “report card” that I leave at each client’s home when I drop off their dog. There’s always plenty to tell. It’s glorious work. I get exercise, sunshine, fresh air, spectacular scenery, and the company of dogs. And it fulfills a dream I've hoped for my whole life. I no longer have to choose between having fun and making money. Thank you, God!

Best Regards,

Gerry

You have to get older, but you don't have to get worse.

-- Vic Baranco

Another One of Those Typical Days

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 05:01:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

A recent fun Sunday consisted of a series of pleasurable activities. We, the residents of the Oakland Morehouse, often use having out-of-town guests as an excuse to throw a Sunday brunch. On this particular day, a lovely woman named April was the reason to party. Sierra did most of the cooking, along with her friend Ramadin (whose sister is the aforementioned April), and the rest of us helped by setting the table, putting out the platters of food, etc. After many pancakes, waffles, eggs and potatoes were consumed, we were still gathered around the table, as the conversation had clearly been the most satisfying aspect of the meal, and no one wanted it to end.

Lynne and I finally tore ourselves away, however, as we had plans. We walked down to the lake, then through the park to the Lake Merritt Boating Center, and rented ourselves a rowboat. It was a beautiful day, perfect for being on the water. Lynne, who had spent every summer of her childhood on the family lake, is an accomplished rower. The best that can be said about my skills is that I can row. So Lynne got us out to the middle of the lake, and then we traded turns twice more before returning the boat an hour later. It was glorious. Once we were away from the dock, we entered an altered reality. No longer were we bound to an urban landscape that was the backdrop to our everyday lives (as fun as those lives are), but were instead vacationing in the middle of a lakeside resort. We floated past pelicans and kayakers, and breathed in the slightly salty air. True, it was only an hour, but it was surprisingly restorative.

Then, back home for a groovy. Chris had been hell-bent to organize the laundry room/paint room/tool room. He and David were already hard at it when I got there, taking years of useful and not-so-useful items off the shelves and dividing them into piles of where they would go next. When it was done, all the paint was on one set of shelves, all the tools on another, and everything else was outta there! It was so gratifying to unsnarl this mess and restore order and beauty to such an important room.

The plan for the evening was an 8pm screening of O Brother Where Art Thou at Cinema Shawn in the living room. But before that was Taco Night. The indomitable Chris likes to set up do-it-yourself tacos for the whole family. He puts out individual platters of chopped onions, tomatoes, lettuce, shredded cheese, sour cream, chopped beef, diced chicken and fish, and beans, and we do our best to stuff all the ingredients in toasted taco shells. Neatness doesn’t count. This was a lovely precursor to the movie, which many of us who’d seen it before said we liked much better this time around. Maybe it was the after-dinner haze.

Anyway, it was just one of those Sunday’s where the day was scheduled with serially fun activities, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Thanks for reading.

Best,

Gerry

Perfection includes the potential for change.

-- Vic Baranco

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part IV

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 01:18:00 +0000

July 22 - “To Normal, and Beyond!”

Dear Family,

It's been three weeks since my last report, and in that time Lynne has made an almost ridiculous amount of progress.

• She has taken to walking downstairs without using the railing.

• For her birthday last Saturday, we went to brunch, shopping, and a movie. There was more walking involved than we had planned, and she did it all with a cane, the occasional hand on my shoulder, and glee.

• On Tuesday, her physical therapy team cleared her to walk on her own anywhere, without benefit of cane or walker. They encouraged her to go out to public places, like groceries stores, and navigate with no help.

Lynne and I were alone in the kitchen on Tuesday evening when she told me she wanted to see if she could dance, given the regenerating nerves in her right foot. I tuned the radio to a music station and we “gave it a whirl.” I'm happy to report that she not only dances, she leads! We're scheduled to attend a party this Saturday night, and Lynne is looking forward to making me jealous by dancing with every man who asks her (and many will).

I'm looking forward to it, too.

Love to you all,
Gerry

Hello folks, we're back in present time:

That was the last installment of the update emails I wrote to my family while Lynne was recovering from her surgery. As happily as the story ends, things have gotten even better since then.

Last winter, one of the things that Lynne had had to give up was Bikram yoga, because the cyst was causing her too much pain. This past Sunday, she went to her first Bikram class since the surgery, and she experienced no pain at all. She had a great class and even felt good the next day.

Tuesday was Lynne’s final physical therapy session, and the PT gave her some really challenging exercises to do from here on out. She is running around "normally," and she's feeling increasing sensation in her right foot as the weeks go by. She is very happy her body feels as good as it does, and is enjoying the challenges of living a life worth living. Bring 'em on!

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

You have to love somebody to be enthusiastic and it has to start with yourself.
-- Vic Baranco

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part III

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 01:57:00 +0000

June 21 - “Tennis Anyone?”

Hi All,

Lynne is being truly inspirational. Today she and her PT, Mike, had me witness Lynne walking about 25 feet without the aid of a walker, and walking up a flight of stairs with a railing, and back down, twice! At first Mike shadowed her, then he taught me how to do it, exactly where and how to stand in case she needed help, and the most efficient ways to catch her should she fall. But neither of us touched her once. She did all of it independently.

Mike explained that he didn't want her to do more because, while her motor skills are clearly improving rapidly, she still needs to build up her endurance. She takes some pretty deep naps between sessions. Throughout the actual exercises, and while listening to Mike's explanations, Lynne's face was beaming. It's odd to say it, but she's having the time of her life.

At one point this afternoon I was talking with the OT trainee, a truly lovely, gracious young woman named Minnie. She that Lynne was “cooperative and motivated. It's nice to have patients like that.”

More later.

Love,
Gerry

June 25 - “The Latest from LynneWatch 2012”
Hi Friends,

The plan is still for Lynne to be discharged on Friday. The main focus that remains is training her to walk properly on her right foot without benefit of much sensation in it. They can't really project to what degree or how fast those particular nerves will regenerate. In the meantime, they teach her to use other cues, like visual, or gauging the proper position of her foot by how her hip feels. Until they feel confident that she can consistently walk without endangering herself – and she makes great progress every day in physical therapy – they will keep her there. Once she does come home, she will still likely have regularly-scheduled outpatient sessions. We're holding the vision that her sensation will eventually come back completely, but we also understand that everything is speculation at this point. For sure she is thrilled that she can now sit without pain, something she couldn't do at all prior to the surgery.

Whether or not Lynne is discharged on Friday, we're aiming for her to be well enough for the hospital to allow me to take her to Lafayette on Thursday evening for the third session of a five-session course she and I have been taking there (Saying Yes to Pleasure - with Lab). She was originally only expected to miss the first session, and the school went out of its way to make sure two assistant teachers (who also happen to be our friends Dave and Millie) drove from Lafayette to San Leandro on Saturday with a laptop and DVD of Session #2 so she could catch up with the rest of us. We're all hoping she'll be able to attend Session #3 in person.

That's the news from Lake Woebegone. Thanks for your constant good wishes.

Best to everyone,
Gerry

July 2 - “Lady Liberty”
Dear Family,

Hallelujah! Lynne was discharged on Thursday, a day earlier than scheduled. Her therapy staff determined that, since they were clearing her to attend the course in Lafayette Thursday night, they might as well let her come home afterward, rather than insist that she return to the hospital that night, only to be released the next day.

