All Family Solutions for All Families

Free Education!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

A father brags about his son's increase in Math competency after only 3 months of Kahn Academy!

https://twitter.com/#!/khanacademy

http://www.khanacademy.org/about

My toddler is strong willed

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

My Toddler is 2yrs 4 months and a very strong willed added on top of the T 2's. Anyway I'm interested to find out the following....

My Daughter will often show love by hugging and kissing people that she is fond of (little friends) or my husband and I then suddenly she will hit us or her friends after showing affection.

What behavior is this and why is she acting this way?

Many thanks
Helen

Dear Helen:

Well there are probably many reasons she could be acting this way. My first reaction is to find out who might be hitting her. Children often act out what they experience. She is barely past two so I can't apply most of the other reasons I might pose for her doing this. I would check with her daycare or whoever else cares for he to see if anyone (children and/or adults) is hitting her.

So glad you are concerned about her.

M Kay Keller

Women, Men, Relationships & Committment

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Found a good article on Eharmony which sums up how people need to view themselves and take care of themselves first and foremost even in the dating scene.

I included it here because it is a "healthy" approach and combined with other communication techniques can provide the very best outcomes for those looking for a long term relationship.

http://advice.eharmony.com/about-you/relationship-tips/the-5-dos-and-donts-of-commitment?cid=2091&aid=0810114

A historical perspective of parenting! Don't miss this!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Very interesting read and so much information for free!

Don't Miss this!

http://www.ttfuture.org/blog/2/brief-incomplete-history-parenting

Twenty- Years of Research!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Twenty (20) Years of Research on the impact of Violent Parenting!

Really human beings have to be convinced that hitting a child is NEVER a good idea?

Yet, we are so shocked when teens kill or hurt another person.

http://www.nospank.net/durrant&ensom.pdf

How do you know if your relationship is in trouble? Will it last?

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 16:00:00 +0000

While these signs were posted to the BPD Central by th author of Stop Walking on Eggshells. They apply to any relationship! The style of communication tells Marriage Counselors so much about a relationship's quality.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201202/contempt-the-number-one-sign-marital-trouble

What do you think about children's medications?

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:10:00 +0000

http://momenough.com

When couples are happy, child outcomes are better!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 12:48:00 +0000

http://ht.ly/9pddb

Books for Grandparents!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 20:54:00 +0000

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/0071383115

My 3 and 1/2 year old grandson is acting out!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Kay,

My 3 1/2 grandson has started kicking and pinching his mom and today he urinated on the floor twice and laughed when it made her mad. Up to now he has intermittently hit her over the past several months but his behavior has escalated. He is potty trained and has been since approx. age 3 yrs. She has worked 3rd shift at a local hospital for a yr.and moved out of our home in March of this yr and in with a girlfriend. Up until then I was his other primary caregiver for 3 yrs. He stayed with me when she worked nights. Now he stays with me some nights, the girlfriend keeps him some nights and then his dad on other nights. I don't know if this is affecting his behaviour. He goes to a sitter Mon-Fri from 9a - 5 p and he has had the same daycare provider for 2 yrs. So when she works nights he may not see too much of her. She works 8 nights on and then has 6 off. He has never tried to hit me. He doesn't act this way with his dad. It seems to directed toward his mom only. We are at a loss on how to approach him as time-outs and talking to him haven't helped.

Leslie

Dear Leslie:

There maybe several reasons he is acting out. Some of which you have already mentioned. The most common reason children hit is because they are being hit by someone whether by an adult or another child.

Because of the complications of his lifestyle with all of the childcare givers involved (this isn't necessarily a bad thing) he maybe reacting out as you say because he is angry at mom.

I strongly suggest some counseling with a professional who has successful expertise working with children 0-5 and who has been trained in play therapy. Often children can act out their anger in a healthier manner when they are exposed to play therapy.

Another suggestion is to get him some feeling picture books. There are many now in the children's section which will help him identify and express his feelings. The wider the range of vocabulary the better he will be able to express his feelings with his words rather than his actions. There is a great little book I use to read to my grand-daughter which is probably available at any bookstore. It stated things like my hands are not for hitting others they are for throwing a ball, that sort of thing. It really helped with hitting, biting and some of the usual acting out behaviors that pre-schoolers resort to when they are angry.

He is lucky to have so many people in his life who care about him. I suggest you all get on the same page with regards of how to handle him and share the books. Encourage him to use his words and praise him when he does. Make sure the adults are modeling the behavior they want him to do.

If he doesn't already have a massage as part of his nightly routine I highly recommend massages for children before they go to bed. It releases lots of happy hormones into the body. The happier he is the less likely he is to act out.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

Incredible YOU!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 20:45:00 +0000

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/1401907822

My troubled 10 year old nephew!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Kay,

I have legal guardianship of my 3 nephews since my sister passed away. The youngest one is 10 y/o and giving me a run for my money. He has a major attitude, doesn't get along with my 3 children or his 2 brothers. He is always yelling and throwing temper tantrums, he's doing POORLY in school and i'm at my wits end, I thought i was doing the right thing in keeping them together, but idk what to do anymore, i need help with this child.
Mayra

Dear Mayra:

What type of grief counseling has this 10 year old had? He sounds like he is still reacting to the loss of his mom. You didn't say how long it has been so I don't know however, I would strongly encourage you to seek out family counseling. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong only that you have taken on a tremendous amount of responsibility raising 6 children.