It is wonderful for everyone, especially Lynne, to have her home. One friend told her that this is when the time of patience begins. Of all the qualities I love about Lynne, her lack of patience is one of her most endearing. Her recovery is proceeding according to schedule, but, to Lynne, that's way too slow. She may have to use a walker around the house, and there are many stairs, but she has quickly started expressing her independence. She tends to park the walker when she enters a room and then use the counter-tops and furniture to help her navigate. Her weekly outpatient PT sessions start next week, but this phase clearly won't last long. She already likes to show off by lifting her hands away from the walker as she moves, in order to prove she doesn't really need it.

Updates as they occur.

Love to you all,
Gerry

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 22:50:00 +0000

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your responses to the first installment. Some of you expressed a desire to know how Lynne is doing now. The answer is really, really, well. You'll see as the story progresses.

Thanks for reading.

Best,
Gerry

You will never lose at calling a person to perform at his highest level.
- Vic Baranco

June 17 - “Lynne: Day 5”

Dear Family,

As you know, Lynne was transferred yesterday to the Rehab Center at Fairmont Hospital in San Leandro. It is much pleasanter than it had been at Highland. Less modern, but more gemütlich, like the Hollywood hospital scenes of the 1950's. The atmosphere is quiet and mellow. The room is far more spacious and her bed is by a window that opens. I brought her her iPod, which helps a lot. She met with a physical therapist and an occupational therapist for an assessment. She has yet to be able to sit up straight on the edge of the bed without pain, much less walk. The PT said the preferred therapy for back issues like hers is motion rather than rest, so they will be encouraging her to get out of bed when they start her program on Monday. He gave her some exercises to do while lying in bed that will help make her spinal cord more flexible.

Thank you all for your constant loving attention.

Love,
Gerry

June 18 - “SitRep”

Hi,

Lynne was quite cheerful when I visited her today after her first full day of physical therapy. She was able to take her first shower today since last Monday. It's impossible to overstate how much that meant to her.

Her attitude is upbeat, determined and matter-of-fact. She enthusiastically related to me the developments of the day. She gets to and from her bed and wheelchair like a pro (with a nurse standing by to catch her just in case). She has substantially upgraded her level of communication in order to be precise with her PT, OT, and nurses. She needs to be able to ask them questions and give them instructions to make sure she's fully responsible for her rehab process. In addition, many of them are not A1 speakers of English, so she has to be even more deliberate in order to get through. She seems to be thoroughly enjoying the challenge. Her goal is to be able to handle stairs without assistance before she's discharged. (There are stairs from the street to the front door of our house, and our bedroom is on the second floor.)

Our housemates have been awesome about visiting her. Not only that, but our car died on Friday, and the housemates have totally stepped up to the plate regarding getting me to and from the hospital each day to visit her. I have been offered rides by everyone in the house that owns a car. I have not had to miss a day yet.

June 21 - “Guts and Glory”

Dear Family,

When I arrived at Lynne's bedside yesterday, she pulled me closer and whispered a guilty secret. “I am having SO MUCH FUN!” She really loves her physical therapy sessions. She says it's as if she's having a reunion with her own body. Her PT, Mike, is so knowledgeable and so dedicated, and whenever I visit she excitedly tells me every detail about every exercise they did that day, and his explanation of why they do it. She is positively glowing. It's as if she has been given a “do-over” and is starting from scratch learning how to use her body .

Lynne's pain is being managed with medication to the point that she doesn't have the spikes that she'd been experiencing often when she stood up from her bed to get into her wheelchair. She was officially cleared today to make the transfer without having to wait for a nurse to come and stand by.

Today, a couple of the OT staff took us down to the model bathroom in the Occupational Therapy department and showed her how to get in and out of the shower, and showed me where I'm going to have to install grab-bars in the shower at home so she can navigate safely. The head of OT took me aside and said she's making so much progress that the original projection of a discharge next Friday could be an overestimation, and that she may get out earlier in the week.

She's so appreciating everyone's attention and support. Today, she listened to a voicemail from my sister while sitting at lunch, and she started to cry. The nurse came over and asked if she was all right, and she smiled and said yes.

Much love to all,
Gerry

Stay tuned for Part III, y'all!

“Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part I”

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 12 Aug 2012 05:15:00 +0000

Dear Friends,

Lynne is currently enjoying her best physical health in quite some time, and it comes at the end of a recent challenging journey through the public healthcare system. Rather than tell you the tale of the past two months, I thought it might be fun to show you a compilation of the periodic updates I sent to my family and some friends throughout the experience.

Once I put these emails together, I saw that I would be posting something three time as long as what you usually read from me, so I'm going to divide it up. This post is the first installment.

As always, I appreciate you reading.

Best,

Gerry

You only forget the things you don't care to remember.
- Vic Baranco

June 7 - “Lynne's Surgery”

Hi Family,

As most of you know, Lynne has had sciatica on and off for over a year. The pain has had different manifestations, the current one being that she has to stand pretty much nonstop because it hurts too much to sit. An MRI has revealed a 3-cm mass, a cystic lesion, on her T-12 and L-1 vertebrae, which is most likely pressing on the sciatic nerve. She is scheduled for surgery next Tuesday, June 12 to remove the lesion. The operation involves her lying on her stomach while they enter through her back. She will be in the hospital for a few days after the surgery before coming home. The doctors at Alameda Medical Center - Highland Hospital have an excellent reputation, so we are expecting good outcomes.

Thanks for your good thoughts.

Love,
Gerry

June 12 - “Lynne”

Hi All,

The surgery was completely successful, in that they were able to remove the entire mass and all her post-surgery motor functions check out fine. In addition, they did a frozen section and found that the tumor was completely benign. They won't be able to know for some time about sensation (pain or numbness) or how much the removal of the tumor will affect her sciatica.

The surgical team numbered at least five, and they introduced themselves to us ahead of time, clearly competent and confident. The operation took about 6 1/2 hours, and those of the doctors with whom I spoke afterwards were all smiles at the results. When I left her this evening, Lynne was quite groggy but smiling and conversing. Pretty impressive, considering she'd just been told she'd have to stay completely flat on her back for 24 hours. I'll be returning to the hospital at 8am.

Many thanks to all for you for the constant blessings being sent our way.

Overwhelmed with love,
Gerry

June 13 - “Day Two”

Hi Loved Ones,

After 24 hours in the Patient After-Care Unit because no beds were available in the hospital, Lynne was moved to an actual room today, which she shares with three other patients. The hospital had hoped to get her a better room, but they were desperate for space in the PACU and had to get her out of there. It was quite a shock to her system. In the PACU, there had been limited access and she was surrounded by nurses. In her room, she is surrounded by patients with large families and loud TVs. In addition, her doctors had told her that she was doing so well that she could get up and move around. But when she got to her new room and tried to move, it was too painful to do so, and she had to take more pain medication. She was very disappointed, as she had been looking forward to more mobility. However, once the meds kicked in and she got acclimated to the new place, she calmed down dramatically and was actually able to nap for a while before a nurse came in with a computer and started taking all her information. I'm rallying the troops to visit her while I'm at work.

Let's all pray that her recovery is so swift that she can come home sooner rather than later to her familiar house and her close friends.

Thank you all for your love and support.

Love,
Gerry

June 15 - “Update”

Hi Everyone,

Lynne has improved immensely. Today she was able to stand with the aid of a walker. Tomorrow she is being transferred to a rehab facility in order to focus on physical therapy. She still has to take a lot of pain medication and we are told that the newly-freed nerves in her spine may take some time to recover.

Yay!

Love,

Gerry

Well, readers, that's all for now. As you'll see in the next installments, things get better and better from here.

Our Best Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 06:47:00 +0000

Dear Friends,

As some of you have already heard, we recently had to put our beloved dog, Spritzie, to sleep. She was 14 years old.

Intellectually, I have to accept that other pet owners are as attached to their animals as we were to ours, but on an emotional level it's really hard to believe. Spritzie had been so intertwined with our souls for so many years that it truly feels as if a physical part of us has been wrenched from us. She saw us through so much, most recently the upheaval of our move to California. No matter how stressful things got, she was always there to be hugged. She died the day after our two-year anniversary of moving here. It's as if she were saying, “You guys can handle things on your own now. My work here is done.”

I have a tendency to be over-affectionate. I have had to learn over the years not to stroke, hug and nuzzle everybody for whom I have positive feelings. It makes people understandably uncomfortable. Spritzie had no such compunctions. I could pour out my love onto her, and she would take it and take it and take it, and still welcome more. I have many recollections of her lying on her side in the middle of the floor, say, during family gatherings at Lynne's parents house in Connecticut. Everyone would be sitting around the living room talking, and I would be unable to restrain myself. I would throw myself prostrate on the carpet and bury my face in Spritzie's flank and breathe in her dogness. Yes, I had the thought that the others might be judging this as a ridiculous way for a grown man to behave, but this concern paled in the glow of how good it felt to love my dog. I'm at a loss as to how I'm going to replace this experience.

More than one person has mentioned the possibility of us getting another puppy, but this is hard for us to imagine. It seems impossible to us that Spritzie can ever be replaced. Also, if I let myself consider owning another dog, all I can picture is having to go through this grief again, albeit many years from now. All that aside, our experience is that Spritzie's not entirely gone yet. Many of our moment-to-moment, day-to-day responses are to a presence that is no longer there, but feels as if it is. Her bed is still in its customary spot next to the radiator, and Lynne occasionally puts a dog treat in it, like a cup of wine for Elijah. It does disappear, but I'm guessing that's more likely the work of an opportunistic Amenshi (Sierra and Jess' dog) than the ghost of Spritzie.

While Lynne and I had fantasies of Spritzie living much longer than she did, she left us owing us nothing. Many dogs pass away younger than 14, and we are grateful that she provided us with such an intense level of happiness for so many years. As the neurologist, who had recently lost her cat, said, it's worth the pain of losing her to have had the joy of having her. Amen to that.

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

Life without emotion is food without seasoning.
-- Vic Baranco

St. Valentine Would Have Been Proud

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:48:00 +0000

As promised, the party report:

The decorations were festive and the food and drink were plentiful. The theme was Tuxes, Teddies and Togas. People dressed in formalwear, lingerie, and Greco-Romanwear. There was a Cupid's Corner crafts table with paper, stickers, markers, scissors, glue, etc., where guests sat and created pretty and clever valentines. They would then summon one of the three Official Cupids (Nicole, Lynne or me) to deliver their notes to other party guests. Some of the valentines were signed From a Secret Admirer, while others had the name of the sender. One man had me deliver a valentine to a woman that said, “I think you're cute and I'd like to get to know you better.” They were at opposite ends of the party from each other, and she immediately walked over, sat down next to him and started conversing with him. Imagine how proud this Cupid was!

Photos below.

Thanks for reading (and looking)!

Best,
Gerry

Romance is approving of the responses of your partner.
-- Vic Baranco

All Power to the Party!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:14:00 +0000

Hi Friends,

It's been a long time since I last wrote, and that was when I reported on our unbelievably awesome Halloween Party. “Halloween was a long time ago,” the little voice in my head keeps saying with its hands on its hips. The truth is, I've been hesitating to update you about our lives, because mostly what I have to report about is more parties. I envision my inner voice demanding, “What is it with you people? Why are you always partying?” The answer I've been avoiding telling myself is “Why the hell not?”

One of Vic's most famous viewpoints is that fun is the goal, and love is the way. It turns out that it's not just girls who want to have fun. Everyone does. However, we're raised in a culture suspicious of people who want fun to be more than just a break from the not-fun parts of their lives. Even having lived in Morehouse for as long as I have, I still worry that people will think I'm a lightweight if I say that partying is my highest priority.

Well, so be it! Since Halloween, gatherings large and small at our house have included a lovely and intimate Thanksgiving dinner, a Christmas Eve dinner, a present-opening party and a ridiculously sumptuous brunch on Christmas Day. We also had a big, kickass, combination New Years Eve/Nicole's Birthday Party. Of course, a common aspect of life in a Morehouse is that spontaneous parties tend to break out frequently simply out of our proximity to each other and our common belief that fun is the highest goal.

And partying can take myriad forms. In fact, it could be said that a party is in the eye of the beholder. How about this? I've spent more than 20 years hearing people wonder what it would take to have more fun at weekly house meetings. Nicole, our housemother, has pulled it off. For the past month, she's invited us all up to her room for house meetings. It's very relaxed and convivial, and she somehow manages to make sure that what's going on is a party at which house business happens to get done. And, amidst all the teasing and the laughter and the camaraderie, house business actually does get done. The meetings rarely last more than an hour, and everything that needs to get discussed does. (The agenda often includes party planning!)

We're currently gearing up for our big annual Valentine's Party. The theme will be Tuxes, Teddies and Togas. I'll let your imagination take care of the rest, and I'll report in after the party with photos.

Also, be on the lookout for an announcement about the two-hour course Pleasurable Relationships, coming soon to the Oakland Morehouse. Lynne and I will be teacher trainees in that one!

Finally, a shout-out to Suzanne and Matt, who have been presenting the six-week videoconference seminar Having Pleasurable Relationships Series in Manhattan. The final session is this Friday, February 3, from 7pm to 9pm. The topic is Responsible Hedonism.

Thanks for reading!

Best,
Gerry

My life is great and it's all your fault.
-- Vic Baranco

Hilarious Horror

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 22:46:00 +0000

Dear Friends,

Saturday night: Halloween party at the Oakland Morehouse. The theme: Hilarious Horror. I was expecting it to be fun. It was fun all right. In fact, it was awesome.

The guests weren't waiting for us to entertain them. They arrived ready to party. Lots of them were wearing great, fun, creative costumes. And everyone was there to get with each other. Everywhere I looked, people were intent on engaging and having fun and laughing with whomever they were talking to. There was food and drink aplenty.

The band was so good that everyone in the room was dancing, whether they were with a partner or just standing watching the musicians. The band members had come in costume, too, to be part of the spirit of the evening. When they took a break between sets, it turned out they were really nice guys too, and we all had mucho fun chatting them up.

In the back yard, Shawn had set up a movie screen and was showing two hours of horror clips he had spent weeks compiling from 22 different movies. Some folks would just watch, while others would guess the title of each movie as it went by. Shawn would be standing off to the side, ready to confirm or correct.

The event culminated with a costume contest. We passed out ballots and everyone cast one vote each for funniest and scariest costume. Annetta won Funniest (Nagging Housewife), and Ian the bass player won Scariest (Jack Skellington). I was particularly tickled that one of the musicians won.

'Nuff said. Photos below.

Thanks for reading.