He can be helped though and things can turn around with some great counseling. I would look for someone who has an established, successful background in working with children and specializes in grief and blended families. I would also ask the school to screen him to see if he has any learning disabilities or mental health issues. A full physical from his doctor is also a good idea. With all three of these in place. I am confident you will find what you need.

Remember that children often take roles on in their family. I don't know the ages of all the children however now they are being raised as brothers and sisters which changes the placement in their family of origin to where they are now. For example, the oldest of your sisters family may or may not now be the oldest child, the middle child, the baby etc....so on and so on. Removing him from the family probably will only be a short term solution to a long term problem and another may start acting up in his place. Besides then children learn that love is very conditional.

Partially he is 10 and entering into the teen years. The sooner you seek professional help the better these years can be and you will be greatly rewarded by your success.

My heart goes out to you as you have lost your sister and are an amazing person for taking on three more children. You must have an incredibly big heart. Do seek the support you can use to make this successful.

I don't offer more than one follow up on this site as this is what I do for a living. However, you feel free to come back as often as you like. Your amazing big heart deserves support and rewarded for keeping this family together. You can speak to me in person and I will send you as many free minutes as the system allows by dialing the phone number below.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

Odd Girl Out! A great read about Agression in Teen Girls Relationships!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:35:00 +0000

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B003WJQ7CG

I am afraid my teen will move to live with her dad!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Kay,

I'm a single/divorced mom of 3 wonderful kids - 16 (girl), 13 (boy) and 11 (boy). Their dad moved away 8 mths ago to be with "his family" in Idaho. Yep, moved away from his kids. They visit him Christmas/summer. With all the family over there, they have a fun time with cousins and all their "toys" of boats, cabins, quads, etc. Me, mom, cannot afford those things. But I'm the one who is always here for them and devote my life to them. Okay - my Question and Fear is that when my daughter graduates in 2 years, she might choose to go live there with "them" (no, I don't get along with his family). With all the fun, family, activities that they have at their fingertips, I'm so very, very afraid that all 3 of my kids will choose to leave boring mom and go to live in Idaho with dad and family. Can you PLEASE give me some insight on what I can do to keep them here? I love them so much and don't want to lose them. I have a very estranged family here and no time for friends or dates.
I would be so very lonely and sad if they were to leave. PLEASE HELP with any advice you can give.
Thank you and bless you.
Jill

Dear Jill:

You will not like my answer.

Your entire posting was all about YOU. Parenting is about parenting the children and what is best for them. They were not brought into the world to keep you company. Get out and make some friends. You loneliness is not your children's responsibility it is all about your choices not to date and not to spend time with friends and family. Do something about it before you drive your children away permanently.

You see when they are of age is when you get to see what type of a job you have done. Have you loved them because you loved them or because you expected them to make life better for you?

One will get you some visits in your old age and the other will ensure you never hear from them again.

As for what you can do, move past the fear and have FUN with them while you can. Make the most of every moment and stop ruminating about the worst case scenario. Stewing, brewing and reviewing will take you no where and just make you miserable.

Find the joy in your life. Everyone is attracted to JOY. Especially children.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

Love and Logic!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:34:00 +0000

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years
http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/1930429002

My 4 year old is jumping, does she have OCD?

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

My daughter, Jenna, is almost four years old now and is jumping all the time it seems. It started since she was about 8 months old and learned to stand on her own. She jumps for periods of anywhere from a couple minutes to half and hour on average and it's usually every day she does this. I'll ask her why she's jumping and she'll say I don't know or just because. It doesn't matter what her mood is, the jumping is an all mood thing. She'll do it when she's happy, sad, angry, stressed, or tired. She has a younger sister who doesn't do this, Jenna is the only one. Their is a history of mental disease in both mine and her father's family, her paternal grandmother is schizophrenic and has more OCD's than I can keep track of and I was just wondering if this could in fact be an OCD, or an early warning sign of something worse? Also, she is currently visiting her father in another state and he told me she just started jumping for the first time in almost a month...which I find hard to believe considering her history with it. I just don't believe it's something that she's going to just stop one day. And comments or advice is greatly appreciated.
Kali

Dear Kali:
It could be an ocd but unless she is harming herself or someone else, it appears to be harmless....it is a form of exercise....

If you are very worried about it then contact your child's doctor and ask for him to screen her. He can refer you to an Infant Mental Health Specialist however, I don't think at this point that it is in OCDdisorder. Children learn by repetition. Often when they learn a new word, a new song, a new behavior they will repeat it until you think you will lose your mind. It is their way of building their own neural wiring in the brain an also building their feelings of competence.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

I caught my parents' having sex! What should I do?

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:30:00 +0000

Hi, I'm 17. Last night, around 12a.m. I was ready for bed, when I heard noises coming from my parents' room. I quickly opened the door and turned on the light and caught them having sex. I understand that wives and husbands have a right to express their love for one another this way, and it is normal and natural, however, now whenever I am faced with my parents it is very hard to look them in the eyes, and I feel like a part of my innocence has been stolen. I'm afraid of sex, and don't like talking about it. I tried talking to them, but they told me to forget about it. How can I deal with this without feeling ashamed? What do I do around my parents? Thanks for your time.

Melody

Dear Melody:

You are 17 and having a hard time dealing with your parents having sex. First of all it was after midnight so they are not exactly flaunting in your face. Could you try going to bed earlier so they have some time for intimacy? AND what pray tell are you doing opening their bedroom door when you hear noises coming out of their room? Don't your parents have any privacy? Sweetie they are not doing this to you, you are doing it to yourself. Maybe they don't lock the door because they think you are mature enough to respect their privacy? Possibly?

Next, the feelings of shame? This concerns me as well. Where is the shame coming from?

I know it is hard for children to accept their parents are having sex although I often wonder how children believe they were brought into the world? This is an opportunity to understand your parents are people first, even though they may put their children first. They were people before you were born. Now you know how much they have rearranged their lives to take care of their child.

Maybe if you are still having a hard time with it you should just bring it up to them or seek out a school counselor.

Best Wishes!
M Kay Keller

Are you on Facebook? Come and like AFS Page!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:29:00 +0000

http://www.facebook.com/pages/All-Family-Solutions/224609579963

Homeless Children and the Impact Upon Them!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:25:00 +0000

http://www.childtrends.org/Files//Child_Trends-2012_02_16_ECH_Homelessness.pdf

Old Fashioned Play benefits Children!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 13:44:00 +0000

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

Sleeping? Not sleeping? This one will put everyone to bed at night!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 19:00:00 +0000

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B000A2IPIW

Gassy Baby

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Hi,

My baby is gassy and she passes motion once in 2 days. She is 2.5 months old and not a pre mature baby. Also, she passes out gas which has foul smell. She sleeps only for a short duration, doesn't sleep during day time (sleeps for only around 9 hrs a day) and always wishes to go to sleep with only feeding and breast in her mouth.
Please let me know if there is any cause of concern because of the above reasons.

Thank you,
Ashwini

Dear Ashwini:

First you are concerned so there is a concern. Check with your pediatrician to make sure everything is okay physically. (don't allow them to tell you to stop breastfeeding).

Next, while you are breastfeeding do you attend LaLeche League meetings? This are very helpful to learn what to eat and what not to eat that could be making your child very gassy. Sounds like this is probably the problem.

You don't mention lots of screaming and/or crying so I assume it is not colic. Colic is very hard on babies and there are not very many opinions on what causes colic.

I strongly encourage parents to massage their baby on a daily basis and maybe every 8 hours. Get a good baby massage video and learn how to massage her stomach.

Also, a baby this young doesn't need any real food so if you are giving her any, stop and see if just breastfeeding eliminates the gas.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

Think you can't get the kids to eat healthy? Think again!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 19:00:00 +0000

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B001WAKOXA

2 years still sleeping with Mom and Dad

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

My daughter has been sleeping with us since the day she was born. When she was about 1 and a half we decided she needed to start sleeping in her own room. We gave her room a makeover with pink walls and a big girl bed. Now she just turned 2 she is excited to sleep there every night but insists on me or my husband laying with her till she falls asleep. If she wakes up she cries for us o we go back in ans lie with her again. Plus she's still on her bottle and insists on having some when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Its getting tiring for my husband and myself help!
Angela

Dear Angela;

Well parenting can be a challenge especially when we don't get the results we want fast enough.

You could try making sure you have a consistent nightly routine. I would suggest a warm bath with some essential oils (relaxing), a nice quiet bedtime story and then finally a massage.

Always remember to quiet the environment down 1/2 hour before bedtime. (This means TV, radio, computer, cell phones everything OFF.)

Then consistency means you don't change this routine or give up. This becomes her new way of going to bed until she tells you she doesn't want it anymore. The side effects are it will lower her anxiety give her plenty of one on one time and relax her into a sleep. Even if she doesn't stop taking the bottle right away or wanting you to lie down with her, DO NOT LET this routine lapse. Eventually she will accommodate you.

Remember she has her own internal emotional and physical clock and it just is not accommodating you right now. You have my assurance she will not sleep with you until she is 16 and she will not go to school drinking a bottle.

The idea is to make this as pleasant as possible for both of you and the secret is you will enjoy it as much as she does!

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

Zero to Three does it AGAIN! Check out the Baby Brain Map!

noreply@blogger.com (M Kay Keller) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 21:03:00 +0000

http://www.zerotothree.org/baby-brain-map.html