Best,
Gerry

One's self is only fulfilled in the state of being intensely interested.
-- Vic Baranco

Annetta (Nagging Housewife)

Ian (Jack Skellington)

Jill (Batwoman) & Jeff (Jimi Hendrix/Jimmy Page)

Sierra (Witch/Warlock)

Lynne (Robert Palmer Girl)

Lynne & Nicole (Robert Palmer Girls)

Evelyn (Gypsy Pirate)

Brianna (Black Swan)

Mary (Charlie Chaplin), Gerry (The Butler)

Jess (The Devil), Liv (The Mad Hatter)

Liz (Cleopatra)

Michael (Edgar Allan Poe)

I Love My Wife/I Love My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 17:44:00 +0000

Hello Friends,

The question has come up recently about how Lynne and I met. Some of you may have heard the tale before, and I wrote about it a couple of years ago in the “How I Found Morehouse” thread of the More Life Forum, which is what I've used as the basis for what follows. I thought it might be fun to revisit it.

My discovery of Morehouse is so intertwined with the genesis of my relationship with Lynne that I generally like to tell the two tales simultaneously. I met Lynne Spaulding one night in July of 1981. We had each come to a bar on West 74th Street in Manhattan to hear a singer we each knew. I was attracted to Lynne immediately, and we flirted most of the evening. She made a lasting impression on me.

As it turned out, we didn’t see each other again for six years. Then, in July of 1987, I was living with my eventual first wife, Kate, when our good friend Lydia invited us to something called a Mark Group. She said Mark Groups were put on by Morehouse, which she referred to as the granddaddy of all the other relationship information I’d ever heard. Kate and I considered ourselves students of relationship, and it seemed like a fun way to learn more.

When we arrived at Lydia’s apartment building, it said “Burdick/Spaulding” under her buzzer. Once upstairs, I asked Lydia if Lynne Spaulding was her roommate, and she said yes. I told her I hadn’t seen Lynne in six years, and would I be seeing her this evening? Lydia said no, that Lynne had insisted that the Mark Groups be scheduled when she wouldn’t be home, as she had no interest in them.

It didn’t take long into the Mark Group before I knew I was hooked. The seminal moment came when I was on my very first hot seat and one of the Group Leaders asked me if there was anything in my life that was a higher priority than women. I thought for a while and realized the answer was no. I further realized that this had been true since I was a little kid, but I had never before considered it a valid life devotion.

Lydia hosted this Group for many months and eventually Lynne started coming to them, in spite of her determination to stay away. She and I became friends. We both had jobs in midtown Manhattan at the time, and we started having lunch together fairly regularly. Kate and I took Morehouse courses, and Lynne started taking courses as well. Kate and I got married and moved into the Morehouse. Lynne and I continued to have lunch together. After a couple of years, Lynne moved into the Morehouse, too. The three of us spent a lot of time together, and became quite close. The following year, Kate and I broke up and she moved to California. Lynne and I become a couple pretty quickly after that.

It wasn’t until years later that I found out it hadn’t been completely coincidental that Lynne and I had gotten together at that bar in 1981. Lydia had been talking to Lynne about a friend of hers -- this guy she knew named Gerry -- and Lynne had decided she wanted to meet me. So I was already playing into her hands when I first approached her and struck up a conversation!

I have Lydia to thank, both for introducing me to Morehouse, and for setting me up with the love of my life. Thanks, Lydia!

Best Regards,
Gerry

There is no end to how good life can be if you find it good in the first place.
-- Victor Baranco

Feelin' Groovy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 22:01:00 +0000

Hello Friends,

Of the many ingenious concepts described to us by Vic Baranco, one of his most down-to-earth and practical was the concept of purchasing a dilapidated fixer-upper of a house and having people move into it right away. This resulted in a variety of positive outcomes: The residents learned valuable construction skills, they had fun bonding with each other while participating in construction groovies and, most importantly, they got to experience an increased level of responsibility for the house itself because they had invested themselves in its improvement. People felt more as if they owned the house.

Something seems to be happening with the current crop of residents in the Oakland Morehouse. There has been a sudden increase in the enthusiasm for upgrading our already beautiful home. For example, there is the basement hallway. We recently stripped it to its studs, installed new Sheetrock and molding and trim, painted the walls and ceiling, and put down gorgeous new wall-to-wall carpet. It doesn't feel like a basement anymore. People are tripping over each other to do laundry just so they have an excuse to go downstairs.

Then there is the new, beautiful, huge refrigerator. When our old fridge died, we went looking on craigslist until we found a used one we could afford. We had this monolith delivered to our back yard. Then, it took six enthusiastic volunteers to get it up the back porch steps and into the kitchen. Hanging the refrigerator doors was another challenge, and so was super-cleaning the interior. But it was soooo worth it! You can imagine how important it is to have sufficient refrigerator space when a large group of people live with each other, and the new fridge is even bigger than the one we got rid of. Once again, we all feel responsible for it, because all of us helped with the project in one way or another.

And remember that balcony reconstruction I told you about way back in May? Believe it or not, I'm still working on it. But I've had a ton of help, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The heavily waterproofed decking is in place, the outdoor carpet has been installed, and the Victorian balustrade has been completely taken apart, refurbished, reassembled, repainted, and reinstalled. All that's left are some finishing touches and the balcony, too, will be a triumph the whole house can be proud of.

Sometimes, the way someone can contribute to the action is by preparing refreshments for the folks doing the physical labor. Or they can find out what music the workers like and arrange for it to be played while they're working. Or they can encourage someone to take a break and get a shoulder rub. Sometimes, when you're hammering away, it's a huge blessing to have people aboard who's sole role is to stop by, admire the work and say how appreciative they are that the project is getting done.

All in all, it's been an exhilarating way for us housemates to make use of the energy of the spring heat cycle, and it's been a great excuse for us all to get closer to each other. Of course, it doesn't hurt that we also have an increasingly nice place to live. Next stop: Renovating the entire kitchen!

Of course, I'll keep you posted. Thanks for reading.

Best,
Gerry

The fun is in the commitment; it doesn't matter whether you win or lose.
-- Vic Baranco

Basement hallway "Before"

Gerry, Shawn and David removing old Sheetrock

David and Sierra at the stripped entrance to the laundry room

Basement hallway "After"

New entrance to the laundry room

The stoves had to be moved to make room for the new fridge

Good thing they measured the opening to the pantry first!

Nicole and Virginia provide inspiration

Looks like we made it (Phew!)

The happy ending

The balcony's newly-laid plywood deck

New outdoor carpet (We sure can cut a rug!)

Sierra and Gerry reconstructing one of the two balustrades

Starting the first coat of primer

Eureka!

Lynne's Sense of Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 03:16:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

Far into my adult life, I maintained contempt for my fellow grown-ups who spoke despairingly about snow. “They've lost touch with their inner child,” I said to myself with a superior air. “Snow is fun, exotic, an opportunity for play.” About five years ago, I succumbed to the dark side. I don't recall if it was a particularly harsh winter. All I know is that I was suddenly sick of snow. I found myself saying that if I never saw snow again, I'd feel fine. Well, we are in the midst of our first Oakland winter, and I feel fine. There's never even a minuscule threat of snow here.

Lynne, on the other hand, being still quite connected with her inner child, misses the snow. No, she doesn't want to go back to living in the winters of the Northeast, but she does fantasize about the occasional romantic flurry. She even went on the internet and found out that there was a snow machine down in Jack London Square that put on a show every evening. However, when we went there at the appointed hour, the machine was broken and there was no simulated winter to be experienced. Lynne was heartbroken.

And so it was that, on January 4th, as we fastened our seat belts on the plane that was to take us back East for a visit, all of Lynne's fingers and toes were crossed. We were going to be spending five day in northern Connecticut visiting her family, and five days in NYC visiting mine. “Please let there be snow. Please let there be snow. Please let there be snow.” Her mother had said most of the snow that had been on the ground near their house had melted. This, of course, did not deter The Manifester from her prayers. “Maybe my mother is just teasing me and there really will be snow in Connecticut.”

Our arrival at the old homestead revealed that Lynne's mother had indeed been sincere. There were clumps of snow here and there, but mostly there was grass. The next day, however, the TV news was rife with predictions of a storm that night. Sure enough, when we awoke on the morning of the 6^th, four inches of the fluffy variety had fallen. I dutifully, albeit enthusiastically, shoveled her parents' walk and driveway. Next night, four more inches and another morning of shoveling. You can imagine how thrilled Lynne was as she looked out the window each day.

That Sunday, we bade our farewells and boarded the Amtrak train at Windsor Locks. The trip down to New York took us through snow-covered forests in central Connecticut. We arrived at my mother's apartment in Greenwich Village and, wouldn't you know it? A truly heavy-duty snowstorm was predicted for Tuesday night. As if on cue, it started falling around 8pm. At midnight, Lynne said she wanted to go for a walk. I had to cover my entire face except for my eyes with my scarf, as the heavy, wet snow was being driven by a slight wind. (Fortunately, there would be no driveway for me to shovel this time.) Washington Square Park was closed, but we pushed through the gate, deflowered the fresh coating of snow with our footprints and took photos of the flakes in the lamplight.

Even without these weather events, Lynne would have had a great time on this trip. It had been her first visit back East since we moved out here last March. We got to spend fun, quality time with our parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. But the “icing on the gravy,” as Lynne would say, had been the snow. She was very happy to have had her vision realized, maybe even exceeded. I was happy, too, both because she was happy, and because we live in California now.

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

The most effective cosmetic is interest.
-- Cindy Baranco

Even More Holiday Presence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 04:53:00 +0000

[Originally e-mailed to list on January 4.]

Happy 2011!

So now, about the Gala:

Vic always said the the best time to enjoy an experience is before, during and after it. It was easy to predict how awesome this party was going to be because of the buzz of excitement around the house while we were all preparing for it. There was the decorating, which included selecting, erecting and trimming the tree, and putting up yards and yards of evergreen garland, some of which had to done by balancing precariously on top of a ladder and attaching it gingerly to the all-plaster molding. There were also the strings of lights on the stair railing and the front porch, and lush bouquets of white flowers everywhere.

Then there was the food, highlighted, if I do say so myself, by my wife's cooking, although many other housemates contributed as well. Lynne baked exceptional chocolate chip cookies from a recipe tweaked over several weeks (We housemates got to be guinea pigs for the previous “experimental” versions.). She also spent days preparing a glorious turkey that became the centerpiece of the refreshments table. It was accompanied by baked brie, smoked salmon, chocolate truffles, plus much, much more. George, housemother and mixologist extraordinaire, prepared three (three!) different types of eggnog and a special champagne cocktail.

Oceana (housemother and fashionista extraordinaire) went around the house a week early to guarantee that everyone's wardrobe plans were up to her standards. The theme for the event was to be gowns and tuxedos, and no one disappointed.

None of the guests disappointed, either. When the big night arrived, a steady stream of beautifully-attired men and women flowed through our front door. Their were dresses of green, gold, red and white; there were traditional tuxedos and tuxedos with a “twist.” And everyone came to party. There was live music, enthusiastic dancing, and equally enthusiastic drinking and eating. People saw friends they hadn't seen in a long time, and others made brand new friends here that night. Truth is, I could have asked many more women to dance than I did, and I solemnly promise to do so at the next party, but I had a wonderful time with the four of five beautiful ladies who favored me with saying yes when I offered. Thanks to all of them.

Needless to say, the Gala was a huge success. Over the subsequent few days, we got some touching thank-you notes. Sierra's parents, Tom and Joy, who have lived in the community for decades, said it was the best-decorated party ever at 80. We heard rumors about people reminiscing about having had so much fun that their friends were wishing they'd been there. I know I'm glad I was.

Well, friends, Lynne and I leave for our East Coast vacation tomorrow morning, so I won't be posting for a while. I hope you've enjoyed hearing about some of our holiday festivities, and I hope you all have a great beginning to your new year.

Thanks for reading.

Best regards,
Gerry

Anticipation is the aperitif of experience. Reminiscence is the liqueur of experience.
-- Vic Baranco

More Holiday Presence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 00:52:00 +0000

Merry Christmas, Folks!

Before I get to the description of how things went at our huge and festive Holiday Gala, I want to tell you about some celebrating we did much earlier in the season. In fact, it was the first week of November. Oceana, George, Rocco, Lynne and I went to see the gingerbread house in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco. I must confess that when I first heard about this outing, I was more jazzed about hanging out with the aforementioned crew than I was to see some oversized gingerbread dollhouse. I was sure it would be artistic and expertly crafted and all, but I was somehow underwhelmed at the prospect.

When we walked in the door of the hotel, the first thing we saw was a beautifully decorated tree so big we could barely see the limits of it. After taking pictures in front of it, we walked around to the other side, and my jaw dropped. In front of us was a full-size, two-story house, complete with windows and stairs and large archway leading to the hotel's lovely lobby on the other side. There were tables inside the house with paper and crayons, and children were happily coloring. The entire structure was made of gingerbread. The experience was touching and magical.

We took pictures here, too, and read all the statistics about how many thousands of individual pieces of gingerbread went into its construction. We then walked through the arch into the Fairmont's large, elegant lobby, beautifully draped with garlands and lights. A talented pianist, who looked a bit like Clarence, the angel in It's a Wonderful Life, played Christmas songs while the five of us lounged on a couple of couches, drinking cocktails, eating hors d'oeuvres and chatting. At one point, a woman came in with her four-year-old daughter, who was dressed in a black and white holiday dress of velvet and chiffon. The child was immediately enchanted by the piano music, and spent a good 15 minutes freestyle dancing around the piano in a style reminiscent of Isadora Duncan. Her mother, apparently as delighted as we were, never took her camera off her. “Is that stills or video?” I asked her. “I wish it was video!” she replied, mock-forlornly. The piano player was tickled by the young dancer as well.

At a house meeting several weeks later, Karen, who is a professional folk singer, said she'd like to schedule a time for us all to sing Christmas carols together. Sierra, who works at the Lake Merritt Boating Center, responded by saying that every year the Center had a tradition of taking people out on a boat at night and singing carols on the lake. This sounded like a great idea to us! Karen called up and reserved the entire boat just for us Morehousers and a few friends and family. On the scheduled night, we all showed up at the dock just before 9pm. Sierra was dressed in a complete Santa outfit. She wouldn't wear the beard, however. “I tried it and it itched too much. So I'm Mrs. Santa,” she said. After plying us with hot cider and cookies, she had us all get on board the boat, which was decorated with Christmas lights. She handed out songbooks, cast off the lines, and started driving us around the lake, itself softly illuminated by the famous “pearl necklace,” the string of lights that borders its entire 3-mile perimeter. Out on the water, in the relative dark and quiet, we sang our carols together.

As you may recall from earlier posts, I'm a bird-watcher. I noticed that there were flocks of water birds that could faintly be seen in the dark swimming away from the boat. Sierra took the opportunity to steer us over to the corner of the lake that had been cordoned of for the protection of the birds. She gave me a little halogen flashlight and, as we floated passed, I shone it on the sleeping pelicans (both white and brown), egrets, and herons that I had until then seen on the lake only during the day. This was a fun bonus. Then, after a last round of carolling, we headed back to the dock, thoroughly happy from such a convivial event.

You know, I still haven't gotten to the description of our big Gala. Oh well, it'll have to wait until next time!

Until then!

Best Regards,
Gerry

The only difference between a coward and a hero is which way they run when they're afraid.
-- Vic Baranco

Holiday Presence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 17:14:00 +0000

Season's Greetings, Friends!

Please accept my apologies for not having written in so long. We've been very, very busy, thank God!

Lynne and I are going to be on the East Coast in January to visit our families. We will be attending Jane's Mark Group on Wednesday evening, January 12, and we'd love to see as many of you there as possible. We'll send out the details later, but we wanted to make sure you saved the date.

In the meantime, here's what's been happening so far this holiday season: December's festivities started off on the first Saturday of the month. Lynne and I drove down to Jack London Square on the Oakland waterfront, which we had been wanting to do since we first moved here. It's a festive place with shops and restaurants and promenades. We had dinner at Scott's Seafood Grill and Bar, which is right on the water. As we were walking in, I asked Lynne if she'd be willing to wait longer in order to get a table by the window overlooking the harbor. “Yes I want a window table, and no I don't want to wait for it.” I've learned not to give voice to my skepticism at such times. Sure enough, when I asked the hostess if there were any window tables available, she said "Of course!", and took us immediately to what appeared to be the only available one. (Score another one for my wife, The Manifester.) The restaurant was beautiful, elegantly lit and festooned with holiday garlands. From our table we got to watch several boats decked out in Christmas lights glide by in the dark. It was a very romantic evening.

Earlier that day we at the Oakland Morehouse had hosted an Introduction to Pleasurable Group Living. The teachers were Marilyn, Ilana, Jack and our very own Sierra. Lynne and I were in the course, along with several of our housemates. There were also new students from a variety of locations and backgrounds, all of whom were articulate, inquisitive, open-minded, and seriously exploring the idea of living in an intentional community. It made for a very dynamic three hours of conversation. I particularly enjoyed the review of the history of group living, culminating in the invention of the postwar, experimental two-in-a-box lifestyle, complete with television programming like “Ozzie and Harriet,” to show people what their own lives were supposed to look like. As one of the teachers said: “Turns out Big Brother wasn't watching us; we were watching Big Brother.”

One of the benefits of group living is that there's always the potential for a party to start at any moment. A couple of nights after the IPGL, a bunch of us were hanging out in the kitchen around 9:30pm discussing plans for our upcoming Christmas Gala, when Karen, bless her heart, decided it was a perfect time to break out her ice cream collection. Karen is an ice cream freak, and has a particular fondness for unusual flavors. She brought out seven or eight different pints, opened them, and passed out spoons and bowls. Oceana, in the meantime, had been having us sample different brands of eggnog in order to choose one for the gala, and Jillian offered a bottle of brandy to spice up the samples. Some folks were even observed combining ice cream, eggnog and brandy.

That's just the the beginning of the fun we've been having this month. The next time I write I'll let you know, among other things, how the gala went and where to go for the January 12^th Mark Group.

Until then!

Best Regards,
Gerry

The only difference between a coward and a hero is which way they run when they're afraid.

-- Vic Baranco

I Love(d) New York

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 05:44:00 +0000

Hello Friends,

Wow, what a trip! I swooped into New York on a Thursday for six days so I could work with my mother helping her prepare for her big move to her new home at the Atria senior apartments on the Upper West Side. It was also going to be a chance for her and me to spend some actual time together. We hadn't seen each other for six months – not since Lynne and I moved out here to California. During this first visit back to New York, I would also end up squeezing in Sunday lunch with Deborah and Keith in the garden of a lovely Italian restaurant, plus go to a huge, awesome Mark Group at Sexy Spirits, before swooping back home to the Oakland Morehouse on Wednesday.

Even though I was three thousand miles from home, I experienced several Morehouse miracles while helping my mother decide what to keep and what to discard of her belongings. For years, there has been a very large pegboard in her office. Since before I was born, possibly as far back as when my parents first got married in 1949, that pegboard has been collecting tools, mostly of my father's acquisition, that I also had used on countless occasions. To give you an idea of how far back this goes, the collection included a large pipe wrench that had its original price written on it: $3.29. The same wrench today would cost anywhere from $15 to $35.

My mother planned to take none of these items with her to her new home, and the two of us were in despair as to how to dispose of them. I mentioned our dilemma to my sister and she suggested craigslist. I posted an offering of all the tools for $100 and the requirement that the buyer must come pick them up. Within an hour I got a response. A man came over the next day, paid my mother $100 in cash, packed up every last tool (except the hammer, pliers and two screwdrivers he insisted my mother would need during the process of moving), and left. It was like a dream.

Then there were the books. My mother has always been an academic, an intellectual. At age 19, she was graduated magna cum laude from Radcliffe. Our challenge was to dispose of the 86 shelving feet of books she had amassed over her lifetime. I knew she would want to take some of them with her, but the vast majority had to be removed from the apartment somehow.

Again, help came from the extraordinary women in my life. Lynne reminded me that our friend Jill had started a business selling old books on the internet, and that she lived within blocks of my mother. I called Jill, and my triumph at hearing that she'd be happy to unburden my mother of all her books was exceeded only by the pleasure of talking to her on the phone. I would have loved to have spent time with each of our friends individually on this trip, and regretted having had to turn down several invitations to do so. But here was Jill, with a perfect excuse for a brief social visit. She came over and we had a nice hug and a quick chat. She then spent 20 minutes inspecting my mom's collection of books and announced that, if she were to come over for one or two hours a day for the next two weeks, she could remove every volume. Mom was thrilled. At last report, there are now 86 feet of empty bookshelves in her apartment.

These were some of the highlights of the trip. Thanks so much, Suzanne, for the ride from JFK. I apologize for having given you directions that got you lost in your own neighborhood, although it was a great excuse to hang out longer with you. Thanks to Deb and Keith for the seriously fun meal together. Thanks to the Mark Group Leaders for putting on a great Group, and thanks to Margret, Tina, John, Topaz, Armin, Jane and Park for adding your friendship to the proceedings. Thanks also to Tiffany for the late night pickup when I landed back at SFO. Most of all, thanks to Mom for setting the whole thing up.

New York was indeed a nice place to visit. Even better was returning home to my wife, my dog and my wonderful housemates. Our California Adventure continues, as you'll hear about in future posts.

Best Regards,
Gerry

The only people who deserve happiness are the ones who can have it.
-- Vic Baranco

Roll Call

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 01:39:00 +0000

The day after I wrote the last post about my recent experiences with the Snowy Egrets, I believe I received a sign from the local Snowy Egrets that they, as a group, were aware of my recent intense attention on them.

I was on my morning walk along the lake when I spotted a Snowy Egret flying low across the water, headed for the edge of the lake wall, where it landed about 20 feet ahead of me on the side of the path. I had frequently seen gulls hop up onto the wall and stand next to the stream of human pedestrians, but not egrets. As I got within about 10 feet of it, it waddled to the middle of the sidewalk, amidst all the people walking to and fro. This surprised me even more. An egret's feet are not really adapted to walking on a concrete path, so it was an odd sight; it was as if I were watching a cartoon of an egret. Then, when I got within five feet of it, it pooped right in the center of the path and then ran back to the edge of the wall. As I drew even with the bird, I was close enough to touch it, and it seemed to look me in the eye before it took off across the lake again.

As we all get to interpret our lives however we like, I choose to believe it had been sent by its people to say, “Hi!”

Roll Call (or, The Wisdom of Lynne)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 09:59:00 +0000

Dear Readers,

Recently, while standing at the railing overlooking that little section of Glen Echo Creek that dawdles through Adams Park on its way to Lake Merritt, I watched a Snowy Egret do its classic super-slow-motion walk through the shallow water looking for fish. Its foot appeared to quiver in pain each time it took a step. A Snowy Egret's legs are black, and its feet are bright yellow, so it's easy to see them under the surface of the water. This one's right foot appeared to be missing some or all of its toes. The bird was essentially walking on a club foot. This was surprisingly upsetting to me. I felt bad for this creature who seemed doomed to spend the rest of its life having to survive by hunting in pain.

I didn't tell Lynne about this experience for a couple of days, as I was certain that, given her empathy with animals, it would bring her down even more than it had me. Then, that Saturday morning, we were breakfasting at the IHOP in Emeryville, and I saw that my withholding a communication from my wife was putting distance between us.

"There's something I haven't been telling you because it's kind of negative, but I can feel that it's getting in the way of me relating to you that I'm not saying it.”

"OK, I get it. What is it?”

I told her the story of how it had so disturbed me to see this poor crippled bird.

"First of all,” she said, “Animals adapt. They don't sit around wondering 'Why me?' when a catastrophe happens. If they get injured, they adjust and get on with it. That's how they survive.” I started to feel better. “And besides,” she added, “he might have been born that way. For all you know, he might never have known any other way.” I was by now quite happy I had brought it up, as she had so simply and elegantly given me a winning context for the situation. I finished my scrambled eggs in a much better mood and feeling much closer to Lynne.

As I walked along Lake Merritt the next day, I passed a different Snowy Egret -– one with two normal-looking feet -- feeding in the water fairly close to the lake wall. I suddenly stopped to watch more intently because it seemed to me that, each time it took a step, with either its right foot or its left, its leg quivered. It occurred to me that what I had been assuming were convulsions of pain in the club-footed bird might actually have been a fishing technique. By shaking its feet as it walked, the egret could agitate the silt on the lake bottom to flush out any small fish or other edibles that might be hidden in there. I almost laughed out loud at myself standing there by the water as the joggers huffed by me.

As always, I passed the creek in the park on the way home. I looked over and saw that the club-footed egret was there again, only this time it was in repose. It was standing sleepily on one foot, as herons and egrets sometimes do.

Guess which foot it was standing on.

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

The thing for a man to be enthusiastic about is the woman he's with. The thing for a woman to be enthusiastic about is herself.
-- Vic Baranco

A “Typical” Day (Part V)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:10:00 +0000

Hi Folks,

We're baaack! Remember, if you'd like to review any of the posts that led up to this one, please feel free to click here.

The story continues as Tiffany and I were sitting on the couch on the second floor in our effect uniforms, talking in quiet voices while the Effect Course was finishing downstairs. This couch is across the hall from the door to Sierra and Jess' bedroom, which was open, as it usually is (an endearing quality of theirs). We speculated as to whether they were actually inside up in their loft bed. We concluded that they probably were, given that they had just come back on a 25-hour plane flight from Africa earlier that afternoon. Where were they going to go?

As if in confirmation, a few minutes later, Sierra walked down the steps from the bed, stretching and yawning. She looked at us and giggled in appreciation to see two uniformed effect staff sitting in the hall outside her room. She asked what time it was, and we told her it was 9:30.

"Wow,” she said, “We've been sleeping for, like, eight hours. Jess is still asleep.”

She started to rub the side of her neck, complaining that all that sitting on planes had not sat well with her. I offered to give her a neck rub (I am a full-service effect person.). When she said yes, I stood up and had her sit on the couch while I massaged the knot that was bothering her. This was, of course, quite enjoyable. She used the time to describe to us the segments of their flight from Capetown to Johannesburg to Germany to Washington, DC, to San Francisco.

After about five minutes, she thanked me for the massage, stood up and walked back into her room. She saw Jess coming downstairs from the loft bed and she said with a certain pride, “Jess, come look at our Maid Brigade,” and pointed to Tiffany and me sitting side by side on the couch. He smiled in that Mona Lisa way he does.

As 10 o'clock approached, I took off my bowtie, unbuttoned my top shirt buttons and went outside to bring our car around. I had arranged with Lynne that, once the Effect Course ended, she would escort the newly-graduated student down the front steps to the street and into the car for our return trip. I waited while Lynne opened the back door for her to get in, closed the door, then joined me up front.

In the rear-view mirror, I could see our passenger smiling in contentment. She explained that Kate had made a point of telling her that I had not yet done an Effect Course, so she understood she could not divulge anything of what had happened during the evening, a circumstance that seemed to tickle her somewhat, as if she had something over me. It was a pleasantly mellow, late-night ride back to her house, as classical music played from the car radio.

After arriving at her place, Lynne accompanied her to her door, said good night, hugged her, and got back in the car. Without saying anything to each other, we seemed to agree that we had enjoyed the peaceful mood that had been set, and we continued it on the ride back to our house. When we got home, we chatted with a tired and happy Kate about how the car ride had been. She told us she was glad the student had had the restriction of not being able to reveal anything to me, as she had thought it would deepen her experience of the course to digest it silently as we drove.

It had been a rich, full day. At the beginning of A “Typical” Day (Part I), I mentioned that the only thing that could be said to be “typical" about our days here at the Oakland Morehouse is that they tend to end with us crashing headlong into our luxurious bed, exhausted and gratified in equal measure. This day was no different; it was the next thing we did.

It's been a pleasure chatting with you, friends.

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

The trip to enlightenment is more fun than being enlightened.
-- Vic Baranco

A “Typical” Day (Part IV)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 21:26:00 +0000

Hi again, everyone!

Previously on A "Typical" Day: Lynne and I had just dropped off the Effect Course student at the Morehouse and we were now headed off to go out to dinner together.

Early on in Lynne's Evaluacy, Linda had taken her for a pedicure and then afterward to lunch at a restaurant called Barney's on Piedmont Avenue. Lynne had liked the place and had expressed a desire to return there sometime for dinner, so Barney's was our destination this evening.

At the end of an earlier post, I mentioned the many and varied charms of Oakland. Well, Piedmont Avenue is one of those charms. It's about five blocks of unique, festive, eye-pleasing shops and restaurants – most of them locally owned - along a gently sloping street. It being such a pleasant neighborhood to explore means parking can be a challenge. We managed to find a space, however, about a five-minute-or-so walk from the restaurant. The weather was slightly chilly that evening (just right for the rust-colored leather jacket ), but otherwise the air was clear and fresh with occasional scents from people's gardens, so the walk to and from the car just added to the specialness of our time together.

As soon as we entered Barney's, I sensed a unique feel to the place. It was quite busy, and there was a convivial hum. At the same time, I couldn't characterize it as noisy. A very warm but not pushy waitress found us a table. Lynne ordered the falafel platter, I the Piedmont Salad, and we also got a strawberry milkshake to split between us (Lynne had had one on her previous visit and insisted I experience it.).

The shake was awesome, and, believe it or not, the salad was even better! It had chunks of feta and bacon and fresh slices of crisp red onion. It was the best salad I'd ever had. The perfect accompaniment to a strawberry milkshake. It was so gratifying I couldn't eat the whole thing, and I had the friendly waitress box up the remainder for me to take home. It was a memorable restaurant experience and I look forward to going there again.

I had to get back to the house for my 9pm to 10pm effect shift, so we drove home in time for me to change into my uniform. When we walked in the front door, there was an impressive hush over the household, as everyone had his or her attention on the theatrics going on in the bunk room, where the Effect Course was still in progress. Connected to the bunk room by a pocket door is the dining room, where the staging for the course was happening, including, I speculated, changing of costumes and props for the various actors involved, who all talked in whispers as they slipped quietly in and out of the room.

Enjoying the backstage intensity of it all, I went down to my room, changed and came back upstairs. Normally I would head for the kitchen at this point to do the dishes, etc. However, the only part of the first floor that wasn't off limits to Those of Us Who Hadn't Done the Effect Course was the front hallway, the kitchen being too close to the bunk room presumably to risk either unintended noise being heard by the Effect Course student or hints of the content of the course being overheard by uninitiated folks like me. So I sat down on the blue couch in the front hallway.

After a few moments, Tiffany, who had also not had an Effect Course, joined me on the couch. For some reason, she was also wearing an effect uniform, and for some reason, I never asked her why. So there we were, two people sitting on a couch quietly wearing uniforms that stated simultaneously “We are here to serve,” and “We are invisible.”

There was a problem, however. The couch faces the main door to the dining room, which is a pocket door as well. This particular pocket door will sometimes roll back open six inches or so once it's been closed. This was uncomfortable for me because it meant we kept being able to see into the dining room by default. I felt as if we were making it awkward for the participants, who were attempting to keep everything secret. I suggested to Tiffany that we go sit on the couch in the second floor hallway, across from Sierra and Jess' room. We would be out of the way, we could converse without disturbing anyone, and we would still be available if anyone needed us for anything.

This change of venue led to a delightful home-after-an-extremely-long-plane-flight encounter with Sierra, which I'll be more than happy to share with you next time. Until then, my friends!

Best regards,
Gerry

The word surrender exists because it's an experience everybody wants to have... under the right conditions.
-- Vic Baranco

Roll Call

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:19:00 +0000

Turtle is back in da house! After an absence of several weeks from the quiet Glen Echo Creek pool in Adams Park, the turtle was once again sunning himself on his rock as I passed by today on the way to the lake. It took a moment to be sure it was he, as he was so covered in seaweed, which also trailed off his back and down behind him, that I thought it might just be a new rock on top of his larger customary perching rock. In order to confirm what I thought I was seeing, I strayed off the sidewalk and moved to the railing to get a closer look. This was a bit much for the turtle, and he quickly jumped into the water, disappearing under the mud and murk that lay on the creek bed.

I had not evidently scared him quite to death, as on my return trip from the lake 20 minutes later he was back in position, but with somewhat less seaweed on him.

A “Typical” Day (Part III)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 06:45:00 +0000

Hi, Dear Readers,

Forthwith, the report on the next segment of the day I was describing in my last two posts:

When we last left our aspiring hero, I had just finished changing the tire on Linda's car. My next move was to change out of my grubby tire-changing clothes and, believe it or not, take a nap. I assure you, readers, these are no ordinary naps we've been taking these days. These are power naps. Because of the lifestyle we've designed for ourselves, I have learned to set a timer for 10 minutes and do some fast, deep sleeping. None of this fooling around with “drifting off to sleep.” There's no time for that. So my head hit the pillow, I slept heavily for 10 minutes, then awoke refreshed and ready for whatever the Muse was calling for next.

In this case she was calling for me to feed and walk the dog. I put on some nicer, around-the-house clothes, fed Spritzie, and took her for a stroll around the block. As we were walking back into the house, Taj and Evelyn pulled up in Evelyn's minivan with Taj' new mattress inside. They asked if I would help him take it upstairs to his room. I took off the beautiful rust-colored leather jacket that Marty and Ruth had given me when we first arrived in California, and went out to the car to lend a hand.

I change costumes as often as five times a day. I have to notice what clothes I'm wearing at any given moment in case I get surprised with a new activity. Don't want to get my nicer duds dirty or torn while doing something like moving a mattress. And, just because I have a construction project planned for some time later in the day doesn't mean Lynne wants to have to look at me in work clothes while I'm hanging out with her or socializing with our housemates.

After Taj and I hauled his mattress up the stairs from the street, and then up the next flight of stairs to the second floor into his bedroom, and then hoisted it up into his sleeping loft, the next item on my schedule was to do Withhold Monitors' practice with Nicole. She and I were each students in the month-long Withhold Monitors Training Course, along with six others in the house, and a regular part of the training is making half-hour appointments with each other to practice what's referred to as “pulling” withholds. Nicole is a pleasure to practice with, as she is a dedicated student and makes the session feel safe. (BTW, all eight of us that were in that training have since been officially certified as Lafayette Morehouse Withhold Monitors, including Lynne.)

At 6:30, Lynne and I started getting ready for the part of the Effect Course I was allowed to help with, as someone who wasn't allowed to know anything about it: I would be driving, with Lynne, to the home of the Effect Course student to pick her up and bring her to the house at exactly 7:00, when her course was scheduled to begin. When we got to her house, Lynne went up to her front door to fetch her. She came out of her house dressed to the nines in a colorful pants ensemble of orange and brown silk, totally psyched for what lay ahead. She chattered the whole trip back to our house about how much she was anticipating the evening. We had to moderate our speed on the freeway to make sure we got her there exactly at 7:00. After escorting her into the house, Lynne and I followed through on our personal plan for the evening, which was to go out to dinner together.

Well, folks, I thought this would be a good juncture at which to tell you about a comment I received after one of my last posts. One of you wrote:

“You long winded son of a gun ! how am I going to read all that?”

As I'd rather tease you than bore you, we'll continue with the events of the day (and there are plenty more) in the next post. Thanks, as always, for all of your feedback.

Best Regards,
Gerry

There is no end to how good life can be if you find it good in the first place.
-- Vic Baranco

Roll Call

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 05:57:00 +0000

A pair of terns were fishing today, with quite a different style than that of the Brown Pelican. Terns are closely related to gulls, although they are smaller, pointier and sleeker. These guys were about a foot long. They hovered above the water, maintaining a stationary position with very rapid wing beats, in much the same manner as a hummingbird. When they would see fish that were swimming close to the surface, they would plunge to just above the water and grab them in their beaks. It was infrequent for them actually to dive below the surface, as they are reputedly poor swimmers, but sometimes they would.